What Can Brown Do For You?

Nomad.

Please repeat the word?

Nomad.

What is the root?

The root of nomad is no, as in a nomad will never say no to an offer to continue moving.

Definition?

A nomad is a person with no fixed residence who roams about; a wanderer.

Nomad. L-A-R-R-Y-B-R-O-W-N. Nomad.

Not counting Larry Brown's stint at Davidson College, which lasted only a few days, the man Tony Kornheiser dubbed the "vagabond genius of basketball" has had 12 jobs in 33 years.

The torch has been passed, so to speak, from Brown, whose former team won last year's NBA championship, to Anurag Kashap, who captured this year's Scripps National Spelling Bee.

What's the connection? Well, neither the new Knicks coach nor Kashap really knew what they were doing after their most recent competitions. Until the saga finally unfolded and landed Brown what he once said was his dream job (that is until he has another dream), his future was about as foggy as Ricky Williams' car. Meanwhile, Kashap simply didn't know what he was doing following his victory — the 13-year old from California, known simply as speller No. 20 on the tour, described the feeling he was experiencing after winning as "ecstaticness," which is not a word. Hard to bee-lieve, but true.

But while Kashap presumably went back to his life as a Lego-building boy-genius, Brown's status remained for the immediate future one of sports' great mysteries.

Brown, whose resume reads as long as Ron Jeremy (both his list of movies and himself), was rumored to be the next president of the Cavaliers. Despite a game seven loss to the Spurs, he was still considered one of the best coaches ever and a franchise-saving guy, not to mention someone who probably won't stay long in one place and will always listen to other offers.

If Brown had won a second straight title and were asked if he was going to Disney World after, he might have said, "Why? Do they need a coach or someone in the front office?"

So as Larry the coaching legend headed to the Mayo Clinic to determine in what capacity he will be able to work next season, teams far and wide began to wonder, what can Brown do for us?

Realizing he'd be inundated with calls, letters, emails, faxes, etc., Brown probably cut himself off from the outside world. If he did, here's who might have expressed interest:

Larry,

We go way back. You've been here already — and I know we have Rick Carlisle in place — but you took his job before, so why not do it again? Granted, we lost Reggie Miller, but if you're looking for a challenge, try coaching an unchained Ron Artest. Let us know.

Donnie Walsh
Pacers CEO

***

LB,

Philly needs you back, man. We've lost our way out here. Holla.

A.I.

P.S. We were talking about practice!

***

Dear Mr. Brown,

Our organization is not nearly as high-profile as what you are accustomed to. That having said, we feel we can provide a certain spiritual satisfaction that you will not receive in the NBA. You will get Friday evenings and Saturday afternoons off, as well as various holidays, to spend time with family. Our team competes in the tough and always competitive East Coast JCC League. Your brother, Herb, has demonstrated great commitment by coaching Team USA in the 15th and 16th Maccabiahs in Israel; we hope you will follow suit.

Shlomo Weinstein
Captain, JCC of Greater Philadelphia men's basketball team

***

"This is Jerry Colangelo, managing director of the USA Basketball senior men's national team program. I'm heading a search committee to find a coach, and I was wondering ... (Wait! Why is this guy on my list?! Who am I leaving a message for?! I meant to call Larry BIRD!)"

***

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]

Larry,

Buknell! We lost to Bucknell! Help!

Rock Chalk, Jayhawk, KU

University of Kansas athletic department

***

"Yo, coach Brown, it's LeBron. Even though you did me wrong in the Olympics, I'd be down with you coming here as president of basketball operations. I don't hold grudges, and you're a winner, and that's what I'm all about. If you came, I think we'd get along. After all, we'll both probably leave after two years. Later."

***

"Larry, it's Isiah. I was really pulling for you guys to win back-to-back titles (smiling and laughing to himself). I know how hard it is to do it (looking at his two rings). Anyway, we'd love to have you coach up here in New York. You're at the top of our list (crossing off Phil Jackson's name). The new CBA allows us to be creative with our roster (crossing off Allan Houston's name). Let me know if you're interested."

***

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Mr. Larry Brown,

I am not a basketball player, but I do need a coach that can help me win the national spelling bee. I was the first pick in ESPN.com's Page 2's First Annual Spelling Bee Fantasy Draft, but I tied for second this year. I am only 11, so my best spelling years are still ahead of me. Please help me spell "the right way," like you teach your teams to play.

Samir Sudhir Patel