There are hypocrites and then there are morons — and then there's the NFL. Last week, the NFL reiterated their demand that networks should not air commercials for the movie "Two for the Money" during games because they don't condone gambling.
Why does the NFL think it means they condone gambling if they show a movie about it? They are perfectly fine with running ads for Tim Burton's "A Corpse Bride," so does that mean they condone leaving your fiancé to wed a corpse? Now that it has the league's stamp of approval, I think you are going to see a lot more human-corpse intermarriage. They show commercials for FOX's "Prison Break," so why doesn't the NFL see anything wrong with condoning people to get sent to prison in order to break out people they believe are wrongly convicted? I, for one, am appalled at the lack of confidence the National Football League has in our judicial system.
That being said, the NFL is only what it is because of gambling. No one outside of the local market would give a second thought to that Detroit/Baltimore game if they weren't wagering their paycheck on the over/under or on who would win the coin toss, that's just how it is. Johnny Everyman isn't going to watch that game unless he has some money rolling on whether or not the first player to score a touchdown is wearing an odd-numbered jersey (okay, Johnny may have a problem, but forgive him, he's still depressed over being named Johnny Everyman because let's face it — no girl is going to want to marry him and become Mrs. Everyman, it's just not going to happen).
What people have to realize is that gambling is as American as celebrity sex tapes. There really is something for everyone. There is the standard wagering on lines and your typical parlays. Then you have enough props that you can bet on anything in the game, from how many times a player will score to whether or not there will be a safety in the game and even Johnny Everyman's favorite wager, whether the first TD will be scored by someone wearing an odd-numbered jersey.
Then you have the serious wagering, where you can wager on Terrell Owens celebrating a touchdown by kissing a cheerleader (+2000) or on Jeff Kent getting fined for making racist comments (+500). I'm no John Anthony (or no Brandon Lang, for that matter), but I'd have to say there is smart money on Karl Malone kicking the crap out of Kobe Bryant if the two ever have a fistfight on national TV (-3000, Karl obviously is the heavy favorite). Actually, the entire section on Kobe/Karl makes for some potentially valuable investments.
1. Will a DNA test reveal that Kobe's daughter is in fact Karl Malone's?
Yes, +5000 (interesting to see where Mrs. Kobe's money is).
2. If there's a televised fight between Kobe and Karl Malone, who will win?
Kobe +1000
Karl -3000
(If I'm Vince McMahon, I fund the entire future of the WWE by wagering heavily on Kobe and then having both fight at WrestleMania. There has to be some catch to this, or we would have already seen this happen. This wouldn't even be a first for Karl, as he once laid the smack down on Dennis Rodman back in the WCW glory days.)
3. Will Karl Malone and Kobe Bryant come out of the closet and marry in Canada before 2006?
Yes, +5000.
It is amazing to see the effect that gambling has on the NFL — just forget about eight-team parlays and money lines and look at what fantasy football has become. Fantasy football is easily a million-dollar industry with the abundance of fans willing to plunk down anywhere from $10-$30 for a season. These fans aren't just doing it in passing, either — they get addicted to fantasy football. (Unless you are in a league of complete morons, as I was a few years ago. For example, the first overall pick in the league was Jeremy Shockey. Needless to say, that was probably the worst $15 that guy ever spent).
Bottom line is that the NFL wouldn't be close to what it is today if it wasn't for gambling and there are plenty of people who can wager responsibly. In fact, in response to the NFL hypocrisy, the Sports Gospel sponsor (BetOnSports.com) is now running a Sports Gospel signup bonus, so anyone who is interested in getting involved in something that the NFL doesn't condone can actually profit from reading my column for once (it's relatively simple, all you have to do is type Sports Gospel into your promo code when you sign up with BetOnSports.com and they will give you a 10% signup bonus on top of any other sign up bonuses they have. Sometimes, it pays to read the Sports Gospel.
I'm not here advocating gambling or trying to entice you to gamble away your future. I only wager among friends, but if it's your thing, go for it, enjoy it, and don't let the NFL tell you what's right. Besides, if it was up to the NFL, we'd all be necrophiliacs.
The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. BetOnSports.com gives you the greatest sports action to bet on. Wager on football, cricket, boxing, Rugby, horse racing, and more. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].
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