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There are only two things worse than the 2005 Kansas City Royals: Britney Spears' television show and the 1962 New York Mets.
While it's quite difficult to degenerate to a quality inferior to "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic," the Royals are making a determined effort to debase themselves to that level. More importantly, they are taking a serious run at the indelible record set by the 40-win Mets in 1962.
They are 13-37, they have lost six-straight games and if they tack on another three losses before they manage a single win, they will be on that dreadful pace.
Considering their next three games are against the New York Yankees, that is not such a stretch. Even if they scratch out a win against the Bronx Bombers, expect them to be in stride for the record by the end of June as 15 of their next 21 games are against opponents with a winning record.
With the recent resignation of manager Tony Pena and the current circulation of trade rumors regarding one of the few Royals' constants in recent memory, first baseman Mike Sweeney, hope is not on the way. As a matter of fact, optimism has long been ditched out the window and is occupying gutter space next to where future episodes of "Chaotic" are destined to land.
If they do decide to ship Mike Sweeney for prospects and future potential, they will obviously be losing their best bat. He leads the team in hits, doubles, home runs, runs batted in, batting average, and slugging percentage. He is the only Royals hitter with an average over .300 and the next closest hitter is 52 points behind. Sweeney is quite valuable to this lineup and trading him will aid their run at the deep-rooted benchmark.
Looking forward, the Royals will need help from similarly deflated teams if they plan to win more than 24% of their remaining games but they are in the wrong division for that task. In previous years they would camouflage amongst the equally destitute Cleveland Indians and Detroit Tigers and even though both teams have vastly underachieved in the first third of the season they are expected to recoil. That is sour news for the Royals, who also have to deal with the current best team in baseball, the Chicago White Sox, and the perennially competitive Minnesota Twins.
They have 53 games left against American League Central opponents, all of who are, or will be, vying for first place. With the four other teams ahead of them scrapping for wins and likely splitting a fair share amongst themselves, every team will look to gain ground against the whipping posts in blue and white. Good thing the Royals have only won 23% of the games inside their division so far.
The Royals should get a handi-cam and film all of their actions like Britney and Kevin to record the disaster they are turning out. On the other hand, maybe they should keep their lousy production out of sight.
Chaotic and the Kansas City Royals mix like Mondays and me.
"I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff." — (allegedly) Britney Spears
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May 31, 2005
Jonathan Lowe:
Being K.C. born and bred, I can do nothing but agree with everything in the article. I try to follow the Royals out here on the west coast, and man, it’s not looking pretty. Not only do the Royals struggle at the plate, but the pitching hasn’t been there since the early ’90s. Few quality starts, and those outings that are good ones are usually blown by the bullpen. Maybe they’ll get better someday. And until then, I’ll follow them like any other foolish fan with hometown ties. But I won’t hold my breath…I’d run out of oxygen.