There seems to be an influx of opinions in the sports world as anyone who is anybody, and even those individuals who no one knows or cares about, thinks that their opinion is important (when really only some of the opinions, like mine, are important). In an effort to get people to think about the issues instead of blindly accepting Johnny Comelately's opinion, I thought it might be nice to engage a few sports figures sin intelligent debate.
Carl Everett
Point: Wrigley Field is the worst park in the majors. "They need to implode Wrigley," Everett told Maxim Magazine.
Counterpoint: Wrigley Field is not the worst park in the majors, and they do not need to blow it up (well, this started well). Now, I'm sure it would be great to blow up one of baseball's most historic parks, seeing as how baseball doesn't rely heavily on tradition, but I think it would be costly to implode a park that is surrounded by so many other buildings. Carl does make a good point — implosions are great. As a casual Reds fan, one of the greatest events I have attended involving the Reds in some fashion was when they imploded Cinergy Field. That being said, there are several other things that are ahead of Wrigley Field on the implosion list:
1. The Metrodome
2. France
3. Comiskey
4. Great American Ball Park
5. The stadium that replaces Great American Ball Park
Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of GABP. That being said, I'm also a fan of implosions and in the scenario I envision, the entire Reds management team is forced to flee to the already-constructed backup as GABP falls around them, only to implode the backup stadium upon their arrival. I don't care if they know of this plan ahead of time, because I'm sure most of them would perish in the second implosion anyway, seeing as how they are utterly incapable at planning for the future (but I'm not bitter that the Reds will always suck).
Point: According to Everett, Jose Canseco is a "bitter, ignorant individual."
Counterpoint: Jose Canseco is a bitter, ignorant individual. There are two sides to every issue, but on this issue, both sides are identical.
Point: Most baseball fans don't know anything: "Fan is short for fanatic — he's crazy about something he really doesn't know about. And it's proven that 99 percent of baseball fans have no idea what they're watching," Everett said.
Counterpoint: Carl Everett is a freaking moron. He classifies Jose Canseco as ignorant, yet he believes that it has been proven that 99 percent of baseball fans have no idea what they're watching. I'm not going to claim Everett is a liar, but I do want to see his test results before I believe that this has been proven. How did they verify this? Did they just send a few people to parks around the country, set up shop in a section of fans, and just start asking people what they were watching?
Pollster to fans: What are you watching?
Fan 1: Croquet
Fan 2: "The Grammys"
Fan 3: "Spiderman 2"
***
Fan 34: Nothing
Fan 35: The Special Olympics
***
Fan 75: NASCAR
Fan 76: Ice fishing
***
Fan 99: A pushup contest
Fan 100: Baseball?
The thing that really has me puzzled is that this isn't even 99 percent of people at the game, but fans of the game. So if they are fans of it, but they don't know what it is when they are watching it, how did they become fans in the first place? Can I be a fan of Mt. Rushmore if I mistake it for a box of tomatoes? If so, wouldn't I really be a fan of the tomatoes then?
Well done, Carl.
Bernie Ecclestone
I could've written another few columns debating Carl Everett, but wanted to let Formula One CEO Bernie Ecclestone get the last point in. I figured that I might have given motor sports a bad rap in the past, so giving some space to a high-ranking official might help restore the image of motor sports in the minds of its detractors.
Point: Women should be dressed in white like all the other domestic appliances. When talking on Danica Patrick: "You know, I've got one of these wonderful ideas that women should be all dressed in white like all the other domestic appliances," Ecclestone said.
Counterpoint: It's a very misguided and highly offensive belief that everyone has white domestic appliances. Who the hell does this guy think he is to tell me that I can't have a yellow toaster or a black coffee maker? Am I supposed to paint my vacuum cleaner white? That is garbage.
Seriously, though, an uneducated statement coming from a high-ranking individual in the motor sports world? I am shocked. I could not have seen this coming. What's next, is someone going to tell me Terrell Owens isn't a team player?
Well played, Bernie, even people in NASCAR are smarter than that.
The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. BetOnSports.com gives you the greatest sports action to bet on. Wager on football, cricket, boxing, Rugby, horse racing, and more. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].
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