Curse Snatcher: A Study in Cub Baseball

The Cubs and the Red Sox were constantly linked last season. Both teams play in large markets with substantial payrolls, and both had not won a World Series in forever and a day.

But they were most similar in that each team came terribly close to capturing the pennant -- only to watch the opportunity vanish into thin, not to mention cursed air.

The difference between the two teams: Boston did something about it.

The Red Sox decided after last year's debacle to return to the scene of the crime and this time solve the mystery. The Cubs decided to, well, be the Cubs, and now are officially the most cursed team in sports.

At least they don't employ sports' most cursed player. That honor goes to the Yankees, who brought in Alex Rodriguez to help "slap" themselves in the mouth and choke away the ALCS. A-Rod left Texas and the Rangers got off life support and became contenders. Before that, he said goodbye to Seattle and the Mariners said hello to an astonishing 116 wins and an AL West crown.

Chicago Bears fans, players -- past and present -- and coaches like to talk about playing "Bear football," which we've come to know in recent years as a struggle to reach .500 and a bumbling head coach.

So with Bear football comes "Cub baseball," right?

Right.

Now that we've let the Dusty [Baker] settle -- so to speak -- on another disappointing Cubs season, it's time to deconstruct the oxymoron that is Cub baseball.

Cub baseball is fans blaming a closer when the real culprits are the GM who brought in a setup man instead of a true closer and an alleged closer who denied claims he suffered from a "dead arm" and insisted he was just fine. Joe Borowski was correct in that his arm wasn't technically dead, rather just his rotator cuff torn. That's Cub baseball.

When Latroy Hawkins graced the media with his presence, he insisted that they "can't do what (he does)." Stay tuned for the new reality show titled "Change Up," where Latroy writes columns and a member of the media blows saves on a regular basis.

Cub baseball is a way of life, on and off the field. The team criticized broadcaster Steve Stone, widely recognized as one of the best in the game, for commenting and analyzing, which, if I understand the job correctly, is what he is supposed to do.

The manager seems overly concerned with getting his son TV time and defending his players to a fault. And while Dusty Baker vowed to rid the team of their "lovable losers" tag -- and has certainly made steps in that direction -- he proved not to be the most adept at spin control when he cited the hot weather as an issue in the midst of one of the coolest summers in Chicago history.

Whine hard is to the Cubs what live strong is to Lance Armstrong.

Like when in August the Cubs complained of Astros pitcher Roy Oswalt pitching inside. It seems like the Astros, who used that incident to propel themselves to 31 wins in the last 39 regular-season games, got the best of that altercation.

After concrete fell from beloved Wrigley and the Cubs went 10 rounds with City Hall and Mayor Richard Daley, the team said in a statement that the safety of their fans remains their top concern. At the risk of sounding obvious, it's clear that the top priority is not playing clutch baseball.

Yankee baseball is winning, class, the Boss, and pinstriped uniforms and suits. Meanwhile, Red Sox baseball has redefined itself.

Cub baseball is suspect medical reports; an aging, fading, and overpaid superstar who literally comes and goes from games as he pleases; setting up an in-house scalping program; and suggesting the placement of advertising behind home plate at Wrigley.

The wheels unofficially fell off after a late season loss to the Mets in which Craig Brazell, who belted his first major league home run to win the game, received a pie in the face from teammate Cliff Floyd. The irony is the Mets got hit with the pie when that act really typifies the plight of Cub fans for years and years.

The Cubs this season were thought to be the best team in the best division. That was half right as the NL Central's other top teams, the Cardinals and Astros, battled seven games for the right to play in the World Series. But as far as the Cubs go, their games -- like all games -- are unfortunately for them not played on paper or with Srat-O-Matic. Cub baseball on the field took the team to a third place finish, a whopping 16 games back.

After serving up a season-killing two-run homer to the Reds' Austin Kearns -- if the wheels fell off after the Mets game, the entire Cubs caravan crashed all over the Kennedy Expressway in Chicago after this 4-3 home loss to the Reds late in the season -- Cubs rookie Jon Leicester summed up the breaks that seem to never go the Cubs' way by saying, "It's baseball."

Being a rookie, Jon's obviously not wise to the ways of the world. It's Cub baseball, Jon.

At least Chicagoans don't have to suffer through "Blackhawk hockey."

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