I've never been into reality shows, but like most of the world, curiosity does get the better of me and I tune in to see what the buzz is about. I am guilty of watching The Real World, Survivor, Big Brother, and Trading Spouses. None of these shows held my interest for very long, but The Surreal Life was actually quite amusing and worth a half an hour of my life.
The show features celebrities that have basically fallen off of the radar and were, unfortunately, known for just one thing. In season one, the show featured notable parties such as M.C. Hammer, Emmanuel Lewis, and Gabrielle Carteris. Yes, "U Can't Touch This," Webster, and Andrea Zuckerman from Beverly Hills 90210.
Season two of The Surreal Life featured Ron Jeremy, Traci Bingham, and Vanilla Ice. Ex-porn star meets Baywatch babe meets "Ice, Ice, Baby". It all adds up to an interesting mix of personalities, which the producers of the show hope will incite conflict, resolutions, and maybe even the formation of a new relationship. This brings me to the upcoming season of the highly popular program.
By some bizarre twist of fate, I was able to glimpse a preview of season three of The Surreal Life. You can discover the entire cast for this installment on your own. I only want to mention two members ... Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav.
Believe it or not, these two seemingly completely different people, at least in the previews I witnessed were, to say the least, attracted to each other?
Don't get me wrong. The interracial thing isn't the issue. That is the absolute last thing on my mind. Perhaps you missed the last paragraph? You did notice I mentioned Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielsen in the same sentence?
Perhaps it is unclear how much of a mismatch this relationship is. Nielsen is a 6-1 buxom bleached blonde supermodel/actress, who was married to Sylvester Stallone. Flavor Flav, of the rap group Public Enemy, was known to the world as a loquacious, semi-annoying rapper, who wore huge, colorful hats and sported gigantic clocks around his neck. If you still can't figure out who I'm talking about, maybe his catchphrase will jog your memory.
"YEAHHHH, BOYEEEE!"
Are we all on the same page, now?
The cameras caught them in a passionate kiss, giving each other massages, and lounging in the hot tub together. It all sounds very sweet, but I need conflict. I was not disappointed. In one incident, Nielsen rapped Flav in the mouth with her pocketbook ... hard. In another scene, Flav was running his mouth, as usual, prompting Nielsen to slap him in the face ... hard. Flav, apparently, had enough because he slapped her right back ... hard. Believe it or not, she enjoyed it!
The whole situation reminded me of the relationship between Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden and ex-Tampa Bay Buccaneers wideout Keyshawn Johnson. Now Johnson has divorced Gruden and has reconciled with Dallas Cowboys' coach Bill Parcells. A bittersweet reunion, I'm sure.
I'm just wondering if the relationship will be any different?
Parcells, physically, is no Nielsen, except maybe in breast size. Sorry, Bill, I had to get that one in. However, they are both tough, no-nonsense individuals who have no qualms about speaking their mind. Neither are they intimidated by anyone in their employ.
"Keyshawn-Key" still has the potential to become one of the best possession receivers to play in the NFL. He also doesn't have any qualms about telling everyone that very fact any chance he gets, especially, his coaches. The problem is Johnson doesn't think that he is a possession receiver. He does not have breakaway speed, such as Minnesota Vikings' receiver Randy Moss, nor does he possess the humility that is so characteristic of Oakland Raiders' future Hall-of-Famer, Jerry Rice. Johnson even has his own catchphrase...
"Meshawn."
In my version of The Surreal Life, I would let Johnson keep grumbling about not getting the ball enough. This time, Parcells won't be tailoring the offense around Johnson. Instead, he raps him in the mouth with his playbook. That scene alone warrants a number one rating, don't you think?
The Cowboys have made some hideously awful choices in the personnel they have acquired for this upcoming season. That will be a hard enough pill to swallow. The last thing Parcells needs is Johnson, griping in his ear on the sidelines. Even though "Meshawn" seems relatively content for the moment, I have a feeling that this rekindled love affair will be quite short-lived.
As long as Keyshawn continues to be "Meshawn", then the conflict, which so many of us crave, in our reality television, will come into being. When the 'Boys find themselves in the cellar this season, it will all come to a head. We're talking "Must-See TV" and it's going to be entertaining.
Fortunately, it's about time to start production of The Surreal Life, season four. When the Dallas Cowboys' personnel are searching for jobs next year, they should consider that option. Imagine, roommates Johnson and Parcells, in a heated battle over who will get the rights to sleep on the top bunk.
Now that's what I call reality television.
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