Sports Central | Articles and Columns

« September 2004 | Main | November 2004 »

October 31, 2004

Ten Radical Rule Changes For the NFL

It's not like football needs rule changes like other sports need them. Football is already number one when it comes to fan favoritism and enthusiasm. Hockey, for instance, needs fighting and volunteer barbarianism to keep its fans happy and the average sports Joe with one eye on the sport. Still, I believe that a sport, in the fans' interests, should continuously evolve; therefore keeping it from flat-lining as tennis or even baseball has at times.

As a football loyalist, I've seen as many rules changes in the NFL as Vinny Testaverde gaffs. Not to mention the "scabs" from the early-'80s players' strike, Howard Cosell's exodus, a 10-year string of bad Super Bores, and the rise and fall and rise of instant replay. So I've conjured up some necessary rule changes for football:

1. Allow players to take off their helmets.

Something happened in the mid-'90s. Football players began a trend after making outstanding plays, undoing their chin straps, plucking their helmets off and running around for the fans and the television cameras. I understand that basketball is one of the more marketable sports because the fan is so close to the action, and the players' faces are exposed. Football hit an all-time low when players began taking their helmets off when first downs were made from five yards away. Professional, college, and high school rule-makers began outlawing this form of celebration soon after.

At first, I felt this was a slap on the hand for a generation of star athletes who were trying to pave their own identities for showmanship. Now, I believe that if you are brave and stupid enough to take off your brain protector on the field of play, that any member of any team should be allowed to make helmet to bare head contact. Let the punishment fit the crime.

2. If you score the touchdown, you kick the point after.

I watched some rugby the other day, and noticed that the player who scored the "try" kicked the extra point. Let's face it. The name of the game is football, but the ball is only touched by two guys' feet the entire game, and it just so happens that these are the two guys that are not allowed to hang out with the rest of the team, and are a waste of perfectly useful football armor, with exception to Kevin Butler.

I would love to see Jerome Bettis or Randy Moss have to boot the ball through the uprights after a touchdown highlight. As for field goals, as my dad would say, get rid of them entirely, which leads to No. 3.

3. Get rid of field goals. Keep point-afters.

Just a thought.

4. Go back to leather helmets and pads.

I'm a really big fan of the throwback uniform. I remember in the mid-'90s when the NFL had its 75th anniversary season, and every team at one time or another wore a throwback uniform from the past. The Steelers wore their "bumblebees" from the '40s, the Rams wore their old yellow jerseys, and the Chargers wore their powder blue and bolts. Some teams even made permanent changes like the Jets and the Giants, going back to the old-school styles and sticking with it.

But let's face it -- this is a gladiator sport, and for all the collisions and brute force that are part of our game today, is there enough blood? Hockey blood is common and is very visible on the white ice. In baseball, the only blood detected in the last 50 years was in Curt Schilling's sock and for some-Roy Hobbs' torso when he smacked the Series winner fictionally. The million-dollar contracts that the average pro football player makes should be worth a good bleeding every now and then. Let's put them in leather! Now that's a throwback.

5. Move the field goals back up to the goal line.

It's just way cooler with more collisions.

6. Offer two points for slam-dunking the football over the crossbar after a score.

Speaks for itself. Tony Gonzalez would already have been the league's MVP for many years. Of course, this is football, so to defend this, you don't have to get "all ball". This would add a little excitement without having to deal with Terrell Owens' sharpie antics or Joe Horn's cellular calls. Imagine the Super Bowl ending on a ball that trickles atop the crossbar, coming up short because Plaxico Burress is undercut by two Ram defenders as time expires. Also, it would get men like Shaquille O' Neal and Yao Ming to become two-sport athletes, and guys like Chris Webber and Kobe Bryant to get hit.

7. Don't suspend players who violate the NFL drug policies. Make them head linesman.

Donating their services to the game is a lot like community service, so why have them sitting at home or at a nightclub when they could be part of the officiating crew? Just imagine Jamal Lewis in stripes, and Mike Holmgren stewing over a bad call on the sidelines and asking the same old question that coaches ask many head linesman: "Are you on drugs?!" At that time, the coach will understand the silliness of his verse, and refocus on the task at hand: coaching.

8. Get rid of "roughing the passer" and any other rules meant to alienate quarterbacks from being real football tough guys.

There are some quarterbacks who are embarrassed to have such rules. Tough-guy QBs such as Brett Favre, Steve McNair, and Ben Roethlisberger would rather be treated as equals when it comes to rules of protection. Some quarterbacks need protection, and would surely wilt without the "roughing the passer" penalty. We won't mention any names. Yet, the game needs finesse passers who would rather take a knee or do the quarterback slide, which makes it illegal for anyone to even think about hitting him.

Solution: a quarterback may wear a skirt, preferably of the team's color, to activate all rules protecting the quarterback while the skirt is on. It also makes it more clear to the defense, who would probably lay off of anyone wearing a skirt. Probably.

9. Power play.

Football is a rough sport, like hockey, and too many infractions means that there's too much cheating going on out there. Penalty flags are flying all over the place, especially in Oakland. Over the years, it seems that football players seldom learn, and that the penalty must be harsh. I like how hockey takes a player out of the game for breaking the rules -- a "timeout" of sorts. Football players here need to sit out a play or two and watch their compadres deal with one less man.

10. Put the coach in uniform with pads and helmet.

Not because baseball has the coaching staffs dressing like they are going to play. This is strictly for safety purposes. I don't want the NFL to be reactionary when one day, a 250-pound fullback rams into a 67-year-old coach on the sideline, breaking his ribs and sending him into a trance, only for the league to create rule No. 10. Let's change the rule before it's too late. Suit up, coach!

Posted by Jon Gonzales at 12:10 PM | Comments (6)

October 30, 2004

Waking Up From the Impossible Dream

"Where do we go from here?
The battle's done
And we kinda won
So we sound our victory cheer
Where do we go
From here?"
-- "Once More With Feeling," Buffy the Vampire Slayer

This has not been the best of weeks for Patriot Fan and myself.

PT, my pseudo-Bostonian officemate who proudly wears his fanatical heart on his sleeve, entered the newsroom on Monday morning with his beloved Red Sox leading the suddenly hapless Cardinals 2-0 in the World Series. When he reached his cubical, he saw a note on his computer that read simply:

"Remember Buckner."

He began laughing mockingly (and a bit maniacally), and made a beeline for my desk. I'm a New York sports fan, so he and I have had our battles ... mainly when it came to the AFC East and my Jets against his Patriots. During the baseball postseason, I was pulling hard against his Red Sox, hoping the joy that was the Curse would continue and actually reach the century mark one day.

So he assumed that I had placed the sign on his desk; he assumed incorrectly, as another sports guy was actually the culprit. Nevertheless, he gave it two me with both barrels: about the Jets' failure, about the 20-some-odd-game Patriots' winning streak, about the two Super Bowls, about the Red Sox' glorious postseason run, about the ascension of the ballclub to America's Team status in the World Series.

I should have just shut my mouth, but like the ass that I am, I came back with my best Tuck Rule material. ("It's a good thing you won that second ring because we all smelled the taint on the first one." "Your own quarterback was laughing about getting away with one after the game.") Relations were strained, negotiations broke down, and we decided to call it a morning before the debate raged out of hand.

Later that day, I couldn't help but goad him again. (Hell, he was a Boston fan having a good day. When would I ever have that opportunity again?) So I asked him: what about the Red Sox will be memorable or unique should they win and break the 86-year curse?

He shot back with some comments about Boston being a top-three baseball town, about Ted Williams, and about a bunch of other stuff that didn't really address the point. And that point is: where do they go from here?

Will Red Sox Nation follow the team with the same intensity? What if this is a one-and-done sort of team? It wouldn't be the first time a baseball team captivated the nation, won the whole enchilada, and then slipped off into obscurity.

Or am I the only one who doesn't think about the '79 Pirates, '84 Tigers, or the '88 Dodgers on a daily basis?

It's gotta be a strange time for Red Sox fans. The euphoria of winning, followed closely by an overwhelming lack of purpose. There's no next season to wait for. You've reached the summit of Everest; climbing it again will never offer the same thrill.

I don't think I read a more telling passage from the post-Series coverage than this, from the Boston Globe:

Paul Donahue, a 44-year-old Xerox manager from Boston who watched the game outside the ''Cheers'' bar at Quincy Market, also wondered about the new status of the Red Sox. He went to 30 Red Sox games this season, but he doubts he'll be at Fenway as often next year.

''I don't think they'll have the same emotional attachment for me,'' he said.

And that's just it. Red Sox fans are now Star Wars fans in May 2005. The saga is complete. Sure, the memories and the legacy are going to satisfy you more than, say, a "Chronicles of Riddick" fanboy. But now you've seen every episode, you've lived and breathed it for decades. Whether "Revenge of the Sith" is like the ACLS or (gasp!) the World Series, it signals the end of a journey millions of fans have taken together.

The Red Sox story had been told.

Where do they go from here?

Random (World Series) Thoughts

I feel for those poor bastards in St. Louis for two reasons.

First, because even before their team became the laughingstock of postseason baseball (and an embarrassment of Bucknerian proportions), the Cardinals were basically treated like a sacrificial lamb by FOX and ESPN. I think FOX told us what conditioner Johnny Damon uses in his hair before it actually set the starting lineup for the Cardinals in Game 1.

And ESPN ... look, we all know Bill Simmons is a Red Sox guy, and its nearly impossible to be headquartered in Bristol and not get caught up in Sox Mania. But one team does not a World Series make, and ESPN treated the Cardinals like they were the NHL.

I also feel for Cardinals fans because ... well, because their team didn't just bring a knife to a gunfight; it brought a butter spreader to the Battle of the Bulge. Scott Rolen whiffed so much, the National Weather Service issued a hurricane warning. You know your starting pitching sucks when I start feeling better about life as a Mets fan.

I said before the series that Houston could beat the Red Sox, and I stick to that. The Astros had better Fenway hitters, and three pitchers (Roger Clemens, Roy Oswalt, and Brad Lidge) who you could confidently expect a solid performance from no matter the venue. Could you say the same about Jason Marquis and Matt Morris?

Speaking of Marquis, he had this to say after Game 4: "We're disappointed the season didn't turn out the way we wanted, but on the other hand, we had a great season and have nothing to hang our heads about."

Sure, pumpkin. Nothing to hang your head about. Except for wasting our time for three games with some of the most embarrassingly inept and emotionless play in recent postseason history. Except for participating in the biggest World Series flop since the '90 Oakland A's. (Say, who managed them again?) Except for being so damn bad, you actually lost to a team that had an 86-year voodoo futility hex placed on it.

Your faces should be as red as your ball caps...

To the nice young lady working for FOX who decided to quiz Red Sox management about free agency during a celebration 86 years in the making: back to the kitchen...

I'm sure you, like I, were absolutely flabbergasted when the FOX cameras cut to former SNLer Jimmy Fallon on the field smooching a woman during the Red Sox' revelry. Well, the woman turned out to be Drew Barrymore, and the smooch turned out to be a scene from the Farrelly Bros. adaptation of Nick Hornby's "Fever Pitch." Which makes me wonder what's more painful:

1. That the minds behind "Me, Myself & Irene" and "Stuck on You" are adapting a Nick Hornby novel.
2. That adaptations of Nick Hornby novels have proceeded down a slippery slope from John Cusack ("High Fidelity") to Hugh Grant ("About a Boy") to Jimmy F-ing Fallon.
3. That a book about an obsessed Arsenal fan has been turned into a movie about an obsessed Boston fan. Remember the last movie about an obsessed Boston fan called "Celtic Pride?" Yeah, neither does Damon Wayans.
4. That somewhere in Boston Wednesday night, there was an 85-year-old man battling liver failure, whose only wish was to be on the field when the Sox finally won the World Series. And then he saw Jimmy F-ing Fallon on his hospital television and flat-lined.

And why Fallon?

What, did Affleck get his card pulled after "Gigli?"

So Saturday's parade ends this historic baseball postseason for the Boston Red Sox. Although I approached every moment of it with a biting cynicism and an undying desire for continued misery for Sox fans, I can't help but feel a little happy for the team and its fans.

I will not, however, buy the line being sold by FOX and most of the sports media that this is some scrappy group of players that overcame the odds and did the impossible. Just because some of them have funny hair and most of them appear to be on Britney Spears' shower schedule doesn't make them the factious bunch of "idiots" the media makes them out to be.

Look, the team is basically the slightly less-Evil Empire. They have the second highest payroll in baseball. They were this close to getting A-Rod before the season. But what makes this team differ from the Yankees is the fact that there isn't a Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada, Bernie Williams, Mariano Rivera, or Andy Pettitte on this team; the homegrown stars that formed the heart of the Empire.

Manny Ramirez, David Oritz, Johnny Damon, Kevin Millar, Bill Mueller, Mark Bellhorn, and even Gabe Kapler were established players with their old teams before joining the Red Sox. Curt Schilling, Pedro Martinez, Tim Wakefield, Mike Timlin, and Keith Foulke were all hired guns. The homegrown Red Sox are basically Trot Nixon ... and Trot Nixon.

But portraying the Red Sox as a collection of mercenaries just didn't fit the script.

That being said, Boston did something very special this season. While it's always more impressive to win with players developed within your own system, Boston's victory is an indication that Terry Francona and Theo Epstein did something nearly as impressive: develop chemistry on a rotisserie team...

Finally, to my friends in Boston...

Look what happened to the Celtics while you were distracted:

"Oh the times, they are a changin'..."

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 8:53 PM | Comments (0)

October 29, 2004

Curse Snatcher: A Study in Cub Baseball

The Cubs and the Red Sox were constantly linked last season. Both teams play in large markets with substantial payrolls, and both had not won a World Series in forever and a day.

But they were most similar in that each team came terribly close to capturing the pennant -- only to watch the opportunity vanish into thin, not to mention cursed air.

The difference between the two teams: Boston did something about it.

The Red Sox decided after last year's debacle to return to the scene of the crime and this time solve the mystery. The Cubs decided to, well, be the Cubs, and now are officially the most cursed team in sports.

At least they don't employ sports' most cursed player. That honor goes to the Yankees, who brought in Alex Rodriguez to help "slap" themselves in the mouth and choke away the ALCS. A-Rod left Texas and the Rangers got off life support and became contenders. Before that, he said goodbye to Seattle and the Mariners said hello to an astonishing 116 wins and an AL West crown.

Chicago Bears fans, players -- past and present -- and coaches like to talk about playing "Bear football," which we've come to know in recent years as a struggle to reach .500 and a bumbling head coach.

So with Bear football comes "Cub baseball," right?

Right.

Now that we've let the Dusty [Baker] settle -- so to speak -- on another disappointing Cubs season, it's time to deconstruct the oxymoron that is Cub baseball.

Cub baseball is fans blaming a closer when the real culprits are the GM who brought in a setup man instead of a true closer and an alleged closer who denied claims he suffered from a "dead arm" and insisted he was just fine. Joe Borowski was correct in that his arm wasn't technically dead, rather just his rotator cuff torn. That's Cub baseball.

When Latroy Hawkins graced the media with his presence, he insisted that they "can't do what (he does)." Stay tuned for the new reality show titled "Change Up," where Latroy writes columns and a member of the media blows saves on a regular basis.

Cub baseball is a way of life, on and off the field. The team criticized broadcaster Steve Stone, widely recognized as one of the best in the game, for commenting and analyzing, which, if I understand the job correctly, is what he is supposed to do.

The manager seems overly concerned with getting his son TV time and defending his players to a fault. And while Dusty Baker vowed to rid the team of their "lovable losers" tag -- and has certainly made steps in that direction -- he proved not to be the most adept at spin control when he cited the hot weather as an issue in the midst of one of the coolest summers in Chicago history.

Whine hard is to the Cubs what live strong is to Lance Armstrong.

Like when in August the Cubs complained of Astros pitcher Roy Oswalt pitching inside. It seems like the Astros, who used that incident to propel themselves to 31 wins in the last 39 regular-season games, got the best of that altercation.

After concrete fell from beloved Wrigley and the Cubs went 10 rounds with City Hall and Mayor Richard Daley, the team said in a statement that the safety of their fans remains their top concern. At the risk of sounding obvious, it's clear that the top priority is not playing clutch baseball.

Yankee baseball is winning, class, the Boss, and pinstriped uniforms and suits. Meanwhile, Red Sox baseball has redefined itself.

Cub baseball is suspect medical reports; an aging, fading, and overpaid superstar who literally comes and goes from games as he pleases; setting up an in-house scalping program; and suggesting the placement of advertising behind home plate at Wrigley.

The wheels unofficially fell off after a late season loss to the Mets in which Craig Brazell, who belted his first major league home run to win the game, received a pie in the face from teammate Cliff Floyd. The irony is the Mets got hit with the pie when that act really typifies the plight of Cub fans for years and years.

The Cubs this season were thought to be the best team in the best division. That was half right as the NL Central's other top teams, the Cardinals and Astros, battled seven games for the right to play in the World Series. But as far as the Cubs go, their games -- like all games -- are unfortunately for them not played on paper or with Srat-O-Matic. Cub baseball on the field took the team to a third place finish, a whopping 16 games back.

After serving up a season-killing two-run homer to the Reds' Austin Kearns -- if the wheels fell off after the Mets game, the entire Cubs caravan crashed all over the Kennedy Expressway in Chicago after this 4-3 home loss to the Reds late in the season -- Cubs rookie Jon Leicester summed up the breaks that seem to never go the Cubs' way by saying, "It's baseball."

Being a rookie, Jon's obviously not wise to the ways of the world. It's Cub baseball, Jon.

At least Chicagoans don't have to suffer through "Blackhawk hockey."

Posted by Danny Sternfield at 10:11 PM | Comments (0)

October 28, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 8

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Arizona @ Buffalo

When you hear the name "Neil Rackers", you immediately think, "I bet this guy is serving hard time at Riker's Island." When you hear the name "Emmitt Smith," you immediately think of the famous football player, unless you know another Emmitt Smith serving time at Riker's Island, or some other correctional facility. But what do these two names have in common? For starters, they are both NFL record holders. And here's the kicker: they both play for the Arizona Cardinals.

"They do?" asks Cardinal coach Dennis Green. "I'm familiar with this Emmitt fellow, but who is this Rackers guy? Sounds like a guy who's serving hard time at Riker's Island. I swear I've never met him in my life. So, what did he do for the record books?"

Well, Dennis, he tied a record with three field goals of 50 or more yards.

"Shoot, I didn't know they kept stats on that stuff. Congratulations, Neil."

"Thanks, Coach. Neil Rackers. It's a pleasure to meet you."

On a side note, Emmitt Smith rushed for his 78th 100-yard game, breaking the record of 77 he shared with Walter Payton. I know that doesn't compare to three 50-yard field goals in one game, but I thought I'd mention it.

In Buffalo, it's business as usual -- losing.

"Just don't blame the defense, man," urges Bill linebacker Takeo Spikes. "We're holding offenses to 17 or 18 points a game, but, as a defense, we're only responsible for about seven of that. The offense gives up the other 10 or 11, with the interceptions, fumbles, three and outs, missed blocks, bad patterns, bad throws, bad play calling, and just general incompetence. And, oh yeah, bad coaching."

The Buffalo and Arizona defenses will keep this one tight and low scoring. You'd probably see more offense in a Manchester United-Arsenal English Premier League soccer contest, as well as more brutality in the stands than you will on the Ralph Wilson Stadium field.

The Bills' defense make the plays when it counts, which is right after their offense turns it over.

Buffalo wins, 16-13.

Cincinnati @ Tennessee

"Wow. I'm really sympathetic to the plight of Steve McNair," Bengal boss Marvin Lewis comments. "I mean, damn, the man has suffered two bruised sternums in the span of one month. That sucks. Most players go their entire careers without hurting either one of their sternums. I know his two bruised sternums must be incredibly painful, but if anyone can return after having two simultaneously injured sternums, it would be Steve McNair."

Uh, Marvin, I'm not a doctor, but I think the human body has only one sternum. I think it's also called the breastplate.

"Breastplate?" asks Lewis. "Why would they name a human body part after the No. 3 combo meal at KFC? That comes with the breast, a leg, two delicious sides, and a beverage, by the way. Hi, Colonel. Now, there are two breasts in a chicken, so they must have two breastplates. And I know chickens and humans are practically brother and sister evolutionarily speaking, so humans, therefore, must have two breastplates, as well."

Okay, I must hand it to you, Marvin, you've convinced me. Now I understand how you can convince your Bengals that they are going to win every week. By the way, I just realized I have 62 ribs, gills, and two antennae.

For real, though, injuries are taking more of a toll on McNair. At age 31, McNair is downright elderly in football terms. And if McNair can't go Sunday, he will be replaced by Billy Volek, who's served the Titans well in other instances of McNair injuries.

"I know Billy probably has fewer completions than Steve has injuries," Titan coach Jeff Fisher comment, "but in this case, he has something Steve does not: healthy, un-bruised sternums. Billy also has moxie, as well as savvy, but I think we can treat those with ointment, so he'll be good to go."

Volek comes through, throwing two touchdown passes, and Chris Brown rushes for another as Tennessee holds off the Bengals, winning 24-20.

Green Bay @ Washington

The Packers are back in the thick of the early playoff picture, having won two straight after being 1-4. Still, though, they are three games behind the Vikings in the loss column.

"We can't worry about the Vikings," Brett Favre explains, "nor can we worry about the Lions, who are also ahead of us. We just have to play Packer ball, which is 25 touches for Ahman Green and a couple of bombs from me to Donald Driver or Javon Walker. Like my drives off the tee, the Vikings will fade, just like they did last year. That, coupled with another timely injury that I can heroically play through, and Green Bay is set for a magical playoff run."

Well said, Brett. Still feeling any effects from that concussion a few weeks ago?

"What concussion?"

Exactly. Favre's newest injury is a "sprained" hand, which, one would think, he suffered as a result of throwing the football 60 mph.

"Oh, no," explains Favre, "I got that from unbuckling and buckling my chin strap after every play. I have a chin strap fetish and I'm compulsive about that, almost as compulsive as I am about my pain medication."

In Washington, coach Joe Gibbs is slowly working the NASCAR out of his system. But there are still relapses. Nowhere is that more evident than in conditioning drills.

"Yeah, Coach likes us to qualify for wind sprints," explains wide receiver Rod Gardner. "Then he lines us up in rows of two, fastest to slowest, and we run. I'm not the greatest of qualifiers, but I tinker with the setup before we start, and I usually can make a top-10 run. Oh yeah, the winner gets to drink water first. Coach calls that 'The Chase For the Cup.'"

Sunday's game is basically the Redskins' Clinton Portis dueling the Packers' Green. Whichever of these backs rushes for the most yards and minimizes his fumbles will determine the winner. I'll go with Green, simply because that is the color of money and mine is on the Packers.

Green Bay wins, 23-16.

Jacksonville @ Houston

"Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand," sings Jag head coach Jack Del Rio. "Just like that river twisting through the dusty land, and when she shines she really shows you all she can ... oh, hi. Was that out loud?"

Yes, Jack Del Rio, it was. First of all, I never thought I would catch you singing. Second of all, if I caught you singing, I never would have guessed it would be to Duran Duran. You seem like more of an AC/DC or Pantera kind of guy.

"Just feeling a little giddy, my friend. We're 5-2, sitting atop the AFC South, but we're not satisfied. We're still hungry like the wolf. And just for the record, never base a man's manhood on his affinity for Duran Duran. Would you like a massage?"

No thanks, Jack Del Rio. But I do have to hand it to you. That was some magnificent coaching last Sunday in Indy. That win should go a long way in determining the division champ, provided you don't finish 8-8.

The Texans are returning after a bye week, a week in which they watched in agony as their baseball companions the Astros lost a heartbreaking NLCS seven-game series to the Cardinals.

"Man, screw the Astros," rants Texan monster wide receiver Andre Johnson. "They lost four games in about a week. That's embarrassing. It usually takes us at least eight weeks to lose four. I got no love for the Astros. I'm ready for basketball season and the Rockets. T-Mac, where you at!?"

"It's just that type of lack of attention to detail that keeps Andre from becoming a superstar," complains Texans coach Dom Capers. "Here we are in the middle of a division race and he's talking about basketball. But it is nice to have Tracy McGrady on the court with Yao Ming. This could be their year."

Johnson does his part for the Texans, with 110 receiving yards and a touchdown, but Fred Taylor leads the Jags to the win with 135 on the ground and a touchdown. Byron Leftwich adds another through the air.

Jacksonville strengthens their AFC South grip with a 29-20 win.

Indianapolis @ Kansas City

"Interesting fact, here," reports Chief coach Dick Vermeil, "If we would have been listed as 45-point favorites in Vegas for the Falcon game last week, you could have bet on us and we would have covered. For the laymen out there, that means we won by more than 45, 46 to be exact. And we rushed for eight touchdowns in the game. That's an NFL record."

Yeah, Dick, and I bet it's the first time a team won by 46 to move it's record to 2-4.

Four of those rushing touchdowns were scored by Priest Holmes, the second time in his career he's rushed for four in one game.

"Yeah, and I could have had more than four," complains Holmes, "but we had to give the ball to Derrick Blaylock to keep him happy. He's just like his brother Mookie was in the NBA -- a ball hog. But Mookie did have one thing going for him: 'Mookie Blaylock' was the original name of the band 'Pearl Jam.' That is so cool. I think I'll start telling everyone that 'Metallica' used to be known as 'Priest Holmes.'"

Priest, if you wait about 10 years, I bet there will be a band called 'Priest Holmes.'

Things aren't so lighthearted in Indianapolis. Towards the end of the Jacksonville game, you may have seen Colts wide receiver Reggie Wayne shove Peyton Manning after Manning said something to him. I'm just an amateur lip reader, but Manning either said, "Don't break your patterns" or, "I know you're sleeping with my girlfriend, so stop it, or I'll break up with her."

"There's nothing to worry about," explains Tony Dungy. "I've diffused the situation. I sent both Peyton and Reggie to neutral corners and asked them to draw a picture of what they are feeling. That as opposed to just having them duke it out like real men because I know Peyton would get his ass whipped. You don't want to scrap with an ex-Miami Hurricane."

Good move, Tony. Manning and Wayne work out their differences, or it at least looks that way when Manning finds Wayne early for a 25-yard touchdown. It's the first of many touchdowns by both teams. Holmes toughs out the pain of his sprained ankle and rushes for 130 yards and two TDs. Edgerrin James nearly matches Holmes' day with 125 and a score, but the difference is Peyton Manning, who makes all the throws and finds the end zone three times. Trent Green and the Chief passing game cannot keep up.

Colts win, 33-24.

Detroit @ Dallas

"It's coaches like Steve Mariucci that I hate," complains Bill Parcells. "You know, young, brash, Italian, with a better record than my team. And I bet his players even like him. But I'll get over it, thanks to the soothing Christmas tunes sung by American Idol reject William Hung on his new CD, Hung For the Holidays. I recommend this to any coach whose team is 2-4 with little improvement in sight."

If it's the voice of William Hung that brings you out of the doldrums, Bill, then you must really be in ill spirits. But I can understand (not why you like William Hung, but why you're concerned about your team). With the injury to Terry Glenn, the Cowboys are down basically to two receivers, Keyshawn Johnson and Quincy Morgan, and Morgan is nursing a sore hamstring. This puts even more pressure on Cowboy elder statesmen Vinny Testaverde and Eddie George.

"Look, I can't get vertical on the basketball court; I got no hops," explains Testaverde. "And I'm damn sure too old to get horizontal with the ladies. That leaves going vertical on the football field, and with our receiving corps in the state it's in, I can hardly even do that. I might have to start throwing to Eddie, and his yards per catch average is almost as bad as his yards per rush average."

Things are much brighter for Detroit. The Lions are 4-2, and the Joey Harrington to Roy Williams combination returned last week after Williams missed a week with a sprained ankle. And the Lions have found somewhat of a running game lately with the combination of Kevin Jones, Artose Pinner, and Shawn Bryson. That offense should be enough to propel the Lions to a tough 23-21 win over Dallas.

Baltimore @ Philadelphia

"Whew! That was close!" exclaims Terrell Owens.

What T.O., the Eagles' 37-34 overtime win over the Browns last week?

"Naw, man. I had to run by Jeff Garcia as I was leaving the field. We almost touched shoulder pads. Yuck!"

Well, Terrell, you could have been a man, shook Garcia's hand, and told him, "no hard feelings."

"No thanks, pal," adds Owens. "If mentioning the words 'hard feelings' to Jeff Garcia makes me a man, then I'll gladly remain a non-man, which is what I am. Anyway, Garcia is the least of my worries. I've got the Ravens to deal with; I'm sure they all want a shot at me since I refused to play for them."

Yes, Owens did nix a trade to the Ravens, and it looks like it was the best decision of his life. Let's see. Who would Owens rather have throwing him the ball? Donovan McNabb or Kyle Boller? Well, Owens already has eight touchdown receptions in only six games.

"That's right, man," adds Donovan McNabb, "eight. I think that number's slightly higher than Boller's passer rating. And can you imagine the fireworks, with Terrell's temper and Boller's inability to throw TDs to anyone, had T.O. gone to Baltimore? I think somebody would've got cut."

Boller's luckiest move was being drafted by the Ravens, where his job as quarterback is to hand the ball to running backs and eliminate turnovers, then sit and cheer on the Ravens' defense and special teams.

"And don't forget," coach Brian Billick reminds us, "Kyle has to pick up the team's dry cleaning on Tuesdays."

And I bet he screws that up, too.

Anyway, all of the pressure is on Boller. Jamal Lewis is still under drug suspension and All-Pro offensive lineman Jonathan Ogden will not play because of an injured hamstring. So Boller will have to throw, and the only throwing he's good at is up, especially when the pressure's on. Boller blows chunks, throws two interceptions, and once again, the Raven defense is asked to do way too much. McNabb connects with Owens for a touchdown. Owens celebrates by placing the ball in a trick or treat bag removed from his pants. Eagles remain undefeated, 23-14.

N.Y. Giants @ Minnesota

"You know, dog," explains Randy Moss, "I'm Randy Moss. I've always been Randy Moss for Halloween. But this year, it's time for a change. I've got three ideas; let me run 'em by you."

Okay, shoot, dog.

"Aaaiight. First, I could be Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th movie fame. I've always wanted to put on an old-school hockey mask and terrorize the teenagers of Camp Crystal Meth. That would be fun. Or I could pose as Terrell Owens and call myself "The Creature From the Wack Lagoon." Terrell is wack. Or, I could dress as a character I created, DJ Mad Skillz, host of Spike TV's new show, Pimp My Momma('s Ride)."

All of those are fine outfits, Randy, but be careful, too much chocolate and/or too much running from the law can aggravate a pulled hamstring, so watch your intake of M&M's and don't run over any parking attendants.

In Giants' camp, it's not much fun the week after a loss.

"Tell me about it, chief," says Giants wideout Amani Toomer. "It's like boot camp. Who else but Coughlin would make us navigate barbed wire in drills? And if I hear him say 'What is your major malfunction, numnuts!' one more time, I might just have to slap him. Hey, and in the future, when you refer to me, could you call me 'Well-Dressed' Amani Toomer like my man Chris Berman does?"

Indeed, Coughlin has been working the Giants' tails off in preparation for one of their toughest games to date. Vikings head coach Mike Tice, on the other hand, is worried less about Minnesota's opponent and more about a Viking letdown.

"I'm not concerned about the one-game letdown, per se," Tice explains. "It's those six-game letdowns that really kill, like it did last year when we folded like a cheap lawn chair down the stretch."

The only folding done by the Vikings Sunday is by Onterrio Smith when he rolls the first of many joints. The Vikings stay hot, and Moss introduces his best Halloween costume yet when he beats cornerback Will Allen for a short, first quarter TD catch.

"I'm jelly! You're toast, fool!"

Vikings win, 26-17.

Atlanta @ Denver

If the devil went down to Georgia, looking for a soul to steal, and were he in a bind and way behind and looking to make a deal, he might want to head on over to Atlanta and scout the Falcons. After getting the hell beat out of them, 56-10, by the Chiefs, I'm sure several of the Falcon players and coaches would be willing to part with their souls for very little.

The devil could start with any member of the defense, which previously led the NFL in rush defense before surrendering 271 yards in the ground to the Chiefs last Sunday. If he found no takers there, he could try Michael Vick, who, dare I say it, may be the weakest link right now for the Falcons. If Vick balks at selling his soul, the the devil may have to settle for challenging Johnny to a fiddle-playing contest for Johnny's soul. "So, Johnny, you resin' up that bow and play your fiddle hard, 'cause Hell's broke loose in Georgia and the devil deals it hard, and if you win, you get this..."

"Man, enough with the Charlie Daniels' Band," says Denver quarterback Jake Plummer. "If you want to talk Daniels, let's make it Jack, straight-up, on the rocks. And enough about the Falcons. Let's talk about the Broncos. We're 5-2, and even though we just got blasted last Monday by the Bengals, we're tops in our division."

Right, Jake, you are tops in your division, just like the Falcons. And just like the Falcons, the Broncos are a team whose weaknesses can be easily exposed and exploited.

"Like I said, we're 5-2, man," counters Plummer. "What weaknesses do we have?"

Well, let's see. You have a great running game. Your kicker is awesome. Your receivers are decent. The defense is top-five. Oh, a weakness! That would be your ability to lead a team to the Super Bowl, Jake Plummer!

"Tell me something I don't know, brother," Plummer replies. "Everyone knows that the only quarterbacks to lead Denver to the Super Bowl are John Elway and Craig Morton. Since it's clear I'm no Elway, I can only aspire to emulate Morton, as sad as that seems."

Aim high, Jake!

It's high, all right. Mile High, site of Invesco Field, where the Broncos and Reuben Droughns pound out a 27-13 win over the Falcons. Droughns breaks 100 yards for the fourth-straight game, then enjoys a corned beef and sauerkraut on rye sandwich.

Carolina @ Seattle

Seattle head coach Mike Holmgren is not happy. A month ago, the Seahawks were looking like contenders, 3-0 and dominating.

"Now, we look like pretenders," Holmgren explains. "And I don't just mean any pretenders. I'm talking about The Pretenders. You know, Chrissie Hynde and her band? What I'm saying is that if The Pretenders suited up and met us on the football field, they would whip us."

So, what are you going to do about it, Coach?

"Well, for starters," adds Holmgren, "I'm not going to schedule The Pretenders in a scrimmage. Second, since we are already in the Emerald City, I plan on taking my players for a walk down the Yellow Brick Road. Upon finding the Great and Powerful Oz, I will have my players ask him for hearts, guts, and balls, which they all seem to be lacking. Then, after fending off some flying monkeys, we will hopefully be able to beat the Panthers."

That sounds reasonable to me Coach Holmgren. How about you, Coach Fox?

"It's sounds about as reasonable as last year's NFC Super Bowl representative sporting a 1-5 record the following year," explains Fox. "Losing to the Seahawks and dropping to 1-6 would be painful, but that would be tempered by the sight of flying monkeys. I'd also like to see that Lollipop Guild perform."

Well, the Panthers do fall to 1-6, but Coach Fox sees no flying monkeys nor Lollipop Guild. He does, however, wake up the next day in Kansas with a concussion, a massive hangover, and a pair of ruby red slippers adorning his feet. Shaun Alexander rushes for 109 yards and records a receiving TD as the Seahawks win, 24-7.

New England @ Pittsburgh

Are the Steelers running some kind of Samoan pipeline from the great Pacific island to the Steel City?

"Man, don't even start with that," argues Pittsburgh coach Bill Cowher. "Those immigration violation charges were dropped years ago."

No, Mr. Bill, I'm talking about the fact that Pittsburgh has been home to two of the latest Samoan players in the NFL. First, there was Chris Fuamatu Ma'afala, who's now with Jacksonville. Now, you've got a dude named Troy Polamalu on your team.

"Oh, I see what you're saying," says Cowher. "You see, it's always nice to have no more than one Samoan one your team. That way, you, and everyone, can refer to him as 'that Samoan guy'. That's much easier than saying Fuamatu Ma'afala or Polamalu. Isn't it cool how you can always spot the Samoan guy by his hair popping out of his helmet? Man, how do they even get their helmets on over that hair?!"

You are so right, Bill. And another thing: why can't these guys from the great Pacific island of Samoa have first names to match their last names? If your last name is Fuamatu Ma'afala or Polamalu, shouldn't your first name be something like 'El Debarge' or 'Katmandu' instead of plain old 'Chris' or 'Troy'? I'll keep that comment to myself, since the last thing I want to do is piss off a Samaon football player.

But let's play ball.

You can expect the Patriots to show Steeler rookie QB Ben Roethlisberger a mix of blitz packages and disguised coverages, as well as a lot of movement on the defensive line with the intention of confusing Roethlisberger. If that sounds like professional analysis, it's supposed to. Anyway, I think it means that New England plans on stopping the run completely and forcing Roethlisberger to beat them with the pass. I think this plays right into the hands of the Steelers. But there's an important factor that plays into the hands of the Patriots: Bill Cowher coaches the Steelers.

"Not only can I coach circles around Cowher," Bill Bellichick says, "but if I played Tic-Tac-Toe with Cowher, I would fill in all the squares myself, because Cowher doesn't know jack about X's and O's. When he plays Tic-Tac-Toe by himself, the Cat always wins."

New England keeps the streak alive, despite a valiant effort from Roethlisberger. Tom Brady throws one touchdown, and Adam Viniateri kicks four field goals.

The Patriots win, 26-17.

Oakland @ San Diego

"I've got a great idea for a Halloween costume," a giddy Marty Schottenheimer squeals. "Check this out. Sometimes, the Chargers are referred to as the 'Bolts', you know, for the lightning bolts on our helmets. I was thinking that if I dressed up as a 'bolt,' then I could get someone else to pose as 'nuts,' then together, we would be 'Nuts and Bolts.' Any takers?"

"Uh ... none, Coach," replies backup quarterback Doug Flutie, slowly backing away from Schottenheimer. "I seem to recall Jack Tripper teaming with Chrissy and Janet to form that very costume on an episode of the hilarious '70s sitcom Three's Company. I appreciate the offer, though. I think I'm going as legendary actor and short man Dudley Moore."

"Hey, we'll both be hanging '10,'" chuckles Schottenheimer.

You can't fault Schottenheimer for his good sprits. The Chargers are 4-3 and only one game behind the Broncos in the West.

"You're right," Schottenheimer agrees. "We have just as much right as the Broncos to win this division, then, in January, go to ice cold Foxborough and get slammed by the Patriots in the playoffs."

In Oakland, coach Norv Turner has that perpetual pained look on his face, just like the one he sported in Washington as head coach and Miami as offensive coordinator.

"Hey, bud," Turner responds, "you'd have a pained expression, too, if you had to answer to people dressed as Darth Vader."

Norv, you don't have to answer to the fans.

"Fans? Fans? I'm talking about Al Davis. He's wearing one of those crazy costumes now. And he sounds like James Earl Jones now."

That's brutal. Norv, you should get out before they show you the door one second after the Raiders' final game.

Turner doesn't take heed, and watches helplessly as Oakland suffers its sixth defeat. Drew Brees throws two TD passes, one to LaDainian Tomlinson, who also rushes for 90 yards and a touchdown.

San Diego stays one game behind the Broncos with a 27-20 win.

San Francisco @ Chicago

This contest promises to be a meeting of epic proportions, much like the proverbial movable object challenging the resistible force.

"Don't you mean 'immovable object' and 'irresistible force?'" asks 49er head coach Dennis Erickson.

No, Dennis, I don't. Your 49ers, as well as Lovie Smith's Bears, are 1-5. The only things "immovable" are the San Fran and Chicago offenses, and the urge to make fun of that is "irresistible."

"That's clever, you bastard," whines Erickson. "Don't forget, I've won a national championship at Miami."

Oh, I haven't forgotten, Dennis, I just don't care. Any coach worth his salt who's won a national championship has remained in the college ranks and won more. Those not worth their salt, like, for example, Steve Spurrier and you, come to the pros and prove to us all why college coaches can't hang in the NFL. As former maverick NFL coach Jerry Glanville put it, NFL stands for "Not For Long" when you are 1-5. By the way, San Francisco's BCS ranking is .000000458.

"Hey, that sounds good enough for a December 1st bowl game," notes Erickson.

And it should be good enough to lead you to a win over the Bears. Tim Rattay throws two touchdowns and Kevan Barlow rushes for one. The Bears platoon quarterbacks Jonathan Quinn and Craig Krenzel, to no avail.

49ers win, 21-13.

Miami @ N.Y. Jets

So, Dave Wannstedt, you just beat the Rams for your first win of the season. What are you going to do?

"Well, I'll be dad gummed if I'm going to Disneyland when Disney World is just up the road," says Wannstedt. "I think instead I'll just get "1" tattooed on my shoulder. I shouldn't have to make any alterations to that for the rest of the year."

And while you're at the tattoo parlor, Dave, why don't you just have "Kick Me" tattooed on your back? I'm tired of wasting paper and Scotch tape on that.

In New York, the Jets are recovering from a tough loss to the Patriots.

"But we gave them their toughest game of the year," Herman Edwards comments. "We took them to the limit, to the wall, and we were only one play away from beating them. We'll get another shot at them, maybe two. My guys will stay motivated; I'll make sure of that."

After the Jets take the opening drive and cash in with a John Hall field goal, Edwards takes a microphone, runs to midfield, and addresses the crowd.

"I know it's been a tough week for New Yorkers, but, unlike the Yankees, we're not going to blow this 3-0 lead. But the Yankees are here today, so I'm going to bring them out. Let's give them a real New York welcome."

Saying that, Edwards sprints to the safety of the sideline, and the Yankees are indeed given a New York welcome: they are pelted with beer bottles, coins, batteries, pieces of the crumbling Meadowlands, and, in some cases, artificial limbs. A few fans breach security and attempt to assault members of the Yankees, but most are beaten to a pulp.

Former Yankee coach Don Zimmer is surprisingly feisty, vowing to "pummel anyone who remotely resembles Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez." That results in Zimmer being beaten down by his own player, pitcher Mariano Rivera. Manager Joe Torre suffers a concussion after being kicked in the head my some madman known as "Crazy" Joe Duvolla.

After the Yankees are chased from the field, the Jets pad their lead with a Curtis Martin touchdown in the second quarter. New York blows the shutout when John Abraham hangs a slider to Olindo Mare, which Mare muscles over the crossbar for a three-run homer, I'm sorry, field goal.

The Jets maintain a safe lead all day and rebound from the New England loss with a 20-6 win.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 12:38 PM | Comments (1)

Battle of the Undefeateds

Two weeks ago, there were 14 undefeated teams in college football. Now there is half that, and rest assured that upsets will happen, and there won't be the logjam at the top that all BCS naysayers like me hope for.

But it shouldn't be too much to ask for two or three teams to finish undefeated. How do they break down?

USC

Offense: If Matt Leinart stays at USC for four years, he will leave as the most legendary college quarterback since Peyton Manning, and maybe before. USC just clones weapons like Reggie Bush and LenDale White. Simply the best offense in the nation.

Defense: It is true that they can give up some points occasionally, but you have to have a fine offense to accomplish that, and they're getting better by the week, pitching a near-shutout against high-powered Arizona State two weeks ago and shutting out Washington last week.

Schedule: Their big test was facing Stanford, Cal, and Arizona State back-to-back-to-back, and they passed with flying colors. If they try to sleepwalk at Washington State, Oregon State, or UCLA, it may be a close game like Stanford was, but that's about the best there opponents can hope for.

Chance of finishing undefeated: 85%

Auburn

Offense: Leading the SEC in points per game. Does anyone remember last year, when they couldn't score at all their first three games? Great balance between the run and the pass.

Defense: Second in the nation in fewest points per game allowed. In short, this is the team they were supposed be last year, dominant on both sides of the ball.

Schedule: This is where they get placed behind USC. This Saturday against Mississippi is their last breather. Georgia at home will be tough, and the Iron Bowl is in Tuscaloosa this year, Alabama's improving, and this is a throw-out-the-records kind of rivalry anyway. Then, there's the SEC Championship game. No easy pieces.

Chance of finishing undefeated: 50%

Oklahoma

Offense: As great has Adrian Peterson has been, and as steady as Jason White has been, the word that better describes this offense is "effective" rather than "explosive." Last year, they just wasted everyone. Now they only beat them.

Defense: Their bread-and-butter is the way they stop the run, and the defense has to feel buoyed by the announcement that Bob Stoops will not entertain offers from Florida. A good passing team can give them problems. Even Bowling Green put 24 points on them.

Schedule: It boils down to the next two weeks on the road, arguably against the best remaining two teams in the Big 12. Oklahoma State has struggled lately, but it's another rivalry game, and then there's Texas A&M, who handed Oklahoma State their first loss, in Stillwater. If they win those two, they will cruise to an undefeated season.

Chance of finishing undefeated: 50%

Wisconsin

Offense: What offense? Who needs offense? Actually, Anthony Davis is a fine running back, but we all know this team thrives on winning games 13-7 and such.

Defense: Only the best in the nation, in terms of points per game. Keeping Erasmus James healthy will keep them that way, but even without him, any team coming into Madison knows that every possession is precious and probably futile.

Schedule: Well, Iowa in Iowa City is the only real test left, but the Big 10 being the Big 10, Wisconsin is the team most likely to be picked off by a team you would never expect to do it (that would mean either Minnesota or Michigan State).

Chance of finishing undefeated: 45%

Miami (FL)

Offense: They get the job done to be sure, but not only is Brock Berlin having a hard time quieting his critics, but that explosive tailback the Hurricanes seem to always have is not present this year. Virginia is the offensive power of the ACC.

Defense: Statistically, Virginia has them here, too, in the ACC, as does Florida State. Nothing special, nothing more to say about it.

Schedule: If Virginia doesn't trip them up in Charlottesville, Virginia Tech may in Coral Gables. Other than that, no problems.

Chance of finishing undefeated: 40%

Utah

Offense: Quarterback Alex Smith has thrown 15 touchdowns and only two picks. They have four running backs that average at least 5 yards per carry. They haven't scored fewer than 23 points all year. Urban Meyer will be the coach of a storied, elite school very soon.

Defense: Not bad, nothing to write home about. More than half of their opponents have scored at least 21 on them, but they did shut down Arizona, New Mexico, and Utah State.

Schedule: Their two toughest remaining opponents -- BYU and Colorado State -- both come to Salt Lake City. Not that they are really good enough to be Utah anyway. It's amusing that they are ranked higher in the BCS, which is supposed to be biased against the non-elite conferences, than they are in each human poll, which is supposed to be more sympathetic to mid-majors.

Chance of finishing undefeated: 80%

Boise State

Offense: They beat their opponents by outscoring them. Quarterback Jared Zabransky sometimes looks like a surefire NFL hit. Lee Marks is an unknown, underrated running back.

Defense: The worst unit of any team on this list. Thanks to a porous defense, they nearly got picked off by lowly Tulsa, with the Broncos prevailing 45-42. They also nearly lost games against BYU and UTEP.

Schedule: The only teams they have left on the road are even worse than Tulsa, and they are a lot more stout at home. Louisiana Tech comes to visit November 20th, representing the best hope anyone has of beating them.

Chance of finishing undefeated: 60%

A national championship game between USC and Utah is not out of the question, and if it happens, the Utes will keep it close.

Quick Picks of the Week, still with more picks, less explainin':

Kansas (-4) over IOWA STATE
Army (-2 1/2) over EAST CAROLINA
NORTH CAROLINA (+22) over Miami (FL)
Green Bay (-2) over WASHINGTON
NEW YORK JETS (-6 1/2) over Miami

Last edition: 2-3

Slant Pattern Top-25

1. USC
2. Auburn
3. Oklahoma
4. Wisconsin
5. Miami
6. Utah
7. Cal
8. Florida State
9. Georgia
10. Virginia
11. Texas A&M
12. Michigan
13. Louisville
14. West Virginia
15. Boise State
16. Iowa
17. Texas
18. Tennessee
19. Virginia Tech
20. Arizona State
21. Oklahoma State
22. Purdue
23. Southern Miss
24. LSU
25. Under Armor (they must protect this house!)

Posted by Kevin Beane at 11:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 27, 2004

College Basketball Teams to Watch

Arizona Wildcats

The Wildcats were a major disappointment last year, due to some unselfish play and a lack of defensive commitment. They finished third in the Pac-10 and then bowed meekly out of the NCAA Tournament with a first-round loss to Seton Hall. This year, the Wildcats return one of the most talented starting lineups in the country. Start inside, where the Cats can pound you with the tandem of Channing Fyre and Isaiah Fox, who is returning from a season-ending knee injury. Frye is one of the best post scorers in the Pac-10 and with Fox around to watch his back again, the Cats will be very strong inside.

The strength of this team, though, is on the perimeter. Point guard Mustafa Shakur is one of the best in the land and with high-flying Hassan Adams on one side and sniper Salim Stoudamire on the other side, they can be murder on the break. And, on nights when Stoudamire's shot isn't falling, coach Lute Olsen can call on junior guard Chris Rodgers, who just happened to hit 42% of his shots from behind the arc last year, to come off the bench and give the team a lift.

The freshman class, led by wing player Jawann McClellan, provides coach Olsen with some much-needed depth. The Wildcats have all the makings of a championship team, especially if Stoudamire keeps his head on straight and doesn't cause any chemistry problems. He is their best perimeter scorer and when he plays up to his potential, the Cats are very tough to beat.

Even with the loss of outstanding forward Andre Iguodala to the NBA, the Cats should be prowling around the Elite Eight once the smoke of the tournament clears and could very well end up in St. Louis playing for the national championship.

Kentucky Wildcats

Unlike their feline cousins to the West, the Kentucky Wildcats don't figure to be the hunted this season. But, by season's end, they could be feasting on another championship for coach Tubby Smith. If they accomplish the feat this year, it will be thanks to another phenomenal recruiting class.

Some teams go through periods of rebuilding. They might have one great recruiting class, reap the benefits of those players for a few years, and then have to start the process all over again once those players leave the program. Then, there's Kentucky.

The five-man recruiting class that Tubby has brought to Lexington this season is considered the best in the country and at least two of the newcomers, and possibly three, will start for the Wildcats. It all begins with 6-11 center Randolph Morris. Morris, a certain first-round NBA draft choice last June had he kept that option open, has the potential to be the most dominant big man in the SEC and a defensive anchor in the middle. With senior Chuck Hayes alongside him in the frontcourt, the Cats will be long and lean down low.

One trait these cats share with their Wildcat brethren to the west is their depth on the perimeter. Freshmen guards Rajon Rondo and Joe Crawford represent the backcourt of the future for Kentucky, although the future is probably now for Crawford. They, along with fellow freshman Ramel Bradley, transfer Patrick Sparks, and incumbent starter Kelenna Azubuike, will help ease the loss of seniors Gerald Fitch and Cliff Hawkins from last season's team.

This team will no doubt experience periods of inconsistency, as coach Smith tries to get the youngsters acclimated to his system and big-time college basketball. But, as the freshmen become more comfortable with their surroundings and each other, these Wildcats will become extremely dangerous. Look for an uneven regular season, which may keep them below many people's radar, but watch out once February and March roll around. They have the look of a scary team that will only get better the further their season progresses.

Illinois Fighting Illini

The Illini are a sexy pick to win the national title and for good reason. They sport one of the best backcourt tandems in the country in juniors Dee Brown and Deron Williams. Both players are capable of torching a team for 20-plus points on any given night and are virtually interchangeable in the lineup. They will be counted on to lead this team to the Promised Land.

But this team is more than just Brown and Williams. Luther Head is a player many are predicting will have a breakout season. After suffering through two different suspensions last season, he was able to put it all together with a strong push at the end, dropping double digits points in 10 of the Illini's final 19 games. If he can continue to improve at that rate, the Illini will be even more difficult to defend on the perimeter.

On the inside, Roger Powell and James Augustine will do the dirty work. Powell tested the waters of the NBA draft last spring, saw that no one would bite, and wisely returned to Champaign. He and Augustine, though a bit undersized as a duo, need to control the boards for Illinois to make the short journey from Champaign to St. Louis. If they can keep the Illini from being totally dominated on the boards on a nightly basis, the perimeter firm of Brown, Head and Williams will handle the rest.

Michigan State Spartans

Staying in the Big 10 conference, the Michigan State Spartans are another team loaded with talent. In fact, that may be part of their problem. They have so many players whose talents evenly match those of someone else's on the roster that it's difficult for coach Tom Izzo to pick a starting lineup each night. Izzo has to choose between Alan Anderson, Chris Hill, Kelvin Torbert, Maurice Ager, and Shannon Brown for minutes, as well as incorporate much-hyped freshman point guard Drew Neitzel into the rotation. It's a problem many coaches would love to have, but one the Spartans will need to overcome if they are to advance as far as their talent could take them.

One player who knows he will be in the starting lineup every night, though, is center Paul Davis. Davis is a future NBA player and is the Spartans' go-to player. He can score effectively with both hands in the post, as well as facing the basket. He can't be counted on to do it alone down low, though, and finding him help will be a key factor to determining how far the Spartans can go. The Spartans are a very deep team and should battle Illinois all year for the Big 10 crown. If coach Izzo is able to find minutes and roles for all of his talented players, the Spartans could very well be on their way to the Final Four.

Wake Forest Demon Deacons

The Demon Deacons are poised for a great year. They are on everyone's short list this year as a consensus Final Four team, including mine. After reaching the Sweet 16 last season, the Deacons bring back eight players who played significant minutes last year. Leading the charge will be center Eric Williams, one of the ACC's most productive big men, and guards Justin Gray and national Player of the Year candidate Chris Paul. When motivated, Williams is one of the better interior players in the country, and with Gray and Paul on the outside, he will get plenty of opportunities to dominate inside.

Gray and Paul form the perfect guard combo, with Gray as the shooter/scorer and Paul the orchestrator/floor general. Gray and Paul helped lead the USA to the gold medal in the World Championships For Young Men qualifying tournament over the summer and look like they are ready to add some more hardware to their mantle next spring. Paul had a wonderful summer, improving his stock so much that many are calling him the best point guard in the country and a potential lottery pick in next spring's NBA draft.

The key to the team may be senior forward Vytas Danelius, however. If he's recovered from the nagging injuries that plagued him last season and can provide Williams with help on the boards, the Deacons will be even stronger. The one glaring weakness for this team, and what may prove to be their Achilles heel, is defense. They were the worst defensive team in the ACC last season, something they will have to improve if they are to improve upon their finish from last season. If they're able to shore up that part of their game, the Deacons, led by Paul, will be among the last teams standing in March.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

The Yellow Jackets won't be able to sneak up on anybody this year, unlike last year. After bursting into the national spotlight last year following their victory in the Preseason NIT, the Jackets came crashing back to earth with a less than stellar campaign in the brutal ACC. However, they were able to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and run off five-straight victories in the NCAA tournament. Even though derailed in the national championship game by Connecticut, the Jackets showed everyone last year that they were a force to be reckoned with.

This year, the Jackets will be right back in the hunt for the national title and the engine that will drive the bus will be their stellar guard trio of Jarret Jack, Will Bynum, and B.J. Elder. Either of the three has the ability to take over a game, as Bynum and Jack often did during their remarkable postseason run last year. You will be hard-pressed to find many guard trios in the country with more talent.

Inside, Australian big man Luke Schenscher will again be the man. The 7-1 Schenscher came alive last year, especially during the tournament, and provides the Jackets with an ever improving inside presence. And, from a purely entertainment standpoint, human jumping jack Isma'il Muhammad is a SportsCenter highlight waiting to happen. The Yellow Jackets, as with most of the teams on this list, will be carried by its stellar backcourt. Judging from last season's results, they're in good hands. The Jackets will be very good again this year and a very tough out in the tournament.

North Carolina Tar Heels

Maybe this is the reason Roy Williams left Kansas. Maybe he envisioned the type of talent the Heels would have this year. And maybe, just maybe, he felt that this squad would finally be the one that helps him capture that elusive championship he's chased so hard. Well, by the looks of things, it would be hard to disagree with him, because the Heels are loaded. They sport perhaps the best starting five in the country, this side of Arizona.

The Heels are led by their much-ballyhooed junior trio of Sean May, Raymond Felton, and Rashad McCants. May is the muscle for the Tar Heels and, if he stays healthy and in shape, can easily average double figures in both points and rebounds. Point guard Raymond Felton is the unquestioned leader of the team. He is one of the top assist men in the country, a phenomenal passer, and is deadly in transition. He is the perfect fit for Williams' up-tempo offense. He will only get better as his shooting becomes more consistent.

Shooting is a problem that Rashad McCants has never had in his life. McCants may be the most explosive scorer in the country and the biggest challenge to the Tar Heels' run to the championship. McCants is equally adept at hitting the deep three, posting his man up on the block, and finishing strong at the rim. He is clearly Carolina's number one option and when he's rolling, the Heels are nearly unstoppable. If he plays up to his capabilities, he should also be a finalist for the Wooden Award.

Depth was a major concern for the Tar Heels last season, so coach Williams went out and solved the problem, bringing freshman forward Marvin Williams to Chapel Hill. Williams flirted with the NBA draft last spring, as all top high school seniors do these days, but unlike his fellow recruit J.R. Smith, he decided to enroll in school. He should immediately step into the starting lineup, providing May with some much-needed help on the boards and adding another scorer to this already extremely potent lineup.

With all their talent, the Tar Heels should be a lock to reach St. Louis. However, chemistry is an important ingredient to any championship team and McCants, with his sometimes "me-first" attitude, may be the fly in the ointment that keeps them from winning it all. However, if he plays within the system and all the egos mesh, this team should be right there in St. Louis, maybe even playing in the final game.

Okay, I've given you eight teams that I think will be near the top fighting it out for the national title come April. An Elite Eight, if you will. All these teams can be special once the tournament begins, but there's one team I feel will be standing tall once the music stops. And that team is:

Kansas Jayhawks

How ironic would it be if the Kansas Jayhawks won the national title this year? After former coach Roy Williams got this close so many years, he left the program, only for them to win two years later. Well, that scenario is a distinct possibility this year, as the Jayhawks will be among the top-ranked teams all year and are my choice to win the national crown. No team will trot out a group with more experience than the trio of Wayne Simien, Aaron Miles, and Keith Langford. The three seniors (!) have helped this team reach two Final Fours and an Elite Eight and it says here that they will get at least that far this year.

Simien, a power forward, is a "bull-in-the-china-shop" type player, pounding his way inside for close-in shots and dunks. When the Jayhawks go into their half-court offense, Simien will be found down on the block, muscling his way around, looking to destroy all those foolish enough to get in his way.

Miles, the point guard, and Langford, the shooting guard, give coach Bill Self the type of steady and experienced backcourt that many college coaches covet. Miles, the ultimate playmaker and only four-year starter on the roster, is on the verge of shattering Jacque Vaughn's school record for assists, while Langford's sweet lefty stroke allowed him to put up nearly 16 points per game last season.

However, the player everyone in Lawrence is raving about this season is sophomore wing J.R. Giddens. His combination of size, athletic ability, and shooting touch has the pro scouts drooling. If he continues on his upward arc, he will be enjoying his last season at Kansas.

One problem this team had last season, like a lot of teams, was a lack of quality depth behind the starters. That figures to change this year with another stellar recruiting class brought in by coach Self. This team is hungry to close the deal, after having come so close the last three years. They are a battle-tested team, having to wage war on a nightly basis in the Big 12, as well as their deep tournament runs the past few years. And, they have a trio of seniors who have played significant roles for this team the last few years. In today's game, you can't underestimate the advantage that senior leadership can give a team.

In addition to all that, the Jayhawks have a coach in Bill Self who has proven he knows how to win. Barring injury, this team has no real discernible weakness and should waltz into St. Louis as the favorite to win the championship. Let the cries of "Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk!" commence.

Posted by Eric Williams at 6:57 PM | Comments (2)

Facelift in Order For College Football

Imagine this -- college football schedules and rankings that make sense. Yeah, right. Like that'll ever happen. That ranks right up there on the probability scale along with the Pacific Ocean going dry or Mount Everest falling flat.

Okay, maybe it's not that improbable, but under the current system, there's no real rhyme or reason to any of it. What college football needs is a complete overhaul of how it's structured, from the conference alignments to how the schedules are made up to determining a playoff system.

The first thing that needs to be done is to split Division 1-A football. Say goodbye to the so-called "mid-majors" that have been the bane of college football analysts and officials everywhere. See ya, Mid-American Conference; so long Sun Belt Conference; adios independents. Hello, Division 1-B!

Now this is obviously bound to generate some controversy. Who goes, who stays? Does the MAC go intact with up-and-coming powers like Marshall and Northern Illinois dropping down for the sake of conference continuity and tradition? Or do you let those teams stay up and bump someone else down?

For this argument, the MAC goes down as a whole. The entirety of the Sun Belt goes, along with some recent 1-AA call-ups, namely South Florida, Louisiana Tech, UAB, UConn, and Troy. With a complete restructuring of most of the conferences, a handful of others also get the boot.

In order to create a more perfect union, some other teams get shifted to other conferences to create a wonderfully symmetrical 88-team "association." Eight conferences, 11 teams each. This setup allows for more balanced scheduling and the structure for a playoff format.

Some of the conference shifts include Boise State into the Pac-10, Baylor out of the Big 12, and Arkansas out of the SEC. The Big East dissolves and what's left now (including Boston College) join a revamped Conference USA (Memphis, Louisville, Southern Miss, and Cincinnati). East Carolina drops down to make room for Notre Dame. That's right, Irish Nation, it's time to join the rest of the college football world and be a "team" player. (The opinion expressed in the preceding comment is solely that of the author, even though he knows many other fans that share the same opinion.)

The WAC, already losing Boise State, sends Fresno State, Hawaii, and San Jose State to the Mountain West Conference, and picks up Cincinnati, Tulane, TCU, Houston, Baylor, and Arkansas. Sorry, Navy; you're heading down with Army to keep the rivalry going because, under the new scheduling system, there would be no more "crossover" scheduling. No more padding the schedule with non-conference patsies, as Auburn has this year. Louisiana-Monroe, The Citadel, and Louisiana Tech don't exactly send shivers down the spine when thinking of a tough schedule.

Here is where the NCAA gets the authority its always wanted when it comes to scheduling. They tried once in the past to force teams to shore up their schedules by requiring six "Division 1-A" wins for bowl eligibility. This system, though, lets the "association" do the scheduling according to formula, just like the NFL.

Since each conference would consist of 11 teams, every school would play each other in their own conference, providing for 10 games of a 12-game schedule. The other two games would be filled with a school of the same "ranking" from two different conferences that rotate each year.

For instance, USC would play every team in the Pac-10 and, since they won the conference title last year, the champs from two different conferences. In this example, let's say it's the Big 10 and SEC champs (Michigan and LSU). Now that's what I call a schedule worthy of a defending national champ. Conversely, a weaker team like Stanford (ninth in the Pac-10 in 2003) would play Indiana and Kentucky or Vanderbilt. The next year, as an example, Pac-10 schools would tangle with ACC and Mountain West schools.

Yes, that would mean an end to some deeply rooted intersectional rivalries like USC/Notre Dame and Florida/Florida State, but we all eventually got over Pitt/Penn State and Arkansas/Texas going by the wayside many years ago, too.

So there it is. The perfect setup for a 16-team playoff system. Eight conference champions, eight at-large spots. Seedings would be determined by a ranking system that would take into consideration strength of schedule, record against "ranked" opponents and a modified margin of victory factor. Or, if the NCAA doesn't want to put all that work in itself, most if it has already been done.

There are currently 91 computer rankings/polls (including the AP, Coaches', and BCS polls) that people have put together, and the average of those could be what the NCAA uses to determine playoff seedings. As of right now, using the alignments described above, the eight conference champs would be Miami, Wisconsin, Oklahoma, West Virginia, USC, Auburn, UTEP (thanks to Boise State switching conferences), and Utah. The rest would end up being Florida State, Michigan, Texas, Texas A&M, Cal, Arizona State, Georgia, and Tennessee, according to the "mean" computer rankings. Boise State fans might have a different definition of "mean" than how it's used here.

The conference champions get the top eight seeds in the order of their mean ranking: USC, Miami, Oklahoma, Auburn, Utah, Wisconsin, West Virginia, and UTEP. Their opponents are the remaining eight teams in reverse order: Michigan, Tennessee, Georgia, Texas, Texas A&M, Cal, Arizona State, and Florida State. Let your imagination do the rest.

What about the other 76 teams not in the playoffs? This is where the bowls come in. Cut the bowls back to about a dozen-and-a-half or so and make bowl eligibility eight wins instead of six. A team that can only manage to win half its games doesn't deserve to play after the season.

This would be my perfect world in college football. Whether I'll ever realize it is out of my hands. But there's no harm in dreaming because, sometimes, dreams do come true.

Posted by Adam Russell at 5:37 PM | Comments (2)

The Fall of Chucky

I don't want to be too hard on Jon Gruden. I don't particularly blame him for the downward spiral the Bucs have taken since winning the Super Bowl just one and a half seasons ago.

Gruden is going through a bad patch right now. Even though it doesn't seem like it, he did make a few major decisions that will help the Bucs bounce back from two unfortunate seasons. Gruden ditched some players, who can still play, but are aging.

There comes a time when a team needs to get young again.

The biggest questions surrounding Gruden involved Warren Sapp, John Lynch, and Keenan McCardell. I seem to recall an incident where Gruden did not return Sapp's phone call when the Pro Bowl defensive tackle asked if the Bucs would match an offer he received from the Cincinnati Bengals. He also allowed Lynch to make tracks to Denver and made promises to McCardell regarding his contract that the Bucs did not honor.

So what?

The Bucs went 9-7 with all those players still sporting a Jolly Roger on their helmets, in 2003, the season after they won the Super Bowl. Gruden gave it another shot and it didn't work out. Time to ditch the fossils and shave off some salary cap.

What's wrong with that?

After ditching those relics, Gruden is trying to start his youth movement at the quarterback position. After Brad Johnson began to become a cancer this season, Gruden inserted Chris Simms at the helm. Unfortunately, he was injured and the duties now fall to Brian Griese. Suddenly, the Bucs have a passing attack, helped along with rookie sensation wide receiver Michael Clayton.

Gruden's team in 2002-2003 was an aging team to begin with, having failed to make the Super Bowl in the two previous years. Do you remember the 11-6 loss to the St. Louis Rams in the 2000 NFC championship game and the loss to the Eagles in the 2001 wildcard playoffs?

Well, on January 26, 2003, not only did Gruden get the Bucs to the Super Bowl, he won it all. Did I say he won it? I meant to say that he handed his former team, the Oakland Raiders, their butts in a sling by demolishing them, 48-21.

Gruden needs a little time to get some draft picks back, which have been hard pressed to obtain when you're a winner or offer those picks with a trade. He also needs to be a little craftier with his free agent signings.

Still, that little thing called parity is really what killed this team. Throw in free agency and a salary cap and Gruden's back was to the wall before the season even started.

So far, there's only one team that seems to be immune to the disease of salary caps and free agency and that's the New England Patriots.

I don't want to hear any Philadelphia Eagles arguments. Donovan McNabb and company are lucky Cleveland didn't knock them back to mediocrity last Sunday.

Gruden is still an excellent coach, but, like any other profession, he's only as good as the tools he has to work with. Right now, that ain't saying much.

There was a time when the Buccaneers would come out on the field and the opposing team would wince, already feeling the bumps and bruises that the Bucs' defense was going to inflict and the ball hasn't even been snapped yet.

What the Bucs have really lost is swagger.

It's what they had with Sapp dancing around on the field where the opposition is trying to warm up.

It's what they had when Lynch would knock fire out of the ass of any running back or wide out who dared cross his path.

It's what they had when the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were having fun just being the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Now is the time for Gruden to get players who can return that swagger back to his defense or else they may as well go retro and return to those puke orange and white uniforms they used to wear.

God knows they've already gone retro with their season record.

Posted by Damian Greene at 1:33 PM | Comments (0)

October 26, 2004

NFL Week 7 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* The Hall of Fame released the nominees for 2005 this week. My list of 13 finalists to join the Seniors candidates: Dan Marino, Steve Young, Herschel Walker, Art Monk, Todd Christensen, Bob Kuechenberg, Harry Carson, Randy Gradishar, Kevin Greene, Derrick Thomas, Roger Wehrli, Don Coryell, and George Young.

* This year's MLB League Championship Games were incredible. That's why we love sports.

* Daunte Culpepper. Byron Leftwich. Donovan McNabb. What was that you were saying about black QBs, Rush [Limbaugh]?

* For the second week in a row, Jim Nantz called a reverse an end around. If he read my column, maybe Nantz wouldn't make embarrassing mistakes on national television.

* Jerry Rice should not be wearing 80 in Seattle. That jersey should always mean Steve Largent.

I frequently criticize television stations and their analysts in this column, often singling out my local FOX and CBS affiliates for showing the worst possible games. This week, though, we got Philadelphia/Cleveland, one of the best games I've seen all year, followed by the Patriots and Jets on CBS and Packers/Cowboys on FOX. I was terrified that CBS wasn't going to show the Pats game in my area, but the overtime thriller in Cleveland turned out to be the real gem.

Philadelphia penalties kept the Browns in it longer than they should have been, but Cleveland did not look like a 3-4 team. The home team played with inspiration, fire, and guts. Jeff Garcia finally seems to be getting some respect again, so I won't belabor the obvious, but he really led his team through the game, and reminded me of no one so much as John Elway.

The announcers got off to a poor start when Sam Rosen misidentified the active player on each of the first two plays from scrimmage, and Bill Maas used the term "blue-collar" at least 70 or 80 times. Why are fullbacks always "blue-collar", anyway? Also, and this isn't just Rosen/Maas, "mano y mano" literally means "hand and hand". The correct term is "mano a mano", which means, "hand against hand". Like fighting.

Three particularly noteworthy plays stood out to me. One was a long pass with 3:49 left in the third quarter. McNabb threw an incomplete pass to Todd Pinkston in tight coverage, and Pinkston went down. No flag was thrown. Right call. Receivers are getting as bad as soccer players.

On third-and-20 with 6:29 remaining in regulation, Garcia scrambled to his right before throwing the ball away. Again, this might seem like a routine play, but the Browns were down seven and time was starting to become a factor in the game. Garcia could have sprinted out of the pocket and tossed the ball over everyone's head, but he waited until he was completely trapped between the sideline and an oncoming defender, looking all over the field before he gave up on the play. Nothing was there, but that's the kind of play that makes a difference between people like Tim Couch and Garcia.

When Garcia ran for the tying score six minutes later, RB Lee Suggs was originally a receiver on the play. He saw Garcia pull the ball down to run, though, and immediately started looking for someone to block. When he finally found someone, he pulled up and watched his quarterback run it in, because the block he was about to deliver was to a defender's back, and would have nullified the touchdown if an official caught him. Little things that make a great player.

A great game, but they played 13 others this week, too, so let's go on to Week 7's power rankings. As always, brackets show last week's rank.

1. New England Patriots [2] -- Last week's column noted that New England has "a talent I have never seen before ... The Patriots play to the level of their opponents, +7". A talent that isn't unique historically to Bill Belichick's Pats, but is unparalleled in today's game, is New England's ball control. I don't just mean turnovers or time of possession. The Patriots just seem to control the whole flow of the game, and in critical situations, it seems like the ball is always in Tom Brady's hands. Corey Dillon's addition to the team is a major factor. It's amazing that the Patriots were able to accomplish what they did last season without a legitimate running game.

2. Philadelphia Eagles [1] -- Winning the coin toss in overtime isn't much better than a loss. The Patriots have beaten two good teams in a row, and the Eagles seem to be slumping (relatively speaking), so New England assumes the top position. The NFL should fine Terrell Owens for ripping down a fan's sign. On a different note, I have seldom been as worried watching football, as I was when Jason Short was lying on the ground unconscious. Short's injury turned out to be far less serious than it initially appeared, and he is listed as questionable for next week's game, but I feel like it's important to note that a lot of people breathed a sigh of relief when we saw Short moving.

3. Indianapolis Colts [3] -- A tough division loss to Jacksonville drops the Colts to 4-2, but I still think they're one of the three best teams in the NFL, maybe even the best. Indianapolis reminds me of the Packers in 1996. Green Bay had clearly become one of the dominant teams in the NFL, but they could never get past the Cowboys. In '96, though, the Panthers upset Dallas in the divisional round, Green Bay beat Carolina, and the Packers won the Super Bowl. If someone else is kind enough to beat New England in the playoffs, the Colts are my pick to win it all.

4. Minnesota Vikings [4] -- Mewelde Moore was the star against Tennessee, but Culpepper managed an efficient game, completing 80% of his passes (mostly for short gains) with no turnovers. If the MVP award was given out in October, Culpepper would probably be my choice. But he's not going to break any of Dan Marino's records.

5. New York Jets [6] -- Curtis Martin has more career rushing yards (12,352) than Jim Brown (12,312). Of course, Brown still leads Martin in rushing TDs (106-79), total TDs (126-88), rushing average (5.22 - 4.01), rushing yards per game (104.3 - 84.6), 100-yard games (58-41), 200-yard games (4-1), Pro Bowls (9-4), All-Pro seasons (8-1), and seasons leading the league in rushing yards (8-0). In Martin's best season, 2001, he ran for 1,513 yards, 10 TDs, and a 4.5 average in 16 games. He was named second-team All-Pro, behind Marshall Faulk, Priest Holmes, and Ahman Green. In Brown's best season, 1963, he ran for 1,863 yards, 12 TDs, and a 6.4 average in 14 games. He was named league MVP by United Press (which at the time was more prestigious than AP) and his closest competitor finished 845 yards back. Nothing against Martin, but I want to give some context to the numbers you see on television.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers [7] -- I know there's a lot of season left, but I would like to remind readers that before the season started, I several times mentioned Pittsburgh as a surprise team that would contend for its division. All my predictions on individual games are going wrong (most recently, Giants/Lions), and mentioning things like this make me feel better.

7. Jacksonville Jaguars [12] -- A victory over the Colts clearly establishes this team as one of the best in the NFL. The Jags beat red-hot Kansas City last week. A balanced attack hung 27 points on the vulnerable Indianapolis defense this week, and superior special teams contributed to a three-point victory that counts in the standings every bit as much as KC's 46-point margin over the Falcons.

8. Denver Broncos [5] -- I've often been tempted to turn off the sound so I didn't have to listen to bad announcers. This Monday I had no choice. My television wouldn't get sound on ABC, so I watched the game in total silence. It actually affected commercials more than the game. I have no idea what was going on in some of the ads, but I know a terrible throw by Jake Plummer when I see one. Champ Bailey, contrary to the hype both before and after the game, is not the best or second-best CB in the league.

9. Kansas City Chiefs [20] -- Sandwiching a close loss to Jacksonville between a convincing win over Baltimore and their 56-10 explosion against Atlanta does little to hurt KC's case that it remains one of the league's most potent offenses and best teams. A little more consistency would certainly be encouraging, but the Chiefs appear to be for real. The over/under for next week's game against Indy will probably be about 200, but that kind of game always ends up being 20-13 for some reason. Take the over anyway.

10. Baltimore Ravens [10] -- My friend the Ravens fan mentioned how great B.J. Sams is. I don't see it. He's a good returner, certainly, but Baltimore's blockers opened huge holes for him on both of his TD returns this season. Sams doesn't create things the way Dante Hall did last year, or Brian Mitchell did in the 1990s. They're hurting at offensive tackle. Jon Ogden, the best player on the team, is likely to miss next week's matchup in Philadelphia, and Orlando Brown is playing with a broken finger. Ogden's absence is a major factor, which is why the Ravens are behind the Chiefs. Based on the Week 1 game Ogden missed against Cleveland, Baltimore should probably be behind the Cardinals.

11. Detroit Lions [14] -- They got to Kurt Warner early and often, netting six sacks, three forced fumbles, and an interception. Kevin Jones averaged five yards per carry, Joey Harrington completed over 80% of his passes, and Roy Williams made a circus catch in the end zone. The Lions have beaten 3-3 Houston, 5-2 Atlanta, and the 4-2 Giants. And they're 3-0 on the road heading into a winnable game at Dallas.

12. New York Giants [8] -- Tiki Barber is probably the most explosive offensive player this side of Michael Vick, but Tom Coughlin's offense is too Tiki-centric. Utilizing your best player is one thing, but if the coach doesn't get his wide receivers and tight ends involved in the offense, the Giants are going to struggle moving the ball.

13. Houston Texans [15] -- This is the third AFC South team in the rankings, and we're not even halfway done. Put Houston in the NFC West and it would make the postseason. In the AFC, that doesn't seem likely. The Texans are a young team and the blocks are in place. They should be fun to watch for years -- and next year, they'll actually have nationally televised games, so you'll be able to watch them.

14. San Diego Chargers [16] -- Keenan McCardell had an immediate impact, catching five passes and leading the Chargers with 65 receiving yards. I notice no one talks about benching Drew Brees any more. If San Diego hadn't given up on him after three seasons, they wouldn't be in the awkward situation of having to get rid of Brees so that Philip Rivers can play. Then again, that sort of thing is working so well for Carson Palmer and Jon Kitna in Cincinnati.

15. Atlanta Falcons [11] -- This ranking might be a little generous, and I'm sure Packers fans don't appreciate it. In the last three weeks, Atlanta has lost to the Lions, beaten San Diego by one after trailing for most of the game, and lost 56-10 to a team with a losing record, giving up 36 first downs and a league-record eight rushing TDs in the process. A 32-yard run by your QB doesn't make up for that.

16. Green Bay Packers [19] -- It's long past time for commentators to stop awarding Nobel Prizes to quarterbacks who block. I think it was Tom Jackson, usually excellent, who I heard refer to Brett Favre's recent concussion in glorifying Favre's block this Sunday. Linemen and defenders hit the field a month after sustaining concussions, too, and they hit someone on every play. Furthermore, Favre used a cutblock (expertly delivered), which minimizes the impact on your head and frame. None of the overpraising is Favre's fault, but the fact is that anyone in the NFL should block if a teammate is running in his direction.

17. Cleveland Browns [18] -- On a day during which Browns RBs William Green and Lee Suggs exposed Philadelphia's run defense, FOX did a short feature on Cleveland's great running tandem of ... Earnest Byner and Kevin Mack. That pair ran for over 1,000 yards each in 1985, but I kind of thought the feature might include Hall of Famers Jim Brown and Bobby Mitchell (the greatest RB tandem in NFL history, from where I'm sitting), or Leroy Kelly and Ernie Green, or Greg Pruitt and Mike Pruitt, maybe even Marion Motley and Dub Jones. Nope, just Byner and Mack.

18. St. Louis Rams [13] -- NFC West teams are 0-4 against opponents from outside the NFC's junior varsity South and West divisions. The South isn't much better at 4-10. The 4-3 Rams haven't beaten anyone with a winning record.

19. Seattle Seahawks [9] -- Seattle opened this season 3-0 on the strength of its defense, allowing seven, six, and zero points, respectively, in those three games. Since then, the Seahawks have been torched for 33, 30, and 25, most recently against a Cardinals team that scores less than its baseball counterparts in St. Louis and was 29th in total offense before facing Seattle. Matt Hasselbeck, who threw four INTs, including one returned for a score, should probably take some responsibility, too. He played about as badly as someone can without being Ryan Leaf.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [23] -- A different team than we saw at the beginning of the season. I like Brad Johnson, but his benching appears to have been the catalyst. Playing the Bears helps, too.

21. New Orleans Saints [24] -- Amazingly, the winner of their game at Oakland was bound to emerge with three wins. The Saints have beaten 1-5 San Francisco, 4-3 St. Louis, and 2-5 Oakland by a combined 11 points, including three scored in overtime against the Rams. I think it is very unlikely that Jim Haslett will coach this team next season.

22. Arizona Cardinals [28] -- They should probably be ahead of New Orleans, but I've already gotten burned by trusting the Bengals, and I'm not going to make the same mistake with Arizona.

23. Dallas Cowboys [17] -- They look awful, don't they? Troy Aikman mentioned that Dallas acts like a 5-11 team, not one that went to the playoffs last season. I think that sums things up nicely.

24. Buffalo Bills [25] -- My friends know I've been calling Drew Bledsoe overrated since the late 1990s. Loyal readers may even remember that my first column for SC, more than two years ago -- before Bledsoe had ever played a down in a Buffalo uniform -- made the same claim. I think I stand vindicated.

25. San Francisco 49ers [27] -- Steve Young is a slam-dunk for the Hall of Fame. He'll make it despite this year's crowded field. Roger Craig and Charles Haley fall just a little short. Key players on San Francisco championship teams, but the show would have gone on without them. Fred Dean had some nice years, but I don't consider him a real serious candidate. Dean deserves to be nominated, though. I'm not sure why Brent Jones is on the list.

26. Carolina Panthers [21] -- The Chargers held them to six points, and Carolina has scored the fewest points in the NFL so far this season. Jake Delhomme has had back-to-back terrible games. It's sad to see a team drop so far so quickly.

27. Tennessee Titans [22] -- Injuries are piling up, and there simply aren't adequate replacements on the roster. That can actually be a blessing in disguise. When good teams finish with bad records, they get early draft picks. If Steve McNair has another All-Pro season in him, the Titans could be a good bet in 2005. This season, however, they're toast.

28. Oakland Raiders [26] -- Last in the league in point differential (-57), and now that Miami has won, they're tied with Carolina for the longest active losing streak (4) in the NFL. They should probably be lower than this, but I don't have anyone to move up.

29. Cincinnati Bengals [31] -- Watching the game with no sound, I missed Michele Tafoya's sideline reporting -- she's the best of a bad bunch -- but I also really noticed how pretty she is. I also proved to be a surprisingly adept lip-reader, which solved my biggest worry: that I wouldn't be able to tell what was going on with penalties. Will I intentionally leave the sound off in the future? No. Did I miss it for MNF? No, I didn't.

30. Washington Redskins [29] -- This offseason, I relentlessly criticized the personnel, especially on defense and the offensive line. I was wrong about the defense. It's been spectacular. The offense has been worse than I imagined, worse than Steve Spurrier's. I picked them to finish 7-9 before the season began, but Washington will be lucky to win four more games this year, never mind five.

31. Miami Dolphins [32] -- Jay Fiedler is no one's Marino or Bob Griese, but when you watch Miami play, you can tell the team respects and responds to him. What Fiedler has that A.J. Feeley does not is leadership. Fiedler walks out there and his teammates won't stop fighting. He may not have a ton of natural talent, and sometimes he'll make bone-headed decisions like throwing directly to an opposing LB, but he's got that "something" quarterbacks need.

32. Chicago Bears [30] -- Exactly 77 years before their recent loss to Tampa Bay, Bronko Nagurski ran for a three-yard touchdown and the Bears beat the Lions 28-20 en route to a league-best 9-1-1 record. Happier days for a proud franchise.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 1:08 PM | Comments (2)

Boston Needs to Be Kept in Check

The Boston Red Sox proved me wrong when they upset the Yankees in one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. I thought they were done, but they sacked up and pulled out a huge won. What happened after the game, however, was inexcusable, pathetic, and downright embarrassing.

Following the Game 7 win over the Yanks, fans in Boston went overboard. Cars were overturned, fans started fires, and then fans began throwing things at the police. Fifteen people were injured and during the post-game craziness, a 21-year-old young woman was killed when her eye was struck with a pepper spray bullet.

USA Today's Jon Saraceno said in his column today that those moronic fans that celebrate by rioting should "think about Victoria Snelgrove and what she represented: youth, vitality, the future. Then envision a young woman lying dead on a sidewalk with blood streaming down her face. Then imagine it was your sister or your wife."

That would be a chilling picture for those fans, but the biggest problem with them is that they don't think; period. A Red Sox win is suddenly all the justification they need to act like complete idiots. What the hell is happening when people think it's acceptable to celebrate a win by starting fires, overturning cars, vandalizing businesses, and throwing things at police?

There are too many people who think that this is just the nature of the beast; that vandalism and physical harm will always accompany great wins in sports. This is just not true. For example, take the city of Calgary. This is an excerpt from a column I did on their Stanley Cup run last June.

"This Stanley Cup run has changed that city for the better. When the Flames win the entire city goes crazy, fans flood 17th avenue and transform it into a Mardi Gras-style celebration. That's about as bad as it gets. After the Flames win, there is no vandalism, no mass murders, no raping, pillaging, or plundering. Unlike Americans, Canadians don't feel the need to sack their cities after big wins. The only thing that happens in Calgary is a high number of girls flashing. And the cops, following the spirit of the law, let it go (this could be the greatest police force ever)." - "Hockey is the Law in Calgary", June 2

What is so hard about this concept? When your team wins, it can be a great thing to bring the city together. It can be a team to celebrate with strangers and revel in the newfound glory your team has won. It doesn't have to be a time to board up your windows if you own a business. It shouldn't be a time to stay off the streets because you are afraid of rioters and alcohol-enhanced morons. It never should be a time you have say goodbye to a loved one, all because of shockingly irresponsible fans.

We all know that Boston is going to win the World Series. They have a 2-0 lead on St. Louis and Pedro Martinez on the mound tonight for game three. There is no doubt in the minds of any sports fan that Boston will win it for the first time since 1918. But, when they do win it, I hope God has mercy on the city of Boston. If there are any more incidents like the last time, I hope it's another 86 years before Boston wins it again.

I know Boston hasn't won like this in a very, very, long time, but it is still unacceptable. I also know that Boston isn't the only city to have things like this happen, but that doesn't make it any better. Remembering how Calgary was able to win with class just makes me miss the NHL that much more.

There aren't many defenders of the NHL these days, but I think everyone can take a page from the Canadian city. No fires, no deaths, no looting. Just celebrating with strangers-turned-friends and, if any girls feel so inclined, an expression of their team pride.

The city of Boston will soon be celebrating their upcoming World Series win, and rightfully so, but I think it's heartbreaking that they will be doing it minus one female BoSox fan.

Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 12:29 PM | Comments (1)

Idiot Parade in Beantown

The pennings have been scribed expediently and furiously to chronicle the Red Sox' astonishing ascent from the grave by defeating the New York Yankees. Three more outs, and this team would continue to wallow in the marsh of despair that has polluted the city of Boston for almost 90 seasons. Three more outs, and the level of futility immersing this city and its beloved franchise would have reached a near cataclysmic pitch. Three more outs, but the idiots struck back.

Just take a quick glance at the cast of characters on this team, and no other term is more apropos to describe their World Series roster. Is there any more of an antagonistic nitwit in all of baseball then Pedro Martinez? What about the moronic defensive prowess displayed on a nightly basis by right fielder Manny Ramirez?

In fact, Little League coaches across the land shutter in embarrassment as infielders and outfielders alike botch the simplest of tasks. Even the much-heralded Curt Schilling could be described as a dunderhead for continuing to perform on the mound while blood seeps through his sutures, soiling his sock.

From Bill Mueller's holy glove, to Johnny Damon's Holy appearance. Tim Wakefield's ugly flutterball, to Miguel Cabrera's uglier than sin batting helmet. They are idiots, all of them!

However, I will stop short of calling them maladroit when it comes to winning baseball games. The mental miscues that have maligned this franchise in the past, have not even provided as much as a speed bump
on the road to the Promised Land (at least to this point.) The mark of a great team is to possess an ability to overcome adversity, and to quite simply find a way to win. The afore mentioned adage may be
outdated, but few teams in the history of sports have overcome more strife than the '04 Sox.

Lest we misrecollect the stellar clutch performances by some of the pinheads wearing red, white, and blue. Curt Schilling may be inviting vampires to purchase his socks in an ALS auction, but he is also
showcasing the fortitude and competitiveness that allows him to be classified as one of the top three hurlers in postseason history. Marky Mark Bellhorn has finally realized something magical can transpire when the stick he holds in his hands makes contact with the white sphere thrown in his direction. The same could also be said for Johnny Damon.

Undoubtedly, the most clutch performer has been the man they affectionately refer to as "Papi." The 1-2 punch of Ramirez and Ortiz has easily become one of the most feared tandems in the game, and the first closed fist hasn't been as devastating as it could be. Without Ortiz, the suicide rate in Boston would have surpassed the number of fatalities following the Orson Welles incident.

Before the two-buck Chuck is iced and the t-shirts are listed on eBay, let's remember this still is the Boston Red Sox we are watching here. As high as the boys from bean town are now, the bottom could still fall out without provocation or warning. However, I will admit it's starting to look promising that the spell could finally be destroyed. If, in fact, the curse will finally be laid to rest, the parade that will pervade throughout the streets of Boston will be led by a band of idiots.

Posted by Daniel Collins at 12:23 PM | Comments (0)

October 25, 2004

Jaguars and Lions Look to Shake Things Up

There are two young teams making a splash on the early weeks of this NFL season that were not expected to do so. Both the Detroit Lions and Jacksonville Jaguars were teams considered to be building their franchises from the ground up with success to come down the line. Now both teams end Week 7 with only a pair of losses.

The story for both teams hinges around their quarterbacks.

The Lions drafted Joey Harrington a few years back after a season where Mike McMahon had shown signs of life in an otherwise abysmal season. The Lions were an exciting team that made games interesting, yet they would consistently fall in the end. The pick of Harrington likely set the franchise back, but they knew that McMahon was not the answer long-term and had to get the right guy in place.

In Jacksonville, the selection of Byron Leftwich to supplant Mark Brunell was a simple one. Brunell put that franchise on the map and they parted ways gracefully. Everyone can see that Brunell is not the quarterback that is going to lead a team anymore.

Watching Leftwich thread passes on his way to 300 yards and an upset victory in Indianapolis will show you that much.

The connection that both quarterbacks have is their poise under pressure at such an infant stage of their careers. Leftwich is already establishing a knack for leading his team back from behind. Harrington walked into The Meadowlands this week and worked over a Giants team that has the playoffs on their mind.

Ah, the playoffs. Every team thinks about them at the start of the season. Some teams, like these Lions and these Jaguars, get laughed at when they mention these seemingly lofty goals.

Sure, they're both a long way away from the playoffs even as a wildcard, but both teams have to think that the playoffs are now obtainable. The Jaguars took over the lead in their division by defeating the team many thought was the sure division winner and the Lions just knocked off the team that many have been positioning as the front-runner for the wildcard.

So anything is possible.

The job that Leftwich has done with that team has been exceptional. They have themselves believing that they should beat teams like the Colts. They have won all five of their games in the last minute, bringing the term "cardiac" in to play by analysts. Like another top AFC team, the New England Patriots, this Jaguar team is scrappy enough to keep themselves in games and good enough to find ways to win in the end.

"We expect to win every game. That's the personality of our team," Leftwich said after the game.

Developing this very early on is something that a franchise needs long-term. The same thing can be said of Donovan McNabb's first full season in Philadelphia. The Eagles have grown a lot in the years since, as the Jaguars will, but one similarity is that McNabb took a team at the bottom of the league and gave them hope. They won a lot of games that they had no right to even be in, much like this Jaguar team is doing.

Harrington is bringing much of the same to Detroit, as well. Early in the season, FOX Sports sideline analyst Tony Siragusa questioned the toughness of Harrington. Harrington responded as a gentleman off the field and with toughness on the field.

The Lions aren't a Super Bowl contender. We all know that. Teams are going to have bad weeks, especially teams that are as young as this Lions team is.

The mark of a team that may some day turn into what the Patriots and Eagles currently are is what they can come back. How they respond to a thrashing, such as the one the Green Bay Packers doled out to them a week ago, is the determining factor on whether or not this team, and more specifically Harrington, has it. It being the proverbial edge that separates a playoff team from one that is sitting at home in January. Or it is some sort of outer world being from a Stephen King tale.

Harrington took a drubbing last week. He completed 12-of-23 passes and threw for only 101 yards.

He bounced back this week throwing for a solid 230 yards on a sharp 18-of-22 passing day. Along with their quarterback, the Lions responded to their defeat last week. Every team rallies around their quarterback, young teams maybe even more so than others. Harrington might not be a knock down quarterback such as Peyton Manning or Daunte Culpepper, but the poise he shows, when this team has been successful, is contagious.

Jacksonville and Detroit are both well on their way to becoming a threat in this league. The next step is to see whether or not the clubs can build around their quarterbacks like the Eagles have done with McNabb.

In Detroit, they have given Harrington weapons with the draft selections of Roy Williams and Kevin Jones to go with the already in place, but already oft-injured Charlie Rogers. Jacksonville differs in that Leftwich has less to work with, but their defense is allowing the fourth fewest points per game in the NFL.

The one thing that is going to help out the Jaguars at the end of the season is that they are throwing the ball a lot. Fred Taylor is injury-prone and resting him while still moving the chains is something that should be high on the list of goals for the Jaguars.

With the Lions, having Kevin Jones healthy and learning along with Harrington is something that will help them big time down the line.

Whatever happens, one thing that is for sure is that these two teams will look to shake things up the rest of the way. Neither team is just a flash in the pan like last season's Carolina Panthers; both franchises are looking forward as the years go by.

Posted by Doug Graham at 2:31 PM | Comments (0)

Hockey Strike? What Strike?

It's difficult to tell which is worse, the total absence of any progress toward ending the NHL's work stoppage or the lack of outrage about it.

No, that's not true. It's much worse that no one -- at least no one south of International Falls -- cares about when, or even if, the 2004-'05 season will begin.

Part of the apathy can be traced to the NFL season hitting high gear and the prospect of a particularly riveting World Series matchup between St. Louis and the newly Un-Cursed Boston Red Sox. We'll miss hockey a lot more come February, when the televised sports options will be ice fishing and the NBA.

Still, the near-total apathy toward the work stoppage is troubling for the NHL and for league officials' hopes of remaining a distant fourth among the top professional sports.

If Gary Bettman is smart -- okay, forget I said that -- he’d walk into the next negotiation session with a large stack of videos and an even larger stack of newspapers.

He would point to the stack of newspapers and say, "These are all the sports pages that don't have one word about the NHL work stoppage. Not one word." Then, he would point to the videos and say, "These are all the sports shows that haven't mentioned the work stoppage, not one time."

Sure, total extinction isn't likely. There still will be a market for the sport, particularly in Canada.

But survival will come at a price, particularly for the players, who have been living at a standard that would indicate that the sport had built upon the popularity hockey enjoyed in the late 1980s.

Back then -- and doesn't it seem like such a long time ago now? -- Wayne Gretzky was marrying a starlet and guest hosting on Saturday Night Live. Mario Lemieux could have, too, if he had wanted to.

That dynamic duo was scoring 60, 70, 80 goals a year, and a handful of players on a level just below that were slotting more than 50. Hockey had never been that popular before, and it hasn't been as popular since.

For any niche sport, the challenge is to grow and advance into the mainstream, because that's where the money is -- for players and management. In 1990, there were two sports, hockey and stock-car racing, looking to take that step.

The former was a niche sport popular north of the Mason-Dixon Line; the latter a niche sport popular in the south. Since hockey and NASCAR began their battle for the hearts and minds of sports fans, one side did everything right, while the other side did everything wrong.

And this modern-day Civil War had a far different outcome than the original.

Both sports' sanctioning bodies looked to build on their fan bases. But NASCAR did it in a genuine way -- by reaching out to fans and creating a more compelling product.

As some examples of the latter, the sport legislates engine and car-body specifications, in order to minimize differences between cars. On tracks where one driver might be able to dominate his opponents, NASCAR required restrictor plates be installed in the cars' engines, ostensibly to cut speeds for safety reasons.

But the restrictor plates also minimize the distance between first place and last place. And, more importantly, between first place and 10th place. So, even though a lot of drivers hate them, the plates have made more compelling entertainment for fans.

NASCAR also marketed its superstars -- such as the late Dale Earnhardt, Junior Earnhardt, and Jeff Gordon -- very well, which gave fans human faces to root for.

The NHL, meanwhile, tried to build in an artificial manner, by expanding into areas where the sport had no tradition and no built-in fan base beyond those who had once lived up north and moved to escape unemployment or the cold. And those fans generally maintained their loyalties to the teams they left behind.

The expansion also created a talent gap, which forced teams to play the game in a dull fashion that makes a World Cup soccer final look high-scoring. And, while expanding in an attempt to expand that base, the NHL pandered to its base when it should have ignored it.

Instead of creating rules to make the game more wide open and mandating that the officials actually enforce them, the league allowed its product to become even more unwatchable.

With the NHL's top stars scoring fewer than 50 goals, the product also is unmarketable, as well hockey fans know that Ilya Kovalchuk's 41 tallies last season would have been the equivalent of about 70 in 1982, but casual observers who remember Gretzky's 92-goal campaign that year are unimpressed.

Yeah, hockey fans on the Canadian prairie who want more hitting than scoring wouldn't be happy if regular season games looked like All-Star Games, with 7-6 and 8-7 scores every night.

But you know what? They'd keep watching, right along with a lot of new fans who enjoy the excitement.

A lot of NASCAR fans don't like the nouveau fans. And a lot of them hate drivers, like tee-totaling Pepsi-drinking, non-smoker Jeff Gordon, who don't conform to Jim Croce's "Rapid Roy the Stock Car Boy" stereotype, who drinks Coke before the race, beer afterward, and has a pack of Marlboros rolled up in the sleeve of his t-shirt.

But they root for the "old school" drivers like Junior Earnhardt and Mark Martin. More importantly, they keep watching.

NASCAR succeeded where the NHL failed. But, thanks to Detroit and the New York Rangers, player salaries have risen to a point that would indicate a much greater level of popularity for the NHL.

The league will survive, but unless things change -- both for management and players -- the next hockey season, whenever that is, might look radically different from the last. There will be fewer teams and the paychecks will be far smaller.

In fact, it might already be too late, guys. We're learning to get along quite nicely without you.

Posted by Eric Poole at 10:49 AM | Comments (14)

The Ravens' Gift to the Steelers

September 19th, 2004 was an unbelievable day. The Baltimore Ravens were coming off of an embarrassing loss to the Cleveland Browns, a game in which they lost 20-3. The talk in Baltimore was focused on the makeup of their Super Bowl-bound team. Is this the team that was picked by many to not only win the AFC north, but to also represent the AFC in February?

These questions filled the airways and local papers throughout the week. Although it was early on, the Steelers had won their season opener in Pittsburgh and were coming to town to put some distance in the division. The Ravens couldn't lose this game, they wouldn't.

Baltimore dominated in every facet of the game. Everything that could go wrong for the Steelers did. By the end of the game, the city of Baltimore was riding high again, beating a huge rival at home and tying for the lead in the AFC North at 1-1. Yes, the season was early, but their biggest threat in the division was just exposed.

Not only did Baltimore shut-up trash-talking linebacker Joey Porter by virtually eliminating him from the game, but they also knocked out starting quarterback Tommy Maddox. It wouldn't be until mid-November before Maddox could even throw a football again. Although the Steelers had seasoned veteran Charlie Batch (a former starter for the Detroit Lions) on the roster, he was placed on injured reserve at the beginning of the season.

So, as it turned out, some rookie came in and threw a couple of interceptions and looked like what any typical 22-year-old kid would look like facing such harsh conditions on the road.

Too bad this wasn't just some kid.

At the time, it appeared that Baltimore was clearly going to run away with the division. The Steelers were headed four hours west of Baltimore, but light years behind them. They did not have a starting quarterback anymore, the leader of their defense was silenced, and all hope was just about lost.

This chain of events even got the calm and collected Alan Fanaca, a Pro Bowl guard and team captain to respond to the media. ''Exciting?'' Faneca responded. ''No, it's not exciting. Do you want to go work with some little young kid who's just coming out of college?''

Most fans consider a season like this lost. "Okay, we'll put in the rookie and let him gain some experience and give it a go again next year," echoed the Steelers faithful. Congratulations, Baltimore, you won the battle and the war. Most rookies would crumble under this type of pressure.

Not this kid, not this rookie. The third quarterback to be taken in the 2004 draft was Ben Roethlisberger, taken 11th overall. He sure lived up to his name "Big Ben"; he was 6-5, 241 lbs. Some considered him the best talent, but also the least NFL-ready.

He couldn't possibly be ready, could he? He only started playing quarterback as a senior in high school, and didn't face the best talent in college when he went to Miami (Ohio). None of this ever got to this kid, though; he remained as calm as a seasoned veteran.

Since that September 19th game, Big Ben has been the biggest surprise in the NFL. He has re-energized the division-leading Pittsburgh Steelers to a 5-1 mark and has won a Rookie of the Week honors for each performance. He is making believers out of NFL greats throughout the league. Bill Parcels, Michael Irvin, and Dan Marino have all acknowledged his potential.

His latest accolades include: AFC Offensive Player of the Week for his performance against the Cowboys. Big Ben was 21-of-25 passing (84%) for 193 yards with 2 touchdowns. He did not throw an interception and posted a 125.5 passer rating. NFL.com also ranked him the No. 1 rising star in the league.

All of this has caused quarterback controversies throughout the league, most notably in Baltimore. Kyle Boller was also a first-round pick and is expected to take the franchise to great heights, but it barely looks like he can pickup a blitz.

"Boller is the NFL's 29th-rated quarterback and is in charge of the league's worst passing attack for the second-straight season," reported the Baltimore Sun on 10/20/04. The cries are indeed coming out of Baltimore. Why isn't he having the same type of success? Why can't he develop as quickly?

Some say Pittsburgh's receivers and a re-established running game are the main reason. Undeniably, they play a significant part, but to think Kyle Boller is only a couple receivers away from great play is ignorant to his horrific play. If you can't read a defense and you constantly make poor decisions, it doesn't matter if you have Terrell Owens playing for you. At least T.O. understood this.

Pittsburgh knows all to well what it is like to deal with sub-par quarterback play, with the only thing being consistent was the weekly disappoints. Pittsburgh had long endured a shaky quarterback named Kordell Stewart; now some are calling for him to start in Baltimore. Interesting, isn't it?

Ironically, none of this would have ever happened if it weren't for Baltimore. Big Ben would be on the bench and who knows if he ever plays a snap in 2004? In what was a horrible day for Steelers fans throughout the country, September 19th wasn't so bad after all. They now have a starter for the season, and with Tommy Maddox expected back, a veteran backup who is familiar with the offense. It may have only been five games, but it is clear the team and the city have a very bright future with this kid.

This season was in jeopardy, the team looked like it was about to fall apart, but an unfortunate turn of events, turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

And they have their biggest rival to thank.

Posted by Kevin Ferra at 9:07 AM

October 23, 2004

The Bostonian Candidate

It's no secret that there are only about 500-700 actual Yankees fans in New York City. The rest are the usual "only when they're winning" frontrunners, disenchanted Mets fans, and guys in muscle t-shirts whose reconditioned Thunderbirds weren't enough, so they had to throw in a few Derek Jeter tickets to close the deal with the big-haired waitress at their uncle's pizzeria.

I'm sure many of the fans at Yankee Stadium for Game 7 against Boston were probably the type that, let's just say, don't have a unyielding grasp on team history that dates before 1996. They don't know Mickey Rivers from the Hudson River. Tommy John? "That's the guy with the surgery, right?" They think Righetti and Pagliarulo are things you toss in a light cream sauce.

I don't necessarily begrudge bandwagon Yankees fans. I've actually been one ... twice. The first time was in 1998, when the Padres visited the Bronx in Game 1 of the World Series. My friend Scrote (don't ask) secured some tickets ... in the bleachers. Fearing violent recourse if I was outed as a Mets fan during the game -- and for the sake of social experimentation -- I donned one of Scrote's Yanks jerseys and watched the game with the raucous bleacher creatures.

At one point, a San Diego fan had the chutzpa to raise up her cell phone and ask the creatures to cheer to her friend on the left coast. She was then pelted with anything that wasn't bolted down (including, tragically, a few full cups of $7 stadium beer).

The second time was during this year's ALCS. While the rest of the world unofficially joined Red Sox Nation to loathe the Yankees, I was rooting hard against the BoSox. I'll get to why in a moment. But for the first three games of the Series, as a pseudo-Yankees fan, I felt a twinge of that swagger most bandwagon fans must feel every championship season. You feel tied to an overwhelming sense of history. You feel like you belong to a collective, something greater than the individual. You feel like part of an Empire, evil or otherwise.

I guess this is why some independent voters lean Republican.

By the end of the series (the eighth inning of Game 7 to be exact), I couldn't help but take some glee in seeing the Yankees humiliated like they were. Because it wasn't just blowing a 3-0 series lead; it was blowing a 3-0 series lead because the bats their war chest paid for weren't swinging, and the arms they never bothered to buy cost them a trip to the World Series.

It's one thing for New York to get beaten on the field; it's another thing for it to get beaten in the boardroom.

Still, I wasn't pleased with the Red Sox winning. I don't want them to win the World Series. Don't reverse the curse. As my fingers hit the keyboard, I don't know who will be facing Boston in the championship round; I do know that I'm going to squeeze onto their bandwagon and keep with my Boston-bashing.

I don't like fans with a sense of entitlement. I think Red Sox fans think they're owed a World Series ring, and I just don't get that. Why? Because the Yankees have been so good in the last decade? Or because being a "long-suffering" Boston fan has become so cliché in this country that the curse has to be lifted, just to end this stupid trend? When the credit card companies start making commercials about your quirky little hex, the voodoo has officially jumped the shark.

(Rhetorical question: If ESPN wasn't in Bristol, would its coverage of the Red Sox be less intense?)

Red Sox fans think they're owed something, just like Maple Leafs fans and Philadelphia Eagles fans. (My SportsFan Magazine partner in crime, Pete Sweigard, disputes that Eagles fans feel entitled to a title. All I know is that on the way back from Jersey last weekend, I heard a hip-hop song on a Philly station that used the "Theme from Rocky" and name-checked all the Eagles players from David Akers to Brian Westbrook. If it's Week 6 and you already have your own Super Bowl Shuffle, you're begging for karma to come kick you in the ass.)

Besides, "1918" is just such a wonderful concept, it's hard to let it go. (I still lament the day the hockey world lost the immortal "1940" chant when the Ranger$ won the Cup in 1994.) Baseball has plenty of teams that don't win the World Series. The Cubs, for example, just suck; but the Red Sox are truly cursed, and that's what makes them so compelling.

So if they win the World Series, what then? You're going to hear "I can finally die a happy man" uttered in Boston more than "pass the tartar sauce" over the next two weeks. The mystique, the attraction, the appeal of Boston's plight ... gone. The circle will be complete. The Zombie Babe Ruth will finally close his eyes and drift off into the afterlife.

No one will give a damn about the Red Sox anymore.

So obviously, there's only one logical course of action if the Sox take the Series:

Contract them.

It's never going to get better than coming back from 3-0 in the ALCS and eliminating the Yankees in the most historic rally in the history of sports. Let me reiterate that last part: ELIMINATING THE YANKEES. It's never going to get better than that moment when Red Sox fans realize that the curse has been lifted. That decades of yearning have been fulfilled. That 1918 will finally go back to simply being the year the Sedition Act was passed by Congress.

Win the World Series, and the Red Sox are irrelevant. Look at recent history. Susan Lucci, post-Emmy? Persona non grata. The New York Ranger$, post-Stanley Cup? The NHL actually locked out its players this fall to avoid a seventh straight playoff season without a game played in Madison Square Garden.

So contract Boston. Break up the Sox. Wouldn't Pedro look great in Dodger blue again? The Royals sure could use a guy like Jason Varitek. And if Manny's going to get 700 home runs one day, shouldn't he be in Colorado next season? Just think: Theo Epstein would now be free to jump to the Cubs and end their misery with his Harry Potter G.M. magic.

Fenway Park? Turn it into a museum dedicated to the 2004 World Series champion Boston Red Sox. Paint a giant mural on the Green Monster of Curt Schilling hugging Johnny Damon. Have an ongoing exhibit on the Heimlich maneuver, so visiting Yankee fans can learn what to do if their team goes up 3-0 in the playoffs again.

Do Boston fans really want this season, 30 years down the line, to just be a faded memory of Tim Wakefield knucklers, David Ortiz heroics, and 50,000 "Who's Your Daddy?" t-shirts stuffed in some Staten Island landfill? Or do they want 2004 to be "The Year The Sox Won it All, and Then Decided to Walk Away as Champions?"

It's something neither Michael Jordan nor Sugar Ray Leonard was able to do.

So show some class, Boston and MLB.

Win, and then call it a franchise ...

Random Thoughts

Andre Agassi said he's skeptical about using fashion models in sexy outfits instead of ballboys at the Madrid Masters tournament.

While the ladies are able to complete all the necessary tasks the position demands, Agassi said he feels as though he's been extending a bit on his serve ...

Val Ackerman is stepping down as president of the WNBA after eight years. No truth to the rumor that she failed the only mandatory test related to the renewal of her contract: naming all the teams that made the WNBA playoffs last season ...

Sports' highest court ruled this week that gymnast Paul Hamm will be able to hang on to his gold medal, despite the lingering controversy about judging in the men's gymnastics Summer Olympic finals in Athens.

In a related ruling, the court said the U.S. men's basketball team is legally allowed to keep its crushing humiliation ...

Teresa Heinz-Kerry goofed again this week, casting doubt in an interview that First Lady Laura Bush had ever "had a real job" since she's been "grown up."

Heinz-Kerry was quick to apologize, explaining that she actually meant Bush's husband ...

CRAPPY BOWL GAME NAME ALERT: The Tangerine Bowl announced this week that it is changing its name to the Champs Sports Bowl, after the mall-centric athletic clothing retailer.

So assuming we follow the rule from dropping the first name of any sponsored bowl name (see Nokia Sugar or Chik-fil-A Peach Bowl), is this now the Sports Bowl?

Carmelo Anthony of the Denver Nuggets was cited for pot possession while boarding the team plane last week.

In a related story, the Portland Trail Blazers have begun clearing cap room ...

And finally:

"Now just hold on one second there. It's not just asshole ... it's insufferable asshole. Get it right."

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 1:05 PM | Comments (0)

King of the Links: How to Make Golf Exciting

Even as a golf fan and commentator, I find the last few months of the golfing season to be incredibly tedious. After the PGA Championship, or in this year's case, the Ryder Cup, I become incredibly unmotivated to love watching golf. It's too early in the morning for me to watch the European Tour on The Golf Channel, so I can't watch the Match Play (held this week) or the Dunhill Links Championship (that's not a typing error).

So, what I am left with are the events presented almost exclusively on cable, encompassing the Fall Finish. There's nothing quite like watching events filled exclusively with guys who are struggling to make the top-125 on the money list. No offense to the Andre Stolz-es of the world, but I honestly do not care who gets their Tour card by their chinny chin chins. Thus, from late August until the Tour Championship in November, I have very few reasons to watch PGA Tour golf.

Where in the hell are the superstars? Tiger Woods isn't playing because he's married and his pride has been wounded. Vijay Singh has won a million times this year, so I don't think he has much motivation to play. Ernie Els splits his time with the European Tour in remarkable fashion for a superstar. He is so even in his time commitments that uppity Tim Finchem demanded Els play more events on the U.S. PGA Tour because of his newfound fame as the world number two. If that is not desperation exemplified, then maybe I can publish some letters from girls I've dated.

The Tour, in order for a season to be a complete success, must compel fans from the beginning in January to the end in November. That can only be accomplished either by shortening the season dramatically, or by finding a way to have the best players involved through the duration of the year.

In the spirit of my hick beginnings, I turned for answers in the "sport" of NASCAR racing. It occurred to me that this points system NASCAR has for its ultimate championship really seems to bring fans in race after race. So, then, why couldn't golf do the same thing? Having a points/playoff system could be very beneficial for the Tour. Now that you've stopped laughing, hear me out on this one.

Let's face it: you rarely see from the men in the top-30 on the money list after the PGA Championship. What incentive is there to play after you've won three times and cashed in for over $4 million dollars? That's right: none. Thus, I propose that we create an incentive through a season long points race to qualify for a final playoff series to crown who is the yearly King of the Links.

Who would qualify for such a season-ending playoff? It has to be a small number, like 10. So, the top-10 guys in this points race would qualify for the final points chase. Then these top-10 players' point totals would be reset for the final, oh, nine Tournaments of the year. (You know you like the significance of nine. It's so marketable! The "Back Nine" of the PGA Tour season? It's money.)

In order to get to that final 10 guys, though, they have to be whittled down from the over 200 qualified Tour players. That will take points. There are nearly 40 events before the hypothetical final nine. But, not every event is equal in field strength, size, or prestige. The Fall Finish currently treats every event as the same in its points scale. This is unfair to Ernie Els, who, in winning the WGC American Express, received the same number of points as Fred Funk, who won the concurrent Southern Farm Bureau Classic.

The solution is simple then. Each of the tournaments must give points based upon a strength of field measure. Thus, the majors are worth way more than any other event, and the best full field and invitational tournaments that are not in the special four get some recognition. The Southern Farm Bureau Classics and BC Opens of the schedule should be able to help struggling players win their Tour cards, but have no place in my perfect world of playoff golf.

Any discussion has to include prize money and for what exactly the players are playing. The Fall Finish bonus is laughable to any player in the top-20 on the money list. So, the prize is of major concern in my hypothetical King of the Links competition. My conception would be a $4 million first place prize, following by $2 million to the runner-up and $1 million to the show pony.

Such a system would encourage play throughout the year. With an absurd first place prize, there is no reason for stars not to be intrigued. Even if you've already made $4 million, another $4 million on top of it would be worth the final nine events. Woods, Els, Singh, and the rest would have to play with some regularity, even with successes, to be able to make the top-10.

While just a few wins on the PGA Tour would be a good year on the money list, they would not be enough necessarily to get into the final chase. This is where pride enters the equation of the player's psyche. With the egos involved in golf and the emphasis placed upon prestigious championships, all players from top to bottom would be driven to make the final chase.

On top of the money, the public notoriety from fans and the media could go a long way in supporting an upstart player's career. Just as in college football, where "BCS Buster" schools gain national attention with a good year, players who have one amazing year can be thrust into the global golf spotlight and benefit tremendously. It is a method of self-promotion that the NFL and NASCAR have grasped very well. The whole King of the Links system would be a circle of marketing and public relations for the Tour, individual players, and the many corporate sponsors that have infiltrated the Tour's events.

This is a pretty basic outline of the King of the Links. I'm sure that I failed to touch of some niche questions, but that's why I'm writing. I want to begin a discourse on how to make the Tour more exciting down the final stretch. Actually, it's a discourse on how to make the PGA Tour more viable, especially in light of the struggles of Tiger Woods.

Even if you have no interest in NASCAR, you have some clue about who Jeff Gordon is. Why not do the same thing for guys like Jay Haas, or David Toms? What does the Tour have to lose in trying to inject some level of intrigue into the season that is very apparently absent currently?

I love golf, and I love watching professional golf. But, there are only so many times that I can watch the feel good story of a guy who is struggling to maintain his livelihood. I like watching winners. People like watching winners. And the more often winners are compelled to play on Tour, the better the image professional golf will have in the pantheon of sport.

Please e-mail me with your comments or better yet, post them in the comments section below. I hope this is just the beginning of a professional golf revolution ... or at least some fun talk in the offseason.

Posted by Ryan Ballengee at 12:43 PM | Comments (1)

October 22, 2004

Big Ben: Pittsburgh's Newest Landmark

Chad Pennington. Drew Bledsoe. Brett Favre.

That's a partial list of quarterbacks ranking below the Pittsburgh Steelers' Ben Roethlisberger in passer rating.

Now, I don't think passer rating is the ultimate measure of a quarterback. It's just better than any other quarterback stats collected by the Elias Sports Bureau, because it uses all of the statistical passing aspects to judge passing efficiency.

And Roethlisberger, who has the NFL's fourth-highest passer rating, has been nothing if not efficient. Steve McNair, Jake Delhomme, and Jeff Garcia -- three more quarterbacks who rank beneath Roethlisberger, can attest to that.

After popular starting quarterback Tommy Maddox went down with an elbow injury in a Week 2 loss to the Baltimore Ravens, guard Alan Faneca gave in to a little self-pity at the prospect of Pittsburgh's season going down the drain with a rookie at starting quarterback.

The Steelers' guard just might be the best player at his position since Pittsburgh's offensive line coach, Russ Grimm, hung up his hog snout and hooves. But Al shouldn't go into business as a fortuneteller.

Four games -- and four wins -- after taking over from Maddox, the Steelers sit atop the AFC North as one of the NFL's surprise teams. And Roethlisberger has been leading the way.

The only quarterback to have more consecutive wins in his first starts was Mike Kruczek for the 1976 Steelers. And, just as an indication of Kruczek's impact on that streak, Roethlisberger has seven career touchdown passes more than Kruczek had in five seasons with Pittsburgh and Washington.

Roethlisberger, by the way, has seven touchdown passes.

Jake Plummer, Michael Vick, and David Carr also trail Roethlisberger in passer rating. Not that any statistic is as important as winning.

And the Steelers would have lost to the Cleveland Browns two weeks ago, had Maddox been playing quarterback.

Pittsburgh's two biggest plays in that play happened only because Roethlisberger moved around in the pocket so he could have time to make something happen downfield. If it had been Maddox, who is not nearly as mobile as Roethlisberger, both plays would probably have ended in sacks or throwaways to avoid sacks.

Instead, Pittsburgh got a long touchdown pass to Plaxico Burress and another long pass to Burress that set up a short scoring run by Jerome Bettis in a game the Steelers won by 11 points.

Four weeks ago, the Steelers might have been lamenting the fact that any playoff hopes would be gone by the time they got Maddox back. Now, they're probably walking past him in the training room saying, "Take your time about getting better, T. We're doin' just fine."

Big Ben's type of mobility is something the Steelers haven't had at quarterback in a long time.

Maddox didn't have it -- if anyone builds a statue in his honor, it will probably have an inscription reading "Actual Speed" on its base. Nothing against Maddox, who was the best story in the league two years ago. He's going to make somebody a wonderful backup quarterback.

Kordell Stewart, who certainly wasn't lacking in the speed department, didn't have it, because when he took off running, he ceased being a quarterback and became a running back. His inability or unwillingness to throw on the run limited his effectiveness both as a runner and a thrower.

Roethlisberger instinctively understands something that it took Donovan McNabb years to figure out and Stewart never did. Quarterbacks aren't supposed to regularly run for yardage; they are supposed to run for time.

Three highly-regarded current and former Rams quarterbacks -- Trent Green, Kurt Warner, and Marc Bulger -- also are listed below Roethlisberger on the passer rating charts.

But his success can't be explained solely by the stats.

Facing the most fierce rush he's seen as a pro, Roethlisberger only built on his growing legend Sunday against Dallas. Looking more and more like Brett Favre -- the Favre of 1997, not the Favre of 2004 -- Roethlisberger directed what will likely be the first of many game-winning final-minute drives in the Steelers' 24-20 win.

There are probably some bumps on the road ahead for the rookie quarterback. Pittsburgh has a bye week, which will break Big Ben's "Offensive Rookie of the Week" streak, but after that, the Steelers have the Patriots and Eagles.

At least one, and probably both, of those teams have the defensive talent and the coaching acumen to contain Roethlisberger in the pocket while shrouding their coverages in disguises veteran quarterbacks have trouble decoding.

Every young quarterback has one of those games where he throws three, four, or five interceptions. At that point, he either learns from it, or he cracks and never becomes great.

After seeing Roethlisberger for four weeks, it's likely that when and if that five-interception game ever happens, he'll respond in the latter manner.

Roethlisberger's dirty little secret -- difficult as it is to believe -- is that he might be even more talented mentally as he is physically. He doesn't get flustered by misfortune or mistakes. In two of his first four starts, he threw interceptions that were returned for touchdowns.

Stewart, for example, was notoriously brittle, emotionally speaking. When he was the Steelers' starter, an early interception was enough to ruin his entire day.

Against the Cowboys, Roethlisberger fired 11 consecutive completions on two scoring drives against defensive players who knew he would throw the ball and were deployed in the best ways to prevent him from doing it.

He stood in and faced the hits from a fierce rush, even sustaining a minor knee injury. And when the time came, he didn't take what the Cowboys' defense gave him; he took what he wanted.

Of course, no one's -- other than the NFL passer rating listings -- is saying that Roethlisberger is better than Tom Brady.

Not yet, anyway.

Posted by Eric Poole at 10:58 PM | Comments (0)

October 21, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 7

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Atlanta @ Kansas City

"My name may be Priest," preaches Chief running back Priest Holmes, "but I alone cannot rescue this team from the eternal damnation of a 1-4 record. We have tried to fight our demons, but it has been an exorcism in futility. It's clear as heaven that the football gods are against us, and that leaves us with only one option: quitting. Naw, just kidding. We need to toss our coaching staff into an active volcano."

"Wait a minute, Priest," counsels Chief coach Dick Vermeil. "Let's not panic. We may be four games down to Denver in the win column, but get this, we're only three down in the loss column. And we're playing at home Sunday."

"Yeah, you're right," Holmes says. "But we're winless at home."

"Well, we're playing the Falcons. They suck, don't they?"

"No, they're 5-1," corrects Holmes. "You are forever the eternal optimist. That's why you need to go."

Indeed, the Falcons are riding high above the NFC South, a division that has produced the last two NFC Champions. Now, it is arguably the weakest in the NFC, with New Orleans, Carolina, and Tampa Bay combining for a 4-13 record so far.

"Damn," says Michael Vick, "that means we've got more wins ourselves than the rest of the whole division. Break out the champagne, fellas, we just clinched the division. Let's go to the Gold Club."

Sorry, Michael, it doesn't work that way, although the division-clinching win shouldn't be too far away. If the Saints, Panthers, and Bucs keep losing and you and the Falcons keep winning, you could see that "y" next to Atlanta in the standings come week 11 or 12.

"All right, but I'm still going to the Gold Club."

Vick has his way with the K.C. defense, with a touchdown run and pass. Atlanta's defense stymies Trent Green into two interceptions.

Falcons win, 24-17.

Buffalo @ Baltimore

"At this point in the season," Raven coach Brian Billick explains, "I'd have to say that our Most Valuable Player is punt and kickoff returner B.J. Sams. Incidentally, that's also the name of my favorite Japanese restaurant. You know, I love the way they slice and dice the food right in front of me, although, for some reason, the sight of that giant butcher knife makes me a little uneasy."

Have you been watching Iron Chef on the Food Network again?

"Oh no," replies Billick. "It's that new sous chef at B.J. Sam's. I think his name is O.J. Simpson. I can't quite put a finger on it; maybe it's the black gloves he wears while dicing; maybe it's when he offers me juice with my meal; but he gives me the creeps."

"Hey man," says Simpson, "I'm just looking for the real killers. I received a tip from a concerned citizen that the killer, I mean killers, may be in Baltimore."

"Well," replies Billick, "that citizen was right. You are in Baltimore. Now, prepare my sweet and sour pork before my very eyes, you slime ball."

Just as there is no chance that Simpson will find the real killer, there is no chance that the Bills will beat Baltimore. Oh, it will be a defensive struggle, but Baltimore always finds a way to score, usually on defense.

"Drew Bledsoe's movement is stiff as a board," notes Raven linebacker Terrell Suggs, "and he's ripe for the pickin'. I think by game's end, we will be calling him 'Roger Mortis.'"

Bledsoe is brutalized. The Ravens' defense and special teams account for two touchdowns. Baltimore QB Kyle Boller accounts for one -- for the Bills.

Ravens win, 20-10.

Chicago @ Tampa Bay

Does that pirate ship in the end zone of Raymond James Stadium even intimidate anyone anymore?

"Did it ever?" asks Tampa coach Jon Gruden. "That was there so the kids could play on it while their parents got wasted in the stands. It's a miracle one of those cannonballs never hit the field. But, we can still intimidate. Doesn't it scare you when I put on this eye patch and this fake hook on my arm?"

Avast, matey, it doesn't. The only thing in Tampa that intimidates is that old geezer of a defensive coordinator, Monte Kiffin, who storms up and down the sideline promoting his "Cover 2" defense.

"Oh no. You've got it all wrong," Gruden explains. "Our players just avoid Monte because he smells like mothballs and stale Old Spice cologne."

Yes, that is intimidation, and lethal, at that.

Chicago, on the other hand, intimidates no one. The Bears are trying to stay afloat with Jonathan Quinn at quarterback. How's that working out for you, Lovie Smith?

"Not too good, buddy," Smith explains. "Jonathan Quinn just doesn't have the pedigree or the right name to succeed at quarterback. Now, if you told me a Jonathan Quinn was a signer of the Declaration Of Independence, I'd believe you in a heartbeat."

Good point, Lovie. I think I saw Quinn signing autographs with a quill pen and ink.

Quinn's weak performance has allowed defenses to concentrate on stopping running back Thomas Jones, who was a force early in the season.

"Yeah, I think that's what we'll do," adds Kiffin. "We're going to put nine in the box and make our cornerbacks cover two guys apiece. Hence, 'Cover 2.'"

It works like a charm. Tampa assaults Quinn, pummeling him with five sacks and two interceptions. Brian Griese remains sharp for the Bucs, with two TD passes.

Tampa Bay wins, 30-7.

Detroit @ N.Y. Giants

The most striking news out of New York City is not the Giants' 4-1 start; nor is it the death of actor Christopher Reeve, possibly the most memorable version of Superman on the silver screen. What's really abuzz is the possible retirement of Takeru Kobayashi, four-time Nathan's hot dog-eating champion.

"Kobayashi has really been an inspiration to me, personally," comments Giant quarterback Kurt Warner. "You have no idea the spiritual guidance I receive when I watch a 130-pound Japanese man stuff over 50 hot dogs down his pipe. It's like with every wiener that disappears down his throat, I'm one step closer to my personal savior."

And who might that be, Kurt?

"I'll answer that," says New York head coach Tom Coughlin. "Kurt is referring to me. I am his personal savior. I rescued Kurt from the depths of quarterback hell, where he's been floundering since his glory years, all two of them. I gave him a fresh start, and look at him now. He's just a shell of his former self, but he can still throw the 20-yard out, and his thumb has remained unbroken."

"Psst! I was talking about Jesus," Warner quietly asserts, "but let's just let Coach believe he's responsible for everything. It'll make him happy, or at least not angry."

Warner stays hot, or at least not cold, with two touchdown passes. Tiki Barber scores another for the G-Men and New York stays hot on the heels of the Eagles in the NFC East.

Giants win, 24-13.

Jacksonville @ Indianapolis

"We realize the danger the Jaguars present," analyzes Peyton Manning. "We've studied their tendencies, watched a lot of film, and understand that they like to keep games close and then win it in the final seconds when Byron Leftwich hits one of his no-name receivers for a four-yard touchdown. To prevent this from happening, we plan to jump out to a 21-0 lead and hold that margin until the end."

"Man, that's bulletin board material right there," responds Jag coach Jack Del Rio. "I'll clip that and put it up there with the pictures of Fred Taylor's vacation to Cancun. I'll have Manning audible-izing that comment by Thursday."

On Thursday, Manning amends his statement to make the lead 28-0.

"See, I told you he'd change it," snickers Jack Del Rio.

You were right, Jack Del Rio, but here's the situation. The Colts are to the Jaguars as the Patriots are to the Colts.

"What the Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala are you talking about, you Ma'afala," screams an irate Jack Del Rio.

Settle down, Jack. Here's the deal: until your Jags beat the Colts, the Colts will always have the edge, in bragging rights and in division dominance. Just like the Patriots have the Colts' number.

"Oh, I get it. You're saying to be the man, you got to beat the man, and the Colts are the man?"

Yes, it's not often one mentions the words "Colts" and "man" in the same sentence, but that's what I'm saying.

"Fair enough, chief."

Once again, the Jags hang tough, but a Manning TD pass to Reggie Wayne clinches the win. Colts are victorious, 30-20, and open up a two game lead in the AFC South.

Philadelphia @ Cleveland

Even some fans in the Dawg Pound have to chuckle when Philly wide receiver and professional troublemaker Terrell Owens commandeers the public address system at Cleveland Stadium and says "...and at quarterback, out of The Closet, Jeff Garcia!"

"Ha ha, T.O. That's funny," a good-natured Jeff Garcia responds. "Terrell just won't let this controversy die. But I'm not going to let it bring me down. Things are good for me here in Cleveland. Hell. I just tied an NFL record for the longest pass touchdown in history with my 99-yard completion to André Davis. I love taking snaps from center here."

"Aha! You just admitted it and you didn't even realize it," Owens responds. "You said you love hovering over your center's five hole and taking snaps, as you call it. Need I say more? No, but I will anyway. Big deal, Garcia. You tied an NFL record; I own one all to myself. Twenty receptions in one game. You may have heard of it?"

"Yes, Terrell, I have heard of it," Garcia replies. "I threw all 20 of those to you. I think we hugged after that."

Garcia's clever wit sends Owens into a fit of rage, but his anger is nothing compared to his rage when the sound system at the Stadium blares the soulful words of Reunited by rhythm and blues super-duet Peaches and Herb.

"Did someone say 'herb?'", queries Ricky Williams.

Ricky, will you mind you own business?

Anyway, Owens controls his emotions, and succinctly reminds Garcia that Garcia's throwing to guys named Dennis Northcutt, André Davis, and Antonio Bryant, and not throwing to Terrell Owens. But Donovan McNabb is, and McNabb connects with Owens for two scores. Garcia can only manage 220 yards passing and one touchdown.

Eagles remain undefeated, winning 24-14.

San Diego @ Carolina

Keenan McCardell finally got his wish.

"Yeah, I'm out of the clutches of Tampa Bay and headed for a fresh start in San Diego," explains the former Buc wide receiver. "Sadly, though, this means I must relinquish my number one ranking as 'Player Who Most Hates Jon Gruden.' I slide to the number three spot, while Keyshawn Johnson moves back to number one, with Brad Johnson number two."

In Charlotte, a rancid stench permeates the air. No, it's not residual motor fumes from the Sponge Bob Square Pants Movie 300 Busch Series race at Charlotte Motor Speedway last Friday. It's the Panthers. They stink.

"You know, I looked at this game on our schedule earlier in the year and thought, 'Easy win,'" explains Panther defensive end Julius Peppers. "But on second thought and taking into account that we can't stop anyone, I fear for us facing LaDainian Tomlinson, Drew Brees, and McCardell. That's not even considering the interceptions Jake Delhomme will throw. We're toast."

Excellent observations, Julius.

Peppers' thoughts prove to be prophetic. Tomlinson runs wild, with 157 yards rushing, and McCardell notches his first score as a Charger.

San Diego wins 23-13.

St. Louis @ Miami

St. Louis head coach Mike Martz appears at a Friday press conference wearing a t-shirt that reads "Greatest Show On Turf; Greatest Coach On Earth."

"Please hold your applause," Martz advises. "I will be signing autographs after the interview session, and authentic replicas of this shirt are available at www.GrandWizard.com for $39.95. Damn, it's great to be me."

But let's give it up for Martz. The Rams are 4-2 and holding first place in the NFC West. Martz is calling a nice mix of run and pass plays, and Torry Holt finally exploded last Monday with two long touchdown catches. Could it get any better?

"It just did," adds Martz. "We're playing the 0-6 Dolphins."

"Yes, I am aware that we are the last remaining winless team," admits Miami's Dave Wannstedt. "But all we can do now is suck it up, ride it out, and sing this classic ditty from famous country variety show Hee Haw: 'Gloom, despair, and agony on me. Ohhh! Deep, dark, depression, excessive misery. Ohhh! If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Ohhh! Gloom, despair, and agony on me.'"

Cheer up, Dave. Ten more games and the season is over, if you make it that long. And the Dolphins could possibly have the number one pick in next year's draft.

"I think we've already traded that pick away in one of these sorry deals we made in the off-season," laments Wannstedt.

The Rams only add to Miami's misery. Miami's defense gives a gallant effort, but can only keep the Rams' offense off the field for so long, especially when the Miami offense keeps giving the ball back to the Rams. Bulger throws two TD passes; the St. Louis defense comes up with another score.

Rams cruise, 24-9.

Tennessee @ Minnesota

"Hey Jeff Fisher, riddle me this," Viking head coach Mike Tice offers. "What does the number 605 and the Minnesota Vikings have in common?"

"Dang, Tice," responds Fisher, "you know I love a good riddle. But I'm in no joking mood right now. My Titans are 2-4 and dead last in the AFC South."

"Come on, take a guess," Tice says.

"Okay. Let's see," Fisher responds. "605? Okay, I got it. 605 is the number of grams of coke that can be found in your locker room on a given Sunday."

"Hmmm. Good answer, but the wrong one. 605 is the amount of yardage we dropped on the Saints last week. Now, I know your defense isn't as pathetic as the Saints, but I just want to give you a heads up: we plan on posting yardage in the 490-520 range and scoring 35-42 points. And that's with Randy Moss nursing a pulled hamstring."

"And speaking of nurses, ham, and string," Moss says into the "CALL" speaker from his room in Minneapolis Memorial Hospital, "somebody get me a sandwich and a yo-yo!"

Moss or no Moss, the Vikings still have plenty of weapons, including Daunte Culpepper, who just lit up the Saints last week for five touchdowns, the third time this season he's done that, an NFL record.

"Look out, Dan Marino, here I come," warns Culpepper. "48 TDs in one year? Is that all you got? I'm sitting on 18 after five games, so, just know, I'm coming after you and your Isotoner gloves contract. And I plan on going to Germany, cutting an album, and getting famous, just like your doppelganger, David Hasselhoff."

The Titans manage a victory -- a moral victory, that is, by holding Culpepper to "only" four TD passes. One goes to Moss, who, even with a bad hamstring, is unstoppable.

Vikings win, 38-21.

N.Y. Jets @ New England

"You know," Herman Edwards recalls, "my good friend Kenny Loggins put it best when he sang, 'This is it. Make no mistake where you are. This is it. Your back's to the corner. This is it. Don't be a fool anymore. This is it. The waiting is over, no, don't you run. No way to hide. No time for wonderin' why. It's here, the moment is now, about to decide.'"

"Wow!" replies Jet kicker John Hall. "Coach Edwards has that amazing ability to take a Kenny Loggins song and use it as motivation, even for the guys who don't know Kenny Loggins. I bet if you took a Lil' John beat and had Mos Def rap the lyrics to This is It, the homies would think it was a brand new joint."

"Did someone say joint?" asks former Dolphin running back Ricky Williams, stoned as a bat.

Ricky, I thought I told you to get lost.

There's no doubt the Jets will be fired up for this one, but the Patriots' Bill Belichick also has a unique ability to get the most out of his team, even whilst speaking in a voice akin to Eeyore the donkey of Winnie the Pooh fame.

"Coach Billichick might not be the most animated fellow out there," New England cornerback and sole reason for the new illegal contact rules Ty Law states, "but he ... ah, let's face it, he's a statue. He could be a robot for all I know. It's amazing these days what they can do with computer graphic imaging. You know, the guys and I have tried to get Coach to smile, but it never happens. That's why we've all chipped in and will offer $50,000 to anyone who obtains visual proof that Coach has teeth."

The reward goes unclaimed as of Sunday, but Belichick lets slip a sly grin after the Pats go up 14-0 late in the first on a Corey Dillon touchdown.

Edwards keeps the Jets disciplined, and by half time, the New England lead is only 17-7. Jets' QB Chad Pennington's composure is tested early in the third when the Gillette Stadium crowd, taking a cue from their own daddies, New York Yankees fans, begin to chant "Who's Your Daddy" whenever Pennington throws a pass. As Pennington's father waves his arms wildly in the stands, Pennington calmly tosses a short TD pass to Lamont Jordan, and it's a three-point game.

But, as they almost always do, the Pats produce in the clutch. Rodney Harrison intercepts a Pennington pass, and, after a Brady TD pass and Adam Vinatieri field goal, New England celebrates it 21st in a row, a 27-14 win..

Dallas @ Green Bay

Thirty-seven years ago, Dallas and Green Bay played in possibly the most epic NFL Championship Game of all time, the infamous "Ice Bowl."

"Man, I am sick and tired of hearing about the 'Ice Bowl,'" complains Brett Favre. "Sure, Bart Starr may have scored the winning touchdown in that game, but ask yourself this: would you rather score the winning TD in an NFL Championship Game, or star with Ben Stiller, Cameron Diaz, and the great Matt Dillon in the slapstick comedy hit There's Something About Mary? I think the answer is clear."

And, if you've seen the movie, you know the clear answer to this question: can Brett Favre act? No.

Better stick to football, Brett.

"I plan to, pal," responds Favre. "But just for the record, I wasn't acting in that movie. I was just playing myself."

Well, in that case, Brett, even you playing yourself is bad acting. See you at the Oscar's someday.

Favre can't act, but he can throw the football. I think they clocked him at 64 miles per hour on Monday Night Football two weeks ago. That's pathetic. My change-up is faster than that. I'm just kidding. That's pretty awesome. I defy any Major League Baseball player, on steroids or not, to take a Brett Favre football fastball out of the park. I bet it can't be done.

Okay, enough with the shenanigans. Favre throws two TD passes and Ahman Green gets back on track with 100 yards rushing.

Packers victorious, 24-19.

New Orleans @ Oakland

"I want out of Oakland."

Jerry Rice has stated his case; now, it remains to be seen if the Raiders and owner/walking corpse Al Davis will oblige.

"We're shopping Jerry as we speak," notes the crusty Davis as he smoothes his hair back with a handful of 10-W40. "I think the Browns are interested, but all they want to give up is a 1958 Roger Maris rookie card. I told 'em to come back with a full set of the 1986 Garbage Pail Kids collection and we're in business. Excuse me for a minute. I can't get this song out of my head."

Suddenly, a boom microphone descends from the ceiling, and Davis pounces on his desk with surprising ease, and begins to sing, "This is a Raider, everybody on the dance floor. Raider. 'Cause we're here to turn the party out! Okay, where were we?"

And that's the story of Rice today. He's a forgotten man. He hasn't caught a pass in three games. In fact, he rarely even gets a pass thrown his way. I feel for you, Jerry. I didn't catch a single pass in my NFL career. Of course, I didn't have an NFL career, but my point is this: had I a career, I would have known that the time to go is when you're on top. And since you're about seven years too late for that, you should cut your losses, sign with the 49ers, and have a fantastic retirement bash. Just a thought.

This just in, Jerry: you've been traded to the Seahawks.

"Jerry," says Davis, "you've been a heck of a player for me and I would just..."

Before Davis can finish dispensing the pleasantries, Rice is out of the door.

And everyone knows the Raiders without Jerry Rice are, well, the same team, pretty much.

Anytime the Saints come to town, you know they can easily put up 30 or more points. Usually, when that happens, you can expect their opposition to score more than thirty, giving the Saints a loss. But not this week. The Saints will score 30, and the Raiders, mourning the loss of Rice, won't be able to keep up.

New Orleans wins, 30-21.

Seattle @ Arizona

Upon arrival at the Seattle airport, new Seahawk Jerry Rice flashes the "West Coast" hand signal and is met by Seahawk coach Mike Holmgren, who assigns Rice his new duties as receivers' coach.

"But I can still catch passes!" Rice complains.

"Yes, I know that, Jerry, but you will be more of an asset to us as a mentor to wide receivers Darrell Jackson and Koren Robinson, who both have vast quantities of unused potential."

"Hey,4 Uncle Jerry," jokes Jackson. "What can you show us that we don't already know, Pops?"

"You can start by shutting you mouth and your face!" Rice snaps back. "You young punks don't know squat. You guys have more drops this year than I have in my career. I've got a notebook on every defensive back I've ever played against. You ass clowns get your scouting report on Madden NFL 2K5.

Listen, suckers, I bet you didn't know that the Cardinals' right cornerback, David Macklin, has a lazy left eye and his right leg is two inches shorter than his left. In other words, he's always leaning left, so he's vulnerable when you make him go right. Now, with Deion Sanders, if he's running with you, just say, 'Look, a camera' and he'll turn his head for a split second. He's got great recovery speed, so make the most of the distraction."

"Cool, Uncle Jerry," replies Robinson. "We've got notebook on every NFL cheerleader, so maybe we can exchange someday."

"How about right now?" asks Rice. "I've had my eyes on some NFC West chicks for quite some time now."

Rice plays on Sunday, but, more importantly, gives Robinson and Jackson some good pointers on route running. Rice pretends to study the Seahawk play book, but secretly gazes at the cheerleader playbook.

The Cardinal defense keeps it close, but Shaun Alexander's fourth quarter touchdown seals a 23-10 Seattle victory.

Denver @ Cincinnati

Bengal wideout Chad Johnson must feel like a fool after sending four Cleveland Brown defensive backs bottles of Pepto Bismol, then getting shutdown by those same guys to the tune of three catches for 37 yards, plus several drops. I guess, Chad, you were implying that they would be nervous about covering you, and therefore suffer upset stomachs? Good one.

"The funny thing is," explains Browns' safety Robert Griffith, "we all had some hardcore chili on Saturday night. We were all rumbling Sunday morning, but, 'lo and behold, what do we have waiting on us Sunday but a bottle of Pepto for each of us. Thanks, Chad. I hope you enjoyed those Ex-Lax brownies we sent in return."

Check this out, Chad: If you think you had it hard last Sunday, wait until you get a load of Champ Bailey. He's what they call a shutdown corner, "they" being people who like using overused terms for cornerbacks who cover you like a blanket, to use another overused term. So Champ will be on you, and the other Denver defensive backs can cover your partner, T. J. Houshmandzadeh, because that's a lot of name to cover.

On defense, the Bengals can't stop anyone, so look for Reuben Droughns to go well over 100 yards for the third-straight game. Jake Plummer should have his way, as well. The Broncos send the Cincinnati crowd home early, and blow out the Bengals, 34-17.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 8:16 PM | Comments (3)

Red Sox Complete Impossible Dream

For the first time in my life, I didn't know what to write.

The blank computer screen stared me in the face. Normally, this would upset me greatly. But not on this night or early morning or whatever it was.

If the computer screen could see, it would have seen a smile on my face.

The Boston Red Sox had just put the finishing touch on a curse-busting victory that capped the greatest comeback in the history of baseball.

Down 3-0 in the ALCS to the powerful Yankees, the Sox fought back and won four in a row, including the 10-3 exclamation point Wednesday night.

Words were hard to come by. The 37 million story angles floated all around me. Derek Lowe's incredible performance on the mound (wasn't this guy mediocre all year?). Johnny Damon's resurrection (I know he looks like Jesus, but rising from the dead after his miserable start to the series seemed unlikely). David Ortiz's continued dominance (why did the Yankees pitch to this man?). The sheer fact that the Sox were able to orchestrate this comeback (the word hopeless was thrown around after Game 3).

But I kept coming back to one little thought -- thousands of Red Sox fans are as happy as they've ever been.

Me? I'm a diehard Cubs fan, but the family roots are firmly planted in Boston, so I've always been a Red Sox supporter.

My dad, on the other hand? This is all you need to know: I called him after the game to make sure he hadn't died of a heart attack.

Like so many Red Sox fans, he is a true diehard, as pessimistic as they come and full of doomsday prophecies. He spent the entire game imagining ways the Red Sox could find to blow it.

Every Red Sox fan did the same thing. But can you blame them?

Even the most rational, logical people in the world have to admit that the Red Sox sure do seem to be cursed. They haven't won the World Series since 1918. In those 86 years, they've found remarkable ways to lose.

There was Bucky Bleepin' Dent sneaking the ball over the Green Monster. There was Bill Buckner letting an easy grounder roll through his legs in the '86 World Series. And there was Aaron Boone one year ago, sending a Tim Wakefield knuckleball deep into the cruel, dark New York night.

How do you stare history like that in the face and not feel intimidated? How do you fall behind three games to the suddenly invincible Yankees and not crumble under the pressure? How do you even believe in yourself?

If you're David Ortiz, you just keep pounding. If you're Curt Schilling, you ignore the pain as tendons in your ankle hang by a thread. If you're Derek Lowe, you put all the bad moments from a rough year behind you. If you're Johnny Damon, you forget all the strikeouts and play like you've got nothing to lose.

And if you're a Red Sox fan, you believe. You cling to the slimmest of hopes. You convince yourself that if there was ever a time to kill the curse, this would be it because a comeback like this would smash it to pieces.

After Wednesday, we can say "mission accomplished." Ortiz and company pulled off the most incredible of feats, and the fans who never left, not even when the Yankees were three outs from a sweep, rejoiced like never before.

I can only imagine what Boston is like right now. Two solid days of celebration are in order, two days where pessimism won't creep in, where relishing the moment will be the thing to do.

Saturday will come, and Fenway Park will host a World Series game. The fans will get back to their old pessimistic selves. They'll still believe -- they'll always believe they can win -- but they'll never think they will.

The curse may yet rear its ugly head. The Sox got every break in the final four games of the ALCS, so a few things are bound to go the other way in the World Series. And plenty of questions remain. Can Schilling even walk? Does Pedro Martinez have the stamina to pitch on short rest? Will Ortiz stay scorching-hot and live up to his new "Senor October" nickname?

But with this team, the curse may not stand a chance. A team that was truly cursed would have found a way to blow Game 7. It would have seen Schilling's foot fall off. It would have folded in Game 5. It would have never stood up to Mariano Rivera in Game 4.

The Red Sox didn't do any of that. They ignored it all. They passed the tests with flying colors, and they made thousands of Red Sox fans absolutely ecstatic.

They also left one long-winded writer speechless for hours. Finally, I was able to hammer out this column, but the right words were still tough to find.

How do you describe the most improbable comeback you've ever seen?

If you're me, you fight through the writer's block and you turn to the phrase -- the uniquely New England phrase -- that perfectly captures the moment.

Wicked awesome. Yeah, I think that fits.

Posted by William Geoghegan at 6:38 PM | Comments (0)

A Sudden Change of Fortune

You'll never fully realize how an uncertain fate torments human beings until you play fantasy football. You'll never realize how maddeningly inconsistent people are, how indecisive leaders can be, how off the mark predictions often are. But fantasy illuminates the human flaws of the game, both physical and mental.

Case in point: Curtis Martin. I have watched with quiet fury as Martin has torn up the league this season, regularly skating past the 100-yard mark as if he were 25-years-old, making regular visits to the end zone. I had him on my squad last year and laughed openly at the guy who took him at this year's draft. I remember saying, "I didn't know Father Time was still on the board." I had a few more chuckles in private later that night.

Now, I feel like a fool. But how could I have known? Martin scored twice for me last year. Twice! He looked tired, cranky, and sore. He looked like a man on his last legs. But then, unbeknownst to me, he spent the offseason enduring a Jerry Rice-like training regime, exhibiting such focused dedication that even Jim Brown expressed awe. So now the guy who drafted Father Time is sitting atop our league, three games ahead of me. Why couldn't Curtis Martin have "re-dedicated" himself last year?

As I was laughing myself silly that someone drafted Curtis Martin, I confidently took Michael Bennett with my second pick. Despite the cackles of cynicism from others, I knew that Bennett would explode onto the scene this year. Finally healthy, he would return to the sprinter/tailback role he held with the Vikings two years ago. And I remembered him destroying plodding Big 10 defenses when he ran for Wisconsin. It was a lock.

And then the preseason happened. Bennett twisted his knee on a late carry in a meaningless game. Just a twist, I thought. Six weeks later, he was still "recuperating." This was unacceptable behavior for a second pick. This was insulting. I was hoping nobody noticed.

At last, Michael Bennett suited up -- for practice. On his first carry, on his first contact, he hurt his other leg. Surgery. Another five weeks of recuperation. I was thinking, "This guy should just quit football. He's an embarrassment to himself and, more importantly, to me."

Now he's slated to return next week. Of course, in the meantime, I've picked up Mewelde Moore, who is playing superbly and who I'd hate to see benched. So, after two months of anxiously awaiting his return, suddenly the return of Michael Bennett has become a threat.

Elsewhere, just as Koren Robinson has a breakthrough performance -- nine catches for 150 yards against the Patriots -- news surfaces that he couldn't shelve the hashish and faces a four-game substance-abuse suspension. It would be his third. Fortunately, Michael Clayton was languishing on the waiver wires. And yet Clayton too faces an uncertain future. Joe Jurevicius is rumored to be returning soon, sure to take catches away from Clayton. And not hours after I acquire Clayton, the man I dropped for him, holdout Keenan McCardell, is traded to the Chargers, a team desperate for pass catchers.

The one constant in fantasy football is change. Ruthless, unexpected change. It's enough to drive a man crazy, to usher dementia into your daily routine. And then there's the scoring formula, that always arcane statistical matrix that seems specifically designed to obscure the real value of your players -- and overemphasize the value of everyone else's.

A post on our league website yesterday asked, in furious disbelief, why running backs did not receive a quarter of a point for carries. The owner who posted the manic message owns Ruben Droughns and Clinton Portis, who carried 38 and 36 times, respectively. I imagined the owner, pacing his living room Sunday night, thrilled at massive point total that 74 carries would produce. And then I imagined the crushing rage he felt when he realized his mistake, that carries were worthless.

Since that same owner beat me to Droughns in the free agent pool, I picked up Sammie Morris, the latest in Miami's now infamous no-name backfield. I was pleased with the pick since Sammie had rushed for 81 yards in the first half on Sunday, before the Fins fell behind -- predictably -- and Jay Fiedler took to the air with his errant arm. I thought, "Finally, someone solid and reliable I can count on."

But at lunch, I read that Ricky Williams, shorn of his dreadlocks and living in a campground outside of Brisbane, Australia, was seeking immediate reinstatement with the Miami Dolphins.

I squeezed the newspaper in anger; there was simply no relief for a fantasy football owner. I began to wonder if it was all worth it in the end, if the months of agonizing over the whims of -- but wait, had anyone grabbed Ricky off the free agent market yet? And if not, how would his rumored vegetarian diet affect his ability to run inside? And how -- ah, forget it. I'm living in a fantasyland.

Posted by Jason Hirthler at 3:01 PM | Comments (0)

BCS Resume Review: Cal

Is there a coach in the country that has done a better job over the past few years than Jeff Tedford? In just a few years, Tedford has led the Golden Bears of California from a one-win season to narrowly closing the gap between the mighty Trojans of USC and the rest of the Pac-10.

This year, Tedford's team has become a mainstay in the top-10. If not for a very close loss to the number one team in the county, in a game that could have gone either way, Cal would be considered a strong national championship contender. Can the Bears fight their way back to the top? Let's take a look at their resume.

Schedule and Results

Cal 56, Air Force 14

Cal opened the season with an impressive 42-point victory on the road against team that many expect to play in a bowl game. At a glance, one might see the 3-3 record of Air Force and think that Cal deserves little credit for their performance. But Air Force's three losses came versus Cal and Utah (both top-10 ranked teams) and one-loss Navy (by just three points). At Utah, Air Force finished with a lesser margin of defeat (16) than any of the Utes opponents this season, including Texas A&M and North Carolina. Cal's performance versus Air Force is more impressive than it may seem on the surface.

Cal 41, New Mexico State 14

This is the least impressive of Cal's performances. New Mexico State did beat Troy in a surprising outcome, but otherwise has been a less than impressive team. Cal should lose nothing because of outcome of this game, after all we don't want to encourage running up the score, but they gained nothing from this performance, either.

Cal 49, Oregon State 7

Any 42-point victory in the conference is noteworthy, even if it came versus a four-loss team at this point in the season. But much like the Air Force victory, we have to take a bit of a closer look to fully appreciate the significance. Oregon State's four losses each came against ranked teams (LSU, BSU, ASU, Cal). The bottom line is that Cal played like a top-five team in this game.

USC 23, Cal 17

Once again Cal played like a top-five team as they nearly defeated USC for the second consecutive season. This score versus USC was no aberration, like for example Stanford's performance versus the Trojans. Cal proved that they can play with any team in the country, on any given week, home or away.

Cal 45, UCLA 28

In this game, Cal gave up more than 14 points in a victory for the first time this season. But UCLA can put points on the scoreboard against everyone. Cal's offense came through with its normal 40-plus in a convincing victory.

Summary

Cal could be the second best team in the country for all we know. We may never find out how Cal would do against Oklahoma, Miami, or Auburn. But they have given us every reason to believe that they would, at the very least, be in the game. Cal should be the highest ranked one-loss team in the country, in my opinion. Yet they continue to trail Florida State and Georgia in the Coaches Poll (only FSU in the AP).

The most curious fact regarding where Cal find themselves in the polls is how they were jumped by Florida State. Going in two weeks ago, Cal was at seven and FSU was at nine in the Coaches Poll. Cal lost by less than a touchdown at USC and Florida State won by less than one touchdown at Syracuse. Yet the Golden Bears and the Seminoles swapped places in the poll for some reason.

If you isolate that week, as I think is fair since that is when FSU passed them, we see the problem with the human polls. Cal clearly played like a top-five team versus USC. And one could argue that Florida State did not even play like a top-25 team that week. Yet a four-spot swing in favor of the Seminoles followed.

Cal's best hope, at this point, is to land in the Rose Bowl if USC ends up playing in Miami on January 4. Its tough to foresee the Trojans losing twice in the conference, which is what the Bears would have to have to get back in to the Pac-10 picture. Nevertheless, Cal is working on a very impressive resume and could land themselves a BCS bowl birth regardless of what happens to USC.

Posted by Glen Willis at 3:01 PM | Comments (1)

October 20, 2004

It's the End of the World As We Know It

Under the proper circumstances, the collision of matter and anti-matter can release the most energy per unit of mass of any reaction known to science, or about what can be expected when the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees meet up this evening in the Bronx for Game 7 of the American League Championship Series.

The seventh game of any series in any sport is special, but tonight's game is something more than we're used to, for about 1,918 reasons. Here are a few:

1. Yankees vs. Red Sox

Without question, this is the greatest rivalry in all of sports. If this were the Twins and the Angels, it would be worth watching, but when you get the Yanks and the Sawx together for Game 7, it's more than just a game.

The personalities of these two teams could not be more different. The Yankees are clean-shaven, calm, and professional -- a team of gentlemen. The Red Sox have cultivated the exact opposite image. Facial hair seems to be required, hairstyles are erratic, and rally caps are the norm. Meet the Anti-Yankees -- a team of idiots. (They achieved true Bizarro World status when they jettisoned Nomar Garciaparra, who always seemed more like a Yankee. He even married Title IX's Marilyn Monroe, Mia Hamm.)

2. The Curse of History

The ghost of Babe Ruth likely won't make an appearance between the lines tonight, but you can be certain that he'll be on the minds of each of the 56,000 screaming fans in the stands, not to mention the millions watching on television in the New England area.

Whether or not you want to blame Boston's tragic history on a curse, history cannot be ignored. The Red Sox have teased their fans several times, reaching the seventh game of five different postseason series in the past 60 years (including four tries in the World Series), only to disappoint on each occassion.
Their most recent failure came at the hands of the Yankees and Aaron Boone in last year's ALCS, and that's probably the only loss that any of the players in tonight's game remember.

3. Recent History

Over the past three seasons, the Yankees and Red Sox have played each other 70 times, including the playoffs. Entering tonight's Game 7, their head-to-head record stands at 35-35.

4. Baseball History

The path to Game 7 is sometimes as important as the game itself. If these two teams had alternated wins over the past week, the way they did last year, we could afford to focus solely on tonight's game. But that's not the way it happened. The Yanks jumped out to a seemingly insurmountable 3-0 lead, humiliating the Sox in the process by thumping them 19-8 in the third game. While MLB was no doubt making arrangements for the World Series to come to Yankee Stadium, the Red Sox stormed back, matching New York's three-game streak with one of their own. Never before has a team climbed all the way out of a 3-0 hole to win a postseason series. At least until tonight. Maybe.

5. The Immediate Future

And when I say future, I'm not just talking about the winning team. These two teams have spent the past year gearing up for this game, leaving the rest of baseball behind. Ben Affleck likes to complain about how much the Yankees spend, but to the rest of baseball, Boston and New York are just this century's version of the United States and the USSR: two superpowers caught up in a spectacular arms race which could eventually destroy the world. The winner gets a trip to the World Series, but there will be no consolation prizes for the loser.

A Boston loss will cut deep. New Englanders will plunge into their deepest depression yet, even as they tell all who will listen that the loss was expected. A New York loss? To Boston? After being up 3-0? We can't begin to know how this will affect George Steinbrenner. No one will be safe.

As a Yankee fan, these past few games have been difficult to watch, but I look forward to tonight's game with nothing but excitement. I'll wear my Yankee jersey to work today and hunker down on the couch tonight to watch history, one way or the other. No matter what happens as these two champions stagger into the final round, as matter and anti-matter collide, one thing is certain: we'll never forget it.

Posted by Hank Waddles at 1:44 PM | Comments (0)

Revenge Scenarios Developing

Auburn Eying the Team at the Top

The Auburn Tigers are rolling and probably do not even care that they are still yet to receive a single first place vote in the Coach's Poll, despite the fact that no team has displayed a similar level of consistent dominance. Apart from the Tigers' 10-9 victory over defending national champion LSU Tigers, Auburn has outscored opponents 230-54, including an astounding 34-10 victory at Tennessee. But these Tigers have heavier thoughts on their minds and dreams of what could come their way if they can simply take care of business from week to week.

The number one team in the country might have no idea that sights are being placed upon them from nearly all the way across the county. To the USC Trojans, last season's 23-0 victory over Auburn must seem to have occurred years ago. But to Auburn, that very shutout loss was just the beginning of what was to become a lost season.

Going in to that game, the Tigers were widely considered a national championship contender. Some publications rated them the number one team in the country and expectations soared to levels not seen since the days of Bo Jackson. And then they played their first game.

USC may or may not recall that the final score of 23-0 does not truly represent the level of physical domination that Auburn endured. But Jason Campbell, having seemingly barely escaped with his life, and the Auburn Tigers remember very well. The loss did not alter their national championship expectations nearly as much as it affected their level of confidence and team identity.

In the following week, the Tigers lost to lightly-regarded Georgia Tech 17-3. Two games, zero touchdowns, one field goal, zero wins. In eight days, the perception and expectations of this team experienced a complete 180-degree turn. And in the unforgiving SEC, Auburn could not fully recover as they would go on to lose three more games (vs. LSU, Ole Miss, and Georgia) to finish at 8-5.

Upon the closure of this lost season, the team went on to experience a bizarre, tumultuous offseason that nearly saw the program run off its head coach only to lose its AD instead. And it all started with the loss at home to USC.

But things are vastly different now. Halfway through the 2004 season, Auburn is one of only five unbeaten teams from a BCS conference. And while the Tigers keep winning, they also keep hoping that if just one other team can finish the regular season with a perfect record, that it will be none other than the USC Trojans. A January rematch in Miami would be everything for which they ask or hope. Ah, the revenge factor mixed with a shot at a national title ... only in college football.

The Others

TCU eying Southern Miss:

TCU was talk of college football last season as they made a run to bust the BCS. The Horned Frogs had won their first 10 games and had cracked the top-10. Then along came the Golden Eagles of Southern Mississippi to end a TCU dream that nearly became a reality. This season, TCU is mired in mediocrity (3-3, 1-2), but is fully aware that Southern Miss (4-1, 3-0), currently tied with UAB atop Conference USA, is fighting for a conference championship.

Further adding to the potential of TCU to exact revenge is the likelihood that TCU may be completely looked beyond by the Gold Eagles. Following a November 20 date with the Horned Frogs, Southern Miss finishes with the aforementioned Blazers of UAB and the top-10 rated California Golden Bears (rescheduled from August 30).

South Carolina eying Clemson (more so than usual):

The Gamecocks were having no special season last year, but could have still managed a bowl appearance with a victory over in-state rival Clemson. While the Tigers were on a bit of a roll entering the game, no one expected the outcome: an embarrassing 63-17 Clemson trouncing of Lou Holtz's team. This year, Holtz has the Gamecocks off to the better start (5-2, 3-2, in comparison to Clemson's 2-4, 1-3 record) and entering the November 20 face-off, Clemson is likely to need the victory to go bowling this season.

Ohio State eying Michigan (also more so than usual):

The Buckeyes are 0-3 in Big 10 play. No one saw this coming, certainly the OSU players did not. Therefore they are left with a victory over hated Michigan atop their list of remaining attainable goals.

Last year, Michigan defeated the Buckeyes in a game that determined the conference championship and the Rose Bowl representative. This season, the Wolverines are tied with Wisconsin at the top of the Big 10. And since Michigan and Wisconsin do not play this year, if Michigan can get by Purdue next week, their matchup with Ohio State on November 22 will almost assuredly see the Wolverines needing a victory to secure another conference championship.

Posted by Glen Willis at 12:07 PM | Comments (1)

October 19, 2004

NFL Week 6 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* When did "First Five Games" become a meaningful stat? Daunte Culpepper and Ben Roethlisberger are off to nice starts, but I think ESPN is a little desperate for numbers to put on the screen.

* This week, I heard Tim Rattay compared to Joe Montana and David Garrard described as a combination of Michael Vick and Steve McNair. Shame.

* Gregg Williams continued to blitz with a fourth quarter lead, with excellent results. I don't know why other defensive coordinators change away from successful strategies at the end of close games.

* Jim Nantz and Phil Simms had some trouble with definitions during the Cowboys/Steelers game. Simms referred to every "end around" as a reverse, and when the Cowboys really did run a reverse late in the game, Nantz called it an end around.

* San Diego's special teams were excellent in Sunday's loss to the Falcons. The punter, Mike Scifres, was awesome, and rookie place-kicker Nate Kaeding made a clutch 53-yard FG.

For the last several years, FOX's pre-game show has been second to none. Hopefully, this week's outdoor performance in front of an audience doesn't mark the beginning of a trend, because the entire broadcast suffered as a result.

Meanwhile, ESPN was a little better than usual. I especially liked that the hosts weren't afraid to admit that Jerry Rice is no longer a force to be reckoned with in the NFL. This was especially powerful coming from Steve Young, Rice's former teammate. Most ex-players tread very lightly around former teams, and especially teammates, to the point of dishonesty. Not Young.

ESPN still leaves a lot to be desired, of course. Michael Irvin doesn't fit, for one thing. He's totally out of place sitting between Young and Tom Jackson. And, of course, all the interviews, especially when ESPN gets all sappy and forcibly reminds you that Disney is running things.

The ultimate pre-game show, as I see it, would blend the best of FOX and ESPN, with no contributions from CBS, which I have mostly avoided so far this season, although it seems better than last year; Shannon Sharpe is a big upgrade over last year. Howie Long and Jimmy Johnson are terrific for FOX, and Jackson and Young are great. Ideally, Young would replace Terry Bradshaw at FOX, but there's undeniable chemistry between Bradshaw and the rest of his crew.

My ultimate pre-game show features the FOX crew and procedures -- with a little less Bradshaw -- but in the dignified backdrop of ESPN's studio. Maybe Jackson and Chris Mortensen could drop in once in a while, too.

Moving on to the power rankings, brackets indicate previous rank.

1. Philadelphia Eagles [1] -- What a sensational return by Lito Sheppard. Waiting for his blockers, making exactly the right moves, earned him an extra 15 yards and a touchdown. Donovan McNabb's two most recent games have been his poorest performances this season, but until it at least looks like an opponent has a chance against them, the Eagles will retain the top position in the rankings. Philadelphia's last two games have been against one-win teams, but their first three opponents -- all of whom got crushed -- are a combined 11-4.

2. New England Patriots [2] -- Bill Belichick's New England teams have a talent I have never seen before. I guess Don Shula's Dolphins were similar in the early 1970s, but that's it. The Patriots play to the level of their opponents, +7. Put them up against the worst teams in the NFL -- Cardinals, Dolphins, you name it -- and the game will be close until the two-minute warning. Match 'em up against the Colts or Seahawks and they win those, too. Most teams that play to the level of their opponents end up beating the Seattles and losing to a team like Arizona. Somehow, the Patriots always win.

3. Indianapolis Colts [3] -- Every year, there are one or two games that pass into legend. So far this year, the top candidate is probably Indy's Week 3 victory over Green Bay. Years from now, when Peyton Manning and Brett Favre are in the Hall of Fame, people will talk about the shootout and the opportunity to see the best players from two generations competing at the top of their games. If you taped that game, save it.

4. Minnesota Vikings [5] -- As fantastic as the offense is, it lacks balance, and that will hurt the Vikings at some point this year. Their game against New Orleans was not as close as the final score makes it appear -- Minnesota was going to counter with a score any time the Saints managed to get something done on offense -- but running the ball more than 21 times would have drastically reduced the chances of a freak play giving New Orleans a win. The Vikings can't control the clock, and when they play real teams, they'll get their clock cleaned.

5. Denver Broncos [6] -- Dominant win over a fierce rival, and a two-game lead in the AFC West. People are still talking about 1-4 Kansas City catching them, and that simply isn't going to happen. San Diego might have a chance, but barring a total collapse, I think the Broncos already have their division wrapped up. Making predictions like that this early in the season is usually ridiculous, but honestly, I can't see it working out any other way. Mike Shanahan should limit Reuben Droughns' touches or his new running back will be worn down by the end of the regular season.

6. New York Jets [7] -- Curtis Martin is going to break if Herman Edwards keeps giving his star RB 25 carries a game. To paraphrase Football Outsiders, there are three kinds of running backs who carry the ball 400 times in a season: those who get injured, those who lose their mojo, and those who are Eric Dickerson. Jets QB Chad Pennington is having a great season. He'll need to be at the top of his game next week, when the Jets travel to New England.

7. Pittsburgh Steelers [8] -- The Dan Marino comparisons need to stop. Ben Roethlisberger has played 4½ games. He's very good, and he doesn't play like a rookie at all -- that's what has everyone so excited -- but Marino he is not. Both QBs have played on good teams, though. Big Ben has the luxury of a supporting cast that includes Pro Bowl lock Alan Faneca, feature-RB Duce Staley, and arguably the best wide receiver tandem in the NFL, Hines Ward and Plaxico Burress. The Steelers have a good defense, too. Their schedule is very rough after this week's bye, and I think Pittsburgh will fall to 5-3 before rebounding to win the AFC North.

8. New York Giants [9] -- Four-game winning streaks don't come easy, but I can't help questioning the Giants. Other teams rebound from losing seasons and it isn't a big deal, but New York finished 4-12 last year. And it was the way they finished, too. Eight consecutive losses, all ugly. I'll feel a little better each time they win, though, and I think the Giants will get No. 5 against Detroit this week.

9. Seattle Seahawks [4] -- Consecutive losses in winnable games, and an ugly performance from Matt Hasselbeck, who threw two interceptions and completed barely half his passes. The sudden meltdown of the defense is troubling. Through the first three games, Seattle allowed a league-low 13 points. In the last two weeks, the 'Hawks have given up 63 points, the second-highest total in the league (Oakland, 66). Now Grant Wistrom is out, too. Last week's loss to the Rams looks bigger every day.

10. Baltimore Ravens [10] -- They've won three of four since an opening-week fluke loss to the Browns. Suspended RB Jamal Lewis will return to the lineup after what should be an easy win at home against Buffalo and a likely loss at Philadelphia. Pro Bowl TE Todd Heap should be back at 100% by then, too. The Ravens will need both of them to jump-start their feeble offense.

11. Atlanta Falcons [12] -- Stopped the San Diego run and controlled the clock for most of the fourth quarter on their way to an important comeback victory. The game against the Chargers was an exception to the rule, though. The Falcons, with their anemic passing game, are not built for comebacks. Against teams like Kansas City and Denver -- their next two opponents -- 10 points might not be a margin the Falcons can overcome.

12. Jacksonville Jaguars [13] -- 20 rushes, 40 passes. You can get away with that against the Chiefs, but not against good defenses. Success requires balance, and Jacksonville doesn't have it. On the bright side, the defense allowed fewer than 20 points for the first time in three weeks. The Jags travel to Indianapolis next week, and a loss would put them in a big hole for the AFC South title. The Colts would be up 1½ games and hold the tiebreaker.

13. St. Louis Rams [14] -- Every team the Rams face for the remainder of this season is going to attack the right side of the offensive line. Bucs DE Greg Spires had a field day, and Marc Bulger got put on his back far too often. St. Louis made big plays when it needed to, winning despite the protection issues and a first-half defensive performance that made Brian Griese look more like Bob Griese. It's fun to see Torry Holt at the top of his game, and I loved Adam Archuleta's fumble return. He ran hard all the way, and there's a simple beauty in that.

14. Detroit Lions [11] -- I didn't see their game against Green Bay, and I can't imagine how they managed only 10 points and 125 yards. The Packers dominated time of possession (2:1) and held Detroit to five first downs. That would be awful no matter who the opponent was, but Green Bay has one of the worst defenses in the NFL.

15. Houston Texans [21] -- Simply tore apart McNair, who lest we forget was co-MVP last year. The offense is clicking, too, and Houston's new franchise enjoyed its first victory over the city's old franchise. The Texans' are 0-3 against teams that don't have losing records, but they're winning the games they should.

16. San Diego Chargers [18] -- Last week, I praised the offense; this week, I rip it down. I saw San Diego for the first time all season on Sunday. I often criticize my CBS affiliate for showing the worst games it can come up with, but I got Falcons/Chargers this week, and I'll give praise where it's due. I didn't like what I saw from the San Diego offense, though. With a weapon like LaDainian Tomlinson, you can't be content to rely on a short-passing game. The offensive line simply has to create some holes for Tomlinson. I didn't get to see the guy make a single cut, and his longest run was 10 yards. I know Atlanta has a good defense, but you can't let opponents dictate your game like that.

17. Dallas Cowboys [15] -- This offseason, the Cowboys traded Joey Galloway for Keyshawn Johnson, and they signed Terry Glenn in free agency. Even if Galloway weren't wearing street clothes in Tampa Bay -- the guy's as fragile as a piece of glass -- Glenn looks better as a deep threat, and Keyshawn, for all his mouthing off, is a hard worker who's still effective as a possession receiver, blocks as well as any WR in the league, and has missed only three games in a nine-year NFL career.

18. Cleveland Browns [26] -- What did Butch Davis put in his team's Gatorade this week? Jeff Garcia and William Green had their best games of the season, and Garcia tied a record that will never be broken. Yep, Garcia and Andre Davis, forever immortalized. The Browns' defense did a nice job of limiting Rudi Johnson (57 yards) and Chad Johnson (3 catches, 37 yards). This is probably too high, but the Chiefs and Panthers are 1-4 and looked pretty mediocre in Week 6.

19. Green Bay Packers [22] -- This week, Favre took another step toward a record that will never be broken while the NFL is in its current incarnation. For the 31st game in a row, Favre threw a touchdown pass. That moved him ahead of Marino for second place on the list. Johnny Unitas holds the record (47), and the game would have to change so radically for anyone to break his mark that if it ever happens, every player in the NFL today will have retired by then.

20. Kansas City Chiefs [19] -- The most encouraging sign for the Chiefs is Johnnie Morton's re-emergence. When defenses have to pay attention to people who aren't Priest Holmes or Tony Gonzalez, things open up. That's reflected in Trent Green's statistics, which have taken a major upturn the last two weeks, against good defenses from Baltimore and Jacksonville.

21. Carolina Panthers [17] -- Every year, teams are undone by injuries. Last year's Patriots are the only group I can recall overcoming significant injuries to win the Super Bowl. Carolina has been crippled by major injuries, and the team isn't overcoming anything. They retain a respectable ranking because their last three games, all losses, have been against opponents with a combined 15-2 record.

22. Tennessee Titans [16] -- Chris Brown's injury is a major blow, but if McNair and the defense would play the way they did last season, Antowain Smith could fill in and the Titans would be fine. Next week's matchup against the Vikings could be a good opportunity for McNair to get back on track, but the same probably can not be said for the defense.

23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [24] -- Griese and Michael Clayton looked great on Monday night. The defensive line made some big plays, too, but the linebacking corps and defensive backfield were badly outmatched against the Rams. I thought Jon Gruden made a mistake by benching Brad Johnson, but the team has clearly responded to the change. The Bucs look like a better team with Johnson on the sideline.

24. New Orleans Saints [25] -- The defensive backfield is battling injuries, which made their contest against Minnesota painful to watch. The Saints were ill-equipped to stop their opponents in the first place, and the injuries only made things worse.

25. Buffalo Bills [28] -- Everyone said of their game against the Dolphins, "Someone had to win." Personally, I'm surprised they didn't tie.

26. Oakland Raiders [23] -- Actually not the lowest-ranked multi-win team, but the way they've been playing with Kerry Collins under center, it's easy to forget that the Raiders have won twice this season. There simply is no offense here. Al Davis and Norv Turner need a hug. Oakland doesn't have a defense, either. The Raiders have allowed three consecutive 30-point games, something no other team has done this season. One more week like this and Oakland will be keeping company with Miami at the bottom of the Rankings.

27. San Francisco 49ers [30] -- Tim Rattay has had a couple of nice games, but the 49ers won't be respectable until they can get consistent production out of Kevan Barlow.

28. Arizona Cardinals [29] -- After their upcoming game against Seattle, the Cardinals have consecutive games against the Bills and Dolphins. Depending upon the results, they could triple their win total in eight days, or die of shame.

29. Washington Redskins [31] -- The offensive line finally opened some holes for Clinton Portis, but there is no longer room for any doubt that Mark Brunell can't get it done. If Patrick Ramsey isn't starting within two weeks, his NFL career is done, because it means Joe Gibbs sees absolutely nothing in the kid. Both teams combined for 160 passing yards in their win over Chicago. That's pretty staggering.

30. Chicago Bears [27] -- I haven't seen much of Rex Grossman, and I didn't realize what a downgrade it was from Grossman to Jonathan Quinn. Aren't Ryan Leaf and Eric Crouch available?

31. Cincinnati Bengals [20] -- This always happens to me. I fall for it: I believe that the Bengals will stop being the Bungles. After an 8-8 showing last year, I thought maybe the curse was over. Now I know I've been deceived. The Bengals will remain in the 30s until they win again, which, looking at their schedule, will probably be a while.

32. Miami Dolphins [32] -- Randy McMichael led the team with 34 receiving yards. That would have ranked fifth for the Vikings on Sunday night.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 6:08 PM | Comments (0)

Lovin' the Curse of the Bambino

The ancient Greek tragedy, "Oedipus the King," was the greatest of all plays written by the famed playwright Sophocles. In the story, Oedipus is a great king who did great things for his city. Fate, however, is against the great king. To make a long story short, Oedipus discovers that he murdered his father and his wife, who had borne him two daughters and was also his mother. Upon realizing that he was a mother-f****** murderer, he gouged his eyes out and fled the city.

This play was extremely popular back in the day, and it is still a classic book. It was wildly entertaining, and I couldn't help but laugh at the image of an eye-less Oedipus running from the city he made great. It just wasn't in the cards for him. And while the only Greek tragedies we have these days are restricted to book form, I can still enjoy the closest thing we to it have today, the Boston Red Sox.

Before I go any further, let me clarify, I am not implying that the Red Sox enjoy fornicating with their mothers. Nevertheless, their demise is no less entertaining. Every fall, I hear about how this will be their year, the year they finally end the mythical curse of the Bambino. Then every fall, I get to see them self-destruct and fall apart. This will never get old as each year bears a new tragic hero for the bereaved Red Sox nation.

I can't understand why Red Sox fans get their hopes up every year, when we all know what the outcome will be. Does it make me a bad person to enjoy watching their faces as the camera pans the crowd, showing each person with their hands clasped together in prayer, as if to ask God to have mercy on their cursed team, only to moments later see the other team, usually the Yankees, tear the heart out of every fan in Fenway? Probably, but it sounded a little less cruel in my head.

It's almost as if the Red Sox were merely actors in a performance of one of the classic Greek tragedies. Every year is full of promise for the Red Sox, only to have it ended by a freak injury, play, or Yankee home run. Other times they just get destroyed, whether or not they have the better team. They just can't win ... and I love it.

At this point, it is just comical. Every year, the Red Sox find new ways to lose. Last year, it was a
game 7 home run. This offseason, it was their failed bid to land the baseball's best player, only to see him picked up by their archrival, the New York Yankees. This year, despite having what many believed to be the more talented team, they were destroyed by, naturally, the Yanks.

If there was going to be a movie about Boston Red Sox fans, it would be a cross between Groundhog Day and Titanic. It would start out with a ship full of hopeful fans, eager to reach the harbor of a World Series win. Inevitably, they hit the famed iceberg and sink.

The next day, the fans scramble aboard again, convinced that today is the day their ship reaches the port safely. They make record time, only to again sink at the hands of an oversized ice-cube. They are convinced that the next day will bear the fruits of their labor, but relinquish all hope when the Loch Ness monster brings the ship down.

Their hopes turn to dismay the day after, as well, as the ship inexplicably sinks itself. The fans get onboard the next day, only to yet again have their dreams derailed, this time at the hands of Cap'n Crunch, who raids and sinks the ship with his merry band of cereal pirates.

I don't know why the Red Sox fans set themselves up like this every year, but it's always good for some enjoyment. I was reading famed Red Sox fan and popular ESPN.com columnist Bill Simmons' ALCS column and was amused, yet not surprised at the following statement:

"Heading to the subway after the game, I bought two t-shirts from sidewalk vendors to make myself feel better. The first one says "YANKS SUCK" on the front and questions A-Rod's sexual preference on the back. That was $10. The second one simply says, "POSADA IS A LITTLE B****H." That was $5. I'm going to break them both out this winter in California. Frequently. While I'm recovering from another Red Sox season that fell short." - ESPN.com's Bill Simmons

This is what Red Sox fans are reduced to, taking away moral victories in the form of cheap anti-Yankees t-shirts. As the old saying goes, if you can't beat them, buy t-shirts that mock them and help you feel better about your playoff impotence.

I used to feel bad for the Red Sox fans, but at least most of them double as New England Patriots fans, so they can feel fulfilled with their Pats' Super Bowl wins. Still, many of them would like nothing more than to win a World Series. Fortunately, they never will and every fall, it will be the same.

The leaves will change colors, the weather will become cooler, and the Red Sox will inevitably suffer another playoff elimination, which will result in fans fleeing the city and gouging their eyes out.

Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 12:45 PM | Comments (2)

October 18, 2004

Jameer Nelson: Tested Tough

Knowing well what he was worth, Jameer Nelson went back for his senior season at St. Joseph's after not being guaranteed a first-round selection in the 2003 NBA draft. A move he made because, along with most of the basketball world, he assumed it'd be a different story come 2004.

Surprisingly, he fared no better than the 20th selection.

Sure, his sub-six-foot frame is a taboo in the NBA, especially when he's a score-first guard, but 20th overall? The NBA community was left scratching its collective head.

His skills are undeniable, as acknowledged by the Consensus National Player of the Year Award on his mantle, what more did he have to prove?

The overlooked Nelson didn't do much in school. He just strapped a hodge-podge Hawks team to his back, pushing aside critics and neigh-sayers, leading them to a perfect 27-0 regular season record.

There is undeniable irony in the fact that NBA teams are willing to gamble on unproven kids playing overseas, but not NCAA-tested leaders (see: Darko Millicic, Carmelo Anthony).

Despite his impressive resume, Nelson wasn't chosen until an already-deep Denver Nuggets team came calling. Seemingly having no use for another point guard, Denver then gave him away to the Orlando Magic for a second-round pick, a trade viewed by most as a bargain in Orlando's favor.

The motives behind why GM Kiki Vandeweghe and the Nuggets selected Mr. Nelson are debatable.

Realizing his talent, did he simply want to put Nelson out of his draft night misery?

The salary for a first-round pick decreases with each selection (down $119,000 from 20-21), so such a deed could make sense. Seeing as how the Nuggets only received a second-round pick, Vandeweghe surely wasn't benefiting.

Some Nuggets fans are miffed at the fact that the trade happened in the first place. Denver is obviously stacked at point guard with Andre Miller and Earl Boykins, but having Nelson on the bench couldn't have hurt.

Despite his size, many believe Nelson will still fill up scoreboards at the NBA level. Voshon Lenard is currently Denver's only shooting guard. He's a deadeye from three-point range, but is aging rapidly and can't handle the wear and tear of 30-plus minutes a game, especially when plugged into Denver's run-and-gun offense.

A fresh set of legs may have added another dimension to an already-potent Nuggets lineup, which now includes former New Jersey Nets madman and number one overall selection Kenyon Martin. However, with only nine players on the current roster, the added wages of a first-round selection may not have warmed up to now cap-constrained Vandeweghe.

On the other end, the acquisition of Jameer Nelson puts a bright light on Orlando's seemingly dreary offseason, which was consummated by the trading of superstar Tracy McGrady to the Houston Rockets (with Juwan Howard, Tyronn Lue, and Reece Gaines in exchange for Steve Francis, Cuttino Mobley, and Kelvin Cato). Adding Nelson to an already talented (albeit unfamiliar) nucleus gives Magic fans a reason to hold out hope, especially in the anything-can-happen Eastern Conference.

A humble man and devoted father, Nelson is most likely just happy to have finally found a home in the NBA, and any other start to his career just wouldn't look right. Jameer Nelson is the definition of an underdog, and it's doubtful he even broke a sweat during this tumultuous process.

Nobody knows for sure what's in store, but it's a safe bet that Jameer Nelson's place in NBA history will far exceed that of a few of the "boys" selected in drafts before him.

Exceeding especially those with the 15-syllable names.

Posted by Luke Georgia at 1:57 PM | Comments (0)

October 16, 2004

Our Daddy, Who Art in Da Bronx

Boston Red Sox fans know the difference between conspiracy theories and the supernatural.

They aren't Raiders fans still mumbling to this day about how the NFL let New England get away with murder in the Tuck Rule Bowl because it wanted a team named "the Patriots" playing in the first post-9/11 Super Bowl.

They aren't fans of some small-market Canadian hockey team, convinced the NHL will do anything it can to keep their boys out of the Stanley Cup Finals. (You know, the ones still trying to figure out how Calgary made it last season.)

Boston fans can't believe Major League Baseball is against their team. Last year, the Red Sox/Cubs World Series that nearly happened would have been bigger than Eminem and Michael Jackson in a Texas Death Match. It's just that both teams have such bad juju, even MLB couldn't fix it so they were both in the Series together.

There's no conspiracy; the Red Sox are just cursed. Hexed. Damned from beyond the grave. Supernaturally screwed. The Baseball Gods have spoken, and the Boys from Beantown have been collectively smote.

But if there were ever a twinge of conspiracy buffery in our Red Sox friends, now would be the time to revel in it. Major League Baseball began offering an officially sanctioned t-shirt to wholesalers and on its website over the weekend. The shirt featured a Yankees logo and a red pacifier with the Red Sox logo on it; the message emblazoned on the shirt, a reference to Pedro Martinez's famous comments about New York's mastery of him, read "Hey, Red Sox ... Who's Your Daddy?"

Evidently, Boston fans weren't too pleased with an officially licensed t-shirt that ridicules their team being sold by the same organization that pays the umpires and scorekeepers who work each Red Sox game. In fact, it might appear that Major League Baseball was almost -- gasp! -- throwing its support behind the New York Yankees in the American League Championship Series.

So Red Sox fans (or the Red Sox themselves) complained, and MLB acquiesced, pulling the t-shirts from stores and its website. "[Some Boston fans] didn't necessarily feel they were comfortable with the t-shirt and the message on it," said someone named Carmine Tiso, a spokesman for Major League Baseball. "Some fans felt it went a little too far, and obviously, in this instance, we're listening to our fans."

What.

A.

Load.

Of.

Crap.

First of all, let's state the obvious: Major League Baseball would not, never, no way, no how put out a t-shirt that disparages the Yankees in that infantile manner. They've seen what happens in the Yankee Stadium bleachers; Manhattan and MLB HQ ain't that far away from the Bronx and thousands of bat-wielding fans.

Now, let's check Mr. Tiso's statement again: "Obviously, in this instance, we're listening to our fans."

A poll on NBC's Dallas television affiliate showed that 61 percent of the nearly 10,000 fans surveyed thought baseball should continue to sell the shirts. In fact, the only thing offensive about the damn thing is MLB's own design:

Seriously, who spent an entire five minutes illustrating this bad boy? What a fugly piece of sports geek gear! The "extreme" WWF-style font. The Jersey shore, "Big Johnson's"-style illustration. The only people buying this are Yankees fans and guys who think the shirt will accentuate their mullets.

I mean, look at this:

This was on eBay Tuesday afternoon. One old shirt, and some vinyl letters left over from when he put his family's name on their mailbox last summer. This probably cost about $4 to throw together, and it looks better than the "official" gear. (Although with the wages they're paying at Malaysian sweatshops these days, MLB could probably bring it home for about 73 cents.)

The only reason fans should be upset is that this incredible rallying cry -- and tell me, friend or foe, that hearing 56,136 people chanting "Who's Your Dad-dee?!" wasn't a spine-tingling moment in postseason history -- wasn't given its proper respect in a piece of officially sanctioned gear.

Fans should not be upset with Major League Baseball for producing such a shirt. And Major League Baseball should not have bent over and taken one from the Red Sox for producing it.

Look, go to any sporting even involving rivals. Entering or leaving the stadium, you get approached by gaggles of merchants selling shirts and hats that are always in bad taste ... and often times are also infringing on the teams' copyrights. But that's the last thing on your mind when you're shelling out $15 bucks for a "Jeter Sucks, A-Rod Swallows" shirt in Yankee blue and gray.

Why shouldn't Major League Baseball be allowed to get in on this rivalry gear market? Start with the old "My Favorite Teams Are the Red Sox and Anyone Who's Playing the Yankees," bring back "Who's Your Daddy," add that one with the Cubs logo that actually says "Cursed," and push the envelope until it gets two notches below "sucks/swallows." Don't let the easily offended dictate what gear you sell; if you did that, then the Cleveland Indians would have had a new logo about 20 years ago.

Besides, it's not like you're not already selling the more salacious aspects of these rivalries. Say, for example, the fights that have taken place between the Red Sox and Yankees. The ALCS has been sold in part on that threat (promise?) of continued bad blood between these teams; so much to the point that manager Joe Torre felt compelled to speak out against it.

"I think it's disgraceful that we have licensing things going on in Major League Baseball that promote violence and things that should not be a part of this," he said.

FOX Sports' response?

Don't be such a pussy, Joe.

"Poor, poor Joe," FOX sports president Ed Goren said on Sporting News Radio, as relayed by Steve Zipay of Newsday. "These things happen and they get brought back and his concern, I am led to believe, is that we are inciting the fans. We didn't say anything on our pre-game show about the 'Who's Your Daddy?' but I certainly heard that [until Monday] MLB was selling t-shirts with that. Let's get in 2004 and get a reality check."

Indeed. And the reality is that Major League Baseball is comfortable showing violent, illegal (within the scope of the game) acts to sell its product.

So what's wrong with selling taunting, disparaging remarks, and just plain hatred along with that violence?

C'mon fans ... you know you love it.

Who's yer daddy?

Random Thoughts

High school cross-country runners in Virginia Beach, VA, were told this week that their recent disqualifications for wearing Lance Armstrong "LiveStrong" yellow wrist bracelets during a race were officially wiped clean from the record.

They will, however, still be prohibited from wearing the Darryl Strawberry "CokeSpoon" pendant during competition...

The Philadelphia Phillies plan on interviewing Grady Little for their vacant managerial position.

And the answer is yes: news that the Phillies consider Grady Little an upgrade should have doctors keeping Larry Bowa on a 24-hour suicide watch...

FOX News commentator Bill O'Reilly has been hit with a multi-million dollar sexual harassment lawsuit by a former producer on his show, "The O'Reilly Factor."

Although O'Reilly still maintains his program is a "No Spin Zone," the allegations may finally allow him to expand the "Factor" to a more inviting "Please Sit-and-Spin Zone"...

One of the most embarrassing revelations in the suit filed against the married O'Reilly is a sexual romp with "two Scandinavian beauties." If this tawdry tale tilts the case against him, it would be the second instance this year of a Scandinavian beauty costing a celebrity millions of dollars ... although it would be the first one not to involve someone with a Nike Golf endorsement contract...

The NBA is considering a plan in which all baskets would be worth two points, and the three-point line would only go into effect during the last five minutes of the game. This is expected to come as a shock to the Atlanta Hawks' Antoine Walker, who will now only have five minutes per game in which to attempt an ill-advised, rally-killing shot...

University of Florida football coach Ron Zook vowed to "take down" one of the school's fraternity houses whose members fought with two Gators players this year.

Although they're on double-secret probation, the men of Delta House vow to still kill Niedermayer's horse, crash the Gator Day parade with a giant cake float, and have sex with Dean Wormer's wife...

Moving into a new apartment over the last few weeks has confirmed for me what many have always suspected: that three out of every four customer-service representatives are clinically retarded. Dimmer than the lights at Tropicana Field in October. I always wondered what it would be like to converse with a piece of steamed asparagus; I now wonder no more.

But even more offensive than these headphone-wearing head cases is this new trend of voice-recognition automated answering systems.

Problem No. 1: They're painfully impersonal and annoying.

Problem No. 2: I have no patience for voice-recognition automated answering systems that can't differentiate between the words "YES" and "NO." If the answer is "YES," and I say "YES," you damn well better recognize. Or else the conversation -- such as it is --devolves into this:

"Is this your correct home address?"
"Bite me."
"I'm sorry. I don't think I heard you. Is this your correct home address?"
"I just pooped in a large manila envelope and I'm mailing it to your mom ... "
"I'm sorry. I don't think I heard you..."

Finally, opening night in the locked-out NHL came and went without any games played.

Or as the Washington Capitals called it, "a moral victory"...

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 12:11 PM | Comments (0)

Tennis: A Year (Almost) in Review

Maria Sharapova. Svetlana Kuznetsova. Elena Dementieva. Anastasia Myskina. Vera Zvonareva. Vera Petrova. Karolina Sprem. Elena Bovina. Tatiana Golovin.

Russia and the former Soviet Republics churned out a ton of championship-quality players, finally turning the corner in 2004 with two, yes, two, all-Russian finals in major tournaments and with three, yes, three, major tournament champions. Finally, the WTA Tour has a series of competitors to make tournaments less predictable and even fun to watch in the early and late rounds. 2004 may be, by my standard anyway, the best women's tennis year since Chris Evert retired.

Venus and Serena Williams returned to the tour, and their long absence was evident in their performance in key matches. Not in fitness, but in shot execution. Justine Henin-Hardenne came back from illness long enough to prove that she is still the true number one player in the world, and Amelie Mauresmo finally lived up to the potential we all knew she had.

Having said all that, lets recap the best (and worst) of the 2004 tennis season, in my humble opinion:

Best of 2004

1. Maria Sharapova wins Wimbledon. No one individual victory meant more to tennis all year. Sharapova's victory brought a new vibrance to tennis, added a spark of personality to the tour, and gave us a new appreciation for Robert Lansdorp.

2. Robert Lansdorp's t-shirt at the U.S. Open. For all the grief Jim Courier and the old Bollettieri boys gave him every time they showed him in the stands at the Open, its about time that Robert was recognized for the genius he is. (Lansdorp.com)

3. Chile rules the Olympics. Nicholas Massu's unbelievable run to the Gold medal in both singles and doubles for his homeland showed that tennis is still relevant when you take the personality out of it.

4. Anastasia Myskina rocks at the French. Another Lansdorp player, Myskina, was near the top of the women's game all year, and managed to pull out a nail-biter at the French, becoming the first Russian woman ever to win a major.

5. Justine Henin-Hardenne wins Gold. Out for basically the whole year leading up to the Olympics, Justine plays inspired tennis all the way to the Gold medal. I still think she might be pregnant, though.

6. Roger Federer and Andy Roddick's rivalry. Still somewhat disappointing for Americans, the rise of Roddick and Federer to almost guaranteed opponents in the final of any tournament they play in makes for a historic rivalry on the level of Andre Agassi/Pete Sampras, Rod Laver/Ken Rosewall, Bjorn Borg/John McEnroe/Jimmy Connors, and Chris Evert/Martina Navratilova. Federer has Roddick's number right now, but this rivalry could become the force that brings interest back into men's tennis and adds epic new stories to the Grand Slam legacies.

7. The Bosworth custom racquet. Martina Navratilova gave the genius of Warren and Jay Bosworth a new look and also revived the interest in tennis racquets among all players.

8. The return of Dick Enberg. Need I say more? I missed you dearly, Dick.

9. Lindsay Davenport wins. The revival of Davenport during the summer season and the wins she racked up tell us that she is still a threat and potential Grand Slam champion.

Worst of 2004

1. Jim Courier. Despite what everyone says, his analysis was poor and he doesn't really bring much color to the game, not like Dick Enberg or even Ted Robinson. Proves that just because you used to play doesn't mean you can be a great guy behind the mike.

2. Venus and Serena. When they played, they played well, but proved that they have learned nothing in their time on the tour. Too many unforced errors in key matches and a lack of variety in their games made it possible for the rest of the women to finally meet them and beat them in big tournaments.

3. Aneres fashion shows associated with WTA Tournaments. The fashion show concept using players as models works to a degree, but why do we have to see Serena's fashions when she won't even play in the tournaments?

4. Serena's Nike wear at the Open. I'm sorry, but what the heck was that? If I had to name the collection, it would be "bringing street walkers to the court." Nice try, but the boots and booty show were nothing more then poor taste to the extreme.

5. Wilson nCode technology. All the hype, the jury is still out on the performance. Oh, and all of the initial marketing materials and advertisements mis-identified the magic nano-material as silicone instead of silicon.

6. Moving the Kuznetsova/Petrova quarterfinal to an outside court at the U.S. Open. I understand the need to recapture schedule if you have weather problems, but it was embarrassing to see on TV the tiny crowd watching this match on Court 1, and even more embarrassing in person. No player who has fought as well in a major should wind up playing one of the biggest matches of their lives with about 10 people in the stands.

7. The Tennis Channel. Sorry, but most of us across the nation still can't get it on our cable systems. So, what good is it?

8. Serena's outfits at the U.S. Open. Oh, did I mention this already?

9. Lindsay Davenport wins. All of the resurgence in her career, all the new found wins and competitive play, and she will probably announce her retirement right after the year-ending championships at the Staples Center. That, well, just sucks.

With the year basically over, it's refreshing to know that both the men's and women's tours have a chance at re-establishing themselves as a force for sports entertainment worldwide. Tennis in 2004 had interesting stories, storied victories, great personalities, and great depth. Makes me anxious for 2005. It can't come early enough!

Posted by Tom Kosinski at 10:07 AM | Comments (3)

October 15, 2004

NLCS: Paternity is Not a Question

Did anyone notice that there is a National League Championship Series going on in the Midwest?

I know. I know. You're too busy listening to the Yankee faithful chanting, "Who's Your Daddy?" or "Manny Sucks!" I love rivalries, but I also happen to like baseball. I know it's hard, but you must remind yourselves that there is a series going on in the National League.

I'm not surprised that the St. Louis Cardinals are leading the Houston Astros 2-0, as I am not surprised that the Yankees are in the same position. But neither series is over as the 2-0 leaders now travel to enemy territory for three games. This is a problem for both the Yankees and the Cardinals.

I will very quickly give a short synopsis of the ALCS. Why is Boston getting owned? It has nothing to do with New York fans playing mind games. It is the Bambino Curse that still plagues the Carmines in Boston. Why else would Curt Schilling just happen to have a bum ankle and not be able to pitch, at home, in Game 5?

Yankees lose Game 3, lose Game 4 and steal Game 5 because there is no Schilling, then win in it all in New York, as perfectly scripted by FOX and the MLB.

The subplots and extended games in the ALCS mean more ratings and more money.

Now, let's get to the NLCS Series that isn't worth fixing and has it's own story.

Houston, we have a problem.

This time it isn't a blown fuelsalage in a NASA rocket ... it's the fact that The Rocket can't pitch every game. Roger Clemens will get a chance to get a win in Game 3, followed by 20-game winner Roy Oswalt in Game 4. If Houston has any chance of salvation, it is now.

The problem is compounded with Houston Astros Manager, Phil Garner. His decision-making has been utterly horrible, with the most controversial (not to mention, stupid) decision, made in Game 2 of the NLCS.

Let me put the situation in perspective.

The score is tied, 4-4, bottom of the eighth, with Albert Pujols, Scott Rolen, and Jim Edmonds coming to bat, Garner makes a decision to put Dan Miceli on the mound instead of stud closer Brad Lidge.

What happened?

To quote the Scorpions, Miceli got "rocked like a hurricane."

Is this to say that Lidge wouldn't have given up a run? Not at all, but Garner was thinking that he brought Lidge in too early against the Braves and didn't want to make the same mistake twice.

The mistake was bringing in Miceli, Phil, my boy. With the heart of the order up, game tied, put in Lidge next time and don't think twice.

Inning, be damned.

As much as the decision to put in Miceli over Lidge still burns the butts of Astro fans, Houston first baseman Jeff Bagwell made a very good point.

"It's tough," Bagwell said, "but it happens -- especially against that lineup. There's just no breathing room for a pitcher. Every time you've got to make a big pitch, you look up and another all-star is walking to home plate."

I can't say it any better than that.

It's not guaranteed, but odds are that the Cardinals will face the Yankees in the World Series. I feel sorry for the Yankees. The Cardinals seem to have a lineup that has a designated hitter in it, even when the pitchers are up to bat. Just think what can happen when they play in Yankee stadium and actually do have a DH in the lineup.

Want more NLCS subplots? Well, death is always good for a series or a game where the player or players involved respond to the tragedy by playing inspired ball.

Brett Favre, playing at superhuman levels when his father died, is my favorite example. This MLB season gave us two situations. We saw Yankees closer Mariano Rivera returning back to the bullpen and getting the save in Game 1 of the ALCS, after two of his family members were electrocuted in Panama.

Former San Diego Padre, Texas Ranger, Atlanta Brave, and Houston Astro, Ken Caminiti died of an apparent drug overdose and was mourned by friends Craig Biggio and Bagwell, who may possibly use the death of the former slugger as inspiration to climb back into the NLCS.

The Cardinals and Astros are here, too, people. Whether or not you prefer to see Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez or Clemens or fancy Rivera over Jason Isringhausen, don't neglect the NLCS.

There is a series and a story going on in the National League and you don't have to be someone's daddy to enjoy it.

Posted by Damian Greene at 5:20 PM | Comments (0)

October 14, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 6

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Carolina @ Philadelphia

This one is being billed as the "Queen City" versus the "City Of Brotherly Love," a moniker that sends shivers down the spine of noted homophobe Terrell Owens.

"What did you just call me, man?" an irritated Owens asks. "A homophobe? What's that? Sounds like something that a can of Lysol could take care of. But anyway, queens? Brotherly love? I want no part of that. I think I might sit this one out. Is this some kind of prank perpetrated by Jeff Garcia?"

"Look, T.O.," Eagle quarterback Donovan McNabb responds, "I love throwing you the ball. But you've got to chill out on all this gay-bashing. It's a distraction to our team, as is seeing you in pre-game warm-ups in your full body, black leotards. Talk about gay. I mean, come on, do you have a fanny pack somewhere? Do you wear hot pants? Come to think of it, Terrell, do you have a girlfriend?"

With his manhood sufficiently challenged, T.O. changes his mind and decides to play, much to the glee of Philly fans everywhere, who want to see last year's NFC Championship loss to the Panthers avenged.

"Oh, revenge shouldn't be a problem," notes Panther head coach John Fox. "I mean, come on, who's going to stop them? Not my defense. Our defense is doing more downfield running that the opposing team's offense. We've got defensive lineman making tackles 10 yards downfield. It sickens me."

Once again, as has become the norm, the Carolina defense can't stop the bleeding. McNabb throws, Owens catches, and Bryan Westbrook runs.

"And it's like there's no one out there to stop us," Westbrook notices.

Eagles win, 30-13.

Green Bay @ Detroit

The surging Lions have won two straight road games this year after losing 24 consecutive road games over the course of the previous three seasons.

"Twenty-four?" queries Detroit head coach Steve Mariucci. "Damn, that's pathetic. Who was coaching this team when all this transpired?"

Steve, I think it was some clown named Marty Morningweg.

"Oh, I remember now," Mariucci recalls. "He had that jerk Matt Millen breathing down his neck and making derogatory comments about his players. What an asshole!"

Steve, I believe Millen is still president of the Lions, so technically, that makes him your boss. He also happens to be standing right beside you.

"Yeah, I know. But he knows to keep his mouth shut around me. Have you noticed that we are 3-1?"

"Yes, coach, I have noticed. And let me be the first to congratulate you," Millen says eagerly.

"Millen," Mariucci answers curtly, "for the last time, go put on your Raiders #55 jersey and take your buck-toothed, goofy self to the little cage I've built for you in the catwalk high above Ford Field. In case you didn't know, I run this show, and I've been the subject of a trilogy of Mexican westerns made by esteemed Hispanic filmmaker Robert Rodriguez. Maybe El Mariucci rings a bell. How about Desperado? Once Upon a Time in Mexico?"

"Sorry Coach, I don't get out much."

Millen then takes the elevator to the catwalk, where he bumps into Packer quarterback Brett Favre, who parachutes to the field below, where he leads the Packers to a 27-21 upset win.

Kansas City @ Jacksonville

People who were so quick to jump off the Chief bandwagon after their 0-3 start are quickly leaping back on board after Kansas City beat the Ravens two weeks ago.

"I'd like to congratulate the Chiefs on their huge win at Baltimore two weeks ago," says Jacksonville head coach and connoisseur of coolness, Jack Del Rio, "but I'm not about to jump on any one else's wagon when I can't decide if I want to stay on my team's wagon. After two-straight losses, I was feeling a little froggy, and I hear Van Halen's Jump in the background, but I think I'll stay on the Jaguar wagon for now. As for the Chiefs, I guess they decided to take their diapers off against the Ravens. Well, you know what? They better put them back on, because we're going to beat the crap out of them."

"That's an interesting name, Jack Del Rio," notes Chief coach Dick Vermeil. "He's got the same middle name as the Carolina quarterback, Jake Del Homme. But besides his name, what else does Jack Del Rio have going for him? Has he ever won a Super Bowl? No. Has he ever made the playoffs? No. And after my Chiefs roll over you, you'll be singing 'Ooh ooh ooh ooh, Jackie Blue.' Thing about it, Jack Del Rio. Your Jags are turning into my Chiefs. Your defense has been giving up lots of points to good offenses, and your offense has been scoring, but not enough. There's only one thing left for you to do, and that's cry."

Sorry, Dick, the only time Jack Del Rio cried was when Jack Del Rio took some pepper spray in the face on a dare from former teammate Mike Tice when both were with Minnesota.

But Jack Del Rio will feel like crying after his Jags lose their third-straight. Priest Holmes rushes for 120 yards and a touchdown as the Chiefs outscore the Jaguars, 30-26.

San Diego @ Atlanta

The Hoggs of Hazzard County, Georgia host Falcons Michael Vick and Warrick Dunn to celebrate Atlanta's 4-1 start.

"J.D. and myself have always been huge Falcon's fans," reports Hazzard's first lady Lu Lu Hogg. "We've even called off our feud with the Dukes and invited them to the celebration. We're gonna give Michael and Warrick keys to the city."

Things go as planned until Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane and Deputy Enos Strait stop Vick and Dunn just across the Hazzard line and accuse them of running moonshine and general mischief.

"Man, this is racial profiling!" complains Vick.

Well, after a little narration by Waylon Jennings, some heroics by the Duke Boys, a 70-foot jump over a creek by the General Lee, and some good old down South "hospitality" from Daisy Duke, Vick and Dunn finally make it to the Hoggs for barbecue and coleslaw.

In San Diego, the Chargers offense is clicking. LaDainian Tomlinson is so money, always good for 100 yards and a touchdown, and Drew Brees is making all the right passes. Tight end Antonio Gates didn't even play football in college, and is already establishing himself as one of the top tight ends in the NFL. With 31 catches and three touchdown receptions, Gates leads all tight ends in those categories.

"Damn, it makes me wonder if I shouldn't have just stuck with my college game, basketball," Gates explains. "Five games into the season, I'm already the best tight end in the game, and I'd never touched the pigskin before training camp, at least in a football sense. Oink, oink. If I would have gone to the NBA, I would be the best power forward in the game after about 10 games. You hear me, Kevin Garnett?"

I'm sure if Garnett could hear you, Antonio, his response would be "Who the hell is Antonio Gates?"

But who cares about what an NBA player says? Chances are, it was said in the courtroom or in a deposition.

Back to the game. Vick and Dunn, energized by their visit to Hazzard, lead the Falcons to a 24-20 win. The Atlanta defense slows the Charger offense, forcing Brees into two interceptions.

San Francisco @ New York Jets

With his 77 yards against the Bills last week, Jets' running back Curtis Martin passed former Steeler great Franco Harris for ninth place on the all-time NFL rushing list.

"Now, I know Franco had a little Italian blood in him," Martin explains, "but I meant no disrespect to Italians nor to Steelers fans by passing him. So, as a show of respect, I'll place this sticker of a slice of pizza on my helmet, and I will proudly display a 'Honk If You're Italian' bumper sticker on my Lexus, which I bought from a guy named Vito."

San Francisco's Tim Rattay set a record of his own last week against Arizona. His 417-yard passing day set a 49ers record with 38 completions.

"That puts me ahead of Joe Montana and Steve Young, as well as Steve DeBerg," boasts Rattay. "I know I can't put myself in the same league with them, but if you take away the five Super Bowls, the 10 or so Pro Bowls, the incredible completion percentages, the leadership, and the respect from their teammates, then I'm right up there with Montana and Young. Taking all that into account, though, I guess I'm a few rungs below DeBerg."

That's right, Tim. You're nothing. Thirty-eight completions is nice, but it took you 57 attempts. If Montana or Young ever needed to throw 57 times, they probably would have completed 49 to 51 of those passes.

I hope your arm is up to it, Sunday, Tim. After the Jets take a 14-0 lead early in the second quarter, you'll need to throw to catch up. But it won't be enough. The San Fran defense took a hit last Sunday with the loss of Julian Peterson to a torn Achilles tendon. That's means more hits taken for the rest of the defense. Curtis Martin breaks the 100-yard barrier again, and is embraced by Italians everywhere, who are desperate for an NFL hero. Jets win, 27-13.

Denver @ Oakland

I guess it's true what they say about just "plugging in" a running back into the Denver offense and that running back succeeding. Take the latest Bronco plug-in, Reuben Droughns, who ground up the Carolina defense last week for 193 yards on 30 carries.

"Hey pal," Droughns complains, "I don't appreciate being compared to an air-freshening product, the Glade Plug-In, although that could lead to some nice endorsement action courtesy of the good people at SC Johnson & Company. So, on second thought, just call me 'Plug-In.' Thanks."

Now, in Oakland, despite being 2-3, the people at Raider Nation are patting themselves on the back. Why, you may ask? Here's why: they're glad they canned Bill Callahan last year. Callahan, pink slip in hand, was hired by those fools at the University of Nebraska, who, last week, got blasted 70-10 by Texas Tech.

"Yes," explains persnickety curmudgeon Al Davis, "we are much more comfortable getting waxed 35-14 by the Colts with Norv Turner at the helm than we would be with Dirty Bill Callahan calling the shots. Also, our quarterback, Kerry Collins, must still think he's in Giant blue, because it sure looked like he was intentionally throwing to Colt blue last Sunday. I wonder if he's on the sauce again? Now, excuse me, I am scheduled to be embalmed."

Collins plays well until midway through the second quarter, then he realizes that his best receiver, Ronald Curry, played quarterback, as well as point guard, in college at North Carolina. Collins begins to worry about the safety of his job.

"Ronald must be one heck of a leader," Collins says to himself. "I bet he wishes he was in my position so he could dish the rock. I'll show him."

Collins selfishly stops throwing to Curry, then starts throwing to the Broncos, who don't seem to mind playing in a place called "The Black Hole."

Droughns racks up 100 yards again, and Jake Plummer hits Ashley Lelie for a long score. Broncos win 26-14, and tighten their grip on the AFC West lead.

Minnesota @ New Orleans

"Every week," Viking head coach Mike Tice points out, "I get together with Randy Moss and I just let him vent his frustration. I call it 'fortified whine.' But, you know, take away all the 'dogs,' 'bitches,' 'players,' and all the ghetto and country slang, and Randy's got quite a bit to say. Before the Houston game last week, Randy told me, 'Look, bitch, players gotta play. Haters gotta hate. We need to get lofty with the leather, put some air under the hoochie ball, let Daunte sling it.' I think what he meant was 'Throw the long ball.' So that's what we did. I hope Randy's happy."

"You damn skippizzle I'm happizzle," Moss agrees. "I caught me a 50-yard bomb from Daunte for the score. Those one and two yard TD catches just don't do it for me. I don't want to be the Jerome Bettis of the receiving world. I need yardage, baby."

Well, if it's yardage ye want, it's yardage ye will get.

"Hey brotha," Moss warns, "you best be not talking junk to me. What's this 'ye' mean? Are you punking me?"

Oh no, Randy. 'Ye' is Olde English speak for 'you.'

"Shoot, dog, that's all you had to say. Randy speaks malt liquor. And speaking of 40, I think one of my two touchdowns on Sunday will be a 40-yard score. The other one: I haven't decided if I want the five-yard fade to the end zone corner, or the fake-the-fade crossing pattern. I'll let Daunte decide. It ain't like the Saints can do anything about it. Their defense has got more holes than a slice of swiss cheese that just got blasted with bird shot."

That's pretty holey, and speaking of holy, the Saints play like Hell, and burn after the Vikes take a 38-24 victory.

Cincinnati @ Cleveland

Has Chad Johnson found religion? Johnson has recently taken to wearing a rainbow-colored afro wig and popping up at various sporting events with signs that read "Johnson 3:16." You may have seen him last Wednesday night behind home plate at Yankee Stadium for game two of the ALCS between Boston and New York.

"I'm not sure what's gotten into Chad," Bengals head coach and former defensive genius Marvin Lewis explains, "but he's always been a free spirit, which is a nice way of saying he's a buffoon. But if Chad wants to do some good, he should make a sign that says 'Carson 3:7', which refers to our quarterback, Carson Palmer, and his touchdown to interception ratio."

"I'll handle that, Coach," offers Jon Kitna, current Bengal backup QB. "And soon to be starter, man. The Carson Palmer Project ends after this week, much like the Alan Parsons Project ended in my record collection after I destroyed the Eye in the Sky LP in a fit of rage after I heard that Carson would be the starter for our opener."

So Kitna dons the rainbow wig, and sets out with poster in hand that reads "Carson 3:7." The sign gets good air time as Kitna visits a monster truck jam at the L.A. Coliseum, a Professional Bowlers Association event in Topeka, Kansas, and a European PGA Tour contest in Wales, where Kitna heckles Colin Montgomerie into an 84 (+12).

Kitna gets his shot in the third quarter as Palmer is yanked by Lewis with the Bengals down 24-13. Kitna hits Chad Johnson for a score late in the fourth, but the Browns hold on for a 24-20 win. Rockin' Rollen Stewart, Jr. appears in the Dawg Pound, holding the "John 3:16" sign his father made famous.

Houston @ Tennessee

"With Peyton Manning on a bye week," Tennessee quarterback Steve McNair opines, "I can naturally assume the role of greatest active quarterback in the AFC South."

"Ah, Steve," replies Manning from his prime tail-gating spot in Oxford, Mississippi for the Ole Miss/Tennessee game on Saturday, "I know of at least three people who have a problem with your statement: David Carr, Byron Leftwich, and myself. Now, if I were to make those rankings, they would be as follows: 1) Me, 2) my backup, whose name fails me, 3) our third-string quarterback, whom I'm not even sure dresses on Sundays, 4) our taxi squad quarterback, 5) Bert Jones, 6) McNair, 7) David Carr, 8) Byron Leftwich."

"Shoot, Peyton," replies McNair, "if you've got me one notch behind Bert Jones, that's all right by me. But you better have me ranked higher on the toughness scale. After all, I did just lead my team to a 48-27 whipping of the Packers, despite a bruised sternum that would be death for most people. You know, I can remember my first bruised sternum. I was 13 and picking tobacco in my grandpa's field in Mississippi. Somehow, that old geezer lost the clutch and backed that tractor right over my chest. Boy, did it hurt, but I toughed it out and didn't miss any work, school, or football. I got the old man back, though. Put some pepper in his chewing tobacco. Talk about red, man. He was hot. Ha! Good times."

Speaking of Good Times, Michael and Wynona from the cast of the CBS sitcom ... just kidding, they're not there. But McNair plays dynamite, and the Titans defense contains the David Carr to Andre Johnson connection, or at least enough to win. Tennessee wins, 31-25.

Miami @ Buffalo

In this AFC East showdown between winless teams, it would only be fitting if this game ended in a 0-0 tie. Fitting, yes, but it would be just plain cool if one team won 144-0. That way, the demise of the coach on the losing end would be hastened by such an embarrassing loss.

"Look man," whines Miami coach Dave Wannstedt, "you've been on my case all year. Sure, we may be 0-5, but we're only 0-2 in the division, and, get this, we're 0-0-0 versus the NFC. That's the next best thing to perfect. So, bring it on, NFC!"

"You know," comments Buffalo head coach Mike Mularkey, "I can relate to what Dave's feeling. But that pathetic loser is 0-5. We're just 0-4. His job is in dire straits. My job is secure here in Buffalo. In fact, the Bills' administration has added to my duties. I used to be just head coach; now, I am interim head coach."

"Mularkey is full of what his name suggests -- crap," Wannstedt counters. "What's his problem? If he had half the problems I do, he would have dove off of Niagara Falls by now. It just gets worse for me. For goodness' sake, I had to play a guy named Brock Forsey at running back last Sunday. For those of you who don't know and can't tell by his name, he's white. Now when's the last time a white running back had an impact on a game, much less played?"

Ah, that guy in Varsity Blues?

"My point exactly," Wannstedt continues. "We've tried everything at running back. Black dudes, white dudes, water boys. Why, we even put a sign out front of the stadium that said 'Walk-ins Welcome.' That led to a few workouts, but no luck as far as running backs go. I did give a few nice haircuts, though. The bottom line is we need Ricky Williams between the hash marks."

"Did someone say 'hash'?" Williams replies between sips of his drug-masking potion. "As soon as the NFL gives me the word, I'm back in the game."

Sorry, Ricky, it will be a while before you're back in the game. Maybe the Betty Ford Clinic has a football squad. That might be your best bet.

This game doesn't end in a 0-0 tie, but it's close. Buffalo running back Travis Henry breaks off a late 15-yard TD run for the winning points. Bills win, 13-8.

Seattle @ New England

"I may discount this winning streak deal that we've got going," notes Patriot coach Bill Bellichick in his signature monotone, "but I'm really getting into it. Winning's not even the fun part; it's finding a theme song for each win. Three weeks ago, when we were nearing our 17-consecutive win, I started playing Winger's Seventeen. Two weeks ago, it was Skid Row's 18 & Life. Last week, Steely Dan checked in with Hey 19. I haven't found a suitable song with '20' in the title, but I've pegged Paul Simon's 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover as the theme for No. 50 of our streak."

Seattle may pose the strongest threat to New England's streak, and this game may be a harbinger of the Super Bowl to come. The Rams may have knocked some of the luster off of the Seattle defense last week, but the fact is, the Seahawks are solid all around. But the Patriots have more than just a winning streak riding on this. They hold the hopes of all Boston Red Sox fans on their shoulders. Corey Dillon, explain it to them.

"Man, I don't know anything about baseball," Dillon replies. "Tom, you tell 'em."

"Gladly, Corey," says Tom Brady. "Fans, we all know the Red Sox will collapse against the Yankees. Sure, Pedro Martinez might take down The Thing, Don Zimmer, and think he's a badass for doing it, but let's face it, my little sister could whip Zimmer. The fact of the matter is, the Patriots were put on this great Earth to pick up the spirits of Red Sox fans when their disappointment reaches its highest point, which happens to be now, playoff time. So, we will win this game for all Red Sox fans, except Ben Affleck. I hate that bastard."

Bellichick's master plan is too air it out against the Seahawks, as doubts about their pass defense begin to creep into the minds of Seattle defenders, with the St. Louis late game air raid still on their minds. Brady connects with David Givens on a 60-yard TD bomb to seal the deal, and 20 in a row. Patriots, 27-21.

Washington @ Chicago

On Friday afternoon, Washington head coach Joe Gibbs arrives at Chicago's O'Hare Airport, hails a cab, and confusedly mumbles to a cabbie, "Take me to Chicagoland Speedway! And step on it! But watch your pit lane speed!"

After his cab is intercepted by offensive line coach Joe Bugel, Gibbs is directed to Soldier Field, where he breaks down, overcome by unreachable high expectations and failures he's experienced after only five games.

"Son of a gun," Gibbs exclaims, "it's only been five games? Seems like 55. Who talked me into returning to coaching, anyway? Damn you, Daniel Snyder, and damn you, million-dollar contract. Wait a minute. Damn you, Daniel Snyder. In any case, I can't quit now. We've got the Bears in Chicago. This is a payback game. My most humiliating defeat ever was losing to the Bears 73-0 in the 1940 NFL Championship Game. I'll never forgive that old man Papa Bear Halas for running up the score on..."

After Bugel interrupts Gibbs and informs him that in 1940, Gibbs was maybe a month old, Gibbs regains his composure and makes an announcement.

"In light of the embarrassing situations this season of football has left me with, I would like to announce that I am firing my entire coaching staff and replacing them with NASCAR legends Richard Petty, Cale Yarborough, Buddy Baker, Ned Jarrett, Benny Parsons, Bobby Allison, Junior Johnson, Dick Trickle, and Sterling Marlin. Petty will take over quarterback coaching duties..."

After Bugel interrupts again, a glassy-eyed Gibbs is lead away in a straightjacket, but does manage to call plays in from the local asylum.

"We need to run Riggins, I mean Portis, at least 30 times," Gibbs instructs via phone.

Portis finally breaks another long touchdown run, scoring on a 35-yarder.

"Whew! I'm winded," Portis huffs. "That's the first over-five-yard carry I've had since that 64-yard TD against the Bucs, and that was the first game of the year. Damn! I should've stayed with the Broncos."

Too late now, sucker. I'm sure you and your wallet collectively can overcome the doubts you are having.

Anyway, the 'Skins defense keep Thomas Jones in check, and Bear QB Jonathan Quinn keeps himself in check.

Washington wins, 22-14.

Pittsburgh @ Dallas

"Since only one Dallas team could get the job done when it came to the Steelers," a gruff Bill Parcells yells to his troops, "I'm bringing in a player from the '96 Cowboy Super Bowl Champions. This man knew his way around the red zone, as well as the red light district. He always had a nose for the end zone, probably because it was usually marked by a white, powdery substance. He was also quite handy lying under oath, so don't believe a word he says. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Michael Irvin."

ESPN's Michael Irvin enters the Cowboy locker room to raucous applause. Irvin then entertains with a rambling, senseless 30-minute speech is which he utters the phrase "He got jacked up!" 184 times.

"That's about 180 more times than I have to listen to those words from my desk on ESPN Primetime Live," sighs Ron Jaworski. "I swear Michael's got Tom Jackson and Chris Berman doing coke, otherwise they wouldn't be saying 'He got jacked up!' along with Michael. Can any of you people in TV land even understand what Michael's saying half the time?"

No, Jaws, we can't. Sometimes I put the tele on mute and try to read the closed captioning. It always looks to me like lyrics from N.W.A.'s Straight Outta Compton album.

Back in Pittsburgh, Bill Cowher tries to invoke to spirit of legendary Pittsburgh coach Chuck Knoll in a locker room séance. Cowher and his friends around the Ouija board have the daylights scared out of them when Noll taps Cowher on the shoulder and says "You wanted to see me."

"Coach, you're not dead?" a shaken Cowher asks.

"No, Bill," replies Noll, "I figured I would hang until the Steelers won a Super Bowl without me. So, I guess I might as well be dead."

Cowher storms from the room, but uses Noll's words as motivation to lead the Steelers to a 24-20 win over the Cowboys. Duce Staley scores a TD and Big Ben Roethlisberger holds it all together as the Cowboys' defense gives him every look in the book.

Tampa Bay @ St. Louis

St. Louis head coach Mike Martz will take all the credit for the Rams miraculous come-from-behind win at Seattle last Sunday.

"And why shouldn't I?" the Grand Wizard boasts. "I engineered our comeback, just as I engineered us to a 27-10 deficit in that game. I should get all the credit, as well as high marks for that little jig I did when we won the game."

"Look, you guys," notes Tampa's Jon Gruden, "give Martz some credit. I mean, he's still an idiot. He's just a little less of an idiot now. Dang, what I wouldn't give for a team that could score 33 points? That's two or three games worth of points for us now, and with Brian Griese at the wheel, we'll be lucky to see the end zone. Where oh where is Shaun King when I need him?"

Well, Chuckie, he's with the Cardinals now. I'm sure they would be happy to give him up, if the price is right, like a 15th-round pick.

"No thanks. I'll take my chances with Griese."

And that's basically the deal when you start Griese: it's chancy. There's a big chance you'll lose and just a tiny chance you'll win. Against the Rams in St. Louis, odds tilt even more to the losing side. Marc Bulger and company are hot off the Seattle win and ready for more. Bulger has an army of receivers to throw to, and it's time for Martz to abandon the run for another week.

Rams take an early lead; Griese panics. Rams win, 27-13.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 4:47 PM | Comments (1)

Paterinty Test Revealed: Yanks Are Pedro's Daddy

If the Yankees do indeed go onto win this series, Wednesday night will prove to be the turning point. Granted, the supposed difference in the series, Red Sox ace Curt Schilling, was bounced prematurely from Game 1, and ultimately tagged with the loss ... but Boston could have rebounded nicely with a win Wednesday night.

And they had the pitcher to do it. Sure, Pedro Martinez has struggled against the Bronx Bombers, but in a big game, would you rather have Pedro or Jon Lieber pitching for you? Well, I guess I already know the answer to that now, too.

The first inning began most auspiciously. After a 1-2-3 top to the inning, Pedro walked Derek Jeter on four pitches. Jeter should have been erased on a stolen base, but Mark Bellhorn dropped the ball, both literally and figuratively, rewarding the Yankee captain with second base.

This kind of stuff always seems to happen for the Yankees and against the Red Sox, and the 26-time World Champs capitalize virtually every time. And once Gary Sheffield's single dropped in front of Johnny Damon to score Mr. November, the 56,000 plus got a chance to use the "Who's Your Daddy?" chant they had been practicing right up until the National Anthem.

It was pretty amazing, the crowd that is. It was almost rhythmic the way they chanted, "Who's Your Daddy?" They also had some "Pedro" chants, along with "Boston sucks," "Manny sucks," and a few stragglers who chanted "Potvin sucks." (How can you not love blue seat Rangers fans?)

Even though it was only a single run margin, the stadium was rocking confidently. And why shouldn't it be? In the 10 innings that had been played thus far, the Yankees never once trailed, which would continue through the evening.

Lieber would not relinquish the lead, pitching brilliantly and erasing the doubters (present company included), rekindling the spirit of Andy Pettitte, who had delivered time and again in Game 2's over the years.

Pedro was equally tough. His movement was good, his command was fair, but his velocity was excellent, evidenced by the 97 mph fastball he registered early in the game.

The last couple times the Yankees faced Pedro, they were aggressive. They weren't worried about driving up Pedro's pitch count. What did concern them was the fear of letting a good pitch pass by, and not getting another. So the Yanks' recent philosophy against Pedro was to swing early and often.

Last night's approach was the exact opposite, but very effective. Displaying some of the characteristics of the 1996-2001 teams, the Yankees worked Pedro in every single at-bat. By the sixth inning, Pedro's pitch count was at 100, yet there was no movement in the bullpen, even after a walk to Jorge Posada.

And everyone in Boston knows when Pedro's pitch count exceeds the century mark, trouble looms. Sure enough, his 106th pitch was yanked over the short porch in right by John Olerud for a two-run homer, making it 3-0, Yankees, after six.

That was a crushing blow to the Red Sox Nation. It was time to accept that Mike Mussina and Lieber had out-dueled Schilling and Pedro. It was time to realize the biggest advantage the Sox held in this series had evaporated in two games. And it was time to mute the television sets, because the "Who's Your Daddy?" chants sounded a million times worse than any chalk on the blackboard.

As was the case the previous night, the Sox were able to touch up Tom Gordon in the eighth inning, but just like Game 1, Mariano Rivera was there to slam the door shut on any possible game-tying rally.

Make no mistake about it, Rivera, and not the bullpen, is the Yankees' biggest advantage. Boston's bullpen is outperforming New York's with one exception, the Sandman. Mariano could be the greatest postseason pitcher ever (although Bob Gibson and Sandy Koufax might beg to differ), but he is at the very least far and away the best pitcher in this series.

On two consecutive nights, Rivera has entered with a runner on third and two outs, and he has stranded them each time. Throw in two scoreless ninth innings as well, and it's easy to see why a reliever can be the difference-maker in seven-game series.

Things didn't sound much better after the game, either. Pedro didn't call the Yankees his daddy, but he did mention something about sitting under a mango tree 15 years ago in the Dominican Republic without a penny to his name, and now he is the center of attention in this series.

I guess he was attempting to show how far he had come in his life, although I'm not sure what that has to do with winning a game. It's a great story, but Red Sox fans aren't paying his exorbitant salary to wax poetically about a childhood innocence lost.

This was a must-have game for the Sox, and Pedro couldn't get past the sixth. Mariano buries two of his relatives ... in Central America, then arrives at the game in the second inning, and performs spectacularly the very same night.

I don't know why it works out the way it does. Management is different, the players are different, heck, the game is different, but the Red Sox remain unchanged. Maybe there really is a curse, as dumb, naïve, and simple-minded as that sounds. Or maybe Vegas and the prognosticators were wrong, and the Yankees really are the better team.

Posted by Piet Van Leer at 2:32 PM | Comments (0)

The Lesser Lights of Red Sox Nation

Ever since the Cleveland Indians fell from grace, I've not followed baseball as closely as I used to. I still love a good baseball story, though, and I still enjoy a little distraction while I write. As the owner of a new computer stationed in the living room, I can enjoy the hedonism that is surfing the 'net and watching TV at the same time.

So I flipped on Game 1 of Yankees/Red Sox game, with the Yanks comfortably ahead, 8-0. A few extra base hits later, it's 8-5 and I feel I have just casually turned it to a baseball game that may have historic ramifications. If the Red Sox come all of the way back to win this, it may give them the momentum to propel them to a World Series victory. I should not be honored with watching such a historic event if I disdained the first two hours of it to watch The Golf Channel. I'm not deserving.

I don't deserve to watch, but I will, as I write. No, I'm not going to turn this into a stream-of-consciousness entry, because too many have done it (because it's very easy ... I do wish I had thought of it). However, I will keep you posted, and I will also toss in a couple of comments from Red Sox message boards, where they must be going berserker right now.

"OMFG!!! NO WAY" offers mrr75819 on one board regarding the comeback.

"COME ON BOSTON 5 RUN SEVENTH AND BREAK UP THE MOSSINAS NO HITTER. HOLD THE YANKS AND MAKE AN AWSOME COMEBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1" says Lee on another board, who then laments the lack of support he is getting on his "rally thread." To be fair, he correctly spells a few more words than he missed.

This is just too much excitement to take when there are still 14 undefeated teams in Division 1A college football, nine of which come from BCS conferences.

That number will fall to 11 as three games involve only unbeatens: Louisville at Miami, Arizona State goes to USC, and Wisconsin plays at Purdue.

(Uh-oh. Red Sox now have two on with two outs in the eighth. All this overwhelming excitement prompts soxfansincebirth to note, "it lookedlike arod grabbed riveras butt.")

Miami is expected to have little trouble with Louisville, and ditto for Arizona State with USC. The most intriguing game of the week is Wisconsin at Purdue, mostly because of their contrasting strengths. Really though, Purdue's resume looks better to me, particularly after Syracuse, slain 51-0 by the Boilermakers, nearly upended Florida State. This'll be one time when a great offense beats a great defense.

I'm giving Miami about an 85% chance of handling Louisville, but I wouldn't be shocked with a Cardinal win.

The most likely upset to occur during the battle of the unbeatens is Arizona State over USC. This is the third-straight week USC has been played a very good team, and the first two came down to the wire. Can't see why this would be any different, so why not bet some house money that it'll go the other way? USC is still great, just not dominant, and this cupcake-free run has to have them exhausted soon. Arizona State, even more than Cal and Staford, is a team in search of a destiny, and had an extra week to prepare. I'm thinking they will grab it here.

(Boom! It's now 8-7 Yankees going into the bottom of the eighth! Alas, before anyone can get too excited, the Yanks put two on with one out in the bottom of the eighth. Toofarawayfromboston thinks the Sox just need "POSITIVE VIBES!!! POSITIVE VIBES!!! POSITIVE VIBES!!! POSITIVE VIBES!!! POSITIVE VIBES!!! POSITIVE VIBES!!! POSITIVE VIBES!!! POSITIVE VIBES!!! POSITIVE VIBES!!! POSITIVE VIBES!!! POSITIVE VIBES!!!")

Later this year, Virginia will face Miami, Southern Miss will play Louisville, and Oklahoma will square off against Oklahoma State. I realize that we have an "upset Saturday" virtually every year, and that cuts the field of undefeated down to a reasonable amount. But the perverse in me badly wants the year to finish with nine unbeatens (say, Louisville, Virginia, Oklahoma, USC, Utah, Boise State, Purdue, Navy, and Auburn). It could happen. I think that may be just what the playoff doctor calls for to get the conference commissioners to install a playoff system.

(Yanks score two on a double over Manny Ramirez's head, and now it's one pitch, one out for the BoSox in the ninth. What say you, Bossox316? "YOU BIG FAT *******!!! You had to ******* catch the fly ball, my god! Manny you must be the king of the idiots you fat ****!!!")

Quick Picks of the Week

Now with more picks, less 'splainin':

ILLINOIS +19 over Michigan
Tennessee -10 over MISSISSIPPI
Oklahoma State -7.5 over TEXAS A&M
Stanford +1 over WASHINGTON STATE
LIONS -1 over Packers

The Slant Pattern Top-25

1. Oklahoma
2. USC
3. Virginia
4. Purdue
5. Auburn
6. Miami
7. Oklahoma State
8. California
9. Florida State
10. Arizona State
11. Georgia
12. Wisconsin
13. Utah
14. Louisville
15. Boise State
16. Tennessee
17. Minnesota
18. Southern Miss
19. Navy
20. Michigan
21. Texas Tech
22. West Virginia
23. LSU
24. Texas
25. Florida

(Yes, you already know that the Red Sox couldn't pull off the comeback, losing 10-7. What do you think about that, warmsox? "it will be better but the fact of the matter is we would never have lost if francona used the bullpen correctly!!" Got that? If not for the bullpen moves, Boston definitely would have come won.)

For a slightly more intelligent message board on all sports, give a look at the Sports Central Message Boards.

Posted by Kevin Beane at 12:28 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

October 13, 2004

Finally Triumphant, Are Astros the Sleeper Pick?

After eight prior attempts and never advancing beyond the National League Division Series, the Houston Astros have finally pierced the veil. They had 23 winning seasons during their history of 43 years, without victory in the postseason.

Now, regardless of the outcome of the 2004 National League Championship Series against the St. Louis Cardinals, the 2004 Houston Astros will be remembered for being the first Astros team to compete for the pennant.

Game 5 of the National League Division Series against the Atlanta Braves ended in a blow-out by the Astros over their long-time rivals, winning by a score of 12-3. These two teams had been in this position against each other before when they met in the NLDS in 1997, 1999, and 2001. And each time, the Braves ruled.

With a solid game pitched by Roy Oswalt on 3 days rest, and an offense led by new kid, Carlos Beltran, and veteran, Craig Biggio, Game 5 represents far more about this Astros team than this last winning effort over the Braves.

As late as August 14th, as credibly reported through the press, there was speculation throughout MLB that the Astros had been left for dead, with no real chance for postseason play and looking towards rebuilding again in 2005.

Corroborated by Astros' GM Gerry Hunsicker during the NLDS, just a couple of weeks after Carlos Beltran was acquired from the Kansas City Royals, just a week prior to the All-Star Game for purposes of making a postseason run, there was a real possibility that he would be dealt before postseason play began to a contending club.

The Astros' management's thinking was that trading Beltran would reap rewards of potential talents for the future, as they would not necessarily be able to keep him once he entered free agency at the end of the season.

In addition, pitching ace Andy Pettitte had to forego the rest of his season in August, requiring elbow surgery and Brad Lidge was untested as a full-time closer, giving management the idea of cutting their losses.

Furthermore, manager, Jimy Williams, was let go the day after the All-Star Game, and Phil Garner was brought in to pick up the pieces of a fledgling club, which would continue to lose for two weeks into his new assignment.

But somehow Garner was able to tap into the veteran and formidable talented players on the team, who had reeled all season. Craig Biggio, who has spent his entire 17-year career with Houston, and Jeff Bagwell with all of his 13 years in Houston along with veterans Jeff Kent and Lance Berkman, had not collectively played well the entire year.

Shortly after that break-in period with Phil Garner and after weaving in Carlos Beltran's talents, the Astros came alive and never looked back. At the same time, the team favored to win the NL Central or at least the NL wildcard, was the Chicago Cubs. But as the Astros continued climbing the Cubs started descending to the point of being unable to recover by the last week of the season.

It was clearly a collaborative effort by the Houston Astros, and this team won the NLDS with everything they had. Pitchers Roger Clemens and Roy Oswalt, both contenders for the 2004 NL Cy Young Award, and closer Brad Lidge, really turned it on. The middle relief in Houston's bullpen was questionable all year and throughout these games, but the underrated Houston defense more than made up for its own deficiencies.

As Houston gets the least amount of time off of any of the four clubs going on to the League Championship series on October 13th, to say this next test will be huge is an understatement. The St. Louis Cardinals has the best winning record in all of baseball this year having won 105 games. Their power lineup is far more comparable to the NY Yankees or Boston Red Sox than the Houston Astros.

However, the Astros are the only major league team with a winning record against the Cardinals this year. Starting pitching is also a question mark for St. Louis, having lost starter Chris Carpenter to injury and experiencing inconsistency from the rest of its staff the past few weeks. Also, MVP candidate Scott Rolen is playing injured.

Finally, Houston is the Cinderella team this year, and we've seen two of the Cinderella's win the whole deal the past two seasons, with the Anaheim Angels in 2002 and the Florida Marlins in 2003, who played like they had nothing to lose.

What we will take away from this MLB season this year is not so much the individual statistics between the lines, but rather the stories each of these teams provide us, up until we have a winner of the World Series Championship.

And as hard as it was for Astros fans to continue to support their team when for three quarters of the season things looked bleak, they remained hopeful. As the Houston Astros will continue playing for victories in their postseason, they proved they not only made progress this year, but made a resounding comeback. And showing that kind of heart is exactly that intangible required in the making of a championship team.

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 6:26 PM | Comments (2)

October 12, 2004

NFL Week 5 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* San Francisco has the worst point differential in the league, -46. Miami (-45) is next, followed by Green Bay (-43). The Dolphins went 10-6 last year, and the Packers made the playoffs.

* Miami's 42 points scored is worst in the NFL. Green Bay's 142 allowed is last among defenses.

* Terrell Davis. Olandis Gary. Mike Anderson. Clinton Portis. Quentin Griffin. Reuben Droughns? The Griffin Era in Denver may not last very long.

* The dynamic Indianapolis offense put up a combined 55 points in victories over Tennessee and Jacksonville. The mighty Chargers, playing those same teams, scored 72.

* San Diego's potent offense will be a theme throughout this article. The Chargers' 3-2 record and 140 points scored (second in the NFL) may be the biggest surprise so far this season.

Now that the Patriots have the multi-season record for consecutive wins, you won't have to hear about it every day on ESPN. I, like most of the experts I've heard, consider the Steelers of the 1970s the greatest dynasty in NFL history, but the most impressive multi-season winning streak still belongs to the 1989-'90 49ers.

The late-'80s, more than any era since the AFL merger, were dominated by a small number of teams: the Niners, Joe Gibbs' great Washington teams, Bill Parcells' Giants, and, if you're feeling generous, the Mike Ditka-coached Bears, John Elway's Broncos, and the K-Gun Bills. During its 18-game winning streak, San Francisco beat Washington, the Giants, Chicago, Denver, and Buffalo. All five.

During its streak, New England has beaten the Colts three times, and that's impressive. But the Patriots haven't played Philadelphia, or Brett Favre's Packers. They haven't faced explosive offenses in Kansas City or St. Louis. And the Pats haven't been tested against the iron defense of the Baltimore Ravens. That's not New England's fault, and it doesn't make a 19-game winning streak -- even a weirdly artificial one spread over two seasons -- less impressive. But San Francisco's record against some of the best teams in history makes its streak stand out in a way that the Patriots' doesn't. Which is probably fine with them. The train just keeps rolling.

The time has come in the season to remind readers that my power rankings judge a team on how well it is playing right now. Week 1 is ancient history, the future hasn't happened yet, and it doesn't matter who beat whom. The better team is ranked higher, period. As always, brackets indicate last week's rank.

1. Philadelphia Eagles [1] -- Four quarterbacks have a TD/INT differential better than +5 this year. Daunte Culpepper (+12) and Philly's own Donovan McNabb (+8) have accomplished this in just four games. Peyton Manning (+11) has done it in five, as has the other star QB ... Drew Brees (+6). The Eagles had a bye this week, and this counts as my Philadelphia analysis because I mentioned McNabb.

2. New England Patriots [3] -- Both teams were determined to give away the game in Foxborough on Sunday, but no one tries harder than the Dolphins, and New England grudgingly accepted a victory that pushed the team to 4-0. The Patriots had fewer first downs, a worse third-down conversion rate, fewer yards, fewer yards per play, and less time of possession. Tom Brady completed only 37% of his passes, none in the second half. The Pats have now played Arizona (1-4), Buffalo (0-4), and Miami (0-5) this season, without burying anyone. They're vulnerable. Their next four games are all against good teams.

3. Indianapolis Colts [4] -- Manning is the best player in the NFL, but as open as his receivers get, he doesn't have to be. Too many weapons. When the defense forces a few turnovers, as it did against Oakland, this team cannot be beaten. The Colts are better than the Patriots, but if they played each other -- especially in the playoffs -- I wouldn't bet on Indianapolis. That's coaching.

4. Seattle Seahawks [2] -- Dominated, positively dominated the Rams for three quarters. During the third quarter, I spoke to my Rams buddy who was at the game and he had all but conceded it. Then Seattle gave up, played like the game was over. Prevent defense. Predictable offense. Didn't challenge Brandon Manumaleuna's non-catch for a TD. What an embarrassing, give-up loss at home to a division rival. When you play like losers, you lose.

5. Minnesota Vikings [5] -- 920 yards of total offense in this game. 46 first downs. Eight passing TDs. The Viking defense could be better, the offense isn't built to hold a lead, and Culpepper's arm is going to fall off. Still, Minnesota hasn't lost to anyone but Philadelphia this season. The Lions aren't going away, and a battle is on for the NFC North.

6. Denver Broncos [6] -- Kudos to Rod Smith for his hustle play that kept Carolina's defense out of the end zone. Priest Holmes nearly did the same thing a couple weeks ago for Kansas City. That's the sort of play that never goes into the stat books, but it shows heart -- and speed -- that count for a lot in the NFL. Smith helps the Broncos in a lot of ways that don't involve catching passes.

7. New York Jets [7] -- Finally shut down an opponent's running game, but Curtis Martin had his weakest outing of the season. Martin averaged under four yards per carry and was held below 100 rushing yards for the first time this season. Chad Pennington picked up the slack, continuing to make a case for himself as one of the league's very best QBs.

8. Pittsburgh Steelers [11] -- I can't say anything about Ben Roethlisberger that you haven't heard before, but I've got something about Bill Cowher. He's one of the 20 winningest head coaches in NFL history and one of 10 with six-consecutive playoff seasons. His career winning percentage is better than Chuck Noll's. He blends the no-nonsense, tough-guy attitude with a nurturing side that encourages his players. Cowher's teams are built around the conservative standards of good defense and power running, but he isn't afraid to try a surprise onside kick in the Super Bowl or let a WR play quarterback.

One reason for Cowher's enduring success is that he recognizes coaching talent and surrounds himself with exceptional assistants. Dom Capers, Chan Gailey, Jim Haslett, Dick LeBeau, Marvin Lewis, and Mike Mularkey all worked for Cowher before getting head coaching jobs elsewhere. Ron Erhardt, another Cowher assistant, may have been better than any of them. New offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt is being widely praised for his handling of Roethlisberger. Offensive line coach Russ Grimm, a former Hog, is sometimes mentioned as a future head coach or coordinator. Cowher hasn't built a Hall of Fame résumé, but he's been one of the league's best coaches for more than a decade.

9. New York Giants [13] -- Nice weekend for the Barber twins. Seems like Tiki has made a big play every week. He's got to lead the NFL in plays of 50 or more yards. Against Dallas -- which has a pretty good defense -- he had a 58-yard run, lined up outside and went 55 yards with a flanker screen, and banged in a three-yard TD run. Inside or outside, power and speed, running or receiving, even returning when duty calls ... Tiki has a complete game.

10. Baltimore Ravens [10] -- After three quarters of futility, the Ravens finally wore down Washington's defense. It didn't hurt that, for some reason, Washington kept four men on the line in the fourth quarter, when Baltimore was running on every play. Most teams would have put eight or nine guys up top. The Ravens can't pass, can't come back against anybody, and can't beat the league's best teams, but against the Cincinnatis and Washingtons of the world, they're gold. Baltimore will miss Jamal Lewis while he's out on suspension -- a completely unjustified suspension, I believe -- but Chester Taylor and Musa Smith can fill in and the Ravens should be okay.

11. Detroit Lions [15] -- The defense terrorized Michael Vick. Injuries to Cory Schlesinger and Roy Williams -- even minor ones -- are disconcerting for an offense that has already lost Charles Rogers and Kevin Jones, but the Lions have established themselves as a team to be taken seriously. If the playoffs started today, Detroit would be in, and if the Lions beat Green Bay next week, there's a good chance we'll be saying that in Week 16, too.

12. Atlanta Falcons [8] -- Through no fault of his own, Vick has become the most overrated offensive player in the NFL. ESPN worships the guy, and you can't suggest he might not be the best player in the league without getting angry e-mails about it. The same is true about Ray Lewis on the other side of the ball, but that is almost entirely Lewis's own doing. They're both good, but nowhere near the hype.

13. Jacksonville Jaguars [9] -- Getting Fred Taylor involved in the passing game is great, but there's no substitute for power running. With the Teal Curtain shutting down everyone who isn't San Diego, ball-control offense makes sense, and rushes control the game in a way short passing never has. I wanted to see that Byron Leftwich can play, but I don't want to see him throwing 50 times a game. It's disconcerting that the Jags have given up 58 points in the last two weeks after allowing just 28 in their first three games.

14. St. Louis Rams [20] -- A nice come-from-behind victory on the road shows that they never give up and can still score quickly. But there's a lot not to like from what we saw against Seattle. Brian Baldinger, who was cheerleading throughout the game -- he could save some trouble by having his lips surgically attached to Orlando Pace's butt -- told viewers that criticism of Mike Martz's pass-heavy game plans might be out of place, because "the passing game was exceptional" at the end. But it was rotten for the first three quarters. Marc Bulger's timing was off, and it was once again apparent that although Martz is a capable offensive game-planner, he really doesn't teach his players anything.

In year three under Martz, Bulger still doesn't know how to throw the ball away or manage timeouts. Kurt Warner's game, so impressive in 1999, finally developed further when he left Martz's tutelage five years later. In New York this year, Warner is taking fewer sacks, protecting the ball, and playing well outdoors. Warner hasn't lost a fumble this season, and he has only one interception in five games -- a statistic he never achieved when Martz was his head coach. Martz panders to his players, never seems to tell them when they do something wrong. And they never get any better.

15. Dallas Cowboys [12] -- Dispiriting letdown in a game they led at halftime. Dallas had some success running the ball, but couldn't get the aerial attack going, and the defense couldn't stop Barber. They still don't have the players Parcells needs to build a serious contender.

16. Tennessee Titans [18] -- This was a totally different team than we saw in Tennessee's previous four games. The offensive line opened huge holes for Chris Brown (148 rushing yards) and kept injured QB Steve McNair off the ground (no sacks). Maybe they just need to play a terrible defense every week, but for the first time this season, the Titans looked like playoff contenders. If McNair keeps playing like that, they'll have a shot. And while it's easy to concentrate on offense after a Lambeau-record 48 points, the defense deserves credit for picking off Brett Favre four times on his home field. I still don't understand how referee Bill Vinovich overturned Samari Rolle's interception in the end zone.

17. Carolina Panthers [14] -- One sack against Denver. Over 200 rushing yards allowed. Where's the defensive line? This is supposed to be the best front-seven in football. I still do the Kris Jenkins sack dance in my living room when something I like happens. You know, the one he did last year in the playoffs, prompting John Madden to say, "I'm not sure exactly what Kris Jenkins is doing, but he seems pretty pleased with himself." Pick it up, Kris. I'm counting on you.

18. San Diego Chargers [23] -- The Chargers are over .500 and have won two in a row. Brees and Antonio Gates look like Trent Green and Tony Gonzalez did last year. LaDainian Tomlinson is a rock star. The Bolts join the unstoppable Colts and undefeated Jets as the only teams with consecutive 30-point games this season. Marty Schottenheimer and Brees, uneasy allies, might earn another season at this rate. Offensive coordinator Cam Cameron and the rest of Schottenheimer's staff deserve a lot of credit.

19. Kansas City Chiefs [24] -- Studies have shown that when people watch test-takers, they think more highly of those that start strong and finish poorly than of those who drop the early ones and come on later. That's the only way I can explain last week's 16th-, 17th-, and 18th-place rankings for 1-3 teams Cincinnati, Green Bay, and Tennessee -- all of whom won in the first two weeks -- while the 1-3 Chiefs were 24th. Too low, especially after they looked so good against Baltimore. Beating a good team in Week 4 speaks much more highly for how well KC is playing at the moment than beating the Dolphins in the first two weeks did for Tennessee and Cincinnati.

20. Cincinnati Bengals [16] -- What you've got to understand is that teams were very tightly packed around the lower-middle last week. Thus, three of them play well, I re-assess Kansas City, and the Bengals plummet during their bye week.

21. Houston Texans [21] -- There were three overtime games this week, and they all followed a similar formula. Favorite (Minnesota, Seattle, Arizona) takes a big lead. Underdog stages an improbable fourth-quarter rally to send the game into OT, carries its momentum into the extra period, and wins a heart-warmer. Houston missed the memo. The Texans left their momentum in regulation and lost a heart-breaker.

22. Green Bay Packers [17] -- For the third game in a row, Brett Favre was on the sideline for Green Bay's last offensive play. It wasn't a hamstring or a concussion this week, but it's definitely a sign of the times. Favre's magic isn't completely gone, but Tennessee's defensive gameplan clearly hinged on shutting down Ahman Green. The abominable Packer defense allowed a couple of early scores, and it was Favre trying desperately to make something happen for the rest of the game. No one -- and I'm talking about players and teams -- can be great forever.

23. Oakland Raiders [22] -- Playing Indianapolis makes for a fairly basic game formula. The Colts are going to score against you, and the only way to beat them is with offensive fireworks. Easier said than done, but you know what you have to do. Oakland's offense, though, is broken. The Raiders' 14 points against Indianapolis were a season-low for the Colt defense. Opponents were averaging over 100 rushing yards and 300 passing yards against Indy; Oakland managed 53 on the ground and 216 through the air, with three interceptions. The personnel just isn't there.

24. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [28] -- No matter who Tampa plays at quarterback, the Saints are really bad.

25. New Orleans Saints [19] -- The overtime win in St. Louis looks more and more like a fluke. It takes a special kind of bad to get blown out by the Cardinals one week, then make Brian Griese look like an All-Pro the next. "Inconsistent" may be too kind a word for this group.

26. Cleveland Browns [25] -- Jeff Garcia led the Browns in passing and rushing against Pittsburgh, and that's not a good sign. Defense, though, is the real issue. Roethlisberger and Duce Staley had their way with Cleveland's defense all afternoon. Which probably means the Steelers owned the Browns on the line.

27. Chicago Bears [27] -- The NFC North is going to be a fight to the finish this year, but the Bears aren't invited.

28. Buffalo Bills [26] -- It hurts having Buffalo so low in the rankings, because the Bills have been in every game. They lost to the Jaguars, Raiders, and Jets -- teams with a combined 9-5 record -- by a total of eight points. Their other loss was to the undefeated Patriots, and Buffalo had a shot late in the fourth quarter. They're not good enough to rebound and make the playoffs, but the Bills might be a lot better than we think right now.

29. Arizona Cardinals [30] -- The two NFC West games this week ran oddly parallel, with fourth-quarter rallies leading to overtime upsets. It won't be so close when the Cardinals play Seattle in two weeks.

30. San Francisco 49ers [32] -- They'll miss Julian Peterson, who reportedly will not play again this season. His injury moves San Francisco back behind the team it just beat. Sorry, Niners fans.

31. Washington Redskins [29] -- A solution has finally presented itself. Washington can finally drop its racist nickname and just go by "Dolphins North". A great defense, a helpless offense that beats itself in every game, and an increasingly frustrated head coach -- the similarities are mind-boggling. Mark Brunell and the offensive line are miserable. Maybe Joe Bugel should spend less time talking to the media and more time getting his players ready. Gibbs, meanwhile, deserves criticism for his uninspired play-calling on third-and-short. It seems like Washington runs Clinton Portis up the middle every time, and it never works.

32. Miami Dolphins [31] -- The only explanation for this season is that there is a curse on this team. Bright spots: Randy McMichael. No one plays with more heart, and right now, no tight end in the game is playing better. Chris Chambers made yet another fantastic play. With his talent, the kid should have 1,200 yards every season, but he's inconsistent -- or at least, his quarterbacks are. And of course, Wes Welker. Terrific performance from an undrafted rookie playing the world champions with a ton of pressure on his back. A great deal of credit is also due to Miami defensive coordinator Jim Bates, and maybe even to Dolphins head coach Dave Wannstedt, whose background is in defense. The 'Fins had Tom Brady completely off-balance, and the defense has kept Miami in every game.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 4:57 PM | Comments (0)

It's Deja Vu, All Over Again

As a Jet fan, I know what it is like to root for a perennial loser. I never get excited ... ever! The New York Jets are 4-0, and I still don't think they're good. I still don't think they will make the playoffs, and even if they do, I think they'll lose.

That is what years and years of having your heartbroken by the same team time after time will do to your confidence. The players are different, the coaches are different, but the outcomes remain the same. It must be something about that green and white.

The Red Sox fans, on the other hand, are a different breed. They've seen it all. The great regular season collapse, capped off by Bucky Dent. The great league championship meltdown, capped off by Aaron Boone. And the great World Series collapse, capped off by Bill Buckner.

Since Harry Frazee sold Babe Ruth to finance his stupid play, the Red Sox have gone 85 years without a World Series trophy. They've been there four times, losing in a Game 7 every single time.

Yet Red Sox fans share a common belief, that this is their year, expressed by the Boston Herald headline, published before the Red Sox disposed of the Anaheim Angels, which read "Go Yankees. We want to kick your butts on the way to the Series."

Of course, last year was supposed to be their year. Except their idiot manager blew the series by leaving in staff ace Pedro Martinez too long.

To rectify that, GM Theo Epstein got the treasure all baseball teams covet, a legitimate ace: Curt Schilling. And Schilling knows something about slaying Yankees (2001 World Series Co-MVP).

The Yankees countered, grabbing Alex Rodriguez, but let's be real. Whom would you rather have right now, Shill or A-Rod?

The Sox have the tougher lineup. Sure, the Yanks have Gary Sheffield and all the usual suspects, but the Sox are deeper, and work the pitcher better.

Maybe the Sox bullpen leaves some room for improvement, but hey, not every facet of the team can be infallible.

So with the pitching and hitting, how can the Sox lose? Even Las Vegas has them as the favorite over the Yankees! This has to be the year, right?

All I can say is, stay tuned. Despite the Red Sox' seemingly invincible prowess, the Yankees are no slouch, no matter how much their fans whine about the pitching.

True, Mike Mussina and Jon Lieber are not Schilling and Pedro. But Kevin Brown and Javier Vazquez match up just fine with Bronson Arroyo and Tim Wakefield.

And while the Yankees lineup doesn't come close to matching the facial hair in Boston's, the hitting isn't terrible. Derek Jeter, Hideki Matsui, Bernie Williams, Jorge Posada, etc. occupy the batting order. They've been here before, and they know what it takes to move on.

The Sox fans don't want to hear any of this. They want to beat the snot out of the Bronx Bombers, maintaining this series will make up for nearly a century of futility.

And it's the same attitude that was so evident last season, when Boston's confidence was bristling with Pedro on the hill in Game 7. Might we see another decisive game with another unlikely Sox killer? I wouldn't bet against it.

Posted by Piet Van Leer at 1:57 PM | Comments (0)

Ricky Williams Needs to Go ... For Good

This past weekend was a great one for sports. Fall is here, the weather is cooler, the leaves are changing colors, and you just get the feeling that it's football time. You had high school football on Friday, a great slate of big-time college football games on Saturday, and then the usual NFL rundown on Sunday. It was just a great weekend for sports.

You had the Patriots winning their 19th-straight game, an absolutely astounding feat in this day and age. If that wasn't enough, you had another important 19-game streak, although this one was the nation's longest losing streak being shattered as Army beat Cincinnati. You couldn't help but feel good about that win for Army, seeing the excitement in the faces of the fans and players as they tore down goal posts and carried Coach Bobby Ross off the field. This Army win was sweeter than the stick of a Fun-Dip.

Despite all of this, no matter how badly I want to, I can't get away from Ricky Williams.

I had made my peace with the whole Ricky Williams saga. I wrote a whole column about it on July 27th. I was pissed about the whole thing, but it was over. Done with. I really had moved on.

Now he's back in the news. Ricky wants to come back to the NFL. This doesn't surprise me at all, only because Ricky had told the country he was done with football forever and we all know that Ricky's word and $1 can get you a 20-minute phone call.

"I don't want to do it anymore," Williams said. "That's it. I don't want to do this anymore."

Okay, Ricky, fine, you're gone. It sucked, but oh well, we all moved on. Now Williams wants to come back, supposedly because he found his passion for the sport again.

"I lost everything, and that's when I realized how much I love to play the game," Williams said.

I never knew how much everything was, but apparently, to Ricky Williams, it's the $8.6 million he stands to lose from skipping out on the Dolphins. But, of course, it's not about the money.

"I've been living in a tent for weeks now, paying $7 a day ... Do you really think money means anything to me?" Williams asked.

Yes, of course it does. If it didn't, you wouldn't be back now. Face it, Ricky, you are kidding no one. You don't like the game, you like money. Ricky said it himself, he lost everything. He even considered bankruptcy. There is no question that the reason he is coming back is for money.

This whole saga gets worse every day. Ricky Williams quits. Ricky Williams owes the Dolphins a ton of money. Ricky wants to come back so he doesn't lose his money. Ricky can't come back this season because of an overwhelming amount of substance abuse. Ricky's teammates, naturally, hate him. Now it's being reported that Ricky Williams has been slapped with a paternity suit. Williams did his best Bill Clinton impression and claimed that he didn't have sex with this woman, only to later admit to being the father of her 14-month old child.

I miss the stories of him sleeping in tents in Australia where he would get bitten by bugs in his rear and then have to stay off his feet for a week. I miss the stories of Williams wanting to live in tin shacks. Now we have paternity suits. At least Ricky is starting to show a little regret at how he handled the situation this offseason.

"I should have been man enough to have a conversation with (head coach Dave Wannstedt) Dave before all this happened," Williams said. "But I didn't. I got scared, and I just told him I was retiring."

Ricky is right; he should've been a man and told his coach and team earlier. But you know what; I would settle for him just being man enough to pay to support his illegitimate children, instead of lying about them and having the legal system force him to pay.

Williams just needs to go away. He left, he retired, and he said himself he was done with this game forever. The Dolphins need to do what's best for the sports world, let Ricky have his $8.6 million so he will go away. As it stands now, he is infecting the sports world.

Ricky inspired Sammy Sosa to quit on his team, leaving the Cubs last game 15 minutes after it started, infuriating his team. Sosa was slapped with a fine, and naturally, he whined like a little girl who had just been told she couldn't watch "American Idol."

This cannot go on. Since when did it become okay to quit on your team? If you don't like the way things are going, man up, and play until the end of your contract. Sosa's selfish acts are nothing to sneeze at, literally, or like Sosa, you could find yourself on the wrong end of the 30-day disabled list.

Ricky's antics are influencing too many in the sports world; Jose Guillen getting himself suspended over a pinch runner, Onterrio Smith hurting the Vikings with his four-game suspension for substance abuse, and Kyle Farnsworth injuring himself by kicking a fan are just some of the examples of Ricky's bad influence.

It won't be long before high school players quit midseason to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. It won't be long before soccer coaches just leave at halftime, taking the orange slices with him. It won't be long before little leaguers stop dressing for games, because they are out of playoff contention.

It's fall. It's time for real teams and real athletes to showcase their God-given talent. It's time for communities of sports fans to tailgate and rally behind their teams. It's time for sports to be at its best, so I am going back to celebrating Army's win and enjoying my Fun-Dip.

Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 12:56 PM | Comments (2)

October 11, 2004

Angel Food: Scioscia Under Fire

David Ortiz had barely crossed the plate, or so it seemed, before the idiot brigades -- no, we don't mean the Red Sox ("We're the Idiots," gigapest Johnny Damon likes to say of them) -- began measuring Mike Scioscia for piano wire.

Five minutes after the Anaheim Angels' radio broadcast team cut to a post-game show for what turns out the final time of the season, there it came, from a harrumphing caller: "Mike Scioscia's Mauch moment." Oh, brother. And it got worse within five more minutes, when another caller harrumphed about the allegedly uncouth Boston Red Sox fans soiling the sweet ambience of Angel Stadium.

This isn't going to come easily for me. I am, among other things, a Boston Red Sox fan since the 1967 pennant race and an Anaheim Angels fan since I relocated to southern California in 1999. But Gene Mauch lost an awful lot more out of his signature pitching changes than Mike Scioscia has lost out of his. And the worst I can remember out of any Red Sox fans was their hounding poor Bill Buckner out of his New England home at last and out to the quiet ranch and real estate life he now lives.

I can't remember the last time Red Sox fans hounded any Red Sox player into his grave. Donnie Moore, anyone?

Even when the blogosphere strains for a little perspective on what ended when Ortiz dialed the far side of the Monster in the bottom of the tenth, there's something missing. The author of 6-4-2: An Angels/Dodgers Double Play Blog isolated the point: "Arte (Moreno) and Bill Stoneman have had a message delivered to them with unmistakable clarity. The Angels never held a lead in this series. They didn't win a single game."

Er, yes they did. Picking the best possible time to pick up his first postseason hit, Vladimir Guerrero rapped a two-RBI single that gave the Angels a 3-1 lead in the second game. But forgive our 6-4-2 friends. The lead lasted a literal blink of the eye; the Red Sox tied the game a half inning later, and the Angels never got better than a tie the rest of the night. Of course, nobody in this postseason has tied one yet with as many dropped jaws, the way Guerrero tied it in the seventh Friday night, hitting a monstrous grand slam that lowered the cone of silence upon Fenway Park.

Baseball Told the Right Way tells it absolutely the wrong way, in an entry called "The ABSOLUTE worst pitching change in the history of baseball ... ever." Consider: "After watching Francisco Rodriguez embarrass the best lineup in baseball for 2 2/3 innings, after watching only one solidly hit ball, after watching K-Rod make Manny Ramirez (the best non-Barry Bonds hitter in baseball) look like a AAA call-up TWICE."

I didn't know an embarrassed team follows two punchouts by beating out a grounder to short right center, prying out a 3-1 walk, and rapping a grounder for a close enough putout. I didn't know an embarrassed team spends the next inning putting the bat on the ball, even if for three-up, three-down. As if someone doesn't look like a Triple-A callup twice on weak rollers up the first base line or skyscraping popouts to the infield.

But it had an even better beginning. "Last year, we saw the worst NON-pitching change in the history of the game. This morning, Mike Scioscia has joined the halls of Grady 'Gump' Little." Well now.

I'm taking a wild guess that that author and the rest of the harrumphant haven't figured out that Scioscia didn't have half as much to lose. That Grady Little had the pennant on the line, but the Red Sox had three innings yet to come to break the tie. That Gene Mauch had the pennant on the line and the Angels had three innings and two more games, as it turned out, to overcome the nasty little knee-high, slightly outside forkball that Dave Henderson reached and sent into the left field bleachers.

Darrell Johnson had more to lose than Scioscia when he lifted Jim Willoughby in 1975. (Can we say, "The World Series?") Joe McCarthy had more to lose when he lifted Ellis Kinder in Yankee Stadium. (Can we say, "the pennant?") Charlie Dressen had more to lose when he brought in Ralph Branca rather than Carl Erskine. (Can we say, "The Giants win the pennant/The Giants win the pennant?")

The worst Scioscia had to lose was prolonging the agony. These Angels, running on fumes after a grinding stretch drive and an American League West clinch that may have made childbirth resemble a minuet, were pretty well overmatched by these Red Sox. And even if the Angels might have nudged Tim Wakefield to one side in a fourth game, Curt Schilling would have been saying "Hello, again!" in a fifth game.

Maybe I shouldn't ask how many Angel fans dared watch ESPN Classic the morning of the game. ESPN Classic thought it the perfect time to show That Game, Mauch's moment, the single most stupefying loss in the Angels' long enough history of surreality. The idiot brigades may demand an investigation into whether ESPN Classic had been hit with a hostile takeover by Red Sox fans.

Posted by Jeff Kallman at 3:45 PM | Comments (0)

The New Face of the Sooners

I'm on to you, Bob Stoops. I've got your little scheme all figured out.

You're just a figurehead, the frontman for a puppet regime headed by former Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer, he of the three national championships and "three yards and a cloud of dust" philosophy.

This has to be true. It's the only plausible explanation for the numbers put up by the Sooners' formerly pass-happy offense Saturday against Texas.

Stoops' high-powered offense, the same one that averaged nearly 300 yards passing last season, suddenly looks a lot more like Switzer's attacks that averaged more than 300 yards rushing in their 1970s heyday.

In its 12-0 victory over the rival Longhorns, Oklahoma barely crept over the 100-yard mark in the passing column. But the Sooners more than made up for it with the ground game, gobbling up 301 yards on 52 attempts.

What accounts for the change? Could Switzer really be hiding in an underground bunker watching the action on 27 television monitors and relaying commands to the sideline?

Yeah, probably not.

The real answer isn't hiding anywhere. He's on the field, and he's making opposing defenders wish they could be the ones hiding in Switzer's bunker.

Adrian Peterson is making Oklahoma into a smashmouth football team.

The true freshman from Palestine, Texas torched the Long Horns Saturday for 225 yards on 32 carries. He pushed his way through the line. He bowled over defensive backs. He made people miss. He got the corner on nearly every toss-sweep play and never got taken down by the first would-be tackler.

And in doing so, Adrian Peterson made Bob Stoops look like a genius.

Some coaches don't adjust to the talent they have. They stick with their systems and make the players fit.

But not Bob Stoops. When he saw what Peterson could do, he probably threw his playbook in the trashcan. You don't need too much variety when you can hand it to a 6-foot-2, 210-pound man-child and be guaranteed five yards every time.

Credit Stoops for recognizing that giving the ball to Peterson early and often makes the Sooners a far better team. Remember, this is the man who shocked the Sooner faithful in his first year as head coach when his team averaged 104 yards rushing per game. This is the man who made Josh Heupel look like Joe Montana and helped Jason White win the Heisman trophy.

It couldn't have been too easy to scrap a strategy that had been his bread and butter. But easy or not, Peterson is proving that it was the right move.

In his first five games, Peterson has crossed the 100-yard barrier each time. And he's given the Sooners something they've never had in the Stoops era -- a bona-fide work horse with the ability to dominate a game.

Make no mistake; the Sooners have had good running backs under Stoops. Quentin Griffin helped OU win the national championship in 2000 and is now a starter in the NFL. And Kejuan Jones, the incumbent at running back coming into this season, did rush for 925 yards last season.

But Peterson is different. He's big, he's fast, and he has great vision. He's the total package.

The Texas coaches knew it even before they saw him trample their defense Saturday. Mack Brown and company recruited Peterson. They recruited him hard. They've always wanted to keep in-state talent in state. And when it came to talent, Peterson was head and shoulders above the rest. He rushed for 2,960 yards in his senior season at Palestine High School. He was a consensus All-American, and his physical gifts made coaches drool -- a 4.4 40-yard dash time and a bench press of 295 pounds.

But Peterson spurned the Longhorns. He watched last year's Red River Shootout from the stands and saw Oklahoma thrash Texas 65-13. That undoubtedly had an impact on his college choice.

Stoops had to be smiling when Peterson committed. He not only saw the talent, he saw what it could mean for his team.

Last season, the high-octane Sooners tired as the year went on. White felt the effects of throwing the ball 34 times a game. The running game disappeared in a loss to Kansas State and the Sugar Bowl loss to LSU.

Stoops knew he couldn't let that happen again. Peterson ensures it won't. When you have a running back of his caliber, you don't need to throw the ball 34 times every game and you don't have to settle for being one-dimensional.

So while the 2004 Sooners might not post the spectacular offensive numbers of years past, they'll be better for it. They just might be the best team in the country.

Oklahoma could still revert back to its old ways. Some defense might shut Peterson down. Teams might start putting more men in the box, leaving their cornerbacks on an island. In that case, the Stoops and the Sooners can go back to what they've always done.

Although I suspect Mr. Switzer wouldn't be happy about that.

When I find the bunker, I'll be sure to ask him.

Posted by William Geoghegan at 3:45 PM | Comments (0)

Mets Fans Deserve Better

When the New York Mets fired manager Art Howe last month, many fans just shrugged their shoulders. They know that the hiring of a new general manager, the over-qualified Omar Minaya, and the subsequent hiring of a new field manager won't make much difference, either. There is one overriding reason for apathy amongst Mets Nation:

To paraphrase the great philosopher Casey Stengel, "Can't anybody here run this team?"

Once upon a time, Fred Wilpon was held in high regards by Shea Stadium dwellers. Wilpon, and his then-partner Nelson Doubleday, rescued the Mets from the depths of mediocrity. They hired a solid general manager in Frank Cashen. They provided Cashen with seemingly unlimited resources to scout and draft players like Darryl Strawberry and Doc Gooden. They green-lighted efforts to trade for talent like Gary Carter and Keith Hernandez. They seemingly stopped at nothing to put the Mets back on top, and anyone who lived through the 1980s in New York City will certainly confirm that the Mets owned the city.

Alas, Wilpon's optometrist must be prescribing rose-colored glasses for the Mets sole owner. How else do you explain a team failing as miserably as the Mets have, yet seemingly just the right manager or GM away from being competitive? It can't all be Steve Phillips fault, because he wasn't in charge this past offseason when the Mets failed to land free agent Vladimir Guerrerro, opting instead for Kaz Matsui (at shortstop, no less).

It can't be all Bobby Valentine's fault, because if that were true, why are they even entertaining the idea of bringing him back as manager? It can't be all Art Howe's fault, because he didn't quit on his players the last two seasons down the stretch, it was the other way around.

At the end of the day, Fred Wilpon bears the full responsibility for the Mets' lack of success lately. Wilpon is the one who fails to give Strawberry and Gooden a chance at redemption by allowing them to be part of salutes to the 1986 team. Wilpon is the one who allowed the Jets to move ahead of the Mets in the "Strong arm the city of New York for a new stadium" game.

Wilpon is the one who keeps signing paychecks for John Franco. Franco has been a great citizen for the Mets, but there's no doubt he would also enter a game with two outs and no one base, and proceed to walk the bases loaded against a Hollywood celebrity softball team (after all, you have to keep the ball on the outside part of the plate against Carmen Electra).

Wilpon is the one who allows Howe to twist in the wind when he is clearly not going to be brought back as manager. Wilpon is the one convinced that the best way to change the culture of a team that has quit on the season for three consecutive years is to fire the manager, while allowing players like Al Leiter and Mike Piazza (both solid citizens like Franco) to continue to contribute to the atmosphere of ineptitude.

Say what you want to about George Steinbrenner, but even in the 1980s when the Yankees couldn't get past the John McNamara-managed Boston Red Sox, he was exhausting all resources to try and win. Sure, they signed Steve Kemp and Ed Whitson, and traded for Luis Polonia and Jim Abbott, but they were at least trying. To many Yankee haters, Steinbrenner is the face of all Yankee hating stands for, but you can't deny that he does more to try to win than any other owner in baseball.

Perhaps it's unfair to compare Wilpon to Steinbrenner, although bringing back Valentine to manage the club would be taking a page from George's pre-Joe Torre approach to running a ball club. Carlos Tosca and Jim Fregosi are other candidates being considered. Jim Fregosi? The same Jim Fregosi that caused the Mets to become a footnote in the brilliant career of Nolan Ryan? Say it ain't so, Fred.

Minaya is a solid talent evaluator, yet one wonders just how much free reign Minaya will have in trying to right the ship. The bottom line for Mets fans (of which I am one) is that a complete culture change is needed from the top down, much like in 1980 when the estate of the late Joan Payson sold the Mets to the partnership of Wilpon and Doubleday. Mets fans deserve better than this.

Posted by Jonathan Moncrief at 2:26 PM | Comments (0)

October 9, 2004

Sports' Biggest Trainwrecks: Hail No!

Moving.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

There ... that about captures it. So I've been slowly relocating from one apartment to another. This last week, the week of the Big Move, has sucked.

Not a Dave Wannstedt kind of sucked, but sucked nonetheless.

I'd call the Dolphins a disaster, but I'm afraid the PC police, who, after 9/11, declared games were not battles/wars/skirmishes and athletes were not soldiers/warriors/mercenaries, will hunt me down and show me a picture of what was formerly known as a Floridian trailer park: "You want a disaster? Try four hurricanes in two months, buddy..."

Oh, what the hell: they're a disaster. Choosing between Jay Fiedler and A.J. Feeley is like deciding between spoiled or powdered milk -- one might be good with the right ingredients, while the other will just turn your stomach. Think of it this way: Ricky Williams has been smoking pot and living in a tent for the last month, yet he's only scored 32 less points than the Fish.

Of course, after it became apparent Ricky would be taking hits instead of ... er ... taking hits, expectations for the Dolphins changed in a big way. Sure, you can mock them, but not without a twinge of pity. They lost their star, through circumstances beyond their control.

The Redskins, by comparison, gained their star in the offseason. Clinton Portis? Puh-lease. Compared to Washington's biggest star, he might as well be Johnny Hector.

No, the most prominent name on the Redskins' roster is listed after all the uniform numbers: coach Joe Gibbs, who rode back into town looking to reverse the fortunes of this once-proud franchise. So far, he might as well have been Barry Gibb -- the Skins are 1-3, have looked remedial at times on offense, and, based on how he's worked the clock late in the game, good 'ole Joe has the time management skills of a college sophomore on lithium.

Now, 1-3 in the NFC is not the end of the world; only six out of 16 teams are over .500 right now. But it feels like it if you pinned your hopes on a Pigskin Savior who so far it doesn't seem like the Second Coming.

Redskins fans are, as we've always said in the hallowed halls of SportsFan Magazine, a cult. Once you've consumed the burgundy and gold Kool-Aid, you're in and in for life. You learn all the words to "Hail to the Redskins." You buy the car flag. You don't mind when the evening news fails to present out-of-town scores, but offers a five-minute segment on where LaVar Arrington rents his DVDs.

Some of my Redskin friends are taking Gibbs' slow start in stride. It's his first season back, they say. Give him a few years, they say. Parcells has to die some time, they say. (Okay, I haven't actually heard any of them say that last one ... but lookin' in their eyes, you can feel it.)

Yet there are other Redskin friends who are taking this a little hard. Whose expectations were, shall we say, lofty. I can't imagine thinking about Super Bowl reservations and then two weeks later watching your team bent over by Jeff Garcia. (No, I'm not going to elaborate.) Some fans are coming to the realization that, should Gibbs fail to produce in his second term with the team, the Redskins really don't have anywhere to turn. I actually had a Skins fan spell out a "Plan 9 from Outer Space" scenario in which they would reanimate the corpse of George Allen, and then if he flops, Vince Lombardi. (I actually think that's a grand idea ... until Zombie Lombardi goes rogue and eats Chad Morton's brain during halftime, that is.)

My question is: why have expectations? The Redskins' last Super Bowl was in 1992. The franchise has been one high-profile disappointment after another since then. Don't these people know that cynicism and anticipation of calamity are a fan's best friends?

Take me, for example. A Nets fan. One of, what, 300 in the world? I've written before about my journeys with Clippers East. For a few years, things got really good, didn't they? A pair of Eastern Conference championships, and one NBA Finals against the Spurs that at least wasn't embarrassing. In the process, the team became one of the most exciting in the game; Jason Kidd was elevated to a Mark Messier-type hero in the New York media; Kenyon Martin went from problem child to man-child; and Richard Jefferson became rising star.

But were my expectations high, even during this last run? Hell no. I had seen too much catastrophe, too many Dennis Hopsons, Rex Walters and Yinka Dares (RIP) to accept what I was seeing as anything but an aberration, like a funny episode of "Yes, Dear." I knew it was just a matter of time before it all went in the toilet, and sure enough comes the dawn of the 2004-'05 season.

Kenyon? He's in Denver, traded for a gaggle of draft picks that might hold some promise ... if this wasn't the franchise that drafted the aforementioned Sirs Hopson, Walters, and Dare (RIP)

Starting two-guard Kerry Kittles? Gone, to the Nets West. His replacement figures to be Ron Mercer, which would be great news if this was 1998 and New Jersey was the University of Kentucky.

Jason Kidd? Seriously cheesed off about this whole mess, and out until '05 with offseason knee surgery (just in time for the trade deadline.) Luckily the Nets won't miss a beat, as they replace Jason Kidd with Travis Best (BWAHAHAHAHA!). Oh, and let's not forget Alonzo Mourning, back again for another three or four games until his kidneys explode.

Soon, these Nets won't be my problem anymore: they'll be Brooklyn's. And by the time they leave Jersey (with an average attendance of under 50), the Knicks will probably be a premiere team again. Which means, borough or no borough, the Nets will get about as much press coverage as the P.S. 123 intramural team.

Sports fans are, by behavior and reputation, pack rats, and I'm no different. While in the process of moving the last few weeks, I discovered I had about 10 different Nets t-shirts from various stages of their recent postseasons: Division titles, Conference titles, Finals appearances, and a few player-specific shirts. I've done more purging than packing, and I sacrificed most of those t-shirts to the goodwill bin at my local church. Gear I proudly wore during my team's recent (hell, only) run of success will now probably be the cutting edge of homeless couture in Montgomery County, MD.

Memories are fleeting. Unless you're a dynasty, success is transient, and damn hard to recapture when it's gone.

In a few years, that might be more than apparent to Redskins fans.

Freddy A-Don't

Get it? "A-Don't" instead of "Adu?" Get it? GET IT?!

As Major League Soccer reaches the end of its regular season, an evaluation of 15-year-old(-ish) Freddy Adu's first year with DC United seems appropriate.

It's just that I have no idea how to evaluate it.

Let's assume that all the United, MLS and soccer fans wanted out of Adu was some impact on popular culture and the American media. Done and done. The United have averaged 23,030 fans on the road this season; the league average attendance is 15,246. Meanwhile, Adu has joined athletes like Tony Hawk who might fly under the radar of the over-40 crowd, but who are iconic to millions of TRL-aged fans.

So if you think of Adu strictly as a curiosity, the unicorn at the circus, there's no question he's filled that role and the league is better for it.

It's on the field where Adu's performance can be called into question. He's 10th on the United in minutes played. He has just 5 goals and 1 assist this season. He's shown flashes of brilliance, but they've been few and far between -- the nightly news isn't exactly leaving room on the highlight reel for Adu, although it might have had he performed better.

But what about that performance? Eleven points puts him fourth on the team in scoring in his rookie season. All reports point to the fact that he's been getting better with each game. Hell, just the fact that he was able to function at all with the weight of the sport on his shoulders should count for something.

Yet if LeBron James -- the NBA's over-hyped rookie phenom last season -- came out and averaged nine points-per-game instead of 20.9, we'd have labeled him a flop. Adu's numbers are pedestrian, his impact on the team's regular season fortunes minimal. From a statistical standpoint, he's been somewhat of a dud.

But something tells be the stats MLS cares about aren't 5 goals and 1 assist...

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 11:30 PM | Comments (1)

A New Tactic

This time of year is large when talking to a male high school senior. Homecoming celebrations let them cut it up on the dance floor. Midterms give them an opportunity to shape up before semester finals. Some of these youngsters are even fortunate enough to have game on the hardwood. And for several of them, that means the opportunity to go to the next level by choosing their future college.

Two coaches that will be hard on the recruitment trail have to be Virginia Tech's Seth Greenberg and Miami's Frank Haith.

It's only been a few weeks, but the refurbished ACC looks to be a success on the football field. The new-blood Hurricanes and Hokies are standing on their own, with a 3-1 conference record to boot (all right, one of those victories was against Duke).

University presidents Donna Shalala (UM) and Charles Steger (VT) must be patting themselves on the back. They've shown that their schools can hang with the tradition of the Atlantic Coast. That is, at least in one sport.

But ACC tradition is bigger than it's record in BCS bowl games mainly held by Florida State. It involves programs with a leg up in smaller athletics, such as golf, tennis, and a dominant program in women's soccer. Most of all, though, it's men's basketball that exudes that most pride in this collection of Eastern Seaboard schools.

Carolina and Duke blue, Fear the Turtle, the Wahoos of Charlottesville, and the rest of Tobacco Road help make up 50 years of coaching legends, intense rivalry, and championship ball.

Call me crazy, but I don't think Coach Greenberg bull rushes to the front of my brain when you talk ACC pride. Neither does Coach Haith, who's in his first year fronting the Hurricane program. So, if you were a parent looking to send your boy to one of these average-at-best teams, what would he have to gain?

Now, sure, the coach can come to your house and pitch to you, "We won't get beat up by Syracuse and Connecticut this year." Instead, you get to hear, "These days, we get basted by Duke, UNC, Maryland, and Georgia Tech." Not very comforting words for dads everywhere.

Okay, what else do you two have to sell?

Both teams have the backing of Big East experience. Unfortunately, that big name recognition hasn't yielded much success, especially when it comes to NCAA tournament berths.

Then there are the nit-picky excuses for why your choice isn't with them. Coral Gables is too close to South Beach, an educational distraction if you've ever heard of one. Blacksburg's winters aren't very human-friendly; with recent seasons containing postponed and cancelled games due to blizzards.

It looks like the interest is fading for these two fine institutions. Then, out of nowhere, the coaches pull out their big guns.

Football.

Huh?

The athletic department works together, so football helps basketball, and vice-versa, to an extent. Just think of it, added exposure to the football-crazy masses, as well as first dibs on prime seats for big-time games. In a way, they're an extended part of the ACC football family.

This tactic starts turning your head around. It shows the resourcefulness of the coaches to use their biggest asset. Plus, that would give you a shot to visit your son, while conveniently watching one of those classic gridiron battles.

And there you have it, another victory for the newbie coaches of the ACC. Sure, this is a hypothetical situation, but the question begs to be asked.

What would you do in their shoes?

Posted by Jonathan Lowe at 9:27 PM | Comments (0)

October 8, 2004

Tressel's Buckeyes: How Long Will it Last?

Despite their impressive success, including matching the 1968-1970 OSU mark of 27-2 with a victory over Marshall in September, these Buckeyes have failed to achieve the outright superiority of the former era.

True, both versions defeated Michigan twice in a three-year run, but the '68 and '70 Buckeyes won by a combined 49 points, for a net three-year gain of 37 points, as opposed to Tressel's Buckeyes, who have been outscored by the Maize and Blue, irrespective of that 2-1 mark.

From my vantage point, Coach Tressel has attempted to return the boys of Columbus back to the days of W. W. Hayes, when the Buckeyes won through a savage running attack, i.e. an offense that controlled the football and did not fumble it (you see, throwing it wasn't a real option), and a defense that stymied the run and forced turnovers.

In 2002, with the onset of the brief Maurice Clarett era, OSU finagled its way into the Fiesta Bowl, and won the championship through discipline and Miami's self-destruction. The following season, remnants of that defense carried a near incompetent offense to within one game of playing in the Sugar Bowl -- until the lack of a ball-control offense was exposed in Ann Arbor.

Buckeye partisans revere the 2002 team, its first edition to post nary a loss in 29 seasons, and remain grateful to Coach Tressel for bringing the order required to win the toughest games, such as the 14-9 victory over Michigan and the 31-24 2OT duel in the desert with the Hurricanes (2002 season). However, as evident by last week's performance, the 2004 edition, despite a No. 15 ranking, is becoming almost unwatchable, except for the casual fan that enjoys the inevitable close games that Tressel's system inherently renders.

In a peculiar way, Jim Tressel's style of football is more suited for the National Football League than even the Big 10 because of his beliefs: the punt is paramount, causing turnovers and not making them are keys to victory, and field goals are the "points on the board" that win football games. In the world of the NFL, 20 yards gained on a punt should net 20 less yards requisite to kick a field goal on a subsequent possession -- but this method is flawed for college football, even in a conference such as the Big 10.

The biggest difference is talent disparity; I've written before how college football is an oligarchy of the elite, which, ipso facto, entails that said elite should dominate others except when matched against themselves. In other words, there is no real reason why all but 15 teams in a given year should play the Buckeyes even remotely tough at Ohio Stadium.

In the days of former coach John Cooper, the Bucks punished inferior teams in Columbus, even if he had some difficulties with That Team Up North -- but were those OSU players more talented (chiefly 1993-1998) than Tressel's current outfit, even including the 25-2 bunch of 2002-2003?

I would posit in the affirmative; Coach Tressel simply does not recruit as well as his predecessor, but the man has his reasons. Tressel, who earned the job with his sterling record at Youngstown State (OH), loves Ohio football players, correctly or incorrectly believing them to be hungrier and tougher than perhaps those sleeker and faster teenagers from Florida, California, and Texas.

Arguably, the only star successfully recruited by Tressel was Clarett, and one knows how that turned out; the Buckeyes' most talented performer proved to be the running back necessary for moving the chains consistently (without him, the offense rarely found the end zone), but through his own voluntary action embroiled the Ohio State University in a scandal that wounded and weakened the football program.

One can almost smile with bemusement as one recalls the shortness of OSU fan memory. During the 1993-1998 (62-12-1) run which included finishing second in the polls twice, partisans moaned that despite the prodigious offense and renowned running attack, the Buckeyes flopped in the clutch, posting a dubious 2-4 cumulative effort against Michigan, three of those losses constituting their first of the season. Bowl games went slightly better (3-3) but Ls to the SEC further eroded Cooper's standing in the eyes of the masses; indeed, a loss to a less-than-powerful SEC school (South Carolina in Tampa) would end his tenure in Columbus.

Jim Tressel has coached OSU to victories against Michigan in two of three contests, won two BCS bowl games, reaching his zenith with a 19-game winning streak that ended in Madison. However, once No. 13 exited the premises, the offense bogged down, often coercing the defense to save their regretful performance with spectacular plays (i.e. Chris Gamble's interception return in a 13-7 win over Penn State; Will Allen's length of the field return against San Diego State in a 16-13 escape in Columbus).

Running the football is part of the identity at Ohio State, matched only by their counterparts in Lincoln and Los Angeles, but the very core of their football program (and all those Heisman Trophies and countless formidable running backs) remains in question. Jim Tressel's near-hypnotic hold on the emotional partisans will dissipate entirely if M-ee-chigan dominates a hapless Buckeye squad that futilely aspires to run the ball as if the year was 1973 and they had an All-American tackle and an All-American tailback.

In my view, the rest of the Buckeye season is relatively meaningless until a certain Saturday in November; certainly road wins at Iowa City, East Lansing, and especially West Lafayette would bolster the program and perhaps allow for a top-25 season once again -- but Jim Tressel has to engineer another victory at the 'Shoe over Michigan (Since 1992, the Wolverines are 2-3-1 on the banks of the Ohentange) to prove the validity of his aforementioned coaching style. In the last campaign, the yellow-and-blue helmets were in danger of falling to second place in this rivalry for the first time since 1975; they easily prevailed, 35-21, and did not lose three-straight in the series for the first time since 1963.

Now, the current OSU regime faces a critical test on that late autumn day in Columbus; failure, particularly if it reinforces the impressions garnered since the disappearance of the offense in 2003, leaves the Buckeyes staring at possibly three-straight losses to Michigan, given the setting for the 2005 contest.

With that, Jim Tressel is no longer little more than John Cooper, minus the explosive offense and talented recruits; although one supposes a shiny silver football residing at the Woody Hayes Athletic Center might afford him more time to get the program in healthier condition.

Posted by at 6:57 PM | Comments (2)

Milton Bradley: One More Round of Anger

So here we are again. Same player, same reaction, different recipient to the anger. Los Angeles Dodger Milton Bradley flew off the handle for the second time in two weeks last week.

I was behind Bradley 100 percent in the bottle-throwing incident. For a fan to throw a full bottle of beer at Bradley, plastic or not, is just inexcusable. I don't care how much they get paid, no one deserves that.

We treat professional athletes like they are second-class citizens who don't have feelings. Like they should take our worst verbal barbs for 162 games and be happy because they get paid so much. It is the only area in our lives that would allow such activity.

If Donald Trump makes a bad decision and his company loses money, the stockholders can't walk up and spit on him.

If Tom Cruise makes a bad movie, moviegoers can't go and throw nickels at him (although after Eyes Wide Shut, I considered it).

Those two make more money that Bradley could ever imagine making. But he is expected to absorb all of it with a smile on his face? No.

This time, though, he was out of line. Not that we know what really happened, but just putting himself in a situation like this while in a playoff race is just plain asinine.

According to accounts, Los Angeles Times reporter Jason Reid was asking Bradley a question about how the St. Louis fans were treating him. That is a perfectly valid question in the eyes of most anyone.

It was Bradley's first game back since the bottle-throwing incident at home against Colorado, and Reid had every right to ask how a visiting crowd had treated him. Apparently, Bradley played the race card on Reid, who is black. He allegedly called him an Uncle Tom and a sellout.

Which is an ironic statement, considering Bradley contributes to lining the pockets of rich white men in the L.A. organization when he steps on the field.

Nevertheless, Reid was a little upset about this and was said to have gotten up in Bradley's face.

The details from there seem to be murky. Bradley swears he was trying to walk away and that Reid was so infuriated that he just came at him. If you listen to the interview being conducted over the phone by Dan LeBatard with another player in the Dodger clubhouse, you can hear the skirmish in the background. You can hear people saying that a reporter and a player are fighting.

After that, it gets kind of vague.

We might never really know what went down that day, due to the absolute spinelessness of FOX Sports Midwest reporter Brent Stover.

Stover was in the clubhouse with his cameraman shooting an interview for his St. Louis based program later that night. The camera turned to see what was going on and the cameraman got what has been described as "great footage" of the incident.

Stover said that a representative from the public relations staff approached him and asked if he would erase the tape.

That is an absolute insult. Don't expect him to cover up your crazy player. If he didn't want to answer the question, he should have said "no comment." Or better yet, the Dodger personnel could have gotten Bradley out of the clubhouse and into the players lounge before the media was let in.

Then the strangest thing happened, though. Stover erased the tape, citing that he felt threatened by the Dodger staff. Then he added that he felt it was the right thing to do for both sides so they wouldn't be embarrassed.

Since when does a journalist, and I am using that term loosely here, erase anything newsworthy to appease the side that has egg on their face? It's not as if the Dodgers were going to hire Vinny and Guido to rough him up and take his tape.

Stover was probably told that if he didn't erase the tape, he would not be allowed into the clubhouse. At that point, you throw caution to the wind and run the tape. The ramifications of seeing Milton Bradley in a fight with a reporter would have triggered two things.

First, the Dodgers would have been so busy fielding phone calls from everyone and their mother looking for a quote that they wouldn't have time to worry about if Stover was in the locker room for the rest of the series.

Second, it would have been the end of Milton Bradley's season, no doubt about it. If a tape like that gets played on a loop on ESPN, Major League Baseball, and Bud Selig would have been forced to act. MLB says they are looking into the incident right now, but without videotape to back up any of the stories, there isn't much that MLB can do.

Bradley has been nothing but a headache for the team this season, on and off the field.

The Dodgers picked Bradley up from Cleveland, and were hoping to have an all-star. He was batting .321 with a .421 on base percentage for the Indians. For the Dodgers, just a meager .261 and .362, respectively.

The offseason is going to start soon for Bradley, and the Dodgers will probably do anything they can to find him a new home. If they do, it will be his fifth trade in five years of play.

Kind of makes you wonder if what we see is just the tip of the iceberg.

Bradley might have gotten lucky and will ride out the rest of the playoffs without a suspension. Just the fact that a person who has said he has anger issues would be in that situation says a lot. It says that either he was using anger as an excuse for his behavior, or that he really does need professional help.

He better figure it out soon, because the public isn't going to put up with his antics for much longer.

Posted by Cory Danner at 12:33 PM | Comments (0)

October 7, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 5

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Cleveland @ Pittsburgh

Jerome Bettis has done it again. Three weeks after his five-carry, one-yard, three-touchdown opener versus Oakland, the Bus showed us all that it was no fluke, rushing for nine yards on six carries and two touchdowns. And once again, Duce Staley has nothing to show for his 25-carry, 123-yard day.

"Man, it's like I got blue balls out there," a frustrated Staley cries. "I bump and grind from goal line to goal line, darting in and out of holes, and then, just when I think I'm gonna score, coach pulls me out and Jerome gets the money shot. It's wrong, I tell you."

"If Duce doesn't like the setup here," admonishes Steeler coach Bill Cowher, "then he can just get in his Cadillac Escalade, take the interstate, and go back to Philly and ride the pine."

"Then that's what I'll do," the ex-Eagle cries.

Staley gasses up the Caddy, turns on his radio to WFAN, and heads to the City of Brotherly Love. But upon arrival, he finds no love, as Eagle coach Andy Reid informs Staley that Philly has a bye week and he won't be needed.

"Try again next week, Duce," Reid counsels. "And instead of driving all the way up here, why don't you call our job hotline, 1-877-NO-DICE? Okay?"

Staley swallows his pride, and come Sunday, does his job, taking the pill inches from the goal line, only to be yanked so Bettis can fall in to the end zone for another undeserved score. Staley does find satisfaction in the game statistics, where he sees his name first on the list in the yards per rush category. Bettis checks in at No. 10 with a .0773 yard per rush average.

Steelers win, 27-12.

Detroit @ Atlanta

Detroit's bye week was filled with talk of the Tony Siragusa/Joey Harrington feud. In case you haven't heard, or just don't care, the fat FOX network sideline reporter called Harrington a "champagne and caviar" guy and not a "meat and potatoes" guy.

"Look, if Tony wants to question my manhood, that's fine," the Lion quarterback says. "I question it myself sometimes. But I'll say this: I've got a washboard set of abs. He's 300 pounds of lard, with a belly that would make Santa Claus consider dieting. At least I can see my manhood. Now, Jeeves, more caviar and champagne, and run me a hot bubble bath, will you? I need to shave my legs. Tidy up."

But seriously, the real reason for Siragusa's attitude is his resentment towards Harrington's success as a concert pianist. As a youth, Siragusa dreamed of playing the piano, but his short, stubby fingers prevented it. Truth be told, Siragusa never could master "Mary Had a Little Lamb" and complained that saying the word "pianist" made him feel less than manly.

On Sunday, Harrington is motivated to put the war of words behind him, and responds by throwing three TD passes: one to wide receiver Roy Williams, one to Dallas Cowboy safety Roy Williams, and one to University of North Carolina basketball head coach Roy Williams. Unfortunately, two of those are negated by "ineligible receiver downfield" penalties, allowing Michael Vick and the Falcons to comeback and retain their undefeated status. Warrick Dunn rushes for 110 yards and a touchdown, then taunts the Lions by saying "Stick a fork in them. They're Dunn." Atlanta wins, 30-13.

Miami @ New England

Couldn't the NFL have scheduled this game in Miami? That way, those feeble, remaining members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins could make an appearance and try to intimidate the Patriots into losing, much like they did with the 1985 Bears. But it probably wouldn't matter anyway. The Patriots are beyond intimidation, and even if the 1972 Dolphins had any intimidation value, it would go for naught, because this Dolphins team is quarterbacked by Jay "On the Roof, Coach [Dave] Wannstedt Would Like You to Jump to Your Death" Fiedler. The 1985 Dolphins were helmed by Dan Marino, who is twice the man Fiedler is, and about 2000 times the quarterback.

Anyway, the current Dolphins have a respectable defense, so New England will have to be sharp on offense. And they will be of course, which will translate into a late first quarter touchdown for Corey Dillon. 7-0, Patriots.

"Okay, that should be enough, men," New England coach Bill Belichick informs his team. "But we need to hang around for these final three quarters as a show of respect to Coach Wannstedt and the Dolphins, even though we respect neither. Now let's get out there and score enough points to win handily, but not so many points as to make it look like we're running up the score. Charge!"

The Patriots play like gentlemen, only forcing Fiedler into three turnovers, and holding the 'Fins offense to two measly Olindo Mare field goals. Tom Brady passes for two TDs, and the Pats remain undefeated with a 24-6 win.

In his meeting with the NFL, retired Dolphin running back Ricky Williams shows up in a burlap poncho, straw hat, and wooden sandals and asks Commissioner Paul Tagliabue "when can I make my comeback, get injured, and collect my salary?"

Minnesota @ Houston

"Man, that NFL drug policy is whack," complains Randy Moss. "Otherwise, I'd be serving a 14-year suspension for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. But I'm not, so, in celebration, I think I'll fire one up. Onterrio [Smith], where's that damn lighter?!"

"I'm sorry, Randy," retorts the suspended Viking running back, "but under the stipulations of the NFL Drug Policy, Chapter 4, section 20, it is mandated that I, the stated drug offender, engage in no drug activity nor in any behavior that could be deemed as related or pursuant to drug activity. Under these guidelines, I respectfully decline your offer."

"Dog, you are talking funny," a puzzled Moss replies. "Are you high?"

No, Randy, O-Dog is straight as an arrow, for now.

Now, in Houston, things are a little less hectic. While news in Minnesota is drug suspensions and increasing surgeries on running back Michael Bennett's knees, news in Houston is David Carr getting a haircut. Carr vowed not to shear his locks until the Texans won two-straight. Well, the Texans did it, recording consecutive wins at the expense of the Chiefs and Raiders, and a city celebrated with a haircut. Carr's latest declaration: if the Texans win the Super Bowl, he will have his scalp peeled back and have his skull engraved with the final score, available on pay-per-view, of course.

Okay, it's game time. Points will be scored and smack will be talked. Minnesota gets the edge, because Daunte Culpepper and Moss trump Carr and Andre Johnson easily. And, it doesn't help the Texans any when the booming voice of Minnesota head coach Mike Tice sends Texan coach Dom Capers quivering with fear back to the locker room, where he hides under his desk until the Vikings are out of town. Minnesota wins, 33-25.

NY Giants @ Dallas

Bill Parcells unveiled quite a revelation last week when he reported that some of his players tried to hit him.

"Yeah, Terry Glenn slapped me flush on the cheek," Parcells explains. "But I shook it off and whipped her ass. Keyshawn Johnson tried to go toe to toe with the Tuna, but I stopped him with a TKO in the first. Vinny [Testaverde] was there; he saw it."

"Yep, I was there ringside," reports Vinny Testaverde. "Keyshawn learned the hard way that you can't work the body on the Michelin Man."

"I've even had a few hit on me," says Parcells. "I can't tell you the number of times I've had to rebuke the advances of Phil Simms. Lawrence Taylor tried oh so hard to seduce me with flowers, and I tried equally as hard to drop hints that chocolate is the route to my heart, via my stomach. He never caught on. I guess his broken heart is what drove him to drugs, and, as you can see, drove me to food. And Phil McConkey? I don't even want to go there. Total pervert."

"I've never had a player even try to strike me," adds Giants coach Tom Coughlin. "I'm respected much to greatly for that. But all death threats and cut brake lines aside, I think it's healthy in a player-coach relationship for there to be a little hatred. I use hate as a motivational tool; the more my players hate me, the better they perform. And, since we are 3-1, it's obvious the hate me. Ain't life grand?"

Regardless of their methods, both coaches know how to squeeze performance out of their players. Whether it's done with drill-like precision and repetition, like Coughlin, or with incessant belittling and criticism, like Parcells, they know how to get results. Just look at their quarterbacks. Kurt Warner has resurfaced as a legitimate threat for the Giants, while Vinnie Testaverde can still get the job done at age 40, at least on the football field.

And Vinny will get the job done on Sunday. Testaverde throws two touchdown passes, and the Cowboy defense, especially safety Roy Williams and cornerback Terrence Newman, remind Warner how bad he can be. Dallas rolls, 20-7.

Oakland @ Indianapolis

Last week, Peyton Manning picked apart a very good Jacksonville defense, while Raider Kerry Collins had all manner of difficulties with an average at best Texans defense. What does that tell us?

"It tells you that I am the best quarterback in the game," Manning quips. "It also tells you that if you somehow genetically removed the quarterbacking ability for the little toe on my left foot, you would have more quarterbacking ability than that in Kerry Collins' entire body, and it would not wreak of alcohol."

Okay Peyton, let's not go that far. We'll take your word for it.

"That's good," says Manning, "because that little left toe and its counterparts on both my feet are due for a pre-game pedicure from Coach Dungy. He's a great coach, and quite handy with an emery board."

After his pedicure, Manning laces up his high-tops and proceeds to baffle the Raider defense with swing passes to Edgerrin James, medium-range crossing patters to Marvin Harrison, and bombs to Brandon Stokely.

"As you know," Manning audible-izes, "chicks dig the long ball."

Yeah I know, Peyton. But do chicks dig you?

"Well," chortles Manning, "they dig a certain hanging appendage that I possess."

Yeah, it's called your right arm.

"Don't think I won't whip it out against the Raiders," Manning warns.

Manning unleashes the beast, his right arm, and throws three touchdown passes. Kerry Collins watches in awe, but is soothed when he tells himself "there's no way Manning could beat me in a game of quarter toss."

Colts win, 34-20.

Tampa Bay at New Orleans

Saint's coach Jim Haslett has his crew right where he wants them at this time of year.

"Well," Haslett sighs, "if that means having no clue which Saints team will show up, the 'good' one or the 'evil' one, then yeah, we're right where we need to be."

One Saint in particular who seems to be afflicted with split personality disorder is quarterback Aaron Brooks. When he takes his medication, Brooks is good for three touchdowns and 250 yards passing. Off of medication, count on two interceptions and 185 yards.

"People always talk of 'chemistry' between a quarterback and receiver," Saints wide out Joe Horn explains. "Like it's some kind of mental bond or connection. I've always taken it to mean chemistry as in 'chemicals'. That's what I try to get Aaron to understand: he needs to get his chemistry straight with mine, then maybe we can connect, preferably in the end zone. In the mean time, I've connected him to my doctors, Feelgood and Jeckyl, for the hookup."

Thanks, Joe. Now go stash a cell phone in the goal post, you're number may be called Sunday.

The Bucs, on the other hand, are remarkably consistent. Week in and week out, they score 13 points and lose by a field goal.

"And that consistently makes me irate," grumbles Tampa coach Jon Gruden. "Luckily, I'm blessed with a condition in which my skin does not age, therefore I can maintain the look of a 29-year-old while my insides boil with stress and rage."

You lucky man. Kiss that Super Bowl ring and lead your charges to their first win, or fifth loss as it is. John Carney kicks a late field goal to lead the Saints to a 23-20 win.

Buffalo @ N.Y. Jets

Jets head coach Herman Edwards is the epitome of a players' coach.

"I'm just a small-time boy from West Virginia," says Jet QB Chad Pennington, "and I don't know what epitome means, but I'll tell you this: I would bake a cake and walk a mile for Coach [Herm] Edwards."

"Ah, thanks Chad," replies Edwards. "That's very flattering yet a little disturbing, so I'm gonna keep my distance from you for right now. But, speaking of cake and walks, our upcoming game against the Bills should be a 'cakewalk'. No offense to Drew Bledsoe, but the bell at the New York Sack Exchange will be ringing Sunday. Speaking of 'no offense' and 'Drew Bledsoe,' that pretty much sums up the Bills right there. And speaking of 'sum' and 'bills,' I'm rich, bitch!"

Pardon Herm, folks. He's just a little pumped up at the Jets 3-0 start and probably looking ahead two weeks when the Jets go to New England for a battle of likely unbeatens. But that's just human nature. Edwards knows he can look ahead, but he can't let his players do the same. And he doesn't. The Jets defense comes out smoking, immediately disrupting the rhythm of Bledsoe, who, by the way, has no rhythm. The Buffalo defense is pretty good themselves. That comes from lots of practice in game situations, because they are on the field about 40 minutes a game. This game boils down to field position, field goals, and one big play. That big play is a 55-yard bomb from Pennington to Santana Moss that seals a 19-12 Jets win.

Jacksonville @ San Diego

Have you seen Jacksonville defensive tackle John Henderson's pre-game ritual of letting a pencil-necked Jaguar errand boy slap him in the face before games?

"Hey, dude, that's no pre-game ritual," says pencil-necked Jaguar errand boy Francis Steinberg. "That little bitch John Henderson had the nerve to say I taped his ankle too tight. So I slapped him. And you saw him walk right out of there, didn't you?"

"That little Francis is a spark plug, isn't he," chuckles Jaguar head coach and arguably the coolest man in the NFL Jack Del Rio. "It's quite amusing to see a 120-pound weakling lay an open-handed bitch slap on a 300-pound nose tackle, and not get murdered for doing it. That reminds me of a joke: what did the five fingers say to the face? You give up? Smack!"

Funny, Jack. I see you're a fan of Dave Chappelle, which should give you a little ghetto credibility with your players.

The Jaguars have no easy task facing the Chargers in San Diego. LaDainian Tomlinson and crew are 2-2, despite being coached by Marty Schottenheimer. L.T. may find running inside tough against the Jacksonville defense, but once he gets outside, he's got breakaway speed. Charger QB Drew Brees will never outrun anyone, but has been making the right throws this year, many to emerging tight end force Antonio Gates. I would present you with further analysis, but I don't know any other players.

Anyway, L.T. shows the Jags that it doesn't matter who you are, he's going to get his 100 yards and a touchdown. Brees throws a touchdown to Gates, and the Chargers hang tough in the AFC West with a 21-18 win.

Arizona @ San Francisco

Emmitt Smith placed himself in the NFL record books once again, this time by tying Walter Payton's record of 77 100-yard rushing games.

"Yeah, and it's about time I got my own chapter in that book," cries Smith. "Or maybe even a separate NFL record book just with my records in it. I could put it in my trophy room, the one were I keep the 100 or so balls I've scored touchdowns with."

Emmitt, don't you mean that storage facility where you pack all your NFL memorabilia, including old athletic tape and your mouthpieces throughout the years?

"Yeah, you're right," Smith replies. "I also keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings of Michael Irvin's police history and tabloid article on Troy Aikman's sexuality. That's a great coffee table reader. It's probably time for a yard sale."

Speaking of yard sale, if San Fran coach Dennis Erickson was for sale, you could haggle and get the price down from 50 cents to a quarter, and use that other quarter to buy a ticket to this game. On a positive note for the 49ers, this game is being played in newly-named Monster Park. I don't know what Monster sells, but they will be going bankrupt pretty soon. San Francisco is bankrupt in the win column, and remains that way. Cardinals win, 19-10.

Carolina @ Denver

The Broncos currently lead the AFC West, which may be the weakest division in football.

"Maybe that's why we're leading the division, pal," a snippy Mike Shanahan whines.

Thanks, Mike, you just completed my point: Denver is not that good. And, apparently, neither are the defending NFC champs the Panthers. At 1-2, hurt by the losses of Stephen Davis and Steve Smith, Carolina is struggling to find it's identity. I'm not sure what that means, but Solomon Wilcots of the NFL Network said the same thing, so it must be true.

"Damn, beau," beams Panther QB and swamp buggy aficionado Jake Delhomme, "I'm just glad to be going to Denver. I've always wanted to ride that Silver Bullet train up there."

Ah, Jake, are you talking about the Coor's Silver Bullet? That's a beer, not a train.

"Great! Even better. I've always wanted to go to Denver and drink."

Now's your chance. Carolina head coach John Fox has emphasized film study as the key to getting his team back on track.

"I've shown these guys the movie Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead," explains Fox, "because if we lose this game, we're dead, and we might as well find something to do."

Well, it works. The Panther defense finally makes an appearance, limiting the limited effectiveness of Denver QB Jake Plummer and forcing former Oklahoma running back Quentin "I'd Sooner Fumble This Ball Than Hold on to It" Griffin into two fumbles.

Carolina in a mild upset, 22-20.

St. Louis @ Seattle

Besides the Seahawks, the big news in Seattle is Mariner outfielder Ichiro Suzuki, who broke the major league season hits record on October 1st with his 258th hit.

"Look," interjects Ram coach Mike Martz, "are we gonna talk football or motorcycles? Everybody knows that this Suzuki kid can hit nothing but singles, and he doesn't make a very good crotch-rocket either. Take it from me: Yamaha makes the best racing bike around, and they also make a pretty darn good guitar. Now, let's get this game over before Mount St. Helens blows her top."

Okay Mike, you've got your wish. Let's talk football. Remember two weeks ago when everyone criticized your lack of running plays, and you stated that you were going to play "fast and furious" and if they didn't like it, they could get a new coach. Then, against the 49ers, you called 36 running plays, and, guess what, you won the game. So that makes you a hypocrite.

Now, if we want to talk good football, we'll talk about the Seahawks, who look like the best team in the NFL right now. Shaun Alexander knows how to find the end zone, and knows how to flash that gap-toothed grin. And he'll be grinning Sunday. The Seahawk defense is too much for Marc Bulger to handle. Two interceptions and four sacks later, the Rams fall victim to Seattle, 32-16.

Baltimore @ Washington

One more loss, and you may see Redskins owner and general pain in the ass Daniel Snyder waving the black flag and calling for a driver change.

"I've got LSU coach Nick Saban coming in for an interview this week," says Snyder. "Also lined up for interviews are Oklahoma's Bob Stoops, Boston Celtic legend Red Auerbach, and Ferrari's Formula One chief Jean Todt. I figure if I'm going to have a coach stand on the sidelines monitoring lap times, I should have the best."

"You know," comments Washington running back Clinton Portis, "I found it a little strange that Coach [Joe] Gibbs had us practicing in a wind tunnel, so I can kind of see where Snyder is coming from. But it was kind of cool to see that smoke passing over my helmet and pads. I didn't know my thigh pad created so much drag. If we make the right adjustment, I could be even faster."

"Look," sighs Redskin coach Joe Gibbs, "somebody tell that idiot Snyder that it's all under control. Does he expect me to come in here and immediately turn around a storied franchise that he's spent the last six years running into the ground? Maybe I look like a chicken with my head cut off right now, but I'm still acclimating myself to the NFL from NASCAR. There's a lot more preparation in football than NASCAR.

On Sunday's when I was running Joe Gibbs racing, I just sat around the garage with Tony Stewart, Bobby LaBonte, and the crews and drank beer until the green flag dropped. It's all coming back to me, albeit slowly. But tell Lil' Daniel that I'm guaranteeing victory over the Ravens. There's no way Brian Billick will out-coach me. And besides, when is the last time the Ravens won a big Monday or Sunday night game? They always lose the big one."

That's so Raven.

Desperate for a win, with a raucous Fed Ex Field crowd behind them, the 'Skins pull out a win behind the timely rushing of Portis. His Raven counterpart, Jamal Lewis, is preoccupied worrying about his drug suspension and is nullified by the Washington defense. Redskins win, 17-14. Gibbs celebrates with burnouts in the parking lot.

Tennessee @ Green Bay

Displaying another testament to his incredible toughness, Brett Favre suffered a concussion in the third quarter of last week's 14-7 to the Giants, and returned to the game after missing only two plays to throw a touchdown.

"I did?" asks Favre. "Damn, am I stupid? Playing with a concussion? That's crazy. One could suffer permanent brain damage if another concussion was inflicted on top of the previous concussion. That's about as crazy as playing the entire year with a broken thumb, like that guy Brett Favre from Green Bay did last year. Where am I?"

Jeez, Brett, you're obviously still a little loopy. Why don't you go stick your head in the whirlpool for a while so you'll be ready when the Titans come to town?

Favre's colleague in incredible feats of human willpower is Titans QB Steve McNair, who actually missed last week's San Diego game due to a bruised sternum.

"I was all set to go," complained McNair, "but I somehow lost the permission slip they pinned to my shirt to take home to my mommy and get signed. So I had to sit in the locker room and watch The Apple Dumpling Gang starring Don Knotts and Tin Conway while my teammates got the beat down courtesy of the Chargers."

"I still respect you, Steve," says Favre. "Now you'll just have to start a new streak for consecutive starts by a quarterback. Of course, you'll have to play for 14 more years to catch me, but it can be done."

Favre gets the best of McNair in the Iron Man contest, leading the Packers to a 27-16 win. McNair amazes everyone in the second quarter, when he takes a big hit from linebacker Na'il Diggs, gets up, jerks his right shoulder back into socket, and reels off 50 push-ups.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 12:34 PM | Comments (0)

Is Fantasy Football Killing the Diehard Fan?

Don't get me wrong, I love fantasy football. This game allows you to draft, manage, and trade for the talent you put out on your roster on a weekly basis. It allows you to have some interest in meaningless games such as this week's matchup between the Cardinals and 49ers. It also can be financially rewarding to those that act as the best coach throughout the season. But does this fantasy team replace a young fan's attachment to their city's team?

I fear this. I am a diehard fan, and grew up loving and cheering for the team that represented the city I was raised in. To this day, that remains an important part of my life. Adults across the country have this same sort of attachment to their team. Cities like Oakland, Kansas City, Green Bay, and Cleveland are perfect examples of having a consistent and loyal fan base.

I wonder if future generations will have this same sort of attachment to their team. The conversations that occur every Monday morning in schools across America appear to be changing. Jerome Bettis is a perfect example of this; he has 5 TDs and is a fantasy dream at this point, but only has 18 carries for 22 yards. On the other hand, a full-time player like Michael Vick is not living up to his fantasy status, even though he is 4-0 as the starter this season.

These fantasy statistics alter the importance each of these players has to their teams. It amazed me, when I heard an 11-year-old boy this past weekend say that Michael Vick is a bum, because he can't put up points. What is more important, putting up fantasy points or winning the real game?

Some fans are now more concerned about their fantasy team than the real team they cheer for every week. This alters their loyalty to their local team and may cause the end of the diehard fan. I have a hard time seeing an 11-year-old kid root against his hometown team because he has the opposing wide receiver on his fantasy roster. Where is the loyalty in that? How do you stand up and cheer when that player scores a touchdown on your city's team?

I am not sure if there is an answer to this problem. Is it even a problem or is the game just evolving? Professional football teams have enjoyed a loyal fan base for a long time, but may have a problem in the future sustaining this. Fantasy football makes the game about the individual, not the team. It makes the youth of this great country, a fan of the game, not of a particular team.

Oh, by the way, I am currently in four fantasy leagues; I love every minute of it. Sometimes, I have a conflict of interest and I am torn on what to do. I bench players if they play against my team. It would make me sick to my stomach to get excited for a touchdown against my squad.

But then again, I am a diehard fan.

Posted by Kevin Ferra at 10:52 AM | Comments (3)

Tennis Offseason Reading Picks

Once again, we find ourselves in a portion of the tennis calendar year labeled by many as the "dead season" in the world of tennis. A season where there are no Grand Slam tournaments in sight, no Masters Series tournaments since the last Grand Slam, no Tier 1 tournaments on the women's side.

If Davis Cup is the major happening in the tennis world in a span of two or three weeks, considering where Davis Cup stands in the echelon of importance, even the hardcore tennis fan is very likely to be a little bored.

Well, I have a suggestion for those whom I just described: pickup a tennis book. Tennis books are secret gems that most tennis fans ignore or choose to ignore. It's true that they don't often make the top-seller list, but then again, tennis books are not appealing to the masses like the diet books, or books that supposedly give you the secret to being a millionaire in the blink of an eye.

So I have decided to share my views on a few books that I have read. There are plenty more out there, and I have not read everything myself, either. For example, this weekend, I will begin reading Frank Deford's book on Bill Tilden's biography. Now here are my brief thoughts on some books that are already out:

1) McEnroe's "You Cannot Be Serious"

Being a huge fan of John McEnroe as a commentator, and enjoying his candidness on the tube, I picked up this book with very high hopes. Although it was entertaining and humorous at times, I was disappointed with the "candidness" factor.

Obviously, Mac is still in the business of tennis and did not want to get in the business of burning bridges. Hence, his biggest strength, which is to speak his mind, is displayed only in spurts. Plainly put, he holds back throughout the book. He stays away from negative thoughts on many of today's players, merely mentions the world of drugs that existed in full force in the 1980s. He does not touch the subject of his thoughts on women's tennis (so, Mac, can Serena beat the number 100 ATP player in the world, hmm?).

He even holds back on his thoughts on some of the older players, such as Ivan Lendl whom the world knows he hated with every fiber in his body. Also, as the pages turn, some might find that he had excuses for every failure in his career. Whether it's an injury, or his marriage woes, or something else, you rarely find McEnroe admitting defeat in any matches, tournaments because the guy on the other side of the net played well.

Nevertheless, McEnroe keeps the book flowing through great insight on the general state of tennis, lots of humor and light-hearted views on tournaments and agents in the business. But the biggest plus about this book remains that it is an incredibly "easy-read" without any complicated idioms, words, or expressions. He also has an interesting list at the end of his top music moments and things he would do to improve the world of tennis.

Buy this book at Amazon.com!

2) "Venus Envy" by Jon Wertheim

Jon Wertheim is an acclaimed tennis columnist for Sports Illustrated and has a stellar career. Hence the book is very well written as he describes the year 2000 in the world of women's tennis. The title reflects Venus Williams breakthrough year in which she captured both Wimbledon and U.S. Open. If all the juicy stuff that happens outside the lines in the WTA Tour interests you, this is a must read.

You will read about the locker room gossips regarding all your favorite characters including Anna Kournikova, Jennifer Capriati, Moica Seles, Martina Hingis, and the Williams sisters.

The main problem with this book is that unlike McEnroe's book, it is not an easy read. Wertheim possesses a rich vocabulary and makes every effort to utilize this quality to the maximum. However, this may stop some readers from turning the pages if those readers are simply looking for a relaxing book to read without having to figure out how a certain metaphor applies to the tennis world, or carrying a dictionary along with this book.

Buy this book at Amazon.com!

3) "Les Dessous du Tennis Feminin" by Nathalie Tauziat

Well, I had to include this book in my short list for this article, because it is my second favorite book ever. Tauziat, in fact, got in trouble with the French Tennis Federation for some of the comments written in this book. One comment for FTF: the truth hurts!

This is a very candid book, about how Tauziat was the best French player for a long time, but never really got "the treatment" (as Lendl would say) that she deserves, because of her looks her lack of media popularity. She also talks in detail about what a player goes through during her professional years in terms of practice schedule, sponsors, and tournament travel.

Unfortunately, there is a big problem with this book, for most American readers:it is in French! But if you happen to know the language, or learn it one day, I guarantee you that this book will be on the top of your list, as well.

4) "Uncovered" by Pat Cash

Well, folks, if you have not read any tennis books, and after reading this article you decide to get into it, do not read this book first, because all other books will pale in comparison, period.

Pat Cash, the 1987 Wimbledon champion from Australia, scores 10 out of 10 in my opinion with this "uncovered" look at his career and the tennis world. The title fits the book perfectly. Cash openly discusses his ups and downs with his career and unlike McEnroe, makes no excuses for his slumps, takes the blame for his failure at his first marriage, admits to doing drugs and even skipping a drug test, and admits to going to extreme methods for healing his injuries in fascinatingly well-written chapters.

Also unlike McEnroe, Cash makes no secret of his disgust for people he never liked. He is gutsy as he criticizes John Newcombe to the fullest (which is equivalent to an Alabamian criticizing Bear Bryant), he goes as far as calling Lendl a racist and stands behind it with examples, and gives his honest opinion on prize money issues which may offend some female readers.

Whether you agree with him or not, this book is a great read and it is just what it is: an "Uncovered" look at Pat Cash.

Until next time, everyone, pick up a tennis book and have a good time.

Buy this book at Amazon.com!

Posted by Mert Ertunga at 10:24 AM | Comments (0)

October 6, 2004

Busting the BCS: Is it Even Possible?

The BCS Formula of 2004

The new formula has but three components. It's certainly easier to look at than previous versions. The Associated Press poll and the ESPN/USA Today Coaches' poll each count for one-third of the formula, with the combination of the six included computer polls completing the formula.

Of course, it's not as simple as being ranked third in the AP poll, fourth in the Coaches' poll, and a consensus seventh in the computer rankings. In each of the human polls, the number of votes a team receives of the total possible (1,800 in the AP poll, 1,500 in the Coaches' poll) is taken as a percentage. For the computer polls, 100 points is possible, obtained from four of the six polls (high and low rankings are thrown out), with more points obtained with higher rankings. The three percentages are then added together and divided by three to derive a BCS points average, with higher averages equaling a higher position in the BCS ranks.

The omission of schedule strength and quality wins raised some eyebrows, but the BCS committee claims that the polls, most especially the computers, take the idea of schedule strength and quality wins into account already. But, essentially, the BCS hoped that this formula would never permit a team, like Southern Cal last year, to hold a high position in the human polls, but miss out on the national title game. The BCS continues to hold their polls until mid-October. But what really does the delay in BCS rankings do?

Human Failures

The cottage industry of preseason analysis and predictions is the first failure of legitimacy of any poll, and by extension, any formula based upon that poll. Every year, the media races from major college football program to major college football program in an effort to tell the public what they can expect in the season upcoming. And, in their final analysis, the media provides the public with a preseason poll. The preseason polls are based on little more than program reputation, past performance of specific players, injuries, returning personnel, and personal preference.

The biggest problem with preseason polls is the program reputation aspect. A smaller program that hasn't won much, or plays mediocre competition year after year, starts way behind in the race for a high position in the human polls despite having great potential. By comparison, a potentially mediocre team whose history includes a great deal of success has a shorter road to travel en route to the elusive BCS bowl bid.

So, while the official BCS Rankings don't first become available until mid-October every season, they shouldn't be perceived as free from the prejudices of the human polls' unwillingness to take smaller programs seriously, or, in the mind of this writer, the more egregious error of official human polls, their unwillingness to dramatically move teams based on their performance over a series of weeks.

That is, if Miami enters the season ranked No. 8, and wins each of their first four games in unspectacular manner, it is unthinkable in human polls to actually drop them out of the top-10, despite most evidence suggesting that the Hurricanes aren't better than the 12th team in the nation. Indeed, a mediocre Miami team is more likely to rank higher after a few bad wins than drop.

How do we solve this problem? It's not a simple matter. No one wants to give up the preseason poll. However, pollsters should be made to start from scratch with the month of October, after every program in the nation has several games under their belts, giving everyone an opportunity to see what they can do early on. Indeed, pollsters should be so bold as to conduct this act of fairness on their own.

2004's Potential BCS Busters

As October begins, one BCS conference is without an undefeated team. The Big 12, Big 10, and Pac-10 each have three undefeated teams heading into October play. The SEC and ACC each have two undefeated teams. In the other five conferences (we shan't call them non-BCS anymore, the new formula being "fairer" and all), a total of five teams remain unbeaten. The highest ranked comes in at No. 11 in both human polls, remarkably high, all things considered, going into October. Utah handled two BCS conferences, a much-improved Texas A&M squad, and a similarly improved (but still quite bad) Arizona team. After Utah?

While the two human polls disagree on who comes next, there's little doubt that the respect factor falls off greatly. Both human polls list Louisville at No. 20, despite having something of a history as a relatively strong team, despite the fact that UofL will be a BCS team next season. Boise State is 19th in the coaches' poll, 21st in the media poll. And the remaining two undefeated non-BCS teams?

Southern Mississippi missed out on the media's top-25 by only a few votes, ranking No. 26, while the coaches' poll lists them at No. 28. Navy, on the other hand, comes in at No. 31 according to the media, and a dismissive 41st in the coaches' poll.

The problem? Would these teams rate so low if the polls opened this week, and the initial expectations and impressions were dashed with yesterday's garbage? Utah is the only team that stands a realistic chance of obtaining one of those coveted BCS bowl bids, and yet, could finish undefeated and still be nudged out by a one-loss BCS conference team.

More than likely, Utah and Louisville will finish undefeated or with one loss, win their respective conferences, and take one another on in the Liberty Bowl, the BCS door never slammed closed because it had never been open in the first place.

Posted by David Martin at 2:01 PM | Comments (0)

Failed Season, Dismal Future For Cubs

I recall back in late February and early March, the so-called "baseball experts," predicted the Chicago Cubs win the World Series. The experts of Sports Illustrated and Peter Gammons of ESPN are two basic examples. Most fans ate all of it up, considering when exactly was the last time the Cubs of Chicago were favored to win the World Series.

Allow me to go back in time by one year. The 2003 Cubs season was a good year, but the 2003 postseason brought out a majority of the excitement. The Cubs in 2003 were not favored or necessarily expected to make the playoffs. The Cubs and the Houston Astros fought bitterly until the final weekend of the regular season. With lots of luck, the Cubs just so happened to have the division lead on the final weekend of the regular season.

It was not until the Cubs surpassed the Atlanta Braves in last year's National League Division Series that fans started to truly believe something special might happen. By now everyone recalls Game 5 of the National League Championship Series between the Cubs and the Florida Marlins. The Cubs are five outs away from the World Series ... when all hell breaks following the Steve Bartman incident (notice I said after the Bartman incident).

With that said, it was all over. "Wait until next year" ... again. This time, the attitude was different. The "wait until next year" finally meant something. To the fans and experts, the Cubs were actually believed to have something special. While the Cubs lost a key acquisition, Kenny Lofton after the 2003 season, a few familiar, and unfamiliar faces were on their way to further ensure this team was going to the World Series. A returning Corey Patterson (who Lofton replaced following Patterson's injury in July of 2003), the signings of Greg Maddux and LaTroy Hawkins, and acquiring Derrek Lee via trade were suppose to be the final ingredients that brought this team to the World Series, and win once and for all.

Spring Training finally begins, and within a week or two, news suggesting that Mark Prior's Achilles tendon is bothering him stirs the first scare by Cubs fans. Prior would miss the rest of Spring Training and the entire month of April, before starting in early May. Once Prior made his return, Kerry Wood missed over a month due to his own injury. We all recall the single sneeze that knocked out Sammy Sosa's back and kept him out for over a month. Third basemen Aramis Ramirez, second basemen Mark Gruzielanek, and closer Joe Borowski are all examples of players who missed time during the season (Borowski never pitched after the month of May).

The five-man pitching staff, hailed to be one of the best pitching staffs ever assembled, never lived up to the full potential. While Maddux, Matt Clement, Carl Zambrano, and fill-in starter Glendon Rusch all were able to step it up, without the consistent dominance of Prior and Wood, the Cubs never were able to capitalize off their pitching.

The offense at many times failed to show up. The Cubs relied too much on home runs. This killed them at Wrigley Field on days that the wind was blowing in. If the wind happened to be blowing out, however, the Cubs looked like an offensive powerhouse. The dilemmas of not having a true leadoff hitter (Corey Patterson), while a slumping Sammy Sosa continued to strike out in key situations proved to play a pivotal role in the team's downfall on offense. The emerging of Ramirez on offense, and a solid performance by Alou proved not to be enough when it was all said and over.

There was one area in which the 2004 Cubs were consistent in ... complaining. As I wrote earlier this summer, the Cubs did not make it easy for their fans to cheer them. Through the course of their 162 game schedule, rather than blame their misfortunes on themselves, the Cubs always had an excuse: the weather is too cold, the weather is too hot, too many day games, injuries, a hard schedule, the team's broadcasters, and umpires are only a few examples.

All year long, I have heard day after day the controversy surrounding the Cubs' announcers, Chip Caray and Steve Stone. Since when were a team's broadcasters suppose to be the news? Players have all season long complained about Caray and Stone, repeatedly, until no end. It was even mentioned that a few players went to management and requested that the announcers not be allowed to fly with the team. This has been going on all season. All the announcers have done, more so Steve Stone, is told the truth. They have criticized the team when necessary, and rightfully so.

Reliever Kent Merker called the announcer's booth in the middle of a game sometime this season, to complain over what was being said. Moises Alou has ripped the announcers for talking about the pitching too much, and failing to give enough credit to the offense. Umm ... excuse me?

Lets not forget that Alou, along with Hawkins, have complained about the umpires. Hawkins claims to have a beef with an umpire dating back to 2002, during his Minnesota playing days. Alou believes the umpires are out to get him, by calling every pitch a strike, when he previously already had two strikes in the count. Alou stated in an interview a week ago that he will have to do something about that situation.

Steve Stone is in hot water with the Tribune Company (the team's owners) for comments he publicly stated on Chicago's WGN Radio (720-AM) on Thursday night. Stone spoke the truth, saying the Cubs should have clinched the NL wildcard by six or seven games. Stone went on to say that the Cubs were willing to blame their woes on everything else, except themselves.

Manager Dusty Baker was offended by those comments, and so was the organization, who spoke with Stone on Friday. Manager Jim Hendry stated that Stone's comments went beyond his role as an analyst, and instead were personal. It is unclear if Stone will return next year. Caray has already stated he will not be back and instead will join his father Skip in Atlanta calling Braves baseball.

Sammy Sosa has proved to once again be a cancer for a team in no dire need of further distractions. Sosa refusing to drop down the batting order earlier in the year caused lots of heat from the media and fans. Sosa later on "supposedly" agreed to drop down in the order. Just recently, Sosa showed up late on the final game of the year, this past Sunday. Sosa claimed he was hurt and unable to play. Sosa told the media he left in the seventh inning, yet Wrigley Field security cameras confirm Sosa left in the second inning! How interesting that the Tribune company is easily willing in going all out to prove that their $17 million dollar superstar is a liar.

The entire season has been one giant headache for all fans involved. Why would I ever believe this team was destined to win it all, let alone make the playoffs? The Cubs failed to capture a large consecutive winning streak, and by midseason, the Cardinals were too many games ahead in the NL Central. If the Cubs would have won the NL wildcard, it would have been because of luck. When I say luck, I am referring to luck as in "the right time." The Cubs and Giants bounced back and forth between games, with the Cubs being ahead one day, and the Giants ahead the next. If the Cubs would have won the wildcard, it would be because they just so happened to be ahead by a game or half game on that particular day.

New questions arise in regards to next season? Will Nomar Garciaparra be back? Most experts would agree that he probably will not, though that has not been completely ruled out. Moises Alou probably is gone. How about Sosa? After his stunt on Sunday, will the team want him back? Sosa is going to receive $17 million dollars next season. The year after that is a team option. However, if Sosa is traded, that option for 2006 is automatically kicked in. Will any team be willing to take in high of a salary for a player obviously on the decline?

Matt Clement is a free agent. It is unsure if the Cubs will bring him back or not, even though I believe they should. Will Mark Prior be healthy, and dominate like his former self? Will Kerry Wood's back hold up? Will age finally catch up to Greg Maddux?

After a season of many disappointments and lows, the future of the Cubs remains in further question. The 2004 Cubs team was obviously built to accomplish one thing, and that was to win the World Series. The team fell way short of those expectations. With the future of Sosa, Alou, and Garciaparra unknown, only God knows what this team will look like next season.

Perhaps 2004 was the final realistic chance the Cubs had to win the World Series. General Manager Jim Hendry has a lot of work to complete this offseason. Until the obvious questions are answered, Cubs fans only have one sure idea going for them ... "wait until next year."

Posted by Martin Hawrysko at 1:38 PM | Comments (0)

October 5, 2004

NFL Week 4 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* When you watch NFL Primetime, the Sunday Night Football halftime show, and SportsCenter, you have to hear Chris Berman make the same jokes three times. Also, comparing Brett Favre's scrambling to Fran Tarkenton's is unforgivable.

* Josh McCown is the only quarterback to have started four games this season, but not throw a touchdown pass. Does he really play for Dennis Green?

* I want to like Linda Cohn, but I don't. At all.

* Cincinnati is my highest-ranked 1-3 team. Chad Johnson pays me $100 a week to do this.

* Did Peter King really call someone else fat this week? Hey, Peter, ever hear that one about the kettle and the pot?

I was wrong. Last week, I wrote, "Atlanta is 3-0, but ranked behind the 1-2 Packers and Titans, and I expect that to be justified by the results of Week 4's games." That couldn't possibly have been more off, as the Falcons won a big game on the road, and Green Bay and Tennessee both lost to mediocre teams. Warrick Dunn is off to a great start, the defense is for real, and Michael Vick is a human firecracker. The defense was strong in 2002, too, and for some reason, it stunk last year (30th in points-allowed, last in yards-allowed). Now it's back.

Less encouraging are Vick's passing numbers. He's 31st in the NFL in passing yards per game (min. three games), behind such illustrious names as McCown and A.J. Feeley. Vick is tied for 26th in TD passes. His passer rating trails those of Drew Brees and Tim Rattay. This wouldn't be a big deal except that it's a pattern. Vick has yet to complete 15 passes in any of his four games. At some point, teams are going to force Atlanta to pass. If Vick responds, they'll keep winning. If he doesn't, Jim Mora, Jr., will switch from the "West Coast" Offense to the Single Wing.

Moving on to the power rankings, brackets show last week's rank.

1. Philadelphia Eagles [1] -- Their 10-point win at Chicago was the smallest margin of victory Philly has had all season, but the score doesn't reflect the way the Eagles dominated the game. Philadelphia had a 15-minute edge in time of possession, out-gained the Bears by a buck-fifty, and rolled up over 150 yards both on the ground and through the air. The run defense that looked has vulnerable at times held Thomas Jones, the NFC's leading rusher entering Week 4, to 32 yards on 13 carries. Donovan McNabb finally struggled, and Brian Westbrook responded with his best game of the season. This is unquestionably the best team in the league right now.

2. Seattle Seahawks [2] -- A week for Shaun Alexander to rest is a good week. Seattle's much-improved defense matches up against the potentially explosive St. Louis offense next week. A win would give Seattle a commanding 2½-game lead in the NFC West before the season is a quarter of the way over.

3. New England Patriots [3] -- Bill Belichick's team is famous for its preparation and focus, so it probably isn't fair to accuse the Pats of overlooking Buffalo after an early bye gave them an extra week to prepare for the Bills at home. Nonetheless, New England was tied or trailing for the entirety of the second and third quarters. New England finds ways to win games like this, but it's disturbing how close apparently mediocre teams can play the Patriots. Since we can't accuse them of being poorly prepared, we may have to accuse them of not being all that great. There's a reason Super Bowl champions seldom repeat. We'll get a real look at the Patriots over the next month, when they have a fairly tough schedule, although the two most threatening games (the Seahawks and Jets) are in New England.

4. Indianapolis Colts [4] -- No matter how many good things you say about the offense, there's no getting around the terrible pass defense. Jaguars QB Byron Leftwich threw for fewer than 150 yards in each of his first three games, averaging only 5.4 yards per attempt. Against the Colts, he threw for 318 with a 7.8 average and a 101.5 passer rating. Tom Brady and Brett Favre also had their best games of the season against Indianapolis; three of the Colts' four opponents have passed for over 300 yards against this defense. When they play Kansas City and Minnesota in consecutive weeks later this year, the scoreboard might break from overuse.

5. Minnesota Vikings [6] -- Dallas is 2-1 now, and the Vikings shocked and awed them in Week 1. Minnesota's only loss is to the Eagles. Nate Burleson is emerging as a legitimate threat alongside Randy Moss, and the last time Moss had a partner in crime, the Vikes made it to the NFC Championship Game. That's not out of the question this year, either.

6. Denver Broncos [5] -- The offense is having problems. Mike Shanahan's team bears little resemblance to his Super Bowl winners in the late 1990s. His handpicked QB went 13-for-31. Quentin Griffin struggled for the third consecutive game and split carries with Reuben Droughns, who was even less effective. Rod Smith led all Bronco receivers with four catches, and Ashley Lelie had one reception for three yards.

7. New York Jets [8] -- Went on the road with an extra week of rest, but looked less than dominant against the Dolphins. It's easy to forget that the Jets have built a 3-0 record feasting on Cincinnati, San Diego, and Miami. None of those teams has a winning record, and none will contend for the playoffs this year. On the bright side, Curtis Martin continues to look terrific, and Kevin Mawae's injured hand didn't appear to hamper him against the Dolphins.

8. Atlanta Falcons [14] -- Mora, a first-time head coach, is 4-0. I don't know what the record is for most wins to open a head-coaching career, but Atlanta's next two games are at home against Detroit and San Diego. Mora has a pretty good chance to hit 6-0, and if that's not the record, it's close.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars [10] -- Most people expected a close loss against the Colts on Sunday, and that's exactly what we got. Thus, Jacksonville doesn't slide in the rankings. Leftwich wasn't able to pull out a win, but his coach finally showed a willingness to put the game in his quarterback's hands, and the QB responded. The weakness of the defense he faced isn't a big deal, because getting Leftwich some positive experience and building his confidence is a big deal. Jacksonville is a solid playoff contender in the AFC.

10. Baltimore Ravens [7] -- Exposed on Monday night in an embarrassing way, this team looked lost against Kansas City. The defense couldn't get itself off the field. It allowed 178 rushing yards and didn't force a turnover. Trent Green was only sacked once in 37 drop-backs. The real villain, though, was the offense. Jacksonville's lethargic air assault woke up against the awful Indianapolis defense; faced with the league's last-place rush defense, the Ravens only ran Jamal Lewis 15 times and couldn't convert third downs. Baltimore has a light schedule, but when they play teams who can score against them, the Ravens simply won't be able to keep up. Baltimore is the highest-ranked 2-2 team.

11. Pittsburgh Steelers [18] -- Big Ben Roethlisberger is off to an impressive start in the NFL. Almost as encouraging as Roethlisberger's solid play is Duce Staley's emergence as the featured runner. Staley has had 100 yards on the ground in consecutive games, despite splitting time with Verron Haynes and Jerome Bettis, which should help to ensure that Staley remains healthy. It's worth noting that Cincinnati's Rudi Johnson had his best game of the season against Pittsburgh, but for now, the Steelers' run defense doesn't appear to be a weak point. A home game against the Browns in Week 5 means Pittsburgh has a good chance to open the season 4-1.

12. Dallas Cowboys [13] -- Upcoming games should give us an idea of whether this team is for real. They have the Giants and Steelers at home, then Green Bay on the road, then back to Dallas to play the Lions. The Cowboys could conceivably win all four of those games, or lose all four. Put me down for 3-1, but we'll all have a better idea as this team puts a few more games under its belt.

13. New York Giants [22] -- The mistake I -- and almost everyone else -- made at the beginning of the season was to forget that two years ago, the Giants went 10-6 and made the playoffs. Last season wasn't just a disappointment; it was a shock. New York was expected to contend for the NFC East title. What Tom Coughlin has done is get this group back up towards the level it played at in 2002. The Giants are playing like they don't even remember last year.

14. Carolina Panthers [9] -- It's early yet, but Carolina is presently third in the NFC South. It's tough to have a handle on this team after only three games, but it doesn't seem like last year's gritty team. I get a feeling like they're missing inspiration. Two killer road games await (Denver and Philadelphia) and if the Panthers lose both, they'll be an incredible 1-4. It would be tough to overcome a start like that and make the playoffs, so Carolina needs to win at least one of those matchups. They'll probably have a better shot against the Broncos, which means the pressure is on this week.

15. Detroit Lions [16] -- Aided by a couple of good drafts, Steve Mariucci has started to turn this team around. Meanwhile, Mariucci's old team is in the doghouse. Is it by any stretch of the imagination possible to think that the 49ers are better off with Dennis Erickson than with Mooch?

16. Cincinnati Bengals [17] -- Jon Kitna is the best quarterback on this team, but Carson Palmer should remain the starter for now. I never would have benched Kitna in the first place -- the Bengals should be contending for the playoffs this season, and they're 1-3 under Palmer -- but at this point, you stick with the kid. Palmer is making mistakes, but he's shown exciting potential. There's no substitute for experience, and pulling Palmer at this point could put a psychological dent in his progress. Marvin Lewis has put himself in the unusual position of having to play his second-best healthy QB.

17. Green Bay Packers [11] -- Please refer to my preseason power rankings. It's coming true. They've lost three in a row, two of them at Lambeau Field. Brett Favre hasn't finished either of the last two games. Could this be the beginning of the end? You don't mess around with concussions. Ask Steve Young and Troy Aikman. The wheels are falling off in Green Bay.

18. Tennessee Titans [12] -- They're lost three-straight since a win in their opener against Miami, and now find themselves in the cellar of the AFC South. Next Monday night, the Titans face a team in a similar situation, the Packers. Ugly things await the loser. Right now, I lean towards Green Bay, but Jeff Fisher will find a way to right the ship.

19. New Orleans Saints [15] -- Their loss to Arizona is one of the most shocking upsets so far this season, because any time the Cardinals win, it shocks me. New Orleans has played every team in the NFC West. The Saints compete in the NFC South, though, and open their division schedule at home against Tampa in Week 5.

20. St. Louis Rams [23] -- Pat Summerall called Isaac Bruce a "perennial Pro Bowler." Bruce has made four Pro Bowls in his 10 seasons, and none in the last two years. Perennial means year in, year out. Jerry Rice was a perennial Pro Bowler. Cris Carter was a perennial Pro Bowler. Bruce has missed the Pro Bowl more often than he's made it, and his current streak is at zero. On a related, but non-Summerall note, I hate it when announcers refer to moderately good players as "All-Pro." That term means you have actually been selected to an All-Pro team, preferably either the AP's or mine. And don't even get me started on "all-world."

21. Houston Texans [26] -- Two in a row, and they didn't seem to miss Domanick Davis. I don't have much to say about this team because I still haven't seen it play. Going by stats and highlights, this week's win seemed more cohesive and all-around impressive than last week's. But that still isn't saying much, and they're stuck in the 20s. Three in a row and I'll guarantee the teens, probably even the top-half of the Rankings.

22. Oakland Raiders [19] -- It basically comes down to Kerry Collins committing five turnovers. You can't win when that happens. It won't, usually, so Oakland makes a modest drop.

23. San Diego Chargers [30] -- Winning with offense is not traditionally Marty Schottenheimer's formula, but that's what happened against Tennessee. Drew Brees averaged over 10 yards per pass, and LaDainian Tomlinson averaged 8.6 yards per run. San Diego put up 38 points against the Titans, more than the Colts did in Week 2. This ranking might be too low, but it's bunched up here and I don't know who to move down.

24. Kansas City Chiefs [28] -- The final score doesn't indicate how good the Chiefs looked on Monday night. The defense came up big when it had to, and the offense was terrific. Kansas City won time of possession by almost 20 minutes (2:1), and the offensive line looked like it did last year, when four of its five starters made my All-Pro team. Until proven otherwise, though, this was a last gasp of greatness. Special teams were awful all game, but Al Michaels said something stupid when he claimed that Dante Hall was struggling this season: "he's only averaging 14 yards per [punt] return." Entering Week 4, that led the NFL.

25. Cleveland Browns [27] -- It took less than 24 hours for the same people criticizing Jeff Garcia as a "system" player to start praising his performance against Washington and cooing about how good he is outside the pocket. He had a terrible game against the Cowboys, but other than that, he's been pretty good this year. His passer rating in Cleveland's three other games is 95.0. The Browns are the lowest-ranked 2-2 team, but they rule I-95 between the Beltway and the Chesapeake.

25. Buffalo Bills [24] -- Kept it close against New England, but now have a worse record than Arizona. Buffalo was driving late in the fourth quarter and had reached the red zone when Tedy Bruschi sacked Drew Bledsoe and the resultant fumble was returned for a game-clinching touchdown. The Bills scored more than 10 points for the first time all season.

26. Chicago Bears [21] -- The Bears can keep it close against anyone, but unpredictable groups like the Saints, Raiders, and Chiefs are probably capable of beating all but the top few teams in the league. Chicago can just lose to them respectably. The offense looked dead against Philadelphia.

28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [25] -- For all the talk about John Lynch and that fat guy in Oakland, the defense seems to be fine without them. Michael Pittman's return helps to fill the hole created by Charlie Garner's injury, so the offense isn't quite as bad as it appeared last Sunday night against the Raiders. I know the game was probably hopeless by the time Chris Simms came in, but I didn't like Jon Gruden's call on the last play. No one can throw the ball 90 yards. You set up something crazy with at least one lateral. The only way to score from that far away is with the Music City Miracle.

29. Washington Redskins [20] -- For two weeks in a row, Washington has wasted a potentially game-changing timeout challenging a call that obviously wouldn't be overturned. The offense can't get anything done. I predicted 7-9 before the season began, but if they keep playing like this, Joe Gibbs will have the top pick in next April's draft.

30. Arizona Cardinals [32] -- If you voted for Emmitt Smith as Player of the Week, please don't read my column any more. You probably don't like it anyway. It's more directed at people who know something about football.

31. Miami Dolphins [31] -- I usually hate listening to Kevin Harlan and Randy Cross, but they were actually pretty good in the Jets/'Fins contest. Miami's offense looked functional at times on Sunday, and the turnovers are a little misleading because several of them came on weird plays and tipped balls. Jay Fiedler, sadly, remains the best choice at quarterback.

32. San Francisco 49ers [29] -- Two weeks in a row looking like the worst team in the NFL will get you placed in the spot reserved for just such a team. San Francisco loyalists can commiserate with fans from Cincinnati and Washington in the "My Team's Owner is Running a Once-Proud Franchise into the Ground" Club. Injuries are only making the bad get worse.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 1:10 PM | Comments (2)

Why Jamal Lewis Can't Be Touched

Every now and then, there is an injustice in life that is so great it cannot be overlooked. An injustice so great that it moves the very soul of a man to the point where he yearns for nothing but for the situation to be rectified. Every man gets pushed to the point where they can't take it anymore, and then it's time to push back. Now is my time.

As any fan knows, the sports world just isn't fair. Ticket prices are ridiculous, beloved players bolt for higher paychecks (or, like a former dolphin, a "higher" standard of living), good guys get hurt, owners move teams or screw over fans, and there is nothing we can do about it. These are things we don't like, but we accept it and move on. The one thing I can't accept is the plea bargain for Jamal Lewis in his drug case.

The Baltimore Sun is reporting that Jamal Lewis accepted a plea bargain that would make him serve a four-to-six-month jail sentence instead of the career-ending 10-year sentence he would face if he was convicted of the drug conspiracy charge. Naturally, he wouldn't have to serve his sentence until after the season.

I think it is absurd that Jamal Lewis should have to serve any time in jail. Didn't our legal system get the memo? Athletes are above the law. He is a pro athlete, why should he be subjected to the laws of common people?

Ty Law had a problem with the police in April, and he handled it much better. After a short jog with police, Ty said to the cops, "Don't touch me, I'm a professional athlete."

The arresting officer said that Ty decided he was above the law, and he's not, and that's why he was arrested.

Maybe pro athletes aren't above the law after all, right? Wrong. Two months later, the charges had been dropped and his bail had been returned.

Certainly, the Ty Law defense should have covered Jamal Lewis, as it has in so many cases in sports. Besides, the NFL hands down their own punishment, and they do a damn fine job of policing their own. Once the NFL lays down the law, you rarely see a player commit the same foul twice; they learn their lesson.

In 1999, Leonard Little was taking a leisurely drive after a drink or two or 30, and unfortunately ran a red light and killed a St. Louis woman. The NFL then laid the smack down on Little, suspending him for half a season. The guilt from taking a life in an incident like that would be enough to turn any normal Joe straight, and he certainly would never drive drunk again.

But this is Leonard Little, not any normal Joe, and he was picked up for driving drunk again this past spring and his court date is set for one week from today. Little should face no repercussions from the legal system, and hopefully he won't face a lengthy suspension from the NFL. His fine can't be too long. After all, he didn't kill anyone this time and he is a professional athlete.

Let's objectively look at the important facts in this case. Now I know he drove drunk again or whatever, but more importantly, he went to the Pro Bowl last year. You can't just drop the hammer on a Pro Bowler; he's too good for jail.

In 2001, Michael Pittman was arrested twice for domestic abuse. He got some probation and served a one-game suspension. Last week was his first game back after a three game suspension due to, yes, another domestic abuse arrest.

Since actions speak louder than words, to make his point during an argument with his wife, Pittman got in his Hummer and rammed her car, which had his 2-year-old child and the 18-year-old babysitter inside, along with his wife.

Pittman said his suspension was bad, but could have been a lot worse. A lot worse? Nah, come on, you are a pro athlete. Michael did say his wife was standing behind him. This reminds me of an old riddle, what does Michael Pittman say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, he already told her twice. She's not standing behind him, she's hiding behind him. She's learned her lesson, stay out of Mike's way, he's a pro athlete, you can't touch him.

Why is this so hard for people to understand: Leonard Little wants to drive drunk, who cares, he's a Pro Bowler? Michael Pittman wants to play demolition derby with his wife and young child, big deal; he led the Bucs in rushing last year. That Jamal Lewis trying to help out a friend (at least he's not selfish) isn't important, what is important is that he gained 2,000 yards last year.

Jamal Lewis should get some advice from teammate Ray Lewis, the perennial star linebacker for the Ravens who got out of murder charges in the year 2000. Jamal said that Ray called him when news of the arrest broke and assured him that everything would work out fine. I'm not sure what he told him, but I would bet it was along the lines of, "you're a professional athlete, they can't touch you."

Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 12:37 PM | Comments (3)

October 4, 2004

Payoff and Payback

The 2004 NFL season may only be weeks old, but the teams on the field are the result of months of preparation and planning. Trades, draft picks, free agent signings, and salary cap calculations are all parts of a grand plan designed to move the team forward to winning the Super Bowl.

For some teams, the payoff is being cashed in. For others, well, you know what they say about payback.

Cashing In

So far this season, the team showing the best results from all its offseason plans is the Philadelphia Eagles.

No one is surprised that the Eagles are proving to be one of the best teams in the NFL. The surprise is how well everything is coming together so soon.

The Terrell Owens signing was of course huge for Philadelphia and the results are just as big. After Week 3, Owens had as many touchdown receptions as all the Eagles receivers had all of last season.

QB Donovan McNabb has a pass completion percentage of over 60% for the first time in his career and shows no signs of the inconsistency that has marked his NFL career prior to this season.

Brian Westbrook is making people forget about RB Duce Staley and the offense as a unit is firing on all cylinders even with losing Correll Buckhalter for the season.

On defense, Jevon Kearse is looking like "The Freak" again and the loss of CB Bobby Taylor and Troy Vincent hasn't been noticed as Lito Sheppard and Sheldon Brown have stepped up.

In all, things are working just as head coach Andy Reid said they would. The big game in Jacksonville is a long way off, but the Eagles look like the class of the NFC and right now it is hard to imagine that they will not raise the George Halas Trophy at Lincoln Field in January.

While the Eagles are showing that big money free agents can still improve a team, the New England Patriots continue to show that the right people in the right system with the right coach equals winning in the ultimate team game.

The Patriots did not make as big a splash in the free agent market as Philadelphia. The most significant addition to the Patriots was RB Corey Dillon. Some wondered how the disgruntled former Cincinnati Bengal would fit into the Bill Belichick scheme of "team first," something Dillon was not noted for.

Once again, the player appears to fit the scheme in New England as Dillon is averaging over 4 yards a carry and the Patriots just keep winning.

Two years ago, the Atlanta Falcons were the up and comers in the NFL after a great season and surprising playoff run in which they traveled to the "Frozen Tundra" and handed the Packers their first playoff defeat on home turf since Vince Lombardi was in high school.

After a broken leg for Michael Vick and a broken defense last season, the Falcons devoted great time and effort (and cash) to re-building the worst defense in the NFL.

The first step, like in many re-building efforts, was to fire the coach, but Dan Reeves left with the writing on the wall before the season ended last year.

Enter new coach Jim Mora. Exit Wade Phillips and his 3-4 defense. The Falcons then hired defensive coordinator Ed Donatell as fast as the Packers fired him (after 4th-and-26 fame against Philadelphia).

Upgrades to the defensive line (ex-Raider Rod Coleman), linebacker (ex-Buc and Ram Jamie Duncan), secondary (ex-49er Jason Webster and number 8 overall pick DeAngelo Hall), and presto-chango the Falcons lead the NFL in sacks (after Week 3) and have cut their rushing yards allowed by more than half.

In an era where a suffocating defense and mediocre QB can win you a Super Bowl (see Baltimore Ravens and Tampa Bay Buccaneers), imagine where Atlanta could be if Vick grasped the notion of throwing the football. Great start for Jim Mora.

In the northwest, many would have agreed that this was the year that the genius of Mike Holmgren needs to show itself.

Although a Super Bowl winner in Green Bay, Holmgren was beginning to find himself being placed in the same category as Mike Shanahan in Denver as the "Best Coach ... But Only With a Superstar QB."

Although the Seahawks didn't make many signings in the offseason, their signing of DE Grant Wistrom was one of the most criticized. The word was that Seattle paid way too much for Wistrom and maybe Holmgren was starting to panic.

What about Holmgren and his draft picks? Holmgren drafted LB Michael Boulware from Florida State in the second-round, but many were skeptical when they heard the plan was to convert him to a strong safety.

So far into 2004, how does Holmgren look now? The Seahawks are undefeated. Wistrom leads the team in sacks and Boulware leads the team in interceptions.

Is the West Coast Offense coming together? Seattle has scored 8 TDs to their opponents' 1.

Given that Seattle is in the same division as the perennial loser Arizona Cardinals, the bargain basement San Francisco 49ers, and the fading St. Louis Rams, you have to like Seattle's chances to take the division and move deep into the playoffs.

Cashing Out

While the Eagles are the first to come to mind when talking about "All the Right Moves," the Kansas City Chiefs spring to mind when talking about "What were you thinking?"

It has long been accepted in football that players play and coaches coach. So it defies logic that the Chiefs, after watching one of the best offenses in the NFL last year get swept out of the playoffs at home because of one of the worst defenses, would not have made one change on defense.

Wait, there has been one change. Gunther Cunningham, former head coach of the Chiefs, was brought back by Dick Vermeil to be the defensive coordinator. The result has been predictable. Cunningham has not made any plays on defense and neither has Kansas City.

The offense has also stalled a bit this year and the defense does not have the ability to keep them in the game until QB Trent Green can get on track.

After losing their first three games and tough road games this season like Baltimore and Tennessee and home games against Carolina, Atlanta, and Indianapolis, the Chiefs could find their playoff hopes dashed before Halloween.

While Kansas City has been demonstrating that standing pat can sometimes really be a step backwards, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers look ready to show that bringing in a whole bunch of aging veterans from different teams does not result in a cohesive unit, but rather just a whole bunch of aging veterans from different teams.

What do Charile Garner, Joey Galloway, Dave Moore, Tim Brown, Derrick Deese, Keith Burns, and Todd Steussie have in common?

All were brought in this season by the Bucs and all have double-digit years of NFL experience except Galloway and he is out with an injury indefinitely, which means by the time he actually plays again for the Bucs, he may have double-digit years of NFL experience.

It has been a fast descent for the Super Bowl Champs of 2002. A losing season last year and a winless season so far this year may have coach Jon Gruden getting even less sleep (if that is possible for him), but there is plenty of blame to go around.

The Bucs played with replacing QB Brad Johnson, but then didn't. The Bucs don't have an every down back and brought in Garner who has way too much mileage on him and he ends up being lost for the year.

WR Keenan McCardell may holdout the entire season and Keyshawn Johnson was dealt away for Galloway, who also got injured. Tim Brown is showing why 40-something Jerry Rice beat him out for a job in Oakland.

Only the Raiders can get by with veteran castoffs and even then, when did they last win a Super Bowl?

The Bucs may have been able to sign 11 guys for the price some teams signed two, but if those 11 guys can't make the impact of two, why have them around?

While the Bucs may be trying to sign everyone over 35-years-old, the San Francisco 49ers didn't look like they wanted to sign anyone.

The 49ers failed to keep their starting quarterback, their number one and number two receivers, their number two running back, their starting guard, and their starting left tackle.

Add to that list the fact that they placed the franchise tag on their best defensive player, LB Julian Peterson, who held out at training camp, and it seems incredible that the 49ers even have enough people to field a team.

Given that the 49ers are winless so far this year and were shutout for the first time since 1977, perhaps the word "team" is a bit strong. By all appearances, the plan appears to be to spend as little as possible and see if people will still buy tickets.

The 49ers are run now by the husband and wife team of Denise DeBartolo York and co-owner John. Further proof that spouses should never work together.

Not even Joe Walsh could save this team and at the moment there is nothing to indicate that the 49ers won't sink even deeper with the current ownership philosophy.

With not quite one quarter of the season complete, no one team has the Super Bowl clinched or has been eliminated from the playoffs, but the ability of a team to adapt to success or failure this year began shortly after the gun sounded last February when the Patriots held up the trophy.

Posted by Jeff Moore at 1:57 PM | Comments (0)

Baseball at its Best Down to the Wire

In 2003, we enjoyed one of the most exciting postseasons in many years, and in 2004, we were treated to one of the most suspense-filled regular season-ending finishes with several playoff spots on the line until the last day. It was a great week just to be a baseball fan regardless of where one's loyalties lie.

Going to the playoffs this year will be the perennial favorites, such as the New York Yankees and the Atlanta Braves, but the Yankees end this year with a shaky starting pitching rotation and the Braves had a less than impressive first-half.

The most dominant club all season, of those going to the first-round of the playoffs, is the St. Louis Cardinals, although their pitching staff has raised questions for the past couple of weeks. Seemingly, the Twins won the American League Central division sneaking under the radar, which is the way they like it. And in contrast, the Boston Red Sox, the American League wildcard winner, acted like they won the pennant when they clinched the wildcard earlier in the week.

The Anaheim Angels were battling all season with either the Texas Rangers or Oakland Athletics for both the American League West title and later the AL wildcard title and none of them were dominant over the other all year.

This necessitated another nail-biter the last weekend of the season with the Angels beating the A's, winning two out of three, giving them the American League West title. Perhaps it was the injured players which the Angels had to deal with most of the season who made it back the past few weeks which was the difference, as Oakland started having injury problems late and Texas, as good as they were all season, finally ran out of steam.

The Los Angeles Dodgers could never put enough distance between themselves and the San Francisco Giants and had to battle it out against San Fran on the next to the last day of the season to put a lid on it and win the National League West.

Meanwhile, the Chicago Cubs played like a fast sinking hot air balloon. During that time, the Houston Astros played as remarkably well as the Cubs played poorly. The Astros won 15 of their last 16 games and 18 in a row at home (not accomplished by a MLB team in 10 years), to become one of the most surprising clubs to come back from the dead at such a late point in the season in many, many years.

After the All-Star Break, the Astros went on a two-week losing streak and took a nosedive while trying to adjust to a new manager as Jimy Williams was dismissed after his All-Star Game coaching duties, and replaced by Phil Garner. They also lost the services of starting pitcher, Andy Pettitte, for the remainder of the season in August due to elbow surgery. Their bullpen too was shaken up by trading Octavio Dotel to the Oakland A's and gambling on Brad Lidge, becoming a closer for the first time.

Prior to August, the only bright light on the club was Roger Clemens, who was carrying the whole team on his back. He went on to win 18 games while losing only four, but wound up with 11 no-decisions in which he pitched under seven innings only three of those times. Most of his wins as well as no-decisions were pitching clinics in the art of pitching, with many including double-digit strikeout totals and a very limited amount of hits allowed.

Had Clemens had a run-generating club behind him, he could have easily won over 20 games, but ends up in the top-five in ERA in the National League at 2.98 and with 218 strikeouts.

It was not until Roy Oswalt, considered to be the ace of the pitching staff in Houston when the season began, started getting it together that the Astros finally came on strong in August. Oswalt finished winning 20 games, losing 10 with 206 strikeouts and third in innings pitched in the National League. And then finally the roster of Astros veterans, looking lackluster all season, started to hit. Jeff Kent, Craig Biggio, Jeff Bagwell, and midseason pickup Carlos Beltran all found their rhythm.

The Houston Astros have nothing to lose in their appearance in the playoffs. After their wheels came off in July, no one in baseball expected them to make a go of it, disappointingly so given their hopes in the beginning of the season.

While the last two World Series champions were both wildcard teams, the Anaheim Angels and the Florida Marlins, respectively, they weren't expected to wind up in the postseason.

In Houston's case, they were first considered contenders and then management was actually contemplating dismantling the team midseason in an attempt to rebuild for 2005. In that sense, they are more of a surprise than the Angels or the Marlins were. Especially unexpected was the poor performance of the Cubs. Similarly, the Giants never dominated all season, and came on with too little, too late.

So after all is said and done, the stage is set for a MLB playoffs season with no sure winners and more parity than we may be used to than in the past. More importantly, it lends itself for great theater on the diamond with possible surprising upsets. And you can't ask for any more from this game of baseball, which takes on new meaning every October, weaving new stories of hope and disappointment, always leaving us rooting for more.

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 1:46 PM | Comments (0)

October 2, 2004

Capital Concerns

Next year will make it a decade for yours truly living in the Washington, DC area.

I remain none the wiser about the Washingtonian sports landscape than when I arrived.

I don't get the local television sports media, which won't give you out-of-town scores but will break into regularly scheduled programming if Joe Gibbs sneezes. I don't get the Bullets-to-Wizards thing, even more than I didn't get Michael Jordan Part Deux or the abomination that was Gar Heard. I don't get why the Capitals moved from Landover to a sparkling arena in a perfect area for nightlife, accessible via the Metro ... and they still only draw about 2,000 fans more than they did at that glorified roller rink called the Cap Centre.

I don't get Tony Kornheiser. I wish I didn't get Michael Wilbon pontificating on anything that isn't based out of Chicago. And try as I might, I will never, ever, ever, ever get why the good fans of DC haven't risen up and burned the studios of SportsTalk 980 to the ground for subjecting their aural senses to former Georgetown coach John Thompson's talk show. There are probably 1,000 kids who paid their way through the Connecticut School of Broadcasting who'd sell a kidney to get on the air; Thompson gets afternoon drive, doesn't know but jack and squat about anything not played with a hoop and backboard, and has the rhetorical presence of Mumbles from the Dick Tracy comics on horse tranquilizers.

On top of all that, I never got the baseball thing. That insatiable quest to bring America's pastime back to the District after losing two franchises to Minnesota and Texas over the last century. Check that: two horrendously inept franchises that stoked more apathy in fans than passion.

I started understanding the sense of loss DC fans felt when the Senators left (again) when I met Pat Malone while working for SportsFan Magazine. Pat's the kind of guy who qualifies as more fanatic than fan; unless you think a simple "fan" would rent a plane and fly a banner that read "Come Home -- Play Ball in Washington, DC!" over the Rangers' Arlington Stadium in 2001.

Malone's the guy who clued me in on the frustrating demise of the second Washington Senators franchise. How owner Bob Short rebuffed offers to sell the team to people ranging from Bob Hope to Bill Veeck, and stole the franchise for the Lone Star State. About fan anger so intense, the Senators' last home game ended in a forfeit when fans stormed the RFK Stadium field -- with Washington winning -- with two down in the top of the ninth.

Malone wrote a piece for SFM about his quest to return baseball to DC. This passage captures why fans like Pat would embark on such a quest:

"I moved back to the Washington area in 1975 while the wounds of losing the Senators were still fresh. My love of baseball had waned a bit. I no longer had a hometown team to call my own, one to root for and read about in the morning paper ... I was, however, convinced that a groundswell of fan support for a DC team might put enough pressure on MLB to make [another Washington franchise] a possibility."

To me, DC had a baseball team. It's just that it played in Baltimore. When Cal Ripken closed out his consecutive games streak, you could have counted on one hand the number of baseball fans in Washington that were thinking about getting their own franchise ("One, Pat Malone ... er, uh..."). The region was painted in orange and black. Camden Yards was close to two hours away from any part of the District (depending on traffic), yet the stadium might as well have resided in a DC suburb for the number of fans who trekked to see "dem O's, hon."

I always chuckled when proponents of moving the Montreal Expos to either DC or Northern Virginia would downplay the economic and fanatic impact the move would have on the Orioles. Peter Angelos is a scumbag who couldn't put together a winning team if his law degree depended on it, but he was never once wrong about how his franchise will be adversely affected by the Expos' relocation.

Now that the 'Spos are (nearly) the Washington Whatevers, let's all drop the spin and come clean: this kills about a third of the Orioles' consumer base. You can hear the season tickets being cancelled. You can envision the racks of Baltimore caps being cleared for the new DC lids. In three or four years, Angelos won't even have that sterling ballpark as a draw when DC's $400 million baby is born on the Anacostia River.

That's why the financial safety net Major League Baseball has given Angelos is absolutely necessary. The scuttlebutt is that Major League Baseball will set a revenue floor for the Orioles and then give additional financial aid to the team if it fails to reach that number. It will also make up the difference should the franchise depreciate between now and when Angelos decides to sell the team. Finally, MLB will help create a regional sports network that televise Baltimore and Washington baseball games, with Angelos keeping 67 percent of the revenue.

Go ahead -- accuse Angelos of being everything from a liar to the antichrist. The bottom line is that average attendance at Orioles games has gone from a high of 45,816 in 1997 to 30,302 last season. Blame the fortunes of the team, but ask yourself how many of those fans who stopped coming were from DC and Virginia ... and how many will still be Orioles fans when the franchise reverses its fortunes?

Changing Hats

In 2002, I wrote a feature for SFM entitled "DC Diehards: Would local fans give up their favorite teams if MLB returns to DC?" We conducted an unscientific survey that found 54% of respondents would continue to root for their favorite team first, and then the new DC team.

This has more to do with the transient nature of the region than anything else. You're not just talking about Orioles fans here; you've got the Yankees fans, the Red Sox fans, the Phillies fans, the Mets fans. You've got people from all across the country who relocate here for government jobs, and then find a local watering hole to watch the out-of-town games.

It's the same for all the sports in DC. I know a guy who'll root for the Bruins first and the Caps second. I know a guy who will live and die for the Celtics, but still hopes the Wizards aren't a disaster every year. The only exception to this trend is football: If you're not born a Redskins fan, man oh man, do you learn to hate that team if you're living in DC.

As a Mets fan, there'd be no better time to trade in my orange-and-blue for whatever Washington's new colors will be. My franchise is a joke -- mismanaged, a Yankees-lite approach to the roster, a farm system that makes Ethiopia look like Iowa by comparison. (Sure, the Mets have snagged Montreal GM Omar Minaya to head baseball operations. But what if that Shea taint gets him like it got Richard Hidalgo?)

The point is that it would be a perfect opportunity for a disgruntled Mets fans to jump ship and accept the light of the Washington Whatevers into my heart. I could join in the euphoria of Opening Day. I could chat around the coffee machine with other DC fans about "our" team. Hell, I could even start loathing the Mets as a division rival.

But then I remember '86, and my father telling me about '69. I remember that the Mets need to suck before they can have another "miracle," before they can be "amazin'" again. Pathetic as they are, they're still my Mets.

So it'll be Shea Stadium before RFK Stadium, although I'll root for both teams.

I mean, a kid who dressed up like Lenny Dykstra for Halloween '87 couldn't just turn in his cleats like that, could he?

The Pressure of a Name

Four tasks lie ahead for the Expos-turned-Washingtonians and their fans.

1. Locate Northern Virginia. Raise your arm. Extend your index finger. Point, and laugh. Really hard. Laugh at the fact that Northern Virginia officials were convinced that Major League Baseball was going to choose a stadium site without mass transit access (and practically in West Virginia) over one in the heart of the Nation's Capitol. Better start construction on that NASCAR track, boys -- baseball's for city folk.

2. Find an ownership group. Major League Baseball owns this team right now. It will sell it before Spring Training begins. It needs to select an owner who will not only be willing to lay out some initial costs for what amounts to a start-up franchise, but one who will be willing to spend some free agent coin in order to make this team a contender. Otherwise, DC baseball might as well be DC basketball or DC hockey.

3. Find the funding. You know, there's no way the political opposition to the Expos relocation to the District is going to keep the team from coming here. But finding that money for a $400 million stadium is going to be ... well, "taxing," if you catch my obvious drift. One benefit to baseball in DC: daily box scores will provide better math education that the District's pathetic public schools.

4. Naming the team. The new owners will select the name. I'm not a betting man, but I'd lay big money on the moniker not being either the "Expos" or the "Angeloses."

There are a few names floating around right now that bear mentioning. First, naturally, are the "Senators." The team would have to buy the name from the Texas Rangers, but that deal could be brokered. The question is: should it? The Senators were a pair of pathetic franchises. Why not start fresh?

The "Nationals" are getting a big push. I heard the "Rockets" pimped a few times on the radio. Jimmy Patterson, publisher of SportsFan Magazine, is partial to the "Federals." Feds for short. Can't wait the for the first Wiretap Night, sponsored by Verizon...

I've always believed that new teams shouldn't be afraid to repeat names already used in other sports. So when I say I support the Washington Eagles, I do so knowing Redskin fans will cringe at the noting of rooting for a team with that name.

But seriously: could you imagine the first Eagles/Orioles interleague series?

I'd like to rule out one option: the Grays. As in the Washington Homestead Grays of the Negro League. As noble as the name would be, is there a chance in hell the word "Gays" doesn't slip into at least one headline?

Au Revoir

Look, we all know in our hearts that baseball would have been better off contracting the Expos and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. (And spare me the "Tampa turnaround" garbage. With the Expos gone, the Devil Rays are the only franchise in Major League Baseball that gets outdrawn by its hometown's hockey team: 17,820-16,148).

But the Rays are still in Florida (until their inevitable relocation) and the Expos are now in DC. Which of course means that Montreal is dead and buried as a baseball town.

It shouldn't have been that way. "I know when I first got traded here in '92, all three years I was here, we had fans. And I know in '94 we were drawing 25,000, 30,000 fans. If you win, they come," said former pitcher Ken Hill to the Toronto Globe and Mail.

Montreal had a chance to become a baseball town. But after seeing Randy Johnson, John Wetteland, Larry Walker, Moises Alou, Pedro Martinez, Vlad Guerrero, and any promise of a downtown stadium disappear over the last 15 years, what was the point of even caring about the team? That's valuable time that could be dedicated to figuring out who the right-winger on the Habs' fourth line will be that season.

If it weren’t for Montreal landing a franchise in 1968, there would not have been a franchise in Toronto in 1977. And without the Blue Jays, Mitch Williams would have a World Series ring, so you can see how important the Expos really were.

My last grandfather was an Expos fan. Living in Montreal, I remember him lamenting how the regional media treated the team, and how all it would take was a stadium closer to the heart of the city for the team to sustain its success.

He gave me my first and only Expos hat.

I'll be thinking of him when I buy my first Washington baseball cap next year.

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 9:56 PM | Comments (0)

The Great Debate

How many times have you been in a sports bar and argued who held the honor of the greatest running back, baseball pitcher, or hockey player of all-time?

I, myself, have been in that situation many times and your opposition will eventually tell you that it boils down to opinion. I don't think so. Those particular questions really shouldn't. A running back is defined by his yards, a pitcher is defined by his wins, and a hockey player is defined by the amount of goals scored.

So, the answer to the above questions should be Emmitt Smith, Cy Young, and Wayne Gretzky.

Most sport debaters will want to throw in a lot more factors than statistics to declare who the greatest player of all-time, in a particular sport, would be. That's cool, but statistics do not lie and are not a matter of opinion.

Let's analyze ESPN's top-10 choices for the greatest debates of all-time, which can be easily answered, save for one.

10. Instant Replay

Answer: Referees make mistakes. Cameras can't be fallible. Yet, the camera still isn't the final authority, because a human referee makes the final decision. The Ref's word is bond, not Polaroid's, so what's the difference?

9. Should college athletes be paid?

Answer: I'm glad ESPN answered that question before I wrote this article. College athletes are already paid. Make no mistake, folks. The Average Joe goes to Michigan State University and he's stuck with $40,000 in student loans. Mateen Cleaves, Steve Smith, or Magic Johnson attend and earn a free ride to play with a ball. Sounds like getting paid to me.

8. The Designated Hitter

Answer: Honestly, if a pitcher hits or not, does it matter? Purists can argue all they want, but fans like offense, which is why they aren't raising the pitcher's mound. Pitcher duels are booooring. DH equals offense. Give the people what they want, I always say.

7. Who's better? Joe DiMaggio or Ted Williams?

Answer: DiMaggio. Why? Because he got to do the Horizontal Hustle with Marilyn Monroe. That has to count for something.

6. Who's better? Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, or Duke Snider?

Answer: The theme here is the best player in New York at the time. Well, I have to go with Willie Mays for this one. You have to admire, not only the accomplishments of Mays, but his courage, which goes a long way to giving credit to his statistics and his character.

Racial tension was exceedingly high during his time and he overcame that pressure to become one of the best players to ever don a glove.

If we were to ask that same question for the New York teams of today, one thing is for sure ... it won't be a Met.

5. Should Pete Rose be in the Hall of Fame?

Answer: Yes. How can you leave a career .303 batter with 4,256 hits out of the Hall of Fame? Oh, he gambled on baseball? Is it wrong? Of course. Did gambling have anything to with his stats? No.

Apparently, only "nice" people get into Cooperstown. Well, Barry Bonds will be there, but I always wondered how he got so bulked up playing for San Francisco when he was a string bean for his tenure with the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Things that make you go "hmmmmm."

4. Should there be fighting in hockey?

Answer: Yes. Hockey is boring enough as it is. We watch NASCAR for car crashes, football for devastating hits, and hockey for fisticuffs. If the NHL lockout ever ends, then we need something to look forward to, other than torturing myself through another horrendous Chicago Blackhawks' season.

Throw down the gloves, boys. It's the only thing that keeps me interested.

3. Who's better? Larry Bird or Magic Johnson?

Answer: Michael Jordan

2. College Football System

Answer: The BCS is a horrible system. For lack of a better word, it sucks. The BCS has proved its "suckiness" ever since it's inception. Yo, NCAA, how about a playoff system? Thanks.

1. Who's the greatest athlete of all-time?

How can you possibly answer that and what criteria would you base it on? Do you base it on championships won? Do you base it on statistics? Do you base it on the difficulty of the sport? Is basketball more demanding than tennis? Do more passing yards make you a better athlete than more knockouts?

Who can say?

It is simply an impossible question to answer.

It's almost as impossible to answer as the question of whether or not God exists. You can have all the faith in the world and you will not truly know, for sure, until you die. Simple as that.

There isn't much point in continuing this argument much further, except to say, there are some very good candidates. I already mentioned Smith, Young, and Gretzky. Surely, Jordan, Bonds, the Williams sisters, Tiger Woods, Jim Thorpe, Bo Jackson, Jim Brown, Joe Montana, and Muhammad Ali deserve a nod.

I can go on and on.

The only answer to that question is that they are all the greatest athletes of all-time.

Anything less dishonors, disrespects, and dismisses the achievements of all these athletes, who excelled in whatever sport they played.

As much as it would be nice to declare the all-time greatest athlete, it cannot happen. Simply put, we will all be forced to ponder that mystery, just as much as we wonder what the hell we're doing on this planet.

Posted by Damian Greene at 7:08 PM | Comments (1)

October 1, 2004

This Bush is a Guaranteed Winner

George W. Bush is not expected to carry California in the upcoming presidential election. Maybe it's because another Bush already has Southern California sewn up.

His name is Reggie Bush, he plays football for USC, and he's probably more popular in Los Angeles than the president.

If you don't know his name you will. If you don't know his position ... welcome to the club.

Reggie Bush is listed as a tailback, but that's like calling duct tape an adhesive. A better term might be "all-around playmaker who can line up anywhere and change the game in a matter of seconds."

Wide receiver? No problem. Bush has the second most catches on the team. Punt returner? Sure. Bush averages 10.8 yards, and his 33-yard run-back against Stanford set up the Trojans' game-winning touchdown. Kickoffs? Bush gets 22.9 yards per return. And of course, tailback. Bush is second on the team in rushing with 330 yards.

As former USC standout Mike Williams put it in the Trojans' media guide, "Reggie is the ultimate weapon."

Bush is not that tall (six-feet), and he's not that big (200 pounds). But he is fast. Really fast. Blinding.

People talk about a running back needing to get the corner on outside runs. Bush has the corner when he takes the handoff.

People talk about the cardinal sin of reversing field. Bush does it so well it should be called a virtue.

People talk about the need for patience, the need for a back to wait for the play to develop. Bush doesn't wait for anything. He sees a whole, he hits a hole.

But there are plenty of super-fast guys in college football. What sets Bush apart is his strength. And his vision. And his moves.

Bush is not one of those speed-demons who gets tackled if somebody grabs his shoelace. He brings a rare blend of speed and strength to the position. He can burst through the open field on one play and push the pile forward on the next one.

Vision? Stanford saw it firsthand last Saturday when Bush took a handoff up the middle at the 17-yard line, saw nothing, backed up like a remote-control car, took off for the corner, and scampered into the end zone.

And those moves. He jukes, he jitterbugs, he sidesteps, he turns on a dime without losing an ounce of speed. Pity the defensive backs who have to bring him down in the open field. And if Bush breaks a kickoff return, it's a guarantee that the kicker, that last line of defense, will fall down flailing at the sight of the first shimmy.

"I almost tackled him twice myself," said former USC center Norm Katnik, a man who is not supposed to tackle Bush.

Bush did not come out of nowhere. He was a standout at Helix High in La Mesa, Calif. And by standout, I mean all-everything. The list of the various All-America, All-State, and All-Region teams he was named to is 102 words long.

He had his pick of schools but decided to stay close to home and hop on Pete Carroll's quickly-accelerating rebuilding process at USC.

As a freshman last season, Bush didn't play all that much but still made defensive coordinators shiver when he stepped on the field. He never carried the ball more than 15 times in a game and never reached the 100-yard mark.

But he made plays, big ones. At Notre Dame he went untouched on a 58-yard touchdown run. He returned a kickoff 96 yards for a score against rival UCLA. And in the Rose Bowl win against Michigan -- the victory that gave the Trojans a share of the National Championship -- Bush touched the ball just 14 times on carries, catches and returns, but gobbled up 132 yards.

And this season, with an expanded role, Bush is still making plays, especially when the Trojans need it most.

In the season-opener against Virginia Tech, Bush almost single-handedly reversed a 10-7 halftime deficit with three touchdown catches. In a tough game against BYU, Bush carried the Trojans with 124 yards rushing and two touchdowns, one on the ground, one through the air. On the year, Bush has seven touchdowns.

Those plays are what make Bush so special. The speed and strength and moves are great. But his knack for stepping up in the clutch is what makes him the most exciting player in college football.

When he's in the game, you know something special could happen in a split second. Actually, you know something special will happen. The only surprise is what that special something will be. That's what makes people stand up and notice.

True, Reggie Bush won't get any write-in votes on presidential ballots.

But if he keeps doing what he's doing, he may get a few on Heisman ballots.

Except they won't be write-ins. Reggie will be on that list.

Posted by William Geoghegan at 12:53 AM | Comments (1)

Pedro and Boston: One Last October?

Pedro Martinez, distinguished hurler of the Boston Red Sox, has posted 16-9 record with a 3.90 ERA, for a team that recently clinched a spot in the postseason. Yet, Martinez is a frustrated man, witnessing the worst season of his career, despite occasional brilliance reminiscent of the pitcher of old.

In nearly one campaign, his legendary 2.58 career ERA has risen 12 points, and with another season or two of this performance, he'll be nearing 3.00 and wondering if anyone will remember his exploits at all -- given that 300 wins seems out of reach for the soon-to-be 33-year-old right-hander, and that's all we seem to consider for truly great pitchers.

At his peak, when his fastball consistently clocked in the mid-to-high 90s, there has never been a finer pitcher, anywhere, anytime. From 1997-2003, ole Fine China (knowledgeable observers might pick up the meaning of such a lightheartedly derogatory nickname) dominated his position like none before, eclipsing, in terms of relativity, the exploits of even Walter Johnson and Lefty Grove.

Even today, all one has to do is glance at the cumulative figures: adjusted ERA, winning percentage, strikeout/walk ratio, and WHIP. However, many of those records or otherwise high marks are predicated on Pedro's prodigious output in the last few years -- leaving them only to fall or prove more easily discredited in the future.

For a time, particularly following a gem outing in Oakland (September 8), it seemed Pedro Martinez had righted the ship as it were; this was, after all, the same pitcher who had posted a sizzling 2.26 ERA in 2002, despite a horrific opening day start. Yet, his last four starts, especially the two against those pesky, disciplined hitters from the Bronx have unhinged the three-time Cy Young Award recipient -- never was this more evident following his Friday (September 24) defeat at the hands of the New York Yankees.

His former masterful moments opposing New York (one-hitter in September '99; handed the Bombers their only playoff defeat that year; defeated Roger Clemens in a 2-0 May '00 classic; pitched seven scoreless innings on 25 April of this year) decidedly buried in the wake of a 13 runs/12.1 innings stretch, Martinez openly questioned his own ability to beat the Yankees. True, some of this stems from the nightmarish late innings of Game 7 of last year's ALCS, but this is not a positive sign from the purported ace of, by the records, baseball's third best team.

Not merely that, but for the first time in a decade, Pedro Martinez has been outpitched by someone on his own staff, perhaps further riling the ego of this temperamental star. The addition of Curt Schilling, another (and still) slayer of Joe Torre's ballclub, was supposed to provide the Red Sox with an insurmountable one-two punch analogous to Randy Johnson-Curt Schilling (for the Arizona Diamondbacks) in 2001.

Schilling has been spectacular, but beyond his hypothetical Game 1 start in the ALDS, there is little consistency for a team that should figure in the World Series mix. Worse, Martinez will likely finish with his highest innings pitched total since his first year for the Olde Towne Teame (1998). Why is this negative? Because Pedro remains one of the more injury-prone star pitchers in major league history, owing in no small part to his below six-foot, wiry frame -- and as they alluded to on his SportsCentury profile, no one knows which pitch will be his last.

How much, truly, can the regime of Terry Francona push the creaky and tapered-over right arm of this future Hall-of-Famer before it's over?

After the conclusion of matters in October, the Boston Red Sox will be forced to choose between re-signing their disgruntled ace at a premium price, hoping 2004 was an outlier, or cutting him loose, gambling there will be no Roger Clemens '97-esque showing in New York next season. However, the Clemens of '96, as Peter Gammons of ESPN and others have pointed out, furnished a 20-strikeout game against the Detroit Tigers and performed far better in the second half of the season -- whilst ole Fine China is simply showing the signs of fatigue.

I do think the man is to be afforded great credit; he has been written off numerous times, none more so than his injury-plagued season of 2001, and after one prominent columnist wrote, "A Eulogy for Pedro," the 1999 All-Star Game MVP promptly won the next two ERA titles (2002-2003). However, until further notice (such as a career-defining game against NY or whomever), Martinez must be considered a great pitcher in name only, as he records his outs more by guile and reputation than his once-sizzling repertoire of pitches -- none more relevant than the fastball.

Despite the lack of a ring on his finger, Pedro Martinez has proven a tougher pitcher than even the beloved and renowned Los Angeles Dodger southpaw of the 1960s, but his career is at the crossroads. In order for his legacy not to be besmirched by lackluster (for him) campaigns, he may desire a change of venue; a privilege every Sox partisan should gratefully afford him, pending a triumphant return to glory in the 2004 MLB Playoffs.

If Pedro Martinez can return to his clutch form one final time and deliver the No. 38-No. 45 bulwark for Boston, he will have taken part in a dynamic duo that led the Sox to the championship, just as G. H. Ruth and Carl Mays accomplished -- a mere 86 autumns ago.

Posted by at 12:45 AM | Comments (0)