Sports Central | Articles and Columns

« November 2004 | Main | January 2005 »

December 31, 2004

A Mid-Majors Blueprint For Success

This season, several of St. Joseph basketball coach Phil Martelli's burdens have been lifted. For starters, Martelli's time is needed less by national media outlets, although Martelli doesn't appear to look at that as a burden. However, Martelli often mentioned, last season, that finding tickets for everyone asking him for them was a troublesome task.

That's one burden Martelli might want to have back.

While Martelli's face may get less exposure on ESPN, he is still a hot commodity in Philadelphia. In late December, Martelli makes one of these appearances and before the interview is up, jokes about this burden being lifted from his shoulders. All things considered, Martelli would likely enjoy rounding up hard-to-get tickets.

The Hawks came to the realization of what life without Jameer Nelson and Delonte West would entail. On night one, the Hawks got thumped by the Kansas Jayhawks. Since that opener, they have lost games to Drexel, San Francisco, Old Dominion, and Bucknell.

They knew it wouldn't be easy. Nelson and West might have been the best tandem in college basketball last season. Nelson might have been the best player in the land. Pat Carroll was a nice enough looking player last season, but that was with Nelson and West garnering most of the attention. This season is entirely different for Carroll and the rest of the Hawks.

Martelli certainly wants to have success with St. Joseph's, as he has been courted by larger schools recently, even before last season's remarkable run. Martelli is a smooth talker and a good coach that relishes in the history of Philadelphia's college hoops legacy. Martelli knows that what happened over the past four years mainly revolved around one special kid, Jameer Nelson. Martelli found him help along the way, but the team always belonged to "Meer-Meer."

Moving forward means moving away from Nelson. It involves creating a program that is deep and does not suffer lapses that includes losses to Bucknell. Sure, this season was unavoidable. The issue isn't whether or not Martelli can bring this team together, but can he use the momentum Nelson brought to his program to vault them into the national picture consistently?

There is a blueprint out there.

The Blueprint

Mark Few might not enjoy the being labeled the coach of a "mid-major" college basketball team, but simply has to accept that he is one. He just happens to be changing the stigma of what a school from a mid-major can do.

Few's Gonzaga Bulldogs ball club plays a top-notch schedule outside of the West Coast Conference. Few's Gonzaga ball club is also the blueprint for turning a school in a mid-major conference into one that can battle with the best the nation has to offer.

An excellent series of runs in the NCAA tournament, starting in 1999, have vaulted Gonzaga into an excellent position. Specifically, the Elite Eight appearance in 1999. They were a Cinderella then. Now they are a program that Martelli, and other coaches of institutions outside of the power conferences, can look up to.

Gonzaga has 161 wins over the past six seasons. Only Duke's 189 in the same time period are more. Gonzaga consistently makes things interesting in March and their current ball club is arguably their most talented.

They're also young. But young and talented is exactly what Few wants from his team. Gonzaga is in a position to make a run in March, while easily preparing themselves for the next season. It's what separates Gonzaga from other teams in mid-major conferences. Few might not like the label, but there is no other label that can be assigned to these conferences. They are not major, although the WCC is improving. The difference is that other teams in these conferences are looking for that run that will put their school on the map, so that they can work their way into Gonzaga's current position.

What does this mean for Gonzaga currently?

It means that they can schedule much tougher teams. Their non-conference travels saw them lose to Illinois on the road, but also saw them march into the bright orange of Oklahoma City and score a victory over No. 3 Oklahoma State. Mix in a win over another No. 3 in Georgia Tech and a win over Washington and you have a team getting Final Four talk. They are now amongst the best in the nation in terms of their non-conference play. Gonzaga is taking on a tough schedule, taking their lumps, and coming out better for it in March.

It means that they can find themselves in a dogfight at Missouri in late December. It means that they can lose that game against Missouri, one that came down to a desperation three-point heave, and learn from it. Gonzaga didn't need to defeat Missouri to gain a measure of respect on a national stage. They're already there.

Ronny Turiaf and Adam Morrison are quickly becoming one of the top duos in college basketball. Morrison, only a sophomore, is averaging just a shade under 20 points. Turiaf can handle himself under pressure and make tough shots when he needs to make tough shots. Morrison has shown that he can, as well.

On top of that, this Gonzaga team isn't simply these two playing a two man game out there. Something that is the sign of a mid-major team that might make a run to the Sweet Sixteen. No, this 'Zags team is deep enough to make a run to the Final Four. A leap that would cement them as a top program and not just one on the rise.

Outside of Turiaf and Morrison, the 'Zags have a point guard in Derek Raivio that will follow in their ever-growing Spokane fashion. Few raves about Raivio, saying that he is the best three-point shooter that he has had. Down low, Sean Mallon and J.P. Batista are showing that they are capable of providing depth behind Turiaf. A luxury that few teams in college basketball really possess. That includes all teams, even the ones in the so-called power conferences.

Few is wrong when he says that they aren't a program from a mid-major. They can't hide where they are from. Instead, they should be proud that they are paving the way for schools from the mid-major conferences to compete with the best in the nation.

They are a model of development that Martelli and others can follow.

Posted by Doug Graham at 2:02 PM | Comments (1)

December 30, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 17

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Cincinnati @ Philadelphia

Were it 1976, mid-October, and a deciding Game 5 of the National League Championship Series between the Reds and Phillies, this game might mean something. As it is, it means nothing to the Eagles, except a mini-bye heading into their official bye week next week. However, the game has plenty of meaning for the Bengals, who, with a win, would finish 8-8. In both cases, the game would mean something to Pete Rose, whether he is fielding third for the Reds, or laying wads of cash on the outcome of Bengals/Eagles.

"This is my favorite time of year to bet," explains Rose. "I have no idea how games like this will play out, being that the Eagles will sit their starters and the Bengals will play all of theirs. Normally, I'm used to betting on games I can control, like those in which I am managing."

If you bet on games like this, you are either rich, addicted to gambling, or stupid. The Philly starters play for a quarter, if that much, and take a brief lead, but the Bengals come back and take a 24-14 win.

Cleveland @ Houston

The Texans dashed the playoff hopes of the Jaguars last Sunday, dominating with a 21-0 victory.

"Let's hope they don't do the same to us," says Cleveland interim coach Terry Robiskie.

Wait a minute, Terry. If I'm not mistaken, Cleveland is one of those team listed at the bottom of the NFL Playoff Scenarios as "Eliminated From Playoff Contention," as they have been since, oh, say, Week 7.

"Yeah, I know that," replies Robiskie. "But I'm talking about the Texans dashing our hopes by losing to us and ruining our chances for the No. 2 pick in next year's draft."

"We're basically a bunch of nice guys," says Texans' coach Dom Capers. "So I don't see us pulling that kind of evil stunt against the Browns."

Dominic Davis rushes for a score, and David Carr throws two touchdown passes.

Houston wins, 30-10.

Detroit @ Tennessee

The over under for this game is 45, but that's not points. It is the number of television viewers watching the game on FOX.

Unfortunately, fans will miss quite an entertaining game. Detroit running back Kevin Jones is jonesing to break off another 100-yard rushing effort and solidify his lead as the league's leading rookie rusher. Tennessee's Drew "The White Shadow" Bennett is eager to add to his receiving touchdown total of 10.

"I'm also anxious to put on a green headband and entertain a national television audience with my impression of Salami from The White Shadow," adds Bennett.

You do that, Drew, and tell Coolidge he could have been the next Sam Bowie had he kept up his grades.

The Titans' season finale may also mark the final game of icon Steve McNair, who is contemplating retirement after 10 years.

"I don't think Steve has made up his mind yet," notes Titans' coach Jeff Fisher. "But, just in case, when the game ends, we'll all join hands and sing Auld Lang Syne, in honor of Steve."

The Titans' season ends on a sour note, as Jones rushes for 132 yards and a touchdown. Joey Harrington serves notice that he is still the man at QB for the Lions (until someone tells him otherwise) with two TD passes. Lions win, 34-21.

As McNair and teammates sway back and forth while singing Auld Lang Syne, McNair aggravates a turf toe injury from three years ago.

Green Bay @ Chicago

Like Philadelphia, Atlanta, Pittsburgh, New England, Indianapolis, and San Diego, Green Bay has the luxury of sitting its starters, as they have nothing to gain with a win Sunday. From the bench, the starters should have a good view of a nearby scoreboard, which should keep them abreast of the scores in the Saints/Panthers, Vikings/Redskins, and Jets/Rams games. As the No. 3 seed, the Packers will be facing the #6 seed, which could be either the Saints, Panthers, Vikings, or Rams.

"It doesn't matter who we play," says Packer coach Mike Sherman. "But I'm getting ready to contradict my last statement, just like any coach does when asked who he'd rather play. I think the team we'd least like to play is the Panthers. All the other teams play indoors, not to mention they are soft, and their coaches are idiots. So, I think we'd rather see one of those indoor teams in the No. 6 seed."

Chicago would be coming off a victory over the Lions had replay officials done their job correctly and overruled an incomplete call on what should have been the game-winning touchdown.

"Nuts and bolts. We got screwed. But despite what Troy Aikman says," explains Bears coach Lovie Smith, "replay is still a good thing. But apparently, sometimes, those clowns in the booth don't know the rules of the game. Possession and two feet in bounds is a catch, right?"

Normally, Lovie. Maybe you should engage in a little small talk before the game, like Lions' coach Steve Mariucci does.

"Is that also known as ass-kissing?" asks Smith.

This time, the officials don't screw the Bears, but the Packers do.

Green Bay tunes up for the playoffs with a 23-19 win.

Miami @ Baltimore

The Ravens are seething after last week's spanking at the hands of the Steelers, a loss that in all likelihood ended Baltimore's playoff hopes.

"Yes, it was a heartbreaking defeat," says Ray Lewis. "One that will haunt us for years to come. For the time being, we'll play Sunday like we still can get in the playoffs, which we can, with a lot of help. That means, simply: watch out, Miami Dolphins."

The members of the Ravens, whether because of insanity of stupidity, express an unorthodox manner of intimidation: they go to the Baltimore Aquarium and maniacally stare at the dolphins in the ocean tank, berating the aquatic mammals with vile language and profane gestures. The dolphins are somewhat offended, but take comfort in knowing that they are smarter than the Baltimore Ravens, as well as ravens in general, football players, in general, and humans, in general.

"Are those fish laughing at me?" asks Lewis.

Yes, Ray, they are. And that laughter could quickly change to rage if you don't watch what you say. Dolphin Rule No. 1: Don't ever call a dolphin a fish.

"Sorry about that, Flipper," Lewis says, apologetically.

Lewis gets the crazy idea that the Miami Dolphins would be upset if he called them fish, so he does. Miami quarterback Sage Rosenfels can only say "Huh?" when Lewis sacks him, then calls him a "rainbow trout." Running back Travis Minor is equally mystified when Lewis lambastes him with a cry of "you slimy catfish" after a Lewis tackle.

"How you like me now, Dolphins?" taunts Lewis, after the Ravens close out a 20-3 win.

Later, Lewis presents the dolphins at the aquarium with a game ball as a token of appreciation.

Minnesota @ Washington

"Hmmmm. This all seems vaguely familiar," says Mike Tice. "Last week of the season; must-win situation to make the playoffs; on the road against a tough opponent with a losing record. Like Yogi Berra or Casey Stengel or some other nitwitted baseball legend said, 'It's déjà vu all over again.'"

It's good to see you can acknowledge your past, Mike. Last year, the Vikings needed a win at Arizona to secure a playoff spot. As it turned out, they lost 18-17 on a Cardinal touchdown on the last play of the game, and their playoff hopes ended abruptly. To make it even more painful, their loss allowed their rivals from Green Bay entry into the playoffs.

"This year," explains Randy Moss, "our New Year's resolution is to not do anyone any favors, except ourselves. Missing out on last year's playoffs was a big stack of wack, man. Mad skillz is now in full effect, with the hamstring at 100%, and I'm ready to go oops upside somebody's head, 'cause I got the power, and it's getting kind of hectic with the playoffs looming."

I think what Randy just said is the Vikings can do some damage — if they can make it in the playoffs. The keys are the big play from Moss, who has 12 touchdowns from only 44 receptions, and the Vikings' defense.

"We need our defense to come up big from here on out," adds Tice. "And by come up big, I mean hold our opponents to no more than 31 points."

Luckily for the Vikes, the 'Skins' offense is shaky as it is, and they will be without running back Clinton Portis, injured with a pectoral tear. Washington is also ailing on defense, as cornerback Fred Smoot is doubtful with a kidney bruise. All this spells victory for Minnesota, a No. 5 seed, and a visit to Seattle in the first round of the playoffs.

Vikings win, 24-20.

New Orleans @ Carolina

The "Elimination Chamber" descends upon Bank of America Field for the "Win and You're In" game featuring the Saints, winners of three straight, and the Panthers, who are 6-1 after a 1-7 start.

"We've come too far to turn back," Carolina coach John Fox explains. "If we can make the playoffs after what we've been through, we'll be remembered for years. If we lose now, no one will remember a thing."

The Panthers are attempting to become the first team in history to start 1-7 and make the playoffs.

The Saints are visiting uncharted territories themselves.

"Yeah, a three-game win streak and still in the playoff race with one to go," says Saints' receiver Joe "Me So" Horn. "That's unheard of. We usually have to bust our asses to put together a one-game streak. And, most years, we've played our way out of the playoffs by Week 14, at the latest. If we win, it looks like we'll be headed to Green Bay for a game outdoors in January. And, to my knowledge, we've never lost a game outdoors in January."

And, to my knowledge, you've never played one.

Jake Delhomme passes for three touchdowns, and the Panthers achieve the postseason with a 30-21 victory.

N.Y. Jets @ St. Louis

"I can totally relate to Chad Pennington's quandary," a sympathetic Mike Martz says. "I know what it's like to be stigmatized as a big-game loser. I've been there, done that. Like Hester Prynne in Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, I've suffered from shame and guilt as the result of a letter attached to me. Her's was a red 'A.' Mine is a giant, red 'L.'"

That would be "L" for "loser," Chad.

Besides being a loser, Martz may be the worst coach at maintaining player-coach relationships in the business. With rumors about his job security floating around, Martz had the Rams' owner, Georgia Frontiere, write a letter clarifying Martz's status. The letter was then posted in each player's locker area. Wow! Talk about having your players' unquestioned support. Then, Martz and injured Rams' offensive tackle Kyle Turley engaged in a heated argument in Martz's office, resulting in Martz calling security to have Turley escorted out. Martz claims Turley threatened to kill him, a charge Turley denies.

"I don't believe Turley's version at all," says Rams' wide receiver Torry "Big Game" Holt, who, by the way, has had maybe two big games this year. "Every player on this team has threatened Coach Martz's life at least once; some, like Chris Chandler, have done it multiple times. Kyle's probably the most volatile guy on the team. For him to say he's never threatened Martz's life? That's unbelievable. Now, pardon me, I've got to call in a bogus bomb threat."

It's clear that Martz has no respect from the players, and, he must be an idiot. You have to be an idiot to inflame the monstrous Turley by questioning his commitment to rehabbing his injured back. And, you must be an idiot if the guys on ESPN's Monday Night Countdown ridicule you for a solid 10 minutes, and laughing their tails off as they do it.

"Martz is a fool," comments Tom Jackson, "and he's lucky he didn't get Jacked Up! by Turley."

Martz doesn't have the skills to lead the Rams to a win over a better team. Curtis Martin rushes for 100 yards and two touchdowns, and the Jets sew up the No. 5 seed, with a 27-21 win.

Pittsburgh @ Buffalo

"You know," says Buffalo coach Mike Mularkey, "Eric Clapton wrote a song that perfectly describes the Steelers' situation in this game."

"You look wonderful tonight," says Steelers' coach Bill Cowher.

"No, Bill. Not that Eric Clapton song," Mularkey replies.

"Eric Clapton song? Who said anything about an Eric Clapton song. Man, you don't take compliments very well."

Mike, you'll have to excuse Bill. He just heard that Dave Wannstedt was named the new Pittsburgh coach. He's yet to realize it was the University of Pittsburgh that hired Wannstedt. But you're looking for an Eric Clapton song that describes an NFL team. That's easy. "Cocaine."

"Good guess," responds Mularkey. "But I'm looking for the one that describes the Steelers. And that would be "Lay Down Sally." That's because Pittsburgh has locked up homefield throughout the playoffs. With nothing to play for, we're hoping they will just 'lay down' and let us whip them. Then, with a win, we'll have to wait and see if the Colts do the same for the Broncos. In that case, we'll be crying a River of Tears and we probably will be doing some Cocaine."

The Bills do their part to make the playoffs, with a 23-17 win, then hope that the Broncos lose. Willis McGahee busts a move and racks up 120 yards and a touchdown.

San Francisco @ New England

The 49ers fly 2,700 miles (5,400 round trip) to get whipped by several of the Patriots' backups; then, on the return flight to San Francisco following the game, 49ers' coach Dennis Erickson is handed his walking papers. Thus, Erickson becomes the first NFL head coach fired 30,000 feet in the air, thereby earning him the distinction as first member of the Mile High Club (of Scrubs). And, judging by the wackiness of college and pro hirings and firings this time of year, Erickson may actually have a new job by the time his plane touches down.

The Patriots will use this game against the San Francisco Taxi Squad to rest their starters, and allow injured defensive backs Tyrone Poole and Ty Law an extra week of healing. As the No. 2 seed, a likely second round showdown (and rematch of last year's AFC Championship) with No. 3 seed Indianapolis looms.

"Luckily, we beat the Colts in week one," says Tom Brady. "So they have to put on their thermals and come see us. It's playoff football. It's supposed to be outdoors, or in Florida or California."

The Patriots' reserves pummel the hapless 49ers. New England wins, 27-10.

Atlanta @ Seattle

Michael Vick celebrated the signing of his new $100 million contract by buying his offensive lineman spinners for their pimped rides. Vick also had "80" tattooed on his upper left arm.

"That's for the eight zeros in 100,000,000," Vick explains. "I thought about a '37' for the other arm, for my $37 million in bonuses, but I figured that would be exorbitant, as tattoos go. I know 'exorbitant' is a word not normally in my vocabulary, but with 37 large cubed in my pocket, I can afford to buy anything, including words."

Ah, to be young, rich, and have two posses, one in Atlanta and one in Blacksburg, Virginia.

Seattle running back Shaun Alexander is young and rich, but he just looks too damn goofy to have even half a posse.

"Hey, I may be goofy," replies Alexander, "but I lead the league in touchdowns by a running back, pal."

I'm very proud of you, Shaun. You deserve a big, new contract, one which allows you to afford braces.

The Seahawks have already clinched a playoff spot, and can clinch the NFC West division with a win or St. Louis loss or tie. So, one of two things can happen: 1) Seattle wins, clinches the division, and becomes "Division winner most likely to be upset in the first round of the playoffs," or 2) they lose and become "Playoff team most likely to be upset at home."

The Falcons give a halfhearted effort for the first half, then sit their starters. The Seahawks are basically handed a victory (which is usually the only way they can win, anyway).

Seahawks win, 26-13.

Tampa Bay @ Arizona

The Cardinals were officially eliminated from the playoffs after last week's 24-21 loss at Seattle, leaving them with a record of 5-10.

"If you would have told me at the beginning of the season that we would still be in the playoff race with two games remaining," explains a long-winded Dennis Green, "I would have asked you, 'What? Has the NFL season been reduced from 16 to two games?'"

Tampa Bay coach Jon Gruden was criticized last week by defensive end Simeon Rice, who cited a lack of leadership and discipline on Gruden's part. Rice and Gruden met later in the week to discuss the issue, and Gruden said that some of the criticism was warranted.

"Simeon is a respected veteran on this team," Gruden says, "and he's looking out for the team, not himself, whereas a punk like Keyshawn Johnson would have made comments like that strictly for his own benefit. Simeon respects me enough not to get in my face on the sideline in front of a television audience and scream at me; it was very commendable of him that initially cracked on me behind my back. Incidentally, 'Simeon Says' is one of my favorite childhood games of all-time.'"

Motivation will play a key factor in this game. What coach can convince his troops to go out and play like this game means something? I say Green, as the Cardinals are used to playing meaningless games quite often.

Josh McCown throws touchdowns to Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin, and Arizona wins, 23-17.

Indianapolis @ Denver

With two touchdowns last week against the Chargers, Peyton Manning finally passed Dan Marino and now holds the NFL record for passing touchdowns in a season, with 49.

"And counting," adds Manning. "If that's not worth Michael Vick money, I don't know what is."

The Colts clinched the No. 3 seed in the playoffs, and have nothing to gain with a win over the Broncos.

"Au contraire, mon frere," replies Manning. "I want 50 touchdowns, Coach Dungy wants 13 wins, and we want to keep our momentum going. At least, that's what we're saying for now. Come game time, we may sit all our starters, let the reserves get some playing time, and take the loss. But it's a double-edged sword. If we let the Broncos win, they clinch the No. 6 seed and a matchup with us in round one. Now, do we really want to give the Broncos a psychological edge by allowing them to beat us, or do we want to beat them and eliminate them from the playoffs? The elimination edge sounds best to me, because those guys don't even deserve to be in the playoffs. Nor does that bearded goofball Jake Plummer deserve to be in the playoffs. Stand Plummer beside me and ask yourself: which one of these is the best quarterback in football, and which is Sasquatch? I think the answer is clear as a bell."

Indy will try to win this game — for about 18 minutes, then they will hand the Broncos a free pass to the playoffs, making the Colts a party to the biggest fraud of 2004. Indy's only punishment is a date with the Broncos the following week. Is that a punishment or reward? I say reward.

Denver wins, 29-10.

Jacksonville @ Oakland

There's only one way to describe being shut out 21-0 at home when knowing you must win to have any logical chance of making the playoffs.

"Yeah, I think it's called laying an egg and hatching a turd," explains a somber Jack Del Rio.

Now, the Jags, of course, need a win and help from the Steelers and Colts, with wins over the Bills and Broncos, respectively.

"I really don't think those teams are willing to help us in the way that we need," says Jack Del Rio. "Mike Mularkey's the former offensive coordinator of the Steelers; Bill Cowher will help an old friend. And why wouldn't Indy lose to Denver? They'll get to play them for real the following week, and will destroy them, as they did last year in the playoffs. I guess the best help we can hope for is a nice, hot dish of Hamburger Helper."

This being a four o'clock game, the Jaguars will probably know the result of the Buffalo game. A Buffalo loss, and Jacksonville may play like they did in beating the Packers two weeks ago. A Bills' win, and the Jags will be laying another egg. Omelet anyone?

The Jags pack it in early, and Kerry Collins lights up a dejected Jaguar secondary.

Oakland wins, 26-13.

Kansas City @ San Diego

Despite blowing a 15-point, fourth quarter lead and the likely AFC No. 3 playoff seed at Indianapolis last Sunday, San Diego will still host a first-round playoff game against the No. 5 seed, a slot yet to be determined.

"We proved that we can go the road, come out blazing, hold a double-digit fourth quarter lead," says Chargers' coach Marty Schottenheimer, "and still lose. That takes heart, or lack thereof."

The Chargers have all the prerequisites to make a playoff run. They have a solid, consistent quarterback in Drew Brees, a good defense, and a superstar at running back, LaDainian Tomlinson. The problem is, to make the Super Bowl, San Diego would likely have to the win two games on the road against cold weather teams (Pittsburgh and New England).

"Homefield is the most overrated advantage in football," says Brees. "We can go to New England, Pittsburgh, Moscow, the North Pole if we have to, to win the AFC Championship. And we'll have great tans while we do it."

In Kansas City, the Chiefs' offense has been clicking with Larry Johnson at running back, winning four straight. Rumors are rampant that the Chiefs, in the offseason, will deal Johnson for much-needed defensive help.

"If those fools in the front office had any sense," explains Johnson, "they would deal Priest Holmes. That way, they could get a couple a players instead of the one they'd get for me. Our defense is so bad, one guy won't make a difference, not even if it's the cloned lovechild of Merlin Olsen and Ray Nitchzke."

San Diego has nothing to gain with a win, so expect the starters to work up a good sweat, then put on their baseball caps. The Chiefs will then take over, if they haven't already. Trent Green throws two touchdowns, and Johnson rushes for one. Kansas City wins, 28-13.

Dallas @ N.Y. Giants

After all of Sunday afternoon's games are over and all of the playoff excitement is done, Sunday night brings us the anticlimax of the 6-9 Cowboys against the 5-10 Giants.

"Hey, if I wasn't coaching the Cowboys," says Bill Parcells, "I wouldn't watch it, either. Hell, I might not even show up."

Off-the-field events overshadow anything that goes down on the field. Cowboys' safety Darren Woodson has announced his retirement after 13 seasons and five Pro Bowls.

"I've thought about it long and hard," explains Woodson, "and discussed it at length with my family, pastor, accountant, and three Super Bowl rings, and they all say that it's time to get out."

In New York, Kurt Warner has announced his intentions to leave the Giants and seek a starting job elsewhere.

"Before anybody makes a joke about it," says Warner, "by 'elsewhere,' I mean elsewhere in the NFL, not in NFL Europe, not in Arena Football, and certainly not bagging groceries in Iowa."

Hey, Kurt. It sounds like your wife Brenda is calling the shots again. Admit it. She wears the helmet in your family, right?

"Kurt, I appreciate you mentoring me this year," says Eli Manning, "although everything you told me I'd already learned from my dad and brother before I reached my teens. But thanks anyway. Good luck and good riddance."

Manning throws two touchdowns, and the Giants break their eight-game losing streak with a 24-22 win over the Cowboys.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 4:46 PM | Comments (2)

Under the Blanket With Radio, S'Mores

I just finished watching Oklahoma defeat Tulsa in a barnburner, 70-64, and as the game rolled on, I became aware of a strange feeling I had inside. I was rooting for Tulsa, but that's no surprise. I always root for the underdogs, and Tulsa certainly qualifies. They came into the game 2-5, including home losses to such luminaries as Wright State, Lamar, and Wichita State, and a 30+ loss to Oral Roberts.

But I found myself caring, really caring, that Tulsa pulled the game out. It was a stronger feeling than my usual "I always pull for underdogs" sentiment. It's not like I'm a Tulsa fan by any means. Before tonight, I couldn't name a single Tulsa player, nor tell you whether they were 7-0 or 0-7 coming in.

Then the mystery's resolution revealed itself in a flash. In watching the game, I was remembering a part of my childhood.

It was a childhood rite of passage that I hope most sports fans share: secretly watching games on TV or listening on the radio past your bedtime.

You had to be stealthy to pull it off. If it was TV you were watching, the sound had to be kept all the way down, and you had to take care to minimize the glow emanating from the television; watch on the dimmest setting you can stand and cover yourself and the TV with a blanket, creating a tent-like affect. Do not verbally react to anything you see. If it's the radio, put the radio under the pillow, with your head over it. No headphones! You may need to hear your surroundings. Keep your hand on the volume switch and be ready to turn it all the way down if footsteps approach your room.

The one time I got caught, it was because my stepdad "heard a click." This is why you do not attempt to turn off the TV or radio if you need to make a quick I-am-asleep-getaway! Instead, turn the volume all the way down, and if it's TV, play with the brightness controls. Some older TVs like mine would let you dim them into appearing to be off.

Four games across two sports remain in my memory banks as the Great Games I Was Supposed to Be Asleep For.

One was a Monday football game between the Saints and Steelers. Research indicates it was November 19th, 1984. I first attempted to locate the game, looking around 1987 and 1988. I am surprised and impressed to discover I was actually merely 8-years-old when my devotion to sports turned me to deception and cunning. My dedication was rewarded, as I was rooting for the Saints to win. They did, 27-24. I listened to the soft radio call of the game, and I must of fallen asleep in the middle; I could have sworn, looking back, that the Steelers had won.

My other three memories involved TV, and the NCAA tournament.

March Madness has always been my favorite sporting season. I used to hate that my birthday fell in the middle of it (March 11th). I don't want a party. I don't want to unwrap another sweater from my grandmother. I want to watch basketball.

In terms of basketball gluttony, nothing tops the first round of the Big Dance. I like the current CBS format of bringing us the first round, but it wasn't always that way. Used to be, ESPN would try to choke in as many games as they could starting at noon (Eastern time) and going to 11 at night or so, and CBS would bring us their version of Midnight Madness with an 11:30 PM game. It was this game that I would covet, and watch under the tent of my largest blanket.

In 1988, that was UNLV, the fourth seed, squeaking past 13th-seeded Southwest Missouri State 54-50. In 1987, it was also UNLV, this time a one-seed, throttling poor Idaho State in Salt Lake City. It was Idaho State's only NCAA tournament appearance, but if it makes them feel any better, this kid all the way from Akron, Ohio remembers it.

The night after Idaho State/UNLV, the late late CBS game was, yes, Tulsa vs. Oklahoma. It was a great game. Tulsa led for much of it. They seemed to be led, if memory serves, by several bushy-haired, mustachioed, bespectacled Kurt Rambis lookalikes. But they could not quite hang on to upset and much like tonight, Oklahoma prevailed in a tight one, 74-69.

Tonight, I subconsciously relived a fond memory of my youth. For that I say, go Golden Hurricane.

So readers, tell me about the most memorable I-was-supposed-to-be-asleep game of your childhood. What techniques did you employ to get away with it? The submitter of the best answer will be highlighted in my next column and in the lead-in. That means your name will appear on the Sports Central front page for a few days! Woo-hoo!

Let's see what's on the Wire...

There's a little puff piece on King LeBron turning 20 on December 30th. Just think, he might be the most talented basketball player on the planet, and in another year he will even be allowed to drink! He's just a kid all the way from Akron, Ohio. I'd like to tell you that I knew him or his uncle's cousin or whatever, but I didn't. When he was in high school and a lot of his teammates were signing letters of intent with the University of Akron, I would fantasize that he would not want to leave his friends and sign, too, leading the Zips to national prominence. That didn't happen, although ESPN.com's "Page2" ran an item on April Fool's day suggesting just that.

I'm glad I'm not a hockey fan. Four of the last five wire items on the NHL is each of the last four day's "lockout log," including games lost that day, for the season, total days lost, etc. Depressing.

From the college basketball wire, I learn that Concordia (MN) came back from a halftime deficit to defeat Augustana (SD) 89-84 in overtime. Justin Vandenberg led Concordia scorers with 20.

I bring this game up to say, "Bless the Associated Press." There's over 330 Division I college basketball programs, and even that is too narrow of a scope for them.

Finally, the wire reveals that LSU has received permission to talk to both Houston Nutt of Arkansas and Bobby Petrino of Louisville. If I'm LSU, I take Petrino out of those two.

Anybody have Tulsa/Oklahoma tickets for me next year?

Posted by Kevin Beane at 2:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 29, 2004

Pardon the Incoherence

Bowl Week, an ESPN broadcast bonanza, is well underway, but I can't confess to being terribly interested. When last I wrote for SC, I ranted and raved about the state of college football.

That was before the Associated Press pulled an end around on the Bowl Championship Series of the future, and all but assured that beginning in 2006, the attendees of the "national championship game" would be chosen by committee.

That was before LSU's already millionaire head coach Nick Saban told the Miami Dolphins he would change addresses if they would "show him the money." Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga did indeed show him the money, and Saban gave the Dolphins a Christmas gift by announcing his decision after Christmas dinners had been eaten and rum-infused eggnogs widely ingested.

That was before Notre Dame hired New England Patriots offensive coordinator Charlie Weis to their head coach.

That was before LSU came knocking on Bobby Petrino's door.

If I were the athletic director at the University of Louisville, I think I would fire Petrino. The man has absolutely no intention of staying at Louisville. This despite the fact that the Cardinals become a Big East school next season, and are already odds-on favorites to win the conference. Instead, UofL signed Petrino to a slightly sweeter deal than the one he had previously, in light of the fact that Petrino had been on the short list at big time vacancies Notre Dame and University of Florida.

Petrino's success rate is, well, debatable, in my opinion, because his longest tenure anywhere in his travels was three years as offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach at Utah State and QB coach and OC with the NFL's Jacksonville Jaguars. He's been all over the map, but while there's little to be argued about the abilities' of his offense to score points (he did, after all, turn Chris Redman into something approximating an NFL QB in one season; Redman turned out to be a mirage), there's absolutely no record of his ability to recruit. His teams at UofL built off the success of John L. Smith's recruiting capacity.

Don't forget, this is the guy who happily met under not-completely secret circumstances with Auburn's boosters, AD, and university president last offseason, a debacle that ended in Auburn coach's Tommy Tuberville's contract extension and the dismissal of the AD and president. While it's difficult to pin blame on Petrino, one wonders just how much class he has meeting with university officials regarding an opening that doesn't yet exist.

Expect LSU to land him. They'll show him the money, and he'll head to the Bayou having completely forgotten that he said just a week ago that Louisville, "Is the place I want to be. This is the place my family wants to be."

When Notre Dame hired Charlie Weis, I was pleased for selfish reasons. The Pittsburgh Steelers could only benefit from the Patriots' OC being distracted by his Notre Dame duties. While there's been no real proof that this has happened yet, an AFC championship showdown would take place merely two weeks before college football's Letter of Intent day. And I bleed Black and Gold.

Overall, I think this is a poor hire by Notre Dame. The Irish QB Brady Quinn appeared to be settling into the Tyrone Willingham system, and now he'll have to learn an entirely new system, an incredibly complicated system that will take away any confidence he had built, and likely crush Quinn's college career.

Weis is a strong offensive mind. He's creative, but he's also pass-happy. He sometimes tends toward over-coaching, and that won't win games in college. He won't trust Quinn to truly run his system till years after Quinn's left. And if Notre Dame follows the precedent they set with Willingham, Weis should be unemployed in three years, because I doubt very strongly that he'll win. But, that's just my unsolicited opinion.

What can you say about the Associated Press? There's certain hypocrisy to their announcement from two weeks ago. They never granted the BCS permission to use them to anoint national champions, but the AP has been anointing its own (see last year) national champion for eons. The AP's announcement won't keep it from continuing that practice, either.

And I feel relatively certain that the playoff-desiring AP sports writers would happily throw their votes back in if they got their way and the university presidents announced a playoff system was in the works. And the media claims that they only report the news. What poppycock!

Posted by David Martin at 12:59 PM | Comments (0)

Sometimes Goliath Wins: "Wilt" Book Review

Wilt: Larger than Life
Robert Allen Cherry; Buy New: $16.47

Before Ron Artest and Dennis Rodman, the NBA's most controversial player was also, arguably, it's most talented. From his MVP/Rookie of the Year season in 1959-60, through the 50 ppg, 25 rebounds averages of 1961-62, to his participation on the two winningest teams of all-time before Michael Jordan's Bulls,

Wilton Norman Chamberlain dominated professional basketball on and off the court. His lavish lifestyle, his political unorthodoxy, and his clashes with sports media kept his name in the news like no other 1960's athlete save Muhammad Ali and Joe Namath. Philadelphian Robert A. Cherry examines this life in his biography "Wilt: Larger Than Life." Cherry, a former reporter for The Arizona Republic, spent almost five years researching and interviewing for the work.

Readers might be surprised to learn that basketball's most confirmed bachelor came from a traditional two-parent household with eight normally-sized siblings. Dippy or Dip, as friends called him, was an obedient son with strict parents who scarcely followed sports — although his father William was a boxing fan.

Though the teenaged Wilt took to basketball wherever he could find it — church leagues, the YMCA, games played under an assumed name with college players — he strove to be recognized for prowess in other areas such as board games, track and field, and summer jobs. Cherry (who played basketball at Overbrook High School several years after his subject) paints a vivid picture of his literally all-American Philadelphia upbringing.

At the University of Kansas, we see a more assertive Wilt — a cocky, yet amiable giant who becomes disillusioned with the stall tactics opponents use to minimize his effectiveness (long before the NCAA instituted a shot clock for men's play). He also blamed himself for Kansas' triple-overtime NCAA title loss to North Carolina. Dipper's solution: ditch his senior year and sign with the touring, adult Harlem Globetrotters. Join the Trotters and see the world.

The author has done well in citing sources who knew "The Big Guy" every elongated step of the way- schoolmates, his sister Barbara, teammates; even his physician and accountant. Chamberlain always said his time with the Globetrotters gave him his fondest basketball memories.

Though he entered the NBA as an offensive and defensive force (contemporary account imply he blocked more shots than rival Bill Russell), his hometown Philly teams were annually eliminated by the legendary Boston Celtics. Cherry largely attributes the Celtic advantage to the presence of seven Hall of Famers in the 1959-67 Celtic lineups, and the psychological ploys of their Hall of Fame coach Red Auerbach.

Ironically, Auerbach first coached Chamberlain when the latter worked as a teen bellhop at a Catskills country club with a basketball team — and encouraged the wunderkind to attend a New England college so Boston could secure his rights under the old territorial draft in the NBA.

The book crisply details Chamberlain's first championship season, when everything came together under new Sixers coach Alex Hannum. Cherry notes that although Jerry West's teams lost six NBA finals to Boston, fans and sportswriters didn't affix a "loser" tag to West.

Away from the game, we see a softer side of the seven-footer who felt unfairly maligned, a sensitive brother, a behind-the-scenes donor to social causes, a superstar who talked hours on the phone to the ailing relatives of his friends. No matter where Wilt was in the world, he would pay his own way to the Catskills to play in a charity basketball game to raise medical expenses for paralyzed former NBA star Maurice Stokes, whom he never played with or against.

To lend perspective to his topic, at points the author gives the current values of Chamberlain's contracts, luxury cars, and assesses his hoops stats under a modern microscope. Chamberlain's relationships with women are discussed, but tastefully so.

This life is shared in an accessible manner, as if Cherry were telling you stories n a sports bar. "Wilt: Larger Than Life" is more than a worthwhile read, it should not only be on the "to do in 2005" notepad of every serious sports fan.

Wilt: Larger than Life
Robert Allen Cherry; Buy New: $16.47

Posted by Bijan C. Bayne at 11:25 AM | Comments (2)

December 28, 2004

NFL Week 16 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Pittsburgh's defense held Jamal Lewis to 26 yards and less than 2 yards per carry.

* Biggest Pro Bowl snub: the Indianapolis offensive line.

* Surprising Pro Bowl selections: Champ Bailey and Larry Allen just made it on name recognition, but the weirdest pick is probably Jeremiah Trotter, who has played less than half of his team's downs. Trotter didn't start until midseason, and he comes out on passing downs.

* Playoffs or no, Mike Martz and Jim Haslett have to go.

* This Monday, Andy Reid successfully challenged an interception by his own defense. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Heading into this week's MNF, I looked for two players to step up: Freddie Mitchell and Marshall Faulk. Mitchell joins Philadelphia's starting lineup while Terrell Owens recovers from injury, and the pressure is on his team's WRs to elevate their games in Owens' absence. Mitchell was money in last year's playoffs, and I look for him to come up with big plays again this time around.

Faulk has big-game experience and a knack for bringing his best play at the right time. In 2000, when it looked like the Rams would miss the postseason, Faulk almost single-handedly carried them into the playoffs. During the last three weeks of the season, Faulk averaged 145 rushing yards and 3.7 TDs. In the last game, which the Rams needed to win to clinch a playoff spot, Faulk rushed for 220 yards and scored all three St. Louis touchdowns in a 26-21 Rams win.

At the end of the first quarter, both players looked good. Faulk carried four times for 27 yards on the Rams' first drive, and Mitchell caught a TD pass. It was all downhill from there, though. Mitchell led the Eagles with two catches and 28 receiving yards. Faulk averaged barely three yards per carry and, for the first time in his career, didn't catch a pass.

Faulk knows how to play the game, but his body can't get it done anymore. Watching him, you can pick out plays that would have turned out differently for him three or four years ago. It's sad to see a player of his talent and stature, one who was once the best in the game, such a shadow of what he once was.

Next Tuesday, I'll unveil my year-end power rankings, along with my All-Pro team and playoff predictions. Now on to the power rankings. As always, brackets indicate previous rank.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers [1] -- Logically, they should be the most popular Super Bowl pick in the league. The team seemingly can't lose, it's remarkably healthy (Ben Roethlisberger will be fine by the next time Pittsburgh plays a game that matters) and the Steelers are beating good teams (the Jets and Ravens in the last three weeks alone). Not many people seem to be picking the Steelers, though. The Patriots and Colts are probably the most popular choices. Since Pitt has homefield advantage throughout the playoffs, and I think it is the best team in the NFL, my Super Bowl choice should be easy. But I really think it's a three-way race. I don't have a favorite right now, but I'll make a prediction next week.

2. New England Patriots [2] -- Bounced back in dramatic fashion. This is the time of year when the Patriots play their best football, and betting against them is not a good idea. Richard Seymour's injury is cause for concern, and the Patriots will have a tough time in the AFC postseason if he's less than 100%. New England has done a fantastic job of fighting through injuries, but that only goes so far.

3. Indianapolis Colts [4] -- How appropriate for Peyton Manning's record-setting pass to come on a TD that set up a game-tying two-point conversion. Manning runs the best two-minute drill since John Elway in his prime, he has the best fundamentals since Johnny Unitas, and he's had arguably the best season in the history of professional football. Manning is the best player in the NFL by a very wide margin.

4. Philadelphia Eagles [3] -- The drop from third to fourth is because the Colts look so good, not because of anything that happened to Philadelphia's backups on the field Monday night. That said, if I were Andy Reid, I would have played all the starters and gone hard for a win to prove to my team that it could win without T.O. Rest everyone in Week 17 instead and send them into the playoffs with a little more confidence.

5. San Diego Chargers [5] -- Took the Colts to overtime on the artificial turf in Indianapolis. Allowing 34 points may not sound impressive -- although that is what the Colts average -- but San Diego defenders sacked Manning four times. Indianapolis had given up only nine sacks all season, an average of 0.6 per game; San Diego topped that by 525%. It's tough to see the Chargers beating any of the AFC's top three seeds on the road, but it isn't out of the question.

6. Buffalo Bills [6] -- Really, they could be at the top of the list. Six wins in a row, with more than 30 points in each. Eight of the last nine, with the loss coming at New England. +116 in points for/against, the same as the Steelers. A whole lot of teams in the AFC are rooting for the Jets and Broncos to win this weekend so that they won't have to face Buffalo in the playoffs.

7. Atlanta Falcons [8] -- Lost to the Saints. These things happen at the end of the season. In the name of pride, though, Atlanta should hustle against Seattle. If the Falcons lose by more than five points, they will have been outscored by their opponents this season.

8. New York Jets [7] -- The NFC West is 22-38. I mention this in the Jets' section because the Jets are 3-0 against opponents from that division. Against real teams, they're a pretty ordinary 7-5. They beat San Diego and Buffalo, but early in the season, before either one had really hit its stride. Since then, the Jets have lost to every good team they've played: Pittsburgh, Baltimore, New England, and the rematch at Buffalo. New York clearly has a good team, but just as clearly, it is not a Super Bowl contender.

9. Carolina Panthers [9] -- For the last several weeks, Carolina has been playing the way it did in last year's playoffs. That team relied primarily on its defense during the regular season, but the offense hit new heights during the postseason, with DeShaun Foster showing his abilities, Steve Smith stepping up as one of league's premier wide receivers, and Jake Delhomme establishing himself as a solid field general. Carolina could be a major factor in the NFC playoffs.

10. Baltimore Ravens [10] -- They've lost two in a row and won't make the playoffs, but the Ravens had a good season. Their .569 strength of schedule is the third-highest in the NFL, and highest among teams with winning records. Baltimore beat Pittsburgh, Buffalo, and the Jets this year. Four of the team's seven losses came on the road against Pittsburgh, New England, Indianapolis, and Philadelphia. Those teams are a combined 29-1 at home. With an easier schedule, Baltimore probably would be in the playoffs.

11. Green Bay Packers [12] -- A win on the road, against a major rival and for the division title, is always a big deal. But really, all the Packers did on Friday was punch a few more holes in the sinking ship that is the Minnesota Vikings. Donald Driver wasn't the only offensive player who had a big game. With Randy Moss running at half-speed, Michael Bennett averaged nearly 5.5 yards per carry and Daunte Culpepper threw for 285 yards, 3 TD, and no INT. If the Packers expect to win a playoff game, they'll have to play defense.

12. Kansas City Chiefs [14] -- Only once in their last nine games have the Chiefs allowed fewer than 20 points. Remarkably, they are 5-4 in that span. Which is why five members of KC's offense are going to Honolulu.

13. Jacksonville Jaguars [11] -- Backs to the wall, everything to play for, and they didn't show up. Houston utterly dominated the Jags in every phase of the game. Injuries were a big problem, but they blew it.

14. Houston Texans [16] -- 5-1 against teams with losing records, 2-7 against teams with winning records. Forget about the Jags and that becomes 5-1, 0-7. Pretty much the definition of a middle-of-the-road team. Houston deserves a lot of credit for playing hard against Jacksonville and coming out with such a convincing win.

15. New Orleans Saints [18] -- Making a late playoff run, and remarkably control their own destiny. It's tough to see the Saints winning at Carolina, but New Orleans is unpredictable and capable of pulling off big upsets. I'm taking the Panthers anyway.

16. Cincinnati Bengals [13] -- Won even though Rudi Johnson only averaged 1.6 yards per carry. Apparently beating the Giants by one counts as a win, though. Cincinnati is now 5-3 at home, its first winning season at home since last year.

17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [17] -- Stat of the Game: Michael Pittman carried 10 times for Tampa. Nick Goings carried 33 times for Carolina.

18. Denver Broncos [19] -- What a number the defense did on Tennessee's offense. It held Billy Volek about 300 yards below his usual game. Ashley Lelie is slowly but surely becoming a reliable receiver on the other side of the ball. With a nice offseason and some luck with injuries, Denver could be a contender in 2005.

19. Oakland Raiders [20] -- The defense is terrible and a loss is a loss, but the Raiders are still playing hard. Probably harder than they have since the 2002 AFC Championship Game. Norv Turner may not have gotten results in the W column, but he has succeeded in changing his team's attitude, despite a losing season.

20. Washington Redskins [15] -- Last in the NFL in strength of victory. Washington has beaten 5-10 Tampa Bay, 5-10 Chicago, 6-9 Detroit, 5-10 Giants, and 2-13 San Francisco.

21. Seattle Seahawks [23] -- Tied with the 49ers for second-worst in strength of victory. The 8-7 Seahawks have been outscored by their opponents this season and have only one win against a team over .500: Minnesota, who shouldn't even count.

22. Minnesota Vikings [22] -- When you can have the kind of offensive day the Vikings did against Green Bay, but still lose, something is terribly wrong. The 34-31 game in Indianapolis was well-played, hard-fought, and a lot of fun to watch. The Friday game in Minnesota was just sloppy and depressing.

23. Dallas Cowboys [24] -- Three wins in their last five games, but more importantly, they're dominating one of the NFL's most storied rivalries. Dallas has won 14 of its last 15 against Washington, with the lone loss coming in a meaningless Week 17 game when Dallas sat its starters.

24. Miami Dolphins [21] -- Maybe I'm blinded by the recent failures of Steve Spurrier and Butch Davis, but I don't like the choice of Nick Saban, a successful college head coach, to lead the Dolphins next season. Jim Bates has gone 3-3 as Miami's interim coach, and Art Shell was very successful as coach of the Raiders. I don't like the college-to-NFL transition, and I don't think Saban was the best guy available.

25. Detroit Lions [25] -- Snuck by the Bears on the strength of a questionable call in the end zone. Looking ahead to next year, if Detroit can even get stable, Brad Johnson-type QB play, it has the offensive weapons in place to run away with the NFC North.

26. St. Louis Rams [27] -- Picked on Roderick Hood with a great deal of success, but 20 points, at home in the Dome, is hardly earth-shattering. The remarkable thing about this week's MNF was that Philadelphia only scored seven. Even with backups, that's pretty poor.

27. Arizona Cardinals [26] -- It would have been funny for Arizona to win the NFC West, and that didn't happen, but this team is still kind of funny, because it was swept by the 49ers.

28. New York Giants [29] -- Losing streak is four times as long as San Francisco's, but still one game better than Cleveland's. I feel bad for Tiki Barber.

29. Chicago Bears [30] -- That catch looked fine to me. Chicago probably should have won. If there's an upside, the Bears will now get a better draft pick than their division rival Lions. Small consolation, I know.

30. Tennessee Titans [28] -- Haven't held an opponent under 30 in five weeks. Injuries have crushed a team that was considered a Super Bowl contender this preseason.

31. Cleveland Browns [32] -- I watched the whole Sunday night contest between Cleveland and Miami. The NFL owes me a 3½-hour refund on my life.

32. San Francisco 49ers [31] -- Lost by more than 30 for the third time this season.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 3:41 PM | Comments (0)

The Yankees, From A-to-Z

Another spurned deal. Another futile pursuit to bring the Big Unit to the Yankees. At the moment, you might wonder George Steinbrenner might be viewing Javier Vazquez as the Grinch who stole his Christmas present.

Worse still, you might think Vazquez would pay the price for his act of "disobedience" which would be to spend a month with the Boss at Tampa. That might make Abu Ghraib look like a saner place to stay.

Whatever the Boss might do to improve his team right now, one thing is as clear as a St. Gobain glass, it's been four years since the Yankees have won a World series title. Proof enough that money can't buy championships.

2004 turned out to be the worst year ever for a Yankee fan. The Yankees turned out to be the biggest chokers ever in sporting history and saw their bitter nemesis, the Red Sox, clinch the World Series crown, ending the title drought at 86 years.

Here we try to encapsulate the woebegone pursuit that the Yankees undertook in 2004 in an A-to-Z format. Sit back and enjoy.

A - Acrobat (No, not the .pdf file, you geek. Remember Derek Jeter's dive into the stands in the Yankee Stadium.)

B - Bullpen (No explanation required.)

C - Clutch hitting (Or lack thereof.)

D - Dented wall (Thanks to Kevin Brown, the Stadium tour has got a new facelift.)

E - Eternity (Yes, in Yankees parlance, four title-less seasons seem to be an era.)

F - Front office (Steinbrenner's favorite punching bag.)

G - Giambi (That's a cuss word now on 161st street.)

H - Humiliating (One word that could surmise the 2004 Yankees campaign.)

I - Indians (A team that scares the Yankees to death. Remember the scoreline?)

J - Japan (The Land of the Rising Sun played host to the Yankees' season-opener.)

K - Karate Kid (A-Rod's rise to infamy.)

L - Lacking (The Yankees lacked cohesion, camaraderie, and commitment.)

M - Mitt Sandwich (Presume that won't be served during Christmas at A-Rod's.)

N - NYPD (The ALCS encounter against the Red Sox was so intense that the fans got into the act and riot police had to be pressed into service at the Stadium.)

O - One Hundred and Eighty-Three Million Dollars (No that's not the GDP of some third-world country. It was the Yankees' payroll the last time we checked. Trust me, it's sure to shoot up.)

P - Pee cup (Gary Sheffield gave the fourth estate a new role. He wanted the hacks to hop between the laboratory and lavatory.)

Q - Quincy Market (Heck, can't find anything to fit. Hence, Boston's landmark finds a place in the Yankees' list, just to add insult to injury, you see.)

R - Red Sox (Two words that infuriate the Boss more than WMD for George Bush.)

S - Scott Boras Syndrome (The Yankees seem to dance to Mr. Boras' tunes.)

T - Triumphing in Tragedy (Mariano Rivera's selfless act. His pitching in Game 1 of the ALCS hours after attending the funeral of his two close relatives at Panama.)

U - Urban Legend (Synonym for curse.)

V - Victor Conte (The BALCO honcho had his shadow in the Yankees clubhouse, too.)

W - Who's Your Daddy? (When it involves the best rivalry in sports, the fans sometimes come up with innovative stuff.)

X - X-Factor (That's the Boss himself. He continues to remain a puzzle, even to his cohorts.)

Y - Yankees Yanked (Another form of expression to the Bombers bombed.)

Z - Zzzz. (It's time to put the misfortunes of the past to sleep.)

Posted by Venkat Ganesan at 2:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 27, 2004

I Hate Mondays: The Bates Debate

If there ever was such a thing as the Big Book of Excuses, Dave Wannstedt was privy to it.

"Dan Marino quit on me ... Ricky Williams abandoned the team ... porous managerial decisions paralyzed the roster ... spectral quarterback play impaired our confidence ... injuries beset the starters ..."

Since taking over as the head coach of the Miami Dolphins after the 2000 season, Wannstedt and his squad have slowly declined. It started with a playoff birth in his first season, to falling just short of the postseason in his second season, until a 1-7 record persuaded him to resign this season.

In comes Jim Bates, a lesser-known coordinator in the NFL, who's left to inherit a scrap heap. Most coaches hope their first gig is planted in an environment conducive to success, but for someone who's been waiting for a professional head coaching job for 20 years, there was no fussiness.

So while the newlywed partners traveled to Seattle the following week, although they had virtually nothing to play for, they didn't Terry Robiskie the situation.

To this point, the only fish fried by Miami was the St. Louis Rams at home. Their road losses averaged nearly a 13-point margin, but even with unfavorable odds, the Dolphins almost defeated a team knee-deep in a playoff race.

The following week, the first road triumph was delivered. Granted, it was against the equally dubious San Francisco 49ers, needless to say when you've doubled your win total in one week, it is an accomplishment.

In his third and fourth game as head coach of the Dolphins, Jim Bates inspired his team to become an arduous opponent. Versus Buffalo and Denver, Miami lingered for 60 minutes, leading, but eventually failing, in both contests.

In Wannstedt's seven losses, Miami looked gutless in some of their trounces. They averaged losses by 11 points and would lose games even before playing them. When Bates stepped in, the team could have easily regressed even further, but they began the process of righting the ship.

And then came the cherry on top. While few took notice of a team that was now at the very least respectable, an appearance on Monday Night Football against the Super Bowl champions would clue in the daydreamers.

The Fish just continued to do what they've done for their new coach: dillydally, delay, and hang about -- like a Shaquille O'Neal basketball team -- until they saw the opportunity, and capitalized. Never out of it, always in it.

At the end of Sunday, the new-look Dolphins are 3-3 under Jim Bates and he has yet to use an excuse. If Wannstedt was permitted to excuse himself for unexpected inadequacies then surely Bates should be allotted twice as many. He could grumble about the absence of Ricky Williams, he could cry foul when facing the Patriots without defensive starters Sam Madison, Junior Seau and Zach Thomas, and he could whine about the lack of overall talent on the roster.

Or he could just win.

John Fox, the head coach of the Carolina Panthers put it best as he described his scrappy team heading into last weekend: "How you deal with adversity and prosperity kind of defines you. We fought through it, guys kept swinging their sword, and we fought our way back into this."

And that's what Bates inspired the depleted Dolphins to do.

As Nick Saban heads into South Beach to take over the reigns as the new instructor, it's too bad that Jim Bates will not get an opportunity at the full-time job.

Some may describe the recent competitiveness as nothing more than an ephemeral high, some may call it a stroke of luck, but when someone turns nothing into something I call it a job well done.

Nice guys and nice guys that finish last mix like Mondays and me.

"Sunday's paper is the worst. Weekend. You want to relax. 'Oh, by the way, here's a thousand pages of information you had no idea about.' How can they tell you everything they know about every single day of the week and then have this much left over on Sunday when nothing's going on?" — Jerry Seinfeld

Posted by Dave Golokhov at 12:14 PM | Comments (0)

And the Winner Is...

Award shows for some reason or another are popular enough that the networks put them on TV and expect people to watch. Even the sports world has gotten in on the act with award shows and programs. The most popular are the ESPYs, which, of course, are sponsored by ESPN.

Given that it is the holiday season (pick your favorite holiday) and that the NFL regular season is quickly drawing to a close with playoffs just around the corner, now is the time to present the First Annual SANTY Awards.

Each winner will be mailed his or her award, which is a 10-inch replica of Billy Bob Thornton as he appears in the movie "Bad Santa."

The Man Who Has Everything Category

Peyton Manning is having a huge year and just set a new record for TD passes, previously held by Dan Marino with 48. In addition to his talent, Manning has proven he is a student of the game, pouring over Polaroid's of the opposing defenses even during a blowout.

In a show of class against the Baltimore Ravens, the Colts found themselves on the Ravens' four-yard line with only seconds to go. Manning, true to the sportsman he is, kneeled down rather than look to pad his record pursuit when the game was already essentially over.

Manning also shows his leadership when needed. When kicker Mike Vanderjagt criticized his coach and questioned his team's ability to perform under pressure, Manning slammed his teammate for "running his mouth" after he got "liquored up" and that "if he is a teammate" next year, he would address the situation.

The result was Vanderjagt shut his mouth, never missed a kick the next season, and the Colts won their first two playoff games with Manning as QB, falling short to the eventual Super Bowl champion New England Patriots in the AFC Championship Game.

Now, Manning did not win a national championship at Tennessee (the Vols won the championship the year after Manning left for the NFL with Tee Martin at QB), he has not won a Super Bowl, and has yet to marry some supermodel, so maybe he doesn't really have everything.

However, when you sign a $98 million contract with a $35 million signing bonus, you can probably buy what you don't have yet.

The Last-Minute Shopper Category

The Buffalo Bills began the season 0-4 and the fans and media were screaming for QB Drew Bledsoe's head on a platter.

But head coach Mike Mularkey stuck to his game plan and decided to make Willis McGahee his starting RB. The Bills responded by going 8-2 over their last 10 games going into San Francisco who only the Arizona Cardinals lose to.

The Bills meet a tough Pittsburgh Steeler team the last game of the year and face the very real possibility of not making the playoffs even if they can get to 10-6.

Given that three of the Bills' four losses to start the season were by a combined eight points, Bills fans may very well be left with visions of next year dancing through their heads and thoughts of what could have been.

Who's Been Naughty or Nice Category

Without question, Jacksonville Jaguar Safety Donovan Darius tops the naughty list with his hellacious clothesline hit on Green Bay Packer WR Robert Ferguson.

Ferguson had an awful scare after the hit where he certainly lost consciousness and was temporarily paralyzed from the waist down. Darius was fined $75,000 and probably should have been suspended for the inexcusable action.

Ex-Miami Dolphin RB Ricky Williams has also been naughty this year. He bolted from his team at the 11th hour leaving them high and dry for a RB and an offense. Ricky has also contested the apparently unreasonable assertion by the Dolphins that he pay the team back the bonus money he received in exchange for him playing out his contract.

Ricky was so naughty this year that he would have also received the Lump of Coal Award except that he would have only used it to fire up his bong to smoke some more naughty weed and the SANTY's do not condone drug use.

Green Bay Packer QB Brett Favre heads up the nice list. In order to show support for his wife who began treatment for breast cancer and was starting to lose her hair, Favre shaved his head.

Favre is one of the most talented QBs around and has endured a significant amount of personal tragedy over the last few years. Who could forget his super-human performance on the field shortly after his beloved father passed away?

In addition, Favre's brother-in-law died and now his wife is battling cancer. The man is a shining example of how to overcome your own circumstances and show class and dignity.

Favre will be sorely missed when he retires and begins his five-year wait before certain enshrinement in Canton.

Next on the nice list is almost every team in the NFC except for the Philadelphia Eagles.

You see, the holiday season is a time for giving and it seems like every NFC team that doesn't play in the state of Pennsylvania is giving every other team a chance at making the playoffs instead of keeping the opportunity for themselves.

In a rare display of benevolence, a team that loses more games than it wins may be able to qualify for the playoffs and the opportunity to lose to the AFC in the Super Bowl.

The NFC West is especially in the giving mood where every week the teams in this division keep giving games away time and time again. My cup runneth over.

The Ho-Ho-Ho Category

Nicollette Sheridan is the towels-down winner for her appearance in the ill-conceived, poorly thought-out opening to Monday Night Football with Terrell Owens. Enough said.

There's No Place Like Home For the Holidays Category

If it is December, it is time for the annual tanking of the season that is the Minnesota Vikings holiday ritual.

Once again, with the Vikings seemingly running away with the NFC North Division, losing five of seven games right in the middle of the season brought them back to the Pack(ers).

When things get tough, leaders show what they are made of. So, when your team is on a slide and you have your star receiver throw an option pass that results in an interception in the endzone to kill your scoring drive and lead to a defeat, what does head coach Mike Tice do?

He announces to the media that he wouldn't mind throwing his name into the Washington State coaching gig.

Tice spent 10 seasons with the Seattle Seahawks during his playing career and apparently now is homesick and looking for a return to the West Coast.

If Tice's remarks are any indication of the level that his mind is into his current job, owner Red McCombs may give Tice lots of time to job search after this season. (Note to Tice, Washington State has filled the job.)

Better Watch Out, Better Not Pout Category

Eli Manning didn't want to go to the San Diego Chargers. The Chargers weren't prepared to make a commitment to winning he said.

Last check of the standings (after Week 15) showed the Chargers on an eight-game win streak and the New York Giants on a seven-game losing skid.

Sure, Manning is playing while fellow first-round pick Philip Rivers sits on the bench in San Diego, but who is showing a commitment to winning now?

The Perfect Gift Category

As noted above, Eli Manning is on a big losing streak and Philip Rivers has yet to start. The Giants paid big for Manning and will continue to pay in the next draft.

The Chargers may have a big QB controversy brewing or at least a lot of money tied up with two QBs as Drew Brees plays well enough to keep Rivers on the bench for now.

The early winner of the QB draft sweepstakes has to be the Pittsburgh Steelers. They gave up nothing and had Ben Roethlisberger fall to them in the draft.

When starter QB Tommy Maddox went down with an injury in Week 2, the Steelers put Big Ben in the lineup and all he has done is win 12 games in a row after Week 15. The Steelers are in the driver's seat to have home field advantage through the AFC playoffs and look to have their starting QB for the next 10 years.

Is there a finer Christmas gift for an NFL team?

Blue Christmas Category

There were several moves during the offseason this year. However, no player made a bigger impact for his new team than WR Terrell Owens with the Philadelphia Eagles.

Owens scored more touchdowns on his own than all Eagle wide receivers last year.

The Eagles are the class of the NFC and seemed all but certain to reach the Super Bowl after losing three NFC Championship Games in a row.

However, in the sprain heard round the City of Brotherly Love, Owens' ankle was injured and will now have screws inserted during surgery. The early prognosis is that he may be back for the Super Bowl, but that is a best-case scenario.

It really doesn't matter if Owens is doing cartwheels and posing in the middle of the star in Dallas. Without Owens, the Eagles are ordinary and won't be in Jacksonville for the Super Bowl unless they buy tickets like everyone else.

Don't think so? Here is an important number. Zero. That is how many passes that QB Donovan McNabb completed to a wide receiver in the second half after the Owens injury.

The good news for the Eagles is that they won't have to worry about losing a fourth NFC Championship Game in a row. They won't be there.

So concludes the First SANTY Awards.

As with other award programs, this one has gone on too long and no one will remember who won what once the last award has been given out.

What is also true is that there will be lots of competition next year. See you there.

Posted by Jeff Moore at 12:17 AM | Comments (3)

College Hoops Holiday Wish Lists

For the Kansas Jayhawks, a healthy Wayne Simien. The Jayhawks are rolling along as the number two ranked team in the country, sporting an unblemished 8-0 record. But the Jayhawks' dreams of playing on the last weekend of the season in St. Louis took a major hit when Wayne Simien went down with a left thumb injury.

Simien, a preseason All-American, and their most reliable inside player, is out four to six weeks after left thumb surgery, which means Kansas will have to survive most of their Big 12 schedule without their best post player. Simien should be back by late January or early February, giving the Jayhawks enough time to work him back into the rotation and prepare for the NCAA tournament. Coach Bill Self will now have to rely on a pair of freshmen, Alex Galindo and Darnell Jackson, to hold the fort inside until Simien returns.

The Jayhawks still have enough talent to win the Big 12 with Aaron Miles, Keith Langford, and J.R. Giddens, but things just got more interesting in the Big 12. A healthy Wayne Simien will be a welcome relief for Coach Self and a wonderful late Christmas gift for the Jayhawk nation.

For the USC Trojans, a head coach. After firing Henry Bibby four games into the season, the Trojans thought they had their next coach when former Utah coach Rick Majerus agreed to take over the team next season. However, in an abrupt change-of-heart, Majerus turned down the job after a week, citing health concerns. Majerus had been the Trojans' number one candidate for the position after Bibby's dismissal and were ecstatic when he agreed to take over. However, once he changed his mind, the Trojans were back to square one.

But, word out of L.A. is that the Trojans have offered the job to former Chicago Bull and New Orleans Hornets' coach Tim Floyd pending a contract settlement with the Hornets. Floyd enjoyed success as a college coach at Iowa State, becoming the first coach in school history to post three consecutive 20-win seasons and guiding the Cyclones to the Sweet 16 in 1996-1997.

His reputation took a hit when he jumped to the NBA, however, taking over a Chicago Bulls team that was decimated after the retirement of Michael Jordan and the subsequent departures of Scottie Pippen and coach Phil Jackson. His Bulls' teams were constantly among the worst in the league and many in the basketball world began to question his coaching abilities.

But the Trojans apparently weren't discouraged by his lack of success in the NBA and are hoping that he can replicate the magic he once displayed as the next "it" coach in L.A. After the embarrassing circumstances surrounding the whirlwind hiring and subsequent resignation of coach Majerus, rebounding quickly to secure a coach with a successful track record at the college level like Tim Floyd is just what the doctor ordered for the Trojans.

For the George Washington Colonels, more publicity. Quick, name one player on the Colonel's roster. Better yet, name the coach. Time's up. The Colonels are the best team that no one has heard about, but they are quickly making a name for themselves this year.

Coach Karl Hobbs' team has won eight straight games, including wins over ranked teams Maryland and Michigan State in successive games. They are slowly moving up the rankings with little fanfare and may just be the best team in the Washington, DC area. The Colonels are clearly the cream of the crop in the Atlantic 10 and will be a sexy darkhorse Sweet 16 choice come NCAA tournament time.

For the Gonzaga Bulldogs, more national respect. The Bulldogs are not a mid-major program, no matter what conference they belong to. Gonzaga has proven year after year that they are one of the premier programs on the West Coast and should be taken more seriously. Their win over Georgia Tech in Las Vegas last week should be a wake-up call to people around the country that the Bulldogs are for real.

The 'Zags have another chance to make a name for themselves when they take on the Oklahoma State Bulldogs. If the 'Zags can outlast Oklahoma State in their latest measuring stick game, on the road no less, people will be forced to admit that the 'Zags are a force to be reckoned with on the national scene and maybe, just maybe, their name will be mentioned before the Pac-10 teams when discussing the best basketball programs on the West Coast.

Lastly, for the fans, another exciting college basketball season. With the parity in the college game, that is a virtual given. The ACC will be hell-on-wheels again, with each game dripping with postseason and poll implications. Illinois and Michigan State will battle it out for Big 10 supremacy, while Pittsburgh, UConn and Syracuse fight for the Big East crown. With the preseason over and conference play beginning, the stakes become much higher and the intensity gets raised to an even higher level.

And, if that wasn't enough, just to make your egg nog taste even better, remember that March Madness is but a few months away. Merry Christmas and happy holidays, basketball fans.

Posted by Eric Williams at 12:01 AM | Comments (1)

December 23, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 16

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Green Bay @ Minnesota

The colors of the Detroit Lions are silver and blue. Why is that significant, you may ask? Well, I'll let Randy Moss tell you.

"Those fools handed us a win on a silver platter, dog," adds Moss. "Damn, they couldn't convert an extra point with eight seconds left that would have tied the game. Let me just give mad props to my homey Santa Clause, the man who's funky fresh with the flying reindeer, and the originator of the skull cap. Thanks, Santa, for the early Christmas gift. Don't forget to drop by the Moss home for some Mary Jane brownies and an Irish Yoo-hoo."

Moss and his mad skillz are back in early season form, as evidenced by his career-long 82-yard touchdown reception last Sunday.

"Yep. That means the hamstring is fully healed," Moss says. "So, 'da bomb' is back in 'da 'Dome.' It's the return of the long ball, and chicks dig the long ball."

The Packers enjoyed a little luck of their own last week, despite losing to Jacksonville.

"Yeah, we lost and still clinched a playoff spot," explains Brett Favre. "What is this? The NFC West?"

A lot rides on the outcome of this game. One, the division title, and, two, the No. 3 seed in the NFC. The loser likely takes the No. 5 seed and a probable first-round matchup with the pathetic NFC West winner.

"So," says Favre, "you're saying we would be better off losing this game."

No, Brett, my lips aren't moving, but I'm winking uncontrollably.

Moss and Daunte Culpepper hook up for a score and lead the Vikings to a 34-31 win. Suckers!

Oakland @ Kansas City

"We're obviously peaking right now," notes Chiefs' head coach Dick Vermeil. "The problem is, it's occurring about eight weeks too late."

Kansas City has won three in a row, a streak that has coincided with the emergence of backup running back Larry Johnson, who has rushed for 373 yards and five touchdowns in those wins.

"You know," adds Johnson, "I owe it all to Coach Vermeil. If he had not told me to take off those diapers earlier in the year, I wouldn't be experiencing the success I have. Those bulky Pampers really hinder your cutback and slashing ability, especially when wet, and it's really embarrassing to have the outline of a diaper showing through tight-fitting football pants."

Tell me about it.

In Oakland news, Raider defensive back Charles Woodson was arrested after last Sunday's game against Tennessee on a charge of public intoxication.

"Man, I got to get this charge dropped," cries Woodson. "Public intoxication? That's weak. I'm a Raider. My rap sheet is long and hard core. I got assaults, DWIs, resisting arrest. I can't have public intoxication on my record. Let me be a drunk in peace. I wish those cops would have at least made me take a swing at them; then they could have charged me with assault. I can live with that."

Whether or not Woodson is suspended for Sunday' game matters little; the Chiefs will score 35 or more, regardless. Johnson continues his Priest Holmes-like production, with 140 yards rushing and two touchdowns.

Chiefs win, 38-31.

Denver @ Tennessee

The biggest seasonal hit on Denver radio airwaves is a remake of a Christmas classic called The Little Plummer Boy, which features the refrain "...another I-N-T, da dumb dumb dumb dumb."

"I can't get that tune out of my head," says Denver coach Mike Shanahan. "It's very catchy. But the song I'd really like to hear is Jake Got Run Over By a Reindeer. That would really put me in the Christmas spirit."

Well, Jake Plummer must indeed have the holiday spirit, because for the last four weeks, he's been all about giving. That is, giving the ball to the other team. In the Broncos' last four games, Plummer has thrown nine interceptions, and only two touchdowns.

"That sucks," adds Shanahan. "To borrow a line from another overrated coach, Mike Martz, Plummer has been holding this team hostage. It's up to me to end his reign of terror. I'll do that by continuing to start him."

Two thousand light years away at the other end of the quarterbacking spectrum is Titan Billy Volek, who, in his last two games, has passed for 918 yards and eight touchdowns.

"Well, sure I've got 918 yards and eight touchdowns," Volek boasts, "but the team doesn't have jack squat to show for it, except two losses."

At this point, Billy, with the Titans out of the playoffs, nothing matters except individual stats, so keep slinging that ball. Volek's favorite target in wide receiver Drew Bennett, and together, they have formed the most potent white-quarterback-to-white-receiver connection in the NFL.

"Let me correct you there," says Bennett. "It's the only white-quarterback-to-white-receiver connection in the game. In fact, I think I may be the only white receiver in the game not named Wayne Chrebet."

Denver's playoff lives are riding on a victory over the Titans, with hopes that the Jaguars lose to the Texans. Expect the game plan to call for a lot of Reuben Droughns, with some low-risk passes from Plummer. The Broncos step up on defense, with Champ Bailey slowing the Volek-to-Bennett connection.

Denver squeezes out a victory, 30-28.

Atlanta @ New Orleans

Michael Vick: nepotist.

"What!?" says Vick. "You can call me a Baptist, a Methodist, or even a pugilist, but don't accuse me of not believing in God."

No, you've got it all wrong, Michael. I called you a nepotist, not an atheist. A nepotist is one who shows favoritism based on kinship. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you the cousin of Aaron Brooks?

"Why, yes. Yes, I am."

And, since the Falcons have clinched the NFC South and a second-round playoff home game, and a win does nothing for them, maybe you can show a little of that nepotism and give the Saints a victory.

"Maybe I will," replies Vick. "Let's face it. The Saints aren't going to make the playoffs on their own merit, so, obviously, they'll need help from an opponent. Since Aaron's my cuz, I'll give him a little of that nepotism, as you call it."

"Thanks, but no thanks, Michael," says Brooks. "I got some nepotism from a girlfriend once, and I was on penicillin for two weeks. You keep that stuff."

In any case, let's pray that only one NFC West team makes the playoffs. That would mean the final wildcard spot could come down to the Saints and Panthers in Week 17. Naturally, the Saints will lose that game, but they will beat the Falcons, as Vick sits, out to put themselves in position for the heartbreak.

Saints win, 25-20.

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh

"Revenge is a dish best served cold," says Steelers' coach Bill Cowher, "as is crow, which is pretty much a raven, just without the English accent. That's why we plan on giving Baltimore a serving of ice-cold ass whipping on Sunday."

"When Bill speaks," says Baltimore coach Brian Billick, "he should come with a disclaimer saying that he is not obligated if none of what he says makes sense. Like what he just said. A bird with an English accent? Huh? And they're going to serve us with an ass whipping? Hey, Cowher: Don't sing it! Bring it!"

Ravens/Steelers is one of the most heated rivalries is the NFL. And when you factor in the playoff implications of this game, the intensity rises to a new level. Ray Lewis' pre-game "I'm being attacked by a swarm of bees" dance will be fraught with more emotion; Ed Reed will call his teammates "dog" twice as many times as normal; Hines Ward will smile twice as much. Everything goes to that "next level" when these two teams collide. Baltimore is involved in one of the tightest races for the final playoff spot in years; they have to win. A Steelers' win, and Pittsburgh assures themselves of homefield advantage throughout the playoffs.

"We're backed into a corner," says Lewis. "When you back a Raven into a corner, it ... uh, well, it usually flies away. Bad analogy there. Okay, let's say we're a rabid dog. When you back a rabid dog into a corner, it ... uh ... well, you shoot it. Bad example. Damnit, let's just say you back Ray Lewis into a corner. I'm coming out swinging, and I usually hit something."

Don't make Ray angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

The Ravens play with bad intentions, and shock the Steelers.

Ravens win, 16-13.

Chicago @ Detroit

The 5-9 Bears travel to the 5-9 Lions for the battle of the ... well, it's really not a battle for anything, really, except to get out of the cellar in the NFC North. More importantly, though, it's Lovie versus Mooch. No, not the toy dog division at the Westminster Kennel Club, but Lovie Smith against Steve Mariucci.

"You know," says Mariucci, "it's an indescribable feeling when you miss a PAT with eight seconds left that would have tied the game. It's like all the air going out of your balloon. So, right now, our balloon is deflated, and we've got the lungs of 90-year-old lifetime smoker."

"I really can't relate to what Steve's feeling about missing that PAT," explains Smith. "I'm actually not even sure what a PAT is anymore. We haven't scored an offensive touchdown in our last two games. You have to score a touchdown to miss a PAT, so at least we haven't been in the position to miss one. I think it's better just to go ahead an lose by 19 points than to miss a PAT and lose by one. But that's just my opinion."

At least you're honest, Lovie. The Bears' lack of offensive production rears its ugly head again, like a Don Imus jack-in-the-box, and the Lions rely on the Joey Harrington to Roy Williams connection once again.

Lions win, 24-16.

Houston @ Jacksonville

"Wow! What a big win for the Jaguars last Sunday in frigid Green Bay," says a proud Jack Del Rio. "Our playoff mojo is on the rise and we're looking good for that final spot. But doggone! It was cold last Sunday! If I were Hispanic, I guess I'd have to call myself Jose De La Frio."

Haha! Jack Del Rio es loco.

It was a huge win for the Jags. Should they win out, beating Houston then the Raiders in Oakland, then they will likely secure the No. 6 AFC seed.

"Likely is right," says Jack Del Rio. "But that means there's a chance we may not make it, even if we win our last two. Of course, the NFL tiebreaker system is like rocket science to me; I don't understand it, nor do I care to. However, we do have a unit of encryption experts working on decoding playoff scenarios so we'll know exactly where we stand."

Dom Capers, on the other hand, is not talking playoffs. As he almost always does before a Week 16 game, Capers is feeding his players some gibberish about "playing for pride" and "building on something for next year." Well, if you substitute "money" for "pride" and change that "something" to "finishing behind the Colts and Jaguars," then you're right, Dom. So, let's try not to mislead these young, impressionable men, okay?

Jacksonville falls behind early, but after a few choice words from Jack Del Rio, the Jags respond and take a 27-17 win.

N.Y. Giants @ Cincinnati

Last week against the Steelers, Eli Manning stared into the eye of the beast that is the league's best defense, and didn't blink.

This week, the Bengals are standing in front of Manning, looking at him with the hunger of a wild animal.

"Again, I won't blink," says Manning. "It's the eye of the tiger. It's the thrill of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rival? That's what gets me fired up. So many times, it happened too fast. You trade your passion for glory. I took my time, took my chances, went the distance. Now I'm back on my feet. Just a man and his will to survive. Again, it's the eye of the tiger."

What passion, Eli! Somewhere, Sylvester Stallone is pounding on a side of beef in a Philadelphia meat packing plant. And, don't forget. Mail out that royalty check to that band Survivor.

Manning finally got over that rookie hump with two touchdown passes against the Steelers as the Giants nearly pulled off the upset, losing 33-30.

"I've been waiting for that kid to calm down and perform like I know he can," says Tom Coughlin. "Now, I expect some Manning-like numbers immediately."

"Gee, I hope he means Archie Manning-like numbers and not Peyton Manning-like numbers," sighs Eli.

I don't think Archie Manning-like stats are too much to expect, and neither do the Bengals. That's why Cincinnati only has to score 27 points to beat the Giants, and not the 42 they would likely have needed to beat the Colts. Rudi Johnson rushes for 110 yards and a touchdown as the Bengals win, 27-21.

San Diego @ Indianapolis

"Cut that meat! Cut that meat!"

Oops. Sorry. I was just standing in line at the deli and was overcome by the sudden urge to say that. I also feel the need to tailgate in a stadium parking lot and chant, "Let's go insurance adjusters, let's go. Let's go insurance adjusters, let's go." Maybe I've seen that Visa commercial starring Peyton Manning, or maybe I'm just wacked out of my mind on angel dust. Either way, it's a great feeling.

As I'm sure it's a great feeling for Peyton Manning, being that your acting ability is only surpassed by your ability as a quarterback. But Peyton, baby, will you break Dan Marino's record already? Stop stringing us along.

"Look, I've got a lot of respect for Dan," explains Manning. "So, from that respect and out of the kindness of my heart, I'm only going to break his record, and not shatter it. I'll get two to break it this week, then next week, in a game that won't matter to us, I'll tack on one more to make it an even 50. And, get this. Since former president Benjamin Harrison is on the front of the fifty dollar bill, the number 50 TD pass will go to Marvin Harrison."

I see what you're doing, Peyton. You just want fans to toss $50 bills on the field when you make that pass, right?

"Hey, I got to make a living."

As playoff seedings go, this game has implications out the buttocks. Actually, it has only one implication: who acquires the No. 3 in the AFC. It's simple: the winner does. Now, since the Jets are almost assured of the No. 5 seed, the loser of the Colts/Chargers would host the Jets in the first-round. The winner of Colts/Chargers would face Jacksonville, Baltimore, Buffalo, or Denver. I don't know about you, but the matchup I find most attractive is the Broncos, because they suck (maybe "they" don't suck, but Jake Plummer sure does).

And, get this: the Broncos host the Colts in Week 17. So, if the Colts beat the Chargers and decide they want to destroy the Broncos in the playoffs, then they can just lay down and allow the Broncos to win. That doesn't necessarily mean the Broncos are in, but it may.

Anyway, Manning finally gets the record with two TD passes. San Diego tight end Antonio Gates sets a record of his own, snagging his 13th TD pass, a record for tight ends. Edgerrin James adds a rush score for the Colts, and Indy holds on for a 27-24 win.

Buffalo @ San Francisco

"I've got a hungry team on my hands," says Bills' coach Mike Mularkey. "Hungry for respect. Hungry for a playoff spot. And hungry for a win at Monster Park. That's why we're filling our bellies with Rice-A-Roni, because, at 2-12 and the worst team in the league, we're calling the 49ers the 'San Francisco Treat."

Most teams find a visit to San Francisco a delicious treat, as the 49ers are 1-6 at home. It doesn't help that their coach, Dennis Erickson, seems more interested in running his resume for college jobs than he does making decisions to help the 49ers get better.

"I know one decision he could make to help us," adds San Fran QB Ken Dorsey. "And that's quit. I want to hear him say it. Say it!"

Maybe a destruction courtesy of Buffalo will make Erickson's decision easier. If the Bills do that, it will be without running back Willis McGahee, and with third-stringer Joe Burns. McGahee landed awkwardly on his surgically-repaired knee last Sunday at Cincinnati, so Burns will fill in while welders work on parts for McGahee's knee. Not that it matters; the Bills win with defense, and against the 49ers, the Bills' defense rules, and scores. Nate Clements returns an interception for a TD, and the Bills roll, 26-7.

"We're Buff, and we're the stuff!" a proud Mularkey shouts after the game.

New England @ N.Y. Jets

"It's the will. It ain't the skill."

That phrase seems to be Herman Edwards' new rallying cry for the Jets. Now, isn't that the same as saying your players have little skill but have the wills of spawning salmon racing upstream against fierce rapids in order to mate.

"So what?" replies Edwards. "You'd have me compare my men to a fish in order to fire them up? That's crazy!"

No, Herman. I'm just saying don't lie to them. Are you going to tell me that Santana Moss runs a 4.2-second 40-yard dash because he can will himself to do it? Or that Curtis Martin has rushed for over 13,000 yards in this business because he has no talent, but a hell of a will?

"Look, man. I'm just trying to get these guys ready for the Patriots," says Edwards.

Then focus on skill, Herman. The Patriots are suffering in the defensive secondary, so throw the ball. Take it to them; don't let them take it to you first. New England will be angry after losing to the Dolphins and basically ending any chance they had of gaining homefield advantage throughout the playoffs. Now, they are in danger of losing a first-round bye.

"What?! Wait! Hold on!" says Tom Brady. "How did that happen?"

Well, Tom. Most of it involved you throwing four interceptions against the Dolphins last Monday. The rest involves the Chargers beating the Colts on Sunday. But you would have to lose to the Jets, Tom.

"Wow. I guess I lost track of the standings," adds Brady, "just like I lost track of Miami defenders."

Chad Pennington finds Moss for a deep score in the third quarter, and the fired up Jets outplay the pissed-off Patriots.

New York wins, 20-17.

Arizona at Seattle

Believe it or not, Arizona can still win the NFC West division, even with a 5-9 record with two games remaining.

"Not!" says Cardinals' coach Dennis Green. "You've got to be kidding me? I expect now you're going to tell me your name is Ripley and you have a chain of cheesy, tourist-trap museums in cheesy, tourist-trap towns."

No, I'm not kidding you, and my name is not Ripley. I know a two-game winning streak by any team in the NFC West is asking way too much, but it can be done. And I know the Rams and Seahawks have taken most of the criticism for the state of the NFC West, but your Cardinals are guilty of their own brand of incompetence. Namely, two losses against the 49ers, their only two wins of the season, thus far. Dennis, you guys could be 7-7 and in perfect position to lose your way into the playoffs. Just as the Seahawks are.

"I thought playing one of the greatest inspirational songs of all time to my players before last week's Jet game would have made a difference," explains Seattle coach Mike Holmgren. "But my guys are idiots and they totally misinterpreted the song. That song is Billy Ocean's When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going. They interpreted the 'get going' part to mean 'run like cowards' instead of 'standing and fighting,' which is what, I think, Ocean had in mind when he sang those words."

You're right, Mike. You do have a bunch of quitters. And Sunday's game would be the perfect opportunity for the Seahawks to redeem themselves. But they don't. The Cardinals keep the outcome of the NFC West in doubt for another week with a 19-14 upset of the Seahawks.

Carolina @ Tampa Bay

Tampa Bay really pulled a choke job last Sunday, blowing a 10-point lead at home against the Saints, all with the knowledge that the Panthers had lost the previous night. Had the Bucs won, this Sunday's game with the Panthers could have been for the final NFC playoff spot.

"Now, it looks like all we have left to play for is determining what .500 or lower team makes the playoffs," says Tampa coach Jon Gruden. "Last week, we let the Saints back in the picture; this week, if we lose to the Panthers, their playoff potential improves. Finally, in Week 17, we go to Arizona, and they may have a chance to win the division, for God's sake."

Carolina is not free from criticism, by any means. Last Saturday, the Panthers allowed Michael Vick to score a late fourth quarter touchdown to tie the game, then turned the ball over early in overtime, which led to Jay Feely's game-winning field goal.

"Look, we're still in it," says Carolina defender Julius Peppers. "Thanks to me. I've been intercepting passes, sacking quarterbacks, picking up fumbles, and scoring touchdowns. I try to set a good example for my teammates. That's why I've presented them all with 'W.W.J.D?' bracelets, for 'What Would Julius Do?' Well, the answer is carry this team as far as my back can take them. Hopefully, that will be to the playoffs."

For that to happen, Julius, the Panthers will definitely need to win this game.

"Then 'J.W.W.T.T.'", adds Peppers. "'Julius Will Whip Tampa's Tail.'"

The Panthers keep their playoff hopes alive with a 24-21 win.

Washington @ Dallas

No one is more interested in the Redskins/Cowboys tilt than President George Bush, who was a three-time Pro Bowl punter for the Redskins, as well as a Hall of Fame announcer for the Cowboys.

"I didn't really do all that ... ahhhhh ... stuff," explains President Bush. "But who's gonna prove it wrong? My constituents will believe anything I tell them, and I'll believe anything I tell myself, because I'm President."

As is the case in Iraq, there are no weapons of mass destruction in Dallas or Washington, although running backs Julius Jones and Clinton Portis come close to qualifying. The Redskins have a sputtering offense, but feature the league's No. 2 defense.

"No. 2 defense, huh?" notices Bush. "Hey Rummy, can we pull some strings, shred some papers, and violate some civil rights and get those Redskins in Iraq, pronto?"

"I'm on it, Chief," replies Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield. "I'll move that up on the priority list, right in front of the one about supplying our troops with the equipment you need to fight a war."

The Cowboys have won 13 of their last 14 against the Redskins.

"But I've only been around for one of those," says Gibbs. "Toss the records out of here. From this point on, the Redskins are on a rampage."

The 'Skins defense makes the big plays; Washington wins, 22-21.

Cleveland @ Miami

Recently, historians at the National Music Archive in Washington, DC unearthed a previously unreleased and presumed lost track by country legend Johnny Cash, titled The Ballad of the Interim Coaches. And what do you know, a few weeks later, interim coaches Terry Robiskie of Cleveland and Jim Bates of Miami meet to determine which team sports the best interim coach.

"It's nice to be the subject of a song by the Man in Black," notes Bates, "although I have a feeling Cash didn't write that song about football. It's got to be about drinking, fighting, and cheating on your wife."

Bates got the token interview for the head-coaching job that the interim coach always gets. And, as always, the interim coach won't get the job. Former Raider coach Art Shell got his own interview, as the token minority candidate. And the job will go to the token college coach who's supposedly going to turn the team around. In this case, that would be Nick Saban of Louisiana State.

"Don't I get a bit of credit for leading this team to a win over the defending Super Bowl champions?" asks Bates.

The answer, Jim, is no, especially since the Miami front office's mind is already made up.

The beauty of this game is that both teams wear orange, which happens to be the primary color of the Hooters' chain of restaurants/bars, so Hooters should be all over sponsoring this game. Which causes a problem when Robiskie, in a pre-game pow-wow, urges his Browns to go out there and "flog those Dolphins." With scantily-clad Hooters' girls all over, the Browns misinterpret their coaches words and face Miami weak-kneed and drained.

The Dolphins win their second in a row, 27-10.

Philadelphia @ St. Louis

"T.O. K.O.ed. Oh no! Uh oh! Better Get Maaco."

That was the headline in one of the Philadelphia dailies on Monday in response to Terrell Owens broken leg and sprained ankle suffered last Sunday against the Cowboys. Owens could possibly return in time for the Super Bowl. Whether or not the Eagles are there is the big question. Owens' injury takes most of the octane out of the high-powered Philadelphia offense, which, in a lot of peoples' minds, increases the possibility of another team representing the NFC in the big dance when it looked like the Eagles were unstoppable.

Of course, the Eagles still have Donovan McNabb.

"I was this teams' leader with Terrell," says McNabb, "and I'm the teams' leader without Terrell. I'm still taking us to the Super Bowl. If I have to go alone, that's what I'll do. I've taken us the NFC Championship by myself for the last three years. This time, I'm going to need a little assistance. Whether that comes from Brian Westbrook, Freddie Mitchell, Dorsey Levens, or whomever. It doesn't matter who, but somebody needs to step up. I'm pretty sure it won't be Todd Pinkston, though. That dude's afraid to get tackled. Of course, half of his last name is 'pink', the girly color, so what did I expect?"

Philly's game plan for the route to the Super Bowl may have changed with the loss of Owens, but Philly can still win with defense and McNabb. McNabb may have to rely more on his running now, but at least he'll be rested. He really hasn't done a lot of running this year.

"We're playing the Rams," says coach Andy Reid, "and they suck the large one. Since Chris Chandler's not holding them hostage anymore, I figure we can take them hostage and make them our own personal practice squad. We're going to prove to everyone that we can kick ass without Terrell."

And they do. The Eagles win, 30-20. Mike Martz proves once again that he can't win the big one. And, once again, he is highly critical of his players. And, once again, they take it without complaint. Hey, Rams, show some pride, rebel against Martz, and get him fired. Do yourselves, and all of us, a favor.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 9:51 PM | Comments (0)

The 12 Classiest Sports Stars of All-Time

Amidst the Pacers vs. the city of Auburn Hills brawl in basketball, the BALCO scandal in baseball, and the NHL lockout, sports fans, especially the youngsters, sometimes need a boost of greatness in the form of class and sportsmanship to offset all the murk that has encompassed our sports pages and radio shows.

Let's face it: there is more about sports going on in the Supreme Court than there is on the actual court.

After watching the debacle in Auburn Hills between the city and the Indiana Pacers numerous times, I felt sad for our state of sportsmanship and how sports humbles itself with it's own stupidity and carelessness.

At a minor league hockey game in Bakersfield a couple of years ago, the unmoved crowd of about 5,000 spectators came to see hockey, but subconsciously came to see a brawl. When players from opposing teams started a skirmish, and the entire crowd rose to its feet, the P.A. announcer loudly reverberated: "Let's Get Ready to Rumble!" and kids and their families cheered loudly as two underpaid athletes shook off their gloves and gave the crowd what they wanted: violence. What happened in the Pacer/Pistons game became virtual reality as it seeped into the crowd.

Every time the melee was aired, I had to think of any sports figure that could compensate for the sadness and anger I felt on that Friday night in November.

So who are these sports figures that have saved us through the years of sports becoming too big for its own britches? The ones who humble us with integrity and allow us to see sports for what they really are: games that kids play. And what is the criterion that makes a superstar a legend in class? One must possess a sense of pride in the public eye, elevate the standard of sports, be great and humble, and know when to call it quits and move on.

Here is a list of the 12 classiest sports stars of past and present (not in any particular order):

1. Jim Valvano

The first picture that comes to mind when I think of Jimmy V. comes from the 1983 NCAA Championship game when Lorenzo Charles put in an inadvertent "alley-oop" to sink Akeem Olajuwon and the heavily-favored University of Houston, as the vivacious head coach was seen running frantically around the court trying to hug all 12 of his players at once. Valvano died from cancer in the early '90s, and left an impression on many people inside and out of the sports world. You don't have to love sports to love Jimmy V., whose foundation for cancer research has skyrocketed.

Classic quote: "Every day, you should laugh, think, and cry. If you do all of those, then you've had a heck of a day."

2. Dick Vermeil

Any coach who can be caught on film crying before and after football games consistently in front of testosterone-filled, over-sized gladiators deserves to be known as one of the classiest stars around. Also, the fact that his players love him keeps a coach like Dick Vermeil off of the hot seat. He has had Super Bowl-caliber teams and cellar dwellers, but his players have only great things to say about their highly-spirited old man. Like fellow coach Bill Cowher, Vermeil is never in jeopardy of getting the can. He decides when it's time.

Classic quote: "A coach has a relationship with his players as a person first, athlete second."

3. Bjorn Borg

Grace under Pressure. That could easily be his name, and should read on his epitaph some day. In a time in tennis when popularity soared because of characters such as John McEnroe, Jimmy Connors, and Ille Nistase, Borg was simply a court genius who took his baseline game to Wimbledon and won five straight titles in the late '70s, and was the classic rival for John McEnroe in the early '80s.

What made him so classy was how he conducted himself during some of the most exciting, tense, and widely-televised matches of all-time. You never could tell if the Swede was winning or losing because his demeanor was solid and pure. Although he lost all his money on bad investments and a bad marriage, Borg was the ultimate model of sportsmanship in a game that doesn't allow swearing, throwing equipment, and relies on gentlemanly conduct.

Classic quote: Borg doesn't need one. His silence spoke volumes during his career.

4. Pete Sampras

The coolest part of this Greek descendent is that he was the best for so long, yet his marketability never came close to those rivals he kept down such as Andre Agassi. The ability to remain number one for years in the men's tennis world is among the tougher feats in sports. Few survive a week or two once they reach the top such as Jim Courier or Petr Korda, yet Sampras labored many a tough match and found ways to win.

But what makes him so classy? Like his fellow stars mentioned on this list of greats, Sampras had a way of being his greatest when he was about to lose it all. Two instances: the first was a match versus Alex Corretja at the U.S. Open, when Sampras nearly suffered a heat stroke amidst vomiting in between points that was clearly captured by TV cameras. Moments later, he would step up and wail a 100 mph-plus serve that could only make you sigh in amazement. Even Corretja shook his head from point to point. This four- hour match ended in five sets with Sampras pulling it out.

Second, a match versus Jim Courier, one day after his coach, Tim Robertson, died from sudden disease, at a warm-up tournament for the U.S. Open. Around the second set, Sampras looked as if he was in physical pain, as one would appear with stomach cramps or nausea. Courier took time in between points to see if he was all right. What happened was that Sampras was looking into the sky after each point and crying for the loss of his coach.

Very few athletes would feel "manly" enough to cry in front of thousands during an athletic event, but Pete showed the viewers that courage comes at the most critical times. Sampras won the match.

Classic quote: "Thank you." Sampras said this after every compliment from commentator Bud Collins during an interview in 1998. Nothing more, nothing less.

5. Julius Erving

Dr. J elevated the NBA game, and not just by sprouting an afro in the early part of his playing days. Erving was simply an ambassador for the game by being modest and successful, becoming the first of soon-to-be many human highlight reels. Anyone who followed the NBA in the early '80s felt the growing desire for Dr. J to win an NBA title, as fellow stars such as Magic Johnson and Larry Bird racked up rings slowly, usually hurdling Erving and the Sixers to win those titles.

Along with the studs mentioned, Erving had a super mix of substance and style, and didn't just fly over defenders to the hoop, but glided.

Classic quote: After losing to the Lakers in six games of the 1982 NBA championship: "We'll be back next year." The next year, Dr. J and the Sixers swept the Lakers for his first and only title.

6. Bill Russell

Not to mention that he only won a billion titles in a row in the '50s and '60s with the Boston Celtics, but Russell was among the most humble superstars of all-time. Perhaps being rival with Wilt Chamberlain, who, on the contrary, was a mega-star to himself and reveled in the attention brought by success, made Russell seem like the benevolent, well-coached star who never needed ladies at his side and media glitz.

Sports Illustrated voted Bill Russell as the Greatest Team Player in Sports History, which is the ultimate award for an individual player. Russell even appeared on Sesame Street on various occasions.

Classic quote: "It's better to understand than to be understood."

7. Mike Singletary

Also known as "The Samurai." Singletary was the captain of perhaps the greatest defense in pro football history. The 46-zone that defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan implemented in Chicago was manned by intensity, and although the Bears in 1985 had their Super Bowl Shuffle on with flashy superstars such as Jim McMahon, William "The Refrigerator" Perry, Walter Payton, and coach Mike Ditka, it was Singletary who was the glue at middle linebacker who kept the run stopped and the quarterback in extreme fear of impact. The pre-snap intensity that NFL Films has captured is the impression left for most of us who came to know the storied 1985 Chicago Bears.

What made this demolisher such a classy superstar? His intensity matched with sportsmanship, especially on the field. Although it may have seemed that Singletary would liked to have turned opposing halfbacks into doormats, his respect for the game, his coaches, and opponents give the Samurai a nod for one of the classiest to play pro football.

Classic quote: "I see my opponent with the football, I hit him as hard as I can to the ground, and help him back up when it's over."

8. Martina Navratilova

In the '80s, the Czechoslovakian native carved her way into tennis history by rivaling Chris Evert for the tops in women's tennis, mostly being the better of the two. A lot like Pete Sampras to Andre Agassi in the men's circuit, Martina was by far the less marketable of the two, as Evert was known as the queen of tennis at the time, and any innocent sports fan would automatically take a liking to Evert because of her beauty, class, and Americana.

On the contrary, Navratilova was criticized for her homosexuality, especially when it became public that she and Billie Jean King were more than just hitting partners. Her courage and persistency to be the best (which she was for a decade before the arrival of Steffi Graf) showed through time that Martina was a class competitor.

What made her special was that she innovated a subtle act during a tennis match that transcended her from tennis great to one of the classiest sports figures. Navratilova made it a novelty to applaud an opposing player's winner visually by hitting her open hand on her racket face.

Also, she would exclaim, "Yep!" when she knew her adversary had outsmarted her with tactics. Intensity often claims one's sportsmanship in the heat of battle, but these humble acts were modeled by youngsters, and made it okay to acknowledge the play of your opponent which is sorely lacking in other sports. Thanks to Martina, it is common to give you counterpart props, and that is classy.

Classic quote: Actions speak louder than words in this case.

9. Jim Tracy

The current manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers is a good baseball manager for an enigmatic franchise. After the legendary Tommy Lasorda ended his career as the Dodgers skipper, L.A. has gone through a short list of "two year and out" leaders until Jim Tracy arrived, and has now become a fixture in the city of Angels. Alongside the criticism he's received in the past few years for not getting the Dodgers into the postseason, Tracy finally got them there, only to be derailed by the talent-soaked Cardinals.

What got Tracy on this list of classy greats was simply one move that will leave an important impression on all sports fans, young and old. After the last out of the divisional series in which the Dodgers lost 3-1, Tracy had his entire ball club go out onto the field and shake hands in sportsmanlike fashion. In an era where bean brawls and bad calls have blanketed the highlight reels, Jim Tracy took the average ball fan back to the Little League diamond, where teams always slap fives after each game, and put it out there for all to see.

Classic quote: Once again, actions speak louder than words.

10. Branch Rickey/Jackie Robinson/Pee Wee Reese

This three-headed monster of class had been gelled into one person, simply because they could head a class list of their own with what they pioneered back in the days of baggie ball pants and segregation. Jackie Robinson was the subject of being the first black baseball player to cross the racial lines and compete with the white man.

Branch Rickey was the general manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers who had the bravery to pull of such a class act amidst a time of insecurity, anger, and hatred between blacks and whites in America.

Pee Wee Reese, the Dodger shortstop, befriended Robinson publicly, and put himself out for much criticism by his own race. The three of these fellows started a trend that not only made an impact in baseball, but in all sports.

No classic quote. Their actions were monumental.

11. Mike Krzyzewski

Also known as Coach K, this amazingly successful college basketball coach took a once-proud program at Duke University and created a Final Four habit for his youngsters. Anyone who has watched Krzyzewski coach his squad, you can tell that he preaches intensity, work ethic, and most of all, sportsmanship. There is a better chance of sighting the Loch Ness monster than witnessing a Duke hoopster or coach cry foul or taunt opposing players.

Coach K teaches young men more than basketball. He teaches them respect on a higher level, and it carries over into life. Have you ever seen him berate an official, place blame on others, or become sarcastic with the media? No. Also, he holds the trophy for mentoring ex-players into his own assistant coaches, only to see them take over their own programs across the nation such as Tommy Amaker at Michigan and Quinn Snyder at Missouri.

Any college program knows better than to snag a protégé of one of the all-time greats when it comes to fundamentals and sportsmanship. Coach Krzyzewski wins the cake for the tremendous balance of success and modesty in an impressionistic time for youngsters to take hold.

Classic quote: Actions once again speak louder than words. Krzyzewski automatically was jettisoned onto this elite list when he turned down the Lakers' head coaching job offer to stick with his job at Duke. Does it get any better?

12. Lou Gehrig

Like all the honorees of this class list, the Yankee Hall of Famer combined a show of immortality on the field, stoicism off the field, and unfortunately, mortality at a young age. Along side his stellar play for the Bronx Bombers, Gehrig lived a roller coaster ride of a life, and before his playing days were up, was diagnosed with a disease that was eventually renamed Lou Gehrig's disease. Most athletes would publicly wish for and accept pity and props for becoming terminally ill at such a young age, Gehrig stood in front of thousands at Yankee Stadum and gave us this classic quote: "Today, I am the luckiest man on the earth."

Note to readers: Did I miss anyone that you felt should've made the list? I know I could have made mention to greats such as Joe DiMaggio or Michael Jordan, yet the list above is only a reflection of my subjective experience to sports. Please feel free to comment on sports figures who you feel should have made this elite list of classy sportsmanship and why.

Posted by Jon Gonzales at 4:32 PM | Comments (24)

December 22, 2004

The Nature of the Business

This is the nature of the business. This is better for the organization in the long run. This is what the Coach wanted. This is not what you want to hear as the recruit of an exiting head coach.

Okay, imagine this. You are 18-years-old (focus, you don't really get to go to the prom with the head cheerleader), you have been the star of every team you have ever been on, and now you have your pick of college football programs. What is going to help you decide which school you end up going to? Is it the tradition? The location? The opportunity to play in a bowl game? The coach? I would have to say that all are relatively important factors, but don't count on the coach anymore, not even during the season.

If I am a senior in high school, I can't count on my future coach being there when I am a senior in college. It just doesn't work that way anymore.

Let's first take a look at the University of Pittsburgh. Walt Harris, Pittsburgh's head coach this past season, landed a big-name recruit in Western Pennsylvanian's own Tyler Palko. Palko and the Pitt Panthers team responded to controversy about the future of their head coach (after several disappointing games this season) by landing a BCS bowl game. Palko spoke publicly to the media multiple times defending his coach and proved on the field that Harris was the right person for the job. Guess what, Palko? Harris is leaving anyway.

"Obviously, it's not something I enjoy," said redshirt sophomore quarterback Tyler Palko. "He recruited me. He was a big reason why I came here, and we developed a great relationship together," Palko said. "He's taught me a lot about football and life. He's groomed me to the point I'm at right now. I owe a lot of gratitude to him."

A big reason why Palko came to the school and Harris is another team's head coach prior to the biggest game of this Pitt Panthers life! You can't totally blame the organization for this; they were heavily pressured and had justifiable reasons (see UConn game.) So who is at fault?

Some would contend that it was Harris, but I would argue otherwise. If rumors were floating around that they were trying to replace my position at work with someone else, you better believe I will be looking for a new job. So who is to blame?

Once again, the system is flawed. Recruiting starts so early with high school seniors that waiting until bowl games have ended to begin pursuing a new position or replacing an existing one, is a ridiculous statement.

Ask Florida about this. They made it clear from early on that coach Ron Zook will not be back next year. In fact, even if Ron Zook wanted to coach Florida in the Peach Bowl, he would have never had the chance. Athletic director Jeremy Foley called Coach Zook to tell him he has coached his last game for the Gators. Foley said defensive coordinator Charlie Strong will be named interim coach for the Dec. 31 Peach Bowl against Miami.

Zook, who will be the head coach at Illinois, had not decided whether to coach Florida's bowl game. Some close to Zook said he was considering sticking around for another chance at Miami, which beat Florida twice under Zook. A victory against the Hurricanes would have given Zook two big wins in his final two games (the Gators beat Florida State to end the regular season). This is something that would have raised plenty of questions that both players and some fans wanted answers to about the school's decision to fire him Oct. 25 after just two and a half seasons.

Ask Notre Dame about this. On Nov. 30th, the University of Notre dame announced that Tyrone Willingham will not be retained as its head football coach. Willingham finished 21-15 overall in his three seasons as Irish head coach. Most of the controversy comes with the fact that Willingham is being replaced after three seasons. The young men he recruited, the men that believed he could give them the opportunity to do something special, didn't even get a chance to develop under him.

Just ask freshman running back Darius Walker how he feels about this change. "It's tough. These past few weeks have been kind of tough especially with the season going the way it has, a way we didn't want it to go, and then to hear the news about the coach it was definitely shocking. I think it was harder probably for the younger guys, myself included, and some of the other freshman. Coming in our first year, coach Willingham is really all we knew and we still have a few more years left here in this program. There's a lot of uncertainties in everything so you just kind of feel a little scared about the situation." But then again, this type of thing happens everywhere. So you basically just have to deal with it and move forward.

Darius is right, it does happen everywhere, but he shouldn't have to deal with it during the current season. This isn't the NFL. Chances are most college recruits will not end up making a career out of football. The bowl games that they will be playing in this December and January will be the highlight of their football careers, and potentially the highlight of their entire lives.

It should be a collegiate rule that head coaching changes can not be made until after the bowl games have ended. College Football brings in millions and millions of dollars, without paying those that play the game a dime. The least they could do is give players the best opportunity to win the games that they have worked their entire lives for. Set specific hiring/firing etiquette guidelines and make all schools adhere to this policy because it is the students that currently play on these teams that suffer the most.

Posted by Kevin Ferra at 1:46 PM | Comments (1)

The Evolution of College Basketball

I went back in time today, and I realized that 1995 was a long time ago.

Nine years doesn't seem like that much -- barely half my lifetime. I was in seventh grade back then. I'm a senior in college now.

But as I stumbled upon a dusty, ratty old magazine from October 1995, I realized just how long ago it was. The magazine was Street & Smith's 1995-1996 College Basketball Preview, and just flipping through the pages showed me that a lot has changed in the world of college basketball. So much that you'd think nine years was a lifetime.

So, now, boys and girls, it's time for a history lesson, a comparative one thanks to my continued reliance on Street & Smith's previews (I bought this year's edition last week.)

In 1995, the preseason Top 25 featured some familiar names -- Kansas, Kentucky, North Carolina, Louisville, Wake Forest, and Connecticut. And after that, well ... a lot has changed. Only nine of the Top 25 from 1995 are in the 2004 preseason rankings.

Some of the teams in the old rankings that are nowhere to be found these days: Utah, Georgetown, UCLA, Massachusetts, Virginia, Virginia Tech, Tulane, Georgia, and Old Dominion. Yes, Old Dominion was in the Top 25. I'm not sure how.

How about the teams that are in it now? No. 2 Illinois was picked to finish fourth in the Big 10 back in 1995. No. 4 Syracuse was tabbed as the fourth-best in the Big East. And No. 6 Georgia Tech was picked eighth in the ACC, with the magazine noting that prized freshman Stephon Marbury might be the only bright spot for the Yellow Jackets.

The most startling nugget has to do with coaching. I went down that same Top 25 list from 1995 and was taken aback at how many teams in the rankings had made coaching changes in the nine years since then. I dug a little bit deeper and came up with this whopper: 23 of the 25 teams ranked in 1995 have made coaching changes.

Only Bob Huggins at Cincinnati and Jim Calhoun at Connecticut have stayed put. (As a side note, Coach K would be in this list, but for whatever reason, Duke wasn't ranked in 1995).

So what does this mean? I'm not sure, but if I were a coach, I wouldn't be feeling real good about job security.

Let's move on to the players. The biggest difference is the one I expected to see -- there were a lot more true centers back then. In my mind, a true center is a guy who's 6-9 or taller and who plays mostly with his back to the basket.

The four All-America teams from the 1995 preview featured five true centers, including Tim Duncan, Marcus Camby, Erick Dampier, and Lorenzen Wright.

The same teams from 2004 really have only two guys that meet the criteria -- Wayne Simien and Shelden Williams -- and they're even a bit of a stretch. If they play at the next level, it won't be at the five spot.

Of course, we don't need proof to know that college basketball is no longer a game of big men. Look at the top teams in the country. Few have dominant big men and most are guard-driven. College basketball is all about speed these days. Just watch a few games between some of the best teams in the country. Illinois has Dee Brown, a guy they call the "One Man Fast Break" behind the wheel. Wake Forest runs and guns with Chris Paul at the controls. Even Kansas, with Simien in the middle, gets up and down the court faster than most.

There are still big guys, and teams with the big guys -- as long as they can counteract the opposition's speed -- have a decided advantage. But the big men you see now aren't always polished and typically aren't dominant. Georgia Tech's Luke Schenscher is a talented player now, but he was a project just a few seasons ago. Syracuse's Craig Forth is a space-eater, an anchor on defense, and a rebounder. But the offense doesn't run through him. And ... uh ... if I could think of another big man, I'd give you another stellar example. But I can't.

Where did all the big men go? They hopped a flight to the NBA, of course, and the best of them never had a layover on a college campus.

Some of the big men listed in the "Freshmen of Influence" section of the 1995 magazine probably wouldn't have made it to campus if they were high school seniors today -- Shareef Abdur-Rahim, Mark Blount, Robert Traylor, Jelani McCoy, and Kenny Thomas. Kevin Garnett would have been in that class, but he made the jump and left the door open on his way out.

Who would we be seeing in college today had the NBA not lured them away? Kwame Brown, Tyson Chandler, Eddy Curry, DeSagana Diop, Kendrick Perkins, Dwight Howard, and Robert Swift, just to name a few.

I don't know if all those guys would have stemmed the tide of a changing game, but they would have made a difference.

It's also fun to look back at who Street & Smith's thought would make a difference from the high school ranks in 1995. The magazine has four prep All-America teams. You might call it a "Who's Who" list. Looking back on it now, you might call it a "Who's He?" list.

Some of the guys have had tremendous success. Kobe Bryant is at the top of the list. Also on the first team are Tim Thomas and Mike Bibby, both established NBA players. Jermaine O'Neal is on the second team. But the rest of the high school all-stars didn't live up to the hype. Chris Carrawell and Shaheen Holloway were solid college players, but didn't do much in the pro ranks. A few names, like Eugene Edgerson, Nate James, and Lucas Barnes, ring a bell. But I've never even heard of some of the others -- Michael Robinson, Willie Dersch, Olujimi Mann, Winfred Walton, Kevin Ault, and Mark Kimbrough.

I don't know what became of those guys, but it's enlightening to know that recruiting isn't a sure thing. Even the supposed best of the best can fizzle.

Well, that's about enough for the history lesson. Go watch some basketball and appreciate what the game is today. Because in nine years, it won't be the same.

As for me, I'll have to save that new magazine.

Posted by William Geoghegan at 1:29 PM | Comments (0)

December 21, 2004

NFL Week 15 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* On Sunday alone, I heard about the Andy Reid tights bet on four separate programs. Five, if you count "Fastest 3 Minutes" as separate from the Colts/Ravens broadcast.

* The term "dink-and-dime" doesn't mean anything. It's "dink-and-dunk" or "nickel-and-dime." Use some common sense, Mark Schlereth.

* Take your pick: Kerry Collins, Eli Manning, or Kurt Warner?

* If the Steelers win the Super Bowl, Bill Cowher will make the Hall of Fame some day.

* Statistically, San Diego has the weakest strength of schedule in the AFC.

Many of you know that I used to like ESPN's Sunday night announcing crew, especially Joe Theismann. My enthusiasm waned with time, but it's completely over now. I can't stand them any more. The guys simply cannot talk about someone without putting him in the Hall of Fame. Whoever plays in the game they're watching is the best at his position. It's sickening.

Mike Patrick just has no idea what he's talking about. Theismann, who sometimes still comes up with decent insights, is the worst offender in the hype game. His "analysis" consists more frequently of "Ray Lewis is really good!" than "look at how they set up this play." Paul Maguire is a mean-spirited hack who takes disagreement as a personal insult. His "analysis" consists of, once a game, telling us that someone "keeps his feet moving," and that doing so is very important.

Patrick and Maguire are entirely useless, but Theismann, in a different setting, might have potential. Focusing on hype rather than play, though, has dulled his senses. Take Jake Delhomme's end zone pass to Julius Peppers on Saturday night. Delhomme's pass led Peppers out of bounds, where he made an acrobatic catch, albeit one that didn't help his team. Theismann took the easy way out, blaming Delhomme for the pass.

I watched the replay, and Peppers -- a defensive end -- simply didn't run a good route. His pattern was up and out, but he basically just slanted toward the sideline. With his strength, Peppers should have shoved the DB off the line, run forward four or five yards, and then faded toward the corner, giving Delhomme enough room to throw his pass. It's the sort of play Theismann used to point out, but Peppers is a sacred cow, and seeing defensive players line up on offense is so exciting to the guys in the booth that they lose the ability to think rationally.

In fairness to the announcers, they were much better in the second half and overtime, feeding off the great game and the crowd's energy, but they're still best at shilling for their flying camera and awful "Wired" feature. On Sunday night, when everyone -- Theismann in particular -- was better than usual, Ed Reed's useless mic'd comments took precedence over a replay involving a personal foul.

We watch football because it's a great game. Useless fancy stuff like "Wired" detracts from the game's drama -- although not as much as Suzy Kolber interrupting Atlanta's victory celebration to ask Michael Vick pointless questions. ESPN's biggest flaw as sports network is that it doesn't believe its viewers really like sports.

Moving along to the power rankings, brackets show last week's rank.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers [3] -- If you stack the line to stop Jerome Bettis, Ben Roethlisberger will probably burn you downfield. But if you lay back to stop the big play, the Steelers will definitely nickel-and-dime you into submission. Shut down the running game, and you might have a chance.

2. New England Patriots [2] -- The loss on MNF dramatically impacts the AFC playoff picture. Pittsburgh only needs one more win to secure homefield advantage, so the Steelers can probably rest their starters in Week 17 ... against Buffalo. That could give the Bills the inside track to the final spot in the playoffs. Baltimore could also benefit, though, if the Steelers -- knowing they have a one-game margin of error -- ease up against the Ravens on Sunday. And if New England loses to the Jets, San Diego can get a first-round bye.

3. Philadelphia Eagles [1] -- Terrell Owens is out. If he plays again this season, which seems unlikely, it will be in the Super Bowl and at less than 100%. The Eagles will have to reach the big game without the help of their best receiver. Can they do it? Absolutely. The 2003 Eagles, sans Owens, were much better than the 2004 Falcons or Packers are. That 2003 team, like this year's version, was missing its best non-McNabb player in the NFC Championship Game (in 2003, it was Brian Westbrook).

What I worry about is the mental side of things. Philadelphia was so far above the rest of the NFC that there's no question the talent on the field is there. If someone like Atlanta brings its 'A' game, though, and the Eagles aren't mentally prepared, Andy Reid's team won't make the trip to Jacksonville. Reid has been badly out-coached in the last two NFC Championship Games, and he needs to have his team better-prepared this year. I still like Philly to represent the NFC on Super Bowl Sunday, but it's not a sure thing.

4. Indianapolis Colts [4] -- Dwight Freeney played one of the best games I've ever seen from a defensive end. In past columns, I've noted that "Freeney didn't make a play all game" and "isn't playing up to the hype." I also called him "vastly overrated" and wrote that he "makes about two really good plays a game, and just overruns all the others." Not against the Ravens. Jonathan Ogden has been the best offensive lineman in the NFL for half a decade, and Freeney had him rattled. Classy move by the Colts to take a knee at the end of the game.

5. San Diego Chargers [5] -- Their last loss, more than two months ago (Week 6), was at Atlanta by one point. With Drew Brees and Antonio Gates having established the passing game as a genuine threat, things are opening up for LaDainian Tomlinson again. This is a balanced team, strong on offense and defense, running and passing. Big kudos to CBS for showing the Denver/KC game, but frequently breaking in to show the Chargers scoring in the snow. Don't miss next week's matchup in Indianapolis.

6. Buffalo Bills [6] -- Scored 33 points in a game in which Drew Bledsoe completed only half his passes, the leading rusher had 30 yards, and Bledsoe was the only player to average more than three yards per rush attempt. How? With a +4 turnover margin that doesn't even include the blocked punt returned for a TD.

7. New York Jets [7] -- Clearly, a different team with Chad Pennington back under center. In the three games started by Quincy Carter, they went 2-1, beating Cleveland 10-7 and Arizona 13-3. It's hard to imagine the Jets winning on the road this postseason, but they're a very good team.

8. Atlanta Falcons [8] -- The end of their terrific Saturday night overtime win might have been played in the Georgia Dome, but the first three quarters took place at the Michael Vick School of Acting. In the first quarter, Vick took a dive and drew a 15-yard penalty on Carolina. Early in the second half, he was pushed out of bounds and stayed on the ground, apparently faking an injury to try for another penalty. Later in the game, when Vick repeatedly lay on the ground after getting hit, it was unclear whether he was really hurt or just crying wolf.

That said, Vick demonstrated again on Sunday why he is unique in the NFL. His arm strength is tremendous, but his skill and instincts as a runner are virtually unparalleled. He could line up at running back and he might not be Gale Sayers or Barry Sanders, but he'd probably come close. I detest empty backfields in all but the most obvious passing situations. Forcing defenses to acknowledge the possibility of a run frees things up in the passing game, and every team has an RB who can make catches out of the backfield. But Atlanta could go five-wide on every play, because defenses have to cover Vick as both a passing threat and a running threat. No other NFL team in the modern era has had that.

9. Carolina Panthers [10] -- If the Saturday night game against Atlanta wasn't the best this season, it was close. Muhsin Muhammad had a terrific game, and Carolina's offensive line deserves a lot of credit for giving Delhomme time against the fearsome Falcon pass rush. A win would have put Carolina in excellent position to make the postseason, but it still has a shot. And I think we can all agree that it's one of the six best teams in the NFC.

10. Baltimore Ravens [12] -- In the first half, the Ravens simply dominated the line of scrimmage. They were much more physical than the Colts, and it allowed them to dictate the game on both offense and defense; Indianapolis punter Hunter Smith kept the Colts in the game. In the second half, a few nice plays in a row created momentum for Indy. That momentum opened more opportunities, and the deal was sealed when Baltimore got called for illegal contact on two or three consecutive plays. Ray Lewis wisely -- and rather unethically -- halted a similar momentum-building drive in the first half by kneeling on the field with a wrist injury. I believe he really did sustain a minor injury, but a sprained wrist is not the sort of thing that leaves you unable to walk off the field. He just laid down to cool off the Colts. And it worked. Maybe he should have hurt his other wrist in the third quarter.

11. Jacksonville Jaguars [15] -- Ed Hochuli and his crew threw flags all over the place in their zeal for make-up calls. After a questionable play was ruled a Jaguars fumble, returned for a TD by the Packers, a slew of calls went Jacksonville's way. When the calls seemed uneven and the Jags had taken a lead, Hochuli evened things out a little by ejecting safety Donovin Darius for a clothesline that sent Robert Ferguson to the hospital. The hit was illegal and ugly, but it wasn't clear that Darius meant to injure Ferguson. The officials were way too involved in this game.

12. Green Bay Packers [9] -- Dan Dierdorf unintentionally made a prescient remark in the fourth quarter, with Green Bay driving and the Jags up by 10: "You'd have to be from Mars not to think Green Bay doesn't have a chance to win this game." If you take out the double-negatives, Dierdorf basically said that you'd be nuts to think the Packers could win, when he obviously meant the opposite. The very next play, though, Brett Favre threw an interception in the end zone, effectively ending Green Bay's chances. Spooky.

13. Cincinnati Bengals [11] -- The defense actually played pretty well against Buffalo, but Marvin Lewis' team has given up 142 points in the last four games, an average of 35.3.

14. Kansas City Chiefs [18] -- Have now won three games in a row, scored more than 30 points four games in a row, and allowed fewer than 20 points for the first time in eight games. Assuming San Diego rests its starters in Week 17, KC will probably finish .500.

15. Washington Redskins [16] -- The announcers praised 42-year-old OL Ray Brown for several minutes during the first half, but Brown has been the weakest link in Washington's awful offensive line all season. It isn't too hard to hold up against San Francisco's feeble pass rush, especially when the defense expects a run. Clinton Portis has already passed his previous high of 290 carries, and is on pace for 381. Entering this season, Portis' career average was 5.5 yards per attempt. This season, he's at 3.9. Ladell Betts is a capable runner, and he should be sharing more of the workload with Portis.

16. Houston Texans [17] -- Opened the season 4-3, with David Carr looking like he was finally ready to take his place among the game's best QBs. In those seven games, Carr threw for over 250 yards four times, and had four games with a passer rating over 100.0. In the seven games since, Houston is 2-5, and Carr has no games with 250 passing yards or a 100.0+ rating.

17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [14] -- Sacked Aaron Brooks seven times and had a slight edge in almost every statistic kept by the league, but lost on turnovers and Aaron Stecker's freak kickoff return for a TD. None of the Bucs' best players are young, and this team needs a major rebuilding.

18. New Orleans Saints [23] -- Mathematically alive for the last wildcard in the NFC playoffs, but almost every tiebreaker that could come into play works against them. The Saints are playing well, and for the first time this season they're playing consistently, but it's too little, too late.

19. Denver Broncos [13] -- The Week 13 loss against San Diego really demoralized them. Denver plays without any confidence or cohesion, especially on offense. It's like half the guys have already mailed it in. If they make it to the playoffs, they'll just lose anyway. Why bother?

20. Oakland Raiders [25] -- This year's Raiders have not quit, but they have allowed more points than any other team in the NFL.

21. Miami Dolphins [28] -- MNF victory over New England makes it harder for Wayne Huizenga to hire Nick Saban. Jim Bates is doing very nicely as interim coach. Special teams were huge for Miami, as Wes Welker was great on returns, and Olindo Mare repeatedly trapped Patriots returners with good kickoffs.

22. Minnesota Vikings [21] -- Their dream of missing the playoffs probably ended with Don Mulbach's botched snap. The NFC makes me want to cry.

23. Seattle Seahawks [20] -- Seattle still has a vibrant music scene, but the trend has moved away from angst-ridden and depressing lyrics. Which is too bad, because that sort of thing would be totally appropriate for this year's Seahawks.

24. Dallas Cowboys [24] -- I hope Bill Parcells comes back next season, and I can't believe I just typed those words. Hating Parcells and hating the Cowboys are old hobbies of mine, but apparently I've mellowed. Frankly, so have Parcells and the Cowboys.

25. Detroit Lions [26] -- There is no more frustrating way to lose a game than by missing a game-tying PAT at the end of regulation. The look on Steve Mariucci's face said it all.

26. Arizona Cardinals [30] -- Actually have a winning record at home. I want Arizona to win the NFC West, because it would be funny.

27. St. Louis Rams [19] -- 5-1 against the NFC West, 1-7 against everyone else.

28. Tennessee Titans [22] -- Too many injuries to overcome. The offense believes in Billy Volek, but the defense gets shredded every week. In the last three games, opponents have averaged 46.7 points.

29. New York Giants [31] -- He did well against a very good Pittsburgh defense, but Eli Manning might be the most overrated quarterback in the NFL. Television commentators praise him for his last name and being the first pick in the draft, not the way he plays on the field.

30. Chicago Bears [27] -- Last in the NFL in points per game, yards per game, passing yards, passing TDs, TD-INT differential, completion percentage, yards per pass attempt, sacks allowed, and yards lost on sacks. Use the first two draft picks on offensive linemen, get a good WR in free agency, and hope Rex Grossman stays healthy next year.

31. San Francisco 49ers [32] -- The NFL has a PR disaster on its hands, and its name is John York. If he doesn't care about his team, why should anyone else?

32. Cleveland Browns [29] -- In Week 1, they beat Baltimore 20-3. Seriously.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 4:01 PM | Comments (4)

It's That Time of the Year for Women

It's the time of the year when members of the opposite sex become utterly confused while shopping for their counterparts on their Christmas lists.

I was perusing a sporting goods store the other day (not doing any Christmas shopping, all of that waits until three days before Christmas) and I saw a mildly confused woman attempting to buy some male on her list a football jersey. She did a fine job purchasing the jersey, unfortunately for the guy, it was a Corey Dillon jersey. A Cincinnati Bengals Corey Dillon jersey.

Now, before some ill-mannered FemmeFan.com writer feels the need to rip this apart, let me say that most women, including my engaging, overwhelmingly attractive, funny, smart, and just all around great girlfriend (I have a birthday coming up), know what they are doing when shopping for sports apparel. However, for the women who need to do some last-minute shopping, I have decided to lend a helping hand by generating a few ideas for the sports fan with everything.

1. Ron Artest's CD

Unlike CDs by Allen Iverson and Kobe Bryant (whose albums never made it to retail), this CD is just simply amazing. I can sit here and talk about it all night, but since I haven't listened to more than 30 seconds of one song, I will leave the comments to those who have purchased this CD.

"This record is terrible in every way imaginable. I was so excited to get this record today because I'm a huge Allure fan from back in the day. But man, this thing sucks. Starting with the packaging which is beyond cheesy ... There is absolutely zero soul both in the lyrics and the music. The production is third-rate, at best." - Comment from a buyer at Amazon.com.

It is extremely difficult to do anything in every way imaginable, which is why this CD will go down in history as a classic. Third-rate production? It literally doesn't get much better than that (only second-rate and first-rate, this is only two rates away from perfection!).

This could be perhaps the greatest thing for any basketball fan on your list, with the possible exception being 1a.

1a. "Ronopoly"

This is the rapper-turned-baller's version of the cult-family classic, Monopoly. Use such game pieces as Kobe Bryant, where the Community Chest belongs to a hotel worker in Colorado, and where the object isn't to gain the most money, but to drive away any pieces who try to befriend you.

There is also the Jayson Williams piece, which is driven around the board until a random chance card results in an unfortunate incident, which leaves him minus one limo driver. Remember, he is a professional athlete, so he always has a "get out of jail free" card.

The only other notable piece is the Barry Bonds piece, which continually tips over due to an enlarged head. The only downside to this game is that I cannot verify if it actually exists. If it does, it automatically assumes the one slot, and would make a perfect combination gift with the Artest album.

2. Ricky Williams Throwback

If the person you are shopping for is a coward, a quitter, a pothead, or just a loser, this is the jersey for them! They will appreciate a player who stands up for what they believe in and will proudly wear this throwback.

3. NHL Season Ticket Package

This is for someone who you like, but not too much, and who you don't want to spend a great deal on. You can get really great ticket packages now at a very reduced rate. I bet those players will be coming around soon and the season will start in a week or so.

This gift is a little more generous than that guy who always promises to buy the Browns tickets to the Super Bowl, because that is just a mean prank, we all know the Browns will never make a Super Bowl, but the NHL can play hockey again.

4. Stephen A. Smith Pullstring Action Figure

This poorly-crafted action figure was originally intended to have a pull-string to make the figure talk, but, in an effort to make the figure more realistic, the string was removed and now Stephen A. talks nonstop about anything and everything. Do you know a special someone who can use a sidekick who criticizes everything they do? Do you know a lucky lad who could use an action figure that fights with words, instead of the traditional gun or sword? Do you know some little lady that would enjoy someone to talk to about feelings (note: action figure is not made to listen)? Then this is for them. You can buy this somewhere, or maybe not. It's worth a shot.

5. Backordered Copies of SportsFan Magazine

On a serious note, you cannot find any better commentary on the world of sports than in SportsFan Magazine. Any real sports fan would love any or all past issues of the infamous magazine. Details can be found SportsFanMagazine.com.

I hope this list helps. If not, well, you made a serious error. The person you were shopping for was obviously not a sports fan. So get them a Corey Dillon Bengals jersey.

Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 2:06 PM | Comments (0)

Shoot Me Before I Metaphor Again

Right about now, Jeff Long has got to be one of the happiest people in college football. Stanford University didn't just pick up his trash for him, it came into his kitchen and took the garbage bag out to the curb.

When Stanford hired Walt Harris to be its next football coach, it saved Long, the University of Pittsburgh athletic director, the trouble and embarrassment of firing Harris.

The termination of Harris' employment at Pitt was a done deal, if not before this season, then certainly after the Panthers lost to the University of Connecticut -- there's no shame in that on the basketball court, but this was football, where the Huskies were in their first year at the Division I-A level.

And if not after the UConn loss, then definitely when Pitt had to go to overtime to beat Furman. Or when the Panthers needed a two-touchdown comeback to escape Temple, which was in the process of being kicked out of the Big East on the grounds of incompetence.

But a funny thing happened on the way to Harris' execution. Pitt started winning, finished with two wins over top-20 teams in three games, took the Big East title, and a berth in a New Year's Day bowl game.

By all indications, none of that changed Long's mind about Harris. That much was evident this week at the press conference where the university announced the coach's departure for Stanford. An account published by the Associated Press all but described Long's message for Harris being, "Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya."

Firing the coach would have been a PR nightmare for in the national media, which would have blasted Pitt for firing a coach after an 8-3 regular-season record, its first conference title ever and its first Jan. 1 bowl game since before there was a Bush in the White House.

Former Stanford coach, and Certified Football Genius, Bill Walsh, could provide the ammunition. Walsh headed up the welcoming committee for Harris at Stanford by taking a slap at Pitt, referring to it as, "not a four-star program, but a two-and-a-half-star program," even using the word "forlorn," according to San Francisco Chronicle columnist Scott Ostler.

Part of Pitt's problem, Walsh was only so happy to point out, is that it can't recruit Ohio State/Michigan-level talent. And that's precisely why Long didn't try a lot harder to keep Harris.

Western Pennsylvania isn't the high school football mother lode it was when the steel mills were running 24 hours a day, seven days a week and the region's population was twice what it is today, but it's still good enough to provide the nucleus of a four-star college program.

Good enough, that is, if the coach can protect his own backyard, which Harris hasn't been able to do. The last top recruit Harris got out of western Pennsylvania was quarterback Tyler Palko, the sparkplug in the engine that pulled Pitt into a premier bowl game.

Since Palko, Pitt and Harris has seen the wide receiver Steve Breaston go to Michigan in 2002. Linebacker Paul Posluszny in 2003 and defensive back Justin King in the 2005 recruiting season both headed off to Penn State.

In 2003, quarterback Anthony Morelli made an oral commitment to Pitt, then changed his mind after the Big East Conference began its disintegration and, like Posluszny did and King will, went to Penn State. Morelli will be starting at QB for Penn State next season.

There is no guarantee that the next coach will do any better at recruiting western Pennsylvania than Harris did. But, then again, Harris didn't set the bar all that high.

By hiring Harris, Stanford saved Pitt from having the most laughable coach firing of the 2004 aftermath.

The Fighting Irish: From Chic to Geek

Notre Dame still holds that honor.

The situation in South Bend, quite frankly, has got me in the basement going Abu Gharib on a metaphor involving one of those 1980s Savage Steve Holland movies where John Cusack dumps his devoted, if a little nondescript, girlfriend because he hears a rumor that sexy Urban Meyer wants to go to the prom with him.

Only too late does John find out that sexy Urban Meyer would rather hook up with the captain of the ski team. And he can't go back to his devoted, if a little nondescript, girlfriend because she's moved on to someone else. So, John contemplates suicide until the cute little foreign exchange student from France makes everything all better.

And -- AAAAUGH!

Oops. That was either the sound of a metaphor being brutally tortured, or Charlie Weis' reaction to being cast as a cute little foreign exchange student from France.

In either case, it's questionable whether Weis can teach the Fighting Irish to ski the K-2. In his introductory press conference at Notre Dame last week, Weis exposed a naiveté about college recruiting when he likened it to enticing free agents in the NFL.

There are four ways to attract free agents in pro football. One is with the potential of winning championships. The second is with money. So are the last two.

In college, the rules prohibit using money, and championships have been non-existent at Notre Dame for more than a decade.

Recruiting is about making face time with parents and selling yourself to them. Although Weis acknowledged that at the press conference, he won't be able to do it, possibly until after letter of intent day, because of his 18-hour days with the Patriots.

And recruiting, even at Notre Dame, isn't what it used to be. The days that a coach merely had to throw open the doors in South Bend and wait for the nation's top high school players -- all with 3.8 grade-point averages -- to beg for admission, are over.

The fact that, in the previous skit, Notre Dame was cast as hip geek John Cusack -- when it was the ski team captain not all that long ago -- says volumes about the fall of Notre Dame football.

What Weis does have going for him is the opportunity to play for four seasons with players recruited by Ty Willingham, his predecessor. And by the time those players are gone, Weis might be gone, as well.

There's a part of me -- the part that thinks there were a minimum of eight shooters in Dealey Plaza on Nov. 22, 1963, and that Woody Harrelson's father was one of them -- that sees Weis' move to Notre Dame as a way station on his path to an NFL head coaching job.

Over the last few years, Weis has been linked in media rumors to a number of head coaching jobs. But he hasn't ever seriously been considered because those positions always have been filled before New England has finished its season and teams with vacancies are prohibited by the league from even talking to an assistant coach from another team that is still in the playoffs.

That prohibition doesn't apply to college teams looking for a head coach.

And two or three years down the road, if Weis has even moderate success at Notre Dame, he'll get offers and interviews from NFL teams that will have to wait only until mid-December instead of mid-February.

In other words, Weis might do to Notre Dame what Notre Dame did to Willingham. And there's a certain justice in that, especially for those who might be devoted, if a little nondescript.

Posted by Eric Poole at 12:23 PM | Comments (1)

December 20, 2004

The NBA's Season of Sharing

Christmas wish lists are usually kept private, but given the tumultuous nature of the 2004-2005 NBA season, I want to offer my list to David Stern and basketball fans everywhere. Go Napster on this list. Cut and paste it into your own. Together, it will be impossible for Santa Claus to ignore us. The following are the 13 gifts that could improve the NBA and the lives of its fans.

1. Continued NHL Lockout

After I watch the West Coast games on the NBA package, I usually flip over to my favorite show, SportsCenter. And thanks to NHL players and the owners, not one minute is wasted on hockey highlights. I'll admit, there are some exciting hockey plays. They're called fights. Unless an already-punished Tie Domi has pummeled another knucklehead in the penalty box, there's no reason to waste anyone's time with hockey highlights. With luck, the latest NHL work stoppage will be permanent.

2. Draft Rights to LeBron James' Son

It is only a matter of time before this happens. Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf's son already has a guaranteed $1 million appearance fee for a tournament on his 18th birthday.

3. A Seat on the NBA Rules Committee

If I got this, I would immediately call for the creation of a basketball version of soccer's yellow and red cards for players who exaggerate the impact of a forearm to the chest. These are the world's greatest athletes, yet many of them have worse balance than my brother's month-old baby girl. In addition to in-game punishments, post-game reviews should be utilized to punish the Vlade Divacs and Derek Fishers of the world.

4. Jeff Van Gundy's Head on a Platter

Rockets GM Carrol Dawson needs to fire Van Gundy. One man should not be allowed to stifle so much talent. Granted, he was an effective coach with the Knicks, leading an undersized roster to the NBA Finals. But the strike-shortened 1999 season was one of the worst seasons in NBA history. Did anyone west of the Lincoln Tunnel actually like watching that team play?

His plodding, defensive style shackled Steve Francis, and we now see the same thing with Tracy McGrady. He refuses to admit that Bill Walton(!) may have exaggerated the brilliance of Yao Ming, whose lack of quickness makes him a second option at best. Right now, I'd rather have Zydrunas Ilgauskas.

5. A Thank You Card

I'd like to thank David Stern for handing down the suspensions that absolutely ruined my fantasy team. Ron Artest was my meal ticket, and now he's gone. Thanks, Commish.

6. League-wide "YMCA" ban

Go to any NBA arena, and in the fourth quarter you are certain to hear the "YMCA" song. Why? The opening chords have a retarding effect on otherwise reasonable adults. Note to arena music directors: there is a reason similarly crappy songs, like the "Macarena" and "Whoop, That Is" get discarded. Somehow, though, fans are still showing off their letter-formation abilities. This must stop.

7. Travel Size Set of Steak Knives

Being the selfless person that I am, I will forward this gift to Kobe Bryant. The next time he tries to extricate himself from a crisis of his own doing, he can save everyone some time, and stab his friends, family, or teammates directly in the back.

8. Ten Crates of Clearasil

I recently made the HDTV leap and it truly is amazing how clear the picture is. But unfortunately, I now can see with great detail the back acne that Eastern Europeans and Brad Miller seem to suffer from. There might be a shortage in the U.S., but I'm sure we can import some from Canada. Pedrag Drobnak: help is on the way.

9. Shawn Marion Bobblehead

My mom recently moved from the home that I grew up in, and unfortunately, she threw away the Skeletor action figure from my He-Man collection. It was a rare collector's item, but even the geeks at Skeletor.com would be hard-pressed to point out a difference in Marion's and Skeletor's bone structure.

10. Canned Goods

I heard that times have gotten so rough for Latrell Sprewell and his family, his wife has resorted to doing what Latrell told the female critic at the Staples Center. If I get any canned goods, I'll do whatever I can to make sure that the Sprewell family makes it through the winter.

11. Karl Malone Miami Heat Jersey

Christmas is nothing if not predictable. Every year, uninspired relatives give me ridiculous-looking sweaters and flannels. And with the booze flowing, there is guaranteed to be at least one shouting match or physical confrontation. My family's drama is nice, but it is PG-rated stuff compared to the would-be drama of Kobe Bryant's Lakers playing host to a Miami Heat roster that included Karl Malone. Please, Karl. Sign with the Heat.

Imagine Kobe driving to a basket defended by Karl "The Mexican Hunter" Malone and Shaquille "I Never Forget" O'Neal. Would he have the guts to do it? Before he decides, Kobe should talk to Brad Miller, who Shaq almost killed with a haymaker a few years back, or Isiah Thomas, whose bonehead decision making skills I attribute to the vicious elbow delivered by Karl in 1992. I understand that Kobe bulked up to 230 pounds in the offseason. Whoa. Shaq and Karl, two of the biggest freaks of nature in the NBA, must be as intimidated as all of the referees Kobe has berated this season. His mouth is writing checks that his body can't cash.

12. TiVo

I already have TiVo, but I'd like to give one to every sports columnist so that they can get their facts right. If I had a dollar for every error-filled, post-fight review, I might be able to feed Latrell Sprewell's family this winter. If it weren't for TiVo, I might be like the rest of ignorant America, and think that the Pacers are animals who viciously attacked fans who absentmindedly wandered onto the court on their way to the restroom. Thanks to TiVo, I was able to read the lips of the squatty guy who got blasted by a Jermaine O'Neal slide-by. He definitely was not asking for directions to section 143.

In watching the fight in Detroit more than 100 times, I also realized that TiVo's slow-motion replay feature is priceless. There is nothing funnier than the transformation of glee to terror on the guy's face at the exact moment he realized he was about to be Ron Artest's first victim.

13. The Real Dream Team

Is it really a surprise that Team USA didn't win the gold medal in Athens? After all, we are talking about a team put together by Stu Jackson. How this guy's opinion is respected by anyone, is beyond me. He has a losing-career coaching record, and contributed to numerous mediocre Knicks rosters. Stu had his shot at assembling the Olympic team; now it's my turn.

Coach: Stan Van Gundy

I'm breaking with the tradition of selecting a coach who has a long, successful track record. Larry Brown is widely regarded as one of the greatest coaches in basketball, but he was a horrible Olympic coach. My coach will be like the ceremonial All-star Game coach who just tells the guys to compete and have fun.

Really, though, having Stan Van Gundy is a marketing ploy. His uncanny resemblance to renowned film actor Ron Jeremy will increase NBC's ratings by 30 percent.

Center: Shaquille O'Neal

Let's see how many threes other countries' centers hit after a few possessions of being backed into by Shaq.

Power Forward: Amare Stoudemire

Give him all the minutes he wants, damnit. If Pau Gasol was dunking on everyone, how many will Amare get? If the American-playa-hatin' international refs try to foul him out, put sixth man Ron Artest in the game to intimidate them. For that matter, why not put Mike Tyson on the squad as a backup power forward? Think Barkley in his angry younger days, and on an empty stomach.

Small Forward: Kevin Garnett

With Garnett guarding them, no 6-6 Turk will parlay a 27-point game into a NBA contract. See: Seattle Supersonics guard, Ibrahim Kutluay.

Shooting Guard: LeBron James

Not only because he is the best perimeter player in the NBA, but also because I'm tired of referring to him as "LeBronze."

Point Guard: Me

This one on paper appears to be a head-scratcher. I'm 6-1, 160 lbs., and worst of all, white. Truthfully, there are probably only 20 teams in the WNBA that I could start for.

On offense, my game resembles a tragic imitation of the "Professor" on And-One's reality series, "Streetball." Only my friend Eamon looks more ridiculous when making no-look inbounds passes or unnecessary behind-the-back and through-the-shirt dribbles. My shooting range is limited to about 12 feet, due to my sixth-grade upper body strength.

On defense, I am a complete liability. I vastly overestimate my own quickness, so I'm usually out of position after going for the steal. And that is if I actually make it back to that end of the court. Because of my blue-state lifestyle of smoking and drinking, I've got worse stamina than Stanley Roberts. With me in the lineup, it's more like 4.5-on-5.

But given my teammates, I'm confident we would bring home the gold. I'm allowed to dream when making a "Dream Team," right?

Posted by Isaac Ingersoll at 4:53 PM | Comments (7)

I Hate Mondays: Funny-Moneyball

Tick, tock, tick, tock...

I'm fairly certain that Gwen Stefani's catchy new single, "What You Waiting For?" is not directed at Billy Beane, but one does have to wonder, what exactly are the A's waiting for?

As recurring as the four words that title the song, Oakland Athletics management has, once again, shipped off two of their prime possessions for aspirations down the road.

Well, that is the Moneyball approach, isn't it? Buy low, sell high? As managers who follow this tactic scour the depths of baseball in search of value, when will they realize that this sort of approach will never bear fruit?

The Athletics are constantly building for tomorrow. For them, the key is to stockpile for the future. They conserve water, stash canned food, and recruit prospects like its December 31st 1999 -- but what are the A's waiting for?

When does tomorrow become today?

After their recent trades of frontline starters Mark Mulder and Tim Hudson, it's apparent that day never dawns in Oakland.

It all begins with a juicy outlook. A first-round pick is touted with potential and is heavily praised. Then he's slowly cured as his confidence progresses. Once he's ready for the big leagues, his role is gradually incremented until he's able to contribute to the A's chase for another American League Division Series defeat.

After years of time and effort, the prospect starts to climax. If he disappoints, he becomes affordable. If he transcends expectations, he'll likely play elsewhere next season.

And that's the constant theme with this approach. They are not constructing a winner; they are but merely a farm team of developmental talent.

Let's evaluate their most recent trade: Tim Hudson and Mark Mulder, currently two of baseball's best pitchers, swapped for a slew of pitching prospects that are expected to be just as successful in the future. In other words, the A's are trading gold for what they hope will be more gold roughly one to three years from now.

For starters, there are no guarantees with baseball prospects. It's like buying Stefani's new album and expecting hopping hits from play to stop. Some athletes meet the lofty benchmarks while others ... go on to play for the Royals.

Second of all, since the Athletics let their big guns slip away right now, why would they re-sign any of their young slingers when the time is right and they do present their pinnacle -- if they reach their pinnacle?

Their just future trade bait in the waiting.

In the past three years, the Athletics have cut ties with Johnny Damon, Miguel Tejada, Jason Giambi, and Ramon Hernandez. Four of the best performers at their respective positions (yes, I know about Giambi's steroids, but at the time, he was an MVP). Then there's the rotation restructuring as Mark Mulder, Tim Hudson, Jason Isringhausen, and Keith Foulke, all premier pitchers, now dress for other teams.

The franchise clings to the hope that frugal spending results in a Cinderella team that arduously produces a postseason appearance.

Meanwhile, the fans that perennially purchase new jerseys of the freshest budding star each season, also perennially wave goodbye to some other ace who they've drawn affinity to.

The whole process grows tiresome as Moneyball in its purest fashion will never win.

And to think, some of the basement bargains that the A's have plucked would serve as a pleasant complement to the rosters this team could have boasted.

But to the conservative contenders, Gwen's lyrics, "Take a chance, you stupid ho" and, "Take a chance, 'cause you might grow" do inspire.

Love, Angel, Music, Baby, and the Art of Winning an Unfair Game mix like Mondays and me.

"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at the moment." - Robert Benchley

Posted by Dave Golokhov at 2:51 PM | Comments (1)

Nation's Capitol, MLB Go Full Circle

At one time, Major League Baseball was our celebrated pastime in the spring, summer, and early fall at which time the World Series was played. Over the past couple of seasons, however, we have been put on a perpetual baseball calendar.

MLB's players' trades, policy on illegal drug use, merchandising, anger management policy, teams for sale, and potential relocations are an ongoing sideshow commanding headline copy and sometimes overshadowing the 400-foot homer and the 18 strike-out games.

And as the offseason of 2003-2004 started off with Grand Jury testimony regarding the BALCO investigation and the appearance of Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, and Gary Sheffield to name a few, the offseason never disappeared and haunted major league stadiums throughout the 2004 MLB season.

As the 2004-2005 offseason takes off, not only do we now have the leaked testimony of Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi of a year ago, but leaves us with a player who may have committed perjury, and one who lied to his team and the public-at-large, perpetuating the proverbial black eye on MLB.

And if MLB's image problems were not bad enough, not many of us could have foreseen that our nation's capital would loom so large during this hot stove season. Commissioner Bud Selig is spending an awful lot of time in Washington, DC these days, and a lot of it is due to his failed leadership.

Politics is a component of every private or public organization, but when its politics provokes legislation and law enforcement, then you your in-house politics have not been handled very well. And thus, Washington has horned in on our pastime's back page glory.

Not only is the U.S. Congress involved in demanding Commissioner Bud Selig and President of the Players' Association, Don Fehr, to come up with a revised and meaningful illegal drug policy by early January, but Selig has yet another "fiasco" which he must now go back and clean up. That mess is no less than the thus far failed relocation of the Montreal Expos which was contingent upon ratifying an agreement for building a new stadium in Washington, DC.

The mainstream press would like us to believe that this agreement process was a terrible shame and would rather blame this whole problem on one DC councilwoman. But they obviously have short memories.

First of all, Bud Selig was over a year late in deciding on a permanent home for the Montreal Expos, forcing them to play a third of their games in Puerto Rico for the second straight year, with the rest of the time on the road and at home in a stadium of approximately 4,000 ticket-holders each game.

Since Major League Baseball collectively owns the Montreal Expos, (another arguable mistake by Selig) it is obligated in finding it a new home, new ownership, and handle any stadium transactions required prior to finding an owner.

The deal with the Washington, DC City Council did not take place until September 29, 2004, which was contingent upon getting financing for a stadium to be built. (At this juncture, there still have not been formal negotiations with any potential owners.)

But since this whole deal was put together so haphazardly and rushed at the end of the season, mainly due to placating Baltimore Orioles owner, Peter Angelos (another Selig indiscretion), none of the terms of the agreement were ratified.

In early October, it became evident from the DC Council that they wanted to pursue private financing in addition to public financing and possibly ask MLB to foot some of the bill. This did not come down to a last minute shakedown from one person.

This was a collaborative failing of a Mayor anxious to improve his Q rating and a Commissioner who has been questioned on his leadership since he has been the Commissioner of Baseball.

That brings us back to our national pastime, and makes us wonder why it is such a public relations nightmare. We would like to enjoy the game as it once was played, but since that is highly unlikely, at least management on both sides of the aisle should be held accountable enough so that the public is not inundated with the ineptitude of their decisions. It is a big turnoff for the average or peripheral fan, and the game needs to keep lukewarm fans interested in baseball, not turned off.

You cannot blame Washington, DC for wanting a Major League Baseball team, either, but given all of the bond measures and fiscal nightmares other big league cities have come up against when publicly financing stadiums, (such as San Diego's Petco Park, which stopped construction for 18 months due to financing improprieties and less than truthful discourse with the taxpayers), you cannot blame those who do not want to deal with sticker shock after the fact.

And what does all of this have to do with hitting and throwing a ball around a baseball diamond? Well, MLB now has several other "games" going on in the background at all times, and that has unfortunately eroded the good of the game. Yes, it is now almost always about money, but when money rules, good management and clear vision is also a necessity.

And as long as Major League Baseball or any other professional or Olympics sports requires taxpayer financing, broadcasting rights, merchandising rights, drug policies requiring legislation, including the issue of eminent domain regarding the site of stadiums, it concerns the public whether it likes it or not. In that regard our national pastime is no longer a simple game, but now touches so many parts of our lives and society and calls for responsible and even-handed leadership.

No longer can the Commissioner just be interested in the best interests of baseball, but rather the best interests of the public-at-large.

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 12:21 PM | Comments (0)

December 18, 2004

A Heart-Warming Column About the BCS

Season's greetings.

Allow me to spread some holiday cheer:

TO: People Who Make it Their Life Mission to Find Fault With the Bowl Championship Series and the Lack of a Playoff System in College Football

FROM: Me

SUBJECT: Please, Just Stop With the Bitching Already

-----------------------------------

I'm not one to poo-poo a rage against the machine. But at some point, you just have to lay your arms down and accept that a revolution might not result in anything better than the status quo.

The BCS poll is, again, under assault from NCAA writers, fans, and coaches for being a broken system by which to determine a national football champion. We know this because twice in the last 12 years, two teams had to share a national championship. We know this because in each season played under the tyranny of the BCS, there are always two-to-five teams whose fans swear they wuz robbed by some crazy SuperComputer and its twisted, good-for-nothing coaches' poll.

And it's happening again this season, as undefeated Auburn gets to play the malcontent while USC and Oklahoma play for the national title. God forbid you're a writer who dares to vote against the bridesmaid's bridesmaid. Paul Gattis of the Huntsville Times in Alabama put the Sooners, Trojans, and Tigers in order. His e-mail inbox was flooded with unprintable comments from Auburn fans who felt betrayed by a writer who just so happens to be the beat reporter for the rival Crimson Tide of Alabama.

Gattis responded with a proverbial "Get a life, will you people?" column addressing his critics. (Sample prose: "You think I'm biased against Auburn because I cover Alabama, but you want me to be biased for Auburn against Oklahoma because you say it's great to be an Auburn Tiger? Please give me a minute to figure that one out.")

Then his editor, Melinda Gorham, pathetically cowered in the face of an advertiser boycott or subscription cancellation fest and sold him out with a column on the front page of the paper.

(Sample prose: "As several of you have pointed out in e-mails, voice mails, and face-to-face conversations, the tone of the column was mean-spirited and callow, brushing off the opinions of hundreds of Times readers with its 'I really don't care what you think' attitude." Jeez, lady ... why not leave the guy with some of his pride intact and simply yank his pants down for a spanking in front of City Hall next time?)

The sportswriters can't win because they're either seen as misguided homers or -- even worse -- as manipulating the poll to determine where they'll spend the holidays. The BCS computer can't win because fans of jilted teams feel its criteria is flawed. And the coaches can't win, because their votes aren't made public. And why should they be? Doesn't Mack Brown have enough pressure as the head coach at the University of Texas without having to spend a nanosecond explaining his role in Bollweavill State being 17th instead of 16th in the country?

You know who else doesn't have to reveal the way they voted? Members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Why? Because their votes are based on either predisposed bias, entrenched political loyalty or, in the case of best short-form documentary, pick-the-funniest-name haphazardness.

Yet, for some reason, movie fans aren't asking for a six-film playoff series to determine Best Picture.

Of course, the Oscars are subjective. So is the NCAA, in both football and basketball. For all of the finality the NCAA men's basketball tournament offers, nearly half of its teams are subjectively selected, and all of its teams are subjectively seeded.

In football, the entire process is subjective. Deal with it. Want a plus-one format? Explain to the No. 1 team in the nation why it has to play two extra games just to say No. 1. And then explain to the No. 5 team in the nation why it's on the outside looking in on the "top" four teams. Same thing goes for the No. 9 team in an eight-team format, the 17th team in a 16-team format, and the 25th team in a 24-team format. There's always going to be someone whose fans are going to feel they wuz robbed.

(While you're at it, explain to games like the Rose Bowl how they'll make a fraction of the money they make now going from a game with a definitive victor to a quarterfinal in a playoff series.)

The BCS isn't perfect. No system is going to be, unless you eliminate the conference format and make every single Div. I team independent and free to craft the toughest schedules they can. Because strength of schedule is the crux of the majority of these BCS debates. It's something, on an annual basis, that teams just can't control. They are at the mercy of their conferences. And you know what? That's sports.

The Philadelphia Eagles will probably come flying out of what might be the most pathetic excuse of a conference in the history of the NFL and into the Super Bowl this season. Is that fair to the Patriots, Steelers, Colts, Chargers, Jets, Ravens, Broncos, Jaguars, and Bills, all of whom would be a lock for the postseason had they played in the NFC this season? Who cares? That's just the way the League works. No one's crying for a 24-team round robin playoff because their team missed out on the wildcard.

It's bad enough so much time in sports is spent debating what happens off the field. (For example, should I care if Karl Malone made a pass at Kobe's wife, when Kobe already admitted to sleeping with a little white girl on the side? I'm guessing not.) What's worse is that the college football season will annually disintegrate into unending jawing between warring factions of Bubbas, arguing about computer rankings when the majority of them refer to a computer in casual conversation as "the TV what has the words in it."

Wanna fix the BCS?

Stop bitching about it being broken.

Random Thoughts

I never thought I'd see the day when a skinny jheri-curled Dominican coming to New York City would actually be uncommon enough to warrant a headline in the New York Post.

Let alone the back cover.

Then again, not every skinny jheri-curled Dominican has a 182-76 career record with a 2.71 ERA. And a midget friend.

As a Mets fan, I'm completely torn on bringing Pedro Martinez to Shea. Four years, guaranteed, for a guy who will never, ever, ever, never, ever become the closer he should be four years from now? Fifty-four million for an "ace" who can't hit 96 on the gun in the six innings he can go on a start-to-start basis?

Oh, and did I mention he's a bit of a loon?

But as I was saying to a fellow traveler as the deal was being finalized: this certainly is familiar. Pedro (and don't you love that like Shaq, Kobe, Mario, Terrell, and Cher, it's now just "Pedro?") is the kind of personality the Mets have when they win. Think about the rascals of '69, or Tug McGraw in '73, or the druggies, drunks, and Dykstras of '86, or even the team that lost the Subway Series with the manager who wore disguises in his own dugout. Now, the 2005 Mets will have Pedro, Anna Benson, potentially Delgado, and maybe still Pizza. This is starting to look like the zoo-on-a-diamond the Mets need to have in order to win...

Ashlee Simpson's father, Joe, has forced the filmmakers behind his daughter's movie debut, "Wannabe," to change a plot involving her character's lesbianism.

Maybe she can take on this problem like she has other professional challenges.

It'd give a whole new meaning to lip syncing...

The Washington Nationals may not play in Washington after all, as the D.C. City Council passed an amendment that asked for a 50/50 split of public and private stadium funding. Reacting to this sudden decision, MLB put the Nationals' promotions and baseball operations departments on hiatus.

See, this is already a positive move for the franchise. The Expos used to wait until the All-Star Break to close up shop...

The NHL lockout debate has been fun lately, with the players basically offering to give back a quarter of their salaries, and the NHL owners claiming that move was an admission by the players that the league had lost hundreds of millions of dollars.

Then the commissioner comes back and offers the players another plan: one that would rob the elite players in the league, but basically leave the grunts' salaries untouched. This would be the proverbial "Breaking the Union" plan the NHLPA has been warning about for months.

Is there going to be hockey this year? Even my non-hockey friends have been asking. And here's my answer:

Yes.

Yes, because I think the Players' Association wants a season. Because its members want their money, and don't want to have to fight both Bettman and Father Time. And because guys who have bills to pay, wives/girlfriends/groupies to love and children to care for don't want to play in Europe through May.

The sides are closer than they appear on a number of issues. I expect to see a cap in place, although a bit higher than expected, and for other concessions on a smaller salary rollback and lowered free-agency age limits to be negotiated. Then it's "game on" by the end of January.

(Oh, and as a Devils fan, lockouts have obviously been beddy, beddy good to me.)

The wildcard in all of this is whether the owners are just determined to break the union at all costs. In which case, this entire negotiation is a ruse, and The Game will return in the Fall of 2005 with replacement players and scabs. Which, in the grand scheme of things, would mean most teams would look like the Penguins, minus Mario...

Finally, I just wanted to take a moment and thank everybody for reading the column this year, which has been one of interesting personal and professional growth for yours truly. Next week is a bye, and then we'll come back with the annual Story of the Year column for the 2004 finale.

Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. And if you're going to lay money on the Continental Tire Bowl ... don't.

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 12:59 PM | Comments (0)

Pedro to Mets: What Were They Thinking?

Too often, the media easily harps on owners and management that continue to spend little money, while their teams continue to lose on the field, court, or rink. Too many owners in sports today play cheaply as they seem to be more concerned about the almighty dollar and profits, rather than placing emphasis on winning.

You may suggest that those teams are hardly competing. Idealistically, every owner would have the intention of going out and paying money for good talent, with the number one goal being to win.

Yet, it is also the teams responsibility to play the game smart. Tom Hicks certainly did not play it smart by signing Alex Rodriguez to a 10-year, $256 million contract. Coming close in stupidity is the signing of free agent Pedro Martinez by the New York Mets. Martinez was introduced by the Mets on Thursday, agreeing to a four-year deal for $53.5 million.

Are the Mets insane? It wouldn't shock me if they are close, considering they continue to be a distant second place to the Yankees in New York baseball in terms of popularity and media coverage. The last four years have been plagued by continuing losing seasons. It would make sense for the Mets to go out and acquire an established veteran such as Pedro.

There is no problem in signing Pedro, if the deal was for one year or two at the most. Three years is too much, but four? It is safe to assume that Pedro's better days are behind him. His 3.90 ERA in 2004 is the highest in his professional career. If I'm the Mets, I have to worry about his health, and what's left of him by 2008. His arm is nearly shot.

Boston wanted him to come back, but there was no way they were going to offer him a fourth year. They were reluctant to offer him a third year, but they gave in and offered that to him for $44 million. In this situation, you can't blame Boston for not giving in, as a guaranteed four years is way too much of a gamble. Why should I believe Pedro is going to last for the next four years? While I don't wish him any misfortunes, I must think realistically.

Pedro is use to playing in a winning environment. The Mets have fallen into some hard times, dating back to their last appearance in the World Series in 2000. With Pedro pitching in the National League, he will now have to bat, which simply won't help his arm. He also isn't quite familiar with many of the hitters in the National League.

If you prefer to view this angle with the glass being half-full rather than being half-empty, there are a few positives to take note of. Pedro is a well-established veteran, who will add some ease to Tom Glavine and the rest of the Mets' pitching staff. Pedro is a winner, and maybe his mentality will rub off on the other players in the dugout. While he won't be as familiar with the hitters in the NL, those same hitters won't be familiar with Pedro and it will take time for them to figure him out.

Pedro should not have much of a problem with the fans in New York. Mets fans are different than Yankee fans, so any stunts or quotes used while a Red Sox towards New York, were directed towards Yankee fans, which probably won't have any bearing on what Met fans will think of him.

If Pedro can stay healthy for the majority of the time, and produce good outings, even if his game steps down a stroke or two, then the signing will be good for the Mets. Anything less, however, will allow the perception to be that this deal was a huge mistake, and that the Mets are going to pay.

By the time Pedro's contract expires, Americans will have elected a new President into the White House, the Expos/Nationals organization will still be without a permanent home city, and Alex Rodriguez will still have two years left on his 10-year contract. Watch yourself, because 2008 will be here before you know it.

Any questions or feedback may be e-mailed to [email protected]. For more about Martin, please visit his personal website, Martin's Access.

Posted by Martin Hawrysko at 12:59 PM | Comments (0)

Who's Up to the Challenge?

Not since 1976 has a team ran the regular season and postseason table to take a seat next to some of the all-time great teams that accomplished the feat. The great UCLA teams of the early 1970s and of course Bob Knight's 1976 Indiana squad.

The Hoosiers were the last team to accomplish this amazing feat, and every year, there seams to be a team that could add their name to the list.

The closest were the 1990-'91 UNLV Runnin' Rebels. Just three points away from the feat in the championship game against the Grant Hill-led Dukies.

You have to look at a school that has the power to win the tournament, too, and not go undefeated just to go out in the second-round of the tournament.

Marquette, Cincinnati, and even Oral Roberts have decent odds of making it through their conference schedules unscathed. Conference USA and the Mid-Continent Conference are hardly the ACC and Big 12.

Looking over the remaining undefeated teams, of which there are 10 in the top 25, I will give my odds for the three teams that have the best chance to run the table in the regular season and cut down the nets in April.

3. Duke

Three teams at this moment are sitting in the top 10 with spotless records. Georgia Tech, N.C. State, and Duke. Also, one-loss North Carolina and Wake Forest are up there, as well.

Five teams in an 11-team conference are in the top nine teams currently playing college basketball. That is dominance.

The Blue Devils, though, are the only one of the three undefeated teams that doesn't have a top-25 team left to play in the preseason. I doubt Duke will lose in Cameron this year, but the road will be a test.

The long road to undefeated goes through five top-25 programs: North Carolina, Georgia Tech, Wake Forest, Maryland, and N.C. State.

The way that J.J. Redick is playing these days, though, I don't know how anyone can count them out of the hunt. The guard play of Redick and Daniel Ewing has just been stellar so far.

Granted, the Blue Devils have yet to face a powerful foe this season, but I think the team will come through it stronger than ever and ready to take on the tournament.

Duke also lacks experience. Ewing is the only senior seeing significant playing time for the Blue Devils. But if everyone stays put for the next few years, you might see the Duke reign of the early '90s reemerge.

This season though, I think they will drop three or four games. With one of the toughest schedules in the land, I don't see how they can't.

Final Verdict: 50-1 odds

Duke will finish with a loss to North Carolina, Wake Forest, and Georgia Tech.

2. Oklahoma State

Eddie Sutton has turned this program into a powerhouse. This might be the year to put together something special, too, because the team graduates eight seniors. The Cowboys team next year will consist of all of one senior and one junior.

John Lucas is just a stud from outside and he can break just about anyone in the country down off the dribble. He leads the team is assists, as well, showcasing to the scouts that he is a team player.

The combination of Ivan McFarlin and Stephen Graham make for a powerful rebounding duo, as well.

Playing in the Big 12 during a down year, the Cowboys only face No. 12 Texas twice and No. 2 Kansas once. I will give Oklahoma State the two Texas games, but winning in Naismith might be a challenge.

I would have picked Kansas in the Big 12, but their schedule is much tougher than Oklahoma State's. The Jayhawks have No. Georgia Tech at home and then they travel to Lexington for a battle with No. 11 Kentucky. I can't see them winning both.

Final verdict: 25-1 odds

I see Oklahoma State going 25-3, losing to Kansas on the road, Texas on the road, and one slip-up game against maybe Missouri or Gonzaga.

1. Illinois

And it comes down to the Illini. The current No. 1 team in the land staring down the barrel of the Big 10 season.

Normally, that would sound intimidating, having to beat Michigan, Indiana, Wisconsin, and Iowa.

This year, though, it's a cupcake schedule. Of the 21 remaining games for Illinois, only four opponents are ranked. The Illini have to face No. 17 Cincinnati in Las Vegas, No. 18 Michigan State on the road, and No. 21 Iowa in a two-game home/away series.

Illinois doesn't have to play another top-15 team the rest of the year.

Although I think they got their message across with the 18-point beatdown the Illini put on Wake Forest.

It is almost impossible to beat Illinois at home, but the road is another story.

Over the last two years, Illinois is 24-8 in the Big 10. Seven of those losses came on the road, with the lone home loss coming against Purdue in a game which Illini stars Dee Brown and Deron Williams shot just 9-for-29 combined.

It is a down year for the Big 10 and Illinois has a chance to do something special. If they can get past Cincinnati and pull out a win at Carver-Hawkeye later this year against Iowa, anything is possible.

Final Verdict: 10-1 odds

I can't see anyone duplicating what Indiana did in 1976, because the tournament then consisted of only 32 teams in the tournament. That extra game can make a difference. I see Illinois dropping either the game at Michigan State or the game at Iowa and coming away with a stellar 30-1 record.

If anyone has a chance to do the improbable it is Illinois. The conditions are ripe for it to happen. The Big 10 is in a very down year and the schedule is favorable towards Illinois. Plus, the Illini are absolutely stacked with talent.

Dee Brown and Luther Head are combining to do something great this year. The only question is, can they do it perfectly?

Posted by Cory Danner at 12:43 PM | Comments (1)

December 16, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 15

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Pittsburgh @ N.Y. Giants

If you think Ben Roethlisberger's 9-for-19, 144 yard, 2 INT performance last week against the Jets was less than stellar, then obviously, you haven't checked out Eli Manning's numbers versus the Ravens from last week.

"No, I haven't seen those stats," replies Roethlisberger. "Fill me in, and make me feel better about my sorry game."

Okay, Ben, prepare to have your spirits lifted. Manning was 4-for-18 for 27 yards, two interceptions, and one fumble.

"You're right," says Big Ben, "I do feel better. I'm awesome!"

In Manning's defense, if you can defend such pathetic numbers, he was facing the highly-ranked Ravens' defense one week after suffering a similar fate against the second-ranked Redskins' unit.

"Please tell me there's some good news coming," pleads Manning.

Okay, Eli, you asked for it. I just saved a ton of money of my car insurance. Reptiles make great insurance agents. Now, the bad news. Saturday, your presence is requested to face the league's No. 1 ranked unit, the Steelers. And since coach Tom Coughlin named you starter on Monday, he obviously doesn't care if his quarterback of the future faces the Steelers' defense and gets knocked silly and sideways.

"Look, I'm just trying to do Eli a favor," explains Coughlin. "The best thing that could happen to him is to go out there and suffer a concussion, thereby obliterating all memory of this season. Nothing Eli has done this season has been worth remembering."

Good point, Coach Tom. One of which the Steelers take heed. Manning lasts a bit over two quarters until he is mercifully pulled in the third quarter. Once again, the Pittsburgh defense and running game allow Ben Roethlisberger to barely complete fifty percent of his passes and still be a winner.

"That could be a problem come playoff time," says Bill Cowher. "But who cares about the playoffs! We're winning with Cowher football! Yeeaahhh!!"

Steelers win, 27-3.

Washington @ San Francisco

North Carolina A&T alumnus Maurice Hicks filled in admirably for the injured Kevan Barlow at running back, rushing for 139 yards on 34 carries for one touchdown in the 49ers' 31-28 overtime win over the Cardinals.

"And I bet everyone thought that only the marching band at A&T could get funky," says Hicks. "Well, Mo Hicks can get funky, as well."

That's probably not the only misconception people have about A&T. Maurice, how many phone calls have you answered from people wanting to change their long distance carrier?

"Oh, hundreds," Hicks replies. "I just ask if they want Sprint or MCI, then ask for their phone number for verification, then I make several overseas and long distance phone calls charged to their number. I haven't paid for a phone call in at least five years."

Fantastic, Maurice. Now, what does A&T really mean in North Carolina A&T?

"I think it means 'agriculture' and 'technology.' Oddly enough, I didn't take a single class in agriculture or technology."

Well, now that you're an NFL star, nobody cares about your college matriculation, anyway. What I care about is this matchup between the 4-9 Redskins and 2-11 49ers. Nah. I don't really care about that. I just wanted to mention the records so I could say that the Washington and San Francisco franchises have seven Super Bowl championships between them. That number is one more than the combined victories of the 'Skins and 49ers, who both reside in last place in their respective divisions.

But at least Washington is coached by the man that lead them to their three Super Bowls, Joe Gibbs. 'Frisco, on the other hand, is coached by Dennis Erickson, who, currently, is hovering somewhere between being fired and interviewing for college jobs. Damn, Maurice, your coach doesn't even want to be here?

"Trust me. The players know exactly what he's feeling."

The 'Skins give Erickson one more reason to leave, defensively-dominating quarterback Ken Dorsey and the rest of the San Fran offense.

Washington wins, 24-10.

Carolina @Atlanta

Carolina's Nick Goings rushed for 108 yards on 31 carries for one touchdown in the Panthers' 20-7 win over the Rams last week. It was Goings' fourth straight 100-yard rushing performance, leading the Panthers to their fifth straight win.

"Wow! I haven't seen that much streaking since the naked craze of the 1970s," remembers Carolina coach John Fox fondly. "It wasn't pretty, because everybody was getting naked, not just the pretty people. But it was fun. And we've got acclaimed country artist Ray Stevens to thank for it. That's why we're naming Stevens' 1977 novelty hit The Streak as the Panthers' theme song for the remainder of the year."

Carolina could probably afford to win only two of their remaining three games and still make the playoffs. That scenario hinges on only one NFC West team making the playoffs. Right now, that one team looks like Seattle, but, as has been the case all year, that has changed basically on a weekly basis. After Sunday, St. Louis may be back in the saddle.

"It will be a travesty if two NFC West teams qualify for the playoffs," adds Falcon coach Jim Mora. "I'd like to see the Panthers make it and represent the NFC South. If we didn't have to win to assure ourselves a first-round bye, I would sit our starters."

Atlanta will be without running back T.J. Duckett, who's out two weeks after knee surgery. That weakens the Falcons' power running game, and that may be the edge the surging Panthers need.

"We're going to put all 11 men at the line of scrimmage and stop the run," promises Panther defensive coordinator Mike Trgovac. "We dare them to pass."

Trgovac may be kidding, or maybe not. In any case, the Panthers pull the upset with a 23-20 win.

Buffalo @ Cincinnati?

Last week, the Bills held the Browns to 17 total yards in their 37-7 destruction of Cleveland.

"Is that supposed to scare me?" asks Bengals' quarterback Carson Palmer. "You're obviously trying to scare me. Come on, that 17 yards is just for the first quarter, right?"

Nope.

"Okay. Then you must have dropped a digit. You must mean 175 or 170 yards, right?"

Nope, it's 17, Carson. One, seven. What's the big deal anyway? You've faced the Ravens' and the Patriots' defenses lately, and did pretty well.

"Yeah, but 17 yards? That's unheard of. I had 17 against the Ravens and Patriots after one or two passes. I think I'm qualified to say that the Baltimore and New England defenses are overrated. Oops! Did I say that out loud? I did? Well, I'm Carson Palmer, Heisman Trophy winner. I can say what I want. I can only imagine what Peyton Manning and the Colts would do to those defenses."

Well, the Bills' defense is no fluke, and neither are their playoff aspirations (if not this year, then next). Of course, they will need lots of help, and likely a win over Pittsburgh in Week 17. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Cincinnati is in the Bills' bullseye now, especially Palmer, who will play, albeit on a gimpy knee. Advantage Bills. Willis McGahee rushes for 120 yards, and Drew Bledsoe throws a TD to Lee Evans.

Bills win, 31-17.

Dallas @ Philadelphia

"Fortunately, for people with the gift of sight," explains Eagles' coach Andy Reid, "Terrell Owens failed to catch his 15th touchdown pass, therefore I did not have to grease up and squeeze into full body tights. However, I did pass Joe Gibbs as the winningest active coach."

Who cares about that, Andy? And who cares about seeing you in the tights? What everyone wants to know is how will you get into those tights? My guess is it would be quite entertaining to see the tights stretched open by a team of Belgian workhorses, then have Reid lowered on a crane into those tights. And, if we're lucky, the tights will be Eagle green.

"So Peter Pan can fly again," says Owens, "with the help of a rocket-propelled jet pack. Number 15 comes Sunday."

True to his word, Owens catches touchdown number 15 late in the third quarter. Owens sprints to the sidelines and rips the tear-away coach's outfit off of Reid, revealing the sight of Reid in tights, what a fright. Women faint, men vomit, and little kids rejoice in the belief that they've just been introduced to the new Sesame Street character.

"Andy doesn't look half-bad in those tights," notices Dallas coach Bill Parcells. "They make him look 10 pounds lighter. Andy looks much better at 320 than 330. I think I'll invest in a similar pair of leotards. I'm sick of tooling around the house in moo moos."

Whether you like football or simply have an affinity for fat men in tight clothing, this game should be entertaining. The Eagle air show is always fun to watch, as is Cowboy rookie running back Julius Jones, who has become the back the Cowboys envisioned when they drafted him. And there is always Vinny Testaverde; Vinny could throw for 300 yards or throw three interceptions. There is no equation to predict his performance. We do, however, know that Vinny's goofy footwork will be tested against the Eagles. That's always fun to watch.

Donovan McNabb, however, has the feet and the arm to lead Philly to a win. McNabb throws three TDs; Testaverde sees Eagles flying at him all day.

Eagles win, 33-20.

Denver @ Kansas City

Denver quarterback Jake Plummer was possessed momentarily by the spirit of an NBA player when he flashed his middle finger to a heckling fan after a first quarter interception last Sunday versus the Dolphins.

"I apologize," an embarrassed Plummer admits. "I allowed a fan to get under my skin and induce an inappropriate action that I totally regret. I'm a professional, and I should not have let that Miami fan get to me like that."

Jake, you've got it all wrong. That guy was a Bronco fan, and the game was in Denver.

"I thought it was strange that it was snowing in Miami," adds Plummer. "I was prepared to give the weatherman the finger, as well."

Well, Jake, in any case, it would have been much more fitting had the entire crowd given you the finger. If you haven't noticed, lately you've been playing like you have a finger up your ass. In the last three games, you've thrown seven interceptions, and only one touchdown. Luckily, the Bronco running game has kept games close, and you've kept your job.

"I've got my finger on the 'eject' button as we speak," says Denver coach Mike Shanahan, "and nothing would please me more than to push it and send Jake a mile high above Mile High."

"I may be dumb as dirt and a mediocre quarterback," notes Plummer, "but I've got my finger on the pulse of what coach wants, and that sounds like a vote of confidence to me. I'll sling leather, darling."

Plummer's counterpart in Kansas City, Trent Green, can toss the pigskin, as well, and his relationship with Chiefs' fans is such that he's never felt the need to show any of them the finger.

"If I show anyone a finger," adds Green, "it will be the one displaying the Super Bowl ring I got in 2000 for getting hurt and allowing Kurt Warner to lead the Rams to the Super Bowl."

Green is much more likely than Plummer to lead a team to the Super Bowl. But it won't happen this year. But he can lead a team to a win over the Broncos and damage their playoff hopes. New force Larry Johnson rushes for a touchdown, and Green throws three TD passes.

Chiefs win, 35-30.

Houston @ Chicago

"I'm very excited about the Texans' first trip to Chicago," says Houston coach Dom Capers. "We're looking forward to facing the Bears, although I'm somewhat concerned about that ivy-covered brick wall surrounding the field. Brick is very unforgiving, especially when slammed into it by a Chicago defender."

Dom, you've got your stadiums confused. The Bears play in Comiskey Park. Just kidding. They play in Soldier Field.

"So, there's no brick wall and no ivy?"

Not that I know of.

"Doggone it!" whines Capers. "I was looking forward to singing Take Me Out to the Ball Game with Harry Caray and interrogating Sammy Sosa on steroids."

Well, neither will happen, Dom. Harry's dead, and when's the last time someone got a straight answer out of a baseball player on the subject of steroids? Someone should initiate a scientific study on the effects of steroids on memory. Apparently, there's a connection.

Believe it or not, both the Bears and Texans are still alive in the playoffs, but, obviously, would need lots of help to get in, such as 30 other teams disappearing into thin air. Being from the NFC, the Bears have the better odds, but those odds are long and slim.

"I'm so confident we'll make it," says Bear defender R.W. McQuarters, "that I've bet $1 on it happening. If I win, I'm about $320,000,000 richer."

As he is on the football field, McQuarters is a real gambler. And gambling will get him an interception Sunday that turns the tide of a low-scoring game played in icy conditions. Thomas Jones scores on a short touchdown run.

The Bears win, 16-10.

Minnesota @ Detroit

Vikings' offensive coordinator Scott Linehan pulled a "Mike Martz" last Sunday against the Seahawks, calling for Randy Moss to take a reverse handoff and make a pass to Marcus Robinson in the end zone. Not a bad call unless it's made on first-and-10 from your opponents' 20 and you're losing 27-23, which is exactly when it was made. Needless to say, the pass was intercepted in the end zone, and the Seahawks held on for the win.

"I take full responsibility for calling that play," says Linehan, "which means, eventually, I will be the one to take the heat for our annual, late-season swoon. I'll get fired at the end of the season, if not sooner, and Mike Tice will keep his job, and the Vikes will do this all over again next year."

"Incidentally," adds Tice, "The Fall Guy starring Lee Majors and the luscious Heather Thomas is my favorite television show of all-time."

Detroit rookie running back Kevin Jones is carrying the load for the Lions in the absence of quarterback Joey Harrington.

"Hey, I haven't missed a game all year," retorts Harrington.

Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe it's because you've done nothing lately that would make me notice you. For example, only five completions for 47 yards in 22 attempts last week versus the Packers. Joey, you can't even reach double-figure completions and triple-figure yardage, all the while being paid a seven-figure salary. You're a good example of how incentive-based pay would save teams millions of dollars.

"Hey, at least I have a better completion percentage than Randy Moss," Harrington snickers.

Good point. But I don't think Randy will be throwing any more passes this year. You will.

And that's what the Viking game plan calls for: no passes from Moss. Moss is only allowed to catch the ball, and the Vikings play it conservative, because it takes very little imagination to beat the Lions. Moss catches two Daunte Culpepper TD passes, and Minnesota wins, 24-17.

San Diego @ Cleveland

The Chargers have a choice to make this offseason: who is their quarterback of the future? Is it Drew Brees, who is having a career year in his fourth season in the NFL, or, is it Philip Rivers, the Chargers' first-round pick a year ago who was to be anointed the starter until a contract holdout nixed that possibility?

"Hey, don't forget about me!" yells Doug Flutie. "I'm still a factor in this equation."

Doug, I can hear you, but I can't see you. Stand up, will you?

"I am standing," replies Flutie.

Oh, my bad. Hey, Doug, why don't you start singing Short People by Randy Neumann and I'll follow your voice to find you. Good job.

"Hey, how is it that Drew Brees can have one good year and then get a big contract based on that one year?" asks rookie Philip Rivers.

That answer is simple, Philip. The same way you can get a fat contract for doing absolutely nothing as a pro. At least Brees had one good professional year. Next time, don't hold out for more money and miss practically all of training camp. That way, you would have been the starter and would have saved us the trouble of seeing some team overpay to acquire Drew Brees. Damnit!

In Cleveland, interim coach Terry Robiskie is enjoying his status as interim coach.

"Yeah, this is great," says Robiskie. "We play like crap and no one can blame me. It's still Butch Davis' team. I'm just wearing that headset on the sideline. Nobody's talking to me from up in the booth. In fact, during the Buffalo game last week, I was listening to Eminem's Encore album. Good stuff. And speaking of encore, my chances of getting this head coaching job are not looking too good, and I can't say that I'm disappointed. This team is in shambles."

"What better way for us to prepare for a likely second-round playoff game in cold weather," says Charger coach Marty Schottenheimer, "than to play the lowly Browns in Cleveland. We can acclimate ourselves nicely for a January game in Pittsburgh or New England, and chalk up a victory, as well."

And that's what happens. The Chargers practice their cold weather strategy: solid defense and a successful running game. LaDainian Tomlinson cracks 100 yards again, and the Chargers win, 27-9.

Seattle @ N.Y. Jets

Seattle holds a one-game lead over the Rams in the NFC West, thanks to their upset of the Vikings last Sunday in the Metrodome. Now, the question is: can the Seahawks muster the guts to hold that lead until playoff invitations are mailed after Week 17?

"I've always wondered," says Seattle running back Shaun Alexander, "do they really mail invitations to playoff qualifiers? I mean, do they actually put the invitation in an envelope and mail it to you? Or do they expect you to watch television to find out if you made it and where you play?"

That's a good question, Shaun. There's only one way to find out, and that's make the playoffs, then station yourself out by the Seahawks' mailbox and wait.

In case you haven't noticed, Shaun, the Jets only lose to good teams (New England, Baltimore, Buffalo, and Pittsburgh). What do all those teams have in common, besides being good? Well, they're all AFC representatives. The Jets don't lose to mediocre teams, and they don't lose to NFC teams. So, you may be waiting for that playoff invitation a little later in the season.

And besides, the Seahawks would need help to go along with a victory over the Jets to clinch a playoff spot (the Cowboys, Giants, Lions, Bears, and Panthers would have to lose). Knowing the Seahawks as I do, all those teams could lose, opening the door for you, but of course, the Seahawks would slam the door on themselves. NFC West? Bah! Humbug!

Curtis Martin rushes for 100 yards, and the Jets get back on the winning track and inch closer to clinching a playoff berth.

Jets win, 22-13.

New Orleans @ Tampa Bay

"Let's play word association," says Tampa coach Jon Gruden. "I'll give you a series of words, and you tell me what word they describe."

Okay.

"Here goes. Pirate. Pillage. Swashbuckler. Eye patch. Wooden leg. Plunder. Walk the plank. Rapier. Jolly Roger."

Wow. Those are some pretty scary words. I'll guess and say, "buccaneer."

"Exactly! Now try these. Holy. Sanctity. Religious. Deity. Martyr. Charity. Sacred. Canonize."

Again, I'm guessing, but is the word you're looking for "saint?" It sounds like that "canon" word should go with the buccaneers, though.

"That's beside the point," says Gruden. "The point is, even at 5-8, my Bucs still strike fear into opponents. At 5-8, or even at 13-0, the Saints would never scare anyone. That's why this game will be over before anyone hits the field."

You won't hear an argument from me, and you surely won't hear one from the Saints, who are usually packing their bags around playoff time. But the Saints usually play the Bucs tough, and both teams have slim playoff hopes. Should the Panthers lose Saturday night, then this game takes on greater importance. And should the Rams lose Sunday, the winner of the Bucs/Saints tilt will breathe new life. That being said, Tampa is at home, where they are 4-2. Tampa also has a defense. New Orleans does not.

Bucs win, 26-23.

St. Louis @ Arizona

Let's give St. Louis backup quarterback Chris Chandler a hand. Actually, let's give him two hands, because it takes two hands to count the number of interceptions Chandler tossed to the Panthers last Sunday. That number would be six. And, unless you're some kind of mutated, six-fingered freak, it takes two hands to get to six. It also takes two hands to sarcastically applaud St. Louis head coach Mike Martz, who, even after Chandler's fifth interception, refused to bench him and insert the Rams' third string QB, Jamie Martin.

"I also refused to bench Chandler after his first, second, third, fourth, and sixth interception," adds Martz. "So give me a little credit for being consistent."

You're right, Mike. You are consistent: consistently stupid and consistently wrong. All of your idiotic decisions have left the Rams at 6-7 and facing the impossible task of winning three in a row just to have a chance to make the playoffs.

"Impossible? Nonsense!" replies Martz. "We'll beat the Cardinals, then we finish with two home games."

That's a big if, beating the Cardinals. And in those two games at home, you'll face the Eagles and the Jets. Can you say, "hopes dashed?"

"I can, but I refuse to," a defiant Martz states.

In Arizona, the Dennis Green quarterback carousel ride may be coming to an end, as it looks like Josh McCown has regained the starting position for good.

"That's true. Josh has proved himself," Green comments. "John Navarre and Shaun King suck to the nth degree. I'm just sorry I drug those two guys along like I did. I made the mistake of riding a merry-go-round to find the inspiration to make my starter decision at quarterback. That wacky carnival music will put some crazy ideas in your head, especially after an overdose of cotton candy and funnel cakes."

Wisely, Green gives McCown the start, and the Cardinals attempt to shatter the already crumbling Ram playoff hopes. In Week 1, the Cards hung tight with the Rams in St. Louis, ultimately losing, 17-10. This time, Arizona takes advantage of Chris Chandler and swings the upset.

Arizona wins, 23-20.

Jacksonville @ Green Bay

Last week versus the Lions, the Packers erased a 13-0 second-half deficit and completed the comeback on Ryan Longwell's field goal to win 16-13. Coupled with Minnesota's loss to Seattle, Green Bay now owns a one-game lead in the NFC North, with an 8-5 record.

"Well, they better enjoy it while they have it," warns Jaguar coach Jack Del Rio. "The Lions slandered the name of carnivorous felines by not finishing off the kill against the Packers. My Jaguars will not make that mistake. By their very nature, jaguars are relentless hunters and will stalk their prey silently until the time is right for the strike. Lions, on the other hand, are the punks of the jungle. They are just lazy cats with a tacky hairpiece they call a mane. And that's supposed to scare us? Not Jaguars."

Thanks for that nature lesson, Jack Del Rio. Will your game be televised on CBS or Animal Planet?

Whatever channel televises, the Jaguars know their slim playoff hopes ride on winning their remaining three games, and hoping for help from their good friends the Colts and Steelers. The Ravens and Broncos stand one game up on the Jags for the final AFC wildcard spot. The Ravens play at Indy Sunday, and at Pittsburgh next week. Two tough ones for the Ravens, and probable losses. Denver closes by hosting Indy. By losing that and winning in Week 15 and 16, Denver would finish 10-6, as would the Jags. Jacksonville, by virtue of their Week 2 win over the Broncos would win the tiebreaker. Jacksonville also owns a win over Buffalo, who also could finish 10-6 by winning their last three.

"Isn't it funny?" asks Jack Del Rio. "All of our competitors for that playoff spot are members of the animal kingdom: Ravens, Broncos, and Bills. And another member, the Colts, can help us out. Too bad a Steeler is not an animal."

Yeah, too bad. But if you put all those animals in a cage, the jaguar would slaughter them all. And if you put the playoff-desperate Jaguars on Lambeau Field, they will win. At least this time.

Jacksonville punishes the Packers' fans who booed Favre last week, and wins, 26-21.

Tennessee @ Oakland

Tennessee receiver Drew Bennett has piled up six touchdown receptions and 357 yards receiving in the last two weeks, all with backup quarterback Billy Volek at the helm.

"For some reason," Bennett explains, "Steve McNair just stopped throwing me the ball. I'm thinking he must be mad at me for something. Maybe it has something to do with me questioning his heart a few weeks ago."

Yeah, that's probably it, Drew. Questioning McNair's heart is akin to questioning the heart of that hiker who got his arm stuck under a boulder and cut his arm off to survive. You just don't do it. Don't doubt the fortitude of McNair, who, in his 10 years in the league, has probably taken more punishment than boxer Evander Holyfield, and McNair still has enough of his wits about him to consider the possibility of retirement.

"And I'm not missing a chunk of one of my ears," McNair says proudly.

McNair can rest easy knowing that Volek is handling quarterbacking duties quite well. The Titans still have several other injuries of concern, namely in the defensive backfield, as well as Chris Brown's toe and Derrick Mason's ankle. The Raiders have several injuries in their own right, but should have enough firepower at home to defeat the Titans in a meaningless game.

Raiders win, 36-31.

Baltimore @ Indianapolis

"I'm thankful to be playing the Ravens on Sunday night," comments Peyton Manning, enjoying a manicure on his right (throwing) hand. "This way, I can tie and break Dan Marino's record against one of the best defenses in the game, and avenge my brother Eli's dismal performance against the Ravens last week. He really stunk it up. Also, this being a Sunday-nighter, I'll be able to attend church services Sunday morning. I really miss handling those snakes, and speaking in tongues is much like calling audible at the line of scrimmage."

Manning's agenda is full with records to be broken. Last week against the Texans, Manning threw two touchdown passes and set the NFL record for most consecutive multiple-touchdown passing games, with 13. Erased from the record books were the names Johnny Unitas, Don Meredith, Brett Favre, and Dan Marino.

"It's nice to be mentioned is the same breath as those guys," says Manning, "especially Dandy Don. But, it's even better just to hear my name alone when an NFL record is mentioned. I want to own every single quarterback record in the book, except those already possessed by the likes of Chris Chandler, A.J. Feeley, Akili Smith, Ryan Leaf, and various other pathetic QBs. I want to be the best ever, and I'm well on my way."

This week, Manning will have to go through the Ravens and strong safety Ed Reed. Reed is a strong candidate for AFC Defensive Player of the Year, and possibly the most exciting defender in the league, but the name "Ed Reed" is definitely the most boring in the league right now. I would expect Ed Reed to be an elderly man playing chess in the park on a concrete picnic table, not scooping up fumbles and returning interceptions for touchdowns.

"That may very well be," agrees Reed, "but check this out: I can take two letters from my last name and spell my first name. Can anyone else do that?"

I'm sure someone can, Ed. Anyway, the Ravens pose a major obstacle to Manning's record quest, but there are too many Colt weapons for Baltimore to handle. Manning spreads the wealth, with one TD pass each to Brandon Stokley, Reggie Wayne, and the record-breaker to Marvin Harrison.

Colts win, 31-21.

New England @ Miami

New England offensive coordinator Charlie Weis was named the new head coach at Notre Dame, and Weis immediately knelt and bowed five times in the direction of Touchdown Jesus.

"Man, you know it's all about the Benjamins," explains Weis. "Money talks. B.S. walks. I can't wait around my whole life for an NFL coaching job. I've won two Super Bowls with the Patriots. My work in the NFL is done. I want to win a national championship and restore the Fighting Irish to national prominence. I also want to climb Mount Everest, swim the English Channel, and have a séance and evoke the spirits of Elvis Presley and Jimi Hendrix. But those can wait until my football obligations are done. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go convince some extremely athletic, yet criminally troubled youths to attend a Catholic university. Toodles."

Weis and the Pats are likely to face a fired up Dolphins squad, a team intent on proving that their 2-11 record is no fluke.

"Wait, don't you mean we want to prove that the 2-11 record is a fluke?" asks interim coach Jim Bates.

Yeah, I guess you're right. 2-11 is flukey. You guys should be 3-10, at worst.

"That's more like it."

Anyway, if the Miami defense can play their tails off, and quarterback A.J. Feeley can avoid interceptions and injury, then the Dolphins might have a chance to ... lose by 10 or less. But Miami can't stop the run, and the Pats can. The Dolphin passing game usually takes care of itself -- by not working. Tom Brady throws two touchdowns, and the New England defense comes up with a TD of their own.

Patriots win, 30-20.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 5:42 PM | Comments (1)

Kobe, For Better or (More Likely) Worse

The Los Angeles Lakers are in trouble. And it's the fault of Jerry Buss and Mitch Kupchak.

A quarter-way through Season One of "Kobe Goes it Alone," the NBA has discovered that the once-mighty Lakers are anything but a lock for the playoffs. Sure, they're 12-9, which places them seventh in the Western Conference, safely in the postseason picture. But a check of their schedule and the state of their star player shows that for the Lakers, 2005 looks bleak.

The Lakers have 12 wins. Two of those wins came against New Orleans, a team that is 2-19; one came from the Hawks, who are 4-18; they've split with both the Grizzlies (9-15) and the Bulls (5-15); they have managed to sweep the 6-13 Bucks in their two games this season; and the Lakers have also bested Golden State (7-15) and Houston (10-12), by a whisker.

Meanwhile, Los Angeles has been blown out by 26 points by the sub-.500 Jazz, and they are 1-5 against Western Conference playoff teams, with their only win coming against Denver on opening night. They have proven to be far inferior to the likes of Phoenix, San Antonio, Sacramento, and most recently, Seattle, in a much-hyped contest following the feud between Kobe Bryant and Ray Allen.

So 12-9 might look fine now, but not when the Lakers have already played their softest-quarter schedule this season. Tougher games lie ahead, and as of yet, the Lakers have not proven able to handle the most skilled teams in the Western Conference.

Buss, the man with the means, and Kupchak, the man with the plan, begrudgingly agreed, at the request of Kobe Bryant, to dismantle the 2004 Los Angeles Lakers roster, a roster that was made up largely of players who delivered three more NBA championship titles to the storied Lakers franchise.

Phil Jackson, the mastermind who owns nine NBA championship rings as a coach, claimed that he could no longer be at the helm of a team that featured Kobe on its roster. Shaquille O'Neal, the most rare type of athlete a sport can produce -- one who necessitates an alteration of the rules because of his domination -- echoed Jackson's feelings on wearing the same uniform as Bryant, and demanded a trade if Kobe, a free agent last summer, was to be re-signed. It was Kobe or them.

Buss and Kupchak chose Kobe. O'Neal and Jackson were gone.

Kobe, in what has become his trademark "me-first" fashion, showed his appreciation by nearly signing with the Clippers, even after the Lakers' brass had traded O'Neal and let Jackson go as a concession to Kobe's demands. Seven years, $136 million, and a signature later, however, Kobe was on the Lakers, for better or for worse.

Since that fateful July day, Bryant has had the sexual assault charges against him dropped by his accuser, though he still faces a civil suit in the case. He has traded barbs with Jackson and O'Neal: Jackson, after the coach criticized Kobe in his recently-released book, calling Kobe selfish, and O'Neal, after Shaq attacked Bryant in a rap lyric on his latest album.

Later, it was Ray Allen who got involved with Kobe, criticizing him for wanting to do too much on his own at the expense of his teammates, while Kobe shot back, "Don't even put me in the same sentence as [Ray Allen]." Then Kobe drew the ire of Karl Malone, who was peeved after Bryant claimed that Karl probably was not going to come back to the Lakers this year. Malone took it as an affront, and vowed not to go back to the Lakers since it is clear that it's Kobe's team, and that Kobe wants nothing to do with Malone.

Soon thereafter, Bryant's agent announced (conveniently) that Malone had made a pass at Kobe's wife almost a month earlier, and that the two had a falling out over the incident, despite being close friends beforehand.

Throughout this ongoing drama that follows Bryant around like a bloodhound, Kobe has led the league in scoring, with over 27 points per game, and triple-doubles, a good statistical measure of the all-around player.

But there are other telling numbers in Kobe's stat line that raise red flags. The first is his minutes played per game. Bryant leads the NBA in that category with 43.1, meaning he's on the bench for less than five minutes a night. Last year, Kobe played just over 37 minutes a night, and for his career, he averages 34 minutes per contest.

Kobe's shooting percentage is the lowest of his career, an abominable 39.7 percent. How much has the increased minutes affected Kobe's shooting percentage, a statistic strongly linked to player stamina? And will playing 43 minutes a night for the next 61 games leave Bryant with anything left in the tank during the season's final stretch, especially considering the constant off-court issues he has faced each day for the past year and a half? And will Kobe ever decide to let Shaq's replacements from Miami -- Lamar Odom and Caron Butler -- carry some of the burden that Kobe incessantly insists upon shouldering each night?

The answers to these questions should dictate the success, or more likely, lack thereof, of this Lakers squad. Buss and Kupchak have handed the keys to Kobe in hopes that he will become the franchise player that his immense talent should allow him to be. As yet, Kobe's massive ego and knack for spats, and not his greatness on the court, have circumscribed this Lakers season, one which is far gloomier than their record suggests.

Posted by Vincent Musco at 2:50 PM | Comments (3)

Inside the Mind of Slant Pattern

Just like any sportswriter, the world of sports news in my muse. I comment on the news because I failed so horribly at reporting the news. Like many, if not most, of the Sports Central staff, I have experienced a sweet time in my life when I was actually paid cash for my pen strokes.

You know those free small town or neighborhood "shoppers?" They are 80% ads, and the other 20% consists of stories like, "Local Man to Enter Pie-Eating Contest." You might throw them away the second you get them, unsolicited, in your lawn or mailbox. Frankly, I usually do.

The only time I actually do read the shoppers is if they have something like a Police Beat, because I enjoy reading paragraphs like, "Elm Street ShopGreat Owner Elmer Johnby reported to Burghboro Police that three teens walked out of his store with an entire crate of Klondike Bars without paying. Johnby reported the only flavor in the crate was Original, and he still has plenty of Heath Toffee Klondike bars available. Reportedly, one of the teens flashed Johnby an obscene finger gesture on the way out the door. If you have any information please call our tip line..."

So, I covered football for four different high schools for one of those papers, for twenty big ones an article, back in 1998.

It didn't take me long to realize that the only part of the job I enjoyed were the press boxes (even a lot of the high school ones will give you free food). I was not meant to report the news, but to make hilarious and/or trenchant asides about the news, I told myself. Reporting the news was real work. Sure, every financially-independent newspaper pundit started out this way, but on the other hand, "Workin's for chumps," as my sister once said in high school after quitting her job at Friendly's when she found a $50 bill in the parking lot. Her words strike me as as true today as they have ever been.

So this unwillingness to pay my dues in the journalism world as led me to be grateful for this position, which allows me quite an unlimited canvas, and for my real, non-journalism jobs. Yes, I am a chump. But one with a roof over my head and dental coverage.

I am pleased that the BBC has favorably mentioned my work, but the secret truth between me and the editor is that I suck at this assignment, too. (Now give yourself more credit than that! - Ed)

I miss my deadlines too often and I usually have no idea what I'm going to write about until I sit down. Over on our message boards, it's easy to invoke my passion in conversations. It's a lot more difficult as to construct a soliloquy than it is to bounce off someone else in dialog. So I may spill 1,000 words about Jim Tressel on those message boards, and since I'm unwilling to just cut-and-paste my message board diatribes into an article and call it a day (even I am not that shameless, although I must sadly reserve the right to do so in the future), I have to come up with something else.

So this week, I'm going to try something new. As I type this, I don't know what is coming next, but I know where it's coming from: the Associated Press wire. Between all the major sports, news and waiver-wire minutiae tick on all night long. So let's see what the very latest is on the wire and I will write my commentary on said item. This also plays into my "I just broke big news!" fantasy, to an extent. Despite earlier claims, commentary is not guaranteed to be either hilarious or trenchant.

The first item up for bid is indeed a bit of a corker. The Pitt Panthers, who just lost their head coach, Walt Harris, to Stanford, have confirmed three candidates. Two you've never heard of, but the third is Dave Wannstedt. He has ties to Pitt.

It's hard to know what direction the Pitt program would take if it hired Dave Wannstedt. Certainly, you need to look no further than Pete Carroll and Lou Holtz for coaches with mediocre NFL records who go on to big college success. But Dave Wannstedt? Is the search committee at Pitt saying, "You know how we've had this unbelievable run of outstanding wide receivers? I hated that. I want to start losing games 13-10. That's what will sell tickets. Explosive offenses are death to ticket sales." If Pitt hires him, I will be forced to conclude that the felt they needed a "name." Hell, maybe they do.

I must admit a bias against Wannstedt, because he seems to command much more respect than we give other NFL coaches with gaping losing records. He was a bust as the coach of the Chicago Bears, but all I ever heard on the radio or read in the newspaper was, "Wannstedt has been extremely unlucky with injuries and other circumstances, he's actually a great coach."

Well, how do we know? And can't this really be said about the head coach of any 4-12 team? They all have impressive resumes and miles-long vouchers of excellence in coaching just to get an NFL gig. So why are we so much more forgiving of Wannstedt? With Ricky Williams' untimely retirement and other Dolphin injuries, he's getting the same amount of leeway from a lot of camps today, too.

The latest NFL wire story is an interview with and story about Jake Plummer. In it, he apologizes for giving a fan the very same gesture those ice cream-stealing kids gave Mr. Johnby. Plummer says, "You're looking at a guy who's not perfect." Speaking of trenchant! I thought I was looking at a guy who was perfect.

The wire story goes on to document some of his recent struggles (zero touchdowns, six interceptions in the last two games), and they could have mentioned his long, disastrous stint with Arizona Cardinals, which never happened, do you understand? We are all just dreaming that he ever played for the Cardinals. He was drafted to be [John] Elway's air apparent!

Apparently, Plummer is now second in the league in interceptions, and you'll never guess who's first: Carson Palmer. The two leading interception victims are leading teams that are a combined 14-12 and doing it in the monstrously-tough AFC. Curious.

The final wire story I'm looking at reports that Rick Majerus has agreed to take over the USC basketball program. Or, as the wire lead so politely puts it, "Hide the pizza and doughnuts: Rick Majerus is back coaching college basketball." and "He retired nearly a year ago for health reasons after 15 seasons at Utah, but he couldn't stay away from his life's passion."

I probably shouldn't critique the pros after admitting my own incompetency in journalism, but man, that is one terrible lead-in. "Hmmm ... I need an angle to introduce the Majerus story. I know! It'll be about how Majerus is really fat! I'll mention pizza and doughnuts! Fat people love junk food! I'm laughing just thinking about it! And I will insinuate that he's putting basketball above his health!"

Slant Pattern Picks of the Week

All-Thursday college basketball edition:

South Alabama + 10.5 over Florida State
Houston -9.5 over New Orleans
Baylor +17 over SMU

Slant Pattern College Football Top 25

1. USC
2. Auburn
3. Oklahoma
4. Utah
5. Cal
6. Virginia Tech
7. Boise State
8. Louisville
9. Texas
10. Michigan
11. Georgia
12. Iowa
13. Virginia
14. Tennessee
15. LSU
16. Miami (FL)
17. Arizona State
18. Pittsburgh
19. West Virginia
20. Boston College
21. Florida State
22. Oklahoma State
23. Texas Tech
24. Florida
25. Ohio State

Posted by Kevin Beane at 12:25 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 15, 2004

The Epitome of Hubris

This was a week for the megalomaniacs of Major League Baseball to lay low.

Let the players' tradings and signings by the owners begin amongst themselves at the owners' meetings in Phoenix, AZ. Expect for Commissioner Bud Selig and Players Association Executive Director, Don Fehr, to begin to get down to the nitty-gritty on substantive changes to the Collective Bargaining Agreement as it relates to illegal substance testing.

And now that the proverbial black eye has been levied against MLB through documentation from the BALCO Grand Jury testimonies, most fans are either disgusted or unphased by the latest foibles in the world of MLB. Both reactions are not good for its future health.

Collectively, MLB, the MLB Players Association, as well as MLB ownership has done little in the past several years in addressing the illegal substance issue other than to pay it lip service to the public and to the U.S. Congress. But now that the denial can no longer go on, thanks to back-door full and partial admissions of such use by Jason Giambi, Barry Bonds, and Gary Sheffield respectively, the issue has to be addressed with at least the appearance of forthrightness.

But as MLB strives to do some serious damage control over the winter and at the same time continue on with its normal pace of operations in order to get ready for the 2005 season, it needs to put its proverbial brood on notice that they need to represent the face of MLB in the most positive way they can. In other words, they should be selective in their choices for dealing with the public-at-large.

That brings us to the "Ultimate Experience" which was facilitated by the best-known name in baseball himself, Barry Bonds, and NY Yankee, Alex Rodriguez, arguably the other best-known name in all of MLB.

It took place at the Marriot Hotel in NYC's Times Square on Friday, December 10th. To say the timing of the event itself was bad for Barry Bonds is an understatement. (He is still under a great cloud of controversy since the Grand Jury testimony was leaked just a week prior.) And for both Bonds and Rodriguez to host such an event in the way in which it was done, did not "ultimately" improve their "approval ratings."

The "Ultimate Experience" invokes images of the political fundraiser, which we all are too familiar with hearing about this past election year. A cocktail party for the well-heeled, was a benefit for the least few in the community, as it was limited to 100 persons, willing to pay the fee of $7,500.00 in order to "Meet and Greet" the candidate, I mean ballplayer, in an effort to get a signed baseball and the chance to ask a question of him; although there were areas of questioning which were off limits, such as anything personal or anything having to do with the state of affairs of baseball concerning illegal substances.

Additionally, it was an attempt, at least on Rodriguez' part, as a fundraiser for the Boys & Girls Club of America, with all proceeds going to the Miami, FL chapter. If he is a NY Yankee and holding this event in NY, why not have any of the proceeds go to the NYC chapter?

Barry Bonds did not disclose what he was going to do with the money. In other words, for those stooges willing to fork over $7,500.00 for five minutes of the player's time, they were not told whether the money, which went to Mr. Bonds, was going to go to a charity at all.

More curious above all was that this event was co-hosted by Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez; Bonds who does not care what the public thinks of him as he as reiterated many times, and A-Rod, a guy who actually gives the appearance of running for office, given the time he devotes to his public image.

But most important of all, at a time when MLB could really use its players to promote its positive image, two of its biggest stars choose to take the easiest route to earn the quickest return without including the community or its children.

While many MLB players are handing out toys to children at local hospitals and volunteering at soup kitchens this time of year, and should be applauded, none of the "Ultimate Experience" proceeds will directly benefit the local communities or the fans for which Barry Bonds or Alex Rodriguez play.

No, not everything about MLB is negative or related to illegal substance abuse, but not everything about playing MLB should be about making money or gratifying one's ego either.

Being a star in Major League Baseball carries with it another kind of price tag, which has to do with giving back to the community and being held to a higher standard in doing the right thing. And that unfortunately is not taught between the lines.

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 11:53 AM | Comments (1)

December 14, 2004

NFL Week 14 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Daunte Culpepper and Donovan McNabb are the only QBs with more than half as many TD passes as Peyton Manning.

* The Browns are the only team in the NFL without a road win this season.

* Tom Jackson is slipping. He's lost his ability to make a point without overstating it. You can defend Mike Tice without calling him one of the best coaches in the league, Tom.

* Super Bowl XXXIX: Eagles over Colts.

* For the first time all season, I saw only two games in their entirety this week.

The NFL is the best pro sports league in North America, but it has the worst television package of any of the Big Four in the United States. At noon Central, my CBS affiliate was showing an infomercial and FOX had Ravens/Giants. I'm not sure which is worse.

I was so mad, I left my house -- which I usually do on Sundays only to attend a game -- and drove around looking for a sports bar (where a real game might be shown) even though I knew there weren't any nearby. I gave up, drove home, watched the halftime show, and then popped in an NFL Films video during the second half. Apparently, I really didn't miss anything. In the afternoon, CBS had Steelers/Jets, but FOX chose Packers/Lions. I guess because Brett Favre was playing? I don't understand why that was their top game.

The NFL and its television partners make a mistake by depriving fans of any choice of games. The league takes its popularity for granted, forgetting why it is popular. The goal is not to be better than baseball and basketball; it is to be the best possible. The NFL has lost sight of that and isn't doing everything to maximize its popularity. If fans could watch the games they want to see without investing in expensive cable and satellite packages, the league would be better off and its supporters would be happier. It's impossible to let everyone choose every game s/he watches, but here are two easy steps in the right direction:

1) Sunday afternoon games should always be shown on both channels so you're not locked into a stinker like Ravens/Giants. Two choices are much better than one. I have 61 channels and a ton of NFL Films videos and old game tapes, but give me even one decent live game and I'll watch it.

2) Football fans, not television producers, should be deciding which games to show.

I lived in Iowa for four years, and we consistently got the best games, probably because there are no teams within 100 miles. Last year, I lived in Missouri, and I saw a lot of the Rams and Chiefs, but at least those were successful and exciting teams last season. Now I'm on the East Coast, and it seems like I see the Giants and Ravens every week. Showing the home team is one thing, but regional interest only goes so far.

I'm not asking for the NFL's television package to be perfect, but there's no reason for it not to be better. The best sports product in the country should not have the worst TV deal on the continent.

On to the power rankings, with brackets showing previous rank.

1. Philadelphia Eagles [2] -- One of the flaws in sports television is that if you're a hardcore fan, you hear the same thing over and over. When Terrell Owens got to 13 TDs, we started hearing about the Andy Reid in tights bet. That was three weeks ago. People who settle in to watch NFL Live or Monday Night Countdown heard about the bet at least two weeks ago. We don't need it brought up every show.

2. New England Patriots [1] -- Notre Dame's hiring of Charlie Weis as its new head coach has to hurt the Patriots. I've heard it said that if any team can deal with the distraction, New England is that team. There's some reason to think that, but it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect the opposite, either. Bill Belichick and the Patriots emphasize team mentality more than any other team in the NFL. What sort of message does it send when one of the top assistant coaches starts splitting his time and energy with another program?

3. Pittsburgh Steelers [3] -- Why aren't the Steelers ahead of Philly and New England, both of whom they beat? Because this column rates teams according to how well they're playing right now. Those victories over the Eagles and Pats are ancient history; they don't reflect how the teams are playing now. The Steelers look great, but not the best.

4. Indianapolis Colts [4] -- They've won six in a row, beating up on mediocre opposition. The last three weeks of the regular season pit them against three teams with winning records, so I wouldn't expect the same kind of production out of the offense the next few weeks. Manning will get the single-season TD record, of course, and probably the single-season passer rating mark. But his passer rating will probably drop at least five points before the end of the season, and I don't believe he'll break Dan Marino's record for passing yards in a season.

5. San Diego Chargers [5] -- Most seasons, seven wins in a row merits a top-three power ranking. This season, though, it's the 12-1 teams, then the Colts, then the Chargers, then everybody else. San Diego is, I believe, definitively the fifth-best team in the NFL.

6. Buffalo Bills [6] -- The Bills have won six of their last seven games, including four in a row, with the loss coming at New England. In three of their last four games, the Bills won by at least 20 points.

7. New York Jets [8] -- Won five in a row to open the season, then lost three out of four. The Jets rebounded to win three games in a row, and now they've lost again. With Seattle at home next week, don't expect this to be the start of a new streak.

8. Atlanta Falcons [9] -- Unlike Green Bay, the Falcons rebounded nicely from last week's disaster. Their 25-point win over the Raiders was the largest of the season. Warrick Dunn and T.J. Duckett both had big games, and Michael Vick did what he had to do.

9. Green Bay Packers [7] -- Allowed 156 rushing yards to Kevin Jones and had to come back from a 13-0 halftime deficit. It's impressive that they did come back, but squeaking by Detroit hardly qualifies as a statement game after they got blown out by Philadelphia.

10. Carolina Panthers [14] -- This team has won five games in a row and hasn't scored fewer than 20 points since October. This week's game at Atlanta will tell us how the Panthers deal with stiff competition. I'm guessing pretty well.

11. Cincinnati Bengals [11] -- The consensus seems to be, "Boy, Marvin Lewis sure made the right call going with Carson Palmer over Jon Kitna at the beginning of the season." Beg to differ. Kitna was terrific last year, better than Palmer has been this season. The new guy's been playing well the last few weeks, but with Kitna under center all season, the Bengals might be 8-5 or 9-4 right now.

12. Baltimore Ravens [13] -- Kyle Boller had a nice game against the feeble Giants, but the real credit goes to the defense. It's hard to force an opponent into a 0.0 passer rating, no matter who you're playing against.

13. Denver Broncos [12] -- In the last three weeks, Denver has lost twice and barely beaten the Dolphins. Since their four-game winning streak ended on Halloween, the Broncos are 3-4. Jake Plummer is taking too much of the heat for their poor performance, though.

14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [10] -- Playoff chances are virtually nil, but I'd rather see Tampa than Minnesota or St. Louis. The Buccaneers struggle on the road, with a 1-6 record that can't be blamed on cold weather (they haven't played north of the Mason-Dixon Line since September). The Bucs and Chiefs are the only losing teams to have outscored their opponents.

15. Jacksonville Jaguars [16] -- Three losses in their last four games. The teams at the top are so good this season that all the teams in the middle have bad records.

16. Washington Redskins [22] -- This is risky, but Washington is obviously much improved, and no other team has a compelling case to be ranked this high. In the last four weeks, Washington has played against Philadelphia twice and at Pittsburgh. Joe Gibbs and Co. lost those three games, but respectably, and in the other one, they blew out the Giants.

17. Houston Texans [17] -- Five losses in their last six games, but all against winning teams, and there's no one to move ahead of them. At home, Houston is 3-4 and has outscored opponents by 12 points. On the road, the team is 2-4 and has been outscored by 74. The standard for homefield advantage is around +3. For this year's Texans, it's +10½. Maybe even more, because Houston's home opponents have a better combined record than the teams it has faced on the road.

18. Kansas City Chiefs [18] -- Billy Volek played well and all, but the Kansas City defense made him look better than he really is. The defense was Horrible. Yes, with a capital H.

19. St. Louis Rams [19] -- Five losses in their last seven games. This year's NFC West is so bad, the winner should try to decline its invitation to the playoffs.

20. Seattle Seahawks [24] -- Last season, they were 8-0 at home. This year, they're 3-3. Seattle is also the only division leader with a losing record in its division (2-3).

21. Minnesota Vikings [15] -- Much better at home (5-2) than on the road (2-4). The Vikings are another team -- the third in a row -- that opened strong and sucks now. Since a 5-1 start, Minnesota has lost five of its last seven. They're 1-2 with Randy Moss back.

22. Tennessee Titans [21] -- Anyone who watched the game could tell that Tennessee outplayed KC. I thought that even before the shady roughing call at the end of the game. The Titans are beaten up, but they aren't giving up.

23. New Orleans Saints [28] -- Ended a three-game losing streak with a win at Dallas, holding the Cowboys to 13 points. It's the first time all season that New Orleans has kept an opponent below 20.

24. Dallas Cowboys [20] -- I hate this part of the rankings. Dallas could be ahead of the Rams. I don't know.

25. Oakland Raiders [23] -- During their five-game losing streak earlier this season, the Raiders really were awful. Oakland still isn't winning much, but it's keeping games close against good teams.

26. Detroit Lions [26] -- There are so many teams that deserve to be in the bottom quarter of the rankings, and a close game at Green Bay might deserve a jump, but Joey Harrington has been miserable for the last month. The Lions can't win with that kind of quarterbacking.

27. Chicago Bears [25] -- The Dolphins have scored more points this season than the Bears. With Washington's offense improving, Chicago is a decent bet to finish last in the NFL in points scored this season.

28. Miami Dolphins [29] -- They may be tied for the league's worst record, but Miami is definitely playing better than a few teams that have more wins.

29. Cleveland Browns [27] -- Seven losses in a row, and they look a little worse every week.

30. Arizona Cardinals [30] -- Everyone beats the Dolphins and Giants, so wins against them really don't count. Neither does beating the Saints and Seahawks in Arizona. Which means the Cardinals haven't won any games at all this year.

31. New York Giants [31] -- Every week, including during this Sunday's pregame shows, I hear Eli Manning apologists state unconditionally that Little Manning will be a great quarterback in this league. But it isn't true: that is not a given. I bet the same people said the same thing about Ryan Leaf.

32. San Francisco 49ers [32] -- Only the worst teams are so bad that they can win and still not move out of the bottom of the rankings. The 2004 Niners are such a team.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 2:39 PM | Comments (7)

The New Tiger Opens Up

Tiger Woods is back. That's the word from the golf world, as Tiger apparently rediscovered his game at his own tournament this past weekend. After a few close finishes, Tiger finally won a tournament; that's really special. I think the more important news to Tiger Woods fans, however, came a few days earlier, as Tiger told the media he was going to start a family soon.

While there are many theories as to why Tiger has gotten back on track, I think the clear reason is the person many blamed for his "slump," his mildly (I'm being generous here) pleasant-looking wife, Elin Nordegren. Many were quick to blame her for Tiger's downfall, as his game took a temporary change for the worse around the time he started getting serious with Elin. Now that "Tiger is back," according to the golf world, she is conveniently ignored as the reason he playing golf like Tiger Woods.

It was no coincidence that the biggest Tiger news to come across the wire shortly before his tournament was his announcement that he wasn't going to wait long to start a family. For those of you who understand how to "start a family," it should come as no surprise that Tiger had a great tournament. While Elin's greatest asset may not be her culinary skills (her cooking once saddled Tiger with a violent case of food poisoning), it seems Elin has found another way to get Woods to rise above his competition.

I'm not exactly sure what is newsworthy about Tiger starting a family soon, which is why I was surprised to see the story everywhere. It's almost like Tiger wanted everyone to know that he wouldn't be spending his nights at the local bowling alley or playing Xbox. Still, the biggest impact this story has is that Tiger said something that wasn't about golf. This has potential to open Tiger up to comment on other issues; maybe this is the start of a new Tiger Woods.

For years, activists and journalists have been trying to coerce Tiger to make comments on issues and controversies out of golf. People have begged him to take a stand on serious topics. His website has insightful comments from Tiger such as "I play golf." The site even has a section of all of Tiger's opinions (some of which I have paraphrased here), like:

Tiger on snow:

"I have never seen a snowflake ... I hate being cold."

Tiger on Michelle Wie:

"She's that chick that golf's right? That is classic."

Tiger on the color white:

"It's somewhat bland."

Tiger on Frosted Flakes mascot Tony the Tiger:

"No comment."

As you can see, while Tiger has a lot of important stuff to say, his statement about starting a family could be the start of a Tiger that doesn't limit his comments to just golf. In a few years, I wouldn't be shocked to see a press conference along these lines:

Tiger: I will now take your questions.

Reporter: Tiger, you have won 12-straight tournaments, I mean, you are like the greatest golfer ever. You are tremendous, and a definite role model for young golfers.

Tiger: Let me respond to that ... reporters tell a lot of lies; we need people like you to speak the truth. That being said, that's enough golf for now, let's open it up.

Reporter: Tiger, what do you think of Tyrone Willingham being fired at Notre Dame?

Tiger: Well, 2/5 of me is infuriated. He definitely didn't have enough time to perfect his system. The Irish made a huge mistake in that firing, and I cannot believe there are less than five African-American coaches in college football, that is an insult to my people. Now, 1/8th of me thinks that it's about winning and Tyrone didn't get the job done, so it was time for him to move on. I think the majority of my people feel the same way. Staying in college sports, 1/4 of me applauds the decision at Kent State to ban all Cleveland Indian Chief Wahoo logos from their campus. It's the right thing to do, my people won't take that.

Reporter: Tiger, with the recent fan violence in Detroit, do you ever fear a physical confrontation with a fan?

Tiger: You can never underrate a fan before you get in a fight with one, that is just asking for trouble. Kyle Farnsworth kicked a fan last summer and it landed him on the DL for a few weeks. I don't think I can afford an incident like that. Now, I don't interact with fans too much, I prefer air conditioning.

Reporter: Tiger, do you plan to help Karl Malone in his "hunt for little Mexican girls"?

Tiger: I cannot believe that Malone would make a comment like that to Kobe's wife. Kobe has every right to be mad. He has defended his honor at every juncture in his life and he would never let anything embarrass her in public like that. Now, I can say Karl is a good guy. He reminds me of that Carl guy from "The Simpsons." Carl Carlson was always there for people, just like Karl Malone. He seems like he would be a fun guy to hang with; that Lenny guy is lucky.

Reporter: Tiger, how do you respond to Jim Rome's allegations that you are a robot?

Tiger: (unfazed) The course looks good. My swing feels good. I like my chances.

Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].

Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 12:26 PM | Comments (0)

Something to Talk About

Chicago just keeps on disappointing us, don't they?

In the past week, we have seen the utter cheapness of the Chicago White Sox, unwilling to keep sluggers like Carlos Lee and Magglio Ordonez.

The Chicago Cubs are peddling Sammy Sosa and, though he is actually drawing interest, he'll still be in a Cubs uniform next year, meaning the North Siders will not be enjoying the offense of Carlos Beltran.

The Bulls gave us a little spark of hope by defeating Heir Jordan, LeBron James, and the Cleveland Cavaliers, but without a true go-to player, Kirk Hinrich, notwithstanding, the close ones slip away, as it did against the Dallas Mavericks, last Monday.

The Bears? Must I really get into that one? Chad Hutchinson beat the Vikings just to come back and get manhandled by Byron Leftwich and the Jaguars.

Did we really believe that we would see a different result?

Mercifully, the Blackhawks aren't disappointing us because of the lockout, but eventually, when the teams take the ice, they will return to form.

Fortunately, not all is lost in this once proud Midwestern state, as there is one team that has a chance to bring a championship to Illinois and they aren't even professionals.

The Fighting Illini, ranked number one in the country, for the first time since 1989 are on top after their second week. Two straight weeks is the longest time they have ever been ranked that high.

What's even more incredible is that they aren't any signs of slowing down, boasting a 9-0 record.

The buzz began when Illinois destroyed the then No. 1 Wake Forest Demon Deacons. Since then, the Illini continue to roll along and have beaten every opponent by double digits, including the once undefeated Oregon Ducks.

In the game against the Ducks, all five Illini starters scored double digits, behind Luther Head leading the way with 23, Deron Williams pouring in 17, and Dee Brown chipping in 13.

"We're just worried about getting better and preparing for each game as it came to us. Hopefully, we can keep that ranking a little longer," Deron Williams said.

I really hope you keep it, too, Deron, but it won't be because you lost a game to lose the No. 1 ranking.

Even with Illinois' newfound success, there is only one problem with holding on to the top spot ... the schedule.

The Kansas Jayhawks, also undefeated, are lingering behind the Illini, in the No. 2 spot.

At the moment, Kansas is 13 first place votes short of the Illini, which is pretty hefty, but that may change when you look at the power of each team's schedule.

The rankings will change as the season wears on, but the most difficult teams the Illini have to deal with this season are No. 17 Cincinnati, No. 18 Michigan State, and No. 21 Iowa.

Granted, the Big 10 is very competitive and even a Minnesota or Wisconsin team could give the Illini their first loss. Anything is possible, but this really looks like the season for coach Bruce Weber's team to go undefeated before March Madness begins and possibly beyond.

However, Kansas has to deal with the likes of No. 3 Georgia Tech, No. 4 Oklahoma State, No. 11 Kentucky, and No. 12 Texas. Now, if Kansas can remain undefeated, with a stretch like that, then Illinois would surely lose its ranking.

However, voting isn't altogether perfect, either, but it beats the hell out of the BCS. If we used that system for NCAA basketball, USC and Oklahoma would be ranked over Auburn. Illinois, Kansas, and Georgia Tech would be left out of the tournament altogether.

Go figure that one out.

Now, with all that said, none of it takes away from the stellar season that Illinois is having.

No matter what Kansas does, no matter where the Illini are ranked, there is only one thing for sure...

Come tournament time, the Illini will be on my bracket in the middle square.

Why?

Well, being a resident of Chicago, I suppose the only reason I can give is that the Illini are simply just something to talk about.

Posted by Damian Greene at 12:04 PM | Comments (0)

December 13, 2004

Why College Hoops is Better Than Pro

Friday night, nothing was on. Not a hockey game, not a high school football game, nothing. Unless you count the highly-anticipated matchup between the Sixers and Bulls as something, which I don't.

The NBA might as well not even exist as far as I am concerned. Who can watch this nonsense? Does anyone hit a jumper? Not that it matters, but at least act like you care if you miss. That's what the kids at Oklahoma State and Syracuse did when they missed. In fact, they missed lots of shots, all night, and the game was still a great watch, even though both are virtually assured of making the postseason even with a loss.

So why is college basketball so much better than the NBA? Ten reasons for you:

10. Safety

There is 75% less of a chance you will be assaulted in a college arena by a player than a professional one. That number would have been significantly higher, but Ron Artest is sitting out the year promoting his awesome music albums. The bigger problem is that most of the players said Artest was justified ... were they joking? No, they're just that delusional.

9. Rooting Factor

Does anyone root for the players in the NBA? You might root for your team, but I don't think you have a favorite out there. In college, there are genuine people to root for, people that actually battle adversity instead of say, ask their coach for a month off to promote a rap album. Or whine about not being able to feed their family on a salary of millions of dollars. You might as well not even get up in the morning, know what I'm saying? There are a few whiners on the collegiate level, but to be fair to the BYU team, no you don't get paid to play in college, but you still have to feed your kids.

8. 30-Second Timeouts

Is there anything more obtrusive than the last minute of a close NBA game? There's like seven timeouts, and each one takes two minutes. College did the right thing, and made them all 30 seconds. One commercial, and we're back. The flow is hardly interrupted. What I want to know is, what in god's name are they talking about in that two-minute timeout in the NBA? Does anyone think Slava Medvedenko is the go-to guy in crunch time?

7. The Zone

The NBA did incorporate one, but it barely registers thanks to the defensive three-second rule. They don't want big guys camping out down there basically forcing teams to, say ... make a jump shot. The end result is still eight guys standing around watching two guys play one-on-one. But if you like that kind of thing, the NBA is for you. Although I don't know why you just don't play NBA Jams instead.

6. Atmosphere

Is this debatable? Even if you've never been to a college game, just observe the aura from the TV. Sure, the NBA does have the whole "this game is fantastic" ad campaign, and I bet Richard Lewis is as the top of rowdy B-list celebrities, but does he even begin to compare to the Cameron Crazies? Or the lunatics at Allen Field House? Or what about Rupp Arena? I don't think they need an organ to get any defense chants in the college arenas.

5. Announcers

There are certainly the Dick Vitale detractors, but would you rather watch Dickie V. yelling, or Stephen A. Smith yelling at you? And what was with John Saunders trying to equate throwing a cup of beer with assault? No, assault is when you attack someone, like Artest, Stephen Jackson, Jermaine O'Neal, and David Harrison all did.

Were they provoked? Yes. Was it self-defense? No. It was retaliation, and Bill Walton was the only one who seemed to hold the players at least partially accountable. College announcers might not all be Vin Scully, but at least they don't sound as ridiculous as Agent Scully.

4. The Atlantic Coast Conference

Is there one conference in the NBA that will be as competitive as the ACC? Between Duke, North Carolina, Wake Forest, and Georgia Tech you have four legitimate Final Four schools. Now throw in Maryland, NC State, and Virginia, and you have three more teams knocking on the top 10 door! Add a better than expected Miami and Florida State, and suddenly, the ACC looks as if they can compete with the Atlantic Conference ... of the NBA.

3. It's a Coaches Game

In the pros, everyone runs the same offense -- give the ball to your best player, let him beat his man one-on-one, or draw the double-team and pass until the open guy has a shot. In college, there is actual strategy to your offensive game plan. Sometimes you have to deal with a variety of zone defenses, or heaven forbid, a full-court press before there is two minutes to go in the game. And often there are times when the team that is less talented, but more prepared is victorious.

2. Rivalries

The NBA used to have them ... as recently as the former century. Remember when the Knicks/Heat was big? Or before that the Lakers/Blazers? Or Bulls/Knicks? Or Lakers/Celtics? Now name one current rivalry today that exists in the NBA ... while you're trying to come up with one, consider this.

Duke and North Carolina can hit each other's schools with bottle rockets, and they happen to be two of the best programs year in and year out. Syracuse and Connecticut, while not as close in proximity, also share a nice healthy rivalry. Arizona and Stanford do battle quite contentiously every season, as well. Plus in the ACC, every game might as well be a rivalry. Just look at Gary Williams after a road game. He might kill somebody, real soon!

1. March Madness

How about how lame the NBA playoffs are compared to how unbelievably dramatic the tourney is? How about one-and-done compared to the logic of we can take a night off because we can get them tomorrow night?

I could make other observations, but as an NBA scout in Sports Illustrated put it quite nicely "Sure, the college game has us beat when it comes to playoff drama, but..." Yes, that plus you can bet on it with brackets. Man, I love those things.

I don't care if the NBA playoffs are longer, tougher, etc. Hockey playoffs are the most grueling, and we see the ratings those guys get. All I want is to see competitive team basketball with the attitude of if we don't win tonight, it's over, so let's lay it all on the line right now. And I never get that feeling, ever, from the NBA.

Not when the Lakers were on their deathbed, not when the Kings bow out of another playoffs, not when the Knicks get in with a sub-.500 record. You might as well try, Knickerbockers, you shouldn't really be there anyway, so make the most of your chance!

So those are my ten reasons, all unbiased and sound in every bit of their logic to abandon the pro game for the collegiate one. But if you really want to hang around the pro game, Stephen A. will be more than happy to yell at you.

Posted by Piet Van Leer at 12:43 PM | Comments (5)

I Hate Mondays: Motion in the Ocean

Danny Ocean and Co. had the audacity to burglarize Terry Benedict's Bellagio in Ocean's Eleven, but while their swift scam was easily executed in the first flick, it makes sense that their strength of schedule bulks up in the convoluted sequel.

And while droves of fans lineup to financially support the flat follow-up, it's hard to find as many admirers who back the New York Jets or the Atlanta Falcons through their cushy calendar of challengers this year.

When evaluating the NFC, the most generic statements voiced nowadays is that the Philadelphia Eagles are the brass, while everyone else, including the 9-3 Falcons, lack the class. It's a fairly primitive concept. The Falcons' strength of schedule has been weaker than the famed-face plot of Twelve. They've had the simplest road schedule in the league while the record of the home opponents they've faced is a flimsy 33-39 (heading into Week 14). They've only played two teams with a record above .500 and have displayed dismal efforts in Kansas City (56-10) and in Tampa Bay (27-0).

As for the Jets from New York, although they too were 9-3 heading into Week 14, they are rarely mentioned in the same sentence as Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, or New England. Maybe that's because they haven't proved their mettle against rugged opponents. While their road opponent record waivers just below .500, the foes that they've faced in their own confines have been as facile a Bruce Willis cameo.

Sound familiar (I'm not referring to another stale star-studded movie)? I'm referring to the connection between these subtle contenders and the Carolina Panthers of last year.

As they marched to 11 wins and only five losses through the regular season last year, pundits still scoffed at the young squad, and described their chances as paper-thin.

Carolina only faced four teams with a winning record in the regular season and furthermore, only triumphed in one of those meetings. Atlanta has faced two teams above .500 but has defeated both, while the Jets are 2-3 against teams of that sort.

What is important is that they are defeating the subpar squads, and are discounted by most observers.

You could wait until the third week of the playoffs to hop on the underdog sleeper bandwagon -- which still wouldn't be as protracted a wait as the anticipation of the storyline ameliorating in Ocean's Twelve -- or you could start believing just a little earlier than everyone else.

Don't hate, participate.

Stodgy cinema and sleeping giants mix like Mondays and me.

"The power to command frequently causes failure to think." - Barbara W. Tuchman

Posted by Dave Golokhov at 11:45 AM | Comments (0)

December 11, 2004

The Business of Barry Bonds

When Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron's lifetime home run record within the next two seasons, he will be booed. Mercilessly. He'll be booed because he's a cheater, because he's a liar, and because he's an egotistical bastard who treats other human beings like tiny scabs left behind by syringe pricks. (And really, when speaking about Bonds, appearance of the word prick is practically mandatory.)

The only thing larger than Barry's steroid-soaked head is the fallout from the last month's worth of revelations and accusations about performance-enhancing drugs in baseball. Even if the public doesn't care (and we don't), and even if Major League Baseball owes its renaissance to the artificially-inflated numbers from artificially-inflated players (and it does), the party's over. Too many politicians are too interested in what is one of those slam-dunk public relations coups for congressmen on the stump. ("Save our children from steroids!" "Eliminate flat tires!" "Unlike my opponent, I will not now, nor will I ever, ban the sale of umbrellas on rainy days, so help me God!")

There is going to be meaningful testing in Major League Baseball. But hasn't the anabolic pony already left the barn, as we're frantically closing the door? The home runs have been hit, the records have been shattered, and most importantly, the millions have been made -- by players, by baseball, and by media conglomerates like Time Warner and Disney.

All three parties were captains of the steroid industry. And now, all three are occupying the same awkward space between blissful ignorance and mournful perception. Because, you see, they didn't know ... but then again, who didn't know, right? The bottom line is that the late great Ray Charles could have seen these players were chemically-enhancing their performances. (And if he couldn't, one squeeze of the ol' twig and berries would have told him everything he needed to know. Georgia on his mind? Try Rhode Island in their pants.)

You know who knew? The trainers, unless they all received their degrees through the mail from Micronesia. And if the trainers knew, the coaches knew. If the coaches knew, the teams knew. If the teams knew, baseball knew. And we all know none of them were going to say but jack and squat about it, because nobody buys season tickets or advertising space during television broadcasts for a team with warning-track power.

Unfortunately for those season ticket holders -- and really all the fans that paid to see these frauds hit their home runs over the last decade -- they are now to blame for the steroid epidemic. You see, because we dared to attend games just to see Bonds, just to see Jason Giambi, just to see the rest of the ones who haven't copped to juicing yet ... we were feeding the monster. We were approving of the behavior. It's our fault, and now we have to figure out what we're going to do about it.

And who's telling us this? That's right: the people who don't have to pay to see the games. ESPN. Sports talk radio screamers. Magazine columnists. The usual group of know-it-alls who are far too eager to leap onto their soap boxes to shake a disapproving finger at the fans, even when we're the ones absorbing the costs, absorbing the punches, and wiping the spit off our $250 logo jackets.

Take ESPN, which spent as much time over the last few weeks telling the fans how to feel as it did analyzing what baseball didn't do to curb steroid abuse. Back in 1991, when it was apparent to everyone but Barry Bonds that Barry Bonds was on the juice, ESPN lauded him with the same kind of hero worship it gave Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa -- even if Barry's pursuit of the single-season home run record generated only a fraction of the interest theirs did. What was the most important issue surrounding Bonds' home run chase? The fact that Barry was clearly enhancing his strength artificially, but baseball's feeble drug policy was more concerned with cocaine because cokeheads don't hit homers? Nope ... it was that Barry kept getting walked at the plate.

The fact is that Barry walking wasn't good for business, especially with ESPN breaking into coverage to show his every at-bat. Barry hitting home runs was. So the media made it their task to slam opposing teams and managers for walking Bonds, to ridicule and bemoan the fact that Bonds was breaking the record for walks before he broke the record for homers. Forget the fact that these pitchers were actually defending the integrity of the game by not allowing a cheater to prosper -- they were the bad guys, not Bonds.

Fast-forward to May 2004, and Bonds is still getting the breaks, even as his name was linked with the BALCO case. Here's Tom Verducci, venerable baseball columnist for Sports Illustrated:

Two months shy of turning 40, Bonds has never been bigger, and not in a BALCO kind of way.

Boy, that sure sounds like someone giving Mr. Bonds the benefit of the doubt. Whaddya do, Tommy: drink his urine? Check Barry's belly for needle pricks? Imagine if the San Francisco Chronicle had not pursued those grand jury transcripts, and decided that Barry was big, "but not in a BALCO kind of way." We would have never known that Jeremy Giambi was on the juice!

But just like ESPN, SI is in the business of Barry Bonds. He appeared on six covers since 2001, although two were in reference to the BALCO Labs investigation. One cover from 2001 simply said "Smashing," and featured Barry's artificially-enhanced biceps smacking a historic home run. Eight years earlier, SI had a cover that featured Bonds and the headline "I'm Barry Bonds, and You're Not." More notable was the picture they used, showing Bonds in the on-deck circle, resting his weight on his bat.

Wait ... what weight? You can't tell the difference between Barry's forearms from his bat in the picture. But that never mattered to the bean counters in Tom Verducci's office -- although I imagine there are some lighting issues when you're trying to calculate net profits with your head buried in the sand.

But now that the syringe is out of the fatty tissue, winking denial of steroid abuse in Major League Baseball is soooooo 2001. Solemn realization is what the cool kids are into. Like Jayson Stark of ESPN.com, who like the rest of his cronies in Big Media knew-it-all-along, and now it's up to the fans to dictate how this thing plays out:

"We know that because, in the same set of polling, more than 93 percent of fans surveyed said steroid use "taints the game."

So the people have spoken. But they've spoken before. And what they said this week is no different than what they said last week. Or last month. Or last year. Or last century.

They don't exactly look at steroids and baseball as the sports world's cutest couple. When they look at this scene, they see Sharon and Ozzy, not Nick and Jessica.

So what have people really made of the developments they read about and heard about this week? They didn't need shock therapy -- because they knew this stuff was looming, just over the horizon. Who the heck didn't?"

Indeed: who the heck didn't? Did ESPN? Did SI? Did The Sporting News? Did FOX? Did Topps? Did Nike? Did Rawlings? Did FILA? Did all the corporations and individuals who used the same players they now vilify like virtual ATM machines of ad revenue and subscription fees?

Suddenly, it's on us, dear paying customers, to decide where baseball and its drug testing policy are going. If we still go to the games, or fail to grab our torches and head to Selig's office, aren't we saying we simply don't care about drugs in sports? Aren't we the depraved ones?

Or is true moral bankruptcy when one fails to prosecute the guilty because they don't want to see the cash cow roll over and die?

Fans don't have to answer to anything or anyone. We're the reason all of these people have their jobs -- never forget that.

The same privilege doesn't fall to the Mainstream Sports Media. They have some questions to answer, some souls to search. What if ESPN refused to cover Barry Bonds' every at-bat because of the issues surrounding his achievements? Remember: the antidote for libel is truth. And as Jayson Stark said: who the heck didn't know?

Maybe Bonds's admission that he took steroids (unknowingly, naturally) will encourage the sports media to take a stand against cheaters and suspected cheaters.

Maybe it'll be the ultimate irony: steroids actually increasing the size of someone's testicles.

But, more likely, ESPN and SI and FOX and whoever else has their hands in baseball's cookie jar will cover Bonds' 756th home run like The Second Coming, adopting the forever popular "steroids can't help you hit a curve ball" mantra as the music swells and Barry is crowned King of All Sluggers.

I just hope we can hear the announcers over the booing.

Not from the fans.

From Henry Aaron.

A Short Memo to Oakland Co. (MI) Prosecutor David Gorcyca

David:

I'm not a lawyer.

I know this because I never catch a whiff of bullshit on my own breath.

But I know injustice when I see it.

You decided to charge a fan by the name of John Green with two counts of misdemeanor assault for his role in the Pacers/Pistons brawl. In your words, by allegedly throwing a cup of soda at Ron Artest, he "single-handedly incited this whole interaction between the fans and players and probably is the one that's most culpable."

Now, I'm not sure a high-powered Perry Mason like yourself has a chance to watch many sports on television. But this actually isn't the first time a fan has thrown a cup of soda or beer or air at a player. It happens a few times every season, as a football team leaves through the tunnel or a hockey player heads to the locker room after a fight. Hell, I remember when Hulk Hogan joined the nWo in professional wrestling, and every cup that wasn't behind the concession stand was thrown at the ring.

What separates those -- presumably unprosecuted -- incidents from the Pacers/Pistons fight is that none of the victims of these random cuppings ever turned around, ran into the stands and beat the living crap out of anybody.

John Green threw a cup at a player who was mocking his team and its fans. Ron Artest entered a crowd, incited a riot, and assaulted an innocent party. Yet his punishment will be less than Green's by virtue of being charged with one fewer misdemeanor.

This is a joke, right? When do the real charges come down, on the players who entered the stands and pummeled a bunch of people whose only crime was not running the minute these lunatics left the court?

Look, John Grisham: we both know athletes get the breaks when it comes to the legal system. O.J. didn't do it. Kobe's chick isn't a rape victim; she's a crazy harlot. If I got caught with a bag of Grandpa's magic eye medicine in my backpack, I could try to explain it away with "it's my friend's" or "I don't know where that came from," but since I don't have a shoe contract, my ass would be going to jail.

But we all saw the footage. Artest beat the piss out of an innocent bystander. Yet he only gets a slap on the wrist, while two of the fans get taken to the woodshed. (Evidently throwing your fists isn't as felonious as throwing a chair.) Palace president Tom Wilson has banned all seven fans from his arena; will he do the same for the five players charged this week? I'm guessing not.

Good luck to you, Dave. Mayhaps this aggressive prosecution will begin a new era in arena fandom, and we'll see dozens of fans carried out in handcuffs during games for tossing, cussing, or gesturing. One day, maybe we could even do the Iraqi Freedom thing and prosecute fans that intend to one day throw a soda.

Who knows, Dave? If this all goes as planned, maybe the day will come when we'll see maniacal thugs like Artest lauded as heroes for having the guts to stand up to their soda-chucking persecutors.

And we'll have you to thank for it.

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 3:16 PM | Comments (0)

The Best Team in the AFC?

Here is an intriguing question: who is the best team in the NFL? With three teams at 11-1, that is not an easy question. Those of you who have been reading me for awhile might be a little suspicious. Since I am a Steelers fan, I am going to come to the conclusion that it is the Steelers, right? Well, to be fair, the Steelers are 11-1 and have beaten the other two 11-1 teams, but let's break this down in more detail.

For now, let's focus on the AFC since that is clearly the dominant league. And let's consider the division leaders: Steelers, Patriots, Colts, and Chargers. Breaking it down by offense, defense, and special teams should give us an idea of who is the best. Here are my thoughts.

Offense

I think the Colts are clearly at the top in this category. Manning is on fire and Edgerrin "The Edge" James isn't too shabby, either. They have Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Brandon Stokley, plus two solid receiving tight ends; and James can catch the ball out of the backfield. That is a dangerous passing attack that is hard for defenses to matchup against. Their lowest point total of the year has been 24.

After the Colts, it is a tough call. The Patriots probably take second because of Tom Brady. Having a Super Bowl MVP at the helm never hurts. When they are healthy, the Patriots have a strong running game with Dillon and a dangerous passing game with David Givens, David Patton, and Deion Branch. The last few weeks, the Pats looked like they could out-physical you and go deep. Of course, playing the Browns will do that to you.

The Steelers' offense has struggled of late, but when they are healthy, they have the same type of one-two punch as the Patriots. But what they having been able to do is grab the lead and then pound you with Duce Staley and Jerome Bettis. This forces teams to try and stop the run. If teams bring their safeties up, however -- or if they rely on the blitz -- Ben Rothlisberger has the mobility and athleticism to make plays downfield.

The injury to Plaxico Burress has hurt them in this area because he was Ben's deep target. With Plax back in the lineup (they should have him back for the playoffs), teams will have to make the difficult decision whether they want to stop the run and risk the big play or blitz and hope for the best. Hines Ward's production has been way down the last couple of weeks, but he is still a tough-as-nails receiver and tends to make big plays when they need them. Last week against a tough Jaguar defense, Pittsburgh (and Rothlisberger) proved they can move the ball when the game is on the line.

San Diego doesn't get much credit outside of the West Coast, but they are putting together a fine season. Drew Brees is living up to the potential he showed at Purdue and Antonio Gates is having a monster season. Throw in LaDainian Tomlinson and they have some weapons, too. Of course, the AFC West isn't exactly famous for its smothering defenses this year, but still give Marty Schottenheimer credit he got the offense on track.

The wildcard in all of this (not the wildcard as these are division leaders) is homefield advantage. The Colts play in a dome and rely on speed. Can you honestly tell me they can run up 40 points Foxboro or Pittsburgh in January? It doesn't take genius to figure out that the Colts might have some trouble on the road. They also are two games behind the Steelers and Patriots for the best record in the AFC. Their last game is in Denver, so we might get a look at how they play on the road with a lot on the line.

I think Pittsburgh and New England need homefield advantage against the Colts. Neither team's secondaries are likely to stop Peyton Manning and the Colts in Indy. These last few games will determine that, and tell us a lot about how good their respective offenses are going into the playoffs. Right now, I give the Colts the edge with everybody else basically tied.

Defense

Clearly, this is not the side of the ball where the Colts excel. Sure, their defense has shown signs of improvement, but they have been giving up over 21 points a game on average. No, I think this battle is between the Steelers and the Patriots (the Chargers are at 20 points per game), who average around 15.

I am biased, but I think the Steelers nudge out the Pats on this one. They are a little tougher, especially against the run. The Steelers are only allowing an average of 77 yards a game while the Pats are giving up around 100 (surprisingly, the Chargers are only giving up 79; the Colts a healthy 118). Big-time wins against the Patriots and the Eagles revealed how tough this defense can be.

The last few weeks, the defense has had to bail out a struggling offense a little bit. Not having a let down is impressive. But the Patriots are tough, too. They are cagey and they don't often give up the big play. This is again an area where homefield advantage might be the tipping point.

Special Teams

This used to be an area where Pittsburgh struggled (see two years ago against New England), but now it is an advantage. Sure, Adam Vinatieri and Mike Vanderjagt are great kickers and Jeff Reed is merely steady, but Antwaan Randel El is a real threat on punt returns and the coverage teams have really improved. Tim Dwight and Eric Parker for the Chargers are also solid return men.

All in all, I don't see a big gap between any of these teams in this area, but if Randel El continues his hot streak, he could be a factor. But if I had to pick a kicker for a game winner outside, Vinatieri is the man.

The Best?

So, after all of this analysis, who is the best? As I hope the above has made clear, and that is a tough question. Playing at home, I think the Colts would be a very tough team to beat. But I also don't think the Colts will get homefield advantage. Head-to-head, the Steelers beat the Patriots, but that was without Corey Dillon. The Steelers offense has struggled, but that was without Plaxico and against a couple of tough defenses.

I think these teams are remarkably balanced, but I think the Patriots deserve the edge. They are the champs until someone knocks them out (and in the playoffs when it counts). They have a seasoned QB, great coaches, and they have looked very good the last few weeks.

I think the Steelers are a very good football team and with homefield advantage, could very well make it to the Super Bowl. But with a rookie QB and an offense that can struggle, I think they have to prove it when it counts. If the Steelers can win three out of their next four games, then I will be ready to cede them at the top. Right now, I think the Patriots are the best team in the AFC and likely in the NFL.

Next time, I will tackle the NFC.

Posted by Kevin Holtsberry at 12:13 PM | Comments (1)

December 10, 2004

Early Tournaments Set Tones For Teams

While many casual college basketball fans focus on March Madness, November often sets the tone with its early season tournaments. The cliché of an early season matchup of teams that might meet in March is often thrown around as a tool to hype a number of early season games between marquee teams and teams from the marquee conferences.

Last season, when Georgia Tech defeated Connecticut to capture the Preseason NIT, many thought it was a nice early season win. Tech used it a springboard for the rest of the season and advanced to the national championship game, where UConn exacted revenge to capture the school's second national championship.

This November has been no exception -- the Great Alaska Shootout, Preseason NIT, Maui Invitational, and Coaches vs. Cancer have paved the road for teams looking to gain some early confidence to become this season's Georgia Tech.

Riding the wave of putting themselves back on the map last season, Washington made a statement by winning the title in Alaska. Led by Nate Robinson, the Huskies defeated Utah, Oklahoma, and Alabama in a run that should help them in March. Robinson earned Player of the Game honors and the tournament's most valuable player and was joined on the All-Tournament team by teammate Bobby Jones, Alabama's Earnest Shelton, and Chuck Davis and Quan Powell on Furman. With five starters and its top seven scorers back from last season, the Huskies hope to challenge Arizona and Stanford in the Pac-10 this season.

Washington suffered a setback when Brandon Roy tore his meniscus in the win over Oklahoma. The Huskies showed its resiliency in the win over Alabama without Roy, and Robinson scoring seven below his average. The Huskies depth stepped up. Husky point guard Will Conroy showed his versatility by scoring 18 points and Tre Simmons took Roy place in the starting lineup and scored 15 points as Washington won its first tournament title since 1998.

A week earlier in NY, Hakim Warrick and Gerry McNamara reminded everyone that the ‘Cuse is still around two years removed from the short-lived Carmelo Anthony era. The Orange dominated Memphis 77-62 to win the Coaches vs. Cancer classic and should be among the favorites to win the Big East this season and possibly be a contender to reach St. Louis in April.

Warrick scored 25 points and McNamara had 21 to lead Syracuse. Rodney Carney led Memphis with 25, but his teammates never got in a rhythm. Memphis is expected to be a contender in Conference USA this season, Syracuse's easy win was certainly a surprise. The Orange's start and the return of Billy Edelin should be a springboard to an excellent season.

After getting upset in the second-round of the NCAA tournament last season, Wake Forest began the season with a mission to prove they belonged in the nation's top 10. The Demon Deacons entered the season with the nation's No. 2 ranking and a daunting early schedule. Wake opened with a victory over an underrated George Washington team, a second round triumph over Virginia Commonwealth, and then traveled to Madison Square Garden with the mission of becoming the nation's No. 1 team. A 79-67 victory over Ryan Gomes and Providence in the semifinal and a come-from-behind 63-60 win over Arizona gave the Deacons a 5-0 record to begin the season.

Weary from their tough run through the NIT, the Deacons lost their No. 1 ranking in a sluggish 91-73 loss to Illinois in the Big 10/ACC Challenge. The loss should take off the pressure of being undefeated late into the season and their early season schedule will leave them battle tested for the ACC and March. Early on, Chris Paul and Justin Gray have directed Skip Prosser's attack. With help from Eric Williams and Vytas Danelius inside, Jamaal Levy on the wing, and Taron Downey off on the bench, Wake Forest should be one of the top contenders in the ACC this season.

The Maui invitational presents a different challenge than the tournaments in New York and Alaska. If the challenge of facing a tough field isn't enough, the teams also have to fight the temptation of sun, sand, surf, and bikinis. When the brackets were set up, many expected the final to match two of college basketball's heavyweights, Louisville's Rick Pitino and North Carolina's Roy Williams.

Iowa had something to say about that dream match up by eliminating Louisville 76-71 in the first-round. The Hawkeyes then bumped off Texas in the second before succumbing to NC 106-92 in the championship.

The Hawkeyes might prove to be a sleeper in the Big 10 this season. Pierre Pierce and Jeff Horner form one of the best backcourts in the nation. Horner landed on the All-Tournament team with Raymond Felton and Rashad McCants of North Carolina, Taquan Dean of Louisville, and Brad Buckman of Texas.

North Carolina served notice that their loss to Santa Clara was just a momentary setback. In San Francisco, the Heels were playing without a suspended Felton. With a full roster in Hawaii, NC cruised to the title with a 21 ppg average margin of victory. The title was NC's second in Maui.

With a veteran team in its second year under Williams, it's not a stretch to suggest that the Heels might earn their first Final Four trip in five years. Wake and NC should supplant Maryland and Duke as the ACC dominant teams this season.

Posted by Alan Rubenstein at 1:50 PM | Comments (0)

Truth Be Told, the Youth Are Bold

Over the past couple of weeks, a zit has popped up in the middle of the NBA's forehead. The ugly whitehead protruded to the surface after last month's "Throwdown in Motown," or one of the many euphemisms to describe the Pacers/Pistons/fan debacle.

Now comes word that Latrell Sprewell, who's already in mid-season disgruntled mode, yelled obscenities at a female fan who apparently got under his skin.

This has the NBA scrambling to repair its tattered image, which is too bad. As we're almost a quarter of the way through the season, a couple of teams are making the league's more powerful conference look like a jumbled free-for-all.

It's been a while since the Desert Southwest and Pacific Northwest have shown consistently winning attitudes on the court. But that seems to be the case in Phoenix and Seattle. Entering Thursday, the Suns and Sonics, both at 16-3, are tied for the Association's best record. And both teams seem to use the youth movement to help their outright fullest.

The squad from the Valley of the Sun is performing well thanks to a trio the city hasn't seen since the days of Kevin Johnson, Charles Barkley, and Dan Majerle. However, unlike the 1992 Finals team,
two-thirds of this bunch resides in the lane.

The return of Steve Nash has supposedly brought the talent level and chemistry to a higher plane. The Canadian's 10-plus assists per game has given his teammates plenty of good opportunities to score. Add in Shawn Marion and his 12.3 boards for some Barkley-esque prowess on the glass.

Then you have Amare Stoudemire. The '02-'03 Rookie of the Year has averaged 26 points a contest to lead a team with five double-digit scorers (Joe Johnson and Quentin Richardson round out the list). This on a team where only Nash, Marion, and Bo Outlaw have more than four years of NBA experience.

Under the watchful eye of the Space Needle, a healthy Ray Allen is leading a youthful band of scoundrels to the top of the Northwest Division. Allen and Rashard Lewis both average 20-plus points a game. Second-year guard Luke Ridnour takes the controls at point, with former Iowa Hawkeye Reggie Evans cleaning the boards down low.

The Sonics' success (or boom, if you will) has come from behind the arc. Seattle leads the league in both three-point makes and percentage, proving that more than water can rain on the city (ooh, was that cheesy). And with their oldest player being a 30-year-old rookie, Seattle now finds themselves with young depth. Hey, when you can bring Nick Collison, toughman Danny Fortson, and Vladimir Radmanovic off the bench, things must be going well.

The question is, can these two teams sustain their hot starts over the long season? Both made a statement towards the affirmative with Wednesday night road victories. The Sonics gave the Spurs their first loss of the year in the Alamodome, while Phoenix rallied from 13 down to beat Kobe Bryant's Lakers.

With very young rosters (Seattle is eighth youngest, Phoenix is number one) and fresh attitudes, these two teams should provide for a nice shake-up to the sustained season ahead. Of course, anything's possible at the beginning of the year. How else could you explain a 10-5 Wizards team?

Posted by Jonathan Lowe at 10:39 AM | Comments (0)

December 9, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 14

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Chicago @ Jacksonville

"After our heartbreaking loss to the Steelers last Sunday," a somber Jack Del Rio laments, "there is only one thing to do. And that's stand in a circle, tenderly hold hands, and recite the words from Swedish supergroup ABBA's masterpiece S.O.S.: 'So when you near me darling, can't you hear the S.O.S?' Somebody save our souls."

That's understandable, Jack Del Rio. At 6-6, you're still in the playoff hunt, with the likes of fellow 6-6 teams Buffalo and Cincinnati. But like the Bills and Bengals, you'll need help, namely by teams beating the Ravens and Broncos, who stand at 7-5. So, take it from the band Journey, and "Don't stop believing. Hold onto that feeling." Just ignore the next part about streetlight people, okay?

After Chicago's 24-14 upset of Minnesota, the Bears themselves are in the middle of the playoff race, just like practically every NFC team. The parity (or mediocrity, depending on how you look at it) of the NFC is such that even some division leaders can't be positive that they will make the playoffs (i.e. Packers, Vikings, Seahawks, and Rams).

"We're hoping to stay in the picture until Week 17," explains Bears' coach Lovie Smith. "We've got Green Bay at home, and if things work out right, a win might put us in the playoffs."

"I like the optimism of Lovie Smith," adds Jack Del Rio. "I also like the name 'Lovie.' If I were a football coach, which I am, I'd want to be named 'Jack Del Rio.' If I were a pimp, I'd want to be called 'Lovie.' 'Lovie Del Rio.'"

Jacksonville is steaming from the loss to Pittsburgh, and what better place to manifest their frustrations than in the demolition of Bears' quarterback Chad Hutchinson. Last week, Hutchinson dismounted his surf board and found himself in the Bears' quarterback position. He lit up the Viking defense for three touchdowns. The Jags won't be so accommodating. Hutchinson is wiped out, and suffers five sacks and two interceptions. Fred Taylor rushes for 100 yards, and Byron Leftwich throws a TD pass.

Jags win, 24-6.

Cincinnati @ New England

How do you outdo yourselves after beating the Ravens in Baltimore on a field goal as time expired?

"Why," cries Bengals' coach Marvin Lewis, "beating the defending Super Bowl champion Patriots in Foxborough, of course."

And how do you plan on doing that?

"I honestly have no idea," replies Lewis.

And therein lies the major dilemma when you play the Patriots: beating them.

"But we've got a special surprise for the Pats come Sunday," says Lewis. "We're breaking out the classic helmets. You know, the ones that simply say 'BENGALS' on the sides. If we can't beat the Patriots with talent and execution, the we'll mesmerize them with our helmets."

Good luck with that, Marv.

"You know, I always liked those helmets," adds New England coach Bill Belichick. "As you can tell by my wardrobe and manner of speech, I'm all about monotony. And those helmets were the epitome of monotony. If I had my way, our helmets would just have nothing on them, like over at Penn State University, where my good friend and fellow monotonobot Joe Paterno calls the shots."

"Let me just add one thing," Tom Brady comments. "Joe Pa looks like one cool cat in those giant Kangol glasses he wears."

Good to see your mind on the Bengals, Tom. But do you really need to worry about the Bengals? No. The Pats are 6-0, and there's no way Cincy can beat a winning team on the road two weeks in a row (their win over the Ravens was their first road win over a team with a winning record since 1990). New England will dismantle Cincinnati just like they did Cleveland: domination in all phases. The Pats establish the run early with former Bengal Corey Dillon, then nail a bomb or two. It's a quick 14-0 lead. That's when the Bengals' offense feels the pressure to keep up, which should be right about the time the Pats' defense goes into seek-and-destroy mode. Carson Palmer throws three interceptions; New England rushes for 170 on the ground as a team.

Patriots win, 39-13.

Cleveland @ Buffalo

The 6-6 Bills have a realistic chance to finish with four straight wins, which would give them a 10-6 final record.

"I appreciate the kind words, my friend," says Bills quarterback Mike Mularkey, "but we still have to play the Steelers, and Drew Bledsoe is our quarterback."

Let me finish. If you beat the Browns, then beat the Bengals in Cincinnati, then the 49ers in San Fran, you'll be 9-6. Finally, you get the Steelers in Week 17, and you can either beat them outright or hope they have nothing to play for and just lay down for you. And Drew's playing himself back into form.

"Hey, man," replies Mularkey, "you're quite a spin doctor. Have you thought about going into politics?"

Seriously, though, the Bills are playing playoff-caliber football, and have a reasonable shot at the No. 6 seed in the AFC. Bledsoe faces the brunt of blame when the Bills struggle, but when he's hot and not having his internal organs scrambled by vicious shots from linebackers, he's a pretty darn good quarterback.

"I'm finally feeling in tune with rookie receiver Lee Evans," Bledsoe reports. "That kid is fast, and earlier in the season I just wasn't leading him enough with my passes. People forget, Lee Evans won the gold medal at the 1968 Summer Olympics in Mexico City with a then unheard of time of 43.86 seconds. That record stood until Butch Reynolds eclipsed Evans' record at..."

Sorry to interrupt you, Drew. But let's stick to football. And I think you've got the wrong Lee Evans. Unless the Bills' Lee Evans is in his 50's, you've got the wrong man.

"Oh, my bad. In any case, it doesn't matter which Lee Evans you are, you're fast."

Evans and counterpart Eric Moulds should be able to exploit their speed against the Browns, that is, if the Bills even need to pass. Last week, the Browns gave up 225 yards rushing to the Pats. Against the Bills, they face Willis McGahee, the Bills' workhorse. McGahee rushes for 120 yards and Bledsoe throws two touchdown passes.

The Bills win, 31-14, and improve to 7-6.

Indianapolis @ Houston

"Sure, Peyton Manning threw three touchdowns last week," observes Texans coach Dom Capers. "But he also threw two interceptions. I think we're on to something here. To beat the Colts, you've got to make Manning throw interceptions, not touchdowns."

That's brilliant strategizing, Dominique. But I think the more obvious way to beat the Colts is to score more points. And, by my calculations, you'll have to score at least 42 points to beat them. Has a Dom Capers-coached team ever scored that many points?

"I did drop 88 on the computer on Atari football once," adds Capers.

"Atari? What's that?" asks Manning. "Are they the company that offered me $200 to endorse their product? Luckily, X-Box beat that offer by about $999,800, so I had to tell Atari to take a hike. I think they got Eli for a little cheaper, though. Anyway, as in that situation, I have a choice to make. And that is: do I take Marino's record in Houston, or wait until the following week, and shatter it in front of the home folks, against the Ravens, and thereby debunking the silly belief that defense wins championships?"

Manning has four touchdowns by the third quarter, and, after a heated exchange and shoving match with receiver Reggie Wayne, Manning decides to take Wayne's advice and break Marino's record next week, and save himself an ass-beating by Wayne in the process. Colts win, 42-23, clinch the AFC South, and set an NFL record with five-straight games scoring at least 40 points.

New Orleans @ Dallas

"It's always a pleasure welcoming the Saints to Texas Stadium," says Cowboys' coach Bill Parcells. "They are such good people, and you can count on them giving up at least 400 yards of offense and 20 points every time."

Indeed Bill, the Saints have given up at least 20 points in every game this year, and, of all the 4-7 teams heading in to week 13 with a shot a the playoffs, the Saints were the only one to lose.

"So you're saying we were the worst of the 4-7 teams from last week?" asks New Orleans coach Jim Haslett.

Yeah, that's right. You give 4-7 teams a bad name.

"But we're still in the playoff hunt mathematically, right?" asks Haslett.

Mathematically, yes. Realistically, no. The Saints' playoff chances are as fraudulent as the results of a Ukrainian presidential election.

Dallas was one of those 4-7 teams, but with their win last Monday over the Seahawks, the Cowboys improved to 5-7, and remain very much in the hunt for the final NFC playoff spot. And playing the Saints can do nothing to hurt their playoff aspirations.

"We know it's a long shot," observes Vinnie Testeverde, "but if we can win our final four games, pray real hard, and/or sign a pact with the devil, then we could be dancing come playoff time. We're hot right now; we scored two touchdowns in the final 1:45 Monday night to beat the Seahawks."

Hmmm. Two touchdowns every two minutes? You're in luck, because that's about how often the Saints' defense gives up points. And the Dallas defense is almost as equally shabby, as they surrendered 500 yards in total offense to the Seahawks. It all spells shootout. Julius Jones rushes for 160 yards and two touchdowns, and the Cowboys stay in the hunt with a 41-30 win.

New York Giants @ Baltimore

"This Sunday," says Ravens' linebacker Ray Lewis, "we get a Manning appetizer in Eli Manning. After we chew him up and spit him out, next week we get the main course in Peyton Manning. Peyton may be a little hard to digest, but I think with the right sauce, namely his own blood, I think we can whip the Colts and not allow Peyton to break Marino's record against us."

"Gee, Mr. Lewis," replies Eli Manning, "I appreciate you mentioning me in the same breath with my brother. God knows my parents never did. But don't be so quick to think you're going to whip up on me. I didn't throw a single interception last week. Peyton threw two. So ha!"

You make a good point, Eli, but one that is quickly proved moot. You're exactly right. You didn't throw any interceptions last Sunday. However, you didn't throw any touchdown passes, either. And you only completed 12 of 25 passes. And this week, you face a Baltimore team playing for their playoff lives. And don't forget Ed Reed, who is tied for the league lead in interceptions. You may have more completions to him Sunday than you do to any of your teammates.

"Well, I think I've got a better chance of throwing a TD to Reed than I do to my guys," says Manning.

It's not pretty on Sunday for the Giants. Manning is hounded all day by the Ravens, and throws two interceptions. Baltimore relives their Super Bowl XXXV destruction of the Giants.

Ravens win, 27-0.

As time runs down in the fourth quarter, the perfect alignment of the sun and M&T Bank stadium creates a breathtaking eclipse of former Raven and current sideline-roamer Tony Siragusa.

Oakland @ Atlanta

You've got to hand it to the Dirty Birds from Atlanta. They are making the NFC playoff race very exciting. Why, you may ask? Well, if a 9-3 record and two-game division lead can be shaky, then that describes the Falcons. No, I'm not saying they won't win the NFC South; they will. But, let's say they are the No. 2 seed in the playoffs. They'll play the winner of the No. 3 versus No. 6, which will probably be a toss-up. The winner of that game will probably feel fairly confident of going to Atlanta and beating the Falcons. Sure, the Falcons are tough at home (5-1), but they often follow a big win with a big loss.

"So, you're saying we lose all of our 'statement' games?" asks Atlanta head coach Jim Mora.

Yeah, like that statement game at Kansas City seven weeks ago when the Chiefs blasted you 56-10. Or last week, when Tampa Bay shut you out 27-0. Correct me if I'm wrong, Coach, but teams worth their playoff salt don't get beat by anybody 56-10, nor should they be shut out by anybody.

"Okay, I'll make you a guarantee," says Mora. "I guarantee the Raiders won't beat us 56-10 or shut us out. And I'll bet you we outrush them, too."

You're really going out on a limb there, Jim, especially about that outrushing deal. The Raiders' running backs corps consists of Amos Zeroueue, "Huggy Bear, Jr." Justin Fargas, and J.R. Redmond.

"Not exactly Michael Vick, Warrick Dunn, and T.J. Duckett now, is it?" snickers Mora.

No, but the Raiders aren't exactly the quality of opponent you'll be meeting in the playoffs now, is it?

The Atlanta trio of runners carve up the Raiders for 200 yards rushing, and the Falcons stack up on the pass defense and force three Kerry Collins' turnovers.

Atlanta wins, 31-14.

Seattle @ Minnesota

"Man, what's up with those Seahawks?" asks Randy Moss. "Once again, they could have taken the outright lead in the NFC West, but they go and blow a 10-point lead in the final 1:54 against the Cowboys last Monday. Seattle is wack."

Damn, Mad Skillz, maybe you should take a look in the mirror. On a Sunday where you knew by 2:00 eastern time that Green Bay was going down (they were down 35-3 at the half), you and your Vikings lay a second-half goose egg and lose to division rivals the Bears, 24-14.

"You make a good point, player," agrees Moss. "That's why I want you to know. I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer. If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make a change."

Damn, Randy! Did you just quote a Michael Jackson song?

"What, fool?! You obviously don't know Randy Rule No. 1. Never mention the name 'Michael Jackson' in my presence again. That's a rule I instituted after I spent the weekend at Neverland Ranch five years ago. Anyway, all I'm saying is I got to start producing like I know I can, and hopefully my teammates will follow my lead, and hopeully, we won't collapse our way out of the playoffs. If that sounds like a Michael Jackson song, then so be it."

Moss toughs out his healing hamstring and catches a short touchdown pass from Daunte Culpepper. Onterrio Smith rushes for 100 yards, then shares drug suspension anecdotes with Seahawk wide receiver Koren Robinson.

Vikings win, 35-27.

Miami @ Denver

As if on cue, Miami's A.J. Feeley threw five interceptions last week, one of which was returned for a touchdown by the Bills.

"Look, buddy," says Feeley, "Peyton Manning's not the only guy gunning for a touchdown pass record this year. I'm trying to set a record for most interceptions thrown that are returned for touchdowns. Come on, give me a break. If I throw five interceptions, one of them is bound to get returned for a touchdown."

"Yeah, I know Feeley sucks," admits Dolphins' interim coach Jim Bates. "But he's an on-the-field problem. My agenda is full with off-the-field problems. Of course, there's Ricky Williams. Then there's David Boston. Not only is he facing a four-game suspension for using steroids, he's also facing an assault charge for striking a ticket agent in the Burlington, Vermont airport. Why on earth was David in Vermont? Probably to deliver or pick up some steroids."

Listen, Jim. Do you hear that sound?

"All I hear is silence."

Exactly. Also known as the sound of none of Boston's teammates stampeding to serve as character witnesses for him.

Denver's Jake Plummer had his own issues with interceptions, particularly the four he tossed to the Chargers last Sunday, including and end zone job as the Broncos were driving for the go-ahead score in the fourth quarter. He also completed only 16-40 passes to add to his misery. Hey, Mike Shanahan, close your eyes and concentrate on picturing Plummer holding the Super Bowl MVP trophy. Are you getting the image?

"I'm sorry, I'm just not seeing it," Shanahan answers.

Okay Mike. Try this. Picture Plummer holding the Super Bowl MVP trophy being chased away from the home a John Elway.

"Yeah, I can definitely see that."

The point, Mike, is this: is Jake Plummer the man to lead Denver to the Super Bowl? I don't think so. Sure, he can lead you to the playoffs, but beyond that, what?

"I think he'd make a nice quarterbacks coach."

Great. But lets say you make the playoffs, likely as the No. 5 or No. 6 seed. You either get a severe beating by the Colts, or a moderate to strong beating by the Jets. So take your pick.

"We're going to shoot for the moon and that #5 seed."

Aim high, my friend. Aim high.

The Broncos hold serve with a 26-13 win over the Dolphins.

New York Jets @ Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh's Ben Roethlisberger won his 10th straight game as a starter, a record for rookie quarterbacks, with the Steelers' win over Jacksonville last Sunday. Roethlisberger once again managed the offense impeccably, throwing two touchdowns and no interceptions, and only three incompletions. Big Ben also improvised a fourth quarter scramble that helped continue the drive that eventually led to Jeff Reed's game-winning field goal.

"The guy has uncanny maturity for his age," beams Steelers' coach Bill Cowher. "He's got a field presence that some seasoned veterans never acquire, and 10-straight wins for any quarterback, rookie or not, is great. You know, since Ben's been our starter, those nightly nightmares involving Kordell Stewart and Tommy Maddox have ceased completely. Neil O'Donnell still haunts me, though."

"I'll take my guy Chad Pennington over Roethlisberger any day," Jets' coach Herman Edwards comments, "although it would be nice if Chad had a ten-game winning streak and just a hint of arm strength."

Pennington has neither, but he does have Curtis Martin, the NFL's leading rusher.

"It will be nice to return to Pittsburgh," says Martin. "I fondly remember my college days as a Pitt Panther, when you had to earn your bowl bids. I've got to hand it to the Steelers; they've earned their status as the league's best team. The Pittsburgh Panthers? How do you get a BCS bowl bid when your record is 8-3? I know what the 'BS' in BCS stands for. What's the 'C' mean?"

Well, Curtis, the "C" could stand for the "crack" that the number crunchers were doing when they devised the BCS formula.

But who care about BCS when Jets/Steelers is on tap? And speaking of "on tap," the beer should be flowing at Heinz Field, especially in section 235 and 236, club level. With a cold and rainy forecast for Sunday, expect another hard-hitting, low-scoring Steelers' win. Both teams will try unsuccessfully to establish the rush, forcing them to rely on the pass to move the ball. With Jay Riemersma out for the year and Plaxico Burress questionable with a sore hamstring, Roethlisberger will look to Hines Ward for the big play. A touchdown connection between the two in the third quarter pushes the Steelers' to victory. Pittsburgh wins, 19-13.

Detroit @ Green Bay

The Packers spent the first two days of practice this week recovering their manhood after being dismantled 47-17 last Sunday by the Eagles.

"We all kind of felt like we were John Bobbitt there for a little while," Brett Favre sheepishly explains. "But this team is resilient. We will find our manhood, get our swerve back, and get our groove back on."

Favre's streak of at least one touchdown pass in 37 consecutive games came to an abrupt end last Sunday in Philadelphia. It was the second longest such streak in NFL history, second only to Johnny Unitas' streak of 47.

"Hey, we'd like nothing more than for Brett to start a new streak against us," says Lions' coach Steve Mariucci. "Uh, wait a minute. No, we wouldn't."

Too bad, Steve. It's going to happen anyway. It's the Packers at Lambeau, following an embarrassing loss.

"This could be painful," adds Mariucci. "But don't forget. The Packers are 3-3 at home this year. We're 3-3 on the road. Something's got to give. Capiche?"

Okay. In that case, I'll give you a ten percent chance of winning, which, in simpler terms, spells a 31-10 Packer victory.

San Francisco @ Arizona

"Is there any hope for us?" asks a perturbed Dennis Erickson. "We're 1-10 in the NFC West, the weakest division in football. Can't someone help us?"

"Hi, Coach. I'm Barry Bonds. I'm sympathetic to the plight of fellow San Franciscan professional sports teams. Just take this ointment and rub it on any part of your body. It works best when you tell yourself it's not an illegal substance banned by several pro sports governing bodies. Complement it with a few injections of a mysterious substance administered by a BALCO employee, and you're on your way to turning your season around."

"Ah, Barry, I appreciate your offer," says Erickson, "but I'll have to say 'no thanks.' I don't need the gonads of my players shrunken any more than a 1-10 record already has. My guys are plenty strong, anyway. Do you have anything to chemically enhance coaching ability?"

In Phoenix, the 4-8 Cardinals keep losing, but so do the Rams and Seahawks, so Arizona remains in the division hunt, technically. Coach Dennis Green faces his weekly dilemma of which quarterback does he want throwing interceptions.

"I gave John Navarre his chance last week," says Green, "and he laid an egg. So this week, we're going to go with Josh McCown again. I couldn't start McCown last week because his brother Luke started for the Browns. I don't know if you are aware of this, but there is an unwritten rule in the NFL: never have two McCown's starting in the same week. So, I'm just following protocol."

Well, thanks for doing that, Denny.

With a win, and losses by the Rams and Seahawks, the Cards will only be one game out of first place. And that's what happens. Luckily, Arizona and San Fran are playing each other, otherwise every team in the NFC West would lose. McCown throws touchdown passes to Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin.

Arizona wins, 17-7.

St. Louis @ Carolina

What do you get when you cross a Marshall Faulk knee injury with a Marc Bulger shoulder injury?

"I'll answer that," replies Rams' running back Steven Jackson. "You get me rushing for 100 yards. And you also get Coach Martz not having to make any decisions, except to give me the ball. That's one decision he can't screw up."

"Ah, but I can't take all the credit for that brilliant personnel move," adds Martz. "I owe much of the credit to my trusty laptop computer. I just plug in the data, and presto! This display tells me what I need to do."

Ah Mike, that's your grandson's Etch-A-Sketch, not a lap top computer. All I see is a mass of squiggly lines.

"Aha! That explains my haphazard playcalling."

Carolina is ESPN's Tom Jackson's pick to slip into the final NFC playoff spot.

"It's always a boost when a respected football analyst, or Michael Irvin, taps your team as a playoff contender," notes Fox. "It's nice to know that despite all the attrition we've suffered this year, people recognize our hard work and diligence in remaining a playoff contender. Now, if Brentson Buckner could just win the 'NFL Big Man Dance Challenge' on the NFL Network, I'll be even more ecstatic. If they give it to that white boy Grant Wistrom, I will be pissed."

The Panthers have been riding the legs of reserve running back Nick Goings in establishing their four-game winning streak. Goings has rushed for over 100 yards in three-straight games. Last week, Goings had 122 yards on 36 carries, and got help from kicker John Kasay, who booted a Panther-record six field goals against the Saints.

"I haven't seen that much kicking since Steve Smith whipped Anthony Bright's ass in a film session two years ago," adds Goings.

The Panthers will do the same to the Rams, and there are two things the Rams can do about it.

"And what are those?" asks Martz.

"Nothing and like it," replies Ric Flair, pro wrestling icon, Charlotte resident, and fervent Panthers' supporter.

Jake Delhomme passes for three touchdowns, and Julius Peppers and the Panthers' defense pummel quarterback Chris Chandler.

Carolina wins, 27-13.

Tampa Bay @ San Diego

"That old geezer Marty Schottenheimer is still around?" queries Tampa coach Jon Gruden. "I seem to recall whipping his tail on several occasions when I was with the Raiders. I also seem to faintly remember seeing him coaching the Browns while I was still in diapers."

Such is the generational gap between Gruden, the NFL's youngest coach, and Schottenheimer, one of the league's oldest.

"I think there are a lot of similarities between Marty and myself," Gruden explains. "We're both hard-nosed competitors who expect a great deal from our players. I think our biggest difference is how we interact with our players. If you make a mistake for Marty, he'll tell you 'Tough luck, young man. Get 'em next time.' If you play for me and you make an error, I will cuss you out in front of a national television audience. Even if you can't hear me, if you can see my lips moving, you know the profanity is flying. And I think that's how players of today want it. You can have a friendly conversation with a player and get cussed out; that's how they talk these days, bitch."

With the Bucs at 5-7, Gruden's probably been doing a lot of cursing. And his players listen. Last week, the Bucs stoned the playoff-bound Falcons. Can they upset the playoff-bound Chargers on Sunday?

"Hell yeah, you #%$&*," yells Gruden.

I agree, you %#@#@. Derrick Brooks and the speedy Tampa linebackers contain LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates.

Buccaneers, win 22-20.

Philadelphia @ Washington

Donovan McNabb joined the 2004 five touchdown passes club with his effort last Sunday in the Eagles' 47-17 demolition of Green Bay, and, in the process set an NFL record of 24-straight completions, set over the course of two games.

"Sure," McNabb says, "Daunte Culpepper may have three five-TD games, and Peyton Manning may have five of those. But I've got something they don't have: an 11-1 record. I also wear the cornrows better than either."

You know, Donovan, I could see Culpepper in cornrows. But Manning in cornrows? I think you'd see Philly win an NFC Championship game before you'd see Manning with cornrows.

"Ouch. That smarts," replies McNabb.

But seriously, McNabb's got a pretty cool nu skool/old school look with the cornrows and the beard. And the moonwalk celebrations in the end zone are pretty fly, too.

The biggest question in this game is not whether the Eagles will win or not. The drama is all about Terrell Owens catching his 15th touchdown pass. Based on a bet made with Eagles' coach Andy Reid, Reid has promised to wear the full-body tights, a la T.O., if Owens catches that 15th TD.

"It will happen," says Owens. "If not this week, then the next, or the next. I'm not being cocky; I'm just giving everybody fair warning. Just be positive you want to see Coach Reid in tights. As you can imagine, it's not a pretty sight. We might even have to get the motion picture ratings board to put a rating on the sight. Call it 'R' for repulsive."

Owens snags that 15th TD in the third quarter, and McNabb throws two others. The Philly defense shuts down Clinton Portis and Patrick Ramsey.

The Eagles win, 27-7.

Later in the week, Reid dons the tights, and is promptly mistaken for the Michelin Man by several children.

Kansas City @ Tennessee

The Titans pulled out all the stops against the Colts last Sunday, recovering two onside kicks that helped them score 24 first quarter points.

"And we still lost," a dejected Jeff Fisher reports.

Twenty-four points in the first quarter is great, Jeff, but that's all you scored for the entire game. Twenty-four points didn't cut it against the Colts, and it won't cut it against the Chiefs.

The days of Steve McNair as NFL player may be numbered, as he is seriously contemplating retirement. After 10 years of poundings, McNair may have finally had enough.

"When it becomes a painful ordeal just to make my kids Kool-Aid," says McNair, "you can imagine the pain I endure playing a game, or sitting one out, for that matter. I've talked extensively with former Memphis Grizzlies head coach Hubie Brown, who himself just retired for health reasons. Hubie told me his decision was made easier by having confidence in his replacement, Mike Fratello. Now, do I have the confidence in Billy Volek that Brown has in the 'Czar of the Telestrator'? The answer is yes, although I'm only confident in Billy's quarterbacking skills and not his ability to diagram NBA plays on a magic TV screen."

The Chiefs' Priest Holmes can relate to McNair's plight on both fronts.

"I briefly flirted with retirement after the 2002 season," Holmes explains, "and I've had my share of injuries, although our press guide doesn't need two whole pages to list those injuries, as is the case with McNair. I would advise Steve to weigh the pros and cons and make an informed decision. If that involves seeing a psychic, having his palm read, or eating 500 to 1,000 fortune cookies until you see the advice on that little slip of paper inside that suits you best, then that's what he should do."

McNair is currently listed as questionable for Monday night's game, as he has been for practically every game this year. Realizing this may be his last Monday night game, McNair starts, and inspires the Titans to an early lead. But the Chiefs offense is too much for the Titans' injury-depleted defense to handle. Running back Larry Johnson rushes for one touchdown; Trent Green throws TD passes to Tony Gonzalez and Johnny Morton.

Chiefs win, 30-24.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 2:24 PM | Comments (0)

A Tennis Christmas Wish List

Christmas is one of my favorite times of year, especially when it comes to tennis. Not only is there a short lull in the action for me to be able to rewind and watch all those great matches I got on tape during the year, but its also a time for me to get and give some great tennis-related gifts and goodies. Here's what's on my list for this year:

1. IN*TENN Magazine. A new DVD format magazine, shipped directly to your house. Sort of like 60 minutes with a tennis theme. And the commercials are pretty good, too. I wish that IN*TENN has a banner launch year and that someone in my gift-giving chain buys me a subscription.

2. Anastasia Myskina. Okay, so she's not the prettiest of the Russian wave, but she is quite exotic. And she is the best of all of them. I love to watch her play, and her single-handed winning of the Fed Cup two weeks ago for Russia only says that she is the best of the bunch.

3. The return of Martina Hingis. I heard she is entering some tiny tournament in Thailand, supposedly for charity. I'm hoping it's to feel her way back onto the tour. She could still kick butt, and I miss her attitude.

4. Another U.S. Open title for Andre Agassi. 2005 could very well be his last full year on the tour, and I would love to see him end it with a big win on home soil. He is a great person, tennis player, and humanitarian.

5. A year free of the Marat Safin Mafia. That's what I call them. It never fails that with every article I write about great players and matchups, I always get a ton of e-mail from the usual suspects who make comments that are not very nice. All of them trying to say that Marat Safin is the greatest tennis player ever. I am sure many people would disagree...

6. Something more appropriate on the body of Serena Williams. Okay, Nike let things get out of hand a little at the U.S. Open, and the pink toto at the season-ending championships wasn't much better. Serena can do anything she wants with her Aneres clothing line, but please, Santa, bring Nike a dose of good old common sense.

7. More televised matches that have Tatiana Golovin, Maria Sharapova, Anastasia Myskina, Ashley Harkleroad, Karolin Sprem, and all of the other young and rising stars. Oh, and please put them on a network other then the Tennis Channel.

8. The Tennis Channel on my cable service. Seems the Tennis Channel still isn't on Comcast and a slew of other large cable networks. They keep getting the rights to much of the tennis product out there, and only a handful of anyone can see it. Please, oh please, Santa, have Steve Bellamy call my local cable outlet and get a deal done now!

9. A five-set, 22-20 fifth set final between Roger Federer and Tim Henman at Wimbledon, with Tim Henman coming out the winner. I know, tall order for the little man in red, but if there was ever any one person who deserved it this much, it would be Tim. And think of all the fun we could have watching this match on the telly.

10. Lastly, but not least, a highly successful launch for new custom racquet manufacturer Vantage Sports International Vantage Tennis. It is the newest racquet company to emerge on the market, founded and led by Mr. Paul Angell. Angell is formerly the head of racquet development at Dunlop and one of the greatest proponents of computer-aided manufacturing techniques in research, development and engineering of racquet sports equipment. Vantage Tennis will offer custom racquets for players at competitive with the mass market prices.

Vantage will offer three head size choices (90, 95, and 100), open or closed string patterns, two stiffness choices, five different lengths, 13 weight/balance choices, two frame color choices, four handle shapes, five different grips, and a series of other services previously only available to high-ranking pros and players with great financial resources. All levels of players will benefit by this, but serious players will now be able to get a "stick" that will maximize their personal game and truly become part of their arm.

Having your current frame customized by a professional racquet technician is the only other way to get this, and even then, it is hard to find a local person who is competent at it. There are two world-famous racquet shops that will do this for you, but one will only customize your frame and the other offers one frame choice and both are comparably quite expensive. Vantage Tennis will break this paradigm, and should bring quite a stir to the racquet industry. You will see them at www.vantagetennis.com.

So that's my wish list for Santa and possibly my last column in 2004. Once again, I want to thank all of the thousands of you who read my column, who send me your opinions and advice, and who come back and visit this website all year through. I also want to wish you all the brightest of holiday seasons and that all your tennis wishes come true. Oh, and if you talk to Santa, let him know that I'm still looking for my perfect mixed doubles partner...

Posted by Tom Kosinski at 12:35 PM | Comments (1)

December 8, 2004

Why NBA is Adrift in Middle America

The advent of hip-hop culture and its subsequent saturation of the NBA have put a sour taste in the mouths of Middle America. Where once the NBA was embraced across America's cultural divides, a phenomenon that bridged race and economic class, the league has devolved into style guide for disgruntled youth.

The league was once led by a corn-fed Midwesterner with a country slang named Larry Bird, and a charismatic magician from the cold flats of Michigan named Earvin Johnson. The two were opposites in some respects: one white, one black; one in blue-collar Boston, the other in slick, sunny L.A.

But they were similar in a deeper respect: they both wanted to win at any cost, and that meant a singular devotion to team basketball. Both men were superb passers, and always involved their teammates in the offense. They were great scorers because they were even greater threats to pass the ball. This attitude, a sense that nobody was bigger than the team, that collective greatness was greater than individual greatness, was infectious. With selfless leaders at the helm, the NBA became emblematic of the team concept.

When Magic and Bird faded as players, the league was transformed by the singular presence of Michael Jordan. Everyone knows the story. He was perhaps the most individually talent player of all time. And in his first seven years in the league, he dazzled fans with a kind of athleticism and a determination unlike anything they'd ever seen. It was of little consequence that the Bulls were less than a dominant team.

With the addition of Scottie Pippen, a deferential superstar, the Bulls began their ascendancy, but their success was always fashioned around the individual mastery of Jordan. He famously berated teammates for their lack of talent; scoring titles were of supreme importance to him.

In effect, despite his overwhelming star power, MJ reintroduced individualism to basketball. It was the first step toward the restoration of the NBA as an outsider's league. In the '50s and '70s, only those living on the fringe of the mainstream truly loved the league. The league was supported by a small following of fanatical fans. The '70s' NBA was the territory of eccentrics; players found fame through individual glory on the court, and an iconoclastic fashion sense off it; dunks and mink coats, afros and finger rolls were the symbols of NBA success. Even as the league reached the peak of its popularity during MJ's reign -- a mainstream marketing machine with few equals -- the seed of its decline was sown in the league's most marketable asset, Jordan himself.

With individualism restored as the league's primary virtue, it only remained for the cultural values of the league to revert to their individualistic roots, as well. I'm not sure when the shift occurred, but it happened as hip-hop made major inroads into the league, largely through the corn-rowed brilliance of Allen Iverson.

Hip-hop is seen by many as a culture of insolent self-promotion, of individual brilliance, social contempt, flash, sizzle, and spotlight. Iverson was the epitome of each, the most dazzling scorer in a league of superstar performers. His diminutive size reinforced his defiant attitude. He was a hip-hop David ready to slay the Goliath of league-wide authority. He won several scoring titles even while his shooting percentage hovered near 40 percent. He led Philadelphia to the Finals, almost single-handedly sending the Lakers to their only loss of that playoff season.

Even more importantly, Iverson transformed the off-court culture of the game. His post-game attire signaled a shift in the fashion sensibilities of the game. No longer would players wear the glamorous suits worn by Jordan and his peers. Then it was a matter of pride never to appear before a camera in anything less than an immaculate wardrobe, tie elegantly wind-sored into place.

Iverson, or AI, changed all that. He began to sport the attire of the urban streets: oversized sports jerseys from days gone by. It was, he said, his way of recognizing the heroes of his past. It was also a way of signaling to the urban world that he was one of them. With a rap album, a torso full of tattoos, and an endless series of brushes with the law, AI confirmed that he was a man at war -- with himself, with authority, projecting an unpleasantness toward a world that, in his mind, has treated him unjustly.

The attitude and the fashion that signaled it spread like wildfire across the league. Within just a few years the face of the NBA had been transformed from Jordan's smiling mug admonishing kids to eat their Wheaties to the sneering face of Iverson standing gold-clad in a club, basketball court nowhere to be seen. Young players imitated him by the thousands. A wave of teenagers swept into the NBA, too, kids already steeped in the hip-hop mentality Iverson had helped popularize. The shift from mainstream to minority was complete.

In the last few seasons, a kind of seething resentment has seeped through the veins of Middle America; for them, basketball had come to represent something alien and aggressive, the unhappy face of the discontent, always ready with a threat of violence and ill will. The faces on the floor and the faces in the stands grew farther apart, causing the tension between them to grow tighter.

And finally, inevitably, it bubbled over three weeks ago in Detroit. The face of America's disgust with the changing character of the NBA was unceremoniously revealed. In sucker punches and beers hurled in disgust. In curses and flung chairs. Ron Artest, the Dennis Rodman of today's game, was predictably the lightening rod. After committing an excessively hard foul on Ben Wallace and inciting a near melee on the court, he reclined on the scorer's table, oblivious as referees tried to restore order.

That image of Artest in repose, indifferent to the havoc he had just wrought, a millionaire disinterested in the fate of anything but himself, uniquely summed up the perception of the league. A man in stands was so disgusted by the sight of it that he hurled his beer at Artest, sparking the riot. Artest, who seems genuinely stupid, unhesitatingly leaped into the crowd and attacked a fan whom he mistakenly thought threw the cup. Everyone has seen the footage. Stephen Jackson firing fists like missiles at fans on the floor. Jermaine O'Neal coming from nowhere to deliver a crushing blow to the face of a fan that had come onto the court. Then the beer flooding down on the players as they exited the floor. It was an all-consuming expression of hatred. It is where the NBA has been headed for years.

There's a racial element at the root of it all. Hip-hop culture was born from black culture. It is infused with the defiance and social indifference that defines any economic underclass in moments of despair. Middle America, comfortable in their four-bedroom, two-car garage homes, doesn't understand why anyone would be so angry -- at everything. They cling to simple values and wave the American flag, sure that their country is an unalloyed force for good in the world. They feel their own freedoms are worthy of their bottomless gratitude. And they expect the same from everyone else.

But the black urban experience is a lot different from theirs. And that experience expresses itself, naturally, in postures of individualism, defiance, and disregard. Middle America can't relate. And so the game, so predominantly black in profile, has come to represent a culture alien to the bulk of Americans. The poorly-educated, filthy rich, utterly confused young stars of the league have become, through the incessant spotlight of round-the-clock media coverage, the target for society's spleen against the things it doesn't understand.

The advertising industry has only helped entrench the perceptions that rend the league from its fan base. For years now, commercials have been thinly-veiled vehicles of aggression -- advertisers have equated basketball with the AI ethic, players playing in order to vent their rage and dispel the doubts of those who disrespect them.

Now, LeBron James' commercials have turned to animation in an attempt to allow the young prodigy to outsize even his own burgeoning image. He violently slays cartoon defenders on his way to the basket, then stands, indifferent, gazing at the wreckage in his wake. The game, now more than ever, is synonymous with insolence -- and revenge. Take to the courts and take your revenge on a world that would deny you your manhood, that rejects your worth, that would thieve your freedoms.

Middle America looks on uncomprehendingly.

Posted by Jason Hirthler at 1:12 PM | Comments (2)

BCS Works This Time ... Sort Of

Once again, the BCS has left a sour taste in the mouths of college football fans, especially those on the West Coast. Once again, a Pac-10 team gets the short end of the stick when it comes to getting a BCS nod and, once again, a couple of not-so-deserving teams get to play in one of the big four bowls thanks to conference alliances.

In the past, I've railed against the "Bull Crap System" and have presented ideas that, in my mind, would be better and fairer than the current system. This time, I won't be campaigning for a playoff system (like three other NCAA divisions have -- seems rather contradictory) or explaining how the rating system could be more fair. Instead, I'll be making one suggestion to the current situation that, to me, would prevent some of the better teams in the nation (according to the ratings) from being left out in the cold.

With the announcement that USC would play Oklahoma in the FedEx Orange Bowl, nearly every college football "expert" sang the praises of the BCS. "It did exactly what it was supposed to do," they said. "It put the top two teams together to play for the national championship." But at the same time, it left three undefeated teams out of a shot at the title and two of the top seven teams in the country out of BCS games.

In reality, the BCS did exactly what it was supposed to do on the surface, but in a deeper sense, it was just a messed up as it was last year. Ask the Cal Bears if the BCS was fair; ask the Georgia Bulldogs if the BCS was fair; ask Boise State if the BCS was fair. I'm sure every coach will give the same politically correct cliché that "we're extremely disappointed but that's how the system is set up so we'll have to live with it. We're just happy to be playing in a bowl game." Give me a break.

If Jeff Tedford at Cal tells you his team is less deserving to play in the Rose Bowl than Michigan is, he probably also has a nice piece of property in North Dakota overlooking the Pacific Ocean he could sell you. If Mark Richt at UGA says his team is not much better at 9-2 playing in arguably the toughest conference on the planet than an 8-3 Pitt team that plays in a league that is barely above mid-major, then maybe the moon really is made of cheese. And if Dan Hawkins at Boise State suggests his undefeated Broncos would get absolutely shellacked against any other BCS contender, then the sport of college football should die a quick death and fade into the sunset of sports history.

My point is what is the point of having a rating system that penalizes the schools that have done what it asks by going undefeated, or that have proved their worth by finishing near the top of the list? There is none and, in the end, it is no different or better than the old system of having automatic conference berths to certain games and inserting the at-large bids wherever the best matchups exist. Which brings me to the biggest problem I have with the BCS this year.

I don't have any quarrel with USC and Oklahoma playing for the national title. I've been convinced that they were the two best teams in the country this year. No offense to Auburn, Utah, or Boise State, but the Trojans and Sooners deserve to be there. I don't have a problem with Utah being a so-called mid-major making it into a BCS game. They finished near the top and are worthy of a bid. Texas, Virginia Tech? You betchya. Pitt and Michigan? How'd they get in there?

That, by the way, was a rhetorical question. I know how they got there -- conference alliances, which is the main reason the current system isn't fair for all teams involved. In order to have a true "bowl championship series," the automatic bids must go. Although it hasn't been expressly stated, the whole reason for the creation of the BCS to begin with was to have the best teams in the country squaring off in the four biggest bowl games. Yes, Pitt and Michigan are conference champions, but their computer rankings on which the whole system is based couldn't help them even break the top 10.

In order for the BCS to become a true BCS, the automatic bids have to be dropped and the top 10 teams in the final BCS play in the four major bowls and the one "double-hosted" bowl beginning in 2006. Obviously, the top two teams would play in whatever game is the championship game for that year and the rest of the bowls would matchup 3 vs. 10, 4 vs. 9, 5 vs. 8, and 6 vs. 7. One of two exceptions would be the Rose Bowl where the Big 10 or Pac-10 (or both) teams rated highest in the BCS -- other than numbers one or two--would get an automatic berth.

The other exception would be if two teams from the same conference ended up in the pairings, the lower-rated team would be adjusted with the next highest rated team. Under this year's system, Cal would play Utah in the Rose Bowl, the Sugar Bowl would still have Auburn vs. Virginia Tech, and the Fiesta Bowl would pit Texas against Georgia.

If that system were used this year, Boise State and Louisville still would miss out on a BCS game, but under the "double-hosting" scenario both would get in. Since the Orange Bowls hosts the championship game between USC and Oklahoma, it too would host an earlier BCS game. This would be the 6 vs. 7 matchup, being Utah and Georgia. The Rose Bowl would have Cal vs. Virginia Tech, the Sugar Bowl would be Auburn vs. Louisville, and the Fiesta Bowl would be Texas vs. Boise State. Pretty intriguing matchups, I'd say.

The only other real problem I have with the way the computer ratings are determined is the inclusion of the coaches poll. These guys, of their own admission, pay absolutely zero attention to teams outside their own conference. How on Earth, then, can they make a legitimate decision on who should be ranked where? The same holds true for most of the sportswriters and broadcasters in the AP poll. Unless a person has nothing better to do than tape every game on TV and watch them, there is no way to tell who's best, other than by the scoreboard.

The latest BCS ratings tweaking involved taking out the margin-of-victory factor; but, in reality, the margin of victory still holds its place in the two human polls. A coach or writer looks at the scores in the Sunday morning paper and sees a team win by 40 points, then assumes that team is real good. Or, if a team squeaks out a one-point victory, they think that team wasn't as good as they first thought.

Both the Pac-10 commissioner and Cal coach Tedford this week called for making public the coaches' votes. I can't say I blame them. With Texas being named to the Rose Bowl, the Big 12 conference gets a fat paycheck that the Pac-10 feels it deserves. And why did Texas flip-flop with Cal in the BCS standings? The coaches’ poll changed dramatically in the Longhorns' favor.

Without coming right out and crying "conspiracy," just think about this for a moment. Obviously, the Big 12 has more coaches and, therefore, more votes than does the Pac-10. Between Thanksgiving weekend and the last weekend of the season, Cal lost 28 points in the coaches poll while Texas gained 15 points. It didn't change their rankings -- Cal remained ahead of Texas at No. 4, but it did change their percentage in the BCS ratings. That's why folks on the West Coast would like to see exactly who changed their vote from Cal last week to Texas this week.

It's a fair request, as far as I'm concerned and, if the coaches don't want to make their votes public for fear of repercussions within the conference, then let's just do away with the poll altogether. College football survived many seasons without the coaches poll and it can do it again.

So, while the BCS may be the best system we have at this time, it still is not the best system available. And, until the presidents at the 1-A schools allow the blinders of tradition drop off their eyes, the Cals and Boise States and Georgias of the world will just have to swallow the bitter pill they've prescribed to themselves. Maybe eventually they will see the merits of a system their brothers and sisters from 1-AA down have adopted many years ago -- a playoff.

Posted by Adam Russell at 12:44 PM | Comments (6)

December 7, 2004

NFL Week 13 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Did Paul Maguire really make fun of Joe Theismann's career-ending injury during the Sunday night telecast? Making fun of someone for being the victim of the most (in)famous, most horrific injury in league history is way over the line.

* After a play on Sunday, Derrick Brooks took off his helmet, threw it, and kicked it. Without drawing a penalty.

* I'm already out of superlatives for the Indianapolis offense, and this week, the defense got seven sacks. The Colts won by less than 30 for the first time in almost a month.

* On Sunday, Michael Vick reminded me a lot of Kordell Stewart in 1997.

* Eddie George is eating a towel.

2004 is the Year of the Quarterback. Peyton Manning, Daunte Culpepper, and Ben Roethlisberger are all making runs at the record books, and now Donovan McNabb has broken Joe Montana's record for consecutive completions.

McNabb had a career day against the Packers, throwing for 464 yards and 5 touchdowns. Good quarterbacks throw so many touchdowns, it's unrealistic to expect them to come up with original celebrations. They have to find a gimmick, and go with it. Culpepper has that rolling thing he does with his forearms. McNabb has his Michael Jackson tributes. I don't know why people are so down on McNabb's endzone celebrations. I never get tired of seeing the Thriller dance, and it's pretty impressive that he can moonwalk in cleats.

Football is a team sport, but more than ever, the game promotes individuals. It would be really nice to see someone like Manning or McNabb hold the Lombardi Trophy next February. Manning's offense looks unstoppable, but Philadelphia is on a roll, too. Since they lost to Pittsburgh a month ago, the Eagles have averaged 37.8 points per game.

Moving along to the power rankings, brackets show last week's rank.

1. New England Patriots [1] -- Tom Brady completed barely half of his passes and Corey Dillon only played half the game. So how did New England score 42 points, all in the first three quarters? Touchdowns from the defense and special teams helped. Kevin Faulk supplemented Dillon's 100 rushing yards with 87 of his own, mostly in the second half. And New England's defense didn't give anything to the Browns -- who scored 48 last week -- until a meaningless drive at the end of the game. The Patriots are a complete football team, and right now, no one is better.

2. Philadelphia Eagles [2] -- Green Bay over Philadelphia may have been this week's most popular upset pick. The Packers had won six games in a row, and "needed" a win more than the Eagles. So it's probably fair to say that Philadelphia sent a statement by going ahead 47-3 before sympathy calls from the officials and the mighty arm of Craig Nall combined to put some more points on the board for the visitors. A nation of football fans will be disappointed if anyone other than the Eagles represents the NFC in the Super Bowl.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers [3] -- Terrific game-ending drive by Ben Roethlisberger. 3-for-3, for 40 yards, in less than a minute and with no timeouts. Everyone is making a big deal about Peyton Manning's assault on the single-season TD record held by Dan Marino, and rightly so. But Roethlisberger has a good shot at two other Marino records: his rookie marks for completion percentage (58.4) and passer rating (96.0). Big Ben will almost certainly break the completion percentage record, but it's Marino's rookie passer rating mark that's really impressive. The only non-Marino rookie over 84 was Bill Walsh disciple Greg Cook, in 1969. In other words, Marino shattered the record, and no one has come close since. Sounds like his touchdown record, doesn't it? Roethlisberger's rating is ahead of Marino's right now, and this will probably come down to the final week of the season.

4. Indianapolis Colts [4] -- It's a little early to be looking ahead to next season, but that hasn't stopped people from speculating on the futures of Edgerrin James and Marvin Harrison. Today, I join those people. The Colts must keep both players. Harrison is Manning's go-to receiver, and the respect he gets from defenses frees up the rest of the receiving corps, while James has clearly re-established himself as one of the NFL's elite running backs. Indy's passing game thrives on playaction passes, and without James, those fakes would be far less effective. RBs like James and WRs like Harrison are extremely hard to come by. When you've got them, you don't let them go.

5. San Diego Chargers [5] -- On ESPN's pre-game show, Steve Young said of Drew Brees, "You keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it never does." That's exactly how I feel. I know Brees struggled against the Broncos, but his team won. Michael Irvin jumped all over Young for comparing Brees to Kurt Warner in 1999, but Warner isn't Otto Graham or Johnny Unitas. He was a flash in the pan. For now, I think it's a pretty good comparison. But San Diego isn't going to the Super Bowl.

6. Buffalo Bills [9] -- I can't imagine any team that doesn't already have a winning record in the AFC playoffs, so Buffalo, Jacksonville, and Cincinnati are out. I stubbornly insist that the Ravens and Broncos are fighting over that last wildcard.

7. Green Bay Packers [7] -- In recent years, Green Bay has gotten into the habit of digging its own grave. The further behind his team falls, the more Brett Favre tries to do everything by himself. Manning does the same thing. Marino used to do it, too. Sometimes it works. But more often, it results in interceptions and long incompletions. The last few years, this has been happening to Favre more often than it used to. Sunday's game was just one of those days.

8. New York Jets [10] -- Curtis Martin is having, at age 31, the best statistical season of his career. The Jets have a difficult schedule to close out the regular season, but if they go at least 2-2, they'll make the playoffs.

9. Atlanta Falcons [8] -- Opponents have actually outscored Atlanta by 10 points this season. The team's .750 record is a fraud. Of the six other teams at 9-3 or better, the Jets are closest to Atlanta, at +79. The Colts are at +168. In fact, since the NFL went to a 16-game schedule in 1978, no .750 team has finished worse than +44 (the Detroit Lions in 1991). Atlanta (-10) would be hard-pressed to catch that, needing to win by an average of almost 14 points per game for the rest of the season. The Falcons have won by 14 or more only twice all year, and never by more than 17.

10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [16] -- Sunday's matchup in Tampa Bay looked more like a scrimmage. Atlanta was never in it, dominated from beginning to end. The Bucs are playoff contenders, but tiebreakers with most likely rivals work against them. For Tampa to get in, it will probably need to win all of its remaining games.

11. Cincinnati Bengals [13] -- First victory on the road against a winning team since 1990. It seems silly to complain about an offense that last week scored 58 and this week put up 27 points against the Ravens, tying Baltimore's season-high for points allowed. But the Bengals' offensive players are truly terrible tacklers. Did you see Chris McAllister's fumble return?

12. Denver Broncos [12] -- I don't believe that Mike Shanahan should be fired after this season, or that he will be, but the pressure is rising in Denver. If the Broncos miss the playoffs this year, Shanahan may be described as a "hot seat" coach entering the 2005 season.

13. Baltimore Ravens [6] -- An awful "excessive celebration" penalty wasn't enough to save them. Neither was another penalty on the subsequent drive, this one an illegal contact call that nullified a Ravens turnover. They even got a gift when Ed Reed was rewarded, rather than punished, for carrying the ball like people did 25 years ago. Anyone who's ever played organized football knows how to hold the ball, and Reed deliberately did it wrong. Predictably, gloriously, karmically, he fumbled. But teammate Chris McAllister picked it up on a bounce and scored a touchdown. None of that was enough to get Baltimore past the Bengals.

14. Carolina Panthers [21] -- Not to take anything away from Stephen Davis and DeShaun Foster, but the offense has really taken off with Nick Goings carrying the ball. Goings was nothing special in the past, so this isn't a case of injuries showcasing a hidden gem. Maybe I am taking something away from Davis and Foster.

15. Minnesota Vikings [11] -- Look at Minnesota's schedule. It's beaten medium-to-bad teams pretty consistently. Four of their five losses have been on the road, and three were against top-10 opponents. This is clearly a middle-of-the-road team. It beats bad teams and loses to good ones. With a challenging schedule to close out the season, that may not be enough to get the Vikings into the playoffs.

16. Jacksonville Jaguars [14] -- Three losses in a row, and the offense has been sputtering for weeks now. Jacksonville put up a good fight against the Steelers, and it's nice to see some spirit from a team that could have given up.

17. Houston Texans [15] -- Does it seem like this season I fixate on balance and consistency? It's because so few teams are displaying those characteristics. Look at who's doing well and why. If Houston's offense were more consistent, the team might still be in playoff contention.

18. Kansas City Chiefs [20] -- It's strange to remember that Eddie Kennison briefly retired a few years ago. Kennison had 149 yards and a touchdown on Sunday.

19. St. Louis Rams [18] -- As long as Mike Martz is coaching in St. Louis, the Rams will have a reputation as an offensive team. But they've only scored more than 30 points in a game once this season, and they needed overtime to do it.

20. Dallas Cowboys [26] -- A different team with Julius Jones back from injury. As recently as two weeks ago, the Cowboys were dead on their feet. Going through the motions instead of really playing to win. Now they believe they can win. As disheartening as it is that they almost gave the game away in the fourth quarter, it's equally encouraging that they made an inspired comeback at the end of the game.

21. Tennessee Titans [17] -- No team should ever allow more than 50 points, even against the Colts. And no team should ever allow seven sacks, especially against the Colts.

22. Washington Redskins [28] -- During this week's matchup against the Giants, Bill Maas called the best game I've heard all year. One play after another, he had something meaningful to say. I was awed. It's nice to see Ladell Betts getting some time on the field.

23. Oakland Raiders [24] -- Rough football season for the Bay Area. Oakland is 31st in point differential, at -94. Guess who's 32nd.

24. Seattle Seahawks [19] -- No team in the league, except maybe the Saints, plays with less heart than Seattle. The team is sufficiently talented that there are some games they're simply unable to lose, but the 'Hawks don't even look like they're trying. I'm normally pretty conservative about coach-firing, but I think it would be best for everyone involved if Mike Holmgren coached somewhere else next year. He can still coach, but not here. The Seahawks will be better without him, and some other team will probably be better with him.

25. Chicago Bears [30] -- Craig Krenzel was a hero for three weeks. Now Chad Hutchinson is going to lead the team to glory! And everyone in Chicago will get a free pony!

26. Detroit Lions [29] -- The secret to success in this league is playing against Arizona or San Francisco.

27. Cleveland Browns [23] -- Ranking this team is impossible. They've lost six games in a row, which normally indicates a very bad team. The problem is that all six of those games were against teams in my top 12: Philadelphia, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, the Jets, Cincinnati, and now New England. I wouldn't expect the 24th-best team to win any of those games; do the Browns belong somewhere around 24 because most of the games were close? I also wouldn't expect the 49ers to win any of those games; the Browns could be 31st. Barring an upset, this isn't going to get any easier over the next couple of weeks.

28. New Orleans Saints [27] -- The Saints and Dolphins are the only teams without any wins in their division.

29. Miami Dolphins [31] -- Probably should still be 31st, since the Cardinals and Giants have upside and could conceivably play well, while Miami isn't going to get any better. In this part of the list, though, playing with some heart is worth two spots.

30. Arizona Cardinals [22] -- Musical quarterbacks. Until all but one of them sit down, the Cardinals will keep losing.

31. New York Giants [25] -- The Eli Manning situation perpetuates itself. Each game they lose, it becomes more clear that he's not ready to be the starter. But if the Giants are out of playoff contention, people cry, he has to be the starter. The more games Manning plays, the more games he will play. It's cyclical.

32. San Francisco 49ers [32] -- My hobby is listening to music; San Francisco's hobby is losing by double digits. Opponents have outscored the Niners by a league-high 138 points this season. No other team is down by 100.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 1:15 PM | Comments (4)

Baseball's Oldest Profession, Revisited

Spare me the moral posturing, please. Knock it off with the yammering about these stinking cheaters, and not just because steroids basically cannot enhance a baseball player's field or plate performance.

(I say again: name one steroid proven to accentuate bat speed, hand-eye coordination, or vision or any skill faculty past mere muscle mass. Or, ask yourself why it was that Barry Bonds sharpened his own hand-eye coordination and vision -- he has had the reputation for the best batting eye in baseball tracing back to long before he was involved with the Fabulous BALCO Boys -- whereas Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield, never mind Jose Canseco and the as yet unidentified small host of others, did not. Or did I miss where Sheffield went from great to off the charts?)

Because actual cheaters should get away with it? No, because a) the Spruce Juicers are probably cheating their health more than the game, and b) anyone who thinks cheating in baseball began in earnest with the Fabulous BALCO Boys is in dire need of a history lesson. Class is now in session.

1) So hated was Ty Cobb that, on the 1910 season's final day, when he was neck-and-neck with Napoleon Lajoie for the American League batting crown, the St. Louis Browns' third baseman played his position as far back as feasible to help Lajoie back into the batting crown by letting him drop bunts guaranteed to be beaten out for hits. Fat lot of good that did. The actual race ended in a dead heat, but American League president Ban Johnson, "seeking an essential truth in lieu of true facts," as Bill James phrased it, "made up a couple of extra hits for Cobb and declared him the champion, anyway."

2) The 1919 World Series. Yes, children, it is possible to cheat to lose, particularly when there's a payoff in the thousands awaiting you at the end.

3) Groundskeepers in old Shibe Park, aware enough that the Philadelphia Whiz Kids (the pennant-winning 1950 Phillies, young and fresh and built for speed) included a particularly expert baseline bunter, future Hall of Famer Richie Ashburn, sculpted the third base line in such a fashion as to ensure that Asburn's expertise at dropping dying bunts up that line didn't bump into foul territory.

4) Entire books have been written around the idea that the 1951 New York Giants -- years before anyone ever heard of the "eye in the sky" grandstand scout -- had an assistant in the stands stealing signs, as they made their magnificent comeback to force a playoff for the pennant with the Brooklyn Dodgers.

5) With a newspaper egging them on, Ohio fans actively and unapologetically stuffed the All-Star Game's ballot box, including multiple voting, to make the 1957 game into the Cincinnati Reds versus the American League. Commissioner Ford Frick intervened and substituted three players (Willie Mays, Henry Aaron, and Stan Musial) for three Reds (George Crowe, Wally Post, and Gus Bell). And within a year, the fans would lose the All-Star Game vote until the 1970s.

6) Preacher Roe, Brooklyn Dodgers left-handed pitcher and as elegant a competitor as ever pitched in Flatbush, admitted after his retirement, in an article for Sports Illustrated, "The Outlaw Pitch Was My Money Pitch." Once, he faced Eddie (Slow, Slower, Slowest) Lopat in a World Series game. "Them two fellas certainly make baseball look like a simple game, don't they? Makes you wonder," Yankee manager Casey Stengel marveled. "You pay all that big money to great big fellas with a lot of muscles and straight stomachs who go up there an' start swinging, and they give 'em a little o' this and a little o' that and swindle 'em."

7) The mid-to-late-1960s Chicago White Sox, at the reputed insistence of manager Eddie Stanky (he who once kicked a ball out of Phil Rizzuto's glove when Rizzuto otherwise had him cold on a play at second base), liked to store the game baseballs in a cool, damp place. "You had to wipe the mildew off before the game ... and put them into new boxes," former White Sox backup catcher Jerry McNertney told his Seattle Pilots teammate, Jim Bouton. "The idea, of course," Bouton wrote in Ball Four, "is that cold, damp baseballs don't travel as far as warm, dry baseballs, and the White Sox were not exactly sluggers."

8) Bouton also revealed that there were indeed umpires in his day who would call the balls and strikes based upon personal grudges, singling out Ed Runge as regards a Yankee rookie named Steve Whitaker. Whitaker apparently beefed a little too snippily over a Runge call behind the plate. The word getting back to the Yankee dugout, said Bouton, was that the opposing pitchers figured out the strikes didn't have to be "too good" if Whitaker was at the plate. Then Mickey Mantle prevailed upon Whitaker to kiss and make up with the veteran ump. He did, and saw a lot less dubious strikes for his trouble.

9) Mantle's fondest desire at the end of the line, in 1968, was to finish ahead of Jimmie Foxx on the all-time home run list. Denny McLain, who pretty much had his 31st win in his hip pocket, decided to make Mantle's wish come true. "He's told me to tell you what's coming," Detroit catcher Bill Freehan told the Commerce Comet as he approached the plate. "He wants you to get it." Mantle simply waggled his bat at the spot where he most liked to connect, McLain obliged, and Mantle drove one into the Tiger Stadium upper deck. (The on-deck hitter, Joe Pepitone, not hearing the original exchange, thought McLain was in such a good mood that he might get a groove pitch to hit. Pepitone waggled his bat to the spot where he liked to connect ... and McLain smashed three straight unhittable fastballs past him.)

10) Whitey Ford not only knew a few tricks of his trade in his final few seasons and used them (including catcher Elston Howard scraping balls on his shin guard buckles before returning them to the mound), but it became such second nature to him that he finally did it in an Old Timers' Game. "I got tired of getting my jock knocked off," Ford admitted later.

11) Norm Cash, whose lifetime batting average wasn't even close to the .361 by which he won the 1961 American League batting championship, admitted after the season that he had used a loaded bat. He even cooperated with a magazine article in demonstrating just how he loaded the bat. Revealed subsequently: he used the same bat in 1962. And his batting average collapsed by (you can look it up) 118 points.

12) Bobby Richardson, a neat-fielding, clean-living Yankee second baseman (he was so unapologetic a Christian that he was nicknamed, not necessarily derisively, "the Right Reverend"), needed one hit to finish 1959 with an even-.300 batting average. "We don't have a single .300 hitter on this team," manager Stengel said, "so if you get a hit your first time up, I'm taking you out."

Stengel was not the only one pulling for Richardson. The Baltimore Orioles, facing the Yankees on that final day, were only too willing to let the Right Reverend get it. Starting pitcher Billy O'Dell also happened to be a fellow South Carolinian and an offseason hunting buddy of Richardson's, according to Bill Madden's Pride of October: What It Was To Be Young And A Yankee: "Don't worry, I'll be throwing one right in there for you." Moments later, up came Brooks Robinson: "I'll be playing real deep at third if you want to bunt." Catcher Joe Ginsberg: "I'll tell you what pitch is coming." Even first base umpire Ed Hurley was in on the action: "If you hit it on the ground, just make it close at first."

Richardson, to Madden: "I got my pitch and hit a line drive to right field that Albie Pearson made a diving catch on. Pearson was one of my closest friends in the game -- we'd spoken together at church! He must have been the only person in the ballpark who didn't know I was supposed to get my hit!"

13) Two words: Gaylord Perry. "Of course, everybody thinks Gaylord Perry means spitball," wrote former major league pitcher Milt Wilcox, briefly a Perry teammate in Cleveland, for Ron Luciano's The Fall of the Roman Umpire. "And everybody is right. I remember after he had pitched one day, I looked at catcher Ray Fosse's glove. There was a big old ring of Vaseline around the rim of the pocket. Either Gaylord's pitches splashed a lot, or Fosse was loading it up for him."

14) Four words: Tommy John, Don Sutton. Once, when John was a Yankee and Sutton an Angel, they went against each other in a game in Anaheim. George Steinbrenner was watching and figured Sutton out quickly enough. He phoned the Yankee dugout to manager Lou Piniella, demanding Piniella get Sutton thrown out. The account in Bill Madden and Moss Klein's Damned Yankees is priceless.

"George, do you know what the score is?" Piniella replied. (The Yankees were ahead, 1-0.) "If I get the umpires to check Sutton, don't you know that the Angels are going to check TJ? They'll both get kicked out. Whatever they're doing, TJ is doing it better than Sutton. So let's leave it alone for now." The Yankees went on to win, 3-2. "Tommy John and Don Sutton," Madden and Klein quoted an unnamed scout. "If anyone can find one smooth ball from that game, he ought to send it to Cooperstown."

15) Cork's actual effectiveness is very much open to debate, but that stops no one from believing it does, as you might have fathomed in 2003 when Sammy Sosa was caught with a plug. When Hillerich and Bradsby sent a touring exhibit of historic bats around major league parks, in 1983, a group of Seattle Mariners were admiring one of Babe Ruth's bats until Dave Henderson, according to Dan Gutman (It Ain't Cheating If You Don't Get Caught), spotted something amiss: the round end of the bat did not match the barrel's wood. The end also had a crack the rest of the bat didn't. "That's a plug!" Henderson hollered. "This bat is corked."

As a matter of fact, the Sultan was a real corker: he was in fact the half-inspiration for then-American League president Ban Johnson imposing a policy outlawing "trick bats" in 1923 ... after Ruth was found using a bat made of four pieces of wood glued together.

"As I see it, wrote Bill James, in The New Bill James Historical Baseball Abstract, "nothing could be more typical of Ruth than to use a corked bat if he could get by with it. Ruth tested the limits of the rules constantly; this was what made him who he was. He refused to be ordinary; he refused to accept that the rules applied to him, until it was clear that they did. Constantly testing the limits of the rules, as I see him, was Babe Ruth's defining characteristic."

And thus be it ever that boys will be boys. Even in the Great and Glorious Era of the Golden Age of the Grand Old Game.

Posted by Jeff Kallman at 12:47 PM | Comments (3)

December 6, 2004

Mythbusters, Football-Style

Sunday's television schedule called for the 12-hour "Mythbusters" marathon to end at 9 PM. In reality, though, the show merely moved a half-hour earlier from The Discovery Channel to ESPN.

"Mythbusters" can best be described as "Jackass" for people who learned to read. The hosts, Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, have taken it upon themselves to scientifically prove popular urban legends. As often as not, "scientifically" -- as far as Savage and Hyneman are concerned -- means breaking or blowing something up.

That's something that anyone with a "Y" chromosome can appreciate.

Savage is a special effects expert who, according to the "Mythbusters" website, has worked on such films as "Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace" and "GalaxyQuest," although it's not clear whether he gets to take credit for Sigourney Weaver's disappearing uniform in that latter movie. He also once played Mr. Whipple's stockboy in a "Charmin" commercial.

Hyneman has worked on special effects on the "Matrix sequels.

Episodes of the show have dealt with such weighty issues as whether a penny dropped from a very tall building will kill you if it lands on your head (it won't), and if a cup of water will explode if a spoon is placed in it immediately after it is heated in a microwave to boiling (sometimes; I think it has to do with the movement of the water molecules).

Savage and Hyneman once attempted to find out whether birds can bring down small airplanes by hitting and shattering the aircraft's windshield. To do this, they shot chicken carcasses at the windshield of a junked airplane, which first required the construction of a chicken gun. That is, a gun that fires chicken carcasses.

No wonder the rest of the world hates us. With hundreds of millions of people going hungry every day on this planet, we're shooting perfectly good food at airplanes in a junkyard for entertainment.

It was almost midnight, and long after the "Mythbusters" marathon ended, when the day's final myth -- that the Steelers are a running team -- was busted in the closing minutes of Pittsburgh's 17-16 victory over the Jacksonville Jaguars.

If you believe the national media, the Steelers are a throwback team, not just to their 1970s era glory days, but to Pittsburgh's Bullet Bill Dudley and Whizzer White (that's the late Supreme Court Justice Byron White to you) era of the 1930s and '40s.

After a disastrous one-year flirtation with the passing game, which contributed to a 6-10 record in 2003, Pittsburgh went back to a conservative attack behind offseason acquisition Duce Staley and, more recently, a rejuvenated Jerome Bettis.

A cursory look at the numbers would seem to bear that out. In a four-game stretch in late October and November -- which has included wins over New England, Philadelphia, Cleveland, and Cincinnati -- the Steelers threw on 98 of 291 passing plays for a rough percentage of 33 percent.

But this is a clear case of lying statistics. The Steelers, in fact, are a balanced team.

In the book "Football: The Inside Game," Bob Carroll and John Thorn, who also helped edit the "Total Football" books, broke down hundreds of football games and came to the conclusion that the key to victory often is to throw the ball effectively to establish an early lead, then suck the life out of the clock by running.

During their eight-game winning streak, the Steelers have been following that script perfectly. Unfortunately, a lot of observers look at the rushing totals for Staley and Bettis and coming to the conclusion that Pittsburgh is winning because it is running so well.

That's like looking at paintings of frontier settlers and coming to the conclusion that the Conestoga wagons are pushing horses westward. In the NFL, teams don't win because they run well; they're running well because they're winning.

And they're winning because they're throwing well.

For the first time in almost two months, the Steelers asked Ben Roethlisberger to win a game more or less by himself, and he did.

Not only was he nearly flawless passing -- 14-of-14 for 221 yards and two touchdowns with a near-perfect 158.0 passer rating -- but the rookie was 3-for-3 in driving the Steelers downfield for the eventual game-winning field goal.

For the second consecutive week, the Steelers couldn't break the 20 point barrier. But this time, it wasn't Roethlisberger's fault. Pittsburgh's offense was stymied by its own running game, 11 penalties, and the defense's inability to consistently stop Jacksonville's passing game, which limited the Steelers' own offensive opportunities.

Each of those four earlier games cited can be divided into two parts -- the early part, when Pittsburgh was establishing its lead, and late, when the Steelers were trying to kill the clock.

If the Steelers were a running team, they would be running the ball two-thirds of the time both early in the game and late. But it doesn't work out that way.

During that early part, when the outcome of the games was still in doubt, Pittsburgh threw on 72 of 153 offensive plays, 47 percent of the time, in the last four weeks.

Against Jacksonville, when the outcome was in doubt after the final gun, the Steelers ran on 20 of 45 plays, for a 44 percent ratio. There's a word for that type of offense.

Balance.

Adam and Jamie would be proud.

Posted by Eric Poole at 1:39 PM | Comments (1)

I Hate Mondays: Not So Lucky Charms

Blue moons, green clovers, pink hearts, purple horseshoes, red balloons, and yellow pots of gold are the key constituents of the delicious morning cereal Lucky Charms, but only boys aged from 3-5 and Barry Bonds would believe that these are the true ingredients of the breakfast.

With a little milk, the saccharine meal is pleasant to go down, but Barry Bonds' alibi for his role in the BALCO case is more arduous to swallow.

The San Francisco Chronicle reported that Bonds told a grand jury that he took steroids, arranged by his trainer, unconscious that the drops that he was placing under his tongue, and the balm that he was rubbing all over his body were in fact performance-enhancing drugs.

If you believe in magical leprechauns, and Bonds' explanation, then let me tell you about a certain maxim: ignorance of the law is no excuse.

While many of us would love to be oblivious to constraining rules, we are unable to wash our hands clean simply because "we didn't know."

If you drive 70 mph through a 50 mph zone, it does not suffice to argue that you were not aware of the speed limit. A fault was still committed and ignorance is not an excuse.

While his disregard does not displace the onus, there are a number of other factors that combat the Giant outfielder's credibility.

The current generation is more cognizant of ingested ingredients than ever before. Ten years ago, nobody questioned the contents of a mouth-watering McDonald's Big Mac and Burger King's 99-cent menu was our frugal friend. Nowadays, carbohydrates and trans fats have become the target of dietary witch-hunts, as consumer-made-nutritionists are frequently investigating the contents of every product.

As for medications, there was a time when pharmaceuticals were the cure for any ailments. Take one for the pain, and one for the side effects. After the Vioxx incident (and the FDA suggesting there may be other drugs which are similarly detrimental), most pill-poppers question the consequences and chemicals laced in every capsule.

And while droves of people raise their security alert level to "red" before placing anything in their mouths, Mr. Bonds claims he never second-guessed his trainer when he was told to intake drugs in this unorthodox fashion.

Yes Barry, I believe you. I believe that you are paranoid of your surroundings, yet a trusted individual gave you drugs that you drip under your tongue and smear on your body, and you never thought twice about it. I also believe that although you aged, you started to feel stronger after taking these substances, and while your batting statistics were augmenting with your graying body, you never stopped to wonder why this was happening. And although you didn't know these enhancers were illegal, you instinctively minimized your usage during the regular season when testing was a threat.

Bonds' defense is waning, but since the steroid regulations in baseball are as soggy as a Lucky Charm in milk, San Francisco's slugger need not concern himself with menial matters such as losing his revered records.

Lying to fans and going the way of Sammy Sosa also should not cause superfluous anxiety. Rather it is the possibility of perjury and going the way of Ken Caminiti that should weigh heavy on his mind.

Ignorance and iniquitousness mix like Mondays and me.

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

Posted by Dave Golokhov at 12:30 PM | Comments (0)

Start the Presses

The first quarter of the 2004-2005 NBA season will forever be marred by the wildfire-like scuffle that pervaded throughout the Palace at Auburn Hills. The first semester has also provided us with witty satirical quips uttered by Shaquille O'Neal, referencing to the much-maligned Kobe Bryant.

Granted, Ron Artest has already received one plug in this piece, but lest we forget his request to take some time of to promote the hottest new group since the Beatles invading the states. (What was the name of that group again? Anybody?) With hindsight always 20/20, the Pacers would have been much better suited allowing Artest to pound the pavement, promoting the straight to the gently used/discounted album rack at your local music chain.

Enough about these mindless displays of childlike behavior/banter, how about the actual game of basketball?

For those of you who only receive your NBA news from national news anchors that have trouble pronouncing the simplest of names, allow me to bring you up to speed.

The Orlando Magic have a new face, in the same place. Grant Hill is not only still a member of their roster, but also an active member. Taking that a step further, Hill is playing at a level that would make him the acquisition of the offseason, even though that statement is not totally inaccurate.

Hill is averaging just shy of 20 points a contest, and grabbing 5 boards a game. Furthermore, Hill leads the team in steals and is second in assists. However, the most astounding stat to declare is the fact that Hill is averaging 35.2 minutes per game, just a minute shy of team leader Steve Francis.

Taking nothing away from the Magic, but they do play in a division that features competition comparable to your local YMCA gymnasium. The lone exclusion being the Miami Heat, with whom the starry-eyed squad is running neck and neck with.

If (and that is most assuredly a strong if) Hill continues to play at this level, and more importantly can stay out of street clothes, the award given to the Comeback Player of the Year should not only be named after Grant, but also molded in his likeness.

If you allow yourself to look past the Pacers/Pistons rematch, and the Kobe/Shaq tussle on Christmas Day, the Grant Hill story is the tale to monitor for the duration of the season.

The first word that comes to mind to describe the Eastern Conference is definitely not strong. That being said, the rejuvenated Steve Francis, the reborn Grant Hill, and the revamped Orlando Magic could be a force to be reckon with come May.

Be sure to tell your friends that Grant Hill still plays basketball, and plays well. Knowing full well you did, tell them you heard it here first.

Speaking of the East...

The debate question posed to you today is simple. Which is the lesser of two evils? The NFC West or the NBA Atlantic? Now any division that houses the Arizona Cardinals gains the upper hand, but there sits but one team above .500 in the Atlantic (NY Knicks) and second place sits a few games below the Mendoza line.

Not a single team is averaging better than 98 points a game. The Raptors, however, do deserve applause for giving up 100 per outing. Excluding the aforementioned Dinosaurs and the NBDL squad (NJ Nets), the Knickerbockers, Celtics, and 76ers are teams ensconced in tradition. It's almost tear-inducing those teams are now just enamored and borderline content with mediocrity.

Dawn of a new era...

In case you didn't receive the latest copy of your daily news periodical, the team sporting the best record in the league happens to be the Phoenix Suns. After suffering a 19-point loss at the hands of the Suns, LeBron James claimed that Phoenix houses the best team in the league.

That may be true, for now. There is no debate this is the most exciting team to watch in the league, much like the Dallas Mavericks of the past few seasons. The acquisition of Steve Nash has sparked a maelstrom of points and fast breaks, while Amare Stoudemire has left his poor attitude in Athens, and brought back a game that makes him as tough as anyone in the league to defend.

Obviously, it is very early on in the season, but the same attributes that made the Mavs so pleasurable to watch, could also be the downfall of the purple and orange. They will score a ton of points, but when it comes down to crunch time, can they defend as well as they attack?

If the plan is just to outscore opponent on a nightly basis, it is a thought process that exploded all over Mark Cuban's newly-designed football jersey. At some point, the Suns must defend, or Mike D'Antoni will share the same unenviable fate.

Posted by Daniel Collins at 11:51 AM | Comments (0)

December 5, 2004

Athletes' Illicit Behavior Transcends Sports

It has been quite the whirlwind in the sports world this past year. From the 2004 Summer Olympics to Major League Baseball to the National Basketball Association to the National Football League, and not to forget the National Hockey Association and Major League Soccer, none have been without scandal and deserved scrutiny.

As a true Major League Baseball fan, or fan of any other particular Olympic, professional as well as a college sport, you become a student not only of the game of play, but also of its history. And if you have observed all of the legal, moral, and ethical challenges all of our sports have suffered, especially this year, there remains a common thread in all of their frailties.

2004 began on an ominous note following the late 2003 BALCO preliminary hearings of subpoenaed witnesses who just happened to represent the pinnacle of their respective sports: 2000 Olympic champion sprinter Marion Jones; 2003 World Track & Field Championships record-holder sprinter Tim Montgomery; Pro Bowl NFL player Bill Romanowski; 2000 MLB MVP and NY Yankee Jason Giambi; and four-time MVP and San Francisco Giant Barry Bonds, who just happens to be 13 home runs shy of surpassing Henry Aaron's all-time home run record who himself upset the record of no less a player than Babe Ruth.

The tabloids and mainstream broadcast media, pretty much the same animal these days, have feasted on sensational stories this year from January right through this December. To revisit all of the travesties to which we have all been subject would take up pages and pages of space. We have enough fodder in the past few weeks alone in which to write a diatribe. The words "NBA Brawl," "BALCO: Giambi & Bonds," "NCAA Football Brawl", "FCC and the NFL" to name a few take us through November alone to date.

And all of these situations involve variations of violent behavior, law-breaking, cheating, unaccountability, indiscretions, indecent behavior, disrespectfulness, selfishness, and brashness; just a few of many adjectives one could use to express the world in sports this year.

But there is plenty of blame to go around. This meltdown of behavior should not be tied to any one player, team, broadcaster, network producer, advertiser, coach, manager, university, or body of sport. They all made their own contributions.

The negative behaviors are but symptoms of our society and pop culture, which also have seemed to have become molded into one. Sports are unfortunately no longer immune from other segments of our society and remains a sad commentary on our state of affairs.

As sports has truly become an entity of corporate entertainment and thus equals "big money," which includes the NCAA and the Olympics, more and more rules of sportsmanship etiquette have eroded arguably over the past decade. Fans have been urged to become "interactive" as a part of the entertainment from team promotions to where advertisers place their alcohol ads on game days and encouraging tailgate parties in the teams' stadium parking lots.

The lines also have become blurred between entertainment and broadcast news which makes people wonder where accountability resides. If behavior that was at one time unacceptable is now looked upon as entertainment and broadcast as such, it is no wonder that disrespectfulness continues to fester to a fever pitch.

And what once was considered disrespectful behavior has now morphed into illegal behavior. What is even more surprising and distressing is that most people act so surprised, as if they did not see this coming.

More specifically, as concerns the BALCO case and Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Marion Jones, and Tim Montgomery, it unfortunately more immediately comes down to a money problem for the powers that be. For example, Giambi on the face of it has breached his playing contract with the NY Yankees by his supposed admission to the Federal Grand Jury that he used several types of steroids and illegal substances in order to enhance his performance.

Instead of enhancing anything, Giambi's use of illegal substances probably made him susceptible to the several infections he contracted over the past two seasons, including a benign pituitary gland tumor and thus breaching his "agrees to keep himself in the best possible condition" for example. (Taking Clomid, a fertility drug which he allegedly admitted to taking, can produce such tumors in males.)

It is a contractual nightmare for George Steinbrenner given the $82.5 million left on Giambi's contract and Giambi's "damaged goods" prognosis for the future. The ethical and moral consequences will have to wait.

Marion Jones must stick by her original denial of never having used steroids and growth hormones, regardless of BALCO's Victor Conte's contradiction. As a track athlete, her endorsements are crucial to her future income.

Track athletes do not get guaranteed $130 million contracts as both Giambi and Bonds have gotten. Meanwhile, the Olympics is a corporate money machine, much as the NCAA is, and their athletes are what keeps the money flowing. As their athletes fail, they fail, so there is impetus to overlook alleged illegal or unscrupulous behaviors.

If it were not for the NHL season lockout which has completely cancelled all hockey games thus far this year, we would be hearing more about its three players in the news this past year. St. Louis Blues player Mike Danton pleaded guilty to a murder-for-hire conspiracy charge of his own agent. Atlanta Thrasher Dany Heatley was indicted of vehicular manslaughter when driving under the influence, which resulted in the death of his own teammate, and Todd Bertuzzi of the Vancouver Cannucks will go on trial January 17, 2005 for the on-ice assault of Colorado Avalanche player Steve Moore, which left him seriously injured.

Sports in the U.S. have always been treated in a clandestine manner and a symbol of hope and integrity. Without sounding preachy, although we collectively have taken many blows this year, for too long the writing on the wall has been ignored.

Sports did not suddenly break down in 2004. Its ills have been coming on for a long while now. But we must take our sports back.

As long as Major League Baseball was willing to look the other way when its baseballs where flying out of the parks, when it was obvious that many of its superstars were using illegal substances, MLB should be held accountable. As long as the NCAA has looked the other way when players who do not academically qualify but suddenly get good grades; when they are excused for alleged illegal behaviors by their schools and are showered with expensive gifts, all in the name of making millions and millions of dollars from network telecasts, the NCAA should be held accountable. And as long as broadcasters and advertisers continue to promote and hail "street cred" and a "gansta" mentality, for example, they should be held accountable.

And finally, no individual ballplayer or athlete should be considered above the game or sport in which they are engaged. We must collectively protect the integrity of our sports and games. Idol worship will not repair them. That perhaps is another reason we are in this mess. Had we not made such commodities of individual players, regardless of their behaviors, sports and it participants might very well still command the respect like they should and once upon a time did.

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 11:49 AM | Comments (0)

December 4, 2004

Why Characters Count in Sports

There are only three good reasons for the DVD format to exist.

1. Multiple angles of porno scenes.
2. Blooper reels.
3. Director's commentaries.

I recently watched "Spider-Man 2" while listening the nasally genius that is director Sam Raimi explain every nuance of the film, from the sets to the special effects to why Kirsten Dunst always looks like she just took a massive bong hit. (Okay, he may have avoided that last topic.) But the comments that stuck with me were the ones he made about how he chooses his characters.

Villains, for example. Remember the Batman films, where the story was driven by which Special Guest Star would be portraying the villain (or villains)? The actual "plot" of "Batman and Robin" couldn't fill the commercial break between the kickoff and the first offensive play in a NFL game. But who needs such literary burdens like "storyline" when you have the Governor of Cauliflower as Mr. Freeze? ("Kill da heroz! Firz Gotdem, Den Da Wuhrld!")

Raimi, bless his Evil Dead heart, doesn't operate like that. His movies start with the "whys" for characters, not the "whos." The Big Bad in a "Spider-Man" movie is going to be someone who ties in with whatever it is Peter Parker is going through in the particular film. The Green Goblin had a relationship with Peter through his son Harry, and served the plot about the father-figure vacuum in Peter's life.

Doctor Octopus was the antithesis of Spidey: a man of reason and compassion who is given great power and chooses a different, more destructive application for that power. The villain of the next "Spider-Man" film will undoubtedly tie into what Peter's latest life obstacle is. (Perhaps it will be "The Optometrist," as Peter struggles with the fact that his girlfriend always looks like she just took a major bong hit.)

The point is that the "Spider-Man" films could have been pop art crap, full of bells and whistles and CGI and MTV and what have you. Instead, both movies have a powerful heartbeat that propels the story. We care more about the journey of the characters than we do the action or the aesthetics.

One look at the NFL, and you get what Raimi's talking about. Football is football; if you've seen 20 games, chances are you're not going to see too many variations on what you've already seen. What brings us back week after week are the players and their teams. They aren't pieces on a chess board; they are living, breathing, bleeding beings whose triumphs and troubles we share.

(Let's not confuse characters with character. This isn't another essay about the sad state of citizenship in professional sports. But when you're watching a movie or reading a comic book, the foremost task is to find a reason to care about the characters, then the situation they're in, and then you can start dissecting their impecunious morals and personality flaws.)

Is there a more compelling athlete in professional sports today than Brett Favre? Am I the only one who will drop everything to watch a Packers game, because I know I'll see a player who will put his well-being on the line to lead his team to victory?

Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens aren't for everyone, but I'm watching them. Same for Chad Johnson, Peyton Manning, Ray Lewis, Priest Holmes, Tom Brady (begrudgingly), Michael Vick (happily), Chad Pennington, Steve McNair, and that kid in Pittsburgh with all the Rs and Ss and Ls in his name.

We see these athletes placed in increasingly volatile situations, and actually care to see how they'll react to them. Same goes for coaches. I'm watching the Cowboys on Thanksgiving, and the entire time I'm begging for more shots of the Tuna as he watched Drew Henson play like a JV quarterback taking his first snaps. When the Colts play the Pats in the playoffs, I want to see a shot of Bill Belichick after every Manning pass, complete or incomplete. I care about these people in a way I'll never care about, say, Mike Martz. Hence the Cowboys and the Patriots will always be more compelling than the Rams.

I'm not saying the coaches and players are sole reason the league is so damn successful. I'm not a shill for the NFLPA, and I think we all know it's more about brand loyalty, gambling, and fantasy sports than it is about Drew Brees. But the singularity of these players, and their imperious nature, draws us in instead of pushing us away.

The same can't be said about the players of the NBA, a league that seems more dedicated to turning off its customers than Max Bialystock.

Remember that slogan: "The NBA ... it's FAN-tastic?"

Now we've got: "The NBA ... Shut yer mouth and take the punch, dickweed."

The problem isn't that the NBA has players like Ron Artest going into the stands to fight a fan. The problem with the NBA is that it has players like Ron Artest.

A player whose only intriguing virtues are those that would land most people in a pair of handcuffs.

Starting in 1984, when David Stern began the NBA's rapid growth into an international juggernaut, he put the focus on the players. Smart move. Think about how much the attendance at your home arena would double or triple when Michael Jordan or Magic Johnson or any of a dozen other legends came to town. They gave us a reason to watch, gave us a reason to care.

Today's stars are suggestions, not individuals. A player like Artest or, before him, Kenyon Martin, filled the malcontent role. So did Barkley and Rodman. Is it just that the latter two were significantly more talented, or is it that their actions were made more noteworthy by the content of their character (or lack there of)?

We know LeBron James is a basketball prodigy, but are the Cavaliers "must-see TV" like Orlando was when Shaq was in his second season? Of the top 15 scorers in the NBA right now, only six could be honestly labeled the kind of player you'd make to time to watch or buy a ticket to see: Kobe Bryant, Allen Iverson, LeBron, Dirk Nowitski (a stretch), Kevin Garnett, and Tim Duncan (another stretch).

The NBA is flailing (don't confuse that with "failing") because the very commodity its success was built upon — the players — isn't bringing a high enough return for the investment. It's a dangerous problem for the NBA when fans get the sense that the players they're paying to see aren't actually there to play, but to use the league as a means to put out a rap album or get on MTV's "Cribs."

I'm pretty sure Hakeem Olajuwon never aspired to achieve either.

With its characters in a state of discord, the NBA is a lot like a Michael Bay film: action over substance, style over heart. The pinnacle of the league's success came when the characters fueled the story; now, all we're left with are some nifty highlights and the occasional one-off storyline (like Shaq vs. Kobe).

Over in the NHL, the problem for years has been a tangled marketing jumble. It can't decide what it's trying to sell.

The action? If that's the case, why ratchet down the very violence that drew a dedicated fan base to the sport in the first place, especially at a time (the 1990s) when violence was selling everything from football to wrestling to video games?

The players? If that's the case, why put all of your (limited) marketing might behind players on teams that already sell themselves, like the Flyers, Avalanche, Red Wings, and Ranger$? If the league is going to thrive, shouldn't the focus be on the one or two stars on less popular teams like Columbus? Would a NBA fan give a damn about the Nuggets if it weren't for Carmelo Anthony, the push the league gave him?

(Furthermore, the NHL has always fumbled the way it markets defense. If you're taking goalies and defensive defenseman off the promotional radar screen, you're sending 50% of your top stars to the bench. Imagine if the NFL didn't market Ray Lewis, Warren Sapp or Deion Sanders? Me, neither.)

Football, basketball, and hockey are entertaining sports in and of themselves. What elevates the games are compelling characters. The NFL has them, and continues to dominate the sports world. The NBA is losing them, and is slowly sliding in popularity. The NHL has never known how to develop them, and may be locked out until the next ice age.

Maybe hockey should dump Gary Bettman, and bring in Stan Lee.

Excelsior!

Random Thoughts

Well, I guess the San Francisco Chronicle has finally revealed what baseball fans had suspected for years:

Jeremy Giambi was on steroids...

Actually, Jason's brother may have provided the most unintentionally hilarious moment of the BALCO grand jury transcripts the Chronicle reported on this week. Jeremy told the jury that trainer Greg Anderson described something called "the cream" as an undetectable alternative to anabolic steroids.

"For all I knew," Jeremy Giambi said, "it could have been baby lotion."

Baby lotion?

You don't think that one lonely night on a long road trip, alone in his hotel room, reading a Glamour Magazine, that he...

Let me be as clear as I can be to our friends at ESPN:

KEN JENNINGS LOSING ON 'JEOPARDY' IS NOT SPORTS NEWS.

I nearly spewed my coffee when I saw a headline on ESPN.com about the game show android finally taking an 'L' this week. I'll put up with the New York Times putting the Westminster Dog Show in the sports section. I'll tolerate ESPN2 filling 95 percent of its broadcast day with No Limit High Stakes Texas Hold'em. But I will not now, nor will I ever, consider some dude losing on "Jeopardy" as a sports story.

I will concede that "Wheel of Fortune" and "The Price is Right" are, however, both sporting events, because they involve spinning a large wheel. Which makes them more athletically rigorous than golf...

Word of advice: get drunk and go see the Spongebob movie. I'm tellin' ya, they should pass out beer goggles for that flick ... it's the best...

Former Tiger Cecil Fielder is suing the Detroit News for libel after the paper claimed he was in hiding from his family, had a gambling addiction, and was $47 million in debt.

He's asking for $25 million in damages ... which, according to the Detroit News, will leave him $22 million in the hole...

"Super Size Me" director Morgan Spurlock is going to produce a series on FX called "30 Days," in which a person is placed in a situation that is completely at odds with his or her "beliefs, upbringing, religion, or profession."

The first season will reportedly follow Ron Artest after his trade to the Utah Jazz...

And finally, George Lucas has donated $100,000 to California State University, Long Beach, for film department scholarships and equipment.

Great, just what we needed: entire graduating classes financially proselytized into continuing the adventures of Jar-Jar Binks...

Greg Wyshynski is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].

Posted by Greg Wyshynski at 2:20 PM | Comments (0)

December 3, 2004

Bad Times For College Football Fans

On a personal level, this college football season opened with as much hope and as great an expectation of success and great competition as any in recent memory. I bleed Old Gold and Blue, the colors of West Virginia University. I do so more as a matter of upbringing, though, because I didn't attend WVU. And I don't live in West Virginia anymore. Still, the Mountaineers are my team and I support them through thick and thin.

Maybe my current distaste for the game of college football was a latent one that I ignored so that I could root for my team to obtain a BCS bid. Indeed, at half time of the WVU/Boston College game, I wondered why I stood by the assertion that I make year after year that the college game is better than the professional one.

And now, as I watch ESPNews' coverage of the first firing in the history of Notre Dame football, my bitterness toward the current state of college football leaves an actual taste in my mouth, and that taste is not a good one. Let's consider, on the whole, what has gone wrong with the game of college football.

1. National champions ruin the game overall.

Sometime in the last 10 or maybe 15 years, it became important to someone that a crowned national champion be determined on the field. It's not exactly clear why this became an issue of import, at least not to me. I'm intractable on this, I should just point out. I have no desire to see a college football playoff. None. It's never been that important to me who the national champion was.

I suppose it has something to do with the fact that my team has, only once in my lifetime -- actually, only once in the life of my grandfather who's been gone now for 10 years -- been in a legitimate competition for a national title. I spent most of my college football days thinking most of the teams designated national champions by the Associated Press and the United Press International or ESPN/USA Today were overrated anyway.

To me, the game of college football is one of intraregional competition. Sure, the occasional non-conference game might take an Eastern independent all the way to Norman, okay, or the best team on the West Coast to the Bayou, but most of those types of matchups are best-suited for the bowl season. Win on your block. Doesn't matter what's going on in the next block down. That's my take. It is not negotiable.

2. Win or be fired attitude ruins the game overall.

In the last seven years or so, coaches are no longer permitted to build their programs. See Frank Solich in '03: fired from his post at the University of Nebraska after a 9-3 season. Sure, Nebraska didn't appear to be as dominant as in the past. But, he wasn't given an opportunity to turn around a dip in recruiting. He wasn't given the chance to come off a successful season and turn that into greater success. Instead, the win or die attitude cost him his job, and Nebraska is sitting out this postseason for the first time in 37 years. Foolishness.

Ron Zook showed some incredible ability to recruit, but struggled with the in-game situations from time to time, and lost some games that they shouldn't have. Still, he won eight games a season in his three years, and was dismissed midway through this year. He changed his offensive coordinator each year. He tried to do the right things. To no avail. The boosters at the University of Florida saw enough after the remarkable and embarrassing loss to Mississippi State. It's not enough just to win. It apparently matters how you win and over whom.

And, just to make Florida look the worse for the dismissal, Zook accomplished a feat that "Ol' Ball Coach" Steve Spurrier never did: he went to Florida State and won.

And, as I write this, Notre Dame, who has never fired a coach mid-contract, announced that they have fired Tyrone Willingham. Sure, Willingham wasn't winning at the clip that the Irish would have liked, but he wasn't Gerry Faust, either.

I can't help but hate the mentality pervading the game. This is college football. It's about men developing programs and players. It's about winning the big games, and it's about doing well while also recruiting and essentially raising boys and turning them into men who will do the most with their college experience that they can. But, somewhere along the way, the soul of the game, the student-athlete and his stability, has been sacrificed for the won-lost record.

3. Billions of dollars, television contracts, and ESPN ruin the game overall.

Maybe this sounds dumb, but, in my opinion, there is just too much money involved in a game that is supposed to be an amateur venture. Colleges have joined with one another in conferences, mega-conferences in some cases, and signed contracts with bowl game commissions and television networks to guarantee floods of cash to wash through their athletic departments.

With the infusion of cash, comes the desire for more and more cash, obtained only by winning more and more often, which requires that the "student" part of the student-athlete gets short-shrift. The "athlete" gets more importance than the student, in as much as universities recruit kids that don't fit the academic standard of the university with the intent of bringing wins, which ultimately brings in more money.

And from whence comes that money? Television contracts with ESPN, ABC, and in one solitary case, NBC. Reduce the value of those television contracts, reduce the value of winning big, remove the incentive to sacrifice standards and return to the game a semblance of its former self.

I hear you asking the question: Was the game better twenty years ago than it is now? Was it any cleaner? Was it any less bothered by the vagaries of money and ego and individual ambition? No. Probably not.

It was a little over 20 years ago that the conferences and individual universities won the right to sign their own contracts, bypassing the governance and fiscal intervention of the National College Athletics Association, or NCAA. But, 20 years ago, we didn't have 28 flipping bowl games. Going to a bowl game meant that your team was one of the top 30 programs in the nation that season.

Sure, historical reputation won some teams a pass (a 6-5 Notre Dame would get a better bowl bid than, for instance, an 8-3 WVU) and ability to fill seats weighed even more heavily (a 7-4 WVU was a better draw than a 9-2 Miami, unless the game was being played in the state of Florida, and even then, it's a close call) than it does today. But, at least that made sense. At least we didn't have to suffer miserable bowl matchups like New Mexico/Navy (this year's Emerald Bowl, whatever that is.)

Who televises all these bowls? In the not too distant past, it was split up between ESPN, Turner, USA Network, the broadcast networks, and a couple bowls that didn't even warrant a national audience. Now? Just to show that they can and will go the extra mile to ruin anything they touch, ESPN televises every bowl game that is played prior to December 31. In fact, of the 28 bowl games, a total of three are put on by networks outside of the Disney family of channels. In a system devoid of any soul, of anything remotely considering the protection of its product, the ownership of the broadcast rights to the entire college bowl system by Disney might be considered monopolistic.

But with the economic and political situations what they are throughout the game, I have to admit I'm strongly considering a boycott on what I generally consider my favorite time of year.

Oh, and as I wrap this up, I read that four-year BYU coach Gary Crowton is likely to be fired and that the AP sports writers saw fit to declare Colorado's head coach, Gary Barnett, the Big 12 Coach of the Year. Nevermind that he made his own bed by running a program without appropriate controls. Nevermind that he had staff that condoned the use of sex and alcohol in recruiting. Nevermind that the offseason problems his team had to overcome were his own making. What a farce.

This sport is quickly -- or I'm just opening my eyes -- becoming a complete sham.

Posted by David Martin at 8:50 PM | Comments (3)

December 2, 2004

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 13

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Arizona @ Detroit

"In case you have forgotten," notes Lion coach Steve Mariucci, "we were 4-2 not too long ago."

Well, I have forgotten, Steve. Five straight losses tend to take precedence in one's memory over an ancient 4-2 record. Also, I tend to remember six touchdowns surrendered to Peyton Manning on Thanksgiving.

"I'm sorry," replies Mariucci. "My selective memory only allows me to remember one thing from Thanksgiving, and that's the delicious flavor of turkey alfredo penetrating my tastebuds."

In Arizona, John Navarre takes over at quarterback in the wake of the Shaun King/Josh McCown debacle last Sunday against the Jets (combined 19-36, 181 yards, three interceptions, no touchdowns, plenty of stupidity).

"Let's get this straight," explains Cardinal head coach Dennis Green. "John Navarre did not get this job by default. He's earned it. How can you deny a man who's married to that hottie, Carmen Electra? And he can really shred that fret board when he's onstage with alt-rockers Jane's Addiction. The man's got credentials."

Dennis, I'm afraid you're confusing John Navarre with Dave Navarro.

"Damnit! So you're telling me Carmen Electra won't be at the game?"

Yeah, that's what I'm telling you. But I'll make you a deal. If John Navarre leads the Cardinals to victory over the Lions, I'll make sure Carmen Electra attends your next game, and I'll throw in a Paris Hilton video to boot.

"It's a deal! Sucker."

Luckily, Detroit blasts the Cardinals, and I'm able to save that Carmen Electra favor for something more worthwhile. Joey Harrington throws two touchdowns and Detroit wins, 27-7.

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay

Tampa kicker Martin Gramatica single-handedly lost last week's game at Carolina by missing three field goals. In his defense, though, he did drill two extra points right over the center of the crossbar. With his three misses, Gramatica is 11-for-19 in field goals, which sucks for a kicker, but is the kind of percentage Shaquille O'Neal would kill for from the free throw line.

"Where the hell did Martin ever get the nickname 'Automatica' Gramatica?" asks Bucs coach Jon Gruden. "You couldn't even call him 'Semi-Automatica.' Maybe 'Erratica' would be more fitting, or possibly 'You Make Me Sic-a' Gramatica would suffice."

Maybe you should just fire him, Chucky, and check the waiver wire for a kicker, be it human or donkey. Oyich!

"That's what I just did," replies Gruden. "Bon voyag-ica, Martin Gramatica. You ain't worth a lic-a."

For the Falcons, the kicking game is not a worry. Nor is winning the NFC South.

"What concerns us is the same thing that concerns any NFC playoff contender," adds Falcon coach Jim Mora. "And that is: should we happen to make the Super Bowl, how the hell are we going to compete with the AFC champion? I mean, New England, Pittsburgh, Indy, San Diego; we can't compete with those guys. We're just hoping for some major upsets in the AFC playoffs. I think we could handle Denver, or possibly Jacksonville."

Jim, I think your first order of business should be winning this game and clinching the NFC South. The sooner you put these 4-7 so-called playoff contenders out of their misery, the sooner this muddled playoff picture clears itself. And the sooner you can lose to the Packers or Vikings in the second-round of the playoffs. The Falcons are 5-1 at home; the Bucs are 1-5 on the road. You do the math.

Falcons win, 27-21.

Buffalo @ Miami

"Sure, we may be 2-9, but we do sport one of the league's statistical leaders right here on this very team," boasts Miami interim coach Jim Bates. "A.J. Feeley leads the league in touchdown passes."

You're right, Jim. Feeley does lead the league in touchdown passes ... to the other team. He's thrown four interceptions that have been returned for touchdowns.

"That must be why A.J. was so adamant about adding that performance incentive clause to his contract," says Bates. "That fool never had any intentions of throwing offensive touchdowns. We've been had! Dave Wannstedt must have had something to do with this."

Feeley did, however, throw two touchdown passes to the right team in leading the Dolphins to their second win of the season, 24-17 over the hapless 49ers.

In Buffalo, running back Willis McGahee has been carrying the load for the 5-6 Bills, who have won two straight, destroying St. Louis and Seattle in consecutive weeks.

"Ninety percent of that load is Drew Bledsoe," adds McGahee, "and ninety percent of that ninety percent is dead weight. But I'll gladly carry the ball if that means Drew not throwing it, and hopefully, we can stay alive in the playoff hunt."

Playoffs? Sounds like Mularkey.

"You rang?" says Bills head coach Mike Mularkey. "This McGahee deal is making me look like a genius. And we'll keep riding Willis as long as his bionic knee holds up."

McGahee rushes for 109 yards on 30 carries, and one touchdown. Feeley gets back on track with an interception returned for a TD. The Buffalo defense dominates again.

Bills win, 20-0.

Carolina @ New Orleans

With their 21-14 win over the Bucs last Sunday, the Panthers are still alive in the NFC wildcard playoff hunt.

"And if you believe that," snickers Carolina coach John Fox, "then I've got some swamp land in Florida that I'd like to sell you. And, if you're interested, I've also got a deal on some Rolex watches and some bootleg DVDs I picked up in New York City. Check it out."

Fox opens up his London Fog overcoat to reveal a fine selection of watches and DVDs.

"Uh oh!" Fox cries. "I just realized I'm not wearing any pants."

Not to worry, coach. Neither am I.

But seriously, Fox, you are still in the playoff hunt. I know that's a sad commentary about the state of the NFC when, 12 weeks into the season, teams with 4-7 records have a shot at the playoffs. Get a load of the fine company you're in: Dallas, New Orleans, Tampa Bay, Chicago, Detroit, and Arizona.

"Damn, that's a pathetic conglomeration of playoff hopefuls," Fox admits. "But I'm glad we're in it. Let's go, men. To arms!"

Two arms? You must be referring to the Saints, who all have two arms, although several are missing feet, because the Saints continually shoot themselves in the foot. For reasons beyond my comprehension, Jim Haslett still has a job as New Orleans' coach.

"And for reasons beyond my comprehension," replies Haslett, "we haven't been eliminated from the playoffs."

"Consider it done," warns Panther defensive end Julius Peppers.

True to his word, Julius Peppers mauls the Saints, especially Aaron Brooks, who falters with an interception and a fumble. Local favorite and former Saint Jake Delhomme gives his fans a show, with two touchdown passes.

Panthers win, 30-19.

Cincinnati @ Baltimore

If you've ever needed a good definition of reality check, here it is: a week after exploding for 58 points against the Browns, the Bengals must face the Ravens, whose defense is tied for league lead in scoring defense, giving up only 14.9 points a game.

"So you're saying we can expect to score less than 58 this time?" asks Cincinnati coach Marvin Lewis.

Yeah, but that's if you score at all. But luckily, the Raven offense isn't exactly lighting up the scoreboard. Kyle Boller played scared against the Patriots last week, and without his security blanket, running back Jamal Lewis, Boller will probably have a tough time against a Bengals' defense that is third in the league in takeaways.

As usual, the pressure will be on the Baltimore defense to put the offense in position to score, and that's usually where Ed Reed interjects himself. In case you haven't noticed, Ed Reed has become the defensive leader by making plays, not by doing some silly, pre-game twitch-dance.

"For the love of God, man," cries Reed, "don't let Ray Lewis hear you say that."

Okay, as long as you don't let him read this.

Defense and offensive ineptitude keep this one close. In the end, a Reed interception of an errant Carson Palmer pass makes the difference.

Ravens win, 23-17.

Houston @ N.Y. Jets

Jets' quarterback Quincy Carter returned to last week's game at Arizona after getting knocked silly, responding with a 69-yard touchdown pass to Santana Moss.

"Right there! Yes!" yells the excitable Herman Edwards. "That's what I'm talking about. That's the kind of mental toughness I try to instill in all my teams. You might get your tail knocked on the canvas, but you've got to get back up like a champion prizefighter and keep swinging. Quincy sure did. Santana's been looking for that bomb all year. Well, he finally got it, because he kept trying, he kept fighting. Curtis Martin has played hurt for the last three or four games. He's a doggone trooper. Yes! I love these guys! I think I might change my pre-game ritual of shaking every players' hand and just start hugging these guys."

"Wow! That Herm Edwards sure has a lot of energy," admires Texan David Carr. "If I hear Coach Capers rambling on like that, I'll know he's gone overboard on that Red Bull, coffee, and yellow jacket concoction he likes to call 'a pick-me-up.' As it is, a pre-game speech from Coach is like listening to Ben Stein narrate a 'Books on Tape' edition of War and Peace."

Maybe Carr's got a point. Could it be that all the talented Texans need to reach the next level is a little more motivation than the low-key Capers can supply?

"Or maybe my players are just plain stupid," replies Capers.

Good point, Dom, but say it with a little more feeling.

"Okay. Or maybe my players are just plain stupid! Damnit!"

In any case, this game is important to both teams. The Texans need a win to remain in playoff contention. The Jets need a win to maintain their playoff position. With remaining games at Pittsburgh and St. Louis, and home games against Seattle and New England, the Jets home stretch is tough.

"Luckily for us," Edwards replies, "Baltimore and Denver lost last week, so it's all good in the 'hood."

Once again, the Jets' defense steps up, and Curtis Martin toughs out 100 yards on the ground.

New York wins, 24-16.

Minnesota @ Chicago

"I just want to clear the air of a rumor that's been going around," says Randy Moss. "No, I was not with the Timberwolves' Michael Olowokandi when he got the stun gun in Indianapolis the other night for refusing to leave a night club. I repeat. I was not with the Candy Man when he was arrested. But I wish I was! I missed a special episode of Cops the other night, the Tased and Confused edition. There's nothing like seeing 50,000 volts bringing an angry, unruly man to his knees. To see it live, that would have been the bomb."

Well, Randy, I don't know if you're aware of this, but you, as a private citizen, can own your own stun gun.

"I can?" replies Moss. "I could really use one of those contraptions. That 'No Soliciting' sign posted on my front door just isn't getting the message through. I'm sure a taste of some voltage would keep those Girl Scouts away once and for all."

Moss' teammate, quarterback Daunte Culpepper, received some shocking news of his own on Thanksgiving, when Peyton Manning threw for six TDs, giving him four games with at least five touchdowns, an NFL record.

"Why should the exploits of that honky cat Peyton Manning matter to me, especially on Thanksgiving?" asks Culpepper. "I was busy packing 10,000 calories into this 260-pound defensive lineman's body I carry around."

Well, Manning broke your record, Daunte.

"Seriously? I didn't know I had one."

Well, that's understandable. You only had it for a little over a month. Tough break.

In Chicago, the Bears signed Jeff George, which now completes their "Four Stooges" quarterback rotation of Chad Hutchinson, Craig Krenzel, Jonathan Quinn, and George.

"My exhaustive research reveals that there was a fifth Stooge," explains Mike Tice. "Let's see. There was Shemp, Moe, Curly, Larry, and the fifth, Lovie. Gotcha, Smith!"

It doesn't matter what Stooge starts at QB for the Bears, it's good news for the Vikings defense. Moss catches one of Culpepper's two touchdown passes.

Vikings win, 21-10.

New England @ Cleveland

"After the events on last week in Cincinnati," comments Patriots' coach Bill Belichick, "it's obvious that we have our work cut out for us."

What do you mean, Coach? Holding the Browns to less than the 48 points they scored in a losing effort to the Bengals?

"Oh no, my friend," replies Belichick. "We must score at least 58 points against the Browns. Do you realize what damage would be done to our image if we were unable to score as many points as the Bengals did against the Browns? We're talking about the Bengals here. If we don't score 58 or more, I could lose my job."

Seriously, Bill, do you really think someone could lose their job for not scoring more than 58 points? That's about as absurd as someone losing their job for giving up 58 points. Ludicrous.

"It happened," answers Bellichick. "Cleveland's Butch Davis was forced to resign on Tuesday for that very reason."

Sounds like the old "resign or you'll be fired" ultimatum.

Offensive coordinator Terry Robiskie will serve as interim coach while the team searches for Davis' successor. And, just as in 2000 when Robiskie assumed the Redskins' interim job after Norv Turner's firing, Robiskie will be ignored and the team will hire a less deserving coach.

"That's okay with me," counters Robiskie. "When I got in to this coaching business, I set a goal to become a three-time interim coach. I'm two-thirds of the way there. If I hang around in Cleveland a little longer, I'll achieve that goal after the next firing of a coach. That is, unless the Browns can afford to hire Charlie Weis or Romeo Crennel of the Patriots. Those guys could make it work. My gut feeling is they'll hire some college coach to come in here and run the franchise further into the ground."

In the meantime, Terry, you've got the unenviable task of readying the Browns after the trauma of losing their beloved coach.

"Trauma? Are you kidding?" Robiskie replies. "Those guys cheered when Butch resigned."

Well, the question is, can you get them that fired up for the Patriots?

"Uh, can I tender my resignation?" asks Robiskie.

Corey Dillon and the Patriots abuse the reeling Browns. Dillon rushes for 120 yards and a touchdown.

Pats win, 31-10.

San Francisco @ St. Louis

In the latest edition of Mad Martz: Beyond Edward Jones Dome, Ram coach Mike Martz opts to fake a field goal on fourth and seven instead of attempting the field goal, which, if successful, would have left the Rams only eight points down at 21-13. That was the situation last Monday night, and Green Bay stuffed the fake and annihilated the Rams, 45-17.

"See, it wouldn't have mattered anyway," explains Martz. "We still would have lost."

You know your decisions are dubious when even San Francisco head coach Dennis Erickson questions your play calling.

"Dang! I've been known to make a bone-headed play call or two, or 50 for that matter," adds Erickson. "For Christ's sake, we're 1-10, so I know all about bad decisions. Hell, look at my haircut. Another bad decision. The bottom line is this: even I can confidently call Martz an idiot."

There you have it, folks. Dennis Erickson called Mike Martz an idiot. If Dennis Erickson calls you an idiot, then you are a stone cold idiot.

"And that's the bottom line," adds Erickson.

And speaking of bottom, Dennis, the 49ers are the worst in the NFL at 1-10 with the longest current losing streak, six games. Fans are losing interest in droves, and things are so bad that Monster Park employees are playing a laugh track to simulate the noise normally made by the game crowd.

"Is that true?" asks Erickson.

If you have to ask, an answer is not even necessary, is it? Does it matter? You're playing on the road anyway.

"You're right. It doesn't matter. We suck everywhere."

Martz leads the Rams to victory, and when I say 'leads', I mean he doesn't make any wacky calls that usually lose the game for the Rams. St. Louis wins 30-14, setting the Rams up for a loss next week at the improving Panthers. Martz celebrates the victory by making his worst decision ever: recording a bluegrass tune with rapper Nelly and the St. Lunatics.

Tennessee @ Indianapolis

You know what's most amazing about Peyton Manning's six touchdown passes versus the Lions on Thanksgiving?

"The fact that I did it in only three quarters?" replies Manning.

What's so special about that? That's only two touchdowns a quarter. What's amazing is we finally found out who Manning's backup is.

"You know what?" adds Manning. "So did I."

Let's give a shout out to Jim Sorgi, Manning's backup.

"Yaaaay! Jim Sorgi! Hooray!" Manning sarcastically replies. "Now do you people realize why I hardly ever take myself out of a game? It's because Jim Sorgi is my backup. The Colts' offense can't operate at full potential with Jim Sorgi at the helm. But I got to hand it to Sorgi; he's a master of the kneel-down. If I were him, I would never audible away from that kneel-down play. It can't miss."

Manning continues, "But enough about Sorgi. Let's talk about Steve McNair. Steve, baby, I hear your talking about retiring. I've got a great gift for you. It's a postage prepaid box, just big enough for you to place your half of the 2003 MVP award in and rightfully mail to me. I made you this offer earlier in the year and you refused. And look at the opposite directions we've taken. You're a walking quadriplegic, and I'm headed for a solo MVP award. Coincidence? No. Voodoo curse? You bet."

Whatever Manning's into, whether it be voodoo, ancient Chinese secrets, or just a compulsive obsession to be the best, it's working, as he is only eight touchdown passes away from breaking Dan Marino's record of 48 TD passes in a season. The record should be Manning's for the taking, unless his receivers' arms fall off, or Marino dabbles in some form of witchery and hexes.

"I'm not into that sort of thing," replies Marino. "Know any discreet hit men?"

No, I don't, Dan. You should make plans to be in Houston next week, so you can personally watch Manning break your record.

Manning throws four TD passes, and the Indy defense knocks McNair out of the game.

The Colts win, 34-17.

Denver @ San Diego

It is now official. San Diego's Antonio Gates is the best tight end in football, bar none. After Gates' seven-catch, 2 TD performance against the Chiefs last week, Tony Gonzalez symbolically passed the torch, signifying the former Kent State Golden Flash's ascension to the top. Gates, tied for second in the league with eleven receiving TDs, was humbled.

"What's this talk of 'passing the torch' and 'golden flashes'?" Gates asks. "Are we going to talk about me or Ricky Williams' code words for smoking a fat one? Anyway, yes, I am humbled. It's a very humbling experience to be as great as I am. If I had stuck with basketball and made the NBA, I would have employed a 7-10 homey posse to remind me how great I am. That's not kosher in the NFL, so excuse me if I have to tell myself how great I am."

No problem, A.G. One less egomaniac in the NBA is all right by me.

Things are not all right in Denver. Coach Mike Shanahan was livid at the Broncos' 25-24 upset loss to the Raiders in snowy Denver.

"It's one thing to lose to the Raiders," notes Shanahan, "and it's another thing to lose to them when the game meant so much to us. It's even more upsetting to lose to the Raiders in the snow. What's most distressing, though, is having my eyebrows freeze solid and break off last Sunday, because I wasn't wearing any head protection. Now my wife has to pencil in some eyebrows on me until my real ones grow back, which shouldn't take long, since my eyebrows are hairdo's on most men."

As Shanahan stated, last week's loss was huge for the Broncos. A loss to the Chargers Sunday, and Denver is two games behind San Diego in the AFC West, and, at 7-5, they would fall further to the fringes of a wildcard spot in the highly competitive AFC. With a win, Denver would be in the driver's seat, having defeated the Chargers twice.

The Chargers have plenty to play for themselves besides the division title, namely a first-round playoff home game.

"Yeah, yeah, we know all that crap," complains Drew Brees. "Coach Schottenheimer makes that point when he gives us the usual 'Make this house our home!' speech before every home game. It's bad enough hearing it live, but then we have to hear it replayed on ESPN and NFL Network a hundred times a week. Can't he just shut up?"

Sorry, Drew. Two things Schottenheimer will never do are shut up and retire.

On Sunday, the Chargers bring their "A" game, meaning "Antonio" Gates. The Broncos have no defender to match the size and speed of Gates, and he makes them pay with eight receptions and a touchdown. It's close until the end, when a Nate Kaeding field goal gives the Chargers the victory 23-20.

Kansas City @ Oakland

Oakland wide receiver Jerry Porter finally decided to show up in week 12, with three touchdown catches against Denver after only one in the previous 10 games. Damn Jerry, do you know how many fantasy owners you just dissed with that performance?

"Hey pal, lay off," begs Porter. "I didn't even start myself on my fantasy team. But I did start Ronald Curry, and he had a spectacular touchdown catch. Did you see it?"

Yeah, I did. I also saw you burn the best cornerback in the game, Champ Bailey, for three touchdowns. What gives, Jerry? You wait for a blizzard and the best defender possible and then you have your breakout game?

"Well, it is a contract year," replies Porter. "I figure I better start producing, otherwise I won't be an overpaid free agent catch for some sucker team next year who's looking for a quality wideout. By the way, I'm starting myself on my fantasy team."

Okay, I'm starting you, as well. How about you pretend you're playing in a tornado and you're being triple-covered by Lester Hayes, Ronnie Lott, and Deion Sanders.

Kansas City coach Dick Vermeil has announced that he will return next year to coach the final year of his contract.

"I'm going to honor that final year," adds Vermeil. "Hopefully, everyone will recover their health in the offseason. Our offense is solid, but we have some holes on defense that we need to fill, namely 11 of them. If we can accomplish that, and petition the league for a move to the NFC West, then maybe we can make a playoff run. Then, next year, with a tear in my eye, I will call it quits for the fifth time. As for now, I will give my all in this meaningless game."

An injured Trent Green throws three touchdown passes, and the Chiefs outscore the Raiders 34-28.

Green Bay @ Philadelphia

The NFL Game of the Week has all the makings of a classic. There's Brett Favre versus Donovan McNabb. There's the coaching matchup of former Mike Holmgren disciples, Mike Sherman and Andy Reid. And then there's Terrell Owens against whomever he chooses to create a feud.

"And I think I'll choose to call out that Rasta wanna-be Al Harris," Owens boldly states. "I'm just hoping he's covering me, especially if it's fourth-and-26 with the outcome of the game on the line."

Ah yes. Fourth-and-26. If you remember, last year in the divisional playoffs, McNabb converted on fourth-and-26 with a pass to Freddie Mitchell. The pass led to a David Akers field goal, which sent the game into overtime. The Eagles eventually won in overtime.

"I'll stand here and lie to your face and tell you that play doesn't matter to us," Sherman states.

Were this the NFC Championship, and like this game, in Philadelphia, the Packers would be able to exact their revenge. But since it's just a regular season game, the Eagles won't choke. McNabb and Owens hook up for two scores, and the Philly defense picks off Favre twice.

Eagles win, 35-30.

N.Y. Giants @ Washington

The Giants broke out the red jerseys last Sunday against the Eagles, which ended up being good news and bad news for the G-Men.

"Yeah, the red shirts were pretty fresh," notes Tiki Barber. "But we weren't trying to make a fashion statement or anything. We got some information that the Eagles' defense was color blind, so we wore the red hoping to confuse them. As it turns out, they're not colorblind, and red jerseys just made us easier to see. It's like we were walking bull's eyes out there."

"I'll tell you who was seeing red," snaps angry old man Tom Coughlin. "Me. We were terrible out there. Especially Eli Manning. His numbers were terrible. 6-21, for 148 yards and two interceptions. You're a Manning, Eli. Play like one!"

"Easy, Coach," Manning calmly replies. "Look, if you combine my stats with those of my older brother Peyton from Thanksgiving, you get these numbers: 29-for-49, 384 yards, six touchdowns, two interceptions. Those are some pretty darn good stats, Coach."

"Good gracious!" Coughlin responds. "It's like I tell my dog every day: 'Pedigree will only take you so far.' In your case, Eli, it's taking you right to the bench. Kurt Warner! Get in here!"

"Yes, Coach," Warner excitedly responds.

"Kurt. Go find Jesse Palmer. He's starting. Nah, just kidding. Palmer's everything I hate about football players; good-looking, good head of hair, good skin, wears makeup. It makes me sick. Just like this quarterback conundrum. On second thought, Kurt, go draw me a bath, and light a few candles. Calgon, take me away!"

Don't expect much offense in this game. The 'Skins have their own quarterback problems with Patrick Ramsey and Mark Brunell. But Washington has an awesome defense, which should make life miserable for Manning or Warner, or any quarterback behind the Giants' offensive line, for that matter.

Redskins win, 17-7.

Pittsburgh @ Jacksonville

"This is a make-it-or-break-it game for us," says Jacksonville coach, and distant relative of actor Benicio Del Toro, Jack Del Rio. "And much like a new song debuting on American Bandstand, we can either ascend to the top of the charts or end up on as a bust as a result of winning or losing this game. Myself, I was a little partial to Soul Train, so for that reason, I'm bringing in Train icon Don Cornelius to speak some words of wisdom to my Jaguars."

Jack Del Rio is right. A loss to the Steelers would be the Jags' third straight, and would seriously hinder any playoff hopes they may be harboring.

The Jags' cause will be bolstered by the return of quarterback Byron Leftwich, who's missed the last two games with a knee injury.

"It's great to be back," says Leftwich. "But that's all secondary to the chance to be in the presence of the godfather of Soul Train."

The game is of equal importance to the Steelers, who, right now, have the edge over the Patriots for home field advantage throughout the playoffs. With home games against the Jets and Ravens, and a week 17 date at the surging Bills, the Steelers cannot afford a loss, because, let's face it, New England probably won't lose again.

"That is, as long as they don't play us," argues Bill Cowher.

You better hope it's in Pittsburgh, Bill.

Anyway, a rowdy home crowd, inspired by an ESPN national audience, along with Cornelius' motivational words of "Peace, Love, and Soul," help propel Jacksonville to an emotional 16-14 win over the Steelers.

Dallas @ Seattle

"No. I don't want it. You take it."

"No, please. I insist. You take it."

"No. You can have it. It's too much of a burden."

If you're wondering who's having this conversation, it's the Seahawks and the Rams discussing the NFC West title.

Right now, the Seahawks have possession of the division lead, a position they fell into after the Rams' destruction by the Packers, after the Seahawks themselves were demolished by the Bills.

To commemorate Seattle's gutless performances as of late, overrated coach Mike Holmgren brings in Seattle icons Ann and Nancy Wilson of the classic rock band Heart, to sing a riveting rendition of "Heartless."

"Coach Holmgren can question the team's manhood all he wants," explains quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, "because he's right about most of the guys. But don't look at me. I'm throwing the ball where it should be -- right in the hands of the receivers. They're just dropping it. Darrell Jackson told me he would pick up the slack while Koren Robinson serves his drug suspension. Well, Darrell was right. He has picked up the slack; he's dropping twice as many balls."

In Dallas, the Drew Henson project lasted all of one half. Now, it's back to Vinnie Testeverde running the Cowboy offense.

"It's clear to me now," adds Bill Parcells. "When you hear the name 'Henson', you don't think of football. You think of Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, and others, a la Jim Henson. For now, Drew would be best served to keep his hands off of footballs and, instead, use his hands up the backsides of The Muppets."

Julius Jones gives the Cowboys a legitimate running game, which will allow Dallas to keep the game fairly low scoring, and therefore, close. That will also allow the Seahawks to feed Shaun Alexander the ball, on the ground and in the air. A late Alexander receiving touchdown leads Seattle to a 27-20 win.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 2:21 PM | Comments (3)

Boosters Behaving Badly

You think Tyrone Willingham is the only coach unjustly fired this week? Think again:

Dateline: Oxford, MS: The University of Mississippi fired coach David Cutcliffe after posting five winning seasons and one losing season.

Archie Manning, sire of Eli and Peyton and Ole Miss' most revered alum, spoke for a lot of Grove faithful when he said, "How you can post five straight winning seasons at Ole Miss and then get fired in your sixth is beyond me. He did not deserve to be treated like this."

So why exactly did he get fired? "[We] will not accept [...] mediocrity," said Chancellor Robert Khayat, "It's essential that the football program be competitive. It's not now-and-then competitive. It's every-year competitive."

In other words, Robert Khayat is delusional. I can't even list all the reasons why it's tremendously unlikely that Ole Miss will ever be "every-year competitive" in the mighty SEC. The program's mediocre history is working against them, and the powers that be at Ole Miss must realize that a) not every school can become a dynasty, and b) if you are going to go from non-dynasty to dynasty, the climb is slow.

Five winning seasons in six would constitute a fast, tremendous start to doormat-to-dynasty building. I sincerely hope Manning withholds support and appearances from his alma mater as a result. Maybe that'll learn 'em.

Dateline: Bloomington, IN: Gerry DiNardo was fired at Indiana after going 3-8. 3-8 is pretty much par for the course at Indiana, but there were key bright spots this year: two of those wins came against ranked (at the time they played them) teams, including at Oregon.

Athletic Director Rick Greenspan's comments were simply hilarious. First, "We're going to have some urgency." I wonder if Greenspan thinks that whomever is the Cincinnati Bengals running backs coach has what it takes to lead the Hoosiers to the Big 10 title in 2005, since they will be declined by the first 15 or so names on their short list.

Later, Greenspan remarkably said, "I don't believe in quick fixes." So which is it? Was DiNardo fired because he was making progress too quickly, or not urgently? The more I read Greenspan's comments, the more obvious it becomes that Greenspan, like Khayat, is planning on Jesus Christ becoming their new head coach, or at least strength and conditioning coordinator. It's not going to happen.

But the boosters see what Urban Meyer has done at Utah, and say, "Wull, why can't we do that? We must do that right now! ME WANT BOX SEATS IN TEMPE NEXT YEAR! BUT ME NOT HAVE THEM!" Each year, Donald Trump, Mark Cuban, and major college boosters prove that you don't have to be terribly bright to get rich.

At any rate, DiNardo was just finishing his third season. That means that some of the players he recruited were juniors, but most were sophomores and freshmen. Three years is not enough time to do jack in college football, and only the schools that realize that (and realize that Urban Meyer's work at Utah is the extraordinary exception, not the rule), will avoid the turmoil that's in store for these impetuous schools.

Dateline: Stanford, CA: Buddy Teevens' Stanford team was finally making strides after an abysmal 2003. This year they had the best 4-7 season a team could have. They destroyed a BYU team fresh of their upset over Notre Dame. They played mighty USC closer than anyone else has this year. The knocked off Washington State on the road, and lost a heartbreaker in the desert at 21st-ranked Arizona State. Not good enough.

And then of course, Notre Dame. The only pundit I have heard supporting the Ty Willingham's dismissal was SC's own Mark Chalifoux, a self-described Notre Dame fan. Chalifoux opines that Notre Dame has not progressed at all in Willingham's tenure, and weighs very heavily (methinks far too heavily) on the Irish's three straight losses to USC by 31 as evidence of the plateau.

I will tread lightly here, since I am positive Notre Dame football is a subject Chalifoux can school me on. That said, doesn't the USC results only prove program complacency if USC hasn't made strides in the last three years, either? Instead, we all know the USC has gone from pretty good to the most dominant school in college football in the last three years. So in a sense, Notre Dame has demonstrated progress by keeping the scoring margin the same.

The problem isn't that Notre Dame hasn't made progress in three years, of course they have (besides the above equation, did Bob Davie or Gerry Faust ever beat the Big 10 Champs and and SEC sub-conference champs in the same year? And they got five years). It's that the progress hasn't come in leaps and bounds.

I mentioned earlier that three years is not enough time to prove anything in college football. Why isn't it enough time? Because the most important players on any squad are the seniors. They are the most influential players on the team. They are the most experienced players, and usually the best players. They are the leaders. In Willingham's and DiNardo's case, the seniors they had this year did not ask for them, nor were they asked for. They were sold on the program by the previous coach, and now they are leftover, compelled to buy in to the new coach they don't know or transfer. That's why it ought to be a given that a coach shouldn't be dismissed until we have seen what he can do with players that are exclusively his.

The schools that keep telling themselves they must win now are the teams that will win never. At least until they learn. I'm not taking bets that they will.

Slant Pattern Picks of the Week and Top 25 will return next edition.

Posted by Kevin Beane at 1:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Year That Was in Golf

This past golf season was rather anticlimactic on all of the major Tours. Think about it for a moment. By the end of August, it was apparent that Vijay Singh would win the Vardon Trophy, Player of the Year, and the Money List title. Certainly, few would have expected him to have an opportunity to have 10 wins at the end of the year, but it was not out of the realm of possibility. After the collapse by Ernie Els at the U.S. Open and then the playoff loss at the Open Championship, it was obvious that one man stood above all on Tour.

Still, though, the performance of Els, as well as that of Masters champion Phil Mickelson, gave the golfing community hope for a potential Ben Hogan-esque season. Phil did not finish out of the top six in any of the four majors. Ernie held the lead for a time in each of the four majors, but was not able to seal the deal in any of them. In a purely subjective count, it seems that Els was no more than eight shots away from winning the single season Grand Slam.

Following three heartbreakers on Sunday in a row in the majors, it was no surprise that Els would finish just one shot out of the PGA Championship playoff.

Last year, the gender-bending appearances by Michelle Wie, Suzy Whaley, and Annika Sorenstam raised serious questions regarding the place of gender segregation in golf. The performances of Wie and Sorenstam left many wondering how far off a woman playing full-time on the PGA Tour was. No such debate existed on the PGA Tour this year as no woman competed in a sanctioned event all season.

In Europe, though, a new sort of debate prevailed on the Ladies European Tour (LET). A woman who was male before gender reassignment surgery was allowed to play in the Tour's qualifying tournament and secured her card for the year. The player in question opened the debate of a new sort in the sport and one most likely Walter Hagen never would have seen coming.

The LPGA Tour in the United States was as dramatic as it has ever been. For what seems like the billionth year in a row, Annika Sorenstam was by far the best player on the tour. Winning eight times on the season, Sorenstam secured the money list title a month before season's end and finished $1 million ahead of nearest competitor Grace Park. Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, Annika will most likely have to retire from the Tour before speculation can begin about the future dominator of the Tour.

The Ryder Cup, too, proved to show no deviation from the current norm. Sure, the pounding the United States received on home soil is disconcerting, but it has not been out of the ordinary. Europe is four out of the last five in the series and has been tremendously wherever the event has been staged. Until the United States finds a way to play the pairs matches better, they will continue to be crushed at the hands of the "underdog" Europeans.

Even the mighty Tiger Woods could not wow the golf world this season. The end of his time as number one in the world was inevitable. He has now not won a PGA Tour stroke play event in more than a year. Woods, for the second consecutive season, has claimed that he is getting closer to swing success. While most are more inclined to believe him in the present, this season still failed to prove that he is ready to become any semblance of the Tiger of Lore.

Despite the predictability and stability of the golf season, it was one that I enjoyed thoroughly. To watch Tiger Woods hit shanks worse than mine was encouraging. To watch Phil Mickelson win his first major and then almost win them all was energizing. To see John Daly and David Duval make significant comebacks was inspiring. So perhaps familiarity can breed contempt, but not in this case in this golf season.

Posted by Ryan Ballengee at 1:01 PM | Comments (0)

December 1, 2004

College Football Played the Right Way

The more things change, the more things stay the same. This is one of life's greatest clichés. Sometimes, it's great to be a college football fan: great rivalries; school pride; campus atmosphere. When you sift through all the commercialism and corporatism that is overwhelmingly pervasive in big-time college sports, the core values of attraction to the sport shine through.

This Saturday, as is the case once a year, the true spirit and design of what college football should be about takes place. Its buried beneath the mega-conference championship games, with their corporate sponsors and million-dollar BCS tie-in payoffs. I'll be watching those games, too, don't get me wrong. There's too much at stake after a season of indecision and intrigue over who will play for the mythical national championship.

It's just that, early in the day and before these made-for-TV showcase showdowns with fabulous prizes behind door number two play out, I'll be reminded about the true soul of the game that still exists. As college football fans and analysts, we get so caught up in all of the Heisman nonsense and the BCS mess, that we sometimes forget the true essence and roots from where the sport gained a national foundation.

That's why the 105th edition of the Army/Navy game is one that I circled on my master schedule this year, as I do every year. Seeing as how my uncle was a Naval officer for nearly 30 years, and yet I somehow joined the Army out of high school, this is always an intriguing matchup because its one of the few games that I root for both sides and wish they both could win. The fact that each team has had former players that took part in recent matchups, and have given the ultimate sacrifice oversees this year, is a sobering thought, and serves as a reminder of how truly special these brave young men are.

So, for those of you not too familiar with either of these teams (which is the majority of you), allow me to provide a thumbnail sketch.

Navy enters the contest at 8-2 this year, enjoying another highly successful season under coach Paul Johnson. A win on Saturday would give them the most wins by the school in a season since the magical 1963 campaign, when Roger Staubach won the Heisman Trophy. The Midshipmen have accepted a bid to play in the Emerald Bowl in San Francisco (December 30) against either New Mexico or Wyoming. Navy has won four of the last five meetings with Army, and a victory Saturday would even the all-time series at 49 wins apiece.

Two players to watch are quarterback Aaron Polanco, who is second on the team in rushing and has a passer rating of 141.9, and running back Kyle Eckel, who leads the team in rushing averaging nearly 5 yards per carry. And when it comes to drama, you don't need to watch Navy NCIS, just watch the Middies. That's because in games decided by four points or less, they are 4-0.

Army has struggled in recent seasons, but they appear to be turning the corner this year under first-year coach Bobby Ross. Though they enter the game at 2-8, those two wins came against Cincinnati and South Florida, teams that are both headed for the Big East next year. They've been competitive in most games this season. Ross, who guided Georgia Tech to a national title in 1990, then led the San Diego Chargers to the Super Bowl four seasons later, is changing the attitude, and it has shown on the field.

Just like their opponent this weekend, the Black Knights are ranked in the top 10 in the country for fewest penalties, meaning they play smart and disciplined. Two players to watch for are Carlton Jones, who has rushed for 1,171 yards and 17 scores this season, and linebacker Greg Washington, who leads the nation in tackles with 134. Washington, who also has 20 tackles for loss, was recently selected to play in the East-West Shrine Game in January.

This game always stands out for the true college football fan because it strikes at the core of how the sport was built. It has all the ear markings of what the sport, and the institutions they represent, is about: courage, dedication, commitment, integrity, and sportsmanship. For three hours, both teams will battle each other with every ounce of effort they have.

But what really makes this game stand out is when it ends. The significant amount of mutual respect they have for each other is most evident when they stand as one to honor each schools alma mater. It's a truly unique game for the seniors because they enter the game as foes in gridiron battle, and leave the game as brothers in arms, united in purpose in defense of our country.

By the way, allowing myself to channel comedian Bill Maher for a moment, "New rule. If you've never been to an Army/Navy game live, you are not allowed to call yourself a true college football fan." To get a true sense of the pageantry, you don't have to see it live, but it sure enhances and reinforces the pure essence of the sport, and of our country.

Posted by Jonathan Moncrief at 12:30 PM | Comments (0)

The Race Card

It's been more than a week since Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson waded into the stands at the Palace in Auburn Hills, Michigan, swinging at anyone who breathed, and by now, everyone who has seen the video footage has expressed an opinion.

In the minutes immediately following the melee, as the shocking clips were first spilling across the airwaves, ESPN's studio crew of Tim Legler, Greg Anthony, Steven A. Smith, and John Saunders took the surprising opinion that the players had done nothing wrong. They were merely defending themselves.

Predictably, there was an immediate backlash. Rob Parker of the Detroit News criticized the players turned analysts, and labeled them as part of a new jockocracy -- players who have gained positions in the media based solely on their athletic experience as opposed to any journalistic training.

While Saunders, Smith, and the two jocks may have reacted a bit prematurely, they also missed a big part of the story since they were apparently reluctant to raise the issue of race. Allow me.

One of David Stern's great accomplishments has been his ability to sell the NBA to every corner of America. He had help, of course. Michael Jordan was a perfect ambassador -- that rare individual who cuts across all segments of society regardless of race, age, or gender. In recent years, however, Stern has had to deal with several other less savory players, people like Latrell Sprewell, Allen Iverson, and the recently besmirched Kobe Bryant.

As the league's popularity continues to fall amongst white fans, the last thing the league needed was what happened on the weekend before Thanksgiving. The incessantly spinning video has burned an image into our minds -- a group of enraged black men climbing into the stands to beat on some white folk. It could be argued that David Stern's suspensions were as excessive as they were because he needed to send two messages: one to the players, and one to the league's fans.

Make no mistake, race is an issue here. Michael Wilbon even argues that the NBA's choice to embrace the hip-hop culture is partially to blame for all of this. (Of course, there are those who disagree.)

If we've learned one thing over the past several days, it's that the sporting world is not quite the meritocracy that it might seem. Consider:

* When New Mexico State University fired head football coach Tony Samuel last week and Notre Dame did the same with Tyrone Willingham, it brought the number of black head coaches at the Division I level down to two of 117 schools. (Karl Dorrell, UCLA, and Slyvester Croom, Mississippi State.)

* Just a week previous to that firing, the University of Central Florida's Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport released a comprehensive study on minorities coaching in college football. The study found that most university presidents and athletic directors are white males, and that they tend to hire coaches who look like them.

* Even the recent controversy surrounding the "Desperate Housewives" skit leading into Monday Night Football last week had racial undertones. Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy criticized the spot for casting Terrell Owens in the stereotypical role of the black sexual predator along side Nicolette Sheridan. The interracial aspect of this can't be ignored, either. Josh has a nice take on this at UndertheBleachers.org.

Ten days have passed since the ugliness in Auburn Hills, but the effects will linger for quite some time. The players will obviously have to live with their decisions to take the fight to the fans, but it's up to the rest of us to decide whether or not we're willing to accept the current inequities in the sporting world.

Posted by Hank Waddles at 10:03 AM | Comments (1)