Slant Pattern Blackjack: Third Edition

1. I don't have a horse in the Yankees/BoSox rivalry — I'm an Indians fan — but you have to hand it to the Bombers. If the Red Sox' most celebrated player is willing to drastically clean-cutify his appearance and join the mortal enemy of the team that made him what he is, the Red Sox remain the lesser of the rivals.

2. As if the death of Tony Dungy's son isn't tragic enough, the announcers who will beat this topic to death every time the Colts score a touchdown this season will make it a farce. Speaking of the Colts, at this point (spoken in the voice of Simpsons' mobster Fat Tony): I would put the Colts' chances of winning the Super Bowl at somewhere around ... 100%.

3. Do you get the feeling that the Lakers' new, shall we say, simplified offensive philosophy has the look of Phil Jackson sort of saying, "Ah, screw it?"

4. During this time of year, when you tune into a football game that's located in the Midwest, upper East Coast, or Denver, are you a twinge disappointed if the field isn't covered in snow?

5. During this time of year, when you tune into a basketball game that's located in the Midwest, upper East Coast, or Denver, are you a twinge disappointed if the court isn't covered in snow? I'm perpetually disappointed on that count.

6. Houston and San Francisco are going to play in the last week of the season for what will likely the be the right to pick first in next year's draft and likely take Reggie Bush. While speculation is rampant that the teams might not exactly give their all in order to secure the top pick, how great would it be if both teams were overly trying to throw the game? What a spectacle ... I can see the quarterback throwing the ball backwards over their own end zone for the safety now.

7. They've always called the NFL the "No Fun League," but Chad Johnson's offensive-to-no-one "putt" touchdown celebration garnering a fine is just ridiculous. Players playing with passion and enthusiasm is a good thing. To tell players to "act like you've been there before" is almost tantamount to asking them not to care.

8. Did I mention I was an Indians fan? Come home, Manny [Ramirez]. Who do you want for him, Red Sox? Let's talk.

9. Is there a more schizophrenic basketball team than North Carolina? How do you blow out Kentucky and get blown out by USC?

10. Gonzaga might be slightly overrated. Okay, maybe not overrated, but they sure seem to play to the level of their opponent, whether it's against a powerhouse or against a team like Eastern Washington. I'm a fan nevertheless, though. You have to love a team that contains so many good players who look like they are part of the band rather than any jocky sports team (Adam Morrison, Sean Mallon, David Pendergraft, even Ronny Turiaf).

11. Speaking of Turiaf (whose contract was voided by the Lakers after they discovered the heart valve problem that required open heart surgery), he's a Yakima Sun King as of yesterday. I really hope he will still make it to the NBA one day, he's probably my all-time favorite college hoops player. The Lakers do retain his rights.

12. Alex Smith can't really be this bad (0 touchdowns, 10 interceptions), can he? People are comparing him to Ryan Leaf, but I am not quite ready to write him off yet, not even all the way through his rookie year.

13. Every Duke hater is also, by extension, and J.J. Redick hater. But the more I read about him, the more it becomes clear that, frankly, he's not the arrogant little pricky pissant that he (let's face it) looks like.

14. I discovered this little nugget in Grant Wahl's college basketball column in SI.com: Coppin State plays their first 14 games on the road this year, almost all of them against big boys. Why? Fang Mitchell is not only their coach, but their athletic director who schedules these games, and he apparently has the discretion to pocket quite a bit of the guaranteed money they receive for providing a glorified scrimmage against the heavy hitters of the NCAA. Very questionable.

15. I'm quite furious at whomever decided that (most) college basketball games that get carried on the FOX Sports regional networks — which is a big reason I signed up for the DirecTV sports package — should be blacked out. I understand the need to black out pro sports events (you want to watch out-of-area NBA games, sign up for NBA League Pass), but a lot of these blacked out games aren't available on the ESPN pay-per-view package, so I honestly don't understand why they're blacking out these games — think of your alumni who don't live in the area anymore who you're screwing! Kudos to the Comcast sports networks carried by DirecTV and the West Coast FOX Sports channels for not toeing this ridiculous line.

16. I liked the old recipe for Doritos and Chicken McNuggets more than their reincarnations.

17. I'm 29, but I still feel most at home in a university environment, preferably in a coffee house just off campus. How long before that's creepy? Or is it already?

18. I don't get it when people say there are too many bowls. If the match-ups are not interesting to you, don't watch them. If you think a trip to Shreveport is too much of a "reward" for going 6-5 then ... I don't know what to say to you.

19. Freddy Adu has a standing offer to play for his native Ghana in the World Cup, or stay loyal to the United States (where he probably won't make the team). Whatever his decision is, the bottom line is he's 16 so I will be appalled at anything but the mildest of criticisms at whatever decision he makes. USA and Ghana will play in the same World Cup group.

20. In case you were wondering, Sheriff Gonna Getcha is still my favorite Clinton Portis press conference character. May he never stop this bizarre act.

21. Happy holidays, and I apologize to any "stop the war on Christmas!" blowhards I offended by not making my holiday wishes specific to them.

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