ESPN.com's Gene Wojciechowski recently wrote a column to dispel the 10 biggest myths about sports fans. I was planning on a mailbag column this week, but I cannot accept ESPN writers flat-out lying in articles.
He made a few points, such as sports fans aren't allowed to drop f-bombs all the time. However, for the most part, he just whined and cried about how sports fans are too rowdy and have no effect on games or teams. I had one recurring thought while reading it — it really must be hell to get old.
Due to his tirade against whipper-snappers, I think it's time to put into perspective the 10 fan myths he deals with so we can get a better sense of the truth involved (hint: sports fans may be slightly more important than Gene W thinks).
Myth No. 1
Dude, my ticket pays their salaries. So if I'm dipping into my wallet, I'm ripping into the players and coaches.
Gene's take — Dude, your single-game $32 Cubs ticket doesn't even pay for a shin guard, much less Kerry Wood's $9.5 million salary. So why don't you do us all a favor and suck on a pine-tar rag.
Sports Gospel's take — Gene goes on to say that buying a ticket doesn't give a fan the right to drop f-bombs and harass players and I agree with that. That being said, if the fan isn't using profanity, heckle away. You can't say things about J.J. Redick's sister, but you can talk all the trash on his game you want. Some players feed off of it, some players let it get to their head, but it's always going to be in sports, and you can't take heckling out of sports. If you don't want to hear it when you go to games, go watch girls high school soccer.
Myth No. 2
Without me, there is no team.
Gene's take — Yeah, the teams love your money. In some cases, ticket sales support player payrolls, especially in the NHL, where the television contracts pale in comparison with, say, the massive NFL broadcast rights fees ... So it turns out you're not exactly a co-CEO. Quit acting like you own the place.
Sports Gospel's take — Sorry, Gene, this is no myth. I simply don't understand what he is doing saying something like this. I understand that columnists are supposed to get people talking, but they aren't supposed to sacrifice their integrity to achieve that. Does he honestly believe that the average fan isn't important because teams get most of their money from TV deals?
Gene, just who the hell do you think is watching these games? A magical community of elves whose lives consist of making cookies and watching sports on TV? Does he think each one of Shawn Kemp's children has their own television? Wake up, the people watching the games on TV are ... ready for it ... here's the shocker ... I think it needs more dramatic build up ... here we go ... it should be painfully obvious by now ... I don't know why I keep doing this ... time to reveal it ... yes, SPORTS FANS!
Without the fans, there are no big TV deals, there are no big contracts, and there are no fancy stadiums. What are sports teams without fans? Prison basketball. Great athletes, fantastic action, but ultimately, it doesn't matter because no one that isn't playing cares.
Myth No. 3
We're the 12th Man. Our team needs us.
Gene's take — Your team needs you to spend lots of money and disrupt the other team's snap count. That's it.
Those 12th Man banners and flags are wonderful, they really are, but let's get something straight: You're not the one who knocked Nick Goings into the land of CAT scans; that was Seattle linebacker Lofa Tatupu. And safety Troy Polamalu and the Steelers didn't need the 12th Man's help as they won three consecutive road games to reach the Super Bowl.
Sports Gospel's take — Everyone, please forgive Gene. He's had a hard life, what with the walking to school uphill both ways in three feet of snow and whatnot, so give him a break. Honestly, sports fans don't have an impact on games?! Really? Have you ever been to a college basketball game? What's your next take, GW, maybe a column on how the beer prices at sporting events are fair and ticket prices are too low? Maybe you can write about how Alex Rodriguez doesn't make enough money when you compare him to losers like teachers and the men and women of our armed forces?
I've been to far too many games where sports fans have had an impact on the outcome to come out and say they don't matter. I've interviewed far too many athletes that have talked about how they feed off the crowd's energy and heard far too many coaches and commentators talk about how important it is to take the crowd out of the game to simply say that fans are good for nothing. Weak, Gene, weak.
Myth No. 4
The referee deserved it. He cost us the game.
Gene's take — No referee deserves to be hit in the back of the head with a half-full plastic beer bottle. If caught, the bottle throwers should have to spend five minutes in a very small room with NFL ref/weightlifter Ed Hochuli.
Sports Gospel's take — I agree with the bottle thing, but honestly, how many times does the ref get hit in the head with a bottle? More importantly, what sports fan is throwing a bottle with beer still in it? Still, outside of profanity and throwing things, give the refs all the hell you want. Referees know what they are getting into before they put on the stripes and if they make a bad call, I encourage fans to get on them. Give 'em hell, most of them suck, anyway. That said, it can be lame when fans blame losses on refs because the officiating is usually consistently poor.
Of course, it's still no excuse for fans to chant profanities or anything like that (this is a big problem with the college sections). I also think the BS chant is weak and that fan sections could do much better. For instance, I'm a big fan of the following anti-ref chant.
Cheer section leader, yelling (different from a cheerleader): Hey, ref!
Fans, yelling back: Hey, ref!
CSL: Get off your knees!
Fans: Get off your knees!
CSL: You're blowing the game!
Fans: You're blowing the game!
Myth No. 5
I sit in the Bob Uecker seats. I'm so far away from home plate I need a connecting flight to reach the field. So, trust me, the players can't hear a word I'm screaming.
Gene's take — No, but the dad and his 7-year-old kid to your right can hear you just fine. So can the elderly couple to your left. And the mom and her two daughters in the row in front of you are going to need new ear canals by the fourth inning.
I'm not saying to sit on your hands. But maybe everybody in Section 604 doesn't need to know exactly where you think Barry Bonds ought to stick his bat.
Sports Gospel's take — I've never heard fans argue this before, but whatever. Makes sense, don't yell profanities and such because there are usually little kids at these games. Of course, I think you do have a right to be as loud as you want. If you want to go crazy, go for it. Just keep it clean.
Myth No. 6
I sit near courtside. The players and coaches know we're just ragging on them in good fun.
Gene's take — Sure they do. That's why, if it were legal, they'd like to beat you to a fine pulp, pour the pulp into a FedEx envelope, and overnight your remains to the next of kin. But they can't, so they pretend not to hear a 5'6" cosmetic surgeon with a rent-a-date tell them how to D-up on Kobe.
There should be a rule: You can only rag on Peyton Manning for throwing an interception if Manning can rag on you for, say, miss-slicing the honey-baked ham at the deli. ("Cut ... that ... meat, you worthless piece of minimum-wage slime.'')
Sports Gospel's take — Who the hell does Gene think are playing these games? Serial killers? Beating you to a fine pulp and then mailing your bloody remains to your next of kin? Part of me has to think athletes have a thicker skin than that. Of course, if what Gene claims is true (which it rarely is), then the last thing you want is for the coaches and players to think it's just good fun. If they are that pissed off about what you yell, then you have already won — you've succeeded at getting into their heads, which will affect their play. This is where heckling truly pays off.
I am still somewhat confused as to why he hates sports fans. Yes, all surgeons are 5'6" and pay for sex, Gene, very clever. I know it may not look like it from the press box, but there are actually real sports fans in the lower bowl and if Kobe doesn't like them telling him how to play defense, then maybe Kobe should go get a job in the real world (that high school diploma will take him far). Make no mistake, it's not like putting a basketball through a hoop is some great gift to society, he's just lucky people like watching basketball. Heckling is part of sports and if athletes can't deal with it, then they shouldn't be playing.
As far as the whole "you can't rag on Peyton Manning for throwing an interception unless he can rag on you for doing your job wrong" rule, well, it is completely off base. Still, rather than argue about how the rules are different for entertainers, I will simply flat-out agree to this. I officially welcome Peyton Manning to rag on me for anything. I will even allow him to be present while I'm working on columns so he can heckle me while I type.
In fact, I will even let him follow me around for as long as he would like, heckling me on every misstep in my life, from jaywalking to lunch choices. I think it would be a blast to have Peyton Manning following you around and criticizing you all the time. If any of Peyton's people are reading this, drop me an e-mail and we will set this up. Actually, I extend this offer to any professional athlete. Good rule, Gene, I accept.
Myth No. 7
It's a ball game, not a Washington think tank.
Gene's take — I'm not saying fans should wear tweed and discuss Chaucer between innings. Cheer. Boo. Enjoy an adult beverage or two. But it is only a game, not the Battle of Stalingrad.
Sports Gospel's take — Again, I've never heard anyone say anything like this. Still, it's impossible to refute, because it is a ball game. There is a basic premise that you could take in about a million different directions, and it will always be impossible to argue it.
It's a ball game, not a stack of delicious pancakes.
It's a ball game, not a miniature replica of the Statue of Liberty.
It's a ball game, not a bright orange street sign.
Myth No. 8
If the players trash talk, so can I.
Gene's take — The players are actually playing in the game. You're shelling salted peanuts and making sure your daughter doesn't lose her American Girl doll. So maybe it's time you quit acting as though you have to stop Dwight Freeney.
Sports Gospel's take — I don't really buy into this, either. I think sports fans should talk as much trash as they want. It may make them look ignorant when the team loses or like a complete jerk, but that's only if they go overboard. It's up to them, but I'm not going to say sports fans can't talk trash to each other — that is just insane.
Myth No. 9
If they don't want me to drink, they shouldn't sell beer.
Gene's take — Teams want you to drink. They just don't want you to need a liver transplant by halftime.
Teams make a lot of serious money on beer and liquor concessions. A cup of stadium brew that costs you $7 might cost them 50 cents or so. So let's not pretend a pro franchise wants you to conduct an AA meeting at the game.
But if you're spending more time in front of a beer stand or urinal than you are watching Dontrelle Willis pitch, then maybe you ought to be at a bar, not a ball game. I love beer. I'd like to date a keg. But there's nothing worse than sitting in front of four lugs whose blood-alcohol levels are so high they think A-Rod is a car part.
Sports Gospel's take — I agree with this. Drink up, sports fans, but don't get retarded drunk. It just will not end well for you. It may end up good for me, but that's only if you are stupid enough to go on the field and someone destroys you.
Myth No. 10
There's no way that right-winger can climb over the Plexiglas and get me.
Gene's take — Why don't you mention that to Ottawa's Brian McGrattan or Toronto's Tie Domi. But first, insult their mothers.
Sports Gospel's take — He was really hurting to come up with 10 myths. I'll bite though and will insult Tie Domi's mother next time I sit behind a penalty box. After all, how hard can it hurt to get hit with a walker?
The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. BetOnSports.com gives you the greatest sports action to bet on. Wager on football, cricket, boxing, rugby, horse racing, and more. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].
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