Print   Recommend

It's that feeling you get when you're belting out the lyrics to the Dixie Chicks in your car at a stop light only to realize your window is rolled down and there's a super-hottie next to you, staring as if you're some kind of freak.

Or the feeling you get when you're on the couch watching the end of "Angels in the Outfield" on the Disney channel, with goosebumps on your arms and tears in your eyes and you don't hear all of your buddies arrive to watch the game. You know, the scene with Tony Danza, when everyone in the stadium is making the Angel gesture ... or maybe that's just me.

Anyway, I'm talking about those guilty pleasures we all like to indulge in, but never like to tell others about.

I am a Kansas City Royals fan.

There, I said it. It is out in the open. I can already feel your eyes on me, judging me. Well, I don't care. I'm a Royals fan and I'm proud of it. That's right, I'm proud to be a Royals fan. It's one of the hardest franchises to get behind and root for and it might be the hardest franchise to stick with.

I can't help it really, it isn't so much that I want to cheer on the Royals, it comes more as a second instinct. When I turn to the sports page, my gaze automatically goes to the Royals box score, the way you automatically go to an empty corner in the elevator.

Hopefully by now, you've gotten over the shock, because I'm coming out of the Royals closet for a reason. It's time to take a stand.

I have watched over the last three seasons as the Kansas City Royals, a once proud and powerful sports franchise, has pissed away most of their true talent for little in return, alienating almost every national and local fan and has refused to do anything about it.

Three years ago, they had Johnny Damon, one of the league's premier leadoff hitters, followed up by Carlos Beltran, maybe the best young five-tool baseball player in the game behind Magglio Ordonez. Hitting in the three-hole was Mike Sweeney, who came just a few points of the AL batting title last season. And then at clean-up was Jermaine Dye, a project the Royals developed from a total free-swinger into a dangerous power-hitter, capable of hitting 40 homeruns if healthy.

How do they capitalize on this talent? They trade Damon away for a closer two years past his prime and a shortstop that still hasn't really hit the big leagues yet. They trade Dye away for one of the single worst everyday hitters in Major League history. Read that again. They traded away a 35 HR, 100+ RBI hitter away for Neifi Perez, a shortstop that couldn't hit over .240 if he was hitting off of a tee.

In one of the only two bright personal moves the Royals have made since Ronald Reagan was president, they managed to resign Mike Sweeney to a 3-to-5-year contract extension, depending on the Royals' success (we'll get to this momentarily). But now the rumor is that Carlos Beltran could be gone before opening day.

$&*#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Excuse me.

What in the name of Mark Gubiza is going on around here? Have the Royals really sunk this low? Do they even want to win? Are they really just an elevated farm system for the other team around the league? Is it okay to have this many questions in a row?

Mike Sweeney's contract stipulates that if the Royals don't finish with a record of at least .500 either this upcoming season or the next, he is free to where he wishes. It is dubbed something like a "competitiveness clause." Meaning the Royals have to make an attempt to at least pretend to try to make the team a contender in the AL Central.

How have they done this offseason in an attempt to make the team more competitive? Well, for starters, they got rid of Perez, a move that might actually guarantee five more wins next season. They also chose not to resign Roberto Hernandez. Hey, if someone has to blow 15 save opportunities next season, it might as well be someone cheap. So far, so good.

They also let Jeff Suppan go look at free agency. Hmmm. Well, his ERA was up around 5.50 most of last season, but he does eat up a lot of innings and he does have the ability to turn out a good game on occasion. They let Paul Byrd go to the Braves. This was probably a good call. All Byrd did was win 17 games, keep his ERA under 4, finish with 6 complete games, and almost single-handedly kept the Royals from being the worst team in the majors. Oh yeah, he also expressed a strong desire to stay in Kansas City; probably best to let him go.

So they have two good moves, two questionable moves. That's fine, let's just see who they've signed this season to help get turn the team into competitors again.

Albie Lopez and Desi Reliford.

Yes, you did read those names correctly. No, you're not smoking crack. No, as far as I can recall, I am not smoking crack either. Yes, it might be a safe bet that the entire Royals front office is sharing one big crack rock together.

Albie Lopez and Desi Reliford?

What? Was Jeff Blauser not available? Sour crap on a stick, this stinks. Didn't the league just approve some deal that provide more of a competitive balance? Aren't offseasons like this illegal?

The Royals lose something like 28 wins off their pitching staff and they go out and get Albie Lopez? And the best thing I can say about Desi Reliford is that his name isn't Neifi Perez.

Fine. They'll have to do. A retarded poodle could have done a better job managing personnel on this team, but that doesn't matter now. Because I have a feeling about this season. I have a feeling about these Royals. They have a young pitching staff. Heck, no one on the staff won more than four games last season; but that's okay.

Because I believe. I believe in miracles. I believe that a team of no-names can rise up and surprise the entire world.

Mark my words, this is the season. People will look back on the year 2003 and remember it as the year the Royals became contenders again.

Remember, if Danny Glover and Tony Danza can lead a bunch of no-names to the playoffs with the help of a few angels, then maybe, just maybe, it's possible for the Royals to do the same.

Wait, what? What do you mean it wasn't a true story? Disney made it up? They made that up?

Aw, nuts. Go Royals!

Have something to say? Visit the message boards and discuss this article. Comments? Agree? Disagree? Send in your feedback about this article.