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December 30, 2005

College Football Bowl Season Thoughts

I recently read Stewart Mandel's latest College Football Mailbag on SI.com and the first thing that he covers is a question from someone in Ohio claiming that if Ryan Hamby, the tight end for Ohio State, didn't drop a wide-open end-zone pass, then OSU would have won and there would be a huge BCS controversy. Mandel goes more in depth than I'm about to here, but in case people have forgotten that game, the dropped pass was in the third quarter!

You should go to the article and read more on it, but this just sums up what I've heard recently from OSU fans. They are in general some of the most crazed, irrational fans I have ever known — say one negative thing about their team and they jump down your throat. Hamby even received numerous death threats after dropping that catch from the aforementioned irrational OSU fans. There is one thought here that just won't leave my head and I won't be able to rest until I say this and it gets into some sort of media: it's just a game!

The same thing happened with the Chicago Cubs and Steve Bartman a couple of years ago (how many people wouldn't have reached out for that ball?). I might be able to understand if you had money on the game and OSU losing lost you some change, but even that doesn't really merit sending death threats to a player who dropped a pass in a non-critical point in the game. It just goes to show you that some people need to get a life, or a girlfriend, or at least something to do besides live OSU football.

The next thought goes out to Oregon Duck fans, and is sort of along the same lines of what is above: we told you so. Ever since the bowl season was formed this year, Oregon fans couldn't stop talking about how their team got snubbed and they were more deserving to be in a BCS bowl than Notre Dame and Ohio State, both two-loss teams, when Oregon went 10-1. Now, I'll give it to you that they were definitely more deserving than Florida State, but Thursday night's Holiday Bowl showed you that they weren't necessarily that deserving.

Out of Oregon's 10 wins, none came against a team that finished better than 8-4 going into bowl season, and one of them came against 8-4 division I-AA Montana. It's not an East Coast bias that's going on, the Ducks just weren't that good this year. They played a weak schedule in a weak conference outside of USC, and they got blown out by them 45-13 in Eugene, by the way (a team that Notre Dame took down to the wire).

If there is no reason that appeases OU fans as to why they weren't selected for a BCS bowl, then just know that it was indeed a money issue. Notre Dame and Ohio State have much larger fan bases than OU, which nobody really cares too much about who doesn't live in Oregon. So in conclusion, we told you so. Oregon wasn't that good, and four-loss team finally showed you what we already knew.

One last thought before this gets out of hand. What is it with our country's obsession with needing to see the best in history? Eight years ago, someone had the bright idea to unveil the 50 greatest players in NBA history, and how many of them were current players at the time? How many current players would make the list now? I'm willing to bet that if fans voted on that right now 75% of the players would be people that played within the last five years. The same can be said for ESPN's love-affair with this year's USC squad.

In case people haven't been watching SportsCenter for the past 10 to 11 days, ESPN is taking the top 11 teams in history as voted on by fans (seven of which are from 1990 on, with 1988's Notre Dame team also being on the list) and having polls as to how this year's USC team would stack up against them. Every single time, people have voted that USC would win the game. Well, I've got news for you, we're probably not watching the best team in college football history. This sort of thing happens every few years in every sport — it makes for good journalism.

A few years ago, people were ready to put Miami on a pedestal, one month ago people, were ready to crown this season's Indianapolis Colts when just last year, people were talking about the Pats being one of the greatest teams ever, and I guarantee you that if the Pistons can manage to go into March at 50-6, then people are going to be ready to anoint them in that waste of a league known as the NBA.

The simple fact is that if the national championship game were being played at a neutral site this year, then I guarantee you that Texas would win half the time. Texas is just as good as USC, if not better. Outside of a close win at Ohio State, where almost nobody wins, not one team has been able to touch Texas this year. Their closest game was a 40-29 win at Texas A&M, and they're averaging a 36.3-point winning margin. If everyone weren’t so in love with USC, then people would notice what a phenomenal season the Longhorns are having. Even still, I think people will be very surprised at the outcome of the Rose Bowl if the world continues to think that USC is the best team ever.

Notes

* Florida State's leading tackler in A.J. Nicholson has been suspended from the Orange Bowl for being accused of sexual assault. Good luck coming close in this one, Bobby Bowden.

* The Indianapolis Colts will steamroll everyone on their way to winning Super Bowl XL after this weekend's game with Arizona, and they'll do it all for Coach Tony Dungy.

Posted by Jeff Pohlmeyer at 1:42 PM | Comments (6)

Records Are Meant to Be Unbroken

During the holiday season, it is trendy to offer toasts, so I'd like to toast the San Diego Chargers. Here's to the Chargers and their recent victory over Indianapolis. The loss by the previously-unbeaten Colts is the best thing that has happened to the NFL this season.

Don't get me wrong — watching the majesty of this flashy, strike-in-the-blink-of-an-eye bunch of thoroughbreds was thrilling all the way to Week 14, when the Chargers threw a gigantic roadblock in front of Indy's chase for perfection. Historic records like the Dolphins' miraculous unbeaten season, though, are better left unbroken.

It is fun to let them teeter a bit. It's kind of like the palpitations you get when a china glass is bumped and spins momentarily, before someone lunges for it and returns its balance. For that brief moment, there is a beautifully-combined anxiety and excitement. You are exhilarated, wondering if the glass will break, but you're relieved when it doesn't. When you think about it, this is how it is with great records in sports.

Every week this football season, no matter what team or player you root for, you kept an eye on Peyton Manning and the Colts. Will they win again? Can they do it? What impact will a 19-0 season have on the game? It added excitement to every week of a pro football season that can, at times, become quite mundane.

It's the same in baseball, when someone puts together a 25- or 30-game hitting streak. We watch daily. We tune into highlights, and soon the networks even begin cutting into our favorite shows to update us on the progress of the guy chasing the immortal Joe DiMaggio and his 56 consecutive games with a hit (by far, the greatest record in all of sports).

When a record actually falls, though, something truly wonderful is lost — a treasured piece of history. Be honest. It was exhilarating watching Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire break Babe Ruth's single-season home run record, but in the aftermath of their remarkable feats, didn't you find yourself wondering if Ruth's great records might soon be forgotten?

Just a few years later, Barry Bonds overcame McGwire. Now, where is the history? Just who was that guy named Ruth...

I say let's cheer on all the record runs. Let's root for Tiger Woods to tame Jack Nicklaus, for Bonds to chase The Babe, and Manning to haunt Dan Marino. Then, just when they're all on the brink, let's hope for the records, and for the history, to withstand the runs.

Here's to the San Diego Chargers. Cheers!

Mark Barnes is a novelist, regular contributor to fantasy football site 4for4.com, and NFL football radio analyst. He appears weekly on ESPN radio in High Point, NC and on WBAL in Baltimore, MD, where he discusses pro football and fantasy sports. Mark's novel, "The League," is the first-ever published work of fiction with a plot based on the dangers of a multi-million-dollar fantasy football league. Learn more about "The League" and Mark's work at NFLStory.com.

Posted by Mark Barnes at 1:01 PM | Comments (1)

December 29, 2005

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 17

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Denver @ San Diego

Although Denver has nothing to gain with a win, and the Chargers have been eliminated from the playoffs, both teams somewhat hold the fate of a division rival in their palms. To clinch a playoff spot, the Chiefs need the Chargers to lose, in addition to a Pittsburgh loss.

"Gosh, I wish we could help," says Denver coach Mike Shanahan. "But since a win can't help our cause, I see no reason to win. When it comes to helping out teams in the AFC West, I'm a selfish S.O.B. Do you think I sent the Raiders a Christmas card? Well, actually I did, to congratulate them on a fine year. I also included a picture of mistletoe, hovering over my rear end. I don't despise the Chiefs as much as I do the Raiders, but I surely won't help them in any way get into the playoffs. We have the number two seed locked up. It looks like we could possibly meet the Colts in Indy for the AFC Championship game. If history is any indication, then we should get blown out, just as we have the last two years."

After last week's loss at Kansas City eliminated them from playoff contention, San Diego may arguably be the best team not to make the playoffs.

"Don't we get something for that?" asks Chargers head coach Marty Schottenheimer.

Well, Marty, you'll get a handshake, a pat on the back, and if you open a box of Cracker Jacks, you'll get a prize worthy of a team that just couldn't win the big one.

This isn't a 'big one,' so San Diego wins, 27-17.

N.Y. Giants @ Oakland

It's simple for the Giants: win, and they are NFC East champions. Lose, and they can still be NFC East champions, as long as the Redskins lose.

"Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!" says Giants quarterback Eli Manning.

What's that?

"That's us backing into the playoffs," replies Manning. "Even though we lost last week, we're already in the playoffs! Now, if we lose to the Raiders and the 'Skins lose to the Eagles, we'd still be division champs. Life is great when you're losing!"

Barring a huge letdown, the Giants should handle the Raiders and claim the division crown. Oakland's quarterbacking has been shoddy, and running back Lamont Jordan has a case of turf toe, while Randy Moss is still woozy after getting jacked up by Denver's Al Wilson last week.

"Man, I got popped," says Moss. "But at least I made the highlights, even though it was Tom Jackson's 'Jacked Up!' And I thought smelling salts were only used for recreational purposes. Those things really hit the spot. I bet with a little hot sauce on 'em, they would taste even better than they smell."

Surprisingly, the Raiders have beaten the two other NFC East teams vying for the playoffs. But, the Giants won't fold like cheap rolling paper when it counts. Tiki Barber rushes for 150 yards and a touchdown, and Manning throws for 240 and two scores.

New York wins, 27-13.

Arizona @ Indianapolis

Ideally, the Colts would like to use this game as a tune up to a playoff run and a Super Bowl title.

"We sure would," says Peyton Manning, "but since it's the Cardinals, it's only fitting that we use this game as a tune up to a bye week. That means a lot of time on the bench for me. And I'll use that time to celebrate my selection as 2005's Most Well-Mannered Person, as selected by the National League of Junior Cotillions. If those bastards think I'm going to thank them for that, then they apparently ... oops! Was that out loud? Where are my manners?"

The Colts placed seven players in the Pro Bowl, eight if you count offensive lineman Tarik Glenn. The NFL originally told Glenn that he made the team, only to find out later that an error in calculation led to his inclusion.

"What's up with that?" asks Glenn. "Is MTV's Punk'd in charge of officially counting votes? Well, I'm piss'd, and somebody might get slapp'd. That's like telling a 330-pound lineman you're going to buy him a meal, then you don't. Or that you're going to send him to Honolulu free of charge, then you don't."

It is wrong that the Indianapolis offensive line, which led the way for 1,500 yards from Edgerrin James, and only allowed Peyton Manning to be sacked 16 times, has only one representative, center Jeff Saturday, on the Pro Bowl roster. So, I'm going to do something about. Tarik Glenn, I'm sending you to Hawaii courtesy of Manning and James. Enjoy. And heed this advice from Randy Moss while on the islands: "Grass skirts are made for wearing, not smoking."

Indianapolis breaks their two-game losing streak with a 27-21 win over the Cardinals.

Baltimore @ Cleveland

What happens when the irresistible force meets the immovable object?

"You mean like when Bill Belichick's wardrobe meets a fashion consultant?" says Browns coach Romeo Crenel. "Technically, nothing happens. But I can tell you all about the immovable object. That would be our offense, which scored a grand total of zero points last week against the Steelers. Luckily, there is no 'skunk rule' in football."

The Browns are 0-5 in divisional games, and will host the Ravens, who are 0-7 on the road. Something has to give, but will anyone be watching?

"Oh yes," says Ravens coach Brian Billick. "There will be a captive audience. And when I say 'captive audience,' I mean you would actually have to hold people captive to make them watch this. What are your other options? A few silly NFC games with tons of playoff implications? Or competition paint drying on ESPN 8, or 'The Ocho' as it's known to fans of Dodgeball: The Movie? Look, you guys need to check out my resurgent quarterback, Kyle Boller. He's thrown for 542 yards and six touchdowns in his last two games. That was just in time to save both our jobs, but about thirteen games too late to get him in the Pro Bowl."

Boller throws two TDs to his favorite target, Todd Heap, and the Ravens defense sacks Charlie Frye four times.

Ravens win, 20-9.

Buffalo @ N.Y. Jets

Last week, the Jets lost 31-21 to the Patriots on the final ABC broadcast of Monday Night Football in front of a mostly sober Meadowlands crowd. The Jets also lost 31-21 in the first broadcast of MNF 35 years ago.

"I think I was under center for the Jets in that one," says retiring Jets quarterback Vinny Testaverde. "I was backing up a kid named Joe Namath, who is probably the only man in the world who makes me look fast."

Obviously, Testaverde is delusional in his old age, but he can still toss the pill. With his TD pass to Laveranues Coles, Testaverde became the only player with a TD pass in 19 consecutive years. He, along with receiver Wayne Chrebet, will issue a fond farewell to the New York fans.

"Vinny and I have left a lot of memories out there on the Meadowlands turf," recalls Chrebet, fondly, "mostly from several of the concussions we've suffered on the concrete playing surface. I just hope they sell alcohol Sunday. If the stadium wants to curb unruly and violent fan behavior, then denying New Yorkers alcohol on New Year's Eve is not the way to do it."

Buffalo upset the Bengals 37-27 last week to pick up their first road win of the year, and a win that may have saved the job of head coach Mike Mularkey.

"Coach Mularkey used that as a motivational tool," says Bills receiver Eric Moulds. "He said if we don't win, he could be fired. Well, we won anyway."

In any case, it was a merry Christmas for the Bills, even for running back Willis McGahee, who got from Santa what he can't get from his offensive line.

"Blocks!" says McGahee. "Look, I can stack them. I can even spell 'TD' with these two. Thanks, Santa! Hey, Kris Kringle. You're a pretty good-sized fellow. Ever though about playing guard or tackle?"

Buffalo makes it two in a row on the road with a 22-17 win over the Jets.

Carolina @ Atlanta

"Correct me if I'm wrong," says Panthers head coach John Fox, "but isn't it legal to run into the kicker if the kicked ball has already been deflected? And did my guys even 'run into' Dallas' kicker. I think it was more like he tripped over them. I want answers!"

Okay, coach. Here's an official statement from the NFL: "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you get screwed."

Here's an official statement from the Panthers Julius Peppers: "That ball hit me so hard, it left a 'Wilson' imprint on my side."

The Panthers thought they had blocked Billy Cundiff's potential game-winning kick, but a penalty for roughing the kicker gave Dallas a first down, and the Cowboys scored the go-ahead touchdown three plays later. The Panthers played much of the second half without receiver Steve Smith, who was ejected in the third quarter for grabbing an official.

"Man, that official overreacted," explains Smith. "I've grabbed women in much the same way and ended up dancing with them. Not once was I ejected. And they were all a lot prettier than he was. Some of them even cost me more than the $15,000 the NFL fined me. I guarantee you I won't touch an official next week, although I may 'accidentally' bump into one while running a pattern."

Atlanta's Jim Mora had an emotional outburst of his own last Sunday, storming away from a sideline interview after tossing his headset following Atlanta's 27-24 overtime loss at Tampa.

"Never question a coach's play calling," says Mora, "especially after an overtime loss in which his kicker missed a 28-yard field goal to win the game. That makes me irate. Other than that, I'm a bundle of joy. Now, if you ask me about the playoffs, you're likely to get a famous sound bite made famous by my father, and you're also likely to get a set of headphones shoved so far up your behind that you'll be familiar with the taste of Motorola for weeks to come."

The Panthers and Falcons will both be playing angry, but at least the Panthers have something for which to play. They don't want to miss the playoffs for the second straight year by losing in the final week. Steve Smith keeps his hands off of officials and puts his feet in the end zone for two touchdowns.

Panthers win, 25-20.

In a post-game press conference, Smith and Mora announce that they will headline the second stage on 2006's The Anger Management Tour 4, set to explode this summer at an arena near you.

Cincinnati @ Kansas City

The Bengals blew any chance of capturing the number two playoff seed with a 37-27 loss at home against the Bills, and could drop to the number four seed with a loss and a New England win. Cincinnati was burned by two Terrence McGee touchdowns, one on a kickoff return and the other on an interception return, and didn't force a Buffalo punt all day.

"Don't look at me," says Bengals receiver Chad Johnson. "I scored a touchdown and I tossed gifts to the fans. Chad Johnson is all about good tidings. Now, I don't play on the kickoff coverage team, nor do I throw passes, so I was helpless to stop McGee, also known as 'The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.'"

The Chiefs kept their faint playoff hopes alive with a win over the Chargers last Sunday. Now, a win over the Bengals, along with Pittsburgh and San Diego losses, would give the Chiefs the final wildcard berth.

"I know it doesn't look promising for us," says Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil, "but we'll go out there Sunday and give it our all. And we'll say a prayer for the Broncos and Lions, whom we need to win. Two things are for sure: at the end of the day, I'll be bawling, and you won't get a straight answer if you ask me about retirement."

If Larry Johnson can break 100 yards against the Chargers' number one-ranked rushing defense, as he did last week, then he should rush for about 300 against the Bengals. But, he stops at 160, and the Chiefs win, 28-17.

Detroit @ Pittsburgh

The Lions snapped a five-game losing streak with their dramatic 13-12 win over the Saints last week as Jason Hanson kicked the game-winner as time expired.

"It's great to end that five-game losing streak," says Lions quarterback Joey Harrington. "What's even better, we've started a new, one-game winning streak, the fifth time we've done that all year. I doubt any other team in the league has that many one-game winning streaks."

Of all the teams yet to qualify for the playoffs, the Steelers may have the easiest route. All it takes is a win or tie against the 5-10 Lions. Or a Kansas City loss or tie. Or a San Diego win.

"Options are cool," says Steelers coach Bill Cowher. "I think we should play it safe and just beat the Lions. But we can't take them lightly. Well, we can, and we probably will, but we'll disguise it well. Like Harrington said earlier, Detroit is riding a one-game winning streak, and their kicking game is on fire. We know Detroit will give us their best shot, so we better bring our C game at worst."

Pittsburgh has won three in a row, the last two by a combined score of 59-3, while the Lions have not scored more than 17 in their last six games. The Steelers should clinch a playoff spot with 5:34 left in the second quarter.

Willie Parker rushes for a score, and Ben Roethlisberger passes to Hines Ward for a touchdown.

Pittsburgh wins, 30-10.

Miami @ New England

The Patriots are peaking at just the right time, and could possibly be the AFC's number three seed by Sunday's end. With a win over the Dolphins, coupled with a Cincinnati loss, the Patriots would hold the number three seed, and, should the seeds hold through round one, the Pats would avoid traveling to Indy in round two, and would face the Broncos in Denver instead.

"We're not afraid of the Colts by any means," adds Pro Bowl quarterback and All-American dude Tom Brady, "but we like our chances in the cold weather. We love playing AFC West teams. After we dispose of our first round opponent, we'll gladly go to Denver and grind out a three-point win in the snow. I've got a new variation on the tuck rule I'm just dying to try out on an AFC West opponent."

Miami improved to 8-7 with a 24-10 win over the Titans last week. Ricky Williams led the way with a punishing 172 yards and a touchdown on the ground. It was a season-high yardage total for Williams, and may have signaled his return to form before his unexpected retirement three years ago.

"This worked out perfectly for the Dolphins," explains Williams. "They have their back of the future in Ronnie Brown. Me? I'm expendable. Last week's performance should pique the interest of teams looking for a running back. I expect the Dolphins to package me like a cheap pound of herb and send me off to any team willing to take me."

Williams finds the running a lot tougher on the cold New England ground. Tom Brady throws for 285 yards and two touchdowns.

New England wins, 23-9.

New Orleans @ Tampa Bay

As was the case with fellow NFC South teams Carolina and Atlanta, field goals played a defining role for the Saints and Bucs last week. New Orleans kicker John Carney nailed four field goals, but the Saints fell 13-12 to Detroit on Jason Hanson's 39-yard kick as time expired. Tampa blocked Todd Peterson's 28-yard attempt just minutes into overtime, then watched as Matt Bryant shanked a 27-yarder six minutes later. Bryant redeemed himself with a 41-yard boot to win the game with fifteen seconds left in overtime.

"If Matt misses that kick," explains Bucs head coach John Gruden, "our playoff hopes go down the drain. Which is the same place Matt's blood would have gone had I gone into Chucky-mode and eviscerated him in the shower with a large butcher knife. But, luckily, Matt made the kick. He's still employed, and I'll be able to berate him with a constant stream of expletives for missing the 27-yard potential game-winner. And that's what I live for: the foulest language imaginable. And I have the players that bring that out of me."

Tampa Bay wins the NFC South with a win, or a Carolina loss. And, they can simply say to heck with the division title and just make the playoffs with a tie, or a Dallas loss or tie, or a Washington loss or tie, or a Giants win or tie, or should they clinch a strength of victory tiebreaker over Dallas or New York.

"So, if the Giants win on Saturday, we're in without even having to take the field?" asks Bucs quarterback Chris Simms. "I haven't pulled for the Giants since Daddy played for them. Hooray! Yaaay! Go, G-Men!"

Tampa wins 27-10 and clinches the NFC South.

Seattle @ Green Bay

Seattle's Shaun Alexander scored three touchdowns last week against the Colts, bringing his season total to 27, tying him with Priest Holmes for the NFL record.

"It would mean a lot to me to break that record," Alexander says, "but what I'm really shooting for is having more touchdowns than Brett Favre interceptions. He's got 28 right now. I could pass him with two scores, provided he doesn't throw any more picks."

"Hey, I'll be throwing the ball come Sunday," says Favre. "To whom remains to be determined. I was never known for my accuracy anyway. I may be the only quarterback who yells 'Fore!' when he makes a pass. But, as long as I can throw the ball 60 miles per hour, I can play quarterback. Those people that doubt my intentions to return next year are the same people who doubted my ability as an actor. And I proved them wrong with my sizzling performance as myself in There's Something About Mary."

Alexander lost the rushing title last year by one yard when Mike Holmgren pulled him out of the final game and let Matt Hasselbeck take a knee. Expect Alexander to rush for an early score, break Holmes' record, and sit for the remainder of the game.

Alexander scores early, and the Seahawks rest several starters. Favre gives the home crowd something to look forward to next year with three touchdown passes.

Packers win, 24-20.

Houston @ San Francisco

Hey, Houston Texans. Who's that outside your stadium, holding a bouquet of flowers and a bunch of balloons?

"Sweet! It's Ed McMahon! I've just won the Publishers' Clearing House Sweepstakes!" exclaims a joyous Dom Capers.

That's not what I had in mind, Dom. I was hoping you'd say "Reggie Bush."

"So, it's not Ed McMahon? Darn. And I bought magazines," replies Capers. "Who's this Reggie Bush guy anyway?"

First things first, Dom. You actually bought magazines, thinking you'd have a better chance to win the sweepstakes? You sucker. Publishers' Clearing House is one, big, giant pyramid scheme. Bush? He's the real deal. The nations most dynamic player is a junior at USC and likely to be the number one pick in the 2006 draft, which the Texans have a very good chance to have.

"I'll take all the credit for that," adds Capers.

And well you should.

The 49ers leave no doubt that Houston deserves the first pick.

San Fran wins, 23-20.

Tennessee @ Jacksonville

It's official, and it has been for quite some time. The Jaguars are in the playoffs, and they will be the number four seed.

"Yeah, baby!" boasts an excited Jack Del Rio. "We're in like Huck Finn, Gunga Din, Sean Penn, Uncle Ben, Aidan Quinn, Errol Flynn, Rin-Tin-Tin, Sherilyn Fenn, Beefeater Gin, Barbie and Ken, and all adult film stars with the last name 'Lynn.'"

Jacksonville will try to put the finishing touches on a 12-4 record with a win over the Titans. The Titans are at a crossroads, and have to decide whether quarterback Steve McNair will be a part of their future. Age has caught up to the Titan star, and McNair is no longer able to play with injuries as he did when he was younger. Now McNair's main problem area is a right pectoral injury, which has limited his ability to throw.

"The day is drawing nearer when I'll have to utter those dreaded words," says McNair.

What words? 'I retire?'

"No. 'I've fallen, and I can't get up.'"

McNair is not the only Titan injury casualty. Running back Chris Brown is nursing a sore ankle and receiver Drew Bennett is slowed by knee and groin injuries. Offensively, Tennessee will be limited, which is not good against a physical Jaguars defense playing with no pressure.

Jacksonville wins handily, 23-6.

Chicago @ Minnesota

The Bears wrapped up the NFC North title and a first-round bye with a 24-17 win over the Packers in Green Bay. Quarterback Rex Grossman led the Bears' cause with a whopping 166 yards passing in his first regular-season start in over a year.

"I detect a note of sarcasm in your use of the word 'whopping,'" counters Grossman. "For the Bears, 166 is a whopping amount. It's about 100 yards more than what Kyle Orton passes for in a game. I think it's the first time in a while that our passing yardage has exceeded the defense's interception return yardage. Not to take anything away from Kyle, though. He's done everything asked of him. And, let's face it. The kid grows a pretty mean beard for a 23-year-old."

The Vikes blew any chance for the playoffs with a loss last week to the Ravens. To add insult to injury, Federal Express dropped a television commercial featuring Daunte Culpepper, due to Culpepper's involvement in the Viking cruise boat scandal.

"That's hypocritical," says Culpepper. "We had those girls shipped in via Fed Ex. Next time, we're using UPS."

The Bears will rest several starters, as they can't improve their number two seed.

Minnesota wins 19-13 to finish 9-7 on the year.

Washington @ Philadelphia

After last week's 35-20 win over the Giants, the Redskins have won four in a row to move to the cusp of a playoff berth. Washington is in the playoffs with a win or a Dallas loss, and will win the NFC East with a win and a New York loss. The Redskins whipped the Giants 35-20 last week behind three touchdown catches by Santana Moss.

"I even had a touchdown pass," says Redskins running back Clinton Portis, in a wacky costume for his weekly meeting with reporters, and looking dangerously like Elton John circa 1970. "But mine went to Chris Cooley. I know it's been a few years since a Clinton made passes in Washington, but I'm making it cool again."

The Eagles will be looking to win their first division game, a year after sweeping the division on their way to the NFC crown.

"We want no part of the reverse sweep," says Eagles head coach Andy Reid. "We're playing for pride. This is a big game for us and the city. I don't think a city has been this excited about a sporting event since Rocky Balboa faced Thunderlips."

Meanwhile, Terrell Owens is unhappy, again.

"Man, Santa didn't even bring me an XBox 360," cries Owens.

Luckily for Owens, his agent, Drew Rosenhaus, issued a statement expressing his disappointment that Santa Claus would mistreat Owens, who should "clearly be on the 'nice' list." Rosenhaus then filed a grievance with the North Pole Arbitration Council on behalf of Owens, and then sent notices to the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy warning them that ignoring Owens would result in "severe repercussions."

Washington clinches a playoff spot with a 28-20 win.

St. Louis @ Dallas

Why on earth did Bill Parcells fire kicker Billy Cundiff after last week's win in Carolina? Cundiff is the only reason Dallas won the game against the Panthers. Had he not kicked the ball such that it seemed to graze Panther's defender Julius Peppers, and had he not fallen like he'd been shot when two Panthers rolled "into" him, then the Cowboys would have lost, and been eliminated from the playoffs.

"I understand your points," Parcells replies. "Billy's a great magician and a fine actor, but I fired him because of his kicking. This is Dallas. We go through kickers like the Rams go through quarterbacks. Kickers are like light bulbs. They can be replaced, and who cares if you break one."

The Cowboys need a win and lots of help to make the playoffs. If the help comes, it will be from Washington or Carolina losses. There's also one of those crazy strength of victory tiebreakers the Cowboys could win in case of Tampa Bay and New York Giant losses. So, by the time the Cowboys take the field, they will know their fate. The Rams could be facing an angry and disappointed Cowboy team, or one knowing it needs a win to make the playoffs. Either way, the Rams lose.

Cowboys win, 28-21.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 5:50 PM | Comments (2)

December 28, 2005

NFL's Seven Greatest Offseason Wonders

Week 17 of the NFL season is finally upon us and, while serving as the starting gun for 12 of the more fortunate franchises in their runs at playoff glory, the better part of the league (well, technically that would be the worst part of the league, but putting that in print would just be adding insult to injury) looks at the season's final weekend as a prelude to an off-season period that, in most cases, ends in significant changes as teams try to reload and rebuild for future success.

New Year's day is also upon us and in the spirit of this dawning of a New Year, the missive you are currently reading will not delve into the already over-booked affairs of playoff preparation and prognostication, but will rather discuss the rebirth of seven pro football franchises that will spend their offseasons wondering what went wrong, who's to blame, and just how each wants to go about fixing the blemishes that stare team ownership in the face as they introspect their respective charges.

Now calling out coaching staffs and/or pending front office shake-ups may be fun, but there is no challenge in that, so I'll address those changes briefly: Texans are a mess, Packers will make some big changes, Rams will be looking for a new staff, no more Norv Turner in Oakland, and Herm Edwards should be the next Kansas City Chief coach.

There you have it. Any front office moves beyond those highlighted above are less than sure bets and frankly aren't nearly as reliable as article fodder since either nobody really cares, or those who do care will be too disgusted with their team being mentioned to continue reading. Both options net the same result: fewer readers. Not exactly an eventuality that most of us self-respecting sports writers are comfortable with.

Rather than boring or annoying you with further digressions (again, the goal is to keep you interested here), let's get to the meat of this story: where do the non-playoff combatants go from here? For your consumption, below is a summary for each of the seven teams that are already booking January vacation packages and have been since mid-October. Each team will be listed and a parenthetical description meant to signify the state of every organization is included, or at least the latin-esque equivalent of a meaningful description. (Yeah, big Road Runner vs. Wile E. Coyote fan ... can you seriously blame me? Good stuff.)

As mentioned before, coaching changes, front office movements, and possible changes in home city affiliations (we're looking at you, Tom Benson) will not be addressed so if that is what your football appetite is craving, check out another locale. Otherwise, read on and bon appetite!

Houston Texans (Apocalypticus Franchisus)

State of the Franchise: Either my home town team made a rather unfortunate deal with Lucifer himself or this group is en route to a major offseason overhaul. No position player will be safe, aside from CB Dunta Robinson (who had a disappointing sophomore campaign himself), LB Kailee Wong (injury mulligan), and maybe QB David Carr (who, coincidentally, has seen more grass this season than Snoop Dogg). If form holds, and it will, Houston will be picking first in the 2006 draft and had better pick the superlative USC tailback Reggie Bush, unless they want to play in front of a stadium full of empty seats for the foreseeable future. It's hard to imagine a team needing to start building from the ground up after just four years of existence, but Houston is in that enviable position and really will be a completely new-look team come next fall.

Hit the Road: DBs Phillip Buchanon and Marcus Robinson are both going to be wearing different uniforms next season and their defensive front seven should be shaken up quite noticeably, as well. RB Domanick Davis is very likely to be a very large bit of trade bait if Bush turns pro and should net the Texans a nice package of players or draft picks.

Roll Out the Welcome Mat: Look for a potential big-money signing like DE John Abraham or CB Nate Clements on defense and a bevy of trades as the team looks to add some youth through the draft to a very bad team. While it is hard to pinpoint just who the Texans will chase this far removed from the free agent season, it is a certainty that the front office will make every effort to make some noise as they try to become a viable franchise moving forward.

Final Prognosis: Not good. Even with some good talent available on the market this spring, they have far too many holes to plug along their offensive line, defensive line, and in their receiver and defensive back corps. If the front office operates as it should, 2006 will be a long year, but a step in the right direction. If the organization attempts to fill their voids by signing veterans, all bets are off for the future and the dismal '05 campaign will be a harbinger for things to come.

New Orleans Saints (Franchisus in Fluxium)

State of the Franchise: Your guess is as good as mine. Texas? Louisiana? Nevada? California? Okay, okay I don't necessarily mean that particular usage of "state," but you get the drift. The Saints are a wreck — their best players were set back by horrific injury and those who remained were inexplicable in their underperformance in what has become a wickedly unfair season of turmoil. Still, there is no excuse for the on-field results and heads must roll.

Hit the Road: Say goodbye to QB Aaron Brooks. He has made his last woeful decision in a Saints uniform, at least as their starting QB, and the burden of blame will certainly be at least partially on him once the smoke clears. WR Joe Horn is aging gracefully, but may be set for a change of scenery, as well, though his price in terms of both trade value and contractual obligations may handcuff the Saints if they attempt to deal him away.

Roll Out the Welcome Mat: Unfortunately for the Saints, it is going to be next to impossible to woo free agents into whichever city they call home under the current circumstances without overpaying precipitously. The team really needs to snag a stud early in free agency to bring some of the lesser-known players into town, but that scenario is quite unlikely. Perhaps a QB looking for a fresh start and a starting gig will deign to don the gold and black, but aside from the Jay Feidlers and Gus Frerottes of the world, no difference-maker will bring such uncertainty into their professional life intentionally. The draft could net the Saints their future QB (read: Matt Leinart or Vince Young), but beyond that, this team is needing to have their situation settled in a bad way.

Final Prognosis: My heart goes out to the New Orleans franchise and fans, but it is a very bad scene in southern Louisiana right now and the future is just as bleak. A move to a new city is almost a necessity now and with that will come more than one absurdly unbearable season, which makes the future dark indeed for this moribund team.

Green Bay Packers (Buildius Teamus Now)

State of the Franchise: Old. That describes things in Green Bay much more adequately than any metaphor or analogy would. In my pre-season prediction article I begged and pleaded with the reading public to open their eyes and see a disaster-in-the-making (a little self-preserving tooting of my own horn there ... let's not mention my anointing the Falcons as the next world champions). QB Brett Favre is no longer the player he once was. RB Ahman Green was diminished in skill and effectiveness prior to his season-ending injury. Their defense is woeful. Things have to be rebuilt in a hurry in Green Bay or else it will be a return to the Don Majkowski days of frustration and futility for Packer Nation.

Hit the Road: Brett, we love you, you are an all-time great, but you must retire. You still are an adequate starter, but don't go out like this. I beg you. Green is a free agent to be and likely won't be re-signed. WR Javon Walker didn't make any friends with his prolonged preseason holdout and unfortunate season-ending injury. The defense must be re-tooled. We're talking major turnover here.

Roll Out the Welcome Mat: Yet another team that won't be well-served in signing expensive veterans to ride on a sinking ship. The QB of the future (maybe) is already on the roster in Aaron Rodgers. Offensive lineman help would be a huge plus, but the best guy on the market, OG Steve Hutchinson, will cost an arm and a leg. Youth should be served and the Packers should look to bring LB A.J. Hawk into the fray if the draft plays out as it is at this point.

Future Prognosis: If changes aren't made, the Packers are in for a world of hurt. Samkon Gado is not their running back of the future and their offensive line has more holes in it than the Titanic. Brett Favre's decision on his own future is the ultimate divining rod relative to the short and long-term direction of this legendary franchise, and if the wrong decision is made, even short-term success will be quickly tempered with the reality of long-term turmoil.

New York Jets (What in the Worldius Happened)

State of the Franchise: Would you be able to do your job if you had no hands, one leg, and a big hole in your chest? Well, such is the lot of the New York Jets, who have been hit so hard by the injury bug that they can find no exterminator willing to even try to correct the problem. As a team that yearned for a shot at knocking off the Patriots for divisional supremacy heading into the '05 campaign, the Jets fell far short of their goals and learned a lot about the importance of quality depth. RB Curtis Martin is a year older next season, QB Chad Pennington has yet to prove that he can remain healthy and successfully operate Mike Heimerdinger's deep-passing offense, and their defense is far from elite, making next season's success very much full of "what ifs."

Hit the Road: DE John Abraham should not be back as a Jet as he has alienated a frustrated front office. Pennington's future is in doubt, as well, but this depends on the strategy employed by the front office as they regroup and assess what they think they have in him as a viable franchise quarterback.

Roll Out the Welcome Mat: Don't be surprised if the Jets make a serious run at RB Jamal Lewis, though the Ravens are unlikely to let him walk away without making any potential suitor pay up. Of all the have-not teams this low in the standings, the Jets stand to gain the most by playing the free agent market, as they do have a solid veteran core and some wiggle-room under the anticipated salary cap. One name to watch closely for the Jets is OG Steve Hutchinson, who is unlikely to be an affordable option for the Seattle Seahawks. In the draft, if USC QB Matt Leinart is on the board wherever the Jets wind up picking, he's a no-brainer.

Final Prognosis: It is hard to get a read on just where the Jets will be in 2006. Age is beginning to creep up on some of the franchise's most heralded veterans and only time will tell if these vets are still capable of being every-down contributors. Smart money says that this wreck of a season is a blip on the radar screen, but the potential loss of coach Herm Edwards may lead to a collapse of epic proportions. My heart (which is anchored by a significant hatred for my beloved Dolphins' most hated rivals) says that the Jets have a long road to hoe in their return to playoff contention, but my mind tells me that they aren't too far off and this dismal season will soon be a distant memory.

San Francisco 49ers (Romus Wasn't Builtium in a Diem)

State of the Franchise: The good news is the team didn't take a step back in 2005. The bad news is they didn't make any particular progress, either. Growth in San Francisco has been delayed due to handcuffs with the cap and a complete turnover in the front office, but it is clear that the team has a plan now and must proceed with implementing that plan and accept the harsh reality that their current struggles are necessary to the long-term success of this once proud franchise.

Hit the Road: Aside from RB Kevan Barlow, who has pretty much played himself out of his last best chance to succeed as a premier back in the league, there shouldn't be too much personnel turnaround in the Bay Area this winter. LB Julian Peterson is one free agent of note, but the coaching staff knows what they have in Peterson and likely will franchise him for another season if a longer-term deal isn't found to be amicable to both sides at the negotiating table.

Roll Out the Welcome Mat: All the variables with this team (new coaching staff, young talent base, solid fan base) indicate that no really significant veterans will be courted. Most in the organization realize that the team is a year or two away from really being in a position to make a move, so it would be a shock if big money was doled out anytime soon. That said, WR Reggie Wayne would make a great deal of sense for San Francisco as he is young and would give them the offensive weapon they lust after in the passing game to team with their young franchise QB-in training. The Niners would be giddy if RB Reggie Bush fell in their lap (wouldn't anyone be?), but will likely look at either a top-notch defensive player like LB A.J. Hawk or a stud offensive lineman like D'Brickashaw Ferguson in the draft.

Final Prognosis: As the timeless classic movie "What About Bob?" implies, baby steps are sometimes the most effective means of making real progress. The 49ers would be wise to adhere to that mantra and are looking like a team that is on the right track but still a year or so away from being competitive. Fan patience may be at a minimum in San Fran, but it is, as they say, a virtue and will most certainly be rewarded by an eventual return to prominence.

Oakland Raiders (Bad-assius Façade, Wussium Resultae)

State of the Franchise: The silver and black emblem has long been a harbinger of fear and loathing for opponents. No longer is this the case. Al Davis' penchant for explosive offense has created a combustible combination of mindless mistakes, exploitable defense, and locker-room infighting that earmarks any failed team at any level in any sport. Penalties have long been a part of the equation in Oakland, but those were intimidation penalties in the past with nasty late hits or vicious face-masking infractions. Nowadays, it is ridiculous off-sides penalties on behemoth offensive linemen or wussy illegal contact fouls in an overmatched defensive backfield that undo the Raiders. A simple coaching change will not fix the problem (though it will be the first step) and Davis really needs to rethink his strategy as football pride dies on the sharpened shoulder pads of Raider Nation's undying fanaticism.

Hit the Road: QB Kerry Collins ... buh-bye. CB Charles Woodson ... it's been fun. DT Warren Sapp ... take your tool belt and get out. It will be a fire sale worthy of any great furniture barn's holiday clearance — everything must go and prices will be slashed.

Roll Out the Welcome Mat: Has anyone seen a capable tackler? Or maybe an o-lineman that has something other than lead in his motor? Perhaps a defensive lineman that can handle a blocker is out there somewhere? QB Drew Brees may make a move up the coast, but one thing is certain, the Raiders of today will look nothing at all like the team that lines up to play come next September.

Future Prognosis: "Just win, baby" is not something that you'll hear anytime soon in Oaktown. The base is very nice with an explosive crop of receivers and a young and talented LaMont Jordan handling the running duties. But the defense is as bad as it gets and has done little more than age over the past two campaigns. If a real motivator is brought in to coach this squad of underachievers, things may turnaround sooner rather than later, but don't count on that with Mr. Davis running his ship his way. For the foreseeable future, the Raiders are little more than a group of nice fantasy football draft picks wallowing at or near the bottom of the league standings.

Tennessee Titans (Confusium Incorporatus)

State of the Franchise: A mystery wrapped inside of a paradox as the answer to a riddle. The Titans have some great talent and a solid, proven offensive scheme. They have some overachievers on defense, a strong stable of running backs, a tough and savvy quarterback, and some stability along their offensive line. They are no better than a three-win team on paper, but their intangibles make them a six- or seven-win squad. They land somewhere in the middle in results, though, which confounds any who try to explain the current status of the team. I'm going to say it — print this out, because I don't say it often — I am dumbfounded by the Titans. I have no idea where they stand and where their future will take them. Acceptance is the first step to recovery.

Hit the Road: Could be everyone, could be no one, will likely fall somewhere in the middle. RBs Chris Brown and Travis Henry are probably staying put. QB Steve McNair is likely going to retire — but, of course, we've heard that song before. DE Kyle Vanden Bosch may jump ship as a free agent, but his standout performance this season may land him a longer-term deal if he chooses to stays put. Like I said, confusion reigns supreme here.

Roll Out the Welcome Mat: This all depends on who leaves. One thing is for sure, they need a shut-down type of cornerback. For that reason, I say Charles Woodson would be a good fit, but he may be overpaid to move to New Orleans/San Antonio/L.A./Las Vegas. Sorry, but I've got few answers here, either.

Future Prognosis: In the spirit of the rest of this entry, I have no idea what the future holds for Tennessee. They could be a Super Bowl team next season. They may only win two games. They are well-coached, fairly well-managed, and aren't afraid to part with overpriced players when that time comes (Javon Kearse, Justin McCarreins, Samari Rolle, etc.). They seemingly have good scouts who can pick talent out of a crowd, but their cap-management is a relatively weak point and may cost them the ability to overspend for a difference maker on the open market. Lots of "could," "fairly." and "relatively" in this entry, and, frankly, I could have a fairly relative idea of what this franchise is doing, but I just can't put it into words. Sorry, but I'm at a loss here.

***

Beyond these seven teams, you cannot really attribute particular success or failure to enormous needs or monumental misjudgments in talent. The other 13 non-playoff teams all are either underachievers, up-and-comers, or playing exactly at their potential. For that reason and that reason alone, I have left them out of this article. Yes, the Rams, Ravens, Lions, Bills, Chargers, Eagles, and Falcons all have some work to do to fix the problems that caused them to disintegrate this season. It is true that the Browns, Dolphins, Chiefs, Cardinals, Vikings, and Cowboys still have some big moves to make if they want to continue their assent to the league's elite.

But each of those teams can pin their results on substantive realities that can be easily identified. The seven teams highlighted above are miserable failures in every sense of the word and really have to take long, hard looks at themselves to see if their current models are based on sound business decisions made by competent individuals who know right from wrong.

For my money, these are the seven teams that bear the most scrutiny once the lights are shut down for the final time in Detroit, Michigan after the Super Bowl XL post-party is finished.

If not, they'll find themselves on this same list next season. Perish the thought.

Posted by Matt Thomas at 6:51 PM | Comments (9)

Best and Worst of WTA Tour in 2005

The WTA Tour is gearing up for the 2006 season, which will launch with two tournaments in the Australasia zone (yes, there is such a word). But there are still few days left in 2005. Before we focus all our attention toward the new year, Martina Hingis' come-back performance and soon-to-be-played Australian Open, let's take one final look at 2005 season, especially considering the ATP version published on Sports Central last month turned out to be a hit.

Player of the Year: Kim Clijsters

I promise everyone that this is not an emotional pick. Yes, Kim is the nicest character on the tour, and yes, she is very likeable and never obnoxious. I am sure that some fans of other players will immediately resort to the classic, "Oh, he picked her because she is nice" argument. No, folks, Kim Clijsters is the Player of the Year simply because she deserves it.

In a decision that warranted much more scrutiny and analysis than the men's version (in fact, did the men's version need any at all?), one can't help but go with Kim Clijsters over Venus Williams and/or Lindsay Davenport. Kim Clijsters' nine titles and 67 tour wins this year is impressive considering she only began playing in March. She was the only player to win more than half of the tournaments that she has participated. She has numerous wins over top-10 players and won the U.S. Open title.

Davenport was consistent throughout the year, and Venus' comeback win in Wimbledon finals was dramatic. However, Clijsters' 2005 comeback from long-term injuries, coupled with her dominance in nine months of action gives her a slight, yet firm edge.

Best Match of the Year: Serena def. Maria

You could make a good case for the Wimbledon finals played between Lindsay Davenport and Venus Williams. Both matches had amazing turn of events, both matches involved players who were down and out, but found a way to get back into the match, and both matches went into extended third sets.

However, the Serena Williams/Maria Sharapova Australian Open semifinal clash (2-6, 7-5, 8-6) had an extra quality that the Wimbledon final lacked: electricity! You could tell both Sharapova and Serena left everything they have had on the court. Nor did either of them choose to hide exactly how they feel as the match got closer to the climactic finale. They showed their human side with fist pumps, screams of agony, and yells of anger, almost inviting the fans to get involved into the match with all their hearts.

And the fans did! It was a great atmosphere, an unforgettable match!

"Enough, Already!" Award: Criticizing Davenport

Do we have to do this every year that Lindsay Davenport finishes the year ranked number one? Why should Lindsay get slammed every year for being consistent? So what if she did not win a Slam? Also, for those of you who make a habit of bashing the WTA ranking system, she would have finished the year number one even if the system was identical to ATP Entry Ranking or the ATP Champions Race Ranking.

She is successful in every Slam tournament. She won six titles — she wins several titles consistently every year. She was injured less than others, probably because she takes better care of herself, thus behaving in a professional, responsible manner. Here is an idea: how about criticizing others because they can't get their act together as efficiently as Lindsay does?

"Confirmed Fluke" Award: Svetlana Kuznetsova

She made it to the records book by becoming the first defending champion in U.S. Open history to lose in the first round of the tournament, in the following year. But for most tennis followers, it was not that big a surprise. As a matter of fact, it was much less of a surprise for her to lose in the first round this year than it was for her to win the title in 2004. Let's go a step further and call the 2004 title what it is: a fluke.

As much as it was a fluke, Svetlana deserves to cherish that title as long as she lives. Nobody can take that away from her. Nobody, including herself, can bring her another one, either.

"How Did She Do That?" Award: Henin-Hardenne's No. 6 Ranking

Get this: Justine Henin-Hardenne played only nine tournaments in 2005. She was the only player in the top 60 WTA rankings to have played single-digit number of tournaments. She won four titles, including Roland Garros. But she was a no-show at the Australian Open, lost in the first round at Wimbledon, and did not reach the quarters at the U.S. Open.

Serena played only one more tournament than Justine, also won a Slam title, and she still could not crack the top 10. I don't know how she did it, but I want to be like Justine!

"Glad it's Over" Award: Venus' Wimbledon Celebration

Throughout the match, you rooted for Venus because she has been in Serena's shadow for so long, and has not won a Slam since 2001. You were glad that she won at the end. For about 60 seconds following the handshake, you shared her joy and ecstatic reaction as she jumped around. The next three minutes all the jumping up and down along with buckling up and down holding the chest started getting old.

Once the trophy presentation started, and she still kept it up, you have had enough. By that time, it was neither cute, nor necessary. The loser of the match was still standing next to her, and tennis players were still expected to have some class. By the time broadcast ended, you were glad it was over.

Journeywoman of the Year: Jill Craybas, USA

Craybas played in 30 tournaments this year. In other words, she averaged around 1.5 tournaments per every two weeks. In other words, if there was such a disease, she would be borderline obsessive compulsive about playing tennis matches.

What does she have to show for all that? One semifinal, three quarterfinals, and a ton of first- and second-round exits. The upside: she did reach a top-50 ranking. Was it by performance or by default? That is the question!

Rising Star Award of the Year: Ana Ivanovic

Ivanovic turned pro only two years ago, cracked the top 100 only a year ago, and played Slam tournaments for the first time this year. With numerous quality wins that includes victories over Amelie Mauresmo, Nathalie Dechy, and Nadia Petrova, and her first tournament title of her career, 2005 saw this 18-year-old star from Serbia finish the year ranked No. 16 in the world.

In her first Slam experiences, she did not perform too badly, either, reaching the quarters in Paris and never losing first round in any of them.

That's the wrap for 2005. As usual, let me know your thoughts.

Have a great holiday season, everyone, and see you in 2006!

Posted by Mert Ertunga at 6:14 PM | Comments (18)

December 27, 2005

NFL Week 16 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Giants MLB Chase Blackburn was carted off the field in Washington with what turned out to be a sprained neck. The thumbs up players give from that cart is perhaps the most relieving sight in all of sports.

* Jay Glazer of FOX Sports reported this week that this will be Dick Vermeil's last season coaching the Chiefs. Here's hoping it isn't true.

* Jim Nantz and Phil Simms completely missed a strange phenomenon in the third quarter, when Bobby Engram and D.J. Hackett were called for false starts on the same drive. Wide receivers should never have false starts.

* Roseanne may be the most underrated show in the history of television.

* Pro Bowl teams were announced this week. The biggest head-scratchers were two OTs, Jon Ogden and Chris Samuels. Ogden used to be the best, but he's slipped this year, and Samuels hasn't been Pro Bowl caliber for years.

***

There's been a lot of discussion already about the death of James Dungy, and I don't have the eloquence to add anything substantive to the discussion, but I would like to use this space — which for the last two seasons has frequently involved discussion of Tony Dungy's Colts — to wish my best to the Dungy family and to all those who knew James Dungy.

Also, a round of applause for the Seahawks fans who brought signs supporting the Colts and their coach, and especially to the Buccaneers fan who brought a sign that read, "Tampa Loves the Dungys." Tony Dungy and his family remain an important part of that community, and it was nice to see that the fans haven't forgotten them.

On to the power rankings. Brackets, as always, show last week's rank.

1. Indianapolis Colts [1] — Pro Bowl teams were announced this week, and the biggest snub has got to be Indianapolis OT Tarik Glenn. Not only was Glenn arguably the AFC's best offensive tackle this season, but the league called and told him that he had made the team, only to call back later that day and tell him he hadn't. That's cold. The Colts won't go 100% in Week 17, which technically means I should move them out of first place, but my "right now" policy only goes so far, so they stay on top.

2. New England Patriots [2] — A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that all-pro defensive lineman Richard Seymour "doesn't seem 100%." In Week 16 against the Jets, though, he looked pretty close to it. The Pats have won each of their last four games by double-digits, a combined 110-31.

3. Seattle Seahawks [3] — Shaun Alexander scored three TDs against the Colts, tying the NFL's single-season touchdown record. Alexander is a great player with a tremendous nose for the end zone, but does anyone else miss the days when records lasted more than two years? It's hard to get excited about an all-time record that's been tied or broken four times in the last decade.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers [8] — Peaking at the right time. The Steelers sacked Charlie Frye eight times on Sunday, including three by Joey Porter. No one, including their probable first-round playoff opponent, the Bengals, wants to meet this team in the postseason. Pittsburgh has won its last three games — against teams with a combined record above .500, and two of them on the road — by an average of 27-4.

5. Denver Broncos [7] — Two solid wins since their three-game slump, in which Denver needed overtime to beat the Cowboys, lost at Kansas City, and barely beat the Ravens at home. The Broncos are one of only two teams to go undefeated at home this year (Seattle is the other). Rod Smith, who this year will lead the team in receiving yards for the ninth consecutive time, was voted to his third Pro Bowl this week. Not bad for a guy who wasn't drafted.

6. Chicago Bears [9] — While their 24-17 win over the Packers wasn't as close as the score makes it seem, Chicago basically won the game on turnovers. Rex Grossman completed under half his passes, but moved the ball and gave the offense a sense of life. The Bears, who are 4-3 on the road pending this week's trip to Minnesota, are going to get wrecked if they have to go to Seattle for the NFC Championship Game.

7. Cincinnati Bengals [4] — It might be reasonable to excuse their loss to Buffalo as a fluke, but the game was in Cincinnati. The Bills, prior to this contest, were 0-6 on the road and had been outscored 78-169, making them arguably the league's worst road team. The Bengals should have won in their sleep.

8. Washington Redskins [13] — If Joe Gibbs retires in the next few years, Greg Blache will be the next head coach of this team. Either that, or Dan Snyder will offer the ghost of Vince Lombardi $10 million per year and get him. I can't see Washington losing at Philly on New Year's Day, but Mark Brunell's injury is cause for concern.

9. New York Giants [5] — Defense is ranked 22nd. The NFC's other playoff contenders are 1st, 2nd, 4th, 7th, 11th, and 15th. Not that anyone but Seattle looks great in the NFC playoffs, but the Giants have lots of reasons for pessimism. The aforementioned defense is one, and their unreliable quarterback is another. Their first-round opponent could be Washington, who just beat them by two touchdowns. And if they get past the first round, they have to go on the road, where they're 2-4. The NFC East is probably the strongest division in the conference, but none of its teams has a winning record on the road.

10. Kansas City Chiefs [12] — Looking for a strange fantasy football tip? Do not draft Larry Johnson next season. In the eight games since he became starter, Larry Johnson has averaged 29.4 rushes per game. That is way too many. I said the same thing about Julius Jones last year, and Cadillac Williams at the beginning of this season. No player can stay healthy with that kind of workload. If you play in a keeper league, trade Johnson now while his stock is at its peak.

11. San Diego Chargers [6] — The fifth through 11th spots are really tight this week, and I had them eighth when I started to write this entry. On paper, that's probably about right, but the Chargers just can't seem to close games. Also, LaDainian Tomlinson has slowed down in a big way. In the last four games, he hasn't rushed for 100 yards, averaged four yards a carry, or scored a touchdown.

12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [10] — Posted their highest point total since the last time they played Atlanta, piling up 444 yards and 30 first downs. All the stars who were down last week stepped up this time. Ronde Barber led the team with 12 tackles. Derrick Brooks had six tackles and a sack. Simeon Rice added two more sacks, and Williams rushed for 150 yards and a touchdown.

13. Carolina Panthers [11] — Two losses in their last three games, and they allowed 194 yards to Julius Jones, who hadn't hit 100 this season. This team lost its identity at the beginning of the season, when DT Kris Jenkins got hurt and the offense realized its running game was ineffective.

14. Dallas Cowboys [15] — The last five games have all been against winning teams (combined 50-25), and the Cowboys have gone 2-3 in that stretch, leaving them alive for a playoff spot if Philadelphia's offense stops sucking long enough to beat Washington. Rookie pass-rusher DeMarcus Ware had a huge game against Carolina, with three sacks and three forced fumbles.

15. Miami Dolphins [14] — Their five-game winning streak is the longest in the AFC, and second only to Seattle overall. Ricky Williams carried the offense against Tennessee, gaining 172 yards on 26 carries.

16. Jacksonville Jaguars [17] — Clinched the AFC's top wildcard by beating Houston. Byron Leftwich has been cleared to play in Week 17, but Jack Del Río should probably hold him out for one more week to make sure he's healthy in the playoffs. There's another school of thought that says you want to get Leftwich used to game action again, but I'd give David Garrard one more week at the controls.

17. Atlanta Falcons [18] — I seldom say that coaches should be fired, and I'm a big advocate of giving a coach at least three years to prove himself, but if I were Arthur Blank, I would replace Jim Mora, Jr. On top of the problems I outlined last week, Michael Vick is taking on his coach's weaknesses. Vick has had about a dozen cranky press conferences this season, being defensive and whining about what other people think. Vick could probably benefit from the counsel of someone like Bill Belichick or Tony Dungy, whose players take care of their own business and don't waste a lot of energy worrying about what other people think. Belichick and Dungy aren't available, but other level-headed coaches are, and Little Mora is too concerned with being his players' friend, at the expense of being a good leader.

18. Minnesota Vikings [16] — Eliminated from playoff contention. Minnesota's .325 strength of victory, padded against NFC North softies Detroit and Green Bay, is the lowest of any team with more than six wins.

19. Baltimore Ravens [21] — Two consecutive weeks with at least 30 points after going the first 13 games without reaching that mark. The Ravens improved to 6-2 at home this season, a record that includes a Week 1 loss to the Colts.

20. Philadelphia Eagles [20] — If they lose to Washington, they'll drop to 0-6 in the division, after sweeping it last year. Mike McMahon has been remarkably ineffective as a passer, and against Arizona, the defense made Josh McCown look like Jim Hart. Maybe that's a little dated, but you have to really go back to find a Cardinals quarterback who was good. I guess Neil Lomax was available, but it's too late now.

21. Cleveland Browns [19] — There's not much to say after a 41-0 whipping at home against your biggest rival.

22. Buffalo Bills [24] — If J.P. Losman ever comes around, the Bills could be a team to watch next season. With Takeo Spikes returning from injury, Lee Evans emerging as a deep threat, and a potential top-10 draft pick, Buffalo could be one or two big moves from building a playoff contender.

23. Arizona Cardinals [27] — McCown is 3-2 as the starting quarterback this season. Kurt Warner is 2-8.

24. Oakland Raiders [22] — Four games in a row with 10 points or fewer. I know Randy Moss hasn't been 100%, but wasn't this supposed to be an offensive juggernaut? Kerry Collins throwing to Moss and Jerry Porter, Lamont Jordan running behind Robert Gallery, an improved defense setting the table? More dispiriting than the team's 4-11 record is that it has played its worst football in the last month, losing by a combined 30-91 to teams with a collective losing record. If you're going to get blown out, it shouldn't be by teams like the Jets.

25. St. Louis Rams [23] — The ground game stuttered against San Francisco's suffocating run defense, with just 44 yards and 2.1 per attempt. The Rams, who have lost four in a row and haven't beaten anyone but Houston in two months, are tied for the NFC West's second-best record. Seattle has as many wins as the division's other three teams combined.

26. Tennessee Titans [25] — Steve McNair's injury is the latest in a long line, both for the team and for himself. Billy Volek had a nice performance in relief of McNair, and it will be interesting to see how the franchise handles Volek this offseason.

27. Detroit Lions [30] — Dick Jauron got his first win as interim head coach of the Lions, on the strength of good games from Roy Williams, who had more than half of Detroit's receiving yards, and James Hall, who had a sack, two forced fumbles, and a team-high six tackles, all solo. The Lions have gone six games in a row without scoring 20 points.

28. New York Jets [26] — In two meetings with New England this year, the Jets' total time of possession was 38:29. The Patriots' was 81:31. Remarkably, New York isn't last in the NFL in this category (San Francisco is). The Jets also are not last in rushing yardage, but they're 31st, a far cry from last season, when Curtis Martin led the NFL. The fans' third-quarter chants of "Reg-gie" (referring to USC star Reggie Bush, who will likely be the first pick in next April's draft) give you a pretty good idea of how this season has gone.

29. Green Bay Packers [29] — This has been a catastrophic season for Green Bay, and it seems like the whole offense is injured, but it's hard to get around how poorly Brett Favre played on Sunday. Favre has gone six straight games without a passer rating of 80.0, and it seems like he's quickly gone from "still great but stuck on a bad team" to the kind of player who you sort of hope will retire before he's a shadow of his former self.

30. San Francisco 49ers [32] — Alex Smith got his first win as a pro, and also went without an interception for the first time as San Francisco's starting quarterback. If the Niners lose to Houston by nine or more, they will go under -200 in net points, becoming only the second team in the last five years to do so. They also have a shot at being the only team I have ever ranked in the 30s every week of an entire season.

31. Houston Texans [31] — We've been watching the sack record all season, but the 49ers would need to sack David Carr nine times, which probably isn't going to happen. With Reggie Bush on the line, though, the matchup could be genuinely suspenseful.

32. New Orleans Saints [28] — Ninth loss in their last 10 games. The Saints play their ninth and final road game of the 2005 season on New Year's Day in Tampa. It's likely to be Jim Haslett's last game with the team, and it will be interesting to see where he resurfaces. Several teams may look at him as a head coach, but I'd rather give a chance to a prospect, and teams interested in Haslett might be better served to think about him as a defensive coordinator.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 4:12 PM | Comments (2)

Lottery Picks: Must-Have or Money-Back?

Christmas is a day for family, giving, and sharing. And, in this day and age, it's also a 24-hour period filled with tearing the wrapping off of presents from that certain version of Santa Claus that left them under the tree.

The National Basketball Association has a similar feel to it on this holiday. The teams and organizations become their own family in a lot of cases. Everyone in that company, from the players and cheerleaders to the owner, more than likely gives a visit and generously shares their time with people who look up to them. A big difference for these team is that, unlike the nice little girls and boys, they get to unwrap their presents early.

They come in the form of seven-footers, ball-handlers, sharp-shooters, and wide bodies. These organizations import their new toys from place of higher education and those a little lower, from shining sea to shining sea and over the ocean. With varying heights, positions, and talent levels to choose from, it's hard to say whether these gifts will be the next big thing or sent back to Santa's factory.

By Christmas Day, NBA teams have an inkling of what they'll get out of their packages (the amount of time is about equivalent to a four-hour stretch on the holiday for the little ones). But which presents have resembled those holiday hits that could become all-star crazes in the future.

Andrew Bogut (1st overall / 27.3 mpg, 8.8 ppg, 7.3 rpg, 1.0 bpg)

He's definitely a working piece that fits in Milwaukee's plan to return to respectability. No doubt, T.J. Ford's return is a huge reason for the Bucks' record, but the Aussie is making some waves. The former Ute gives the squad a major inside presence to compliment the outside tandem of Ford and Michael Redd. With three keys positions filled, the Bucks have stayed above .500 for the season.

Marvin Williams (2nd overall / 22.8 mpg, 6.1 ppg, 4.5 rpg)

He was a project at North Carolina, and the way it looks right now, he's still a project in the NBA. The fact that this project plays for Atlanta can't help the situation. There is the fact that the team isn't that good. Then we have the interesting sidebar of Williams playing beside two other projects at his position (non-collegians Al Harrington and Josh Smith). Question is, can Marvin grow up faster than Al and Josh have in the Association?

Deron Williams (3rd overall / 30.5 mpg, 11.8 ppg, 4.9 apg, 2.9 rpg)

He's been dubbed the new point guard of the Utah Jazz. So far, coach Jerry Sloan is making the prognosticators look marvelous. Williams plays 30-plus minutes a game, the second-most among the rookie class. His assist/turnover ratio is over 2:1, and he averages 3 fouls per game. These are examples of his brilliance and efficiency on the court — something every team looks for in a point man. It's not always about numbers.

Chris Paul (4th overall / 37.1 mpg, 16.9 ppg, 7.0 apg, 6.1 rpg, 2.31 spg)

Many are touting him as the frontrunner for Rookie of the Year. There are reasons why, considering his usage by and production for the Hornets. The most telling stat has to be the win-loss column. At this time last year, New Orleans was struggling to get a handful of wins. With a hurricane disrupting their home schedule, and the vacancy of all-star Baron Davis, Paul has had a lot thrown on his shoulders in his rookie season. He seems to be handling it well.

Raymond Felton (5th overall / 20.3 mpg, 7.0 ppg, 4.1 apg, 2.4 rpg)

This guy was the floor general of the 2005 NCAA champions, but his numbers are a bit underwhelming at this point. There is a reprieve here, though. I mean, we are talking about a second-year franchise. Sure, he's starting behind veteran Brevin Knight, so it might a minute to emerge out of the role of understudy. His success depends on when head coach Bernie Bickerstaff feels he's earned some starting time.

Charlie Villanueva (7th overall / 26.3 mpg, 12.2 ppg, 5.6 rpg)

Let's face it, the Raptors are one of the worst things going, which has good and bad consequences for a lottery pick. The good: you get to prove yourself on the court. The bad: it still doesn't mean much in the W column. Charlie V. has put up some nice numbers in his 26 appearances, but it's pretty clear that this squad needs more than a solid frontcourt presence.

Channing Frye (8th overall / 27.1 mpg, 14.4 ppg, 6.2 rpg, 1.08 bpg)

The Larry Brown experiment continues in New York, giving Frye the chance for a whole bunch of minutes. He's making the most of it. The Arizona grad leads the Knicks in rebounding and is second in scoring. Frye's only started nine of his first 24 games, but with this production, expect that number to increase — soon.

These lottery picks showed poorer early returns (averaging under 20 mpg). Although they didn't test well, their respective teams aren't quite ready to put them on the scrap heap.

Andrew Bynum (10th overall / Lakers)
Ike Diogu (9th overall / Warriors)
Yaroslav Korolev (12th overall / Clippers)
Sean May (13th overall / Bobcats)
Rashad McCants (14th overall / Timberwolves)
Martell Webster (6th overall / Trailblazers)

Out of the above, May looks the best. He's averaging about 17 minutes a contest, but is getting good returns out of his moments (8.2 ppg, 4.7 rpg). He's still one of the early picks to watch out for.

Then there's Fran Vazquez (the 11th overall pick), who's like the video game console whose release date gets pushed back. We just don't know what we're getting yet. Since the Orlando Magic selection decided to stay in Spain, it will take some time to see if he can become the new (and improved) version of Pau Gasol.

As for everyone else, big kids and small, I hope your gifts provide you with a lifetime of enjoyment (or at least a couple months). Happy holidays!

Posted by Jonathan Lowe at 3:51 PM | Comments (0)

December 26, 2005

Yanks Look Like AL East Champs

Looking up and down the lineup of the New York Yankees reads like an all-star team yet again. It goes Johnny Damon, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Gary Sheffield, Hideki Matsui, Jason Giambi, Jorge Posada, Robinson Cano, and possibly Bubba Crosby. It's impossible to tell what the regular starting lineup is going to be come late March, but you can be pretty confident that it will look something like that.

I'm not saying that just because the Yanks got Johnny Damon that now they're unstoppable — far from it, in fact, because Damon isn't the savior of baseball. He just now completes a lineup that was looking for that one last piece to fill it out. Now, like previous years, the rest of the American League East can just hang 'em up and call it a season — there's no point in trying now. Now combine with that lineup a pitching staff that has the potential to win every game they pitch, a now decent middle relief, and the best closer the game has ever seen, and the rest of the teams in the AL East should be trembling in their Sox.

There's no saying that the rest of the American League should be worried because if the staff in the South Side of Chicago pitches the way they did last season, then there's no reason to think that they won't be one of the top contenders to repeat, but the Yankees will be right there nipping at their heels.

Their pitching staff is a little suspect, but if Randy Johnson, Shawn Chacon, and Chien-Ming Wang pitch the way they did at the end of last season, and throw in there Carl Pavano and Mike Mussina pitching decent seasons, and right there you've got another 100-win season. The Yanks have plenty of hitting to swipe the AL East Crown away from any would-be throne stealers, and then they have the pitching experience to take them to a next level they haven't seen since my cousin was born (she's very young).

Now comes the time when everyone chimes in with their, "Steinbrenner's killing baseball," and, "The Yankees just buy their championships." No, George Steinbrenner is not killing baseball, and the Yankees are not going to just buy another championship. Was George Steinbrenner the one that originally signed Alex Rodriguez to a 10-year, $252 million contract? No, that award goes to the Texas Rangers, the owners of which actually only paid $250 million when they bought that team. What about Barry Bonds' approximate $22 million a year? That one goes to the San Francisco Giants. Then you have Manny Ramirez, who is still owed $57 million over the next three years, making it very difficult to trade the outfielder, who is with the innocent Boston Red Sox.

Sure, Steinbrenner pays out much more than every other team, but the reason for that is that the Yankees have the money to spend and they decide to spend it. Yankees fans pay top dollar for tickets at the Stadium, and up until recently, the Yankees were the biggest draw outside of the Bronx, as well. George Steinbrenner runs his team like a money-making business, and he pays hefty luxury taxes to do it.

The idea that the Yankees buy their championships and are an "Evil Empire" is just absolutely ludicrous. The Yankees have not won a World Series since the year 2000, thus making the near $1 billion that has been spent on the team worthless if money buys titles.

On the same note, look at the 2005 team salaries of the World Series winners since the Yankees last won. Those teams are the Arizona Diamondbacks, Anaheim Angels, Florida Marlins, Boston Red Sox, and Chicago White Sox. Their team salaries this past year are as follows: $62,329,166, $97,725,322, $60,408,834, $123,505,125, and $75,178,000, respectively. When was the last time that you saw a World Series champion that didn't spend good money on their team? You're not going to see a team that has a payroll of the Royals winning it because they just don't have what it takes. It is necessary to spend money in baseball if you want to succeed.

The 2005 playoff teams were almost all in the top half of the league in terms of baseball salaries, with the San Diego Padres coming in at number 16 (they shouldn't even count since they were barely over .500). Now look at the teams that were in the top 10 in payroll and see how they did:

1. Yankees — $208,306,817 — Lost 3-1 in the playoffs to the Angels
2. Red Sox — $123,505,125 — Lost 3-0 in the playoffs to the White Sox
3. Mets — $101,305,821 — Finished 83-79, missed the playoffs
4. Angels — $97,725,322 — Lost 4-1 in the ALCS to the White Sox
5. Phillies — $95,522,000 — Finished 88-74, missed the playoffs
6. Cardinals — $92,106,833 — Lost 4-2 in the NLCS to the Astros
7. Giants — $90,199,500 — Finished 75-87, missed the playoffs
8. Mariners — $87,754,334 — Finished 69-93, missed the playoffs
9. Cubs — $87,032,933 — Finished 79-83, missed the playoffs
10. Braves — $86,457,302 — Lost 3-1 in the playoffs to the Astros

If the idea that money buys championships really holds true, then how come none of the teams listed above even sniffed the World Series, let alone came close to winning it? The reason is that spending a lot of money doesn't guarantee anything. Anyone that has watched baseball in the past few years would be able to tell you that.

No matter what anyone says, people will always whine and complain that the Yankees buy their championships if they win, and if they lose, then people will say that they poorly spent their money. Like them or not, the Yankees are a very well-run business, and the fans appreciate that by actually attending the games. The fact is, the Yankees try every year to put the best team possible on the field, and that is why they are almost always one of the best teams in the league. Fans and media of other teams need to just stop complaining about what the Yankees do, and start focusing on what they can do to support their own teams and make them better.

Notes

* Joe Paterno has been awarded with the AP Coach of the Year Award. No other coach this season deserved this award more than JoePa, and he should be congratulated left and right for what he's done amidst what seems like infinite pressure to quit from people saying that he was washed up.

* After recently losing in the second-best rivalry in college basketball, Louisville yet again struggled, winning by only eight over Middle Tennessee State. Could it be that Kentucky basketball is only a fraction of what it was just a couple years ago?

Posted by Jeff Pohlmeyer at 11:58 AM | Comments (8)

I Hate Mondays: Some Change

Sheryl Crow didn't coin the aphorism, but she was right on when she sang that some change would do you good.

At this point in the year, as the 12th month nears to the end and many individuals reflect upon the previous 365 days, many would agree: some change would be good.

I'm sure you've already started to shape your list of New Year's resolutions, but the pressing question is why do people wait until the arrival of a new year to make changes in their life?

Let's be serious for a second. If someone truly and wholeheartedly wants to modify their lifestyle, what difference does it make if the date is January 1st or September 14th?

It shouldn't matter.

Factors such as date, location, and environment should be irrelevant because change comes from within a person.

But in the world of sports, we always hear how change would do some good.

Maybe if that quarterback was competing for his job instead of being the unquestioned starter, maybe if that power forward was on a different team, he would be more physical, or maybe that temperamental defensemen would be more laid back in another city.

Or maybe a new start with a different team would help Ron Artest.

A new coach, a new team, or a new philosophy may ignite something from inside, but regardless of the various peripherals that initiate the transformation, at the end of the day, the person still has to change himself.

Guys like Artest don't want to change and after a brief honeymoon stage, they will revert back to their true form.

Just like you, after January passes and you realize that none of your resolutions are sticking.

Terrell Owens is another individual who feigned the urgency to change, but really just wanted to change his environment. He didn't actually want to change himself.

No, that's too difficult. It's much easier to change everyone and everything around you and hope that the new settings are more comfortable with the way you behave instead of just changing yourself to fit everything else.

Man, it's a bleak world, isn't it? But don't start with the long face, I'm not saying that a person is not capable of changing.

Take Rasheed Wallace, for example. In Portland, he was a volatile power forward who had more T's than a Hawaiian shirt stand. But when he was traded to Detroit, he made a concerted effort to change his image. The coach and the situation factored, but as the saying goes, you can only bring the cow to the water, you can't make them drink it.

See, sometimes people can change.

Just don't be fooled by the ones who lie about it.

Whenever you are examining a situation gone bad, look for clues. Is the individual accepting the onus and talking about how they themselves need to remodel their thinking? Or are they pointing the finger of blame in various other directions?

And most importantly, are they sticking to the new plan days, weeks, and months later?

Are you?

Preaching and New Year's resolutions mix like Mondays and me.

"Be the change that you want to see in the world." — Mohandas Gandhi

Posted by Dave Golokhov at 11:39 AM | Comments (0)

December 24, 2005

2005 Year in Sports: The Lemonade

"There's no point in offering a review of 2004's sports stories because the Boston Red Sox won the World Series. They won the damn World Series. That's bigger than Janet Jackson's right breast and Nicollette Sheridan's shapely backside. It's the most momentous athletic achievement of the last quarter century, a story that will be passed down through generations of fans like a Wawaniki tribesman regaling his oldest son with the tale of 'How Glooskap Found the Summer.'"

— Greg Wyshynski, last December

Looking back at my last sports-year-in-summary column, it was obvious that a single story had trumped every other win, loss, scandal or oddity in the calendar year. I feel the opposite has happened in 2005: there have been so many momentous occurrences that if you step back to take it all in, you're bound to keep stumbling until you're on your ass, staring up in awe at the gargantuan assemblage of headlines:

BALCO, Congress, Canseco, Bonds, Raffy, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire, Katrina, Benson (Anna and Tom), Donovan McNabb, T.O., Tom Brady, Steve Mariucci, Gary Barnett, Drew Rosenhaus, David Frost, Gary Bettman, Bob Goodenow, Sidney Crosby, Alexander Ovechkin, lockouts, shootouts, Ricky Williams, Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, Tony Dungy, Shaq, Kobe, Pat Riley, Stan Van Gundy, George Mikan, Hank Stram, Wellington Mara, Jason Collier, Chris Schenkel, Max Schmeling, and Dick Weber.

And then there are ticket-scalping coaches, sex boat parties, lesbian cheerleaders, Sheryl Swoopes, Annika Sorenstam, Michelle Wie, Jack Nicklaus, Mike Tyson, Ron Mexico, Tour de Lance, Kurt Busch, Danica Patrick, London 2012, Washington getting baseball, and Oklahoma City getting basketball.

(Breath) ... not to mention Afleet Alex, NBA dress codes, NBA draft rules, Bob Huggins, Larry Brown, Charlie Weis, Joe Paterno, the Patriots, the Spurs, Roy Williams, North Carolina, USC, Matt Leinart, the White Sox, Roger Federer, a Major League pitcher punching out a cameraman and then appearing in the All-Star Game, and Michael Memea, who won the Little League World Series with a home run.

Okay, now that we've gotten all of the Google hits out of the way, what, exactly, was the Year in Sports 2005? Looking back, I see a lot of adversity, a lot of heartache. A lot of lives being ruined by God's hand. A lot of sports being ruined by greed and avarice. A lot of undue turmoil created by the ever-increasing stakes of professional sports, and the unending folly of human nature.

I see a lot of lemons. And what did Grandma always tell us to do with lemons?

That's why 2005 is The Year of the Lemonade.

THE LEMON — Hurricane Katrina. Boy, did we pick the wrong time to have the Judges and Stewards Commissioner for the International Arabian Horse Association running our federal emergency response or what?

Okay, so in hindsight, Brownie really didn't do a heck of a job: thousands of lives lost, hundreds of thousands lives forever changed. The only reason New Orleans wasn't Hell on Earth is because the waters conveniently covered the fire and brimstone. What a surreal moment in our nation's history, as thousands of refugees/survivors sought shelter inside the Superdome and the Astrodome. Besides the irony of seeing publicly-funded facilities actually being used for the public good, it's amazing to think that both of these stadiums were considered out-of-date relics whose teams have either vacated them or want to vacate them. Yet there they were, literally saving lives.

I can only hope the city is able to rebuild quickly, because some of my favorite "Girls Gone Wild" episodes were shot there. Godspeed...

THE LEMONADE — In an era in which sports fans have come to expect covetousness and pretension from professional athletes and owners, Katrina revealed many true colors. The NFL was quick to donate funds, and has continued its charity throughout the year. The NBA, which wasn't in season during the hurricane, had many of its players donating time and money to help the survivors. Major League Baseball took up donations at games. So did the National Hockey League, which finally could afford to do so with that salary cap in place.

The Saints moved to San Antonio, also playing "home" games in Baton Rogue and in New Jersey, becoming the second team not named the Giants to call Giants Stadium home.

The NFL wants the team to return to New Orleans for the 2006 season, and the city claims the Superdome should be ready by Nov. 1. And to think, just a few months ago people were clamoring for it to be torn down after it became a lawless trap of suicides, rapes, and murder ... what a difference a 3-11 season makes, huh?

The Hornets moved to Oklahoma City, and the NBA added that city to the official name of the team, making Zydrunas Ilgauskas only the second-longest moniker in the Association.

OKC had been angling to land a NBA team for its sports arena for some time, and was a player in the last round of open expansion. The Hornets could play in their New Orleans arena again in March 2006, as it sustained far less damage (and rape and murder) than the Superdome. But if they play in the Big Easy during this season, the Hornets are obligated to play there the following season. They have until July to exercise a one-year option on playing again in OKC.

Here's the bottom line: the Saints and Hornets should never play another game in New Orleans. Move them both, for the betterment of their respective leagues and for the city. The Hornets have been a disastrous franchise in New Orleans, in both success and attendance — hell, they haven't been good since Larry Johnson was dressing like his grandmother. They're 11th in the Western Conference this season, but they're seventh in the NBA in attendance right now as OKC's home team. Move 'em permanently. It'll give the NBA a heartland foothold no other league has, and it'll save New Orleans citizens even more heartache when Chris Paul decides to sign with the Bobcats in a few seasons.

As for the Saints, same deal: move 'em. Tagliabue and the owners already called their shot when they preliminarily awarded Los Angeles a franchise. Benson wants a new stadium, and there's no chance in hell the city and state are going to pony up public funds for one after Katrina. So send them to Hollywood, with the promise that the NFL will expand to New Orleans within 10 years, the same season it expands to Mexico City. (Can you imagine the quantity of bourbon and tequila at that press conference?)

But the sweetest lemonade from Katrina was the collective wake-up call it gave the rest of the country. About poverty in the inner city and rural areas. About our roles as citizens to help those in need. About the fact that true Homeland Security isn't about taking a cigar cutter from a 66-year-old Jewish man in an airport lobby, and that funding security might actually require revenues the government isn't currently receiving because Exxon/Mobil board members needed a tax break.

And about that fact that George Bush doesn't care about black people. Or at least that's what Kanye West tells me.

THE LEMON — Baseball's Steroid Scandals. It was a perfect storm for MLB — Jose Canseco writes a gossipy book about his years as a 'roid-raging player, the BALCO investigation digs up some big names and reveals designer drugs the tests can't detect, and Congress gets a hard-on for using its influence to "clean up" America's pastime. What followed was a series of March hearings in which Rafael Palmeiro shook his finger and denied he used steroids; Mark McGwire refused to "talk about the past"; Barry Bonds didn't have to show up; Sammy Sosa forgot everything he ever learned about the English language; and Canseco parlayed his reclaimed fame into a stint inside the VH1 "Surreal Life" house, where a man who was once the biggest star in baseball played dress-up with ancient supermodel Janice Dickinson and Balki from "Perfect Strangers."

In the end, nine MLB players and scores of minor leaguers were suspended during the 2005 season for steroids. One of them was Palmeiro, whose positive test and subsequent punishment shocked the sports world and may have seriously damaged his Hall of Fame credentials, and he actually ever won anything to merit enshrinement.

THE LEMONADE — Palmeiro was a patsy. He was the perfect player to suspend: well-known, but not a superstar. He wasn't on the posters, he wasn't in the commercials, he wasn't anything but an anonymous ballplayer with great numbers who had to sit in front of Congress because Canseco NARCed on him. So baseball suspended him and scared the crap out of any high-profile ballplayer that was using, mainly because they all saw how well the "I don't know how they got in my system" excuse went over nationally.

For Bud Selig and Major League Baseball, the steroid scandal was a welcomed correction. They used juiced players hitting juiced balls to climb out of the hole the league was in after the 1994 players' strike/betrayal of public trust. All of those 10-run games and broken home run records brought the fans back — and just as the tide was turning against these inflated stats and ever-inflating players, Congress stepped in and demanded action. So Selig finally had the right moment, and the leverage, to usher in new steroid penalties: 50 games for the first failed test, 100 games for the second, and a lifetime ban for the third. He also was able to add amphetamines to the list of tested drugs, as an estimated 75 percent of ballplayers are using them. As Johnny Damon told the Boston Globe: "If amphetamines are banned, we're probably going to see a lot of lethargic guys out there." Cut yer hair, hippy...

Hopefully with these new testing standards, baseball will put its drug scandals behind it, and Barry Bonds' head will no longer resemble a Thanksgiving parade balloon.

THE LEMON — The NHL lockout. I said it before, and I'll say it again: those greedy sons of bitches cancelled a season of hockey, and I will never, ever forgive either side for that. It's an embarrassment, it's inexcusable, and it set hockey back in the public eye. Have a goddamn shootout every night — it doesn't change the fact that a marginalized sport is now even more irrelevant to most Americans. Just because we have a bunch of foreign guys on our teams doesn't mean we have to be soccer, fellas...

THE LEMONADE — Quoting Stephen A. Smith: "How-evvvvv-uh..." There's no denying that the league needed a correction, both competitively and fiscally. I wasn't in favor of a salary cap this low, but it appears it will grow next season. I was in favor of cutting ties with ESPN, whose lackadaisical promotion and appalling presentation did more damage to the sport than a million Todd Bertuzzi cheap shots. Remember, it's not about OLN — it's about whatever Comcast decides to turn OLN into over the next few years, and beyond that. And the NHL on NBC might actually garner better ratings that Martha Stewart's version of "The Apprentice."

The new rules are hit and miss. Tag-up off-sides, the new rules for icing, the elimination of the red line — it all works. The goalie movement restrictions haven't added anything to the game. The referees have backed off a little from their draconian rules enforcement earlier this season, but there just isn't enough consistent physical play yet; I say that's a byproduct of everything being called for the first three months. I miss fighting like Hartford misses the Whale. And the less said about the shootout, the better...

... oh screw it — it's the final column of the year. In the Minnesota game against Dallas on OLN Monday night, I actually found myself rooting against the game going to overtime. I would have loved to have seen these teams skate four-on-four, but I knew that after five minutes they would stop skating and the game would be decided by a skills competition.

So with just over eight minutes of regulation left, Brian Rolston fires a beautiful pass to a streaking Marian Gaborik just beyond center ice. He's fighting off a pair of Dallas defensemen has he enters the Stars' zone. Gabby fakes right, goes left, and lifts a perfect shot over Marty Turco's shoulder for what would be the game-winning goal. The place went bonkers. When the game ended, I was satisfied that I had seen a hockey game end on a hockey play: with a pass, with defensemen, and without any league-mandated gimmickry to ensure a winner in a nice, TV-friendly time frame.

But that's the NHL for you ... even the sweetest lemonade can't help but have some rind in it.

Happy holidays to all, and have a safe start to the New Year. I have a lot to be thankful for these days, and prominent on that list is each and every one of you that take the time to read this rambling mess each week.

The next JQ arrives Jan. 6. Until then, remember to laugh at life, because it's laughing at you.

Greg Wyshynski is the Features Editor for SportsFan Magazine in Washington, DC, and the Senior Sports Editor for The Connection Newspapers of Northern Virginia. His book "Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History" will be published in Spring 2006. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)

ACC Season Beginning to Heat Up

The Atlantic Coast Conference has long been one of the best conferences in college basketball. From the days of Phil Ford in the 1960s to the 1980s with Michael Jordan, Ralph Sampson, and Len Bias, the ACC has seen and produced some of the best talent the game has ever seen. And this year is no exception.

With the additions of Boston College, Miami, and Virginia Tech, the ACC looks even more powerful this year. Granted, the additions of the former Big East schools were made with college football in mind — namely a high-priced and profitable ACC Championship Game — but the benefits of these additions are being seen in basketball, as well.

Of course, the usual suspects are in the hunt in Duke, No.1 team in the country, North Carolina, Maryland, and Wake Forest. But there are a few teams making headlines that fans haven't heard from in a while. Clemson, which has been a perennial doormat in the league for the past couple of years, is 11-0, which should surprise some. It's not really that surprising given the soft schedule the Tigers have played so far this season, which opened up with three blowout wins against Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference schools. The Tigers get their first taste of conference action on January 4th when they host Florida State.

The Seminoles have been a little bit of a surprise this season, as well. But just like Clemson, Florida State has had the luxury of an easy schedule with its lone loss coming against 15th-ranked Florida earlier in the season. The Clemson/Florida State matchup should prove who's a contender or pretender, as far as these two teams go. Virginia Tech has also made headlines this season.

The Hokies, unlike Clemson and Florida State, have some big wins against some credible teams. And if weren't for a last-second shot against Duke three weeks ago, the Hokies might have found themselves in the Top 25. But solid wins over St. John's and Stanford and that narrow loss to Duke should make Virginia Tech stronger once conference play begins.

The biggest surprise in the ACC this year has to be North Carolina. After winning their first national championship in 12 years last season, the Tar Heels watched four players leave school early for the NBA Draft. All were first-round picks and many observers wrote off the Tar Heels, as soon as this happened. But coach Roy Williams has his young squad believing in his system. Led by the surprising play of senior David Noel and freshman Tyler Hansbrough, the Tar Heels are looking aren't looking like a team that picked to finish in the middle of the pack in the conference.

The young squad will be tested when conference play begins and that should only make them stronger come NCAA tournament time. And with one of the nation's top recruiting class coming in next season, don't be surprised if the Tar Heels are raising another banner in the Smith Center.

Wake Forest and North Carolina State are also strong again this season and will be a factor in the conference. Both teams have veteran coaches that have been to the Big Dance plenty of times and will have their teams ready when conference play begins. The Demon Deacons have played a tough schedule so far with wins against Richmond, Texas Tech, Wisconsin, and Princeton. And that should only help them in the long run. Wake Forest opens its conference schedule at home against top-ranked Duke on January 8th.

The Maryland Terrapins are strong again, as well, this season. Coach Gary Williams has him team clicking and working together and the Terrapins will be a tough team to beat every night. After a tumultuous relationship the last couple of years with former point guard John Gilcrest, Williams has D.J. Strawberry playing point guard this season and the Terps are looking exciting. With veterans Chris McCray and Nick Caner-Medley providing veteran leadership, the Terps will continue to be a factor in the conference after starting the season 7-2.

The Duke Blue Devils are hot. After their narrow win against Virginia Tech, the Blue Devils have won five straight games, all in convincing fashion, which included a 31-point embarrassment of Texas on national television two weeks ago. J.J. Redick has finally turned into a complete player and refuses to — and quite frankly cannot — be stopped. He's averaging almost 25 points per game and is shooting a ridiculous 47 percent from downtown. And with Sheldon Williams dominating the inside, the 11-0 Blue Devils look unbeatable at the moment. But they will face tough challenges once conference play starts.

So what does this all mean? If the season continues to unfold like its doing at the moment, the ACC has the potential to get six or maybe seven teams into the NCAA tournament. This is how I feel the conference will play out.

1. Duke
2. Maryland
3. North Carolina
4. Wake Forest
5. North Carolina State
6. Georgia Tech
7. Florida State
8. Clemson
9. Virginia Tech
10. Boston College
11. Miami
12. Virginia

Posted by Andre Watson at 11:11 AM | Comments (4)

December 22, 2005

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 16

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay

The Falcons and Buccaneers were each given a math lesson last week by the Patriots and Bears.

"What was that lesson?" asks the Bucs John Gruden. "Was it the equation 'their score minus our score equals a lot?' Or, 'no touchdowns, plus no field goals, plus no safeties equal no score and no chance?'"

And no dice. Actually, the math lesson I'm referring to is "division lead, plus away game, plus cold weather, equals butt-whipping for the Falcons and Bucs." Tampa Bay was shutout 28-0 by the AFC East-leading Patriots, while the Falcons were dominated by the NFC North-leading Bears in chilly Chicago, 16-3.

"Obviously, playing in a climate-controlled dome in Atlanta doesn't prepare one for the adverse conditions inherent of an early-winter, late-evening game on the windy shores of Lake Michigan," explains Falcons head coach Jim Mora, Jr. "That's the double-edged sword you swallow when you play in Chicago at this time of the year. You play the weather, and you play the Bears. Usually, the weather is better than the Bears. Not this year. It's clearly more important to watch Chicago film than to watch the weather forecast."

Tampa is in the driver's seat for a playoff spot, and can clinch a spot with a win and any combination of two losses or two ties by Dallas, Washington, and Minnesota. Cadillac Williams rushes for a score, and Chris Simms throws for 200 yards and a touchdown.

The Bucs win 27-20.

Buffalo @ Cincinnati

The Bengals thrashed the Lions 41-17, a week after narrowly defeating the Browns 23-20, to claim their first division title since 1990.

"That's a decade and a half worth of futility," says Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis. "Last Sunday, we went back to the basics, employing what we call the 'Viking Sex Boat Offense:' using our Johnson's. And that would be Rudi and Chad Johnson, who are not related, but are soul brothers, nonetheless."

Running back Rudi Johnson rushed for 117 yards and two touchdowns, while receiver Chad Johnson collected 99 yards receiving and a touchdown, and then celebrated with a "non-celebration," thinking for a moment before casually handing the ball to the official.

"Damn! I'm creative," boasts Johnson. "I bet Terrell Owens' head exploded when he saw that. I defy any official to flag me for excessive celebration."

The Bills closed out their home schedule with a loss to the Browns, and finish the season on the road, where they are 0-6. Bills' receiver Eric Moulds returned from a one-game suspension and played his best game of the year, catching nine passes for 110 yards, while Lee Evans had only two catches for five yards.

"I guess I made my point," says Moulds.

"You certainly did," replies Bills head coach Mike Mularkey. "Effective immediately, Lee Evans is suspended."

If the Bills can't win on the road, they certainly can't beat a Bengals team vying for a first-round playoff bye. And they can't stop Carson Palmer, the NFL's second-highest rated passer. Palmer throws three touchdown passes, two to Chad Johnson, one to Johnson's fellow college teammate at Oregon, T. J. "Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda, Greetings From Camp" Houshmanzedah.

Bengals win, 31-17.

Dallas @ Carolina

After their big 31-28 win over the Chiefs two weeks ago, the Cowboys suffered a letdown of epic proportions against the Redskins, losing 35-7 to fall to 8-6. The Cowboys turned the ball over four times, and gave up seven sacks.

"Three interceptions, one fumble, and seven sacks," says Bill Parcells. "There's a common denominator is all of those: Drew Bledsoe. But let's not blame it all on Drew. The offensive line had more holes in it than a Michael Irvin alibi, and Drew's never outran a sack in his life. The offensive line will bounce back. Carolina doesn't have much of a defensive front, do they?"

The Panthers bounced back from last week's loss to Tampa Bay with a dominant 27-10 win over the Saints, avenging an opening day loss to New Orleans.

"We owed the Saints twofold," says Panthers quarterback Jake Delhomme. "They kept us out of the playoffs in last year's final game, so the payback was doubly sweet. If a certain two of our cheerleaders can double their pleasure, why can't we?"

You can, Jake. Just make sure you do it on the football field.

"Oh, I've done it on the field several times."

With a win and a Tampa Bay loss or tie, Carolina clinches the division. With just a win, they clinch a playoff spot. With a win, the Cowboys don't clinch jack.

The Panthers take care of business and win 27-17.

Steve Smith grabs two touchdown passes from Delhomme.

Detroit @ New Orleans

Hey, Jim Haslett. Do you want to reconsider your decision to bench Aaron Brooks for the rest of the season? Maybe you should, after Brooks' backup, Todd Bouman, tossed four interceptions against the Panthers.

"Bah humbug!" says Haslett. "I've been visited by the ghosts of Saints past, present, and future, and they don't wear white sheets like most ghosts. Instead, they wear brown paper bags over their heads. Anyway, they all said it was time for a change."

Maybe they were talking about a coaching change.

"Hey, can I get in on this 'benching a quarterback for the rest of the season' deal?" asks Detroit interim head coach Dick Jauron. "I've got at least two quarterbacks I'd like to give that status. I think it's safe to say we won't be drafting another wide receiver in the 2006 draft. Then again, who knows what Matt Millen is thinking in that over-analytical brain of his?"

"It's nice to have the full support of the Detroit community," says Millen. "Seeing my name on all of those banners and signs at games gives me a warm feeling inside, the feeling you get when you sense that you're minutes away from being canned. It's a good thing I just read my name on those signs and nothing else."

Very little hangs in the balance in this game, except coaching jobs, assistant coaching jobs, general manager jobs, draft position, starting quarterback positions, and millions of wagered dollars. Beyond that, this game means very little. But they still have to play it. But you don't have to watch it unless you're a political prisoner subject to a hideous torture ritual, legal of course.

Lions win, 23-17.

Jacksonville @ Houston

Jacksonville held San Francisco to 217 total yards and eight first downs, had no turnovers, and held the ball for over 35 minutes, yet still only managed to beat the 49ers by one point, 10-9.

"If I told you I had $50 grand that the score would be under 37 ½," says Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio, "would you believe me? No? Okay. How about if I told you I had convinced my players that the game would be scored on boxing's 10-point must system? No? Okay, then. Would you buy this? Our offense stinks."

I accept that without question. The Jacksonville offense is so stagnant, mosquitoes are mixing it with water and breeding like rabbits.

Houston won only their second game of the year, beating the Cardinals 30-19. Texans quarterback David Carr actually got some protection from his offensive line, as they gave up only three sacks.

"That's not great," says Carr, "but it's a lot better than what I'm used to. I hope the line isn't expecting much for Christmas. They certainly don't deserve watches, jewelry, or anything that requires much protection. I found the perfect gift that requires very little maintenance: Chia Pets. Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia."

In Week 9, the Texans blew a 14-7 fourth quarter lead in losing to the Jags, 21-14. Last year, Houston beat Jacksonville twice, giving up only six points in those two games. Their final contest, a 21-0 Houston win, effectively knocked the Jags out of the playoffs. Houston apparently has Jacksonville's number, and that number is very tiny if you're talking about Jacksonville's offensive output.

Again, Houston shocks the Jags. David Carr throws for a score, and Kris Brown kicks four field goals.

Texans win, 19-17.

N.Y. Giants @ Washington

The last time these two teams met, the Redskins offered little resistance, and were blasted 36-0 by the Giants in Week 8. This time, the 'Skins have revenge on their mind, and the support of the President of the United States of America, George W. Bush.

"I hereby authorize the Washington Redskins to use any means necessary to wiretap and eavesdrop on any Giants' conversations, meetings, and/or game planning sessions," says Bush. "And if they feel compelled to torture an equipment manager or secretary to obtain the necessary information, then they have my blessing."

To defeat the Giants, the Redskins defense will have to stop Tiki Barber, who set a New York record with 220 yards rushing against the Chiefs last week.

"We can't expect to score 36 again against Washington," says Barber, "and we can't expect them to score zero again. But we'll gladly meet them halfway. Say, they score 17, and we score 18. Unlike somebody in Washington, we have an exit strategy. And that is to leave Washington with a win and the NFC East title."

Not this week, Tiki. Clinton Portis rushes for 130 yards and two touchdowns, and the Redskins inch closer to a playoff berth.

Redskins win, 24-20.

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland

Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger and Cleveland signal-caller Charlie Frye face off in a battle of former Mid-American Conference superstars. Roethlisberger starred at Miami of Ohio, while Frye displayed his skills at the University of Akron.

"Ben and I are both tough, hard-nosed kids from Ohio," explains Frye. "We grew up around the coal mines and factories of the Midwest, and we didn't have everything handed to us on a silver platter like some of the other starters in this league. Quarterbacks that played in major conferences are pansies. When I was little and got coal in my stocking for Christmas, I didn't cry about. I ate the stuff. If you really put your mind to it, coal tastes like peppermint."

Right now, the Steelers would claim the number six seed in the playoffs. However, if the Steelers and Chargers win their remaining two games, and Jacksonville loses one of its two remaining games, then all of those teams would finish 11-5. The Chargers and Jags would be in, and the Steelers would be out, based on a three-team tiebreaker that resorts to conference record.

"So our fate rests in the hands of Jack Del Rio and the Jags?" asks Cowher. "That puts me in a difficult situation, leaving only one option: offering Del Rio an indecent proposal. Okay, Del Rio, here's the deal. You win you're remaining two games, and you win a night with me."

"You sicken me, Cowher," Del Rio responds. "Just for that, I think we'll lose both of our remaining games."

The Pittsburgh defense dazzles with another dominant effort on the road. Roethlisberger throws one touchdown, and Jerome Bettis busts in for a one-yard score.

Steelers win, 20-6.

San Diego @ Kansas City

The Chargers ended the Colts' unbeaten season, jumping in front of the Colts 16-0, then holding on for a 26-17 win to hand Indy its first loss in 14 games.

"We did the 1972 Dolphins a big favor," says Chargers quarterback Drew Brees. "But why? Two weeks ago, the 2005 Dolphins handed us a home defeat, which might end up costing us a spot in the playoffs. It would have been sweet revenge on the Dolphins had we lost to the Colts. With all this talk of whether or not the Colts should have rested their starters, wouldn't it have been funny if we had rested ours? That would have been hilarious."

At 8-6, the Chiefs are still in the hunt for a wildcard spot, but would have to win their remaining two games and hope that the Steelers, Chargers, and Jaguars lose everything possible.

"The good news is, we have both our remaining games at home," says Chiefs quarterback Trent Green. "And there's more good news. We're not playing an NFC East team. We're 1-3 against those sons of guns. But wait, there's more good news. Our defensive coordinator, Gunther Cunningham, has promised a defensive scheme to stop the high-powered Chargers offense. And he's also promised to keep his itchy middle finger holstered. What kind of idiot shoots the bird to an official and then tries to tell the cameraman not to show it? It's live television, Gunther. You're busted. At least you didn't expose your left nipple."

"Live TV doesn't catch everything," replies Cunningham. "Anyway, I wasn't giving the finger to an official. I was flashing it to my defense. Those guys can't stop anyone. I've assumed the role previously owned by Jake Plummer as the 'AFC West Personality Most Likely to Give Someone the Finger.'"

The Chargers' LaDainian Tomlinson is nursing bruised ribs, but intends to play.

"What better way to recover from injury than a game against the Chiefs," says Tomlinson. "They don't tackle. They won't hit me. In fact, I think my ribs will feel better after the game."

Despite the injury, Tomlinson rushes for 100 yards and a touchdown. San Diego's defense limits Larry Johnson to only 90 yards rushing, and the Chargers stay alive in the playoff hunt.

San Diego wins, 24-20.

San Francisco @ St. Louis

The 49ers and Rams both found themselves on the short end of one-point losses last week. San Fran lost 10-9 at Jacksonville, while the Rams fell 17-16 at home to the Eagles. If you want to identify a weakness common to the Rams and 49ers, you'd have to start with the quarterback position. The statistics reflect the issue. St. Louis' Ryan Fitzpatrick has 8 interceptions, a 56.3% completion percentage, and a passer rating of 58.2. San Fran's Alex Smith has 10 interceptions, a 46.7% completion percentage, and a 26.6 passer rating.

"The numbers don't lie," says Fitzpatrick. "It looks like I'm the better quarterback, and, with Kurt Warner injured, I'm the best quarterback in the NFC West, excluding Seattle's Matt Hasselbeck, as well as my teammates Marc Bulger and Jamie Martin."

This game features the two worst scoring defenses in the league — the Rams have given up 395 points, while the 49ers have surrendered four fewer.

"That's good news for bad quarterbacks all around," says Smith. "Ryan and I should be able to bump up those statistics quite a bit. A quick review of my stats reveals that I need to complete nine of my first 10 passes to get my completion percentage to fifty for the year, and if all nine of those completions are touchdowns, I may get my passer rating out of the 20s."

Fitzpatrick throws a TD pass to Pro Bowl receiver Torry "Big Game" Holt, who has a Pro Bowl-caliber day, despite this being anything but "a big game."

Rams win, 20-17.

Tennessee @ Miami

Despite beating the Jets last week for their fourth straight win, the Dolphins were eliminated from the playoffs when San Diego and Pittsburgh won.

"Nobody ever said this team wasn't tough," says Dolphins head coach Nick Saban. "Look at that, it took two teams to eliminate us from the playoffs."

And nobody ever said Saban wasn't a great motivator. And he's obviously worked his magic on running back Ricky Williams, who rushed for seventy yards and a touchdown in the win over New York.

"I'm just now rounding into form," says Williams. "It's too bad the season ends in two weeks. Fortunately, I plan to spend the offseason playing in the NFL Europe league, preferably with Amsterdam. However, I am looking forward to this game against the Titans. Travis Henry and I are both alumni of the 'four-game drug suspension club.' Although I've never met Travis, our urine specimens have crossed paths several times. They're practically on a first name basis. You know, if you take Travis' first and last initials and add a 'C,' you get THC. Isn't that wild?"

Williams rushes for a score, and Chris Chambers remains hot with 100 yards receiving and a touchdown.

Miami wins, 23-20.

Philadelphia @ Arizona

Have the Eagles found the missing link to a running game in rookie Ryan Moats, a powerful 210-pound back with breakaway speed, and the full support of the Philadelphia branch of the NAACP? Moats has rushed for 192 yards and three touchdowns in the Eagles' last two games.

"Yep. Ryan can pound it inside and turn on the speed for a breakaway on the outside," says Eagles head coach Andy Reid. "I hope that's acceptable to J. Whyatt Mondesire, the president of the Philadelphia chapter of the NAACP Apparently, he feels the urge to criticize Donovan McNabb's skills as a quarterback and leader. Well, I'm here to introduce Donovan, who has an announcement to make."

"First, I have a question," says McNabb. "I am a black guy, right? I am. Great. I was starting to wonder. Now, the announcement. I have an established an organization known as the NAADM, the National Association For the Advancement of Donovan McNabb. This organization will be chaired by me and only me, and is for the sole purpose of promoting myself and denouncing people such as Terrell Owens, Mondesire, Rush Limbaugh, and any soup maker not affiliated with Campbell's Chunky."

Arizona lost quarterback Kurt Warner to a torn knee ligament last week, so Josh McCown will take over.

"Do you think the Eagles know we plan to pass?" asks McCown.

Well, since the Cardinals have almost four times as much passing yardage as rushing yardage, I think the Eagles know what's coming. Moats rushes for over 100 yards, and the Philly defense comes after McCown.

Eagles win, 24-16.

Indianapolis @ Seattle

The 1972 Miami Dolphins can rest easy, again. Their perfect record is safe from being matched or bettered by the Colts, after the Chargers beat Indy last week 26-17.

"I'll raise a toast of prune juice in their honor," says Peyton Manning, "Cheers, old-timers. That's quite a record you hold there. You would think a team that went undefeated in the regular season would have been able to win the Super Bowl by more than a 14-7 score. Not exactly what I would call dominating. I bet they had everyone pulling for them to do it. They probably didn't have to worry about a bunch of old men hoping that they would lose a game. It's okay, though. Now, we can go about our business of taking it easy, resting a few banged up players, and rolling through the playoffs and our first Super Bowl win. Give me a half, and I'll put 21 points on the board against the Seahawks. And I'll do it while singing my favorite Christmas carol, 'Silent Count, Holey Defense.'"

The Colts may have made a serious error by losing to the Chargers. Well, besides blowing a perfect record. They may have allowed the only team that can beat them a shot at the playoffs. A Charger loss last week would have left San Diego with virtually no chance at the playoffs. Now, if the Chargers win out and get some help, they could get another shot at Indy. It probably won't happen, but it's possible.

The Indy/Seattle matchup could be a preview of the Super Bowl, but only if the Colts made the Super Bowl and rested several of their starters. Unlike the Colts, the Seahawks have not clinched home-field advantage throughout the playoffs, but could do so with a win, or a Chicago loss. Chicago doesn't play until Sunday, so Seattle has no choice but to go ahead and win, clinch, and chill out in Week 17.

Seattle wins, 31-21/

Oakland @ Denver

Do the Raiders have a third-string quarterback? Kerry Collins returned as starter last week against the Browns, and promptly posted numbers that would only make Marques Tuiasosopo jealous.

"I think the real question isn't, 'Do we have a third-string quarterback?'" comments Raiders head coach Norv Turner. "The real question is, 'Do we have a first-string quarterback?' Clearly, the answer is no."

Here are some more questions, Norv. What kind of name is "Norv?" Is that short for something? Is "Turner" your real last name, or is your last name "Zappa" or "Phoenix?" Do you think you'll have a job next year?

"I politely decline to discuss personal information with idiots," says Turner, "but I will answer your last question. Yes, I do think I'll be coaching the Raiders next year. It will be 2006 in about a week, and I still expect to be the coach. After that, I'm sure Al Davis will chat with Randy Moss and they will decide that a change needs to be made. I'll be fired in February, and Al will hire another coach who will fail to instill discipline in the Raider organization."

"Win or lose," says Raiders receiver Randy Moss, "I'll have myself a mile-high Christmas."

You mean, you'll be in Denver, one mile above sea level, for Christmas.

"Oh, it's got nothing to do with Denver or sea level, whatever that is," replies Moss.

Denver can clinch the AFC West with a win or a San Diego loss, and can clinch a first-round bye with a win and a Cincinnati loss. They'll know the outcome of the Buffalo/Cincinnati game by kickoff in Denver. Whatever that outcome, the Broncos will win.

Mike Anderson rushes for a score, and Jake Plummer connects with Rod Smith for a short TD pass.

Denver prevails, 27-13.

Chicago @ Green Bay

The Bears finally made the quarterback switch that nearly everyone was expecting: Rex Grossman taking over for erratic starter Kyle Orton. Apparently, Chicago coach Lovie Smith realized that the Bears might need to score more than 20 points per game to make a serious playoff run.

"I knew as soon as Rex completed his first throw, I had made the right decision," says Smith. "That was a 22-yard completion, which is 10 more yards than Kyle managed in the entire first half."

In Green Bay, Brett Favre does not concern himself with getting pulled from a game, because he knows it won't happen, unless he makes the call himself.

"Look," says Favre. "I know I'm having a tough year. It's like those two Guinness beer characters showing up at Lambeau with two honks of Limburger cheese on their heads, trying to be Cheeseheads. Like me, they're stinking up the joint. The interceptions are piling up. But some interceptions make good punts. If it's 3rd-and-28, why not heave it way down the field? If it's intercepted, that's like a 50-yard punt. Brilliant!"

Back in Week 13, Favre passed 58 times in a 19-7 loss to the Bears. He may have to throw more this time — the Packers lost running back Samkon Gado to a torn knee ligament. Like Ahman Green and Najeh Davenport before him, Gado is out for the season. This probably means more Bears in coverage. And that means more Favre interceptions.

Chicago wins 24-13 and clinches the NFC North title.

Minnesota @ Baltimore

After reeling off six straight wins, the Vikings ran into a wall called the Pittsburgh Steelers defense. The Steel Curtain kept the Vikings out of the end zone, surrendering only a Paul Edinger field goal in the first quarter.

"Wait just a minute," says Minnesota running back Michael Bennett. "They didn't keep us out of the end zone. I was tackled in the end zone for a safety in the fourth quarter. Get your facts straight, or get a job working for the New York Times."

Okay, correction. The Steelers kept the Vikings out of the Pittsburgh end zone.

The Minnesota loss came just a few days after charges were filed in the Vikings' October 6th sex boat scandal. Daunte Culpepper, Fred Smoot, Bryant McKinnie, and Moe Williams were each changed with the misdemeanors of indecent conduct, disorderly conduct, and lewd and lascivious conduct. Smoot may face the most embarrassing charge: manipulating a sex toy.

"I'm stunned," says Smoot. "Not from the charge, but from the fact that 'manipulating a sex toy' is a crime. A crime? Man, that's a privilege where I come from. I could understand if it was 'contributing to the delinquency of a sex toy.' That should be a crime, and I think I've committed that crime before, but just not on a boat in front of hundreds of people in broad daylight. I just don't hope they don't drag the girls into this, because they're totally innocent. Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas."

Can the Ravens expect Kyle Boller to throw for over 250 yards and three TDs, and have Jamal Lewis rush for over 100 yards, in the same game, again? Boller and Lewis did just that last week in a 48-3 blowout of the Packers.

"If you think they'll do that against us," says Vikings safety Darren Sharper, "man, you be illin'."

Vikings win, 20-10.

New England @ New York Jets

Although he was listed as "questionable," did anyone really believe that Tom Brady would miss last week's game against Tampa Bay?

"People that know me know that I'm tougher than a rib eye steak from the filthy kitchen of an Interstate 95 truck stop," says Brady. "Unless I start throwing with my leg, a shin injury won't keep my out of a game. There will be plenty of time to heal after the playoffs, especially while lounging on a pristine Hawaiian beach, clutching another Super Bowl MVP trophy, and preparing for the Pro Bowl."

New England shut out the Buccaneers 28-0 last week in Foxboro, while the Jets lost on the road, 24-20 to the Dolphins. It was the Jets' eighth road loss this year, a painful reminder of a season to forget.

"We'd love to forget this season," says Jets coach Herman Edwards, "as would our fans. Normally, the fans can forget the game, especially after drinking themselves into a drunken stupor at the Meadowlands. But not this Monday. Beer sales have been banned for our appearance on Monday Night Football. So, Jets' fan will have to sit there and remember every bit of the game, and if they choose to commit any felonies, they will have to do them while sober. I know all this doesn't make New York fans happy."

"You're right, Herm," says longtime Jets fan and New York taxi driver Travis Bickle. "That puts the 'MF' in MNF."

Are you talkin' to me?

New England cannot improve on its number four playoff seeding, so a win means little to them. But, since when do you need motivation to beat the Jets.

Patriots win, 23-7.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 7:27 PM | Comments (0)

Slant Pattern Blackjack: Third Edition

1. I don't have a horse in the Yankees/BoSox rivalry — I'm an Indians fan — but you have to hand it to the Bombers. If the Red Sox' most celebrated player is willing to drastically clean-cutify his appearance and join the mortal enemy of the team that made him what he is, the Red Sox remain the lesser of the rivals.

2. As if the death of Tony Dungy's son isn't tragic enough, the announcers who will beat this topic to death every time the Colts score a touchdown this season will make it a farce. Speaking of the Colts, at this point (spoken in the voice of Simpsons' mobster Fat Tony): I would put the Colts' chances of winning the Super Bowl at somewhere around ... 100%.

3. Do you get the feeling that the Lakers' new, shall we say, simplified offensive philosophy has the look of Phil Jackson sort of saying, "Ah, screw it?"

4. During this time of year, when you tune into a football game that's located in the Midwest, upper East Coast, or Denver, are you a twinge disappointed if the field isn't covered in snow?

5. During this time of year, when you tune into a basketball game that's located in the Midwest, upper East Coast, or Denver, are you a twinge disappointed if the court isn't covered in snow? I'm perpetually disappointed on that count.

6. Houston and San Francisco are going to play in the last week of the season for what will likely the be the right to pick first in next year's draft and likely take Reggie Bush. While speculation is rampant that the teams might not exactly give their all in order to secure the top pick, how great would it be if both teams were overly trying to throw the game? What a spectacle ... I can see the quarterback throwing the ball backwards over their own end zone for the safety now.

7. They've always called the NFL the "No Fun League," but Chad Johnson's offensive-to-no-one "putt" touchdown celebration garnering a fine is just ridiculous. Players playing with passion and enthusiasm is a good thing. To tell players to "act like you've been there before" is almost tantamount to asking them not to care.

8. Did I mention I was an Indians fan? Come home, Manny [Ramirez]. Who do you want for him, Red Sox? Let's talk.

9. Is there a more schizophrenic basketball team than North Carolina? How do you blow out Kentucky and get blown out by USC?

10. Gonzaga might be slightly overrated. Okay, maybe not overrated, but they sure seem to play to the level of their opponent, whether it's against a powerhouse or against a team like Eastern Washington. I'm a fan nevertheless, though. You have to love a team that contains so many good players who look like they are part of the band rather than any jocky sports team (Adam Morrison, Sean Mallon, David Pendergraft, even Ronny Turiaf).

11. Speaking of Turiaf (whose contract was voided by the Lakers after they discovered the heart valve problem that required open heart surgery), he's a Yakima Sun King as of yesterday. I really hope he will still make it to the NBA one day, he's probably my all-time favorite college hoops player. The Lakers do retain his rights.

12. Alex Smith can't really be this bad (0 touchdowns, 10 interceptions), can he? People are comparing him to Ryan Leaf, but I am not quite ready to write him off yet, not even all the way through his rookie year.

13. Every Duke hater is also, by extension, and J.J. Redick hater. But the more I read about him, the more it becomes clear that, frankly, he's not the arrogant little pricky pissant that he (let's face it) looks like.

14. I discovered this little nugget in Grant Wahl's college basketball column in SI.com: Coppin State plays their first 14 games on the road this year, almost all of them against big boys. Why? Fang Mitchell is not only their coach, but their athletic director who schedules these games, and he apparently has the discretion to pocket quite a bit of the guaranteed money they receive for providing a glorified scrimmage against the heavy hitters of the NCAA. Very questionable.

15. I'm quite furious at whomever decided that (most) college basketball games that get carried on the FOX Sports regional networks — which is a big reason I signed up for the DirecTV sports package — should be blacked out. I understand the need to black out pro sports events (you want to watch out-of-area NBA games, sign up for NBA League Pass), but a lot of these blacked out games aren't available on the ESPN pay-per-view package, so I honestly don't understand why they're blacking out these games — think of your alumni who don't live in the area anymore who you're screwing! Kudos to the Comcast sports networks carried by DirecTV and the West Coast FOX Sports channels for not toeing this ridiculous line.

16. I liked the old recipe for Doritos and Chicken McNuggets more than their reincarnations.

17. I'm 29, but I still feel most at home in a university environment, preferably in a coffee house just off campus. How long before that's creepy? Or is it already?

18. I don't get it when people say there are too many bowls. If the match-ups are not interesting to you, don't watch them. If you think a trip to Shreveport is too much of a "reward" for going 6-5 then ... I don't know what to say to you.

19. Freddy Adu has a standing offer to play for his native Ghana in the World Cup, or stay loyal to the United States (where he probably won't make the team). Whatever his decision is, the bottom line is he's 16 so I will be appalled at anything but the mildest of criticisms at whatever decision he makes. USA and Ghana will play in the same World Cup group.

20. In case you were wondering, Sheriff Gonna Getcha is still my favorite Clinton Portis press conference character. May he never stop this bizarre act.

21. Happy holidays, and I apologize to any "stop the war on Christmas!" blowhards I offended by not making my holiday wishes specific to them.

Posted by Kevin Beane at 6:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 21, 2005

MLB Hot Stove Midterm Report

Many Major League Baseball teams have been busy this holiday season filling their stockings with free agent acquisitions. Other teams have put some nifty presents under their tree via the trade route. And some teams have been dumping player salaries as quick as Mr. Scrooge.

While many of the top free agents have been signed, there are still many top-flight players available: Kevin Millwood, Alex Gonzalez, and Roger Clemens. These players will have a definite impact on how we rate teams' final offseason activities. So for now, let's rank the top three winners and losers of the Hot Stove period to date.

Winner No. 1: New York Mets

* Acquired 1B Carlos Delgado from Florida
* Acquired C Paul LoDuca from Florida
* Signed FA LHP Billy Wagner
* Acquired 1B/OF Xavier Nady from San Diego
* Signed FA 3B Jose Valentin
* Signed FA LHP Matt Perisho
* Acquired OF Tike Redman from Pittsburgh
* Signed FA 1B Julio Franco

The Mets are one of the big winners of the offseason activities so far. They signed one of the most dominant left-handed relievers in the history of baseball in Billy Wagner. Carlos Delgado adds immediate power to the lineup and Paul LoDuca is a solid, reliable, and relatively inexpensive catcher. The Mets were already a dangerous team before these moves, and now they look ready to challenge for a championship.

Winner No. 2: Boston Red Sox

Note: this was written prior to the loss of Johnny Damon.

* Acquired RHP Josh Beckett from Florida
* Acquired 3B Mike Lowell from Florida
* Acquired RHP Guillermo Mota from Florida
* Acquired 2B Mark Loretta from San Diego
* Acquired 3B Adam Marte from Atlanta
* Acquired RHP Rudy Seanez from San Diego
* Re-signed 3B Tony Graffanino

Beckett is a front line starter that will immediately strengthen Boston's starting rotation. Lowell is a three-time all-star 3B and 2005 Gold Glove winner that will help stabilize the left side of the infield. Adam Marte is a power-hitting third baseman that many ranked as the top prospect in the Atlanta farm system. Mota is a power pitcher that adds more depth to the Red Sox bullpen. Perhaps the best thing about this trade for the Red Sox is they didn't have to include their top pitching prospect, LHP Jon Lester, in any of their deals.

Winner No. 3: Chicago White Sox

* Acquired 1B Jim Thome from Philadelphia
* Acquired RHP Javier Vazquez from Arizona
* Acquired utilityman Rob Mackowiak from Pittsburgh
* Re-signed 1B Paul Konerko
* Re-signed 3B Pablo Ozuna

The top priority of the White Sox was to resign 1B Paul Konerko, which they accomplished. Konerko is the heart of their offense and a respected leader in the clubhouse. They traded for Jim Thome to bat behind Konerko and provide some protection for him. And as if the White Sox starting rotation wasn't strong enough, they added a solid starter in Vazquez to go along with Mark Buehrle, Jon Garland, Jose Contreras, and Freddy Garcia. The White Sox are primed and ready to defend their 2005 World Series title.

Loser No. 1: Florida Marlins

So far this offseason, the Marlins have managed to dump nearly $45 million from their 2006 payroll and only received minor league players in return. They lost half of their starting rotation (Josh Beckett and A.J. Burnett), 75% of their infield (Carlos Delgado, Luis Castillo, and Mike Lowell), outfielder and lead-off hitter Juan Pierre, and Todd Jones, Jim Mecir, and Guillermo Mota from the bullpen. The Marlins will basically be a Triple-A team next year ... what must Dontrelle Willis be thinking right about now?

Loser No. 2: Toronto Blue Jays

* Signed FA RHP A.J. Burnett
* Signed FA LHP B.J. Ryan
* Acquired 1B Lyle Overbay from Milwaukee

General Manager J.P. Ricciardi made a huge gamble in giving Ryan, who has 42 career saves and a five-year, $47 million dollar contract, which is the first five-year contract given to a relief pitcher since Bruce Sutter. Burnett has a career record of 49-50, has already undergone Tommy John surgery (2003) and has questionable durability and maturity. Yet Riccardi rewarded Burnett with a five-year, $55 million dollar contract. If Burnett stays healthy and doesn't throw any more tantrums like he did at the end of last season, he could be a dominant No. 2 starter behind Roy Halladay.

Can Ryan, who only has one full season as a closer, continue his dominance, or was he a flash in the pan? The success of Burnett and Ryan will have a major role in the success of the Blue Jays, and in the tenure of J.P. Riccardi in Toronto.

Loser No. 3: Houston Astros

* Re-signed C Brad Ausmus
* Re-signed 1B Mike Lamb
* Re-signed OF Orlando Palmeiro
* Re-signed RHP Russ Springer

The defending National League champion Astros have been a big disappointment this offseason. They declined to offer salary arbitration to Roger Clemens, who led the majors with a 1.87 ERA. Clemens is undecided if he wants to pitch again next year, so there is still a chance he could re-sign with Houston on May 1st. Not re-signing Clemens would leave a major hole in the Astros' potent starting rotation.

The Astros have been unable to trade for or sign another power hitter, which they desperately need. If they aren't able to fill this need, the Houston starting rotation can expect another long season of trying to win games with minimal run support.

Posted by Rich Carlson at 5:09 PM | Comments (6)

Is it Hip to Be Clip Now?

The one bright spot on the Clippers franchise history was when Larry Brown coached the team in the early 1990s. He even waved his magic wand enough to lead them to consecutive playoff berths. Unheard of in Clipperville. For a brief time, the people of L.A. even jumped on the bandwagon. The first-son Lakers were struggling and the weak-sister Clippers gave new meaning to the term "fair-weather" fans.

The saying back then was, "it's hip to be Clip." Could it be happening all over again?

Brown took over the hapless Clipper team during the 1991-92 season when they had a 22-25 record. The team played inspired basketball under him and finished with a 45-37 record, earning a playoff berth after 13 straight losing seasons. It was the franchise’s first postseason appearance in 16 years, when they were still the Buffalo Braves. The young Clippers took the Utah Jazz to the five-game limit before being ousted in the first round.

The following season, the Clippers had their first all-star in seven years when Danny Manning was chosen to the Western Conference team. They finished at 41-41 and qualified for the postseason for the second straight time. Once again, the Clippers went to five games before being beaten in the first round, this time by the Houston Rockets.

Following that season, the organization allowed Larry Brown to leave to become the head coach with the Indiana Pacers. Bob Weiss took over and the team finished in last place with a 27-55 record. That has been their usual until this season.

The Los Angeles Lakers during that time were reeling with the sudden retirement of Magic Johnson. They finished 39-43 in the 1992-93 season, barely qualifying for the playoffs as the eighth seed in the West. They lost to the Phoenix Suns in five games.

The modern-day Lakers have not been "Showtime" since Shaquille O'Neal went East. Kobe Bryant and company are still struggling even with the Zen Master back. Even with "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" in the stands, it's just not the same at the Staples Center. At least not when the Lakers are playing.

No, in this topsy-turvy NBA season, it's the Clippers who are promoting exciting and winning basketball at the arena they were considered second-class citizens in. Similar to the Jets playing at Giants Stadium. This building was basically the Lakers' home court with the after-thought Clippers using it on off-nights.

Who knows what will happen as the season progresses. The Clippers can wake up and realize that they're treading in uncharted waters. But it's fun to see the underdog have his day. There is talent here. Sam Cassell has won in just about every place he has played. Elton Brand is for real. Mike Dunleavy knows how to coach. So it's entirely possible that this team will be a factor and make the postseason.

Who knows, maybe Dennis Green can figure out a way to get the Cards in the playoffs next season. Well ... let me quit while I'm ahead.

Posted by Joe Pietaro at 4:37 PM | Comments (0)

December 20, 2005

NFL Week 15 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Why were Tom Brady and Chris Simms still in the game when it was 28-0? Aren't these guys supposed to be hurt? The game's over, get them out of there!

* There were some potentially huge injuries on the offensive line this weekend, most notably Indy's Ryan Diem and Washington's Randy Thomas.

* Steve Martin used to be funny, didn't he? It's getting hard to remember.

* Earlier this season, I praised Sterling Sharpe as an announcer. I take it back.

* On Sunday, Dan Dierdorf said, "A lot of receivers in the game now make the catch and drop to the ground like a quail; these Colts receivers [fight] for yardage." Uh, didn't Marvin Harrison invent dropping like a quail?

***

Saturday games are bittersweet for devotees of the National Football League: while it means more football, it also means the end of the season is approaching. This Saturday's games were mostly sweet, and none was better than Kansas City's trip to the Meadowlands. The Chiefs, fighting for their playoff lives, probably should have won. The Giants had key injuries on the offensive line and to their great middle linebacker, Antonio Pierce. William Roaf manhandled New York's best defensive player, Osi Umenyiora. Eli Manning had a terrible game. And Larry Johnson ran wild, with 167 yards and 2 TDs. With all those factors working for them, the Chiefs couldn't stop Tiki Barber, and they lost, 27-17.

The Giants looked tight at the beginning of the game. The reshuffled offensive front couldn't open holes for Barber, and the defensive line was plainly getting beaten by Kansas City's blockers. The offensive line came together later in the game, combining with fullback Jim Finn — and good downfield blocking by receivers — to open running lanes for Barber, who broke Choo-Choo Roberts' team record for single-game rushing yardage. I would have pulled Barber around the two-minute warning, though. I know Tom Coughlin wanted to help him get the record, but that kind of workload can lead to injuries, and when a player has that much adrenalin, he may not realize he should sit down.

Barber's performance stood in stark contrast to his quarterback's. There was no better illustration than when the home crowd was chanting Tiki's name, and booing Little Manning. Bonnie Bernstein delivered a "report" late in the game about Little Manning's poise and continued composure. And to be fair, that's probably right: he was equally bad throughout the contest. Playing against the NFL's 31st-ranked pass defense, Eli completed barely half his passes, had fewer yards than his running back, and managed a 68.0 passer rating.

Jim Nantz did probably the best game I've heard from a play-by-play announcer all year, despite a few muffs, such as declaring, "Perfect snap!" on one that was anything but, low and way inside. Nantz also went out on a limb by saying that the Patriots are "certainly playing maybe their best football of the season." Certainly maybe. Way to take a stand. Despite those goofs, Nantz was on top of the action and even got in some decent analysis. This is faint praise, but right now Nantz and Phil Simms are probably the best announcing team on television.

Moving on to the power rankings, the Colts stay on top despite a loss. Brackets indicate last week's rank.

1. Indianapolis Colts [1] — Talked themselves into needing to maintain "rhythm" going into the playoffs, justifying attempts to go 16-0. Now that they can't go undefeated, it looks like the stars are going to get a lot of rest. I'm not sure they weren't right before the Chargers game, though. If they lose to the Seahawks on Saturday, the Colts may go to the postseason worried that they've lost their magic, or can't beat good teams. I said this about Andy Reid's Eagles last year, and normally it wouldn't matter too much, but with Indy's first opponent likely to be the Patriots, it should be a point of major concern. On the other hand, maybe Tony Dungy is worried that if they go all out against Seattle and lose, the team's confidence will be totally shattered. It may be a while before we know how this loss will affect the Colts.

2. New England Patriots [7] — I'm not sure they're really better than Seattle, but I think the Patriots would beat Cincinnati if they met next week. The Pats are probably going to play the Colts in the second round of the AFC playoffs, and for the third year in a row, it will be the most anticipated matchup of the postseason. The left side of the offensive line, Tom Ashworth and Logan Mankins, were great against Tampa.

3. Seattle Seahawks [2] — Lofa Tatupu, through no fault of his own, probably lost Defensive Rookie of the Year honors on Sunday. Tatupu and Cincinnati's Odell Thurman were leading candidates, but after what Shawne Merriman did against the Colts, he has to be the front-runner. If it's consolation to the Seahawks, Shaun Alexander is likely to win league MVP. This changes all the time, and there are two weeks left, but with Peyton Manning in mothballs, LaDainian Tomlinson effectively out of the race, and Barber coming on too late, Alexander appears to have the best chance. Of the many other candidates people mention, only Brian Urlacher is realistic, and I don't think he'll win. Just to be clear, these are predictions, not opinions.

4. Cincinnati Bengals [3] — Playing well enough that they almost skipped over the Seahawks and into third, but I think they may experience just-happy-to-be-here syndrome in the playoffs. Marvin Lewis is such a good coach that normally I wouldn't worry about it, and Lewis did win a Super Bowl as defensive coordinator of the Ravens, but there's only so much the coach can do. This is a young team with an immature vibe. I also question the defense's ability to stop good teams.

5. New York Giants [4] — It's hard to see the Giants doing much in the playoffs if Little Manning doesn't get a lot better in the next few weeks. Pierce is out for the season, which is a major blow to the defense, so the offense has to step up, and Barber can't run for 200 yards every week.

6. San Diego Chargers [5] — Beat the Colts on the line, on both sides of the ball, but the offense had the easier task. Indianapolis was without Robert Mathis and Corey Simon, and Larry Tripplett left the game with an injury. San Diego's defense rattled Manning by bringing pressure from different places — if the Colts' offense has a weakness, it's clearly the 3-4 defense. On the game's signature play, though, the defense was incidental. On fourth-and-goal, Manning tried several times to quiet the home crowd, and when the ball was snapped, there was obviously some miscommunication as to whether the team was running or throwing. Manning ended up wandering by the left sideline and was sacked by Merriman. A broken play, and it may have been the difference between the '72 Dolphins and the '98 Vikings.

7. Denver Broncos [6] — If they finish with the same record as Cincinnati, the Broncos will get a first-round bye because of a superior mark in conference games. That also means that if the Bengals win their first-round game, they'll travel to Denver for the divisional round. You heard it here first: the Broncos win that game, then lose badly in the AFC Championship, to whoever wins the other divisional game.

8. Pittsburgh Steelers [11] — A reader noted that I picked nine (actually eight) Steelers for my Pro Bowl team, wondering if I'm a Pittsburgh fan. I'm not. I also took seven Seahawks and six Colts. Last season, I took nine Eagles and seven Chiefs. In the four years I've been covering the Pro Bowl for Sports Central, my most-picked teams have been Kansas City (27), Pittsburgh (18), and Tampa Bay (17), followed by the Colts and Packers (15 each), then the Patriots and Eagles (14 each). I'm not a Chiefs fan, either. I just really like Tony Gonzalez and the offensive line.

9. Chicago Bears [12] — Last week, I wrote that Kyle Orton should remain the starter, but he showed absolutely nothing in the first half against Atlanta, and Lovie Smith can't put Rex Grossman back on the bench after what he did in the second half. With Orton in, the Bears were running the ball on third-and-10. Craig Krenzel had a 3-0 stretch with this team last year, and Orton's 8-4 start may have been of the same nature.

10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [8] — All their stars were quiet against New England. Simeon Rice and Derrick Brooks made about one play each. Cadillac Williams touched the ball 17 times and never gained more than three yards. Ronde Barber had one tackle. It's hard to win when you get nothing from the guys you count on.

11. Carolina Panthers [14] — Three wins in their last five games, against pretty good competition, but they went 1-2 against the teams with winning records, beating Atlanta at home, but losing to Tampa and at Chicago. The Panthers could be dangerous in the playoffs, but I think they're too inconsistent and one-dimensional to advance all the way to the Super Bowl.

12. Kansas City Chiefs [9] — Tiki Barber's performance put his name into MVP discussions — and he deserves more serious consideration than he's likely to get — but he got a big assist from Kansas City's defense, which put on as bad a display of tackling as we've seen this year. Quarterback Trent Green continued to struggle, as well. His numbers aren't significantly worse than in previous years, but he seems to have lost some confidence and consistency.

13. Washington Redskins [17] — Clearly, the coaching staff saw vulnerabilities in the Cowboys' pass protection (and Drew Bledsoe's tendency to hold the ball). Washington blitzed all afternoon, getting to Bledsoe seven times. They're 7-2 when Cornelius Griffin is healthy, and 1-4 without him. They're 3-4 when LaVar Arrington plays most of the game, and 5-2 when he doesn't.

14. Miami Dolphins [18] — Four wins in a row, including on the road against San Diego. The Dolphins have scored more than 20 points in each of those games, after doing it in only four of their first 10, but it's the defense that has really stepped up. Jason Taylor recorded three of Miami's six sacks against the Jets.

15. Dallas Cowboys [10] — The offensive line is already weak, and if Marco Rivera misses any time, it will get worse. Dallas has lost three of its last four, all against good teams (combined 37-19), but if they really deserved to be in the playoffs, the Cowboys would have pulled another one of those out.

16. Minnesota Vikings [13] — Lost an ugly game at home. The teams combined for just 460 yards, and both had double-digit penalties. That type of game favors the Steelers. It's mostly been floated as an idea rather than a serious proposal, but let's entirely abandon the ridiculous notion of Mike Tice as Coach of the Year. People who might get fired at the end of the season don't win that award. Anyway, the Vikings' best coaching move all year was made by Chris Gamble and Mike Minter, the Carolina DBs who injured Daunte Culpepper.

17. Jacksonville Jaguars [15] — They've scored progressively fewer points in every game since Byron Leftwich was hurt, sliding from 31 in Week 11 to just 10 — against the league's worst defense — in Week 15. I don't know if the Jags are really worse than Dallas and Minnesota, but those teams didn't have to squeak by the 49ers.

18. Atlanta Falcons [16] — Jim Mora, Jr. had a bad night against Chicago. First, he made a stupid challenge, to get 3rd-and-8 instead of 3rd-and-13, which he lost anyway. Later, he earned a 15-yard penalty for fighting with the officials. I think Mora is too immature and thin-skinned to be an NFL head coach. His smug, defensive manner is off-putting enough, but he's not getting results, either. The Falcons' enormously-talented defense is a mediocre 14th, and Michael Vick has shown absolutely no progress under this coaching staff.

19. Cleveland Browns [20] — In all the fuss about "only undefeated team", let's not forget the 1948 Cleveland Browns, who went 14-0 and won the AAFC Championship. Competition in the AAFC wasn't as high as in the NFL, but the Browns dominated the league, and immediately became the best team in the NFL when the two leagues merged before the 1950 season. The team featured many future Pro Football Hall of Famers, including head coach Paul Brown, quarterback Otto Graham, and fullback Marion Motley. Brown is the father of the modern game, Motley is almost universally considered the greatest fullback in history, and I believe Graham was the greatest quarterback ever to play.

20. Philadelphia Eagles [19] — Won with only 201 yards of offense, and four turnovers. I have no idea how this happened.

21. Baltimore Ravens [22] — If you're keeping an eye on Minnesota's playoff chances, keep an eye on Baltimore 5-2 home record. Did anyone else notice that during the introductions, Ed Reed said, "Miami" instead of "The U?" I can't decide whether or not that's refreshing. Probably.

22. Oakland Raiders [21] — The consensus seems to be that Norv Turner will be fired at the end of the season, and knowing Al Davis' itchy trigger finger, that's probably true, but I think it's a mistake. His rebuilding team has shown flashes, and I think Turner has done a reasonably good job. Besides, with many other teams likely to have head coaching vacancies this offseason, and no slam-dunk candidates available, who is Davis going to find that's better? Turner should get another year.

23. St. Louis Rams [24] — Passed San Francisco for the league's worst scoring defense, allowing an average of 28.2 points per game. The two meet on Saturday. Take the over. (I remember predicting, in 2000, that the Rams would beat the Niners 80-73. I was mostly joking. The actual final was 34-24.)

24. Buffalo Bills [25] — On paper, the Bills have a good defensive backfield. Troy Vincent and Lawyer Milloy aren't at the top of their respective games, but they're still savvy, above-average players, while Nate Clements and Terrence McGee are rising stars. You would think one of them could cover Rod Smith.

25. Tennessee Titans [29] — Played tough against Seattle, and this is an easy club to root for. That said, they haven't beaten anyone but the two worst teams in the league (2-12 Houston and 2-12 San Francisco) since Week 2, September 18 at home against Baltimore. Tennessee lost to the Cardinals, Raiders, and Browns in succession a month ago. Against Indianapolis, the Titans lost 35-3. I could justify ranking them 30th.

26. New York Jets [30] — How bad are the league's worst teams this year? This is the second spot in a row featuring a team that lost, but rose four places anyway.

27. Arizona Cardinals [23] — All you need to know about their game against Houston is that the Texans sacked Arizona's quarterbacks twice as often as the Cardinals got to David Carr.

28. New Orleans Saints [26] — Rough start for Todd Bouman, who had five turnovers against Carolina. The Saints rank 29th in points for and points against. I'm not sure why they aren't 29th here, too.

29. Green Bay Packers [27] — Why on earth were they in a shotgun formation on 3rd-and-1 with 0:25 left? Aaron Rodgers was struggling, and they put him in an obvious passing formation, so the Ravens could send the wolves without having to respect the run. What a terrible call.

30. Detroit Lions [28] — Five losses in a row, and I was prepared to drop them to 32nd, but the transcendent badness of the Texans and 49ers stopped me. Four of those five losses were to teams with winning records, and the other was last week's game against Green Bay, which the Lions would have won if Mike Carey hadn't let Samkon Gado cheat. Houston and San Francisco, in contrast, lose to pretty much everyone, frequently by wide margins.

31. Houston Texans [31] — Scored 30 points for the first time this season, despite the absence of their best player. Jonathan Wells, though, has been a capable backup for Houston. Just for something to say, I notice Kris Brown, the kicker, had a tackle against Arizona.

32. San Francisco 49ers [32] — Against Jacksonville, Alex Smith went 8-of-24 with an interception, and it wasn't even his worst game of the season. Smith has 10 interceptions and no touchdowns. His passer rating is 26.6, slightly higher than Ryan Leaf's rookie year, but lower than Leaf's career numbers. The Niners need to get Smith some help this offseason. Multiple upgrades to the offensive line would probably be best, but that Reggie Bush kid might help, too.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 7:04 PM | Comments (2)

Anna Benson vs. PETA

USC's 55-19 win over Oklahoma in last year's Orange Bowl, Duke's rout of Texas this year on the basketball court, the Chicago White Sox' sweep of the Houston Astros in the World Series, the Cincinnati Bengals' 41-17 win over the Detroit Lions ... this list could go on forever, but there is one common thread here — these are all blowout wins. As long as this list could be, you would have to add one more matchup — Anna "The Animal Murderer" Benson vs. PETA.

Most people know Anna Benson only as the outspoken wife of New York Mets pitcher Kris Benson. Generally speaking, fans have a slanted view of Anna. The only time sports fans seem to care about her is when she is claiming she would sleep with the entire Mets roster if Kris cheated on her or that the Mets are trying to trade Kris because she was involved in talks to pose for Playboy.

She's more than baseball's hottest wife, however. She also is a huge player when it comes to charity work and she is, believe it or not, a fairly good Texas Hold'em player (she turned in a great WSOP performance with only 30 days practice). More importantly, she's also a pretty entertaining writer, as evidenced in her letter to PETA on her website (AnnaBenson.net).

She starts off with a lengthy paragraph describing herself as an animal lover (she has a horse, 10 dogs, two cats, and seven fish) and describing the countless luxuries that her pets enjoy. It seems like she and PETA may not be so different, after all –— they all love animals, that's really great. Then you get to the second paragraph:

However, animal rights only go so far. I also happen to believe in the circle of life. Everyone and everything has a place and a purpose on this earth. Ms. Fox is not all that concerned with Mr. Rabbit's rights when she catches him and rips his throat out with her teeth ... I'd be willing to bet that the only thing she's thinking is, "yummy." — Anna Benson

Good opening, salvo. It would be somewhat comical to watch someone from PETA reading this letter because you would be able to pinpoint the exact second they got to Ms. Fox ripping out Mr. Rabbit's throat — it would be priceless. She goes on to say that if animals had the same capabilities as humans that they would enjoy dishes like newborn stew and that our new national anthem would be "Four legs good; two legs bad!" (which I think is actually a decent song). Anna explains why she is writing this letter to PETA (or, as she calls them, the People who Enact Terrorist Agendas): it is her response to PETA's threats against Elle Macpherson for signing a $1.8 million dollar deal for Blackglama fur.

She was warned to drop the campaign "or else." Well, that really pissed me off. Just, exactly, what the f*ck are you gonna do about it, PETA? It's one thing for you to print your extremist literature and stage your anti-human demonstrations, but you are no better than the baby-seal killers when you start threatening people and their families ... PETA is officially crazy to think that they have a right to stop her. — Anna Benson (edited for language)

Burn No. 1! I love how she gets right to the point and calls out PETA's bluff. Well, PETA, exactly what is "else?" We all know there is nothing you can really do, but you still have to do something. It can even be something simple like making some half-bit celebrity (say, Anna Nicole Smith?) badmouth her. Doing nothing won't work. Otherwise, everyone will think PETA is all bark and no bite. Well, everyone thinks that anyway, but it's nice to show you at least try to back up your threats.

(Quick sidebar: If you are ever trying to pick up a PETA-type girl, be sure to drop the "so a baby seal walked into a club..." joke. That always works. It might not help you get the girl, but it will be really funny.)

Anna then goes on to describe how she stays warm by wearing dead animals. After claiming she has an entire zoo in her closet, she then describes her love of eating animals. She gets in a few more good blasts, but then drops what may be the best line in reference to PETA ever. Sure, it was funny when Charles Barkley ate a burger on live TV to try to infuriate them (of course, it was completely lame when Michael Wilbon copied Barkley's move on PTI), but that really doesn't say much. This does.

I know that you're not gonna make me a card-carrying member. I guess I'll throw away my application along with all my PETA hopes and dreams. Actually, I'm glad that you won't have me because I wouldn't be caught dead affiliating with you. PETA is on crack, and we all know from those after-school specials that crack kills. Get off the crack, PETA. — Anna Benson

Burn! PETA is on crack, and we all know that crack kills, get off the crack PETA. CLASSIC! After reading this, it all is actually starting to make sense. Note to PETA, though — Anna is no drug expert, so who are you to take her word that crack actually kills? If you really are on crack, it hasn't killed you yet, so if it ain't broke, why fix it? My advice is to let it play itself out, see where it takes you.

As if that wasn't enough, Anna then gets in some more great shots on the People Who Enact Terrorist Agendas.

... Seriously though, I am shocked that PETA compares animal abuse to child abuse and murder. What is wrong with you people? How can you say that the fur trade is comparable to the holocaust? How dare you tell millions of Jews that their attempted extermination and subsequent suffering in the concentration camps is equivalent to the new fall line of boots?

And where did you get the idea that animals should have the same rights as mentally-challenged people? Maybe we should let animals compete in the Special Olympics, as well? You're suggesting that they have the same mental capabilities, so why not? You are all f*cking crazy and idiotic for being so radical and one-sided about animals. They have, like, two cells in their little animal heads...

It would be most unfortunate for humanity if someone from FOX is reading this, because that could put the ball in motion for all this "animals in the special Olympics" talk. I suppose their rationale would be "Who wouldn't want to see a squirrel take on a cripple in a race?" I guess the big hitch here is that while the squirrel would be an able runner, he wouldn't have the intelligence of the paraplegic. The squirrel would be able to run quickly, but only the paraplegic knows to head towards the finish line. Could the squirrel inadvertently cross the finish line first? That's the hook.

... I have, however, been fishing, and I will probably fish again. And I dare you to give my kid some radical literature if I decide to take him/her fishing in New York; I'll kick your ass on the spot. In fact, if any of your idiot members ever come anywhere near my kids, I will skin them and eat them for dinner. In other words, I am not afraid of you, PETA!

Ooh, burned again. Seriously, though, how great is this? If PETA didn't understand not to mess with Anna earlier, surely the threat of cannibalism has to knock that point home. I think this would make a great reality TV show — someone from PETA continually tries to give Anna's kids radical literature and she finds new ways to kick the person's ass every week. It may seem pretty simple, but it's not any more complex than 16 people stuck on an island, and my show would actually be entertaining. This is where Anna's extreme fighting experience would drive home the ratings because it's mainly just a more physical version of the Harlem Globetrotters humiliating the Washington Generals.

... And, really, I won't kill anything that I don't eat or wear unless it is pestering me.

This is a great mantra to live by.

... The only people whom I hate more than hypocrites are idiots ... and PETA is at the top of my idiot list next to NAMBLA. So I double hate PETA, and I don't care if PETA hates me because I hate you first.

DONE! Ring the bell. Breaking out the double hate card = brilliant. All that you can really say is (in my best Jim Ross voice), "Oh my God, look at the carnage. PETA has just been literally broken in half. Stop the damn match!" Of course, PETA wouldn't be PETA if they didn't have something ridiculous to say, so when I went to them looking for an official comment, I received this gem straight from a PR type.

PETA comment:

Anna Benson's trashy little rant isn't just missing the point that kindness is a virtue — it's also missing video footage from PETATV.com. If she's going to actively contribute to killing cats and dogs who sit on death row in animal shelters, waiting for a home, by spending her husband's money to buy purebreds, then people should be able to see the consequences. How attractive does she think it is to boast that she doesn't care if animals' necks are broken so that she can dress like a bimbo? She may be a stripper, but we'll bet that the video footage of stripping dogs and cats of their skin while they're still alive that's on our website would make most people lose their appetite for fur, sex, and food. — PETA

Well done, PETA. What an incredibly unfunny, pointless response. Horrible. If you are going to make your official response petty, childish and full of personal insults, at least make them good insults. They focus on all the wrong points, such as actively contributing to killing animals. Is Anna the only person who has purchased a purebred? Please.

And what are they trying to say with the whole "she may be a stripper, but this video would make anyone upset" line? Are strippers supposed to be less shocked by graphic animal abuse? Is this some sort of initiation all strippers go through? Or, more likely, does PETA's way to crack on people consist merely of putting similar words together? Look, even I could do PR for PETA (my examples would surely be enough to land me that gig):

She may be a train conductor (she's not, but just roll with it), but we bet she wouldn't enjoy having millions of bolts of electricity being conducted through her body after being hit by lightning.

She may be a poker player, but we bet that even she wouldn't want a hot poker shoved in her face.

She may be a model, but we bet that even she wouldn't want to be hit in the head with a model airplane we made one day at work when we were bored.

When I informed her of PETA's response, Anna basically picked it apart point for point:

If PETA feels my buying pure bred cats and dogs means I am actively contributing to killing the cats and dogs sitting on death row in animal shelters waiting for a home, does that mean I'm killing children by wanting to get pregnant rather than adopt? — Anna Benson

Not entirely the same situation. Last time I checked, they don't "put down" unwanted orphans. They don't send little Oliver and Annie off to a farm where they can sing all day long about picking pockets and wagering your bottom dollar on the sunrise. Since I did give PETA some PR help, I feel obligated to help you out as well, Anna. Instead of the killing kids example, I would have gone with:

"If I don't buy those crappy crafts kids in poor African villages make and send over here for us to buy, am I actively contributing to destroying their village? I mean it would be one thing if they were making TiVos over there, or a pair of Nike shoes, but what the hell am I supposed to do with a miniature scarecrow?"

Bottom line is Anna is right, it's not her responsibility to care for pets other people didn't want. Advantage: Anna

As far as dressing like a bimbo is concerned; I've seen Pamela Anderson, a very active supporter of PETA, wearing far less in public than I would ever dream, so does that make her a bimbo? — Anna Benson

Again, she makes a valid point — PETA doesn't know what the hell they are trying to say. I really don't see any way you could answer that question with a no, but I think the real winner here is America. Advantage: Anna.

PETA, don't leave with your head down. You gave it everything you had, it just sucked. Sorry, but this decision goes to Anna "The Animal Murderer" Benson in a TKO.

The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. BetOnSports.com gives you the greatest sports action to bet on. Wager on football, cricket, boxing, Rugby, horse racing, and more. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 4:24 PM | Comments (30)

December 19, 2005

Major League Baseball Goes Global

Take a look at the roster of any Major League Baseball team and try to identify the major differences between now and say 10 years ago. Better yet, take a look at the major award winners for the last five years in baseball and identify any major trends.

Here's a hint: think globally.

Major League Baseball is going global. If you take a look at the MVPs and Cy Young Award winners from both leagues this season, three-fourths of the winners are of foreign decent. Albert Pujols, the NL's MVP, and Bartolo Colon, the AL's Cy Young, both hail from the Dominican Republic. Alex Rodriguez, the AL MVP, also has Dominican blood, even though he was born in the United States. In the last five seasons, at least one foreign born player has won an MVP or Cy Young award.

In 2000, former Red Sock and proud Dominican Pedro Martinez won his second straight AL Cy Young award. In 2001, Ichiro became the first Asian-born player to win a MVP award, much to the dismay of Rob Dibble. In 2002, Dominican-born shortstop Miguel Tejada won an AL MVP award with the A's. In 2003, A-Rod won his first MVP and Canadian-born closer Eric "The Goon" Gagne won the NL Cy Young. And in 2004, it was Venezuelan Johan Santana and free-swinging Dominican Vlad Guerrero who took home the AL hardware.

Baseball is following in the footsteps of other sports like basketball and hockey by seeking out talent throughout the world. Basketball has recently gained a lot of momentum globally through the successes of superstars such as Yao Ming (China), Dirk Nowitzki (Germany), Tony Parker (France), Pau Gasol (Spain), Peja Stojakovic (Serbia and Monenegro), and most recently, the number one draft pick out of Australia, Andrew Bogut. Many credit the international boom to the successes of the original 1992 Barcelona Olympic Dream Team to stirring up worldwide attention to the NBA.

The interest in baseball is growing at a similar rate due to the successes of their own foreign born phenoms. Asian players like Ichiro and Hideki "Godzilla" Matsui, and Hideo Nomo before them, have brought tremendous attention from the Far East. Latin-born players have dominated the game the past few seasons and in doing so have brought pride and joy to their home countries. Hitters like Albert Pujols, David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Vladimir Guerrero, and Miguel Tejada strike fear into the nastiest of pitchers. And pitchers like Pedro Martinez, Bartolo Colon, Johan Santana, Carlos Zambrano, and Francisco Rodriguez have hitters knees knocking.

Rather than crying and moaning that America's pastime is being dominated by foreign-born players, Major League Baseball is embracing the recent influx of incredible foreign talent. In fact, for 17 days in the month of March, baseball will celebrate its popularity across the globe by putting together the 2006 World Baseball Classic.

From March 3-20, the best players from around the world will square off against one another in the World Baseball Classic. Tentatively, 16 teams will be involved in the first tournament of its kind.

Japan, Korea, Chinese Taipei, China, Puerto Rico, Panama, Cuba (maybe), Panama, the Netherlands, the U.S., Canada, Mexico, South Africa, the Dominican Republic, Venezuela, Australia, and Italy will all participate in the WBC. The Classic will be played in three different countries and seven different cities. The United States will get five different venues. Orlando, Phoenix, and Scottsdale will host preliminary rounds, with Anaheim (Angels Stadium) hosting round two, and San Diego (PETCO Park) hosting the finals. Tokyo, Japan (Tokyo Dome) will host a preliminary round, and San Juan, Puerto Rico (Hiram Bithorn) will host the first and second rounds of the Classic.

The dream teams that are being assembled will be the most exciting part of the WBC. The United States' team could be considered the favorite, but several of the Latin American teams will be forces to be dealt with.

The United States has some of the biggest names in the game slated to participate. Seven-time MVP Barry Bonds and seven-time Cy Young award winner Roger Clemens headline the outstanding group of talent. In addition to Clemens, the pitching staff will include World Series champion Mark Buehrle, Roy Hallady, Andy Petite, C.C. Sabathia, Ben Sheets, John Smoltz, Dontrelle Willis, and Barry Zito.

The bullpen will include Chad Cordero, Jason Isringhausen, Brad Lidge, B.J. Ryan, Huston Street, and Billy Wagner.

And in addition to Bonds, the lineup will include Lance Berkman, Eric Chavez, Johnny Damon, Adam Dunn, Derek Jeter, Chipper Jones, Derek Lee, Jason Varitek, Jimmy Rollins, Juan Pierre, Mark Teixeira, and Vernon Wells.

The team could undoubtedly be compared to the 1992 USA Basketball "Dream Team" that combined Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, and Magic Johnson together on one team.

But the Dominican Republic's team will be no slouch, either. Just imagine facing this four-man punch in the lineup: Albert Pujols, Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, and Vladimir Guerrero. The four combined last year for 702 hits, 165 home runs, and 517 RBIs. And that was with Vlad being injured for over 20 games.

In addition to those four monsters, the Dominican lineup will also feature two of the best hitting middle infielders in the game in Miguel Tejada and Alfonso Soriano. Adrian Beltre, Willy Mo Pena, and Robinson Cano help make this lineup the most feared from top to bottom in the Classic.

The Dominicans' pitching staff will also be formidable with Bartolo Colon and Pedro Martinez serving as the aces. The bullpen will include some big names with Jose Mesa, Francisco Cordero, and Felix Rodriguez looking to close it down in the late innings.

Puerto Rico and Venezuela will also be tough to deal with.

Puerto Rico's lineup features the Met connection of Carlos Delgado and Carlos Beltran. Eleven-time gold glove winner Ivan Rodriguez will be the man behind the plate, and Jose Vidro, Mike Lowell, Bernie Williams, Alex Cintron, and Jose Cruz, Jr. will round out a very talented lineup.

The staff will most likely be headed by the newest White Sock pitcher, Javier Vazquez. Behind him will be Joel Pinero, J.C. Romero, Jorge Sosa, and Kiko Calero.

Venezuela will have some heavy hitters with last year's home run derby champion, Bobby Abreu, Melvin Mora, and Carlos Guillen. But the most impressive aspect of this team is their pitching. World champion Freddy Garica, Johan Santana, Carlos and Victor Zambrano, and Carlos Silva give this team a very deep staff. And they have K-Rod, Francisco Rodriguez, to shut the door in the ninth.

The World Baseball Classic should be a great opportunity for baseball to showcase its wide array of talent to the world. It is also an opportunity for baseball to show how far its come. For the game's sake, we can only hope that this tournament will help promote the game throughout the world and have more international players become involved with Major League Baseball. The next superstar of the league could be in the stands this March.

Posted by Chris Cornell at 2:16 PM | Comments (0)

A Tennis Christmas '05 Wish List

Dear Santa Claus,

Please remember to check my list before you stop at my house this year. I've tried to be good (okay, I've tried not to cause too much trouble) so that you will find it easier to bring me everything on my wish list. As usual, Santa, here it is:

1. A WTA Tour Tier I tournament for Buenos Aires. I promised Gisela Dulko I would put it number one on my list. If you can make it happen, I hope that Gisela will spend the day with me showing me the sights and we can eat at all the fine restaurants around the city (my treat, Gisela!).

2. An original painting from MadelineArt.com. You might know this very talented artist as Madeline Hauptman, founder, owner, and designer of Power Angle tennis racquets and the designer of the original MadRaq. Proving once again that tennis players and the tennis industry are like a large onion (lots of interesting layers to peel), Madeline also has a very, very artistic side. I love the way she paints — she has a very bright and relaxing style. My favorite is number two, "Three Boats on Cape Cod." Even if you are not buying for me, buy a print for a friend or family member. You won't be disappointed.

3. More e-mail from WTA Tour Players. Some of the players have been very generous, but I would like to be able to introduce the fans to more of the great players on the tour. A phone call now and then to follow-up (or, dare I say, just to say hello) wouldn't be too bad, either.

4. Any e-mail from the ATP Tour Players. The opportunity to interview and write a column and have a tour player's perspective would be great. You know, Andy Roddick, you never replied to my Dear Andy letter earlier this year...

5. A nice pair of orthotics to go in a nice new pair of tennis sneakers. I wear through a pair of shoes quicker than ice cream melts. My knees and joints are starting to ache, and its time for me to go see Richie the podiatrist (and a great tennis player himself) to mold my feet and realign my lower half.

6. A major semi, a major final, and a major victory for Martina Hingis. Actually, just a really solid comeback year for Martina, with no injuries. Martina has been away too long, and the game will benefit with her back. Hopefully, an added gift will come from Martina, and she will let me interview her one-on-one during Wimbledon or the U.S. Open (especially after she wins them.)

7. More James Blake. His resurgence at the U.S. Open and his quarterfinal appearance was just not enough. Blake is good enough to stay in the top five and I believe even be number one. I enjoy watching him play as he is one of the few who understands how to craft a point. So Santa, please give James even a better year this year, and maybe even one of the majors.

8. A true resolution to the ATP doubles dilemma. Doubles is not boring, but none of the tournaments really understand how to bring the fans in to watch. (Maybe not playing doubles finals concurrent with singles finals would help.) Blaming the problem on the doubles specialists is just wrong. Doubles specialists have always been around the game, and have been pretty dominant during the open era. Some doubles teams, like Bob Hewitt and Frew McMillan or the Woddies ((Todd Woodbridge and Mark Woodforde) were just a lot of fun to watch. For tournament directors to push the doubles into a lower status is just wrong.

My solution is to drastically reduce the amount of money available for the singles portions of tournaments (yeah, like that will ever happen). Then the higher-ranked players will have to play doubles to make enough money to survive. That is one of the biggest reasons the greats all played doubles. Yes, they liked to play dubs, but they needed the money, too.

9. A new tennis racquet under the tree for every tennis player in the world. Whether it's a Vantage, Power Angle, Volkl, or whatever your favorite frame, here's to hoping Santa, or maybe your secret Santa, comes through with something to smack the ball around with for another year. If by some chance tennis is not your game, then I hope Santa brings you a squash, racquetball, badminton, or even Speedminton racquet or play set. I'll ask Santa to talk to Mother Nature and make sure that the weather in 2006 is great so you can use them a lot, as well.

10. Finally, but not least, I wish that in 2006 everything is a little brighter, life is a little better, everyone grows a little smarter, everyone finds more love, more happiness and more success then in all the years previous, that we all find a way to see the glass as half full, that every sunrise brings new hope, and every sunset brings warm feelings and contentment.

Merry Christmas, happy Channukkah, happy New Year, and season's greetings to everyone.

Tom

Posted by Tom Kosinski at 1:49 PM | Comments (3)

December 18, 2005

Booze, Basketball, and Biz Markie

I'm an upper deck guy in love with a lower bowl girl.

Now that we've all gotten over how hazily erotic that sentence sounded, I will elaborate.

Ever since I was knee-high to Doug Flutie, I've been attending basketball games in the nosebleeds. Like most fans, my traditions and addictions are derived from my father's. He would, and continues to, buy what is commonly referred to as "the cheap seats." NASA would refer to them as "nearly in orbit." I'm pretty sure I had to duck under Telstar 303 a few times during a Knicks/Nets game back in '86.

Why oh why did we sit so high? On the surface, it was because we were a blue-collar family from Central New Jersey that treated car trips to Tampa like a two-week Caribbean cruise and revered a night out at Red Lobster like it was Ruth's Chris. But honestly, it was because my father is a notorious cheapskate. White collar guys are "frugal." My father was "chintzy"; his license plate actually reads "Chintz," a collegiate nickname that becomes more applicable as the years pass.

I don't want to say he's cheap ... but for Christmas one year, I got a tie I had given him for Father's Day six months early. I was 9-years old...

This is a man who's eaten White Castle for the better part of four decades — not because he likes the food, but because of the unparalleled thrill of spending 69 cents for a cheeseburger. And this is a man who never met an "affordable" nosebleed seat he couldn't drag his child to for a basketball game.

As I've written before, I wasn't exactly the most athletic kid growing up, succumbing to that perfect storm of Nintendo, cable TV, and my mother's cooking. So attending a Nets game with my father usually began with me trying not to have my heart explode as I marched my chubby ass up the Meadowlands' preposterously long staircase in the upper deck. By the time I settled into my seat, I was panting like Mo Vaughn after wind sprints.

Once you've sat in the upper deck — for hoops or for hockey — it's a different world. The fans care about the game; not their clients, or their dates, or their goddamn cell service. It's less formal, and a hell of a lot more raucous: when's the last time you saw the lower bowl start the wave at any sporting event? When's the last time you saw them start a chant? I can say, without compunction, that I've never, ever, ever seen a single fan fight amongst the suits in the 100s.

My father who instilled in me an institutional loathing of lower level seats and the ticket-holders who sit in them.

And now I'm in love with one of them.

My girlfriend has never been a season-ticket holder. She can count the number of pro hoops games she's attended on one hand. But even with the limited time she's logged in the arena, the girl knows what she likes, and that's to sit close enough to the court to be in danger of catching some sweat whipping off of Steve Nash's hair during a baseline lay-up.

She and I scored some comp company seats for the Nets' recent trip to Washington to face the Wizards. (The fact that I grew up in Jersey, she grew up in rural Virginia, and yet we're both Nets fans is the kind of karmic providence the heart can't ignore.) Middle of section 103, near where the Wizards exit for the locker room, and a full two levels down from my usual comfort zone.

(Why I Love the NBA, Reason No. 1,431: you can get to any game crazy late and feel like you didn't miss anything. Sarah and I were stuck on the train and didn't arrive until the Nets were down by about 12 in the middle of the first quarter. The NBA is a lot like the old "NHL '98" game for Sega: remember how you could set it so the computer plays until a certain day in the season, and then you can pick up the action from that date? It's no different than seeing three quarters and four minutes of a NBA game and still feeling like you've seen everything you need to see.)

As I looked around in the lower bowl, I couldn't help but notice the utter lack of energy and interest from these Wizards fans. Okay, "Wizards fans" is a bit of a generalization — there are only about 7,000 "Wizards fans" in Washington, DC. There are about 15,000 "basketball fans" that will come to the Wizards games. And there are about 25,000 "people" in DC who will go to a game if it's on their company's or their boyfriend's dime. Put all of those people in one arena, add in the fact that DC fans are a transient mixing bowl of federal employees and transplanted suits, and the lower level of the MCI Center has the kinetic energy of C-SPAN's Book TV most games.

Or maybe they were just bored that night, as it became apparent that the Nets had left their offense somewhere around Exit 6 on the Jersey Turnpike. I mean, you could have put Bob Ryan in front of Jason Kidd and he wouldn't have hit him...

Suffice to say, I needed a drink.

If my girlfriend is ever going to convert me to the lower bowl, here's a start: a giant booze kiosk, right outside of our section. They don't have anything like that upstairs. In the nosebleeds, our choices range from Alcohol-infused Piss Water to Alcohol-infused Piss Water Lite, with the occasional $9 Heineken thrown in for good measure.

I walked over to the kiosk for a large $7 draft beer. As I stood on line, it occurred to me that for one dollar more, I could substitute a nice glass of Dewar's 12 scotch whiskey on the rocks.

Then came the ultimate question for any guy on a date with his girl, standing on the booze line:

Do you come back to the seat with your breath smelling like a 60-year-old man in an airport bar, or with your breath smelling like a kid at a frat party?

I hope she didn't mind kissing grandpa for the rest of the night...

The game was a complete mess; by the end of the fourth quarter, I'm pretty sure the Nets had Otis Birdsong and Sam Bowie on the court. So, naturally, my attention turned elsewhere, and that elsewhere was towards a large black man dressed in camouflage, sitting behind the Wizards' bench.

It was Biz Markie.

As in Biz "You Say He's Just a Friend" Markie.

As in Biz "Celebrity Fit Club" Markie.

He wasn't hard to miss, and I wasn't the only one to spot him. In the third quarter, some chick stood up during one of the many lulls in the action to scream, "Hey yo, Biz! What up, Biz? Hey yo!" The legendary hip-hop star flashed a smile and threw up a hand in salutation, delighting the three or four people who actually witnessed the moment.

I was more enthralled with his seating arrangements than with the man himself. Here is a gold-record rap star, sitting in an arena that isn't exactly filled with gold-record rap stars, and he can only get a seat BEHIND the Washington bench? I'm not saying he's Spike [Lee] or [Jack] Nicholson, but isn't he at least Dyan Cannon in the DC entertainment elite?

Do you think he and Sir Mix-a-Lot are constantly battling to see who can still score the best NBA seats years after their fame faded?

BIZ: "Hey, yo, Mix? You there?"

SIR: (His cell phone plays the "Baby Got Back" ringtone you just know he has programmed on there.) "What's up, baby? Where you at?"

BIZ: "Sittin' behind Jared Jeffries in DC. Where you at?"

SIR: "Courtside, baby. One ... two ... three ... seven rows from courtside up in Seattle, baby. Sort of to the side of the bench."

BIZ: "Man, brother, how'd you get dose sweet ass seats?"

SIR: "The ringtone business is booming, yo. Listen to this new one I just wrote: 'I ... like ... phone ... calls and I cannot lie/you other brothers can't deny/when you get a phone call and it's ringing in the hall/big butts make you want to cry/I said butts/butts/bigigigigi butts..."

Near the end of the game, and my scotch, Biz decided it was time to roll. So he got up and put on his floor-length fur coat — a stunning gray pimp jacket, with matching hat — a PETA protest waiting to happen. He started to make his way up the stairs when he was stopped by some fans, who whipped out their cell phones to take a picture. (The cell phone camera having replaced the autographed cocktail napkin as the impromptu celebrity sighting evidence collection device.) This happened a few more times, but Biz finally made it out of the lower bowl and off to do whatever it is Biz Markie does after a professional basketball game. My money's on "eat."

The final buzzer sounded. The Nets had found new ways to suck. I had found a place in the arena to buy an $8 scotch. My girlfriend had found she still enjoys sitting in the lower bowl, and will never settle again for nosebleed seats that cost less than our train ride over to the arena.

And somewhere near the rafters of the Meadowlands, sometime soon, my father will be complaining that his binoculars aren't strong enough to see the cheerleaders in their bicycle shorts.

Greg Wyshynski is the Features Editor for SportsFan Magazine in Washington, DC, and the Senior Sports Editor for The Connection Newspapers of Northern Virginia. His book "Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History" will be published in Spring 2006. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 4:10 PM | Comments (0)

Hawkins Goes From Bronco to Buffalo

Anytime football fans start chucking trash or other debris on the field at a home game, it could mean one of two things. First, it could be a terrible call by the Men in Black (and White), changing the course or outcome of the game. Or it could be the disgust from the home team not even able to compete with its opponent.

In the Cleveland Browns' case several years ago against Jacksonville, the first situation was the cause of the beer cans thrown onto the field and at referees.

But anytime football fans are forcibly ordered to exit the stadium with 10 minutes remaining in the game, it could only mean one thing — typical Colorado Buffalo football. On November 25 of this year, fans were heated with the overall performance of their team, which just brain farted and forgot to show up for this pretty important Big 12 matchup, losing to Nebraska, 30-3. The Cornhuskers didn't win it — Colorado lost it by itself.

If that loss was damaging, the next game was downright self-destructive. In the Big 12 championship game, Texas obliterated Colorado, 70-3. They won by 67 points, a margin better fit for a basketball blowout! What's worse, losing wasn't the only problem for this Buffalo football program ridden by controversies, rape accusations, and players accepting money.

Coach Gary Barnett could have made up for all the scandals by winning big games. I mean, isn't that what Ohio State does?

Anyway, Barnett and the scandals on his back had to go after his 7-5 season, and Dan Hawkins had to come after his 9-3 WAC championship season. Hawkins had to come to bring new enthusiasm back to Boulder. He had to come to bring a clean slate back to the program. And after Colorado's last two games of getting outscored 100-6, the winningest active head coach in Division I-A football (84.1%) obviously had to come to bring a new offensive design that would actually score points.

Sometimes an unreputable or a consistently unsuccessful program is all the more attractive to a coach who is ready to start a new chapter in life. Leaving a program that they had built themselves to build another? Coaches do it all the time.

Thad Matta left Xavier basketball after posting a 78-23 record in three years to get the Ohio State University back to a competitive and highly-regarded level. What did the Buckeyes do in 2004-05? They were the only team to beat Illinois in the regular season.

Charlie Weis left the New England Patriots after the 2004 season with three Super Bowl rings to be the head coach of a Notre Dame program surrounded by a lot of tension from the firing of coach Ty Willingham. Many saw it as "premature" or "racially-driven." What did the Irish do in 2005? They went 9-2 and earned themselves a spot in the Fiesta Bowl against Ohio State.

The point here is that this is almost like missionary or charity work, helping the poor and less fortunate. Whether the goal is to be some sort of savior or not, it's sure nice to be known as the one who rewrote history for a certain school. The 45-year-old Hawkins, who signed a five-year deal, couldn't have come at a better time to pick up the pieces of a broken program.

The University of California-Davis graduate went 53-10 in five seasons at Boise State, leading the Broncos to the MPC Computers Bowl against Boston College on December 28. Hawkins will coach in that game, and then after that, it's time to head southeast to the Rocky Mountains.

Sure, it's been more than rocky for Colorado football, but Hawkins isn't doing anything out of the norm to take that job, to take up this new challenge. The Buffaloes couldn't man up to the challenge of Nebraska or Texas this year, but besides beating those teams next year, there is one more thing Hawkins will have to prove to a new city. Remember the girl from Tic Tac commercials? Yeah, she couldn't breathe without a Tic Tac, but can Dan Hawkins win without the Smurf Turf? We'll have to get back to you on that.

Posted by Sara Normand at 1:35 PM | Comments (0)

December 16, 2005

Are Playoffs Really Best For the Sport?

You have to wonder what it is with the American sports fan's love for the playoffs. Almost every single major sport in the United States has a playoff system to determine the league's champion (usually dubbed the World Champion, which is a load of bull). Teams squeak into the playoffs in the last possible spot for the chance to play for the title in their respective sport. It makes for great games and events towards the end of the season as teams jockey for position and look to qualify through tiebreakers and conference records and such, but that is the one of the only things that makes playoffs good for sports.

Take this season's NFL, for example. In the NFC, you have the Giants, Seahawks, Bears, and Buccaneers with bids into the playoffs because they're division leaders, and then you've got theoretically five teams with a decent chance if some bounces go their way. Three teams in the NFC south are separated by one game, with the division leaders tied, but the Bucs get the edge because of the infamous tiebreaker.

In the AFC, you've got the Pats, Broncos, Bengals, and Colts leading, with those teams either already having clinched or very close with commanding positions in their divisions. Then, though, you've got four teams separated by one game, with one team at 9-4 and the other three at 8-5, all vying for only two wildcard spots. Scenarios like this make for excellent play towards the end of the season because then every team has to play like it is already in the playoffs because chances are that if they lose, then they could be out of contention to win the title.

Baseball is the same way with only one wildcard, while in hockey and basketball, the division winners get automatic spots in the top of the order, and then the remaining top five teams fill out the top eight in each conference. The thing that I don't like about this system is that you can have a team in a weak division, like the Carolina Hurricanes a few years ago, where they would have qualified fifth or sixth based on record, but since they won their very weak division, they were given the third-seed and have a home-ice advantage in their first-round playoff series. Or three years ago, when the Mighty Ducks were the seventh-seeded team in the Western Conference and they managed to make it to the NHL Finals and get to Game 7 against the Devils.

Basketball at least has a decent playoff in March when they take 65 teams and have them play in three consecutive weekends and the last team standing is crowned the champion. The problem with this system, though, is again that not always will the best team win the tournament, but the hottest team. In the 2002 season, was Maryland necessarily the best team in the country? No, neither was the team they played in the final, Indiana, the second best team. If the best team in the country won the title every year, then a number one seed would win it every time.

The NBA is even worse with their ads on TNT saying things like, "Win, or go home." That needs to be revised a little bit to, "Win, or win four of your next six games, or go home." The NBA is a little bit better in having the best team(s) play for the title with the Spurs and Pistons being able to make it to the championships recently. The reason for that is they treat basketball like a team sport as it should be, instead of a showcase of players, but that's a different article. Even still, though, why have the top eight teams in the playoffs, since it serves no real purpose?

The idea of a playoff system is about one thing: marketing. In every major European soccer league (to which the MLS should follow suit), the team that finishes the season is rewarded as the champion of the league. They have a tournament, the FA Cup in England for example, that has a playoff format, but that doesn't have any effect on that season's championship race in terms of standings. The Champions League, for example, has a home-and-home series, and that's it. Each team has one home game, and then the aggregate goals wins the series.

Simple, isn't it? Now, it would naturally be hard for the NFL to have that sort of system considering there are a lot of teams and the NFL can't necessarily go as long as soccer seasons do, but why not in basketball, hockey, and baseball? They play enough games that they can play every team in the league twice, once at home and once away, and then the winner of the league is the champion. Personally, I feel like the winner of the President's Cup in the NHL is actually the champion because they played the best all season long, not for a few weeks at the end of the season.

That is also why the way college football is working this season is good because the teams that had the best overall season are being rewarded by playing in the championship game. Sure, in years past, we've had three undefeated teams and we want to crown one winner, but to have an extensive playoff in college football is ridiculous. The reason, though, that the playoffs will never be taken out of major sports is because anyone involved in a playoff system in terms of marketing makes money, and money talks.

Notes

* Stan Van Gundy has decided to step down from coaching the Miami Heat to spend more time with his family. Why are people having such a hard time believing this? His kids are probably more mature than the players on the Heat, so it's like taking a step up for him.

* Kenny Rogers recently signed a two-year, $18,000,000 deal with the Tigers. They should change that deal to somehow make it so that Rogers only pitches the first halves of the seasons since he's not worth it after the All-Star Break.

Posted by Jeff Pohlmeyer at 10:46 PM | Comments (2)

Are the Clippers Finally Contenders?

The Los Angeles Clippers. Think of the adjectives that come into your mind when you hear their name. Now try this one on for size. Contender. Okay, I'll let you recuperate from shock/laughter and let it soak in for a minute ... done? Well, for you casual NBA fans who only tune in around playoff time, you've been missing one of the best starts in franchise history in Clipperland, with the best team in L.A. now wearing red and blue.

After the first 22 games of the seasons, the Clips have gone 14-8 and occupied first place in the Pacific Division. In that span, they've beaten playoff-caliber teams Miami, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Golden State, and Phoenix by double-digits. Elton Brand is having an MVP-type season, while veterans Cuttino Mobley, Corey Maggette, and Sam Cassell are all showing that these Clippers are for real.

It was four years ago when we supposedly would see the turnaround in this beleaguered franchise. Brand and Maggette, now the elder statesmen of the franchise, were teamed alongside a talented young core of Lamar Odom, Quentin Richardson, and Darius Miles. Together, owner Donald Sterling and head coach Alvin Gentry imagined a run-'n-gun offense that would bring levels of excitement to the Staples Center to rival the Lakers Dynasty. The hype was there, from the magazine covers to the ESPN reality show. But all that team could muster was 39 wins and once again, no playoff berth.

Soon after many of the players left or were traded, the Clippers once again were among the worst in the NBA. Sterling has forever been known as, to put it nicely, an owner who is tight with money. His best move, though, was keeping Brand and signing him to a long extension. With a power forward who can average 20 and 10 night in and night out with the wingspan of a hawk, at least there was something to build around.

This year was supposed to be a season just like any other, though. Sure, veterans like Cassell and Mobley were coming in, but not many expected much. The thing is, though, both have been more than formidable starters in their combined 19 years in the league.

Cassell was a part of two championship teams in Houston and even led the Nets to the playoffs. He has been a second team All-NBA selection, while averaging over 16 points per game and 6 assists per game for his career. Most of all, he has proven to be a clutch player, which can be oh so valuable when and if the Clippers make the postseason. Mobley, on the other hand, was a valuable outside asset during his tenure with the Houston Rockets, averaging nearly 16 points and 5 rebounds for his career.

So why didn't anybody check for the Clipps before the season started? Well, we had the hype surrounding Shaq and the Heat, the dress code fiasco, and, of course, the media continually shoving LeBron James and the Cavs down our throats. But even in L.A., all of the hoopla was surrounding Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant reuniting, so the Clipps just laid low and came out full force the first month and a half of the season.

Who knows, maybe they will collapse and fall to the bottom of the standings like every other Clipper team. But something seems to be brewing out of the locker room for L.A.'s other team. Perhaps they can be this year's version of the Suns or Sonics and lay the footprints for a successful team not only this year, but for years to come. No matter how many true blue Clipper fans there are, they should enjoy the ride, as should every other NBA fan. America loves an underdog and come April, there would be no better team to root for then the Clippers in the playoffs.

***

And now, some news and Notes around the league for December:

* Pat Riley finally steps in as head coach of the heat, with Stan Van Gundy stepping down to spend more time with his family. Whether or not we ever know the actual reasons for the whole coaching change, one thing is evident from the whole situation. I think Shaq is a great personality, a great player, and one of the true ambassadors of the game. But whenever things don't go to his liking, he sure gets grumpy. From Brian Hill in Orlando to Del Harris with the Lakers, to Van Gundy now, if you're not on Shaq's side, he will make it known to get what he wants. I think the biggest presence in the league could still grow up a little bit.

* Ron Artest wants a trade and his tenure in Indiana is all but over. When the "brawl" broke out last season, I stood behind Ron Ron, at least to the point where I felt what transpired was not entirely his fault alone. But like his defensive prowess on the court, it is getting harder and harder to defend his actions. He would ideally like a trade to New York and maybe that would be best for the league. If Larry Brown could manage 'Sheed, who else would be better to turn Artest into the all-star we all know he can be.

* So much for the Suns being a one-hit wonder. Steve Nash has yet to slow down and they only sit a half game out of first, all of this without Amare Stoudemire.

* The Atlantic Division may be one of the least intriguing, following last year's trend. If the Nets don't turn things around, I would say Rod Thorn makes some moves with one of the big three, Richard Jefferson, Jason Kidd, or Vince Carter, exiting the Meadowlands.

* Meanwhile, it is good to see Chris Webber playing well and healthy this year. Throughout all of the turmoil in his career off the court, C-Webb has always been recognized as being one of the good guys in the league, always kind and receptive to fans. Though Philly may not make it far this year, at least he is showing that the downside of his career hasn't come just yet.

* Quentin Richardson played his first game on Monday Night, returning after an absence resulting from the shooting death of his older brother, Lee. It was the second brother Quentin had lost to gunshots, but he never looked happier to be back on the court. Hopefully, he can get through this rough patch and come back stronger than ever.

* Chicago currently stands in last place in their division, but with a plus .500 record. Could all five teams from the Central make the postseason?

* So much for missing Latrell Sprewell and Cassell. The T-Wolves have come together to shoot to first place in the Northwest Division. K.G. is having another MVP-type campaign, but don't overlook the solid work of role players like Troy Hudson, Wally Szczerbiak, Eddie Griffin, and Michael Olowokandi. They may not have the skill of Spree or Cassell, but they know how to contribute to a team ideology.

* Early candidates for Coach of the Year? How about Mike Fratello in Memphis? They may have lost Jason Williams, but currently are 13-8 after 21 games in the loaded Southwest Division. Other candidates are Mike Dunleavy for the Clippers and even Flip Saunders, who has made sure Detroit hasn't lost a step minus Larry Brown.

Posted by Seth Berkman at 10:04 PM | Comments (0)

December 15, 2005

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 15

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Tampa Bay @ New England

The Patriots sent a message to the rest of the league last week, in the form of a 35-7 beat-down of the Bills. And that message was this: we're still Super Bowl champions until someone else wins it.

"But wait, there's more," says Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, polishing a giant, diamond-studded belt buckle that says 'Sportsman of the Year.' "Put it in the bank. We will be the No. 4 seed in the playoffs. We will beat the No. 5 seed handily in eight inches of snow in Foxboro. Then a week later, we will go to Indianapolis and play mind games with the Colts. And, it may or may not be the result of a bad case of dandruff, or a stashed load of cocaine getting busted and falling from the RCA Dome ceiling, but it will snow. It will snow, I tell you."

Am I going to doubt Tom Brady? Heck no. He's a three-time Super Bowl MVP, and he's got five layers of protection on his Visa card and his offensive line. That's quite a bit of protection, and only two fewer layers than one would need to enjoy a hygienic, romantic interlude with Courtney Love.

Tampa Bay's upset of the Panthers in Charlotte boosted them to the top of the NFC South. The Bucs are tied with the Panthers at 9-4, but hold the tiebreaker edge as a result of a better division record.

"We've got our groove back," says Gruden, "and I've got my sneer on. We're ready to take on the defending champs. It may be 20 degrees at Gillette Stadium Saturday afternoon, but I'll inexplicably be wearing a visor. I'm not sure why. We know Tom Brady has an injured leg, so we plan to pressure the pocket and make him move around. How does the saying go? He'll be busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest? Well, we hope to keep Tom busy, but not kicking our ass."

New England at home in December? Sounds like a win to me. Brady throws two touchdowns, and the Patriots win, 23-13.

Kansas City @ N.Y. Giants

The Giants Jay Feely connected on four-of-four field goal attempts, including the game-winning 36-yarder to beat the Eagles last week, 26-23 in overtime. It was sweet redemption for Feely, who, it Week 12, missed three field goals, any of which would have beaten the Seahawks.

"I'm just glad I still have my job," says Feely. "I heard the rumors that the Giants were thinking about signing Jose Cortez, formerly of the Cowboys, Eagles, and many others. As a kicker, there is no greater embarrassment than being replaced by Jose Cortez. I may have missed some kicks lately, but my teammates, coaches, and the New York media haven't missed a kick at all lately, with the target being my ass."

Chiefs kicker Lawrence Tynes certainly knows what Feely has been through. Last Sunday in Dallas, Tynes missed a 41-yard field goal that would have sent the game into overtime. Sadly, the kick sailed wide right and spiraled downward, just like the Kansas City's playoff aspirations.

"Yeah, that blows," said Tynes. "Whereas Feely dealt with his anguish with his spirituality, I'll deal with mine as I see fit, and that's getting wasted and sucker-punching an unsuspecting bouncer. I just hope Trent Green is there to pull my idiot self out of there before the bouncer realizes I'm just a kicker and he could easily beat me senseless."

The Chiefs get another shot at an NFC East opponent, and just like last week in Dallas, defense is mysteriously absent. As has been the case three times this year, when Kansas City's opponent scores thirty or more, they lose. They can't win the shootout.

The Giants score 31, and the Chiefs fall, 31-27.

Denver @ Buffalo

What's a good word to describe Denver's narrow 12-10 win over the Ravens in Denver last Sunday?

"Sucky?" says Denvers Mike Shanahan.

No. Worse than that. Sucky sucky.

"Me love you long time?" replies Shanahan.

No thanks, coach.

The Broncos were actually out-gained by the Ravens, 323 to 318, but won the battle of takeaways, four to one. However, with losses by the Chiefs and Chargers, the Broncos extended their lead in the AFC West back to two games.

Things aren't so rosy in Buffalo. The Bills are 4-9, and are struggling to score 15 points a game. In addition, wide receiver and team leader Eric Moulds was suspended for one game without pay for conduct detrimental to the team.

"I don't mind sitting out a game," says Moulds. "It's not like J.P. Losman is throwing me the ball, or anyone else, for that matter, except the opposition. Look at his stats from the New England game. He was 10-of-27 for 181 yards. He couldn't hit water if he jumped out of a Minnesota Vikings cruise boat. In fact, I think I was suspended for politely suggesting that Coach Mularkey replace Losman with Kelly Holcomb. Is that a crime?"

You're in luck, Eric. Losman is out with a shoulder injury, so Holcomb will get the start after all. That way, everyone is happy. At least until you set foot in Denver.

The Broncos rush for 180 yards, and Jake Plummer throws a touchdown pass to Rod Smith.

Broncos win, 26-13.

Arizona @ Houston

The Texans suffered another close defeat, this time losing as Rob Bironas kicked a 21-yard field goal with 10 seconds left to give the Titans a 13-10 victory. Houston had a chance to tie after a long kickoff return and a penalty, but Kris Brown hooked a 31-yard attempt to end the game.

"If you look in the box score," says Texans head coach Dom Capers, "you'll see that Brown's kick was officially listed as (WL), or 'wide left.' But let's be honest. That kick should have been listed at least as 'WWWL.' That kick was so far left it almost hit the pylon in the end zone. People keep saying we're finding ways to lose. To our credit, we usually don't have to look very hard."

It's true, Dom. If losing were a magnet, you would be steel. That's why the Texans are keeping you around, to avoid disaster. Disaster, in Houston's case, would be winning and losing the number one pick in the draft.

The Cardinals won't be far behind the Texans in the draft. And with their pick, don't you think they might take a running back. Arizona is last in the league in rushing.

"Since when do you have to run the ball to be successful in this league?" asks Cardinals coach Dennis Green.

Ah, since about, forever.

"Great!" replies Green. "Then we'll take a running back. Besides Reggie Bush, who else is out there?"

Who do I look like, Denny? Mel Kiper, Jr.?

Anyway, the Texans finally get that elusive second win with a 27-24 win.

Carolina @ New Orleans

The Panthers were on the verge of taking charge of the NFC South, needing a win over the Bucs last week to go to 10-4 and take a two-game lead in the division with two games remaining. So what do they do? They get thoroughly dominated by Tampa in Charlotte, losing 20-10.

"I didn't think it was possible," says Panthers head coach John Fox, "for a mammal such as a panther to lay an egg. But that's what we did. The panther is a cat — cats don't lay eggs. If you take the word 'Bucs' and add an 'r,' then rearrange the letter, you get 'scrub.' That's what we played like — a bunch of scrubs. That lost may have cost us a doggone home playoff game. But really, what good is a home playoff game if you can't win at home?"

"Hey, speaking of home games," says Saints head coach Jim Haslett, do we have any? Have we had any? I think the bottom line is this: it doesn't matter where we play, Aaron Brooks throws interception. I understand they displayed a statistic during Monday night's game that said Aaron has the second most TD passes of quarterbacks who were born on March 24, 1976, well behind Peyton Manning. Well, I'll bet anyone eight home games in the state of Louisiana that Aaron holds the record for most interceptions by quarterbacks born on March 24, 1976."

And you'd be right. I guess that's why Brooks is getting benched in favor of Todd Bouman.

Jake Delhomme throws two touchdown passes, and the Panthers beat the Saints, 26-17.

N.Y. Jets @ Miami

After their 23-21 upset of the Chargers last week, the Dolphins improved to 6-7, and trail the Patriots by two games in the AFC East. Now, I'm sure the Patriots aren't losing sleep on account of the Dolphins, but Miami is still a factor in the race for the division.

"I'm not looking past the Jets at all," says Miami head coach Nick Saban. "I'm here to announce my resignation for personal reasons. Actually, the new coach, Pat Riley, ordered me to resign and attribute it to 'personal reasons.' Coincidentally, Shaquille O'Neal just made his return to the lineup. What's that? The Miami Heat? I'm sorry. I've been mistaken. I'm not resigning. But Stan Van Gundy of the Heat is."

"Hey, my money's on the Dolphins," says actor David Caruso, Horatio Caine on CBS' CSI: Miami. I've got a bet with that punk Gary Sinise from CSI: New York. One grand and a guest spot on his show if the Dolphins win. This game is all about who has the best CSI program. What are there, about eight of them? Let's see, there's New York, Miami, Las Vegas, Compton, Peoria, Kalamazoo, Harlem, and my second favorite, CSI: Truth or Consequences, New Mexico."

Caruso's a tool. Doesn't he know Las Vegas is the original, and best, CSI. But he does have his money on the right team. The Dolphins are riding a three-game winning streak, and Chris Chambers is the hottest receiver in the game right now. Miami dominates Brooks Bollinger and the ailing Jets, and the Dolphins win, 22-10.

Philadelphia @ St. Louis

Before the season started, I bet a lot of people noticed this game on the schedule and said to themselves, "I bet this game could have huge playoff implications. Sweet! A rematch of the 2002 NFC Championship game." Other people may have seen this game on the schedule and thought to themselves, "I bet this will be a matchup of 5-8 teams going nowhere, and I bet Donovan McNabb and Marc Bulger will be injured, Terrell Owens will be suspended, and Mike Martz won't even be coaching." Those people would have been right, and should have there own television show, web site, or 1-900 phone number.

Anyway, the Eagles lost a tough 26-23 decision to the Giants in Philly, as Jay Feely's kick in overtime won it for the G-Unit.

"I don't know what surprised me more," says Eagles coach Andy Reid. "Jay Feely making a game-winning kick, or not being invited to Terrell Owens' birthday party last Monday in Atlantic City. Where's the love, T.O.? You invited Ray Lewis, and not me? I'm offended. I demand an apology. And while you're at it, send some flowers to Donovan McNabb."

Officially, McNabb was listed as "doubtful" to attend.

“First, I have to listen to T.O. criticize me,” says McNabb. “Now, the Philadelphia leader of the NAACP is talking junk. What's next? Is Momma going to stop bringing me Chunky Soup?”

The Rams Ryan Fitzpatrick suffered another tough day in his second start, tossing five interceptions against the Vikings.

"The education of Ryan Fitzpatrick continues," says St. Louis coach Joe Vitt. "He's getting a crash course in NFL quarterbacking, and I would have to give him a failing grade in last week's performance. Obviously, he spent more time on his studies at Harvard than he did on football. And that's too bad. Apparently, he also failed Priorities Straight 101. But at least he has that degree to fall back on. If he doesn't make it as a quarterback, he will 'fall back' to a job making 10 percent of what he does now."

The Eagles haven't won a road game since winning at Kansas City in Week 4. And that Philly team looked nothing like this one. Fitzpatrick throws two touchdown, and a Jeff Wilkins kick in the fourth gives the Rams a 24-22 win.

Pittsburgh @ Minnesota

"This time, it's payback," says Vikings head coach Mike Tice. "We owe the Steelers big time."

What do you mean, Mike? Are you bitter that the Steelers spanked the Vikings 16-6 in Super Bowl IX?

"Super Bowl IX?" asks Tice. "Man, that was 31 years ago. I wasn't even a Vikings fan, then. I fondly remember watching that game, though. My parents had one of the few color televisions in my neighborhood. I was charging five dollars a pop for my friends to watch that game on our television. That wasn't illegal. I was just taking advantage of suckers. Is that so different than scalping Super Bowl tickets? Anyway, back to the point. We owe the Steelers for beating the Bears, which allowed us to pull within one game of Chicago in the NFC North."

The Vikings have won six in a row, and, like the Steelers, are battling for a playoff position. Last week, Minnesota forced six turnovers and beat the Rams, 27-13. Meanwhile, the Steelers ran the ball down the Bears' throats on their way to a 21-9 win, which broke a three-game losing streak. Jerome Bettis ran for 117 yards and two touchdowns in the snow.

"It was the Double 'Touch' Bus," says Bettis. "That's like the 'Double Dutch Bus,' but with a little more weight behind, and the fare is free. Just ask Brian Urlacher. He rode the Bus from the three-yard line all the way to the end zone. Now, watch as I use this yardstick to prove that, yes, I am, in fact, wider than I am tall."

Bettis may defer to "Fast" Willie Parker on the turf in the Metrodome, but the Bus will surely see goal line action. The Steeler defense will force the Vikes to pass, then send their vaunted blitz after Brad Johnson.

Pittsburgh wins, 24-16.

San Diego @ Indianapolis

After whipping the Jaguars 26-18, the Colts are 13-0 and have clinched the home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. Now, all that remains is a perfect record and a Super Bowl win.

"Hey, Mercury Morris," says Peyton Manning. "We've been in your neighborhood for a while. We're on your front porch now. We're going to just sit here for a bit, sip on some iced tea, and make you and your 1972 Dolphin buddies nervous. Boy, how I wish we could play the current Dolphins on Monday Night Football. That would be a ratings bonanza, as well as another easy win for us. Do you feel the heat, 1972 Dolphins? The mercury is rising."

"Let me put Peyton's comments into perspective," says Indy head coach Tony Dungy. "On one hand, we want to be healthy for our playoff run to the Super Bowl. That would entail resting our starters, which entails pissing off millions of fantasy football owners throughout the galaxy. Not that I care. As a head coach, it is my duty to toy with the minds of those who play fantasy. I remember the good old days. When someone mentioned the word 'fantasy,' you knew it had something to do with a hot chick and pornographic material, and nothing to do with football. Where have all the good times gone? Now, on the other hand, we could continue to play our starters and shoot for 17-0. We surely don't want to lose our edge. Then again, we don't want to lose our Edge. So maybe Edgerrin James will sit. Either way, we'll still win."

Many people have said that this is the game the Colts are most likely to lose. And the Chargers are even more desperate for a win after last week's shocking loss to the Dolphins. Even so, the Colts have too much on both sides of the ball.

Colts win ,31-21.

Seattle @ Tennessee

After blitzing the 49ers 41-3, Seattle has now beaten its last two opponents by a combined score of 83-3, and are well on their way to securing home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.

"Wow! 83-3," says Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck. "That's awesome. Not many teams are capable of such a performance. The Colts could probably do it. And I bet USC or Texas could pull it off if they only had defenses. We could easily drop 40 on the Titans, and they could easily drop three, seven, 10, possibly 13 on us."

The Titans aren't likely to offer much resistance to the Seahawks. Seattle is still playing for home field throughout the playoffs, and the Titans have only managed sixteen points in their last two games. Their offense was virtually nonexistent in last week's 13-10 win over the Texans, and nearly half of those 13 points came on Adam Jones' 52-yard punt return for a touchdown in the third quarter.

"You give Pac Man a few quarters and he'll do anything," says Titans head coach Jeff Fisher. "I swear I thought I saw him eat a banana and a few cherries as he ran down the field on the way to the end zone. Pac Man is a physically-talented specimen, but he does have some mental issues. He swears he's being chased by ghosts."

With a win, Seattle clinches a first round bye. Expect them to achieve that midway through the second quarter, at the latest.

Seattle jumps on the Titans early, and wins, 29-16.

San Francisco @ Jacksonville

Jacksonville failed in their attempt to foil the Colts' bid for perfection, losing 26-18, but Jacksonville head coach Jack Del Rio was encouraged by his team's effort.

"We didn't quit," says Del Rio. "We played the Colts tough like we always do. We lost by seven the first time, and eight this time. Sooner or later, we'll find that extra touchdown. Besides, we really had nothing to gain by beating the Colts. It's not like we were going to catch them for the division lead. And a loss really doesn't hurt our playoff standing. It's been clear for weeks now that we would be the number five seed. And it's clear we'll be headed to New England in round one of the playoffs. We just have to take care of business in our last three games. It's a shame the 49ers will make a cross-country trip just to get their tails whipped. We'll certainly have a much easier time with Alex Smith than we did with Peyton Manning. If Manning is the Genghis Khan of quarterbacks, then Alex Smith must be the Chaka Khan of quarterbacks. Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan. Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Season's Beatings."

The Jags are all over Smith, causing four turnovers. Greg Jones rushes for a score, and David Garrard throws one TD pass.

Jacksonville wins, 27-6.

Cincinnati @ Detroit

Like just about every playoff contender in the league, except for the Colts and Seahawks, the Bengals look like Super Bowl challengers one week, and the next week, look like a team that struggles to beat a team such as the Browns 23-20. Already, Chad Johnson's bold prediction that the Bengals would score 40 points per game the rest of the way has proved wrong.

"Okay," says Johnson, "so we were 17 points short of 40 last week. But I said we would average 40 a game the rest of the way. So, if we score 57 against the Lions, we'll be right on pace. Anyway, we're just using this game in Detroit to acclimate ourselves to the Ford Field turf for our return trip here on February 5th for the Super Bowl. And, just like we do this Sunday, we'll beat an NFC team then, as well. Now, excuse me while I go remind Carson Palmer that I'm his go-to receiver, not T.J. Houshmanzedah. And my name is way easier to pronounce."

Unlike the Bengals, Detroit won't be going to the playoffs this year. So they certainly won't be going to the Super Bowl, at least as players.

"But I can give you a deluxe tour of Ford Field," says Lions receiver Roy "The Other Roy" Williams. "It's a state-of-the-art facility, with all the amenities and luxuries one would expect to find at a place hosting the Super Bowl. Everything here is top-notch, except the brand of football we play. And the coaching and management suck as well. Let me make a prediction: the Lions will have the ninth pick in the draft, and they will choose another highly-overrated receiver. If you're a receiver, and your last name is Williams, get ready, because you're headed to Detroit."

Last week, the Packers' Samkon Gado rushed for 171 yards against the Lions. This Sunday, Rudi Johnson, fresh off a career-best 169-yard effort, will look to expose the Lions. Once he does, things should open up downfield for Chad Johnson. Johnson grabs a Palmer TD pass, then celebrates by quoting General Douglas MacArthur in the Ford Field end zone.

"I shall return!" says Johnson.

Cincinnati wins, 27-17.

Cleveland @ Oakland

The Browns gave an inspired effort in defeat, falling to the Bengals on Shayne Graham's 37-yard field goal as time expired.

"Inspired and expired," says Browns head coach Romeo Crennel. "That's an interesting choice of words, and I'd like to pretend I'm in the third grade and use them in a sentence. I am inspired to name Charlie Frye the starter at quarterback for good, and Trent Dilfer's run as starter has expired."

Frye played well in his second straight start, rushing for a score and throwing for another, and outplayed Cincinnati's Carson Palmer.

"Not bad for a third round pick out of the University of Akron," says Frye. "What's Alex Smith of the 49ers earning this year? Or should I say, what are they paying him this year? I don't know, but I bet his agent's share was way more than my first-year salary. I think it's time for a holdout."

Raiders quarterback Marques Tuiasosopo's first start for Oakland didn't go too well. He threw two interceptions and lost two fumbles as the Raiders were waxed 26-10 by the Jets.

"I'd say the chances of Kerry Collins are pretty good," says Raiders coach Norv Turner. "Tuiasosopo may be more suited for use in a spelling bee than at quarterback."

Collins gets the nod, and will face a Browns defensive unit that held Palmer to only 93 yards passing. And Cleveland's Reuben Droughns should find room to run on the Raiders.

The Browns pull the upset, 21-19.

Dallas @ Washington

Cowboys quarterback Drew Bledsoe regained his early season form, throwing for 332 yards and three touchdowns as Dallas beat the Chiefs 31-28 to remain in solid playoff contention. Bledsoe out-dueled fellow 30-something quarterback Trent Green, who passed for 340 yards and a touchdown. Bledsoe was named the NFC's Offensive Player of the Week.

"Age is nothing but a number," says Bledsoe. "I feel just as good as I did when I was 24, although at my current age of 33 and due to a fair amount of concussions, I really don't remember the age of 24. I'm pretty sure I was playing football, and I'm pretty sure I was one of the slowest quarterbacks in the league. I'm just stunned that I wasn't chosen as a contestant on ABC's Dancing With the Stars. I'm sure it had something to do with failing the medical requirement. Darn these two left feet!”

If Bledsoe can remember all the way back to week two, he'll recall that the Cowboys dominated the 'Skins for nearly the entire game, and led 13-0 with five minutes left in the game. Then, it all crumbled for the Cowboys, as Mark Brunell threw two long touchdown passes to Santana Moss to give Washington a 14-13 win.

“Five minutes of funk,” says Dallas head coach Bill Parcells. “That's all it took for us to blow this game. It's bad enough that we let Moss burn us for one touchdown. But two? That's like letting Michael Irvin blame you for a crack pipe found in his car, then getting right back into that same car.”

This time, the Cowboys get the lead, and hold it for good.

Dallas wins, 20-13.

Atlanta @ Chicago

The Bears had their eight-game winning streak snapped by the Steelers 21-9 in Pittsburgh. It's only a 12-point loss, but in the world of Chicago football, any margin of victory or defeat greater than 10 points is a blowout.

"I guess you could say we were a little distracted," says Chicago head coach Lovie Smith. "Not by the Steelers, but by two of our own players. I'm talking about Olin Kreutz and Fred Miller. Anytime you have two guys on the field who got into a fight at an FBI shooting range, then you've got to be wary of them. Aren't you just asking for trouble if you get in a fight at an FBI shooting range? Are these guys rappers? I'm guessing it didn't take long for the feds to arrive at the scene."

The Falcons disposed of the Saints 36-17 on Monday night, as Michael Vick rushed for two touchdowns and threw for another. However, Vick was knocked out of the game by a late hit in the fourth quarter and is now suffering from bruised ribs. Coach Jim Mora insists Vick will be ready Sunday night in Chicago.

"Well, I know what our pre-game meal will be," says Bears defensive end Alex Brown. "Ribs! I want my baby-back, baby-back, baby-back."

With sore ribs, Vick's mobility will be limited. And with a low temperature of eight degrees forecast for Sunday night in Chicago, the pain will be severe when he takes a hit and/or falls to the turf. The Bears will load up to stop the run and force Vick to pass, which he can't do with consistency.

Chicago wins, 18-9.

Green Bay @ Baltimore

I guess the schedulers for Monday Night Football overestimated the success of the Packers and Ravens this year. Severely. If you're one of those lucky viewers on the West Coast, this game will be over by nine o'clock local time, and you can then enjoy WWE Raw or Nanny 911 and not have to worry about missing any football.

"I love those shows," says Ravens head coach Brian Billick. "Is there such a show as Quarterback 911? Because the quarterback situation here is in a state of emergency. There's not? Well, is "Dr. Death" Jack Kevorkian still making house calls? No? Well then, would San Diego's Phillip Rivers or Tennessee's Billy Volek be willing to play in Baltimore?"

The 3-10 Packers against the 4-9 Ravens obviously is not the matchup ABC had hoped for. But there is still plenty to watch for. Can Brett Favre will himself to a big game against a still-potent Ravens defense? Are Kyle Boller's days as a starter in Baltimore numbered? Can Jamal Lewis average more than two yards a carry? Is Samkon Gado the real deal?

“There's a classic rock tune by Iron Butterfly called 'In-A-Gado-Da-Vida,'” says Favre. “I don't think Iron Butterfly knew it at the time, but they were prophesizing about a savior who would appear and rescue the Packers. That would be Samkon Gado. I know it sounds far-fetched. A football player from Nigeria is far-fetched in its own right. But a football player from Nigeria ending up in Green Bay, Wisconsin? Now that is far-fetched. We're going to ride this Gado-mobile for all he's worth.”

In a defensive struggle, both defenses negate the running games. That leaves the game in the hands of the quarterbacks. Favre fires bullets — Boller shoots blanks.

The Packers win, 17-9.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 7:22 PM | Comments (0)

Best Rivalry In College Basketball?

This was my chance.

I was going to use my tremendous powers of persuasion to convince you, dear reader, that the basketball rivalry between the Louisville Cardinals and Kentucky Wildcats was far and away the best rivalry in college basketball. Better, even, than that little game they play down on Tobacco Road.

Yes, I was going to do it. I, the native son, the kid from Louisville, was going to succeed in changing the minds of thousands.

And then the Louisville Cardinals and Kentucky Wildcats decided to suck the life out of this year's meeting.

Kentucky might have its worst team in 15 years. The Cats got drubbed by Indiana. They're 6-3. They can't shoot. And they aren't playing typical Tubby Smith defense. People are jumping off bridges in Lexington as we speak.

Louisville? The Cardinals are good, supposedly. Ranked fourth in the country. A 6-0 record. But I haven't yet been able to verify that any human being has actually seen them play. I sure haven't. I live a thousand miles away now, and because ESPN isn't big on picking up the thrilling Louisville vs. Chicago State matchup or the equally exhilarating Louisville vs. Prairie View A&M tilt, I have yet to see anything.

So what are we left with? What's shaping up to be a pretty ordinary Saturday in Lexington. Yes, there will be drama when Rick Pitino walks into his former stomping ground. Yes, there will be some oh-so-clever signs comparing Pitino to Benedict Arnold. Yes, the fans will be intense.

But this one — and I hate to say it — won't do much to vault the Bluegrass State to the top of the heap.

And that's a shame. Because it is a great rivalry.

There's history. The two didn't play for 24 years, and then found themselves matched up against each other in a regional final in 1983. That one was dubbed the "Dream Game," and once the season series resumed, that title was applied to the annual meeting.

There's tradition. Many called Denny Crum's program the team of the '80s, and Pitino's Kentucky program the team of the '90s.

There's fan support. Kentucky and Louisville annually rank in the top five for attendance figures. And fans of the two schools don't exactly like each other.

And then there's Pitino. He left Kentucky for an ill-fated foray to the NBA in 1997, then found his way back to college basketball four years later, this time wearing Cardinal red. Suffice it to say, lots of Kentucky fans don't like him much.

I'm biased in all of this, of course. I grew up despising the color blue because of my allegiance to Louisville. The UK/UofL game was always the biggest of the year. I remember snippets of almost every game they've played in my lifetime.

And that's why I was all ready to set forth my argument.

But alas, this year's editions of the Cards and Cats haven't cooperated. I have no doubt it will be a good game. But it probably won't be great.

Louisville is ridiculously unproven. The Cardinals haven't played a road game, not even a game on a neutral court. The title of "best team they've played" is a toss-up between Akron and Richmond. And I don't even know who half the players are. Three regulars are back from last year's Final Four team. Apparently — and again, this is only a rumor — the Cards have enough players to field a team.

Kentucky, on the other hand, has proven plenty. It just so happens that what the Cats have proven isn't so good. They're clearly missing something, whether it's Randolph Morris, who was suspended for the season by the NCAA, or Chuck Hayes or Kelenna Azubuike. Either way, things aren't looking rosy. The Cats lost to a freshman-dominated North Carolina team two weeks ago, then threw in a major clunker against Indiana, losing by 26. (Note: Morris' NCAA suspension was reduced to 14 games on Dec. 15, making him eligible to return on Jan. 10.)

All in all, it adds up to a game with a fair amount of uncertainty. That alone could make for some exciting storylines. Is Louisville for real? Which Kentucky team will show up?

I know I'll be watching. And I've lowered my expectations for you. You don't have to believe it's the best rivalry in the country. Based on this year's game, you probably shouldn't believer that. But I think you should watch anyway. Saturday at 2 PM.

And maybe you could wait a year before you judge.

Posted by William Geoghegan at 3:15 PM | Comments (8)

December 14, 2005

Kill Phil, Volume III

Money finally won out. A nagging girlfriend finally won out. The lure of immortality finally won out.

Whatever the motivation, Phil Jackson has once again resumed his courtside seat at the head of Los Angeles Lakers bench, commencing his third stint as an NBA coach — and second in Los Angeles.

The first leg was legendary. Coaching the Chicago Bulls from 1989-1998, Jackson implemented Tex Winter's three-post, or triangle, offense to effectively utilize the talents of Michael Jordan and complementary skills of Scottie Pippen. Filling out a roster of effective roll players, the Jackson-led Bulls won six NBA championships in his nine years.

Then, Bulls GM Jerry Krause wore him down.

After spending one season in hiatus, Jackson emerged in Los Angeles, where he was heir to the Lakers' great — albeit underachieving and counteractive — tandem of Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant. Here a dynasty lay, waiting to be unlocked by the enchanted knight who possessed the Golden Key. The Zen Master was that enchanted knight.

Jackson was widely acclaimed for his effectiveness in managing two of the game's largest egos and melding them into a team framework. He guided the Lakers to titles in his first three seasons, lasting five in all. However, as infighting between Shaq and Kobe worsened and drove a divisive line through the Lakers organization, O'Neal was traded and Jackson became the sacrificial lamb offered before the altar of Kobe Bryant.

Lakers owner Dr. Jerry Buss did not invite him back for a sixth season.

This past June, less than one year after his unceremonious sacrifice, Jackson rejoined the Lakers, thereby fulfilling rumors that began as early as last February when his successor, Rudy Tomjanovich, resigned for medical reasons. In doing so, he reunited with the remaining half of the O'Neal/Bryant tandem that caused his previous departure, the player he condemned as "uncoachable" in his book, The Last Season: A Team in Search of its Soul, released during his year in exile.

By now, everyone is well-versed in the fence-mending that has come from all camps since June.

Rumors of Jackson's return were enough to help Bryant find religion. "In Phil Jackson, [the Lakers] chose a proven winner," Bryant said in a statement released shortly after Jackson's signing. "That is something I support."

Dr. Buss says the non-tendering of a contract to Jackson at the end of the 2003-04 season was just business, that Phil is like a son to him. This, of course, is close to the truth, given Jackson's romantic interest in Buss's daughter, Jeanie, the Lakers' Vice President of Business Affairs who lobbied both father and boyfriend to bring Phil back into the team's fold.

And, of course, there's the Zen Master himself, who has rediscovered peace after a year of introspection in Australia, New Zealand, and Montana. During that time, the balloon string of aura emanating from Jackson's inner self again intertwined itself with the life force of the Lakers engine while his fingers intertwined themselves with $30 million dollar bills.

But Jackson has claimed it's not about the money. "I've always believed," he states in his best-selling book that by happenstance exploits his personal relationships with Buss, Bryant, and other confidants, "that you lose your soul in some form or fashion when you chase the almighty dollar."

Chase may be the operative word here. One can't be regarded as chasing something that so eagerly presents itself for the taking, as Dr. Buss's money has apparently done. Jackson's principles still make good bedfellows with his wealth.

There was also the matter of reestablishing some semblance of a working relationship with Kobe. In The Last Season, Jackson related how much significance he placed on a meeting with Bryant before deciding whether to return to the Lakers. "I'm waiting, instead, for a meeting that I'm sure will have a much greater bearing on my future — the one with Kobe."

That is, until Kobe blew him off.

Nearly a month later, as Jackson was pondering "on a more spiritual level the possibilities for the future", he reached an important conclusion. The meeting that was once so important and was never going to happen now didn't need to happen. Phil was in.

Volume III was about to begin.

So, why would Jackson, regarded as one of the greatest coaches in NBA history, subject his reputation to the vagaries of today's game? Possibly because he is one of the greatest, but not yet the greatest.

For now, he must still share that distinction with at least one other — Arnold "Red" Auerbach. The man who built the Boston Celtics into the NBA's first and most enduring dynasty is perhaps the one who built the competitor that now lies within Jackson.

Ironically, it is another Red to whom Jackson ascribes credit for shaping him into the leader and competitor he has become — the late Red Holzman, Phil's former coach and mentor during his playing days with the New York Knicks.

On the eve of celebrating his ninth NBA championship back in 2002, Jackson voiced his desire to overtake Auerbach, who also holds nine titles. "I'm sure it's a wish he'd have to see me replace [Auerbach]," Jackson said of Holzman, a fierce rival of Auerbach in the early 1970s.

In a light sparring of words that ensued, Auerbach qualified much of Jackson's achievements by characterizing the teams he inherited as "ready-made" and pointing out Phil's limited role in teaching and developing young players.

Jackson's evidence in defense of his accomplishments is the competitive level spawned by the breadth of today's NBA, with its 30 teams and four rounds of playoffs. Auerbach's titles occurred in an era when the NBA was expanding from eight to 14 teams. In some years, the Celtics faced only two playoff opponents.

Perhaps the course of his global travels and year of introspection helped Jackson discern one remaining challenge in the midst of those distant and murky horizons in his future — the challenge contained in Auerbach's gauntlet.

As with the conclusion of every NBA season, several coaching opportunities were available last June. Among them, the Minnesota Timberwolves vacancy looked a bit more promising on paper, and speculation was rampant about Larry Brown stepping down from the two-time Eastern Conference champion Detroit Pistons.

Nevertheless, Jackson chose a return to Los Angeles. In comparison, this Lakers squad looks anything but the ready-made teams of the 1989 Chicago Bulls or 1999 Los Angeles Lakers. And, with salary cap problems, instant fixes through veteran free agent signings that were so available to the 2003 Lakers are not in this team's imminent arsenal.

The road to immortality must pass through Auerbach's haunting insight.

If he is to succeed, Phil will indeed have to take a page out of Red's old school book. Young players like Lamar Odom and Kwame Brown must be developed into the supporting roles that comprise Jackson's triangle offense. Of course, this is not to suggest he's back on square one, either. Arguably the best player in the game today already sits on the Lakers' roster.

In the event that one player is no longer enough, Jackson has outwardly tempered expectations to bring home a 10th title. "I would be most amazed if at the end of the third year, we had an opportunity to do that," he said.

Privately, the competitor within surely tells Phil he can do this, that he can once again meld 12 separate wills into another Larry O'Brien Trophy. If he can, he will surpass his principal nemesis, Red Auerbach, and seize outright the distinction of being the NBA's most prolific coach.

"It is a vital component of the warrior mentality to respect your enemy," Jackson once said, "to realize that you cannot be great unless he is great."

In the seasons to come, Jackson's third campaign will reach its end, either in boundless glory or in a heap of rubble along the roadside of immortality, victim to a lofty self-expectation.

Posted by Bob Ekstrom at 5:44 PM | Comments (3)

Huskies Gearing Up For a Title Run?

Early in the 2005 college basketball season, the Connecticut Huskies have shown the nation that they have re-tooled and are ready for a return trip to the Final Four.

Rudy Gay has led the No. 3 Huskies to a 7-0 record after defeating the Minutemen of Massachusetts 78-60 on Thursday night. Surprisingly, UConn has done this without a solid point guard and also after a very troublesome offseason. However, this has not stopped the Huskies from starting the season undefeated while winning the Maui Invitational tournament, where they had to defeat Arizona and Gonzaga, both of which who are ranked.

The season began with a lot of questions about the Huskies. Their main concern focused on the status of their two point guards. Marcus Williams, a junior from Los Angeles, and A.J. Price, a point guard who didn't play last year while recovering from a brain injury, both were suspended after their roles in the theft of some laptop computers from their fellow students at the university.

Williams will be allowed to practice with the team starting December 17 and will be allowed to play starting January 1st. Price, meanwhile, is gone for the year. This left freshmen Craig Austrie and Robert Garrison to play the point. While they have performed admirably, they still, quoting Coach Jim Calhoun, "play like freshmen." A player helping to overcome this defect is Rudy Gay.

Gay is a sophomore from Baltimore, Maryland who is averaging 16.4 points per game this season. He is also averaging 6.4 rebounds per game and almost 2 assists (1.7) per game. His 16.4 points leads the team while his rebounds per game make him second to Josh Boone. This is good news to Coach Calhoun, who is constantly pleading with his budding superstar to play more aggressively. The coach sometimes has to light a fire under Gay, as he did in the Huskies' last game. Gay had as many buckets (two) as fouls, as he only played seven of the game's first 20 minutes.

After the half, though Gay looked like the player Calhoun wants. During the Huskies' second-half surge, Gay led the charge with 9 points, including two spectacular dunks, and a three pointer. Though Gay is the go-to guy for the Huskies, they have all the pieces in place for a deep run in March.

The Huskies have experience as several members of this current team (Denham Brown, Rashad Anderson, Josh Boone, and Hilton Armstrong, Jr.) played on the Huskies' last national championship in 2004. They have depth as Rashad Anderson leads a bench that will only get stronger once Williams returns.

The Huskies, in addition to all this, have a Hall of Fame coach in Jim Calhoun. Calhoun, who was inducted in the Hall in 2005, won his first title in 1999, and then his second in 2004. He also has 240 victories at Connecticut.

The Huskies will also benefit from playing in a larger, stronger Big East. With the additions of Louisville, Cincinnati, Marquette, DePaul, and South Florida, the Big East will provide the Huskies with a lot of tournament-type games that will only help them come late March and early April.

That experience, along with Gay, the bench, and coach Calhoun, will help the Huskies contend for the 2006 NCAA championship.

Posted by Alfons Prince at 5:28 PM | Comments (0)

World Cup Group of Death?

This one is going to be a little off of the normal topics because this isn't going to be about one of the four major American sports. This article has to do with a major international sport: soccer. Americans can talk all they want about how soccer isn't a real man's game and how only wimps play soccer (these are people who have obviously never played in or seen a soccer game), but the fact is that the ones that think this way are in the vast international minority.

As such, the greatest sporting event in the world is taking place not but six months from now. No, I'm not talking about the Olympics, as those seem more like feel-good stories as opposed to real sporting events. I'm talking about the World Cup.

As was the case back in 2002 in Japan/South Korea, there is a group in this World Cup that is dubbed as the "Group of Death." Three and a half years ago, it was a group that included group-winner Sweden, England, pre-Cup favorite Argentina, and perennial African power Nigeria.

Not more than two hours after the final draw last Friday, American journalists and soccer buffs were quick to dub the group the Americans were in this Cup's Group of Death, which is most likely true. Each of the groups except for Group E has a clear favorite: Germany-Group A, England-Group B, Argentina-Group C, Mexico-Group D, Brazil-Group F, France-Group G, Spain-Group H. Some of the groups even have favorites as to who is going to advance in the top two, adding Sweden in Group B, Holland in Group C, and Portugal in D.

Group E, the group that currently is home to the USA, has Italy, the Czech Republic, and Ghana, as well. Anyone that knows a little bit about soccer, but not much more, would say that the U.S. would seem to have an easy time advancing if the top two teams advance because the only good team is Italy. Well, that would be why the casual fan is hence dubbed casual, because the Czech Republic will be fielding one of the best squads in the world (FIFA has them ranked second). In this group, all four teams are more than capable to advance to the knock-out stage and move pretty deep once they're there, which is why it's called the Group of Death.

Then, about an hour (if that) after the journalists and soccer buffs declared the Group of Death, American soccer heads started complaining left and right about seeding. SI.com's Gabriele Marcotti started complaining about how the draw is flawed and unfair since the U.S. got a bad beat. Interestingly, though, he says that he doesn't think that the U.S.'s group is the worst one — he said that honor belongs to Group C (Argentina, Holland, Serbia, Ivory Coast).

He thinks the draw is unfair for two reasons. The first reason being that the seeding was determined on how teams have done in the past three World Cups, as well as some other things, and he doesn't think that it's fair since the quality of play today wasn't effected one bit by how teams did in the US in '94. That part I can agree with him a little bit. I think maybe that the play in previous World Cups should be reduced to the past two to help determine the seeding, because if you remember, Ronaldo did help Brazil make the final in '98 and he's only 29 on this year's Cup team.

His second reason that he thinks the draw was unfair was because the Germans had the easiest road of all teams. Wow, I can't believe that the governing body would give the host nation of one of the highest grossing sporting events in the world an easier road than anyone else. Think about it this way, if the Germans were put into a group with the Czech Republic, Croatia, and the Netherlands, for example, it is fairly feasible to say that they would not advance past the group stage of the Cup. The play of the Germans has dropped recently, even though they still have the likes of Michael Ballack, Miroslav Klose, and Oliver Kahn representing again, so if they faced three solid teams like the ones listed above, then there's a good chance that they would not advance, let alone not win a match.

If you were a director in charge of the Cup, and you had marketing people and advertisers to answer to, how do you explain the host country of this high-profit event being knocked out within the first week and a half? It's just bad business to give the Germans a tough road, just like trying to have a bowl game without Notre Dame. Nobody trying to make any money whatsoever would turn down the opportunity.

In conclusion, people that are unhappy with the draw need to stop complaining about it and just get ready to enjoy it. The United States does not have a team that will come close to competing for the Cup this year, so it doesn't matter which group they're in. They might advance out of the group stage, but unless they win their group (which they won't), then they'd have to face Brazil in the second round and that would end any world championship chances for the Americans.

The World Cup usually works out so that the better teams in the world at that time advance when they need to, and it doesn't matter who they play in the group stages because if they're going to have any hope of winning, then they'll need to beat the best the world has to offer. Unfortunately for Marcotti, that short list does not yet include our national team.

Notes

* On Saturday, the Duke Blue Devils cemented themselves as the best in college basketball for the time being after winning a game by 31 points over a team that nine voters had as number one in the land in the Texas Longhorns. Whether you like Duke or hate them, it's hard to deny that they're the best right now.

* If Roger Clemens goes back to the Red Sox, then much of the baseball world will lose respect for him considering he came "out of retirement" to play in Houston to be with his family and not have to go to the ballpark some days to watch his kids play. If he goes back to Boston (which is not even close to Houston for you non-geography buffs), then it completely contradicts what he was doing before

Posted by Jeff Pohlmeyer at 5:13 PM | Comments (6)

December 13, 2005

NFL Week 14 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* I love football in the snow. The highlights from Pittsburgh were beautiful.

* LaDainian Tomlinson's MVP chances took a nasty shot on Sunday. He's not out of it, but Shaun Alexander and Peyton Manning are probably the front-runners at this point.

* I'll give you a topic. Are the 2005 Seahawks Mike Holmgren's best team ever? Discuss.

* Does anyone not hate those courtroom beer commercials?

* If anyone is stupid enough to hire Mike Martz as head coach next year, I think that team might end up with a certain disgruntled wide receiver, as well.

***

The Packers/Lions game on Sunday night featured the worst call I have seen all season, the overturned safety that stole Detroit's victory. I suspect that the league encourages officials not to call safeties, because anything remotely borderline is always put in the field of play, but Mike Carey's call on the play was the difference in the game, and it was only one step up from outright cheating.

I'm not a Lions fan, or a bitter Packer Backer who was holding out hope for a high draft pick. There's just no way that wasn't a safety. Even if there hadn't been holding in the end zone — and there was — Samkon Gado intentionally fumbled the ball forward, which is against the rules and should have resulted in a safety. Gado's holy roller was incorrectly ruled a forward pass, but it was initially called as intentional grounding, which also would have resulted in a safety. After Mike Sherman complained, though, Carey said that Gado threw the ball away legally, which was plainly untrue. Worst call I've seen all year.

Two minutes later, Gado fumbled and Carey's crew incorrectly ruled the play down by contact. To cap things off, Carey failed to run 10 seconds off the game clock when Green Bay was penalized for an illegal shift with 0:25 left. He even lost the ceremonial coin, and had to borrow a quarter for the coin flip in overtime. The Packers won the toss and scored on their first possession. I don't believe Carey or his crew intentionally fixed the game for Green Bay, but only because if they had, they would have been more subtle.

On to the power rankings, and as usual, brackets indicate last week's rank.

1. Indianapolis Colts [1] — It's too early to begin best-of-all-time debates, but since the end of the Joe Montana Dynasty, the best team I have seen was the 1998 Broncos. This year's Colts are, I think, a little better than that. For years, I've worried that a team might go undefeated and automatically be declared the greatest in history. If the Colts go 19-0, though, they'll have a very strong case.

2. Seattle Seahawks [3] — A pretty clear choice for second right now, they've won nine in a row and beaten their last two opponents by a combined 83-3. Against San Francisco, they had 31 first downs and almost four times as much yardage as the Niners. If you're looking for a downside, they haven't really been tested much. The NFC West provides no competition, their toughest AFC matchup is against a Colts team that might not even play all its starters, and they met Philadelphia after its midseason collapse. Seattle squeaked by the Cowboys and Giants in games that might justly be considered flukes, and all their other tough games were at the beginning of the season. If the Colts don't give them 100%, Seattle might enter the playoffs without much real battle experience.

3. Cincinnati Bengals [6] — Marvin Lewis is a leading Coach of the Year candidate as the season enters its final weeks. So is Chicago's Lovie Smith. For years, it was clear that Lewis and Smith were head coaching material, and they were available for teams with openings, even interviewed a few times. But it took years before anyone finally gave them a chance. Not that Butch Davis, Dom Capers, Dennis Erickson, and Steve Spurrier weren't the best guys available, but ... well, actually, yeah, they weren't the best guys available.

4. New York Giants [7] — Turnovers sent the game to overtime, but they soundly beat the Eagles statistically. The Giants can clinch the NFC East with a Week 15 win and a Cowboy loss in Washington. Osi Umenyiora is a candidate for Defensive Player of the Year. Umenyiora won't win — Dwight Freeney or Brian Urlacher will probably take it — but he'll certainly get my consideration at year's end. I still don't get the Freeney hype. I've seen a lot of the Colts the last few seasons, and I've only seen Freeney have one great game, last year against Baltimore. Everyone says he's terrific, including people whose opinions I trust, so maybe I just catch Freeney on the wrong days, but it seems like he doesn't show up half the time. Against Jacksonville, he had a zero-zero day: no tackles, no assists. He wasn't even double-teamed most of the time.

5. San Diego Chargers [2] — I told Alex Spanos I'd keep them top-five if he doubled my weekly bribe. The Chargers laid an egg against Miami, no doubt, but they had more yards, twice as many first downs, and double the Dolphins' time of possession. San Diego has won five of its last six, and probably needs to sweep its last three to make the playoffs.

6. Denver Broncos [4] — Three weeks in a row, they've come out flat. This is not a problem that can't be solved, but it is a problem. The running game has slowed down, and they're resorting to screen passes to get the ball to their backs. If Brian Billick kicks a field goal on fourth-and-goal, the Broncos probably lose to Baltimore.

7. New England Patriots [15] — Corey Dillon's return is a big boost. The Patriots are virtually certain to be the AFC's fourth seed in the playoffs, meaning a first-round win would likely send them to Indianapolis. While nothing would legitimize a Colts postseason run like beating New England, I think Tony Dungy would probably prefer to avoid that matchup. This is still the last team to beat Indianapolis, and you don't want to meet Tom Brady in the playoffs.

8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [12] — Four wins in their last five, and they now control their own destiny in the NFC South. Ronde Barber has had two monster games, and the resurgence of Cadillac Williams is definite cause for optimism. If they get a home game or two, the Bucs could be dangerous in the playoffs.

9. Kansas City Chiefs [9] — Willie Roaf is one of the few offensive linemen who can make headlines, and the difference he makes for the Chiefs has been well-publicized, but other teams have taken major dives without their top linemen, as well. The Jets' Kevin Mawae. New England's Matt Light. The Cowboys' Flozell Adams and Philadelphia's Hank Fraley, an absence that has made a huge difference, but been mostly overlooked. Roaf and Mawae are the best of that group, but offensive line injuries can destroy a team. In Week 15, the Chiefs take their 3-4 road record to New Jersey, where the Giants are 7-1. Bet the Giants.

10. Dallas Cowboys [11] — Huge win against Kansas City, but they need to exorcise their Week 2 demons against Washington. If the Cowboys win out, they're guaranteed of a playoff spot. That means road wins against Washington and Carolina, though, so don't book your tickets just yet.

11. Pittsburgh Steelers [13] — Got back to the running game, with typical results. Jerome Bettis scored two TDs, putting him only five behind Shaun Alexander for their respective careers. James Brown said this week that Bettis "has been rolling in Pittsburgh for 13 years." Unfortunately for Brown, that isn't true. Bettis was a Ram for the first three years of his career, and he's only been "rolling in Pittsburgh" for 9½ years. Incidentally, Alexander has been rolling in Seattle for just over five seasons.

12. Chicago Bears [8] — I've frequently used this space to criticize Kyle Orton and the Bears' offense, but you dance with the girl who brought you, and Orton is the girl who brought Chicago. Let's not forget, either, that Rex Grossman — who has 1,044 career passing yards and a 71.1 rating — isn't exactly Peyton Manning sitting on the bench. That doesn't mean Grossman can't come in if Orton struggles during a game, but you never bench the hot hand.

13. Minnesota Vikings [14] — Intercepted Ryan Fitzpatrick five times. It seems like there have been an inordinate number of five-interception games this year. Fitzpatrick, Daunte Culpepper, Brett Favre, Joey Harrington, and Orton all in one season? There have been a lot of four-pick games, too.

14. Carolina Panthers [5] — A 10-point loss to a good team doesn't normally merit this kind of drop in the rankings, but there were a lot of teams to move up. The Vikings have won six in a row, and I can't even fit them into the top 10. Injuries continue to be a problem for Carolina, and Jake Delhomme's inconsistency is becoming a major issue.

15. Jacksonville Jaguars [10] — Committed three vicious personal fouls in the second quarter, culminating in John Henderson's penalty for grinding Edgerrin James' head into the ground. I'm a little surprised the officials didn't throw anyone out of the game.

16. Atlanta Falcons [16] — Can beat bad teams. The teams Atlanta has beaten this year have a combined record of 36-68, and the only one with more than five wins is the Vikings, but that was pre-Brad Johnson. Atlanta's next two games are on the road against two 9-4 teams, Chicago and Tampa. Draw your own conclusions about the Falcons' playoff chances.

17. Washington Redskins [17] — A great conference-record tiebreaker is keeping their false hope about the postseason alive. I've been very impressed by rookie CB Carlos Rogers, and Cornelius Griffin has looked very sharp. I've been thinking a lot about my all-pro team, and DT is going to be tough to decide. The two best, Griffin and Richard Seymour, missed a combined seven games, and I don't like to pick guys who have missed a bunch of time. Seymour has been back for a month now, but he doesn't seem 100%. Griffin, though, has been dynamite, and he'll probably make my squad in spite of the injury.

18. Miami Dolphins [20] — Three straight wins on the heels of three consecutive losses. After scoring a total of just 26 points during the losing streak, the Dolphins haven't been held below 23 in any game since. Chris Chambers, who has always shown the potential to be a top receiver, is finally displaying the consistent performance to be one.

19. Philadelphia Eagles [18] — I like Mike McMahon, but a 55.6 passer rating doesn't cut it in the NFL. Philadelphia has lost six of its last seven games, and Andy Reid is starting to lose the faith of his defensive players.

20. Cleveland Browns [21] — Four losses in their last five games, but those came against teams with a combined record of 41-24, and Charlie Frye had another impressive outing. The second coming of Otto Graham he is not, but Frye has shown promise even in the absence of a strong supporting cast.

21. Oakland Raiders [19] — In the wake of Marques Tuiasosopo's four turnovers this week, I wrote a haiku for Norv Turner:

You lost to the Jets
Do not blame Kerry Collins
What were you thinking?

22. Baltimore Ravens [24] — Dropped to 0-7 on the road. Ed Reed hasn't had much impact since returning from injury, but the defense kept up its end of the bargain, holding the Broncos to 12 points. Kyle Boller had three turnovers, and while it may be too early to give up on Boller entirely, the team at least needs to explore other options this offseason. If nothing else, a reliable backup is a must.

23. Arizona Cardinals [25] — Kurt Warner is putting up big numbers, but he's 2-7 as the starter. That may not be entirely his fault, since there's no running game, but Josh McCown was 2-2 with the same team. Maybe Dennis Green needs to be a little less enamored with Warner's passing, and commit to the ground game the way he would if McCown were under center.

24. St. Louis Rams [23] — Lost four of their last five, with the win a last-minute comeback in Houston. The defense has fallen apart in the year and a half since Smith left to become head coach in Chicago.

25. Buffalo Bills [22] — Four straight losses. Against New England, they had possession of the ball for under a third of the game, allowed four times as many first downs as they got, and were out-gained by over 300 yards. Quarterback J.P. Losman threw three interceptions, but he was also the team's leading rusher, with one scramble for seven yards. This is the second time in four games that something like this has happened to Buffalo.

26. New Orleans Saints [26] — Normally, mixing red and yellow produces orange, not green. The Saints have lost eight of their last nine, haven't topped 21 points in two months, and probably still don't have a shot at Reggie Bush.

27. Green Bay Packers [27] — During the Sunday night broadcast, Paul Maguire said, "There's only one guy I know in the National Football League I don't wanna give the ball back with two minutes left and that's Favre." Not that this is a news flash, but Maguire is either an idiot, or he's lying through his teeth. No sane person would pass up Tom Brady and Peyton Manning to run the two-minute drill.

28. Detroit Lions [28] — As fired up as I am about the heinous officiating, Detroit really didn't play a good game. The offense was limp and ineffective, and Gado ran all over the defense. This team has some talent, but no one plays together, and the team doesn't seem very motivated.

29. Tennessee Titans [29] — Beat Houston to improve to 4-9 on the year. To secure the victory, though, they needed Kris Brown to miss a chip-shot 31-yard field goal at the end of regulation. Beating Houston should not require luck, and this was a home game for the Titans. The defense got six sacks — everyone does against the Texans — but had no answer for Domanick Davis.

30. New York Jets [32] — John Abraham is making a late all-pro push for one of the league's worst teams. Curtis Martin will miss the rest of the season, and you have to wonder if this is the beginning of the end for him.

31. Houston Texans [31] — Keep an eye on that sack record. With three games left to play, David Carr has been sacked 61 times, for 376 yards. The record, also held by Carr, is 76-for-411.

32. San Francisco 49ers [30] — Last in the NFL in point differential, with -195. They have the NFC's worst scoring offense (186) and worst scoring defense (381). If they were in the AFC, they'd still have the worst defense, but the offense would be ahead of New York and Baltimore. There's a bright side to everything.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 2:43 PM | Comments (3)

Blue Jays Not Ready to Soar Just Yet

The Toronto Blue Jays have opened up their wallets and will shell out a whopping $102 million over the next five years on hard-throwing right-hander A.J. Burnett and closer B.J. Ryan. They improved their offense by trading for Lyle Overbay.

And you know what's going to happen next — some fans and media members are going to jump on the Toronto bandwagon because they are sick of New York and Boston's success. "Look out for Toronto!" they will say, something we have heard for the past, oh, 12 years now.

But before anyone is ready to crown the Jays champions of the American League East, or seriously consider them as contenders, let us look at a few things.

First, Burnett is far from a sure thing. He had a very solid season last year, hurling 209 innings while posting a 3.44 ERA. But, when you take into consideration that he pitched for the National League in a pitchers' park, that is far from dominant.

You also have to question the character of a guy who was asked to leave the Marlins last year in late-September, following negative comments he made to reporters regarding the team's play down the stretch, which was ironic, considering he posted an ERA of 5.93 in his last five starts of the year.

How is he going to react if the Blue Jays play poorly?

Ryan was excellent last year, compiling 36 saves while striking out 100 batters in just 70.1 innings. At only 29-years-old, he could be ready to string together many good seasons in a row. Then again, look at how many closers/relievers flame out so quickly.

Overbay is coming off a solid season in which he hit 19 home runs and posted a .367 OBP. His .816 OPS is better than any Toronto regular last season — Shea Hillenbrand led the team with a .782 OPS. And while Overbay is an upgrade, no doubt, he is not going to turn their offense that was just 11th in the American League in home runs and 10th in slugging percentage into a juggernaut.

Then there is Toronto's competition. Yes, the Red Sox and Yankees look to have some flaws right now, but when all is said and done, the Red Sox will likely enter camp with Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon returning, coupled with the addition of Josh Beckett. And let us not forget that Boston won 95 games last year, despite having virtually zero production from Curt Schilling and Keith Foulke.

The Yankees have been written off more times than I can count, yet they always seems to be there at the end. Next year should be no different. Besides centerfield, they have no real glaring holes in their starting lineup. Their starting pitching is a bit overrated, because some of the big name pitchers, notably Mike Mussina, are clearly not what they used to be. But when you have a lineup that features Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Jason Giambi, and Gary Sheffield in the heart of your order, coupled with Mariano Rivera at the back end of your bullpen, it is not as if you need five aces to win games.

The Blue Jays should be better next season, but keep in mind that they were just an 80-win, third-place-team last year. Even if the additions of Burnett, Ryan, and Overbay lead them to 90 wins, they are still probably going to fall a few games short of the Big Boys in the American League East.

Posted by Eric Maus at 1:05 PM | Comments (2)

Taking Care of Business

Every now and then comes a time when you just have to step back and take care of business. That's why this week's column is filled with unrelated ramblings, notes, and e-mails that have accumulated over the past few weeks. Next week, will be another Sports Gospel and I'm planning to finish 2005 strong, so make sure to keep an eye for the rest of this month's columns.

* The Cincinnati Bengals are a good football team with a great offense. I am 100% behind them, I get what they are all about, and I am going to pull for them in the playoffs. It's great for the franchise, great for Marvin Lewis, great for the city of Cincinnati. That being said, this team will never get to the Super Bowl. Not this season. They don't have the defense to win it. They have gone this far on the turnover differential, which is crazy, and this team will be a force next season once they get Madieu Williams back and draft some guys to help with the run support, but they can't get that this year. Still a good team that has a chance to make some noise, but it will be a miracle if they reach the Super Bowl.

Of course, if they do get there, it will be because of their great offense. Obviously, the best known cog in that offense is the outspoken Chad Johnson. I love Chad, great teammate, hard worker, gets along fantastically with his coaches, I love his celebrations, and there is no question he is a great receiver. He just isn't a big-game receiver. When it comes down to it, if you look at the last seven big games he has played in during his career, he only showed up for one of them — at home against Indy. He is a huge reason why that Cincy offense is so good, but bottom line: if it's the last play of the Super Bowl and I'm Carson Palmer, I'm throwing the ball to T.J. Houshmanzadeh.

* Speaking of Indy, can we put all the "play for 16-0, not the Super Bowl" talk to rest? I know people are sick of the '72 Dolphins and I know people want to see another team go undefeated, but that team can't fall into that trap. Immortality? Not if they choked in the playoffs. Their story is then one of a fantastic choke job, not as being the world champions. Dungy said it best when he said they don't give out rings for 16-0.

* A few weeks back, I mentioned the crazy fan in Philly who tried to spread his mother's ashes on the field. Obviously, in that column, I made a reference to Ted Williams and how his son froze him, and I got the following note from author Jack Polidoro. Jack has recently released his second book on Ted Williams, this one is a novel titled "Brain Freeze -321F." A quick synopsis from his website (LongTailPublishing.com):

Reginald "Lefty" Sanford, a famed Negro Leagues baseball player, dies and is frozen in a cryonics facility in Arizona against his will. Jonathan Bishop of Mizaronics is fired after revealing a catastrophic event that occurred during Sanford's preservation. Rachel Geary, a Phoenix reporter and Wesley Thomas Washington, a noted baseball biographer, champion the efforts to expose Reggie's "frozen casket of absurdity," ironically with the advocacy of Red Sox icon, Ted Williams.

I haven't read it myself, so I'm not necessarily endorsing it, but it sounds like it may be worth a shot. Jack calls it Ted's "payback" to his son, John Henry. Interesting side note: Jack has been working with Ted's daughter, Bobby Jo, to try and free him from Alcor — three years to date — so props to him for that.

* After my column on the Get Buckets Brigade (which was loved by every non-Celtic fan), I received more than a few emails from members. Most notable is the fact that they have a website, GetBucketsBrigade.com. Supposedly, the group operates like a well-oiled machine, but it's a long season. There is still plenty of time for things to get out of control. I did get some great e-mails from members that may have missed the point, but still deserve some mention.

obviously your a pompous ass who is so full of himself and hot air that you have no idea what it is to be a true fan. Its great when sports critics like yourself just sit on their lazy butts and see the negative in everything and you are a writer for a FAN magazine. I find that hard to believe, but some people will read anything!

And:

Why don't you get off your butt and go and see for yourself what the brigade is all about and then state an opinion. Did you ever consider maybe Ricky wanted to use his money to give something back to his fans, his #1 fans. I guess if you could find the time to write him a letter then you deserved to be at the audition and obviously he had to cut it off at some point.Do you see the Kobe's and the James' of the NBA doing anything for their fans? The "groupie" was not chosen because of her tattoo. No one knew about the tattoo until the auditions were over. She was probably also chosen because of the content of her letter and the audition was just an add on for the fun of it. Sounds to us fans like you have a bit of Davis envy?

by a girl with "CELTICS #12" tattooed on her ankle.

I have a theory that this may or may not have been written by the tattooed member of the GBB. Either that, or it's another random girl with a "Celtics #12" tattoo in the same place on her body. Of course, I did say the following in that column. For starters, he said he was most impressed by a girl with CELTICS #12 tattooed on her ankle. What the hell is that going to do for a cheering section? Is she going to point to her ankle when Ricky needs a boost? I bet she only showed up to the audition because she missed the groupie tryout. Either way, any cheering section worth its salt isn't going to be anchored by some girl who has some pro-Davis ink. That just won't fly.

So I may have deserved that response. Then again, if I had to be full of two things — the two I would pick would be money and candy, but myself and hot air aren't far down the list. I was also informed that this girl could kick my ass given the chance, so that's something I will always have to carry with me when I'm in the Boston area. As far as being envious of Davis, I told her I couldn't care less about him when I replied to her e-mail. On second thought, it would completely rule to have my own fan section, so I do admit I'm somewhat envious.

You must guzzle hate-r-ade for breakfast lunch and dinner. Have you seen any of the Celtics games this year? Since I live in Cleveland(yeah, I'm a Clevelander whose favorite player is Ricky Davis, still angry I was too youngto join 'Ricky's Renegades') I only saw 1 game and he didn't even shoot the ball that well but he was still impressive especially when you consider he was gettin booed like Kobe in Denver. I'm curioes about who your favorite player is and if he buys a section of season tickets for a group of his fans. Probably not, Ricky Davis is one of the most underrated players in the league and is probably better than your favorite player. At this point I'm just writing more so you have to waste time reading it. Over 20 points per game, 6 assists per game, 4 rebounds per game and 2 steals per game. ANd i almost forgot, he's in the top 5 in the league in minutes per game. He's basically been an all-star this year, so go ahead and try to be funny but you're just a loser who thinks he's sweet for bashing a player he doesn't like, I wish I was as cool as you.

Bob

This is just a great, great e-mail and all because of one key line: "At this point I'm just writing more so you have to waste time reading it." That made my day. I'm sure Bob wishes he was as cool as me and I do think I'm sweet for bashing a player (although I didn't really bash him) I don't like (I actually have no feeling towards Ricky one way or the other). I'm writing more so you have to waste time reading it — that is just brilliant. Of all the blasts I've had from people, this has to rank near the top. The "you suck" e-mails can be repetitive, but the "at this point, I'm just writing more so you have to waste time reading it" e-mail is fresh. Very well done, Bob.

All in all, the GBB seems like a very loyal group of fans and a very dedicated bunch. They didn't really seem to get the point of the column, but I'm impressed with their dedication and overwhelming affection for Ricky. Hopefully, someday, I will get to watch a game in the Get Buckets Brigade (of course, I will then be risking getting my ass kicked by that girl, but life can be boring if you don't take risks).

* Finally, I have been asked by several people why I chose BetOnSports as a sponsor. It's a decision I didn't take lightly and my answer for that is:

1) They are well-known. I didn't want to align myself with some crooked, fake Internet scam or poorly-run sportsbook. BOS has done a lot to establish themselves as professional and one of the better-respected sports books online. First, they are publicly traded on the London Stock Exchange, so it's not like this is a fly-by-night operation. Second, they get their name out there. They have Tom Arnold as a spokesperson and sponsor No. 37 NASCAR driver Mike Skinner. (Okay, these moves let you know they are legit, but aren't exactly a wringing endorsement for the company. Tom Arnold is, well, Tom Arnold. There is very little about him that says success. Also, I like what they are doing by sponsoring a NASCAR driver, but it's not like Skinner is taking the racing world by storm. Still though, it shows that they are legit.)

They also do a big party to kick-off football season and sponsor all kinds of tailgate parties and the like, and who doesn't enjoy a good party? They also sponsor golf tournaments and boxing matches and the like, which helps with their visibility. You know these people can't just take your money and run, because they have nowhere to hide. I just feel it's a little more secure to go with one of the big books in the industry if you are going to get involved with online wagering. And, everyone is doing it, they have ads on ESPN Radio, in USA Today's sports weekly, all over the Internet, and on billboards around the country, how could I withstand that type of peer pressure?

2) So after establishing that they were legit, the second big reason is that they are charitable. I'm not talking just giving to charities, because they do that and I definitely respect that, but they give back to you poor saps, the people who take the time to read the Sports Gospel. They don't hesitate to give you special bonuses just for reading, and today is no different. If you sign up today and type "Sports Gospel Bonus" into the promo code, you will get an additional 10% bonus, on top of every other bonus they have.

This was a big point for me, I wanted someone that would be willing to do things for the people that let me get away with what I do, so to those of you who enjoy using your sports knowledge to make some extra money on the side (or throw it away on ridiculous eight-team parlays), make sure to check them out, get your bonus, and play responsibly (I feel like your mother now). They also have a big 12 days of Christmas promotion going on, so make sure to check that out, as well.

Now that I have taken care of everything that had been building up the past few weeks, things will get back to normal. I would spend some time now giving a preview of the epic Sports Gospels that are to come for the month of December (and they will be epic), but I don't want people to think I've gone Bob's route and I'm writing just so you have to waste time reading it.

The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. BetOnSports.com gives you the greatest sports action to bet on. Wager on football, cricket, boxing, Rugby, horse racing, and more. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 12:56 PM | Comments (1)

December 12, 2005

Why NCAA Should Stick With Bowls

Seven years after its inception, Congress has decided to look into the BCS in Division I-A football and why it's the only major sport without a playoff system. Those guys in the House really have their finger on the pulse. With a war waging in the Middle East, gas prices at an all-time high, and a stuttering economy, you'd think the good burghers of Washington would have better things to discuss. But a Congressman can never resist the opportunity to jump onto a fashionable bandwagon, even if it's a few years too late.

What is it with this "we need a playoff" garbage? Division I-A football should be proud of its record of returning actual national champions. Football, baseball, hockey, and basketball have all returned champions that failed to win their respective divisions or conferences. College football actually rewards regular season excellence, something that is to be admired, not condemned.

Let's go with this playoff argument for a while. Eight teams seeded with the better regular season record taking home-field advantage. There is no doubt that the lower seeds would provoke heated debate anyway (thereby filling more tedious hours of sports radio), but round one sees the number one seed knocked over by the number eight. It's been a long season and the number one is banged up, they have an off-day and lose a close game. Meanwhile, the number five seed turns over the number four in the first round and then the number three in the semifinal. A playoff final of number two or eight against the fifth-seed awaits us! And that's better than what we have now?

The pro-playoff argument seems to boil down to "every other sport has it, so college football should." Cliff Stearns, R-Fla, noted that lower division football has it. I was always under the impression that lower levels of sport learnt from the higher echelons rather than the reverse, but I'm not a Congressman.

Texan Republican Congressman Joe Barton, a well-known pro playoff advocate, might want to take a look at the bowl matchups and take note that his state's Longhorns have made the championship game without the aid of a playoff. He could be looking elsewhere for employment soon.

Let's face facts on the idea of introducing a playoff system. It's no guarantee that the two best teams will face-off for the title, and I'm presuming that's what we all want. The playoff bellyachers usually reach a crescendo when there are three unbeatens in a season and somebody misses out on a title shot (Auburn and USC, most recently). To rectify exactly such a scenario, a compromise "plus-one" idea has surfaced, where the BCS introduce a fifth game where the winners of two of the BCS bowls advance to play for the title.

What's wrong with that? Well, firstly, four unbeaten big conference teams is as rare as rocking horse dung. So that means a one-loss team gets in and there's usually a myriad of those. Which one gets in, or should we just throw Notre Dame in to pacify ABC even if they're 5-6? I can hear the mind-numbing hours of argument now and it's not pretty.

Secondly, and most importantly, what if the one-loss team wins it all? Of the four teams that started out in the "plus-one" system, three would now have one loss. Why should the last-one-standing, as it were, be automatically considered the best team in the nation? That one loss could well have been at the hands of one of the three other teams in the "plus-one" scenario, given that the Big 10 or the SEC would have a good shot at sending two out of the four teams.

Congress has implied that the school presidents are merely interested in protecting the current bowl system as it's such a cash cow. What do they think a playoff system would be? The potential revenue for a 16- or eight-team playoff is astronomical, far in advance of what's on offer now, even given the ludicrous amount of bowl games in place.

Athletic directors and school presidents are perfectly right to look to protect the tradition of NCAA football. The regular season may have its faults, like big teams scheduling puff-pastry opponents to run up impressive scores and backing out of agreements with difficult opponents in order to avoid a possible loss, but it isn't anything that isn't fixable by penalizing their ranking. The regular season in college football is also of huge interest in itself, rather than as a mere prelude to a postseason. It's not the NFL or NBA, where teams are barely interested in winning their division as long as they make the postseason.

Academic considerations should also play a part. Already 41% of this seasons bowl-bound colleges fall below the NCAA's standard and a playoff system, with increased games and pressure is hardly likely to improve that. These kids are (supposedly) at university to study.

What's the answer then to determining a national champion? Whilst I'm not a particular admirer of the BCS, it hasn't actually screwed things up any. It just seems unnecessary. It doesn't achieve anything above and beyond the old system of traditional bowls and a vote for national champion.

Eventually, the playoff bellyachers will win — it's inevitable. The networks and the media, rather than the fans, will drive it hard enough to break the schools' resolve. I just hope when that day arrives, they get the national champion they deserve — 16th-seed South Carolina.

Posted by Mike Round at 6:02 PM | Comments (1)

Home For the Holidays With Gisela Dulko

It's just before Christmas, and I'm way behind in shopping. I almost forgot to get something for my friends in the Marat Safin Mafia, who were pretty well-behaved this year, although a few of you still won't be getting invitations to my New Year's bash and I suspect you will find some coal in your stockings come Christmas morning.

I have the incredible opportunity, thanks to Regina Capulong of the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour, to interview several rising stars during the offseason and introduce them to you. These players don't get a ton of time off from tennis (just over a month, usually), so I have to really thank them for taking a few minutes out of their days and putting up with my inane questions.

Let me introduce you to one of my favorite players on the tour, Gisela Dulko (pronounced jee-ZELL-ah DOOL-koh). Gisela is currently ranked 26th in both singles and doubles (hey, think I'm going to play that number in the lottery tonight) and has been steadily rising up the ranks since she joined the tour in 2001. She has career records in both singles and doubles well over .500, and while she is still waiting for her first pro singles title, she has four career doubles titles, three of them just this season.

Born in Buenos Aires, Argentina, Gisela is truly a hometown gal. When I asked her which tour stops had the best restaurants, she immediately responded with, "I would like Buenos Aires for sure, but there is no tournament here!!!" Clearly, she really loves the local cuisine and eateries. So one of the things I'll do is put a WTA tour stop for her on my Christmas wish list. Every year at least one thing on the list usually comes true. I'll put the tournament number one on my list for you, Gisela. Hey, Santa, did you hear me?

Gisela told me that she played 23 tournaments this year, which meant she was on the road and away from home over half a year. That is just a ton of time to be away. I used to travel a ton myself, but at best, was away from my home a little over 16 weeks. I can tell you that 16 weeks was nearly unmanageable, so to be away from home for 26+ weeks and often far away, is just incredible. I am amazed how Gisela is able to do it all with a great big smile.

Having said all that, let me give you a little flavor of Gisela, and share with you part of the interview:

SC — Who do you "hang" with on tour? Who are your tour "girlfriends?"
Gisela — I hang out a lot with Maria Kirilenko — she is my best friend on Tour.

SC — What tour stop has the best shopping?
Gisela — Indian Wells and Miami.

SC — Who is your favorite ATP player? Why?
Gisela — Roger [Federer], why? Simple — he is the best!

SC — What one item do you carry in your tennis bag for good luck?
Gisela — I don't carry anything for good luck, but I carry my father's picture all the time.

SC — What is your favorite thing about being home?
Gisela — My favorite thing to do at home is eat my grandmother's food, drive my car, and shopping.

SC — What is on your Christmas/holiday wish list?
Gisela — Health for all my family and for my friends.

You know, I marvel at how baseball or football fans can tell you just about every starting player in their respective leagues, but how tennis fans struggle to name players outside of the top 15. Professional tennis doesn't work without at least the top 200 players, and Dulko is among the players on tour who often don't get the recognition they so richly deserve. Phenomenal players all, toiling just below the marquee players like Serena [Williams], Venus [Williams], Martina [Hingis], Lindsay [Davenport], and the like. With her smile, attractive looks, and wonderful personality, when Gisela finally cracks the top 20, she will definitely get attention and be, in my opinion, a media force.

Gisela is one of the true rising stars on tour and one of the very nicest people you could ever meet. Watching her play, I often forget that she is only 20-years-young, and that she is still not legal to drink alcohol here in the NY-NJ-CT tri-state area. Her birthday is just a little over a month away, so before I go, please join me in wishing her a very happy birthday. How about this; after you read this column, go to the comments area and leave Gisela some warm holiday wishes and something nice for her birthday.

Well, I have to get back to the Christmas shopping. Gisela, since you'll be legal by the time of the U.S. Open, and you were so sweet to answer my questions, I owe you a drink or two when I see you at the Open. I understand they make a great daiquiri with your name on it at the Red Star Bar...

Posted by Tom Kosinski at 5:16 PM | Comments (0)

I Hate Mondays: Shaq-san

When Shaquille O'Neal was recently asked how much the Miami Heat have missed his presence during his 18-game absence with an ankle injury, he responded:

"It's sort of like in the movie The Karate Kid when Daniel said he needed Mr. Miyagi and Mr. Miyagi game him that confidence to believe he really didn't. These guys think they really need me right now, but they don't."

Ahhh ... but Shaq-san, they do need you.

On Sunday night, with O'Neal back in the lineup, the Miami Heat ended a four-game losing with a 104-101 overtime victory over the Washington Wizards.

With the Heat down by one point and time running out, guess who came to the rescue?

Shaq.

He was sent to the free-throw line with one second left where he made one-of-two to push the game into the extra frame.

He only contributed 10 points and 11 rebounds in 23 minutes off the bench, but regardless of his modest production, it's clear that the Heat are not the same team without their sensei.

It's like when Mr. Miyagi told Daniel about karate training for the first time:

"You karate do 'yes,' or karate do 'no.' You karate do 'guess so,'..." and then he squishes the grape.

The same analogy applies for the Heat. With Shaq, they are a championship-caliber team. Without him, they are a low seed in the Eastern Conference playoff picture. There is no in between.

O'Neal's presence makes a world of difference, just like it did when he arrived from Los Angeles last season. Not only is he a legitimate scoring option at every point of the game, he creates more space for his teammates to work with since he is such a threat in the post.

More attention for Shaq means more space for Dwyane Wade, more open looks for Gary Payton and James Posey, and more freedom for Udonis Haslem and Antoine Walker to rebound.

Without O'Neal, the Heat were really starting to struggle. Wade was pressing too much and outside of him, the Heat were lacking scoring options. Payton has become a spot-up shooter while the production from Posey and Walker has been inconsistent.

In their last home game versus Denver, the Nuggets double-teamed Wade down the stretch and the Heat had no scoring answers.
But with Shaq-fu on the court, Wade doesn't get double-teamed.

If you need more evidence, just take a glance at the Los Angeles Lakers, who have dropped from the ranks faster than John Kreese and the Cobras since they traded the big man to South Beach.

The Lakers thought that their championships were built around Kobe Bryant, but now they know for sure. It's the same in Miami. O'Neal is more the key to their success than Wade.

That's why the Heat really do need Shaq, even if Daniel-san didn't really need Mr. Miyagi.

The Karate Kid and the Miami Heat mix like Mondays and me.

"Wax on, wax off." — Mr. Miyagi

Posted by Dave Golokhov at 4:58 PM | Comments (1)

December 10, 2005

Learning to Love the Shootout

Yippee! The shootout is here to stay in the NHL, baby!

The players love it, according to Newsday's Mark Herrman, via FoxSports.com: "Even the losers liked it. Even the people who hated it liked it. That is lucky because they are going to have to learn to live with it. The shootout is here to stay. Lucky for all of us! When a shootout starts, everybody is a fan."

The media loves it, according to ESPN's John Buccigross: "The shootout is here to stay. When the Rangers/Capitals shootout was going on, every TV in the ESPN newsroom was on. It's getting people talking about hockey. It's showing off skill." (What, no forced reference to an obscure '80s hair metal band? Our loss...)

And the fans? The fans adore the shootout, like little children fawning over a newborn panda bear. Look how they all stand up and cheer during the shootout! (Okay, they do the same thing for a fight or when they shoot t-shirts in the crowd, but you get the point.) Look at the huge jump in attendance during October and November; record-setting months for the NHL!

(Sure, that might have something to do with hockey being absent for a year, or the dramatic reduction in ticket prices, or the new rules that have made the games more offensive, or the fact that the unbalanced schedule has created more games between division and geographic rivals earlier in the season ... but you get the point.)

Look at the numbers for OLN, which boasts over 225,000 viewers on average each broadcast, each of them obviously watching three periods of hockey just to see if the game will reach that moment of unparalleled drama and athletic accomplishment: the super-duper fantangalisticly stupendous shootout!

Now, I'm one of those silly dillies that didn't like it at first. Hockey columnist/self-made maven Stan Fischler called people like me "sour pusses" and "media Grinches." (By the way, Stan: keep trying to make that "Der Bingle" nickname stick on Sidney Crosby. Nothing captures the hip, young image of the NHL better than a 50-year-old reference to a Christmas crooner. And nothing makes a hockey columnist look older than the barnacles on the hull of Noah's Ark, either.)

In fact, right here in this very column, I've bemoaned that the ultimate team game is artificially narrowed down to a guy and a goalie in its most critical juncture — that the winner of a hockey game can be determined without a single pass having to be completed or a single defenseman on the ice is a travesty. (I guess back-skated to defend a two-on-one breakaway isn't a "skill" in Bucci's world.) I've slammed the shootout as a gimmick that tarnishes the reputation, fairness, and competitive nature of the sport. Perhaps I've even opined that I haven't seen one shootout that matches the intensity and hockey skill I've witnessed in just five minutes of four-on-four overtime hockey.

But that was when I was looking at the shootout as a sporting event.

It's only now, months later, that I've seen the light. The shootout isn't about hockey; it's about: F-U-N!!!!

Gosh, what a poopie head I was being! Here I was thinking that if you're going to reward two points to the winner of a game, the end of the game better damn well resemble the first 65 minutes. But that's just silly "media Grinch" talk!

Think about that shootout game between the Rangers and Capitals a few weeks ago. Did you see Marek Malik's unbelievable goal to win it? Talk about F-U-N! Here's a 6-foot-6 defenseman, who up until that point hadn't really shown an iota of offensive skill in the NHL, and he scores a highlight reel goal that I'm pretty sure brought Jagr to climax. Seriously, it was so good that, for about 15 minutes, the sports talk stations in New York actually stopped discussing the Mets' pitching rotation to talk about hockey.

Never mind the fact that the 15 rounds of shootout could have instead been a prolonged four-on-four sudden death overtime under goal-friendly "new" NHL rules. And never mind that Malik's goal is no different that a jaw-dropping move in the NBA's slam dunk exhibition: an athletic feat that could never be repeated in an actual competition because it's flashy sideshow garbage.

It was super duper candy-coated F-U-N!

A few days later, a "media Grinch" by the name of Larry Brooks wrote in his NY Post column that NBC or another of the NHL's many television partners might one day force the league to adopt the shootout in the Stanley Cup playoffs. Instead of endless iron-man overtime sessions to decide the winner of the most dramatic tournament in professional sports, games would have a nice, tidy ending with six skaters shooting at two goalies for 10 minutes.

For some reason, his column didn't really sit well with hockey fans, who scurried to their computer keyboards like bugs scattering from a RAID bomb. Suddenly, the same fans who loved the shootout were now treating it like Starr Jones treats a salad bar. Like these guys on the Hockey's Future message boards:

"That's the day I stop watching hockey. And I mean it." — Garfield

"There would be no way that the NHL could withstand the uproar if that happened. Hell, just this rumor ought to spark a massive emailing just for good measure so they know we won't stand for it." — Norrisnick.

"i'd be pretty pissed, i always love staying up watching multi ot games." — Dwayne Roloson, who I imagine is not Minnesota Wild goalie Dwayne Roloson, only because a NHL player would be sure to capitalize "I."

Hokey smokes! What a bunch of "fan Grinches"!

Commissioner Gary "Steroids? What Steroids?" Bettman has said the shootout won't be used in the postseason. But why not? It's sooooooooo much fun! And really, what's the point of awarding the most coveted trophy in all of sports if the casual fans flipping between poker and the Cup finals can't get their shootout fix?

I think I've identified the problem. I think the problem is that the shootout, for all its wondrous joys, just isn't F-U-N enough, especially to keep the hockey newbies coming back for more. We need to figure out how to make it even more F-U-N, and pronto!

Let me put my marketing genius thinking cap on...what do people find fun? Baby panda bears. But how can we use a baby panda bear to determine the winner of a hockey game? Have them fight the mascots? That's just stupid.

Dancing girls. People love dancing girls. And having them on the ice ... let's just say we'll see more high-beams than someone doing 35 in the left lane of the New Jersey Turnpike. (There's a reason Letterman keeps his studio so cold, remember.) But to decide a hockey game ... maybe not.

Wait, I got it. What's the one problem with the shootout? If you guessed a lack of unpredictability, give yourself a 2004-05 NHL pocket schedule. We know the game is going to end with one guy skating at a goalie. The "when" and "why" are always answered — we need the "how," and I'm not talking about Gordie.

So what's something unpredictable that people find F-U-N?

Game show wheels!

After the five-minute, four-on-four overtime (which we can actually cut down to like 1:30, because everyone just wants to see the shootout anyway), we bring out a giant "Price is Right"-style wheel to center ice. Each team captain skates out to it, and the referee grabs a long stick microphone and skates out to join them. The home team captain spins the wheel to determine the overtime finale (talk about a home-ice advantage) as the crowd just goes psychotically nuts with excitement.

Since fans, players, and journalists universally adore the shootout, let's make that one of the spots. Then we should add the rest of the skills exhibitions from the all-star game, which obviously should be just as effective and fair in determining the winner of a team game as the current skills competition the NHL is using in overtime. That means spots for fastest skater, puck control relay, hardest shot (damn Al MacInnis for retiring), and of course the shot accuracy competition, which has awesome potential for sponsorship opportunities. (Targets sponsored by Target? Genius!)

But that won't be enough for an entire wheel. This is going to take some out-of-the-box ideas, such as:

Tricycle Races — Is there anything more F-U-N than seeing two fans try to race around traffic cones on the ice between periods? Now imagine that hilarity with two players in full pads, only with the drama of having an entire game resting on three little wheels!

"Splinter Cell" Battle —The only thing hotter than the NHL shootout these days are professional video gamers. (It's only, like, the new Texas Hold'em or something.) So set up a pair of Xbox 360s (product placement, baby!) at center ice, pick three players from each team, and have a little multi-player shoot'em up! Put the games on the arena video screens, and watch the crowd go wild!

Goalie Fights —Now, I know fighting is sort of frowned upon in the "new" NHL. But having two goalies go at it in the middle of the rink should be fine — it's more comical than violent. They wear so much padding, it'll be like two manatees wrestling. And really, isn't it about time someone gave Ron Hextall a reason to make another comeback?

SCORE-O — Now we're talking! This is the game they have between periods where fans come down to the ice and try to shoot the puck through a small hole at the bottom of a piece of cardboard covering the net. Not only does the crowd scream and cheer on every attempt; they also boo those who completely miss the net! Imagine the skill NHL players will bring to this amazing athletic competition? Just like between periods, the winners get their names put in a drawing for a new car...unless Sidney Crosby is shooting, in which case he's vying for a mountain bike. (Age restrictions, you know.)

Carnival Basketball Toss — Seriously, do you know how much dough those carnival games with the crooked hoop pull in? The winning team gets two points and a stuffed SpongeBob for their kids. Plus, Gary Bettman's dream of turning hockey into basketball comes closer to realization.

Super-Duper Mega Shootout —This is even more F-U-N than a regular shootout! It's the same concept, only there are two shooters on every scoring chance and NO GOALIES. It's like every dream Mario [Lemieux] ever had.

The shootout has shown me — cynical, jaded sports journalist that I am — that it's okay to let go everything I hold sacred about team sports and the century-old traditions of the National Hockey League, and embrace the paltry pleasures of this skills competition.

I somehow feel free, like a player sprung from the box after serving his ninth penalty of the first period in the "new" NHL.

Suddenly, I don't feel so ... Grinchly anymore.

You're a rotter, Media Grinch/
You're the king of sinful sots/
Your heart's a dead tomato splot/
With moldy purple spots/
Media Grinnnnch/
You're as deplorable as a trap-filled hockey playoff game/
With only 10 shots!

Greg Wyshynski is the Features Editor for SportsFan Magazine in Washington, DC, and the Senior Sports Editor for The Connection Newspapers of Northern Virginia. His book "Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History" will be published in Spring 2006. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 5:12 PM | Comments (0)

Overspending Doesn't Win Championships

This is the season of the giving, but some Major League Baseball general managers are taking this notion to the extreme.

The Toronto Blue Jays have given $102 million to two pitchers. One has a sub-.500 winning percentage and the other has 42 career saves. This is not what Santa had in mind.

The winter meetings concluded Wednesday in Dallas and the dust has settled on the pitching market.

The Blue Jays started the festivities by giving Baltimore pitcher B.J. Ryan a five-year, $47 million contract. He had a good season last season, finishing with 36 saves, a 2.43 ERA, and a .208 opponents batting average. Ryan deserved a pay raise from the $2.6 million he made last year, but a player with 42 career saves shouldn't get the highest contract for a reliever in the history of baseball.

Toronto wasn't done with Ryan. The Blue Jays gave Florida pitcher A.J. Burnett a five-year, $55 million contract. Burnett was considered the best starting pitcher on the market, but that is not saying much.

While Burnett had a decent season last year, he went 12-12 with a 3.45 ERA — he has been mediocre throughout his career. He has a career record of 49-50 with a 3.73 ERA. Those are not exactly mind-blowing stats, and they definitely don't deserve a $55 million dollar contract.

The Mets have been just as active as the Blue Jays this offseason. They have traded for Carlos Delgado and Paul Lo Duca, but their biggest acquisition was Philadelphia closer Billy Wagner. Wagner was considered to be the best free agent available and he was certainly paid like it. The Mets gave him a four-year, $43 million deal with a no trade clause.

Wagner is coming off his best season of his career. He had 38 saves, a 1.51 ERA, and a .165 opponent's batting average.

The loss of Wagner left a gaping hole in the Phillies' bullpen, so they had to go out and get a closer. They set their sights on Yankees reliever Tom Gordon.

Gordon had a good year as Mariano Rivera's setup man with a 2.57 ERA and he held opponents to a .203 batting average. The Phillies rewarded him with a three-year, $18 million deal and a guarantee that he would be the closer.

All four of these signings could be considered gambles, but the biggest one was the signing of Gordon.

He hasn't been a full-time closer since 2001. He is 38-years-old and has suffered a lot of wear and tear with his two seasons with the Yankees. He has pitched 171.1 innings the last two seasons. The Phillies better hope that Gordon is a reliable closer, because if he isn't, it is going to be impossible to move him. Nobody is going to want a 38-year-old setup man making $6 million a year. They should have gone after Trevor Hoffman or Bob Wickman, both of whom were signed for less than Gordon.

Signing B.J. Ryan was almost as big of a gamble as signing Gordon. Last season was Ryan's first season as a closer so continued success is not a given. He turns 30-years-old this month and has a career ERA of 3.54. He is not a young guy with a ton of upside or a proven veteran, so $47 million may have been a bit too much. If the Blue Jays want to get their money's worth, then Ryan must be lights-out for the next couple of seasons. That is a lot to ask of Ryan.

The Blue Jays also went out on a limb when they signed Burnett. While he has the stuff to be a dominant pitcher, he has never been able to put it all together. Also, Burnett has some red flags. He has been known as a young guy with a lot of potential for some time, but that ship has sailed. He will turn 29 in January, so it time for him to start pitching like everyone said he could. He also had reconstructive elbow surgery in 2003, which is always a concern to a general manager.

As good as Burnett pitched in the beginning of the year, he fizzled in September. He went 0-4 with a 5.93 ERA in the last month of the season until he was dismissed from the team for making disparaging comments about the Marlins. Those are too many question marks for a guy you just gave $55 million to.

The best signing of the four was Wagner, although his deal brings up some question marks. He has been a dominant closer for some time, so he deserves to be one of the highest-paid relievers. However, giving a guy who is 35 and has had some arm injuries is a risk. When the contract expires Wagner will be 39. Most people believe that Wagner will be done with the Mets before that happens, but the Mets are trying to win a World Series this season. But the next postseason series Wagner wins will be his first.

To win a World Series, a team must take risks along the way, like the Red Sox trading Nomar Garciaparra in 2004. Some work and some don't. The odds are that the majority of these four signings are not going to pan out. There was too much money dished out to mediocre talent. There is too much hype to live up to.

Perhaps these teams should have looked in the bargain bin like the Marlins did with Todd Jones last year and the Pirates with Jose Mesa a couple of seasons ago. There are four players out there who have been closers before who are coming off sub-par years who can be signed for very cheap. Danny Graves, Byung-Hyun Kim, Braden Looper, and Ugueth Urbina, if he gets his legal problems solved, are all available.

Instead of taking a $55 million gamble, maybe taking a $4 million dollar gamble on one these guys is a better option.

The Blue Jays are about to find out that the team that spends the most money in the offseason doesn't win the World Series. Maybe they should ask the Rangers how the Chan Ho Park signing worked out.

Posted by Mike Griffenberg at 1:50 PM | Comments (2)

The Push For the Playoffs in the AFC

In September, I was bold enough to make some predictions about who would win their respective divisions in the AFC. With four games left in the season, and with some teams fighting for their playoff lives, I thought it would be interesting to revisit these picks and look at where we stand today.

At the start of the season, I picked the New England Patriots, Indianapolis Colts, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Oakland Raiders to win their divisions. It looks like I was half right. The Colts are a lock for their division and the Patriots are looking solid, as well. The Steelers' loss to the Bengals last Sunday, combined with the Bengals' weak schedule, makes a Pittsburgh divisional title unlikely. Obviously, the Raiders aren't going to win the AFC West. In an effort to hold myself accountable, let's rundown what I got right and what I got wrong.

Let's start with what I got right:

AFC East

Here is what I said about the New England Patriots:

The world champions lost both their offensive and defensive coordinators. This is the wildcard, as it can't be easy to deal with that kind of change. But they have Bill Belichick at the helm and Tom Brady leading the offense. Add a healthy Corey Dillon, a solid receiver core, and a reloaded defense, and it gets hard to bet against them. If the Pats can keep their team chemistry among the changes, look for them to make a serious run at another title.

Okay, so maybe they won't make a "serious run" at another title, but they are still slated for a comfortable divisional title. This once competitive division has been weakened by injury and poor quarterback play. New England has been hit by the injury bug and it has devastated their defense — the secondary in particular — but they still have a great leader in Tom Brady and it looks like Corey Dillon might finally be healthy. The Pats have beaten each of their divisional rivals once and it seems likely that they will continue to do so and thus wrap up the division. I wouldn't bet on the Patriots going deep into the playoffs with their beat up defense, but I have a hard time seeing teams led by Gus Frerotte, J.P. Losman, and Brooks Bollinger beating Tom Brady and company.

AFC South

Here is the question I posed regarding the Colts:

Can the Colts stop teams enough to outscore them? Another offseason has passed without any big-name improvements, but they are deeper and have some young talent. They have added another tough Big 10 guy in the secondary in Marlin Jackson and Mike Doss is as tough as they come. Will it be enough to make it to the Super Bowl? Who knows, but it should be fun to watch.

I think we can safely say the answer is yes. This has to be one of the biggest stories of the season. The Colts' defense has played remarkably well. It looks as if they have finally developed that toughness that Tony Dungy has been looking for. After struggling a little bit in Weeks 2 and 3, the Colts have gone on a tear, averaging 35 points a game and destroying some impressive opponents. They torched the Patriots and Bengals on the road and whipped the Steelers at home.

The question on everybody's mind now is whether the Colts can go undefeated. I knew their offense would be good, but I didn't have any idea their defense would be so stout and opportunistic. It goes without saying that the Colts will be the favorite to win the Super Bowl this year.

Let's move on to what I was wrong about.

AFC North

As much as it pains me to say it, I was wrong about the Bengals. Here is what I had to say in September:

A lot of folks will probably pick the Cincinnati Bengals as a sleeper winner in this division. I don't see it this year. Sure, they will have a strong offense with the evolving Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and Rudi Johnson. But in this division, you must run and stop the run to win. The Bengal defense is still suspect in my mind. If the defense can't get the ball back for the offense, all that talent is wasted.

I was right about the defense in many ways. In October, they faced the Steelers at home and lost, 27-13. This seemed to encapsulate the Bengals' problems. The Steelers' defense kept Palmer guessing and used a powerful running game to control the clock and the tempo. Things seemed to be going as I expected. The Bengals' offense looked good at times, but good defense and a physical running would keep the Bengals off the field.

What I underestimated was the ability of the Bengals' offense to generate points and the opportunistic nature of their defense. When you combine the potent offense with a turnover-creating defense and a relatively weak schedule, you have the ingredients for a resurgent team in Cincinnati. The second meeting between the Steelers an Bengals is a good example. Sure, the Bengals defense gave up 31 points, but they also came up with four turnovers. The special teams unit also had a great showing. All of this added up to a crucial win and the driver's seat in the division; not to mention their first winning season since 1990.

It remains to be seen how far the Bengals can go in the playoffs. The defense is still suspect. Although they lead the league in turnover ratio (an astounding +24), they have given up an average of 35 points a game in their last three games. Teams like the Colts, Broncos, Chiefs, and Chargers have the talent on offense to give the Bengals trouble. You know Marvin Lewis is working every day to toughen up his defense for just this reason.

Allow me a moment to talk about my beloved Steelers and the uphill climb they face. Coming off a remarkable 15-1 season and yet another AFC Conference Championship game loss, the Steelers were intent on getting to the Super Bowl. But injuries and miscues have forced them to fight for their playoff lives. Ben Roethlisberger has been banged up all season and has missed four games. Charlie Batch was able to win two games before getting hurt himself. the same can't be said for Tommy Maddox. His poor play against Jacksonville and Baltimore produced two heartbreaking overtime losses that loom large today.

Despite the devastating loss to Cincinnati on Sunday, if they win those two games (and they were in a position to do just that), they would be tied with the Bengals in the division with four games to go. More importantly, they would have been ahead of Kansas City and San Diego in the wildcard race and tied with the Jaguars while holding the head-to-head tiebreaker. Instead, they are a game behind the Chiefs and Chargers and need to win out to have a realistic chance of making the playoffs.

AFC West

This is the most competitive division in the AFC and the playoff race will be intense. Unfortunately, the Raiders won't be in it. Of all my predictions, this was the most off. Here is what I had to say in September:

There is always a chance that the unstable Randy Moss will do something to undermine his success at his new home in Oakland. But on paper, the Raiders look dangerous on offense. Say what you will about Kerry Collins, but he can throw the ball deep. And in Moss, Jerry Porter, and Ronald Curry, he has the weapons to do it. Add in Lamont Jordon to run the ball, and the offense looks solid. I don't think the defense will be the best in the league, but I have a feeling they will have better chemistry and a better game plan with the newly-installed 4-3. I think they will do just enough better on offense and defense to win the division.

Wrong. Clearly, the Raiders aren't any better on defense and they are not even as good on offense as they were last year. I thought this team had the potential to gel and outscore opponents. Instead, the offense has looked out of sync and the defense hasn't stopped anyone. Randy Moss has been banged up and unproductive. They lost their first three games and have struggled to stay competitive ever since. To add insult to injury, they have lost every divisional game.

Instead of the Raiders, it was the Denver Broncos that got on a roll. After getting beat by Miami in the season opener the Broncos reeled off five straight wins and have won four of their last six. For awhile, it looked like Denver might run away with the division. But heartbreaking losses to the New York Giants and their divisional rivals the Kansas City Chiefs have put the Broncos in the middle of a tough battle. The Broncos are 9-3 while both the Kansas City Chiefs and the San Diego Chargers are 8-4.

Interestingly, all three teams rely on the running game. The Broncos of course seem to be able to run no matter who is in the backfield. This year, Mike Anderson and Tatum Bell (and the occasional Ron Dayne) have continued the tradition of a powerful ground attack. The weak point of the Denver offense always seemed to be Jake Plummer's flakiness — he seemed to make mistakes at key moments. This year, he has played more within the game plan, letting the running game carry the weight. But Kansas City was able to stymie that running game and force Plummer into mistakes (two interceptions). Plummer's play will be key down the stretch.

Both Kansas City and San Diego have powerful running backs and great tight ends. LaDainian Tomlinson is perhaps the best all-around back in the league and Larry Johnson has once again proved he can step in and replace Priest Holmes. Tony Gonzalez seems to have finally found his way back into the Chiefs playbook and he gives Trent Green a dangerous weapon in the middle of the field. Antonio Gates leads the Chargers in receiving and is a security blanket for Drew Brees. After a rough start, the Chargers have won five straight games and eight of their last 10. Kansas City has won three straight, including a huge win against Denver on Sunday. The Chiefs' defense — a focus this offseason — remains inconsistent, but Larry Johnson is a punishing game-changing back that opens up the offense for Trent Green.

If their is a roadblock for Kansas City it is their schedule — the toughest of any playoff caliber team. Every one of their remaining opponents has a winning record. They must go on the road against the Giants and Cowboys only to return home to games against the Chargers and Bengals. San Diego's schedule isn't much easier. They face Miami at home on Sunday before road games against the Colts and Chiefs finishing with a home game against Denver. Denver has the easier road, facing Baltimore, Buffalo, and Oakland before the final clash against San Diego.

So how do I think all of this will play out? Well, first off I think the Colts will win their division. I have no idea whether they will rest their players or go for the glory of an undefeated season. If I had to guess right now, I say Dungy rests his stars for key minutes and the Colts lose a game or two. The risk of injury is just too great in the NFL. Dungy's goal is the Super Bowl and the Colts are certainly the favorite to make it there.

I also think the Patriots will win their division. I think it is likely that they win thee out of their four remaining games. I don't expect them to do much in the postseason, however, as the teams they are likely to face have too much firepower for the Patriots' depleted defense to handle.

I can't see the Bengals stumbling too munch with their schedule. They are likely to win three of four and win the division at 12-4. That Kansas City game seems to be where they are most likely to stumble, but by then, they should have the division wrapped up.

Picking a winner in the AFC West is like rolling dice. Denver, however, has the lead and the easier schedule. Like the Bengals, I see them winning three of their last four and winning the division at 12-4. That season finale at San Diego looms large.

As for the wildcard, I think the Jaguars will make it. They have a soft schedule, and despite the loss of Byron Leftwich, I think they lose to Indy this Sunday and then win out against San Francisco, Houston, and Tennessee. Their defense is good enough and David Garrard is competent enough to win against mediocre teams. If Fred Taylor can get healthy, they will be a dangerous team in the postseason, as well.

That last remaining spot in the AFC is tough to call. My Steelers have a tough road to climb, but it isn't out of the realm of possibility. They have the easiest schedule. After facing a tough Bears defense (but struggling offense) at home on Sunday, they face the Vikings, Browns, and Lions. The Steelers are likely to be favored to win all of these games.

As I noted above, the Chargers and Chiefs face a tougher road. Interestingly, a lot may depend on whether the Colts are resting their players when they face the Chargers December 18. If we give them the game in Indy, I still think they lose to the Chiefs on Christmas Eve. The season finale against Denver is going to be a huge game. Maybe I am biased (yeah, I am biased), but I find it hard to believe that the Chiefs will win two tough road games and both games against two of the better teams in the league. I think it is entirely possible the Chiefs will go 2-2.

So if the Chargers finish 11-5 and the Chiefs end up 10-6, the Steelers will have to win out to finish 11-5. If they can do this, they will win the tiebreaker by virtue of their win against the Chargers in October. This would mean the AFC playoffs would include the Patriots, Colts, Bengals, Broncos, Jaguars, and Steelers.

Picking between the Steelers, Chargers, and Chiefs is not easy. All three teams have looked good at times and yet have been inconsistent. The Chargers have the most momentum and the Chiefs are ridding high after a big win. The Steelers, meanwhile, are reeling after three straight losses. Why pick the Steelers to run the table and sneak in? Is it because I would be devastated if they miss the playoffs? Perhaps, but I also think they have the talent and the schedule to do it. Would anyone have predicted last year that they would win 14 straight games with a rookie QB? The Chargers and Chiefs face a tougher schedule and a fierce divisional fight. I think with their backs up against the walls, Pittsburgh will be motivated to prove they still belong, but I admit that it is really a toss up at this point.

No matter who you think is going to get into the postseason, football fans have to be excited about the next four weeks. Each week will have games where a season hangs in the balance and the final week is likely to showcase a couple of games that will determine whether teams live to fight another day or start their vacations. Isn't that what it is all about?

Posted by Kevin Holtsberry at 1:30 PM | Comments (0)

December 9, 2005

Trying to Earn Their Wings

For most college basketball teams, a certain amount of patience is necessary for a course to take shape. Whether you bring up chemistry, rust, or conditioning, squads usually need time before they know whether things will gel or, eventually, implode.

The new season is only a few weeks old, meaning that plenty of games are ahead for everybody. However, there are signs of growth across the land. Just like young caterpillars crawling on the earth, these teams will soon use the cocoon of league play to build strength and confidence. So, what's the last week-plus told us about some of these creepy crawlers?

ACC Holds Their Dominance

Another year, another ACC/Big 10 Challenge won by the East Coasters. That makes the record seven wins in seven challenges for the Atlantic Coast squads. Sure, the overall result was six games to five, and some of those contests had nail-biting finishes (i.e. Wisconsin/Wake, Illinois/UNC, Duke/Indiana). In the end, even with thoughts that the Big 10 could finally pull one out this time, hopes for a midwestern party were spoiled again.

A side note gripe: I know that these conferences have history, prestige, and all that junk. But why aren't there more of these challenges amongst the other power conferences? Wouldn't you enjoy a Big East/SEC, or Big 12/Pac-10 Challenge? I bet a couple of you conference commissioners could scratch up some interest amongst TV execs and fans. Am I wrong?

Luck Doesn't Have a Timetable

We're going to backtrack and talk a little more about some teams for last week's Challenge. In an early, and I mean early, conference battle, Duke got away with one against arch foe ... Virginia Tech? Last season, the Hokies absolutely stunned the Devils in Blacksburg, and they were on their way to doing it again on Sunday.

VT used a 12-0 run to catch and pass the Dukies in about a four-minute stretch, leaving the birds up one with 1.6 seconds left. History, however, put itself on rewind. Josh McRoberts and Sean Dockery re-enacted Grant Hill and Christian Laettner (of 1992 fame) as Dockery hit a half-court shot to push Duke to victory. I guess fortunate circumstances don't have timeframes.

As much of a Duke detester as I am, the Blue Devils are number one for a reason. They've survived threats from the Hokies, the Hoosiers, Memphis, and even Drexel to start the season. We'll see how long they hold on. Coach K and crew visit second-ranked Texas this weekend.

The Missouri Valley Strikes Again

Let's turn our attention to the other end of that Challenge matchup from last Wednesday. Indiana lost at home to number one, but they looked very impressive doing so. The Hoosiers rode the back of transfer Marco Killingsworth to keep the game close. At the time, it looked like Mike Davis could have the building blocks to make another tourney run this year. Now, it seems like he's back on the hot seat.

That's what happens when you lose at Indiana State, especially with an 11-point lead in the second half. The Sycamores were 3-0 going in to Tuesday's contest, but the competition (Central St.-OH, Middle Tenn., E. Illinois) was less than stellar. Davis could cool the chair down by beating Kentucky in Lexington Saturday, but there's only so much time you get when losing to lesser competition.

That subject could also apply to Steve Alford at Iowa. For the third time in five years, a ranked Hawkeye squad has visited Cedar Falls to face Northern Iowa. On Tuesday night, the Panthers made their in-state counterparts leave 0-3 in those situations. The 67-63 overtime victory gave UNI (another team with a soft schedule) their first big win of the season. It also must have left Alford wondering how he can solve the home courts of his in-state rivals. Up next, Iowa State in Ames, yet another place where he's had marginal success (2-2).

Bucknell Up to Their New Tricks

Could someone please remind the Bison that they're in the Patriot League? Last year's darlings could become this year's threat to normalcy. After wins at Pittsburgh and over Kansas in the NCAA tourney in '04-‘05, Bucknell was lulling the giant to sleep again. An early season upset at Syracuse was cemented a little more Saturday with a victory at DePaul.

It took a 19-point smacking by Villanova Tuesday to remind the Bison that it wasn't a Big East mover and shaker. The thing is, you don't want to get into a close contest with these guys. Four of their wins have been by five points or less. You might want to keep an eye on this team. They could still do some early season damage, with St. Joe's at home, followed by road games at Boston U. and Duke.

Yes, it's early in the season, and teams still have to play 60-70 percent of their games. But it should be a treat to find out which squads turn into butterflies by springtime.

Posted by Jonathan Lowe at 12:28 PM | Comments (0)

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 14

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Chicago @ Pittsburgh

The Steelers suffered a devastating defeat last week, losing 38-31 to the Bengals in Pittsburgh. Whereas a win would have placed them in the division lead, the Steelers now find themselves scrambling to make the playoffs. Ben Roethlisberger, playing with an injured thumb, passed for 386 yards and three touchdowns, but also threw three costly interceptions. Big Ben is probable for Sunday's game against the 8-3 Bears.

"Ben's officially probable," says the Steelers Bill Cowher, "but realistically, he'll play regardless of the health of his thumb. Even if he loses that thumb in a horrible kitchen accident, Ben will play. I just can't see starting Tommy Maddox against the Bears. The Bears force enough turnovers on their own — they don't need Tommy giving them away."

The Bears have won eight straight, and are the second hottest team in the league besides the Colts. Chicago's latest victims were the Packers and Brett Favre. The Packers fell 19-7, as Favre threw two interceptions, the last of which was intercepted by Bears cornerback Nathan Vasher, who returned it 45 yards for the game-clinching touchdown.

"Did I set an NFL record for return touchdowns?" asks Vasher. "Brett seemed to throw that one right to me. I kind of felt like Michael Strahan when Brett laid down to give him the season sack record a couple of years ago."

In addition to Vasher's return, Charles Tillman returned Favre's other interception 95 yards to set up a field goal. And whoever starts for the Steelers, whether it be Ben Roethlisberger with an injured thumb, or Tommy Maddox feeling his best, interceptions will be thrown. And the interception return is basically the Bears offense.

Chicago shows the Steelers what a real defense is all about.

Bears win, 16-7.

Cleveland @ Cincinnati

The Browns organization got a brief glimpse of the future last Sunday, when second-year quarterback Charlie Frye connected with rookie wide receiver Braylon Edwards for two second quarter touchdowns, giving the Browns a 14-3 lead over the favored Jaguars. The Jaguars stormed back with 17 third quarter points to complete the 20-14 comeback. The news got worse for Cleveland when they learned that Edwards was lost for the year with a torn ACL suffered in the fourth quarter.

"Hey, it could have been worse," says Browns head coach Romeo Crenel. "Braylon could have hurt himself wrecking a motorcycle in a parking lot like Kellen Winslow."

The Bengals won their biggest game of the year, beating the Steelers 38-31 to all but wrap up the AFC North. The win so excited Bengals receiver Chad Johnson that he guaranteed that Cincy would beat the Colts in the AFC Championship game.

"Is anyone surprised?" asks Johnson. "You know I can't keep quiet, especially after not scoring a touchdown in my previous game. Like Joseph Stalin and Gandhi, I'm the cult of personality. And so what if the Colts decide to make my statement bulletin board material? If they do, then they are assuming that they themselves will be playing in the AFC Championship Game. I'm paying them a compliment by saying they will be in the championship game. If they don't like it, they can shove it. Or sue me. All I want for Christmas is a Super Bowl. And two more gold teeth."

The Bengals win 30-18 and continue their drive to the AFC North crown and a #2 seed in the playoffs.

Johnson grabs a second quarter TD pass, then celebrates by soliciting a threesome with two members of the Cincinnati cheerleading squad, also known as the "Bada-Bengals."

Houston @ Tennessee

The Texans lost a heartbreaker for the second straight week, this time losing to the Ravens on Matt Stover's 38-yard field goal with six seconds left. The Texans allowed the Ravens to go 67 yards in under a minute to set up Stover's kick.

"That's totally unacceptable," says Texans head coach Dom Capers. "You know, that kind of performance can get a defensive coordinator fired. That's what's wrong with this team. No one is being held accountable for our 1-11 record. We need people to step up and take responsibility. I think management needs to grow a pair and fire some people. Just not me. I'm just the head coach. I really don't make any decisions here, although I do tell our captains to always call 'tails' at the coin toss."

Here's the deal, Dom. Texans management is brilliant. There's this thing called the "number one pick in the draft" that rewards the NFL's worst team. As long as you remain as head coach, Houston is guaranteed to continue losing and, therefore, secure the number one pick. So, keep up the good work. Bush's are big in Texas. USC's Reggie Bush could be the biggest, and easily the smartest, Bush in Texas.

"You know what's funny?" asks Titans coach Jeff Fisher. "Houston's owner is named Bob McNair. My quarterback is named Steve McNair. I don't know who's more ineffective: Bob as an owner, or Steve as a quarterback last week against the Colts."

McNair has an easier time against the Texans, and Tennessee wins, 23-17 .

Indianapolis @ Jacksonville

The Colts remained undefeated with a 35-3 thrashing of the Titans, as Indianapolis became only the fifth team in history to start the season 12-0. More importantly, the Colts clinched a spot in the playoffs.

"We did?" asks Peyton Manning. "I guess we've been so caught up in going undefeated that we totally forgot that our first goal was to clinch a playoff spot. Honestly, I thought we did that in about week eight. It's all kind of anticlimactic, isn't it? Which would describe exactly the situation should we go undefeated and not win the Super Bowl. But that's not going to happen, is it, unless the Patriots have a huge surprise for us in round two of the playoffs."

The Jaguars won their fifth in a row, 20-14 over the Browns in Cleveland. It was Jacksonville's third straight road win, but those three wins are against teams with a current combined record of 11-25. And they've only beaten those teams by an average of just under six points. Are the Jaguars even playoff-worthy?

"Are you kidding me?" a perturbed Jack Del Rio says. "Statements like that are apt to send me into a fit of rage, and when J.D.R. goes into a fit of rage, everyone gets chewed out. Just ask my players. They heard words last Sunday, after falling behind the Browns 14-3 at the half, that would make Quentin Tarrantino blush. Anyway, the Jaguars are playoff-worthy. We could finish 12-4 and not even get a bye. Put us in the NFC, and that would get us home field throughout the playoffs. But our minds are on the Colts. This is the biggest game in Jacksonville in a long time. I've got several complimentary tickets available, so anyone willing to pay a hefty price for those tickets should contact me, or my associate, Mike Tice."

The Jaguars seem to have the blueprint for slowing down the Colts, so expect this game to be scrutinized by coaches around the league. The Jags held the Colts to 10 points in Week 2, but the Colts held the Jags to three points. This time, expect the same outcome, but with a different score.

Colts win, 27-10.

New England @ Buffalo

Last week, the Bills jumped out to a 21-0 first quarter lead against the Dolphins on three J.P. Losman-to-Lee Evans touchdown passes. The Bills added a safety in the third quarter, then surrendered three touchdowns to the Dolphins in the fourth quarter to lose 24-23.

"We got a complete quarter out of our offense," says Bills head coach Mike Mularkey, "and three complete quarters from our defense. One quarter and three quarters equal one dollar. And what does a dollar buy these days? A gallon of gas? No. A gallon of milk? No. A gallon of malt liquor? Almost. The standard tip at a below-average strip club? Yes. It won't, however, buy me a complete game."

The Patriots pounded the Jets 16-3 to maintain their two-game lead in the AFC East over the Dolphins. Defensive end Richard Seymour was critical of New England fans, saying they cheered more when a Victoria's Secret model was shown on the Titan-tron than they cheered for anything the team did all day. Let me tell you something, Seymour. If you're only beating the Jets 16-3, then that's not even cheer-worthy. And you're a player. What are you doing looking at a Victoria's Secret model on the screen? Shouldn't you be paying attention to the game?

"She was incredibly hot," says Seymour.

As soon as the Patriots wrap up the East, they can start resting players. That could come sooner than any other AFC team, except the Colts, would be able to start resting their players. The Patriots are the No. 4 seed right now, and won't likely improve on that. While the Bengals, Broncos, Jaguars, Chargers, and Chiefs battle for position, the Pats could get healthy, and possibly make a run in the playoffs. A Patriot win, coupled with a Miami loss, gives the division-title to New England.

Brady throws two touchdown passes, and Corey Dillon proves his nagging injuries are healing by grinding out a tough 95 yards and a touchdown.

New England wins, 23-13.

Oakland @ N.Y. Jets

What's up in New York and Oakland? Well, besides the number of losses by the Jets and Raiders, not much, except for the blood pressure and alcohol consumption of diehard fans. The Jets are 2-9 and last in the AFC East, while the Raiders are 4-8, bringing up the rear in the AFC West.

"And speaking of 'bringing up the rear,'" says Raiders receiver Randy Moss, "that's what I do during team sprints. I'm so injured, even the offensive lineman are beating me. Or maybe I'm just lazy. I only run hard on two occasions: when the police are after me, and when I have an appointment to get my cornrows or have my 'fro picked out. Does it matter, though? I was brought here for one reason, and that was to sell jerseys."

The Raiders are considering a quarterback change after having lost four of their last five. Marques Tuiasosopo is set to get the start over the struggling Kerry Collins, who has thrown seven interceptions in his last four games.

"Tuiasosopo," says Raiders head coach Norv Turner. "That guy's got more syllables in his name than we have wins. And, judging by that name, he's got a little Samoan in him, and, right now, Samoans are the hottest thing in the NFL. You've got the Steelers' Troy Polamalu and the Seahawks' Lofa Tatupu tearing up the league on defense. We need to have a little Samoan representation on offense."

Tuiasosopo gets the start, and has a decent game, throwing for one touchdown. The Raiders shut down a severely-depleted Jets offense, and Lamont Jordan rushes for a score.

Oakland wins, 27-13.

St. Louis @ Minnesota

St. Louis quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick learned the hard way that not everyone is impressed by a Harvard education, especially the Redskins, who harassed Fitzpatrick into a forgettable 163-yard outing as Washington dominated, 24-9.

"A diploma to some ritzy East Coast school don't mean jack in my book," says Redskins linebacker Lavar Arrington. "Although I was quite impressed with Thornton Melon, played by Rodney Dangerfield, and his successful quest to earn a diploma at an unnamed East Coast college in the 1986 classic Back to School. And boy did he nail that Triple Lindy off the high dive for the dive team. Anyway, Fitzpatrick may be able to blind most people with science, but we blinded him with blitzes, disguised coverages, and good, hard hits upside his oversized head."

The Vikings have won five straight, and, at 7-5, are making a serious playoff push. Minnesota is impressing with their play, and not their off-the-field shenanigans.

"We want to make people forget about the cruise ship incident," says Vikings cornerback Fred Smoot, "although we'd rather not forget. It would be difficult anyway, since we've made countless copies on video and been featured on the Internet's most explicit sites. Look for us on the new DVD Viking Shipmates and Playmates: Girls Gone Wild on the High Seas."

That's listed first on my Christmas list, Fred.

The Rams gave up 100 yards to two Washington backs, Clinton Portis and Rock Cartwright. So, you know the Vikings can run the ball. And quarterback Brad Johnson will do the rest.

Minnesota wins, 28-17.

Tampa Bay @ Carolina

Last week, the Panthers spanked the Falcons 24-6 to run their division record to 2-1 and staked their claim to the NFC South title. The Panthers' win knocked the Falcons two games out of the division lead, and a Carolina win over Tampa this Sunday will do the same to the Bucs.

"We showed the Falcons that we own this division," says Panthers running back DeShaun Foster. "And we plan to show Bucs who the boss is, with apologies to Bruce Springsteen and Tony Danza, of course."

Panthers receiver Steve Smith found the end zone after three games without a touchdown reception, then entertained/disgusted with a unique celebration is which he pretended to wipe a baby's behind, with the football being the baby.

"It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it," says Smith. "Why not me? It's about time someone babied the football. Players are always spiking the football, slamming it over the crossbar, or spinning it, like I have been known to do. If you were spiked, slammed, or spun, you'd crap your pants, too."

The Bucs beat the Saints 10-3 in Baton Rouge, in a game witnessed by only 34,411 fans. Chris Simms hit Joey Galloway with a 30-yard touchdown strike for the game's only touchdown.

"I've practiced in front of more people than that when I was at the University of Texas," says Simms. "But did anyone really miss anything? Thirteen points between two teams? I bet half of those 34,000 fans were gone by game's end. That leaves 17,000. That's about the number of people that show up each year to watch Longhorn players get their physicals."

And speaking of Longhorns, Chris, is there anyone out there, not affiliated with the University of Texas, who thinks Mack Brown can lead Texas, or any team, for that matter, to a national championship?

Smith scores a touchdown, and Simms feels the wrath of the Panthers defense.

Carolina knocks the Bucs two games out of the division lead with a 20-14 win.

N.Y. Giants @ Philadelphia

The Giants won the latest battle for control of the NFC East, grinding out a 17-10 over the Cowboys, despite a lackluster day from quarterback Eli Manning and another missed field goal from Jay Feely. Manning was only 12-for-31 for 152 yards and two interceptions and no touchdowns.

"All I know is this," says Manning. "At least we won the game. I guarantee the Colts wouldn't win if Peyton posted stats like that. We're the Giants. The game is obviously not safe in the hands of our kicker, and I guess it's not safe in my hands, either. Thank goodness for Tiki Barber and our defense."

Consider yourselves lucky, Giants. At least you have only one quarterback who threw two interceptions — the Eagles had two of those last Monday. Mike McMahon threw two, both of which were returned for touchdowns. Then, Koy Detmer relieved McMahon and threw two interceptions of his own.

"Yes, Donovan McNabb is recovering well from surgery," says Eagles coach Andy Reid, "and I have already named him starter for next year's season-opener. What's that? No one asked me about Donovan? Well, someone did ask if I saw anything positive about our quarterback play on Monday. And I did. I'm positive that Donovan will be our starter next year."

In the meantime, Philly mobsters Vinnie and Joey (last names withheld at their request) have made their Christmas list and are checking it twice.

"Let's see," says Vinnie. "Cement. Check. Okay, that's everything. Hey, Joey. Now all we need is McMahon and Detmer's addresses, and the location of an isolated and deep body of water."

"Got it," says Joey. "Hey, I heard the Eagles finally deactivated Terrell Owens. Well, I'll tell you this, Vin-Man. T.O. won't be officially deactivated until he's 'deactivated' Vinnie- and Joey-style. Hoo ha!"

Manning throws a touchdown pass, and Tiki Barber rushes for a score. The Giants' defense shuts down the Philly offense, which is further depleted by an injured Brian Westbrook.

New York wins, 23-9.

San Francisco @ Seattle

The Seahawks clinched the NFC West division last week ... without even playing. The Rams' loss on Sunday officially gave Seattle the division, and the Seahawks blasted the Eagles 42-0 on Monday to put the icing on the cake.

"'Tis the season of giving," says Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, "and the teams of the NFC East have been especially generous. Two weeks ago, the Giants' Jay Feely missed three field goals, practically handing us the win. Then, the Redskins beat the Rams, allowing us to clinch the West. Then the Eagles lay an egg while handing us three touchdowns. And, oh yeah, I almost forgot. In Week 7, Dallas' Drew Bledsoe handed us an interception that we turned in to immediate victory. I love those guys!"

The 49ers lost to the Cardinals 17-10 last week, their second loss to Arizona this year.

"But first in America!" says 49ers quarterback Alex Smith, who casually tossed three interceptions to the Cardinals last Sunday. "We have to be the first team in history to be beaten by the same team twice, each time in a different country. The 49ers are known for losing, and now, we're known for losing internationally. "

The Seahawks are front-runners for home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. With only two losses, Seattle currently holds the edge over the three-loss Bears and Panthers.

Shaun Alexander rushes for two scores, and the Seahawks roll, 28-10.

Washington @ Arizona

Joe Gibbs is a little confused.

"Didn't we just play the Cardinals in St. Louis?" asks Gibbs.

No, Joe. You played the Rams in St. Louis.

"The Rams?" replies a confused Gibbs. "We were in Los Angeles? I could have sworn I was in St. Louis game-planning for Jim Hart and Terry Metcalf. What year is it? Didn't my driver, Richard Petty, just win the NASCAR championship?"

Joe, it's 2005, and yes, your driver won the NASCAR championship, but it was Tony Stewart.

Anyway, the Cardinals used to be in St. Louis, but now they are in Arizona. And if you are game-planning, Joe, it should be a short session. The Cards can't run the ball, but they can pass the ball, and when they do, quarterback Kurt Warner almost always throws to Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald.

"Yeah, those two guys are awesome," says Gibbs. "Boldin is big, fast, and a serious deep threat. Fitzgerald is big, a great leaper, and I like his hair. Seriously, I think dreadlocks would really look cool under my Redskins cap. But, we just plan to cover those guys one-on-one, and blitz the daylights out of Warner. I foresee about three interceptions, five sacks, a stretcher, blurred vision, and a loss of short-term memory in the future for Kurt."

Washington's defense will be too much for the Cards to handle, and Clinton Portis and Santana Moss should find success offensively.

Redskins win, 26-17.

Baltimore @ Denver

So Mike Shanahan, how do you feel about instant replay?

"I love it on my TiVo," says Shanahan, "but not when it costs me a shot at beating the Chiefs. Instant replay is great, except when it works against me. As far as I'm concerned, Dick Vermeil can take that red flag, tie it around his neck, and go run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain."

In case you missed it, the Broncos were driving, down 31-27, when Mike Anderson apparently got a first down on 4th-and-1. The Chiefs, however, challenged the spot of the ball, and the officials determined that Anderson was stopped short.

"After further review," says Shanahan, "I'm extremely pissed off."

Denver should bounce back against a Ravens squad that struggled mightily just to beat the Texans, the league's worst team. Baltimore running back Jamal Lewis only managed 17 yards on eight carries in the Ravens' 16-15 victory.

"Jamal Lewis? Huh! He's running more like Jerry Lewis," says Ravens head coach Brian Billick. "Is this the same guy who rushed for over 2,000 yards and 295 yards in one game? You would think prison would harden a guy, and make him tougher. Jamal seems to have gone soft. I think somebody made Jamal their bitch in the slammer. And he supposedly wants a new contract. I don't think Jamal will be with the Ravens next year. Heck, I don't think I will be with the Ravens next year."

Mike Anderson rushes for a score, and Jake Plummer throws a touchdown pass to Rod Smith.

Broncos win, 23-6.

Kansas City @ Dallas

The last time the Cowboys had Indians over for company, they were shocked by the Redskins, who scored on two long passes to Santana Moss in the fourth quarter to beat the 'Boys 14-13. Now, the Chiefs bring their arrowheaded helmets to Texas Stadium for a game that both teams realize as a "must-win" situation. Both teams are fighting for division titles, at best, and wildcard berths, at worst.

"I've just got to make one tearful plea," says Chiefs head coach Dick Vermeil. "Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys. More to the point, mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be Michael Irvin. And mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be crack addicts who leave their pipes in Michael Irvin's car. What's a crack pipe, anyway? Isn't that something you'd find on an overweight plumber whose pants hang a little too low on his ample back side?"

I don't know, Dick. But I do know this: the loser of this can kiss their playoff hopes goodbye.

Dallas lost last week 17-10 to the Giants, which was their largest margin of loss this year. Dallas' five losses have come by a total of 20 points.

"We've had some tough losses," says the Cowboys Bill Parcells. "And that can wear on players and a coach. Actually, I've considered retiring this year more times than I've actually retired in the past. And that's a lot. We're going to do everything we can to win this game. If we don't, then you all will see that tired, haggard look on my face that you see after any Cowboy loss."

Kansas City's Larry Johnson has rushed for over 100 yards the last five weeks, including 140 against Denver's then No. 1-rated unit last week. He'll make it six, as the Chiefs edge the Coyboys, 23-21.

Miami @ San Diego

Miami's Chris Chambers caught 15 passes for 238 yards against the Bills, the last reception coming with six seconds left to give the Dolphins a come-from-behind, 24-23 win over the Bills. Chambers set franchise records for receptions and yards receiving.

"I can't take all the credit for this victory," says Chambers. "Sage Rosenfels was incredible in relief of Gus Frerotte. And I didn't have the only TD reception. Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams both had receptions for scores. All of those guys deserve a high-five."

"I love me a high-five," says Williams. "That's 40 minutes after my favorite time of the day, 4:20."

The win left the Dolphins two games behind the Patriots in the AFC East, making the playoffs a possibility, albeit a slim one. San Diego's playoff hopes, on the other hand, are not quite as slim. Right now, the Chargers would qualify as the sixth seed by virtue of a head-to-head win over the Chiefs. However, their remaining schedule is not what you would call favorable. After Miami, San Diego plays at Indianapolis, then at Kansas City, and finishes at home against Denver. Win those all, and, of course, you're in. Heck, you might even be division champion. That Week 16 match-up in Kansas City could be for that final spot.

"One game at a time," says San Diego coach Marty Schottenheimer. "We can't look too far ahead. There's thousands of other clichés I could use to describe our situation, and believe me, I know them all, because cliché is like a second language to me. We know the Dolphins have beaten two AFC West opponents already, so we're not looking past them or taking them lightly. See, I just used two more clichés right there."

LaDainian Tomlinson rushes for a score, and Drew Brees throws for two touchdowns.

Chargers win, 30-10.

Detroit @ Green Bay

The coaching change in Detroit did little good, as the Lions lost to the Vikings 21-16 with Dick Jauron taking over for the deposed Steve Mariucci. Could it be that the problem is the quarterbacking, and not the coaching? Or maybe it's not the coaching. Maybe its president and CEO Matt Millen. Apparently, at least one fan thinks so. That would be the guy who displayed a makeshift cardboard sign that read "Fire Millen." And judging by the cheers and high-fives the guy received, he's not alone in his thoughts.

"It's Ford Field policy not to allow signs or banners of any sort," says Millen, consulting with his director of player personnel, Magic 8-Ball. "However, if that opinionated fan wants to come in to my office and tell me to my face that I need to be fired, he's certainly welcome, and he definitely won't be the first, or the last. Shoot, I might even sign him to the team."

The Packers hung tight with the Bears, trailing only 12-7 in the fourth quarter until Brett Favre threw an interception that was returned for a score by Nathan Vasher.

"That's the strongest defense I've seen in awhile," says Favre. "And those two interceptions were the longest completions I've tossed in awhile. I threw two passes to the Bears for 140 yards. That's way more than Kyle Orton. He threw six passes to the Bears for only 68 yards. That's the question Michael Irvin should have asked. Not 'Would the Eagles be better with Brett Favre at quarterback?' but 'Would the Bears be better with Brett Favre at quarterback?' The answer is 'yes,' but I don't think the Bears really need a quarterback at all. When their quarterback's on the field, their defense is off the field. That's not good."

The Packers are better than their 2-10 record would indicate. They should have three wins. And they will after they beat the Lions at Lambeau. Favre throws for 220 yards and two TDs. Samkon Gado rushes for a score, and Green Bay wins, 24-14.

New Orleans @ Atlanta

The Saints and Falcons both loss to divisional foes last week, and combined for only nine points in doing so. The Saints lost to Tampa Bay, while the Falcons lost to Carolina 24-6. Together, quarterbacks Aaron Brooks and Michael Vick, who are cousins, threw for six interceptions and no touchdowns.

"It's bad enough that we were kicked out of our Alamodome facilities a week before because of a volleyball tournament," says Saints head coach Jim Haslett. "Of course, we're not playing our home games in New Orleans, but Brooks sure played like he himself was 'The Big Easy.' Four interceptions against the Bucs? Come on. Three of those went to Ronde Barber, who was a teammate of Brooks' at the University of Virginia. That sounds kind of fishy. I know our third President, Thomas Jefferson, was involved in a little funny business in Charlottesville. Apparently, it seems to have rubbed off on the football team."

Michael Vick wasn't much better than Brooks, throwing two interceptions and no touchdowns. It was the first time Vick had lost a game to the Panthers, after a successful five-game run.

"Well, it's about time," says Vick. "The Panthers realized I'm not a pocket passer. In fact, I'm not a passer at all. I think everyone knows this, but Coach Mora refuses to admit it. He insists on making me a quarterback. I think I'd make an unstoppable wide receiver. That's what we need more than anything."

The Falcons regroup, and beat the Saints for the second time this year. Vick rushes for a touchdown, as does running back Warrick Dunn.

Atlanta wins, 23-17.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 12:06 PM | Comments (0)

December 8, 2005

Forecasting the Bowls

NEW ORLEANS BOWL — Arkansas State (6-5) vs. Southern Mississippi (6-5)

Arkansas State finally ends the North Texas stranglehold on the Sun Belt Conference, but they will provide little competition for Southern Miss. Winner: Southern Miss.

GMAC BOWL — UTEP (8-3) vs. Toledo (8-3)

Both these teams ended the year on the down note. It'll be a close game. Winner: Toledo.

LAS VEGAS BOWL — BYU (6-5) vs. Cal (7-4)

Cal is way down from the level they have been playing at the two years, but they were fortunate enough to draw a weak BYU team. Winner: Cal.

POINSETTIA BOWL — Colorado State (6-5) vs. Navy (6-4)

Could actually be quite a nice game. Colorado State made a run for the Mountain West title, and Navy has clearly established themselves as the best service academy of the present. Winner: Navy.

FORT WORTH BOWL — Kansas (6-5) vs. Houston (6-5)

Also could be a good one, as a great Jayhawk defense takes on a powerful Cougar offense. When in doubt, choose the BCS conference team. Winner: Kansas

HAWAII BOWL — UCF (8-4) vs. Nevada (8-3)

The magical turnaround George O'Leary has conjured from last year's winless campaign will end with an exclamation mark. Winner: Central Florida.

MOTOR CITY BOWL — Akron (7-5) vs. Memphis (6-5)

Memphis will be the favorite, but Akron keeps surprising teams that should beat them. Plus, I'm completely biased for my hometown team. Winner: Akron.

CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL — Clemson (7-4) vs. Colorado (7-5)

The headline after this game will be BARNETT'S COLORADO CAREER ENDS ON AN EMBARRASSING NOTE. Winner: Clemson by a ton.

INSIGHT BOWL — Arizona State (6-5) vs. Rutgers (7-4)

Last time Rutgers earned a bowl bid, it was against Arizona State. Last time they earned a trip to the NCAA basketball tournament, it was against Arizona State. They lost. This time, the Scarlet Knight fans will be happier. Winner: Rutgers.

MPC COMPUTERS BOWL — Boise State (9-3) vs. Boston College (8-3)

Boise's home for this one, but their recent record against BCS teams is nicht sehr gut. Winner: Boston College.

ALAMO BOWL — Michigan (7-4) vs. Nebraska (7-4)

What an exciting matchup this would've been 10 years ago. Winner: Michigan in a rout.

EMERALD BOWL — Utah (6-5) vs. Georgia Tech (7-4)

The Jackets probably deserved a bit better after defeating Miami and Auburn this year. Winner: Georgia Tech.

HOLIDAY BOWL — Oregon (10-1) vs. Oklahoma (7-4)

For the second year in a row, a shafted Pac-10 team will half-heartedly go through the motions in their we-deserved-better bowl and get beaten by an inferior team. Winner: Oklahoma.

SUN BOWL — Northwestern (7-4) vs. UCLA (9-2)

This is an interesting little gem. Take the over. Both teams have had streaks of both overachieving and underachieving this year. Winner: Northwestern in overtime.

INDEPENDENCE BOWL — South Carolina (7-4) vs. Missouri (6-5)

This is the kind of bowl we get when the committee places all their emphasis on the teams' home bases and none on competitiveness. Winner: South Carolina in a laugher.

MUSIC CITY BOWL — Minnesota (7-4) vs. Virginia (6-5)

Virginia looks like they will lose both coordinators to head coaching jobs elsewhere in D1A. Odd, no? Did they recently run off a string of conference championships that I forgot about? Why are we coveting their coaches? Winner: Minnesota.

PEACH BOWL — Miami (9-2) vs. LSU (10-2)

Certainly the most marquee non-BCS matchup. It may not be close, though. Winner: LSU.

MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL — South Florida (6-5) vs. North Carolina St. (6-5)

South Florida put together a nice little run in their inaugural Big East season. North Carolina State played good second half football for the most part. What did I say earlier about when-in-doubt? Winner: North Carolina State.

HOUSTON BOWL — Iowa State (7-4) vs. TCU (10-1)

How many times are the Cyclones going to throw away the Big 12 North title against an inferior team on the last day of the season? What a bad mojo team. Winner: TCU.

LIBERTY BOWL — Tulsa (8-4) vs. Fresno State (8-4)

It was a tremendous effort the Bulldogs gave against USC, but it's clear now that they used all their turbo points/hearts/coins in that game. And while we are on the video game metaphors, I think of Fresno now as the opponent you are about to beat in the early days of Mortal Kombat, head rolling around his neck, with a voiceover imploring you to "Finish Him!" Winner: Tulsa.

COTTON BOWL — Texas Tech (9-2) vs. Alabama (9-2)

As electrifying as the Red Raider offense is, Texas had no problems shutting it down, and the Alabama defense might be even better. Winner: Alabama.

OUTBACK BOWL — Iowa (7-4) vs. Florida (8-3)

Florida has been quite hit-or-miss this season, and Iowa fell off the radar after high hopes to start the season. Remind me who the Hawkeyes have beaten? Winner: Florida.

GATOR BOWL — Virginia Tech (10-2) vs. Louisville (8-2)

Well, the Hokies die rebound strong from their other embarrassing loss, and the Cardinals are down a quarterback. Winner: Virginia Tech.

CAPITAL ONE BOWL — Auburn (9-2) vs. Wisconsin (9-3)

If they had added the additional BCS game this year instead of next, Auburn would have a strong claim on it. Wisconsin would not. Winner: Auburn.

FIESTA BOWL — Notre Dame (9-2) vs. Ohio State (9-2)

I've spent a lot of energy defending Notre Dame the last few months, but I they seem to lack momentum right now. The opposite is true for the Buckeyes. Winner: Ohio State.

SUGAR BOWL — Georgia (10-2) vs. West Virginia (10-1)

As much as we pick on the Big East for being undeserving a BCS bid, West Virginia put together a strong year. They won't beat Georgia, but it will be close. Winner: Georgia.

ORANGE BOWL — Penn State (10-1) vs. Florida State (8-4)

Am I the only one uninterested with the Bobby Bowden vs. Joe Paterno subplot? What will the announcers talk about once the Nittany Lions go up 21-0 midway through the second quarter? Winner: Penn State.

ROSE BOWL — USC (12-0) vs. Texas (12-0)

It's difficult to imagine this game not being a classic. USC has been challenged more this year, but perhaps only because they play a stronger schedule. I could go either way, but I'm going to stick with what I've been saying all season. Winner: USC.

Posted by Kevin Beane at 1:58 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack

It's an NBA World

It's been a rough week. I'm out of a job, my girlfriend left me, and my best friend won't talk to me anymore. And I still don't know what went wrong. I was just a fan trying to live the NBA life, because, well, I Love This Game.

I guess it started last Thursday when I'd finally had it up to here with my boss. There's nothing worse than knowing you're not appreciated, and is that ever the case at my office. I'm a advertising consultant, and a good one. I've been with the firm for six years, and I'm a guy that can get things done, but every time we'd get close to sealing a deal, my boss would call this other guy, Johnson, in to take over. It was ridiculous. It was crunch time and I was riding the pine.

The last couple months, Johnson's really been eating into my minutes, man. So I decided I wasn't gonna take it anymore. My boy Ruben Patterson wouldn't stand for this sort of "rookie" treatment, and neither will I. I walked right into my boss's office and told him what kind of a $*&#!^#&$ I thought he was. I told him if he didn't want my help, then he might as well just can me.

Apparently, we disagree on the meaning of the word "indispensable." I tried to demand a trade to the firm down the street, but he claimed that the market for my services was a bit "soft" at the moment. I told him that if I were used the right way — if the firm would just put the ball in my hands — I'd work wonders. So what if I don't "work well with others?" I'm the Antoine Walker of consulting — hand me the rock and get out of my way.

Suffice it to say, my desk was cleaned out in about 15 minutes.

Of course, that would have been the end of it if I hadn't run into Johnson on the way out of the building. That's when it got ugly. That little punk accused me of being soft, of not doing the dirty work to help the company succeed. Called me a "Nowitzki!" I'm a pretty thick-skinned guy, but that was too much. I won't go into details, but I went Artest on his sorry ass.

Sure, my co-workers had to pull me off him and I spent the night in jail, but I think I got my message across. And my attorney says I'm making a lot of progress in controlling my rage.

Needless to say, my girlfriend Jennie wasn't too happy to get my phone call asking her to come bail me out of jail. It was only after I told her that being behind bars felt like I was playing for the Clippers that she rushed over to pick me up.

When we got home, though, she laid into me. She was ranting and raving and carrying on so long I grabbed her by the shoulders and shouted at her to stop. That's when she used the trump card: "What, are you gonna pull a Jason Kidd now?" she asked. After that, I had to leave, clear my head a little bit.

I didn't know what was going on, so I called my buddy, Jimmy, and asked if I could come over and talk. He was really cool about everything, listened to me and said he was sorry to hear about my job. But then, as I kept talking, he just seemed to nod absentmindedly and say "yes!" every once in a while.

"Listen, Marv Albert," I told him, "are you going to listen to me or not?"

Then he got all offended and told me that it was I who wanted his help and I should be grateful for his kindness. At that point, all I could think was "What would Latrell Sprewell do in this situation?"

In retrospect, I don't think Spre was the ideal role model for that particular spot, but hindsight is always 20/20, you know? On the bright side, my prison is minimum security, and the basketball court is lit until 11 PM. I'll be out in 10 months, seven with good behavior.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get in good with the other inmates by coaching the Cell Block B Bombers, an intramural hoops team named for most of the players' day jobs when they were on the outside. Some of the guys whine that our offense is boring, but I keep trying to explain that defense wins championships.

They're already calling me "L.B."

Posted by Zach Jones at 1:34 PM | Comments (1)

December 7, 2005

Why Congress Should Play a Role

During the MLB playoffs, there was plenty of talk about the need for a new steroid policy in baseball. Congress threatened the players association and they made excuses, and I remember doing a show during the playoffs where we had a plethora of listeners call in to voice their displeasure with Congress getting involved. It was during that time that I made an offhand joke that after they were done with steroids, they should look at the BCS next. They are done with steroids, and now they are focusing on the BCS. And it's the best thing that has ever happened to sports.

After it was announced that the chairman of a congressional committee had called a hearing on the "controversial system used to determine college football's national champion," there was a great deal of backlash. Most people had the same general thought — why the hell is Congress going to waste their time with this?! To be honest, I had the same thought at first, too; it just didn't make much sense. On second thought, however, there is nothing bad about this at all.

First, note to Congress: sports fans complain — a lot. That's just what we do. In fact, most sports fans can't function without some sort of conflict or complaint — it's what truly brings sports fans together. There will always be something wrong, so get used to it and try not to take it so seriously. It's going to get the point where I'm nervous to complain about things like Cincinnati trading Sean Casey because I don't want to watch him paraded around in front of some congressional committee on C-SPAN.

That being said, much good can come from this. When I read this story last week, I immediately thought about my lame joke and was surprised that it actually came true, but then it hit me — maybe this doesn't have to be a joke. Steroids: check. BCS: working on it. The big question is what comes next? Let's be honest, Congress can get things done, even if it's through pressuring the people who actually make the decisions by having these absurd hearings. I say let's roll with this, don't stop with the BCS. In fact, there are plenty of other areas for Congress to tackle.

Pete Rose — Let's face it, he should be in the Hall of Fame. This has been a huge issue in sports in the past 15 years and it is time to put an end to it once and for all. There are druggies in the Hall, there will be steroid users in the Hall, so it's only fitting to let in a gambler. The HOF should be a reward for what players did on the field and Pete Rose never gambled as a player. He's one of the best hitters to play the game, so it's time for Congress to finally put this issue to bed and put Pete in.

NBA dress code — Look, people want to make a big deal about this, but I say we just have John McCain pull some of the NBAers into one of those crazy special hearings, yell some stuff they don't really understand in an intimidating and degrading way, and then they will feel like maybe it's not such a big deal (this is a crazy issue even for the NBA, especially when Allen Iverson is the voice of reason).

Of course, Senator McCain is no match for the wit of some of the players in the NBA, because you never know if Tim Duncan would pull another "this is basically retarded" blast out during the hearing. I would have to think that someone like John McCain would begin frothing at the mouth if Duncan did something like that though. It would probably seem more like a kid getting scolded after breaking a window playing in a neighborhood pickup game, only the kid refuses to admit how that ball ended up in some guy's living room. All in all, it would be pretty entertaining and make people feel a lot better about it.

Crazy owners — Congress could play a vital role in dropping the hammer on any franchise owner that's a big enough "Richard" to screw with his city's fans. That includes owners who threaten to move the team for ridiculous reasons or for destroying good stadiums that don't really need to go. It would also include owners like Bill Wirtz of the Chicago Blackhawks, who so blatantly disrespects his fans that it is sickening. He would definitely get his comeuppance, but he'd have to get in line behind Tom Benson. I'm sure a hearing of this type would be lengthy and drawn out, but if the members of Congress were really worth their salt, it would just go something like this.

Tom Benson walks into room with attorneys and such and sits at a table.

Senator: Are you Tom Benson?
Tom Benson: Yes, I am.

(Senator walks around his table, slowly walks up to Tom, and then slaps him across the face.)

(FYI, if you are reading this trying to pick your shot on something to send me some hate e-mail about, you could go this route and play either the "since when has our government ever done anything to help New Orleans" card or you just even come up with a clever "our government has already done enough to help that city, they need to start taking care of their own troubles." Anytime something slightly political comes up in a column, I will always get blasted by those on the left and those on the right. What does that tell you? To borrow a phrase from John Chaney, "you can't change stupidity.")

Ticket prices — Partly an offshoot from the above and as cliché as it may sound, ticket prices are flat-out ridiculous. Unbelievably ridiculous. It shouldn't cost hundreds of dollars to attend a game — things have just gotten out of control. Congress would definitely have to get involved just so we wouldn't have to hear those incredibly lame "every team sells $10 ticket" excuses from people like Mark Cuban, because while there may be two or three seats that go at that rate, most fans don't have a prayer of getting those seats.

For instance, a few weeks ago, I attended a Columbus Blue Jackets game and the cheapest ticket they had two hours before the puck dropped was $23. That was to watch the worst team in professional hockey get shellacked 5-0. When the NBA and NHL seasons are so long, you get days when teams completely mail it in (although that 5-0 loss probably will find a spot in the Blue Jackets' highlight reel at the end of the season) and then the fans who spent their hard earned money to watch complete garbage.

Congress needs to knock down ticket prices, but if they can't agree on a completely fair way to do it, they should implement a new ticket system for sports. In the ideal world, it would be similar to going to see a movie. If you go see a movie and there is a problem with the projector halfway through, you get your money back. If you show up to an Eagles game where they are embarrassed 42-0, your $40 ticket should only end up costing about $17 and you pickup your refund on the way out of the stadium (this could be a bad example, because Philly fan had to know what he was getting into before that game, but there should be some sort of relief for season ticket-holders who have to pay for games even after the Eagles have clearly thrown in the towel).

I know you don't get your money back after you see a terrible movie, but there aren't any reviews out for games that haven't happened yet. You don't know that LeBron James is going to take a night off or that the Red Sox are going to mail it in before you plunk down your hundreds of dollars to go to a game. At least you would get what you pay for.

Philly fans — While I'm on the topic, they should probably get their own hearing. Something just isn't right with some Philadelphia fans. I can't quite put my finger on it, but Congress needs to fix it. These are the same fans that booed Santa Claus and cheered when Michael Irvin was lying motionless on the field after a hit. I sometimes wonder how far removed some of those fans are from showing up at a hospital someday and cheering for cancer.

It is pretty clear that Congress needs to get this BCS issue resolved quickly because they have a host of other issues to attend to. Not only is this good for sports, but this is also going to change how our officials are elected. No longer would campaigns be about the boring issues like education or economic policy changes, terrorism, tax cuts, civil rights, etc. etc., but they would hit the core issues — such as the designated hitter or a playoff in college football. More people would start watching political debates, as they would look more like an episode of "Around the Horn" than an actual debate.

It's pretty clear that Congress should play a vital role in sports because, at the end of the day, the world is just a better place without the BCS.

The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. BetOnSports.com gives you the greatest sports action to bet on. Wager on football, cricket, boxing, Rugby, horse racing, and more. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 5:09 PM | Comments (0)

Should Colts Rest Their Starters?

The big debate in football right now is completely on the Indianapolis Colts and their chances at history this season. Anyone that follows sports minutely would be able to tell you that the Colts are sitting on a 12-0 mark, and have the chance to finally silence those insipid '72 Dolphins and their cork-popping celebrations every time the last undefeated team goes down.

See, for anyone that's lived in a football cave, the Dolphins of 1972 were the only team to finish the regular season undefeated and win the Super Bowl. That year, they managed to finish 14-0 and they beat the Washington Redskins 14-7 in Super Bowl VII, which included the play where Garo Yepremian tried to throw the ball and it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

They were not the first team to finish undefeated, though, as the Canton Bulldogs went 10-0-2 in 1922 and 11-0-1 in 1923, but since there was no championship game, they were declared champions by having the best record. The same happened for the Green Bay Packers in 1929 when they went 12-0-1 and won the title with a lack of championship game. The Chicago Bears went 13-0 in 1934 and 11-0 in 1942, but they lost the NFL Championship games to the Giants 30-13 in '34, and the Redskins 14-6 in '42.

Thus, since the Dolphins of '72 are the only team in NFL history to perform such the aforementioned feat, they have a party when a team that has a chance to match and eclipse their record finally loses, such as they did when the Denver Broncos lost to the Giants 20-16 back in 1998, making them 13-1 and ending the last official threat to the storied record.

So, the question for Colts coach Tony Dungy is whether he plays his starters towards the end of this season after they've already clinched home-field advantage and risk injury, or essentially give up a perfect season and rest his players. In the next three weeks, they have three big tests to see if they will indeed attain perfection. This Sunday, they are visiting Jacksonville to play the Jaguars, a team they beat at home 10-3 in the second week of the season, and then they play host to the San Diego Chargers, in what many people are calling their best chance of losing a game this season, and that is followed by a visit to Seattle to face off against the NFC's possible number one seed in the Seahawks.

The Jaguars can afford to lose one more game this season, and finish at 12-4, which they probably will by looking at their schedule, and they'll be in good position to make the playoffs. Also, the Colts have just become monstrous recently, averaging over 35 points a game in their last nine games, so it's not looking like they'll have much trouble with that game. After that game, though, the Colts will have the division title, a first-round bye, and for all intensive purposes, home-field throughout the playoffs all sewn up.

The second game in this little set is against San Diego, and this could prove to be an interesting game because the Colts will most likely have everything taken care of, and the Chargers are going to be in the middle of a very strong playoff push. If the Colts manage to win this game then they probably wouldn't have too much trouble finishing undefeated. Then comes a game at Seattle, which has some of the same undertones to it. If for some reason the Colts don't have home-field taken care of by the game against the Chargers, and they manage to become 14-0, then you have to wonder whether Dungy will risk his players.

By that point in time, if the Bears keep winning their games, the Seahawks will be in the middle of their own race for home-field throughout the playoffs, because the Bears are one game behind them and hold the tie-breaker, thus the chance is very possible there that the Colts could lose their last game there. The way their schedule is working out, though, they probably don't have to worry too much about the last week in their season against the Arizona Cardinals, but you never know.

Dungy is in a lose/lose situation with this issue. If he plays all of his starters every game and one of them gets injured and they lose in the playoffs, then critics are going to say that he should have rested his players. If he rests his starters and they lose, then critics are going to say that he gave up the opportunity of a lifetime. The thing about this issue is, though, that every single player on the Colts roster got ready at the beginning of the season to play 16 games and then some, so why not play them?

Another thing that could happen if he rests the starters too much with their bye is that they'll be too rusty and they could lose before even making the Super Bowl even if they go 16-0. The fact is that the Colts are so good that if they play all of their starters every game, they will finish 16-0 and they will win the Super Bowl. If someone gets injured and they miss their chance, then it's not like there won't be another chance next season to win the Super Bowl, right?

Notes

* Apparently, Anna Benson is getting upset that the Mets are looking to trade her husband Kris Benson and she's saying that it's because she's trying to land a deal to pose in Playboy. Yeah, Anna, that's why they're looking to trade him, it's not because last season he was paid $5,333,333 and he only went 10-8 with a 4.13 ERA and a 1.26 WHIP, which is overpaying for essentially their fourth starter. It could be just me, but I'm not even interested in seeing Anna Benson naked. Maybe it's just because she seems more whore-ish than most that try to get into that magazine.

* A.J Burnett was just given a five-year, $55,000,000 deal by the Blue Jays. Well done, Jays, for spending $102,000,000 on a combined 65-69 record with 42 total saves. The upside for these two better be through the roof.

Posted by Jeff Pohlmeyer at 4:21 PM | Comments (0)

December 6, 2005

NFL Week 13 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* The Eagles got blown out on the night they retired Reggie White's uniform. The Cowboys lost when they inducted the Triplets into their Ring of Honor. Let's stop pretending these things inspire a team. They don't.

* Steve Smith's baby-changing act was the most disgusting endzone performance I have ever seen. Say what you will about the Randy Moss moon show, at least it didn't involve human waste.

* I like endzone celebrations. I dislike contrived performances like Smith's and Chad Johnson's. Mike Anderson, who still does the Mile High Salute, is my favorite. Above all, let's show replays and highlights of plays, not endzone acts.

* John Lynch draws a lot of fines and penalties, and he's frequently defended as "not a dirty player." Lynch isn't dirty, but he is unsafe, and whatever the intent, he breaks rules the league has put in place to protect players' safety.

* Did Penn State really get stuck with FSU? That should be a great game. In opposite world!

***

The Indianapolis Colts aren't just 12-0 — they're a strong 12-0. They've won nine of their last 10 games by two touchdowns or more. They've beaten Jacksonville and Pittsburgh at home, New England and Cincinnati on the road. Indianapolis is fourth in the NFL in total offense, third in total defense, first in scoring, second in points allowed.

There are four teams whose net points are better than +100: the Giants are +101, San Diego is +128, Seattle is +130, and the Colts are +204. Their point differential is more than twice as high as the fourth-best team in the league. They can clinch the AFC's top seed with a win in Jacksonville.

Indianapolis has two of the NFL's realistic MVP candidates this season, quarterback Peyton Manning and running back Edgerrin James. Manning is the more likely contender at this point, but James is a huge weapon in that offense, and he'll be the first player to sit if Tony Dungy pulls his starters. Before the quarterback? Maybe not, but no later. Manning is anything but injury-prone, and he's got a great line protecting him. James gets hit on every play, and he does have a history of injury.

In the 1999 and 2000 seasons, James had a combined 756 carries and 125 receptions. The next season, he had 151 rushes in six games before suffering an injury that sidelined him for the rest of the year. It took two more seasons before he fully recovered. Now, James has 304 carries, putting him on pace for 405, just shy of Jamal Anderson's record (410).

If James gets anywhere near 400 carries, he will break down. It could be some time next season, or it could be in this year's playoffs. Dungy and Tom Moore need to be cautious about their star running back's workload.

Moving on to the power rankings, brackets show last week's rank.

1. Indianapolis Colts [1] — After giving up 37 points against Cincinnati, the defense has allowed a total of 10 points over the last two weeks. The Colts have held their opponent to seven points or less on six occasions this year, best in the league. If the team rests its stars, I think one of the first guys you'll see on the sideline is Dwight Freeney.

2. San Diego Chargers [3] — Average almost 30 points per game (29.8, trailing only the Colts), and haven't allowed an opponent to score 30 all season. Drew Brees is having a sensational year. At the beginning of the season, there was still some uncertainty as to whether San Diego might take its chances with Philip Rivers in 2006, but at this point, there's no way you let Brees get away.

3. Seattle Seahawks [4] — With the Seahawks looking like Super Bowl contenders, I think you'll see Dungy shelve the gameplan when the Colts travel to Seattle in Week 16. When the Colts got blasted by Denver at the end of last season, it was less about the backups and more about Indianapolis not wanting to give the Broncos any looks. I expect the same thing this year, and that could be the difference between 15-1 and perfection.

4. Denver Broncos [2] — The Colts seem to be resisting the hype, but I think the Broncos fell for theirs. They've been sloppy each of the last two weeks, barely beating Dallas and losing to Kansas City. They'll probably wake up and get back on track, but the Broncos have not looked sharp recently. On the bright side, maybe the ludicrous Jake Plummer for MVP talk will finally disappear now.

5. Carolina Panthers [8] — I know I'm not the only one who's been saying all season that DeShaun Foster should be getting more carries, so it's hard to understand why it's taken so long for him to get involved in the offense.

6. Cincinnati Bengals [9] — The defense is exposed further every week, now ranking 28th in yards allowed. Tom Moore's Colts laid a blueprint to beat the Bengals through the air, and they've allowed their three highest point totals of the season in the last three weeks. Lack of pass rush is the biggest problem (they're 28th in sacks, too). In 2004, Justin Smith made my Pro Bowl ballot, but he hasn't been impressive when I've seen the Bengals this year.

7. New York Giants [5] — Osi Umenyiora is making an all-pro push, but Little Manning had another awful game, and that kind of inconsistency will burn the Giants in the postseason. He now has a lower completion percentage than Alex Smith, more interceptions than Kerry Collins, and a worse passer rating than Chris Simms. The Giants are in good position right now, but three of their last four are on the road, where they're 1-3 — with the win at San Francisco.

8. Chicago Bears [7] — Their 127 points allowed is the NFC's lowest by over 50% (Carolina, 194), and the best in the division by nearly double (Detroit, 241). Chicago's tough closing schedule will probably break its winning streak, but if the Bears run the table and face Indianapolis in the Super Bowl, they will lose by four touchdowns.

9. Kansas City Chiefs [12] — Jim Nantz had perhaps the worst line I've heard all season, about running back Larry Johnson: "Is this layering or Larry-ing?" That's heinous. Unless they drop both of their upcoming NFC East road games, or the Chargers lose to Miami, the Chiefs' Week 16 matchup against San Diego will probably be the most important game for the rest of the season. If the Chargers win, Kansas City's playing for pride.

10. Jacksonville Jaguars [11] — Eight consecutive games with at least 20 points. They have a chance to make a statement against Indianapolis, but I think their 20-point streak will come to an end, and Indy's won't.

11. Dallas Cowboys [6] — Lost two in a row and haven't beaten a winning team since Week 6. In the first six games of the season, Drew Bledsoe threw for 1,663 yards, with a 100.4 passer rating and a +7 TD/INT differential. In the six games since, he has 1,040 yards, with a 70.4 passer rating and a -1 TD/INT differential. Bledsoe always starts strong and finishes weak. Expect the Cowboys to follow the same pattern this season, missing the playoffs after a 7-3 start.

12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [13] — Won on the road and put themselves in the driver's seat for the NFC's top wildcard — if not the NFC South title — but when you're +4 in turnovers, you're supposed to win by more than a touchdown. Good teams can get four interceptions, but great teams — like the Seahawks — turn those picks into points.

13. Pittsburgh Steelers [10] — Three cheers for my CBS station for showing their game against Cincinnati instead of a stinker involving a semi-local team. Is it possible, though, to go through a Pittsburgh broadcast without hearing the phrase, "The terrible towels are out?" The Steelers got a bad break early when officials ruled a Bengals fumble down by contact.

14. Minnesota Vikings [14] — Definitely a playoff contender, but they need a collapse from one of the NFC South contenders, because they have head-to-head losses against all three. I think the Falcons will give them that collapse, the Cowboys will fade, and the Vikings will get the sixth seed in the NFC playoffs.

15. New England Patriots [16] — Some key players are coming back, and that could make the Patriots a force to be reckoned with. It is cause for concern, though, that the offense, which averaged 27.3 points per game last year, hasn't scored 27 or more since Week 5, including consecutive weeks under 20 against below-average defenses.

16. Atlanta Falcons [15] — Michael Vick was sacked five times against Carolina, returning him to the upper echelon of the league's most-sacked. The defense has the opposite problem, not finding the quarterback. After recording 17 sacks in the first four games, the Falcons have just 13 sacks in the eight games since, going 4-4 in that stretch. They average 3.7 sacks per game in victories, and 0.8 in losses. Atlanta looked like a contender at the beginning of the season, but it's fading fast.

17. Washington Redskins [18] — Cornelius Griffin's return has had a huge impact on the defense, and offense is once again the weak link. Not to mince words, Mark Brunell has been terrible since teams started covering Santana Moss. Kicker John Hall has struggled since his return from the injured list, and promising rookie Nick Novak, now with Arizona, may have been the wrong kicker to release.

18. Philadelphia Eagles [17] — There's a substantial space between 17th and 18th right now, and I'm not happy keeping the Eagles so high after their embarrassing loss on Monday night. Greg Lewis looked awfully lazy (and lazily awful), and normally-reliable tight end L.J. Smith had the worst game I've ever seen from him.

19. Oakland Raiders [19] — No penalties on Sunday night, dropping them behind Baltimore for the season. Executed their defensive gameplan, holding LaDainian Tomlinson to 86 rushing yards and a 3.4 average — with no touchdowns — but got beaten by Brees in the passing game. San Diego's pass rush had a great game, and the Raiders never really found a rhythm on offense.

20. Miami Dolphins [23] — Passed 65 times on Sunday, overcoming 13 penalties and some early defensive breakdowns. Wide receiver Chris Chambers caught all 65 passes.

21. Cleveland Browns [22] — The Charlie Frye era is off to a good start, but losing Braylon Edwards to a torn ACL is a major blow.

22. Buffalo Bills [21] — Up 21-0, and still leading 23-3 at the beginning of the fourth quarter, they couldn't hold on against a division rival. The game was Buffalo's closest road loss this season, and their highest point total on the road. The Bills are 29th in total offense this year.

23. St. Louis Rams [20] — Word is that Washington's Gregg Williams, former head coach of the Buffalo Bills, is the front-runner to replace Mike Martz in '06. I like what interim coach Joe Vitt has done, though, and I think he deserves a legitimate chance at getting the job full-time.

24. Baltimore Ravens [25] — Shannon Sharpe on Baltimore's last-minute win over Houston: "In the battle for Reggie Bush, the Ravens obviously do not feel they need him." Blame the defense, Ravens fans. The offense tried hard to give this one away.

25. Arizona Cardinals [27] — Now have won two of their last three. And their last six. Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald are probably the best receiving tandem in the NFC, but the team has serious problems everywhere else.

26. New Orleans Saints [28] — The team's unsettled situation makes me wonder whether it's worth replacing Jim Haslett this offseason, or keeping him around for one more year so that a new coach can start in 2007 with a level playing field. You have to figure, too, that the Saints will have trouble attracting the top coaching candidates this offseason.

27. Green Bay Packers [24] — He's not the only problem, but Brett Favre leads the NFL in turnovers (26). The Packers are tied for second in fewest sacks allowed, but Favre fumbles every other time he gets hit (16 sacks, 8 fumbles), and he easily leads the league in interceptions. He took a serious beating against Chicago, and although he plays hurt, Favre has been ineffective in the past when he's playing in pain. I really like Favre, but it's reasonable to question at this point whether he is becoming a liability for the Packers.

28. Detroit Lions [26] — I always root for interim head coaches, and meek-looking, second-chance Dick Jauron is easy to like. That said, I don't see him pulling the Lions out of their hole, and I won't be surprised if he goes 0-5.

29. Tennessee Titans [29] — Have held an opponent under 20 points only once all season, against Baltimore in Week 2. Allowed over 30 in half their games. Jeff Fisher must be going nuts trying to stem the tide.

30. San Francisco 49ers [30] — Could easily be 32nd. Alex Smith, in his three starts, has thrown eight interceptions and no touchdowns.

31. Houston Texans [31] — Second last-minute loss in two weeks. Reggie Bush is such a rare talent that you don't complain about drafting him number one, but the Texans have Domanick Davis, and I wouldn't be surprised if they trade the top pick in the draft for a package of lower picks. Assuming Houston does get the top pick, that is. There are some really bad teams standing in their way the next four weeks.

32. New York Jets [32] — The score doesn't really reflect the extent to which they were dominated by the Patriots. New England had a 16-minute lead in time of possession, twice as many first downs, more than twice as many yards from scrimmage, and nearly double Brooks Bollinger's completion percentage. I don't think Curtis Martin is going to make it to 1,000 yards this season.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 2:21 PM | Comments (3)

The King Cager of the Cuyahoga

We are all witnesses.

Four words. A little alliteration. A little assonance. A dash of consonance. A sense of symmetry.

A phrase so simple and true one might overlook the fact that it's a marketing slogan, and meant as such.

One might look past the perfectly put together placement, focusing instead on the image imprinted behind the words, and with little effort, rekindle mental images of the predecessor.

Ask any Clevelander, and the phrase means the end of the championship drought.

Ask any Clevelander, and the phrase means that we own, and are therefore part of, an international superstar.

Ask any Clevelander, and the phrase means the next time that May 7, 1989 happens, Craig Ehlo will be on the other team.

Ask anybody, and the phrase means exactly what it says.

Next to the words, "We are all witnesses," is an image of LeBron James captured by a photographer during a game last year, arm upright and holding a basketball, poised for a thunderous dunk.

We are all witnesses.

Drive past Jacob's Field and Quicken Loans Arena on Ontario Boulevard in Cleveland and look straight ahead. There you will see the large and prominent Nike advertisement that bears LeBron's image and the simple slogan.

It's size and majesty indicate an object more at home in Times Square than Cuyahoga County.

The advertisement and the person.

We're not talking about a simple, above-average athlete going to the bright lights of New York or Los Angeles, and getting transformed into a superstar because of the attention and national spotlight.

LeBron James is the homegrown superstar that rose to prominence on his gifts, talent, and ability alone. He is not a transplanted or adopted symbol. From St. Vincent St. Mary in Akron Ohio, down I-77 North to Cleveland, James represents Northeast Ohio to the entire world.

Cleveland sports hasn't had that type of attention since ... um, never.

Good teams ... sure. Championship contenders ... absolutely. All-stars, pro-bowlers, and hall-of-famers ... our fair share. Ignominy and heartbreak ... too much. Heroes ... enough to keep Clevelanders coming back year after year.

But never, never, have we had an athlete the caliber of LeBron James to call our own.

Athletes of that type, of that rarified air, made last second shots for Chicago, or donned a "D" on their helmet.

They not only were creating legacies that would make the world recognize them for their talents, but they were doing so at the expense of Cleveland.

We were witnesses to so much, but never this.

Against the black backdrop, LeBron's eyes speak louder and truer than the words Nike created to accompany his image.

Sure, we are all witnesses — but, here in Cleveland, we are all participants.

Posted by Vince Grzegorek at 1:49 PM | Comments (2)

December 5, 2005

10 Questions For College Hoops Season

10) Was that pasting Michigan State received at the hands of Hawaii and aberration or an omen?

The Spartans seem to have the talent, depth, inside game, shooting, defense, as well as the coaching, so how exactly did they lose to Hawaii by 22 points? Leg cramps?

9) Who will win Conference USA? Which begs another question, who exactly is left in Conference USA?

Turns out, no one really. Memphis is still there, and they should win by default, assuming of course not everyone trips against Houston or Alabama-Birmingham, who represent the only obstacle to John Calipari's automatic berth to the Big Dance.

8) What happened to Maryland? Didn't they have a powerhouse program not to long ago?

Two consecutive Final Four appearances, including a championship, and they are now relegated as a middle-of-the-pack squad in their own conference.

7) Does Gonzaga finally drop the slipper and become a bona fide contender as opposed to everyone's darling Cinderella?

They are respectable enough, but every year the 'Zags sneak into the top 10, only to consistently be knocked out of the NCAA tournament in the second round. We know they can be stellar in the regular season, but do they have another Elite 8 run in them?

6) Will UCLA ever regain their status as an elite program?

Pete Carroll has proved the only requirement to running a successful program in Southern California is to keep the talent in the state. The Bruins should be able recruit within a three-block square radius and field a competitive squad, so there's no reason they can't retain the Westwood magic and become what Duke currently purports as the norm.

5) Has Kentucky seeded its authority to Louisville as the No. 1 team in the state?

Look closely, Wildcats fans, since Tubby Smith's championship run back in 1998, the Wildcats have not been back to the Final Four. And Rick Pitino's bunch achieved that status last year. It's only a matter of time before Kentucky is relegated to second-class status in the Bluegrass state.

4) There are 16 teams in the Big East? Really? Do they play each other in shifts?

I can hardly wait for that Rutgers/DePaul meeting, that should be something.

3) Does anyone really believe in the Big 12 powers?

Texas and Oklahoma have certainly received plenty of hype, but how far can these teams go without consistent outside shooting? Granted, they'll only be knocking each other off for a while, but come tournament time, it's going to be tough for them to glide past teams with the intent of winning ugly.

2) Can the Huskies get past their summer troubles and make a major run this season?

Jim Calhoun, who's only peer is Mike Krzyzewski, has the coaching ability, and is blessed with the horses. Scoring was the source of trouble in last year's tourney ouster, so can Rudy Gay become the elite player everyone thinks he is capable of?

1) Will Duke win it all this year?

They have the best coach and the best talent in the country, yet this formula has backfired before. The Blue Devils have looked unbeatable before and lost — Richard Hamilton and UConn knocked them off in 1999, Florida beat them in 2000, Indiana in 2002, and Kansas took them down in 2003. Of course, Duke also cut down the nets in 2001, so it's reasonable to assume that we have no idea what to expect of this next great Duke squad, except, of course, a No. 1 ranking in the tournament.

Posted by Piet Van Leer at 1:46 PM | Comments (0)

Welcome Back, Martina, We Missed You!

I just finished a worldwide telephone press conference with Martina Hingis. At the conference, she officially announced her return to the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour. Nothing really earth-shattering, considering that the news broke about a week ago. The questions from my colleagues were of the standard variety, but what caught me as interesting was how many questions were asked about the same thing. Why was Martina returning to the tour now, and what was it that brought her back? Isn't this obvious?

Martina left the game way too early, and I think she always knew it. Martina never really was too far from the professional game. She spent some of her time off the tour doing tennis commentary for television. While sitting in the booth, Martina had two years to watch her contemporary, Lindsay Davenport, re-emerge as the No. 1 player, and got to watch "elder stateswoman" Mary Pierce just blow through 2005 and every supposed "better" player on the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour.

Martina, even when not at 100%, was light years better than both. She got to watch Elena Dementieva, probably the only woman's player in history without a serve, run through draws and make the French and U.S. Open finals. Watching all this up close clearly made her itch to return. Then she added a dose of World Team Tennis, where she still dominated, and the deal was sealed. If Lindsay and Mary were dominant, and Martina was better than them, and now Martina was healthy, then why wouldn't Martina be able to rise back to the top?

Make no mistake about it. Martina is not ambivalent about her comeback. She would not be back if she couldn't be in the top five and didn't have a clear shot at winning another major tournament. She even stated that she wouldn't be happy chasing the top from around No. 25. She sees the decline of the Williams sisters' games, the one-dimensional style of play, the inconsistency of the players on the tour, and knows that she will win, and quickly.

Hingis was nothing if not consistent, and her style of play puts her in better position than most to take advantage of the injury-depleted draws that are now the rule rather then the exception on the WTA tour. In my opinion, had Martina played the 2005 WTA Championships as her first comeback tournament, she probably would have won that.

One idea I did take away from the press conference was that Martina appears to be seriously in it for the long haul. She referenced several times conversations she has had with the other Martina [Navratilova]. My question (yes, I know, you are just dying to know what I asked) was will Martina play doubles as well as singles upon her return, or will she just focus on her singles? Her answer was most interesting, "I don't have a [doubles] partner right now," Hingis stated. "I have spoken to Martina [Navratilova] about it." So, will we see them partner at the Australian Open? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Having said all that, I don't need to know the intricacies of why Martina Hingis is back. I just know she is. And that makes me probably the happiest man in the world right now. My favorite tennis player in the whole world, Martina Hingis, is back. I'm too giddy with happiness. Welcome back, Martina. Good luck in your comeback, may you reign supreme once more. I am honored that I had the chance to talk to you today about playing tennis again. Our tennis journalist friends may struggle to understand the mechanism of why, but we understand it well.

Posted by Tom Kosinski at 1:26 PM | Comments (6)

I Hate Mondays: Vince-I-Am

As Dr. Seuss once said:

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better."

That truism about change proved to be quite accurate for Sam-I-Am, who would not and could not eat green eggs and ham on a boat, float, or goat.

That axiom is also true for New Jersey Nets forward Vince Carter, who is just as stubborn towards change as Sam was.

What's the difference between the two? Sam eventually cared and Sam eventually changed.

Carter, on the other hand, is still the same old grinch that the country of Canada has come to bitterly despise.

Heading into the 2005-06 NBA season, the Nets were supposed to be a contender in the Eastern Conference. They were supposed to have the most prolific starting backcourt among Eastern Conference teams and they were supposed to be a high-flying alley-ooping machine.

Instead, they are averaging 94.2 points-per-game (22nd in the NBA) and are barely treading water with a record of 7-9.

Fans in New Jersey are a little hazy right now and are confused about how to diagnose their team's struggles. There appears to be enough talent on the roster to at least match the .512 winning percentage of last season but the results are inadequate.

But the Toronto Raptors — and elephants — never forget. They recognize this malaise, which is better known as Vince Carter.

Last year, after that sour hunch was traded to the Nets, he dropped 27.5 points, 5.9 rebounds, 4.7 assists, and 1.5 steals per game while feigning the qualities of a rejuvenated superstar.

Well, that honeymoons is now over and Vince is once again showing that he does not care to fully exert himself here, nor there, nor anywhere. Not only has his points-per-game averaged declined by seven points this season, virtually all of his other statistics have weakened.

One thing that has strengthened, though, is his piss-poor attitude. Carter has that Marvin K. Mooney demeanor where he decides when and how hard he's going to play. His lethargic style is nothing to rely upon, especially since he's a player that does not care a whole awful lot, which comes as bad news to New Jersey, who was counting on him as a leader.

The evidence was all there during the low-point of the Nets season to date, a home loss to the abysmal Toronto Raptors. As usual, Carter simply looked disinterested. One would think that facing his former team might light a spark of passion, but Carter battled foul trouble and his typical struggle with shot selection, something the Raptors are too familiar with.

And, inevitably, he was injured.

As the Nets tried to erase a halftime deficit, Carter was touched near the Raptors basket and collapsed to the floor as if Shaquille O'Neal had punched him in the kidney with brass knuckles. Then he lay motionless for a few minutes and was then helped into the locker room by trainers.

And, inevitably, he returned to the game perfectly fine.

When you watch the real superstars in the NBA like Dwyane Wade or Allen Iverson, you realize that no amount of contact or pain will keep them from persisting. The teammates of those superstars draw confidence from that, knowing that their leader will carry them through any adversity.

As for Vince's teammates, they know who they are dealing with.

Vince Carter is the Cat in the Hat. When Carter comes through the front door, it's all fun and games. His dunks are on highlight reels, the comparisons to Michael Jordan resurface, and the potential seems endless. But eventually the cat is let out of the hat (I know, it's really bad timing for a pun) and the lethargic Carter comes back to the forefront.

That's when the Cat in the Hat must go, go, go.

Dr. Seuss and Vince Carter mix like Mondays and me.

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." — Andy Warhol

Posted by Dave Golokhov at 1:01 PM | Comments (0)

December 3, 2005

When Gretzky's Records Fall

"Unless the league extends the schedule from 82 to 150 games, [Wayne] Gretzky's single-season totals in each category are equally unattainable. His record 92 goals, set during the 1981-82 season, should stand until our sun burns out or the league folds — whichever comes first."

— From the article "Unbreakable: These are the NHL records that should stand for all eternity — or at least until Wayne Gretzky's son plays in the NHL" by Adam Raider/Hockey Digest, Jan. 2002

Raise your hand if you still agree with that analysis, written just under four years ago. Because I sure as hell don't.

The NHL is a different league now. It's a different game now. As Steve Yzerman famously opined recently, "it's not hockey." He was specifically talking about the seemingly endless parade of penalties referees are calling for anything that even hints at illegality. It's a trend in Gary Bettman's NHL that trickles down like a splash of urine on every facet of defensive hockey, from penalty killers sucking wind for three periods to goalies flopping around every few minutes like that goldfish in the Faith No More video.

These penalties are also part of the bigger picture in Bettman's NHL, which I think an oil painting of a European forward skating untouched into the offensive zone and then beating a goalie with three-inch pads for his 200th goal of the season.

Increased power plays, tag-up off-sides, shrunken goalie pads, the elimination of the red line, and the new icing rule that restricts line changes for defensive teams all have their virtues. (That nonsensical restriction on where a goalie can play the puck? Not so much). All of these rule changes and enforcements have given the NHL a goal transfusion — instead of 2-1 games, we're getting 4-3 games. On some nights we're getting more 6-5 games than you get on most summer baseball evenings.

Ah, yes, baseball. Ironic, isn't it, that after a contentious labor stoppage that cancelled a season and alienated millions of hockey fans, the offense has been turned up to 11 in order to win them back? Now, where have I seen that before...?

After canceling the 1994 World Series — depriving the good fans of Montreal of a pennant and, eventually, of their franchise — Major League Baseball did whatever it could to ensure the millions of baseball dads, whose childhoods had been collectively raped by greedy players, all came back to the ballpark. So it juiced anything it could: balls and players, mostly.

I know what you're thinking: "Juiced players, sure; juiced ball? That's a black helicopter theory?" Sorry, Scully, but Mulder's right: of course they juiced the ball. We can pretend that they didn't — that the dramatic rise in home run production has something to do with expansion or watered-down pitching or hitter's ballparks.

But after the Black Sox scandal in 1919, home runs increased from 630 in 1920 to 937 in 1921 — a 32.8% increase. As the Great Depression swept across the national at the end of the decade, home runs took another jump, from 1,349 in 1929 to 1,565 in 1930. In the 1980s, as the game was tarred by drug scandals and attitude problems with its players, home runs went from 2.27 per 100 at-bats in 1984 to 3.01 per at-bat in 1987. In 1993, there were 4,030 home runs hit. In 1996, the first full season after the strike, there were 4,962 home runs hit. Do the math.

The NHL didn't juice the puck (after FOX made it glow, there's been a moratorium on puck mutation). Instead, it's juiced the game itself, creating this back-and-forth pond hockey game where there are more power play goals than fights on the ice.

(Come to think of it, are there even fights anymore? I think Krzysztof Oliwa pumped my gas for me the other day. )

Just like they did when Major League Baseball kissed nine-inning complete game shutouts and 1-0 extra-inning games goodbye in the mid-1990s, the fans have flocked back to hockey. Chicks might dig the long-ball, but puck-heads love the lamp lit. Scoring is up in an unbelievable way — take Ottawa, which as of last weekend was leading the NHL at 4.6 goals per game. According to the Baltimore Sun, the Senators also led the league back in 2004 with 3.2 goals per game — which would have put them 12th in the New NHL.

As of last month, Vinny Lecavalier, Simon Gagne, Daniel Alfredsson, Jaromir Jagr, Dany Heatley, Eric Staal, Daniel Briere, Alexander Ovechkin, Markus Naslund, Brian Gionta, Martin Havlat, and Rod Brind'Amour were all on a pace to crack the 50-goal mark. Ken Holland GM of the Red Wings, recently told the Canadian Press that the 50 goals is a "magical number" because it's an elite group. "Not a lot of people have done it in the history of our game," he said. "The reason the No. 50 is there is because in the early years it was almost impossible and then Rocket Richard came along and scored 50 and the standard was set. That was the bar. And then Phil Esposito got 76 and Wayne Gretzky went to 92."

No. 50 used to mean a lot in baseball, too, when it came to home runs. But in its post-strike era of offensive domination, it became commonplace. From 1998-2002, that threshold was reached nine times; from 1978-94, it happened once.

In 1998, it just got ridiculous. Mark McGwire hits 70, shattering Roger Maris' mark of 61. Then Barry Bonds breaks that record, swatting 73 in 2001. Say what you will about the alleged chemical enhancement of these players, but it takes more than a shot in the ass to hit 70 home runs. (Perhaps that's why Mike Piazza never did.) It takes hitter-friendly ballparks, watered-down pitching, and a ball with more juice than an orange grove.

Baseball allowed this offensive boom to go unchecked because it was good for business. And so will the NHL, even if it means a player like Brian Gionta has suddenly gone from a speedy winger with 33 goals in 166 career games to his team's leading scorer — with 16 goals in 24 games — because the rules are finally in his favor.

But as baseball can attest, there's an inherent danger to selling out for a longer box score. Remember Bonds' assault on the home run record? Remember the fan apathy? It wasn't just because it was the loathsome Bonds in the chase — it was because we had gone from 1961 to 1998 with a seemingly unreachable home run record, and now it was being shattered again after just three seasons. There was a counterfeit feeling to it ... almost like the game we were watching wasn't really the same game we grew up with.

There may not be the same feeling now in the NHL, as fans squeal with orgasmic glee at the goal-scoring frenzy that is Bettman's NHL. But what if, as the league continues to bow down to Brendan Shanahan's and Mario Lemieux's offensive visions for the game, we begin to see hallowed hockey records threatened?

What if Gretzky's 92 goals someday come under assault by one of today's stars: Sidney Crosby or Alexander Ovechkin, perhaps?

At first it'll be like the summer of '98, with the world enthralled as McGwire and Sammy Sosa stalked the legendary mark. Years later, we'll look back and openly question its validity. Gretzky played with a red line. Gretzky played with goalies that were free to play the puck wherever they wanted. Gretzky took punishment in the offensive zone, or skated like hell to avoid it. Gretzky played in a league that didn't whistle a player for thinking about hooking an opponent, let alone one that actually does it.

Gretzky played a different game than the players today are playing. So even if someone is able to threaten any of his single-season or career marks, should we consider him on par with The Great One?

Is Bettman's NHL so alien to the league of the last two or three decades that its records should exist in a vacuum?

Yzerman isn't alone in his discontent about the state of the game. Yet I was stunned by was the reaction of the hockey media establishment, which began to question whether Yzerman was griping because he could no longer compete in this revamped league — as if he was just too old to do it anymore. I found the backlash to be quite Roveian: ignore the message and then slander the messenger. It certainly wasn't the same reaction Mario received when he used to gripe about what the NHL should or should not look like — those tirades were treated like gospel by the fawning hockey media.

And now, those ideas are gospel, in the form of the New NHL's rulebook. Mario's vision of unchecked offensive hockey is a reality. These will be years of great potential for the NHL because of it. But if baseball is any indication, there will be a point where fans and media finally begin to question the validity of it all. That's when the shine comes off the new car.

I mean, have you seen the ratings for the World Series lately?

Greg Wyshynski is the Features Editor for SportsFan Magazine in Washington, DC, and the Senior Sports Editor for The Connection Newspapers of Northern Virginia. His book "Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History" will be published in Spring 2006. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 7:45 PM | Comments (0)

NBA, You Call This a Sport?

The time has finally come where I will explain my disdain of the NBA. I say over and over again how the NBA is a waste of time and the world would be a better place if it just disappeared, but that's a lie (the better place thing). If the NBA didn't exist, then college players would have nothing to aspire to. Even so, the negatives that exist in the NBA, or Not Basketball Anymore as my father so aptly put it, far outweigh the positives.

The first place where the NBA is all out of whack is the salaries. Now, there's no need to rip on players like Shaq, Kevin Garnett, and Allen Iverson, who are centerpieces for their teams' success day in and day out. There's also no need to get started on the astronomical costs of these athletes because salaries and signing bonuses in other professional leagues are just as high — let's work on the ridiculous, first.

For example, one player in the top five in the salary rankings this year is Michael Finley. Finley is slated to make $18,612,500 this season alone, which is the highest salary of anyone on the San Antonio Spurs. He's slated to make $2,767,344 more than Tim Duncan. Now, tell me, how many MVPs has Michael Finley won? How many games has he played in this season for the Spurs? In fact, how many games has he started this season for the Spurs? The answers to those questions are zero, nine, and zero. He's actually fourth in scoring on the Spurs this season, though, with 8.7 points per game, and to his credit, he's been selected to the All-Star Game twice in his career.

Now, I can understand that he's on the downward slope of his career (see Kevin Brown, Mike Piazza, etc.), but let's be realistic. How can a player whose career scoring average is below 19 points per game make that much money? If you go by his career average for minutes per season, he makes approximately $384,309.53 per hour. Are you willing to tell me that under 19 ppg is worth that much for a sixth man?

Then there's my favorite. Answer quickly, who is the highest-paid player on the Phoenix Suns? Shawn Marion? Steve Nash? How about Raja Bell? If you guessed any of those players you'd be wrong. The highest-paid player on the Phoenix Suns happens to be Brian Grant. This season Grant has also started zero games, but he's only played eight total, unlike Finley. His scoring average this season just happens to be 3.8 points per game.

Okay, so he's become a role-player, and maybe that justifies his $16,128,438 contract. You know, maybe he is in the twilight of his career and his career numbers will show that he was a great player in the past. Well, let's take a look at them. Ironically, two of his three highest point averages were in his first and second years, which were 13.2 and 14.4, respectively. His career points average is 10.6 and since the 1999-2000 season, he has scored more than 10 points per game twice. Well, maybe he's a rebounding force like Dennis Rodman and that justifies it. Nope, sorry, he averages 7.5 rebounds per game. His per-hour salary works out to be $412,632.73. That's a lot of money for a "role player."

Next, we'll work on the attitudes and the perceptions of NBA players. To start, we'll work on Allen Iverson, since he's a model of excellence in the NBA. Remember a few years ago when he publicly downplayed the importance of practice when he skipped one? That's a great thing for aspiring ball-players and kids to look up to. Why practice, it's not the important part? Good job with that one, Allen. Then there were some Latrell Sprewell issues.

First, remember when he choked his coach back when he was out West? Now he's sitting at home this season because he's refusing to play for $1,000,000 a year. Oh, that's right, he has his kids to feed and his family to take care of. I hate T.O., but at least when it came time to play and he wasn't happy with his contract, he went and played instead of sitting home all season. I hope this is the end for Latrell, I've been tired of him for a while now.

Then there's Marcus Camby, who apparently thought he needed a clothing stipend when the new dress code was announced, because he can't afford a couple nice suits or even a nice pair of jeans. Also, what is with the league's impression that players are more important to a team than coaches? Before the Lakers were to sign a coach last season, they almost had to run it by Kobe Bryant. The 76ers were fine with letting Larry Brown go to another team, but God forbid they lose "The Answer." Well, since Larry left, has the so-called Answer taken them back to the NBA Finals? I don't think so.

People say that the reason that the 2004 Olympic basketball team lost three games and only managed to finish with a Bronze Medal is because the rest of the world is catching up to the U.S. in basketball skill. That may be true, but the only reason they're catching up so quickly is because the quality of basketball is rapidly diminishing here. Go watch a game that doesn't include the Spurs or the Pistons, and look to see how many players actually play defense as opposed to standing around watching an opposing player drive to the basket. Try standing in the lane and taking a charge. How many players actually run up the floor unless there's a chance that someone's going to lay up a pass for an alley-oop?

Now, I'm not saying that the NBA is this horrible thing and it should be banned from existence (although it would be nice). My problem is with people still calling that thing basketball. It has not been basketball for years; it is entertainment, just like professional wrestling. Keep it going, though, guys, because without you, the college game would start to see a decline, and I like watching them play basketball every once in a while.

Other Notes

* Barry Bonds apparently wants to play for the U.S. in the World Baseball Classic next March, and he also says he's planning on trying to lose 40 pounds because of his knees. Good excuse for the rapid weight-loss now that you can't use the juice, Barry.

* Alex Smith has had his career death sentence signed by hearing that the 49ers are going to start him for the rest of the season. Does anyone remember what happened last time he started against the Colts and went 9-for-23 for 74 yards and four interceptions? He's better than Cody Pickett, but pick up the Cardinals' defense this week on your fantasy football teams, readers.

Posted by Jeff Pohlmeyer at 7:25 PM | Comments (3)

December 2, 2005

Oregon Could Be Odd "Duck" Out of BCS

Well, it's come down to this. One final weekend of college football and then it's time to gear up for the ever-controversial bowl season. What makes it most controversial — in the eyes of this reporter — is not the snubs inevitably made by the Bowl Championship System, but the marginal teams that get invited to bowls. That's not the topic of discussion today, but rather what happens to the BCS if either Texas or USC lose Saturday?

Of course, the obvious ideal for determining the eight teams that will play in the four BCS bowls (Sugar, Orange, Fiesta, and Rose) is to have both Southern Cal defeat UCLA and Texas win the Big 12 championship game over Colorado. Depending on what happens in the other two major conference title games (ACC and SEC), that would only create controversy for one or two of the at-large selections.

Say both Virginia Tech and LSU prevail in winning their respective conferences, along with Texas. USC already has been given a BCS spot as well as Penn State and West Virginia. That's six of the eight spots, of which five are the current top five teams in the BCS rankings (West Virginia is ranked No. 11). No. 6 is Ohio State and number seven is Oregon. Sounds pretty simple, huh? Hold your horses, partner. Ever heard of Notre Dame?

Here's where the controversy would lie. The fighting Irish currently are the eighth-ranked team in the BCS, which really doesn't mean a whole lot at this time. What does matter, though, is that they're an independent school. Why does that matter? Because the two schools ahead of them are in conferences that already have a representative in the BCS. Everyone knows Notre Dame is essentially "America's Team" when it comes to college football and they travel well. Bottom line: potentially bigger gate receipts and a larger share in the TV ratings.

However, the bigger question is which school between Oregon and Ohio State gets the "thanks for playing, here's a consolation prize" call when Notre Dame gets the BCS invite? How about the Buckeyes? Sure, they have two losses, but they were co-champs of the Big 10 and lost to Penn State only by a touchdown. Plus, they beat Michigan, the team responsible for the Nittany Lions' only loss. Then there's Oregon. Sure, they got roasted by Southern Cal, but that was in September and accounted for their only loss. This decision, again, will come down to who has the bigger national appeal and travels the best. Hands down, Ohio State has the edge over Oregon.

But now what if one or more of the conference championships is won by the underdog, or if UCLA upsets USC? That would open up a whole new can of worms. The lowest BCS-ranked team in a league title game is Virginia Tech at No. 5. They play unrated Florida State. If the Seminoles win, they would get an automatic BCS berth with a paltry 8-4 record. How far down would that knock the Hokies with a bunch of idle teams below them? They're currently less than a point ahead of Oregon in the standings, so they could conceivably fall all the way to seventh, just ahead of Notre Dame. Now where would that leave the Ducks?

An even messier situation would be if Colorado happened to knock off Texas. Colorado, like Florida State, is not ranked in the BCS. Not only would the Buffs take away a spot from one of the top-eight teams, but they would entirely disrupt the Rose Bowl. Right now, Texas and USC are pretty much packing their bags for Pasadena, but who would fill in if one of them should lose Saturday, especially the Longhorns? Penn State would be the obvious choice to play for the title, given their relatively solid hold on third place in the BCS (more than 0.05 points ahead of LSU). But, a big win by the Tigers over BCS No. 13 Georgia in the SEC title game could vault them ahead of idle Penn State. So, how about LSU and USC in the Rose Bowl?

Speaking of USC, what if they lost to cross-town rival UCLA on Saturday? Probably the same scenario as described above would result — Penn State against Texas for the national championship — unless, of course LSU smokes Georgia. Then it could be the Tigers and Longhorns in Pasadena. Now, if both USC and Texas lose, how far would either of them drop? UCLA is No. 12 in the BCS ratings right now, which would look better for USC than it would for Texas if they lost to unranked Colorado, but it's unlikely that either would fall out of the top eight.

In the event of a double loss by the top two teams, the Rose Bowl would most likely pit Penn State against LSU — which brings us back to Oregon. If the Trojans end up taking a BCS game that is not the national title game, it's doubtful the selection committee would favor two Pac-10 teams in BCS games, particularly with the previously discussed Notre Dame/Ohio State factors. So, bye-bye Duckies, hello Irish.

Of course, most of this can be avoided if everyone who needs to take care of business on Saturday does so. If USC, Texas, LSU, and Virginia Tech all win, then the only question that will remain to be answered is what to do with Oregon? Maybe there won't be controversy as far as the national title is concerned, but there probably will be plenty at the bottom of the heap and, once again, the Pac-10 will get the short end of the stick.

Posted by Adam Russell at 7:50 PM | Comments (1)

December 1, 2005

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 13

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Dallas @ N.Y. Giants

Dallas suffered another heartbreaking defeat on Thanksgiving, falling to the Broncos 24-21 in overtime. Ron Dayne's 55-yard run set up Jason Elam's chip shot 24-yard field goal to sink the Cowboys.

"You want to know how I felt after that loss," says Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells. "It felt like getting stopped for speeding in Plano, Texas, and having the cops search your car and find a crack pipe. It's very disconcerting. What? That happened to Michael Irvin? Is that a crime? A crack pipe in your car? It shouldn't be, at least not for Michael Irvin. In Michael's fleet of vehicles, the crack pipe comes standard, just like air conditioning."

You have to hand it to ESPN. They didn't sweep the Irvin incident under the table. In fact, Stuart Scott questioned Irvin about the entire incident in a heartfelt segment on Monday Night Countdown. Then, to lighten the mood, after a picture of Irvin in an orange jump suit and handcuffs flashed on the screen, Scott shouted, "Is this how you go to work?!" Then, the MNC crew announced a new segment called "Jacked Up! and Patted Down!" Finally, the segment in which the MNC crew picks the Monday night game was renamed the "Crack Pipe Lock" in lieu of its original name, the "Lead Pipe Lock."

New York kicker Jay Feely may have been on crack while missing three field goals last Sunday against the Seahawks, any one of which would have won the game. But he's taken the abuse inherent of someone who blew three chances to win a game, and good-naturedly laughed it off when teammates leashed a goat to his vehicle outside of the Giants' practice facility.

"That's mighty funny," says Feely. "I guarantee my teammates this: I won't let them down again. If they give me three chances to win a game again, I promise to come through on one of them."

Tiki Barber rushes for 110 yards, and Eli Manning throws two touchdown passes.

The Giants take control of the NFC East with a 24-20 win.

Atlanta @ Carolina

It's time to start jockeying for position in the NFC South, and the Panthers, Falcons, and Buccaneers each have four division games remaining. Last year, Atlanta swept the Panthers on their way to the division crown. Can they repeat?

"It's already Vick 1, Carolina 0," says Michael Vick. "My younger brother, Marcus, led the Virginia Tech Hokies to a 30-3 win over the North Carolina Tar Heels last Saturday. As soon as Marcus joins me in the NFL, we will be the greatest brother quarterback duo in the league, right behind the Manning's, Hasselbeck's, and McCown's. If the last two weeks are any indication, we just need to score 14 points, because the Panthers can't score more than 13."

Two weeks ago, the Bears held the Panthers to just three points. Last week, Buffalo surrendered only thirteen while falling to the Panthers 13-9. That's an average of eight points a game, and eight points won't beat many teams, although it is just barely enough to beat the Colts, provided the Colts were given only one offensive possession.

"Sure, we're struggling to score points," says Panthers coach John Fox, "but if we're not scoring on a Steve Smith 75-yard catch and run or a Stephen Davis one-yard run, then we're not scoring. This is a huge game for us, as well as for me, personally. The last team that lost to the Falcons, the Lions, had their coach fired the following week. I'm slightly nervous. If we can play with the same type of aggression and intensity that Ric Flair displayed in his recent road rage explosion, we should do fine."

Fox keeps his job, and Jake Delhomme throws two touchdown passes, one to Smith.

Panthers win, 24-20.

Buffalo @ Miami

If you put J.P. Losman and Gus Frerotte is a room with a football and told them to play catch, what would happen? Well, even though no one else is in the room, Losman and Frerotte would somehow throw interceptions, and they eventually would end up standing against the wall wearing baseball caps and holding a clipboard.

"Wait a minute, pal," says Frerotte. "I made it through the entire game last week, and actually threw two touchdowns."

You sound just as surprised as I am, Gus. Okay, I'll give you that. You had a good game. But let me throw a few numbers out at you: 65.3 and 68.5.

"That sounds like completion percentages," says Frerotte. "Mine must be the higher one; J.P.'s must be the lower one."

You're right about one thing, Gus. Yours is the highest, but that's your passer rating. Your completion percentage is 52%, Losman's is 51%.

"So, together, we're completing over 100% of our passes," says Frerotte. "That's awesome!"

Sorry, Gus, it doesn't work like that, but why am I talking about quarterbacks anyway? This game is all about who can run the ball. The Bills' Willis McGahee is in a mild slump, while Miami's Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown backfield is producing. A successful rushing attack means less passes by an inaccurate quarterback.

Williams and Brown combine for 130 yards, and the Miami defense sacks Losman four times.

Miami wins, 20-13.

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh

The Bengals built a 34-0 lead last week before allowing 21 unanswered points, and 29 in the second half, from the Ravens on their way to an eventual 42-29 over their division rival. No team this year has allowed 21 unanswered points to the Ravens, and not many have allowed 21 points to the Ravens, period. Which begs the question: do the Bengals have the killer instinct necessary to make a playoff run?

"Killer instinct?" says Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer. "Are you kidding? Racking up a 34-0 lead is 'killer instinct' in my book. Of course, I'm just speaking for the offense. I don't speak for our defense. If the last two games are any indication, no one speaks for the defense, because they've given up 74 points in those two games. But on offense, we've got a lot of talkers, most notably Chad Johnson."

Johnson is the new king of the touchdown celebration, now that Terrell Owens is done for the year. Last week, after a 54-yard TD catch, Johnson putted the football with the end zone pylon.

"And I sunk it, baby," says Johnson, "just like Fred Funk did at the Skin's Game last week. There's got to be a rapper named 'Fred Funk.' If there's not, there should be. Or maybe we just need a professional golfer named 'Busta Rhymes.' Anyway, when I score against the Steelers, you'll see me arrange the other 10 members of my offense like bowling pins. Then, I'll run right through them, knocking them all down for a strike. Or, I might put on a Troy Polamalu wig and recreate his Sports Illustrated cover pose."

Sunday's game is huge for both teams. With a win, the Bengals would be in the running for a possible playoff bye, and, at the very least, a home playoff game. A loss, and the Steelers take solid control of the division, with two wins over the Bengals. That would leave Cincinnati scrapping for a wildcard berth with Jacksonville, San Diego, and Kansas City.

The Steelers bounce back from Monday's loss in Indy, and, once again, put the clamps on the Bengals offense. Duce Staley rushes for a touchdown, and Ben Roethlisberger throws a TD pass to Hines Ward, who celebrates by proposing to the end zone pylon.

Pittsburgh wins 23-17

Green Bay @ Chicago

For the first time this season, the Packers and Bears meet in a NFC North showdown, and the tables are turned. Usually, it's the lowly Bears looking up at the division-leading Packers. Not this time. The Bears, at 8-3, lead the division, while the Packers are 2-9 and assured of their first losing season since 1992.

"But I'm bringing a bag of tricks to this one," says Packers quarterback Brett Favre.

"I think Brett means 'bag of picks,'" says Bears quarterback Nathan Vasher, who has already called dibs on Favre's first interception this Sunday.

Favre is fourth in the NFL with 19 touchdown passes, but leads the league with 19 interceptions.

"People have always told me I was in a league by myself," says Favre. "I guess they were talking about interceptions. Nobody ever said I wasn't generous. And what's this about fans running on to the field? First, a fan in Cincinnati takes the ball right out of my hands. Then, a fan in Philadelphia runs out and spreads his mother's ashes on the field. Look, guys, if you're going to be on the field, at least try to get open and I'll try to get you the ball. It's not like I have a whole lot of receivers to throw to. And keep in mind, ashen human remains make a great cure for sweaty palms."

Is there a Vegas line on the number of Brett Favre interceptions for this game? Of course there is. Vegas has a line for everything. I would say it's 2½. Would anyone dare take the under?

"Not us," says Vasher, flashing a huge smile while strumming on his guitar. "I'm picking and grinning."

Favre throws three picks, the first of which leads to a Chicago touchdown. The Bears play with a lead, which means they won't lose.

Chicago wins, 20-14.

Houston @ Baltimore

Houston's David Carr and Baltimore's Kyle Boller both threw three touchdown passes last week in losses to the Rams and Bengals, respectively. Carr did so in building a 24-3 lead against the Rams, while Boller threw his three TDs after the Ravens had fallen behind the Bengals 34-0.

"David and myself have a lot in common," says Boller. "We both are 6'3", we both threw three touchdowns last week, we're both right-handed, and we're both quarterbacks of the future, although that's highly debatable, unless you consider the 'future' as 'next week.' And, although we may take different routes, the destination is usually the same: a loss."

With that in mind, the question has to be asked: what, if anything, can salvage this season?

"A plunger?" replies Ravens' coach Brian Billick.

"A time machine?" adds the Texans Dom Capers.

The plunger sounds more appropriate, gentlemen.

Boller throws for a score, and Matt Stover kicks two field goals as the Ravens win, 27-24.

Jacksonville @ Cleveland

Jacksonville improved to 8-3 and won their fourth straight with a 24-17 win at Arizona. The win came at a cost, as starting quarterback Byron Leftwich suffered a broken ankle, and is out at least four weeks.

"It's the year of the backup quarterback," says Jacksonville's Jack Del Rio, "and we've got a good one in David Garard. Byron should be back in time for the playoffs. We're speeding the healing process by using a hyperbaric chamber on Byron's ankle. I think that's the same kind of chamber that Michael Jackson sleeps in, so Byron has to watch how much time he spends in there, otherwise he might turn white and lose a nose."

For the sixth consecutive game, the Jags will face a team with a losing record. They have won four of the previous five, losing only to the Rams in Week 8. Beating the Browns in the Dawg Pound won't be easy. The Browns are 3-2 there, including a win over the Bears. And what feline would feel welcome in the Dawg Pound?

"Certainly not a jaguar," says Browns coach Romeo Crenel, "although a jaguar could whip the tail of any domesticated canine, and could easily maul a drunken member of the Dawg Pound. And I'm sure many Jaguars of the car variety have flattened several dogs on the road. I guess we're underdogs for this one. The Jags could do us a favor, though. They could knock Trent Dilfer out of the game, and thus allow us to play Charlie Frye. I know Trent's a whiner when it comes to giving Charlie a snap or two. This way, if he's unconscious, he'd have no say in the matter."

Garard plays an error free game, and throws a touchdown pass to Jimmy Smith.

The Jacksonville defense dominates en route to a 27-13 victory.

Minnesota @ Detroit

After the Lions' lost on Thanksgiving to the Falcons 27-7, rumors were rampant that head coach Steve Mariucci would be fired the following Friday. So what do those class individuals in the Detroit front office do? They wait until Monday to give Mariucci the axe. That's three full days Mariucci had to sweat out his future.

"And I've just got two things to say," says Mariucci. "One is 'severance package.' The other is 'Let's go, Red Wings.' There's only one thing better than getting paid to coach. And that's getting paid to not coach. Now, I'll finally have the time to hang out with Terrell Owens and reminisce about our good times in San Francisco."

After last week's 24-12 defeat of the Browns, the Vikings have won four straight, and five of six after their little party boat incident back in October. At 6-5, the Vikes trail the Bears by two games in the NFC North, and are slowly creeping into the wildcard picture.

"The cruise was a turning point in our season," says Vikings safety Darren Sharper, who is tied for the NFL lead in interceptions and interception returns for touchdowns. "I guess you could say that situation put the wind in our sails, and lifted our spirits, so to speak. And, everyone was quick to criticize the Randy Moss deal. Look at it now. Randy's good for only about three catches a game. We can get that from a number of our current receivers."

Like Marcus Robinson, who caught three passes last week, all for touchdowns.

Robinson only catches one TD pass against the Lions, and the Vikings force three Jeff Garcia turnovers.

Minnesota wins its fifth straight, 23-17.

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans

Pssst. Is Phil Simms listening? He's not? Then it's okay to criticize his son Chris' performance against the Bears last week. Yes? Okay. Simms basically blew any chance the Bucs had to win on Tampa's first possession, when he fumbled at his own one-yard line. The Bears recovered, and Kyle Orton passed to tight end John Gilmore for a touchdown. And if the Bears score first, you're basically toast.

"I told Goldilocks, I mean Chris Simms, before the game that he'd have to barge into the Bears' house and grab whatever bowl of porridge he darn well pleased," says the Bucs John Gruden. "And maybe slap Baby Bear around just for good measure. But he didn't. He played scared, and one turnover cost us."

"Daddy says it's not my fault," says Simms. "It's our kicker, Matt Bryant's fault. Check your calendars. You'll see that last Sunday was 'National Perform the Heimlich Maneuver On Your Kicker,' because kickers were choking all around the league."

The Saints won for only the third time this year, beating the Jets 21-19 in the Meadowlands.

"Does that count as a home game or an away game?" asks Saints quarterback Aaron Brooks. "Because it sure seems like we had a 'home' game there earlier this year. We've absolutely have to be the first team to play a home and away game in the same stadium. That's whack."

The Bucs rush for 150 yards, and Simms hits Joey Galloway with a long TD pass.

Tampa wins, 26-20.

Tennessee @ Indianapolis

The Titans whipped the 49ers in Nashville last week, 33-22, but this week face a slightly tougher test at Indianapolis against the undefeated Colts. So, Jeff Fisher, how do you plan on slowing down the Colts?

"I've got one idea," says Fisher. "And that is to have all the members of my defense throw Snickers candy bars at the Indy offense. I hear that they are only satisfying if you eat them, but we'll see for ourselves."

One thing's for sure: Peyton Manning has never seen that defense thrown at him.

The Colts eased past the Steelers last Monday to remain perfect at 11-0. After the Titans, the Colts will face two tough hurdles on their way to potential perfection, at Jacksonville, then at home against San Diego.

"I'll tell the Jags and the Chargers the same thing I told the Bengals and the Steelers," says Manning. "You're good, but not perfect. I have to credit that line to the late wrestler Curt Hennig, also known as 'Mr. Perfect.' Perfect's the only man I've ever seen throw an 80-yard bomb and make the catch, as well. He was also known to say, 'Nobody beats Mr. Perfect. Nobody.' Well, nobody beats the Colts. Nobody. At least, not until we sit our starters after we clinch home field."

The Colts tune up for Jacksonville with a 34-17 win.

Arizona @ San Francisco

You know the Cardinals and 49ers are having unspectacular years when the kickers for each team dominate the headlines. And that's the only time I'll use the word "dominate" to describe either team. For the Cardinals, Neil Rackers missed his first field goal of the year after 31 straight, falling short of the NFL record of 42 held by Mike Vanderjagt.

"And I really wanted to bring that record back to the States," says Rackers. "No Canadian should be allowed ownership of an NFL record."

San Francisco signed kicker Jose Cortez after Joe Nedney went down with a groin injury. Cortez promptly missed a 34-yard attempt.

"My career goals are to miss a field goal and/or extra point for every team in this league," says Cortez, "as well as be hated by more teammates than any player in history. I'm well on my way to those milestones."

Rackers has made 32 field goals this year, which is about the same number of jobs Cortez has had. Rackers kicks three more, and Kurt Warner throws two touchdowns as the Cardinals win, 23-17.

Washington @ St. Louis

For the second straight week, the Redskins lost to a team coached by a former Redskins head coach. Two weeks ago, Norv Turner and the Raiders beat the Redskins, 16-13. Last week, the Chargers, coached by Marty Schottenheimer, outlasted the 'Skins, 23-17, in overtime.

"Please tell me Steve Spurrier's not coaching in the NFL anymore," says Washington coach Joe Gibbs. "He left me a mess here."

He's not, Joe. The ol' ball coach is tossing the visor down in Columbia, South Carolina.

The Rams were rescued from a humiliating defeat at the hands of the Texans by third-string quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, who relieved the injured Jamie Martin early in the game and promptly threw for three TD and 310 yards.

"I'm a Harvard grad," says Fitzpatrick, "which means my SAT score beats the rest of the offense combined. It also means I'm probably the only NFL player paying off student loans."

Fitzpatrick gets the start, but finds the Washington defense much better than that of the Texans. Clinton Portis rushes for over 100 yards, and Mark Brunell throws two touchdown passes to Santana Moss.

Redskins win, 30-23.

Denver @ Kansas City

The Chiefs tuned up for their AFC West showdown against the Broncos with a 26-16 win over the defending Super Bowl champion Patriots. Larry Johnson rushed for 119 yards and Trent Green passed for 323 yards as the Chiefs became the fifth team to beat the defending champions this year. Now Kansas City hopes to defeat the Broncos and slice in to Denver's two-game division lead. A loss would be near disastrous for the Chiefs' playoff hopes.

"Don't discount our motivation for this game," says Broncos head coach Mike Shanahan. "We want to run the table on our AFC West opponents. We're 3-0. Three more wins and we do it. Also, if we continue to win, the Colts must continue to win to secure home-field advantage. If we can force them to play hard down the stretch, they could possibly go undefeated. I think I speak for everyone when I say that it would be nice to see the Colts knock those bitter old 1972 Dolphins out of the record book."

The Chiefs will have to stop the run, and most likely will have to throw the ball against Denver's defense, ranked first in the league against the run. It takes an inspired effort, and a deafening Arrowhead Stadium crowd, but the Chiefs play as though their playoff hopes ride on the game, which they do. Trent Green throws two touchdown passes, and K.C. keeps Denver's running game in check.

Chiefs win, 23-20.

N.Y. Jets @ New England

The Jets have lost six in a row, and are making a push for the No. 1 pick in next year's draft. Their last defeat came against the Saints, who won 21-19 in the Meadowlands. The Jets have lost six straight, and are 0-6 on the road, and now must face the defending world champion Patriots in New England.

"Oh boy," says Jets coach Herman Edwards. "This is getting old. Are the rumors still flying that I want out of New York. They are? Well, I'll neither confirm nor deny them. If you want me to look you in the eye and tell you I'm remaining as coach, then I'll do that. But first, I'll have to put on these dark shades. Okay. I'm staying. There, I said it. Now, it's up to you to decide whether I'm bluffing. I do this every week when I tell my guys we have a chance to win our games. They believe me, so I must be a pretty good bluffer. Okay, I'm all in."

The Patriots lost to the Chiefs 26-20, as Tom Brady was intercepted four times, three by Greg Wesley.

"I'm a three-time Super Bowl champion," says Brady. "I'm entitled to an off-day every now and then. This is the regular season. Off days don't matter. The playoffs count, and I'm on target like William Tell in the playoffs. But really, this loss mattered little to us. All of the scrub teams in this division, and I include us in that category, lost, as well. So, we lost no ground. We'll have our home game when the playoffs start, and we might be playing these Chiefs again."

Brady gets back on track, and throws three TD passes, and the Pats win, 27-13.

Oakland @ San Diego

Last week, LaDainian Tomlinson rushed for 184 yards in the Chargers' 23-17 overtime win at Washington. He scored on a 32-yard run to tie the game in the fourth, then broke free for a 41-yard score in overtime to give the Chargers a 23-17 win over the Redskins. Is Tomlinson the greatest running back ever? Let's ask someone besides Chargers coach Marty Schottenheimer. Hey, Randy Moss, since you're not doing anything else, like catching passes, could you answer a question? Is Tomlinson the greatest running back of all-time?

"Look, dawg," says Moss, "I'm a playa hater, not a playa rater. Besides, Randy Moss won't answer questions without his lawyers present. Are you with the FBI?"

Yeah, Randy, I'm a full-blooded Italian.

The Raiders will likely have to do damage through the air, because you just can't run the ball on San Diego.

"And we won't suffer the embarrassment that the Dolphins did last week," says Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman. "That would be allowing Kerry Collins to rush for a touchdown."

Tomlinson rushes for 145 yards and two touchdowns, and the Chargers win, 31-17.

Seattle @ Philadelphia

The Eagles were the only team in the NFC East to win last week, allowing them to pick up a full game on each team. Philadelphia rushed for 180 yards in last week's 19-14 win over the Packers to improve to 5-6, two games behind division leaders Dallas and New York.

"All this team needed to do to run the ball was get rid of Terrell Owens and Donovan McNabb," says Eagles quarterback Mike McMahon. "And, we're doing it without the threat of a passing game. And really, who should be scared of Mike McMahon passing the ball? To whom am I going to throw it?

“Anyway, here's an interesting factoid. All of the other teams in our division lost in overtime. I think that's a sign that destiny is on our side. The Eagles are back in the mix. We're not talking playoffs. We're talking Super Bowl. And, on that note, I'd like to perform an original rap I wrote. Here goes: 'I'm the punky QB, known as McMahon. When I hit the turf, I've got no plan. I just throw my body all over the field. I can't dance, but I can throw the pill. I motivate the cat, I...'"

Hey, hold on a second, McMahon. You're singing the "Super Bowl Shuffle," made famous by the 1985 Chicago Bears. Those are Jim McMahon's lines.

"Who?" replies Mike McMahon. "Jim McMahon? Never heard of him. Hey! How do I look with spiked hair, sunglasses, a white headband, and this full-length mink coat?"

Christmas came early in Seattle, where the Seahawks were presented with a second, a third, and a fourth chance in their 24-21 overtime win over the Giants. New York's Jay Feely missed three field goals, two in overtime, that would have beaten the Seahawks. Seattle's Josh Brown made the most of his one chance, and nailed a 36-yard field goal for the win.

"I got good reads on Feely's misses," says Brown. "I had a slight tailwind, and I just played in slightly inside the right goal post. Bingo! I am so money."

The Eagles play tough, but Shaun Alexander will get his 100 yards, regardless. And he does. Matt Hasselbeck throws for one TD, and the Seahawks win, 28-20.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 7:50 PM | Comments (0)

Superstar Hypocrisy on the Tour

So, the 2005 season is over. That is, the PGA Tour season is over and will not resume until January. It could not have ended any sooner for the top stars in the game that contend the Tour's exhaustive schedule lasts way too long — an 11-month season. Commissioner Tim Finchem has tried to accommodate to the wishes of the top tier players by shortening the relevant part of the season.

With the announcement and introduction of the FedEx Cup, the season is effectively shortened to nine months for the best players in the world. The season will have more continuity and position the top stars to maintain a 20-25-event schedule while playing in more events that actually matter for the FedEx points race. In essence, the Tour is taking a chance on restructuring an already-popular product in an attempt to appease the stars that have been feeling pressure to be more active during the Tour schedule.

But, in the meantime, some of the top stars of the Tour have extended their golf seasons by traveling far abroad to play in events in Asia and Australia. Although the Tour season ends in November, some of the world's best — including Tiger Woods — are teeing it up in events through Christmas. And it's not as though these events are particularly convenient for the players to attend. That is, unless you call an 18-hour plane flight convenient.

Doesn't it seem the least bit hypocritical to cry out that the PGA Tour season is way too long, but then go ahead and play several more events well after the schedule ends? If you complain that the PGA Tour schedule is way too long, then players would logically cease their golfing seasons when the Tour schedule ends. It only makes sense.

Apparently, that logic does not register with or apply to many of these golfers who have cluttered silly season schedules. After all, huge purses and large appearance fees greet the players as soon as they hit the tarmac. There is a lot of money to be made by participating in these lesser events abroad that are seeking stature and notoriety. And these golfers are independent contractors that really have no legal requirement to play exclusively on the PGA Tour. If there are millions in extra spending cash are to be made, then why not do it?

Very simply, booking a busy post-PGA Tour schedule makes the Tour look bad on multiple levels. First, it makes the Tour look less relevant if the world's best are willing to play beyond the schedule in events with lackluster fields. It is almost as though Woods and others are participating in foreign renditions of the Southern Farm Bureau Classic. That is a pretty strong slap in the face if you think about it long enough.

Second, these commitments further extend the relevance of the golf season well beyond the PGA Tour year. That totally destroys the concept of the FedEx Cup, which was designed to create a recognizable beginning and end to the Tour schedule. But, if the best in the world continue to compete in meaningless events abroad after the Cup wraps up in September, then the Cup is just another in a series of failed experiments by the Tour.

The Tour Championship was originally designed to give closure to the season and help determine the Player of the Year and money list races. Guess what? The Tour Championship has not been relevant in deciding either in over a decade.

Then, in the late-'90s, the World Golf Championships were supposed to be high-profile, big purse events that filled in the gaps between major championships and highlight golf around the world. Now the only event that draws any particular attention is the World Match Play event. That was a real winner.

And the writing is on the wall with these events that the FedEx Cup could very well go the way of these two ideas. If it does not get full and genuine support from the top players, then many lesser players will become vocal about the sacrifices they had to make so that the top stars could just play a shorter schedule.

The Tour is making a huge gamble on the FedEx Cup and the gamble is premised on the idea that the entire Tour is behind it. But, with playing schedules that are year-round, the stars are not lending their full support. Unless things change abruptly come 2007, the Tour may be facing another institutionalized bad idea.

Posted by Ryan Ballengee at 6:44 PM | Comments (0)

Bluebook Notes #10: BCS Top 10

Since we've reached our 10th edition of Bluebook Notes, I thought it would be fun to take a look at the top 10 teams in the BCS and see if they truly deserve their ranking.

No. 1 USC (No Brainer) — I don't think anyone will debate me on this one. USC has had their shaky moments against Arizona State, Oregon, and Fresno State, but they have looked unstoppable when they are on their game. They have gone undefeated this season and should be playing for the National Championship next month.

No. 2 Texas (No Brainer) — Like Southern Cal, Texas has had some hiccups, but those are to be expected in a 12-game season. Texas has also gone undefeated, and looked pretty well doing it. Their defense has played well, and Vince Young is the best quarterback in America. They should also be in Pasadena come January.

No. 3 Penn State (Nailed It) — I know most people want to see Texas against USC for the title. However, if Texas slips up against Colorado on Saturday, I won't be complaining. Penn State has had a magnificent season, and were it not for a fourth-quarter collapse against Michigan, we would have a major BCS snafu on our hands. Penn State is arguably the best one-loss team in the country and deserves a shot at the title. This just furthers the case for a playoff system.

No. 4 LSU (O-VER-RATED) — I really wish I could call these guys contenders, but they just haven't shown me enough to deserve their ranking. Don't get me wrong, LSU is a fantastic team, but barely beating a depleted Alabama team, and losing to Tennessee just doesn't cut it. Their early-season comeback victory against Arizona State has also grown less impressive over time, as well.

No. 5 Virginia Tech (Unfairly Penalized) — The Hokies are getting screwed. Virginia Tech has dominated their opponents this year, and besides one bad night in Blacksburg against Miami, they could put up a case as being a worthy candidate to go to the Rose Bowl. This is yet another team that is getting shafted because of when they lost. They deserve a chance at redemption, but with the way the BCS is setup, they wont have that opportunity.

No. 6 Ohio State (Got it Right) — Even though the Buckeyes have two losses, I still say that they may have the best chance of beating USC this year. They have the best corps of linebackers in the country, and their speed in the secondary would give them an excellent chance of containing Matt Leinart and Co. Of course, they won't get that chance, but they should be playing in a BCS bowl. The Buckeyes outplayed Texas, and their only sound defeat was a seven-point loss to Penn State in Happy Valley. This would be another team that could run the table in a playoff.

No. 7 Oregon (Pretender) — The Ducks are a quality team. I think Mike Bellotti should be a candidate for Coach of the Year because he has worked no less than a miracle in Eugene. However, they are not the seventh best team in the country. The main reason this is the case is because of Kellen Clemens. His injury has forced the Ducks to go with a platoon of Dennis Dixon and Brady Leaf (does that name sound familiar?). Neither of those guys is as good as Clemens was, and the Ducks squeaked past Cal and Washington State. They have played well on defense (Justin Phinesee has been spectacular), but they just haven't shown me enough to merit their ranking.

No. 8 Notre Dame (No BCS Bias) — Notre Dame deserves their ranking. I'll say it again — Notre Dame deserves their ranking. I think their most impressive outing came in their close loss against USC. Charlie Weis and his team executed their game plan perfectly and came within inches of defeating the number one team in the country. They have consistently played well and with two exceptions (Michigan State and Stanford), beaten up on every team in which they were favored. Notre Dame would give any of the teams above them all they could handle in a playoff system.

No. 9 Miami (Underrated) — Even though their loss to Florida State looks worse with every passing week, the Hurricanes are still one of the best teams in the country. Fortunately or unfortunately, they play in a conference where it is almost impossible for any team to go undefeated. Even with their two losses, I would pick Miami to beat every team above them besides the top three at a neutral site. The Hurricanes are that good.

No. 10 Auburn (Getting the Shaft) — Right now, the Auburn Tigers are the best team in the SEC. They already beat Georgia who is playing in the SEC Championship, and if they had made some field goals against LSU, they would have gone undefeated in their conference. Al Borges has done a remarkable job getting Auburn's offense in gear, and their defense has continued to play well when needed. I would love to see these guys in a BCS bowl, but I don't think it is going to happen.

The HeisDAQ

The race for the Heisman Trophy fluctuates week by week. The HeisDAQ will let you know whose Heisman "stock" is rising and falling. Now that the race is winding down, I will highlight the five guys with the best chances of taking home the hardware.

1) Reggie Bush, RB/KR/PR USC (strong buy) — After Reggie's historic night against Fresno State, the Heisman is just about his. With the deadline for submitting votes coming up, many people have already sent in their ballots with Reggie's name at the top.

2) Vince Young, QB Texas (hold) — V.Y.'s uninspiring performance against Texas A&M will probably cost him the trophy. He still has one last chance to impress against Colorado, but I just don't think he can do enough to win.

3) Matt Leinart, QB USC (hold) — Matt Leinart is getting penalized for winning the Heisman last year. I told you this would happen in my Heisman preview, and although he had an unreal year, it just wasn't enough.

4) Brady Quinn, QB Notre Dame (hold) — Quinn racked up the yards against Stanford, but his two first-half interceptions probably put the final nail in the coffin for his Heisman hopes. Quinn has had a phenomenal year, and even though he's out in 2005, if he stays in school, he's the preseason favorite for next year.

5) Drew Olson, QB UCLA (super-speculative buy) — Olson won't win the Heisman, but he may creep up towards the top three if UCLA can beat USC. He has put up unbelievable numbers, but his relative obscurity was just too much to overcome. I'm sure the trophy is out of reach, but with a win on Saturday, he has to be invited to the Athletic Club.

Games to Watch/Picks to Click

Season Record: 15-10 ATS; Last Week: 3-0 ATS

UCLA (+21) @ USC

This is the game that everyone in Southern California has been waiting for. USC is the huge favorite, and they are just about everyone's pick to win the game. However, there are plenty of reasons why UCLA could steal this game from the Trojans. USC's special teams have been shaky at best, and UCLA has the best return man in the country in Maurice Drew. Also, the Bruins will have Justin London, the oft-injured senior linebacker in the game after a prolonged absence. If the Bruins weren't so mismatched on the defensive line, I think they would pull off the upset. I think the Trojans will establish the run, and pound out a close victory.

Three-Pete 42, Drews 38

Texas @ Colorado (+27½)

Colorado is a team that I just haven't been able to figure out. They seemed to have peaked a little too early this year, but they can still be dangerous. Their defense has been tough against the run, which should help against the Longhorns. I see Texas winning this game handily, but just slightly less than the 28 points needed to cover the spread.

Mack's Trucks 34, Will Barnett Be Back? 10

Georgia (+2) @ LSU

The SEC Championship Game should be very entertaining and fun to watch. This game is important for both teams and with BCS bowls on the line, the drama and intensity will be high. I really think Georgia will win this game because of the senior leadership of D.J. Shockley. Shockley is back from the injury that sidelined him for the Florida game and will be the difference-maker. Georgia's defense has also been solid, and will keep LSU high-powered offense from scoring just enough to eek out the win.

Shockley & Blue 27, JaMarcus & Skyler 24

Mailbag

This week's e-mail comes from Ron Easterly in Kilauea, Hawaii:

Avery, Yes, you're definitely off your rocker, but don't you worry, you have plenty of company. I'm often amazed at the level of stupidity with the media and the talking heads of the NCAA football world. The Heisman Trophy race is a great example of this along with your recent column. Just give that piece of junk trophy to Jason White every year. They rarely get it right and when they do it's seems to be an accident. What are you idiots watching? What more does a guy need to do? Vince Young will win it this year, because it was decided after the Arkansas slaying that Matt Leinart (35-1) has "too many weapons." How ridiculous is that?

Media people that use stats to form their opinions get absolutely no respect from me. If you're a stat head then the best quarterback plays for Texas Tech every year. USC would have two loses if Drew Olson were the starting quarterback. Comparing Matt Leinart (35-1) to Drew Olson is laughable. I'm not even going to waste my time. Matt Leinart has had a near perfect season. The pressure he's endured this year no other quarterback not named Brady or Manning can relate with. When USC shows up it's an event and not just another game. I seriously doubt that Notre Dame pulls out the green jerseys and throws an all night pep rally for the Drew Olson led UCLA Bruins coming to town.

Matt Leinart is the best quarterback I've ever seen and I've been watching college football for 18 seasons now. He'll outplay Young and Olson in the coming weeks, but that's because he has "too much talent around him." Whatever! USC does have talent everywhere but so do all the other traditional powers. USC will miss Leinart next year, just like Miami has missed Ken Dorsey. Taking advantage of the talent you have is tough to do with a quarterback that's prone to make bad decisions (Brock Berlin). To me, Matt Leinart is a Ken Dorsey with an NFL caliber arm. Both rarely made the wrong read and most importantly...they always WON. Maybe you should cover college bowling.

College bowling. Now there's an idea, I never thought of that. Ron, I think if you look at my article again, you will see that I talked about much more than just stats. I've watched every game that both Leinart and Olson have played this season (actually, all of Olson games in his career) and Olson has the edge in my book. Paul Molina from Minneapolis sums up my opinion in a couple of sentences.

Drew Olson deserves to be in NYC for the Heisman presentation. Hopefully, his tremendous stats will be enough to convince voters that he is no fraud. The guy can just flat-out play, but more importantly, there is not a QB in America with more guts and determination. Thanks for spreading the word about the best QB in Los Angeles.

Do you think that I'm "off my rocker," or did I hit the proverbial "nail on the head?" Let me know! Send an e-mail to [email protected] and include your name and hometown. I'll do my best to include it in the next week's column.

Posted by Avery Smith at 6:14 PM | Comments (1)