I Hate Mondays: Thanksgiving

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, here's 10 things I am thankful for:

10. Isiah Thomas is Not My Financial Manager

I am thankful that this guy does not manage my finances. If that were the case, my pockets would be broke as hell and my money would be locked up in shoddy investments like Dunkin' Donuts. Is that the stock equivalent of Jerome James?

9. Thankful That Drew Rosenhaus Does Not Have a Reality Show

I get the feeling that it is only a matter of time until Rosenhaus is on TV more often than he currently is. He's always yapping and he's always mixed up in controversy — perfect for a FOX reality show. I just hope it doesn't happen.

8. Thankful That College Sports Are More Pure Than the Pro Game

Smaller egos, the players actually listen to the coaches, nobody complains about dress codes, salary squabbles are not an issue, there's more emotion involved, and the cheerleaders are younger. I'm glad that the NCAA basketball and football are as big as they are because sometimes all the drama of the pro game gets to me.

7. Thankful That the Champions Golf Tour is the Only Nationally-Televised Senior Sporting Event

Can you imagine if there was a Champions Tour equivalent in the four major sports? That's right, Mark McGwire retires from the MLB and steps right into the Senior MLB, which is the same as the MLB only the players are too old and worn down to play in the regular league. What I really want to see is Kevin McHale getting dunked on or the John Stockton/Karl Malone connection continuing for at least another 10 years in a slower, less athletic Senior NBA league. I guess I'd be more thankful if the Champions Tour didn't exist — or if it existed and I never ever had to hear about it.

6. Thankful For the NHL Rule Changes

There was no doubt that the sport of hockey would return, but the decision to change the rules and, so far, stick to the no obstruction plan has worked out for the better. More teams have swapped their fourth line of checkers and goons for younger skilled prospects and the amount of fighting has decreased significantly. Now if they could only mend their relationship with ESPN...

5. Thankful For the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees

Without these two big-spenders, baseball might be one boring game. There is such a love-hate relationship when it comes to liking or disliking these two teams that it has become the main source of baseball interest nowadays. Even when a team like the Chicago White Sox complete an amazing season, no one seems to care unless it's Yankees or Red Sox — including me. White Sox won? Great. I just want to know which one of these teams will make the first big splash in the offseason and which team will get to $300 million first.

4. Thankful That Mike Tice is Not My Dad

On one hand, anything goes while this guy is on the watch, but something tells me that in the long run, discipline is a good thing and that I would be severely lacking that if he was my pop. Around-the-house chores wouldn't be necessary, giving a lackadaisical effort would be acceptable and there would never be a concern about being reprimanded. And, of course, there's the annual father-son sex boat ride...

3. Thankful For Cheerleaders

Sometimes I ponder to myself: what do cheerleaders really offer to society? Sure, they are eye candy, but what if somebody asks them about their career? Do you tell people that you cheer for a living?

"You're daughter is a lawyer, that's fantastic. Mine cheers for a living."

Are they ever unhappy? Maybe all those years of cheerfulness lead to chronic depression once they retire. Speaking of which, what happens to the older cheerleaders? Maybe they cheer on the Champions Tour. Okay, okay ... I'm thankful for the eye candy.

2. Thankful For Football Sundays

In between my horde of different fantasy teams, parlays, teasers, straight bets, suicide pools, reverse suicide pools, pick 'em pools, commissioner pools, and Pro Line tickets, my Sundays are more emotional than supermodel Janice Dickinson during her time of the month. Every time someone scores a touchdown, I cheer for one pool and I cry for another and I pray that it doesn't screw my bets. Funny, I never sleep well on Sunday nights...

1. Thankful For Having a Voice in Sports

The opportunity to write about sports, and more importantly, have someone read your compositions who is not directly related to you is something I cherish. For that, I am truly thankful this Thanksgiving.

Being thankful and Thanksgiving mix like Mondays and me.

"The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief." — William Shakespeare

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