Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson's fourth-place at Dover kept him ahead in the points of race-winner Greg Biffle, albeit by a slim 46-point margin. Johnson's most impressive accomplishment of the day, however, was achieving that fourth-place despite losing his car's air conditioning mid-way through the race.
"Man, that was a killer," adds Johnson. "Not only was the temperature in the high 80s and 42 other cars were spewing hot exhaust, there was also all that hot air coming from the FOX announcers' booth."
Johnson has been able to maintain his points lead over the charging Biffle as a result of his consistency (besides a 40th at Richmond, no finishes lower than 20th) and his record in races won by Biffle. In those four Biffle victories, Johnson has a second, a third, a seventh, and a fourth, meaning Johnson does not lose a great deal of ground when Biffle wins.
"And, when I win," adds Johnson, "I know how to manage a victory burnout without slamming my car into the wall. I think that's the first time the winner of a race went to victory lane under caution. Way to go, Biffle. You just made NASCAR the laughing stock of auto racing."
Johnson will be the favorite at Pocono on Sunday, where he won twice last year. With the two races at Long Pond scheduled only 42 days apart, Johnson is poised to put some distance between he and Biffle. It looks like this year, if the Johnson/Biffle battle is an indication, the Nextel Cup champion will actually have to win races to hold the title.
2. Greg Biffle — Biffle bagged his series-leading fourth win of the year at the Monster Mile at Dover, a track on which he has struggled in the past. The Roush driver had already established himself as one of NASCAR's elite by his performance so far this year. His win Sunday fortifies that status — Biffle has shown vast improvement from last year, and he, along with Jimmie Johnson, seem to be the only drivers capable of winning the Chase this year.
"But I have an important advantage over all of the other favorites to win the Cup," adds Biffle. "Unlike the Johnson's, the Gordon's, the Busch's, the Stewart's, the Hatfield's, and the McCoy's, I don't have any enemies. No one wrecks me into the wall, except myself, of course. Who says 'Nice guys finish last?' I haven't finished last all year. I don't care what Satan tells me — you don't have to be evil to be good."
Biffle's win was keyed by a decision to change all four tires on his final pit stop. As the only car amongst the leaders to do so, Biffle relinquished of track position, but recaptured his lead when Johnson pitted with 17 laps to go. Biffle then cruised to a four-second victory over second place Kyle Busch, and celebrated by slamming the wall after losing control on his celebratory burnout.
"That was simply a case of loss of concentration," adds Biffle. "I had two things on my mind: how to spin my tires and, at the same time, how to get to that Subway sub in my lap."
3. Ryan Newman — Newman's eight-place finish was his fourth straight top-10, and moved him within nine points of third place in the points. Newman was one of two Dodge drivers in the top 10, the other being Newman's former car owner Rusty Wallace.
"In case you guys haven't noticed," says Newman, "I'm one of the hottest drivers in NASCAR right now. I'm no longer under the pressure of being forced to have a relationship with Rusty. No offense to Rusty, but he's old-school and I'm new-school. He's a little bit country, and I'm a little bit rock 'n roll. We just don't mix."
I see your point, Rocketeer. That would be like a country legend like Merle Haggard hanging out with Kenny Chesney — it wouldn't happen.
The Rocket Man started fourth on the grid after qualifying was rained out and positions were determined by points. Apparently, rain is one of the few things that can keep Newman off the pole. The No. 12 Alltel Dodge competed in the top 10 all day, but Newman and crew could not quite find the balance to produce a car capable of winning. After a fuel-only pit stop on lap 382, Newman lost four spots after rejoining the field, and took the checkered in eighth.
Newman experienced an off year at Pocono in 2004, with a 30th and a 13th at Long Pond. 2003 was a more Newman-like year, with a fifth and a win, as well as a pole. Newman is on the verge of breaking into the top three in points, and once there, could be the man to push Johnson and Biffle for points-lead status.
4. Elliott Sadler — Despite leading 128 laps, second only to Biffle's 150, Sadler and the No. 38 M&M's car were bitten by a power steering failure that flared up 30-40 laps from the finish. As a result, Sadler was forced to manhandle his 3,400-pound racecar around the Monster Mile, where handling is tough even with power steering.
"If you've ever tried to turn an elephant on a dime, then you know what it was like for me those last 40 or so laps," explains Sadler. "Not that I've ever driven an elephant, but I hear it's quite a task, especially when the elephant is handling a little loose."
Despite his troubles, it was Sadler's fourth top-10 finish at short track races this year. Sadler has been fairly consistent at Pocono in the last three years, with no finish lower than 21st, with a best of ninth in 2003. Expect Sadler to come home in the top-10.
5. Tie: Jeff Gordon/Tony Stewart — The Monster Mile claimed its first accident retirements when Stewart nudged Gordon on lap 41, sending the No. 24 Monte Carlo's rear end bouncing off the wall and subsequently collecting the No. 32 car of Ricky Rudd. Gordon's day was done, and his hopes of claiming his fifth win at Dover were extinguished with a 39th-place result. Stewart drove away, likely with a satisfied, yet maniacal, grin on his face, and managed to cross the finish 15th, one lap down.
Afterwards, Gordon basically said "It's on!", while Stewart essentially countered by responding "Bring it on!" In baseball terms, Gordon said he will be throwing at Stewart's head the next time he takes the mound. Stewart said he will charge the mound if that happens.
The wreck cost Gordon dearly in the points, as he fell out of the top 10, to 11th, for the first time since Bristol. A top-10 finish was probably a sure thing, as three other Hendrick drivers, Kyle Busch, Johnson, and Brian Vickers, finished second, fourth, and sixth, respectively. It was another DNF for Gordon, and his fifth finish of 30th or worse on the year.
"Hey, I know some people don't like me, and Tony Stewart is on top of that list," says Gordon. "Does Tony really like anyone? He's feuded with pretty much everyone here at one time or another. I've even seen Tony argue for hours with a brick wall. He loves getting the last word. I can only promise him this: DuPont, my sponsor, specializes in automotive finishes — I guarantee, at Pocono, the No. 20 car will have some DuPont paint on it, probably on the rear bumper."
Stewart accused Gordon of being a "whiner," then claimed to have no knowledge of a popular saying in which a pot calls the kettle black.
If Stewart and Gordon do cross paths at the 2.5 mile oval at Pocono, where speeds average in the 170s, look for them both to remain sane and not mix it up. Now, if they meet in pit lane, there could be some action. Otherwise, the tension and war of words will keep NASCAR fans happy until there next mishap. I'm going to make a prediction here: I think Gordon and Stewart will qualify side-by-side, then will trade hand gestures and evil stares instead of paint.
7. Mark Martin — Seeking his fifth win at Dover, Martin duplicated his best finish of the season (Martinsville), with a third place, following race winner Greg Biffle and second place Kyle Busch across the line. Martin ascended five places in the points, to sixth, 324 behind Johnson.
"I'm like fine wine and Christopher Walken," says Martin. "I just get better with age. But I've never had the honor of popping the cork on a bottle of champagne to celebrate a NASCAR championship."
But he's been close. In his career, Martin has four second places, four thirds, and two fourths in the Cup points final standings. That's why Jack Roush has dedicated this season to giving whatever it takes for Martin to win that elusive Cup.
"I just hope Mark's career isn't defined by never winning a Cup title," says Roush. "He's done so much more. He's been such a great mentor to my young stable of drivers. In fact, I think when Mark's driving days are over, I might just hand over my straw hat and giant bank account to him and let him run this team."
Roush has the resources, and Martin certainly has the talent and experience to make one final run at the title. But in the powerful Roush garage, it may take more than that, like, say, the mysterious disappearance of Greg Biffle, for Martin to claim his deserved Cup title.
8. Carl Edwards — Edwards experienced a tough weekend, finishing 31st in the Busch race on Saturday, after starting on the pole, then falling two laps down on his way to a 16th in the MBNA 400. In addition, Edwards had the lowest finish among all of his Roush teammates, as the other four Roush cars finished in the top ten.
"Kick a man when he's down, will you?" laments Edwards. "And in the groin, at that. I think I did pretty well, finishing sixteenth and being two laps down."
Speaking of 2 Laps Down, didn't they perform in Daytona earlier this year? Those guys rock. Oh, that was 3 Doors Down? My bad.
Edwards will experience the unique 2.5 tri-oval at Pocono Raceway for the first time on Sunday. The No. 99 Home Depot Ford has the horsepower to compete on the Pocono straight-aways, but can Edwards solve the mystery of braking and shifting at the speedway's three different corners? If Edwards leaves Pocono still in the top-10 in points, I think he would call that a huge success.
9. Kurt Busch — Busch's 10th-place finish at Dover was vastly superior to his 43rd at Charlotte a week earlier, but was still inferior to younger brother Kyle's second place. Still, big brother Kurt holds a substantial points lead on little brother Kurt, and Kurt is back in the top ten in points, as well.
"Sometimes, you have to let little brother win to boost his confidence," explains Kurt. "But no more of that. From here on out, Kyle will know that I'm the No. 1 Busch, just like Greg Biffle knows I'm the No. 1 Oscar Mayer Wienermobile driver. There's nothing more exhilarating than piloting a 30-foot-long hot dog across the finish line at Charlotte. If you really think about it, the wiener is one of the most aerodynamic processed meats in the world. It surely would perform better than a hamburger in the wind tunnel."
Busch's 10th was his first top-10 since Talladega, and his seventh of the season. That success has been offset by four results of 32nd or worse. When Busch is on, he's very good. When he's off, he's hitting walls and cursing officials.
Like his 2005 season, Busch's record in the mountains of Pocono has been up and down. In his last six races there, he's scored a fifth, a 26th, a 36th, a second, a 40th, and a second. Will the real Kurt Busch please stand up, please stand up?
10. Rusty Wallace — "Rusty's Last Call" at Dover resulted in a fifth-place finish for the No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge, and Wallace re-entered the points top 10 is for the first since his 10th-place finish at Texas. Wallace has two straight top-10s which came, oddly enough, after Wallace unloaded his shares in Penske Racing South, thus severing ties to the No. 12 car of Ryan Newman. And, what do you know? Both Wallace and Newman and producing some of their best results of the year. Who says the two needed to have a good working relationship and share information in order to be successful?
"Hey, all I wanted Ryan to do was to make a few appearances at each of my car dealerships throughout Tennessee," says Wallace. "He wouldn't do it. That's when our relationship fell apart."
Whatever the reasons, Wallace seems to be enjoying his time on the track much more now. In the last four points races, he's finished no worse than 19th, and has qualified in the top 10 in five of the last nine races. Wallace hasn't recorded a top-10 at Pocono since 2002. Nothing would be more satisfying than a top-10 at Long Pond and a continued stay in the Nextel Cup top 10 standings.
"And that would be doubly satisfying if I finish in front of Newman again. I never really liked those blockhead college types anyway."
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