ESPN, Dodgeball, and in Between

Every now and then, columnists roll out the "quick hits"-esque column, where they just list a bunch of disjointed thoughts and try to pass it off as a column. No matter how hard they try, every columnist eventually does this. It's kind of a copout, as it doesn't really force a well-reasoned argument or thought, just random babblings. So without further ado, here is nothing in particular.

* So Charlie Weis is bigger than the Sports Gospel jinx, just as I suspected all along. Notre Dame didn't look great, but I'll take a win at the Big House any day. That being said, Notre Dame is not a top-10 team yet.

I think now that Weis is so great that the jinx is shattered forever, so I feel like throwing out some bold predictions. Ohio State will lose again this season, Texas will lose twice, Pittsburgh will beat Nebraska, and the Red Sox will not win the World Series. Heck, while I'm at it, the Washington Generals will beat the Globetrotters, the Indians will win the World Series, and hell will freeze over.

* All in all, it was a great sports weekend for me. Andre Agassi's win over James Blake was an instant classic, my Ohio Bobcats upset Pittsburgh in Athens, the Irish dropped Michigan, and my Bengals made the Browns look like garbage. (No one could've seen this coming, the Browns aren't good? Wow.)

* Last night, while channel surfing, I landed on a broadcast of extreme dodgeball on the Game Show Network. One of the announcers was none other than Zachary Selwyn from the original ESPN Dream Job, which I find mildly perplexing. First, I know that Dream Job winner Mike Hall is now the anchor on the infamous ESPNU, a channel that no one I have ever talked to has. Wasn't winning that stupid show supposed to land him a spot as a SportsCenter anchor? I feel that he has been mildly jobbed in that regard.

As far as Zach goes, I thought he had a job prior to the reality contest, so why is he forced to call dodgeball? I'm sure the show has gotten some run since the great Dodgeball movie, but is that really where he wants to be? Could he not find a good game of Base-ketball to call? I'm not hating on dodgeball here, I loved the game in gym class (we actually played trenchball, which was a slightly better version), but do people really watch this? I guess a better question is whether to get an L.A. Armed Response or a New York Bling jersey.

* I think the highlight of the game I saw between the L.A. Armed Response and the Philadelphia Benjamins was Mario Lopez (of Saved By the Bell fame) get eliminated twice by stepping on the line. That was the biggest Mario Lopez choke job I have ever seen since he failed to score an offensive touchdown with Bayside as they went up against a very overrated Valley defense in the homecoming matchup (I think this offense definitely could've used Zach Morris — he's on the track team, so he has to be quick and he's on the basketball team, so he has to be an athlete, why not football?).

* The last thing that surprised me about the dodgeball was the little tidbits about the players. Tidbits like, "John Nobody was thrown off his college team for trying to pass to himself." This kind of statement just leaves me with a bunch of unanswered questions.

How stupid do you have to be to try to pass to yourself? What kind of college team would he be on that he doesn't have the experience to tell him it's not going to work? No team would've kicked him off for doing it once, so was this some kind of a pattern? Even the stupidest of guys can play football and play by the roles, so what the hell is wrong with him?

* Finally, one of my favorite athletes right now has to be Roger Federer. This guy redefines clutch play. When it comes to finals play, it simply doesn't get any better. No matter how good his opposition is, Roger elevates his game to make him just a little bit better. I was impressed with him when I saw him live in Cincinnati and after watching him in the Open, I have officially jumped on the bandwagon. It's too bad he doesn't get the run he deserves because he definitely needs to be mentioned as one of the top competitors in sports right now. If you haven't watched him play before, do yourself a favor and check him out.

The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. BetOnSports.com gives you the greatest sports action to bet on. Wager on football, cricket, boxing, Rugby, horse racing, and more. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].