From the moment the thought crossed my mind, I haven't been able to shake the fantasy.
The broadcast begins with a montage. Arturo Gatti, Fernando Vargas, and Jermain Taylor throwing punches at random opponents. Bob Costas sharing a laugh with a guest. Bryant Gumble on his soapbox. Cris Carter, Dan Marino, and Cris Collinsworth tossing around a pigskin.
A graphic: HBO SPORTS.
A voiceover: "The following is a presentation of HBO Sports."
Suddenly, we see Joe Sakic unleashing a slap shot. And Chris Pronger demolishing a forward against the corner boards. And Sid the Kid dancing around a defenseman. And, finally, Jarome Iginla and Vincent Lecavalier tussling in the Stanley Cup Finals.
Another voiceover: "And now, HBO's National Hockey Night."
The next minute is a slickly produced opening sequence, the kind of quick-cutting teaser HBO excels at — the kind that gets you excited to watch "Spider-Man" on a Tuesday night, even though you've already seen it five times in the theaters and 20 times on DVD. The kind that makes you count down the days (okay, years) until "The Sopranos" starts up again.
The tease ends, and suddenly we're looking at a studio every bit as spacious and awe-inspiring as TNT's NBA basketball mothership. Costas, our host, sits dead center, a large video screen showing hockey highlights in back of him. To his right are NHL Hall of Famer Cam Neely (most HBO viewers will, of course, remember Cam for his role as "Sea Bass" in "Dumb and Dumber"), and former NHL referee Paul Stewart, the tell-it-like-it-is, old-time hockey advocate. Think of him as HBO's Barkley, at least until Roenick retires.
And to Costas's left is Barry Melrose. Because there's just something about Barry Melrose, people.
After a few minutes of banter between the studio hosts, the camera swoops into a packed arena, gliding over the glass approaching the players near the face-off circle.
All of it in glorious HDTV, baby.
We hear a familiar voice, one that instantly informs the viewer that this is indeed a major league sporting event: Marv Albert's.
"Welcome to HBO's National Hockey Night," he bellows, welcoming in a two-man booth: former New York Rangers goalie Mike Ritcher (an American hockey legend, to calm the natives down) and Pierre McGuire, because this a dream scenario in which Canadian broadcasters would jump at the chance to be anonymous color men on U.S. cable.
The colors on the uniforms are as vivid as the faces under the helmets, which we're seeing clearly for the first time. The two centers prepare for the opening face-off. The screen splits: one half focuses on the players, the other broadcasts the feed of the referee's helmet cam as he drops the puck. The home team wins the draw, and we see the puck trickle back into the defensive zone. Actually, we follow the puck, because we're seeing this thing with more clarity than if we were sitting in the arena.
HDTV, baby.
The rest of the game features moments hockey fans dream of. Rail cams that capture the momentum of the game. Graphics that are able to I.D. players and quantify statistics without overwhelming the play. Open mics that catch everything from the "tap, tap, tap" of the attacking team's sticks on a power play to the occasional F-bomb from a frustrated player. "We want to remind the fans at home that these broadcasts are rated TV-14," Marv vocally winks.
In place of commercials — this is HBO, after all, not TV — are two-and-a-half minute vignettes that spotlight players, like those little asides they roll in during poker tournaments and NASCAR races. (Okay, it's not all commercial-free — there are the trailers for "The Sopranos," "Curb Your Enthusiasm," "Entourage," and "The Wire." Sure beats the hell out of the same three Mountain Dew ads for three periods.)
Between the first and second period, it's The Penalty Box — a 12-minute, no-holds-barred roundtable about the state of the NHL — moderated by Costas, with panelists Denis Leary, Cam Neely, and a revolving guest chair that promises to be Darren Pang-less, Engblom-less, and Bill Clement-less.
During the second and third, it's a traditional studio show with highlights of other action and a review of the action thus far. In the time remaining after the game, it's a quick recap, a teaser for next week, and, "Thanks for watching HBO's National Hockey Night. Up next is the 10,000th showing of 'Daredevil', starring Mr. and Mrs. Affleck."
The NHL on HBO is one of those concepts that, at first glance, should be easily shot down. Putting the league on a pay-cable network immediately reduces the number of fans that can watch the sport on a weekly basis — and, more importantly, makes it almost impossible for Gary Bettman's mythical casual fans to find their way to the sport. It would also limit the number of games available to fans — even if you could establish a "National Hockey Night" franchise on, say, Wednesday night, you'd be lucky to get another block of time on the network, save for an occasional slot on HBO2 in theory.
While the concept has its drawbacks and institutional problems, let's look at the alternatives:
- Another decade as filler on ESPN, as the network continues to devote more resources and energy to the NBA, MLB, NFL, NCAA, WNBA, X-Games, professional poker, cheerleading, bowling, Streetball, "PTI," "SportsCenter," "Around the Horn," the game show with the really smart fat guy, original series, original programming, the ESPYs, and that thing where the lumberjacks compete to become the world's greatest log roller.
- Spike TV, which would promote the hell out of hockey, but which doesn't have a HD channel.
- TNT, which would promote hockey in a slightly less enthusiastic way and would have to keep answering questions as to why it supports a sport that gets only a fraction of the ratings that "Law and Order" got in the same time slot.
- Comcast, which would offer hockey in HD, but would have to feature most games on the Outdoor Life Network until it gets its ESPN-rivaling sports network off the ground. And while OLN makes sense for Lance Armstrong, what the hell does it have to do with a game played in an arena?
Keep in mind that the NHL drew less than 1 percent (0.7 percent) of U.S. cable TV households during the 2004 season. Some people think you build that audience with saturation, but I say you build it by making the NHL something buzzworthy.
What the NHL would have on HBO is novelty, something the sport needs an infusion of quickly. None of the professional leagues have been featured in an uncensored, commercial-free format on a pay channel before. And while HBO may not have the same level of prestige it had a few years back (Good Lord was "Carnivale" televised Sominex), it's still where the cool kids come to hang out.
The last time HBO committed to a live, non-boxing sporting event was Wimbledon, which it had from 1975 to 1999. The network dropped tennis in 1999 because it decided it wanted a change. Seth Abraham, then president of Time Warner sports, told the Associated Press that it wasn't a money decision, despite the fact that tennis had increased its asking price quite substantially. "Time Warner doesn't scare easily money-wise. That wasn't really a concern," he said.
That's got to be music to the NHL's ears, because it's already accepted one public access TV deal from NBC.
Best of all for hockey, there's something HBO will never concern itself with: ratings. Every American sportswriter who's crowed about the NHL barely outdrawing a test pattern on cable TV can take their constant hockey-obituary writing and shove it up their collective arses. So long as hockey isn't driving away subscribers in droves, viewership won't be an issue. (And keep in mind this is an audience that kept "Arli$$" on the air for about a decade; it has quite a pain threshold.)
I actually had "NHL on HBO" on the brain for a while — mainly because of the HDTV options, and the fact that we could finally hear the players sounding like Reggie Dunlop during the game. Then USA Today television columnist Michael Hiestand actually inquired with HBO about the idea this week.
"That's intriguing," HBO Sports President Ross Greenburg told him. "The only issues would be how much (money) they'd want and the games' significance."
By that, Greenburg meant he couldn't see HBO putting on weekly regular season games.
Fine by me. Get a third entity — Spike, OLN, USA Network, or just local affiliates — for the regular season, and then HBO for the playoffs and the first two games of the Finals before NBC takes over the rest of the series.
The NHL on HBO doesn't mean Tony Soprano doing play-by-play. It doesn't mean Teemu Selanne, Paul Kariya, Michael Naslund, and Peter Forsberg in "Slapshots in the City." It doesn't mean between-periods performances by the G-String Divas (although maybe it should).
It means rethinking traditions. It means taking a chance. It means rebuilding your street cred in a potentially damaging, yet potentially revitalizing way.
It means people talking about the NHL again — which means it's an idea worth considering.
Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].
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