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September 30, 2004

A Gambler's Tale

Most civilizations across the world have adopted an attitude that alcohol can be enjoyed with moderation. Some nations proscribe norms that tolerate marijuana, and most jurisdictions regulate, but condone tobacco. Holland and Nevada are two places that have hookers on the right side of the law.

So, which vices, exactly, can be enjoyed in moderation and which ones can't?

I'm thinking, in particular, about the one vice I have intentionally not mentioned yet, gambling. I ask because for this first time this year, I am doing quite a bit of it ... both the monetary version and the contests where you play for bragging rights (which often can be sweeter than cash).

I am involved -- make that engrossed -- in no less than five contests a week. Four of them involve Sports Central.

The first is Sports Central fantasy golf. I'm far ahead, and looking forward to changing my Sports Central Message Boards title, right above my username, to SC Fantasy Golf Champ. Famous last words.

The second is the SC college football pick'em contest (visit the message boards to join in any of these events, although you'll have to wait until next year for fantasy golf). Then there's our two NFL pick'em contests: straight-up and against the spread. I obsess over all of these, which makes my lackluster results thus far all the more embarrassing.

The biggie, though, is the office pool a co-worker runs. That one is for money.

$10 bucks to enter. You are given the NFL and college football lines from Tuesday's USA Today. That's about 50 games, or 65 if you count the over/under action available to you for NFL games.

Pick the 10 teams and/or games, any 10, that you like the best against the spread or over/under. Each one you win is worth a point. Pick one game that you are absolutely positive about. Designate that game or team as your "lock." That one is worth three points if you hit it. Most points wins 80% of the pot, second place gets 20%. Since 15-20 people enter each week, this adds up. You are looking at around $160 for winning and about $40 for pulling down second. Not bad at all.

But it's completely changed the way I look at games. My lock this week was Marshall, 7 1/2 point favorites at home against Miami of Ohio.

How can Marshall not cover that? They took two of the best ten teams in the country to the ropes. Miami has proved already they are a shadow of their former selves.

If you would have told me that Marshall would sack Miami six times, gain more rushing and passing yards than Miami, and hold a 5-to-1 turnover differential in their favor, I would have bet my kidneys against a donut that Marshall would cover. Is it even mathematically possible that Miami could keep it close despite all this?

Well, cover Marshall did. By half of a point. Half of a swear-inducing, bullet-sweating point. 33-25.

Whew.

I've learned a lot since becoming more of a gambler.

I've learned that you must have your lock come through to have any prayer of winning the pool.

I've learned that gambling makes you root bizarrely. After three-plus quarters of "Go Marshall! Go Marshall! Go Marshall!" Miami scored a touchdown to cut the lead down to 33-23. As Miami lined up to go for two, I realized something.

If they miss, Marshall will be up by 10. So if Miami gets the ball back, they will have no reservations about kicking a field goal, since they're down two scores anyway. A field goal would put them down by seven, and the line that I need Marshall to win by is 7.5. Yikes. No good.

On the other hand, if Miami successfully converts the two pointer, they will only be down by eight. I would still be winning against the spread, only now Miami would be disinclined to try a field goal under any circumstances, since they'd have a chance to tie with a touchdown plus two.

Touchdowns are much less of a sure thing than field goals.

"Go Miami! Go Miami! Go Miami!"

Miami converted the two point conversion. So, it's back to "Go Marshall!" for me. Such are the bizarre and incestuous cheering patterns you may find yourself engaged in if you gamble on football.

(Epilogue: Miami did get the ball back and drove inside the Marshall 35 -- twice. I was once saved by a fumble inside the five and then by a missed fourth down conversion attempt. Heart-stopping stuff.)

I've learned that gambling will break your heart or at least make you bite your nails down to the quick. You can't just lose, you have to lose in agonizing ways, like Marshall almost did to me tonight.

Earlier this year, I called for TCU to get within the six-point spread of Texas Tech. Actually, I thought they'd win outright. I also called for Northern Illinois to get within four points of Iowa State.

At one point in the TCU/TTU game, TCU was on top 21-0. Not too much later, NIU went up on Iowa State, 34-20. In point-spread terms, I was waaaaay ahead (45 combined points, to be exact) on both games and feeling great about my lock, Georgia Tech, coming off an emotional road win over Clemson, to beat North Carolina, who barely beat William & Mary, by more than eight.

Things were looking good and I mixed myself another White Russian.

Texas Tech and Iowa State then went on to outscore TCU and Northern Illinois, respectively, 98-21. I was flipping back between both games, and there's nothing like going from watching a big lead turn into a little lead turn into a little deficit turn into a big deficit with terminal velocity. Not fun, especially when doubled. I kept my mood decent by remaining philosophical. I maintained my reflective state of mind throughout North Carolina's blowout of Georgia Tech. I was out of contention, way out, so of course the gambling gods mocked me by letting me win all three of the NFL games I picked.

So if you meet me on the street, remember: if I'm jubilant, I've had a winning week. If I'm philosophical, I lost. Moderation is the only way to live life, but it makes a lousy story.

(Note: I got a late start to this column and an important day of work [the non-gambling-related aspects of it], a day I need to be well-rested for, beckons tomorrow -- it's 1:27 AM as I type this]. The usual suspects like the top-25 and the picks of the week will return next time).

Posted by Kevin Beane at 11:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 29, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 4

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh

"I'm Bill Cowher, and you're watching the NFL Network."

When you hear those words, you know you're watching the greatest invention of the last 100 years: a 24-hour network of nothing but football. Those words, when spoken by Bill Cowher, also tell you that you need to wipe your screen of the spittle produced by Cowher's jutting lower jaw-dominated enunciation.

But I shouldn't be so hard on Bill; all ugliness and speech impediments aside, I understand Cowher was one tough S.O.B. during his playing days for the Eagles. I hear he had much respect from all his teammates, and they were quite grateful that he wore a facemask.

Okay, enough about Bill. Let's talk Ben. Roethlisberger, that is. The Steelers' first-round pick and new starting quarterback takes over for the injured dead weight of Tommy Maddox. Ben has to like his position: sure, he's a rookie and still learning the offense, but he's got a great set of receivers to throw to in Hines Ward, Plaxico Burress, and Antwan Randle El, as well as a good receiving running back in Duce Staley. What's it all mean?

"I'll tell you what it all means, my friend," exclaims Roethlisberger. "It means that Big Ben doesn't need a year of seasoning to make the big time. Carson Palmer, everybody knows that Jon Kitna should be starting, just like everybody knows that I'm the man in Steel City. Maddox might as well take his act back to the XFL because I'm here to stay. Maybe you think the Pac-10 is where it's at, Palmer, but any one with any sense knows the Mid-American Conference is the bomb. I'm the MAC Daddy. Now go toss my defense a couple of interceptions and lay down for five sacks. I feel TD passes to Hines and Plexiglass."

Truer words were never spoken. Roethlisberger outplays Palmer. Staley adds 100 yards rushing. Steelers win, 26-17, and remain tied atop the AFC North.

New England @ Buffalo

Can life get any better for Tom Brady?

"No, it's as good as it gets right now," quips Brady. "I'm a two-time Super Bowl champion and MVP, I've been named one of People Magazine's Most Sexiest people, and I wear my eye black like a champ. Also, we're playing the 0-2 Bills to extend our winning streak to a record 18 games. And I'm dating Bridget Moynahan, the sultry babe in the movie I, Robot."

You live a swell life Tom, but did you know I'm filming the sequel to I, Robot with your girl? It's called Me, Horny.

But seriously, Bridget is hot and Tom is well-deserving of a quality single. I hope those two have a lasting relationship.

Brady's Buffalo counterpart is ex-teammate Drew Bledsoe, who gets sacked about six times every game. You can blame maybe one of those on the offensive line; the others can be chalked up to Bledsoe's abysmal footwork. You know when black comedians make fun of white guys dancing? Well, Bledsoe can only dream of having those white men's moves. No wonder Bledsoe's insides are Jell-O. He's damn sure never outran a sack, nor has he sidestepped one. He may duck one occasionally, but is then sacked by the next man through.

Anyway, the Bills are fired up for this one, but the Pats are fired up just as much. Remember, the Bills beat the Pats in Buffalo last year, 31-0. That won't happen again. It's a defensive struggle, but New England comes through with a 17-7 win and purge the 1972 Dolphins from the record books.

Oakland @ Houston

Texan coach Dom Capers is still riding high from Houston's surprising but soon-to-be-not-so-surprising-when-the-Chiefs-finish-last-in-the-AFC West win over Kansas City.

"There are some major grammatical errors in that previous sentence," counsels Capers, "but all I know is we shocked the world."

Uh, Dom, the Chiefs were 0-2.

"Yeah," counters Capers, "but we scored 24 on them."

Well, they were giving up an average of 32."

"Uh, I found 81 cents outside of Arrowhead Sunday," Capers weakly replies.

That, my man, is something to be proud of. Congratulations!

This Sunday, Capers and the Texans will have to deal with the Raiders, who are tied for the AFC West lead with Denver at 2-1. Kerry Collins will start for the Raiders, replacing Rich Gannon, who suffered broken vertebrae in his neck last Sunday after a vicious pile-driver from abominable Texan (denizen of the state, not a football Texan) Terry Funk. (Actually, Tampa linebacker Derrick Brooks made the hit that incapacitated Gannon, but the pile-driver angle sounded good at the time.) Anyway, Gannon's injury opens the door for Collins, who should be able to stretch defenses more vertically than Gannon, since Gannon's pass velocity was slower than a Phil Niekro knuckler into hurricane-force winds.

Collins throws two touchdowns passes, or, as Kerry likes to call it, "a double." Ty Wheatley scores on a one-yard run, and Charles Woodson makes life miserable for Houston QB David Carr.

Raiders win, 31-21.

Washington @ Cleveland

Is Redskins' owner and world-class control freak Daniel Snyder growing impatient with Redskins coach Joe Gibbs after only three games? You bet he is. When a man, or person, like Snyder is paying you as much as he is paying Gibbs, then, by God, after three games, you should, at the very least, have chalked up four wins.

"How is four wins possible in three games?" asks a frustrated Gibbs.

It's not, but Snyder doesn't know that. He expects you to bring home the Super Bowl trophy after week 13.

"That's going to be tough to do," adds Gibbs, "but when I put my mind to it, I can do anything. Nothing is impossible. I did lead this team to a Super Bowl championship with Mark Rypien as my quarterback, so there is hope in even the darkest of situations."

Snyder issues Gibbs an ultimatum: "Joe Gibbs must win this game or he will be banished to the deserted island in the Pacific where I keep Steve Spurrier."

Gibbs takes heed, and opens up the Redskins' offense against the depleted Browns' defense. Portis runs for 140 and two TDs and Mark Brunell throws a touchdown to Laveranues Coles, who is over his case of the drops he suffered against the Cowboys.

'Skins win, 24-14.

New Orleans @ Arizona

"To build a legacy, you've got to start somewhere," says Arizona head coach Dennis Green between puffs on a Newport Menthol. "We're starting with our defense. Those guys are playing their butts off. They've only given up 46 points and kept us close in all three games. It's a mystery to me how they got to be good, because I'm an offensive coach and have no idea how to coach defense."

So, in a backhanded way, Denny, are you taking responsibility for the ineptitude of your offense, which is only averaging 8.3 points per game?

"You darn right I'm taking credit," Green answers. "8.3 a game? That's not bad when you consider that our offense has yet to penetrate the red zone."

Good point, and I won't even make a sexual joke about it.

The Cardinal defense should be up to the task against a potent Saint's offense, even without Deuce McAllister. New Orleans is fresh off an overtime road victory over the Rams. Usually, after a big Saints victory, one thing comes to mind, and it's not "party"; it's "letdown." But, luckily, their letdown is against a team that can't score touchdowns on a consistent basis. The Cards' defense keeps it close, but Aaron Brooks throws two TDs and Aaron Stecker rushes for a score. New Orleans wins, 26-10.

N.Y. Jets @ Miami

After three weeks in the NFL season, one thing is clear: the Hurricanes are the best professional team in the state of Florida. No offense to the Jacksonville Jaguars, but here are the rankings: 1) Frances 2) Charlie 3) Miami Hurricanes 4) Jeanne 5) Jacksonville 6) Tampa Bay 7) Miami.

"Thank you," says Miami coach Dave Wannstedt, "that's very generous of you. I've never been ranked as high as No. 7 in anything, unless you count my No. 1 ranking as 'Coach Most Likely to Get Canned By Midseason.'"

Don't forget, Dave, you also hold the numbers 1, 2,and 3 slots in the rankings for "Most Bone-Headed Player Deals Made in One Calendar Year."

"Wow, I'm dominating that one," boasts Wannstedt. "Fill me in."

Well, Dave, here they are in no particular order: the A. J. Feeley deal, the Marty Booker deal, and the Lamar Gordon deal.

"Yeah, those were pretty stupid," admits Wannstedt, "but at least we're getting money back from Ricky."

"Man, I don't think so," counters Williams from a satellite phone in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. "That dough is tied up in marijuana futures. Check the New York Stock Exchange ticker symbol MJ. That stuff is going through the roof, and so am I after this next bong hit!"

Damn, I hope I have that much fun when I retire.

But, speaking of New York, the Jets travel to Miami, where wins are handed to you on a platter. This game should be no different. The Dolphins can't stop the rejuvenated legs of Curtis Martin, and Chad Pennington uses subsequent play-action to hit Santana Moss long. Jets win, 27-6.

St. Louis @ San Francisco

Did you see the "Sacked" segment at half time of Monday night's Dallas/Washington game, in which Rams receiver Torry Holt was duped into a bogus photo shoot and ended up wearing lipstick, eye shadow, and a tutu?

"Yes, I did," says St. Louis coach Mike Martz, "and I was disgusted! Nobody wears a skirt on this team unless I say so first. I thought we got rid of skirt-wearing when we let Kurt Warner go. It's sickening. Torry will be suspended for one game for conduct detrimental to the team."

Speaking of conduct detrimental to the team, have you noticed your play-calling?

"Yes," replies Martz, "and I think it's quite good."

Think again, Mr. Majestic. You're only running the ball about 15 times a game. Let me remind you that Marshall Faulk is healthy and you have a pretty good backup in Stephen Jackson.

"Could you explain this 'running the ball' phenomenon for me, please?" asks Martz.

Well, Mike, when a coach is not an idiot and he has a multiple-time Pro Bowl selection in his backfield, said coach tends to call plays that require said player to run with the ball.

"Do I qualify under those criteria?"

Well, I'll say this: you have a Pro Bowl running back in your backfield.

"Okay, I'll give Marshall 22 touches and I'll also un-suspend Torry," agrees Martz.

Give yourself a pat on the back, Mike. Faulk rushes for 98 yards and scores a touchdown. The passing game continues to click. Bulger passes for 260 yards and Isaac Bruce scores a touchdown. Rams win, 23-10.

Indianapolis @ Jacksonville

Okay, let's all admit it: Jacksonville is for real. But before I kiss more Jaguar ass, let me say this: being "for real" after three games won't guarantee you anything, except a 3-13 record, at worst.

"Hey, buddy," growls Jag coach Jack Del Rio, "you can kiss my ass. We're 3-0. Show us a little respect!"

Look, Jack, no disrespect to you. I respect anyone with the name Jack Del Rio. That is just the coolest name in the world, right behind Genghis Khan and Pat Smear, former Foo Fighter guitarist. But as far as your team goes, I will respect them a great deal more if they can beat the Colts. In case you haven't noticed, your offense is averaging 11.7 points per game. The Colts' offense is averaging 33.3. Now, what's it gonna be? Is your offense going to score 21.7 more points, or will your defense hold the Colts to 21.7 below their scoring average?

"Dude, decimals were never my thing," replies Del Rio, "but I'll tell you this. We like 'winning ugly' as opposed to just 'being ugly,' like Peyton Manning. Peyton looks in the mirror every day, and when he does, he doesn't see the chiseled good looks that I possess. And when he normally looks at defenses, he doesn't see anything as strong as my defense staring back at him. So we're not scared, we've got something for the Colts. But it would be nice if another hurricane blows in by Sunday and slows things down for them. That would help us a great deal."

Does Peyton Manning fear the Jags at all?

"Yeah, I do," Manning explains. "But only if it were a real fight. As far as football goes, I fear no one. Just look at the last two weeks. Steve McNair: shot down. Brett Favre: shot down. I'm a gunslinger; I shoot QBs down in a blaze of glory. Now, am I going to mention the Jag QB in the same breath as McNair and Favre? No, that would be an insult to Steve and Brett. But I'll say this: 'Hey, you Jacksonville quarterback and you Jacksonville defense. Prepare to be bullet riddled.'"

Jacksonville's defense keeps them in it, but ultimately, the Indy aerial assault is too much for Byron Leftwich and the Jag offense to overcome. Indy wins, 20-13.

N.Y. Giants @ Green Bay

Giants quarterback Kurt Warner and Packer QB Brett Favre have both played in two Super Bowls, and both have won one. Both are multiple NFL MVP Award winners. Both like to sport a three-day growth of stubble.

"Okay, you can stop the comparisons right there," orders Favre. "Take away the awards and the yardage and all the numbers crap, and then compare us. You'll see that I've got one thing Warner doesn't: it's called a set of balls. Usually, I don't like to talk this way about a fellow quarterback, but Kurt's a punk. He hurts his thumb, he's out for the season. I hurt my thumb, I don't miss a game. And look at our wives: I've got a babe; he's married to a pencil with a face. Yikes!"

Yikes is right. And yikes is what both of these defensive backfields are saying at the prospect of facing a lot of passes. Favre will light up the Giants' defensive backs, and you know those suckers will double-team Javon Walker, citing his three TD game last week. So look for Favre to find Donald Driver and Robert Ferguson for TDs. Warner, on the other hand, will panic at the first sight of a Green Bay rush, and, if he doesn't get hurt first, will throw interceptions.

Packers win, 30-20. Just for old time's sake, Favre lets Michael Strahan sack him.

Philadelphia @ Chicago

"This little jaunt through the NFC North ranks is really working out well for us," notes Eagle QB Donovan McNabb. "First, we whip the Vikes, then blast the Lions, now we get to go to Chicago and dog the Bears. It's like a field trip; in fact, I might just skip the game Sunday and head over to Wrigley and catch the Cubs and Braves."

"Wait just a second, Donovan," says Eagle coach Andy Reid, while glancing at the 8" X 12" laminated sheet listing 1,476 offensive plays, all involving McNabb, "how are we going to score if you're not here? You have to run it in or throw to someone if we are to score. We can't do it any other way."

"Hey, Coach," replies McNabb, "maybe Reno Mahe could return a punt or a kickoff for a score."

"Reno Mahe?" a puzzled Reid retorts. "How can a delicious seafood dish score anything for us?"

"Well," says McNabb, chuckling, "we are playing the Bears. But seriously, you're thinking of mahi mahi, the fish. Reno Mahe plays running back for us, I think. I'm not sure I recall handing off to him, though. But just to be safe, Coach, I'll skip the Cubs and play Sunday."

"That's great!" exclaims Reid. "Now I think I'll take this Reno Mahe kid out for some mahi mahi. It's about time I got to know some of my other players."

McNabb plays, and plays well, with a passing TD, a rushing TD, a receiving TD, a safety, an interception return TD, a fumble return TD, a two-point conversion, a PAT, a field goal, a drop kick, and a penalty kick. McNabb also converts a suicide squeeze to score Jimmy Rollins from third, giving the Phillies a 4-3 win over the Marlins.

Thomas Jones tries to keep the Bears in the game, and does for about four minutes. Then Jones realizes that Jonathan Quinn is quarterbacking, so Jones retires to the locker room for a quick shower, then heads over to Wrigley for Cubs/Braves. Jones goes to will call and, posing as McNabb, picks up the free ducats, and enjoys baseball with the Bleacher Bums.

Back at Soldier Field, McNabb takes a knee, and the Eagles head to their bye week with a 47-17 win.

Atlanta @ Carolina

Many Panthers fans remember the good ol' days when the Panthers sucked. You could grab a 12-pack, sit in your recliner, flip on the television, turn the volume down, and switch on the police scanner to get your Panthers play-by-play. Life was good. Now the Panthers are a bunch of straight-laced nerds who know how to play football and know little about the inside of a jail cell, or the inside of a car trunk. Apparently, the success of the Panthers is inversely proportionate to their criminal tendencies.

Probably the nicest Panther is quarterback Jake Delhomme, a humble Louisiana boy who raises thoroughbred horses on his ranch in Lafayette, LA, and hopes someday to breed a horse that races for the Triple Crown.

"Wait a minute, beau," Delhomme corrects, "you've got it all wrong. I raise 'steak' horses, not 'stakes' horses. Who wants to ride a horse when you can eat it? Not me. Very few people know this, but horse is all white meat. Think about it. Elmer's Glue is white, and it's made of horse. Therefore my slogan: Horse: The new white meat."

Mmmm. Delicious. As is this NFC South match-up, which will go a long way in determining the division champ. At home and with two weeks rest, the Panther defense contains Michael Vick. On offense, DeShaun Foster and the emerging Keary Colbert lead the Panthers with a touchdown apiece. Carolina wins, 23-14.

Denver @ Tampa Bay

"Dang!" says new Bronco and ex-Buccaneer safety John Lynch. "I wish Keyshawn Johnson still played for Tampa Bay. I've always wanted to lay a helmet on that bastard and shut him up. But since he's with the Cowboys, I'll have to pretend that he's one of my ex-teammates that I don't hate as much and cripple that unfortunate soul. Or at least get in an illegal hit. I love the sound of helmet crushing bone, as well as the smell of napalm in the morning."

John, I, too, wish Keyshawn were there for you to dispose of.

On the sidelines are two of the biggest sourpusses in the coaching ranks. Ask yourself: have you ever seen Denver coach Mike Shanahan or Tampa Bay coach Jon Gruden smile? Now answer. If you answered "no", then you get my point. These guys are as ill-mannered as Tom Coughlin, except their players don't despise them.

"Coach Gruden may always be pissed," adds Bucs QB Brad Johnson, "but he always curses me with tenderness and respect."

Well, Brad, get ready to be kindly cursed some more, because you're about the only offensive weapon left for the Bucs, so all of Gruden's frustration will come down on you. The loss of Charlie Garner only compounds an already serious injury situation, so Brad, why don't you do a little cursing of your own and tell Gruden to get you some players?

"I can't do that," cries Johnson. "He might go Chuckie on me."

You coward. Like Jackson Browne said in his 1977 hit, the Bucs are "Running on Empty."

Broncos win, 13-7, just as sure as Browne slapped Daryl Hannah.

Tennessee @ San Diego

Steve McNair's stay in the hospital for his bruised sternum suffered in Sunday's loss to Jacksonville was made much more comfortable by the presence of his coach, Jeff Fisher. Fisher was bedside for McNair's two night stay, and even assigned himself bedpan duty, much to the chagrin of several staff nurses, who were all eager to get a glimpse of the "Titan" in Room 1412.

McNair was finally released on Tuesday was wheeled to an awaiting limousine, driven by Fisher, outside the hospital.

"Where to, Mac?" asks Fisher.

"To the practice field," answers McNair. "I'm very sore, so let's do some full-contact drills."

Upon arrival at the Titans training facility, McNair is fitted with a titanium breastplate, which he finds cumbersome, yet strangely comfortable. After looking sharp in practice, McNair takes the rest of the week off.

On Sunday at game time, McNair meets San Diego quarterback Drew Brees at midfield. After exchanging pleasantries, Brees says to McNair, "You're an inspiration to me" and gives McNair a playful punch in the chest. Brees winces in pain as he sprains the middle finger on his throwing hand on McNair's breastplate. Both men end up playing with pain; McNair just does it better than anyone. McNair throws two TD passes, runs very little, and leads Tennessee to a 20-14 victory.

Kansas City @ Baltimore

Could it get any worse for the struggling Chiefs? Off to an 0-3 start with the Baltimore defense looming, Kansas City is on the verge of collapse.

"I wouldn't go so far as to call it a collapse," corrects Chief coach Dick Vermeil. "I think a more suitable word would be implosion. Even more suitable would be the terms 'breathing our last breath' and 'floating, waiting for the flush.' But I have to take full responsibility for this. Our defense is killing us. I'm the one that hired our defensive coordinator, Gunther Cunningham, in the first place. I think we would have been better off with any other Cunningham, like Richie, or any one else on the Happy Days cast. It would be so cool to introduce my defensive coordinator as 'The Fonz.'"

Yes, Dick, it would be nice if your defensive coordinator could snap his fingers and make the opposing teams' offense fall down. Your offense would still have to score anyway, and, let's be honest, that's the problem with your team this year: the offense isn't scoring enough. It's not like you had a defense last year that could stop people; your offense made up for the defensive shortcomings. Unfortunately, against the Ravens, your defense's greatest weakness (run defense) is the Raven offense's greatest strength (rushing offense). In short, you're toast.

The Raven crowd gets a scare early in the game when Ray Lewis has an epileptic seizure ... no, wait a minute, that's just his normal, pre-game ritual.

The Chiefs don't score enough to make up for Jamal Lewis' 170 yards rushing and two touchdowns. Baltimore wins, 20-13.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 6:01 PM | Comments (1)

Is There an End in Sight?

So, now what? After a 12th consecutive losing season, Brewer fans are left to wait until spring, where a sense of optimism will quickly turn to a feeling of defeat and depression ... again.

Why? Why can't the Brewers field a competitive team of any sort? Or at least a .500 club? Many thought that 2004 was going to be the year as the Brewers overachieved for the entire first-half of the season. But all of the optimism and "feel good" stories of April, May, and June quickly turned to the annual, hard-luck reality of July, August, and September.

Everybody understands that the Brewers are members of Major League Baseball's "Annual Punching Bag Club," a list of small market franchises that include the likes of Kansas City, Pittsburgh, and Montreal. Granted, MLB's lack of a salary cap and imperfect revenue sharing system are detriments to the Brewers and other small market franchises, the "small market excuse" does not work anymore in Milwaukee. People want results.

Pittsburgh had a series of successful years in the '90s and well, don't ask the hard-to-find diehard Expo fan about the strike-shortened season of 1994. These were the most recent "good old days" in these franchises' histories ... and both came during the 12-year period of defeat in Milwaukee. Yes, folks, Barry Bonds was a Pirate at one time!

Even Kansas City made a run for much of the 2003 season, keeping things interesting until finally yielding to the Minnesota Twins, the team that has really bucked the small market syndrome, relying on a great farm system and good front office management to remain competitive and successful.

Many are hoping that the Brewers are taking a page out of the Twins' book of success. After all, Baseball America labeled the Brewers' farm system as the best in Baseball, just a few years after being accused of having the worst system in the game by the same publication. There is offense on the horizon. Prince Fielder had a great year at Double-A Huntsville and Corey Hart also played well again in the minors. Shortstop J.J. Hardy and 2003 College Player of the Year Ricky Weeks should eventually give the Brewers a double-play duo up the middle that will hopefully stay together for a decade or better.

Outfielder Dave Kernel, who is enjoying a September cup of coffee right now in Beer-town, will hopefully serve as the table-setter for this group. Current lead-off hitter Scott Podsednik's sophomore slump has the club questioning his future as an everyday lead-off hitter, even though he's on pace to finish the season with close to 70 stolen bases.

With all the potential at the plate, an obvious area of concern is the lack of pitching down on the farm. Ben Hendrickson and Mike Jones will hopefully mature in the next couple of years to team with Ben Sheets to form a solid young staff. They will need to find more help in this area, that is for sure.

Another reason for optimism in Milwaukee is the team's support in Wisconsin. Over this past weekend, the Brewers' organization topped the $2 million mark for season attendance. While many other franchises easily meet and exceed this mark, as well, there are several teams who haven't seen that figure and who might not see it for several years.

Also, some writers feel that the constant bellyaching from Brewer fans over the last few seasons has been a sign of weakness and lack of character. Well, I look at it as an indirect showing of support. They're bellyaching because they care. They want a winner ... even if it's 82-80, it's a start.

So, is their an end in sight? Brewer fans hope so. Twelve consecutive losing seasons might reach 14 or 15 before the ship starts to turn, but remaining patient with the farm system is the only real way a small-market franchise such as Milwaukee can develop any reign of sustained success.

That formula shouldn't be all that difficult to tolerate. After all, it's been 12 years since they've seen a winner. Hopefully, Brewer fans have enough patience on reserve for a few more seasons. Help should be on the way.

October is soon approaching and as usual, teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, and Braves are preparing for the post-season, and the Milwaukee Brewers are getting an early jump on preparing for next season. SC's Mike Guenther searches for a light at the end of the tunnel...any light at all.

Posted by Mike Guenther at 3:47 PM | Comments (0)

Oregon Becoming Quarterback Factory

The state of Oregon is becoming a hotbed for supplying Northwest colleges with quarterbacks. In the past couple of years, there has been a steady influx of signal-callers from the Beaver State heading to Division I programs to run the offense on the field. And there doesn't appear to be much in the way of stopping the flow any time soon.

Of the six D-I universities in the Pacific Northwest, four have starting quarterbacks who played their high school ball in Oregon and another has the heir-apparent to the first team field general. The only school that does not? Washington. Go figure.

Anyway, two of the starters are continuing stellar seasons from a year ago, taking snaps for their home state colleges. Derek Anderson is playing out his final season as quarterback for Oregon State and has the Beavers playing well to start the year. Anderson, a senior from Scappoose, nearly led the Beavers to an upset victory over defending national champion LSU on the road. He entered the season with 7,634 yards passing and 50 touchdowns for his career and will probably leave OSU as their all-time leading passer. Last year, he became just the second QB in Pac-10 conference history to throw for over 4,000 yards in a season (4,058) and looks to be on his way to another 4K season with 1,300 yards in three games so far.

Waiting in the wings to take over for Anderson next year is another Oregon product, redshirt freshman Ryan Gunderson, who hasn't seen any snaps yet this year. Gunderson looks to continue the legacy of quarterbacks to come from Central Catholic HS in Portland, which includes Joey and Michael Harrington.

Joey starts for the NFL Detroit Lions, Michael for the University of Idaho. More on him later. Kellen Clemens has the starting job all to himself this year at the University of Oregon. After beginning last season by sharing time with the departed Jason Fife (another Oregon high school product), Clemens took over for good mid-way through the year and threw for 2,400 yards and 18 TDs, breaking the records of NFL Hall of Famer Dan Fouts set in 1970. Through three games this season, the junior from Burns has thrown for 653 yards and 7 touchdowns. He, too, might wind up as Oregon's all-time leading passer with another year to go in 2005.

Now back to Michael Harrington at Idaho. Also from the aforementioned Central Catholic in Portland, the junior, threw for 996 yards and 5 TDs last season as the backup quarterback, and has amassed about half those so far this year (450 yards, 2 TDs).

Harrington's backup is also an Oregon native: redshirt freshman Brian Nooy from Pendleton. Nooy, who threw passes that scored Idaho's only points against Washington State, is transitioning from running the veer option in high school to a more passing oriented offense for the Vandals. His 9-of-15, 99-yard performance against the Cougars are his only stats of the season to this point.

Another backup quarterback that hails from Oregon is the Cougars' Alex Brink from Sheldon HS in Eugene. Brink, a freshman, has thrown for 278 yards and a touchdown this season, but is probably more famous for the interception he threw against Colorado in Washington State's home opener. That pick was returned for a touchdown that gave the Buffaloes the lead and the momentum. However, as a freshman, he still has a lot of time to make a positive name for himself at WSU, especially after being recruited as the best quarterback in Oregon high school history (9,262 yards, 92 touchdowns).

The Oregon-bred quarterback that probably has had the biggest shoes to fill coming into this season is Boise State's Jared Zabransky. "Z," as he is affectionately known, has taken over for the graduated Ryan Dinwiddie, the most efficient passer in NCAA history, and has done an admirable job thus far. Zabransky, a sophomore from Hermiston, has kept the Broncos' winning streak alive, now an NCAA-best 15 games. He's the second-best of the Oregon connection so far, throwing for 1,153 yards and 7 TDs, and adding 4 rushing touchdowns, and is a threat with both his arms and legs.

One other quarterback from Oregon that isn't playing in the Northwest, but is a double-threat like Zabransky, is junior Nic Costa at Arizona. Last year, Costa threw for just 363 yards and 4 touchdowns, but also ran for over 100 yards with a score, and was the only Wildcat QB to play in more than 10 games. This year, the junior from Aloha has played sparingly as the coaching staff figures out where to play him.

The best part about all these young men making their marks at their respective colleges for me personally is that I was given the chance to see some of them play in high school. As the former radio announcer for Hermiston, I was fortunate enough to see every game Zabransky played in high school, not to mention most of his basketball and baseball games. Hermiston's archrival is Pendleton, which afforded me the ability to watch Nooy several times a year in various sports. And I was able to see Costa play when Aloha visited Hermiston a few years ago. His arm was quite impressive that day, but a corps of butter-fingered receivers prevented him from posting very impressive stats.

Most of us have seen Clemens and Anderson play on TV, so we know what they're capable of. Zabransky is quickly becoming an icon on the West Coast with all the publicity Boise State is getting for its winning streak and a ton of exposure on ESPN. I've seen both him and Nooy play in person and they're both terrific football players. "Z" is getting his chance now, and I hope Nooy gets his down the road at Idaho.

I got to see Harrington against Washington State -- he'll be good. Maybe not as good as his older and more famous brother, but good nonetheless. And, as I said before, Brink will get better with time. I'm not sure about Gunderson, not having seen him play at all, but if he can carry his success in high school over into the college game, he'll do just fine.

So, while it may not be Pennsylvania or California or Florida, Oregon quarterbacks are making their mark on the college football scene in the upper left-hand corner of the country. And, if top-notch talent continues to be cultivated in the state, that mark just might end up spreading further east.

Posted by Adam Russell at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)

September 28, 2004

NFL Week 3 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Indy's defensive backfield is a mess. The Colts remind me of the 2000 Rams.

* Ricky Williams is more recognizable, but it seems safe to say at this point that Norv Turner did a lot for Miami's offense. They miss him.

* I frequently praise Joe Theismann for his insightful commentary, and last week I said Pat Summerall had lost it. That remains true, but it's only fair to concede that Theismann was pretty bad on Sunday night, and Summerall made a couple funny jokes.

* Everyone is talking about Jacksonville's defense, but the Seahawks have allowed less than half as many points.

* FOX consistently offers terrible camera angles on purpose, particularly on special teams. No one likes that. Just show us an angle so we can see the play.

The Battle of the Terrible Defenses produced 76 points, 787 passing yards, nine passing TDs, three receivers over 100 yards, two receivers with more than 10 catches, and a long day for kick return teams. Sunday afternoon's Colts/Packers game was hyped as Brett Favre vs. Peyton Manning, and neither man disappointed, but it was also a matchup between two defensive backfields having major injury problems. In Indy's case, the DBs weren't all that great to begin with.

I don't want to take anything away from either offense, or from the QBs who were so effective in a big game. FOX had been licking its chops over this one since the schedules came out, and it might have been the most exciting game of the weekend. It was also frustrating to watch, though. Favre, clearly at the top of his game -- which isn't always the case any more -- picked apart the young Indianapolis secondary. No one could cover Javon Walker adequately, and Favre didn't even really get tested in the way that produces truly legendary games.

Manning looked the way he did in the first two rounds of the playoffs last year: unstoppable. Green Bay's defense simply had no answer for him. His receivers kept getting open, and Manning hit them in stride every time. Give credit to Favre, Manning, Walker, Reggie Wayne (Walker and Wayne combined for 22 receptions, 384 yards, and 4 touchdowns), and the offensive lines. But keep an eye on both teams' injury-riddled secondaries. That's the sort of thing that can cost you down the line.

On to this week's power rankings. As always, brackets indicate last week's rank.

1. Philadelphia Eagles [1] -- Most power rankings operate like the college football polls, so teams can't move down unless they actually lose. Since almost everyone had the Patriots No. 1 in the preseason, that means almost no one has Philadelphia first right now, and that's why you can't use a formula for power rankings. No excuses: just say who you really think is the best, without explaining why you had to rank another team higher. The Eagles dominated Detroit offensively and defensively, and Donovan McNabb looks sharper -- way sharper -- than he ever has before. It would be nice to see a little more balance on offense, but the Eagles are the best team in the NFL.

2. Seattle Seahawks [3] -- A monster game against San Francisco, in the 'Hawks' home opener, moves them past New England. Seattle also traveled to the Superdome in Week 1 and dealt New Orleans its only loss. Shaun Alexander seems to be in full health again, and the defense has allowed a total of 13 points this season, lowest in the NFL -- including teams who have already had their byes. For those of you keeping track at home, that's 7, 6, and 0 in the first three weeks of the season.

3. New England Patriots [2] -- Undefeated defending Super Bowl champions deserve some respect, and it was a tough call dropping them behind Seattle during a bye week. The Pats probably are more consistent than the Seahawks, but they don't drop many 34-0 bombs on their opponents. Furthermore, New England's defense looked disappointingly vulnerable in its opener, and the team was sluggish in Arizona last week. They'll have a chance to prove themselves when they face Seattle at home in Week 6.

4. Indianapolis Colts [4] -- Peyton Manning and his teammates went up against an injury-decimated defense on Sunday, but the offensive clinic that resulted merits major recognition. Watching Manning operate at the top of his game is a rare privilege. The only QB I remember awing me the way Manning does is Dan Marino, and maybe Brett Favre at the very height of his career. In the past, I've gone on at great length about Manning's fundamentals, but what he displayed on Sunday afternoon was perfect ball placement and unimpeachable football smarts. No one runs an offense the way he does. I know Manning has his detractors, but if you can't appreciate him, you're missing the best player of this generation.

5. Denver Broncos [5] -- Any time a team can win with only 33 rushing yards, it must be doing something else right. Jake Plummer had an awfully good game, and the defense contained LaDainian Tomlinson impressively. Rod Smith and Ashley Lelie aren't the awesome receiving duo Smith and Ed McCaffrey were in the late 1990s, but they're a pretty solid pair. Quentin Griffin has struggled in two consecutive games, and Denver won't be able to beat good teams if he can't produce.

6. Minnesota Vikings [7] -- Now tied for first place in the NFC North, the Vikings have to like their chances of passing Detroit for sole possession of the division title before the season is over. Minnesota's offense clearly is something to be reckoned with, but the defense will need to improve radically if the Vikings are going to challenge Philly and Seattle in January. A more consistent running game would help, too. I know Onterrio Smith had a good game against Chicago, but he only carried 17 times, and no other Viking RBs touched the ball. Minnesota was up 17-6 at the end of three, but the Bears came back and made a game of it. There's no substitute for controlling the game on the ground.

7. Baltimore Ravens [11] -- When Jamal Lewis is able to run like he did against the Bengals, this team can play with anyone. Of course, it helps when the defense piles up three INTs and a fumble recovery. I'd feel more comfortable, though, if Mike Nolan's unit would produce more three-and-outs. Turnovers are great, but if your opponent can't gain yards in the first place, you'll never have to worry. The other team can't win if it doesn't score.

8. New York Jets [8] -- Return from the bye week with a road game in Miami. The Dolphins seem pretty demoralized, but sometimes amazing things can happen when a team is on the ropes. The Jets can't afford to overlook a fierce rival trying to salvage the season, or at least some dignity.

9. Carolina Panthers [10] -- As expected, the NFC South appears to be shaping up as a very competitive division in 2004. Carolina faces an important test against 3-0 Atlanta next week. It's also worth pointing out, as I do every year at this time, that it's too early for byes. Push 'em all back a week.

10. Jacksonville Jaguars [13] -- We all know the Teal Curtain can carry its weight, but I'd like to see some actual offense -- especially from Byron Leftwich -- before I elevate them into the ranks of the elite. Their 15 points against Tennessee was a season-high, worst in the league for teams that aren't Arizona, Miami, or Buffalo. The Bills aren't even a fair comparison, because they've only played two games. I'll probably acknowledge the Jags as a top-five team if they beat Indianapolis next week, but I don't think it's going to happen. Jacksonville's opponents have combined for 28 points so far this year, and I think the Colts will be right around there by themselves. Leftwich and Fred Taylor will need to take advantage of the visitors' soft defense and outshoot them. Even the Patriots will step up and play serious offense when they get a gift like Tony Dungy's Indianapolis D.

11. Green Bay Packers [9] -- Defenses should play Brett Favre the same way they play Manning. Very carefully. But Favre and Manning are both prone to mistakes when they get behind and have a few bad series in a row. They get a little desperate and try to win the game by themselves. Both QBs are so enormously talented that they get frustrated by a lack of production, which would seem very normal to, say, Tommy Maddox or Kerry Collins. That frustration leads directly to turnovers. Neither quarterback panicked in Sunday's shootout, but that's the blueprint. Mike Tice, Steve Mariucci, and Jack Del Río -- take note.

12. Tennessee Titans [6] -- Backup QB Billy Volek played well last season, but this isn't the same team without Steve McNair. Chris Brown has stepped up to carry the offense while McNair has struggled this season, and he figures to do the same thing in San Diego if McNair can't play next week, but it feels like the Titans are waiting for something. I think that something is the old McNair. One big game from him could put this team back on track. Playing through an injury might do the trick. Jeff Fisher had better hope it does, because right now, Tennessee is reeling.

13. Dallas Cowboys [14] -- There's nothing uglier than a game decided by the officials. From the first score of the game to the last play, every big call went in the Cowboys' direction. Washington had 50% more first downs, 100 more yards, and won time of possession by more than 10 minutes. Dallas took advantage of Joe Bugel's weak offensive line and sacked Mark Brunell five times. The Cowboys are going to have a tough time protecting leads this year, because they don't have any running game. They're also vulnerable to opponents with more than one good wideout. Washington WR Laveranues Coles was kept under wraps on Monday night -- he's off to an awful start this season -- but Rod Gardner torched the Dallas defense to the tune of 10 catches, 167 yards, and 2 TDs. Good, but not great, is the story for Bill Parcells again this year. His team might sneak into the postseason in the weak NFC, but they're not contenders for anything meaningful.

14. Atlanta Falcons [15] -- Michael Vick got sacked four times and had three turnovers. He averaged more yards per rush than per pass. TE Alge Crumpler led the Falcons with 34 receiving yards. The defense did its job against Arizona, but everyone does; it's no cause for celebration. Atlanta is 3-0, but ranked behind the 1-2 Packers and Titans, and I expect that to be justified by the results of Week 4's games.

15. New Orleans Saints [16] -- Aaron Brooks and Joe Horn had predictably good games, while Aaron Stecker was effective filling in for injured RB Deuce McAllister, but the real stars weren't on offense. DE Charles Grant had three sacks and the defense limited Marshall Faulk to 44 rushing yards. More impressive than the defense or the offense, though, was kicker John Carney, who made five field goals in six tries, including a 52-yarder, a 53-yard shot, a game-tying kick at the end of regulation, and the winning field goal in overtime. Clutch.

16. Detroit Lions [12] -- If they hadn't gotten so far behind early in the game, I think Detroit might have stuck with the Eagles well into the second half. Which, I guess, is like saying that if the Germans hadn't taken Paris, France could have held out for most of World War II. Steve Mariucci has the makings of a very good passing offense, and with a healthy defensive backfield and a consistent running game, the Lions could play with just about anyone.

17. Cincinnati Bengals [17] -- Rudi Johnson's success running against the stout Baltimore defense is encouraging. So is T.J. Houshmandzadeh's production in place of the injured Peter Warrick. It appears that last week's no-offense affair against Miami was a fluke on both sides of the ball. Cincy's offense, despite the turnovers, is for real, and capable of putting together big plays. The defense, though, has allowed the two highest rushing totals of the 2004 season (196 to Curtis Martin in Week 1 and 186 to Lewis on Sunday). Playoff teams don't do that.

18. Pittsburgh Steelers [20] -- Turns out torrential rain is Bill Cowher weather. Pittsburgh has a long-standing reputation as a blue-collar town, and the team has always shared and embraced that image. Cowher must have been enormously satisfied with the nature of his team's victory in the remnants of Hurricane Jeanne. Duce Staley ran for 101 yards in 22 attempts. Verron Haynes, "the best mudder," added 34 on seven carries. The Dolphins had no such success, managing just 52 yards on the ground and less than two yards per carry. The weather kept scoring at a premium, but Pittsburgh dominated the game and rookie QB Ben Roethlisberger won his first game as a starter in the NFL.

19. Oakland Raiders [22] -- Late scores made their 30-20 victory over Tampa Bay look closer than it really was. With all the player movement between those two teams, we can't really call it the Gruden Bowl any more. Fine, I know everyone called it the Chucky Bowl, but there's too much Gruden hype as it is, and I prefer to stick to his real name. Between Gruden, Tim Brown, Charlie Garner, Warren Sapp, et al., it's easy to lose sight of Oakland's new head coach, Norv Turner. His team is 2-1 and could conceivably compete for a playoff spot this year. Give the man some credit.

20. Washington Redskins [21] -- I've always liked Mark Brunell, but his best days are clearly behind him now. He's got more mobility left than people give him credit for, but he seems reluctant to run. I know he's injured right now, but there's always the slide. That first scramble for positive yardage makes a defense take notice, and Washington had so much success with that playaction bootleg, Brunell could have had the Cowboys going nuts trying to figure out who to defend. More importantly, though, his throws aren't coming in on time. On Sunday we saw Peyton Manning hit his receivers in stride time after time, and they made it to the end zone five times. Brunell's a smart guy, and he can find the open man, but he can't get it there with the kind of timing Manning and Favre have, and the Washington receivers have almost no opportunity for yards after the catch. That's a killer. I think it's clear to everyone at this point that Joe Gibbs has no faith in Patrick Ramsey.

21. Chicago Bears [23] -- RB Thomas Jones and his Minnesota counterpart, Onterrio Smith, were the showcase of Chicago's Week 3 matchup, their third division game in a row to open the 2004 season. Jones had his second 100-yard rushing game in a row, totaling 181 yards from scrimmage and scoring a touchdown. Smith led all players with 198 scrimmage yards. The two RBs were fairly equal, but the Bears got Randy Moss riled up, and that's never a good idea. The Bears aren't a playoff team, but they're not trash, either. A brutal opening schedule concludes with next week's game against Philadelphia, and then Chicago has a nice run of winnable games.

22. New York Giants [29] -- This may seem low for a 2-1 team, but please save any complaints until after they play at Lambeau Field next week. I will concede that the defense is playing well, and of course, Tiki Barber remains one of the game's most dynamic running-receiving threats.

23. St. Louis Rams [18] -- There's no such thing as a good loss, and the Rams have dropped two in a row. Faulk is struggling, the defense is having trouble, the home winning streak is over, and they haven't beaten a team other than the Cardinals, who -- if you don't mind a spoiler -- are still last in the rankings. Not exactly a glowing recommendation for this year's Rams.

24. Buffalo Bills [27] -- I dislike raising teams three spots after a bye, but the Bucs, Chiefs, and 49ers left me with no choice. Have I mentioned that it's too early for byes? Maybe the offensive line learned to pass-block during their extra practice time. That would be worth three places right there.

25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [25] -- The Oakland game seemed to turn when Garner left. He wasn't doing much on the ground, but he gave the Bucs a dynamic running threat that the Oakland defense had to respect. His 31-yard jaunt on a screen pass was the only big play Tampa managed in the first half, and without Garner, Gruden and Brad Johnson simply didn't have anything to work with.

26. Houston Texans [31] -- I didn't see this game, and honestly, I'm not sure how the Texans won. They didn't lead for the first 57:44, but pulled it out at the end. I actually haven't seen Houston yet this season, but I have seen -- ugh -- the Giants, Bengals, and Buccaneers twice each. My impression of Houston is of a young but capable offense and a defense that still leaves a lot to be desired. Sunday's victory is something to build on.

27. Cleveland Browns [26] -- Jeff Garcia isn't off to the best start of his career, but only a cynic would say that has anything to do with no one else good being on his team.

28. Kansas City Chiefs [19] -- Priest Holmes and Tony Gonzalez are fine, but a team that relies on its offense needs actual wide receivers. The Ravens can get away with it -- not having any decent WRs, that is -- because they have a great defense and don't need to score 30 points every week. Remember that last year, KC won several early games by razor-thin margins, courtesy of Dante Hall's returning. This year, no one kicks to Hall with the game on the line.

29. San Francisco 49ers [24] -- They averaged 3.3 yards per play and turned the ball over four times. Until now, the Niners have maintained a respectable ranking despite their winless record. That respectability is contingent upon not getting shut out and losing by more than 30, with the score being every bit as bad as it appears.

30. San Diego Chargers [30] -- In today's NFL, a running back can't single-handedly carry his team's offense. Tomlinson is surrounded by guys who just aren't up to the task. It's not a coincidence that LT had 100 catches last year. San Diego doesn't have any wide receivers. This is the lowest-ranked team that has won a game in 2004.

31. Miami Dolphins [28] -- Tight end Randy McMichael once again led the Dolphins in receptions, receiving yards, and yards from scrimmage. The poor guy is having a breakout year, and his team can't win a game.

32. Arizona Cardinals [32] -- Hey, the defense is really good. The offense isn't. At all. I think Dennis Green probably regrets his decision to go with Josh McCown at QB. It's probably comforting to have Shaun King available on the sidelines, but King isn't exactly Steve Young waiting to take over if Joe Montana can't go.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 4:34 PM | Comments (1)

Point/Counterpoint: Is Vick Overrated?

Point: Vick is Overrated

Atlanta is 3-0 for only the third time in their 39-year history. I am positive everyone knows why. It's because of Mike Vick, of course. You see it everywhere. SportsCenter, ESPN the Magazine, Sports Illustrated, video game covers, ads on buses, water coolers, even on the Internet. Everywhere in the sports world, Mike Vick is hailed as the most exciting player in sports.

I realize he's done some cool things, like being the first African-American quarterback to be drafted No. 1 overall in the NFL draft. Then again, Kobe Bryant has done some cool things, too (and to those of you who think like that, I'm not talking about a girl in Colorado and now "some girl named Michelle in Virginia"), but that doesn't make him the best active basketball player.

The fact of the matter is that SportsFan Magazine brought me in for my no holds-barred opinion, and early on, I have delivered. I'm just going to tell it like it is; I'm not going to sugarcoat it for anyone. I finally realized why Mike Vick is such a big name. Here is my official theory.

I think what we've had here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that black quarterbacks do well. There is a little hope invested in Vick, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn't deserve. The defense carried his team.

This is something I have believed for quite a while; I don't mean it to hurt anybody. It's just an opinion. Or is it?

Let's look at some hard facts, since an argument is only good if it's backed up with something Pete Rose and I know best, "the truth."

Football's most exciting player beat the NFL's most boring and sub-par team, the Arizona Cardinals, by three points ... 6-3. One of the biggest offensive weapons in football was slightly more effective than DL Deion was on Sunday (Old man Sanders was out with an injury, but can you blame him, its tough playing five plays a game). Heck, the part about the defense carrying them is even what some guys on the team are saying.

"There's going to be games where the defense carries us," Falcons RB Warrick Dunn said. "They won this game."

Let's look at his individual performance. The most elusive player in sports history (who some say is more elusive than weapons of mass destruction in Iraq) was sacked five times by an Arizona defense that couldn't sack a bag of groceries. He even contributed in a solid two fumbles and an interception.

Vick also doesn't think about the team first. In USA Today's recap of the Arizona game, they have an interesting quote that backs me up on this.

"I was just thinking about getting the first down and getting out of bounds," Vick said.

Right there, in front of all of our eyes, all Vick cares about is himself and getting out of bounds before he gets hit. What a tough guy. He doesn't care about his family first, or his teammates, and he even doesn't care about the fans. And I did not take that quote out of context at all. For those readers who read my stuff on a consistent basis (a shout out to all the long-term readers, that means you D.J., Amanda, and ... well, that didn't take long), you know I am always 100% serious, just like I am now.

I'm sure if Vick reads this column; his response would be along the lines of:

"He said what he said. I'm sure he's not the only one that feels that way, but it's somewhat shocking to actually hear that on a national website. An apology would do no good because he obviously thought about it before he said it."

Sorry, Mike, but a fact is a fact. And just like Thad Matta, Pete Rose, and Bill Clinton, I always speak the truth.

Counterpoint: Mark is Racist

By: Mark "Don't Confuse Me With Jason Whitlock" Chalifoux

Mark Chalifoux is a racist because he thinks Mike Vick is overrated. You are racist if you don't like Mike Vick. You are racist if you did not cheer for the U.S. Men's Olympic Team. You are racist if you don't like Barry Bonds. You are racist if you dislike Terrell Owens. You are racist if you like the icing of the Oreo better than the cookie. You are racist if you like daytime better than nighttime. Everyone and everything is racist.

Conclusion

There you have it, two well thought-out and well-constructed arguments. So who is right? Like always, it's me.

Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 2:38 PM | Comments (0)

Yanks/Sox: "It's Like a Disagreement in a Family"

This time, the Olde Towne Team made an eighth-inning non-decision when there was plenty of time to overcome disaster actual, alleged, or pre-ordained.

When the Red Sox plowed Kevin (The Wallplower) Brown for four first-inning runs Sunday afternoon, beginning a performance that repeated their Saturday gig against the Evil Empire, with a difference of one run per team in the final score, you could almost hear an exhilarated Fenway Park preparing Terry Francona's special dispensation from the Roll of Infamy.

It was Francona who had a Grady Little moment Friday night, and with the same pitcher, yet. "History," said Yankee pitcher Mike Mussina after that game, "tends to repeat itself -- but usually not that quickly." The difference was that Little's did not reap immediate disaster, but Francona's did.

Last October, Little's faith in tiring Pedro Martinez let the Yankees tie the seventh game of the American League Championship Series, with extra innings and a would-be Red Sox pennant flying into the left field seats off the end of Aaron Boone's bat. Friday night, Francona's faith in tiring Pedro Martinez was rewarded with Hideki Matsui launching one into the right center field bullpen to tie and Ruben Sierra driving home Bernie Williams (who'd followed Matsui with a ground rule double) and Martinez out, before the Yankees added one in the ninth for the 6-4 win.

And the faithful in the Fens let Francona have it, but good. "If I run out there after two pitches ... it would make it look like I wasn't making a very good decision before the inning,'' he said after the game. "We put a lot of thought into what we're doing. I was disappointed it was a tie game instead of having a one-run lead, but two pitches into the inning he's still, in my opinion, he's okay."

Except that the Red Sox, in enough other people's opinion, were anything but okay. Not falling five and a half out in the American League East race, in spite of their certain enough wildcard lead; not letting the Yankees clinch at least a postseason berth. Not falling back to the place where Red Sox past tend to fall, as a rule of extraterrestrial precedent.

But not quite yet. Not with that 12-4 Saturday poleaxing, especially not with the five-all tie getting blown apart by way of a seven-run bottom of the eighth that only began when Manny Ramirez bombed an RBI double off the center field corner to break the tie. Jason Varitek had a two-bag job of his own to perform shortly enough, his ground rule double sending home Ramirez and Pokey Reese, and Doug Mirabelli saw and raised with a double off the Monster to send home Varitek and David Ortiz. Orlando Cabrera's sacrifice fly and Bill Mueller's RBI single finished that inning's romp, Keith Foulke finished his four-out save with a pinpoint perfect ninth, and the Red Sox had at least ensured that, if the AL East was the Yankees' to win or lose, they were going to have to clinch it elsewhere.

As if to punctuate that point ("Maybe you guys can rub it in their face and make them think about it," cracked Johnny Damon to reporters afterward), the Red Sox chose a magnificent time to remind the Yankees about what can happen if a fool and his temper are not soon enough parted. In Brown's case, what happened was the shortest day's work of his major league life.

Curt Schilling had dispatched the Yankees with murderous ease in the top of the first, but after Damon opened the bottom with a ground out to second, the Red Sox had no intention of letting Brown off that easily. Not with a sandwich of three doubles two worth RBI (Ramirez; Ortiz, driving in Bellhorn and Ramirez; Trot Nixon, driving home Ortiz) between two singles (Bellhorn and, driving home Nixon, Varitek) before Brown finally got a second out, swishing Cabrera, before Mueller's infield hit pushed the Wallplower out and Esteban Loaiza in.

Schilling zipped the Yankees in order again in the top of the second, and then the Red Sox treated Loaiza almost as rudely as they had manhandled Brown. This time, however, Damon went nowhere but to first base on a leadoff walk. Bellhorn pushed him to third with a single and Ramirez sent him home with a sacrifice fly. After Ortiz walked and Nixon pushed him and Bellhorn over with an infield out, Varitek provoked something seen as rarely as an open traffic lane on the Major Deegan Expressway in rush hour.

The Red Sox backstop bounced one up the lane toward Derek Jeter, and the Yankee shortstop nonpareil hopped up to snag it. That was good enough for an infield hit and Bellhorn coming home, but Ortiz had run on the pitch and rounded third as Jeter cocked to throw home, and the ball sailed enough to force Jorge Posada at the plate to leap valiantly, but futilely to spear it, Ortiz crossing the plate for a 7-0 Boston advantage. Loaiza got Cabrera to pop out to Alex Rodriguez to end the inning without further fallout. For awhile.

Kenny Lofton, grounding out to second in the Yankee third, served an elbow in the side to Red Sox first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz, who was anything but thrilled. ("There's 700 players in the league. For some reason, he's the only one I get elbowed by," said Mientkiewicz after the game, while Lofton for his part protested that he, Lofton, was only trying to get out of the way.) Lofton jawed a little, the Red Sox jawed a little more, and when Pedro Astacio relieved Schilling to start the top of the eighth, he made sure Lofton got anything but drilled, winging his second pitch of the sequence behind Lofton's head.

In the bottom of the inning, Yankee reliever Brad Halsey played Dave Roberts a little treble chin music, pouring benches and bullpens onto the field and getting both Halsey and Yankee boss Joe Torre heave-hoed, before the Red Sox finished what they started and pushed themselves to within three and a half of the Stripes.

Schilling, for his part, would have had himself a shutout had he not gotten just a little bit careless working the Yankee fourth. He got Jeter to line out to Mientkiewicz for his 10th straight out before handing passes to Rodriguez, Gary Sheffield, and Matsui. Then, Schilling regrouped and swished Williams. But Posada ripped one up the middle to send home Rodriguez and Sheffield. Schilling had no more hits to yield the Yankees, but he found himself blaming himself for Posada's RBI hit. "I should have caught that ball," he said matter of factly after the game.

The Red Sox, however, had two more runs to yield the Yankees in the eighth, after Astacio got ho-heaved for brushing back Roberts. Terry Adams relieved him and, after walking Lofton and inducing his force out at second by little-known Felix Escalona (who had spelled Jeter at shortstop for the Empire), served up just one pitch to Andy Phillips. And Phillips served it over the center field fence for his first major league mash.

Not that the Red Sox were worried, necessarily. They padded their advantage with one in the fifth, when Loaiza and Mueller wrestled to a full count before Mueller wrestled the next pitch into the right field bullpen. And they tacked up three more in the sixth, beginning the old fashioned way when Nixon singled home Roberts. After Varitek walked to push Loaiza out and Steve Karsay in for the Yankees, Karsay with a ball one count on Cabrera wild pitched Ortiz home, before Cabrera finally sent Nixon home with a sacrifice fly.

"It's a heated rivalry," said Roberts afterward, himself a veteran of another heated rivalry thanks to a few seasons in the fatigues of the Los Angeles Dodgers -- who spent Sunday pushing back their heated rivals in San Francisco again, taking a second of three on the weekend, 7-4, while the Giants' National League wildcard rival Chicago Cubs were dropping a second-straight 3-2 loss to the New York Mets. "There's respect between the teams," Roberts added, "but there's no love lost."

Torre sees it just a little bit differently. "It's like a disagreement in a family,'' he said after the game. "You address it, it's over with and you go on loving somebody."

Torre is, of course, one of baseball's noblemen. But the Red Sox? The Yankees? Loving somebody? Excuse me if I head for the nearest camel-through-the-needle's-eye contest first.

Posted by Jeff Kallman at 2:07 PM | Comments (0)

September 27, 2004

Winning is All McNabb Can Do

While Donavan McNabb and the Eagles are off to a great start, thanks to Rush Limbaugh, nothing will be settled in Philadelphia until a championship is brought to town. McNabb must win a Super Bowl in order to wipe the doubt slate clean.

Hell, if the country can squabble over what the presidential candidates were doing 30 years ago, I can certainly bring up an event from the past 12 months. It has been about that long since Rush Limbaugh brought forth the idea that all the hype behind Philadelphia quarterback Donavan McNabb was less believable than Donald Rumsfeld's statement that the U.S. could pull out of Iraq with less than peaceful conditions.

"I think what we've had here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well," Limbaugh said. "There is a little hope invested in McNabb." Donavan and the Eagles had a nine-game winning streak after those comments and reached the NFC championship last season. Let's hope Rummy doesn't fire up the insurgence like Limbaugh did McNabb. To suggest that Donavan McNabb was overrated was almost as strange as hearing Madonna say that being in Israel was as safe as being in New York City.

But we should lay off Rush Limbaugh, after all, he was probably so jacked up on Barney Dope or whatever it was he was illegally buying, he probably can't even remember getting to the studio that day.

To the non-pill popping public, it is clear that in McNabb's first five seasons, his skill level far exceeded that of any receiver he had who could catch the ball. Still, even without a top talent WR, the Eagles managed a success level that would leave Cardinal fans drooling.

This past offseason, Philadelphia ownership finally realized Donavan couldn't do it all by himself. To show just how much faith they had in McNabb, the Eagles obtained WR Terrell Owens. The move solidified the fact that Donavan McNabb is indeed "The Man" in Philly. Not only does Owens give McNabb the consistent target that he so sorely lacked, it also gives head coach Andy Reid a wide receiver who can stretch the field, allowing more aggressive offensive play-calling.

It is only three weeks into the season, but things have been going well for the 3-0 Eagles. McNabb has 8 TD passes, already matching half his total from a year ago, with no interceptions and passes to nine different receivers. Owens, who insisted he would be content even if he catches only a few balls a game as long as the Eagles are winning, is also off to a hot start with 18 catches for 254 yards and 5 TDs.

Thanks though to Rush's statements, McNabb has a lot more at stake than Owens. With the addition of a big-name talented receiver, the pressure vice squeezing McNabb has just turned from tightly fastened to Abu Ghraib prison interrogation. Baring injuries, McNabb has got to win a Super Bowl this year. Win and he has done what is expected of him. But if Donavan fails to win a championship in 2004, he will have another offseason haunted by Limbaugh-like statements.

Although Rush Limbaugh resigned from ESPN, his history with them will forever linger. The only thing that cures the hangover of doubt is winning.

Posted by Gary Geffen at 8:35 PM | Comments (1)

Bud Selig's Final Task of the Season

The final week of the 2004 Major League Baseball regular season is upon us and many questions will not be answered until its very end. The National League West, National League wildcard, and the American League West titles are still up for grabs.

The Los Angeles Dodgers and San Francisco Giants are battling it out for the division title and the Cubs or the Giants still battle for the National League wildcard with Houston still not out of it. The American League West favors the Oakland A's, with the Anaheim Angels and Texas Rangers holding on by a thread.

MLB has lived up to its billing in many ways this season. From its individual feats to team rivalries renewed and as contentious as ever, fans hope for the last minute suspense. It's just a part of baseball. From the first inning in April to the last inning of the last game of the 162, there will be some clubs this week that will continue to hope.

Baseball is meant to be played until the last out, and it is always never too late to get back in the game. However, procrastination is not supposed to be the motto for the Commissioner's office, which Bud Selig's office has given new meaning. In fact, the Commissioner's Office usually gets involved with weighty issues, most of which require expediency.

In the case of the Montreal Expos' relocation, Commissioner Bud Selig is not expected to announce any decision, which has been percolating for over two years now, until the last day of the season, which is October 3rd. He was to have done it a year ago. And now it has come down to the last hour of the last day of the season once again.

More upsetting about the Commissioner's anticipated announcement is that it most likely will land the Expos in Washington, D.C.'s RFK stadium, which is what was proposed last year as the most likely spot, but then put off.

But what has held up the decision was not necessarily finding the best location in the best interests of the Expos, but the negotiations between MLB and Baltimore Orioles owner, Peter Angelos, who has opposed the Washington, D.C. move ever since it came up over two years ago.

It took little imagination to come up with RFK stadium, which would only be used as a temporary home for the Expos anyway until a new stadium is built. There was a team called the Washington Senators, which played there in the '60s, but never took off. And if RFK is only to be used temporarily, then why not do so and then permanently move the club to Northern Virginia, where it would be farther from Baltimore and cater to a quickly growing population to fill a stadium? Northern Virginia is the only other locale still on the list for consideration.

But we are not talking logic here. What this whole debacle, in the way it has been handled by MLB, has come down to is what is best for the Commissioner and his friend, Peter Angelos. The fact that the Expos are collectively owned by the 29 other clubs and MLB is bad enough, but to placate Peter Angelos and keep players and the future of their organization in limbo for over two years is inexcusable.

MLB is supposed to be concerned about the integrity of the game. But making side deals with particular owners and compensating the Orioles' owner for the trouble the Expos would cause his club in terms of revenue comes close to impropriety. And if there is such a problem with drawing enough fans so that it will entail millions of dollars in compensation to an owner who himself is on the Relocation Committee, it is a proposal meant to fail. How about compensating the Expos in order for them to put a winning team on the field so people will show up?

The Montreal Expos were never to have been owned by MLB for over two years. The club has not been able to make any decisions concerning money matters since that time. And according to Gene Orza of the Players' Association, this too infringes upon the integrity of baseball.

But because the Commissioner's Office has once again dragged its heels, it has forced the Expos' players to play a third of their games the past two seasons in Puerto Rico. They have lost all of their veteran players because no free agents are willing to play for a team without direction, let alone without a stadium or revenues to compensate them. And additionally, the remaining players cannot even purchase their own permanent homes not knowing where they will live.

In sum, since the Montreal Expos have waited so long for a decent chance in getting back to be a contending ballclub, putting them in a vulnerable position to begin with is only setting them up for failure once again.

Additionally, Selig during this whole time has yet to take bids on ownership of the club. So what the Montreal Expos will ultimately wind up with on October 3rd, provided that date is met, is playing in a provisional stadium in a crowded market without ownership and a fledgling 2005 roster.

If someone can articulate that this is good executive decision-making and leadership on behalf of the Commissioner's office, then state your case.

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 7:05 PM | Comments (0)

Opportunity Knocks For West Virginia

For years and years, Miami was the bully in the Big East lunchroom.

Since the Bowl Championship Series came into existence six years ago, the 'Canes have earned the Big East's automatic bid to a BCS game four times. They've dominated the conference, losing only one league game since 1999 and winning the last three Big East championships. They won a national championship in 2001.

In essence, the 'Canes stole a lot of lunch money from their Big East brethren.

But Miami is no longer around. The 'Canes spearheaded the conference re-alignment effort and now -- along with fellow Big East defector Virginia Tech -- reside in the ACC where they can presumably take on somebody their own size.

The initial knee-jerk reaction from the remaining Big East members was outrage. Commissioner Mike Tranghese called it "the most disastrous blow to intercollegiate athletics in my lifetime."

Had the BCS decided to withdraw the automatic bid from a suddenly-weakened Big East, then Tranghese's overly dramatic pronouncement might have held some truth.

But the BCS didn't do that. Its leaders decided to hold a spot for the Big East champ, meaning the conference members still have a realistic shot at a national championship and, probably more importantly, the chance to reap the financial rewards that BCS-member conferences enjoy.

That outrage is now a "gee whiz, look what we have here" attitude. What the leftover Big East teams have is a legitimate shot at a BCS bowl game.

With Miami gone, they've got plenty of lunch money, and the West Virginia Mountaineers are at the front of the line.

Looked at the top-25 lately? Those Mountaineers are sittin' pretty at sixth in the AP poll and seventh in the coaches' poll.

If you're surprised, you're probably not alone. The Mountaineers have snuck up on a lot of people.

They finished last season with a 9-5 record, but won seven in a row at one point after starting the season 1-4. They came within an eyelash of upsetting Miami. They did upset Virginia Tech.

A 41-7 Gator Bowl loss to Maryland tempered the enthusiasm a bit, but a quick glance at the 2004 schedule allowed it to pick up steam again.

The Mountaineers opened the season with blowout wins over East Carolina and Central Florida, then passed their first big test by exacting revenge on Maryland with a 19-16 overtime win. Saturday, they topped James Madison 45-10.

With that schedule, maybe West Virginia shouldn't be considered a top-10 team. But wins are wins, and when you have a high preseason ranking, you won't lose it unless you lose.

The good news for the Mountaineers: it doesn't get much harder. Their toughest remaining game comes Oct. 2 against Virginia Tech. After that, they should be two-touchdown favorites in every game. Boston College and Pittsburgh represent potential stumbling blocks. But if the Mountaineers win every game they're supposed to, they'd finish the season with an 11-0 record.

If they're the only undefeated team left in December, then it stands to reason that despite the weak schedule, the Mountaineers could find themselves playing for a national championship come January 3.

It may seem a little ridiculous, but that's what you get when the bully heads out of town. Miami left the door wide open on its way out, and West Virginia has the chance to step right through it.

We shouldn't take anything away from the Mountaineers. They have talent. Running back Kay-Jay Harris posted 486 yards in the season's first three games. Quarterback Rasheed Marshall brings athleticism to the pocket and boasts a 57 percent completion percentage.

They have the coach. Rich Rodriguez, a highly-respected offensive mind and a former Mountaineer, returned to his alma mater in 2001. After a 3-8 season his first year, Rodriquez has orchestrated a swift rebuilding process.

And now, with West Virginia firmly in place as the marquee program in the new Big East, the process is reaching its apex.

Yes, the Mountaineers still have a lot of work to do. Even their easy schedule isn't a true cakewalk. And unforeseen speed bumps like injuries can rear their ugly heads.

But right now, it looks like West Virginia is the team to beat in the Big East. And if all goes as planned, they might be the team to beat on the national scene. They truly have their destiny in their own hands.

Put it this way. That lunch money -- it's not a few singles and a quarter or two.

It's a blank check.

Posted by William Geoghegan at 12:26 PM | Comments (0)

September 25, 2004

No Football, Ladies

I don't ever want to hear a woman doing play-by-play on a football broadcast again. They suck at it, and they ruin my whole day.

College football isn't a large part of my fanatic life, but I tuned into the Maryland/West Virginia game last weekend because Maryland is my alma mater ... and because I'd watch two turtles in a 50-yard dash if I had enough money on it.

When I turned on the game, the first voice I heard was the familiar cadence of an ex-quarterback -- in this instance, it was Mike Tomczak, who managed to somehow stay in the NFL from 1985-1999. (Then again, those last seven years were in Pittsburgh, a place that has embraced more mediocre quarterbacks than Heather Kozar.)

The second voice I heard was peculiar, and a little jarring, like when Scott Hamilton speaks during Olympic ice-skating. The voice was a little higher than what you'd expect to hear from the booth. It made no sense to me that ESPN would employ a football play-by-play man who sounded like a gelding ... unless it was an ex-kicker, and that would explain everything.

As the announcer continued, the voice sounded more and more like Joyce Hyser from "Just One of the Guys," a movie in which the actress lowers her vociferation a few octaves to try and pass herself as a dude. (She also stuffs socks down her pants to create a faux penis. Clearly, a cucumber wrapped in tin foil would have been the obvious choice ... or so I've been told.)

That got me thinking ... could this announcer be a she and not a he?

And sure enough, up comes the graphic: "Announcers: Pam Ward and Mike Tomczak."

As play continued, I really tried to give her a chance. But a few minutes later, I just turned the TV down and the radio up, delay-be-damned.

I understand Ward is a pioneer in sports broadcasting. She's paid her dues, working bad shifts on ESPNews, broadcasting obscure women's sports, and eventually working her way to a regular gig on ESPN's college football announcing crew. Although this was my first taste of Ward, many of you have probably heard her, and many of you probably like her. SportsFan Magazine's own The Sports Curmudgeon -- whose opinion on anything not named hockey I consider gospel -- is an admitted fan. (Although I imagine many of Ward's accolades come from people who underestimate her abilities as a broadcaster ... sort of like how "Punch Drunk Love" got great reviews because no one thought Sandler could act.)

But count me out. One and done. If I happen to flip on a game and Pam Ward is on the stick, I'll just keep on flipping...

Play-by-play on a football game needs a man, with a commanding voice. Period. Give me Pat Summerall or Al Michaels or Mike Patrick or Greg Gumbel. Give me someone with the pipes to match the barbarism I'm watching on the field. If I'm seeing a bloodthirsty linebacker destroying some puny little quarterback, the next voice I hear better not sound like Geena Davis.

As you can see, this isn't a "women don't know football" rant. They do. Some of them know it better than I could ever know it. Some of them play it better than I could ever play it. I'm sure if you sat myself and Pam Ward down, she could whip my ass in sports trivia or general football knowledge ... although I'm pretty sure I could beat her in thumb wrestling, because I illegally use my index finger when my opponent isn't looking. (Shhh ... don't tell her.)

To say women don't know football is just idiotic sexism. Remember when Andy Rooney stepped in it two years ago by claiming that those "damn women they have down on the sidelines who don't know what the hell they're talking about" are ruining football on television?

(Better yet: remember when CBS News' biggest headache was Andy Rooney's ignorance? Ah, those halcyon days before the Texas Air National Guard memo...)

No, this isn't about sexism; this is about gender roles. It's okay to have them. I don't want a man playing Lara Croft in the next Tomb Raider movie any more than I want Angelina Jolie playing James Bond. There's a reason No Doubt has sold 20 million albums more than Fishbone: we like our ska pop delivered by a hot Jean Harlow-looking blonde rather than a black guy with a mohawk.

Now, Jolie could be a great Bond. But James Bond is a dude. Case closed. Anything else is a distraction.

Pam Ward is a distraction.

She also undermines the action. Hearing Pam Ward, or any other female announcer, doing football takes away from the excitement. Because she sounds like a 12-year-old boy with a stuffy nose. And football deserves better than that ... even if it's college football.

This isn't a call for Pam Ward to be canned. She obviously has talent. But putting her on football is like giving me a job as a Hooters girl: competence can only get you so far when you're that ill-suited for the role.

This also isn't a call for Pam Ward to be sent to the sidelines to join the rest of the female football reporters, because that is a cruel fate I would only wish upon Jim Gray.

This is simply a call for common sense when it comes to casting on-air talent. This isn't community theater; there's no reason for a girl to play the boy parts or a boy to play the girl parts. It's okay that some jobs in life are just a better fit for one gender or the other. I mean, the Catholic Church has specified gender roles for years and you don't see any problems with its clergy, do you?

On second thought...

Again, this is no slight to Pam Ward. I'd like to hear her on baseball or basketball. And I've enjoyed female broadcasters doing hockey.

But football ... no dice.

There's a reason why I liked "Remember the Titans" better than "Wildcats"...

We Get Love and Hate Mail

First, some love for my column on "Nine Innings From Ground Zero," and the myth of the Yankees' influence on New Yorkers after 9/11:

Hi Greg,
All I have to say is ... Amen!! You are 100% on the mark. As a New Yorker, the Yankees winning the pennant (again) and making it to the World Series (again) wasn't a big deal. As a Mets fan I was rooting hard for anyone they played against. It's just a load of bull from HBO and MLB.
Good job!
Angela

It really wasn't a big deal. But let's not lay all the blame on HBO and MLB; the rest of the media crafted this fable around the Yankees during their playoff run in 2001. Imagine what would have happened if Rudy Giuliani was a Mets fan?

And now, a letter I forget to include last week about my now-infamous column about the possibility of terror attacks at the Summer Olympics:

Hi,

I read The Jester's Quart a lot, and I was offended in your "Gold Medal Mess" article before the Olympics. But seeing as how the games ran very smoothly, and Jacques Rogge even called them "One of the greatest of all time" in an interview your article bothers me no more since Athens shut up the critics.

I am writing to you though because you had no problem trashing Athens before the games, and after they stage a great Olympics, and prove you and almost the rest of the world wrong you say nothing, and act as if you never even wrote the article on Olympic Security. Oh speaking of security how about we count the number of terrorist attacks at the games. Ok ready ... ..GO ... ... ... ... .oh that's right there were none. I do not mean to trash you like you did Athens but would just appreciate it if you admitted you were wrong like almost every single media agency in the U.S, and in much of the world is. Thanks.

-- Peter Semitekolos

I received around 20 e-mails after "Gold Medal Mess," most of which were loosely connected strings of obscenities from disgruntled Athenians. Peter was one of the only ones to serve me a bitter pill after the Games were over.

If I were wrong, I'd admit it. But I wasn't. I'm thrilled there wasn't a terror attack in Athens. It shows that yes, they did have their act together when it came to security. (One billion euros should buy you something, right?)

But my column was about the inept ramp up to the Games. It was about the way Athens prepared for the games, with delays in construction, little time to test security measures and some appalling human rights violations committed in the name of safety. Those factors are a big reason why you saw more empty seats than spectators at many events.

Here's something else you might not have seen from Athens: bad news. While Olympic officials were crowing about safety, there was civil unrest on the last day of the Games. From Reuters:

Greek police hurled teargas at scores of anarchists harassing tourists in central Athens and the youths answered with fire bombs, damaging shops early on the last day of the Olympics.

Police said they detained more than 20 youths for questioning but no one was injured in the clashes in the Monastiraki tourist district, where thousands of Greek and foreign visitors have been celebrating every night during the Games.

"Police received complaints the youths were harassing tourists and damaging property," a police spokesman said, "When asked to disperse, the anarchists attacked the police with fire bombs and teargas was used."

He said several shops and banks had been seriously damaged.

Like I said, I'm glad the Athens Games went off without a hitch. But in the end, what will we remember? Judging controversies? Doping scandals? Over two million tickets left unsold because fans didn't have confidence Athens could actually pull it off?

But hey: Jacques Rogge called the Games "one of the greatest of all-time."

Wonder what he'll say about China?

As always, [email protected] with any love or hate.

And Now, a Word from NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman

"Yes ... it really is that small."

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 11:48 AM | Comments (2)

Lunchtime with Arnold Palmer

The four guys on the 17th tee at Olde Stonewall Golf Club are in enemy territory.

They're wearing Cleveland Browns golf shirts, here in Ellwood City, PA, a good dozen or so miles inside Steelers Country. Even though the Turnpike rivalry isn't what it used to be before Art Modell moved the Browns to Baltimore, it's still not advisable to be caught in western Pennsylvania wearing Browns insignia.

Fortunately for them, Arnold Palmer is on hand. Palmer turned 75-years-old this month, but he still knows his way around a golf course, with or without his clubs.

When Palmer, a western Pennsylvania native and Steelers' fan, jokes about not wanting to pose with the Browns foursome, one of them, straining to make a connection with a golf icon, reminds Palmer that former Steelers' coach Chuck Noll played for the Browns.

"He's history," says Palmer. "He's a nice guy, but he's history."

If there's anyone who knows about history, it's Arnold Palmer.

Palmer is golf's greatest legend, not because of his tour victories -- Jack Nicklaus had more -- or his major wins -- both Nicklaus and Woods are ahead of him on that list. It's because he single-handedly made golf a mass-market sport.

Willie Mays once said that, every time he opened his wallet, he sees Jackie Robinson's face on all the bills. Using that logic, Tiger Woods should see Arnold Palmer's face on every bank statement.

When Palmer was tearing up the PGA circuit, he took home about $400,000 in winnings during a three-year span from 1960 to 1962 in which he won the Masters twice, the British Open twice, and the U.S. Open once.

Admittedly, those were some pretty fair paydays in an era in which the average American earned less than $5,000 a year, but Stuart Appleby took home $1.06 million for winning the season-opening 2004 Mercedes Championship.

As golf's first mass-market superstar, Palmer set the stage for golf tour in which an Appleby can make twice as much in one weekend as Palmer himself did in one of the most dominant three-year stretches by any professional in golf history.

Part of the reason for that was Palmer's talent, which has been diminished by age -- even though he has shot his age 10 times. Part of the reason was Palmer's ability to connect with fans, which is as evident as ever.

On this particular day, Palmer is making his first trip ever to Olde Stonewall, regarded as one of the best public golf courses in the United States, for a charity golf outing, sponsored by an auto-parts retailer, to benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Association.

And even 40 years after his last major tournament victory, Arnie's Army is still meeting recruiting quotas. As with the Cleveland foursome, people who meet Palmer feel the need to make a connection with him.

As one golfer mentions a friend who is a member at a club in New York state where Palmer is an associate member, he smiles and sincerely chats with the guy about a third guy Palmer probably barely knows as if the two men have a mutual friend.

As I introduce myself to him, I mention that I grew up about 20 miles -- and 35 years -- from Palmer's hometown of Latrobe, PA.

"That's a good place to be from," he says.

Palmer isn't supposed to be golfing on this day, but one of his companions pulls a bag of Callaway clubs off the helicopter.

"I just brought these to horse around with," he said.

That's a little like Monet horsing around with a bundle of brushes and a pallet.

Palmer manages to be self-effacing, even with mock braggadocio. Standing at Olde Stonewall's driving range, he pulls out an oversized driver and cracks, "This range might not be long enough."

Forty years ago, it might not have been. He drills a couple of balls right down the middle just short of the range's deepest green.

"The West Penn amateurs are in trouble," said one observer, referring to an upcoming team event pitting regional amateurs and PGA pros, as the first of Palmer's driver shots rises toward the range's outer limits.

"Not from me they're not," quipped Palmer, as the ball dropped into a bunker in front of the range green.

A few minutes later, he's in a cart, doing what he Olde Stonewall for -- meeting and greeting golfers who paid a lot of money (greens fees at the course are $135 in-season) to benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Association.

In a variation on Rudyard Kipling's standard for manhood -- to walk with kings, yet never lose the common touch -- from the poem "If," Palmer appears to be as much at ease with a succession of auto parts store managers as he probably was with any of the nine U.S. Presidents, starting with Eisenhower, that he has golfed with.

"It's a combination of a lot of things," he says about his ability to connect with people. "Enjoying it, for one thing. It's something I've done all my life and I like being with people."

And even though Palmer is at a point in his life where he sees a lot more in his rear-view mirror than he does out his front windshield, people -- even those who weren't even born during his glory years -- still like being with him.

Eric Poole interviewed Arnold Palmer while on assignment for the Ellwood City Ledger.

Posted by Eric Poole at 10:38 AM | Comments (0)

What Do Hockey Fans Do Now?

We're in full-ledged lockout mode. If you're like me, your season ticket account is accruing interest while your home team jerseys are gathering dust in the closet. What is an obsessive hockey fan to do during these dire times? There's always voodoo doll rituals with mini-Gary Bettman and mini-Bob Goodenow (put those dolls in a shoebox, shake it around, and see if a mini-CBA pops out), daily praying to your deity of choice for the two sides to wise up and get around to finding a compromise, or watching World Cup games over and over on TiVo.

For those in a more productive-and sane-mood, there's still plenty of hockey to be found. Here are a few ways to keep your brain on ice while the CBA figures itself out.

Play some hockey. There's nothing better for getting out the frustration than fighting for the puck in a mad scramble by the crease. Whether it's on ice skates, rollerblades, or simply on foot, now is a great time to pick up some sticks and play with your buddies. For myself, my season tickets usually conflict with about a third of my league's games and practices. Without the NHL, I will definitely spend more time skating and shooting instead of sitting on my butt with an overpriced hot dog. Better health and a great way to spend time with your friends; can you ask for anything more?

Play some virtual hockey. The hockey video game market essentially comes down to two choices: Sega's ESPN NHL 2K5 or EA's NHL 2005. EA's leans more towards arcade-style play while Sega's strives for more of a simulation feel. Either way, you'll be able to pick from NHL teams, international teams, and historic teams in a full 82-game season or online versus human opponents.

Pretend to be a GM. A new entry into the market is the Eastside Hockey Manager, which skips all game play aspects and focuses strictly on GM simulation. Eastside features leagues from all over the world, ranging from the NHL to obscure European and UK teams. Eastside let's you play with the thinking side of hockey; draft, coach, set practice, and find out you're much smarter than Glen Sather all in one sitting!

Watch your other local teams. Fans near AHL, Junior, and NCAA teams should go out and support those that didn't make the NHL cut. While their millionaire counterparts are sitting at home counting their pennies, these guys are playing for pride and hope. If you don't live near one of these teams, it's likely that your local university has a club team or the local rink has a traveling mites/bantam team. Who knows, maybe you'll see a future NHL superstar (calling Sydney Crosby) at one of these games.

Do none of the above. You can join millions of sports fans and ignore the fact that the NHL lockout is happening. Unfortunately, most sports fans are doing this out of pure apathy towards the game, not as a gesture of disdain for greedy players and owners. And that's the NHL's biggest problem right now -- if they rebuild it, who will come? Gary Bettman claims that the NHL will return reinvigorated with new rules implemented to promote flow and offense in the game. Flow and offense were the things that brought the NHL to the peak of its popularity in the mid-1990s.

After the 1994 lockout, the NHL lost all of its momentum as boring, defensive hockey started to take over. Can the 2004 lockout be a turning point in the return of entertaining, up-tempo hockey? More importantly, will anyone care?

Posted by Mike Chen at 5:56 AM | Comments (2)

September 24, 2004

AL MVP Debate: Manny, Vlad, or Sheff?

Projecting the result of American League Most Valuable Player Award voting of the Baseball Writers' Association of America has become fool's task. Recent history proves this: in 2002, Alex Rodriguez hit .300, launched 57 home runs, and drove in 142 runs, yet finished second in the vote to Miguel Tejada who's far inferior statistics suggested that more was on the minds of this generation's BWAA members than just statistics. Tejada won the vote because the Oakland A's won their division, while Rodriguez's Rangers finished 22 games under .500.

But in 2003, Rodriguez garnered the honor despite decreased production from 2002. He had a lower batting average, 10 fewer home runs, and 24 fewer RBIs, and the Rangers finished just one game better than they did in 2002. Perhaps this was the Writers' way of rewarding Rodriguez with his first MVP award after years in which the Rangers' record prevented the league's best player -- as evidenced by his five Players Choice Outstanding Player in the American League Awards -- from winning baseball's most prestigious individual award.

Still, in 2004, summoning anything more than educated guesses in predicting this season's winner is impossible. Through some light detective work, however, we may be able to narrow the field.

Pitchers are usually not an option, and this season probably will not be an exception. Only once in the last 19 seasons has a pitcher won the AL MVP: Dennis Eckersley in 1992. That season, Eckersley recorded 51 saves, a 1.91 earned-run average, and a 7-1 record for the AL West-winning Oakland A's. Eckersley's numbers are similar to this season's top AL reliever, Mariano Rivera. Rivera is 4-2 with a 2.05 ERA and 50 saves for the AL East-leading Yankees.

But Eckersley also won the Cy Young award in 1992, something Rivera is unlikely to do thanks to Johan Santana. As detailed in this writer's last column, Santana enjoys a huge lead in the Cy Young award race, and since that column, he has not allowed an earned run and his Twins have clinched the AL Central. So if a pitcher is to buck the 11-year position player monopoly on the MVP award, it will likely be Santana. But 1999's MVP voting results cast doubt on Santana's chances. It was five years ago when Pedro Martinez was denied the MVP, despite amassing numbers even better than Santana's, including a 1.90 ERA in 241 innings.

Rodriguez's 2003 MVP also bucked a trend: the tendency to reward players on winning teams. Indeed, this season, only Ichiro Suzuki commands mention as a player on a losing team. Ichiro is on pace to break the single season record for hits while batting .370 and stealing 35 bases. Sure, Ichiro has become the best leadoff hitter in the game -- virtually defining the position, which is: "get on base" -- and has also played Gold Glove-quality defense, but Ichiro's below-average power numbers prevent his possible record-breaking season from distracting the BBWA from the hapless Mariners' record.

So who's left? Five: Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, Vladimir Guerrero, Alex Rodriguez, and Gary Sheffield. But Rodriguez struggled throughout the early part of the season, and has yet to break out of his slump with runners in scoring position (.243, and .167 with the bases loaded). Ortiz, meanwhile, is less of an option since he is a defensive liability in the field, and because his excellence has only manifested itself in the past two seasons. Generally, a player must produce for more than just one season to win the MVP. Even Ortiz has said that Manny Ramirez deserves the award, not him.

That leaves Ramirez, Guerrero, and Sheffield. All three players are the most feared bats in their lineups. All three have led their teams into a playoff race. And all three are right-handed outfielders that are devastating with bats in their hands.

In fact, one could argue that Ramirez, Guerrero, and Sheffield are the three best right-handed hitters in the game, with apologies to Albert Pujols and Alex Rodriguez. All three are career .300-plus hitters who average over 30 home runs and 100 RBI every year.

But in 2004, all three have been brilliant. Ramirez has anchored a Red Sox lineup that saw the loss of two key perennial mainstays, Nomar Garciaparra and Trot Nixon. His 41 home runs and .611 slugging percentage are tops in the American League, and he has also driven in 120 runs.

Guerrero has excelled as well on a team missing it's stars. Without sluggers Troy Glaus and Garrett Anderson for much of the season, Guerrero provided enough production to keep the Angels in the hunt for a postseason ticket. In addition to being a power threat at the plate (32 HRs, 114 RBI), Guerrero has managed to hit .328, steal 15 bases, and maintain the crown as the best arm in all of baseball.

Like Ramirez and Guerrero, Sheffield has anchored an offense lacking in star power. Well, that can be said for the Yankees, whose top hitters (Alex Rodriguez, Derek Jeter, Jason Giambi) struggled early in the season. Sheffield has persevered throughout, hitting 36 HRs and driving in 117.

A detailed look at the statistics:

Distinguishing the most valuable of the statistic lines above is an exercise in preference; that is, which is more valuable: power, or average? Clearly, Ramirez captures the power categories, and an argument can be made for Manny as having the most impressive stats of all of the above. But Guerrero has a significantly higher average than Ramirez and Sheffield, and also has a remarkable 188 hits.

Guerrero has also had the added challenge of carrying the greatest of expectations in his first season outside of baseball oblivion, Montreal. He came to Anaheim as the most sought-after free agent of the winter, expected to bolster a lineup that included Anderson, Glaus, Darin Erstad, and Jose Guillen. Instead, Anderson, Glaus, and Erstad all went down with injuries, leaving Vlad to shoulder the load almost entirely on his own. His statistics certainly suggest that he did just that, carrying the Angels to contention in both the AL West and Wild Card races.

However, even though Glaus, Anderson, and Erstad have all returned to the Angels lineup, they are dangerously close to being eliminated from both races. Without a playoff berth, Guerrero cannot be chosen over Ramirez or Sheffield.

So how to distinguish between Ramirez and Sheffield? Sheffield is considered the better fielder, but ask anyone close to the team in Boston and they'll tell you how Manny gets to the park extra early every day to work on his fielding. And his highlight-reel, home run-robbing, game-saving catch in Yankee Stadium last weekend certainly helped his cause. Neither player is a threat to run.

Clutch hitting doesn't distinguish the two, either. Sheffield hits .331 with runners in scoring position with 79 RBI, while Ramirez hits .324 with 78 RBI.

But at this point in the season, Sheffield does have an advantage. It stems from the massive expectations placed upon him that dwarf even what Vlad Guerrero faced in his first season in Anaheim. Sheffield was actually pursued by the Yankees in lieu of Guerrero, who most felt was the better player. But the Yankees brass believed Sheffield would deliver the offense they so desired. Sheffield has no doubt delivered, and while that feat is impressive in itself, add to that the fact that his predecessors have struggled in their opening campaigns in the Bronx.

It's true. Mike Mussina, Jason Giambi, Alex Rodriguez, and Roger Clemens: each player suffered through arguably their worst years as professionals in their first year in New York. Attribute that to whatever you may, the pressure, the atmosphere, no matter: struggles are struggles, and Sheffield has had no part of them. He has been the Yankees' instant gratification in a season which saw Alex Rodriguez hit .253 into May, Jason Giambi succumb to a bizarre string of injuries and illnesses, the beginning of the end for Bernie Williams, and Derek Jeter struggle to crack .200 by June 1.

Through it all, Sheffield has emerged as the team's most feared player, and has exhibited the consistency necessary to be the MVP, and he's done it all while maligned with a shoulder ailment. Oh, you didn't know that? While Jeter got his obligatory gobs of attention for playing through lacerations on his face after diving headlong into the box seats in Yankee Stadium, Sheffield has quietly been taking cortisone shots to numb the pain in his ailing shoulder. That's the sort of inspiration and leadership MVPs display.

Also, Sheffield has performed in September while the Red Sox chipped away at New York's lead in the AL East, which was seemingly insurmountable no more than a month ago. Ramirez, meanwhile, has hit just .252 since the All-Star Break and has hit just .236 in September.

Still, while Sheffield holds a slight lead in the race, at least as this writer sees it, there are no guarantees when the votes are cast. This weekend sees the final matchup between the Sox and Yankees; will the above hold if Ramirez provides late-inning heroics -- a lasting image of an MVP-type performance -- and the Red Sox overtake the Yankees in the East?

Posted by Vincent Musco at 11:08 AM | Comments (0)

September 23, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 3

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Arizona @ Atlanta

Last Sunday, Michael Vick rushed for over 100 yards for the third time in his career, leaving him one shy of the NFL record.

"Who holds that record?" Vick asks. "Randall Cunningham, [Donovan] McNabb, [Daunte] Culpepper?"

None of those guys, Mike. You'll never guess. In fact, I doubt you can even guess the race of the player that owns the record.

"What? He's not black?" an incredulous Vick asks.

No dude, he's as honked out as your Hummer is tricked out.

"I give up. Who is it?"

It's Billy Kilmer, fool. Here, check this picture out of Mr. Kilmer.

"Damn, he's fat!" Vick exclaims. How'd he ever rush for 100 yards, much less do it four times?"

I'll tell you how, Mike. If you could have seen Kilmer throw the ball, you would understand why he ran it. He wouldn't have known a spiral if it hit him in the face. Plus, he had happy feet.

So, Mike, it's a good week to tie that record. You're at home on the speed turf and you're playing the Cardinals, so it will be like you're a hurdler; there will be obstacles, but they won't be moving. Kilmer's record is safe for another week. Vick rushes for 65 yards and passes for 220 and two TDs. Falcons roll, 24-6.

Chicago @ Minnesota

Is the sky falling, or is Randy Moss exhibiting a little humility?

"Yeah, dog, I'm feeling a little humble-ified after Monday night in Philly. Maybe Terrell [Owens] did get the better of me. He had more yardage and a longer touchdown catch. That's why I'm pleased to announce that I'm commissioning a sculpture of T.O. to be created and displayed in Madame Tussaud's House Of Wack. Let's be serious, T.O. You can't touch me. Everybody knows your 45-yard touchdown catch was wack. You never had possession. I don't know why my dumbass coach didn't red flag that. He's wack, too. I don't know why the officials didn't see it in the first place. They must be blind and wack. That could've saved the game for us. More importantly, it could've given me a better stat line than you. But it's all good. When all is said and done, Mad Skillz will come out on top. They'll be making my sculpture out of granite. Peace!"

Come Sunday, Moss gets the rock 10 times, and finally scores on a touchdown longer than four yards. The Bears' Thomas Jones keeps Chicago in it, but in the end, Bears QB Rex Grossman blows it with a costly interception. Vikings, 21-17.

Houston @ Kansas City

After an 0-2 start, an optimistic Dick Vermeil insists that it's no time to panic, yet drastic measures are in order.

"Yeah," a ginning Vermeil says, "can I get a mulligan? Can we redo that Carolina game? We kind of duck-hooked that one. That left us in the heavy rough with a terrible lie."

Well, Dick, your best bet is to dig yourself out of the hole you've built for yourself by chipping out of the rough, then converting the up-and-down for your par. In football terms, that means outscoring the Texans to get your first win of the season, which puts you only one game out of first in the AFC West.

"When you say outscore," Vermeil asks, "are you insinuating that my defense can't stop anyone, and thusly, that my offense will have to score more to compensate for the defense's inadequacies?"

Yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying, but here's the condensed version: your defense sucks! And it's not like your offense is clicking on all eight cylinders. Actually, the only offensive player clicking is Priest Holmes, and he may not play because of a sprained ankle suffered in last Sunday's loss to the Panthers. So yeah, Dick, it is time to panic.

"Okay, then," cries Vermeil, "excuse me while I reach over her and press this button labeled 'PANIC.'''

Knowing the Chiefs need a win, Holmes fights through the pain and leads KC to a tough, 28-27 win.

New Orleans @ St. Louis

The big play in last week's 34-17 shellacking by Atlanta was Marc Bulger's fumble in the end zone which was recovered by Falcon lineman Brady Smith for a touchdown, a play that essentially sealed the Rams' doom. And also a play that Ram coach Mike Martz tried to challenge, even though the ball never hit the ground. So Mike, what exactly were you challenging?

"I'll tell you what I was challenging", Martz gruffly answers. "I was challenging Brady Smith's SAT scores from his senior year in high school. My sources tell me he had a ringer take the test for him. That should nullify his eligibility from college until the present. The fumble recovery should have been overturned. That's why I'm filing an official protest with the NFL. In fact, I'm dropping the letter in the mail box right now."

Martz drops his letter in the box, and surprisingly, out of the postal receptacle pops NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue, who slaps Martz in the face, then forces the letter down Martz's throat.

"Protest rejected!" yells Tagliabue.

Martz suffers utter shame, a bruised larynx, and the same type of embarrassment he feels every year after falling short to win a Super Bowl with such a talented group. His discomfort is eased by some Hall's Throat Lozenges, and the fact that he doesn't have to face Michael Vick. With Deuce McAllister injured, most of the offensive pressure falls on Saints' QB Aaron Brooks, pressure which Brooks cannot handle. That, along with the Rams' defense, forces Brooks into two interceptions. Marshall Faulk, Tory Holt, and Isaac Bruce each score a touchdown. Rams win, 29-17.

Pittsburgh @ Miami

Word around the campfire in the Miami locker room is that several of the veterans on defense want Jay Fiedler as the Dolphins' starting quarterback. Team captains Jason Taylor and Zack Thomas even go so far as to offer coach Dave Wannstedt an ultimatum.

"Look, Coach," says Taylor, "here's the dealio. Under no circumstances will we play if A.J. Feeley quarterbacks, nor will we play if you trade for Atlanta kicker Jay Feely. No Feeley's or Feely's. You have two options: start Fiedler, or get [Dan] Marino out of retirement."

"Hey, I'll go you one better," counters Wannstedt. "How about I cut the entire team and bring in the 1972 Dolphins? I won't have to worry about motivating those old men. The Patriots are approaching their consecutive-game winning streak. The '72 Dolphins are so obsessed with that record that they'll do anything to extend it. How do you like that?"

"That's cool," states Taylor. "We gone. Call us if you need us."

After one series against the Steelers, the old Dolphins are exhausted or dead. Wannstedt makes the call, and the 2004 Dolphins come to the rescue. Fiedler gets the start and throws two TD passes. The Miami defense makes Ben Roethlisberger's first start forgettable, as he throws two interceptions. Miami wins 20-6.

Green Bay @ Indianapolis

"One down, one to go," boasts Indianapolis quarterback Peyton Manning. "[Brett] Favre, you're next. Last week, I proved that [Steve] McNair is not in the same league as I. Well, actually, he is in the same league, the NFL, and come to think of it, he's also in the same conference and division. Anyway, check the stats, you'll see that I threw for more touchdowns, fewer interceptions, and, here's the kicker, I out-rushed Steve five yards to two. I more than doubled his rushing output! Steve, baby, it's time to do the right thing: return your half of the 2003 MVP Trophy to me. I've got the glue. As for you, Favre, I'll break your consecutive games played streak one day. Ha! I think I'll sing. Rocky Top, you'll always be, home sweet home to me. Good ol' Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Tennessee. Whooo! How 'bout them Vols?"

Has Peyton lost it?

No, that's just called youthful exuberance. Peyton's a man on the field, but really, he's still just a kid. He doesn't even shave. He's got nothing in common with Brett Favre except for a strong arm and touchdowns. Whereas Favre fishes and hunts, Manning still plays video games. Favre has a wife and kids; Manning dresses his G.I Joe's in football gear. Favre is addicted to Vicodin; Manning is addicted to Skittles. What does it all mean? Nothing, except two future Hall of Famer's head-to-head. Manning and the Colts prevail in this one. Manning throws two TDs to Favre's one, and the Colt signal-caller evens his career record against Favre to 1-1. Indy wins, 27-23.

On Monday, Peyton receives a horse's head in the mail, courtesy of McNair.

Tampa Bay @ Oakland

"You know, all I've heard this week," reports Raider coach Norv Turner, "is that this game matters to us because we want revenge on the Bucs for annihilating Raider Nation two years ago in the Super Bowl. I'm here to tell you that's not the case. I've met individually with each and every player, and, to the man, they all agree that our first order of business is to get Huggy Bear's son, Justin Fargas, some playing time. Let me clarify that statement. Every player except Rich Gannon. That geek's never even heard of Starsky And Hutch."

Oakland's Warren Sapp agrees.

"It didn't bother me at all that Tampa kicked Raider ass two years ago, especially since I was doing a lot of the kicking. As far as me and the Raiders are concerned, I think Coach Turner is right. We should dedicate this season to Huggy Bear. And why not? It's obvious we're not gonna make the playoffs. Jerry Rice's streak of consecutive receptions is over. What's left to play for, except the dead presidents, of course?"

"Dead Presidents!? Oh my God, President Bush has been shot!" screams a panicked Gannon, oblivious to street slang.

A quick bitch slap by Sapp settles Gannon, and Sapp explains to the naïve Gannon that "dead presidents is money, fool. Now, run along."

Gannon settles down by game time, and completes passes to 23 different Raiders on his way to a 250 yard passing day. Tampa quarterback Brad Johnson, on the other hand, has very few targets to throw to (running back Charlie Garner and the two or so wide outs left on the roster). With so little to work with, the Bucs can muster very little offense, and fall to the Raiders 20-7.

Gruden hears boo as he leaves the field, but, conveniently enough, just happens to be wearing his Super Bowl ring on his middle finger, and proudly displays it to the Raider faithful.

Baltimore @ Cincinnati

Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis welcomes his old homies, the Baltimore Ravens defense, to his new home, Cincinnati's Paul Brown Stadium.

"I pretty much made all those guys what they are today," Lewis opines. "Without me, they'd just be another run-of-the-mill defense, with no stars, no Super Bowls, and no skills."

You mean like your Bengals defense, Coach Marv.

When Raven linebacker Ray Lewis gets wind of Marvin's statements, he screams to his teammates, "This is our house! Nobody comes to our house and talks that kind of trash! Now, let's go out there and protect our turf."

After an uncomfortable, eight-second silence, Baltimore defensive back Chris McAllister musters the nerve and speaks for the entire group.

"Ah, Ray", McAllister cautiously says, "this ain't our house. We're in Cincinnati. You know, for three years now, you've been giving us the 'this is our house' speech. It didn't matter where we were, it was always 'Our House.' Now, I don't know if you're just stupid or lazy, but get with the times, man. Check your schedule, watch some CNN, I don't care, but get a new pep speech."

Well said, Chris.

The bottom line in this game is which quarterback makes fewer mistakes. Carson Palmer has been solid so far, but hasn't faced a defense like the Ravens. At least Palmer has a top-notch receiver to throw to, Chad Johnson. Baltimore's Kyle Boller looks like a nervous wreck every week, and has now lost his favorite target, Todd Heap, to an ankle injury. At least he can still hand the ball to Jamal Lewis, who has yet to bust loose this year, maybe because of worry caused by a looming drug conspiracy trial.

A Palmer bomb to Johnson provides the margin of victory in an otherwise defensive struggle. Bengals in an upset, 17-10.

Somewhere in Bethesda, Maryland, a guy named Kevin cackles maniacally.

Cleveland @ N.Y. Giants

Tom Coughlin enjoyed his first win as Giants' head coach by fining each of his players $100 for "excessive celebration". He did, however, give his players the option of paying the fine or making a tax-deductible donation to either of Coughlin's favorite charities, the Mt. Sinai Center For Anger Management or They Hate My Guts Anonymous. All this after the players presented Coughlin with the game ball after their win over the Redskins, an act which has to qualify as one of the most insincere gestures in NFL history.

Up next for the G-Men are the injury-plagued Browns, who lost tight end Kellen Winslow to a broken leg as well as defenders Courtney Brown and Gerard Warren.

"That's good news for me," Giants Kurt Warner says. "Maybe I won't have to even move in the pocket. As you know, I'm a little clumsy, and it's even tougher when I have to count my steps in my drops. Let's see, how many steps in a five-step drop? Oh, it hurts just to think about it."

Well, Mr. Brenda Warner, you will have time to throw the ball, and maybe after the game, you and your ass-kissing teammates can present Coach Coughlin with balloons and candy. Giants win, 26-14, but, even at 2-1, Coughlin is not happy.

"You'll see me smile when we've executed every play in a game to perfection," Coughlin snickers.

Jacksonville @ Tennessee

The good news for the Jaguars: first place in the AFC South and two AFC Conference wins. The bad news: only 20 points scored in two games.

"Hey, pal, the last I heard," an angry Jack Del Rio replies, "you win the game by scoring more than your opponent."

Yeah, Jack? And the last time I heard that same phrase was on the FOX Network's World's Most Overused and Meaningless Sports Cliches, hosted by James Brown.

But you are right, Jack, you do win the game by scoring more than your opponent. But if you have trouble outscoring some baseball teams, then you might be in trouble, especially against a pretty sturdy Titans team that always plays good defense, except against the Colts. Special teams will make the difference in this game; there will be a lot of punting and a lot of field goals. The experience of Gary Anderson and his single-bar face mask lead the Titans to victory. Anderson connects on three field goals while Jag rookie kicker Josh Scobee(Dobee Doo) misses a late fourth-quarter, game-tying field goal attempt. Tennessee wins 16-13.

Philadelphia @ Detroit

Isn't it nice to see that Michael Jackson still has a fan out there? That fan being Donovan McNabb, who celebrated a touchdown last Monday night with an end zone moonwalk and a vintage, M.J. leg kick. The moonwalk while wearing cleats on a football field: now that's talent, and McNabb still has his original nose.

How fitting, then, that the Eagles face the Lions in Detroit, home of Motown, where Michael made the moonwalk famous at the "Motown 25th Anniversary Special" back in 1983.

Early in the game, Terrell Owens complains to McNabb that he can't get open because of double-teams. McNabb calmly tells Owens to just "beat it." Owens shakes the double-team, and McNabb hits him for the score. The Eagles take an early 7-0 lead.

The Lions come right back as Joey Harrington connects with his favorite target, Roy Williams, for a 20-yard score. In keeping with the theme, Harrington wheels out a grand piano and tickles the ivories while he and Williams perform the duet, "Ebony and Ivory."

It's close all the way, but McNabb makes the decisive play in the fourth when he finds tight end L.J. Smith for a 11-yard TD pass that provides the Eagles with the winning margin. Philly moves to 3-0 with a 31-24 win.

Later, McNabb leads his teammates on a "Victory" tour.

San Diego @ Denver

After leaving Jacksonville last week with Denver omelet on their face, 7-6 losers to the Jags, the Broncos return home and welcome the Chargers to Invesco Field for a battle between two of the three teams tied for the AFC West lead.

"The Chargers are at .500?" asks a perturbed Mike Shanahan, fresh off a profanity-laden team meeting.

"We are?" replies a clueless Marty Schottenheimer.

Yes Marty, you are. You're 1-1, still in playoff contention, as is every team in the league. 1-1, Marty. That's pretty impressive considering your starting quarterback corps is Drew Brees, Doug Flutie, and Phillip Rivers (or is that a Sounds Of Nature CD in your fine collection?). Maybe you're not such a bad coach after all. Wait, yes you are. You should give LaDainian Tomlinson half your salary because he's the only reason you're still around. And why he heck did L.T. sign that contract extension? It's obvious the Chargers are going nowhere, now and in the future.

The forecast for the immediate future is the same: San Diego will go nowhere against Denver. Tomlinson will break a long run to get 100 yards, but Brees versus Champ Bailey and company? Advantage Broncos. Jake Plummer hits Rod Smith for a short touchdown and Quentin Griffin scores on a 15-yard run. Denver wins 30-14.

San Francisco @ Seattle

After Barry Bonds launched his 700th home run into the seats at SBC Park on September 17th, San Francisco fans wildly celebrated, something they haven't been able to do with this year's version of the 49ers. Ask any 'Frisco sports fan, and he, she, and/or he/she will tell you that more Bond's homers aren't the only things set to be jettisoned into McCovey Cove.

"Yeah, let's tie Dennis Erickson up, fit him with some concrete boots, and catapult him into the Bay," pleads 49er running back Kevan "My Parents Don't Know An 'A' From An 'I'" Barlow. "I'll even say 'Bon Voyage' and break a champagne bottle over his head."

Things are much better for Seahawks fans. Shaun Alexander's knee problem does not seem to be too serious, leaving Seattle supporters with a more pressing issue: what to do with Matt Hasselbeck's hair. Balding like a dog with Phase 10 mange, Hasselbeck still refuses to part with his little remaining hair.

"Look, man," explains Hasselbeck, "if I was a brother, I'd shave my head in a heartbeat. Have you seen what's under this helmet? My scalp is whiter thanan albino's tan lines. Besides, my wife kind of digs my above the ears sideburns. She tells me they'll be featured on Extreme Makeover: Goofy White Man Edition."

I'll check my local listings.

Alexander starts slowly, but scores a late TD to put the game out of reach. The strong Seahawk defense holds Barlow in check, and nearly cripples QB Ken Dorsey, he of the buggy-whip arms, with four sacks. Seattle wins, 24-14.

Dallas @ Washington

After two weeks of an unpredictable NFL season, it is apparent that only one thing is for sure: Vinnie Testeverde is unstoppable! In consecutive weeks, Vinnie has dropped over 300 yards passing on the Vikings and Browns, respectively.

On the other hand, Redskins quarterbacks will be lucky to break 300 over a three-game stretch. Patrick Ramsey is back in the starting rotation after Mark Brunell's injury.

"I hope it's different this time around," adds Ramsey. "How many times was I sacked last season? About 40? And hit about 180 other times. I'll be damned if I'm buying my offensive lineman any sort of time-keeping device until they prove that they can protect me."

Clinton Portis agrees.

"You damn right, the O-line needs to step it up," argues the ex-Bronco. Hey man, since we're in the nation's capital and your name is Clinton, who do you support for President?

"Well, it ain't that [John] Kerry guy," answers Portis.

So you endorse [George W.] Bush? "Endorse it? That ain't all I'll do to it! I'm voting for Nader!"

Vote for a loser, and, on Monday night, play for a loser.

The Cowboys defense stifles the 'Skin attack. Vinnie comes through again with 240 through the air and a TD. Terrence Newman grabs an interception to shut down the Washington air attack. Dallas wins 20-13.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 5:15 PM | Comments (1)

September 22, 2004

The Year of the Injury

What a crazy week in the NFL. Then again, you can say that pretty much any week the boys are on the field on Sunday. As it happens every year, though, the early part of the season is a time when a lot of players go down with various injuries. Rookies haven't adjusted to the speed of the league, some players are out of shape, and some just get lazy at the end of a play and come up lame.

Let's start with a 0-2 team that knows that if they go 0-3, they are in serious danger of missing the playoffs. In a division with Denver and Oakland, the Kansas City Chiefs' high-powered offense has been nothing more than Priest Holmes this season. This makes the news of Priest Holmes' high ankle sprain all that more upsetting to the Chiefs fans. The defense is laughable, at best, and Trent Green has as many quality receivers to throw to as I do. That puts the weight of the team purely on Holmes, and it looks like the weight tweaked his ankle.

On to Indianapolis, where Edgerrin James took the Colts on his back against the Titans last week, hitting holes like he did before his knee injury. News from the Colts camp is that he has a second-degree tear of his hamstring, which could be much more serious than fans are being let to believe. Whether James is a stellar back has never really been an issue in the Colts' high-powered offense. The Colts just need a passable back to make sure and keep a defense honest. Armed with backup Dominic Rhodes in the backfield, many defensive coordinators are going to force Peyton Manning to throw into double- and triple-coverage. And God knows that the man won't run the ball.

Next, the upstart Chicago Bears who shocked the world Sunday with a 21-10 win over Green Bay in Lambeau. As a life-long Bears fan, I was jumping through the roof when Mike Brown ripped the ball out of Ahman Green's hands and ran it all the way to the house. The Chicago sports fan in me also knew that for every good, there will be an equally horrific bad. With less than four minutes to go in the game and the win secured, Brown went down with a torn ACL and will be out for the rest of the season. That's what I get for cheering.

Everyone's favorite loudmouth, Cleveland's Kellen Winslow, Jr., might not be saying anything for a while. Especially if he loses out on $5.3 million dollars of incentive based bonus money because of a broken leg that will sideline Winslow for at least two months. Jeff Garcia needed a key target in the worst way this season; now the man is left with a receiving core that has caught a league-low 115.5 yards/game on the season. That's 10 yards off the next highest team, the offensive juggernaut that is the Jacksonville Jaguars.

The New Orleans Saints Deuce McAllister will miss over a month of football, and maybe more, after a nasty ankle sprain that tore some ligaments. The same ankle that McAllister hurt two years ago is giving him problems again. In an offense built around him, the Saints will have a tough time contending in the NFC South with Carolina and Atlanta. They barely got by the anemic Niners on Sunday. One thing is for sure, he will not be back to where he was before the injury two years ago, and he probably never will be.

Pittsburgh gets to see an early showing of their first-round draft pick, QB Ben Roethlisberger, after Tommy Maddox went down with torn ligaments in his right elbow. It matters very little, though. No matter who Bill Cowher puts on the field, it's going to be hard for them to perform in such an unstructured offense. The best part of the whole situation is that Roethlisberger is invincible. He can't be pulled.

The only other decent, and I'm using the term decent very loosely, quarterback on the Steelers roster is Charlie Batch. Batch is out getting his knee scoped and won't be back for a few weeks. The only other quarterback on the roster is second-year player Brian St. Pierre. Can you imagine the game Roethlisberger would have to have to play to be pulled for St. Pierre? It would have to be Kurt Warner-esque, only much worse.

My favorite injury list of the week is the receiving core of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. With Keenan McCardell holding out, and at this point, I wouldn't come back, the Buccaneers were definitely looking for a big receiver to step up. So of course, that's when three key receivers go down. Joey Galloway sustains a significant tear in his groin. Edell Shepherd breaks his foot and will be out for numerous weeks. Then, Joe Jurevicius hurts his back and won't be back until at least mid-October. So that leaves a wet behind the ears rookie out of LSU, Michael Clayton, on one side of the line, and Tim Brown lining up with his walker and bed nurse on the other.

I could go on for pages about some other key injuries. The Cardinals' Anquan Boldin. The Falcons' DeAngelo Hall. The Cowboys' Julius Jones. The list goes on and on. I can't remember a season where so many big injuries happened so early. For some teams, an injury to one player is the difference between an 11-5 season and an 8-8 season. People underestimate the importance of the individual in such a team oriented sport. I hear all the time that it's the system that makes a team, or that one player isn't that big of a difference.

The biggest example for my case is last year when Michael Vick went down in the preseason. With Vick at the helm this season, the team is already 2-0 and poised to make the playoffs. Last season with basically the same team, but minus Vick, it looked like some good middle-school Bantam teams could get over on them. There really is no way to prevent a season-shattering injury like the one that happened to Vick.

But many of these injuries that have happened in recent weeks happened on poor tackles, terrible cuts, and all-around sloppy play. The only thing for a fan to do is hope their team can make it a couple more weeks without a team-shattering injury. By then, many of these players will finally be in game-shape and in better football shape.

As for me, I blame the injuries on a faceless entity. Way to go month-long preseason, for making these players soft after training camp!

Posted by Cory Danner at 5:50 PM | Comments (0)

Howe Atrocious: The Fall of the Mets

In 2002, the Mets tried to "catch-up" with the boys from the Bronx by bringing in big-name, high-priced talent, in an effort to derail the steamroller that is the Atlanta Braves. The Mets had finally begun to steal the back page of the New York tabloids, which is almost as important as winning the World Series. Hope began to flourish heading into spring training, as Mike Piazza finally had the talent surrounding him to make a run at the National League pennant, and more.

The problem is the all-star team put together was good enough to win on paper, or on "MLB 2003" for your video game console, but not on the field.

Then General Manager Steve Phillips did his best Brian Cashman impersonation in acquiring perennial all-star second baseman Roberto Alomar. In 2001, Alomar had an MVP season with the Cleveland Indians, batting .336, with 20 home runs and 100 runs batted in. Former Met reject Roger Cedeno headed back to Shea to be the speed on the base paths the Mets sorely lacked. Roger managed to swipe 55 bags in 2001 with Detroit. Jeromy Burnitz was the man designated to carry the big stick, coming off a 34 home run/100 RBI season in Milwaukee. Lest we forget big bad Mo Vaughn. I would supply you with his numbers from 2001, but there aren't any to report.

The buzz surrounding Shea Stadium was more deafening than the ringing in your ears after a Motorhead concert. Unfortunately, the feeling after the 2002 season left the same stomach pain after an all-night bender with Lemmy. The Mets finished the season 75-86, 26½ games behind the Atlanta Braves. As impressive as the stats were for the afore mentioned stars just a mere season ago, apparently their bizzaro persona stepped in and played the season for them.

Alomar finished the year with a .266 average, 11 home runs, and only 53 RBIs. Cedeno's stolen base total plunged to 25, while managing to bat only .260. Jeromy Burnitz did club 19 home runs, but he struck out a rather gaudy 135 times, while batting .215. Finally, Mo Vaughn played in 139 games, and struck out 145 times. The numbers could go on and on, but for a team that some projected to be the team to beat in the National League, something went terribly askew.

There's always next year, right? 2003 would be the year that Bobby Valentine would be given the pink slip, giving way to the anti-Valentine, Art Howe. Howe was coming off of back-to-back playoff runs with the "Moneyball" Oakland A's, and a four-year, $9 million dollar contract was certainly enticing enough to leave the Bay Area. The Mets managed to bring in left-hander Tom Glavine, and the pieces were still in place to take down the Braves.

A new season, a new attitude, maybe 2002 was just an aberration. That was certainly true in one aspect, the Mets really were not as bad as they were in 2002, they were worse. They finished the season 66-95, and reclaimed their spot in the basement of the National League East. By midseason, GM Steve Phillips was gone. Alomar and Burnitz would soon follow, and Operation Payroll Slash was underway.

Mike Piazza missed most of the year with a torn groin muscle, and Mo Vaughn's days of rallying up to any all-you-can-eat buffet that would admit him finally caught up. You can find Vaughn doing most of his rehabilitation work these days at a very popular gentleman's club in the city that never sleeps.

Determined to change the face of a franchise marred in disillusion, new GM Jim Duquette brought in center fielder Mike Cameron, and prized shortstop Kaz Matsui to sure up a defense that resembled a turnstile at your local movie theater. The team decided that it would be best to shift Mike Piazza from catcher to first base, in an effort to prolong his career, as well as to get the most out of his bat.

The difference heading into the 2004 season was no one expected great things from the Mets. Their once decimated farm system was now replenished, their defense looked much improved on paper, and their veteran arms could at least make this bunch a factor down the stretch.

The Mets were only a mere game out of first place two days removed from the All-Star Break. They acquired pitchers Kris Benson and Victor Zambrano at the trading deadline, shocking the baseball world. The Mets are now just two games out of last place, Zambrano is on the disabled list, and Benson seems more inclined to skip town then to wallow in the flood engulfing Shea Stadium.

Art Howe is the latest head to roll, with his termination scheduled for October 4th. Howe may not be the entire problem plaguing the blue and orange, but he is certainly not apart of the solution. Injuries, squandered talent, as well as squandered finances have buried this team into a hole they will not climb out of in the near future.

The Mets' blatant refusal to stop competing with the Yankees has hindered their progress as a club for the last three years, and it will undoubtedly continue for years to come. The rallying cry for the Mets has always been "ya gotta believe" -- well, believe this: the only smile gracing the face of a Met fan belongs to Mr. Met, and even he wants to go to the Bronx.

Posted by Daniel Collins at 3:06 PM | Comments (0)

September 21, 2004

NFL Week 2 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Three of the league's best coaches suffered losses in Week 1, and all of their teams bounced back on Sunday. I'm thinking of Bill Parcells (Cowboys), Brian Billick (Ravens), and John Fox (Panthers).

* "I don't understand why nobody in this country can pronounce my name. It's not that hard. Housh-mand-za-deh. Houshmandzadeh." Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.

* I have no idea -- none at all -- why Sean Salisbury still has a job.

* Over the last six months, no company's advertising has been more annoying than that beer company from Wisconsin. I won't promote their brand by mentioning its name, but let's just say I stick to Bud Light.

* The FOX pregame show is very good, but on Sunday, Terry Bradshaw said something totally untenable, calling Ken Stabler the only great left-handed QB. Maybe because Steve Young works for the competition.

There are times when it seems like the term "comedy of errors" must have been invented because of a football game. The term could be applied to Washington's seven-turnover debacle against the Giants, or it could refer to the end of the Browns game in Dallas, when the teams combined for four consecutive drives ending in interceptions. But most of all, it applies to Sunday night's Bengals/Dolphins matchup.

Both defenses played well, but they had a lot of help from the offenses. The only touchdowns came on an interception return and a pass tipped by a defender directly into the arms of a WR at the back of the end zone. The Dolphins rushed 20 times for 25 yards. Both teams punted 10 times. Eight drives lost yardage, including six in the second half.

Early in the fourth quarter, the Dolphin defense keyed on stopping the run, since forcing the Bengals to throw would stop the clock and perhaps lead to an interception, but it didn't work, because Cincinnati had no incentive to throw. As long as they didn't lose yardage, they knew Miami's offense couldn't drive down the field and score. All the Bengals had to do was run the clock and give their defense a rest.

Moving on to the power rankings, brackets indicate last week's rank.

1. Philadelphia Eagles [6] -- When he wears his new glasses, Andy Reid closely resembles Seattle coach Mike Holmgren. The Eagles have won their games by a combined 25 points, highest in the league, and the teams they have beaten are both 1-1. Philadelphia made it look effortless Monday night, on both sides of the ball. Halfway through the third quarter, it was apparent that the Eagles were in control of the game. The touchdown "caught" by Terrell Owens most certainly was not an actual reception, but Philly would have won without it. Darwin Walker is the underappreciated stud on the defense.

2. New England Patriots [2] -- Tom Brady had an ugly game, completing barely half of his passes and committing three turnovers. Corey Dillon rescued the offense, and the defense took care of the rest. Rodney Harrison and company held Emmitt Smith to 31 yards and a 2.4 average per carry. Arizona QB Josh McCown was sacked five times and intercepted twice. If the Pats can play that kind of defense every week, they'll be fine this season.

3. Seattle Seahawks [3] -- Clinton Portis, who plays for the team from the other Washington, ran for 148 yards against Tampa Bay in Week 1, so it's a bit alarming that Seattle's star RB, Shaun Alexander, only managed 45 yards and a 2.6 average against the Bucs on Sunday. A more convincing win probably would have vaulted Seattle into the top position in the Rankings. If Alexander is healthy for the rest of the season, Seattle should coast to a division title.

4. Indianapolis Colts [5] -- It's not surprising that the offense bounced back after a tough opener at New England, and Colts fans have to be pleased, especially with Edgerrin James playing like he did in 1999 and 2000. What's disappointing is that the Indianapolis defense had trouble stopping Chris Brown, and offense alone won't get you to the Super Bowl. They're allowing 5.8 yards per rush.

5. Denver Broncos [1] -- The Broncos looked like world-beaters in their opener. This week, that win over the sinking Chiefs looks much less impressive. The Broncos didn't score a touchdown and lost to a Jaguars team that barely won its opener against a mediocre Buffalo squad. The good news is that Denver had twice as many yards and first downs as Jacksonville; the defense held the Jags to seven points and a 10% third-down conversion rate. The bad news is that they still managed to lose. Denver should rebound next week when the Chargers travel to Mile High.

6. Tennessee Titans [4] -- Are the real Titans the ones who dominated Miami in Week 1, or the ones who lost at home to the Colts? My cop-out answer is that I think they're somewhere in between. If Nick Harper doesn't steal Derrick Mason's TD catch from out of his hands, Tennessee might have squeaked past the Colts. Brown's production in place of Eddie George is certainly encouraging, and the defense probably won't allow 31 points to teams who aren't Indianapolis. The consensus among people who actually saw the game (my evil CBS affiliate thought I might prefer Baltimore/Pittsburgh) is that the Colts were simply the better team.

7. Minnesota Vikings [7] -- Jim Johnson's defensive schemes kept the Vikings one-dimensional all night. They gave up on the run early in the game and Philadelphia's defense kept Daunte Culpepper on the move. Even though Culpepper usually avoided the sack, and scrambled several times for positive yardage, the pressure kept Minnesota's offense out of any kind of rhythm. Nate Burleson made some nice plays at wide receiver, and the defense has to play better.

8. New York Jets [10] -- Chad Pennington is 42-of-56 passing (75%) for 482 yards (8.6 yds/att) with 4 TDs and no interceptions. Curtis Martin has a league-high 315 rushing yards. It wouldn't be at all unreasonable to have the Jets higher than this. The teams they've beaten, Cincinnati and San Diego, have both won their other games. If New York can beat archrival Miami on the road next week -- which seems likely -- they could be undefeated going into a Week 7 matchup in New England that could determine the winner of the AFC East. The defense, though, allowed over 20 points to both Cincy and San Diego, which is cause for concern.

9. Green Bay Packers [8] -- When I break down upsets I didn't see, the first thing I do is check the team statistics. Did the favorite really get outplayed, or did they lose on freak plays, untimely turnovers, and bad luck? The statistics don't show Chicago outplaying Green Bay. The Packers won time of possession, had more first downs -- they converted fully half of their third downs -- and outgained the Bears by nearly 100 yards. Call it the Mike Brown factor. Green Bay had no turnovers in Week 1, and with Brett Favre and Ahman Green supplying the offense, that won't happen often. The Packers will be erratic all season; you'll probably see another game like their great opener at Carolina, but there will also be more head-scratchers like the loss against Chicago.

10. Carolina Panthers [11] -- DeShaun Foster can fill in for Stephen Davis and the Panthers won't miss a beat, but against better defenses than KC's, Carolina will really miss Steve Smith. On the other side of the ball, the Panthers contained Dick Vermeil's offense, which is encouraging after they struggled against Green Bay. Carolina has an important divisional matchup against 2-0 Atlanta next week.

11. Baltimore Ravens [13] -- Shutting down the Pittsburgh offense isn't a great challenge, but we'll get a real feel for Baltimore's defense when they face Kansas City in Week 4. Jamal Lewis continues to struggle, and unless Baltimore's offense improves radically -- and Todd Heap's injury is likely to have the opposite effect -- the Ravens will only win one of their next two games (at Cincinnati and at home against the Chiefs). The Cincy contest could be as ugly as the no-offense affair on Sunday night, while Kansas City's offense is explosive enough that they're bound to put up points, so Baltimore will be forced to actually produce some offense to win the game.

12. Detroit Lions [19] -- Rookie WR Roy Williams is paying early dividends, with a spectacular catch at Chicago last week and two TD receptions against Houston on Sunday. Special teams continues to be Detroit's meal ticket, though. Returner Eddie Drummond took a kickoff 99 yards for the Lions' third touchdown. Good teams find a way to win. The Lions aren't Super Bowl material, but they are playoff contenders, and right now they lead the NFC North.

13. Jacksonville Jaguars [23] -- Sometimes one big play is all it takes. Two weeks in a row, Jacksonville has been outplayed, and two weeks in a row, they've won anyway. It's reminiscent of the 2001 Bears and last year's Panthers, but I don't think the Jaguars will have any home games in January. Their schedule over the next month is brutal, and I don't think Jack Del Río's crew will be undefeated for long. Del Río doesn't seem to trust Byron Leftwich, and his team will need to average more than 10 points per game to compete with division foes Indianapolis and Tennessee.

14. Dallas Cowboys [16] -- At the beginning of the fourth quarter, the patron of interceptions smiled on this game. With 14:25 remaining, the Browns kicked off and a string of four consecutive drives with interceptions began. With 3:50 remaining, a drive finally ended with something other than an INT. Vinny Testaverde was picked off on three consecutive drives, including one that occurred in the third quarter and wasn't part of the other streak.

15. Atlanta Falcons [18] -- When NFL Primetime showed highlights of the Falcons/Rams game, I didn't see a single pass by Michael Vick. He's a terrific runner, and he clearly put St. Louis very off-balance, but if he takes off like that every game, he won't last the season. Vick is explosive, and he's a great talent, but I'd love to see him do more throwing the football. Oh, I know the stats show a pretty decent game throwing, too, but Atlanta should be using passes to setup Vick's occasional scrambling, rather than the other way around. You want your running back to rush for 100 yards in a game, not your QB. This is the lowest-ranked 2-0 team. I can't promise a big jump if the Falcons beat Arizona at home next week, but if they're 4-0 after they face Carolina in Week 4, they'll be top-10.

16. New Orleans Saints [20] -- Deuce McAllister left the game with an injury, and QB Aaron Brooks responded with one of the best performances of his career. McAllister's injury reportedly will keep him out of the lineup for at least a month, which puts a serious dent in the Saints' playoff hopes. For now, they rise four spots on the win, but if the offense drops off noticeably next week in St. Louis, the rankings will reflect that.

17. Cincinnati Bengals [17] -- Late in the game, Pat Summerall just about had a hernia because he got so excited about the prospect of an onside kick. Joe Theismann and Paul Maguire quite rightly told him that would be nuts. When the other team goes three-and-out every time, you kick it deep and wait for them to punt. Summerall isn't annoying in the same way other announcers are, but he struggles through sentences, gets names wrong (even the easy ones; did you catch "Lamar Brightful" and "Peter Warwick"?) -- and is just fundamentally a little out of it. Something I like about this crew as opposed to the MNF team is that they stayed focused on the game even when it was a little dull. Theismann and Maguire even seemed to feed on the futility and offensive misery.

18. St. Louis Rams [14] -- There are all sorts of things I could write about their loss to Atlanta, but what it comes down to is that Michael Vick ate the Rams' defense alive. It doesn't help that St. Louis couldn't get a running game going. They've got an interesting home matchup against New Orleans next week.

19. Kansas City Chiefs [9] -- Every year, at least one team inexplicably sinks far below expectations and previous achievement, and I think this year that team is the Kansas City Chiefs. Carolina's DeShaun Foster ran for even more yards against KC than Quentin Griffin did in Week 1, and the Chiefs lost by more points (11) at home against the Panthers than they did at Denver in their opener (10). Kansas City is still my highest-ranked 0-2 team, well ahead of the 49ers (24th).

20. Pittsburgh Steelers [12] -- Ben Roethlisberger is being thrown to the fire earlier than anyone expected, but having Hines Ward to throw to should ease his transition from Miami of Ohio to the NFL. The 30-13 final might lead you to think that Pittsburgh's defense played poorly, but the truth is that the majority of the burden falls on an offense that coughed the ball up three times and didn't move the ball much until the fourth quarter.

21. Washington Redskins [15] -- Mark Brunell's injury changes the way the offense works, but it also gives Washington a little more explosiveness with the ball. No matter how much Patrick Ramsey's inconsistency concerns him, Joe Gibbs is smart enough to know that he can't succeed -- especially against Bill Parcells -- with a one-dimensional, run-based attack. People remember Gibbs pounding teams with John Riggins in the playoffs, but they forget Charlie Brown, Art Monk, Gary Clark, and Ricky Sanders consistently putting up numbers under Gibbs. He succeeded with a balanced offense. Patrick Ramsey may not be able to channel Joe Theismann, but he should team with Laveranues Coles and Rod Gardner to create at least a fair approximation of Mark Rypien.

22. Oakland Raiders [22] -- The pass rush is there; the offensive rush isn't. Rich Gannon is used to that, and Norv Turner can make it work, but some degree of balance is necessary. The Raiders have no threat out of the backfield.

23. Chicago Bears [29] -- Ahman Green's goal-line fumble gave them a 14-point swing and an 11-point victory. Thomas Jones had a terrific game against a Green Bay defense that stifled the Panthers in Week 1, but Chicago will need to get something from the passing game to have a chance next week in Minnesota.

24. San Francisco 49ers [24] -- I wonder if the Niners are this year's version of the '01 Lions or '03 Jags, who lose most of their games, but by small margins. Teams like this fool some people into thinking they're not that bad because they're in every game, despite that they always lose. They fool other people into thinking they're truly awful, because they never win. Since San Francisco has moved up three places in the rankings since losing their first two games to open the season, I clearly fall into the first group.

25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [21] -- The defense had an awfully nice game, shutting down Alexander and sacking Matt Hasselbeck four times. When you hold an opponent to 10 points, you expect to win the game. The problem is the offense. In two games against good-but-not-great defenses, the offense still hasn't managed a touchdown. Charlie Garner finally came alive this week, but they'll need some kind of passing game to be competitive.

26. Cleveland Browns [27] -- It's nice to see that Jim Nantz has replaced Greg Gumbel in the booth. Unfortunately, Gumbel still covers football for CBS -- again, I can't imagine why -- but at least he isn't working directly with Phil Simms. Gumbel and Simms clearly did not like each other, and there was much less tension with Nantz covering the game and Gumbel in the studio.

27. Buffalo Bills [25] -- Mike Mularkey's problem, obviously, is that he doesn't read my column. He should insert some special "throwing the ball away" drills for Drew Bledsoe, and "how to pass-block" drills for the offensive line.

28. Miami Dolphins [26] -- I think it was obvious to viewers on Sunday night that Dave Wannstedt was trying to kill his running back, Lamar Gordon. The third-year RB had 27 touches, and I think he got hit at full speed on every one. Randy McMichael had another terrific game. With 8:23 left in the first quarter, he saved an interception. Late in the first-half, he made a big first down and a block that saved a sack. McMichael had Miami's two longest plays from scrimmage (37 yards in the second quarter and 29 yards in the fourth) and made three of their five second-half first downs. Football is a team sport, and no one can win a game by himself, but McMichael gets an "A" for effort.

29. New York Giants [31] -- When you finish +6 in turnovers, you should win by three touchdowns, not six points. They have a lot of work to do, especially on offense.

30. San Diego Chargers [28] -- Doug Flutie has got to be the easiest guy in the league to root for. LaDainian Tomlinson is close behind.

31. Houston Texans [30] -- The offense continues to move the ball, but the defense is getting torn up. 0-2 is a very disappointing start for a team that had expected to show real improvement this season. A Week 3 matchup at Kansas City, against a team on the ropes, probably isn't the best way to bounce back.

32. Arizona Cardinals [32] -- I guess they've got a ball-hawking defense, as proven by consecutive games in which it snagged three turnovers. That's about the only good thing to say about the Cardinals, though.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 5:33 PM | Comments (1)

Hazing Leaves Freshman "Beat Down"

Everyone remembers their first year of high school. Most people were shy and slightly intimidated, and just trying to find somewhere to fit in. Garrett Watterson was, in many ways, just like any other 14-year-old boy. He was a freshman at Sandwich High School (which is not the Subway equivalent of McDonald's Hamburger University in Illinois) and was on the frosh football team.

High school can be a hard adjustment for some kids. There is one thing that made things a little harder for Garrett than for everyone else, he was legally blind in one eye. This prevented him from playing most other sports. He wouldn't be able to be a hoops standout or a star pitcher for the baseball team, but he found a home on the defensive line of the freshman football team. The 5-10, 145-pound, spectacled lineman had found his sport.

That all changed at practice last Tuesday after a speech by the varsity team captain. Now, this wasn't the traditional speech by a captain. There were no motivational words or a great show of leadership. This wasn't a movie-esque "let's win one for the sick coach" or the injured teammate, not even a "Ducks fly together" kind of speech. This was far more profound.

This riveting speech consisted of merely a "Freshmen beat down on thee. One, two, three!"

The speech inspired the varsity team to begin attacking the freshmen, and ended with a player grabbing Watterson's ankles and slamming him on the ground so hard that it "obliterated" his spleen. His pediatrician told the Boston Globe Garrett will have to get routine immunizations and regular antibiotics to combat the bacteria normally filtered by the spleen.

"He is at risk of dying from bacterial infection for the rest of his life," the doctor said. "It has a permanent effect on his life."

This definitely replaces Todd Bertuzzi's cowardly attack from behind on Steve Moore as the most cowardly attack in history, just ahead of John Wilkes Boothe giving Abraham Lincoln the "Jayson Williams" treatment.

Seriously, how awful is that, attacking a partially blind kid from behind and slamming him so hard his spleen ruptures? Two kids have been kicked off the team as a result, and nine have been suspended. The students aren't talking, but one student athlete defended the attackers.

"They're good kids," he said as he drove off.

Good kids? They are the best. I would think any team would want a captain who can organize an attack of that nature. After all, not every football program nearly kills a member of the team to initiate them into the program. Nothing says unity like sending a small freshman into the ICU. Nothing says team toughness like blindsiding partially blind kids.

I know some ex-jocks (who still, 15 years later, talk incessantly about the big touchdown they made in that huge, earth shattering win over Valley) probably think that is hilarious, the little freshmen getting chased around the field and getting clobbered. Unfortunately, these are the Toys-R-Us kids who not only dislike growing up, but they refuse to.

Frankly, these are the same people who still follow professional wrestling and refuse to believe it's fake, even when a wrestler becomes engulfed in flames and falls 100 feet into a pile of "bricks" after being run over by a truck, or even when Hulk Hogan wins. These are the people who only read books if they are less than 50 pages and 49.67 of those pages are covered with pictures (and not hard to decipher pictures either, they have to be simple, like a monster truck).

One of the worst things about this whole situation is that the perpetrators probably were decent kids who just thought what they were doing was okay. Some of the blame lies with the kids, certainly, but does it end there? I refused to accept that hazing is this bad everywhere, so I asked someone I knew who played for my high school football team if he had even been hazed.

To get an articulate answer, I talked to the man who was captain of the team my senior year, Nick Early. I asked him what he thought about hazing.

"I am not for hazing," he said. "I could tolerate it as long as it never harmed anyone physically or mentally with long-term effects."

He separated hazing into two categories; hazing to build unity on a team (with no lingering physical or mental damage) and then the kind of hazing we see in the news lately, the insanely abusive and sick things that go on when kids take it too far.

Most parents and principals think all hazing is wrong and evil, but I think the first kind can serve a purpose and bring a team closer. Either way, Nick said he nothing severe ever happened, and most things were just trivial incidents. I asked if he, as a captain, had ever arranged any sort of hazing and what the solution was for keeping hazing under control.

"Hell no, (our coach) would've killed us, literally," he said. "The coaches have a responsibility to instill team values about what is alright and what is going too far."

Which is what, I think, is one of the biggest problems with hazing. I think the majority of the blame is with the coaches. Too often they look the other way when something like this goes on. They need to take control of their programs and let the players know what they expect from them, and they can't tolerate crap like this.

They know what goes on with their programs. Ultimately, when those kids are at practice, they are the ones responsible. Instead of trying to hide when something like this happens, they need to lay down the law. Players wouldn't be organizing freshmen beat downs if they weren't victim of a freshman beat down in the past.

This coach needs to be fired, but he won't be. Maybe if these coaches would take control of their teams, Garrett Anderson's biggest concern would be next week's game, not fighting for his life.

Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 1:10 PM | Comments (0)

Do Talented Cubs Have a Chance?

On paper, the Chicago Cubs should be one of the top four teams in the National League. On paper, they should be miles ahead in the wildcard race. On paper, they should be planning for October, not scrambling just to get there.

But as we all know, baseball games aren't played on paper.

Cubs fans know it because they saw it. Just last year in Game 6 of the NLCS against Florida, with the champagne on ice and Wrigley ready to explode, a man named Steve Bartman reached up from his seat down the left-field line for a foul ball and kept Moises Alou from catching it. It was the beginning of the end. It prolonged an inning that let the Marlins take the lead and win the game. And it set a horrible, doomsday tone for Game 7.

Suffice it to say, Bartman wasn't in the script. The Marlins went on to win the World Series while the Cubs sat at home on the couch thinking about what might have been.

On paper, the Cubs may not have been the better team. But on paper, they had a three-two lead in the series and their two best pitchers -- Mark Prior and Kerry Wood -- on the mound for Games 6 and 7. The series was theirs for the taking.

But in baseball, tiny aspects of the game can make a less-than-tiny difference. The most talented team doesn't always win.

Case in point: the 2004 edition of the Cubbies.

Dusty's bunch was supposed to run away with the division, pounding teams with a much-improved offense and the best pitching staff in baseball.

But now, with 13 games left in the regular season, the Cubs find themselves in a dogfight. Not for the division, either -- they're battling the Giants for the wildcard.

What happened?

In short, paper doesn't translate too well to reality. Paper doesn't factor in injuries. Paper doesn't count on an inconsistent defense. Paper doesn't identify that special something that makes great teams truly great.

The much-improved offense? In terms of stats, it is better. The Cubs hit .259 as a team last year. This year, they've bumped it up to .270. Last season, they hit 172 homeruns. This season, they've belted 220, the second-most in all of baseball.

But look behind those stats. The Cubs are an inconsistent offensive team. In a seven-game stretch from Sept. 6-12, this is what their game-by-game run totals look like: 9, 6, 0, 0, 11, 5, 1. Sure that's a small sample size, but it illustrates the fact that the Cubs don't pound out hits day in and day out. They have good days, and they have bad days. When you factor in the Cubs' notoriously poor base-running, the inconsistency at the plate is compounded.

And while the Cubs have the most power in the National League, that doesn't always work to their advantage. They cost themselves runs because they rarely play small-ball. When the three through seven hitters for the Cubs are at the plate, bunt is a dirty word. Alou, Aramis Ramirez, Sammy Sosa, and Derrek Lee can all hit the long ball, so why take the bat out of their hands? The result is that the Cubs rely on their prodigious power over station-to-station baseball.

How about the pitching? The starting staff that was supposed to be the best in baseball has rarely been together with Prior and Wood each missing significant time thanks to injuries. The rest of the staff hasn't matched the consistency of last year and the numbers show it. Last season, the staff ERA was 3.28. This year, it's 3.80.

The bullpen, also a supposed strength, has struggled at times. When LaTroy Hawkins was forced to move into the closer's role because of an injury to Joe Borowski, the Cubs lost their best setup man.

All of it -- the inconsistent offense, the reliance on homeruns, and the shaky pitching -- adds up to a season that hasn't gone according to the script.

Luckily for the Cubs, there's still time. Last season, the Cubs won nine of their final 13 games. If they do the same thing this year, if they can put it all together, they should make the playoffs again.

But one has to wonder why they haven't put it all together yet and if they ever will. Maybe the offense is too powerful for its own good. Maybe Sosa really is a .260 hitter. Maybe Corey Patterson isn't a good leadoff hitter. Maybe Nomar isn't the answer at shortstop. Maybe Wood and Prior aren't as good as advertised.

That's a lot of maybes.

But one thing's for sure -- you won't see those maybes on paper.

The Cubs hope you don't see them on the field, either.

Posted by William Geoghegan at 12:03 PM | Comments (0)

September 20, 2004

Crazy Joe's House of Cornerbacks

Two weeks into the NFL season, the Champ Bailey/Clinton Portis trade appears to be a win-win proposition. You know, kinda like if Brad Pitt and Richie Sambora swapped wives.

Of course, all the way through the opening weekend, analysts from CBS, FOX, ABC, and ESPN constantly reminded us that it's too early to evaluate the deal, then preceded to evaluate the deal.

And why not? Pro football is unique among the four major sports in that blockbuster trades are virtually non-existent. When Washington and Denver dealt two Pro Bowl-caliber players, it was big news for football.

For a variety of reasons -- football teams can build faster through the draft and free agency than teams in other sports, and because most potential football trades involve draft choices, not actual bodies, which make them automatically less compelling, just to name two -- a deal like Bailey-Portis doesn't come along every day, or even every year.

So let's evaluate, every Sunday and twice at midseason.

But if you plan to evaluate the deal, do it right, because the most important person in the Bailey-Portis trade is, in fact, neither Champ Bailey nor Clinton Portis.

It's Quentin Griffin.

In case you don't know it already, Griffin is the guy who replaced Portis in Denver's starting lineup for the second start of his NFL career and rushed for 156 yards as the Broncos defeated Kansas City on opening day. That was 10 more than Portis gained in Washington's opener.

His output in Denver's Week 2 loss to Jacksonville was a considerably more pedestrian 66 yards, but he's still operating at a pace that would give him 1,200 to 1,400 yards this year.

Griffin could be merely the latest in a long line of previously unknown running backs who have gotten the credit for Denver's offensive line play. Before him, there was, of course, Portis, and Mike Anderson, Olandis Gary, and Terrell Davis.

If Griffin can join that group with a 1,200-yard-plus season, which is what Portis would have been expected to produce, then Broncos' coach Mike Shanahan has gotten a top-shelf cornerback, effectively as free as Lydia's videos in the movie "The Fisher King."

And can't you just see the late Michael Jeter -- who played the homeless female impersonator in that film, but was better known as Burt Reynolds' assistant coach in the "Evening Shade" TV series -- clad in a black slip and fishnet stockings singing, Ethel Merman-style, "Everything's coming up cornerbacks for Shanahan, for freeeeeeeee!"

Of course, you could say the same thing if the Redskins discover two Pro Bowl-type cornerbacks. It has to be two, because the guy who is now Washington's best corner isn't the guy who is replacing Bailey.

That guy would have been playing on the other side if Bailey were still around. Washington's second-best cornerback is the guy replacing Bailey.

The Redskins list of corners, at this time, consists of Shawn Springs, Fred Smoot, Walt Harris, and Ade Jimoh. It's exceedingly unlikely that the Redskins are going to extract two Pro Bowl types from that field, so it appears that Portis will have a price tag.

The possibility that Denver could have gotten a stopper at cornerback while effectively giving up nothing is stunning, considering how desperate Shanahan must have been to get such a player after Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts treated the Broncos' secondary much like the Visigoths treated Rome when during the 2003 playoffs.

The mind positively boggles.

This might be too easy to say, but you've got to wonder if Shanahan took advantage of Joe Gibbs, a guy who had been out of the NFL for more than a decade and might have been locked in a 1980s mindset that attaches too much value to a feature running back.

No, make that a 1950s mindset.

It wouldn't have been the first time. Remember 1999 when then-Saints coach Mike Ditka traded away eight draft picks, including two first-rounders and two third-round choices, over two seasons, to get Ricky Williams?

That move confirmed what a lot of us already knew about Ditka -- that he had come completely unhinged. Ditka didn't even last long enough in New Orleans to see the trade's completion; he was fired before the 2000 draft.

The Bailey/Portis trade probably isn't in that class, because Gibbs didn't overpay nearly as much for Portis as Ditka had for Williams. But he didn't get his guy more or less for free, which is a very real possibility for the guy on the other side of the deal.

If Griffin can come through, the trade might instead look like a Pitt/Sambora wife swap if Heather Locklear was allowed to go back to Richie's house on the weekends.

And because of the deal, Shanahan just might find himself clutching the Lombardi Trophy on the last Sunday of next January while giving a testimonial for Crazy Joe Gibbs' House of Cornerbacks -- "Where the prices are innnnsane!"

Posted by Eric Poole at 4:43 PM | Comments (0)

Producing a True Champion

In 1998, the powers-that-be introduced the Bowl Championships Series (BCS) formula to determine the best two teams in the country at season's end. Many saw this as an upgrade from the Super Alliance of an earlier time or prior agreements lacking both Big 10 and Pac-10 support. For several years, college football's elite tinkered with the formula, until after last season when the denizens dismantled the concept.

Oh, it is still there, but now the overwhelmingly preponderance of the weight falls on the human voter: writers and coaches. To make matters worse, the preseason polls from either sector now carry an increased weight; it is that much more unlikely that a team with a strong strength of schedule can play its way to the top -- as Colorado nearly did in 2001.

Unfortunately, matters eroded even further, as both margin of victory (following Florida State's ascension over Miami in 2000) and strength of schedule (following a series of complaints from USC supporters in 2003) are no longer parts of the system.

College football is an oligarchy of the elite, and the vast majority of that muscle is derived from reputation, as determined through pre-season polling -- which, for several reasons, tends to hold up quite nicely.

In the first place, prognostication is thorough, excepting a few lapses, and most July/August national championship contenders will enjoy at least successful seasons. A problem arrives when one realizes that this is also tantamount to a self-fulfilling prophecy -- in other words, if a team is ranked fairly high, all they are required to do is prevail on the football field, which is not the case with teams ranked below them.

Any sway that the former BCS possessed, dissolved in the wake of 2003, when Pete Carroll's USC Trojans were forced to Pasadena, despite holding the No. 1 spot in both polls, because of their piddling No. 3 rating in the BCS.

Why was USC damaged? Because Auburn, Washington, Arizona State, and Notre Dame were not as good as originally forecast, thus USC's schedule did not achieve parity with then-No.1 Oklahoma. Perhaps, if the margin of victory component was still in vogue...

All media personnel and all collegiate coaches are in some respect biased, as are all computer-generated formula gurus, and as is any fan. However, for a good, solid, and oh yes, objective, formula for determining a national champion only two criterions appear to suffice: Strength of Schedule (SOS) and Margin of Victory (MOV).

According to logic, these two components should cancel each other out thus providing a true, and fair, rendering of America's best college football teams. Every team in Division 1-A, nearly 120 schools, deserves a chance to play for the championship in early January.

College football is not the National Football League and cannot provide for an adequate playoff system given its arrangement. Besides, given the nature of the college game, a four- or eight-team playoff would prove more exclusionary than the current setup.

Only members in the oligarchy, defined currently as the Big Six conferences and Notre Dame (although the Big East is teetering and ND does not currently meet the standard), have an opportunity to play for the national championship. The reasons for this are sound: these are the only 50-some schools that play a schedule rigorous enough to legitimize their annual campaign, and thus from this collective quarrel, two teams are found.

However, lesser-known and lesser-funded schools occasionally possess teams on par with the nation's elite -- but are routinely dismissed as lightweights, when they do not routinely dismiss themselves with decisive losses on hallowed ground (i.e. a Big Six campus), which has bore witness to Heisman Trophy winners and championship teams.

One of the best ways of determining which school had the better Saturday is to compare their competition with their scoreboard, such as this hypothetical: one favorite struggled at home while another, in the form of an underdog, pounded away in hostile territory. Was there any question which team was more proficient that day? Why we cannot extrapolate this analysis over the course of an entire season baffles this observer.

We must repeat, this is not the NFL, and a win is not a win. There are too many teams and home field is too staggered for this comparison to be made. Complex though it may sound, the best method for determining the two best college football teams in a given season is to rate them by SOS and MOV -- however, this remains inadequate because it does not distinguish between friendly settings and those of a decidedly more onerous sort.

If a team wins on the road, all matters proving equal, it has performed better than at home. This has never been explicitly defined in college football. To some observers, this has been defined as CLUTCH, particularly when at the expense of an imposing foe.

Taken by itself the CLUTCH Index [.01 for each road win, escalating to .02 if the beaten team otherwise won 70% of its games, raised to .03 if the beaten team otherwise triumphed in 80% of its games, with half of each value allocated to neutral site games; bonuses of .05 are offered if the vanquished team otherwise did not lose a game (even if the winner prevailed at home), totals reach a maximum of .08 if the losing team that otherwise did not lose a game flopped at home: see Oregon 2001, North Carolina 1997], is not a sufficient mechanism for establishing the best two teams in America.

Originally, it was conceived for the Big Six oligarchy (and ND), but why not expand it for every Div. 1-A school?

Consider: Lesser conferences inherently play larger ones (usually at the beginning) and this will drag down their percentages. There is a much greater likelihood, therefore, of a team originating from the SEC actually having a chance to play excellent football teams and defeat them (particularly on the road), than a team from the WAC.

The two conferences simply are not as good, but we do not require that nor profess to care, we ought to be concerned only that the best WAC team is not viewed as inherently inferior to the best SEC team. Is this usually the case, most certainly, but we must entertain the possibility, however remote, that a non-Big Six oligarch can play for all the marbles.

Interestingly enough, this both helps and hurts non-Big Six schools. It can assist them greatly should they defeat a conference opponent (or someone else) that does not otherwise lose; it can destroy their ranking, however, should they not even play a .700+ team on the road, let alone beat them.

Strength of Schedule is correlated with CLUTCH, but the difference is palpable; CLUTCH recognizes exemplary play away from familiar locales. So here is what one should do: accumulate the data, following the end of the regular season, for all Div. 1-A schools, and one may use the standard SOS if that is so desired. To stoke the fire, wizardly mathematicians could run the numbers every Saturday, thus giving us our poll, bearing in mind that these numbers would vary weekly -- sometimes to an extraordinary degree.

Three categories, each afforded equal weight, abruptly divided by three could produce the best two teams in America, regardless of whatever pollsters believe they see or even the number of losses of each particular school.

I will proceed further; we should not overly concern ourselves with a team's W-L record, in fact, the three formulaic components espoused above should predict that statistic for us. If a team finished first, following an aggregate of their SOS, MOV, and CLUTCH totals, they are, by any real definition, the best team in the country.

A team's won-loss record is often seen as the starting point, which can lead to voter error in wrongly awarding accolades to a team that might possess a suspect SOS, a less-than-stellar MOV, and no real CLUTCH score of any kind. Many may persist in their belief that a W-L mark reveals the nation's elite, save small schools, but in college football, not all wins and losses are created equal.

Take the example of 2002, prior to their bowl games USC and Ohio State were strikingly similar, except for the fact that one school (USC) had played two teams, on the road, that were otherwise 10-2 (Kansas State) and 9-3 (Washington State), respectively. Not so coincidentally, the Trojans lost both contests, but the larger point is that the Buckeyes did not play any .700 teams in hostile territory.

Do we need to provide for a "good loss" mechanism, as well, to ensure that teams are not penalized for losing tough, long-shot, football games, when others do not participate in such contests?

Probably, but I have yet to normalize precisely how a home game differentiates from a neutral or away game for a said team -- all I can conjecture is that home games are easier, over the long run perhaps far easier, to win. In this respect, the SOS/MOV/CLUTCH formula is flawed -- but in my judgment, if applied in its aforementioned form -- this would be far more becoming than what we currently "enjoy."

Posted by at 3:37 PM | Comments (0)

September 18, 2004

Revisionist History, Yankee Style

There's a thin line between clever and stupid, and an even thinner one between a leap of faith and suspension of disbelief.

Cynics suspend disbelief; optimists make leaps of faith. Buying milk that's one-day beyond its expiration date is to assume, for a moment, that its stamp is not a rigid indicator of the product's constitution.

But it's a leap of faith to actually drink the chunky stuff.

There's a movie coming out this week called "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow." If you decide to see the film, you're doing so knowing that, at some point, giant robots are going to attack an early- to mid-20th century New York City. The premise of the movie, like the very genre of science fiction, is grounded in suspension of disbelief; the quality of the work dictates whether you take the leap of faith to enjoy it or refuse to take the ride.

(For example, I can accept the fact that there are Aliens and there are Predators, but I cannot accept the fact that over a dozen people can be chased by both of them around the surface of Antarctica ... and we can't see their breath once. "A v. P" director Paul W. Anderson: you lost me at exhale.)

Another film debuted this week on HBO called "Nine Innings From Ground Zero." It recalled the months after the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center in which Major League Baseball played a somewhat pivotal role in restoring a sense of normalcy and pride in grieving Gotham. The games went on for the Mets and Yankees, and the fans came out to watch them, even though being in a large building with thousands of other people wasn't exactly high on any New Yorker's to-do list back then. (Let alone in a building like Shea, which should basically be part of the runway at Laguardia.)

I'm sorry, did I mention the Mets? My Mets? You really didn't see all that much of them in the promos for "Nine Innings," although they were featured in the actual documentary. The Mets were an afterthought to the Yankees in this project, as they have been in the City since about 1988. (I understand there were some rumors about a "Subway Series" in 2000, although my electro-shock therapist assures me there wasn't.)

There was a lot of misinformation after 9/11 (and, of course, there continues to be). Included in that is the delusion that the Yankees were some sort of panacea for all New Yorkers in 2001. It's a lie that was spread during that season's playoffs, and is repeated in the HBO film.

Look, there are a lot of Yankees fans. I know there are, because as a Mets fan, I've heard from all of them over the last decade. Some of my best friends are Yankees fans. Thanks to Rudy Giuliani's administration, I'm pretty sure there are more Yankees fans than homeless in Manhattan these days, and that's one hell of a feat.

But to say the Yankees soothed the city's ills isn't a leap of faith. It isn't a suspension of disbelief. It's a complete and utter fabrication, a bastardization of the truth, and revisionist history at its worst. Because:

1. Not Everyone in New York Likes, Loves, or Follows the Yankees. Hi, I'm a Mets fan. You may remember me from such events as the 1969 and the 1986 World Series. I hate the Yankees. With every fiber of my being. I rooted against the Yankees when they played Oakland, then Seattle, then Arizona in the 2001 postseason. I didn't care what the media claimed they meant to the City. Get me a turban and call my Johnny Walker Lindh ... I must have sided with the terrorists!

2. There is Nothing Special About the Yankees Winning the Pennant in 2001. Yes, the soul of the city was healed when the Pinheads in Pinstripes miraculously made the World Series ... for the fifth time in six years. Zowie! Don't the Yankees just embody the spirit of scrappy underdog New Yorkers, who get up when you knock 'em down? After all, they only made the wild card in 1997 ... and won world championships in 1996, 1998, 1999, and 2000. The Yankees making the World Series in 2001 was as much a sure thing as the United States carpet bombing Afghanistan after the attacks (or, depending on who you believe, finding our way to Baghdad some time later).

3. The Yankees LOST the World Series in 2001. Would Super Bowl III mean anything to anyone if Namath and the Jets simply gave Unitas' Colts a good game before losing? Would we still be talking about Lake Placid in 1980 if Herb Brooks' boys had lost to the Russians? I can hear Al Michaels now: "Do you believe in a classic game with a frustrating and inconsequential result? YES!" What kind of fable are the revisionists writing here? This documentary was allegedly about the enduring American spirit and the unbreakable will of New Yorkers; instead, it's a lasting tribute to a losing team.

Many baseball fans were willing to take a leap of faith and embrace the Yankees post-9/11 for the sake of the City, even though the franchise represents our nation's worst tendencies. (Everything from corporate avarice to egomania to hiring foreign workers for jobs previously held by Americans.)

I'm one that refuses, however, to suspend disbelief and go with the notion that the 2001 New York Yankees were anything but the smallest of footnotes in the recovery of the city after the attacks. They should be a scene in a documentary, not the documentary itself.

But I will say this about "Nine Innings From Ground Zero" -- it offered one wonderful moment between the Yankees' Derek Jeter and President George W. Bush. The Prez is worried about throwing the first pitch out before Game 3 in the Bronx, concerned about getting the ball to the plate. Jeter gives him a warning: "Don't bounce it. This is Yankee Stadium. They'll boo."

I think the scene proves once and for all that, in New York, no one gets bush better than Derek Jeter.

Gary Bettman Continues to Suck the Life Out of Hockey, Vol. 334,771

I suppose I should say something about the NHL officially locking out its players this week. As a hockey fan, it's been inevitable and actually a bit welcome.

If you haven't read Jimmy Patterson's awesome call for scabs this season, check it out here.

Here are the three things on my hockey mind right now:

1. When will it end? January. Half a season, just like in the 1994-'95 work stoppage. A few players have mentioned "being out until January" during some Freudian slips. The owners have been quietly signing players during the offseason, adding salary while negotiating for a salary cap. Why? Because the owners know they will win this labor battle, and that the cap will go into effect after this season. Hence, a 48-game sprint to the playoffs with elephantine payrolls before the Great Purge begins next season.

2. Is Gary Bettman on the hot seat? The commissioner got high marks for his press conference this week regarding the labor crisis. And why shouldn't he? Bettman should have an intimate knowledge of the disastrous economic conditions HE $@#$@# CAUSED!!!

(Sorry, didn't mean to shout.)

This lockout has caused a number of media outlets and columnists to take a critical look at Bettman's record with the NHL. This is a good thing, because the only way to get that lying weasel out of office is through public pressure. Because he's the owners' puppet, they're all too happy to keep The Antichrist of Hockey safe and sound in NHL HQ. It's up to us to whack the weasel.

3. What should be every hockey fan's biggest concern about the league right now? Let's say there is a yearlong lockout. When the league returns, it will do so with a mandate to alter the sport in order to "please the fans" who have been alienated by the lost season. That means Bettman and the Board of Directors can implement every single roller hockey rule change they want to enact in the NHL, from elimination of the red line to restriction of goalie movement to the absolutely worst idea in the history of professional sports, the overtime shootout. It'll all be here, and they'll use us as a reason to bring it in.

Beyond the rules changes, the other headache for all three parties (players, fans and owners) is contraction. There have been so many balloons floated lately about reducing the NHL's 30 franchises, it's beginning to look like the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Mike Modano of the Dallas Stars and the NHLPA, idiot that he is, advocated the idea of contraction recently. Yeah, great idea Mikey: fight ownership while endorsing the loss of hundreds of jobs. The Teamsters would have the NHLPA's ass for lunch.

Contraction may or may not happen. The owners obviously aren't for it, even though it makes sense. Snip the Panthers, Hurricanes, Ducks, and Penguins right now. Or snip the Panthers and 'Canes, and ship the Pens and Ducks to new locales. Do something. Do anything ...

Of course, none of this will matter if promotion of the NHL continues to be misguided, if the game itself continues to be bastardized, and investment in technology to make the game more exciting and viewer-friendly on television doesn't occur.

So in other words, if Gary Bettman remains in office.

Random Thoughts

Show of hands for anyone who watched Mark Cuban's "The Benefactor" debut on ABC this week?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Hey, Mark's a great showman. He's energized a franchise that was about as healthy as Roy Tarpley's cerebellum. But here's the difference between Mark Cuban and Donald Trump, the reality TV star Cuban is trying to emulate: one has made multiple millions of dollars winning in the real estate game, and one couldn't beat the Spurs if his love handles depended on it.

The show, by the way, sucks to high heaven.

"The Benefactor" qualifies as the most offensive use of a Cuban since Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office ...

If throwing furniture into the stands is now the accepted response to unfortunate fan behavior in Major League Baseball, can we expect to see Moises Alou sprinting towards the Wrigley faithful with a sofa bed strapped to his back the next time Steve Bartman comes to a playoff game?

Craig Bueno (in Spanish, "Craig Good") is the fan who taunted the Texas Rangers' bullpen in Oakland, prompting Rangers reliever Frank Francisco to hurl a chair at him during a fracas, which hit his wife Jennifer Bueno (in Spanish, "Jennifer Good").

One interesting revelation about Mr. Bueno from his comments in court this week about the incident was the nature of his taunting. Bueno, who admitted buying season tickets near the opposing bullpen in order to "get on them a little bit," claims the worst he said to the Rangers' pitchers was "who is going to take the loss?" and "when are you going to lose?"

This either makes Bueno the world's most polite season-ticket holding heckler, or mildly retarded.

Or Option "C": full of crap ...

Can we put a moratorium on the "___ Nation" gimmick? Yes, there is a Raiders Nation. And a Cowboys Nation. And even a Yankees Nation. There is not now, nor will there ever be, a Red Sox Nation. There is a Red Sox Region called "New England," but the rest of the country is actually dreading the year when we lose our beloved "1918" chant, mainly because we still recall losing the "1940" chant when Rangers Nation won the Cup in 1994.

Furthermore, as a Jets fan, I can tell you there is no Jets Nation, as was referenced in the Newark Star-Ledger this week.

How can there be a Jets Nation when there isn't even a Jets Stadium?

Actresses Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan have escalated their heated feud, as Duff has accused Lohan of starting their tense war of words out of jealously.

Now, now ladies ... this has to stop. I want to see you guys knock off the bickering, kiss, and make-up.

Yep, that's right ... a nice, deep, wet kiss ... uh-huh, just like that ... no, no, no, you're not angry, you're passionate ... okay, now a little to the left ...

(I really wish I knew how to work the delete button on this keyboard sometimes...)

Finally, Marion Barry, the former D.C. mayor who should be elected to the city council this fall, opposes any public funding for a Major League Baseball stadium in the District.

No word if his feelings stem from a little-known incident over a decade ago, when Barry was found on a D.C. Little League diamond having snorted the third-base line and trying to smoke a rosin bag behind the pitcher's mound ...

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 5:15 PM | Comments (1)

Nets Go Back to the Future

There was a time not too long ago when the Nets were the laughingstock of the NBA. Along with their brethren in ineptitude, the Los Angeles Clippers, the Nets were consistently one of the worst franchises in the league. Season after losing season, the Nets slogged along in the NBA, playing meaningless games in front of disinterested fans in a half-empty barn of an arena, en route to their yearly trip to the draft lottery.

In fact, it almost got to a point where the team had their own custom-made, embroidered seats at the lottery (okay, that's not true, but seriously, would it really surprise anyone if they did?) The players didn't care (remember Chris Morris and his sneakers?), the fans certainly didn't care, and I'm sure most of the media assigned to the team wished that they weren't paid to care.

Outside of the Clippers, the Nets' ownership group had to be the worst in the league. Any basketball-related decisions were better off left to a carnival show palm reader than to the group of uninformed individuals who ran the team. In terms of favored destinations for NBA players, East Rutherford ranked only slightly ahead of the Yakima Sun Kings of the CBA.

However, things changed one fateful July day in 2001. That day, the Nets traded away their latest franchise point guard, Stephon Marbury, to the Phoenix Suns for their newest franchise point guard, Jason Kidd.

Kidd immediately brought a sense of legitimacy to the team and his signing proved to be the turning point in the fortunes of the team. The Nets went from being perennial doormats to the three-time defending Atlantic Division champions and appeared in two consecutive NBA Finals. Along with Kenyon Martin, Richard Jefferson, and Kerry Kittles, Kidd helped turn around a once downtrodden franchise. And although fans didn't exactly flock to the Meadowlands to watch them play, they did develop a loyal base of core fans that supported their team night in and night out.

Suddenly, the Nets were en vogue. They were featured nightly on SportsCenter, as Kidd, Martin, and Jefferson engaged in their unique brand of slamball. The team was winning and people weren't ashamed to walk around the streets wearing a jersey emblazoned with "Nets" on the front anymore. The Nets were even beginning to draw some New York area fans away from the Knicks, something that seemed almost unthinkable only a few years ago.

And with the news that Brooklyn developer Bruce Ratner was going to purchase the team and rescue them from the cast of characters that was currently in charge, things were really beginning to look bright for the future. Maybe, just maybe, the perpetual dark cloud that hung over the Meadowlands would be lifted.

But, as any longtime Nets' fan knows, the light at the end of the tunnel isn't always a good thing. For this franchise, the light at the end of the tunnel is more often than not an oncoming train, poised to run right over you. And, as far as Nets fans are concerned, Ratner is the 5:45 express speeding straight ahead to roll over the fortunes of the team.

Following a season in which the Nets fell short of reaching the Finals for the first time in three years, a period of prosperity not seen since their old ABA days, Ratner made it clear that he would not spend any more money to keep the nucleus of the team together. First, was the draft day trade of their first-round pick, Russian forward Viktor Khryapa, to the Portland Trailblazers for Eddie Gill, who was subsequently waived, and cash.

Although not a major catastrophe, the trade was but a signal of things to come. Next, in a move that was shocking just for the sheer devastation it did to the makeup of the team, the Nets signed and then traded away Martin, their best interior big man, to the Denver Nuggets. In return, they received little more than the $24 worth of trinkets the Native Americans got for Manhattan Island, three future first-round draft picks.

Alluding to the looming luxury tax, Nets' GM Rod Thorn said, "This was an extremely difficult decision for our franchise, but I felt that the magnitude of the contract, both in its first year due to the signing bonus as well as over its duration, would seriously impair our ability to sign enough quality players." Thorn also added, "This core group of players has had an amazing run over the past few years, and we will work diligently toward once again competing for an NBA title."

Even though Thorn's words may have been true, the actions of the team following the Martin trade seemed to suggest that they wouldn't begin working diligently toward that title again for another few years. Soon after, only two weeks later, the team traded away Kittles, their starting shooting guard and the team's second all-time leading scorer, to their kindred spirits, the Clippers, this time for a future second-round draft pick.

Now, one may argue that Kittles is a one-dimensional player and Martin isn't a "max" player, but, along with Kidd and Jefferson, they were the foundation for a team that was able to win three-straight division titles. To borrow from New York Jets head coach Herman Edwards, "You play to win the game!" And that core group had won more than their share of games for the Nets.

But, with these deals, the Nets seem to have given up on the upcoming season in return for cutting costs and stockpiling future draft picks, which may or may not pan out. Not exactly the team strategy you want to adopt when you're trying to hawk overpriced season ticket packages.

Then, as if those moves weren't enough, the team announced that they had released Lucious Harris, an important bench contributor and one of the last remaining pieces to the team's recent successful past. It's almost as if the Nets are having a "Going Out of Business" sale this summer and everything must go, at ridiculously low prices.

In fact, I almost expect to see the guy from the old "Crazy Eddie" commercials appear on the dais with Rod Thorn at the next press conference announcing another lopsided trade, screaming into the microphone and imploring other league GMs, "We're the New Jersey Nets. The team where no trade is too outrageous. Just call us up and make us an offer. Our prices are INSANE!"

So, where does that leave the Nets franchise now? Well, for starters, Jason Kidd is still around, although he's probably wishing that he were the next one out the door. In fact, there are published reports stating that the Nets and Trailblazers are discussing another deal, this time to send Kidd to Portland for Shareef Abdur-Rahim. Kidd must be on the phone with his agent every day, begging him to get him out of this mess ... and quick.

Richard Jefferson is also still around, having just signed a contract extension with the team that will keep him in the Swamp for the foreseeable future. However, if Kidd is traded, Jefferson will wish he waited another year and forced his way out like Martin. (For his sake, I hope he got a percentage of the team along with his contract.)

Other than that, there isn't much else to get excited about on the Net roster. It's dotted with unproven foreign players, undistinguished veterans, and, potentially, one huge question mark, Alonzo Mourning. Mourning's comeback, if it happens and he stays healthy, is inspirational, even admirable, but there's no way he can be the same Alonzo Mourning he was before his illness, which means that the Nets will be considerably worse off than they were last year.

Considering the Kidd trade does actually come off and Mourning is healthy, the Nets' opening day starting roster would probably look something like this: Mourning, Jefferson, Abdur-Rahim, Ron Mercer, and Zoran Planinic. A good team, but not an Eastern Conference championship and NBA title contending team. In fact, with this roster, the Nets will be hard-pressed to make the playoffs, much less win another division title.

Four years ago, the Nets were at the bottom of the league, trying to become relevant again in a league where stars make teams and translate into huge television ratings and attendance figures. With one masterstroke, they acquired Jason Kidd and their fortunes immediately changed for the better. However, today, here they sit again, once again staring at a lost season, begging their fans to stick with them through yet another transitional phase, insisting that they have a plan for success in the future, but with seemingly no chance for success this year.

And the one-time savior, owner Bruce Ratner, is beginning to look more and more like a Donald Sterling clone ... cheap and totally ignorant of what it takes to put together a championship roster. I guess the old saying really is true: the more things change, the more they stay the same ... especially when it pertains to the New Jersey Nets.

Posted by Eric Williams at 4:27 PM | Comments (0)

September 17, 2004

MLB and its Fans Need to Clean Up Their Acts

Major League Baseball, as well as its fans, took a collective literal blow on Monday, September 13th at Oakland Coliseum at a game between the Oakland Athletics and the Texas Rangers. A melee unfolded between players and fans when what appeared to be hostile fans in close proximity to the Texas Rangers' bullpen were purposely antagonizing the pitchers as they sat in the bullpen.

But most reports and opinions about this unsettling display which sports fans and non-sports fans alike witnessed on their evening's news have failed to address the big picture.

As fans of pro sports, we have not escaped viewing on-field, on-court, or on-ice brawls between players, between players and umpires or referees and unfortunately, but less often, between a player and a specific heckler in the stands. Yes, we have had instances such as in 1991 when Cleveland Indians outfielder Albert Belle threw a ball at a fan in the stands and hit him.

But more frequently, players get involved with fans when they appear to be acting in self-defense such as when Chicago Cubs pitcher Randy Myers knocked out a charging fan in 1995. In 2000, Los Angeles Dodgers players took on Cubs fans at Wrigley Field after a fan allegedly struck a Dodgers' catcher and stole his hat while he was in the bullpen.

We also have the case of the attack of Kansas City Royals' first base coach Tom Gamboa in a game at Chicago's U.S. Cellular Field in 2002. A father and son ran onto the field unprovoked and caused permanent injury to Gamboa. Sadly, they both got off on probation. Fans attacked umpire Laz Diaz in 2003, while standing near right field.

These are only some of the documented incidents that have occurred in MLB, and do not even begin to address all of the other professional sports leagues where various types of physical slugfests or mob scenes transpire.

More importantly, the event of September 13th reminds us of the need for accountability on the parts of spectators, Major League Baseball, and its respective organizations and managements. Before it becomes necessary for us to legislate common decency and rules of behavior in public, people have to take a good look in the mirror.

In this instance, MLB alone is not the problem, but rather the combination of the public's general lack of adhering to rules and appropriate behavior, along with MLB's fear of offending its patrons.

However, fans don't reserve bad behavior for baseball games alone, but rather subscribe to unruly ways which just escalate when they get to the stadium, irked on my a mob and/or by over imbibing. Fans screaming and miming indecent gestures at ballplayers on a field or throwing things on the field can be analogous to someone acting out their road rage. It is unfortunately imbedded in our society as "acceptable" behavior.

Craig Bueno, the fan in the middle of antagonizing the bullpen players and husband of the injured fan, Jennifer Bueno, freely admitted that, "Heckling is part of the game." (I am sure that Abner Doubleday would take issue with that.)

Bueno reserves the right to act unruly, but obviously forgot that other people could get hurt in the process, other than himself or his family. He cannot have it both ways. He wanted a reaction, he got one, but it was not the reaction he wanted and now he is crying foul.

On the other hand, there is no excuse for pitcher Frank Francisco's behavior in throwing a chair across the stands. He appeared to be having a full-blown temper tantrum and acted totally inappropriately for which he should be suspended and fined by MLB and face the authorities. His crime was lacking any forethought of possibly permanently maiming someone and showed an indifference to the safety of those around him including his teammates.

As concerns Major League Baseball, with all of the security issues we must now deal with in a post-9/11 world when going into any public building or space these days, why are the fans allowed such close proximity to the players in bullpens in many of these stadiums, especially given the amount of problems which have occurred over the past few years?

And if the owners of these teams cannot spare eliminating these seats near bullpens, why then is security in those areas virtually invisible? After all, the latest such bullpen brawl prior to September 13th took place during the Yankees/Red Sox playoffs of 2003 between Yankees players and a groundskeeper in the Fenway Park bullpen, mistaken for a fan given his tasteless behavior.

The Oakland A's management, after reviewing the videotape, stated that the fans' behavior "was not over the line according to baseball's rules of conduct," but that posture does little to quell such behavior in the future, and is also an unsuitable response.

And finally, why has the Commissioner of Major League Baseball only given lip service to its fans and its players over the past decade whenever these events happen? Players, owners, spectators, and MLB all need to be on the same page about what to expect when going to the stadium.

It needs to be clear about what will be tolerated by fans and players alike and a precedent needs to be set before something really tragic transpires. For starters, unruly fans should be escorted out, and baseball players need to be counseled on what to do before they find themselves in big trouble.

Provocation, which leads to mayhem, is unacceptable. Whether it be in the stadium, in the arena, or on the freeway, we must all work on being decent human beings to each other again first, and not take our cues from out of control ballplayers or especially from unruly fans who seemingly get away with being so, only to later surface looking for a big payday.

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 11:32 PM | Comments (1)

September 16, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 2

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

St. Louis @ Atlanta

"This game has me very concerned," a surprisingly stoic Mike Martz says. "Don't get me wrong. On paper, we should win easily. And, it's obvious I could coach circles around that rookie Jim Mora. But the return of the greatest cover corner in NFL history, No. 21 for the Dirty Birds, has me worried about my boys [Tory] Holt and [Isaac] Bruce."

Ah, Coach, are you talking about Deion Sanders?

"Yes, I'm referring to Prime Time," responds Martz.

Well, coach, Deion's back, but he's with Baltimore.

"Baltimore? Baltimore? He's with the Orioles?" asks Martz. "You know, that's a good acquisition for the Orioles. Deion would fit in nicely at the two slot setting the table for [Melvin] Mora and [Miguel] Tejada. You know, give me two years, and I bet I could take the Orioles to the Series."

That may be true, Coach, but you would surely lose in four games to the National League. Anyway, Deion signed with the Ravens, the football team.

"Wow! Baltimore has a football team!? That's amazing!"

What's more amazing is that they have more Super Bowl wins than you do, Coach, one.

"Shut your mouth!" replies Martz. "Now, if Deion isn't with the Falcons, then there is no need to game plan. We can throw all day."

Finally, Martz is right about something. Holt and Bruce catch a touchdown apiece. Rams win, 31-20.

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore

Wow! Last week, Deion Sanders was upstaged by Jeff Garcia in Sanders' debut with the Ravens. The last time Deion was upstaged by someone named Garcia, he lost $40 bucks playing craps on the streets of Tallahassee, Florida to a one Jesus Garcia.

This week, Deion is in danger of being upstaged by the Steelers' Jerome Bettis, who, against the Raiders in Week 1, posted what has to be the most pathetic statistical line in NFL history: five rushes, one yard, three touchdowns! What the hell? Probably the only person more upset than me about this is Duce Staley, whose 24 rushes for 91 yards setup Bettis' glory.

"Yeah, I do all the work," explains Staley, "and that fat ass gets all the goal line touches. I'm gonna check Cowher's fantasy team. I guarantee you he had Jerome starting."

If that's the case, then Cowher should bench the Bus, because Bettis will be a marked man to the Ravens' defense. Expect some massive collisions between Bettis and Ray Lewis, with each thinking they got the better of the other. No touchdowns for Jerome this week. Deion high steps to the end zone on an interception return. Raven defense dominates, and Baltimore gets in the win column with a 23-7 victory.

Houston @ Detroit

Were the NFL desperate for attention, like the NBA, then they would organize some cheesey, "Future Stars" All-Star Ghetto Jamm like the aforementioned NBA does on All-Star Weekend. If they did so, then many of the principals in the Texans/Lions game might participate. But since the NFL doesn't need crap like that, we, the fans, are lucky enough to see the stars of tomorrow in a meaningful, regular-season game.

Who wants to see LeBron [James] and 'Melo [Anthony] hot-dogging when you can see Joey Harrington hit Roy Williams over the middle or witness Dominic Davis blasting in for paydirt from the one? On second thought, I think I would rather see LeBron and 'Melo, just not taking an international ass-beating from the likes of Puerto Rico and Italia.

But football will always rule in America, and will always rule the world, if it becomes an Olympic sport. If it does, maybe you'll see some of these guys taking the gold. Suck it, NBA!

As far as Houston/Detroit, it's a nail-biter. A fourth-quarter Carr interception leads to Jason Hanson's winning kick. Lions win, 24-21, and go to 2-0.

Chicago @ Green Bay

When Brett Favre starts this game, he will extend his NFL record of most consecutive starts by a quarterback to 192. That's like me going about 12 years without missing a day of work. I'm not foolish enough to do that, since I hate my job, and more so because I'm not making Brett Favre money. Otherwise, I'd do it.

In any case, the Pack looked solid in manhandling the defending NFC champ Panthers Monday night. Ahman Green left off where he did last year with three touchdowns, and Brett Favre is Brett Favre; he'll do what's necessary for the Packers to win. If that includes laying down to a certain defensive end so that Favre can be in the record books as the quarterback sacked for a certain NFL record, then that's what he'll do.

"And I'll feel no pain doing it," explains Favre. "I'm everyman; I'm the ultimate good guy. I mow my own grass. I milk my own cows on my sprawling ranch in Hattieburg, Mississippi. I even pack my own dip."

That's nice, Brett, but can you take your thumb on your right hand and bend it back to touch your arm? I didn't think so. But you won't need to do that against the Bears, but you will need to throw two touchdown passes since the Bears will stack the line to stop Green.

"Then that's what I'll do," promises Favre.

And that's what he does. Favre connects with Donald Driver and Javon Walker for scores. Green finds yardage tough to collect, but does manage a short TD dive. Green Bay wins, 28-13.

Denver @ Jacksonville

In case you didn't know, the Super Bowl will be played in Jacksonville in February 2005. Some analysts have pegged the Jags as playoff contenders; others have gone so far as predicting them playing at home for the title. Me, I've also got the Jags in Alltel Stadium for the Super Bowl, albeit manning several of the hospitality tents offered there.

Psychotic Denver coach Mike Shanahan wants to be in Jacksonville come February as the AFC's representative. To reach that goal, it has to be done the Shanahan way, which is riding on the coattails of a fresh, 1,000-yard rusher, then trading that back when he asks for more money (see Clinton Portis), or just plain using him up until he can't go anymore (see Terrell Davis and Mike Anderson). It worked twice in the past, Mike, but was that because of the running back, or was it because of John Elway? My guess is Elway, and your coaching brilliance, of course.

The Jags may be a little shaky on offense, but their defense is solid, anchored by guys who must be better than Tony Brackens and Hugh Douglas, both of whom were released by Jacksonville honcho Jack Del Rio. But the Bronco defenders are even better, and, with Champ Bailey roving the backfield, Jag QB Byron Leftwich will find completions to his teammates hard to come by.

Bailey covers the aging Jimmie Smith like a blanket, and even has a reception of his own on offense. Don't expect 100 yards from Quentin Griffin this time, but he will score a touchdown. Denver kicker Jason Elam adds three field goals, and the Broncos manage a tough, 16-7 win.

Carolina @ Kansas City

Apparently, the difference between Kansas City's bad defense and Carolina's supposedly good defense is not that great, especially after watching Green Bay manhandle the Panthers' front-seven on Monday night. This, and the fact that Priest Holmes is on the horizon, has Panther head coach John Fox worried, so much that his habit a nervously gnawing on chewing gum has increased three-fold.

"Hey," counters Fox, "you'd do the same, especially if you were an ex-smoker, like myself. Lucky Strikes, non-filtered, two packs a day. With our defensive issues, plus Steve Smith's injury, if I started smoking again, I'd be dead in 10 years, or worse, I'd look like a member of the Rolling Stones."

You're probably right, Coach. But here's a thought: why not try and do what got you to the Super Bowl last year, running the ball? You may not know this, but Stephen Davis is still on the team, and you have Deshaun Foster. It might be a good idea to do that against the Chiefs; the more you control the ball, the less it will be in the hands of Holmes.

"You know, I think I'll try that," promises Fox. "Thanks, man."

The Panthers successfully run the ball, but without the deep threat of Smith in the lineup, the Chiefs can afford to put an extra man in the box (it's always fun to say that). Holmes scores two touchdowns, and the Chiefs please a packed Arrowhead Stadium crowd with a 30-24 win.

After the game, Kansas City quarterback and golf fan Trent Green (in regulation) watches the United States squad fail to capture the Ryder Cup.

San Francisco @ New Orleans

This is a must-win game for Saints' coach Jim Haslett. Lose, and he can kiss his job goodbye, as well as his French Quarter plantation, his wife, his mistress, and his stake in the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. If he's lucky, there may be a position coaching the junior varsity at Bayou Technical Community College. But that's if New Orleans loses. Win, and all is forgotten temporarily, until another losing streak puts Haslett on the hot seat again.

As always, the Saints' problems stem from inconsistent play from quarterback Aaron Brooks, who has two A's in his first name, but should have two N's, for N-terception and N-completion. You would think Brooks would have one of the easiest jobs in the NFL, handing off to Deuce McAllister and throwing to Joe "Me So" Horn, Donte "No, I'm Not John's Son" Stallworth, and Boo "Hoo" Williams. Damn, it's not like those guys can't get open. What are you aiming for Aaron, their backs? Hit your targets, man! What do you have to say for yourself, Aaron?

"Ah, go Wahoos," is all the Charlottesville alum can manage.

Brooks limits his interceptions, Stallworth scores on a bomb, McAllister gets a rushing TD, and Haslett is safe for a couple of weeks. Saints, 27-20.

Washington @ New York Giants

It took Kurt Warner less than a game to get pulled from last week's game at Philly, and he didn't even break his thumb or suffer a concussion. But he did make a nice handoff to Tiki Barber, which Barber turned into a 72-yard touchdown jaunt.

"That's the highlight of Kurt's season right there," comments ill-mannered Giant coach Tom Coughlin. "From now on, his highlights will consist of topping his skull with a Giants cap and charting the passes of Eli Manning. That's all under the condition that I don't cut him."

Well, Sergeant Coughlin, Kurt Warner is the least of your worries. Numbers one and two on your agenda should be how to stop Clinton Portis, and starting a defensive backfield that doesn't give up four touchdowns, as the Giants did against Philly. And, oh yeah, you should be concerned that every player on your team hates your guts.

The latest complaint involves you fining three players not for being late to a meeting, but for not being early enough.

"Yeah, what's up with that?" whines one of the "guilty" party, Terry Cousin. "Is this Fork Union Military Academy? And $500? I can't afford that! Wait a minute. Yes, I can! I'm rich. I play football for a living! I'll gladly pay the fine! Then I'll gladly lay down and let Portis run by me for a touchdown. Whoo hoo!"

The 'Skins wax the Giants and Coughlin gets a lesson in coaching and respect from legendary Joe Gibbs. Portis scores one, Brunell torches a pathetic Giants secondary for two touchdowns. Washington, 24-10.

After the game, Michael Strahan leads a players-only meeting on the meaning of the word "mutiny."

Indianapolis @ Tennessee

With two wins over the Titans last year, Peyton Manning seems to have Steve McNair's number.

"Yeah, and the fool won't stop calling me," complains McNair. "He wants me to buy some Girl Scout cookies."

"C'mon Steve, it's for a good cause," Manning begs.

"No thanks, bud," says McNair. "But if they have a new flavor called 'Good Ole Down South Hominy Grits And Cornbread,' then you might be in business."

That said, Manning shuts up and gets his game face on, knowing the Colts must win, otherwise they will be down two games to the Titans in the AFC South A-League, while the Texans and Jaguars battle for the B-League crown. Colts' coach Tony Dungy knows what his team has to do to win.

"We have to contain McNair," explains Dungy. "If we can keep him from making the big play, we win. And also, it would help if Edgerrin would not fumble in the red zone."

Sometimes a jab like that from a coach can put the affected player in a funk. But not Edgerrin James. He takes the comment in stride, smiles through his gold teeth, and continues to punch his Tony Dungy, life-size bobble-head doll, which makes it about the size of a real bobble-head doll.

James holds onto the ball on his one touchdown plunge. Manning throws two TD passes, and the Colts' offense is too much for Tennessee to overcome. Indianapolis wins, 27-20.

Seattle @ Tampa Bay

It's the battle of expansion teams, class of 1977, that is, on the assumption that Hurricane Ivan allows this game to take place. But things should be okay. Ivan seems to heading slightly westward, so the chance of hurricane conditions is falling, as is the chance of the Bucs managing a winning record.

But luckily for the Bucs, Seattle's Shaun Alexander may not play with a bruised knee. That may give the Bucs some hope, but they still won't have a chance. Seattle has too many weapons; Tampa Bay has none.

Brad Johnson will be lucky to make it through the entire season, and, with no major receiving threats, why would he want to? And with an aging Charlie Garner as the main ball carrier, the running game is not much better. Defensively, the Bucs are decent, but won't be able to stop Matt Hasselback and receivers Darrell Jackson and Koren Robinson. Seattle wins, 26-10.

New England @ Arizona

Cardinal coach Dennis Green has been waiting to welcome the defending Super Bowl champs to Arizona since he assumed the head-coaching role.

"I've challenged my guys to play their best against the best," Green explains. "And I want to get a look and those two Super Bowl rings on [Bill] Bellichick's fingers."

Before the game, Bellichick and Green meet at midfield for the customary coaches' salutations. Little does Bellichick know that Green has greased his own palm with a handful of Crisco, and, after a vigorous handshake, Green slips the gold off of Bellichick's fingers and high tails it to the sideline. The reserved Bellichick calmly informs Green that once the Pats get up by thirty, he's taking the rings back.

"You're on," Green cockily answers.

Well, as a raucous Cardinals Stadium crowd looks on, enjoying the "Beat the Heat" promotion (all fans receive a Cardinal hand fan provided the attendance is higher than the temperature -- all 109 fans got one; the temperature was only 101°), Green is forced to give the rings back early in the third quarter, when the Pats go up 34-3.

A furious Cardinal fourth-quarter rally falls just a bit short, and New England goes to 2-0 with a 37-13 win. Tom Brady connects for 261 yards passing and two touchdowns.

Cleveland @ Dallas

Bill Parcells just couldn't shake that uncomfortable feeling last Sunday against the Vikings. Was it the fact that the Dallas defense allowed five passing touchdowns, or was it the Cowboy's inability to establish a rushing attack (21 rushes for 71 yards)?

"It was neither," says Parcells. "It was this doggone girdle I have to wear to keep my gut from spilling over. You know, I was starting to look like Monica Seles there for a bit. But, thanks to the good people at Playtex, I'm looking much more svelte, pardon my Swedish. But, damn if this thing doesn't dig into my sides."

Then, out of nowhere, Cleveland tight end Kellen Winslow II snaps the elastic on Parcells' girdle, dropping the coaching legend to his knees. Then, Winslow, while muttering something about "going to war" and being a "soldier," finishes Parcells off with a wedgie, a noogie, and the coup de grace, a titty twister.

As Parcells convulses on the floor, the original Kellen Winslow can only shake his head at his son's antics, disappointed that his son will probably never block an Uwe von Schaman field goal to save a playoff game for his team. The thought exhausts the elder Winslow, and he has to be carried away by former teammates Chuck Muncie and Charlie Joiner.

The younger Winslow fares a little better, but has a hard time getting open with Dallas safety Roy Williams hounding him all day. Father Time Vinnie Testerverde plays mistake-free football, and Julius Jones finally gets the call over Eddie "2.2 Yards and a Cloud of Dust" George, scoring on a one-yard touchdown run.

In the Cleveland locker room after the Cowboys 24-20 win, Winslow snaps and trashes a massage table, only to be slapped by team leader Jeff Garcia back to reality. "Get a hold of yourself, man," shouts Garcia. "We're 1-1. It's all good."

Buffalo @ Oakland

"I'm back," boasts Raider quarterback Rich Gannon. "My torn labrum is fully healed, and as long as my offensive lineman can keep fat slob defensive linemen from driving my should into the turf, things should be great for me and the Raiders. You will feel my wrath one day, Tony Siragussa."

Guess what, Rich? You lost last week. Sure, you passed for 305 yards and two touchdowns, but you also threw two costly interceptions. And I'm sure that any time you want a piece of Siragusa, you can have it. I'm sure he won't miss it. He's got plenty to go around.

While not as crafty as Gannon in the pocket, Buffalo's Drew Bledsoe still has a cannon for an arm, and when he's not getting sacked, he's able to hit his receivers. Eric Moulds is re-emerging as his favorite target, but Bledsoe is having trouble deciding which running back to hand off to, Travis Henry or Willis McGahee.

McGahee is unhappy about his backup role, but seems to forget that Henry rushed for well over a 1,000 yards last year, and is tougher than shoe leather and meaner than a rattlesnake.

Hey, Willis, if you really want to start, why don't you give Tonya Harding a call? I'm sure she knows some goons with a lead pipe who can take care of Travis. Or you could just be a man, suck it up, and be a team player.

Anyway, this is an evenly-matched game. The difference is Raider kicker Sebastian Janikowski, whose 45-yard, fourth quarter field goal is the difference. Oakland wins, 23-20. Janikowski celebrates later by committing a second-degree felony.

New York Jets @ San Diego

Curtis Martin showed everyone last week that he's still got it. Martin dropped 196 rushing yards on the Bengals and head coach Marvin Lewis. Hey, Curtis, you still got anything left in the tank?

"Man, you know I do," replies Martin. "I spent the offseason 'Sweatin' to the Oldies' with Richard Simmons. He really knows how to work it, and he's really got a cool, white-man afro. And, check these out."

Martin drops his game pants to reveal a pair of Under Armour biker shorts in vintage Simmons red and white vertical stripes.

Those are sweet, and manly.

"Aren't they?" replies Martin. "I even sent L.T. a pair.

"Yes, thank you Curtis," LaDainian Tomlinson replies. "You'll be receiving a subpoena for sexual harassment shortly. Those things are offensive. A real NFL man works out to Jack LaLanne. That dude is 80, but he looks 50. I'll take the LaLanne short-sleeve jumpsuit over the Simmons' pansy pants anyday."

As usual, L.T. rushes for 100 yards and a touchdown, but Martin's supporting cast leads the Jets to victory. Chad Pennington records two touchdown passes, and the Jets' defense brings Drew Brees back to the level of bad quarterback. New York, 30-14.

Miami @ Cincinnati

Shocking news out of Miami. A. J. Feeley has been named this week's starter against the Bengals.

"Don't be so surprised," explains current and soon-to-be ex-head coach of the Dolphins, Dave Wannstedt. "I've been kicking myself in the ass for years for starting a quarterback from an Ivy League school. Fiedler should be working for NASA or curing cancer, not quarterbacking. I feel much better with Feeley behind center. He's a dumb jock from Oregon. If he can't play football, he'll be on the street panhandling. So I'm doing humanity a favor."

Thanks, coach, for keeping A.J. Feeley off of the street. I can safely go out now.

The question is, Dave, can the Dolphins keep the Bengals out of the end zone. No, wait, I have a better question. Can the Miami offense find the end zone? With your patchwork offense, your best bet is to throw the ball and hope your defense can put up some points of their own. Miami does find the end zone once, on a Feeley pass to Chris Chambers.

New Dolphin Lamar Gordon doesn't do much, much to the satisfaction of ex-Dolphin Ricky Williams, who enjoys the game on a satellite feed from a Bangkok opium den. The Johnson boys, Chad and Rudi, score a touchdown apiece, and Carson Palmer gains more confidence with no interceptions against a seasoned Miami defense. Cincy wins, 17-7.

Minnesota @ Philadelphia

Three words: take the over. For you non-gamblers, that means this game will be high-scoring and high-flying. Here's why. If the Eagles can give up over 400 yards of offense to the Giants and Kurt Warner, will they be able to hold the Vikings under 600? Don't laugh, Viking defense. You didn't even sack Vinnie Testeverde once, and he's probably the most immobile quarterback in the history of the NFL, and that includes all the deceased quarterbacks.

Will you even lay a hand on Donovan McNabb? I doubt it. McNabb finally has a main man in Terrell Owens (easy, Terrell, that statement was made with no homosexual undertones). Daunte Culpepper's main man is still Randy Moss. Owens and Moss had three and two touchdown catches, respectively, in Week 1. This will be a personal battle, Terrell "The Brother From Another Planet" versus Randy "Mad Skillz" Moss, the winner to take all the bragging rights for the year.

"Hey man, that's all that matters," adds Owens. "If you gonna walk the walk, then you can talk the talk. I'm gonna shut brace face up for good."

"Man, I'll tell you what planet he's from," counters Moss. "He's from the planet Wack. Does he remember last year when I whupped him good and left him on the sideline poutin' like a baby 'cause he didn't get the ball. Here's news for you, T.O. Get open, bitch!"

Once again, Moss gets the better of Owens, scoring two touchdowns to Owens' one, and the Vikings prevail in a 38-35 shootout.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 7:47 PM | Comments (3)

Sports Needs an Anti-Hero

The fall of the Soviet Union in 1991 was good for the Russians, but bad for another exponentially more important group: American sports fans.

In every Olympics, we on the left side of the pond, south of Canada, want the Yanks to do well, of course, but in Russia, we had a sports enemy that everyone hated and could rally against. They won the medal count most years, but we could still kick their behinds in basketball (except in 1972) and sprints. We have an entire culture built on beating the Russians in The Miracle on Ice in 1980. The USSR made the perfect anti-hero.

Now, who do we have? We still have enemies, of course, but how much of an Olympic threat is North Korea and Libya? There's China, but although I imagine most Americans harbor a vague suspicion about China, it's hard to completely rally against the country who provides us with all of our coffee mugs.

It's not just an international problem, either. Circa 25 years ago, everyone hated the Broad Street Bullies, aka the Philadelphia Flyers, outside of the Delaware Valley. Who was a fan of Illie "Nasty" Nastase, a tennis player from the same era that made John McEnroe look like a care bear?

There's a definite dearth of hatred in the sports world today, and I know the perfect guy to fix it. One man we can band together in hatred over. One man we can boo in a sport renowned for its politeness. One man will answer the clarion call for our need to hate.

Vijay Singh.

Frankly, I'm fond of making lists, so let me countdown the top six reasons why everyone should join me in my revulsion of Vijay Singh, in no particular order.

1. The Annika Sorenstam flap. When Sorenstam was invited to play in the 2003 Colonial, I'm sure that plenty of chauvinist golfers were against it. But, even those who voiced their opinions against it did so with aplomb and grace. Not Vijay. His insulting comments ("I hope she misses the cut ... she doesn't belong here ... If she was paired with me, I would withdraw.") introduced the world to not only Vijay's worldview, but to his bile and contempt.

2. Here's something a lot of golf fans don't know, and really ought to: Vijay was banned for two years from the Asian PGA tour for two years for doctoring his scorecard to make a cut. He claims a tournament official made a mistake and then made a scapegoat out of him. I think it's more likely he changed his score to prevent being paired with Annika Sorenstam.

3. I'm no prize, no one well ever mistake me for a Calvin Klein model. But if I was a millionaire a million many times over, I would look better. I wouldn't get any radical plastic surgery done, but I'd improve. If I had any gigantic moles, I would have them removed. So Vijay, get that mountainous mole removed from between your eyes. You shouldn't do it to be vain; you shouldn't do it for the groupies. You should do it because I'm tired of looking at it.

4. From Golf Digest: "When Dean Wilson, who was paired with Sorenstam at Colonial, later asked about the weight of Singh's practice club, Singh replied, 'Too heavy for your girlfriend to swing.' Said a surprised Wilson, 'I was like, 'dude, let it go.'"

5. Also from Golf Digest: "Singh was also incensed that [Brandel] Chamblee told reporters he thought Singh had missed the point about Sorenstam playing at Colonial. Months later, Singh saw Chamblee in a restaurant and made a single-digit gesture. When Chamblee approached Singh for an explanation, Singh blasted him. 'I just thought it was an irrational reaction for simply disagreeing,' says Chamblee. 'I saw all this anger in his eyes.'"

6. The other big guns of golf like Tiger Woods, Ernie Els, and PhilMickelson are often criticized for playing half or less of the PGA Tour slate. But if you think about it, it's almost altruistic for them to do so. If Singh, Els, Woods, and Mickelson played in every tournament, then they would win probably 70% of them. When those guys are out of the field, the lunchpail guys of the PGA Tour get their chance to shine ... and win some money. That's a good thing.

Of course, Vijay is the one guy who does play a full slate of 30-35 events. He doesn't care if he is No. 1 in the world (a title he completely deserves, by the way), he's still going to beat your uncle in the Central Illinois Open.

So who's with me in the anti-fan club?

Slant Pattern Top-25

Last year, when I rolled out the Slant Pattern Top-25 in college football, I was wrong about the proficiency of a great many teams. This year, I decided to wait a couple of weeks before rolling out my picks. That said, the triumphant return of the Slant Pattern Top-25!

1. Oklahoma
Like last year, they have been and should continue to blow everyone out, but I'm not sure they are going to throw it away in the end this time.

2. USC
Only reason they are not No. 1 is they looked less than invincible against Virginia Tech.

3. Miami
I have to give a high ranking to whomever wins the annual Florida State/Miami battle if it happens this early in the season, right?

4. Purdue
Has outscored their opponents 110-7 thus far, is all.

5. Georgia
Don't worry, they will choke and fall from this lofty perch at some point.

6. LSU
High, even though I'm not sure they will get past Auburn this Saturday.

7. West Virginia
I'm officially changing my mind about UConn winning the Big East.

8. Florida
Ron Zook will be coaching like a man whose job is on the line. Because it is.

9. Cal
Should finish comfortably in second-place in the Big 10.

10. Tennessee
They won't stay this high for long with a pair of freshman quarterbacks.

11. Virginia
12. Ohio State
13. Texas
14. Florida State
15. Fresno State
16. Michigan
17. Auburn
18. Utah
19. N.C. State
20. Stanford
21. Boise State
22. Iowa
23. Colorado
24. Georgia Tech
25. Troy

Slant Pattern Picks of the Week

1. TCU (+6) over Texas Tech

Both of these teams have played SMU. Texas Tech beat them, 27-13. TCU (albeit at home) beat them, 44-0. TCU looked good in winning their other game, against Northwestern. Texas Tech looked bad in losing their other game, against New Mexico. Can someone explain to me why Texas Tech is favored?

2. Notre Dame (-3) over Michigan State

The Spartans couldn't handle a Rutgers team that lost to New Hampshire. Notre Dame will always be overrated, but they do get a big gold star for knocking off Michigan. They'll win by more than a field goal.

3. Colorado (-17) over North Texas

All Colorado has done has beaten a solid BCS squad (Washington State) on the road after dispatching their in-state archrival. All North Texas has done is lose to a Division 1-AA school and get murdered, really murdered, by Texas, 65-0.

Remember: All picks guaranteed wrong or your money back.

Posted by Kevin Beane at 4:04 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 15, 2004

Dying Embers in the Steel City

How do the Pittsburgh Steelers keep Jerome Bettis happy, despite making him the backup running back when he still believes he can be the starter on a contending team where running the ball is the bulk of their offense?

Apparently, they think the way to do it is to hand him the ball three times at the goal line and allow him to plow his way to the glory. That is exactly what happened in Week 1 of the NFL campaign for the Steelers.

Determined to make the running game the focal part of the offense in the Steel City, Bill Cowher had quarterback Tommy Maddox hand the ball off to his new running back, Duce Staley, on 23 occasions. Staley handled the load well, churning out close to 100 yards. Bettis only got the ball five times during the game, but crossed the goal line for three scores.

The running game allowed for Maddox to pass the ball only when he needed and the Steelers pounced on the Oakland Raiders before watching as their defense almost allowed the Raiders to sneak out of Pittsburgh with a win.

What Cowher did this week was to put a pacifier into the mouth of Jerome Bettis.

Bettis went from saying, "it's disappointing," last week, to saying after the game that Duce and himself had a "rapport" with one another. No, Jerome, a rapport between running backs is what Duce had last season. Two or more running backs sharing the load to help a team. Meshing together and doing whatever it takes to get a win, is a rapport. A rapport is harmony.

What they have in Pittsburgh is not a rapport.

What they have in Pittsburgh is a player who represents an era of Pittsburgh Steeler football. In a town that is tradition-rich in their sports and exudes simplicity, Jerome Bettis is a defining player in the history of Steelers football. There is Chuck Noll. There is Franco Harris. There is the defense. There is the Terrible Towel. Jerome Bettis fits in there, somewhere at least. His name doesn't sound as magical as many Steeler greats, but you can not deny that he became the No. 6 rusher in NFL history while in Pittsburgh.

Jerome Bettis is an era of Steeler football. An era that saw Cowher and Mike Mularkey try to phase out Bettis and the running game and implement some sort of pseudo-West Coast offense that was simply crazy and hard to define. Mularkey was in over his head. Sure, there were times when this Mularkey offense looked like it was going to take the Steelers back to the promised land, but that was mainly smoke and mirrors.

Mularkey is out the door and Cowher is back to his roots. It's a good thing, too, because Tommy Maddox isn't the quarterback that he was when he won the XFLs Million Dollar game (or challenge, whatever the hell it was).

Realizing that Amos Zereoue wasn't the answer in the backfield, long-term or in the immediate future, he was jettisoned and the Steelers brought in Staley to carry the burden of their ground game this season.

Bettis had to realize that. The Steelers didn't give Staley a healthy salary and Bettis a pay-cut for Staley to be in the backdrop of a Bettis tapestry. Bettis was polite about it, at the very least, but it was obvious that he wasn't happy. Or was he satisfied.

For the past three years of his career, damn near everyone has doubted Bettis. The doubts have rang louder than the cheers when Bettis does show flashes of the brilliance from the early days of his career. There has to be a desire to cover those doubts. Maybe not make them go away, but shade them a bit. It can't be a pleasant experience.

The cameras caught Bettis smiling a couple times after Staley runs on Sunday. Each time smiling while the lingering "Duce" chants passed around the stadium. When Bettis reached the end zone, the cameras caught him smiling again and cheers this time were for his sealing the drive with six points on the board.

It couldn't be the satisfaction that the running back bound for the Hall of Fame wants the most, but for now it is the satisfaction that he is forced to take.

Cowher didn't need to bring Bettis onto the field to cram the ball down the throats of the Raiders defense on those goal-line plays. Staley is a strong back that can finish from a yard out.

The thing with Staley is that Staley is just happy to get the ball 20 times a game. Staley learned last year that numbers weren't really the only thing that defined a football player. Staley is a feature back right now. That's what every running back wants. The yards are nice. The touchdowns are the icing. They just want to be the running back, because for what they do, they are a center of attention that only the quarterback understands.

While Bettis might not show it, he has to desire to be a feature back. The smiles that came with each score had to come with him knowing that Staley would get the credit. The Bus is still off-course, rambling in a direction opposite to that one in which the light sits, ready to shine down on Bettis. Bettis desires to be a featured back in the NFL. That's why he took a pay cut in Pittsburgh, where he has his best shot to become a feature back.

Pittsburgh is the place where most of his doubters lie, but those same doubters are the ones that would love more than anything else a return of course by Bettis. They just don't think it's possible. It is apparent that Cowher doesn't think it possible, either.

Yet Bettis lingers in Pittsburgh like the dying embers of a fire, hoping for one last great run.

Posted by Doug Graham at 4:14 PM | Comments (0)

USA Juniors Save Face

With all eyes on the senior men's national team in the Olympics this summer, the under 21 men's national team won the tournament of the America's in Halifax, Nova Scotia in August. Tobacco Road played a large part in the victory for the young men of the USA. Sean May of North Carolina and Justin Gray and Chris Paul of Wake Forest led the way as the USA finished 5-0 to secure a bid to next year's World Championship for Young Men (under 21).

The last two international tournaments have seen a sixth- and third-place finish. American basketball fans seem to becoming increasingly frustrated with the performances of the senior men's national team. Oklahoma mentor Kelvin Sampson put together a squad that played unselfish ball and fit their roles perfectly. This has often been the problem with the senior team. NBA Olympians are all superstars who want the ball in their hands and are not used to being role players.

May led the team in scoring and rebounding with 16 ppg and 9.5 rpg, Gray contributed 14.3 ppg and 3.5 apg, and Paul ran Sampson's offense perfectly, posting, 10.5 ppg and 7.8 apg.

The young Americans respected their opponents and took every game seriously. They brought home gold with a 97-86 victory over Puerto Rica in the Gold Medal game. Five Americans finished in double-figures, led by May's 18 and 17 by Charlotte's Curtis Withers.

The college players who competed for team USA didn't complain about lack of playing time or who was leading the team in scoring. These players wanted to wear the red, white, and blue and were happy to contribute to a team that brought home gold. After the win over Puerto Rico, May commented on what it took to capture gold.

"We all played together and all the hard work we put in paid off. The coaches did a great job of getting us prepared for every game and we really came together in the end ... A lot of players could have come into this tournament and averaged 20, 25 (points a game). A lot of guys took a back seat even though at times they probably didn't want to."

Sampson has put Oklahoma basketball back on the map and did an outstanding job molding the team and getting the players to buy into his system. They used a balanced inside-outside game and had different heroes each night.

In the title game, the U.S. was patient despite getting torched by Washington Wizard draftee Peter John Ramos. Ramos competed for Puerto Rico in the Olympics in addition to the tournament of the Americas U-21. Ramos finished with 34 points, but fouled out with 49 seconds left and the Islanders down 13. The savvy play of the young Americans paced their march throughout the tournament.

A large reason the Americans were able to capture the tournament of the Americans was their ability to grow together as a team. This team was chosen after having tryouts. The senior team also captured the tournament of the Americas last summer, but this was with the best players the United States had to offer.

If the top players are not going to compete, then a careful selection process needs to be implemented. Sampson and his staff proved that this summer. The senior men's team failed in the Olympics largely due to an unbalanced team. A lack of outside shooting, an uneven commitment to defense, and the unwillingness to buy into Larry Brown' system ultimately doomed them.

The junior team was just the opposite. They all bought into Sampson's style of play, play hard on both ends of the floor and accepted their roles. Stu Jackson, the Senior Vice President of Basketball Operations for the NBA, and USA Basketball Executive Director Tom Jernstad have both proposed tryouts for the 2008 Olympic team. Most of the NBA players would likely be opposed to the tryout process. This would ensure that the players who were interested would be truly dedicated to playing.

Playing for their country meant everything to the young men of Team USA. Sean May was able to match the Gold Medal that his father won at the 1976 Olympics. All the players should be able to take their experience this summer and return to their respective campuses as team leaders.

The ability for the search committee for future USA basketball teams to find chemistry, leadership, and commitment is going to be vital to restoring the honor to USA basketball. When the Dream Team competed at the 1992 Olympics, they were a feared team that teams were honored to be on the court with. NBA players have seemed to have lost interest in competing for any national team. The NBA players could learn from the exuberance of the collegiate players.

Posted by Alan Rubenstein at 4:12 PM | Comments (0)

September 14, 2004

NFL Week 1 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Joe Theismann is the NFL's best announcer. Pat Summerall and Paul Maguire are the worst.

* For the length of the season, I will refer to horribly-renamed stadiums by their original names. Candlestick, Mile High, and Jack Kent Cooke Memorial, I'm looking in your directions here. E-mail me or leave a comment using the form at the bottom if you have more suggestions.

* Perspective: Brett Favre is six years younger than Vinny Testaverde.

* I think Al Michaels was reprimanded for his cheap shot at John Kerry on Thursday. Monday night, he mentioned something about "not supposed to talk about politics during football broadcasts." Which is just as well. I prefer MNF to Bill O'Reilly, anyway.

* Michaels and John Madden were terrible this week. Their season is off to a slow start, but I think they'll get better, probably do a game or two in the postseason.

The terrific Broncos/Chiefs Sunday night game deserves its own paragraph before we get to this week's rankings. The game was marred by the worst officiating I have seen in more than a year, beginning in the first quarter when Eddie Kennison was inexplicably ruled down on an obvious fumble recovered by the Broncos; Kansas City eventually scored a touchdown on the drive.

On Denver's first possession, an incidental facemask penalty by KC's John Browning was called as a personal foul -- 15 yards instead of five. Later in the same drive, Quentin Griffin was hit out of bounds after his first-down run on 4th-and-1; no penalty was called.

And, of course, right before the end of the first half, the officials simply forgot to assess five yards for an offside penalty. The Chiefs missed a FG attempt and both teams headed to the locker rooms before the mistake was brought to officials' attention. The teams were called back to the field to finish the half, and this time, the ref tried to give the Chiefs 10 yards on the five-yard penalty. Eventually, after three tries and more than 10 minutes, the last play of the first half was finally over. There were more instances of questionable officiating in the second half, but that's more than enough mistakes for a whole game. Disgraceful.

Rankings are based on how good a team is right now. Brackets indicate the team's rank in my preseason power rankings.

1. Denver Broncos [4] -- No one looked better in Week 1. Jake Plummer doesn't look ready to take command of big games the way Tom Brady and Peyton Manning do, but he made some great plays on Sunday night. Mike Shanahan and his staff deserve credit for calling plays that kept Plummer calm and confident after his mistakes, and for recognizing KC's vulnerability to the play-action bootleg they ran so many times and so effectively. Quentin Griffin was sensational, but I would have limited his workload late in the fourth quarter. Micah Knorr earned some recognition for kickoffs that limited Dante Hall's effectiveness. The pass defense was exceptional.

2. New England Patriots [2] -- The good news is that Tom Brady looked terrific for the first three quarters; his placement has never been better. The bad news is that New England's defense looked awful. Bill Belichick's club only forced the Colts to punt twice, and if not for some timely turnovers, probably would have lost by double-digits. Forcing turnovers is part of a team's defensive strategy, but you can't gamble so much that you give up 446 yards. It's especially worrisome that this happened in Foxborough, where the Patriots are supposed to be invincible. Richard Seymour, a defensive MVP candidate last season, was invisible all game. New England had particular trouble stopping the run. James' 142 rushing yards in the game was the fifth-highest total of his career, and more than the Patriots allowed to anyone in 2003. Last season, the Pats allowed only 89.6 rushing yards per game; against the Colts, they gave up more than 200.

3. Seattle Seahawks [6] -- Shaun Alexander's injury apparently is minor, and the defense seems to be much improved. Winning on the road is big for the Seahawks, and especially against a team some (including I) have called a Super Bowl contender. Seattle, obviously, falls into that category, as well. If they can get past the Buccaneers in hurricane-ravaged Tampa Bay next week, the Seahawks have a very winnable home-opener against San Francisco in Week 3, followed by a bye and another home game. They could be undefeated going into New England in Week 6.

4. Tennessee Titans [5] -- The offense wasn't exceptional, but it didn't have to be. It's encouraging, of course, that Chris Brown ran for 100 yards and showed some explosive potential. Defense, though, was the name of the game in Miami on Saturday. After the Colts looked vulnerable and Tennessee nearly shut out the Dolphins, the Titans have to be thinking about the AFC South title. The first test comes at home against Indianapolis this Sunday.

5. Indianapolis Colts [1] -- Brady torched them; Corey Dillon broke three runs -- out of only 15 carries -- for 10 yards or more. The pass defense was miserable, and starting safety Mike Doss is expected to miss three weeks. It wasn't just the defenses that stunk, though. Manning looked rattled and forced the ball too often. Edgerrin James fumbled twice (what is this, 1999?) and Marvin Harrison's longest catch went for 12 yards. Tony Dungy, who hates instant replay, wasted a timeout on a challenge that never had a chance. The Indianapolis offense will play better, but if the defense is as bad as it seemed on Thursday, Dungy's team is going nowhere this season.

6. Philadelphia Eagles [8] -- I'm not going to let one game change all the impressions I formed in the offseason and preseason, but Philadelphia was probably more dominant in Week 1 than any other team. It helps to play at home against one of the league's worst, of course, and I guess run defense is a potential Achilles' Heel. We should have a better idea about that after next week, when Philly hosts the Vikings on MNF. The Eagles should win, but even if they don't, I see this team coasting to their division title.

7. Minnesota Vikings [10] -- Few people are predicting great things for Dallas this year, but that doesn't make Minnesota's convincing victory over a 2003 playoff team less impressive. Daunte Culpepper was awesome. Randy Moss is always awesome. They averaged almost five yards per carry. The defense was good enough, forcing two turnovers and limited the Cowboys to 3.4 yards per rush. What's worrisome is that Testaverde threw 50 passes without an interception and converted more than half of the Cowboys' third downs (8-15).

8. Green Bay Packers [11] -- Mike Sherman and his staff outcoached John Fox and the Panthers. If they continue to work Ahman Green as hard as they did Monday night, though, he won't last the season. The offensive line looks terrific and the defense did its job. Green Bay controlled the pace of the game, and late in the fourth quarter, when Carolina knew the Packers were going to run, the Panthers still couldn't stop Green and Tony Fisher.

9. Kansas City Chiefs [7] -- Other teams are going to play Tony Gonzalez the same way Denver did. Priest Holmes is always going to get his yards, but if opponents can shut down Gonzalez, Kansas City's offense won't be effective consistently. A star RB can't carry a whole team: LaDainian Tomlinson is every bit as good as Holmes in San Diego, and the Chargers had the league's worst record last year. I think Dick Vermeil and his staff expected the (horrible) refs to call illegal contact more closely than they did, but that's no excuse for a passing game that never got off the ground. Trent Green can play better, and he'll have to if KC is going to make the playoffs.

10. New York Jets [9] -- Curtis Martin had a terrific game, and the Jets needed every yard to salvage a victory at home against the upstart Bengals. Last season, though, Cincinnati ranked 25th in run defense and 30th in opponents' average per carry. It will be interesting to see how Martin does against better run defenses, and how well the 31-year-old RB holds up later in the season, when he's had two or three hundred carries and isn't fresh.

11. Carolina Panthers [3] -- Losing Steve Smith for the season is a major blow. Jake Delhomme's emergence may have had one negative impact: Carolina's coaching staff abandoned the run far too early on Monday night. As Ahman Green pointed out to Michele Tafoya (who seems great) after the game, even when the Packers didn't score, they drove and kept Carolina's defense on the field. Delhomme made some big plays, notably two long passes to Ricky Proehl, but after the first quarter, Carolina never really put together a drive. I think Fox and his staff will get things settled down, though. They've got a tough test next week at Kansas City.

12. Pittsburgh Steelers [13] -- There's really no team that deserves this spot. I actually considered the Lions here, but I'm not quite bold enough for that. I wish I'd seen Pittsburgh's game this weekend, because I'm quite curious about both the Steelers and Raiders. The Pitt defense seems to have done its job: shut down the run, picked up three sacks, and two INTs. Pass defense remains a concern, but even more pressing: where was the offense? The Raiders passed 37 times and created a shootout, and the Steelers didn't hold up their end of the bargain. Hines Ward was the only player with any impact in the receiving game -- he caught more passes for more yards than the rest of the team combined -- and his numbers were solid, but not eye-popping. Duce Staley gained 91 yards on the ground and Jerome Bettis averaged 0.2 yards per carry with 3 TDs. Where's Tommy Maddox's 300-yard passing day? He finished with 142. Staley's 150 on the ground? Bettis only had 1 yard. This is not the 12th-best team in the league, but right now I only know of 11 who are better.

13. Baltimore Ravens [12] -- Their loss to the Browns was probably the biggest upset of Week 1. Baltimore doesn't drop too far because I have faith in egomaniac/head coach Brian Billick to right the ship. Against Cleveland, the Raven D didn't force any turnovers, which won't be the case in most games. Kyle Boller had a miserable game. It really hurts the Ravens not to have a No. 1 wide receiver. Todd Heap had a nice game, leading the team with nine catches for 86 yards, but this week saw two teams whose passing games rely on the tight end -- Baltimore and Kansas City -- lose because they had trouble generating offense. There's no substitute for a downfield passing attack. It also bears mentioning that Baltimore got destroyed on special teams. In today's NFL, you can't afford to give anything away, no matter who you're playing. Neither offense did much in Cleveland on Sunday, but the Browns won in a blowout because of special teams and turnovers. Billick and his staff will fix that; turning Kevin Johnson into an elite wideout could be tougher.

14. St. Louis Rams [14] -- It's hard to be impressed by their seven-point win, at home in the dome, against the lowly Cardinals. They committed three turnovers -- two in the red zone -- and allowed the non-existent Arizona running game to average 4.5 yards per rush. Last season, the Cards averaged only 3.8 yards per carry and finished 25th in the NFL in rushing.

15. Washington Redskins [19] -- Last week, I bashed the defense, and this weekend, it dominated the Bucs at JKC. Gregg Williams is being praised from sea to shining sea. Well, we'll see. Clinton Portis is very, very fast. Next week, Washington plays the Giants on the road, and if Steve Spurrier were still coaching, I would predict a Giant upset. With Joe Gibbs running the show, I say Washington wins a close one. I also think, though, that New York will begin to expose Washington's run defense.

16. Dallas Cowboys [15] -- The absence of a running game is clear, and must be immensely frustrating to Bill Parcells. Against Minnesota, the Cowboys' defense gave up three plays of more than 30 yards and forced no turnovers. The Vikings scored 35 points in three quarters. A team can't be judged by one game against a good team, but Dallas relies on its defense. Parcells may retire in frustration if things don't improve quickly. He could probably get a job on Bill Belichick's staff in New England.

17. Cincinnati Bengals [17] -- Clearly, Marvin Lewis has to make improving the run defense his top priority. And after that, pass defense. The offense seems okay, but Lewis -- who made his reputation by building an elite defense in Baltimore -- will have to get much better play from his defensive unit if the Bengals are going to be a factor in the AFC playoff race in 2004.

18. Atlanta Falcons [20] -- Winning on the road is a great way to start the season, but the optimism in Atlanta has to be tempered by the way the Falcons won on Sunday. They were outgained by more than 100 yards. The offense converted only one first down in 11 tries. The 49ers dominated time of possession and gained more yards per play. Mike Vick completed just five passes to wide receivers and had only 10 rushing yards, on six carries. Let's see how Atlanta holds up against St. Louis and Carolina in Weeks 2 and 4.

19. Detroit Lions [23] -- They won on the road. Hey, that's great. But the Lions want to do more this year than win one game on the road. Detroit has legitimate playoff aspirations. With Charles Rogers out for the season and the NFC North looking extremely competitive, that will be tough, but don't sell this group short by making too big a deal out of their Week 1 victory.

20. New Orleans Saints [18] -- Where to begin? With Aaron Brooks' 49% completion percentage against a defense that allowed the most completions in the NFL last year? With Deuce McAllister's 77 yards from scrimmage, the fourth-lowest total of his career as a starter? Or the defense that Seattle's Shaun Alexander had his way with? The Saints lost by 14 at home, and that tells the story right there.

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [16] -- You can't win games if you can't run the ball, and on Sunday, Tampa Bay's offense was neutralized by a Washington defense that most analysts -- myself included -- didn't think very highly of. Tampa's defense scored the team's only touchdown, while a long return set up the field goal. The offense did nothing. Even the defense just looked so-so, not like the dominant force they were when departed superstars John Lynch and Warren Sapp were in their primes.

22. Oakland Raiders [22] -- The defense, minus Rod Woodson, but plus Sapp, did pretty well. Rich Gannon was effective, even if his performance fell short of his MVP 2002 season. Norv Turner will stick with the running game, but I bet he misses Charlie Garner right now, Garner's ineffectiveness in Washington this weekend notwithstanding.

23. Jacksonville Jaguars [26] -- A win is a win, even if it's ugly. You can salvage a victory in a game like that against the Bills, but not against tough AFC South opponents like Tennessee and Indianapolis.

24. San Francisco 49ers [27] -- They outplayed the Falcons and lost at home. The "L" is a bummer, but an overall decent game is encouraging for a team that hasn't been getting a lot of respect recently. Backup QB Ken Dorsey is expected to start at New Orleans next week while Tim Rattay recovers from an injury, but Dorsey looked fine in limited action on Sunday.

25. Buffalo Bills [24] -- They were winning with five seconds left in the game. But, as I say every year -- usually about Detroit -- close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. It would help if Drew Bledsoe and his offensive line could collaborate on a plan to have him sacked fewer times. The linemen could promise to give Bledsoe a little more time -- holding penalties are better than sacks, if it comes to that -- and Bledsoe could work on throwing the ball away once in a while.

26. Miami Dolphins [21] -- They were 10-6 last year, so I can't call them the worst team in the league after only one week. Jay Fiedler has totally lost the support of Miami's fans, but he's a better QB than A.J. Feeley. Unfortunately, Dave Wannstedt is in a position where he now has to start Feeley. I don't understand why they traded for him in the first place. The whole banana or no banana at all. This offseason, the bananas were Mark Brunell and Jeff Garcia.

27. Cleveland Browns [30] -- Give the defense the credit in this one. It held Jamal Lewis to 57 yards and less than three yards per carry. Kenard Lang sacked Baltimore QB Kyle Boller three times. Boller was intercepted twice and lost a fumble. The offense was okay and the special teams were great. I'll be a believer if they beat the Cowboys at Texas Stadium next week.

28. San Diego Chargers [31] -- You know what's really sad? This ranking is probably too high. They have an interesting matchup with the Jets next week.

29. Chicago Bears [28] -- It's not the 1977 Saints losing to the 0-26 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, but breaking a division rival's 24-game road losing streak is one of the worst possible ways to start a season. Rex Grossman will have to play much better for Chicago to be successful this season.

30. Houston Texans [25] -- Domanick Davis had a great game, but pretty much everyone else, it seems, needs to improve. It's too early to give up on them, but losing at home is a nasty way to start the season. Especially against a team that went 4-12 last season and didn't get a win until Week 7.

31. New York Giants [29] -- Probably had the ugliest Week 1 loss of any team. Arizona almost upset the Rams in St. Louis, so I'm not sure why I still have the Cardinals behind New York. It ain't faith in Ron Dayne and whoever starts at quarterback.

32. Arizona Cardinals [32] -- Emmitt Smith had kind of a nice game, and they almost pulled off a big upset. But when you win the turnover battle by three, you have to win the game. They were outgained by almost 200 yards and allowed seven yards per play. Imagine what will happen when they don't finish +3 in turnovers.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 11:03 PM | Comments (0)

Vijay's Well-Deserved Recognition

Vijay Singh is in the midst of one of the best seasons in PGA Tour history. If you have not been watching golf this season, let me offer a quick recap. Singh, through the Bell Canadian Open this past weekend, has seven victories including the PGA Championship. He has officially usurped the world number one ranking from Tiger Woods, at his own tournament, nonetheless.

Vijay controls the money list by more than $3 million over his nearest competitor. He is less than a half-million dollars away from the all-time single season money lead. The nearly $9 million he has accrued on the season, over 25 starts, averages out to a very efficient $360,000 per start. On top of all that, he is obviously the lone candidate on the ballot for the Player of the Year award he was perhaps snubbed out of last year.

Singh is 41-years-old now. How is it possible that at that advanced stage of his career, he could enter the pinnacle of an already excellent career? Forty-one is not quite old by golfing standards, but it is well outside of the accepted age range in which a player reaches his peak.

While Jay Haas is extraordinary at age 50 in making the Ryder Cup team and his very consistent play, Singh's rise is even more remarkable. Singh is by far the hardest worker on the PGA Tour, slinging ball after ball before and after rounds. The countless hours of practice with blisters and bloody hands have paid off with an innumerable list of highlight reel approaches, including his PGA sealing birdie on the first playoff hole. Despite honing his amazing ball striking consistency, the most impressive change in Singh's game is his excellent putting stroke.

It's difficult to see the improvement from the statistics, which are very misleading on the PGA Tour. But, week-to-week, Singh demonstrates in front of millions in person and on television that he has. A perfect example was the 71st hole at the Deutsche Bank Championship two weeks ago. Singh was staring down a windy 20-foot putt for birdie with the then number one just six feet away for a three that would slim the gap. Rather than playing safe and coasting to a par, Singh decided to capture his destiny by draining the very difficult roll.

And for as many noticeable changes Singh's game has undergone in the past two seasons, Singh is seemingly more comfortable in his role as a superstar in the game. As the chase for number one has gone on, Singh has been much more kind to the media and his growing fan base. While he still may not be any different as a man in his private life, that largely unknown element of his life has no bearing on his ability to serve as an ambassador for the game.

Someone at the Tour must have pulled him aside, or Vijay has recognized the visibility of being the world number one on his own. Either way, in his current form, he is a much more likeable number one than the Singh of five years ago.

The total transformation that has helped to shape Singh's rise to the top of the golfing world is symbolic of the larger changes taking place in the game. No longer is the sport dominated by a single man that transcends the game, into popular culture. The world number one no longer is a man that has just as many photo shoots as he does tournaments in his day planner. The world number one golfer is a man that has one thing on his mind, and that is maintaining what he worked for so long.

Posted by Ryan Ballengee at 2:19 AM | Comments (0)

September 13, 2004

Wolverines Wake Up the Echoes

No. 17-ranked Missouri, in a huge upset, lost to Troy 24-14. This was a game in which the Tigers' offense tanked the entire second half. However, in the biggest blowout in terms of ranked teams, Fresno State blew the doors off of Kansas State, 45-21. No question that the Kansas State loss to Marshall last year in Manhattan is no fluke now.

But the biggest stunner of the day was Notre Dame upsetting No. 7-ranked Michigan, 30-23. After the way that Notre Dame lost to Air Force the week before, 20-17, I almost could not believe the way that Notre Dame started scoring all those second-half points against Michigan and winning. But now that I think about it, I am not all that surprised Michigan lost.

I mean, two years ago, Michigan did lose to Notre dame in Notre Dame, 25-23, right?

In that game, Michigan was the higher-ranked team, right?

In that game, the Notre Dame defense held off the Michigan offense, right?

If that does not clear it up why Michigan lost, then nothing will.

No question that Tyrone Willingham earned a temporary reprieve by beating Michigan again. In fact, it could be a launching point for Notre Dame to possibly have a winning season. Remember two years ago after they beat Michigan, who did they face? Michigan State, and they ended up winning that game. Back then, Michigan State was very talented with Charles Rogers at wide receiver and Jeff Smoker at quarterback. With Rutgers beating Michigan State, you think Notre Dame has a chance now?

They have more than a chance. They can actually pull it off.

Now I am not going to get ahead of myself and say Notre Dame will have a successful season. I mean they only play the hardest schedule in the nation. As an Ohio State fan, I think they should go to the Big East, but that is for another time.

As for Michigan, this loss has to sting because it ruined any shot of them winning a national championship. Losing to an unranked team can hurt a lot. Then again, last season, they lost at Oregon, but still won the Big 10 title. No doubt they can still win the Big 10, but with Iowa and Ohio State still undefeated, they are behind the eight ball early.

Yeah, I know that USC and LSU split the title after losing one game, but they were at the top of the rankings when they lost early. Michigan lost when they were ranked No. 7 in the nation. They lost at the wrong time.

Michigan also better note that their team is not the same as last year's team. No John Navarre, no Chris Perry, and they have an unproven offense. They have time to straighten things out, but Iowa and Ohio State are very good teams in the weak Big 10. They could finish third in that conference if they play like they did against Notre Dame.

Michigan has woken up the echoes. The whispers of being overrated are starting to get louder.

Posted by Marc James at 12:35 PM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2004

Monday Blight Football

It's hard to screw up the NFL these days. It's like the Teflon league.

Even television networks can't sully its appeal. They've crammed 1,000 commercials into every game -- you could knit a sweater in the ad time between the kick-off and the next offensive play from scrimmage. They've dumbed down the coverage, ignored the fans that wager on the games, and mucked up the screen with so many graphics it's like FOX News Channel on acid. And why do networks keep putting Boomer Esiason behind a microphone? Is someone trying to put NyQuil out of the tranquilizing business?

But we, as football fans, don't care. The NFL is an old friend, an annual rite, a borderline religion, like Scientology, but without all the celebrity friends. Because even though the NFL flaunts its Hollywood star power like most Bears fans flaunt their love handles, football is still about you, the boys, a bucket of wings, a few 12-packs of domestic, and the largest television set in the neighborhood every Sunday.

It takes a lot to screw up football. And there's no time like the dawn of Week 1 to remember how ABC managed to do it at the dawn of the millennium.

The worst disaster in the history sports television could only be born of great potential. In 1999, Dan Dierdorf parted ways with "Monday Night Football," leaving former NFL quarterback Boomer Esiason (yep, him again) and play-by-play veteran Al Michaels in the booth. What appeared to be addition by subtraction turned out to be a recipe for disaster: Michaels and Boomer seemed about as comfortable as a squirrel trying to cross I-95.

Esiason left "MNF" after the season, with the ratings in a nosedive. Executive producer Don Ohlmeyer -- who had a hand in the show's success during its Howard Cosell-starring glory years -- promised a major overhaul.

In June 2000, he announced the addition of college football analyst (and ex-NFL quarterback) Dan Fouts and comedian Dennis Miller to the "Monday Night" team.

Miller had become, in the years following his stint doing "Weekend Update" on "Saturday Night Live," one of the top political humorists in the country on his HBO talk show and as a stand-up comedian. He beat out conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh for the "Monday Night" job, depriving us -- for three years -- Rush's views on how the media protects and coddles black quarterbacks. (Or maybe those were just the pills talking on ESPN in 2003?)

Ohlmeyer clearly saw this as an updated version of the greatest "MNF" team of all-time, with Michaels as Keith Jackson, Fouts as Don Meredith, and Miller as a more controllable Cosell. "I think, with this trio, we'll provide a telecast that will be relevant to football experts, accessible to occasional fans, and unpredictable for both," Ohlmeyer told the press.

What turned out to be unpredictable was how immensely the Michael-Fouts-Miller team would flop.

Miller -- while a brilliant comedian in his element -- was about as well-suited for a primetime football broadcast as Carrot Top would have been discussing the socio-economic landscape of Senegal on "Face the Nation."

Two problems. First, Ohlmeyer didn't want Miller's political humor to alienate any viewers, so he ordered it kept to a minimum, which is like telling Tom Jones to sing soprano. It also didn't help that Miller really didn't know all that much about football to begin with.

Second, because "MNF" is on ABC, Miller couldn't use the colorful language he masterfully applied on cable television. To paraphrase Jean Shepherd from A Christmas Story, Miller used obscenities like some artists used oil or clay. It was his true medium.

One could say Miller was also too smart for the room. But how smart could he have been not to know before taking the job that Sylvia Plath references wouldn't fly with an audience that still giggles at the name "Marion Butts?"

So Miller was a bust. But at least you noticed he was there, unlike the pseudo-analytical nothing we Earthlings called "Dan Fouts."

He was invisible, every game. Sure, you'd hear a low rumble now and again ("hmmmmmm ... Chargers ... hmmmmmmmm"), but Fouts never increased his decibels over mouse-fart levels at any point in the season.

The most accurate measure of this catastrophe was Al Michaels' performance during the Miller-Fouts run in the booth. He was awful, but could you blame him? How hard must it have been to spout off another "do you believe in miracles" when you're stuck in a room with a mute on your right and a guy comparing Bill Walsh to Vladimir Kosma Zworykin (inventor of the kinescope, for the Miller-impaired) on your left.

Ratings continued to fall, viewers hated the booth, and in 2002, the Miller-Fouts era came to an unceremonious end. John Madden, the best color commentator in the business, was hired away from FOX to join Michaels. Ratings began to rebound the next season.

Fouts went on to become ABC's lead color man for its NCAA coverage.

Miller became a Republican shill and got another talk show, this time on CNBC, whose ratings make the XFL look like the "Who shot J.R.?" episode of "Dallas."

"Monday Night Football?" Still the best thing about Monday nights not named Raymond or RAW.

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 8:54 PM | Comments (0)

MLB's Selig Shows Lack of Leadership

Everyone always gets their gander up when the New York Yankees are ever involved in a controversial matter or dispute. In the case of the New York Yankees vs. Tampa Bay Devil Rays, the main issue has again been obfuscated and turned on its head since the Bronx Bombers are involved.

The story, although it's another "he said, he said" situation, concerned the Labor Day doubleheader that was to have been played at Yankee Stadium on Monday, September 6th. However, Tampa Bay did not make it into NY until Labor Day evening due to the delay in travel accommodations in Florida given its state of emergency resulting from Hurricane Frances.

There was only enough time left to play the first of the two scheduled games in NY after the Tampa Bay's arrival on September 6th. It was not known until Tuesday, September 7th whether the second game of the doubleheader would be made up, played only if necessary at the end of the season, or would be a forfeited game as requested by the NY Yankees.

And it is because of the Yankees' request, rather than the sequence of events, that has clouded the whole matter. The Yankees initially asked that the game be made up at the end of the season if necessary, and since MLB President Bob DuPuy rejected their request, they then asked for a forfeit.

What has not been addressed or touched upon other than by Hall of Famer and ESPN baseball analyst Joe Morgan is that the whole matter showed the need to revisit the administrative structure of Major League Baseball. He made reference to the elimination of the league presidents, which normally in the past would have addressed such a matter. Previously, the league president would have made a decision immediately, and it would have ended there, eliminating all of the speculation and fighting.

Commissioner Bud Selig eliminated the American and National League presidents in 2000, which included their oversight of each league and rules matters, in an effort "to unify the leagues." And since 2002, Selig and Bob DuPuy have exclusively micro-managed all matters baseball. This explains a lot of the delay in major issues being finalized such as the relocation of the Montreal Expos, promised a year ago.

But in this instance, a matter of physical safety and well-being should not have had to go before the Commissioner of Baseball and to wait on him to come up with an answer. He has never been known to be quick to respond and at times, he has been even unreachable when a decision is immediately needed.

It became obvious to Tampa Bay that when there are no other persons to go to other than DuPuy or Selig in an emergency situation on a holiday weekend and time is of the essence, they must decide and took the issue into their own hands by remaining in Tampa until Monday.

This should never have come down to a proverbial shootout between the front offices of NY and Tampa Bay. After all, this was a natural disaster area and no longer just a "team issue." On Tuesday, Bob DuPuy, on behalf of the Commissioner, announced that no games would be forfeited and the doubleheader would be played. But the doubleheader had to be rescheduled again for Wednesday which also got rained out, so the actual days remaining and practicality of actually making up this initial game, plus now an additional rained out game, remains in doubt, if not impossible.

NY has acquiesced to the Commissioner's decision, but still remains concerned about having to make up the now two games given the tightness of the remaining schedule. NY is still awaiting another decision from the Commissioner's office about the second rained out game.

Yes, NY should probably have stayed away from asking for a forfeited game. Ideally, it should have been handled as a rain out. Tampa Bay's decision to stay in Tampa and face the consequences later given little time to decide about the impending storm was not a bad decision.

MLB claims it ordered Tampa to leave for NY prior to the hurricane's hit on Florida, although the Devil Rays dispute that claim. The Yankees were led to believe by the Commissioner's office that everything was on schedule. So, this whole matter started with the Commissioner's office.

We do not need a special investigation of this whole mess. What we need is direct communications oversight within the Commissioner's office to address matters of emergency whether weather or security related to avoid this debacle again.

Major League Baseball, always so concerned about its image, failed in its leadership once again in the handling of this matter. It allowed the Yankees to take the black eye for the whole Hurricane Frances situation while it much more importantly reflects the disorganization and lack of procedures in place within the Commissioner's office on matters of safety and security.

And given the additional national security measures, we all must now deal with on a daily basis across the country, such a delayed and ambiguous response from the Commissioner's office is not only unacceptable, but irresponsible.

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 1:53 AM | Comments (0)

September 10, 2004

The New Fantasy World Order

In the first five or six rounds of the draft, we saw players like Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Edgerrin James, Corey Dillon, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Deion Branch, David Givens, Dallas Clark, and Daniel Graham get scooped up quicker than a nude picture of Maria Sharapova.

The Patriots and Colts are the two teams who get decimated before all others. I remember a time when the St. Louis Rams earned the right to have their players swiped up, quickly. What amazes me is why owners are still gobbling up Rams like Ruben Studdard handles flapjacks at Denny's.

After Torry Holt and, maybe, Marc Bulger, if you have no other choice, it's time to check out the other squads. This is about the last year you will want to draft any Rams, unless they end up with a breakout player.

It's time to say goodbye to Marshall Faulk and Issac Bruce and say hello to the New Fantasy World Order...

The American Football Conference.

The AFC Fantasy World Order is not led by Priest Holmes or Jamal Lewis, but by the two best teams in the AFC. Holmes and Lewis are nothing more than drops in the ocean. The Colts and Patriots, on the other hand, should be known as Legion, for they are many.

Now that you have drafted all those Colts and all those Patriots, then watched them battle it out on Monday ... pardon me, Thursday Night Football, how did you make out and what should you do now?

Let's analyze the position players, defenses, and sleepers of the two best teams in the National Football League in their opening day clash.

Quarterbacks

The first thing you should know is that if you have Peyton Manning, then you've got no worries. Manning never disappoints, is never injured, and, arguably, is the best fantasy play every week of the season.

Manning is the kind of player who could earn fantasy points in a bye week.

Can we stop the madness and kick Daunte Culpepper to the curb? Why is he consistently being drafted over Tom Brady? What does this guy have to do to prove that he should be a top pick? Short of putting out a hit on the Minnesota Vikings' quarterback or Randy Moss heading elsewhere, Brady will continue to be undervalued.

Brady had not thrown an interception at home since the beginning of time. Even with his first pickoff at home for the season, Brady still tossed 3 TD passes and threw for 335 yards. Brady wins Super Bowls and Culpepper can't make the playoffs. In fact, I've seen Culpepper go in the first-round! Something just isn't right there.

Tsk-tsk.

Running Backs

Edgerrin James did well for yardage leagues, but couldn't find the end zone. Actually, he knew where the end zone was, he just forgot to bring the ball with him. Twice. Still, he had a nice game, netting 142 rushing yards, and it isn't like you're going to waive him because he had a case of the butterfingers.

The Edge is still worth his status as a first-round pick, but it would be nice if he would earn it next week.

Corey Dillon owners shouldn't fret. No, he didn't find the end zone and did not rush for the century mark, but this time, it wasn't because he is injured, nor has he lost a step. You must take into account that coaches could give a damn about what player you have on your fantasy team. They do what they do to win a game.

Patriots' head coach Bill Belichick fooled and shocked everyone, including the Colts, by not allowing Dillon to touch the ball until 6:30 left in the first quarter. Instead, Brady came out gunning. The Colts expected a healthy dose of Dillon, but instead got a healthy dose of the passing game. Dillon showed flashes of greatness when he was finally allowed to get his touches. That is a good sign for the rest of the season.

Wide Receivers

Marvin Harrison is Marvin Harrison and that will never change until he retires. Harrison didn't have a huge yardage night, but he scored, which is all that matters. Continue to play him with confidence.

Make out a missing persons report for Reggie Wayne, because Manning can't find him.

Patriot wide outs are a little tougher to analyze. Because of Belichick's craftiness and the Patriots' tendency to go with a five-WR set, David Patten ended up having a big game. I wouldn't go cutting my bench players, just yet, to snag him off the waiver wire, because he had one good game.

Be careful with David Patten. I'm willing to bet 75% of you reading this went to the waiver wire, during the game, last night and snatched him up.

The Patriots' wide outs were all solid in the opening day outing. The trips all gained about the same amount of yardage, all over 80, none over 100. Patten just happened to score, instead of David Givens. Deion Branch and Givens are still the number one and number two options for Brady, respectively, and could make you sorry for being impulsive.

Tight Ends

Dallas who? One catch for 64 yards. That's nice. Ho-hum.

The Patriots have a devastating tandem of tight ends with a sleeper, who just woke up, in Daniel Graham and Benjamin Watson. Graham had the bigger impact in this particular game with a score, but both are threats. I'd snatch Graham if he's still on the wire, but keep an eye on Watson, if Graham is unavailable.

Defense

Indianapolis defense: Bad.

New England defense: Good.

Sleepers

Daniel Graham, TE, New England

I would give Graham one more week, just to make sure. If all is well, start him, if you have him.

David Patten, WR, New England

I repeat ... be careful. Patten is making a case to be the starter on a fantasy roster, but against a subpar passing defense like Indianapolis has, anyone is bound to score. You may be disappointed when the Patriots are up against tougher pass defenses.

Brandon Stokley, WR, Indianapolis

Wow, where did he come from? Stokley had a solid performance. Perhaps, he is trying to beat out Reggie Wayne as Manning's number two option? Stokley beat Harrison, statistic-wise, but again, one game does not a superstar make. I would leave him alone.

Dominic Rhodes, RB, Indianapolis

I don't know if The Edge is coming down with a season-long case of fumblitis or if it was a fluke. If the red zone becomes Edge's pariah, Rhodes will begin handling goal line TD attempts. Rhodes might be a viable bye-week play, if your starter has the week off.

In any case, the guard has changed and it's the AFC's time to rule. I'm willing to bet that the winner of any of your fantasy leagues has a Colt or a Patriot on it. These two teams prove, day in and day out, why their rosters are worth their weight in gold, in the New Fantasy World Order.

Posted by Damian Greene at 10:31 PM | Comments (0)

Ichiro Chases History, Or Does He?

It could happen on September 26 in Texas, on a Sunday afternoon when the Lone Star State will have turned its sporting eye away from the fading Rangers in favor of the Dallas Cowboys and Texas Longhorns. Or it might happen the next night in Oakland, as the A's push for the playoffs.

Though the time and place are yet to be determined, one thing seems certain. Seattle Mariner right fielder Ichiro Suzuki appears well on his way to topping one of the longest standing records in the game, George Sisler's all-time single-season record for base hits. Gorgeous George hammered out 257 hits for the St. Louis Browns back in 1920; this year, Ichiro is on pace for 267. (This isn't Ichiro's first trip up this ladder, by the way. In his "rookie" year of 2001, he garnered 242 base hits, the ninth highest total of all-time.)

But just how historic might Ichiro's season turn out to be? Check out the top-23 single-season hit totals of all-time on the table below to get an idea. Ichiro's current stats are included at the bottom for comparison's sake. Even if he were to bring a stick of salami to the plate for the rest of the season, he's sure to jump deep into this list within a week or so.

Player, Year	Hits	BB	BA	OB%	SLG%	OPS
Sisler, 1920	257	46	.371	.411	.560	.971
*O'Doul, 1929	254	76	.398	.465	.622	1.087
Terry, 1930	254	57	.401	.452	.619	1.071
Simmons, 1925	253	35	.387	.419	.599	1.018
Hornsby, 1922	250	65	.401	.459	.722	1.181
Klein, 1930	250	54	.386	.436	.687	1.123
Cobb, 1911	248	44	.420	.467	.621	1.088
Sisler, 1922	246	49	.420	.467	.594	1.061
*Ichiro, 2001	242	30	.350	.381	.457	.838
Manush, 1928	241	39	.378	.414	.575	.989
*Herman, 1930	241	66	.393	.455	.678	1.133
Burkett, 1896	240	49	.410	.461	.541	1.002
*Boggs, 1985	240	96	.368	.450	.478	.928
*Erstad, 2000	240	64	.355	.409	.541	.950
Keeler, 1897	239	35	.424	.464	.539	1.003
Carew, 1977	239	69	.388	.449	.570	1.019
Delahanty, 1899	238	55	.410	.464	.582	1.046
*Mattingly, 1986	238	53	.352	.394	.573	.967
Paul Waner, 1927	237	60	.380	.437	.549	.986
Heilmann, 1921	237	53	.394	.444	.606	1.050
Duffy, 1894	237	66	.440	.502	.694	1.196
Medwick, 1937	237	41	.374	.414	.641	1.055
*Ichiro, 2004	227	38	.378	.416	.471	.887

* Not in the Hall of Fame.
Ichiro's statistics as of September 8, 2004.

First, let's take a closer look at the 21 men at the top of the list. Only six of them are not already Hall of Famers, but one of those six (Wade Boggs) is certainly on his way, and there's a faint flicker of hope burning for another (Don Mattingly). Good company, to say the least.

Most of these players had their fantastic seasons prior to 1938. The only men to add their names in the last half-century are Rod Carew in 1977, Boggs in ‘85, Mattingly in ‘86, Darren Erstad in 2000, and Ichiro himself in '01. Clearly, this club is getting more and more exclusive with each passing year.

Also of note is the fact that only Sisler and Ichiro will appear twice on this list. To pound out as many as 237 hits in a season is amazing; to do it twice in three or four years is almost incomprehensible.

But all of this only points out the obvious: Ichiro is enjoying a marvelous season at the plate. So let's return to the original question: how historic is this season as compared to the others on the list?

To find an answer, let's look at the last six columns in the table, where Ichiro's season can be put in its proper perspective. In comparison to the 22 other campaigns, Ichiro's numbers suffer. Take a look:

Stat	Rank
BB	20th
XBH	23rd
BA	16th
OB%	17th
SLG%	22nd
OPS	22nd

Ichiro, of course, is a singles hitter. He has a total of 191 singles through 135 games, just one off his own American League record set in 2001 and 11 short of Wee Willie Keeler's major league record from 1898. Are singles bad? Certainly not, but since Ichiro neither walks with regularity nor slugs for extra bases, his season cannot be fairly compared to the others on the first table.

That being said, Ichiro must be commended for his early-season consistency (he hit .315 through June 30) and his late season surge (.432 in July, .463 in August, and .500 in September), all while his team has long since fallen out of the pennant race. He's now had four straight 200-hit seasons. Only 10 other players in the history of the game have done that, and Ichiro is the first to start out a career that way. Next week some time, he should push his career hit total past 900, easily a record for the first four years of a major league career.

And so even though his season doesn't quite measure up to some of the other great offensive seasons the game has seen, it's historic in its own right. During the next three weeks baseball's spotlight will shine on the pennant races, but as the Mariners play out the string in relative obscurity, their right fielder deserves a little time in the sun. Move over, George. Here comes Ichiro.

Posted by Hank Waddles at 3:22 PM | Comments (1)

Is the Braves' Dynasty Valid?

The '83-'98 49ers consistently got the better of their opposition, winning at least 10 football games an astonishing 16-consecutive seasons -- and we're not counting their '81 Super Bowl title (16-3 aggregate) which began a run of five NFL triumphs in 15 years.

The '91-'04 (and still ongoing) Braves have consistently gotten the better of their opposition, winning 100+ games six times, and have even bettered the 49ers, qualifying for their playoffs in all but the strike-shortened season of 1994 (where they trailed the Montreal Expos in August). Yet, like their San Franciscan brethren, the Braves have met much postseason heartache, failing to win but one world championship (1995) in such an otherwise impressive run.

The 49ers may have won three more championships, but they also failed in the '97, '92, and '90 NFC Championships (older readers will note my comments on the latter game in another space) -- and all of those were set in Candlestick Park. Worse, and a la Atlanta of late, SF flopped in divisional home playoff games to the Minnesota Vikings (1987; the superb performance of Anthony Carter) and the Green Bay Packers (1995).

Fortunately, the high-powered No. 1 seed '84, '89, and '94 clubs romped through the NFL playoffs and made good on their regular-season promise. Throw in a clutch '88 performance at Chicago (where SF whipped the No. 1 seed Bears), and that will appease most fans and followers, despite a 4-5 display in conference championship contests, not to mention those humiliating losses to the New York Giants (49-3, '86 NFC Divisional) and the Dallas Cowboys (38-21, '93 NFC Championship).

The Atlanta Braves, as we well know, have not been as fortuitous in their playoff pursuits. In 1995, assisted by home-field advantage, the Braves stymied a Cleveland Indians team that had produced a 100-54 mark -- better than that of the National League champions. Regrettably for Tomahawk partisans, that has proven to be their high-water mark. The dominators of regular-season NL baseball have had to listen to the pejorative wisecracks of certain pundits, who note their 1-5 record in their last six postseason series, not to mention any names...

The 2004 Braves, a team many scorned in favor of the defending champion Florida Marlins or even the revitalized Philadelphia Phillies, have once more mastered the NL East -- yet they remain a team at the crossroads, trying their collective best not to imitate the '95-'98 San Francisco 49ers, otherwise known as acclaimed respectability before a downturn. With the lack of a true salary cap in major league baseball, ATL should not be in danger of suffering such a stunning reversal as the '99 49ers.

However, the argument is not invalidated: those 49ers made the playoffs (twice winning the division), but failed to win any playoff game against a non-wildcard team, never seriously threatening the Super Bowl (1997 was an illusion) after the departure of Ricky Watters, Deion Sanders, Ray Rhodes, and Mike Shanahan following a 49-26 victory in Super Bowl XXIX.

By contrast, the Atlanta Braves have not qualified for the World Series since 1999 (when they were swept by the New York Yankees), and have failed in the NLDS despite their home-field advantage, including losing a pair of Game 5s at Turner Field in 2002 and 2003. Should an objective observer honestly take them seriously as a real contender given their recent showing? See, it was not always this way. From 1995-1999, Atlanta compiled a 5-0 record in the NLDS and went 3-2 in the NLCS, and lost two World Series to the Yankees.

Things have so degenerated that the Chicago Cubs have won a postseason series (a first since 1908), Barry Bonds has won a playoff round (his first, in 2002), and the Arizona Diamondbacks, a team a mere four seasons old, walloped them in the 2001 NLCS en route to their world championship.

The Atlanta Braves are in danger of concluding such a brilliant stretch (ending in 2005? 2006?) with precious little of the hardware that their counterparts in the NFL amassed.

At least when the Giants' Matt Bahr KO'd those 49ers with a last-second field goal in the NFC Championship (1990), SF had already won three Super Bowls -- and they'd actually win another. However, when the Yankees' Jim Leyritz homered off Atlanta closer Mark Wohlers in the series-turning Game 4 (1996), the Braves had prevailed in just one World Series -- and have not won another.

At least when San Francisco teased their faithful with dazzling 14-2, 14-2, and 13-2 regular seasons that ended in bitter and premature defeat, SF had claimed titles with 15-1, 14-2, and 13-3 records. However, when the Braves won 106, 104, 103 -- okay, in '93 they were forced to start the NLCS in Philadelphia, but still lost two of three at home -- and 101 (three times) games, they participated in just one World Series and failed even to win a game.

At least when SF lost a tough NFC finale to the Washington Redskins (1983) on an "unfortunate" pass interference call in the latter stages of the game, the team returned the next season and obliterated the competition, including the 14-2 Miami Dolphins, to collect their second NFL championship.

However, when a Atlanta lost a grueling seven-game Fall Classic to the Minnesota Twins (1991) due to matters beyond their control (AL's year for home-field) and those not (Lonnie Smith's misread of NL MVP Terry Pendleton's double in the late innings of a tense 0-0 Game 7), the team wasted a brilliant comeback a year later against the Pittsburgh Pirates -- punctuated by a slightly-wayward throw-in by a certain gifted left fielder -- by faltering against the Toronto Blue Jays, turning Ed Sprague and Pat Borders into (albeit brief) household names.

To demonstrate the accomplishment of these Atlanta Braves, one only has to look at the 1949-1964 New York Yankees, a team that for all its dominance, still finished behind the AL champion twice -- Atlanta has yet to be beaten in a NL East race and it is rare campaign that finds the Braves not atop the NL win total list. We will not mention, however, that those Yankees prevailed in eight more World Series than these Atlanta Braves.

The 1991-2004 Atlanta Braves, barring the birth of a new playoff tear, will never be confused with the Casey Stengel, Joe DiMaggio, and Mickey Mantle-led Yankee teams of yore; to claim as such would be patently ridiculous. However, for this observer, it is imperative that Atlanta win at least three more NL pennants (how about one?) or two more world championships in this magical run. Otherwise, they'll simply be remembered as the 1983-1998 San Francisco 49ers -- but without the trophies.

Posted by Marc James at 10:40 AM | Comments (0)

September 9, 2004

The Idiot's Guide to the Suicide Pool

The NFL starts Thursday, which is only a vessel for the commencement of something I have been without for the past 12 months ... the suicide pool. And for the 18 NFL fans that have no idea what I am talking about, allow me to explain.

Pick one team to win per week. That's it. No point spreads, no nothing, just the winner. And you can't pick the same team twice. Last man standing takes the pot. Rules so simple, Larry Holmes could follow.

My suicide pool costs $30, with about 300 participants. Do the math, and that's a lot of money a lot of people think they are going to win. Because it sounds so simple! Pick one team to win a week? Any idiot, especially me, can do that no problem!

My first year was 2001. The Minnesota Vikings opened the season hosting the Carolina Panthers. Which brings me to my first rule when participating in one of these things: don't listen to anyone about who to select, particularly those that use the term "cover 2" on a regular basis.

I was assured by one of my "expert" friends that there was no way the Vikings would lose. Carolina was terrible and the Vikings never drop a game at home. As it turned out, he was half right. Carolina certainly was terrible ... they lost 15 games in a row that year. Of course that's after they opened the season with a win in Minnesota.

So the next year, I went with a little different strategy, which was working out pretty good. Eight weeks of picking winners, based on gut instinct, had me in the final 20 or so. Then it came down to Week 9, and I had a great pick.

The Jets, who had been shellacked in five of their last six games, who couldn't stop the run if they moved all 11 defenders to the line, were in San Diego, who happened to have LaDainian Tomlinson, one of the most feared running backs in the game.

Which reminds of my second rule of thumb: never, ever, under any circumstances, bet for or against the New York Jets, especially if you are a fan of the most snake-bitten franchise in all of football. And don't give me that, "oh, at least the Jets won a Super Bowl." I wasn't born yet, so all I've seen is the collapse in Cleveland, the fake spike, the mile-high dive, etc.

In the week leading up to the game against the Chargers, the Jets had been so terrible a reporter asked head coach Herman Edwards why the Jets even show up. The usually reserved Edwards nearly had an aneurysm, launching into his play to win the game speech you've seen a billion times on SportsCenter.

But again that cardinal rule. Never bet for or against the Jets. But my gut had been so right all season! Loud and clear, it was telling me to take the Chargers, the Jets stink, they have no chance! But when dealing with the Jets, logic never plays a factor.

Bam! Those green and white losers screw me again, absolutely pants the Chargers 44-13. My dreams of $9,000? Gone by the wayside. In retrospect, I really didn't deserve the money. No Jet fan deserves happiness, we all know this. I hate them. They are my MacDuff.

Okay, enough of my Jets self-loathing. New year, 2003. Time to wipe the slate clean. I look at the point spreads to see who is the biggest favorite, and low and behold, the Miami Dolphins, who are hosting the second-year franchise from Houston, are a double-digit favorite. Cha-ching!

Rule No 3. Never look at the lines when determining a suicide pick. Pure lunacy. It's a cliché, but in today's NFL, anything can happen. For as we all know, the first of the Texans five wins came in the opening week last year, in Miami. I might as well as bet against the Jets!

The best advice I can give? Trust yourself. In fact, you might want to go by the ever popular Richard Dreyfuss method from Let it Ride, in which he asks every single person at the race track which horse they like, and then selects the one nobody picked, and wins!

As for me, it's the Bears in Week 1. Why? The Rams are the obvious choice, so you can't take them. The Eagles? Granted, the Giants stink, but the Eagles aren't that good, and I don't remember the last time a free agent wide receiver made a significant change to any organization.

The bottom line is, though, who cares what I think! I am the absolute worst at picking these things! That's why I'm going with the Bears. Logic be damned, I'm going out like a champ, with one of the worst teams in the game. And when you make your pick, remember, the only advice you should heed is your own. Plus, the less you know, the better off you truly are.

Posted by Piet Van Leer at 4:56 PM | Comments (3)

September May Bring Baseball's Best

As we come closer to the middle of September, we head into one of the most exciting portions of the baseball season. Before any pitch of a playoff game is thrown, before all the bright lights are turned on, fans still must stay tuned for the conclusion of what promises to be an exciting run to the end of the 162-game schedule. With about three weeks of baseball left, the race continues as several teams have only one idea in mind: October.

The American League East has caught the attention of almost everybody within the last week, starting with the 10-game winning streak by the Boston Red Sox. What a difference between seven games back versus two and a half games back behind division leaders New York. The recent losing streak of New York raises some question as to whether or not the team is becoming worn out or not.

If the Yankees are seriously worn out, just exactly how far can they go in the post season? By allowing the gap between themselves and Boston, the Yankees must concentrate on winning as many games as possible. If New York continues to fall, Boston has a real chance of taking that division. Just imagine the potential fairytale ending. Boston wins the AL East, despite losing the bid to Alex Rodriguez to the Yankees prior to the season.

The National League wildcard chase continues to be rather interesting, and never-ending. The Houston Astros, whom two weeks ago appeared to be dead out of the race, have re-emerged and now are right in the race. Within the last few days, both Florida and Houston have gained further ground, and now all five teams are neck-and-neck for the wildcard. With five teams competing for a spot in the postseason, that normally would not have a real chance for the division, how can anyone argue that the wildcard was a bad addition to baseball?

The race in the National League West is closer, with Los Angeles only a handful of games above San Francisco. While the Giants should be pulling for the division, they remain right in the wildcard with San Diego knocking on their door below them.

The National League East, surprisingly, again is a no contest, unless the Atlanta Braves have a complete downfall in the final three weeks. How is it that every year the Braves, through all obstacles, continue to win their division year after year remains beyond me. As previously mentioned, with the Braves seemingly locked to win the division, the Marlins are forced to chase after the wildcard, if they are to repeat as World Series champions.

The American League West remains rather nonchalant. The Athletics are quietly leading that division, with only Anaheim a handful of games behind. Anaheim seems destined to win the American League wildcard, especially considering both the White Sox and Rangers have slowed down since the middle of the season.

As stated, the most interesting aspect of this September seems to come from the AL East and the NL wildcard. The mystique between New York and Boston will never grow old, especially when you consider that it seems a new chapter grows each year to the historic feud. The National League wildcard chase consists of five teams, all within earshot to the post season.

While the playoffs are still three weeks away, the regular season is far from over. If you ignore these final three weeks, in anticipation for the actual postseason, you might miss out on some of the best that baseball has to offer.

Posted by Martin Hawrysko at 3:21 PM | Comments (0)

NFL Preview: Is it January Yet?

When NFL training camps open, teams begin the month-long preparations for the upcoming season. By the end of training camp most players, coaches, and fans are ready for the regular season to start.

Unfortunately for some teams, by the time training camp ends, the question is not "Are you ready for some football?" but "How much longer do we have?"

The excitement players and fans feel for the college draft can sometimes degenerate into dread. Very few high draft picks reach training camp before some sort of holdout. We all understand the reason for holdouts. If you found yourself negotiating a deal that had the potential to set you up for life and you had the knowledge that you may only get one chance to negotiate it, getting to training camp on time would most likely slip down your list of priorities.

Training camp may be too long but it must be necessary to be in camp for some period of time, especially for rookies. The NFL is not college football and many college stars have faded after they started playing games on Sunday.

The San Diego Chargers were arguably the worst team in the NFL last year. QB Drew Brees has disappointed and the backup is 40-something Doug Flutie. The Chargers did address the QB situation and looked forward to first-round pick Philip Rivers as their QB.

After training camp, the starting QB for the Chargers is looking to be ... Drew Brees. Rivers held out and missed 29 practices and may not be ready to start in the eyes of the coaching staff.

Last year, the Chargers had Brees, Flutie, standout RB LaDainian Tomlinson and some sort of receiving corps. This year, Brees and Flutie are back, Rivers is not ready yet ,and there is no one to throw the ball to. It is going to be a long year in San Diego and for L.T. the Second.

The Cleveland Browns also appear to have a bunch of problems of their own.

The heat is on head coach/vice-president Butch Davis. Normally, a 5-11 season leads to a short meeting with the team owner. Davis somehow got promoted. There is no one else for Davis to blame in Cleveland and results are needed.

What wasn't needed was for receiver Dennis Northcutt to fail in his bid to file for free agency (his name isn't Terrell Owens, so no second chance for him) and then declare he would never play for the Browns again after it was denied him. Since then, Northcutt has been slated as a punt-returner.

Running back James Jackson, third-round pick in 2001, has also stated that he wants out of Cleveland since the team isn't treating him with respect.

First-round pick Kellen Winslow held out for 12 days and missed 16 practices. During the holdout, QB Jeff Garcia made the unusual move of criticizing Winslow for not thinking of the team and urged him to get the deal done.

It isn't known how well this went over with Winslow, but he wasted no time in letting people know what he thought when just a week after his holdout ended he complained that the intensity of the Browns' practices wasn't enough for him. Winslow made his point by laying out one of his teammates with a hit that upset several members of the team.

Garcia seems to be showing that he will have a great deal to say this year when he criticized his lack of playing time in preseason games and the fact that he hasn't had the chance to throw the ball enough.

After reaching the playoffs two seasons ago, the Browns were supposed to step up, not sep back with a 5-11 record. A slow start this year could lead to more bickering and another disappointment for Davis and the Browns.

Two years ago, the Buffalo Bills looked like they made all the right moves. QB Drew Bledsoe had two 1,000-yard receivers in Eric Moulds and Peerless Price and only a fade down the stretch kept them out of the playoffs. Last year, the Bills struggled to a 6-10 record after starting 2-0.

Bledsoe bore the brunt for much of what went wrong with the Bills, but so did head coach Gregg Williams, who was fired.

New top man Mike Mularkey has been given the job of reviving the Bills' anemic offense. Mularkey is credited with re-creating QB Kordell Stewart (when he played well). Throw in Sam Wyche as a QB guru for Bledsoe, the return of defensive coordinator Jerry Gray to run the NFL's second-ranked defense, and western New York was looking good and tickets were all of a sudden hard to find.

However through the preseason, the Bills have not shown that they are prepared to take any steps that do not lead backwards.

The Travis Henry/Willis McGahee RB drama has already started to heat up. McGahee is reported to have said he wants to be traded if he is not the top back by opening day. Henry is injured and did not start the last two preseason games, leaving the starting RB position way up in the air.

The Bills' first team offense scored only one TD through the preseason. Last season, the Bills did not score an offensive TD in seven games. The offense may not have progressed after all.

Drew Bledsoe had his worst season in 2003 that included being sacked a league-high 49 times and his 22 turnovers were more than the Chiefs, Titans, Colts, and Jets had as a team.

The QB situation in Buffalo had a few bright spots in first-round pick J.P. Losman and fourth-year man Travis Brown. Things changed quickly when Losman broke his leg in a very suspicious incident in practice that had all the elements of a "Welcome to the NFL, Rookie" hit gone wrong.

Travis Brown then sprained his knee in the game against the Colts and is out for four to six weeks.

With only Bledsoe and inexperienced Greg Zolman under center, the Bills quickly found re-tread Shane Matthews and signed him.

The offensive line also found itself the subject of much speculation when eight-time Pro Bowler Ruben Brown was cut and fourth overall pick in 2002 Mike Williams was demoted to the second team. Williams then went AWOL from camp for a day.

Bills fans are used to success and a fifth-year of missing the playoffs will not go over well. Things could go downhill quickly for the Bills and the fans may show their displeasure. It takes a great deal of incentive to go sit outside and watch a football game in December in Buffalo. Your team better be worth it.

However, no team can claim to have had a worse preseason than the Miami Dolphins.

First, Miami legend Dan Marino was hired for a front-office job and then quit in less than a month.

The Dolphins then brought A.J. Feeley in to compete with Jay Fiedler for the QB position. That competition has resulted in a tie.

The most shocking event of the Dolphins' preseason had to be the surprise retirement of RB Ricky Williams. The team has decided to go with Travis Minor and Sammy Morris in the backfield, but Williams was the Dolphins' offense for the past two seasons and can't be replaced at this point, just before the start of the year.

If the backfield does find some daylight to run through, it will not be because of the passing game. In addition to the mediocrity at QB, David Boston, who was brought in at WR to remind opposing defenses that a Dolphin passing game was at least theoretically possible, went down with a season-ending knee injury.

The defensive side of the ball has not been immune to trouble, either. All through the offseason, the contract dispute of DE Adawale Ogunleye also dogged the team. Ogunleye heldout from the Dolphins' camp looking for a better deal. When Boston went down, the Dolphins panicked and traded Ogunleye for WR Marty Booker.

In the end, the Dolphins have an unsettled QB position, had a Pro Bowl running back quit, lost a Pro Bowl receiver to injury, and traded their sack leader.

To top off the worst preseason in history, some high-profile Dolphin players, including WR Chris Chambers, did not travel with the team to play the final exhibition game in New Orleans. The Dolphin players voted unanimously to not play the game because of Hurricane Frances. The NFL disagreed, but apparently Chambers and others didn't get the memo.

It is a wonder that the Dolphins don't vote to pass on the entire season at this point.

The NFL season is 16 games of close competition often decided by only a few points and one or two key plays. Some teams will compete until the final gun. Others will wish it never begun.

Posted by Jeff Moore at 2:26 AM | Comments (0)

September 8, 2004

Bonds: "I'm Amazed By it All"

A week before he deposited his 40th home run of the season, leaving him two short of 700, there appeared in Atlanta the Barry Bonds people have wished more often to see, as opposed to the churlish jerk of reputation who leaves the impression Allen Barra has observed -- namely, that we who wanted to embrace him have been rebuked long enough for, ahem, invading his space.

Informed that no less than Hank Aaron had deemed him "one of the greatest hitters that ever played the game," Bonds's standard defense shields came down, and the man approaching his 700th career home run to a thundering roar of indifference let himself become an awestruck and endearingly awkward kid one more time. "I don't know about that," he told a Contra Costa Times reporter. "I'm amazed by all of this right now. I'm amazed by it all."

Aaron is not a man to mince a word, and he went nowhere near the switch on his blender when he spoke. "No question about it," said the man Sandy Koufax dubbed "Bad Henry." "You have to put it in context, that he's probably one of the greatest hitters that ever played the game."

"I've heard some people say Ted Williams, and Ted was great," Aaron continued. "Of course, Ted was the last player to hit .400. But who knows? If they pitched to Barry, he might hit .450. I'm sure it's going to be argued and debated among sportswriters and others, people would say Babe Ruth was the greatest, and I wish them all the luck in the world, but you have put Barry a little past Babe Ruth."

And, Aaron said, a little past himself. He received no argument from another fellow known to drive a ball or two 10 miles. "With all the records he's approaching, you've got to say that. He's a great player," said Harmon Killebrew to the same reporter. "Not too many people thought 700 homers was a mark many people would get to. He's done it in quick fashion."

Confronted with such praise, in that time and place, Bonds could not prevent himself a modesty that would be thought endearing had he not succeeded over too many years in leaving the impression that merely saying hello was tantamount to pulling a loaded pistol on him. He even spoke about the burden of his race in a tone and a tone coloring far, far different than the dismissive harrumph he emitted when waving off Boston, a town he had never visited prior to so speaking, as still a racist redoubt.

Bonds knows and said aloud that his likely passage of both the Bambino and Hammerin' Hank isn't even close to the psychic inferno through which Aaron passed when he approached, met, and left behind Ruth 30 years ago. (Bonds at 40 on the season has tied Aaron with eight 40-homer seasons.) If Bonds receives hate mail for approaching and passing Ruth and Aaron, it will probably be far more to roast his actual or alleged personality, with perhaps an isolated few -- idiocy transcending generations, after all -- roasting his race.

"To have Hank there, to have our great minority athletes support our other minority athletes, that's important to all of us," he told the Contra Costa Times. "No one understood (what he went through). A lot of the older writers know. Hank is always going to be our mentor, just like Jackie Robinson and the black athletes before us who went through the Negro League and couldn't participate in the major leagues at that time. They're the stepping stone to why the rest of us are here now. They'll always be our leaders, regardless of what we do. They're the ones who opened the doors for us. To me, they'll always be number one."

Such commentary is far enough beyond the kind of malspeak for which Bonds is as notorious as one of his patented drives into the waters of McCovey Cove. It is impossible to escape thinking that a such a thoughtfully-spoken Bonds, appearing more consistently whenever he opens his mouth, might have forged himself a far less churlish image over a far longer time. He might just have around him the embrace of fans who might, customarily, gaze upon a man approaching a prohibitive enough milestone with affection, rather than apprehension.

Perhaps in his private recesses, Bonds learns a little more by the day what his chosen carriage has cost him. Especially since it is suspected reliably enough that, should you encounter him in a situation in which he feels neither threatened nor exposed, he is a genuinely decent person when all is said and done.

(The casual Bonds hater, before launching a tantrum, might review again that if Bonds or any player today should be found living even one day's worth of Babe Ruth's lifestyle -- the insouciantly soulless womanizing, the gluttonous boozing, the fellowships with gangsters, the attempted manslaughter of his manager off the end of a speeding train, the thrust up into the stands to beat a heckler senseless, the pass made upon a teammate's wife, to name a few Ruthian behaviors -- there would be calls enough for a public hanging to drown out the laughs such behaviors are still known to arouse when the subject is good ol' Babe.)

Approaching Ruth and Aaron, surely Bonds is human enough to bristle that he is not anticipated with even half the affection attached to Ichiro Suzuki pursuing a prohibitive mark of his own. But maybe within that bristling there begins to arrive introspective inversion, an arrival Bonds suggested by his comments upon learning precisely how highly Bad Henry thinks of him.

Posted by Jeff Kallman at 11:18 PM | Comments (0)

Did Anyone Care to Notice?

It started with Maria Sharapova in her loss to Mary Pierce last week at the U.S. Open. While she slugged away at every ball hit at her, every time the camera caught her in its lens, there it was. At first, it looked like some Nike embroidery gone bad, then like a piece of tape that blew on to her blouse. But then, at the first close-up, it hit me like a ton of bricks. A discreet black ribbon, pinned above her heart.

In an interview published on MariaWorld.net, Sharapova told us that the idea was hers, and that other Russian women players have since picked it up. "...You know, I came up with the idea last night. I thought, you know, just to show my support for the victims and for the families that were, you know, unfortunately what happened to them. But it was just my decision. You know, some of the other girls in the locker room picked it up, too," said Sharapova.

In remembrance of the over 500 wounded and dead Russian men, women, and children caught in the political play of a handful of Chechen terrorists, Maria and her Russian mates demonstrated their sadness and sympathy outwardly. I wondered, did anyone else notice?

A quick search of the web turned up only one other story, from a Philippines-based website too small to notice. I am sure that someone else must have written about it, but from where I sit, it appears no one has. I am very disappointed with that. While the Open is covered by what seems to be thousands of journalists and writers (a slight exaggeration, but there sure are a lot of people wearing media credentials here), none of them have taken to write about the best side of tennis, its international reach and its ability to bind us all in this fuzzy yellow ball fraternity.

The rise of the Russian women to dominate the upper stratosphere of professional women's tennis has shown us all the heart and determination of a people who, until glasnost, none of us in the "free" world had known. It would have been unthinkable just a decade or so ago to even think of any Russian as not part of the "Evil Empire" so often touted here in the U.S. and abroad. It was almost as if Russians, or Soviets, as they were known then, had little or no heart, were automatons on autopilot, devoid of emotion. Little did we know.

As I sat courtside yesterday, watching Elena Dementieva play an incredible three-set match against world number two Amelie Mauresmo, I noticed her little black ribbon, as well. Elena battled sickness and injury throughout the entire match. Towards the end of the third set, Elena called for her second medical timeout. Looking like she was about to get sick, bent over in pain, it looked like she was on the verge of a victory, but would have to instead retire. With all the heart and soul of a great champion, she emerged from the trainer's visit, and fought valiantly to win the match in a tiebreaker.

Now, I don't know for sure, and I haven't had the opportunity to ask, but I believe her fight and stubbornness to play on no matter what was in no small part related to the ribbon on her chest. A reminder that no matter how bad it was on court, back home and around the world, there are events more significant than her match, and that her suffering was in no way even close to the suffering of the Russian sons and daughters in Beslan.

This 2004 U.S. Open will again be a great one, despite all the world events. Again, it will capture the imagination of many people, young and old, around the globe. Americans will have their greatest hopes alive, as it could clearly be a USA sweep of the men's and women's singles (I'm torn as to whether I want Lindsay Davenport or Jennifer Capriati to win at this time, as well as if I would like either Andre Agassi or Andy Roddick to take home the trophy.) Let us be mindful, though, that it was not too long ago on a September day immediately following the U.S. Open finals that the rest of the world joined us in mourning our losses.

As I finish this, I've just pinned a black ribbon over my heart, and am heading off to work. Thank you, Maria Sharapova, for showing the best side of the great game of tennis. I'm wearing my ribbon, too. I haven't forgotten...

Posted by Tom Kosinski at 12:15 PM | Comments (0)

NFL to Defenses: Hands Off!

When it comes to pass interference, the rules haven't really changed; they are just going to be enforced. Sort of like current airport security. After an egregious meltdown in officiating last season, which included a glaring inability to stop or even recognize an interference call, the NFL has brought the hammer down.

After five yards, there can be no contact with a potential receiver. But this is not soccer. Football is a contact sport. A defensive back should be able to use his hands. I am not suggesting that defenses check out the gold chains under a receiver's jersey, but I am proposing that there is nothing wrong with a defender fighting for position when turned toward the ball.

Unfortunately, the NFL wants to go from a policy of complete tolerance to total elimination. Yes, things did get out of hand last year, but the disestablishment of all defensive rights will not help the game. If preseason officiating holds true through opening day, a DB will be profiled, targeted, and judged guilty simply for the position they play.

Now in the NFL, there is only black and white. Incidental contact is virtually non-existent. If contact is made, it is automatically the defenses' fault and a first-down is sure to be awarded. The line between defending with caution and defending with fear has become blurred.

The only absolute is that there are no absolutes and what is absolutely true is you can't stop contact on receivers after five yards. Contact between two guys running as fast as they can at each other while trying to focus on a ball coming to them can't be expected to go away. Defensive fair rights to the ball are just going to have to be accepted. If not, speed receivers like Marvin Harrison are going to wind up with mind-numbing stats.

The only reason the NFL is so up in arms here (okay, maybe a little pun intended) is that offense sells. Last year, average passing yards per game were at a 10-year low. The high-flying Rams of 1999 were exciting. The limited, controlled offenses and dominant defenses of the Patriots and the Ravens are not. You don't see the NFL hammering down on offensive holding.

If the league tried, you would have defensive linemen with 30 sacks a year and quarterbacks lucky to make it through half a season. What the league fails to understand with its strict enforcement of the pass interference rule is that there will be no drama if the defense must play off the ball. As anyone knows, just a half-inch of space is considered open for professional receivers in the NFL. Imagine what Randy Moss is going to do with a foot of space.

Illegal contact and defensive holding must be called only if it actually interferes with catching the ball. Clearly, a defender who grabs a handful of jersey to keep a receiver from getting away deserves a flag, but if his hand comes in to block a pass away at the same time as the ball and hits the receiver's hand incidentally, there is simply nothing that can be done about that.

If the NFL can not come to some kind of rational ruling, they are going to head down the same boring predictable path that the NBA has done. There is going to be a foul every time a receiver is touched. Hail maries are going to be thrown regularly and the strategy of "run down and get hit" will become the norm. Watching the launched ball and wondering how the hell the receiver is going to manage to come down with it provides excitement.

However, the NFL needs to realize that drama is the key part of that excitement. If I know that a receiver has to fight like hell to catch the ball, rather than only make sure he gets bumped, I'll be a lot more interested. How about you?

Posted by Gary Geffen at 10:10 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 7, 2004

NFL Preseason Power Rankings

There's no room for Five Quick Hits this week, but they'll be here after Week 1. Before a quick explanation of the rankings for new readers, I'd like to thank the old ones. This is my third season of doing Sports Central power rankings, and I've written nearly 100 articles for SC now. You're the ones that make that possible, and I appreciate it. Let me hear from you by commenting at the end of the articles.

My power rankings are intended to reflect how good a team is right now, not how they'll finish the season. Similarly, my Week 9 Rankings (for example) will judge who's playing the best football in Week 9, not who's had the best overall season so far or who will be the best team at season's end. With that caveat in place, let's get along to the first Sports Central power rankings of the 2004 season.

1. Indianapolis Colts -- One of this offseason's hottest topics has been who will benefit most from stringent enforcement of the league's illegal contact rule. The Colts are near the top of the list, and this is a team that last season went 12-4 and made the AFC Championship Game. Furthermore, Indianapolis had as little player turnover as just about anyone in the league. That also means that the defense remains a concern, but the offense should be powerful enough to assure Tony Dungy's club of a playoff spot. If Edgerrin James can stay healthy and play the way he did last season (six 100-yard performances in 13 games) or -- here's a scary thought -- in 1999 and 2000, the Colts may be able to make a Super Bowl run. The early part of the schedule is brutal, beginning with games at New England and Tennessee, so we'll get to put this No. 1 business to the test right away.

2. New England Patriots -- It would only be a slight exaggeration to say that New England's success this season will depend on how efficiently the team uses new RB Corey Dillon. Everyone studied the Patriots in the offseason, and if Charlie Weis tries to conduct the offense the same way he did last year, with dinky short passes and no real deep threat or even a great running game, New England will finish 9-7 and miss the playoffs, just like it did after the last time the team won the Super Bowl. The Patriots are rich in receivers, with David Givens, David Patten, Troy Brown, Deion Branch, and Bethel Johnson joining an unusually large group of talented tight ends plus RB Kevin Faulk, a talented receiver out of the backfield. It would be a mistake for the Pats to abandon last year's game plan entirely. But to pressure opponents this season and to keep Tom Brady healthy, the Patriots will need to make teams respect the run and go deep more often. I like this team, but it's got a big target painted on it, and some creativity will be needed if New England is going to return to the Super Bowl.

3. Carolina Panthers -- I don't know when I suddenly got so high on the Panthers. I didn't think much of them last season, and before the playoffs I fell just short of guaranteeing that they wouldn't make it to the Super Bowl. As recently as two weeks ago, when a friend asked me about NFC Super Bowl contenders, I mentioned Philadelphia and Seattle. But Carolina, in what figures to be the NFC's most competitive division, returns most of the key figures from last year's team. The Panthers have one of the league's best defenses, and the offense showed explosive potential in last year's playoffs. Jake Delhomme has shown himself to be a solid field general, while a running tandem of Stephen Davis and DeShaun Foster has to be considered one of the best in the league. WR Steve Smith, once considered a return specialist, has taken his place as one of the game's most dangerous receivers, while elder statesman Muhsin Muhammad remains a reliable target for Delhomme. I'm still not totally sold on Carolina, but right now, there's no one in the NFC who I like better.

4. Denver Broncos -- I'd be lying if I said I weren't uncomfortable having the Broncos so high. The only two Denver RBs to score rushing TDs in 2003 are gone (Clinton Portis to Washington and Mike Anderson to IR). Shannon Sharpe and Ed McCaffrey have retired. Center Tom Nalen is getting a little long in the tooth. One or two injuries could devastate the passing game. Even with all that, it's easy to see this team doing great things in 2004. Jake Plummer showed signs last year that he's matured into a QB capable of guiding his team through the NFL's murky postseason. If RB Quentin Griffin, who filled in nicely for Portis last season, falters, Mike Shanahan can call on veteran Garrison Hearst or rookie Tatum Bell. The defense added veteran leadership in DE Marco Coleman and S John Lynch, and picked up highly-regarded CB Champ Bailey in the trade that sent Portis to Washington. As the season begins, Denver has a balanced team that should be expected to succeed.

5. Tennessee Titans -- This team has no depth and I don't expect it to finish the season this high in the power rankings. That said, if Jeff Fisher's group can stay healthy, there's no reason it couldn't compete for the AFC title. Steve McNair carries this team, and in Derrick Mason, he's found a great receiver with whom to build a pass-based offense. LB Keith Bulluck is a defensive MVP candidate. There, now I've cursed him.

6. Seattle Seahawks -- There are a lot of teams bunched around this area, and it makes me uncomfortable trying to sort them out, but I think the Seahawks are in good position as this season begins. The NFC West figures to be one of the weakest divisions in the NFL, maybe the weakest, and Seattle's mostly young corps of key players is a year older and better. Grant Wistrom should help on the defensive line, while former Eagle Bobby Taylor should replace the departed Shawn Springs. In what appears to be a weak year for the NFC, Mike Holmgren is being presented with his best chance to win a Super Bowl in Seattle.

7. Kansas City Chiefs -- Fluke. That's the word that worries me. We all know that K.C. has talent on offense, and that isn't going to change. But is it the kind of talent that can carry them to another 13-3 record if the defense hasn't improved? Not likely. Priest Holmes is a year older -- running backs tend to wear down quickly -- and it's out of the question that Dante Hall can replicate his returning feats from last year, if for no other reason than that teams will kick away him. I'm not saying Holmes is through, because I think he's still one of the best RBs in the league, but he can't do everything if the defense won't hold up its end of the bargain, or if Trent Green stumbles or gets hurt. The Chiefs will be good, but I think it's only about 50-50, at best, that they can be great again.

8. Philadelphia Eagles -- Truth be told, I don't even like having them this high. The Eagles are slow starters, for one thing. They've lost three season openers in a row, and haven't started better than 3-2 in a decade. Everyone's talking, of course, about the acquisitions of Terrell Owens and Jevon Kearse this offseason, or about Hugh Douglas returning to the team. But Owens is a walking disaster in team chemistry, Kearse is probably the most injury-prone DE under 30 in the league, and Douglas was useless last season. RBs Correll Buckhalter and Bruce Perry are out for the season. Pro Bowl CBs Bobby Taylor and Troy Vincent are gone. The losses of Marco Coleman and Brandon Whiting offset the gains made by signing Kearse and Douglas, and pass-rush specialist N.D. Kalu is on injured reserve. Jim Johnson can probably make at least some lemonade out of the lemons he's been dealt, but this team is going to sink or swim with Donovan McNabb, again. Look for Philadelphia to win the weak NFC East, but right now, I don't see a Super Bowl in the works.

9. New York Jets -- It was very tempting to pick the Jets over the Patriots, and if you can get someone to offer you decent odds, it's probably not a bad proposition. The Jets' most obvious problem entering the season is that Curtis Martin turns 53 this year and no one else on the roster seems capable of delivering an above-average running game. Chad Pennington has slipped under the radar in discussions of the league's great QBs, though, and the Jets could surprise some people after their disappointing 2003 season.

10. Minnesota Vikings -- Everyone's making a fuss about the RB situation, but any team which has Michael Bennett, Onterrio Smith, and Moe Williams on its roster will always have someone capable of carrying the load. Randy Moss should benefit immensely (a scary thought) from the emphasis on enforcing the illegal contact rule. Defense, I guess, is a question mark, but not the way it is in Kansas City. Barring an injury to Moss, Minnesota has to be the favorite to win the NFC North.

11. Green Bay Packers -- It's just a feeling, and sometimes that doesn't mean anything. But I think this is the year -- something's going to happen. Maybe Brett Favre will get hurt and finally miss a game. Maybe overworked Ahman Green, the only elite player remaining on the offense, will get injured, or just worn down and ineffective. It could be the unstable defense, simply breaking against the Vikings in Week 10 and never recovering. I just have a feeling that Green Bay's luck is bound to run out. The early part of their schedule is very tough, with road games against Carolina and Indianapolis in the first three weeks.

12. Baltimore Ravens -- LT Jonathan Ogden is the most valuable player on the offense, if not the whole team, and losing him for even a game or two could cost the Ravens the AFC North title. I don't understand the logic behind signing Deion Sanders. No one looks sharp after a three-year retirement, and Sanders didn't look too sharp right before his retirement, either. He was slow, and he got picked on. Most players in their late-30s compensate for lost speed with added strength, smarts, and toughness. But Deion has always relied on speed and agility, which is a dicey proposition at 37. Especially when your wheels looked busted at 34.

13. Pittsburgh Steelers -- I know you didn't come here for the conventional wisdom, so here's a risky pick for you. Two years ago, Pittsburgh was four points away from the AFC Championship Game. Last season, Tommy Maddox was awful and, for the first time in Bill Cowher's tenure, there was no running game (31st in yards, 32nd in average per carry). Joey Porter was hurt and the team started 2-6. This year, a favorable early schedule opens the door for the Steelers to pick up some early momentum. Duce Staley is in town to boost the ground game. The receiving corps remains among the best in the game. If the O-line can hold up its end of the bargain, Pittsburgh could make a playoff run.

14. St. Louis Rams -- Lovie Smith is gone, Grant Wistrom is gone, and Aeneas Williams is 36. The Rams defense allowed 4.8 yards per rush last year, and now pass defense could be a weakness, too. Kyle Turley is out for the season, Marc Bulger threw 18 interceptions in his last 10 games (including three in the playoffs against Carolina), and Marshall Faulk is 31. That may not sound old compared to Williams and Deion Sanders, but it's ancient for a running back. Barry Sanders retired at 30. Curtis Martin, who I mentioned earlier is about to turn 53, actually is younger than Faulk. Anyway, the Rams' time has come and gone. Seattle wins the NFC West this year.

15. Dallas Cowboys -- How do you bet against a team coached by Bill Parcells? I don't think anyone knows quite what to make of this group. Last season, the Cowboys made an improbable playoff run, aided largely by a weak NFC East (5-1 division record) that figures to be less than devastating again this year. The but is the Dallas roster. New quarterback, new running back, new go-to receiver. No team succeeds in its first season after such a massive overhaul. Unless, perhaps, Parcells is in charge. I believe they were lucky last year and Parcells knew it. This year, he's trying to rebuild on the run. Dallas could sneak into the postseason again, but it won't get past the first round.

16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- Putting the Bucs in the middle of the pack is the safe bet. On the one hand, you've got a mix of the too-old and the untested, so they could flop big-time, especially in the competitive NFC South. On the other hand, this team is composed almost entirely of Super Bowl XXXVII veterans, so there must be some potential. If George Allen could win with veterans, why can't Jon Gruden? I just think this team has lost its swagger and its balance. The 2004 Bucs just seem like an 8-8 team.

17. Cincinnati Bengals -- Year two of the Marvin Lewis regime brings greatly increased expectations. The problem, of course, is this, from Week 8 of the 2002 season: "From now on, I will pick them last in the NFL every year until Mike Brown hires a GM or sells the team." Not only have I not learned my lesson, apparently my word is meaningless. Having made that admission, this is true: if the Bengals lose their opener by more than 20 or start 0-3, they will remain at the bottom of the power rankings until they have a better record than someone.

18. New Orleans Saints -- Sleeper Super Bowl contender. That doesn't mean the Saints will even make the playoffs -- the NFC South is very tight and could be won by any of its four teams -- but the Saints could bear keeping an eye on. We all know that Deuce McAllister is a stud, but only Saints fans and fantasy football nerds know that Aaron Brooks only threw eight interceptions last season. The defense is the question. If coordinator Rick Venturi can produce some answers, you could see the Saints in late January. It's a big if, but at least there's a question. That's rarified air for the Saints.

19. Washington Redskins -- I didn't intend to rank Washington so highly, but we're really down to the dregs now. Every team left has serious flaws. Washington's is the defense. Don't believe what you see: sure, it looks like there are four big guys in burgundy and gold lined up across from the other team's offense, but it's an illusion -- Washington has no defensive line. The team also kept only four CBs, two of whom are unproven. The offensive line was a weak spot even before standout RT Jon Jansen, who was to protect left-handed Mark Brunell's blind side, was lost for the season. No Joe Gibbs team has ever finished worse than 7-9, so I'll say 7-9 for this club, too.

20. Atlanta Falcons -- If you ever doubted that Jim Mora, Jr. was not the smartest head coaching hire they could have made, consider that he decided to install the "West Coast offense" in Atlanta. Accuracy has never been Michael Vick's greatest strength, but that's perhaps the most important asset for a Walsh Offense quarterback. With Vick's arm strength, he should be throwing downfield. Dare teams to blitz and risk watching Vick burn them with his feet. Atlanta's miserable preseason, and Vick's in particular, reinforces the idea that Mora and his staff perhaps ought to have handled things differently. I expect the Falcons to finish the season higher than this in the rankings.

21. Miami Dolphins -- Maybe we're all taking this too seriously. Miami was probably the best non-playoff team in the NFL last season. Five of their six losses were to playoff teams. In fact, more than half of Miami's losses in 2003 were to teams that played in the conference championship games (Indianapolis, Philadelphia, and New England twice). So what if they lost two of their four Pro Bowlers (Brock Marion and Adewale Ogunleye) and their leading rusher? So what if no one won the quarterback battle this preseason (Jay Fiedler should get the job), and the whole Dolphins organization seems to have lost its focus? Oddly, after writing all that sarcastically, I think I agree with it. Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas are still around, and they're two of the best. Sam Madison and Pat Surtain are shutdown cornerbacks. The defense is a base to build around, and Marty Booker could help put some verve into the offense. What QB wouldn't want Booker, Chris Chambers, and Randy McMichael in the starting lineup? I don't understand why they didn't sign a running back, but it's not inconceivable that the Dolphins could do something -- like win the AFC East -- to surprise people this year. Or, of course, they could just be a bunch of head cases.

22. Oakland Raiders -- Two years ago, they were the NFL's best team, and now they've undergone a complete overhaul. Gone are Charlie Garner, Rod Woodson, Tim Brown (!), and, of course, head coach Bill Callahan. New coach Norv Turner will find someone to run the ball, but I don't know who it is. Justin Fargas, maybe? I don't see an Emmitt Smith or Stephen Davis on the roster. The defense should be better, and the offense should be okay. But I can't see them competing with K.C. or Denver for the division title. They'll probably sweep San Diego.

23. Detroit Lions -- It's been baseball season too long, and I get my cats mixed up. I almost wrote "Detroit Tigers." Anyway, Detroit's football team could contend for the NFC North title this season. I have faith in Steve Mariucci, and the team's young players figure to blossom this season. Joey Harrington, teamed with Charles Rogers, Roy Williams, and Stephen Alexander, ought to have a pretty nice year. Rookie Kevin Jones should resuscitate the Lions' defunct running game. Dre' Bly will be joined by Brock Marion and Fernando Bryant in a secondary that likely will form the heart of Detroit's defense. Jack Christiansen, Yale Lary, and Jim David it isn't, but that's a steady group that should help the Lions protect any leads they can come by. Detroit is probably still a year away, but it would be a mistake to overlook this squad in 2004.

24. Buffalo Bills -- This year's class of new head coaches does not impress me. Re-runs, like Dennis Green and Tom Coughlin, don't count - I mean the new new guys. But other than Lovie Smith, I'm not sold on any of the league's new head coaches. Buffalo's new guy, Mike Mularkey, will have his work cut out for him, trying to make a passing game out of a mediocre offensive line, an underwhelming receiving corps that still misses Peerless Price, and 10-years-past-his-prime Drew Bledsoe. Oh, yeah, he also has to appease star RB Travis Henry by not replacing him with a guy who hasn't played an official down in two seasons. Meanwhile, defensive coordinator Jerry Gray will be responsible for getting the most out of a unit that last season benefited immensely -- from a statistical standpoint -- from the team's No. 31 rank in points scored, which means you pretty much know the run is coming. In Gray's previous two seasons, the Bills finished 27th and 29th in points allowed. The personnel is there, but Gray has a lot to prove.

25. Houston Texans -- Houston will be better this season than its record indicates. After Andre Johnson's successful rookie season, and with Domanick Davis to steady the offense, former No. 1 overall draft choice David Carr may be ready for a breakout year. I think Dom Capers' group is still a year away, and in the vicious AFC South, it may be hard for Houston to post a .500 record, but this team continues to improve and bears keeping an eye on.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars -- There's reason to be concerned that Byron Leftwich hasn't progressed as quickly as his coaches had hoped. Leftwich has all the tools, and Jacksonville could be very competitive this year, but in the power-crowded AFC South, I can't see Jack Del Río's squad carving out a playoff niche for itself. Rebuilding isn't pretty. Tony Boselli was exposed to expansion draft in 2001. Kevin Hardy left for the Cowboys in 2002. Coughlin was fired in 2003. Now Mark Brunell and Tony Brackens are gone, too. Fred Taylor is injury-prone and Jimmy Smith's production is fading with age. Last season was supposed to be a re-building year, but the team didn't make any big moves this offseason. You don't have to sign splashy stars like Warren Sapp and Deion Sanders. Different coaches use different methods. Chuck Noll drafted a core group of future Hall of Famers and watched them grow into champions. Jimmy Johnson did the same thing in Dallas 20 years later. Gibbs brought in proven veterans. Bill Belichick mixes young and old, as long as they're hard-working and team-oriented. I'm all for keeping a group of players together, but Del Río should still be bringing his own guys in, and you have to make some kind of splash in free agency if you want to go from 5-11 to contender. I don't see it.

27. San Francisco 49ers -- People are talking about this being the worst team in the NFL. I'm not sure why. Last year the 49ers went 7-9. Jeff Garcia's gone, but Tim Rattay looked better last year anyway. Garrison Hearst is gone, but he's 80 years old and Kevan Barlow is ready to take over. Terrell Owens is gone, but sometimes it helps to get rid of the center of attention. I don't see San Francisco being a major factor in January, but I don't see them finishing 2-14, either. Dennis Erickson still sucks.

28. Chicago Bears -- Smith, I've already mentioned, is my favorite of the league's new head coaches. He inherits a team with a lot of problems. Teams have figured out once-promising MLB Brian Urlacher. RBs Thomas Jones and Anthony Thomas have struggled with consistency. QB Rex Grossman is unproven, and with Booker gone in the trade that brought Ogunleye to Chicago (a steal), Justin Gage may be his go-to guy this year. Despite my faith in Smith, I see Chicago at the bottom of its division in 2004.

29. New York Giants -- Kurt Warner and Ron Dayne. That's what the Giants showed us in the preseason, and you'll pardon me for being less than thrilled. Coughlin is a nice choice to take over a program that dramatically underachieved last year, but Warner isn't going to lead a revolution, and he and fellow QB Eli Manning were New York's only high-profile additions this offseason. They'll finish at the bottom of the weak NFC East this season, but give it time.

30. Cleveland Browns -- At this point in the list, I don't even like talking about the teams. I should write these things out of order so I don't get all depressed at the end. I still kind of like Jeff Garcia, and I don't like Kellen Winslow, Jr., but I am curious to see him in action.

31. San Diego Chargers -- No team with LaDainian Tomlinson can be the worst in the league. Giving Drew Brees the starting QB position was the right move; he's a young guy who deserves another chance, and I'm not a big believer in throwing rookies (like first-round draft choice Philip Rivers) into the fire. Marty Schottenheimer will lose his job at the end of the season, but I'm not sure it's really fair to blame him. Just as a point of interest, backup QB Doug Flutie is 19 years older than his teammate Rivers.

32. Arizona Cardinals -- They were the worst last season, and by golly, they'll be the worst again this year. If there was any doubt, the spate of injuries this preseason erased it. Denny Green is a fine coach, but I'm not sure what his logic was in reuniting Emmitt Smith (Emmitt, if you're reading this, please retire) and Troy Hambrick, who fought over carries in Dallas. With neither clearly ahead of the other in Arizona, I don't think they'll be best buddies this year, either. And that's the most interesting part of Arizona's season right there.

AFC Playoffs

Wildcard Games: DENVER def. Jets, Tennessee def. BALTIMORE
Divisional Games: INDIANAPOLIS def. Tennessee, NEW ENGLAND def. Denver
AFC Championship Game: INDIANAPOLIS def. New England

NFC Playoffs

Wildcard Games: SEATTLE def. Tampa Bay, MINNESOTA def. Dallas
Divisional Games: CAROLINA def. Minnesota, Seattle def. PHILADELPHIA
NFC Championship Game: CAROLINA def. Seattle

Super Bowl XXXIX

Indianapolis def. Carolina

Happy fall of 2004, everyone. I hate my playoff predictions.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 6:16 AM | Comments (4)

September 6, 2004

Musings on Opening Day

College football has returned and all is right with the world. I did on opening day what I shall do for every college football Saturday this autumn: I planted myself on the couch and had a 12-hour Caligula-esque orgy of football, Barq's, Doritos, and Funions. In the middle of all that, I was able to take a lot away from the first full Saturday of pigskin, and here's what I thought:

* The Ohio State University has a chance to have their most explosive offensive since the Joey Galloway era, if head coach Jim Tressel will take his foot off of the brakes. In receivers Santonio Holmes and Bam Childress, Tressel has himself two big-time, game-breaking playmakers. If each of them can get the ball in their hands 6-10 times a game, this offense will average 30 points.

But, in his short, but wildly successful tenure at OSU, Tressel has been content to "win ugly" by relying on his stifling defense and steady, if non-explosive, running game. Tressel's scheme should work just fine in seven or eight games this year, but there are four games (at NC State, at Iowa, at Purdue, and vs. Michigan) in which 40 rushes at three yards (and the proverbial cloud of dust) just will not hack it. If he wants to win the big games this year, Coach Tressel might have to move from Woody Hayes-ball to wide open-ball.

* I know it's just Temple, but Virginia looked awfully good blowing out the Owls on Saturday. For two or three years, recruiting gurus have been singing the praises of the talent the Cavaliers have brought in, but they have yet to make the jump from very, very good to great. This might be the year they achieve great. They have two terrific backs, skill position players that can both get open and catch the ball (a trait that seems more and more rare these days), and a quarterback (Marques Hagans) who looks to have a great grasp of the offensive system.

Couple that with an athletic, playmaking defense that features a star-studded front-seven and one sees why optimism abounds in Charlottesville this year. I would not be surprised if UVA made it through their season with only one loss, meaning they would beat either Miami or Florida State. Now, if Al Groh can find a way to win both of those games, than we might have the makings of a team that has to start making New Year's travel plans to Miami.

* The Golden Bears seemed to have found another talented runner, J.J. Arrington, to pair with their high-powered passing game. While not what one would consider a "quality win," it is never easy to go into Air Force and deal with the flex bone. Couple that with the fact that many prognosticators felt it was trendy to call Cal overrated, and it became important for the Golden Bears to play like one of the 10 or 20 best teams in the country against the Falcons. And that is exactly how they played.

Their offense showed no signs of slowing down from last year, and even got a new wrinkle with the emergence of Arrington. It looks like how far they go this season will come down to the first two Saturdays of October, when they play at Oregon State and at USC, in what is being billed as the Pac-10 game of the year. If they can win one of those two games, then a 10-win season and major bowl birth are both great possibilities.

* Last, but certainly not least, congrats to Sylvester Croom for winning his first game as a head coach at Mississippi State. Smarter people than I have used thousands upon thousands of words this summer to examine the social ramifications of his hiring. I would like to use this last paragraph to remind people about the football ramifications of this hiring.

Croom is a tremendous football coach who had the Bulldogs looking better prepared and more motivated than they have looked in years. Given the hand Croom was dealt, it is too much to expect a miraculous one-year turnaround, but do not be surprised this fall when Croom helps the Bulldogs win two or three games they have no business winning. And, do not be surprised when, in two or three years, the Bulldogs are again players in the SEC.

Posted by Michael Beshara at 2:05 PM | Comments (0)

Chicago Conundrum

I'm sure you're all familiar with the "Billy Goat" curse that has plagued the Chicago Cubs since 1945.

Well, for those who are not or if you need a refresher, legend has it that, William "Billy Goat" Sianis, a Greek immigrant who owned a nearby tavern, had two $7.20 box seat tickets to Game 4 of the 1945 World Series between the Chicago Cubs and the Detroit Tigers.

Sianis and the goat were allowed into the stadium and strolled about the playing field before the game, until they were ushered off of the field. After harsh words were exchanged, both Sianis and the goat were permitted to stay in the stadium occupying the box seat for which he had purchased tickets.

Before the game was over, however, Sianis and the goat were ejected from the stadium because of complaints of the goat's odor. Sianis was incensed at the ejection and placed a curse upon the Cubs that they would never win another pennant or play in a World Series at Wrigley Field again.

The Cubs lost game four and eventually the 1945 World Series. Since that time, the Cubs have not won a National League pennant or played in a World Series at Wrigley Field. In fact, the Cubs are infamous for having the longest league championship drought in Major League Baseball history.

Unfortunately, for the city of Chicago, the curse is growing in power. It is no longer confined to Wrigley Field.

Think about it. Wrigley Field itself is beginning to crumble. The deterioration isn't because of age; it's because the curse is becoming too strong for the "Friendly Confines" to contain. Erosion does not occur overnight, but the curse was patient and bided it's time, waiting for Wrigley to weaken its hold.

I am the only one brave enough to reveal this dark secret to the masses.

The last time any Chicago team has won a title was the 1998 Chicago Bulls, so my guess is that it was the summer of 1999 when the Billy Goat Curse began seeping through the walls of Wrigley and spread itself to the other Chicago teams.

Seep.

What was that?

I don't know, but, as I was saying, 1999 was the worst year for all Chicago teams combined. No Chicago team made the playoffs that year as the Cubs went 67-95, the White Sox crushed all that dare oppose them with a 75-86 record. The Bears rocked the Midway with a 6-10 effort, while the Bulls put the smack down with a 13-37 run and the Blackhawks dominated with a 29-41-12 mark.

The Bulls haven't made the playoffs, since. Michael Jordan, Dennis Rodman, Scottie Pippen, and Phil Jackson were forced out of a chance to win a title in 1999. They ended up parting ways, at management's request.

You remember Jerry Krause, the Bulls GM, at the time? Yeah, the fat guy who said, "Players don't win championships, organizations do."

Only the curse can make a man utter such an asinine statement.

Seep. Seep.

That's beginning to get really creepy. Anyway, the Blackhawks haven't won a championship since 1961. The real travesty is Blackhawks' owner Bill Wirtz, who insists on blacking out televised home games in order to force fans to purchase tickets and watch them lose in person. The slumping Blackhawks were one point from being the worst team in the NHL last season.

Does Wirtz realize that if he put a team, worth watching, out on the ice, then maybe he could increase ticket sales?

Of course he doesn't, because The Billy Goat curse has clouded his mind with stupidity.

The Bears and the White Sox haven't seen a title since 1985 and 1917, respectively, and from the looks of the present day situation, the streak will continue.

Seep. Seep. Seep.

What the hell is that?

Let's move on. There have been great Chicago moments, I must admit. The curse never said it would prevent that. Arguably, the best NFL team that ever existed was the 1985 Chicago Bears, who went 15-1 and won the Super Bowl. The "no-argument" best team ever in the NBA was the '95-'96 Chicago Bulls team that went 72-10 in the regular season and claimed the title.

My explanation is that Wrigley Field was still strong enough to keep the curse contained, but now our defenses have been compromised, my friends.

This year, the stadium is crumbling, rocks are falling, and there's nothing we can do about it. The Goat will not be denied its vengeance.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

There was a time when the curse was content with not allowing the Cubs to win a World Series, but now, that it has broken free from it's cage, seems to have decided to take its fury out on all of Chicago.

Sure, the Cubs have Sammy Sosa's slugging and a tremendous pitching staff and the White Sox have superior offensive power with the hitting of Frank Thomas, Magglio Ordonez, and Paul Konerko. The Bears boast super-linebacker Brian Urlacher, the Blackhawks have a nice, solid center in Tuomo Ruutu, while the Bulls have a young team of potential superstars.

That is all very well and good, but where are the titles?

The curse delievered us coaches and managers like Tim Floyd, Bill Cartwright, Dave Wannstedt, Dick Jauron, Jerry Manuel, Terry Bevington, Don Baylor, and the Sutter brothers.

I have no doubt that Sianis and his goat were laughing and bleating from the beyond.

The present season could have been the year that the Cubs and White Sox met each other in the World Series, but injuries have plagued both teams, leaving the White Sox almost out of contention and the Cubs fighting for a wildcard spot.

The Billy Goat Curse has become a plague and it's spreading.

SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP!

As a resident of Chicago, I am witness...

My God, now I know what that is! I should have never revealed its secret!

SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP!

The curse is coming for me, readers! Spread the message! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP!

Let the world know what's coming!

SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP!

Must ... keep ... writing ...

SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP! SEEP!

Posted by Damian Greene at 11:11 AM | Comments (0)

September 5, 2004

Yankees' Failures Not News

The Yankees had an awful August, squandering their 10½ game lead over the Boston Red Sox, which was shaved down to 3½ games. They were blown out of their own ballpark on August 31st in a 22-0 shutout by the Cleveland Indians in their worst loss in Yankees history. Then again, the Yankees had an awful April, as well.

Those facts notwithstanding, the Yankees still own the best team record in the American League. However, they have had an Achilles heel since before the season ever started which has remained their biggest fundamental problem all season long, and that is their starting rotation. It has been suspect and flawed since April.

We know that championships are not won in April, but in October. But now that October is within sight, we see that the Yankees have squandered the whole season in failing to fortify their obvious need for starting pitching.

Everyone besides Yankees fans always seem to delight in their struggles, since they have the highest payroll in the major leagues, and it is also fashionable to hate New York. But as this baseball season nears its end, some realities were clear before the season ever began for the Bronx Bombers, and is not merely hindsight.

The season's primary struggle started in December 2003, when George Steinbrenner failed to close a deal with pitcher Andy Pettitte, previously lost Roger Clemens to his supposed retirement, and David Wells packed his bags for San Diego.

We also will hear that since Pettitte eventually went down on the DL in Houston with season-ending elbow surgery, it was justifiable in not signing him. However, the fact is, the three most dominant and winning pitchers in the Yankees' 2003 rotation, which got them to the 2003 World Series, were not going to be easily replaced.

An injury-laden Kevin Brown, an unproven Javier Vazquez (having spent his entire career in Montreal), Jon Lieber, returning after two years from arm surgery, and wildly erratic Jose Contreras, who spent half the season trying to correct his pitching woes and was since traded to the Chicago White Sox, all started out as underdogs. Mike Mussina started the season as the Yankees' only proven pitcher, but they lost his services for nearly two months on the DL.

Who would have thought that Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez would wind up being the Yankees' bright light at season's end? Having started the season unsigned to any team, after major shoulder surgery last year, and released by the Montreal Expos after spring training, Hernandez was picked up for a minor league contract by the Yankees in June.

El Duque has been the most winning and consistent pitcher for the Yankees since July as Mike Mussina, Kevin Brown, and even Vasquez shared time on the DL. Had it not been for the "El Duque Surprise," and an overworked bullpen, it would not be inconceivable that the Red Sox would have overcome the Yankees long ago.

The lack of a real pennant race in the American League East for most of the season says more about the lackluster play of its other teams rather than the Yankees' .618 winning percentage. Clearly, with their all-star lineup, the Yankees were expected to have a winning offense, but most of their games have been won with the long ball, rather than by creating runs. Even Alex Rodriguez has struggled miserably in knocking in runs with men on base, but has still been able to hit the ball out of the park.

With over 50 come-from-behind victories, the Yankees' pitching roster has shown all year that its pitchers on many occasions have given up numerous runs to their opponents in the first three innings, calling on sometimes ineffective long relievers and putting further stress on their short relievers, which have the most appearances in the American League.

So this has not been the meltdown of the Yankees that the press would like us to believe. The Yankees have been remarkably consistently inconsistent, with extremely flawed starting pitching.

The Yankees' other major flaw has been their inconsistency in creating winning situations without the long ball. They have never really gelled as a team, perhaps because an all-star lineup does not make a team.

Unless their pitching has a miraculous revival, and they start playing as a unit, the Yankees' future in the postseason remains cloudy. They get shut down and shut out too often because of their reliance on the long ball, and their starting pitching is easily overcome.

You don't need to be a rocket scientist to see what may be coming. Big payroll or not, it is the Yankees' management which is largely to blame for their season-long struggles and its lack of real foresight in putting together a winning pitching staff.

Whatever the eventual outcome this season, the Yankees' 2004 legacy will be mostly about its failed management and ownership, not its players.

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 6:16 PM | Comments (1)

September 4, 2004

Muzzling the Turtles

When I arrived at the University of Maryland as a freshman, the school's football and basketball programs were really nothing to burn down College Park over.

Gary Williams had a .500 team in the ACC, playing in the shadows of Wake Forest, Georgia Tech, and North Carolina. And the most exciting player on the Terrapin men's basketball squad was some guy named Exree Hipp.

The less said about the football Terps, the better. Basically, they were a reason to drink somewhere other than your dorm for an afternoon in the fall.

But Maryland fans had pride. Stupid pride, but pride nonetheless. We took pride in being the snarly underdog, one whose bark was much worse than its toothless teams' bite. College kids are expected to carry a little attitude, but we were just a bunch of pricks.

For example, when the starting lineup was announced for the opposing basketball teams, we'd take out our student newspaper, open it up in front of our faces, and shake it violently. Then, after the team was announced, we'd throw them on the court.

Classy, huh?

Most mostly, we enjoyed the vulgarity that became synonymous with Maryland athletics. The "a--hole" chants. The "F*ck Duke" t-shirts. It really wasn't a game unless the stands sounded like outtakes from a Chris Rock concert.

One of our crowing achievements was turning the Gary Glitter song, and arena staple, "Rock and Roll, Part II" into mocking ode to the futility of our opponents:

Dadada da da da da da
"Hey ... You Suck!"
Dadada da da da da da
"Hey ... You Suck!"
Dadada da da da da da
"Hey ... You Suck!"
"We're gonna beat the hell out of you
and you
and you
and you!"

Classy, huh?

The song was frequently played by the Maryland Marching Band at hoops and pigskin games. But now, the band has been banned from playing it after Maryland touchdowns during coach Ralph Friedgen's football games at Byrd Stadium -- at his request.

"We've got to a point now at football and basketball where winning is something that happens," he told the university student newspaper. "You shouldn't feel like you've got to do something else to make a big deal out of winning."

Friedgen had previously complained that the chants actually made parents urge their recruits to stop considering Maryland for football. (Considering the Terps' recent run of Bowl appearances, perhaps this was an effective way to filter out the duds.)

The Terps fans will now do one of two things:

1. Sing the song themselves at a time in which it will not be drowned out by the band's new tune post-touchdown tune.

2. Turn over some cop cars and light them on fire in the middle of Route 1 ... like we just defeated Duke at something.

Whether you believe they are vulgar or not, Maryland fans are being muzzled by an administration that would have given anything to hear more than a yawn at a football game just over a decade ago. And in turn, are following the same folly we've seen time and time again in sports.

Because they can affect the outcome of the game, fans are expected to provide all the enthusiasm and volume they can muster for four quarters. The PA announcer asks for it. ("Hey, fans ... it's fooooooourth down!") The scoreboard and stadium music encourage it. Hell, if you're not up on your chair and bellowing like a mental patient during a goal-line stand, it's guaranteed some guy with a painted face is going to bash you on the skull with his hardhat until you are.

Yet with all that pressure on fans to make as much noise as they can, the National Football League actually prohibited them from making too much of it.

In one of the preeminent killjoy moves in sports history, the NFL's Competition Committee created a "crowd noise" rule in the late 1980s in response to deafening homefields like the Kingdome in Seattle. Under the rule, an opposing player could ask the referee to do something about the "excessive" crowd noise that was hindering the effectiveness of his team's audibles. The officials would then make an announcement to the crowd, asking for a reasonable decrease in volume.

This would inevitably lead to an immediate increase in amplification -- in the form of booing, hissing, and creative expletives -- which would leave the referee no choice but to take away a timeout from the home team, or to levy a five-yard penalty if it's out of timeouts.

Basically, the rule is a delay of game call, even though one team is ready to play and the other team would be ready if it wasn't so damn preoccupied with what the paying customers are saying.

The crowd noise rule remains one of those quirky laws that's on the books, but is rarely enforced; like those city ordinances from 1845 that ban gay cats from drinking whiskey on a Thursday. The only time enforcement of the rule is even considered is when teams are accused of artificially pumping up the volume, such as when music or pre-recorded cheering is broadcast after the visiting team breaks an offensive huddle.

This rule is incongruous on three levels. First, who the hell cares what a team does to enhance its homefield advantage? Anything short of having the cheerleaders perform a defensive end zone sex show during a fourth-and-goal situation should be legal.

Second, why would the NFL do anything to muzzle its most loyal customers? Garish volume is a problem most professional sports would love to have; why not ship some of that excess noise over to Major League Baseball so games in May don't sound like the smoking lounge in the basement of a funeral home?

Finally, for an All-American outfit like the NFL, could it possibly have a more unpatriotic statute on the books? Not only does the crowd noise rule violate the fans' constitutional protection against abridgement of their freedom of speech, but it also violates their right to peacefully assemble, as well. That's half the first amendment!

(I can hear our forefathers weeping now...)

Fans at the University of Maryland have been sent a clear message: we want your money, we want your enthusiasm, but we don't want the way you choose to express it.

Hopefully, more than a few fans will send a message of their own: I'll keep my money, buy a dish, and then say whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want ... now find some freshman to purchase your overpriced stadium food with daddy's money.

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 10:59 PM | Comments (0)

September 3, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 1 (Pt. 2)

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

San Diego @ Houston

This game has all the makings of a NCAA Division III-AA showdown, just without the skill level. Not the players, the coaches, mind you. Marty Schottenheimer is more famous for a game he lost (1986 AFC Championship game with Cleveland) than anything he's won (nothing).

Dom Capers is a marginal coach (the margin being that between "bad" and "sucks") who seems to be the inaugural coach of every expansion team of the last 10 years. Capers did, however, lead the Panthers to the NFC Championship in the second year of the franchise. Impressive, yes, but that alone won't get you to Canton, although it may help in securing a Greyhound bus ticket to that locale.

Now, one player who will be in Canton one day for his Hall of Fame induction is LaDainian Tomlinson. Which depends on how long Tomlinson can stomach being the best player in the game and playing for one of the worst teams. Judging by his new 10-year, $60 million dollar contract, it appears that Tomlinson doesn't mind it that much.

"You're right," adds Tomlinson. "First on my list is the cash money, then touchdowns, then yards, my wife, my earrings, my pit bull, my gat, then a few other things, and last is winning. That don't mean a thing to L.T."

That's good, L.T., because the Chargers begin this season, known to the players as "The Quest" (to get Schottenheimer fired) with a 31-10 loss to the Texans. Tomlinson does record a touchdown as one of the few bright spots for the Chargers, make that the only bright spot for San Diego.

Tennessee @ Miami

Where do you start when you talk about Miami's offseason? How about here? Shaquille O'Neal is now a member of the Heat! Yes!

The Dolphins? Oh, the Dolphins. Well, provided the 'Fins don't lose any more players to retirement or injury, they can expect to be right in the thick of the AFC East race, for last place, that is.

"Damn, what's a coach to do when two of his best players are gone for the season?" asks Dave Wannstedt.

Well, Dave, you can start by preparing for a midseason firing by placing your resumé on Monster.com. And also, Dave, might I point out that of those two best players, one likes to wear wedding dresses and smoke pot, and the other is a performance-enhancing drug fiend?

"Wait just a minute," interjects David Boston. "Torn knee cartilage is nothing. Don't count me out yet. I've never met an injury I couldn't inject something into and make it better."

Popeye's right. He'll return midseason with a bionic knee, just about the time Ricky returns so he won't have to pay back any salary.

Meanwhile, in Titans camp, things are much more stable. Steve "I've Never Met an Injury I Didn't Play Through" McNair is ready for the season.

"Yes, I'm anxious," reports McNair. "I'm a little wary about this playing with no pain deal. I'm not sure how I'll react. If I have to, I'll sprain my ankle on purpose."

Not to worry, Steve. The Miami defense in more than capable of inflicting pain, as is the Miami offense, but only on Miami coaches and fans. The Titan defense manhandles the Miami quarterback and McNair picks his way to one rush TD and one pass TD. Tennessee wins, 17-9.

Cincinnati @ New York Jets

In Cincinnati, it's the year of the Johnson.

Easy ladies, I'm talking about Rudi and Chad, the Bengals' Big Johnsons. Rudi fondly looks back on his college days at Notre Dame, when they made that movie about him. Chad has guaranteed that at some point this season, he'll guarantee that the Bengals will make the playoffs.

Whether or not they make the playoffs depends largely on the play of last year's overall No. 1 draft pick, Carson Palmer, who garnered the starting position over Jon Kitna the old-fashioned way: it was given to him.

"Hey, this ain't Smith-Barney," a perturbed Palmer says. "The name's Carson Palmer. I've lived a privileged life. Everything's been handed to me on a silver platter, except honor and manhood. I'm hoping my teammates don't recognize that I have neither."

The Jets' Chad Pennington, on the other hand, is respected by all of his teammates, and has earned all that's been given to him, except last year's salary, which he received despite missing nearly the entire season with a broken wrist.

"But I'm back with a vengeance this year," Pennington explains. "Sure, the wrist may hang a little loose, but I'm guaranteeing a victory over the Bengals."

Historically, guaranteeing a win over the Bengals hasn't been saying much, but Pennington backs his words up anyway with two touchdown passes. Palmer endures a tough opener, but finds solace in a kegger with some USC fraternity brothers. Jets win, 27-20.

Oakland @ Pittsburgh

Those fools in the Pittsburgh front office actually gave coach Bill Cowher a two-year contract extension? I guess hovering in mediocrity is more important to them than winning a Super Bowl, because we all know that Pittsburgh won't win a Super Bowl with Cowher at the helm.

But give Cowher some credit; he knows a good thing when he has it -- a job. If they want him to keep it and pay him well, that's their prerogative.

"I can go 8-8 and get paid for the rest of my life," a content Cowher explains.

And that's exactly what he'll probably do this year: lead the Steelers to an 8-8 record. But in the process, the Steelers may find that Ben Roethlisberger is their quarterback of the future. Actually, it will probably take them less than three weeks to realize that; Tommy Maddox will either play terribly and/or have his spine busted again, opening the door for Roethlisberger.

In Oakland, where owner Al Davis knows when to can a coach, Norv Turner takes over for the departed Bill Callahan. Davis also brought in free agents Warren Sapp, Ted Washington, and Kerry Collins. Sapp and Washington should shore up a woeful Raiders rush defense, while Collins will bring an extensive knowledge of alcoholism to Raiders camp, and may also get the starting nod at quarterback over Rich Gannon, who won an NCAA basketball championship with N.C. State years ago and now announces figure skating play-by-play (I'm sorry, that's Terry Gannon).

Anyway, the Raider D-line wreaks havoc, and Ty Wheatley scores on two short touchdown runs. Oakland wins, 23-14.

Tampa Bay @ Washington

"There's the old sheriff in town," crows Joe Gibbs as he meets Jon Gruden before kickoff at FedEx Field, "and his name is still Joe Gibbs. I'm kicking it old-school, and by old, I mean when winning one Super Bowl wasn't jack squat. You hear me, Gruden? You had to win at least two to be somebody, and three to be me. I'll shake your hand when you've won two more bowls and a couple of NASCAR championships. And one more thing: don't think I wouldn't have busted Art Monk's lips if he ever got in my face like Keyshawn Johnson did with you."

Gruden is then plowed by a Home Depot-sponsored golf cart driven by Tony Stewart, who whisks Gibbs back to the sideline. Officials wave the caution while crews remove Gruden and debris from the playing field.

Back on the Buc sideline, Gruden dusts himself off, grimaces, and consults with Chuckie in the Tampa Bay box upstairs. Chuckie informs Gruden to have linebacker Derrick Brooks shadow Clinton Portis, and on offense, look for the deep ball, just not to holdout Keenan McCardell.

The plan works like a charm. Portis is held to 75 yards rushing, and Brad Johnson hits rookie Michael Clayton with a touchdown bomb. Gruden gets last laugh. Tampa Bay, 30-20.

Dallas @ Minnesota

Hey, Randy (Moss), what did you do during the offseason? Well, besides smoking dope and picking your 'fro out on a daily basis.

"Let me tell you what I did, player," says Moss. "You're right about the dope and the 'fro, but I also cut me a sweet deal with the people down at Ronco. We gots the Mad Skillz version of the Foreman Grill. We gone call it "The Mad Skillet." Come on over to this studio kitchen while we film this infomercial. Look at this. Isn't she a beauty? Not only can this thing fry two slices of bologna in minutes, but I discovered that you can cook heroin and sterilize a knife in case you need to remove a bullet from yourself or an accomplice, I mean friend."

Wow! How much for all this, Randy?

"It's simple," adds Moss. "Just nine easy payments of $49.99, plus shipping costs of four easy payments of $21.99. Sorry, no C.O.D.'s."

While the friendly order clerks at Ronco headquarters handle the Madd Rush on Madd Skillets, Moss leads the Vikes to an easy, 28-10 destruction of the Cowboys. As usual, the Minnesota offense shines, but the defense steps up, too, harassing Vinnie Testeverde into two interceptions and limiting Eddie George to 2.7 yards (that's rushing yards, not yards per rush).

Kansas City @ Denver

Chiefs cornerback Dexter McCleon fires the first bullet in the war of words with the hated Broncos when he vows that "Clinton Portis will not score five touchdowns on us as he did last year."

That's a bold statement coming from a Kansas City defender, even bolder when you consider that Portis no longer plays for Denver. When informed of this fact, the cocky McCleon replies curtly, "See, I'm right already."

Since no Denver player has the necessary cockiness to properly reply to McCleon's statement, the Broncos jet in retired tight end and world-class trash-talker Shannon Sharpe to respond.

"Let's see," the witty Sharpe replies. "Dexter McKlingon. The closest he's ever came to All-Pro is feeding his dog Alpo. He tackles like Deion Sanders. If speed were brains, he's still be an idiot. If interceptions were contraception, he'd have 12 kids. Dex might have to think about that one for a while."

While McCleon tries to figure out whether Sharpe's last statement was a crack or a compliment, he's burned by Ashley Lelie for a 55-yard touchdown strike. 7-0 Broncos.

The Chiefs bounce right back with Priest Holmes' signature seven-yard touchdown run.

It's tooth and nail to the very end, when a controversial interference call on Champ Bailey sets up Morten Anderson's 24-yard game winner, which barely clears the crossbar. The Chiefs celebrate a 27-24 victory, while Denver coach Mike Shanahan goes ballistic, turning a shade of red that sometime in the future Crayola will dub "Enraged Shanahan Red."

Green Bay @ Carolina

Very few experts are picking the Panthers to successfully defend their NFC Championship. In fact, not many people can even remember that the Panthers were in the Super Bowl. What's up with that? If a team in one year can win two or so overtime games, win a couple of others on the last play, block a field goal to save another game, and win every single close game they're involved in, who has the right to say they can't do it again?

"Nobody, pal," explains Panther quarterback and good ol' boy Jake Delhomme. "Last year was God's way of making up to us all that had gone wrong with our franchise in years past, with the deaths and murders and assaults and what not. This year, we're praying for the Super Bowl win, and hopefully, our prayers will be answered, preferably by Jesus Christ."

The Panthers will no doubt need a little guidance from above to surpass last year's success, but they can also do so with talent, especially on defense. Carolina boasts one of the game's best defenses, and this group makes life miserable for Brett Favre and Ahman Green. Green is whacked into two fumbles and Favre throws two interceptions, leading the Panthers to an easy 24-10 victory. Thank you, Jesus.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:21 PM | Comments (3)

Who is Jim Thome?

Jim Thome has always intrigued me. He was a third basemen who batted lefty, but threw righty, very similar to my all-time favorite third-basemen, Robin Ventura. As I saw these two go at it -- this is while the White Sox were championship hopefuls and their strongest rivalry was with the Cleveland Indians around the '92 season -- my heart would always race when a sharp grounder was hit to the third base side, or either Thome or Ventura were up to bat.

Of course, I was always rooting for Ventura.

What noticed each time these two went at it was that Ventura was getting a little bit slower each time out, showing less power and Thome always got better. I mean, this guy went from a no-name third basemen to a continual Sox killer.

Today, Jim Thome is now older and a first basemen, but he is still great and underrated. As of this writing, he has 39 homeruns with a month left in the season, good for fourth in the entire MLB! So who is Jim Thome, this underrated star of baseball? I'll tell you.

Peoria, Illinois, 1970. Jim Thome was born. He and his sister Jenny, both paternal twins, are the youngest of five children. His father, Chuck, Jr., did play some baseball when he was young, and even thought about giving baseball a shot, though he thought better of it, and instead went for a more stable position at a local factory. Family, rather than ambition, was what Chuck, Jr. installed in his children.

The Thome family was notorious softball players in the Peoria, Illinois area. Several of Jim's relatives are even in the Peoria sports Hall of Fame for fast-pitch softball! Jim's older brothers were always baseball fanatics, having played baseball at the college level and then fast-pitch softball.

At Jim Thome's first Cubs games, he asked Dave Kingman (his favorite childhood baseball player) for an autograph, and was quickly denied. Jim Thome was upset, and so after Dave Kingman left into the dugout, Jim jumped the wall and dashed into the dugout after Kingman. Jim Thome was quickly caught by Barry Foote, so never made it to Dave Kingman, but he did get his baseball autographed my other team players. It was then that he decided that he wanted to be a Major Leaguer when he grew up.

Jim made his name at high school, where he became an Illinois all-state basketball player and was even scouted by the Cincinnati reds as a high school shortstop. Not being selected in the the MLB draft, Jim went off to Illinois Central College where he gained an Junior College All-American honorable mention, which in 1989, earned him a 13th-round draft pick by the Cleveland Indians.

In 1990, Jim Thome earned the Cleveland Indians with the Lou Boudreau Award, declaring Jim the Indians' best minor league baseball player as a third basemen. After a short stint in AA and AAA, Jim was promoted to the major leagues at the end of the 1991 season, when the Indians were still a joke. His first game, Jim got two hits, and RBI, and a run-scored. That season, Baseball of America and Upper Deck named him the best hitting prospect in the American League.

His first three years in the big leagues, '91, '92, '93, Jim battled some small injuries and alternated between the big leagues and rookie ball. During this time, the Indians were slowly bringing their hot stars up, and the beginning of 1994 was the year they would all click.

In 1994, Jim Thome was the third basemen opening day starter at the newly opened Jacobs Field. With Kenny Lofton, Carlos Baerga, Albert Belle, Eddie Murray, Manny Ramirez, and others, the Cleveland Indians would go on to dominate for years.

In Jim's first season where he was considered the "man" at third base, he batted 20 homeruns and batted .268. For the next eight years, Jim Thome matured into a dominant all-star. Cleveland did reach the World Series twice while Jim Thome was with them, in '95 against Atlanta and '97 against Florida. His 20-homerun season in 1994 was followed by 25, 38, 40, 30, 33, 37, 49, and then 52 homeruns in 2002, his last year in Cleveland.

By '02, Jim had transitioned himself over to first base. Jim was ready for another chance at a championship, and after seeing the direction the Indian management was going in, he decided, with much sadness, to jump ship.

Before the 2003 season, Jim signed with the Philadelphia Phillies at a price of $85 million for six years, becoming one of the highest-paid players in baseball. Although the Phillies didn't make it to the postseason last year or appear to be in the race this year, Jim Thome has found a new home in the National League and is finally beginning to receive the respect that he deserves.

Among Jim Thome's Awards are a Silver Slugger Award, '96; three All-Star Game nods, '97, '98, '99; a Players Choice Award for Man of the Year, 2001; and the Roberto Clemente Man of the Year Award, 2002.

With Jim Thome 20 homeruns past 400 and only recently turned 34 years of age, there is no doubt that Thome will surpass the 500 homerun mark and only makes 600 homeruns a valid argument. With the hardware to back it up, Jim Thome has shown over his career that he is not just one of the top players in baseball, but he is also one of the best people in baseball. With four years left on his contract in Philadelphia, Jim's stock is still going up.

Posted by Marc James at 5:50 PM | Comments (0)

September 2, 2004

New Contact Rule Should Have Little Effect

We want more offense. We want higher scores. We want more long plays. At least that's what the powers that be in the NFL think. So they've done what they think we want them to do. They've gone ahead and changed the rules -- again -- in order to make football more exciting.

At issue is the new "downfield contact" rule, which severely limits how much defensive backs can touch a receiver when defending a pass. The new rule will accomplish what it is designed to do: handcuff the defense and give the wide receivers more opportunity to catch the ball. As a result, we'll see more long bombs, less aggressive secondary coverage, and more yellow hankies flying. But, just as with any new rule, it will be strictly enforced for the first couple of years and then slowly fade into the sunset.

Case in point. Remember the "in the grasp" rule several years ago? It was supposed to protect quarterbacks from getting squashed by those big bullies on the defensive line. Sounded like a good idea at the time but, initially, the refs would blow the whistle at the first sign of a hand grabbing a jersey. Who knows how many great escapes were thwarted by early whistles? When fans, coaches and players finally protested that the rule was too restrictive on a quarterback's mobility, officials backed off and now it's practically non-existent.

I have a feeling this new contact rule will meet the same fate. After a couple of seasons of fans seeing defensive backs flagged for reaching out to defend a pass, league officials will probably reconsider and loosen it up a bit. If you recall, the original "chuck" rule adopted in the 1970s gave DBs only a three-yard cushion from the line of scrimmage in which to make contact with a receiver, but then was relaxed to a five-yard area a few years later. Reason? It really didn't accomplish what they hoped it would.

Statically speaking, there wasn't much difference between the 1973 and 1974 seasons in the categories one might think would be affected by the rule change: passing yards per game, points per game, interceptions per game and penalties per game. The only stat that saw a significant change was in the passing yards with just a 12-yard per game increase. That's hardly enough to say with any confidence that the rule helped open up the passing game.

The other three categories saw changes that were either insignificant or in the opposite direction expected. Points per game actually went down by 1.2 points, interceptions went up by 0.1 per game, and penalties increased by only 0.4 per game.

Bottom line is, with all the restrictions placed on defensive backs at the time, the statistics proved to be a washout in regards to the intent.

If history repeats itself, this latest clamping down on pass defense will result in nothing more than a shift in defensive strategy from man-to-man coverage to zone coverage. There could even be more emphasis on nickel and dime defenses to provide better coverage to all areas of the field. Smart defensive coordinators will make adjustments in their philosophies to compensate for the restriction on downfield contact. Instead of taking the chance of getting penalized for tight coverage on a receiver one-on-one, DBs will sit back in the zone, wait for the ball to be in the air, and close in for the kill when it arrives at its intended target.

In fact, there could even be an increase in injured receivers from having their heads taken off by a guided missile known as a defensive back. Then coaches will be forced to resort to quick short passes in order to protect their receivers and, presto, out goes the long passing game league officials are trying to promote.

Not only that, but if defenses revert to extra secondary personnel, the running game will open up wide and offenses will hand the ball off more with only five or six guys in the box. Then defenses will gamble and blitz more, opening the passing game back up and we're right back where we started: pure football.

Only time will tell if the rule will do any good in increasing offensive production and scoring. After a couple of years when defensive backs learn how to finagle their way around the rule, a la offensive holding where linemen hold on nearly every play, but know how to do it without the officials seeing it, and officials throw flags less and less, like with excessive celebration, football will return to normal with receivers being covered like a glove the length of the field.

Defensive backs are claiming the league is treating receivers like "sissies" who need to be coddled like quarterbacks once were, and maybe that's true to a degree. Receivers have actually had it pretty good compared to how it was 30 years ago and beyond. Guys like Dick Lane, Larry Wilson, and Johnny Robinson probably couldn't play under today's conditions. Downfield contact wasn't just contact, it was assault and battery.

Conversely, who knows how many more yards and touchdowns receivers like Lance Alworth, Gary Collins, or Don Maynard would have had, had they been provided the luxury of "hands-off" defense?

So as the season begins next weekend, keep a close eye on downfield matchups and see how the new rule affects passing and defending. I have a feeling we'll hear a lot of "illegal contact" calls throughout the year.

Posted by Adam Russell at 7:39 PM | Comments (1)

Don't Diss the Effort

It's an embarrassment.

How could this happen?

National pride just went down the drain.

This is exactly what I expected.

Those are just some of the statements people are saying and thinking after the U.S. basketball team's result on Saturday. The squad may have won the bronze medal, but they lost a lot of support in the process.

Seriously, is a bronze that bad? Yes, I know. Basketball is a U.S. sport, born and bred. The game's most talented players still grow up here. Plus, the coach just became the only one to ever win both the NCAA and NBA championships.

However, there is one point I'd like to make. Have you seen the NBA lately? First of all, there seem to be more foreign names and backgrounds at the draft than inside the U.N.

Peja Drobnjak, Manu Ginobili, Darius Songaila, Carlos Arroyo are all pro ballers here. Yet they understand the concept of playing as a cog in the overall machine of their home country's team. Second, the NBA offers a more slowed-down, man-to-man, one-on-one style of play. You want the international game, look to the U.S. college scene. Up-tempo, deadly shooting, and room for "zone-out" defense. It's something that the American players couldn't adjust to, at least in the short period of time together.

When you take a step back, the losses aren't so bad (okay, maybe Puerto Rico was a little too much). You can't sneeze at losing to gold-medal toting Ginobili and his Argentinean mates. The Dream Team couldn't stop the shooting effort of Lithuania, led by former Maryland sharpshooter Sarunas Jasikevicius and the aforementioned Songaila. Then again, Team USA got the last laugh, beating the same squad in the third-place game. All right, there's really not an excuse for Puerto Rico I can think of, even though Arroyo is the starting point guard for the Utah Jazz.

Americans also seem to forget the quarterfinal victory their team compiled over Spain, probably the best all-around squad with the best overall player (Pau Gasol) in the tournament. As impressive as that was, however, people are still viewing the outcome as a failure. Now that it's over, though, how do you remedy the situation?

Over the past few weeks, everybody's had a suggestion, ranging from re-using college players to taking the team that loses the NBA Finals that year. I can't speak to which theory is the correct one, but there is one thing that needs to be implemented. Make sure the potential international team knows the international game. Like national soccer, set up a schedule to play other national teams in exhibitions each and every year, not just prior to the Olympics. This way, the players get a chance to see how the game works while forming chemistry.

And if you don't think that's important, look at the team one spot ahead of the U.S. (What? You mean Italy isn't a basketball powerhouse?)

The Dream Team has outlasted its usefulness, but Team USA doesn't need an overhaul. A few tweaks should have people believing that this country will stay the dominant force in the sport for a long time. Looks like we'll have to wait until 2008 in Beijing to see if any of these experiments might work.

By the way, how many breaths of relief do you think George Karl is taking right about now?

Posted by Jonathan Lowe at 6:01 AM | Comments (1)

Slant Pattern's Big 12 Preview

Five conferences down, one to go in my BCS preview. Time to break down the Big 12.

Big 12 North

1. Missouri - Well, someone new has to step up and have a big season. The ACC (Maryland), SEC (LSU), Big 10 (Iowa), and Pac-10 (Cal) have all had surprise teams finish in the top-two in their conference in the last two years, but it seems as though the Big 12 is stuck in a time warp, with the usual suspects duking it out at season's end ad nauseam. With nine starters returning on defense and a Heisman hopeful at quarterback (Brad Smith), the Tigers are poised to make a deep run.

2. Kansas State - The Wildcats should finish comfortably in second in the Big 12 North, and may challenge for all the marbles if they can even partially replace quarterback Ell Roberson and eight starters from a defense that gave up just 16.3 points a game last season.

3. Nebraska - I'm not sure if Bill Callahan can turn around this program or not, but I know he can't in year one, which will feature him scrapping a 50-year-old playbook. Personally, I don't like the fit between Callahan and Nebraska, and the vast change of offensive approach will have fans loudly booing on the first interception, right or wrong.

4. Colorado - It may be hard to motivate the Buffs to play well now that they will no longer be rewarded three hookers for every point differential they win by.

5. Iowa State - Had a nice run for a few years, getting to bowl games, beating Iowa, scaring the bejezus out of Florida State, and now they're back to just being Iowa State. Like at Nebraska, things will get worse in Ames before they get better.

6. Kansas - They will get up for the Missouri game, as they always do, but they lose all-everything quarterback Bill Whittemore, and they weren't all that great with him.

Big 12 South

1. Oklahoma - Not just No. 1 in the Big 12 South, not merely the best in the Big 12, but the best in the land by a hair over USC. After their wheezing finish last year, I was in the chorus with everyone else calling them frauds. But if you remember their dominance of most of the season, understand that they are a year wiser and more mature, and that they return 19 out of 22 non-special teams starters ... well, this is simply a team with no question marks.

2. Texas Tech - With nine starters returning on defense and seven on offense, the Red Raiders should be a big surprise. We already know about the ridiculous numbers they will put up on offense, and now the D is catching up. A New Year's Day bowl is in the cards for them.

3. Texas - Permanently destined to have between two and four losses, always has the entire state of Texas excited, and disappoints in the end. No one on this team looks like they can accomplish things that guys like Ricky Williams, Major Applewhite, and Chris Simms couldn't.

4. Texas A&M - Having suffered the most embarrassing national depantsing (77-0 to Oklahoma) in modern college football history, the Aggies should play with a lot of pride and heart this year, and flirt with a minor bowl.

5. Oklahoma State - I was so high on them last year, but they played with an appalling lack of heart, particularly in a close loss against Nebraska. With their two biggest playmakers gone, they may fall all the way to the basement of the Big 12.

6. Baylor - Last year, they won one Big 12 contest. This year, they will win two.

***

So, devoted readers of the Slant Pattern will know that I am just getting back from Holland. I was hoping to catch a soccer game while I was in country, but sadly, the Dutch premiere league started the day I had to leave, so my sports experience was limited to watching a lot of the Olympics.

Holland does about as well as might be expected for a country its size (22 medals). I'm sure they existed, but I found no bars or coffeehouses where the locals were glued to the TV, cheering on their Dutch heroes. Holland is about as laid back a country as you will find, which was an interesting contrast from the United States. I saw all of three Dutch flags flying in my week there, suggesting that they are not as patriotic and pec-flexing as we like to be, where every other car has a God Bless America bumper sticker.

The Dutch may not be as patriotic as us, but that is not to say that they aren't as proud of their country (there's a difference between pride and patriotism), and they work very hard to maintain the mellow atmosphere and the culture of moderation, pleasure, and responsibility they've staked out for themselves.

The streets are clean. Most streets have a lane just for bikes, which everyone rides. No one is fat, even though all the local food I had was deep-fried, greasy, and delicious. They believe in stairs rather than elevators. They like things to be efficient and abhor wastefulness. I saw a sign on a men's room paper towel dispenser saying, "TAKE ONLY ONE!"

It was a nice change of pace, and while visiting you can't help but think, "Gosh, we sure are pigs over on the other side of the pond, like Godzillas who do nothing all day but eat big things and wipe their mouths off with a small forest. Consume, consume, waste, waste."

On the other hand, I think they take their efficiency a bit too far regarding their toilets. The only water in Dutch toilets are in a small pocket in the front (not the middle) of the bowl, but since you make your deposits in the middle, your business stays disgustingly free from water until you flush, when a strong stream of water pushes everything into the pocket and down. (Thanks for that. We apologize to anyone eating and reading this. - Ed)

They import a great deal of American TV, which they subtitle into English. It seems that their selection of American television fare is either horrible ("Veronica's Closet," "The Nanny") or outstanding (movies like "Happiness" and "Office Space") with no in-between, and everything is uncut. At around 11 PM or so, the phone sex commercials begin, which show it all, on regular TV.

Speaking of sex (and drugs, while we are at it), the Netherlands is, or course, most famous for its legal prostitution and marijuana. You may or may not approve of this permissiveness, but again, the Dutch watchword is "responsibility" and they have taken great pains to allow these forbidden pleasures yet still prevent their country from becoming some sort of gigantic, yearlong Mardi Gras of debauchery and anarchy.

In the tourist guides published by the official tourism departments, as well as those published by most hotels, contain very little information about the red light district and prostitution, and absolutely nothing about the weed outposts. I suppose they figure, sure, you can come here and smoke weed, but you figure out how to do it.

Granted, information is not hard to come by. Coffeehouses must be licensed to sell marijuana, and the police frequently stop by to make sure that they do not have more than half a kilogram of "viet" on hand. If they do, they usually lose their license. All places that sell marijuana must have a sign that says "Coffeehouse" (in English) somewhere and a little green sticker that vouches for their legitimacy. They are not allowed to post their menus in their windows or on their websites. Additionally, they have cut the number of coffeehouses by about half in the last few years.

All in all, I'm happy to be back. But I hope to return someday as well, and there was much to admire and much that we could emulate from them. My kind of society, my kind of utopia.

***

It's been awhile since we have had a Thongchai Jaidee update, and he has been busy. He got invites to no less than three U.S. tournaments in August. The first two (The International and the PGA Championship) went off horribly. Not only did he miss the cut in both events, but finished in the bottom-10 of the field each time.

The third tournament (The World Series of Golf, contested in my hometown of Akron, Ohio), where there are no cuts, was looking that way, as well, before he peeled off a final round 65 to finish in a tie for 32nd.

He then returned to Europe to miss the cut the BMW International Open, only his second missed cut on European soil this year. He will also be in the field for this week's European Masters, which will mark his sixth-straight week out on the course. He's got to be tired.

***

Finally, you may remember a few months ago I began a concept called the most metaphorically powerful team in sports, which basically asked, if you took every team's nickname (the Bulldogs, the Yankees) and made their literal manifestations fight, who would win? We determined that the most metaphorically powerful team in the NFL was the Jets, but I scrapped the idea after that. It wasn't as interesting to me as I thought it was going to be, and too many teams are hard to quantify in physical manifestations, such as the New York Met(ropolitan)s.

It was also a bit anti-climactic for me, because I had already figured out who the grand champion would be. Until some team names themselves the Universe or the Gods, can their be a more powerful team than the Frankfurt Galaxy of NFL Europe? I guess that depends on how much power the Washington Wizards have.

Posted by Kevin Beane at 2:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 1, 2004

A Rigorous Game Plan (Pt. 2)

In the previous installment of this countdown, I gave some pity to the smaller schools in announcing the toughest non-conference schedules.

Now the focus shifts to the big boys of college football's "major" leagues. The Big 10, Big 12, Pac-10, SEC, and restructured ACC each feature at least one top-10 powerhouse. This leaves a lot of middle-tier teams asking the hung-over-style question, "How did I get here?"

Of course, no teams can play USC, Michigan, or Miami every week, but the squads from Clemson, Kansas State, and Oregon aren't chopped liver, either. With that said, the phrase "away we go" comes to mind.

10) Washington

A fairly consistent journey includes some stiff road tests. The late September trip to South Bend might be picturesque, but that doesn't make playing there any easier. The real tough stretch kicks in on Oct. 16th against Oregon State. Over a six-week span, the Huskies travel to USC, Oregon, and the in-state rival Cougars. Home bookends of Fresno State early and Cal late will not give UW much chance to take a breath.

9) Ohio State

See, this is what happens when you don't play your first four or five games at home. Good job, Bucks. The Big 10 has always been gritty. Now, the talent pool is being spread around to the far reaches of the conference. As far as the schedule, Marshall will always be a pest to the best, but the season really gets started at N.C. State in week three. The conference portion includes dates in Iowa City and West Lafayette, with home tilts featuring Wisconsin, Penn State, and those hated darlings from Michigan.

8) Northwestern

We stay in the Midwest, turning to the Chicagoland area. It's never easy being a purple and white fan. However, school spirit can take pride in the fact that they always get smacked around by quality opponents. 2004 is no different. The glaring non-conference game is against TCU in Dallas (Sept. 2nd). Then, let the fun begin on the 25th, as the Big 10 season kicks off at Minnesota. Ohio State provides a test to start October, and the Wildcats play a four-game stretch at Wisconsin, home to Purdue, then at Penn State and Michigan.

7) Maryland

Out east, we introduce the first selection from the new look ACC. The Terrapins get the chance at a fast start in games 1-4, as their only rough spot involves rolling into West Virginia. Ahh, but the "cupcakes" end there. Six in a row include home battles with the Yellowjackets, Wolfpack, and Seminoles. The other three ... stops at Clemson, UVA, and Va. Tech. We'll see if the turtles hide in their shells during this run.

6) Arkansas

Our one and only trip to the SEC lands in Fayetteville, where Houston Nutt might wish he had Houston's full schedule. Two cheapies surround an early bout at home with Texas. The conference season, though, gets a little nasty. Start out with 'Bama, which leads into back-to-back games at both Florida and Auburn, followed by East Division frontrunner Georgia. After two mid-level teams and a rebuilding Mississippi State, the Hogs get LSU in Little Rock. Sure, the game is closer to Razorback country, but really, who wants to tussle with the Bayou Bengals at all this year?

5) Texas Tech

It's shout-out time for the Big 12, as the Red Raiders make the list. Just like Maryland, this team has the opportunity to start well. A Sept. 18th matchup against TCU stands as the strongest immovable object in the first four contests. The team will get their heads knocked around in a brutal month of October. Trips to Norman and Manhattan bookend staying in Lubbock to play the Huskers and Horns. Another good victory chance comes through before the Raiders play at Kyle Field, with their three tiers of 80,000+ fans. One thing's for sure, the season-ender against Oklahoma State should be a fun offensive explosion.

4) Iowa

Being an Iowa State alum, you don't really enjoy giving Iowa any credit. However, Kirk Ferentz has made black and gold fans believe again. So how do you build on the momentum? By showing how many mental bruises your kids can take. Granted, the non-conference slate isn't terribly Teflon-coated, but the conference lineup doesn't give a lot of leeway. Try Ann Arbor as a conference opener. Pretty early make or break game. Then Ohio State knocks down the door two weeks later. Add Purdue, Minnesota, and Wisconsin at the tail end, and you figure corn will have to be devoured left and right to stay on a winning track.

3) Clemson

This schedule is loaded with tough stretches. No expense of emotional scaring was spared to create this lineup. Stretch No. 1 goes from games two through five, starting with Georgia Tech in friendly surroundings, and expanding to three consecutive trips from home (Texas A&M, FSU, UVA). A game-six break leads the Tigers into stretch No. 2. It's shorter time-wise, but with the same amount of muck to wade through. Maryland and N.C. State at home and Miami in the Orange Bowl could make even the most deadly of jungle cats weep and shudder.

2) Arizona

Two words describe the first schedule of the Mike Stoops era. Not good. While Bobby's younger brother is leading the Wildcats in a different direction, it should leave them only inches ahead of where they're at now. Game one will be an easy win. That can't be said for contests 2-11. The 'Cats head to L.A. twice, Eugene, and Seattle. Don't forget about home snaps with Utah, Wisconsin, Cal, and Oregon State. Washington State and rival ASU round out the competition.

1) North Carolina

Okay, I know coaches decide football schedules years in advance, but to the guy that thought this up ... what were you thinking? According to the preseason rank average, the Tarheels will face eight top-35 squads in a row. Florida State and Miami are in that grouping, along with Virginia, Louisville, Utah, and N.C. State. Two beautiful aspects to the schedule. First, there's a good mix of home and away tests. Second, the team mixed the non-conference schedule in beautifully with the ACC regular season.

Congrats, UNC. You've just scored the toughest schedule in the nation. The question "what kind of distinction is that?" may be raised on Tobacco Road. It just means that your team will be ready to fight going into December practice sessions. So go out there, show some grit, and come out feeling black and blue. That's the sign of a battle-hardened team.

Posted by Jonathan Lowe at 11:36 PM | Comments (0)

Suns Rising in the West

It's been 28 years since Paul Westphal, Alvin Adams, and Garfield Heard led the Phoenix Suns to that NBA Finals classic against the Boston Celtics. I'll even be willing to look at the fact that Charles Barkley went quietly into that good night when Michael Jordan came knocking in the 1993 Finals. The 2004-'05 version of the Phoenix Suns has the chance to reach the heights of these teams by moving up a weakening Western Conference ladder.

The Suns got a much-needed lift in the offseason when it turned to the free agent market to turn around its sagging fortunes. The team already had a young, energetic talent base with U.S. Olympians Shawn Marion and Amare Stoudemire, and exciting newcomers Joe Johnson and Brazilian star Leandro Barbosa. With the addition of former Sun and all-star point guard Steve Nash and the powerful and explosive Clipper shooting guard Quentin Richardson, the Suns have more than just a solid team.

The Colangelo family also added seven-center Steven Hunter, an athletic yet soft big man, who played for the Orland Magic last year. The Suns' head coach is Mike D'Antoni, a former NBA and ABA player and Italian League hero, who has an open-floor coaching style similar to that of Rick Pitino. This style should benefit a roster stocked with speedy thoroughbreds.

A potential starting lineup of Nash and Richardson in the backcourt, Marion and Stoudemire at the forwards, and Hunter at center will strike fear in many NBA teams.

In addition, the Suns have an extremely strong bench with guards Barbosa and Howard Eisley, swing men Johnson and Casey Jacobsen, and UConn grad Jake Voskuhl backing up Hunter at center. The Suns' roster will probably be filled out with rookie Jackson Vroman from Iowa State, Zarko Cabarkapa from Serbia-Montenegro, and Maciej Lampe from Poland.

This year's Suns team should run and dunk so much that will bring a smile to the faces of team legends Larry Nance and Tom Chambers. With D'Antoni able to employ a solid 10-man rotation, the Suns should be able to wear down opponents with an aggressive transition game. With a super-intelligent point guard in Nash that creates opportunities and makes everyone better around him, look for big years from Stoudemire, Marion, and Richardson.

Playing in the NBA's Pacific Division has been quite an uphill battle in recent years for Phoenix. The five-team division consists of the Los Angeles Lakers, Sacramento Kings, Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Clipper, and the Suns.

The Lakers kept Kobe Bryant, lost Derek Fisher and probably Karl Malone, traded Shaq for Lamar Odom, Brian Grant, and Caron Butler, got rid of whiny Gary Payton (although he refuses to report to the Celtics) and Rick Fox for Chris Mihm and Chucky Atkins, and resigned aging throwback Vlade Divac.

The Kings still can't excel with Chris Weber in the lineup; the Warriors traded big man Eric Dampier and got garbage (Eduardo Najera and Christian "I Left My Game at Duke" Laettner from Dallas) in return; and the Clippers, well the Clippers always bring up the rear.

I see the Suns finishing in second-place in the Pacific Division behind Sacramento and ahead of the underpowered Lakers. This should put the team at about a six-seed behind Minnesota, San Antonio, Denver, Sacramento, and Dallas. Phoenix is maybe a decent big man away from challenging for the title. Who knows, maybe a player like Rasheed Wallace will wear out his welcome in Detroit and bring his title touch to the Valley of the Sun? Stay tuned for more NBA team breakdowns.

Posted by Marc James at 4:18 PM | Comments (0)

Olympics Coverage Fails U.S. Women's Teams

Now that the 2004 Summer Olympic Games have come to a close, it might be the right time to evaluate the television coverage and the accessibility to view the sports U.S. fans most coveted during the Games. The NBC network claims it had 24/7 coverage, adding to its NBC free television broadcasts by way of its cable-owned stations: MSNBC, CNBC, USA, and Bravo.

The program schedules only showed general times for any number of events on any of the various stations, to be covered anywhere from a two- to four-hour period, leaving the viewer to guess as to the time an event they very much wanted to see would be shown.

In addition, the West Coast audience was totally left in the dark when television viewing times other than the primetime shows were published as Eastern times; occasionally, however, Pacific times were advertised during broadcasts, which turned out to be incorrect every time. It became impossible for the West Coast viewer to know any viewing times at all, as many events were taped delayed from the posted Eastern Time zone.

Sports fans, as opposed to the general public, which will take what they can get on primetime broadcasts, were led to believe that the 24/7 format was a sports fan's dream come true. The avid sports fan follows particular events and wants to know when they will be aired.

NBC would not have been divulging crypt secrets had it merely told fans when, for example, the U.S. Women's Soccer team or the U.S. Women's Basketball team games were going to be aired, since it turns out they were all aired various times in the middle of the night.

With the exception of the gold medal game for women's soccer which aired during the day and which NBC published and advertised at a wrong viewing time for the West Coast, it was impossible to view any other women's team sports.

This has led to the conclusion that the Olympics and NBC could care less about attracting the avid fans, since they assume we will watch the Olympics anyway. The broadcaster's goal is to attract the passive fan, primarily with its primetime programs when advertising revenues are at their most lucrative.

They teased the rest of us with the idea that we could watch whatever other sports we wanted, but then either did not specifically tell us when they would be on, or incorrectly published the times.

Unfortunately, the team events that fell victim to this spotty coverage most were the U.S. Women's Soccer team (considered one of the greatest women's sports stories in the history of Women's International Soccer), the U.S. Women's Basketball team (now competing with the professionals from the WNBA), and the U.S. Women's Softball team (having won their third consecutive Olympic gold medal).

Those of us in touch with reality know that women's sports are nowhere near the top of the mind awareness of most American sports fans, which are primarily men. However, the Olympics provided a stage for women's sports with a chance to shine.

We all know that women's sports are given virtually no airtime after the Olympic Games. Most men consider the WNBA a joke, and due to a lack of funding, the WUSA, which was a terrific way to keep women's soccer alive in the U.S., lasted three seasons and is now defunct.

The women who were most featured during these Olympic Games were individual medalists in events such as swimming and gymnastics. That would be great if they were hailed for their talents, but too often, we heard about how those who the press considered physically attractive would be reeling in endorsements because they were good-looking or cute, not necessarily good leaders, good sportswomen, or highly-disciplined human beings. Little of it had to do with athletic accomplishment.

It has not seemed to change since we all celebrated the feats of gymnast Mary Lou Retton in 1984 and swimmer Janet Evans in 1988 and 1992. They too were featured in the press because they were cute teenagers, and not because of their terrific feats. They were celebrated more as unusually talented rather than as tremendous athletes.

It was evident during these Games that NBC once again underestimated the interests of the sports fan and assumed that "everyone" (really meaning the male audience), would want to watch hours and hours of women's beach volleyball.

Women's beach volleyball perhaps got the most television coverage of any women's competition over the entirety of these Olympics Games. They were featured not only during the day, but also were given hours and hours in prime time coverage.

Historically, the U.S. is not terribly interested in beach volleyball, as it certainly does not lend itself to television viewing. More importantly, women's beach volleyball is not a compelling Olympic sport.

By showing women in bikinis, NBC believed it was catering to the male audience and insultingly so, implying that they would get more fannies on sofas if they gave hours and hours of coverage to bikini laden babes.

This does not sit well with sports fans in general. (If guys need another outlet, they probably would much rather purchase the famous Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue in February, exclusively devoted to near naked women, most of whom are not even athletes.)

Even though women have tremendously excelled athletically in their Olympic pursuits over the past 20 years, they have not garnered much more respect or clout since then from the public. That includes television coverage, funding, or opportunities for women athletes to compete. For some, the only way they have been able to afford to compete is by posing for incendiary ads and cashing in on their 15 minutes of fame, which is actually closer to five minutes for women athletes.

And more importantly, network television which could help women's sports tremendously just in how they cover women's athletic events, still does not consider them important enough to promote other than as afterthoughts, and that on its face is a sad statement for U.S. women's sports in our so-called "evolved" society, now in its 21st century.

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 3:08 PM | Comments (6)