I arrived at the Uptown Theater in Washington, DC at about 8:30 on Thursday morning, saving a place for 15 friends in the line for a noon showing of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.
George Lucas' six films span my entire life. My mother likes to talk about how I was "in her belly" when Episode IV debuted in 1977. (A friend recently pointed out that this was complete rubbish, because Star Wars came out on Memorial Day and I was born on March 20th. Since I know my mother is never wrong about anything, obviously they celebrated Memorial Day in February that year.)
I am an unabashed Star Wars geek — the guy with the action figures on his desk at work and the Darth Vader picture in his bedroom. The guy who could go an entire day just speaking dialogue from the films. The guy who has chunks of John Williams's score for the movies playing in his head on a continual loop.
(Before you ask: Yes, I do get laid. Occasionally.)
Standing on line at the Uptown, I had some time to think. About fanaticism. About devotion to what some might feel is a superfluous distraction.
You know ... Star Wars nerds and sports fans really do have a lot in common.
Star Wars fans play Wookie Hooky. Sports fans get Doubleheader Diarrhea.
Star Wars fans have to put up with accusations that they are geeks and dweebs who live in their parents' basement. Sports fans have to put up with accusations that they are geeks and dweebs who live in their parents' basement ... but only because that's where the DirecTV receiver is.
Star Wars has Mos Eisley, which is described as a "wretched hive of scum and villainy." Sports fans have the bleachers at Yankee Stadium (home, naturally, to the Evil Empire).
Revisionist History
Some people loathed Episodes I and II, mainly because the films didn't live up to what they believe are the standards of the Original Trilogy.
"The acting was wooden." "The script was atrocious." "The story was too childish."
I guess some people just choose to forget Carrie Fisher. And "but I was going into Toshi Station to pickup some power converters!" And the fact that the Emperor's best troops were defeated by a bunch of Build-A-Bear rejects throwing rocks at their blast-proof armor. But I digress...
The point is that for both Star Wars fans and sports fans, nostalgia makes the heart grow fonder. Is a prequel-hater extolling the virtues of Lawrence Kasden's script contributions on The Empire Strikes Back any different than a basketball fan ranting about how much better the game was when Magic and Bird were playing? Not only is the comparison selective (for every Magic and Bird, there was a Dennis Hopson and Benoit Benjamin), but it also establishes a standard that isn't easily achieved upon a second attempt. Okay, so there's no "join me and together we will rule the galaxy as father and son" Shakespearean bombast worth remembering from the first two prequels. But what did you want ... Jar-Jar Binks not to have any lines?
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Star Wars has the Millenium Falcon, a ship that made the kessel run in less then 12 parsecs. Sports fan have John Madden, who can eat a casserole in less than two bites.
Star Wars fans watch action that takes place "a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away." Sports fans watch tape-delayed Olympics.
Star Wars fans bemoan the fact that Greedo shoots first. Sports fans bemoan the fact that Erick Dampier shoots at all.
Gear
There were two different instances this year here in the Washington, DC area in which legions of geeks filled local retail outlets. The first was the release of the Washington Nationals' officially-licensed gear. Everyone wanted the t-shirts and the sweatshirts and those hooded windbreakers. But what these baseball-starved fans really wanted were those hats. Those glorious, glorious ballcaps that serve both as collectors' items and status symbols. And not just any hat; sure, the blue cap with the white "W" was pretty bitchin', but anyone whose anyone wanted to rock that bright red hat the ballplayers were wearing down in spring training.
The other instance of geek shopping spree was when they released the first wave of Star Wars Episode III merchandise. Everyone wanted the t-shirts and the sweatshirts and those replica lightsabers. But what these Jedi-starved fans really wanted were those action figures. Those glorious, glorious action figures that serve both as collectors' items and status symbols. And not just any figures; sure, the new General Grievous figure is pretty bitchin', but anyone whose anyone wanted but one thing from the Episode III toy line: Darth Tater, the evil Sith Lord/Mr. Potato Head, who you could dress in a Vader cape and a red lightsaber, along with bright pink ears and a little red tongue sticking out of his mouth.
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Star Wars fans have waited three Episodes for Anakin to go to the dark side. Sports fans have waited three Super Bowls for Bill Belichick to lighten up.
Star Wars fans had Chewbacca and Jabba the Hutt. Sports fans had Gheorghe Muresan and Jerry Krause.
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Have I mentioned a certain shared tradition with both fan bases?
Meaning
In both Star Wars and in sports, there's a yearning desire — especially by the media — to turn what is diversionary entertainment into some sort of parable for our times.
While there's no doubt that Star Wars is a work influenced by political history (Richard Nixon, mostly), Episode III is not, as some media have inferred, a "[George W.] Bush bashing" movie. Lucas has said that he's concerned that some of the themes presented in films have eerie similarities to the current state of affairs in American domestic and foreign policy, but that's far from what some have accused him of with this film; which is basically making a space opera version of Fahrenheit 911. I just don't buy that. If that's what you get out of it, then perhaps that's what you're looking to get out of it.
Same thing goes for sports. Are steroids a microcosm of a larger cultural issue concerning integrity, or lack thereof, in our society? No more so than Mickey Mantle drinking his liver into mush was a thumbnail of a culture of alcoholism in the 1950s.
I'm not trying to say that you can't find some interesting insight and wisdom about racism and classism in sports, or that you can't draw some conclusions about spirituality or corruption of power from Star Wars.
But in the immortal words of Ham Salad in the immortal Star Wars parody Hardware Wars: "Relax, kid ... it's only a movie."
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So, was Sith any good?
Absolutely. Better than the last two, and Jedi. The final two fights that Lucas intercuts between at the end of the flick are about 20 minutes of the most intense, sustained action since Luke in the Death Star trench back in '77.
But what made the movie for me were the slew of little humorous moments and geek-friendly details that made the first three films such a pleasure to watch and watch again. I'd buy the Sith DVD just for the R2-D2 comedy set piece at the beginning of the film, for the four-lightsaber twirling Grievous attack, and for the way Yoda turns into The Terminator on a few occasions. Not to mention the incredible descent of Anakin from whiny bitch boy into intergalactic badass.
So yeah, it was good. Damn good.
Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].
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