Slant Pattern Blackjack: Second Edition

1. We certainly seeing quite a buzz develop as USC creeps closer and closer to defeat every week. But lose outright? Not going to happen.

2. If you're not familiar with The Onion, the absolutely brilliant satirical newspaper, you're missing out. I'm delighted to discover they've added a sports section. This week's funniest headline: "Antonio Alfonseca Once Again Leads Major-League Relievers in Fingers."

3. If anyone watches shows like World Poker Tour or the other pro poker shows and knows of Mike Matusow, is he not proof that anyone can make it to the top of the top of the poker world? Don't get me wrong, he could kick my butt from here to Sunday at the tables, but beyond that, he seems kind of dumb, doesn't he? I especially got that vibe after reading an interview with him in a poker magazine.

4. Oh yeah ... that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Tilly have won major events is already proof.

5. Getting married sure has killed Tiger's golf game, hasn't it?

6. "Better than the deed, better than the memory, the moment of anticipation." So says a suave Frenchman who woos Marge in an early episode of The Simpsons. I agree. I was climbing up and down the walls waiting for college football to start, and while I am thrilled that it's here, I am now counting down the seconds for college hoops to begin. It's not as far away as you think, as they start earlier every year. This year, we tip off the season November 8th.

7. The Coaches vs. Cancer Classic has grown into a 16-team behemoth, with the first rounds at "regional sites" (read: three schools apiece that dwell in the nether regions of Division I getting slaughtered by the major host school, thus ensuring that the semifinalists traveling to Madison Square Garden will be Syracuse, Florida, Wake Forest, and Texas Tech). Technically, the very first game of the season pits two of the weak sisters in the Syracuse Bracket against one another, Cornell and St. Francis of PA at 6 PM. You're darn right I will be watching. Thanks, ESPNU and DirecTV!

8. My Satellite provider is DirecTV and my electric company is called Conectiv. Shouldn't, then, my phone company be Phonev and my water company be Waterv?

9. The Cincinnati Bengals will finish 11-5 and make it to the AFC Championship Game.

10. Take Miami and the 5 1/2 points against Tampa Bay this week. The Bucs are running in the wrong direction.

11. How good will Michelle Wie be in 10 years if she doesn't burn out? Good enough to challenge the leaders, and not the cut line, in men's tournaments, and she shouldn't have to break up the LPGA in order to do so.

12. The U.S. Soccer team breezed through qualifying to once again make it to the World Cup. Okay, go back to bed now.

13. The Chicago White Sox will win the World Series, and next year, no one will pick them to repeat. Everyone seems to be down on them for reasons beyond me.

14. The 13,541st departing Yankee employee (pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre) rips George Steinbrenner on the way out, as he interpreted Steinbrenner's comment, "I congratulate the Angels and their manager on the great job they've done" as a thinly-veiled dig at Torre. I think Stottlemyre is right. In a perfect world, clones of Steinbrenner could be GM, manager, and all Yankee coaches at once. Then, he'd have no one to blame but himself when things went wrong. Oh wait, the players...

15. On Saturday, Penn running back Kyle Ambrogi only had five carries for 18 yards, but he made them count, scoring two touchdowns in a 53-7 win over Bucknell. On Monday, Ambrogi put a gun to his head and shot himself dead. His family said he had a history of depression.

16. Whenever I surf across ESPN and see pool being played, it's always women. Fine by me. But isn't this another sport we could stand to sex up a little? I consider myself a feminist (find me one other sportswriter who calls himself that), but beyond tennis skirts and field hockey skirts, they've put college hardwood volleyball players in daisy dukes and even softball players in shorts. There's absolutely no reason they need to wear shorty shorts for those sports, so they must exist for the benefit of male viewers. So we might as well knock out the rest of women's sports in the same vein now.

17. I'm trying to get into hockey while I have this free NHL Center Ice preview. It's not taking.

18. If you like edgy, controversial, but hilarious shows like The Family Guy and you get BBC America, check out a sketch show called Little Britain. My wife and I are addicted.

19. So nerdily excited I am about college basketball starting soon that I've actually scouted the opening Cornell/St. Francis game a bit. One of Cornell's marquee players JUCO'd in. It happens more and more every year in the Ivy League, but the weirdness of transferring from Jones County Technical College to, say, Harvard, is just amusing.

20. Brad Oremland is right, in this week's blurb of the San Francisco 49ers, about the fallacy of using "Team A beat Team B, and Team B beat Team C, so Team C must be better than Team A" logic. So why can't I stop using that logic? Help me, Brad.

21. So many teams in all sports have throwback days now, I'm just waiting for the NBA to do that and bust out the shorty shorts of my youth. Unfortunately, the NBA Players Union would probably agree to pay cuts before agreeing to wear those. I can't blame them. And I wish I had bet someone I could work "shorty shorts" into this column twice (make that three times).

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