Saturday, March 5, 2005

Usher’s Cavaliers? Yeah!

By Vince Grzegorek

The press conference gave a glimpse of a different kind of environment.

Dan Gilbert and Usher promised that their acquisition of the Cleveland Cavaliers was no light matter. Promising to bring the organization back to their glory days, transform the city landscape and put in on the national map as an entertainment destination, and make the experience of attending a game a memorable event, the new owners showed a fresh energy and attitude.

Yes, they said, there are plans in the works for a new scoreboard, in-game entertainment, and other amenities that could make Cleveland a favorable option for free-agents (as if having a guy named LeBron on the court wasn't enough).

But, as Usher reminded us that he will be actively involved in the team's affairs, there are certain things every Cleveland fan can look forward to in the coming years:

• Consultant Lil' John substituting Crunk Juice for Gatorade, which will be consumed from specially-made pimp cups.
• Cleveland can finally lay claim to some trophies, even if they are from the Grammy's.
• Listening to "Yeah!" approximately once every five seconds for the next five years.
• Crushed velvet jerseys every time an Usher CD goes platinum.
• Usher's good mood and smile balancing out the seemingly permanent scowl on Paul Silas's face.
• A cameo appearance by Zydrunas Ilgauskas in Usher's next video, singing a verse in Lithuanian while doing the robot under green strobe lights.
• In an effort to get the fans more involve, Usher allows one fan each night to be part of his posse. VH1 quickly agrees to produce a reality show based on the concept, and Usher trounces P. Diddy's "Borrow My Crew" in the ratings.
• "Confessions: Part III" video featuring a bare-chested Drew Carey standing in the rain.
• Because everyone loves a spin-off, Zydrunas Ilgauskas gets his own "Borrow my Crew"-themed show. Unfortunately, it's canceled after network executives realize viewers don't want to watch seven old Lithuanian men sitting around a table drinking vodka.

See you at the game!