Aside from an unhealthy devotion to fantasy football, I have to admit that I've lost interest in the NFL over the last few years. Now that the playoffs have started, however, I find myself being drawn back to the game. Thankfully, there some things about the NFL that never, ever change. Here's a list that I call the "Four Simple Truths of the NFL." Enjoy.
1. Rookie Quarterbacks Cannot Win in the NFL
I think it's safe to say that the most physically and mentally demanding jobs in all of professional sports is playing quarterback in the NFL. It's simply not possible for a rookie to be successful in this position. In addition to the incredible jump in speed and size of the defenses he'll be facing, the rookie quarterback also has to read 10 or 15 different types of coverage that he never saw in college. Plus, the offensive playbook looks like War and Peace, as compared to college's Old Man and the Sea. The rookie quarterback cannot win in the NFL.
And then there's Ben Roethlisberger. All he's done this year is win all 13 of his starts under center, a record for a rookie. He's been efficient all season long and avoided making big mistakes, but most importantly, he led the Steelers to a league-best record of 15-1. Okay, maybe rookie quarterbacks can win in the NFL...
2. Mike Shanahan and Mike Holmgren are Coaching Geniuses
Without question, Mikes Shanahan and Holmgren possess two of the more brilliant football minds in the NFL. After Shanahan's first season (8-8) in Denver, he turned the team around and went 39-9 over the next three years, winning the Super Bowl twice while transforming John Elway's legacy. Holmgren, meanwhile, won 75 games and a Super Bowl during his seven years at the helm of the Green Bay Packers. He molded Brett Favre into a Hall of Fame quarterback and brought one of the league's marquee franchises back to glory. Shanahan and Holmgren are geniuses, better than everyone else.
Really? Let's take a closer look. Since 1999, Shanahan's first year without Elway and Holmgren's first season in Seattle, these guys have been decidedly average. Shanny's record sits at 54-42, and Holmgren's even worse at 50-46. Neither man has won a playoff game; following last week's losses their combined postseason record is 0-6. Hmm. Maybe Elway and Favre were the real geniuses...
3. You Can't Beat the Packers at Lambeau in the Playoffs
There's no place like Lambeau Field. It's football's answer to Yankee Stadium, but it's in a small town. Season tickets are left in wills, fans volunteer to shovel out the bleachers after snowstorms, and there's the frozen tundra. Throw in Brett Favre, who's unbeatable in cold weather games (41° or below), and there's really no need to play the games. The Pack is a sure thing.
Well, not anymore. After Green Bay was crushed by the Minnesota Vikings (a team which had lost nine straight outdoor games), it marked the second time in three years that the Packers had lost a home playoff game. Also, it was the second straight cold weather game that Favre had lost. Could it be that Favre is just another quarterback? Is Lambeau just a field? Are the Packers just another mediocre team? It all sounds like blasphemy, but it just might be true.
4. Mediocre Teams Get Crushed in the Playoffs
Every season, there's a mad rush in the closing weeks of the regular season as a pack of mediocre teams scramble for the last few remaining playoff spots in each conference. It makes for some interesting storylines, and it allows the networks to manufacture interest for a Week 17 matchup between two 8-7 teams, but it's really all a colossal waste of time. The postseason is merciless. These teams that barely slide into the playoffs are always immediately dispatched by the superior teams that await them. Always.
Well, not always. Last week, two of the NFL's more enigmatic teams, the St. Louis Rams and the Minnesota Vikings, both won road playoff games. Both teams finished the regular season at 8-8, the very definition of mediocrity, but that didn't seem to matter last weekend. Might mediocrity prevail again this weekend against the top-seeded Falcons and Eagles? Who the hell knows?
So there you have it. Now that you know all you need to know about the NFL, feel free to call your friends over, order some pizza, crack open a few beverages, and enjoy the games this weekend. Just don't forget about the Four Simple Truths.
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