Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Tony Stewart — Like a football team that's clinched a playoff spot, Stewart has been able to relax and enjoy the top spot in the rankings. While others struggle just to make the Chase (Jeff Gordon, Matt Kenseth) and still others search for their lost championship form (Jimmie Johnson, Greg Biffle), Stewart maintained his momentum with his tenth straight top 10.
"Ho hum," says Stewart. "Business as usual. I thought it was pretty cool that my teammate, Bobby Labonte, had the 'LeBron James' paint scheme on his car. I think it would only be appropriate, since most of Home Depot's products are made in China, that the No. 20 Chevy sport the 'Yao Ming' paint scheme sometime."
Hey, if Carrot Top can appear on a car, anything is possible.
Before his streak of top 10s, Stewart "only" finished 17th at Fontana. He will look to improve on that and keep his streak alive. Knowing his sizable points lead will evaporate in a few weeks, per Chase rules, Stewart wants to stay hot and leave no doubt that he is the favorite for the title.
2. Greg Biffle — Biffle's third-place at Bristol was his best finish since winning at Michigan in June, and was his second straight top-10 after three races outside the top-10. He locked up a spot in the Chase and officially has rebounded from his 38th-place finish at Watkins Glen three races ago.
"It was time to reestablish my dominance," says Biffle, "in NASCAR, as well as in Roush Racing. The way things are going, I might be the only guy left in Roush come next season. I'm the main man in Roush. Ask anybody, except Kurt Busch, Mark Martin, Carl Edwards, and Matt Kenseth."
Biffle leads the Roush charge, for sure, and hopes to become the third-straight Roush Cup champion. With Martin and Busch locks for the Chase, and Edwards close to clinching, and Kenseth suddenly back in the picture, Biffle could lead five Roush cars into the Chase. Biffle won in California back in April and would love to complete his return to form with a second win there.
3. Jimmie Johnson — The good news: Johnson clinched a spot in the Chase. The bad news: he did it with a 36th-place finish, the result of an unidentified engine problem that ended his day after 410 laps.
"We'll just have to go back to the shop and perform the automotive equivalent of an autopsy on the car," says Johnson. "Only then will we be able to determine the C.O.D. That's 'cause of death' to those of you who don't know."
Been watching a little too much C.S.I., Jimmie?
Regardless, Johnson can look to California to bounce back from one of his worst finishes of the year. In five races there, he's won once and finished second twice.
4. Rusty Wallace — Wallace scored his sixth top-five of the year, and 22nd top-five at Bristol, with a fifth-place finish that clinched his ticket to the Chase. Wallace led nine laps, but suffered from a decision not to pit with Matt Kenseth late in the race. Wallace stayed out while Kenseth took four tires. Kenseth easily passed Wallace soon after the restart and les the rest of the way.
"A victory would have been nice," says Wallace, "but my disappointment was tempered by having a section of the Bristol grandstands named after me in a pre-race ceremony."
On a related note, Rusty's brothers, Kenny and Mike, were honored by having individual seats named after them in a much smaller ceremony last Thursday.
Rusty finished 10th in the season's first race at Fontana after qualifying sixth. Wallace is solidly in fourth, and will probably be there when the Chase starts on September 18th.
5. Mark Martin — Martin's 16th-place finish at Bristol maintained his position of fifth in the points, but a mishap in the pits spoiled what could have been a sure top ten finish.
"Yeah, the jack dropped early on our stop on lap 417," says Martin. "So we had to come back in a have the lug nuts tightened on the left-rear tire, and I had to jerk a knot in the jack man's right front head."
Martin will likely clinch his spot in the Chase in the California 500, with a collapse of epic proportions in the next two races the only possible way to keep him out. Earlier this year in Fontana, Martin finished seventh, one of four Roush cars in the top ten.
6. Kurt Busch — Busch added to his solid record at Bristol with a 10th-place finish, and he has all but officially clinched a reservation in the Chase. He maintained his seventh-place position in the points, and is 183 points ahead of 10th-place Jeff Gordon.
"It was a good day for us in the Sharpie 500," adds Busch. "Anytime one af your major sponsors is also a sponsor of the race itself, you feel the need to reward them. I think we did that. It als gave us a chance to introduce the new 'Sharpie Mini,' which is half the size of the regular Sharpie."
Wow, Christmas in August! All my prayers have been answered! A new Sharpie, half the size of the original. This will certainly help in taming the Middle East crises.
Like teammate Martin, Busch will probably officially clinch his spot in the Chase with a decent result in California. That shouldn't be a problem — he finished third there earlier this year and won in 2003.
7. Jeremy Mayfield — If Mayfield were rapper LL Cool J, he would be singing "Goin' Back To Cali." Since he's probably the farthest thing from LL Cool J, man, I don't think so. But he will be going back to California, looking to rebound from an 18th at Bristol, and looking to improve on his 28th last time in Fontana.
"We should have pitted with the leaders late there at Bristol," says Mayfield. "But we didn't, and we paid for it. But that's NASCAR — you win some, or none, and you lose most."
Back in February, Mayfield qualified third at Fontana, but could only manage a 28th-place finish. Now sixth in the points, Mayfield is in the Chase, but, depending on his performance in the next two races, his position could fluctuate from fifth to seventh.
8. Carl Edwards — Edwards battled a tight-handling car, and survived a skirmish with Kyle Petty and the wall, to finish a respectable 24th, which surprisingly moved him up one position in the points to eighth.
"Kyle just crowded me into the wall there," says Edwards. "But no hard feelings. I'll just chalk it up to hard racing. Anyway, I talked with Kyle after the race. Everything's settled, we're on good terms, and I got his dad's autograph."
Edwards is in good Chase position, but one false move could send everything he's worked for so far this season crashing. That's likely not to happen in California, where Roush cars have been fast traditionally. Edwards finished fifth there in March's race.
9. Ryan Newman — On lap 301 of Saturday night's race, Newman passed Dale Jarrett, and, in doing so, unintentionally sent the No. 88 spinning across the track. Seventeen laps later, an irate Jarrett retaliated, clearly intentionally, bumping Newman's No. 12 Alltel Dodge into the outside wall. Newman finished 39th, collecting only 46 points towards his Chase effort.
"It's clear that Jarrett's actions were intentional," explains Newman. "Just look on my rear bumper — it's obvious that is UPS brown paint. Just as in the criminal world, Jarrett's intent makes him fully culpable for his actions. Lucky for him, I'm still battling for a spot in the Chase. Otherwise, he could expect a damaged car and/or a damaged face."
Newman sits ninth in the points, 20 points up on tenth place Jeff Gordon, and 34 clear of Elliott Sadler in 13th. If revenge is in his nature, he will have to suppress it at least until he clinches a Chase spot.
10. (tie) Jeff Gordon/Matt Kenseth/Jamie McMurray/Elliott Sadler — All four of these drivers are poised to make the Chase, but only one will likely make it. If Ryan Newman falters, two could be in. Kenseth was almost out of the picture until his Bristol win shot him up four spots in the points. He's only 11 behind 10th-place Gordon, who's strong weekend at Bristol moved him up two spots. Lurking are McMurray, a point behind Kenseth, and Sadler, 23 behind. McMurray finished two laps down at Bristol, and lost two spots in the points. Sadler hasn't scored a top-10 finish since Sonoma, nine races ago. He'll probably need two top-10s to insure a berth in the Chase.
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