New York Knixed

As the New York Knicks embarked on the 2004-05 season, question marks surrounded the much beleaguered, yet improbable playoff team from a season ago.

Would the rumors become reality when whispering of the future of the all-time winningest (and losingist) coach the history of the NBA? Would Allan Houston spend more time draining three-point field goals, or more time doing his best Jack Haley impression while riding the pine in dapper Armani? Could Stephon Marbury finally reach his potential? Not only as one of the premier point guards in the league, but finally reaching the status of team leader?

If you are scoring at home, the Knickerbockers have completely bottomed out to depths so low, Vin Baker can't consume enough Pabst Blue Ribbon to wash away the despair.

Isiah Thomas, the man brought in to right the rapidly sinking ship, has proven to be the iceberg. Of all the front office, coaching and player movement spearheaded by the one-time Pistons great, have any of the moves worked in the Knicks favor?

Lenny Wilkens was brought in to supply much needed stability to a team that lacked not only talent, but also chemistry. Even those who claim that Wilkens is past his prime as a coach, you cannot blame him for not being the pillar of strength necessary for this team to win. It is impossible to coach a squad with as many additions and subtractions as the Knicks have made since Thomas' arrival.

There can be no chemistry, no gelling, just losses. Especially with the type of players Isiah acquired.

Stephon Marbury is certainly a nice draw for fans. The hometown boy getting the opportunity to play on the biggest stage in the world of basketball. The problem is, Marbury is not ready for it, and at this stage of his career, he never will be.

Starbury claims to be the best point guard in the league. Based on what, the number of tattoos per square inch of skin? Marbury ranks third in the league in assists per game, while averaging three turnovers per game, good enough for 22nd among point guards turnover-to-assist ratio.

It's no secret Marbury is not trigger-shy, but he only ranks fourth among point guards in scoring average, while ranking seventh in field goal percentage. He ranks seventh in steals and 13th in rebounding among competing floor generals.

For being the self-proclaimed best point guard in the league, wouldn't you have to at least lead in one major statistical category?

As for some of the other talent the Knicks boast, Allan Houston springs to mind. The charisma exploding out of the sweet-shooting swingman as he comfortably rests along the Knick bench is too obvious to ignore. Dapper is his middle name, describing the finely-crafted suits he displays while golf clapping his team on to defeat is not only classy, but stylish. Why he doesn't just move two rows back to sit next to Tara Reid and Paris Hilton is bewildering to all in attendance.

To coin a Charles Barkley phrase, why isn't this guy dawning a ski mask to collect his paychecks? Houston is collecting $17.5 million dollars this season, good enough for third highest salary in the league (S. O'Neal 27.6 mil, D. Mutombo 18.7 mil). In fact, the Knicks have three of the top-10 highest paid players in the game in Houston, Penny Hardaway (14.6 mil), and Marbury (14.6 mil). It's no surprise their payroll tops $103 million dollars, that's almost of Yankee proportions, considering the next closest team is a full $13 million behind them (Dallas 90.5).

With all of those dollars spent, what do the Knicks have to show for it? They do have a collection of nice players. Jamal Crawford (19.1 ppg) has certainly been a nice acquisition, picking up the scoring slack Houston has taken away. Rookie Trevor Ariza has been a pleasant surprise, bringing an energy level not seen since Latrell Sprewell skipped town. Center Nazi Mohammed (11.9 ppg, 8.8 rpg) seems to be maturing into a decent and serviceable big man, and in the Eastern Conference, that can prove valuable.

These are all nice players, but this is not a nice team. The signing of Vin Baker was pointless, unless beer sales have decreased at the Garden. With the Knicks' recent play, beer has to have a 6-1 buy rate over foam fingers or throwback Rolondo Blackman jerseys.

Tim Thomas, when healthy, certainly adds some scoring and complaining, but not much else. Penny Hardaway is still under the delusion that he is the same player from the infamous Lil' Penny advertisements.

To a lesser extent, the Knicks have followed the pattern of the Yankees, Mets, and Rangers, by signing the best names available and expecting a winner. It's not working in Shea, it's not working in the Bronx, and it's not working in the Garden, whether the floor is wooden or frozen.

During the recent "glory" days of the Knicks, role players solidified this team making them a yearly contender. There are no Charles Oakley's, Charles Smith's, or John Starks on this team. That is what every team in the league needs — clearly identified roles and responsibilities.

As for who will take over the team, it matters not. It will most assuredly not be Larry Brown. More than likely, it will not be Phil Jackson. The Knicks could use a coach like Hubie Brown, and not go the route of signing the best available name. This team needs the same character and toughness it once displayed during the slugfests against the Heat.

Unfortunately, the lack of cap space, direction, and leadership will make it impossible for the Knicks to contend in the borderline mediocre Eastern Conference any time soon. Word around the Garden is the man behind the organ has been practicing the funeral march. No anthem to blare through the most famous arena in the world is more apropos for the New York Knixed.