Quoting the Tennis World

A few years ago, I used to host a weekly talk show on the web dedicated solely to tennis. Just as in numerous other talk shows, people would call in and voice their opinions, I would have guests sometimes, as well as certain segments during the show.

The most popular segment of the show was called "Quote of the Week." I would pick a few quotes from that week, read them on the air, and let the listeners pick the best one, or sometimes I would choose one myself and mention it, depending on the time left to finish the show. It was fun and listeners could not wait to hear it. Since then, I have always wanted to write an article on different quotes made by the wide array of characters related the tennis world.

Oh sure, everyone knows the most famous ones such as McEnroe's "You cannot be serious!" — heck, he even titles his biography book after that quote — or him shouting obscenities at the Wimbledon crowd when he was playing the ever-calm Australian Rod Frawley, receiving a code violation, then yelling at the referee, "I was talking to myself!"

Or who can forget Lendl whining to the referee at the U.S. Open, claiming that all the calls were going against him vs. McEnroe because the referees were afraid of Mac. His exact quote to the chair umpire was: "Are you afraid of him? Give me some treatment!" Now say that quote aloud and try to mix in a Czech accent and you will see Lendl's face in front of you.

Humorous quotes were not only made by players. of course. In the late '70s at Wimbledon, during a match between Vijay Amritraj (yes, the Indian guy from that James Bond movie), and Roscoe Tanner, it started drizzling and the chair umpire said to the microphone in fron of him "Rain, please go away!" In the present day, it may not mean much but in those days, no umpire was even allowed to smile, let alone take a chance at cracking a joke. Remember white balls were still used in Wimbledon well into the '80s.

Ilie Nastase and Jimmy Connors probably have too many to fit in one article, whereas Bjorn Borg might have none at all.

But for the remainder of this column, I will put forward some quotes that did not necessarily become world famous. They were more recent, and simply were funny and contained wit.

During the summer of 2001, Jennifer Capriati lost to Monica Seles and in the world according to Capriati, there was always some reason to whine about why she had lost. That reason naturally could not be that her opponent could possibly have been better than her. I mean, how dare she anyway? So the reason this time was Seles' screaming grunts while hitting the ball, and that did not let poor Capriati focus on her own shots. Venus Williams was asked about Capriati's comments, and here is what she had to say: "It's not illegal. Everyone is free to breathe as they see fit!" You did not think Venus would side with Jennifer at any time, did you?

That same summer, Goran Ivanisevic finally earned his place in history, defeating Patrick Rafter in a memorable final at Wimbledon. During the tournament, Goran showed many facets of his personality on the court and was questioned repeatedly on his emotional roller coaster ride. That is when Goran started indulging us about his split personalities: "One was rushing, the other was rushing even more. So the third one had to come. I had to call him, he is the emergency 911 call. He came and said to the first two 'Guys, relax, it's a lovely court, calm down', and I calmed down."

Later that week, another colorful personality by the name of Marat Safin was asked if he had multiple personalities, a la Goran Ivanisevic. The Russian responded, "Yeah, I hope so. Otherwise, I'd feel lonely."

Sometimes the media can come up with some strange quotes. Daniela Hantuchova and Jelena Dokic had an encounter on a smaller court during Wimbledon. The court was not large enough to contain all the male teenagers and photographers wanting to see the match. Many were left out and settled for watching other matches. Naturally, BBC had a field day with that, and had this to say: "Both players had their fans. Expectations, and testosterone levels, were high."

Few years back, a Jewish and a Muslim doubles team composed of Amir Hadad of Israel and Aisam-Ul-Haq Qureshi of Pakistan drew much attention due to the political international turmoil involving the two religious populations. They were asked a ton of questions by media members. Yet the pair wondered what the fuss was about, and said they really did not talk much politics. Frustrated by the pair's indifference to their questions, and as a consequence at their own inability to make a bigger headline out of the situation, reporters pushed further. One journalist asked tersely, "What do you speak about over dinner, sex or what?" he asked. Qureshi replied: "He's got his girlfriend here, so probably."

Remember the Martina Hingis stalker trial in Miami? There were plenty of quotes in that soap opera that involved a 46-year-old Croatian-born man named Dubravko Rajcevic, his sensational lawyer, Frank Abrams, and Martina Hingis and Miami-Dade County Assistant Attorney Chris Calkin who represented her and with whom she had a brief affair during the trial, mind you?

Chris Calkin didn't deny the rumor, responding with this quote: "Martina and I have a personal relationship, anything beyond that is between her and me." But more laughable quotes were on the way. Word of the courtship left Rajcevic's defense lawyer, Frank Abrams, bewildered. "I'm beyond floored, I'm flabbergasted," Abrams said. "I just want Tom Hanks to play me in the movie."

Then Abrams took things a bit further claiming that — get this — Calkin's relationship with Hingis "was aimed at humiliating and embarrassing" his client. Excuse me Frank but ... umm ... didn't your 47-year-old client do that already by stalking a 20-year-old athlete?

Abrams did not stop there, either. When made aware that Calkin has plans to visit Hingis in Zurich and at next week's Wimbledon tournament, he went irate and had the following quote: "Not only has the prosecutor put him in a jail and fought for the longest possible jail sentence, he's also kicked him in the rear end and taken away the woman he was pursuing," Abrams said.

Needless to say, Abrams lost the case and Rajcevic was found guilty.

Sergei Bruguera, late in his career, suffered numerous defeats in a row. After one of those defeats, Bruguera had this to say: "I don't understand what is going on. In practice, I beat everybody, but I lose all my matches. I am going home to practice and sort things out." Oh boy!

Boirs Becker, during his tax evasion trial in Germany, had to admit that he was keeping an apartment in Munich, but denied cheating his taxes knowingly. He claimed that he stayed at his sister's loft only occasionally. His quote as a line of defense was the following: "It just had a bed, a couch, and did not even have a refrigerator." Of course, that did not wash in the German courts. Next time, try harder, Boris.

But, in my opinion, the award for best quote in the last few years that I have heard has to go to Marat Safin. In 2002, his teammate Mikhail Youzhny came back from two sets down to beat Paul Henri Matthieu and earn the final point for Russia to beat France in the finals of Davis Cup. When asked what he felt when his teammate, Mikhail Youzhny, won the match point to win it all for Russia, his response was immediate and direct: "It felt better than sex!"

Have a great clay court season, everyone!