At what point does a tragic study become a ridiculous study? At what point do gravity's forces become humorous rather than grave?
Wherever that point is, we will have to call it the Vick Point. Marcus Vick was a tragic figure at first — argued by some to have more raw natural talent than his brother, he had a couple of scrapes with team policy and the law, and we wondered whether he'd be able to fulfill his promise, or become another after-school special.
It would've been tragic if he simply would've gone down the second path. But the fact that he's running down the second path, laughing madly and urinating on the first path is why fewer and fewer people are shaking their heads at his plight. He makes Maurice Clarett look like Kurt Warner.
To recap just the last month in the life of "New Mexico," as a much cleverer writer than myself has dubbed him, he has:
* Got busted for going 38 mph in a 25 zone ... on a suspended license.
* Stomped on Elvis Dumervil's calf in the Gator Bowl, and then lied about having apologized to Dumervil (unless Dumervil is the one lying, but ... c'mon.)
* Gets kicked off the Virginia Tech team for these transgressions, after already being on a sort of final warning for his myriad legal and team-rules problems leading up to the Gator Bowl.
Then came his real piece de resistance. According to the police charges, some teenagers were cracking on him in the parking lot of a Mickey D's ... so he did what we would do in that situation, and showed the kids he was packing.
Who other than robbers and Ted Nugent takes a gun to McDonald's? Perhaps he didn't realize he was still wearing the pants with the gun in them. Happens to me all the time. I'll be fishing for that last nickel to complete my Big Mac combo meal and I have to empty out my pockets to find it — my wallet, my keys, my gun, an old tissue, losing lottery tickets — ah, there it is.
Come to think of it, there may be some good reasons to take your heater to McDonalds. Y'know how sometimes you put your cup under the soda dispenser of your choice, take that first sip, and it turns out to be all seltzer? Let's see how quick they replace that Sprite syrup now!
It's acceptable to pull a gun on McDonalds employees or customers for the following reasons:
1. They won't sell you a Sausage McMuffin at 10:35 AM.
2. They only give you one hot mustard packet for your 20-piece Chicken McNugget.
3. Customer is standing over the soda fountains so no one can access any of them until they've finished pouring their drink and drinks for their five friends. Pistol-whipping also okay in this situation.
4. They so charged you for a second McChicken sandwich, but didn't give it to you, and now you have to drive all the back, or suffer.
5. Teenagers call you a has-been.
My best guess to what the teenagers said was, "Quarter Pounder with extra pickles? That's not in the playbook ... but it should be!"
In light of it all, I hope to see New Mexico in the real life version of The Longest Yard soon, as well as an entire episode this weekend on VH1's "Best Week Ever" devoted to him.
Oh yeah, he also declared for the NFL draft! Any takers?
January 12, 2006
Jeff Boswell:
Kevin,
How does the song go? You do the “Hokie Pokie” and you turn yourself in to the police, that’s what it’s all about.
Vick shouldn’t go pro; he should go to Miami.
January 12, 2006
Kat:
Ha Ha funny funny - Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? Have they proven there was a gun and not just a bunch of loud mouths arguing? Whats making this tragic is journalist running rampant w/ ignorant comments. He SCREWED up so lets tighten the screws on our ends. What he has done is awful and I am in no way defending him but do we as a society have to stoop there as well?
January 13, 2006
Marc James:
Kat: Of course this hasn’t been certifiably proven, but as the saying goes, when there’s smoke, there’s usually fire. This immature punk has made idiot move after idiot move, so the accusations fit. He’s a public figure, and part of it is having the responsibility for your own actions — and the criticism that might go with them. I say he deserves every bit of criticism and this article was far from harsh.
January 13, 2006
Mark Barnes:
Kevin, I can’t bring myself to call Vick’s story tragic. He like so many others, Mo Clarett, Lawrence Phillips and more, simply defines how some people are at the bottom of the gene pool.
I was going to write a piece on Clarett and his latest escapades, but you’ve stolen my thunder with a witty, dead-on-the-money piece. Kudos on a hillarious article.
PS. Kat, you have to be kidding? Remember the aforementioned Clarett and Phillips? Many people wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, too. Look where it got them.
January 13, 2006
Bud Foster:
We gave Marcus ample opportunties to correct his behavior. Six in fact. We hope that he goes on to the next level. Remember that he never received a felony conviction. We had enough of those in the mid-nineties. Go Hokies!!!
Bud
January 13, 2006
Jim-ME Williams:
Don’t be bustin’ on my boy Mex. He always come thru with the jumbo herbs. All y’all know this was a set up to bring me the light and it ain’t working. I’m aksing him down to crib out b4 the combine and it be fine. 757 down.
January 13, 2006
Kat:
Like I said I don’t condone what he is doing - He has a great talent and could be a role model for some young kid but instead he is screwing himself up. I’m just trying to give the benefit of the doubt. Would he really be getting all this press if his last name wasn’t Vick? I hate what happened to Dumervil - although my nephew plays college ball and said Dumervil was probably running his mouth on the line - still no excuse for it being done. Also I could care less about the speeding tickets. I do worry about the girls but lets be honest - they look alot older than they are these days and the drugs well that to me is the worst of all. I don’t want to judge on the gun issue until its been proven true and if that is proven true - I will wipe my hands of him. I am a major Tech fan, as well as, a mom so its hard to just not give the benefit of the doubt.