Addressing Baseball’s Needs

Dear Bud Selig,

Baseball still seems to be losing ground to football in the battle for America's heart, so I've compiled a few thoughts about how we can change this trend. Feel free to use any of them you want.

The first pains me because I'm a Padres fan. I never thought there would be a need for this, but if a division winner has a record of .500 or worse, there should be a rule in place letting their playoff spot fall to the team second in the wildcard standings. Since the Padres just lost to Colorado 20-1, this idea is looking pretty good. But if that seems too extreme we can make it a one time thing. We probably won't ever see a worse playoff-bound team than the 2005 Padres. The entire NL West is horrible, so why not consider the Astros or the Phillies as the NL West representative and move on?

Since all the recent problems plaguing baseball have surrounded power hitting, can we tilt the balance more back towards pitching? How about focusing on players like Chris Carpenter or Dontrelle Willis? And let's make a few rule changes. Pitchers aren't allowed to use the inside of the plate, retaliate for teammates getting beaned, or batters stopping to watch home run shots. So let's allow pitchers to put one near the ear hole for a batter who admires his four-bagger.

On a similar note, the use of protective body armor is getting to the point where its ridiculous. If you want to sacrifice your body for a free base (yes, you Craig Biggio), it better hurt you a bit to do it.

Is it too early to admit we made a mistake in expanding into Colorado and Tampa Bay? If you're determined to keep teams there, can we give all ticket holders a 50% discount since they're pretty much watching minor league ball? The exception being, of course, when the Rockies play the Padres.

Since Canada only has the Blue Jays as their representative in baseball, can we rename them Team Canada and let any Canadian-born players have the option of joining the team? They could have a pretty good team with Jason Bay, Ryan Dempster, Eric Gagne, Corey Koskie, Paul Quantrill, Matt Stairs, and Larry Walker. Actually, on second thought, how about we just give a team to Latin America and let the Canadians focus on hockey now that its back.

Back to pitching. What is it about old pitchers from Texas dominating the rest of the league? First, Nolan Ryan and now Roger Clemens. Roger has been so good for so long, and now he owns a 1.77 ERA at age 43. Not even in his magnificent 1986 year was his ERA that low. And if the Astros could score runs, he would have 20 wins. Way to bookend your career, Roger. How about hyping the Rocket and praying he never tests positive?

If the ideas above didn't work for you, then you'll really love this next one. Home runs are down this year, and that just doesn't make for exciting baseball. I propose that we allow the use of performance-enhancers, but regulate their use. We'll let all the steroid users, oops, I mean "over-the-counter supplement users," move to the former American League (now called the Anabolic League to keep the same initials), and let everyone else stay in the Non-Anabolic League (still the NL).

Think of the fierce competition (sometimes bordering on uncontrollable rage) for DH spots in the AL. Interleague games will feature a team of David Ecksteins versus a team of David Ortizes (who happens to have the best nickname in all of baseball). Won't it be fun to watch Eckstein going into to break up a double-play or dislodge Ortiz holding the ball at home?

And think of the advertising possibilities. "Major League Baseball sponsored by Minute Maid. Minute Maid wants to know, Are you juiced?" Or perhaps you're going in a different way, and looking for sponsorship from the medical field. Your crackdown sure has been a boon for doctors. You've created millions of dollars in extra revenue just to take care of knees that for some unknown reason, simply won't heal.

How is it that the Cleveland Indians are averaging fewer fans per game that the Toronto Blue Jays (perhaps Team Canada, eh)? The Indians, currently leading the AL wildcard, can barely half-fill their stadium. Where are all the fans? For some reason, I doubt they are all at Browns games. And the way the White Sox are playing, Cleveland might even end up winning the division. The Indians organization must be doing something to keep the fans away. As commissioner, you should encourage them to hold more creative promotions. Who wouldn't show up for Coco Crisp night when every hit he gets wins fans a free box of Cocoa Krispies at the grocery store? Or what about a Bob Wickman swimsuit calendar?

But I do have to say you did a nice job with the Brewers before you moved on. Miller Park sure is a nice stadium. Great atmosphere, design, and polka music. Now to get a team there with a winning record...

Well, that's about all the ideas I had for you. One last question, however, for you. Have you booked your trip to St. Louis for the presentation of the World Series trophy?

Sincerely,

Chris Lindshield