Why the Eagles Will Win the Super Bowl

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because Campbell's Chunky is the master of New England Clam Chowder.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because as a God-fearing Christian, I cannot question His plan for Terrell Owens.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because this is a different team with Owens and Brian Westbrook both on the field at the same time. While Philly's offense slowed a bit before Owens's injury, there's no question it was the best in football for three quarters of the season. Toss in the fact that McNabb has played out of his skull this postseason, and the Eagles might just have enough on offense to keep up with the Brady.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because Freddy Mitchell has never lied to me before.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because their defense hasn't allowed more than 20 points in a game that's meant something since Week 10. This game comes down to two things: the ability of Philadelphia's offense to put points on the board, and the ability of its defense to pressure — and knock down — Tom Brady.

The first thing is in the capable hands of McNabb, Owens, Westbrook, and Mitchell (okay, in that last case, somewhat capable). The second thing comes down to how well the Eagles' much-lauded secondary handles the Patriots' receivers, and whether players like Jeremiah Trotter continue to play the best football of their lives in the most important games of the season.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because I'm a Jets fan.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because this Tom Brady/Joe Montana talk needs to stop. It needs to stop because none of these phony talking heads will ever get to the real debate, which is whether Montana — for all the rings, MVPs, and accolades — is actually the most overrated quarterback in league history.

Brady is doing what Montana did with about 1/10th the offensive talent Montana had. He's making Deion Branch look like Jerry Rice. Jerry Rice, meanwhile, has proven he can be a championship-caliber receiver without Montana. But Montana never won without Roger Craig in his backfield, and he rode the coattails of an offensive innovation that defenses only learned to slow down once Montana was done and doing beer commercials.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because, as a member of the liberal media, I am very desirous to see a black quarterback do well.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because this is the beginning of the end for the Patriots. The wave has crest, and now it's all about how hard it'll crash on the rocks. This is the last run for Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weis, which means life changes in a big way on the Patriots' sidelines next season. And eventually, some of these players that have accepted humble salaries to remain on the Patriots' gravy train are going to look to cash out. It's been fun, Pats, but the ride's gotta end sometime.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because I asked this chick in my office who would win the game and she said Philly would, because an eagle could beat a patriot in a fight. I guess it all comes down to whether the patriot could load, cock, and fire his musket before the eagle pecks his eyes out. Plus, the accuracy on colonial firearms doesn't exactly inspire confidence that he could bulls-eye a bird soaring through the air above him.

Then again, we're talking buckshot here, and just once piece of shrapnel could wing that bastard and send him spiraling down to terra firma. Then all the patriot has to do is run over and lay down a GoodFellas'-style beatdown with his military-issue boots. But what if the eagle is simply playing possum? What if, when the patriot goes for the deathblow, he takes his talons and rips the dude's ACL, sending the patriot to the ground? Then the eagle leaps on top of him, splits his chest open, sticks its head in, and flies away with a trail of small intestines cascading from its beak. Boy, that'd be something. Yeah, so clearly, the Eagles are going to win.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because they have a fight song. Look what that did for the Redskins and the Bears. I'm sure the Patriots would have a fight song, too, if Belichick weren’t such a damn killjoy.

The Eagles will win the Super Bowl because, after Red Sox fans, no fan base in America has been teased more in the last decade than Eagles fans. (I say "last decade" to purposefully excuse Buffalo from the conversation.) It's not the same level of pain; being a Red Sox fan, for example, was a suitable answer for "Cause of Death" on Bostonian autopsy reports for about 80 years. Nor is this an endorsement of some silly notion of a curse, mainly because there's nothing supernatural about choking in the NFC title game.

But that's not to say Eagles fans haven't been bullied, bruised, and battered by this team; anguish magnified by the championship-round mauling given to the Sixers and Flyers in recent years, and the fact that Mitch Williams still roams the Earth as a free man. As much as it'll suck for everyone else in the Northeast, it's time for some championship joy to enter the lives of Philly fans.

Now, will a Super Bowl title change the historically repulsive demeanor of Philadelphia sports fans, who have been known to boo Santa Claus, injured players, black quarterbacks, first-round draft picks, and probably their own grandmothers? Of course it will.

I mean, look how humble Red Sox fans have been in victory.

Random Thoughts

Snoop Dogg recently said he'd like to coach the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Can you imagine how fun Super Bowl XXXXV will be, when Snoop's Steelers take on coach Deion Sanders and the Atlanta Falcons?

Every press conference would be like something out of "8 Mile"...

Why do people take such offense to Carlos Delgado's decision not to stand during "God Bless America" in the seventh inning stretch?

Here's a brief list of the activities that occur during that daily baseball tradition: wedgies being picked and/or scratched, financial transactions involving alcohol, male and female urination and deification, and dozens of people talking on cell phones, perhaps even to closeted Reds. (And I'm not talking about Dave Concepcion here.)

The bottom line is that it's just a song. The National Anthem? That's different, because we're talking about presenting the colors. This is just another song you hear at the stadium, like "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" or "Baby Got Back."

If you're trying to paint "God Bless America" with the 9/11 brush, save your strokes. This is a sporting event, not some patriotic pep rally. I don't have to observe a moment of silence in the middle of watching "Million Dollar Baby," and I don't have to stand during "God Bless America" if I don't feel like it.

(An aside: all of those asswipes in Congress — that, shockingly, were seated on the GOP side — who dunked their fingers in ink and raised them in the air during The State of the Union Address are a damned disgrace. When half the county is against military aggression in Iraq, is this really the time to start blatantly politicizing what should be a historic moment we all could actually rally around? Then again, these idiots managed to squander 9/11 good faith with the recklessness of M.C. Hammer going through his "Can't Touch This" royalties. Then again, I'm all for a one-finger salute to the President. It's just that they picked the wrong finger...)

Back to Delgado. Why don't we turn every half inning into some sort of musical remembrance? Between the third and fourth innings, we can play Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" in honor of the tens of thousands that have died prematurely from HIV and AIDS. Would the same rock-ribbed patriots who blast Delgado for disrespect show the same respect for something like that?

Why not go all the way? Tupac's "Dear Momma" in between the fifth and sixth for all those great moms out there. "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" in between the second and the third for all the kids with deadbeat dads. "Janie's Got a Gun" between the eighth and the ninth for all the victims of sexual abuse and gun violence. A doubleheader!

Sheesh...

Finally, Lakers coach Rudy Tomjanovich resigned, allegedly for health reasons.

Hmmm ... wouldn’t be the first time Kobe’s given someone a severe pain in the ass...

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].