Sports Needs an Anti-Hero

The fall of the Soviet Union in 1991 was good for the Russians, but bad for another exponentially more important group: American sports fans.

In every Olympics, we on the left side of the pond, south of Canada, want the Yanks to do well, of course, but in Russia, we had a sports enemy that everyone hated and could rally against. They won the medal count most years, but we could still kick their behinds in basketball (except in 1972) and sprints. We have an entire culture built on beating the Russians in The Miracle on Ice in 1980. The USSR made the perfect anti-hero.

Now, who do we have? We still have enemies, of course, but how much of an Olympic threat is North Korea and Libya? There's China, but although I imagine most Americans harbor a vague suspicion about China, it's hard to completely rally against the country who provides us with all of our coffee mugs.

It's not just an international problem, either. Circa 25 years ago, everyone hated the Broad Street Bullies, aka the Philadelphia Flyers, outside of the Delaware Valley. Who was a fan of Illie "Nasty" Nastase, a tennis player from the same era that made John McEnroe look like a care bear?

There's a definite dearth of hatred in the sports world today, and I know the perfect guy to fix it. One man we can band together in hatred over. One man we can boo in a sport renowned for its politeness. One man will answer the clarion call for our need to hate.

Vijay Singh.

Frankly, I'm fond of making lists, so let me countdown the top six reasons why everyone should join me in my revulsion of Vijay Singh, in no particular order.

1. The Annika Sorenstam flap. When Sorenstam was invited to play in the 2003 Colonial, I'm sure that plenty of chauvinist golfers were against it. But, even those who voiced their opinions against it did so with aplomb and grace. Not Vijay. His insulting comments ("I hope she misses the cut ... she doesn't belong here ... If she was paired with me, I would withdraw.") introduced the world to not only Vijay's worldview, but to his bile and contempt.

2. Here's something a lot of golf fans don't know, and really ought to: Vijay was banned for two years from the Asian PGA tour for two years for doctoring his scorecard to make a cut. He claims a tournament official made a mistake and then made a scapegoat out of him. I think it's more likely he changed his score to prevent being paired with Annika Sorenstam.

3. I'm no prize, no one well ever mistake me for a Calvin Klein model. But if I was a millionaire a million many times over, I would look better. I wouldn't get any radical plastic surgery done, but I'd improve. If I had any gigantic moles, I would have them removed. So Vijay, get that mountainous mole removed from between your eyes. You shouldn't do it to be vain; you shouldn't do it for the groupies. You should do it because I'm tired of looking at it.

4. From Golf Digest: "When Dean Wilson, who was paired with Sorenstam at Colonial, later asked about the weight of Singh's practice club, Singh replied, 'Too heavy for your girlfriend to swing.' Said a surprised Wilson, 'I was like, 'dude, let it go.'"

5. Also from Golf Digest: "Singh was also incensed that [Brandel] Chamblee told reporters he thought Singh had missed the point about Sorenstam playing at Colonial. Months later, Singh saw Chamblee in a restaurant and made a single-digit gesture. When Chamblee approached Singh for an explanation, Singh blasted him. 'I just thought it was an irrational reaction for simply disagreeing,' says Chamblee. 'I saw all this anger in his eyes.'"

6. The other big guns of golf like Tiger Woods, Ernie Els, and PhilMickelson are often criticized for playing half or less of the PGA Tour slate. But if you think about it, it's almost altruistic for them to do so. If Singh, Els, Woods, and Mickelson played in every tournament, then they would win probably 70% of them. When those guys are out of the field, the lunchpail guys of the PGA Tour get their chance to shine ... and win some money. That's a good thing.

Of course, Vijay is the one guy who does play a full slate of 30-35 events. He doesn't care if he is No. 1 in the world (a title he completely deserves, by the way), he's still going to beat your uncle in the Central Illinois Open.

So who's with me in the anti-fan club?

Slant Pattern Top-25

Last year, when I rolled out the Slant Pattern Top-25 in college football, I was wrong about the proficiency of a great many teams. This year, I decided to wait a couple of weeks before rolling out my picks. That said, the triumphant return of the Slant Pattern Top-25!

1. Oklahoma
Like last year, they have been and should continue to blow everyone out, but I'm not sure they are going to throw it away in the end this time.

2. USC
Only reason they are not No. 1 is they looked less than invincible against Virginia Tech.

3. Miami
I have to give a high ranking to whomever wins the annual Florida State/Miami battle if it happens this early in the season, right?

4. Purdue
Has outscored their opponents 110-7 thus far, is all.

5. Georgia
Don't worry, they will choke and fall from this lofty perch at some point.

6. LSU
High, even though I'm not sure they will get past Auburn this Saturday.

7. West Virginia
I'm officially changing my mind about UConn winning the Big East.

8. Florida
Ron Zook will be coaching like a man whose job is on the line. Because it is.

9. Cal
Should finish comfortably in second-place in the Big 10.

10. Tennessee
They won't stay this high for long with a pair of freshman quarterbacks.

11. Virginia
12. Ohio State
13. Texas
14. Florida State
15. Fresno State
16. Michigan
17. Auburn
18. Utah
19. N.C. State
20. Stanford
21. Boise State
22. Iowa
23. Colorado
24. Georgia Tech
25. Troy

Slant Pattern Picks of the Week

1. TCU (+6) over Texas Tech

Both of these teams have played SMU. Texas Tech beat them, 27-13. TCU (albeit at home) beat them, 44-0. TCU looked good in winning their other game, against Northwestern. Texas Tech looked bad in losing their other game, against New Mexico. Can someone explain to me why Texas Tech is favored?

2. Notre Dame (-3) over Michigan State

The Spartans couldn't handle a Rutgers team that lost to New Hampshire. Notre Dame will always be overrated, but they do get a big gold star for knocking off Michigan. They'll win by more than a field goal.

3. Colorado (-17) over North Texas

All Colorado has done has beaten a solid BCS squad (Washington State) on the road after dispatching their in-state archrival. All North Texas has done is lose to a Division 1-AA school and get murdered, really murdered, by Texas, 65-0.

Remember: All picks guaranteed wrong or your money back.