Making the Cut as a Fan

Everyone has been cut by a sports team before, even Michael Jordan. It's one of those things that everyone has gone through and it never feels good to be told you aren't good enough to play on the team. As bad as that hurts, it has to be even worse to be told you aren't even good enough to make the cut as a fan.

At the beginning of the season, Celtics forward Ricky Davis held an American Idol-esque competition to win a seat in the Get Buckets Brigade (Ricky's cheering section at the TD Banknorth Garden). The tryout attracted 26 fans — each had a minute to win over Davis. He was planning to buy season tickets for the 12 winners, but ended up buying them for the final 15, saying "I'm too nice to be a judge." Which begs the question, just how bad were the 11 that couldn't make the cut?

They had to have had some desire to be in the section. After all, they did find out about the competition, sent in their essay on why they deserved a tryout, and they did drag themselves out of bed to show up for it, so how did they blow it? How bad do you have to be to get cut by a guy who confesses to be "too nice to be a judge?"

Did the contestants not know who Ricky Davis was? Did they sit down and start reading a book during their one minute to impress him? Did they dress as an empty seat (like so many of the New Orleans Saints fans who make the trek to watch them at Tiger Stadium)? Maybe they didn't understand the concept behind a cheering section and started heckling him.

(Celtics Official: Okay, fan No. 17, you are up.)


17: Now?
Celtics Official: Yep, go ahead.
17: (flustered). Um. Okay. BOOOO! You suck, Ricky! You call that hustle? My grandmother runs the floor harder. I think you are a terrible person and not much better at basketball. BOOOO. I've seen better shots at the allergist's office. BOOOO!
Celtics Official: Please leave.
17: Well, wait ... when are cuts announced?
Celtics Official:: We'll send you a letter.
17: Okay, but you don't even have my address or anything, I could write it down real qui—
Celtics Official: We'll look it up.)

Maybe the fans started rooting for the wrong team or confused Ricky Davis for Ricky Martin. I think another possible explanation might be that out of 26 fans, 15 were people, nine were of the oscillating variety, and two were those paper fans that cost about seven cents to make. Still, you have to tip your cap to the lucky 15 members of the Get Buckets Brigade, who I imagine must have worked hard to get to the pinnacle of cheering.

It's going to be interesting to see how his section unfolds, after all, I'm sure every guy in that section was the alpha-male in the section he came up from, how will they be able to co-exist? Forget the trouble Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal had, this is like Kobe, Shaq, Dwayne Wade, LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Ron Artest, and Darko Milic all on the same team (actually, the guy in the section who is Milic is probably the one who read the book during his minute to impress Davis, so he is watching this cheering section from home).

I can just see the odd man out getting ignored when trying to start cheers and then showing up at the next game in a Ricky Davis Cavs jersey and cheering every time Davis misses a shot or turns it over. I predict T.O.-level drama in the Get Buckets Brigade by the All-Star Break.

Let's be honest here, though, Ricky went about this all wrong. For starters, he said he was most impressed by a girl with "CELTICS #12" tattooed on her ankle. What the hell is that going to do for a cheering section? Is she going to point to her ankle when Ricky needs a boost? I bet she only showed up to the audition because she missed the groupie tryout. Either way, any cheering section worth its salt isn't going to be anchored by some girl who has some pro-Davis ink. That just won't fly.

And where did these 15 come from? If I'm making the section, my 15 are coming from the best of the great college cheering sections (Cameron's Crazies, Izzone, O-Zone, etc.). Those kids are all probably from some sort of great high school cheering section (in Cincinnati, those are the GCL schools and, of course, the greatest cheering section I've ever seen, The Tribe), so they know how to cheer.

Ricky was too rash with his decision, especially if he was impressed with a temporary tattoo. He should've been breaking down game film of the contestants cheering at their local high school football games or at community college basketball games, judging them on things such as their responsiveness to cheers, their ability to clap properly, their creativity, and of course, their ability to complain about officiating on every call that doesn't go their way (extra points for ejections and being banned from all school sporting events). At least that way you can weed out the guy who leaves early to beat traffic and anyone who thinks of doing the wave ever.

I guess the last question with this is what happens to the 11 who didn't make the cut as a fan? Do they spend the season trying to get better so they can make the cut this year? Are they forced to go to WNBA games and form some sort of cheering section for Sue Bird? Do they spend their entire winter walking around, asking what if questions about how they spent their minute? Will they be able to go to Celtics games without becoming completely dejected after seeing the Get Buckets Brigade?

I think there is only one clear thing for them to do — form their own cheering section. Just as Chad Johnson made a list of everyone who is guarding him this season, this new section should do the same for Ricky Davis. Every night, the Get No Buckets Brigade (this is a working title, I'm sure they will think of a better nickname) becomes the cheering section for the player going against Davis. Being cut will only make them better fans, maybe even better than the GBB, and then we are left with only one glorious option — a cheer off.

The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. BetOnSports.com gives you the greatest sports action to bet on. Wager on football, cricket, boxing, Rugby, horse racing, and more. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].