The Secret Lost Labor Letters

As the NHL lockout drags on ... and on ... and on, somewhere out there are tens of fans longing for hockey. Meanwhile, the powers that be from the league and the NHLPA lobbied, postured, and used phrases and words like "in caucus" and "trigger points."

Bill Daly, the NHL's chief legal officer and NHLPA Senior Director Ted Saskin continue their excellent adventure, while the owners stay committed to standing by their man, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, who now joins former MLB Commissioner Ford Frick and current MLB boss Bud Selig in the "that guy" category of commissioners. Frick was that guy who put an asterisk next to Roger Maris' name and Selig is that guy who let the All-Star Game end in a tie, presided over the steroid era in baseball and that guy who may or may not let Pete Rose back into baseball or the Hall-of-Fame.

Pro sports in general are in a state of flux, with labor issues affecting not just the NHL. But Bettman and NHLPA Executive Director Bob Goodenow are trying, as evidenced by letters exchanged in February. The letters were sent and received before the season was canceled, and were made public. The contents included repeated references to the negotiation's ubiquitous buzz words, "salary cap" and "linkage."

Donald Fehr even sent a letter to Selig. Fehr basically spent a page and a half asking why, after Selig said baseball's policy on performance enhancing drugs is "as good as any in professional sports," the commissioner felt the need to modify the agreement once again.

But at least he was communicating and it's the thought that counts, right?

If these letters exist, might there be more?

Here are some that may or may not be floating around:

Dear Bob Goodenow,

This has gotten out of hand. The season has been canceled and an offer was even made — that appears to be at least somewhat legitimate — to buy my, I mean our league. Might there still be hope for this season? Do you think you can convince my, I mean our, players to play a three-game regular season? If that's too long, I'd go as low as a one-period regular season. Do you think ESPN would be up for it? In case you haven't noticed, they — like most of North America — are not missing us much.

If you want to chat, call me on the Bett phone. You know the number.

Gary Bettman

Gary,

I got your note. I'm thinking we should put talks on ice for a while (and you say I can't be funny!). I know that you haven't been at all the meetings — and I tried to convince your side to let you come — but we've been going nowhere. Let's shoot for '05-06, okay?

If you want to talk to me, well, tough. Just kidding, Gar! But as they say in hockey, let's chill.

Bob

***

Dear David Stern,

We still have time to get a deal done, but it seems like we're not making progress. My guys are flexible. Plus, we're the only group of players in the big four that has no bad PR from steroids.

But remember, no testing for marijuana. We won't budge on that.

Hit me on the cell.

Billy Hunter, NBPA Executive Director

Billy,

That brawl in Detroit made the league, and more importantly me, look bad. Then I go to a Passover seder and someone replaces the last of the four questions with, "David, why on this night do you and the Players Association not have a deal?" It's been a bit of a rough year. Let's let the playoffs take center court right now. We'll talk after the Finals.

David Stern, NBA Commissioner

P.S. If you see [Jeff] Van Gundy, tell him I'm still pissed at him!

***

Dear Bud Selig,

I thought I'd drop you a line and see how you're doing amid this steroids thing. Like Mark McGwire, I'm not here to talk about the past. But how are we going to gain (and retain) fans when this season's HR leader only hits 38?

Listen, Bud, I know you want teams like the Pirates and Devil Rays to enter spring training thinking they have a chance to win. But you may be the only one. Most fans look forward to all year the ALCS between the Red Sox and the Yankees. The big market teams have the big payrolls and draw the big ratings. I didn't make the rules, Bud; I just follow (and manipulate) them. Remember my motto: The best system in baseball is a Fehr system! Who's the Fehr-est of them all?

Seriously, though, let's try not to go contraction-crazy. It seems like there is always a team out there that feels threatened.

Donald Fehr, MLBPA Exec Director

P.S. How annoying are these guys from Congress? I knew Canseco was trouble from the get-go!

Donald,

Those jokes weren't funny in '94, and they're not funny now.

Bud

P.S. I'm a Bud man, but I'm not a Cub Fan! Go Brewers!

Dear Commissioner Selig,

Please, please forgive us. We didn't know what we were taking was wrong and illegal. It is not our fault because we didn't know that the label that read, "This bottle contains steroids, which are very dangerous and against the rules for baseball players to take. You will get suspended from MLB if you take what is in this bottle," meant that we would get in trouble. We promise never to do it again.

Your pals,

Juan Rincon, Alex Sanchez, and Jorge Piedra (and anyone else who eventually gets caught)

***

Gene Upshaw,

I know we're not under the gun to renew our labor agreement, but we'll never get anywhere if we can't get past this revenue sharing issue. I probably shouldn't have said we were at a "dead end," so that's my bad. Let's try to move forward.

As happy as I am for the Patriots, I just wish they'd show some more personality. Those Cowboys teams of the '90s had a flare for the dramatic — and the illegal — and they were good for the league. I never thought I'd long for the days of Nate Newton and Michael Irvin.

Anyway, how 'bout those dollars the networks are willing to pay to broadcast our games. Pretty nice, huh?

Paul Tagliabue, NFL Commissioner

Paul,

This is an automatic reply. I am currently out of the office and will get back to you as soon as I return. If you hope to watch "Monday Night Football" in 2006 and do not have cable, you are out of luck.

Gene Upshaw, NFLPA Exec Director