Be Like Mike

Grab a Mike and listen up.

All Mikes are free. Mike Tyson is free from further embarrassment after retiring from boxing. Michael Jackson is free at last. Michael Jordan is free to pretty much do whatever he wants.

In June, two Mikes consumed the headlines and water coolers around the country, and probably in many parts of the world. Both are ingrained in pop culture, and both have seen better days.

While Jordan hasn't been in the news lately (aside from this weekend's report on 60 Minutes), he never really leaves the sports consciousness. He's the benchmark against which all great athletes are measured. As much as Spurs guard Manu Ginobili has emerged, until the media starts clamoring for the "next Manu," Michael is the man.

Meanwhile, the media frenzy surrounding Tyson and Jackson has quieted down, enough so that a fair and accurate analysis is now possible.

The King of the Ring. The King of Hoops. The King of Pop.

So that begs the question: "Man in the Mirror," mirror, on the wall, who's the greatest Mike of them all?

Ring the bell.

Supporting Cast

King of the Ring: Shelly Finkel, Don King, the late Cus D'mato, six children from different mothers, pigeons

King of Hoops: Scottie Pippen, Phil Jackson, Doug Collins, his late father James

King of Pop: Mom and Dad, the other four of the Jackson Five, a stellar legal team on call at all hours, monkeys, millions of adoring fans

EDGE: D'mato brought Tyson from the streets and gave him a career in boxing, but since then he's been betrayed and swindled on a regular basis. Jordan made everyone around him better. Jackson said "adults have let me down." Jordan gets the nod.

Celebrity Buddies

Iron Mike: Robin Givens

Air Jordan: Charles Barkley, Ahmad Rashad

Jacko: Jay Leno, Macaulay Culkin

EDGE: Givens hasn't given us anything since "Boomerang." Whether he is or not, Barkley's created a reputation of being an expert on everything from the NBA to race to politics, and Rashad is there whenever Mike needs a compliment. Culkin is a credible friend, that is when he's not on Xanax or smoking marijuana, and Leno is as two-faced as, well, Jackson himself — one day he's testifying for M.J. and the next, he's fighting for the right to joke about his so-called boy in his monologue. Advantage Jordan.

Future Plans

Tyson: No one knows for sure, but guesses range from missionary work, which he claimed he wanted to do, to a spot on ABC's "Dancing With the Stars" (so he can get another shot at Evander Holyfield), to ESPN's Darren Rovell's prediction of a turn in the unique and violent sport of K-1, to a comeback attempt against the winner of NBC's "The Contender," to a spot on VH1's "The Surreal Life."

Jordan: While most hope that his playing and GM days are behind him, Michael never says never. More baseball is out of the question, unless he says he wants to spend more time with his family. So that leaves him to gamble, play golf, contemplate yet another comeback (please, no!), and look for an NBA team to own.

Jackson: Chill out in a way only he can.

EDGE: Life is good for Jordan, but no one person on the planet is more relieved than Michael Jackson.

Best Lyric

Puncher: "My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

Shooter: "Sometimes I dream, that he is me, I got to see that's how I dream to be. I dream I move, I dream I groove, like Mike. If I could be like Mike."

Singer: "Showin' how funky and strong is your fight. It doesn't matter who's wrong or right. Just beat it, beat it."

EDGE: Tyson never did eat any children (that we know of), but he has eaten ear, which wins him this category.

Strength of Next Opponent

The Boxer Formerly Known as the Baddest Man on the Planet: After losing to Kevin McBride, Tyson is rumored to be considering a comeback against the deceased James J. Braddock, to be billed as The Cinderella Man vs. the Pumpkin.

His Airness: The most competitive athlete never loses.

Moon Walker: Court of public opinion.

EDGE: Despite the verdict, the American public has formed a somewhat unfavorable and very disturbing impression of Jackson. M.J. is a company in need of serious re-branding.

Greatest in Their Prime

M.T.: Deadly. Destructive. Devastating

M.J.: Cunning. Cool. Celebrated.

M.J.: Talented. Tremendous. Thrilling.

EDGE: They all were great and demonstrated extraordinary ability, but only one was truly unmatched, unbelievable and unreal. No. 23 was and is No. 1.

Signature Move

Tyson: Knockout punch.

Jordan: Fade-away jumper.

Jackson: Tie between moon walk/crotch grab

EDGE: I'm gonna knock you out. Mama said knock you out. Tyson, in his prime, would knock anyone out. Winner by KO.

Tyson's fall from grace has been painful to watch, yet addictive. But those who saw him in his day will remember a vicious fighter with jaw-dropping power. His mere presence intimidated opponents, much like Jordan. But both stars' skills diminished significantly as they approached 40.

Jackson's performances had people crying like he was the second coming of the Beatles, but with the popularity of all four wrapped into one. He sang, danced, and entertained — truly the total package. But the man who was "gonna make a change, for once in [his] life," went through many changes. And then more changes. And eventually, the man in the mirror was nothing like the Thriller we grew up with.

When it's all said and done, it's easy as 1, 2, 3 ("as simple as do re mi, A, B, C"): Jordan wins, as usual. The best there ever was, and the best there ever will be.