If I had a million dollars — if I had a million dollars — it's possible that I would buy you a fur coat ... or maybe I would buy myself a house ... at the very least I would invest in the expensive ketchups when I eat Kraft dinner (even though I wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinner).
Now if I had $18 million dollars, there are a number of other wants that run the gamut, such as the Barenaked Ladies' greatest hits album, but one thing that doesn't fit the bill is a Roger Clemens one-year contract.
That's no shot at The Rocket. Some might say a seven-time Cy Young winner who just finished a season with 214 innings pitched, an earned run average of 2.98, and 218 strikeouts is worth every penny of his high price tag, but might I remind you that before the Houston Astros finalized a deal for Carlos Beltran, their record was merely 38-34.
After the trade, they finished on a 54-36 run.
Picking up Beltran may not have been the only reason for their reincarnation, but Roger was there before and after, so he certainly was not the catalyst. There were others to credit for the turnaround (Brad Lidge becoming the closer, Phil Garner becoming the new manager), but come playoff time, there's no eschewing Beltran's impact.
In the postseason, every miniscule deficiency is magnified, but this five-tool talent masked a number of shortages. While Clemens diminished in the playoffs, the fresh centerfielder was simultaneously carrying the batting lineup, securing the outfield, and wreaking havoc on the base paths.
The Astros fell only one game short of the World Series, but their lack of depth eventually became apparent. In the starting lineup, hitters 6-7-8 were invisible, contributions off the bench were spectral, and the bullpen (aside from Brad Lidge) was as trusted as an Enron executive.
A year later, Houston has made the questionable decision to spend on Rogers Clemens instead of Jeff Kent, Carlos Beltran, or possibly other foreign talent. The loss of those two former Astros will sting even more since they will have to wait until May for Lance Berkman to recover from a torn right ACL. Never mind the subtracted power that was critical to the franchise's success last year, an oft-overlooked fundamental in baseball is defense.
While Houston rented Beltran, he quickly became the anchor on a shaky defense. Beltran adapted quickly to the toxic waste/hill in centerfield at Minute Maid Park making dazzling, momentum-altering outs in a hitter's stadium.
Who will fill his shoes? Either a post-injury Lance Berkman, or an aging Craig Biggio? Whoever replaces Kent at second base will likely upgrade the position from a defensive standpoint, but who's going to replace his 27 homeruns and 107 runs batted in?
Biggio and Bagwell are a year older, the bullpen is still desperately scarce, the defensive gem of the team has walked, and a batting order that had only three holes, now has only three moderate threats.
But at least they have Clemens.
It's too little, too late, but it's all been done before in Houston.
Barenaked Ladies and Barenaked Astros mix like Mondays and me.
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