NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 10

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Jimmie Johnson — First, the good news: Johnson was not involved in any accidents last Saturday night in Darlington, and he finished a solid seventh. The bad news: his Nextel Cup points lead decreased for the second straight week. It's now down to 127 points over second-place Jeff Gordon.

"No, Jimmie Johnson does not translate into Roman as 'Crashus Maximus,'" says Johnson, "so enough with the crash jokes. It was a good, clean race. I'm happy to get out of here with a seventh place. That's pretty good considering I almost had a wheel come off the car right about lap 259. Luckily, I detected a vibration, so we were able to change the tire before it came off. I'm pretty sure some foul play and/or sabotage was involved. I detected the distinct odor of Budweiser on the tire, and someone had scrawled, in the pathetic handwriting that could only come from an Earnhardt, the word 'idiot' on the tire."

It was a successful day for Johnson. He claimed his first top ten since his streak of 13-straight ended three weeks ago in Phoenix. And I don't care what you say, a 127-point lead in the points nine weeks into the season is pretty healthy. And, the last I checked, all it took was a one-point advantage at season's end to be named champion. Johnson is on his way.

"And there's two things all you Jimmie-haters can do about," barks Johnson. "And that's 'nothing' and 'like it.'"

Johnson finished second to Dale Earnhardt, Jr. last year at the Chevy American Revolution 400. Johnson always has a top-10 car. Barring any mistakes, Johnson should easily manage a top-10. He's determined to see the points lead until the end. If finishing 15th or 20th, as he did the last two weeks, is a bad day for Johnson, then his competitors should hope for a disastrous day for JJ if they intend to seriously challenge his points lead.

2. Jeff Gordon — Gordon pulled a second-place finish out of his tailpipe, with a car that was not second-place worthy. The #24 Monte Carlo competed in the top five for a majority of the day, but was no challenge for the cars of Greg Biffle and Ryan Newman. Gordon, who pitted for four tires during the race's last caution, was able to pass Newman, who stayed out during the caution, for second place. With the runner-up finish, Gordon moves up one position in the points to two, 127 points behind protégé Jimmie Johnson. In the last for weeks, Gordon has steadily climbed one notch each week in the points.

"Thank you very much," acknowledges Gordon. "Now, I must set my sights on the driver of the car I own, my employee, if you will, Jimmie Johnson. Jimmie is like a little brother to me, and I feel like I've taught him a lot over the years, so it will be hard classifying him as my chief rival. It'll be like Mr. Miyagi having to go Jet Li on the tail of his student, the Karate Kid. In this business, you have to sometimes place personal feelings aside in the name of good, hard racing. It all works out in NASCAR. That's why you can see two drivers on the verge of killing each other one minute, and claiming they're best friends the next, after the requisite brainwashing in the NASCAR disciplinary trailer."

Gordon has four top-10 finishes in the last four Richmond races, including a win in 2003. As always with Gordon, a top-five, if not a win, is highly likely.

3. Greg Biffle — Biffle's third win of the season ties him with Jeff Gordon for the series victory lead, and moved the Vancouver, Washington native into third in the points, up from fourth. Along with victories by Carl Edwards and Kurt Busch, Roush Racing has claimed five of 10 races this year.

"I know I'm not the most charismatic driver on the circuit," says Biffle. "'Greg' is certainly not short for 'Gregarious,' but a taste for the spotlight is not the measure of a man. Just look at another famous icon from the Great Northwest, Bigfoot, the mysterious furry beast, not the monster truck. Bigfoot was certainly a little camera shy. Heck, he was only filmed two or three times, and even those shots were a little blurry. But, later in his career, he overcame his shyness and actually had some guest-starring roles, albeit non-speaking ones, on The Six Million Dollar Man. I'm getting more and more comfortable in front of the camera, as many of you saw Sunday on Wind Tunnel with Dave Despain. Luckily, I do most of my talking behind the wheel."

Biffle was dominant, as he has been is all three of his wins. He led 176 of 370 laps, but needed a little luck late in the race to pass Ryan Newman. In two of his three victories, Biffle has led the most laps. In his other victory, he led the third most laps.

Biffle finished eighth in the fall Nextel Cup race at Richmond, and also scored a second in a Busch race. He tested there on May 3rd in preparation for Sunday's race, so expect a solid top ten finish for Biffle.

4. Mark Martin — Martin's farewell to Darlington was a race to remember, as the 24-year NASCAR veteran's final circuit on the "Lady in Black" resulted in a fourth place finish for the No. 6 Viagra Ford. Martin finished fourth, despite a spin two laps from the finish while he was running fifth. Martin recovered from the spin, and scrambled in the remaining laps to capture fourth.

"I underestimated the car's power just slightly," adds Martin. "Sometimes, with Viagra on the hood, you never know how much testosterone you've got under the hood. Luckily, I didn't hit the wall or collect anyone, so I was able to get it back close to the front."

Martin's fourth place moved him up five spaces in the points, and he currently sits sixth, 293 points behind leader Jimmie Johnson. Martin opened the season with consecutive top-10 results, but has yet to duplicate that feat since. The circuit at Richmond may be the answer. Martin has finished in the top 10 in five of the last six races there.

5. Kurt Busch — Was Kurt Busch driving in the Dodge Charger 500 in Darlington last Saturday on the Fox Network, or was he merely a passenger in the Twilight Zone 229 on the Sci-Fi Channel somewhere in outer space? His actions would lead you to believe the latter.

Starting from the 11th position, Busch crashed the No. 97 Irwin Tools Ford on the first lap, suffering damage that sent him to the garage for repairs. After returning, Busch was ordered to take his proper place in line during a caution period. When he refused, Busch was sent to the pits for a two-lap penalty. Upon hearing this news, Busch uttered some choice, yet profane, words over his radio directed at NASCAR officials. Busch then tossed a water bottle, hitting an official. Busch was then mandated to appear on the new NBC show, Law and Order: NASCAR Trailer edition, where I'm sure reprimands where order of business.

So Kurt, have you lost your mind? Having a few anger management issues? Did you mistakenly have an "Angry Man" dinner instead of your usual "Hungry Man?" Are you taking driving lessons from Kellen Winslow, Jr.?

"All of the above, my friend," answers Busch. "Any time I crash on lap 1, I become a lunatic. It's like a full moon to a werewolf; lap 1 wrecks have that effect on me. I'm sure, somewhere, Jimmy Spencer is cackling maniacally at my plight."

You're right, Kurt. But more specifically, he's calling you "ignorant," as he did on Speed TV's NASCAR Victory Lane.

Expect more verbal jabs tossed back and forth between longtime enemies Spencer and Busch, and expect Busch to harness his rage, under a NASCAR imposed probationary umbrella, and rebound with a more sane result in Richmond. Busch's meltdown cost him 99 points to Jimmie Johnson in the points, and he dropped two spots in the standings.

6. Elliott Sadler — After qualifying fourth and posting the seventh fastest time in practice, Sadler and the Robert Yates Racing No. 38 Ford expected nothing less than contention to win at Darlington. Instead, what they got was a car that seemed unresponsive and fickle for most of the day. The car lost power steering with about 150 laps to go, and that, compounded with brake trouble, made for a frustrating day for Sadler and team.

"You know, the car was acting just like a woman," explains Sadler. "One minute, everything is hunky-dory. Then, in the blink of an eye, something goes wrong and I have no idea why. I tried an offering of flowers, and even the insincere apology, but the car just wouldn't respond. Women and cars: can't live with them, can't live without them."

Despite his troubles, Sadler did manage a 20th-place finish, which maintained his standing of fifth in the Cup points. He did, however, lose 48 points to points leader Jimmie Johnson. Much of the credit for Sadler's finish, in spite of the car's difficulties, lies in the pits, with the M&M's Chocolate Thunder crew.

"That has to be the coolest name for a pit crew in the business," adds Sadler. "I just hope Daryl Dawkins, the man from the planet Lovetron who made shattering backboards cool, doesn't mind us infringing on the name he made famous."

7. Tony Stewart — Like many drivers last Saturday night, Stewart struggled to fight a balance between a car with too much bite and a car lacking grip. Fortunately for the No. 20 Joe Gibbs Racing Home Depot Chevrolet team, Stewart is the type of driver who can take a bad car and make it look good. Stewart started the race 15th and patiently remained there for much of the race, finally making his move to the top-10 late in the race. Stewart now stands seventh in the points, 297 points from the front.

"Honestly, it was a boring race," notes Stewart. "I felt like I was on a merry-go-round, just going in circles, making up no ground and losing no ground. Come to think of it, I think I would have much rather been on a merry-go-round, riding an ostrich or a pig while listening to some wacky carnival music, maybe with a stick of cotton candy and some funnel cake. That's the life."

Stewart can expect a little more excitement this Saturday night in Richmond. He won this race in 2001 and 2002, and finished fourth last year. Stewart should contend for the win, and don't be surprised if he renews a feud with one of his competitors, as well.

8. Jamie McMurray — McMurray completed a satisfying day in Darlington with a sixth-place finish in which he improved his position four places in the final two laps. McMurray now stands eighth, up from 10th, in the points standings.

After starting 13th, McMurray slowly worked the No. 42 Havoline machine to the front, finally cracking the top 10 on lap 139. McMurray battled a hardheaded car all day, and his top-10 salvaged an otherwise miserable day for Chip Ganassi racing (teammates Casey Mears and Sterling Marlin finished 39th and 41st, respectively).

"As a twenty-something heartthrob," explains McMurray, "I like my women loose, but not my cars. I must credit my crew for continually adjusting and giving me a car good enough for the top ten."

McMurray hopes to continue his ascent in the points, which ideally will result in his ultimate goal: the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.

9. Ryan Newman — Newman was well on his way to victory, having opened up a four-second margin, when Mark Martin spun and brought out the race's 12th caution. As most of the front-runners chose to pit for fresh tires, Newman stayed on the track, and was later helpless as Biffle stormed by on his new set of rubber.

"Yeah, we made a calculated decision that didn't work out," explains Newman. "Apparently, the calculator we utilized to make that calculated decision didn't have any batteries. We were thinking we could keep that four second lead when we restarted. We didn't realize that the field bunches up on restarts, nor did we realize that tires would play such a critical role, even though Darlington is probably one of the most abrasive surfaces in racing."

Newman also was hoping for some help from teammate Rusty Wallace after the final caution. Newman wanted Wallace to stay on the track and serve as a buffer between Newman and challengers to his lead. Not surprisingly, Wallace refused and chose to pit.

"As teammates, Rusty and I get along about as well as Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant with the Lakers," says Newman. "If Rusty ever wants my autograph, he'll have to pay for it."

As is usually the case, Newman has aced qualifying at Richmond in years past, starting in the top five each time in the last four races there. He recorded a top-10 in this race last year, and won the fall race in 2003. Expect Newman to start on the front row; where he finishes is a mystery.

10. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Junior upheld his ninth-place position in the points with an eighth-place drive in Darlington. Earnhardt cracked the top 10 on lap 82, fell to 18th with about 60 laps to go, an made up 10 spots to reach eighth, right behind newfound pal Jimmie Johnson.

As stated last week in this column, Junior inconsistencies begin with qualifying. Last year, Junior posted only one qualifying effort 30th or worse (he started 30th at Bristol in August). This year, through 10 races, Earnhardt has qualified 34th or worse five times, and has started in the top 10 only once, at Daytona. Dale Earnhardt, Inc.'s forte used to be its horsepower; has DEI lost its edge?

"Man, what are you? Some kind of idiot?" asks Junior. "The guys in the engine department are working their fingers to the bone."

What do you get?

"Bony fingers, but hopefully a faster car as well."

If the No. 8 Budweiser team could just plug in the setup for last year into this year's car, success would follow. Earnhardt won this race last year, and was second in Richmond in September. If Junior can qualify respectably, he could challenge. A start in the 30s would make it much more difficult to contend up front with the cars who will qualify and race well.