I Hate Mondays: Call Me a Racist

I'm racist — it's true.

I admit it. I back David Stern's dress code.

I understand it, I comprehend it, and I endorse it.

It makes sense to me since I can appreciate how he thinks — being racist and all — and I have the insight to explain how he came to this decision.

Here's what happened.

***

Stern endured a disturbed sleep Monday night, waking up twice. Something was lingering in the back of his mind, something hindered his rest. It was still pitch dark when he was roused from his slumber the first time. He sat up in his bed with his back slouched, rubbed his eyes, and reflected.

"Young, powerful black people..." he muttered as he gritted his molars.

It was an obvious agitation with no easy solution.

Stern was never fond of colored basketball players. Their arrogant attitude, their care for the cacophony that passes as music and their grubby garb bothered him. They bothered him like a strained back ails an athlete. He tries to ignore it, attempting to negotiate with the pain, but there is no settlement to be found. Every motion, every twitch, every turn sparks the acute ache that is always slow to dissipate.

The basketball league was dominated by black players with a majority of nearly 80% — an alarming figure — but they did offer a good return on investment.

Even so, he felt helpless surrounded by the ubiquitous darkness. He turned on his night lamp to whiten the room.

As his pupils adapted to the light he deliberated, "How can I pique my affluent slaves?"

The thought process was not extensive. This type of question had rolled around in his mind frequently, but the key was to pick the best imposition.

He tried, but his eyes grew tired once again and he succumbed to the inevitability that he needed the blackness — this time to sleep. He flipped off his lamp, relaxed his body, and closed his eyes.

The second time he awoke, the shadow was now concealed and the subtle daylight illuminated his room. He wrinkled his blanket and slid out of bed.

As he headed to the bathroom to begin his morning protocol, he noticed the clothes he had laid out for himself the night before. On his lazy chair was a navy-colored wool suit and beside it rested a gleaming white cotton dress shirt and a silk royal blue tie. Then it dawned on him.

"A dress code" he whispered as a grin creased his face, "yes, a dress code."

***

Now you know how this came to be.

You see, dress codes have nothing to do with company representation or company image. It has everything to do with taking away from black people.

David Stern does not care that he is at the head of a billion-dollar company and that his company's image is deteriorating faster than a Stephen Jackson sentence. David Stern does not care that the players in the NBA, who for all intents and purposes represent the company, dress like they just finished competing for girls with Steve and Doug Butabi at the Roxbury.

He just sees black people having fun, enjoying themselves, and having a good time and as a white man with power, he is exercising that power to take away their pleasures.

Or at least that is what a few radicals such as ESPN's Chris Broussard and Scoop Jackson seem to think.

They called it culture robbing and Jackson even went as far as tabbing NBA players as "highly-paid slaves" earlier this week.

Because a dress code is being implemented?

First off, if you believe that unnecessarily wearing extra large clothing and oversized diamond necklaces is "culture," you might want to check yourself.

No, this has nothing to do with my skin color. Plenty of black people (particularly parents) scoff at this type of style just as much as I do.

If your son comes through the front door wearing a do-rag, a headband, or sunglasses indoors, regardless of his skin color, heritage, or religion, the perception will not be doctor or lawyer.

If big shiny chains and throwbacks are "culture," why don't you ever see middle-aged or elder members of society taking part?

When's the last time you saw a guy over 40 years of age draped in ice during your day-to-day routines? You know, you see a well-groomed man at the grocery store with his wife in hand and his two kids trailing and what does he have on his chest? The initials of his first and last name carved out in a big phat diamond piece, weighing down his neck (the same three-pound model that Ray Charles and Gladys Knight would flaunt).

And even so, no matter how you define your own culture, a dress code does not prevent you from following it.

David Stern is not saying forget your culture, forget your roots and follow my ways. He's not asking you to convert your religion. He is saying when you come to work or when you are affiliated with the NBA follow the dress code. When you're done for the day, drape yourself in as much velvet as you like.

Jeez, what a racist.

Maybe Scoop Jackson doesn't realize that this is standard for virtually any company in North America. When you're doing business, look like a professional.

Looking professional, in a sense, just means showing up dressed like you care about your job. Everyone has a different style when you are out and about or around the house. Some people might wear sweat pants and mustard-stained YMCA shirts, others might dress like street thugs and some people prefer to be nude, but when you come to work there has to be a common ground, there has to be a compromise between everyone.

Calling NBA players "highly-paid slaves" (Scoop's term) is not only in the top five stupidest comments I have ever heard in my entire life, the term itself is an oxymoron. Slavery has existed for generations and being a slave typically includes being owned by someone else, having no rights, and having zero freedoms.

Not only do NBA players have equal rights and freedoms as the rest of society, they have more. How often do you hear of an athlete getting away from the law because for the simple fact that he is an athlete?

Always.

DUIs, marijuana possession, and even murder — you name it.

What is humorous to me is that there is such an uproar about a dress code in the NBA while in the NFL, just this week, Minnesota Vikings owner Zygi Wilf (white) also set up strict set of rules including a dress code for his predominantly black team, yet there is no outcry there.

Scoopy-Doo, where are you?

If Ricky Davis and Koren Robinson — two players whose discipline and appearance represent the very antithesis of what these dress codes are trying to achieve — think positively of their new fashion policies, then it's pretty safe to see there is no case for racism here.

Scoop and Chris just like to stir the pot — quite obviously not the melting pot.

I really feel bad for the NBA players. Seriously, I do. I'm sure the sharply-outfitted player's union head Billy Hunter does, as well.

Or maybe he's racist, too.

Racism and the NBA mix like Mondays and me.

"If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much room." — Jayne Howard